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Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Meela. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday, my love. How are

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Speaker 1: you feeling? Jolly? Holidayish? I'm feeling your holidays. I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: about the jolly. Today's a holiday spirit. It's a beautiful

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Speaker 1: shade of purple. Yeah, it's gorgeous.

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Speaker 2: I was trying to be like Christmas y with my

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Speaker 2: green sparkly cannabis leaf Vintage Soul.

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Speaker 1: This is my holiday holiday weed. How Mom's smoke weed holiday.

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Speaker 1: I like it. I like it. I actually have that

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Speaker 1: same shirt. Yeah, this is my Vintage Souls.

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Speaker 2: Guys, so if you like the ship, go support a

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Speaker 2: female old brand made here in the.

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Speaker 1: LA area, Vintage Souls LA. It's also free people and

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Speaker 1: spread segel, so just killing it. That's a freeing. All

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Speaker 1: our friends is doing big sheet.

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Speaker 3: Wow, b Accent, you don't like it, It's still true.

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Speaker 1: All of our friends are doing big ship because that's

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Speaker 1: the type of women they roll with. Amen. How are

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Speaker 1: you today, my love? I'm good. Hi. How are you feeling.

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Speaker 1: I'm high. I'm drinking water. I feel great. I feel

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Speaker 1: like very like balanced. Oh my god, is that a shirt?

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Speaker 1: High and hydrated? Should the fun up edit it out?

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Speaker 1: Keep it out anymore? Do you? I'm high too? Okay, anyway,

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Speaker 1: you guys, we haven't really amazing guest here. Today I

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Speaker 1: met this.

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Speaker 2: Special woman at the Dear Young Queen slash ask Ashley

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Speaker 2: podcast dinner. If you haven't followed that, make sure you

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Speaker 2: check them out. I fucking love Dear Young Queen. They

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Speaker 2: have the the best mean account on the internet pretty much.

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Speaker 2: And this wonderful woman I'm about to introduce was sitting

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Speaker 2: at the end of the table and she was just

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Speaker 2: spitting out just free game and I was like, who

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Speaker 2: about you that?

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Speaker 1: Who is it? I need to know her? But she

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Speaker 1: left before I got to connection with her. I think

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Speaker 1: she should be on the show.

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Speaker 2: So then like I was like I was chasing her.

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Speaker 2: I felt like a nigga looking for Like I was

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Speaker 2: like in her DMS. I was like, hey girl, Hi,

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Speaker 2: I know I didn't get to say hi to you,

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Speaker 2: but like and then she didn't read it. I was like,

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Speaker 2: fucking I gotta call Ashley. I'm like, Ashley, you know,

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Speaker 2: the girl at the end of the table. I don't

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Speaker 2: know her name, but she said this something about this,

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Speaker 2: and like I really need to find her, and so anyway,

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Speaker 2: without further ado, I'd love to introduce Okay Colon, serial entrepreneur.

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Speaker 2: Oh mama, overall bad bitch. Thank you for coming on

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Speaker 2: having me.

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Speaker 1: I you know you can slide in my DMS anytime.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think I got put in like the general

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Speaker 2: or or like the one. What's the other one? What's

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Speaker 2: the third one?

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Speaker 1: It's like primary general requests the request, Well you have

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Speaker 1: my number now now I were but I was like,

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Speaker 1: I know I'm sitting in requests. She's never going to

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Speaker 1: open this. You know are professional stalkers. We will find you.

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Speaker 1: I love that even if you don't want to be friends,

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Speaker 1: I don't be friends. Perfect. That was sore.

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Speaker 3: Even if you don't have friends, I love we have

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Speaker 3: of people over past women.

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Speaker 1: I love badass boss women. So I'm definitely down.

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Speaker 3: Yes I do have Valley Valley girl status.

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Speaker 1: Yeah i'll hit you. Wait, but let's not give it

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Speaker 1: our GEO locations. That'll be good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure y'all got stock I got stockers over

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Speaker 2: in Alabama.

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Speaker 1: You heard the accent early The Valley of Alabama is

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Speaker 1: when I'm saying, yes, the Valley of Alabama back. I

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Speaker 1: love that she has the serious stalkers. Quickly she stopped

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Speaker 1: me and then shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 4: No, like literally, people call my food truck and like

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Speaker 4: at five in the morning, there's this guy.

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Speaker 1: And he's like, Okay, Kola, you know, I'm just trying

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Speaker 1: to see trying to see what.

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Speaker 4: So you were what is this my life?

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Speaker 1: It's pretty wild? Wow, that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So basically we're not the first to stock you. It's

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Speaker 1: no wonder. The one I was sitting in requests sit.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 2: At the top of our show, we pulled a card

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Speaker 2: and here Kay pulled the card.

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Speaker 1: She's scared because the picture on the card is a

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Speaker 1: bit it's been intense, it's a bit heavy. But let

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Speaker 1: me give you my tarot inside.

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Speaker 2: If you didn't know, this is I don't know what

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Speaker 2: week this is, but this is deep December.

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Speaker 1: So we have themed months for the podcast. So this

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Speaker 1: month is you know, kind of about digging deeper, releasing

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Speaker 1: stuff for twenty twenty two. So we're ready. We're ready

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Speaker 1: to just you know, do the shadow work. And oh

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Speaker 1: I'm doing shadow work right now. It's tough.

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Speaker 2: Let's speak on it because me too, girl, Yes, me too.

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Speaker 2: But well, hence the cars. So let's see what it says.

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Speaker 3: So today Kay pulled the nine of machetes, which is

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Speaker 3: usually the Knight of Swords.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. She looks stressed. She stressed, stressed.

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Speaker 3: She's a little stress that someone's sitting up in her

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Speaker 3: bed with nine machetes stacked behind her.

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Speaker 1: So her hands are her head is in her hands.

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Speaker 1: She's a stressed not nine machetes. Okay, let's see what

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Speaker 1: they're talking about today.

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Speaker 3: The Night of Swords suggests that dark thoughts and disturbing

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Speaker 3: feelings are weighing you down and keeping you up at night.

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Speaker 3: You are worrying excessively about a situation, and your negative

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Speaker 3: thoughts are getting the better of you, leaving you stressed

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Speaker 3: and anxious. The more you associate with your fears, the

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Speaker 3: more they will rule your life. As you obsess over

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Speaker 3: what's not working, the more anxious you become, and the

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Speaker 3: more you'll worry. It becomes a negative cycle where one

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Speaker 3: awful thought leads to another, and another and another until

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Speaker 3: they're overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: You anxieties my life. I just cannot your life. No,

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Speaker 1: it's my life. I am not associated with car.

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Speaker 3: Just that your nine of swords are stacked upon each

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Speaker 3: other on the walls, So too, are your negative thoughts.

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Speaker 3: Be careful because the fear and morey and the Nine

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Speaker 3: of Swords can become a self fulfilling prophecy. As you

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Speaker 3: have possessed over what may go wrong, you are more

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Speaker 3: likely to manifest your worst case scenario because you were

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Speaker 3: inadvertly acting in ways that support your negative thoughts. I

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Speaker 3: say this all the time. Preached on it, Bitty Taro.

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Speaker 3: For example, you may worry that your partner will cheat

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Speaker 3: on you, even though you found no signs of infidelity.

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Speaker 3: The more you stress about this potential outcome, the more

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Speaker 3: your anxiety pushes away your partner, until one day he

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Speaker 3: feels so disconnected from you that he starts this new relationship.

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Speaker 3: He starts.

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Speaker 1: Made cheat? You made a cheat? Man? You know? Why

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Speaker 1: did they have to say they knew they were targeting women?

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Speaker 1: They were in that Instagram post that he liked this? Literally?

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Speaker 4: Is that?

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Speaker 1: Did my ex write this? Literally? Sounds like him?

