Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Meela. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday, my love. How are
Speaker 1: you feeling? Jolly? Holidayish? I'm feeling your holidays. I'm feeling
Speaker 1: about the jolly. Today's a holiday spirit. It's a beautiful
Speaker 1: shade of purple. Yeah, it's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: I was trying to be like Christmas y with my
Speaker 2: green sparkly cannabis leaf Vintage Soul.
Speaker 1: This is my holiday holiday weed. How Mom's smoke weed holiday.
Speaker 1: I like it. I like it. I actually have that
Speaker 1: same shirt. Yeah, this is my Vintage Souls.
Speaker 2: Guys, so if you like the ship, go support a
Speaker 2: female old brand made here in the.
Speaker 1: LA area, Vintage Souls LA. It's also free people and
Speaker 1: spread segel, so just killing it. That's a freeing. All
Speaker 1: our friends is doing big sheet.
Speaker 3: Wow, b Accent, you don't like it, It's still true.
Speaker 1: All of our friends are doing big ship because that's
Speaker 1: the type of women they roll with. Amen. How are
Speaker 1: you today, my love? I'm good. Hi. How are you feeling.
Speaker 1: I'm high. I'm drinking water. I feel great. I feel
Speaker 1: like very like balanced. Oh my god, is that a shirt?
Speaker 1: High and hydrated? Should the fun up edit it out?
Speaker 1: Keep it out anymore? Do you? I'm high too? Okay, anyway,
Speaker 1: you guys, we haven't really amazing guest here. Today I
Speaker 1: met this.
Speaker 2: Special woman at the Dear Young Queen slash ask Ashley
Speaker 2: podcast dinner. If you haven't followed that, make sure you
Speaker 2: check them out. I fucking love Dear Young Queen. They
Speaker 2: have the the best mean account on the internet pretty much.
Speaker 2: And this wonderful woman I'm about to introduce was sitting
Speaker 2: at the end of the table and she was just
Speaker 2: spitting out just free game and I was like, who
Speaker 2: about you that?
Speaker 1: Who is it? I need to know her? But she
Speaker 1: left before I got to connection with her. I think
Speaker 1: she should be on the show.
Speaker 2: So then like I was like I was chasing her.
Speaker 2: I felt like a nigga looking for Like I was
Speaker 2: like in her DMS. I was like, hey girl, Hi,
Speaker 2: I know I didn't get to say hi to you,
Speaker 2: but like and then she didn't read it. I was like,
Speaker 2: fucking I gotta call Ashley. I'm like, Ashley, you know,
Speaker 2: the girl at the end of the table. I don't
Speaker 2: know her name, but she said this something about this,
Speaker 2: and like I really need to find her, and so anyway,
Speaker 2: without further ado, I'd love to introduce Okay Colon, serial entrepreneur.
Speaker 2: Oh mama, overall bad bitch. Thank you for coming on
Speaker 2: having me.
Speaker 1: I you know you can slide in my DMS anytime.
Speaker 2: Well, I think I got put in like the general
Speaker 2: or or like the one. What's the other one? What's
Speaker 2: the third one?
Speaker 1: It's like primary general requests the request, Well you have
Speaker 1: my number now now I were but I was like,
Speaker 1: I know I'm sitting in requests. She's never going to
Speaker 1: open this. You know are professional stalkers. We will find you.
Speaker 1: I love that even if you don't want to be friends,
Speaker 1: I don't be friends. Perfect. That was sore.
Speaker 3: Even if you don't have friends, I love we have
Speaker 3: of people over past women.
Speaker 1: I love badass boss women. So I'm definitely down.
Speaker 3: Yes I do have Valley Valley girl status.
Speaker 1: Yeah i'll hit you. Wait, but let's not give it
Speaker 1: our GEO locations. That'll be good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure y'all got stock I got stockers over
Speaker 2: in Alabama.
Speaker 1: You heard the accent early The Valley of Alabama is
Speaker 1: when I'm saying, yes, the Valley of Alabama back. I
Speaker 1: love that she has the serious stalkers. Quickly she stopped
Speaker 1: me and then shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4: No, like literally, people call my food truck and like
Speaker 4: at five in the morning, there's this guy.
Speaker 1: And he's like, Okay, Kola, you know, I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to see trying to see what.
Speaker 4: So you were what is this my life?
Speaker 1: It's pretty wild? Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: So basically we're not the first to stock you. It's
Speaker 1: no wonder. The one I was sitting in requests sit.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 2: At the top of our show, we pulled a card
Speaker 2: and here Kay pulled the card.
Speaker 1: She's scared because the picture on the card is a
Speaker 1: bit it's been intense, it's a bit heavy. But let
Speaker 1: me give you my tarot inside.
Speaker 2: If you didn't know, this is I don't know what
Speaker 2: week this is, but this is deep December.
Speaker 1: So we have themed months for the podcast. So this
Speaker 1: month is you know, kind of about digging deeper, releasing
Speaker 1: stuff for twenty twenty two. So we're ready. We're ready
Speaker 1: to just you know, do the shadow work. And oh
Speaker 1: I'm doing shadow work right now. It's tough.
Speaker 2: Let's speak on it because me too, girl, Yes, me too.
Speaker 2: But well, hence the cars. So let's see what it says.
Speaker 3: So today Kay pulled the nine of machetes, which is
Speaker 3: usually the Knight of Swords.
Speaker 1: I don't know. She looks stressed. She stressed, stressed.
Speaker 3: She's a little stress that someone's sitting up in her
Speaker 3: bed with nine machetes stacked behind her.
Speaker 1: So her hands are her head is in her hands.
Speaker 1: She's a stressed not nine machetes. Okay, let's see what
Speaker 1: they're talking about today.
Speaker 3: The Night of Swords suggests that dark thoughts and disturbing
Speaker 3: feelings are weighing you down and keeping you up at night.
Speaker 3: You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative
Speaker 3: thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed
Speaker 3: and anxious. The more you associate with your fears, the
Speaker 3: more they will rule your life. As you obsess over
Speaker 3: what's not working, the more anxious you become, and the
Speaker 3: more you'll worry. It becomes a negative cycle where one
Speaker 3: awful thought leads to another, and another and another until
Speaker 3: they're overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: You anxieties my life. I just cannot your life. No,
Speaker 1: it's my life. I am not associated with car.
Speaker 3: Just that your nine of swords are stacked upon each
Speaker 3: other on the walls, So too, are your negative thoughts.
Speaker 3: Be careful because the fear and morey and the Nine
Speaker 3: of Swords can become a self fulfilling prophecy. As you
Speaker 3: have possessed over what may go wrong, you are more
Speaker 3: likely to manifest your worst case scenario because you were
Speaker 3: inadvertly acting in ways that support your negative thoughts. I
Speaker 3: say this all the time. Preached on it, Bitty Taro.
Speaker 3: For example, you may worry that your partner will cheat
Speaker 3: on you, even though you found no signs of infidelity.
Speaker 3: The more you stress about this potential outcome, the more
Speaker 3: your anxiety pushes away your partner, until one day he
Speaker 3: feels so disconnected from you that he starts this new relationship.
Speaker 3: He starts.
Speaker 1: Made cheat? You made a cheat? Man? You know? Why
Speaker 1: did they have to say they knew they were targeting women?
Speaker 1: They were in that Instagram post that he liked this? Literally?
Speaker 4: Is that?
Speaker 1: Did my ex write this? Literally? Sounds like him?
Speaker 3: When you are repeating negative thoughts in your mind, you
Speaker 3: run the risk of manifesting them in your life. So
Speaker 3: the Night of Swords ask you to break the cycle.
