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Speaker 1: Oh John, Oh Sam, I love you so much. I

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Speaker 1: love you almost as much as the great stories that

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Speaker 1: are about to come up. And you know what, I

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Speaker 1: love equally as much as the two minutes of sponsors

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Speaker 1: coming up, because they support the show and make sure

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Speaker 1: that we will have her happily.

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Speaker 2: Ever after my girlfriend lied about going to university, so

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Speaker 2: we had an adventure for her.

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Speaker 3: The intervention should just be that she has to go

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Speaker 3: to school now.

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Speaker 2: And it's back to School Week on Okay Storytime Podcasts,

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Speaker 2: where we're cracking open and while this campus storytells from

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Speaker 2: college sweethearts to evil professors that'll make you question is

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Speaker 2: my student loan worth it? If you're new here and

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Speaker 2: looking for the story, my boyfriend's professor is way too

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Speaker 2: friendly and now I'm seriously suspicious. Just click the link

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Speaker 2: in the show notes slash description or search back to

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Speaker 2: School Week, Okay Storytime wherever you get your podcasts. Let's

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Speaker 2: dive into this one. Hi, twenty five mal have been

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Speaker 2: dating my girlfriend, twenty three female for four years. We

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Speaker 2: have lived together for about three of those years. I

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Speaker 2: graduated from school about two years ago and have been

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Speaker 2: working on somewhat professionally since then.

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Speaker 1: By the way.

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Speaker 2: This comes from Admaster, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 2: Times sub reddit. I am Riley, I'm Sophie, and I'm

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Speaker 2: the CODA. Last spring, I moved away from our college

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Speaker 2: town an hour away to the Metro area that my

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Speaker 2: parents live in. I figured I'd save some money while

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Speaker 2: I grow my savings and career. My girlfriend, we'll call

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Speaker 2: her Sarah, still had about six classes left before graduating.

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Speaker 2: She told me that she would do five this fall

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Speaker 2: and the last one in the spring. Because her family

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Speaker 2: moved across the country last year and she isn't a

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Speaker 2: social person, no friends, I thought it might be okay

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Speaker 2: to have her live with me and my parents and

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Speaker 2: drive the hour to school. I did not like the

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Speaker 2: idea of her driving so much, but she really wanted

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Speaker 2: to continue living with me.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: My parents were not the biggest fan of this, but

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Speaker 2: they know she's important to me. They know that she

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Speaker 2: doesn't really have support in the area, and they want

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Speaker 2: her to finish school. They have been under the impression

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Speaker 2: that she would be graduating this December and that we

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Speaker 2: would be moving out in January. They have made it

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Speaker 2: clear to me that They don't like her living there.

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Speaker 2: They think it is weird that the girlfriend is living

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Speaker 2: with them and they are only doing.

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Speaker 1: It because she's in school.

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Speaker 2: Last week, my mom approached me and said, I don't

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Speaker 2: think Sarah is going to school. And I questioned my mom.

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Speaker 2: She says she never sees Sarah studying and never sees

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Speaker 2: any books. She's in a pretty difficult major and would

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Speaker 2: need those. I get her point. I questioned Sarah about it.

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Speaker 2: She tells me that she only has two books in

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Speaker 2: a lab manual this semester. One is online class and

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Speaker 2: she has one ebook, and that she keeps them in

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Speaker 2: the car. I shrug it off and don't think about

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Speaker 2: it and don't think anything of it. Fast forward to

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Speaker 2: two nights ago. My girlfriend has been having a lot

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Speaker 2: of anxiety and I'm texting her mom across the country

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Speaker 2: about it, and her mom asked what the cause this is.

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Speaker 2: I tell her I think the cold, the holiday, and

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Speaker 2: driving a long way to school and work. Her mom texts, back, school,

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Speaker 2: you mean work? I said both, I think, and the

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Speaker 2: conversation kind of continued. Sarah noticed I was texting her

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Speaker 2: mom got mad for going behind her back.

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Speaker 1: Again.

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Speaker 2: I think it's a little weird, but I have a

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Speaker 2: lot of stuff going on career wise and don't think.

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Speaker 1: Too much of it.

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Speaker 2: Yesterday I get a text from Sarah's mom saying, promise

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Speaker 2: she won't tell Sarah she is not in school this semester.

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Speaker 2: We are not paying for it. There has been no Fastpa,

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Speaker 2: She's taking the semester off. I'm really sorry. Wow, dang

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Speaker 2: plot twist, and her mom knows her.