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Speaker 3: When you are repeating negative thoughts in your mind, you

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Speaker 3: run the risk of manifesting them in your life. So

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Speaker 3: the Night of Swords ask you to break the cycle.

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Speaker 3: Every time a negative emotion comes up, replace it with

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Speaker 3: a positive one instead. The nine of Swords reminds you

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Speaker 3: that much of the fear and worry you're experiencing is

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Speaker 3: in your head and not necessarily an accurate reflection of

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Speaker 3: what is happening around you.

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Speaker 1: You're overthinking or obsessing over the worst case scenarios.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it is time to examine your situation from a

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Speaker 3: new perspective. Instead of looking for evidence of what is

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Speaker 3: going wrong, put your attention on what is going right.

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Speaker 3: Take a deep breath, and realize that life is not

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Speaker 3: as dreadful as it seems, and that the more you worry,

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Speaker 3: the more harm you were doing to yourself.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I don't believe in coincidences, Like I definitely

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Speaker 4: feel like I was onto that card. I have a

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Speaker 4: history of worriedness in the women in my family. On

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Speaker 4: my mom's side, not necessarily on my dad's side, they

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Speaker 4: tend to be like more negative. My mom's side is

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Speaker 4: more a little bit more optimistic, but very worrisome, And

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Speaker 4: I feel like I inherited that trait. And I'm a

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Speaker 4: life path number eight, which is like someone who's a

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Speaker 4: rapid manifestor someone who really good with money, but they

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Speaker 4: tend to be It's tricky in relationships so I do

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Speaker 4: tend to have anxiety and worry behind relationships, so that

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Speaker 4: card is extremely accurate. I have been losing sleep. I've

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Speaker 4: lost way over like worry of that. So that was

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Speaker 4: just like confirmation to like, I'm definitely on this path,

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Speaker 4: like I'm in therapy and you know, I even like

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Speaker 4: fall asleep now to affirmations that kind of counter mindative

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Speaker 4: thoughts so that I can be clear.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, that's crazy. We actually just talked about this

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Speaker 1: an hour ago.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're talking about negative self talk and how for

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Speaker 2: me because I do that. I have negative self talk

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Speaker 2: and it's so like it's so quiet that I do

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Speaker 2: it all day and I don't even notice, and then

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Speaker 2: suddenly I have anxiety and.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why do I have anxiety? I'm talking shit

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Speaker 1: all day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so now to counter it, I literally have

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Speaker 2: to it's not really it is positive self talk, but

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Speaker 2: it's not in my head. I actually say it out loud,

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Speaker 2: and I have to say it out loud and talk

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Speaker 2: to myself, record myself, listen to myself talking well to

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Speaker 2: myself back, because we don't really do that. We don't

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Speaker 2: really actually hear ourselves talk good to ourselves. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 2: in our heads, that's a powerful tool, but for me,

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Speaker 2: what was more powerful is actually doing it out loud.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I had that out girl. Yeah no, I'm

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Speaker 1: definitely gonna take that tip.

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Speaker 4: I mean I used to think that, like the post

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Speaker 4: it notes on the mirrors, I used to think all

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Speaker 4: that stuff is weird. But now I actually get it

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Speaker 4: now that I'm aware and more self aware. My therapist

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Speaker 4: was telling me, how, you know, we don't realize that

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Speaker 4: our subconscious controls everything we do, and conventional therapy typically

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Speaker 4: focuses on you know, the surface and the conscious, and

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Speaker 4: we're not operating from that place. So it's just so

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Speaker 4: silly to like, you know, that's why we keep running

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Speaker 4: into these same problems where people will spend years and

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Speaker 4: years in therapy and continue a cycle. So absolutely talk

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Speaker 4: changing the voices in our head change. There are even

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Speaker 4: things that I would say to myself that I was realizing,

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Speaker 4: like abusive exes would say to me, and it wasn't

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Speaker 4: my thought, but it became my thought because I would

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Speaker 4: not play, Yeah, I would replay like what they would

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Speaker 4: say to me in my head, and therefore it became

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Speaker 4: my thought.

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Speaker 1: And so now I have to replace all of those things.

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Speaker 2: It's so interesting that you what you said before about therapy,

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Speaker 2: Like a lot of the things that we the place

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Speaker 2: we operate from is from a place of like subconscious

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Speaker 2: because we were talking about how we're sel self aware, right,

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Speaker 2: Like we're self self aware, and I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of times the most self aware people need therapy the most.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because you will self aware the fuck out of

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Speaker 1: ourselves all that. I know, I know what I did wrong.

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Speaker 2: I know, listen, I can name exactly what the fuck

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Speaker 2: I did wrong. But it's like, Okay, well that's great,

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Speaker 2: but like subconsciously, you're still doing it, So like, how

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Speaker 2: are we gonna fix that that person that like you

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Speaker 2: don't even realize is controlling controlling your actions.

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Speaker 4: Another thing with being super self aware is like that

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Speaker 4: you have a lot of guilt and shame because you

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Speaker 4: are so aware, like you're.

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Speaker 1: So like aloof and they're just like that's what I was.

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Speaker 4: I literally when I say ignorance is bliss, it's so

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Speaker 4: true because people walk around you're not giving at all,

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Speaker 4: just like you know so much and you care, You're

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Speaker 4: constantly trying to figure it out, and you guilt.

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Speaker 3: Your guests, Oh my god, they just fucked me up.

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Speaker 3: I feel fucked up. That's so true. Like I really

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Speaker 3: guilt myself and I really feel really bad when I'm

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Speaker 3: fucking up all the time, or like I'm not getting out.

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Speaker 3: I'm not like evolving out of like doing this one

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Speaker 3: thing or like fucking this thing. I know I shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be fucking and I keep sucking up.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, bitch, you were doing this last year, so.

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Speaker 3: Fucking angry, and then I'm now I'm realizing just because

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Speaker 3: you said that, it's because I am self aware, I'm

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Speaker 3: guilty and feeling so bad for even more.

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Speaker 1: Like if I was just like I give like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I fell on his dick. I have friends like that,

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Speaker 1: like I don't give a find. We fought last week

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Speaker 1: and you god damn right, I'm a fucking this week.

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Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. I'm like, that's not healthy.

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Speaker 1: Which if I had more of that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, yes, yeah, I think it catches up to you.

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Speaker 4: But when you have a higher calling on your life,

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Speaker 4: like you're not allowed to operate from that. When you're

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Speaker 4: in your like higher vibrational you know that voice is

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Speaker 4: there for a reason. It's like, sis, now, come on,

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Speaker 4: we know, like everybody tries to say like, oh.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's a king and everybody's a queen.

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Speaker 4: Okay, whatever, But no, like, no, there's a reason that

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Speaker 4: some people hear certain things or have you know, intuitive abilities,

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Speaker 4: or just there's a reason that some people know that

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Speaker 4: they're different and that there's a calling on their life.

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Speaker 1: And then there are.

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Speaker 4: People who are just fine with it just being mediocre,

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Speaker 4: or they just being.

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Speaker 1: The way they are, damn, or being in the loop.

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Speaker 1: They're comfortable in the loop. That's so fucking true.

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Speaker 3: I was just telling Erica, I'm like, I think I'm

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Speaker 3: finally coming to this place where I like you too.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I think we're acknowledging that there's like, well

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Speaker 3: it's been that way, but a force greater than us,

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Speaker 3: a purpose greater than us, like even our friendship, even

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Speaker 3: like the beginning of this like podcast, and it's just

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Speaker 3: like taking this life form, it's like it's so much higher,

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Speaker 3: you know, And sometimes it is that like I'm holding

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Speaker 3: myself back. I told Erica like two months ago, I

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Speaker 3: was like, if I don't stop sucking this second, our.

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Speaker 1: Business is not gonna grow. Oh my god, that is

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Speaker 1: very true.

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Speaker 4: I was like, I just feel guilty because it's just

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Speaker 4: affecting everybody.