Speaker 3: Every time a negative emotion comes up, replace it with
Speaker 3: a positive one instead. The nine of Swords reminds you
Speaker 3: that much of the fear and worry you're experiencing is
Speaker 3: in your head and not necessarily an accurate reflection of
Speaker 3: what is happening around you.
Speaker 1: You're overthinking or obsessing over the worst case scenarios.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is time to examine your situation from a
Speaker 3: new perspective. Instead of looking for evidence of what is
Speaker 3: going wrong, put your attention on what is going right.
Speaker 3: Take a deep breath, and realize that life is not
Speaker 3: as dreadful as it seems, and that the more you worry,
Speaker 3: the more harm you were doing to yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I don't believe in coincidences, Like I definitely
Speaker 4: feel like I was onto that card. I have a
Speaker 4: history of worriedness in the women in my family. On
Speaker 4: my mom's side, not necessarily on my dad's side, they
Speaker 4: tend to be like more negative. My mom's side is
Speaker 4: more a little bit more optimistic, but very worrisome, And
Speaker 4: I feel like I inherited that trait. And I'm a
Speaker 4: life path number eight, which is like someone who's a
Speaker 4: rapid manifestor someone who really good with money, but they
Speaker 4: tend to be It's tricky in relationships so I do
Speaker 4: tend to have anxiety and worry behind relationships, so that
Speaker 4: card is extremely accurate. I have been losing sleep. I've
Speaker 4: lost way over like worry of that. So that was
Speaker 4: just like confirmation to like, I'm definitely on this path,
Speaker 4: like I'm in therapy and you know, I even like
Speaker 4: fall asleep now to affirmations that kind of counter mindative
Speaker 4: thoughts so that I can be clear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, that's crazy. We actually just talked about this
Speaker 1: an hour ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking about negative self talk and how for
Speaker 2: me because I do that. I have negative self talk
Speaker 2: and it's so like it's so quiet that I do
Speaker 2: it all day and I don't even notice, and then
Speaker 2: suddenly I have anxiety and.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why do I have anxiety? I'm talking shit
Speaker 1: all day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so now to counter it, I literally have
Speaker 2: to it's not really it is positive self talk, but
Speaker 2: it's not in my head. I actually say it out loud,
Speaker 2: and I have to say it out loud and talk
Speaker 2: to myself, record myself, listen to myself talking well to
Speaker 2: myself back, because we don't really do that. We don't
Speaker 2: really actually hear ourselves talk good to ourselves. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 2: in our heads, that's a powerful tool, but for me,
Speaker 2: what was more powerful is actually doing it out loud.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I had that out girl. Yeah no, I'm
Speaker 1: definitely gonna take that tip.
Speaker 4: I mean I used to think that, like the post
Speaker 4: it notes on the mirrors, I used to think all
Speaker 4: that stuff is weird. But now I actually get it
Speaker 4: now that I'm aware and more self aware. My therapist
Speaker 4: was telling me, how, you know, we don't realize that
Speaker 4: our subconscious controls everything we do, and conventional therapy typically
Speaker 4: focuses on you know, the surface and the conscious, and
Speaker 4: we're not operating from that place. So it's just so
Speaker 4: silly to like, you know, that's why we keep running
Speaker 4: into these same problems where people will spend years and
Speaker 4: years in therapy and continue a cycle. So absolutely talk
Speaker 4: changing the voices in our head change. There are even
Speaker 4: things that I would say to myself that I was realizing,
Speaker 4: like abusive exes would say to me, and it wasn't
Speaker 4: my thought, but it became my thought because I would
Speaker 4: not play, Yeah, I would replay like what they would
Speaker 4: say to me in my head, and therefore it became
Speaker 4: my thought.
Speaker 1: And so now I have to replace all of those things.
Speaker 2: It's so interesting that you what you said before about therapy,
Speaker 2: Like a lot of the things that we the place
Speaker 2: we operate from is from a place of like subconscious
Speaker 2: because we were talking about how we're sel self aware, right,
Speaker 2: Like we're self self aware, and I think a lot
Speaker 2: of times the most self aware people need therapy the most.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you will self aware the fuck out of
Speaker 1: ourselves all that. I know, I know what I did wrong.
Speaker 2: I know, listen, I can name exactly what the fuck
Speaker 2: I did wrong. But it's like, Okay, well that's great,
Speaker 2: but like subconsciously, you're still doing it, So like, how
Speaker 2: are we gonna fix that that person that like you
Speaker 2: don't even realize is controlling controlling your actions.
Speaker 4: Another thing with being super self aware is like that
Speaker 4: you have a lot of guilt and shame because you
Speaker 4: are so aware, like you're.
Speaker 1: So like aloof and they're just like that's what I was.
Speaker 4: I literally when I say ignorance is bliss, it's so
Speaker 4: true because people walk around you're not giving at all,
Speaker 4: just like you know so much and you care, You're
Speaker 4: constantly trying to figure it out, and you guilt.
Speaker 3: Your guests, Oh my god, they just fucked me up.
Speaker 3: I feel fucked up. That's so true. Like I really
Speaker 3: guilt myself and I really feel really bad when I'm
Speaker 3: fucking up all the time, or like I'm not getting out.
Speaker 3: I'm not like evolving out of like doing this one
Speaker 3: thing or like fucking this thing. I know I shouldn't
Speaker 3: be fucking and I keep sucking up.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, bitch, you were doing this last year, so.
Speaker 3: Fucking angry, and then I'm now I'm realizing just because
Speaker 3: you said that, it's because I am self aware, I'm
Speaker 3: guilty and feeling so bad for even more.
Speaker 1: Like if I was just like I give like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I fell on his dick. I have friends like that,
Speaker 1: like I don't give a find. We fought last week
Speaker 1: and you god damn right, I'm a fucking this week.
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. I'm like, that's not healthy.
Speaker 1: Which if I had more of that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, yes, yeah, I think it catches up to you.
Speaker 4: But when you have a higher calling on your life,
Speaker 4: like you're not allowed to operate from that. When you're
Speaker 4: in your like higher vibrational you know that voice is
Speaker 4: there for a reason. It's like, sis, now, come on,
Speaker 4: we know, like everybody tries to say like, oh.
Speaker 1: Everybody's a king and everybody's a queen.
Speaker 4: Okay, whatever, But no, like, no, there's a reason that
Speaker 4: some people hear certain things or have you know, intuitive abilities,
Speaker 4: or just there's a reason that some people know that
Speaker 4: they're different and that there's a calling on their life.
Speaker 1: And then there are.
Speaker 4: People who are just fine with it just being mediocre,
Speaker 4: or they just being.
Speaker 1: The way they are, damn, or being in the loop.
Speaker 1: They're comfortable in the loop. That's so fucking true.
Speaker 3: I was just telling Erica, I'm like, I think I'm
Speaker 3: finally coming to this place where I like you too.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I think we're acknowledging that there's like, well
Speaker 3: it's been that way, but a force greater than us,
Speaker 3: a purpose greater than us, like even our friendship, even
Speaker 3: like the beginning of this like podcast, and it's just
Speaker 3: like taking this life form, it's like it's so much higher,
Speaker 3: you know, And sometimes it is that like I'm holding
Speaker 3: myself back. I told Erica like two months ago, I
Speaker 3: was like, if I don't stop sucking this second, our.
Speaker 1: Business is not gonna grow. Oh my god, that is
Speaker 1: very true.
Speaker 4: I was like, I just feel guilty because it's just
Speaker 4: affecting everybody.