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Speaker 3: Mom's like, yeah, she's she's not doing that, Bud, sorry.

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Speaker 2: To say, like, how are you not knowing that your

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Speaker 2: girlfriend's not going.

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Speaker 3: I mean, your mom picked up on it. It feels

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Speaker 3: like your mom's paying more attention to your girlfriend than

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Speaker 3: you are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I doubt you. You know what her favorite color is?

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Speaker 1: Right now? When's the last time you bought her flowers?

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Speaker 3: When's the time you talked when's the last time you

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Speaker 3: talked to her?

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Speaker 1: I think you like her girlfriend, I don't think you

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Speaker 1: love her.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like, yeah, she's here, she lives in my house.

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Speaker 2: Last night, while moving her car into the driveway, I

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Speaker 2: searched her car. There was an empty backpack with no

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Speaker 2: books in it. Anyway, I was under the impression she

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Speaker 2: was in school. Now she was taking the classes she

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Speaker 2: needs to graduate, and unfortunately driving an hour each way.

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Speaker 2: I mean every Tuesday and Thursday she leaves the same

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Speaker 2: time I do to go to school and even talks

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Speaker 2: about class sometimes. Heck, last night she even said, remind

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Speaker 2: me to bring my lab coach to school tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I get that she probably knows my parents

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Speaker 2: are only housing her because they think she's in school.

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Speaker 2: But she should know that if she's just honest with me,

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Speaker 2: that things will work out and I'll take care of her.

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Speaker 2: This has been a complex line. I mean, I make

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Speaker 2: a point to ask her about school and how class went.

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Speaker 2: She's always has an ants she's never done homework at home,

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Speaker 2: but I just thought she was doing it at school. Also,

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Speaker 2: I should note that this girl is obsessed with me.

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Speaker 2: She wants to spend every second breathing with me, gets

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Speaker 2: bummed out whenever I'm playing video games with friends with family.

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Speaker 2: She basically needs me twenty four to seven. I don't

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Speaker 2: think she's cheating on me. She's always trying to get

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Speaker 2: me to have spicy sleep with her. But I don't

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Speaker 2: know what the heck she is doing with her time

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Speaker 2: unless she starts driving towards the college town and turns

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Speaker 2: around after a couple miles once I left. My parents

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Speaker 2: both work during the day, so they have no idea

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Speaker 2: if she's at home. I'm wondering how I can call

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Speaker 2: her out on this. I don't want to portray your mom,

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Speaker 2: but this needs to be addressed. The relationship, unfortunately, needs

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Speaker 2: to end. I am looking for advice on how to

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Speaker 2: handle the situation. I'm worried about this girl. Although it

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Speaker 2: is no excuse. She has a lot of things happened

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Speaker 2: in her life if that have led to serious trust

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Speaker 2: issues from dad or lack thereof, sort of, and she

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Speaker 2: really doesn't have anyone. She's severely depressed and has talked

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Speaker 2: of wanting to pass away, but refuses to go to

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Speaker 2: therapy or get help, though I've insisted dozens of times.

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Speaker 2: She is fragile.

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Speaker 1: Aye.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, dude, I hope he's given us this like

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Speaker 4: lore dump about everything else about the relationship, and none

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Speaker 4: of it seems that great.

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Speaker 2: Nope, Nope, there doesn't seem to be any sort of

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Speaker 2: positives here at all mine to get from this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this relationship was not going to be long lasting anyway.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think maybe Okay, top my head. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: call the mom, be like, hey, didn't know this. I'm

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Speaker 2: not okay with this. Can you police come across the country.

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Speaker 2: I will buy your daughter. Can you get your daughter?

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Speaker 2: Can you bring her back home? This just has to

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Speaker 2: be done. Get the mom there, brag up with say,

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Speaker 2: your mom's here to take care of.

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Speaker 3: Your I'm breaking out with you. Your mom's here.

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Speaker 1: To pick you up middle school style?

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Speaker 2: Man?

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Speaker 1: How else she supposed to do it. We're not going

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Speaker 1: to spend the rest of the day at the mall.

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Speaker 1: You gotta have your mom come pick you up because

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Speaker 1: you're over. We're done.

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Speaker 3: Don't call me.