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Speaker 1: She was like, you need to relax. She was like,

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Speaker 1: I think you're putting too much pressure yourself. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I just know, no, you're right. I had I told

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Speaker 1: you about my oracle earlier.

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Speaker 4: I had her telling me a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 4: if you don't let go of this man, your business

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Speaker 4: is gonna suffer.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes we this is it's so crazy because.

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Speaker 4: Karma does not care that you didn't do the act

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Speaker 4: right if you're next to somebody.

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Speaker 1: That did it and you're said, yes, it will come

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Speaker 1: for you too.

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Speaker 4: So it's like or even if you know, for me,

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Speaker 4: I was like a blessing to my ex and he

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Speaker 4: was not supposed to get all this stuff I was

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Speaker 4: giving him, So the universe was trying to force me

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Speaker 4: away from that because he had to do his own stuff.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes we try to save people from their stuff and

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Speaker 4: we enable them.

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Speaker 1: They're never gonna grow if.

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Speaker 2: We keep like you're guilty by association with karma basically,

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Speaker 2: and I never even really viewed it that way, but

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Speaker 2: you're so right. It's like, and that's why your intuition

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Speaker 2: will be yelling at You're like, bitch, I know you're

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Speaker 2: not doing it, but you're fucking him.

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Speaker 1: He's putting all that shit inside of you.

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Speaker 2: You're saying it's okay that you're this person right now,

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Speaker 2: I'm still gonna be here.

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Speaker 3: And even like you're innate want as women to like

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Speaker 3: nurture and be there for someone, Like I've even seen

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Speaker 3: myself in those very situations be like, well it's me,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm not growing because that's my own thing and

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to project onto him, you know, and I

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Speaker 3: can care for him and also grow it.

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Speaker 1: That's an excuse, but the truth is, like, bitch, I

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Speaker 1: was clouded.

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Speaker 3: I cannot live with the nigga not doing shit and

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Speaker 3: do shit. It just doesn't work that way. It's literally

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Speaker 3: by association. And I had to like understand that like

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Speaker 3: cutting that tie wasn't me being a bad person. It

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Speaker 3: was actually like fending for myself and for my child,

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Speaker 3: and like it's not about feeling bad, it's about actually

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Speaker 3: feeling good. And if being even close to someone that's

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Speaker 3: toxic only feels good on like a lower level, then

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Speaker 3: it doesn't feel good at all. If you're like fucking

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Speaker 3: someone and it's like it feels nice to stay there

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Speaker 3: but you're not growing, You're staying fucking stagnant. And the

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Speaker 3: only reason you can feel like that's happening is because

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Speaker 3: you're being tied down by this person. You have got

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Speaker 3: to honor that shit and cut that every way.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're also preventing them from, you know, becoming what

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Speaker 4: they're supposed to become because the pain of losing you

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Speaker 4: or whatever that is, whatever lesson that is, they're never

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Speaker 4: gonna get it if you're just sticking around and you

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Speaker 4: guys are gonna be so enthralled with one another and

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Speaker 4: blame each other for why you're this way and why

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Speaker 4: he's this way instead of like, no, I'm gonna focus on.

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Speaker 1: What I'm doing and how I can be better and

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Speaker 1: whether he does it.

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Speaker 4: I think as women we try to like make men

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Speaker 4: see themselves too much what they're doing wrong. And I know,

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Speaker 4: for me, maybe I think sometimes I was doing it

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Speaker 4: so that I didn't have to address my shit. M Like,

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Speaker 4: if I'm fixing you, then I'm perfect.

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Speaker 1: I don't yeah, like I'm good.

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Speaker 4: I just gotta fix you then I don't have to

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Speaker 4: look at like all my traumas and all my stuff.

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Speaker 2: So well, if I fix you to fit my traumas

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Speaker 2: and cater to them and make me feel good about

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Speaker 2: this and that like there's that tool, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Which brings me to Before we started recording, we just

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Speaker 3: were talking about astrology signs and that both my parents

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Speaker 3: are Taurus and they have like the most long term

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Speaker 3: toxic love affair I've ever seen in reality, and it's

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Speaker 3: just toxic to a fault, like and there is that

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Speaker 3: they love each other so much, but they just know

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Speaker 3: I don't think they've been together so long. No one

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Speaker 3: stopped to look at their own shit, heal themselves, become

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Speaker 3: their own individual.

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Speaker 1: No one say like, Okay, this is enough, let's cut

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Speaker 1: this shit here. You know.

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Speaker 3: They clang to this like childhood like love and comfort

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Speaker 3: and this excuse that like the kids benefit from it.

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Speaker 3: I'm fucked up, I'm a therapy right.

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Speaker 1: Didn't benefit right.

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Speaker 3: But it's like when you do that and you avoid

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Speaker 3: yourself to a fault with other people, even people that

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Speaker 3: you love, it can like you could fuck around turn

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Speaker 3: and like wake up and be fifty seven and fifty

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Speaker 3: like or sixty or you know, and be like, oh no, you.

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Speaker 4: Know, I never took the time to That's the trauma

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Speaker 4: bonding though, and that's like when we were at the

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Speaker 4: dinner when I was.

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Speaker 1: Talking about twin flame versus sole me.

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Speaker 4: A lot of twin flames, so that's your mirror, and

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Speaker 4: a lot of twin flames get together based on their traumas.

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Speaker 4: It's like, oh, your daddy you oh my god, mine

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Speaker 4: did too. Oh we were like bonding in pain, right,

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Speaker 4: and then it no, no, that's not That doesn't mean

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Speaker 4: that this person is your soulmate or your life partner.

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Speaker 4: It's just yeah, you have them in calming, which a

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Speaker 4: lot of us do. A lot of us have, you know,

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Speaker 4: our needs weren't met or some sort of abuse or you.

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Speaker 3: Know, drugging whatever, and then now we could clean together

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Speaker 3: and we're never gonna leave each other, leave each other,

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Speaker 3: but also we'll always think we might, and that's gonna

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Speaker 3: be the argument.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna leave me, aren't you right?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 1: So let me tell you guys something. I've never been dumped.

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Speaker 1: And the reason I used to think, like, oh I

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Speaker 1: must be I've never never been dumb, breaking breaking.

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Speaker 4: News, not for me never, but wait but wait, not

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Speaker 4: as tight as it say, I'm like, it's because.

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Speaker 1: These dudes have abandon me, like I had to come

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Speaker 1: to a realization.

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Speaker 4: I realize this in being by myself and analyzing what

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Speaker 4: is the commonality between all of these men? They were

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Speaker 4: like obsessive with me, like entitled to me and thralled

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Speaker 4: and all these things. And I'm like, it's not okay, look,

393
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Speaker 4: I'm fire, okay, whatever, But it's not that it's because

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Speaker 4: they see something in me that they wanted their mother

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Speaker 4: to do. It's somebody left them and it drove them crazy.

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Speaker 4: And so anytime I'm pulling away, no, I gotta get

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Speaker 4: you back, or I'm not good enough because you're leaving me.

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Speaker 1: I would hear that a lot. You make me feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm not good enough. That's what I hear from

400
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 1: men too. Why do you love me? Why?

401
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Speaker 2: Why do you think that there's also a trend in

402
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Speaker 2: the men that you choose them to.

403
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Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, I choose men who have mother issues and

404
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 4: need a lot of healing. I chose a couple of

405
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Speaker 4: good guys, but I only chose them because.

406
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Speaker 1: They were good, not because I actually really liked them.

407
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Speaker 1: And that's toxic too.

408
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Speaker 3: Do you think that because naturally you're a healer, you

409
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Speaker 3: attract that or like, because like, how do you even

410
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Speaker 3: in that you know, like, how do you fucking weep

411
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 3: that out? Because for obvious reasons, that also doesn't work,

412
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 3: and everyone, no one's gonna come all the way healed,

413
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Speaker 3: but like, have you done some of the work, Like

414
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Speaker 3: I'm not here to do the work for you, you know.