Speaker 1: She was like, you need to relax. She was like,
Speaker 1: I think you're putting too much pressure yourself. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I just know, no, you're right. I had I told
Speaker 1: you about my oracle earlier.
Speaker 4: I had her telling me a couple of years ago,
Speaker 4: if you don't let go of this man, your business
Speaker 4: is gonna suffer.
Speaker 1: And sometimes we this is it's so crazy because.
Speaker 4: Karma does not care that you didn't do the act
Speaker 4: right if you're next to somebody.
Speaker 1: That did it and you're said, yes, it will come
Speaker 1: for you too.
Speaker 4: So it's like or even if you know, for me,
Speaker 4: I was like a blessing to my ex and he
Speaker 4: was not supposed to get all this stuff I was
Speaker 4: giving him, So the universe was trying to force me
Speaker 4: away from that because he had to do his own stuff.
Speaker 4: Sometimes we try to save people from their stuff and
Speaker 4: we enable them.
Speaker 1: They're never gonna grow if.
Speaker 2: We keep like you're guilty by association with karma basically,
Speaker 2: and I never even really viewed it that way, but
Speaker 2: you're so right. It's like, and that's why your intuition
Speaker 2: will be yelling at You're like, bitch, I know you're
Speaker 2: not doing it, but you're fucking him.
Speaker 1: He's putting all that shit inside of you.
Speaker 2: You're saying it's okay that you're this person right now,
Speaker 2: I'm still gonna be here.
Speaker 3: And even like you're innate want as women to like
Speaker 3: nurture and be there for someone, Like I've even seen
Speaker 3: myself in those very situations be like, well it's me,
Speaker 3: Like I'm not growing because that's my own thing and
Speaker 3: I'm trying to project onto him, you know, and I
Speaker 3: can care for him and also grow it.
Speaker 1: That's an excuse, but the truth is, like, bitch, I
Speaker 1: was clouded.
Speaker 3: I cannot live with the nigga not doing shit and
Speaker 3: do shit. It just doesn't work that way. It's literally
Speaker 3: by association. And I had to like understand that like
Speaker 3: cutting that tie wasn't me being a bad person. It
Speaker 3: was actually like fending for myself and for my child,
Speaker 3: and like it's not about feeling bad, it's about actually
Speaker 3: feeling good. And if being even close to someone that's
Speaker 3: toxic only feels good on like a lower level, then
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel good at all. If you're like fucking
Speaker 3: someone and it's like it feels nice to stay there
Speaker 3: but you're not growing, You're staying fucking stagnant. And the
Speaker 3: only reason you can feel like that's happening is because
Speaker 3: you're being tied down by this person. You have got
Speaker 3: to honor that shit and cut that every way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're also preventing them from, you know, becoming what
Speaker 4: they're supposed to become because the pain of losing you
Speaker 4: or whatever that is, whatever lesson that is, they're never
Speaker 4: gonna get it if you're just sticking around and you
Speaker 4: guys are gonna be so enthralled with one another and
Speaker 4: blame each other for why you're this way and why
Speaker 4: he's this way instead of like, no, I'm gonna focus on.
Speaker 1: What I'm doing and how I can be better and
Speaker 1: whether he does it.
Speaker 4: I think as women we try to like make men
Speaker 4: see themselves too much what they're doing wrong. And I know,
Speaker 4: for me, maybe I think sometimes I was doing it
Speaker 4: so that I didn't have to address my shit. M Like,
Speaker 4: if I'm fixing you, then I'm perfect.
Speaker 1: I don't yeah, like I'm good.
Speaker 4: I just gotta fix you then I don't have to
Speaker 4: look at like all my traumas and all my stuff.
Speaker 2: So well, if I fix you to fit my traumas
Speaker 2: and cater to them and make me feel good about
Speaker 2: this and that like there's that tool, yeah.
Speaker 3: Which brings me to Before we started recording, we just
Speaker 3: were talking about astrology signs and that both my parents
Speaker 3: are Taurus and they have like the most long term
Speaker 3: toxic love affair I've ever seen in reality, and it's
Speaker 3: just toxic to a fault, like and there is that
Speaker 3: they love each other so much, but they just know
Speaker 3: I don't think they've been together so long. No one
Speaker 3: stopped to look at their own shit, heal themselves, become
Speaker 3: their own individual.
Speaker 1: No one say like, Okay, this is enough, let's cut
Speaker 1: this shit here. You know.
Speaker 3: They clang to this like childhood like love and comfort
Speaker 3: and this excuse that like the kids benefit from it.
Speaker 3: I'm fucked up, I'm a therapy right.
Speaker 1: Didn't benefit right.
Speaker 3: But it's like when you do that and you avoid
Speaker 3: yourself to a fault with other people, even people that
Speaker 3: you love, it can like you could fuck around turn
Speaker 3: and like wake up and be fifty seven and fifty
Speaker 3: like or sixty or you know, and be like, oh no, you.
Speaker 4: Know, I never took the time to That's the trauma
Speaker 4: bonding though, and that's like when we were at the
Speaker 4: dinner when I was.
Speaker 1: Talking about twin flame versus sole me.
Speaker 4: A lot of twin flames, so that's your mirror, and
Speaker 4: a lot of twin flames get together based on their traumas.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, your daddy you oh my god, mine
Speaker 4: did too. Oh we were like bonding in pain, right,
Speaker 4: and then it no, no, that's not That doesn't mean
Speaker 4: that this person is your soulmate or your life partner.
Speaker 4: It's just yeah, you have them in calming, which a
Speaker 4: lot of us do. A lot of us have, you know,
Speaker 4: our needs weren't met or some sort of abuse or you.
Speaker 3: Know, drugging whatever, and then now we could clean together
Speaker 3: and we're never gonna leave each other, leave each other,
Speaker 3: but also we'll always think we might, and that's gonna
Speaker 3: be the argument.
Speaker 1: You're gonna leave me, aren't you right?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: So let me tell you guys something. I've never been dumped.
Speaker 1: And the reason I used to think, like, oh I
Speaker 1: must be I've never never been dumb, breaking breaking.
Speaker 4: News, not for me never, but wait but wait, not
Speaker 4: as tight as it say, I'm like, it's because.
Speaker 1: These dudes have abandon me, like I had to come
Speaker 1: to a realization.
Speaker 4: I realize this in being by myself and analyzing what
Speaker 4: is the commonality between all of these men? They were
Speaker 4: like obsessive with me, like entitled to me and thralled
Speaker 4: and all these things. And I'm like, it's not okay, look,
Speaker 4: I'm fire, okay, whatever, But it's not that it's because
Speaker 4: they see something in me that they wanted their mother
Speaker 4: to do. It's somebody left them and it drove them crazy.
Speaker 4: And so anytime I'm pulling away, no, I gotta get
Speaker 4: you back, or I'm not good enough because you're leaving me.
Speaker 1: I would hear that a lot. You make me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm not good enough. That's what I hear from
Speaker 1: men too. Why do you love me? Why?
Speaker 2: Why do you think that there's also a trend in
Speaker 2: the men that you choose them to.
Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, I choose men who have mother issues and
Speaker 4: need a lot of healing. I chose a couple of
Speaker 4: good guys, but I only chose them because.
Speaker 1: They were good, not because I actually really liked them.
Speaker 1: And that's toxic too.
Speaker 3: Do you think that because naturally you're a healer, you
Speaker 3: attract that or like, because like, how do you even
Speaker 3: in that you know, like, how do you fucking weep
Speaker 3: that out? Because for obvious reasons, that also doesn't work,
Speaker 3: and everyone, no one's gonna come all the way healed,
Speaker 3: but like, have you done some of the work, Like
Speaker 3: I'm not here to do the work for you, you know.