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Speaker 2: Don't come in to pack son me. EDIT talked to

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Speaker 2: her about this last night. At first, she would not

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Speaker 2: talk about it. She would simply say, I am not

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Speaker 2: going to talk about all this, all while the worst

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Speaker 2: possible thoughts were going through her head. Eventually she told

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Speaker 2: me that she was doing it so I wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: disappointed in her. She did not tell me where she

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Speaker 2: was going while supposedly at class. Although she wasn't cheating

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Speaker 2: on me, she was very emotional, kind of mean about it.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I have the right to know she

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Speaker 2: does not. Tonight, I believe there is going to be

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Speaker 2: an intervention with her, myself and my mother. The bottom

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Speaker 2: line is that this girl needs help. Last night she

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Speaker 2: admitted it that sometimes she thinks about if she just

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Speaker 2: never came back. I thought she meant just taking off

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Speaker 2: and driving to her mom's house, but she clarified that

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Speaker 2: she meant like driving off the side of the road

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Speaker 2: and passing away. One thing I forgot to mention is

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Speaker 2: that she has an eating disorder. She isn't coming up

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Speaker 2: with the food or the bathroom anytime, but she weighs

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Speaker 2: on her one hundred pounds is insisted on losing ten pounds.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy.

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Speaker 2: Can anyone recommend a type of therapy or even like

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Speaker 2: a rehab place for her to go for thirty days?

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure if she needs to be checked in

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Speaker 2: or if she's seeing a psychiatrist twice a week would work.

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Speaker 2: What should I be looking for as a treatment for her?

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Speaker 3: Well, you shouldn't be looking for it, her mom should be.

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Speaker 2: I hate that we got this far into the story

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Speaker 2: and now you're dropping this on it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're like, oh, by the way, this is all

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Speaker 3: going on? Yeah, Like, of course she's lying about going

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Speaker 3: to school, She's clearly got a litany of different, you know,

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Speaker 3: mental things going on right now, call her mom.

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Speaker 2: And I remember when my life I circled around one person.

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Speaker 2: It was the worst thing in my life.

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Speaker 1: I was so miserable.

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Speaker 2: I was like eating a lot. I was not healthy,

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Speaker 2: I did not feel good. And then things didn't work out.

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Speaker 2: I and I blossom from that, and I learned you can't.

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Speaker 2: This is what happens whenever you just circle your life.

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Speaker 3: I have one person for everything, yeah, all of your

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Speaker 3: emotional needs.

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Speaker 2: So I like the steps that you're thinking about. I

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Speaker 2: really think you should get her mom here, get her mom,

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Speaker 2: get whatever support system she has left.

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Speaker 1: Getting to be there with her.

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Speaker 3: Yes, talk to your parents too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think I think they'll get her in

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Speaker 1: a rehabit though.

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Speaker 3: I hope.

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Speaker 1: So oh man up date.

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Speaker 2: First of all, thank you all for the great responses.

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Speaker 2: I confronted Sarah on all of the issues, and at

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Speaker 2: first she did not want to talk about it all. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: that night she admitted to not going to school, but

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Speaker 2: she would not tell me the details on where she

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Speaker 2: would spend her time while in class. She told me

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Speaker 2: that she didn't nothing.

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Speaker 1: That I would not approve of.

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Speaker 2: That Normally she would just go somewhere and read. She's

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Speaker 2: very to herself. I can actually see this happening. Yesterday

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Speaker 2: I spoke with her mother on the phone. Remember she's

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Speaker 2: fifteen hours away.

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Speaker 1: We don't remember that.

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Speaker 2: You never told us. My mother and a treatment center

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Speaker 2: which mainly focuses on eating disorders, but sounds like they

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Speaker 2: also work with women with depression and other mental illnesses.

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Speaker 2: We decided that when she got home from work that

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Speaker 2: we would confront her and talk to her about getting help.

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Speaker 2: When she got home she did not take our intervention, well,

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Speaker 2: of course she didn't. How many people that get intervention

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Speaker 2: to take it?

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Speaker 3: Well, of course she didn't. But I do want to say, like,

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Speaker 3: props to Ope, clearly.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it obviously took him a minute to realize

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Speaker 4: what was going on, but once he did, he was

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Speaker 4: like on it. Yeah, Like props to you, because that's

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Speaker 4: not an easy situation to be in.

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Speaker 1: And he's young.

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Speaker 2: And he's young, yeah, twenty five, his brain's not developed yet.