415
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Speaker 4: So that's what I'm currently working on, because my last

416
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 4: few have just been so worked up. I'm like, what

417
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Speaker 4: is going on? I'm like, Okay, both y'all have beards.

418
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Speaker 4: Maybe it's the beard I'm.

419
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Speaker 3: Right now, but.

420
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Speaker 4: They both definitely had issues with abandonment and their mothers.

421
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Speaker 1: And I saw that as a thread, right.

422
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Speaker 4: I saw that The thing is, it's still weird, like

423
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Speaker 4: anytime as a child and as a mother to a

424
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Speaker 4: black son, I see that if the dad messes up

425
00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:00,959
Speaker 4: for some reason, the sons blame the monk too. And

426
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 4: so even if the mom was a great mom, not

427
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 4: saying that all of them were great moms, but even

428
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,479
Speaker 4: if the mom was like the perfect mom, for whatever reason,

429
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 4: they hold resentment and always blame the mom for abuse,

430
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 4: Like how.

431
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Speaker 1: Do you blame your mother forget?

432
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Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying? Like all of that right,

433
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Speaker 4: And I was even talking to my nanny about it.

434
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Speaker 4: She shared a similar story where her husband was abusive

435
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,679
Speaker 4: towards her and she left and the son was like,

436
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 4: I hate you. You broke up our family, and it's

437
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 4: like your mom is you know, So it's this resentment

438
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 4: towards mom. And if the mom was not a good mom,

439
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 4: emotionally unavailable and never said I love.

440
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 1: You, they tend to become abusive.

441
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 4: Now on the flip side, women who were abused growing up,

442
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 4: and again, abuse is a plethora of things, right, It's

443
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 4: not just you know, physical, it could be emotional, anything, right,

444
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 4: So what happens with women is we tend to draw

445
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 4: in abusers, whereas men become the abuser. And so it's

446
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 4: such a different dynamic between what happens to like the

447
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 4: female and the male.

448
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: And so with me, I tend to attract abusers.

449
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 4: I've attracted really good guys as well, but I tend

450
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,919
Speaker 4: to like stick it out longer or try to fix

451
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 4: or whatever it is.

452
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: I'm still currently trying to fix that.

453
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 4: But one of the things that my therapist did say

454
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 4: was that people who love bomb you, do you guys

455
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 4: know what love bombing?

456
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 2: Yes?

457
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 1: Okay, people who love bomb you in the beginning.

458
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 4: That is a huge red flag because they are trying

459
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 4: to get you addicted to them because.

460
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: They don't want you to leave.

461
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 4: And so people who are in like normal relationships are

462
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 4: not going to try to move things quickly.

463
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 1: They don't say I love you super fast.

464
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 4: So I'm trying to get like the tools to know

465
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 4: what to look for moving forward, because my ego used

466
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 4: to have me in this operating in this space of

467
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 4: like I'm special and so yeah, he loves me quickly,

468
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 4: and I had to get out of that, you know

469
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 4: what I mean, Yeah, because there's a part of you.

470
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,680
Speaker 1: Feel validated by that. And also, like if.

471
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 3: You're a lover, which a lot of women are, it

472
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 3: feels like a movie. It feels like you're being swept

473
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 3: up your feet, especially if it's like if it's reciprocal

474
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 3: but someone you're also attracted to, if there's some fucking chemistry,

475
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:15,880
Speaker 3: if someone's like, I love you like this is because

476
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 3: we're both feeling this way, and it's because this is

477
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: special and not like this is odd. Why the fuck

478
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 3: are we moving ten steps ahead? You know?

479
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: Nobody has fucked us.

480
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 3: Yes, the romanticizing of the fucking movies, the movies, the romances,

481
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 3: the rom coms. That's dead movies. It's labels.

482
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 2: I mean the reason one of the things that you

483
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: know drew me to you at that dinner was that

484
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 2: conversation about twin flames and soulmates. And I can't remember

485
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,239
Speaker 2: quite remember like what the question was, like have you

486
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 2: met your soulmate or something like.

487
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,880
Speaker 1: That, and you had said that there's more. I think

488
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 1: I believe that people have many soulmates, and I agree

489
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: with that. The moment she said that, I was like,

490
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 1: doesn't everybody know that? Doesn't everybody know?

491
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, No, people really get in

492
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 2: the zone that there was only one per there's only

493
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 2: one type of love. There's only one, you know, all

494
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: encompassing type of love. And because of that, they will

495
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 2: hold on they will hold on.

496
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 1: To the most toxic love.

497
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 2: Yes, because they hold on to these different parts of

498
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 2: this person that they identify as their soulmate. I wish

499
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: more people gaze if you're listening, do you have more

500
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: than one soulmate?

501
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 1: I promise you, like there's more than one.

502
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 3: Well, I think it kind of goes with like what

503
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 3: we're talking about maybe the last episode basically that like

504
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 3: everybody you meet and come and counter with is like

505
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,119
Speaker 3: I think a tool to like spawn you to the

506
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 3: next level if you allow it. You know, like there

507
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 3: are a certain purpose in each person that you connect

508
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 3: with in a certain way. And sometimes a lot of

509
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 3: times it's a lesson, like Damn, I did this again.

510
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 3: This is finally gonna be the person that I realize,

511
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,399
Speaker 3: like I'm attracting narcissists at like abusers, Like why, Like

512
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 3: I said this to you the other day, Like why

513
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 3: the fuck am I in a constantly in a certain

514
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 3: position with like I felt like I was having flashbacks

515
00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 3: from like another situation.

516
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've come so far from that. Why the

517
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: fuck is this happening to me again?

518
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 3: But like it's because if you don't get that first lesson,

519
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 3: the universe students send you a second and third they're

520
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 3: gonna look pretty fucking similar.

521
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: Bitch. That's like where you have to where the work

522
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: needs to be done.

523
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 4: Have you guys ever read any statistics on because I'm

524
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 4: just wondering, I'm like, are there just more narciss like not?

525
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, not everybody's a narcissist. I know,

526
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: we use that word a lot.

527
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 4: You can have narcissistic traits and not be a narcissist.

528
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, you can be a just an asshole.

529
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 2: We actually we had a Megan Doherty on She's a

530
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 2: narcissist specialist, and she broke down love bombing for us

531
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 2: and also we also I guess I actually think I

532
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 2: looked up some statistics because I was curious.

533
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: Too, like are more other more men than female? And

534
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 1: statistically guess yes, yeah, okay, there are more. What was

535
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: what was the number?

536
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 3: Like it's like one, I don't know, I don't remember

537
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 3: what it was she but it's on that episode.

538
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm curious because I just hear women dealing with

539
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 4: so much of the same stuff, and like, I have

540
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 4: a lot of guy friends and we have conversation about

541
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 4: this because I want to hear both sides, Like I

542
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 4: don't want it to just always be like, oh poor us,

543
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,360
Speaker 4: it's like the women are you.

544
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?

545
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 4: So I try to, you know, hear both sides so

546
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 4: we can collectively come.

547
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: Up with solutions. And it's tough to hear.

548
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 4: Like you attract, right, because I've always said when you

549
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,359
Speaker 4: are fire, you attract everything.

550
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: But it is what you're choosing as.

551
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 4: Well, right, because I have attracted really, really good guys.

552
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: And I didn't necessarily think that the quote unquote.

553
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 4: Bad guys were bad when I first met them, right,

554
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 4: I just didn't take my time.

555
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: I just ignored things.

556
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 4: I was so enthralled in love and it felt so

557
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 4: freaking fire and like it magical that the little you know,

558
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 4: the little stuff where when you have your blinders taken

559
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 4: off that you see later. I didn't see it then,

560
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 4: you know, So I don't even know. I don't even

561
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 4: know if it's what we attract. I just think people

562
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,720
Speaker 4: are really shitty, and just like they're really shitty people,

563
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 4: there are good people.