Speaker 4: So that's what I'm currently working on, because my last
Speaker 4: few have just been so worked up. I'm like, what
Speaker 4: is going on? I'm like, Okay, both y'all have beards.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's the beard I'm.
Speaker 3: Right now, but.
Speaker 4: They both definitely had issues with abandonment and their mothers.
Speaker 1: And I saw that as a thread, right.
Speaker 4: I saw that The thing is, it's still weird, like
Speaker 4: anytime as a child and as a mother to a
Speaker 4: black son, I see that if the dad messes up
Speaker 4: for some reason, the sons blame the monk too. And
Speaker 4: so even if the mom was a great mom, not
Speaker 4: saying that all of them were great moms, but even
Speaker 4: if the mom was like the perfect mom, for whatever reason,
Speaker 4: they hold resentment and always blame the mom for abuse,
Speaker 4: Like how.
Speaker 1: Do you blame your mother forget?
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying? Like all of that right,
Speaker 4: And I was even talking to my nanny about it.
Speaker 4: She shared a similar story where her husband was abusive
Speaker 4: towards her and she left and the son was like,
Speaker 4: I hate you. You broke up our family, and it's
Speaker 4: like your mom is you know, So it's this resentment
Speaker 4: towards mom. And if the mom was not a good mom,
Speaker 4: emotionally unavailable and never said I love.
Speaker 1: You, they tend to become abusive.
Speaker 4: Now on the flip side, women who were abused growing up,
Speaker 4: and again, abuse is a plethora of things, right, It's
Speaker 4: not just you know, physical, it could be emotional, anything, right,
Speaker 4: So what happens with women is we tend to draw
Speaker 4: in abusers, whereas men become the abuser. And so it's
Speaker 4: such a different dynamic between what happens to like the
Speaker 4: female and the male.
Speaker 1: And so with me, I tend to attract abusers.
Speaker 4: I've attracted really good guys as well, but I tend
Speaker 4: to like stick it out longer or try to fix
Speaker 4: or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I'm still currently trying to fix that.
Speaker 4: But one of the things that my therapist did say
Speaker 4: was that people who love bomb you, do you guys
Speaker 4: know what love bombing?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, people who love bomb you in the beginning.
Speaker 4: That is a huge red flag because they are trying
Speaker 4: to get you addicted to them because.
Speaker 1: They don't want you to leave.
Speaker 4: And so people who are in like normal relationships are
Speaker 4: not going to try to move things quickly.
Speaker 1: They don't say I love you super fast.
Speaker 4: So I'm trying to get like the tools to know
Speaker 4: what to look for moving forward, because my ego used
Speaker 4: to have me in this operating in this space of
Speaker 4: like I'm special and so yeah, he loves me quickly,
Speaker 4: and I had to get out of that, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, Yeah, because there's a part of you.
Speaker 1: Feel validated by that. And also, like if.
Speaker 3: You're a lover, which a lot of women are, it
Speaker 3: feels like a movie. It feels like you're being swept
Speaker 3: up your feet, especially if it's like if it's reciprocal
Speaker 3: but someone you're also attracted to, if there's some fucking chemistry,
Speaker 3: if someone's like, I love you like this is because
Speaker 3: we're both feeling this way, and it's because this is
Speaker 3: special and not like this is odd. Why the fuck
Speaker 3: are we moving ten steps ahead? You know?
Speaker 1: Nobody has fucked us.
Speaker 3: Yes, the romanticizing of the fucking movies, the movies, the romances,
Speaker 3: the rom coms. That's dead movies. It's labels.
Speaker 2: I mean the reason one of the things that you
Speaker 2: know drew me to you at that dinner was that
Speaker 2: conversation about twin flames and soulmates. And I can't remember
Speaker 2: quite remember like what the question was, like have you
Speaker 2: met your soulmate or something like.
Speaker 1: That, and you had said that there's more. I think
Speaker 1: I believe that people have many soulmates, and I agree
Speaker 1: with that. The moment she said that, I was like,
Speaker 1: doesn't everybody know that? Doesn't everybody know?
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, No, people really get in
Speaker 2: the zone that there was only one per there's only
Speaker 2: one type of love. There's only one, you know, all
Speaker 2: encompassing type of love. And because of that, they will
Speaker 2: hold on they will hold on.
Speaker 1: To the most toxic love.
Speaker 2: Yes, because they hold on to these different parts of
Speaker 2: this person that they identify as their soulmate. I wish
Speaker 2: more people gaze if you're listening, do you have more
Speaker 2: than one soulmate?
Speaker 1: I promise you, like there's more than one.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it kind of goes with like what
Speaker 3: we're talking about maybe the last episode basically that like
Speaker 3: everybody you meet and come and counter with is like
Speaker 3: I think a tool to like spawn you to the
Speaker 3: next level if you allow it. You know, like there
Speaker 3: are a certain purpose in each person that you connect
Speaker 3: with in a certain way. And sometimes a lot of
Speaker 3: times it's a lesson, like Damn, I did this again.
Speaker 3: This is finally gonna be the person that I realize,
Speaker 3: like I'm attracting narcissists at like abusers, Like why, Like
Speaker 3: I said this to you the other day, Like why
Speaker 3: the fuck am I in a constantly in a certain
Speaker 3: position with like I felt like I was having flashbacks
Speaker 3: from like another situation.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've come so far from that. Why the
Speaker 1: fuck is this happening to me again?
Speaker 3: But like it's because if you don't get that first lesson,
Speaker 3: the universe students send you a second and third they're
Speaker 3: gonna look pretty fucking similar.
Speaker 1: Bitch. That's like where you have to where the work
Speaker 1: needs to be done.
Speaker 4: Have you guys ever read any statistics on because I'm
Speaker 4: just wondering, I'm like, are there just more narciss like not?
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, not everybody's a narcissist. I know,
Speaker 1: we use that word a lot.
Speaker 4: You can have narcissistic traits and not be a narcissist.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you can be a just an asshole.
Speaker 2: We actually we had a Megan Doherty on She's a
Speaker 2: narcissist specialist, and she broke down love bombing for us
Speaker 2: and also we also I guess I actually think I
Speaker 2: looked up some statistics because I was curious.
Speaker 1: Too, like are more other more men than female? And
Speaker 1: statistically guess yes, yeah, okay, there are more. What was
Speaker 1: what was the number?
Speaker 3: Like it's like one, I don't know, I don't remember
Speaker 3: what it was she but it's on that episode.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm curious because I just hear women dealing with
Speaker 4: so much of the same stuff, and like, I have
Speaker 4: a lot of guy friends and we have conversation about
Speaker 4: this because I want to hear both sides, Like I
Speaker 4: don't want it to just always be like, oh poor us,
Speaker 4: it's like the women are you.
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?
Speaker 4: So I try to, you know, hear both sides so
Speaker 4: we can collectively come.
Speaker 1: Up with solutions. And it's tough to hear.
Speaker 4: Like you attract, right, because I've always said when you
Speaker 4: are fire, you attract everything.
Speaker 1: But it is what you're choosing as.
Speaker 4: Well, right, because I have attracted really, really good guys.
Speaker 1: And I didn't necessarily think that the quote unquote.
Speaker 4: Bad guys were bad when I first met them, right,
Speaker 4: I just didn't take my time.
Speaker 1: I just ignored things.
Speaker 4: I was so enthralled in love and it felt so
Speaker 4: freaking fire and like it magical that the little you know,
Speaker 4: the little stuff where when you have your blinders taken
Speaker 4: off that you see later. I didn't see it then,
Speaker 4: you know, So I don't even know. I don't even
Speaker 4: know if it's what we attract. I just think people
Speaker 4: are really shitty, and just like they're really shitty people,
Speaker 4: there are good people.