564
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 1: And we have to do better at sifting through that.

565
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 3: I think, especially as haaling women, especially as like a seelers,

566
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 3: like there's a light around you.

567
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 1: Erica tells me this all the time, and people are

568
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: going to one and leg. Don't you remember your eyes,

569
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 1: don't Erica's always telling ma'am Shannon La, a light brought light.

570
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 1: Everybody wants to get some of this light because at

571
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 1: Alabama or right now, Alabama Valley Valley.

572
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: The valley's Alabama Alabama Valley.

573
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: But it's true, it's true.

574
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,439
Speaker 3: But it's like as you get older, you have to

575
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 3: sharpen the tools to be able to better, you know,

576
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 3: filter who's coming in and staying yeah, and not feeling

577
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 3: obligated to motherfuckers.

578
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,719
Speaker 1: You're only obligated to yourself.

579
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 4: That's one thing I think we're talking. I'm over here

580
00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 4: looking is Alabama Valley There it is. I knew it.

581
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 4: It's called Valley in city in Alabama here on the

582
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 4: show that's guys off the one oh three catches.

583
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:18,479
Speaker 1: I can catch me outside. You have kids, right? How

584
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: three kids? I have a three year old, a ten

585
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: year old, and a fifteen year old.

586
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 4: Two girls, that's the youngest, and then i have a

587
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 4: fifteen year old boy.

588
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: And I'm learning so much. Yeah, you're in such different stages,

589
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: you know what.

590
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 4: No, Yeah, I have my fifteen year old when I

591
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 4: was a mess, so he kind of I say that

592
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 4: he kind of grew up with me. I mean, we're

593
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 4: still always growing, but I can see it with how

594
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 4: they all act because.

595
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 1: The different stages of who you were. Yes, that's so cool.

596
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: That is pretty cool. It is wild.

597
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 4: Wow, And I have to work on my guilt and

598
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 4: shame because again, when you are a mother, you know,

599
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 4: like mom, there's those perfect and right like growing up

600
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 4: with your son, like you make so many mistakes, and

601
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 4: so I'm trying to work on like, yes I did that,

602
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 4: but like I'm better now and I'm still trying to

603
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 4: be better.

604
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: And then with my middle daughter, she just thinks I'm

605
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: like everything, you know what I mean.

606
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 4: Like, so it's just crazy to see, like how they all,

607
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 4: you know, react differently to me as a mother because

608
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 4: of their different ages.

609
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: But do they have different fathers? Yes? All three? Yes?

610
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:40,720
Speaker 1: What is that like? I mean navigating parents? Was navigating

611
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 1: three different men.

612
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, oh my god, how to find balance

613
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 2: within all of them? I mean, I'm gonna hope that

614
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: you have peace and balance with all three? No, okay, no,

615
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 2: no to Leo's in a virgo.

616
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: She has a type.

617
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: So the first one, I was only twenty and he

618
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 4: was five years older than me.

619
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: And he had the gift of gab. So he.

620
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 4: Was from la but his family is from Detroit, so

621
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 4: definitely gift of gab.

622
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: He's always been like that.

623
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 4: He was a businessman and he was able to like

624
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 4: he walked it to me in a suit, got me

625
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 4: the you know what, the restaurant, they got the lady

626
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 4: with the roses, he bought the holdout.

627
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: You he girl. But I didn't know what that was.

628
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 4: I didn't a man if I had. And I told

629
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 4: my son this the other day. I said, if I

630
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 4: had the tools then that I had now.

631
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: But like, and this is.

632
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,480
Speaker 4: What I love about the internet and podcast right, we

633
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 4: are so much more aware of all of this stuff.

634
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 4: Like I had no idea what a narcissist was, and

635
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 4: I was that it was not I don't even think

636
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 4: that was was it worth? It wasn't worse, it was

637
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 4: worn likened it.

638
00:30:58,680 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: We weren't using it.

639
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 4: They were only office Okay, well if you're if your

640
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 4: dude was buying you the whole roses. And I mean

641
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 4: he took me shopping, like one of our first dates

642
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,719
Speaker 4: was like a weekend. It wasn't like go to dinner.

643
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 4: It was like a weekend. And so my friends are like, oh,

644
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 4: that's so fire. They're not telling me.

645
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: Like maybe not, Like this guy is not twenty.

646
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 3: Any friendship you to dinner thirty four Like wait wait,

647
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: literally all of us are coming to dinner.

648
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 4: Let it move me and got me all these cars

649
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,959
Speaker 4: I had. He wanted me to quit my job, Like,

650
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 4: no woman of mine is gonna work. You're gonna that

651
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 4: whole thing is yeah, Oh my gosh. Yes, all your

652
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 4: friends are trash, all your friends are hoses.

653
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: No, you the hope. Right, you have a boyfriend, now

654
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: you don't go hang out with them. Yes, I'm your friend. Yes,

655
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: but he wasn't. He was not my friend. He was

656
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 1: really it was a mess. And then after him, I

657
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: was so broken down. You know, second baby Daddy was

658
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: just it will slid this way. And you say you

659
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: need to laugh, I got you. Yes, you know what's crazy?

660
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 4: Okay, all the ladies listen, Fellas too, Do not get

661
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 4: with anybody right after a breakup because you are so vulnerable.

662
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 4: You don't know what the fuck you're looking at. It

663
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 4: could be a whole demon and they will look like

664
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 4: an angel to you.

665
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: Because you're so vulnerable. And there are.

666
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 4: People who literally go after people right after a breakup.

667
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 4: I had an ex friend who I watched him and

668
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 4: do it to four or five girls because these girls

669
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 4: would never.

670
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: Fell them wow, otherwise when they were strong. This is

671
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: a tactic. Do not fall for that shit.

672
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 2: No, that's a good piece of advice, right, it really is,

673
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 2: because I feel like that's I mean women too, I

674
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 2: mean that's when we need that.

675
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 1: We're like, please, someone come in, please come and love

676
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: on me. Take this spot real quick, even if it's

677
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: just for a time. And then a time gets comfortable,

678
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 1: and then suddenly you look up and it's a year

679
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: later and you went from one straight to the next,

680
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: and now you really don't even know who the fuck

681
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: you are. Yeah, And I was a people pleaser. I

682
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: was a codependent people pleaser. So I would tell people

683
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: know a couple.

684
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 4: Of times, and if they keep pressing it, I would

685
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 4: be like, Okay, fine, you know, like I feel bad.

686
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 4: I don't want you to think that I think I'm

687
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 4: better than you, like literally shit like that.

688
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 3: This is.

689
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: Why are you talking to me like this?

690
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah, because my whole life people would try to

691
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 4: like make me feel like, oh, you think you're better

692
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 4: because of this or that, and I'm like I'm literally

693
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 4: just chilling, like any of the thought why are you

694
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 4: putting this on me?

695
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: So for a long time I would.

696
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 4: Overcommentate and like try to make people feel just so

697
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 4: comfortable around me, because I know when I walk in

698
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 4: a room, it's not it's not comfortable. I'm gonna fucking

699
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 4: shake it up, like that's just how my energy is.

700
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 4: But it's not in a bad way. But when you're

701
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 4: not ready to be shaken, people receive it all different

702
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 4: types of yeah mm hmmmmm.

703
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: So how is it being like a mom and dating

704
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 2: with like is there like, is there a stigma? I

705
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: mean there's already a stigma around being a single mom, right,

706
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 2: but I think being a single mom with three different

707
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 2: baby daddy's.

708
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: People or men or whoever they might be like sign up.

709
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I haven't necessarily had a problem with dating,

710
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 4: per se. I've had a problem with bullying, especially you know,

711
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 4: being a public figure on the internet, people will try

712
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,319
Speaker 4: to like throw that out there, or you know, if

713
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,440
Speaker 4: a guy likes me and the girl likes him too,

714
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 4: she'll be like, oh, you know, and I promise you

715
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 4: they don't care, so stop trying to.