Speaker 1: And we have to do better at sifting through that.
Speaker 3: I think, especially as haaling women, especially as like a seelers,
Speaker 3: like there's a light around you.
Speaker 1: Erica tells me this all the time, and people are
Speaker 1: going to one and leg. Don't you remember your eyes,
Speaker 1: don't Erica's always telling ma'am Shannon La, a light brought light.
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to get some of this light because at
Speaker 1: Alabama or right now, Alabama Valley Valley.
Speaker 3: The valley's Alabama Alabama Valley.
Speaker 1: But it's true, it's true.
Speaker 3: But it's like as you get older, you have to
Speaker 3: sharpen the tools to be able to better, you know,
Speaker 3: filter who's coming in and staying yeah, and not feeling
Speaker 3: obligated to motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: You're only obligated to yourself.
Speaker 4: That's one thing I think we're talking. I'm over here
Speaker 4: looking is Alabama Valley There it is. I knew it.
Speaker 4: It's called Valley in city in Alabama here on the
Speaker 4: show that's guys off the one oh three catches.
Speaker 1: I can catch me outside. You have kids, right? How
Speaker 1: three kids? I have a three year old, a ten
Speaker 1: year old, and a fifteen year old.
Speaker 4: Two girls, that's the youngest, and then i have a
Speaker 4: fifteen year old boy.
Speaker 1: And I'm learning so much. Yeah, you're in such different stages,
Speaker 1: you know what.
Speaker 4: No, Yeah, I have my fifteen year old when I
Speaker 4: was a mess, so he kind of I say that
Speaker 4: he kind of grew up with me. I mean, we're
Speaker 4: still always growing, but I can see it with how
Speaker 4: they all act because.
Speaker 1: The different stages of who you were. Yes, that's so cool.
Speaker 1: That is pretty cool. It is wild.
Speaker 4: Wow, And I have to work on my guilt and
Speaker 4: shame because again, when you are a mother, you know,
Speaker 4: like mom, there's those perfect and right like growing up
Speaker 4: with your son, like you make so many mistakes, and
Speaker 4: so I'm trying to work on like, yes I did that,
Speaker 4: but like I'm better now and I'm still trying to
Speaker 4: be better.
Speaker 1: And then with my middle daughter, she just thinks I'm
Speaker 1: like everything, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Like, so it's just crazy to see, like how they all,
Speaker 4: you know, react differently to me as a mother because
Speaker 4: of their different ages.
Speaker 1: But do they have different fathers? Yes? All three? Yes?
Speaker 1: What is that like? I mean navigating parents? Was navigating
Speaker 1: three different men.
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, oh my god, how to find balance
Speaker 2: within all of them? I mean, I'm gonna hope that
Speaker 2: you have peace and balance with all three? No, okay, no,
Speaker 2: no to Leo's in a virgo.
Speaker 1: She has a type.
Speaker 4: So the first one, I was only twenty and he
Speaker 4: was five years older than me.
Speaker 1: And he had the gift of gab. So he.
Speaker 4: Was from la but his family is from Detroit, so
Speaker 4: definitely gift of gab.
Speaker 1: He's always been like that.
Speaker 4: He was a businessman and he was able to like
Speaker 4: he walked it to me in a suit, got me
Speaker 4: the you know what, the restaurant, they got the lady
Speaker 4: with the roses, he bought the holdout.
Speaker 1: You he girl. But I didn't know what that was.
Speaker 4: I didn't a man if I had. And I told
Speaker 4: my son this the other day. I said, if I
Speaker 4: had the tools then that I had now.
Speaker 1: But like, and this is.
Speaker 4: What I love about the internet and podcast right, we
Speaker 4: are so much more aware of all of this stuff.
Speaker 4: Like I had no idea what a narcissist was, and
Speaker 4: I was that it was not I don't even think
Speaker 4: that was was it worth? It wasn't worse, it was
Speaker 4: worn likened it.
Speaker 1: We weren't using it.
Speaker 4: They were only office Okay, well if you're if your
Speaker 4: dude was buying you the whole roses. And I mean
Speaker 4: he took me shopping, like one of our first dates
Speaker 4: was like a weekend. It wasn't like go to dinner.
Speaker 4: It was like a weekend. And so my friends are like, oh,
Speaker 4: that's so fire. They're not telling me.
Speaker 1: Like maybe not, Like this guy is not twenty.
Speaker 3: Any friendship you to dinner thirty four Like wait wait,
Speaker 3: literally all of us are coming to dinner.
Speaker 4: Let it move me and got me all these cars
Speaker 4: I had. He wanted me to quit my job, Like,
Speaker 4: no woman of mine is gonna work. You're gonna that
Speaker 4: whole thing is yeah, Oh my gosh. Yes, all your
Speaker 4: friends are trash, all your friends are hoses.
Speaker 1: No, you the hope. Right, you have a boyfriend, now
Speaker 1: you don't go hang out with them. Yes, I'm your friend. Yes,
Speaker 1: but he wasn't. He was not my friend. He was
Speaker 1: really it was a mess. And then after him, I
Speaker 1: was so broken down. You know, second baby Daddy was
Speaker 1: just it will slid this way. And you say you
Speaker 1: need to laugh, I got you. Yes, you know what's crazy?
Speaker 4: Okay, all the ladies listen, Fellas too, Do not get
Speaker 4: with anybody right after a breakup because you are so vulnerable.
Speaker 4: You don't know what the fuck you're looking at. It
Speaker 4: could be a whole demon and they will look like
Speaker 4: an angel to you.
Speaker 1: Because you're so vulnerable. And there are.
Speaker 4: People who literally go after people right after a breakup.
Speaker 4: I had an ex friend who I watched him and
Speaker 4: do it to four or five girls because these girls
Speaker 4: would never.
Speaker 1: Fell them wow, otherwise when they were strong. This is
Speaker 1: a tactic. Do not fall for that shit.
Speaker 2: No, that's a good piece of advice, right, it really is,
Speaker 2: because I feel like that's I mean women too, I
Speaker 2: mean that's when we need that.
Speaker 1: We're like, please, someone come in, please come and love
Speaker 1: on me. Take this spot real quick, even if it's
Speaker 1: just for a time. And then a time gets comfortable,
Speaker 1: and then suddenly you look up and it's a year
Speaker 1: later and you went from one straight to the next,
Speaker 1: and now you really don't even know who the fuck
Speaker 1: you are. Yeah, And I was a people pleaser. I
Speaker 1: was a codependent people pleaser. So I would tell people
Speaker 1: know a couple.
Speaker 4: Of times, and if they keep pressing it, I would
Speaker 4: be like, Okay, fine, you know, like I feel bad.
Speaker 4: I don't want you to think that I think I'm
Speaker 4: better than you, like literally shit like that.
Speaker 3: This is.
Speaker 1: Why are you talking to me like this?
Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah, because my whole life people would try to
Speaker 4: like make me feel like, oh, you think you're better
Speaker 4: because of this or that, and I'm like I'm literally
Speaker 4: just chilling, like any of the thought why are you
Speaker 4: putting this on me?
Speaker 1: So for a long time I would.
Speaker 4: Overcommentate and like try to make people feel just so
Speaker 4: comfortable around me, because I know when I walk in
Speaker 4: a room, it's not it's not comfortable. I'm gonna fucking
Speaker 4: shake it up, like that's just how my energy is.
Speaker 4: But it's not in a bad way. But when you're
Speaker 4: not ready to be shaken, people receive it all different
Speaker 4: types of yeah mm hmmmmm.
Speaker 2: So how is it being like a mom and dating
Speaker 2: with like is there like, is there a stigma? I
Speaker 2: mean there's already a stigma around being a single mom, right,
Speaker 2: but I think being a single mom with three different
Speaker 2: baby daddy's.
Speaker 1: People or men or whoever they might be like sign up.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I haven't necessarily had a problem with dating,
Speaker 4: per se. I've had a problem with bullying, especially you know,
Speaker 4: being a public figure on the internet, people will try
Speaker 4: to like throw that out there, or you know, if
Speaker 4: a guy likes me and the girl likes him too,
Speaker 4: she'll be like, oh, you know, and I promise you
Speaker 4: they don't care, so stop trying to.
Speaker 1: Niggas do not care. They know they not at all.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, no, but I will say that now
Speaker 4: I'm in a space where I'm definitely more like if
Speaker 4: my kids can't look up to you, I don't need
Speaker 4: to be talking to you. I just I need someone
Speaker 4: who makes my son want to be a better man.
Speaker 4: I need someone where my daughters can say, when they
Speaker 4: get older, I'm not gonna date you because my stepfather
Speaker 4: was not like that, right, So that's what I'm on
Speaker 4: and that does make it tough because it weeds out
Speaker 4: at which is good. Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, if
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want my daughters to date you, why would
Speaker 4: iday to myself?
Speaker 1: It's true, you know, true, it's true. That's so important. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's so simple yet complex? Yeah, why would do Like
Speaker 1: why would we even have a stake ourselves?
Speaker 4: I think we have to start looking at ourselves and
Speaker 4: our inner child and start protecting her, because we really
Speaker 4: put like I don't know what happens when we get older,
Speaker 4: but we just forget like that, we forget that beautiful
Speaker 4: little baby that like, if you see a seven year
Speaker 4: old girl over there, you're gonna like protect her from
Speaker 4: But we don't do that for ourselves, so we like
Speaker 4: almost disassociate like two different people.
Speaker 1: Yeah that wasn't me.
Speaker 2: You forget.
Speaker 1: It's almost like as soon as you hit like out
Speaker 1: the house, you do you.
Speaker 3: Like I literally kept telling my parents when I get
Speaker 3: the fuck out of here, I'm never looking back.
Speaker 1: And I really didn't, like in.
Speaker 3: My mind, something in those times literally shifted off and I.
Speaker 1: Kept going and I was like, oh, you guys, are
Speaker 1: still fucking doing fucked up shit. I'm over here. No,
Speaker 1: I'm getting away from my tours. I'm out. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: You know what, we didn't share an affirmation. I know
Speaker 1: we're in the middle, but did you have one that
Speaker 1: you can maybe share what I do?
Speaker 4: So when I broke up with my soulmate, I feel
Speaker 4: like I've only really been.
Speaker 1: In love one time, and that was my third daughter's
Speaker 1: father ever in life one time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, really when I really think about it, because I
Speaker 4: still love him, but I don't want to be with him,
Speaker 4: and I don't feel that way about anybody else. So
Speaker 4: I used to say, so, okay, So there's this thing
Speaker 4: that helps heal you. It's a Hawaiian thing and I
Speaker 4: don't know exactly how to pronounce it, but it's like.
Speaker 1: A on aona ona or whatever, and you chance.
Speaker 4: It over and over again, and it's basically, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: You say this to the person that hurt you. You
Speaker 4: tell them I'm sorry, I love you, I forgive you.
Speaker 4: So I used to say that over and over again,
Speaker 4: but then I created my own I used to tell like,
Speaker 4: I would look out at the moon, I'm so fucking
Speaker 4: I would hold my crystals look out at the moon
Speaker 4: and say I love you. I hope you heal, like
Speaker 4: I would send that to him, but I was. But
Speaker 4: when you're saying that, you're also saying it to yourself.
Speaker 4: And so I've been saying that for like three years now,
Speaker 4: and people say it like all over the world now,
Speaker 4: and it's kind of cool, Like even when people are
Speaker 4: in arguments, they just tell people, you know what, I
Speaker 4: love you, I help you heal.
Speaker 2: It's so important to again vocalize like that's beautiful than
Speaker 2: take that with me, because I've been doing, like doing
Speaker 2: a lot of forgiving with my father and talking out
Speaker 2: loud to him, not to him, but like to him,
Speaker 2: and it's been so fucking healing to let go and
Speaker 2: release and also being able to send those healing things
Speaker 2: obviously like aut wards of affirmation and manifesting and I
Speaker 2: believe in all those things, but being able to send
Speaker 2: those to people, send that to people and to the
Speaker 2: people that you love is so healing for yourself, for yourself,
Speaker 2: because really it's not about like saying that what you
Speaker 2: do is okay. It's trying to make sure that that.
Speaker 4: You're okay, I'm okay, I'm not no, I'm not condoning
Speaker 4: what you did, but I'm not going to let it
Speaker 4: overtake me and because it will. You know, I don't
Speaker 4: believe in revenge. I don't believe in getting people back.
Speaker 4: I just believe in you know, blowing up.
Speaker 2: I believe in love, and like, if you could do that,
Speaker 2: then you can have love for that person, love for
Speaker 2: those feelings, thankfulness for that experience because it's brought you
Speaker 2: to where you are right now. It's like it's just
Speaker 2: gratitude essentially for the experience, no matter how awful it was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I think that that is the.
Speaker 2: Ultimate hopefully, like what you're like, we're all trying to
Speaker 2: like aspire to be because it's really that's hard easier.
Speaker 1: Said than that.
Speaker 4: Absolutely no, And being a tourist, we're very stubborn and very.
Speaker 1: Like we don't forgive. I know, you know we don't.
Speaker 1: We will hold a grudge.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so obsessed with like a kitten
Speaker 3: because I get to order whatever I want each month
Speaker 3: and it comes in the mail. It's discreet. I don't
Speaker 3: have to waste time driving in traffic, parking and having
Speaker 3: to choose from millions of things. It's like I get
Speaker 3: a little secret sexy box and it's only sixty nine dollars.
Speaker 2: I know, I got the cutest vibrator and these sexy
Speaker 2: silky handcuffs, Like I've been secretly wanting them, but I
Speaker 2: was like, when am I ever going to get them?
Speaker 2: Like a Kitten, let you build your own box with
Speaker 2: their byob box And guess what, you guys. This month,
Speaker 2: Like a Kitten is offering our listeners twenty percent off
Speaker 2: and free shipping when you go to Like a Kitten
Speaker 2: dot com slash gmbc.
Speaker 3: Just go to like a kitten dot com slash gmbc
Speaker 3: to get twenty percent off these incredible boxes.
Speaker 2: So podcasting is my therapy. I talk every day to
Speaker 2: you guys every week and it has become my source
Speaker 2: of therapy. Talking out loud is so powerful and that's
Speaker 2: why I'm really excited about this new app. It's called Swell.
Speaker 2: So if you like listening to podcasts and you know
Speaker 2: the power of audio, and you're definitely going to love Swell.
Speaker 2: It's a voice based social platform where you can have
Speaker 2: and host conversations with people all over the world on
Speaker 2: your time.
Speaker 3: Unspell, you can broadcast your voice to ask a question,
Speaker 3: share an opinion, or just tell a funny story and
Speaker 3: connect with a diverse array of people. And let's face it,
Speaker 3: social media has gotten pretty mundane, boring, toxic.