716
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: Niggas do not care. They know they not at all.

717
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 4: So I'm like, no, but I will say that now

718
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 4: I'm in a space where I'm definitely more like if

719
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 4: my kids can't look up to you, I don't need

720
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 4: to be talking to you. I just I need someone

721
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 4: who makes my son want to be a better man.

722
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 4: I need someone where my daughters can say, when they

723
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,840
Speaker 4: get older, I'm not gonna date you because my stepfather

724
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 4: was not like that, right, So that's what I'm on

725
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 4: and that does make it tough because it weeds out

726
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 4: at which is good. Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, if

727
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want my daughters to date you, why would

728
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 4: iday to myself?

729
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: It's true, you know, true, it's true. That's so important. Wow,

730
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 1: that's so simple yet complex? Yeah, why would do Like

731
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: why would we even have a stake ourselves?

732
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 4: I think we have to start looking at ourselves and

733
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 4: our inner child and start protecting her, because we really

734
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 4: put like I don't know what happens when we get older,

735
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:53,760
Speaker 4: but we just forget like that, we forget that beautiful

736
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 4: little baby that like, if you see a seven year

737
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,879
Speaker 4: old girl over there, you're gonna like protect her from

738
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 4: But we don't do that for ourselves, so we like

739
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 4: almost disassociate like two different people.

740
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:06,680
Speaker 1: Yeah that wasn't me.

741
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 2: You forget.

742
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: It's almost like as soon as you hit like out

743
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: the house, you do you.

744
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 3: Like I literally kept telling my parents when I get

745
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,280
Speaker 3: the fuck out of here, I'm never looking back.

746
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 1: And I really didn't, like in.

747
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 3: My mind, something in those times literally shifted off and I.

748
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: Kept going and I was like, oh, you guys, are

749
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: still fucking doing fucked up shit. I'm over here. No,

750
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 1: I'm getting away from my tours. I'm out. Oh my goodness.

751
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: You know what, we didn't share an affirmation. I know

752
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: we're in the middle, but did you have one that

753
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 1: you can maybe share what I do?

754
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 4: So when I broke up with my soulmate, I feel

755
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:48,800
Speaker 4: like I've only really been.

756
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: In love one time, and that was my third daughter's

757
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: father ever in life one time.

758
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, really when I really think about it, because I

759
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 4: still love him, but I don't want to be with him,

760
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 4: and I don't feel that way about anybody else. So

761
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,239
Speaker 4: I used to say, so, okay, So there's this thing

762
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 4: that helps heal you. It's a Hawaiian thing and I

763
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,799
Speaker 4: don't know exactly how to pronounce it, but it's like.

764
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: A on aona ona or whatever, and you chance.

765
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 4: It over and over again, and it's basically, I'm sorry.

766
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 4: You say this to the person that hurt you. You

767
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 4: tell them I'm sorry, I love you, I forgive you.

768
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 4: So I used to say that over and over again,

769
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 4: but then I created my own I used to tell like,

770
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 4: I would look out at the moon, I'm so fucking

771
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 4: I would hold my crystals look out at the moon

772
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 4: and say I love you. I hope you heal, like

773
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 4: I would send that to him, but I was. But

774
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 4: when you're saying that, you're also saying it to yourself.

775
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 4: And so I've been saying that for like three years now,

776
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 4: and people say it like all over the world now,

777
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 4: and it's kind of cool, Like even when people are

778
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 4: in arguments, they just tell people, you know what, I

779
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 4: love you, I help you heal.

780
00:37:55,480 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 2: It's so important to again vocalize like that's beautiful than

781
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 2: take that with me, because I've been doing, like doing

782
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 2: a lot of forgiving with my father and talking out

783
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 2: loud to him, not to him, but like to him,

784
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 2: and it's been so fucking healing to let go and

785
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 2: release and also being able to send those healing things

786
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 2: obviously like aut wards of affirmation and manifesting and I

787
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 2: believe in all those things, but being able to send

788
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 2: those to people, send that to people and to the

789
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 2: people that you love is so healing for yourself, for yourself,

790
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 2: because really it's not about like saying that what you

791
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,439
Speaker 2: do is okay. It's trying to make sure that that.

792
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 4: You're okay, I'm okay, I'm not no, I'm not condoning

793
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 4: what you did, but I'm not going to let it

794
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 4: overtake me and because it will. You know, I don't

795
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,439
Speaker 4: believe in revenge. I don't believe in getting people back.

796
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 4: I just believe in you know, blowing up.

797
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: I believe in love, and like, if you could do that,

798
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 2: then you can have love for that person, love for

799
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 2: those feelings, thankfulness for that experience because it's brought you

800
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 2: to where you are right now. It's like it's just

801
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 2: gratitude essentially for the experience, no matter how awful it was.

802
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I think that that is the.

803
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 2: Ultimate hopefully, like what you're like, we're all trying to

804
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 2: like aspire to be because it's really that's hard easier.

805
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:14,800
Speaker 1: Said than that.

806
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 4: Absolutely no, And being a tourist, we're very stubborn and very.

807
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 1: Like we don't forgive. I know, you know we don't.

808
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: We will hold a grudge.

809
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,840
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so obsessed with like a kitten

810
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 3: because I get to order whatever I want each month

811
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 3: and it comes in the mail. It's discreet. I don't

812
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,839
Speaker 3: have to waste time driving in traffic, parking and having

813
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,839
Speaker 3: to choose from millions of things. It's like I get

814
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 3: a little secret sexy box and it's only sixty nine dollars.

815
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: I know, I got the cutest vibrator and these sexy

816
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 2: silky handcuffs, Like I've been secretly wanting them, but I

817
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 2: was like, when am I ever going to get them?

818
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 2: Like a Kitten, let you build your own box with

819
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 2: their byob box And guess what, you guys. This month,

820
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 2: Like a Kitten is offering our listeners twenty percent off

821
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 2: and free shipping when you go to Like a Kitten

822
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 2: dot com slash gmbc.

823
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 3: Just go to like a kitten dot com slash gmbc

824
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,400
Speaker 3: to get twenty percent off these incredible boxes.

825
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 2: So podcasting is my therapy. I talk every day to

826
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 2: you guys every week and it has become my source

827
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 2: of therapy. Talking out loud is so powerful and that's

828
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 2: why I'm really excited about this new app. It's called Swell.

829
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 2: So if you like listening to podcasts and you know

830
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 2: the power of audio, and you're definitely going to love Swell.

831
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 2: It's a voice based social platform where you can have

832
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:40,359
Speaker 2: and host conversations with people all over the world on

833
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 2: your time.

834
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 3: Unspell, you can broadcast your voice to ask a question,

835
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 3: share an opinion, or just tell a funny story and

836
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: connect with a diverse array of people. And let's face it,

837
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 3: social media has gotten pretty mundane, boring, toxic.

838
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 2: Toxic, and let's just hear what people sound like so

839
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 2: we know the intention behind what they're saying. You can

840
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 2: download the Swell app for free on the App Store

841
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 2: or play Store or by visiting www Dot Swell dot

842
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 2: Life Slash podcast.

843
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 1: Gratitude. I will say, gratitude has got me through.

844
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:21,759
Speaker 4: I've been homeless, I've been everything you could possibly think

845
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 4: of that could happen to a human being that has

846
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 4: happened to me. But my gratitude has literally gotten me

847
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 4: through with so much grace and I believe favor So again, listeners, gratitude,

848
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 4: that is it that will get you through your toughest time.

849
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 4: Just being grateful for you know, this present moment, not

850
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 4: again anxiousness as you're worrying about tomorrow. So staying in

851
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 4: this present moment and just being grateful for your breath

852
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,760
Speaker 4: that you have. Get outside, get grounded and be thankful

853
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,919
Speaker 4: for the tree. Anything you see a squirrel running back,

854
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 4: but a beautiful candlelight.

855
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Just being grateful or that

856
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 1: can help heal you. Amen, I love you, I hope you. Yes,

857
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: I love you. I hope you. I love you. I

858
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: hope you love you. I hope you. Yeah, that's beautiful.

859
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: I'm going to adopt that to my list of informations.

860
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 2: I'm so intrigued by your journey too, so being you

861
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: said you were homeless ones and now you have so

862
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 2: many successful brands, Like, can you just I guess.

863
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 1: I was like, can you walk us through every year

864
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: you give us? Yeah? I mean so after my son

865
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: was born.

866
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 4: You know when I told you I was younger and

867
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 4: he made me quit my job, I was broke, like

868
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 4: and I had never I've always been a hustler in

869
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 4: my whole life.

870
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 1: I had jobs, you know.

871
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,919
Speaker 4: From the time I had a job at Togo's, which

872
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 4: is a sandwich place like subway, just so I could

873
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,280
Speaker 4: get a pager, so I could get a cell phone.

874
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 4: I worked at foot Action so I could buy my

875
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 4: I've always just been a hustler. But when I got

876
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 4: with him and he didn't want me to work, I

877
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 4: quit everything. So when I left him because he was abusive,

878
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: I had nothing like literally, and they do that, they

879
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 4: do that on purpose.

880
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 1: So that you feel like you have to stay.

881
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 4: But I also decided that I would never again depend

882
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:16,320
Speaker 4: on somebody else. Right, So I had like three jobs,

883
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 4: and you know, I've been songwriting for a while and

884
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 4: I was literally a starving artist. I was working with

885
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 4: people like Eminem and Doctor Dre and all these like

886
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 4: huge people, and I was still broke, and it was

887
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 4: just like, what the hell started writing for myself when

888
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 4: on tour? I did not really like tour. So when

889
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 4: I got home from tour, I decided to start my

890
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 4: business and I invested my last five thousand dollars.

891
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: And mind you, it.

892
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 4: Was Christmas time. I had two kids, and I didn't

893
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,280
Speaker 4: know it was gonna do what it did. I really didn't.

894
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 4: But that's the way, that's what I'm saying, when you

895
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,239
Speaker 4: have gratitude and when you listen to the universe, like.

896
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 1: I made money that week. People don't make money.

897
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 4: The first five years of their business. And I made

898
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 4: money the first day. And I just kept flipping it

899
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 4: and flipping it and flipping it. And that's what I've

900
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 4: just been doing ever since. This is the anniversary of

901
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:17,240
Speaker 4: your baby, of your other baby. Ye wow, so beful wow.

902
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: So Christmas five years, what was their first product, that's crazy.

903
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 4: So my first product was a scalp beverage, and I

904
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 4: was trying to grow my Oh my god. So when

905
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,439
Speaker 4: you get weaves, like there's this thing that happens where

906
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 4: your hair breaks off. You're like traction alopecia, which is

907
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 4: like bald spots. And so I had that from wearing

908
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 4: like weaves and wigs on tour, and I was trying

909
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 4: to find something to grow it back really fast. And

910
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:48,919
Speaker 4: so I just concocted it for myself and people were like, grow,

911
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 4: what are you using on your hair? I was like, oh,

912
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 4: something under my sink.

913
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 1: Made it.

914
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 4: You know, my first few months in business, I was

915
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 4: literally cooking just in my apartment, in my kitchen.

916
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 1: And how did you know what to put together? Was

917
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 1: it just through trial and error? Like it's a lot of.

918
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 4: Research, a lot of research, a lot of figuring out

919
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 4: what I knew what I didn't want.

920
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: I knew I didn't want anything toxic. I knew that,

921
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 1: you know a lot.

922
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 4: See what a lot of companies don't realize with hair

923
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 4: is like they they kind of do a one size

924
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 4: fits all and so for me, I wanted to cater

925
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 4: to texture and hair porosity because those things are very

926
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 4: important when it comes to formulation. So that and I

927
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 4: also saw a lot of things that were claiming to

928
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 4: be organic and natural and I read the labels and

929
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 4: they were not.

930
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: So I was like, no, no, want to be like that.

931
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: I want to you know, step it up. So I

932
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 1: think that's what I think. That's what set me apart.

933
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 1: Like the intention was not to make money.

934
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 4: The intention was to solve a problem, come up with

935
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,280
Speaker 4: a solution, and help people.

936
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 1: And so people, you know, people are funny out here,

937
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: They're like, what do you do?

938
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 4: And I don't feel like I help people, Like I literally,

939
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 4: whether it's my music, whether it's you know, my mentorship,

940
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 4: whether it's the hair care.

941
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: Like that is the goal is to like help you

942
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: be fat, Like I just want you to be fired.

943
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 4: Like I feel like if everyone feels like they're fire,

944
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 4: they'll stop hating on everyone else. The world will be

945
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 4: a better place, yes, because everything is like rooted in

946
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 4: like jealousy and brokenness.

947
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 1: And if we can just know, just get back to

948
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 1: the individuality and loving people.

949
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 4: You love your face, love your body, like, get your

950
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 4: health together, get your mental health together, like we can

951
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 4: all get it.

952
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 1: There's enough for all of us. Yeah, so true.

953
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you love yourself, there's like little room to

954
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 3: like projectate in any former fashion.

955
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 1: Yes.

956
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 2: And I think when you are like your purpose is

957
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 2: solving things and but also contributing to the world in

958
00:46:56,719 --> 00:47:01,480
Speaker 2: a way, you become blessed, Like become blessed, you become aligned.

959
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 2: Like I've watched how our business and our purpose has

960
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: manifested and how enriched it's made other people feel and

961
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 2: in turn enriched me.

962
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,320
Speaker 1: Yes, you know what I mean, and like what a blessing. Yeah,

963
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 1: and it won't get taken away from you.

964
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 4: I've had a lot of people try to like hate

965
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 4: on I'm like, you can't take from me what you

966
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 4: didn't give me, Right, this is from you know what

967
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 4: I'm saying.

968
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 1: This is from you can't.

969
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, your little snaky stuff isn't it doesn't work here.

970
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 4: So yeah, when you have that intention in your creation,

971
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 4: it just it's it's gonna last. It's infinite, Like it's

972
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,359
Speaker 4: literally going to outlast you. So even when we're gone,

973
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:41,399
Speaker 4: it's still going to be here.

974
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it it is. You're protected, Yeah, protected and

975
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: how they feel because you're answering to the universe. When college,

976
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: you're like I'm gonna do this.

977
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 3: And when you don't question it and you just do

978
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 3: all the other shit that we you know, it will

979
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 3: start to like to show you like this is right,

980
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 3: this is exactly where you're supposed to be and manifest

981
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 3: in that way.

982
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,800
Speaker 1: Because that's why you can't put that make it no

983
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: more right. You got to stop it. You're protective, you

984
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like, when you're tied to something greater,

985
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: it can't be held down. All that little stuff has

986
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 1: to go the sacrifice. You got to cut that shit.

987
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's why it's always so quick, and that's

988
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 4: why it's always so intense because if it was just

989
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 4: like a little tap on the shoulder, we're not going

990
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 4: to hear it.

991
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: But when it's shaking you up, like you have to

992
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 1: hear it. So that's when you know, like you have

993
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: a calling on your life. When stuff is so extreme. Yeah,

994
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:37,239
Speaker 1: like you can't deny.

995
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 3: Like you literally put out a product in that week

996
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 3: you're like, oh okay, shit, and you know like that one,

997
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 3: that one thing, it keeps propelling you floword like damn,

998
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 3: I didn't even I spoke this and it came because

999
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 3: it's intentional.