Speaker 2: Toxic, and let's just hear what people sound like so
Speaker 2: we know the intention behind what they're saying. You can
Speaker 2: download the Swell app for free on the App Store
Speaker 2: or play Store or by visiting www Dot Swell dot
Speaker 2: Life Slash podcast.
Speaker 1: Gratitude. I will say, gratitude has got me through.
Speaker 4: I've been homeless, I've been everything you could possibly think
Speaker 4: of that could happen to a human being that has
Speaker 4: happened to me. But my gratitude has literally gotten me
Speaker 4: through with so much grace and I believe favor So again, listeners, gratitude,
Speaker 4: that is it that will get you through your toughest time.
Speaker 4: Just being grateful for you know, this present moment, not
Speaker 4: again anxiousness as you're worrying about tomorrow. So staying in
Speaker 4: this present moment and just being grateful for your breath
Speaker 4: that you have. Get outside, get grounded and be thankful
Speaker 4: for the tree. Anything you see a squirrel running back,
Speaker 4: but a beautiful candlelight.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Just being grateful or that
Speaker 1: can help heal you. Amen, I love you, I hope you. Yes,
Speaker 1: I love you. I hope you. I love you. I
Speaker 1: hope you love you. I hope you. Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I'm going to adopt that to my list of informations.
Speaker 2: I'm so intrigued by your journey too, so being you
Speaker 2: said you were homeless ones and now you have so
Speaker 2: many successful brands, Like, can you just I guess.
Speaker 1: I was like, can you walk us through every year
Speaker 1: you give us? Yeah? I mean so after my son
Speaker 1: was born.
Speaker 4: You know when I told you I was younger and
Speaker 4: he made me quit my job, I was broke, like
Speaker 4: and I had never I've always been a hustler in
Speaker 4: my whole life.
Speaker 1: I had jobs, you know.
Speaker 4: From the time I had a job at Togo's, which
Speaker 4: is a sandwich place like subway, just so I could
Speaker 4: get a pager, so I could get a cell phone.
Speaker 4: I worked at foot Action so I could buy my
Speaker 4: I've always just been a hustler. But when I got
Speaker 4: with him and he didn't want me to work, I
Speaker 4: quit everything. So when I left him because he was abusive,
Speaker 4: I had nothing like literally, and they do that, they
Speaker 4: do that on purpose.
Speaker 1: So that you feel like you have to stay.
Speaker 4: But I also decided that I would never again depend
Speaker 4: on somebody else. Right, So I had like three jobs,
Speaker 4: and you know, I've been songwriting for a while and
Speaker 4: I was literally a starving artist. I was working with
Speaker 4: people like Eminem and Doctor Dre and all these like
Speaker 4: huge people, and I was still broke, and it was
Speaker 4: just like, what the hell started writing for myself when
Speaker 4: on tour? I did not really like tour. So when
Speaker 4: I got home from tour, I decided to start my
Speaker 4: business and I invested my last five thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: And mind you, it.
Speaker 4: Was Christmas time. I had two kids, and I didn't
Speaker 4: know it was gonna do what it did. I really didn't.
Speaker 4: But that's the way, that's what I'm saying, when you
Speaker 4: have gratitude and when you listen to the universe, like.
Speaker 1: I made money that week. People don't make money.
Speaker 4: The first five years of their business. And I made
Speaker 4: money the first day. And I just kept flipping it
Speaker 4: and flipping it and flipping it. And that's what I've
Speaker 4: just been doing ever since. This is the anniversary of
Speaker 4: your baby, of your other baby. Ye wow, so beful wow.
Speaker 1: So Christmas five years, what was their first product, that's crazy.
Speaker 4: So my first product was a scalp beverage, and I
Speaker 4: was trying to grow my Oh my god. So when
Speaker 4: you get weaves, like there's this thing that happens where
Speaker 4: your hair breaks off. You're like traction alopecia, which is
Speaker 4: like bald spots. And so I had that from wearing
Speaker 4: like weaves and wigs on tour, and I was trying
Speaker 4: to find something to grow it back really fast. And
Speaker 4: so I just concocted it for myself and people were like, grow,
Speaker 4: what are you using on your hair? I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: something under my sink.
Speaker 1: Made it.
Speaker 4: You know, my first few months in business, I was
Speaker 4: literally cooking just in my apartment, in my kitchen.
Speaker 1: And how did you know what to put together? Was
Speaker 1: it just through trial and error? Like it's a lot of.
Speaker 4: Research, a lot of research, a lot of figuring out
Speaker 4: what I knew what I didn't want.
Speaker 1: I knew I didn't want anything toxic. I knew that,
Speaker 1: you know a lot.
Speaker 4: See what a lot of companies don't realize with hair
Speaker 4: is like they they kind of do a one size
Speaker 4: fits all and so for me, I wanted to cater
Speaker 4: to texture and hair porosity because those things are very
Speaker 4: important when it comes to formulation. So that and I
Speaker 4: also saw a lot of things that were claiming to
Speaker 4: be organic and natural and I read the labels and
Speaker 4: they were not.
Speaker 1: So I was like, no, no, want to be like that.
Speaker 1: I want to you know, step it up. So I
Speaker 1: think that's what I think. That's what set me apart.
Speaker 1: Like the intention was not to make money.
Speaker 4: The intention was to solve a problem, come up with
Speaker 4: a solution, and help people.
Speaker 1: And so people, you know, people are funny out here,
Speaker 1: They're like, what do you do?
Speaker 4: And I don't feel like I help people, Like I literally,
Speaker 4: whether it's my music, whether it's you know, my mentorship,
Speaker 4: whether it's the hair care.
Speaker 1: Like that is the goal is to like help you
Speaker 1: be fat, Like I just want you to be fired.
Speaker 4: Like I feel like if everyone feels like they're fire,
Speaker 4: they'll stop hating on everyone else. The world will be
Speaker 4: a better place, yes, because everything is like rooted in
Speaker 4: like jealousy and brokenness.
Speaker 1: And if we can just know, just get back to
Speaker 1: the individuality and loving people.
Speaker 4: You love your face, love your body, like, get your
Speaker 4: health together, get your mental health together, like we can
Speaker 4: all get it.
Speaker 1: There's enough for all of us. Yeah, so true.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you love yourself, there's like little room to
Speaker 3: like projectate in any former fashion.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: And I think when you are like your purpose is
Speaker 2: solving things and but also contributing to the world in
Speaker 2: a way, you become blessed, Like become blessed, you become aligned.
Speaker 2: Like I've watched how our business and our purpose has
Speaker 2: manifested and how enriched it's made other people feel and
Speaker 2: in turn enriched me.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know what I mean, and like what a blessing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it won't get taken away from you.
Speaker 4: I've had a lot of people try to like hate
Speaker 4: on I'm like, you can't take from me what you
Speaker 4: didn't give me, Right, this is from you know what
Speaker 4: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: This is from you can't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, your little snaky stuff isn't it doesn't work here.
Speaker 4: So yeah, when you have that intention in your creation,
Speaker 4: it just it's it's gonna last. It's infinite, Like it's
Speaker 4: literally going to outlast you. So even when we're gone,
Speaker 4: it's still going to be here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it it is. You're protected, Yeah, protected and
Speaker 1: how they feel because you're answering to the universe. When college,
Speaker 1: you're like I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 3: And when you don't question it and you just do
Speaker 3: all the other shit that we you know, it will
Speaker 3: start to like to show you like this is right,
Speaker 3: this is exactly where you're supposed to be and manifest
Speaker 3: in that way.
Speaker 1: Because that's why you can't put that make it no
Speaker 1: more right. You got to stop it. You're protective, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like, when you're tied to something greater,
Speaker 1: it can't be held down. All that little stuff has
Speaker 1: to go the sacrifice. You got to cut that shit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's why it's always so quick, and that's
Speaker 4: why it's always so intense because if it was just
Speaker 4: like a little tap on the shoulder, we're not going
Speaker 4: to hear it.
Speaker 1: But when it's shaking you up, like you have to
Speaker 1: hear it. So that's when you know, like you have
Speaker 1: a calling on your life. When stuff is so extreme. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you can't deny.
Speaker 3: Like you literally put out a product in that week
Speaker 3: you're like, oh okay, shit, and you know like that one,
Speaker 3: that one thing, it keeps propelling you floword like damn,
Speaker 3: I didn't even I spoke this and it came because
Speaker 3: it's intentional.
Speaker 4: Yeah, through the pandemic through I mean literally everything. We
Speaker 4: made more money last year than you know, we did
Speaker 4: in all the years that we were you know, open.
Speaker 2: People are home, yeah, taking care of themselves. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean they're the pandemic wellness was. And then hair care
Speaker 2: is part of wellness. People are spending time growing their hair,
Speaker 2: cutting their hair, all types of their hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was doing lots. I had a lot of time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah that I mean we have now we have
Speaker 4: wellness stuff. So just like supplements. I created a supplement
Speaker 4: for anxiety, depression, insomnia, I created a supplement for your lungs,
Speaker 4: so many different things that just like you know, I
Speaker 4: really I created it because I was going through stuff
Speaker 4: and I'm like, Okay, what am I going to do
Speaker 4: to fix this for me?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's helped me. This can help, you know, right,
Speaker 1: So and it's exciting to share that, right, like look,
Speaker 1: try this it works, right, yes, and like waiting for
Speaker 1: those results and then oh my god, it works. I'm
Speaker 1: like this this is what makes it so like what
Speaker 1: like you know, it just feels so good when I'm like,
Speaker 1: you changed.
Speaker 3: My life, Like it's awesome, right, yes, just answering the call,
Speaker 3: You're like let me look some shit up in my kitchen.
Speaker 1: Where's yeah, like changing lines for real. I've had people
Speaker 1: walk up to me and whole foods like here's your stuff,
Speaker 1: Like this is really you. I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's so great. That's so cool that your kids get
Speaker 1: to see that too.
Speaker 3: Oh man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: You can see their mom shine and like be successful
Speaker 2: and know that, like because I know, being an entrepreneur,
Speaker 2: you are away from your kids. Like it is hard,
Speaker 2: there's no, it's difficult to balance. There is so much
Speaker 2: more imbalance than there is balance, at least in the beginning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can't turn it off. It's not you know.
Speaker 4: I always tell people like nine to five, you get
Speaker 4: your weekends, you get like I don't get any of that.
Speaker 4: It's seven days a week from the time I wake
Speaker 4: up to the time I go to sleep. So you know,
Speaker 4: it's definitely something that you have. It's a baby too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even if you're not working on it, you're thinking
Speaker 2: about it all the time, you know. And so yeah,
Speaker 2: like you're thinking about it, and it's like it's always there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's always there. Yeah, And that's good.
Speaker 2: And that's and that's like that part has given me
Speaker 2: a lot of anxiety in the past, but when I
Speaker 2: started being like no this and having gratitude yeah, and
Speaker 2: then like learning to release Okay, yes, you don't have
Speaker 2: to get that done though right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's teaches, it's yeah, it's definitely.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to learn to relinquish like the controlling aspect
Speaker 4: of it, because it is the unknown.
Speaker 1: You don't know. You know, you don't know what's sale.
Speaker 1: We're going to be tomorrow, like you don't any at
Speaker 1: any time, right.
Speaker 4: But it's the same with if you have a job too,
Speaker 4: you don't know if they'll So we just have to
Speaker 4: learn to relinquish that control and have.
Speaker 1: Gratum. I have a very big feeling that Christmas is
Speaker 1: going to hit hard for you again in celebration of
Speaker 1: the anniversary. Yes, and I need to get some of this,
Speaker 1: but I need to get through this.
Speaker 2: In this hair, we have a purple shampoo for that blonde,
Speaker 2: thank you. I haven't used purple shampoo. I was literally
Speaker 2: thinking about that yesterday. I was like, am I supposed
Speaker 2: to be like putting some other ship in my hair?
Speaker 1: It's blonde?
Speaker 4: Ye?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so.
Speaker 2: I'm not educated, but my girl didn't hit me on
Speaker 2: game at all, just bleached my hair aftercare.
Speaker 1: I got you girl, Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you for blessing us
Speaker 1: with just so many gems and sharing your story with us.
Speaker 1: Where can our people find you? You can find me
Speaker 1: at ca Cola, on Twitter and on Instagram. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get my TikTok up. I don't know. It's tough.
Speaker 1: Is tough.
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I missed the wave like Luhouse man,
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I was a clubhouse queen. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't go on clubhouse anymore at all, but I have
Speaker 1: fun on clubhouse. Is tough. I'm trying.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: What I'm trying to do is with TikTok Now. It's
Speaker 4: kind of like offer up and stuff like from mental health.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm not I'm not a d answer guys
Speaker 4: like like I do a little two step, but I'm
Speaker 4: not going to be you know so. But yeah, you
Speaker 4: guys can find me on those socials. I'm on Facebook too,
Speaker 4: and then follow my businesses.
Speaker 2: They're in the link in my bio and we'll link
Speaker 2: everything in the episode description so they can find you easily.
Speaker 1: And y'all we're so close to the retreat. I know
Speaker 1: it's almost that time. We're like like good six weeks
Speaker 1: issuway yeah, so excited. I know Costa Rica we've been to.
Speaker 1: Oh no, but right here it's beautiful. We might have
Speaker 1: to come to come to the retreat. We're doing at
Speaker 1: Women's Retreating Costa Rica. I love that.
Speaker 2: When is that January thirty first fifth? And then we
Speaker 2: have we have two and then there's another one the
Speaker 2: sixth through the eleventh. Okay there Yeah, it's the Caribean science.
Speaker 2: We got security though, right because it's the Dockers. It's
Speaker 2: very you hold up here by yourself. Where the fuck
Speaker 2: is your security right now? Bitch in Alabama? What do
Speaker 2: you need to have in Alabama?
Speaker 3: They're gonna be a coast to Rika Caribbeans and they
Speaker 3: need to be in Alabama.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, oh my god.
Speaker 4: We'll get security. I normally do have security or you know,
Speaker 4: carries the Okay, yes, I'm a tactic.
Speaker 1: That's important. What Yes, absolutely, I need to be better.
Speaker 1: I need to do I know, we just kidding. I'm ready,
Speaker 1: don't ever come all right, hello, in my purse, I
Speaker 1: have something for you.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Anyway, you guys want to find us
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Bad Choices on all podcast platforms, follow us
Speaker 2: on Instagram.
Speaker 1: We're tiktoking sort of too. We're trying to TikTok get
Speaker 1: over there. Yea, hopefully we're tiktoking lives.
Speaker 2: It's good Moms Choice because yeah, the s wasn't available
Speaker 2: and follows some.
Speaker 1: Patreon and get bumps content and all that other ship
Speaker 1: great and review this episode. Please go now, all thousands
Speaker 1: of you go do it. Why don't we have more reviews?
Speaker 3: I love you, I love you, but don't just sit there,
Speaker 3: scroll to the bottom and write the fucking video.
Speaker 1: Thanks right now, right now, thank you, right nice and
Speaker 1: solo record la. Then let's stay us Ranza