1000
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, through the pandemic through I mean literally everything. We

1001
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 4: made more money last year than you know, we did

1002
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,200
Speaker 4: in all the years that we were you know, open.

1003
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 2: People are home, yeah, taking care of themselves. Yeah, I

1004
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 2: mean they're the pandemic wellness was. And then hair care

1005
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 2: is part of wellness. People are spending time growing their hair,

1006
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 2: cutting their hair, all types of their hair.

1007
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,879
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was doing lots. I had a lot of time.

1008
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah that I mean we have now we have

1009
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:24,320
Speaker 4: wellness stuff. So just like supplements. I created a supplement

1010
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 4: for anxiety, depression, insomnia, I created a supplement for your lungs,

1011
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 4: so many different things that just like you know, I

1012
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 4: really I created it because I was going through stuff

1013
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 4: and I'm like, Okay, what am I going to do

1014
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 4: to fix this for me?

1015
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 1: Oh, it's helped me. This can help, you know, right,

1016
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: So and it's exciting to share that, right, like look,

1017
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: try this it works, right, yes, and like waiting for

1018
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: those results and then oh my god, it works. I'm

1019
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 1: like this this is what makes it so like what

1020
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: like you know, it just feels so good when I'm like,

1021
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:58,839
Speaker 1: you changed.

1022
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 3: My life, Like it's awesome, right, yes, just answering the call,

1023
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,439
Speaker 3: You're like let me look some shit up in my kitchen.

1024
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,919
Speaker 1: Where's yeah, like changing lines for real. I've had people

1025
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: walk up to me and whole foods like here's your stuff,

1026
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 1: Like this is really you. I'm like, oh my god,

1027
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: it's so great. That's so cool that your kids get

1028
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 1: to see that too.

1029
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,839
Speaker 3: Oh man, you know what I mean.

1030
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 2: You can see their mom shine and like be successful

1031
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 2: and know that, like because I know, being an entrepreneur,

1032
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 2: you are away from your kids. Like it is hard,

1033
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:31,439
Speaker 2: there's no, it's difficult to balance. There is so much

1034
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 2: more imbalance than there is balance, at least in the beginning.

1035
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can't turn it off. It's not you know.

1036
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 4: I always tell people like nine to five, you get

1037
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 4: your weekends, you get like I don't get any of that.

1038
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 4: It's seven days a week from the time I wake

1039
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 4: up to the time I go to sleep. So you know,

1040
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 4: it's definitely something that you have. It's a baby too.

1041
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:54,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, even if you're not working on it, you're thinking

1042
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 2: about it all the time, you know. And so yeah,

1043
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 2: like you're thinking about it, and it's like it's always there.

1044
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's always there. Yeah, And that's good.

1045
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 2: And that's and that's like that part has given me

1046
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 2: a lot of anxiety in the past, but when I

1047
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 2: started being like no this and having gratitude yeah, and

1048
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 2: then like learning to release Okay, yes, you don't have

1049
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 2: to get that done though right now.

1050
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's teaches, it's yeah, it's definitely.

1051
00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 4: I'm trying to learn to relinquish like the controlling aspect

1052
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:26,760
Speaker 4: of it, because it is the unknown.

1053
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 1: You don't know. You know, you don't know what's sale.

1054
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 1: We're going to be tomorrow, like you don't any at

1055
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:33,080
Speaker 1: any time, right.

1056
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,879
Speaker 4: But it's the same with if you have a job too,

1057
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 4: you don't know if they'll So we just have to

1058
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 4: learn to relinquish that control and have.

1059
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: Gratum. I have a very big feeling that Christmas is

1060
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,719
Speaker 1: going to hit hard for you again in celebration of

1061
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:56,520
Speaker 1: the anniversary. Yes, and I need to get some of this,

1062
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 1: but I need to get through this.

1063
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:01,720
Speaker 2: In this hair, we have a purple shampoo for that blonde,

1064
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,479
Speaker 2: thank you. I haven't used purple shampoo. I was literally

1065
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,880
Speaker 2: thinking about that yesterday. I was like, am I supposed

1066
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:09,359
Speaker 2: to be like putting some other ship in my hair?

1067
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 1: It's blonde?

1068
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 4: Ye?

1069
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:12,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so.

1070
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 2: I'm not educated, but my girl didn't hit me on

1071
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: game at all, just bleached my hair aftercare.

1072
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:21,279
Speaker 1: I got you girl, Thank you, thank you.

1073
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 3: Well.

1074
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this conversation. Thank you for blessing us

1075
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 1: with just so many gems and sharing your story with us.

1076
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: Where can our people find you? You can find me

1077
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 1: at ca Cola, on Twitter and on Instagram. I'm trying

1078
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 1: to get my TikTok up. I don't know. It's tough.

1079
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:44,359
Speaker 1: Is tough.

1080
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I missed the wave like Luhouse man,

1081
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:52,560
Speaker 4: I was.

1082
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 1: Like, oh, I was a clubhouse queen. I don't. I

1083
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 1: don't go on clubhouse anymore at all, but I have

1084
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 1: fun on clubhouse. Is tough. I'm trying.

1085
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 2: You know.

1086
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,879
Speaker 4: What I'm trying to do is with TikTok Now. It's

1087
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 4: kind of like offer up and stuff like from mental health.

1088
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 4: You know, I'm not I'm not a d answer guys

1089
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 4: like like I do a little two step, but I'm

1090
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 4: not going to be you know so. But yeah, you

1091
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 4: guys can find me on those socials. I'm on Facebook too,

1092
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 4: and then follow my businesses.

1093
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 2: They're in the link in my bio and we'll link

1094
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 2: everything in the episode description so they can find you easily.

1095
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:30,320
Speaker 1: And y'all we're so close to the retreat. I know

1096
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 1: it's almost that time. We're like like good six weeks

1097
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 1: issuway yeah, so excited. I know Costa Rica we've been to.

1098
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: Oh no, but right here it's beautiful. We might have

1099
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 1: to come to come to the retreat. We're doing at

1100
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,800
Speaker 1: Women's Retreating Costa Rica. I love that.

1101
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 2: When is that January thirty first fifth? And then we

1102
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 2: have we have two and then there's another one the

1103
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 2: sixth through the eleventh. Okay there Yeah, it's the Caribean science.

1104
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 2: We got security though, right because it's the Dockers. It's

1105
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,879
Speaker 2: very you hold up here by yourself. Where the fuck

1106
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 2: is your security right now? Bitch in Alabama? What do

1107
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 2: you need to have in Alabama?

1108
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:15,400
Speaker 3: They're gonna be a coast to Rika Caribbeans and they

1109
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 3: need to be in Alabama.

1110
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, oh my god.

1111
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 4: We'll get security. I normally do have security or you know,

1112
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 4: carries the Okay, yes, I'm a tactic.

1113
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: That's important. What Yes, absolutely, I need to be better.

1114
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 1: I need to do I know, we just kidding. I'm ready,

1115
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 1: don't ever come all right, hello, in my purse, I

1116
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 1: have something for you.

1117
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,759
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Anyway, you guys want to find us

1118
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Bad Choices on all podcast platforms, follow us

1119
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 2: on Instagram.

1120
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: We're tiktoking sort of too. We're trying to TikTok get

1121
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 1: over there. Yea, hopefully we're tiktoking lives.

1122
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 2: It's good Moms Choice because yeah, the s wasn't available

1123
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:05,239
Speaker 2: and follows some.

1124
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:08,399
Speaker 1: Patreon and get bumps content and all that other ship

1125
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: great and review this episode. Please go now, all thousands

1126
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: of you go do it. Why don't we have more reviews?

1127
00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 3: I love you, I love you, but don't just sit there,

1128
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:20,839
Speaker 3: scroll to the bottom and write the fucking video.

1129
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: Thanks right now, right now, thank you, right nice and

1130
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 1: solo record la. Then let's stay us Ranza