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Speaker 2: Do we not talk about it? And put on her boots,

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Speaker 2: hat jacket and was try to leave. I would not

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Speaker 2: let her go. We had to talk about it. She

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Speaker 2: refused to hear myself, my mother, or her mother.

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Speaker 1: Out on anything.

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Speaker 2: She needs help, but like anyone with a mental illness,

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Speaker 2: they don't realize that they have anything wrong. Needless to say,

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Speaker 2: her mother is flying into town as we speak, and

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Speaker 2: he's going to get a hotel room for her and

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Speaker 2: Sarah tonight and probably this weekend. At some point we're

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Speaker 2: going to try and talk to her again about the

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Speaker 2: possible treatment. Otherwise, unfortunately, she's going to have to go

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Speaker 2: back with her mom and to be fifteen hours away.

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Speaker 3: I am a couple of last thoughts. I think Op

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Speaker 3: is doing the best he can. I think your girlfriend,

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Speaker 3: clearly or ex girlfriend maybe now clearly needs a lot

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Speaker 3: of help. And I think calling her mom, calling your mom,

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Speaker 3: and also, you know a treatment center is the best

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Speaker 3: thing you can do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no notes, agreed, Agreed. I'm so glad you got

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Speaker 2: the mom there.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, or wick to end this out. I

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Speaker 2: really love her and I want to help. Does anyone

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Speaker 2: have experience talking to someone who is severely depressed and

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Speaker 2: needs help. She's refusing to listen to anyone about the

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Speaker 2: subject matter. She's upset that I told my mom about

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Speaker 2: it and brought her into the situation. The bottom line

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Speaker 2: is that she doesn't understand that this is a big

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Speaker 2: deal and thinks that this would be better if we

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Speaker 2: just forgot about it and moved on. We have a

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Speaker 2: second day.

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Speaker 4: I think whenever people are in those situations, I don't

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Speaker 4: think they want you to tell anyone because they want

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Speaker 4: to keep that, you know, and they want to keep

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Speaker 4: that insulated and to themselves and stuff. So she was

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Speaker 4: gonna get mad at you regardless of what you did,

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Speaker 4: But you are trying to help her, and I think.

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Speaker 5: Continue with that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Of course, she called me today and told me that

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Speaker 2: her mom told her that she doesn't think anything is

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Speaker 2: wrong with her, that my mom and I have blown

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Speaker 2: this all out of proportion, that my mom is brainwashing me.

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Speaker 1: No, oh my god, Oh that's it.

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Speaker 5: Her mom just sucks.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 1: I'm stuck on vacation with my wife's ex.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna need a vacation from my vacation.

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Speaker 2: I'm holed up in my room and a ski chillette

285
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Speaker 2: while everyone else's in our group is still in the village.

286
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Speaker 2: I'm a little wasted and feeling extremely effed up about

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Speaker 2: the situation right now. My wife, Suzanne and I met

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Speaker 2: online four years ago. We both had some bad relationships

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Speaker 2: and we both wanted something serious early on, she told

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Speaker 2: me she was tired of the guys bailing after the

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Speaker 2: relationship turned physical, and that she wanted to wait on

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Speaker 2: that front, which I was not just okay with but

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Speaker 2: thought it was smart. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 2: Street Humor thirty five and if you want to be

295
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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the R. Slish Okay story

296
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Speaker 2: Tom suber So. My most successful relationship before her was

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Speaker 2: with someone where we waited a few months, and I

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Speaker 2: appreciate getting back to build a friendship to see if

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Speaker 2: we clicked on an emotional level. Suzanne also told me

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Speaker 2: that she understood if I wanted to date a round

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Speaker 2: during that time. It didn't expect me to be exclusive,

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Speaker 2: and so we both explicitly agreed on it. I told

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Speaker 2: her that I wasn't one to try and fight a

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Speaker 2: war on two fronts. I was serious about making it

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Speaker 2: work with one person.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: Up until last night, I thought that she felt the same.

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Speaker 2: She never once mentioned seeing other people while we were dating,

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Speaker 2: and based on the way he talked about wanting to

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Speaker 2: build an emotional connection, I assumed dumbly I guess that

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Speaker 2: she was only seeing me. We're on this trip with

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Speaker 2: three other couples and her friend Josh. I've always liked him.

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Speaker 2: You and I have some good long conversations, smoking the

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Speaker 2: Devil's lettuce and talking about life and work.

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Speaker 1: We're about the tech.

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Speaker 2: I've always kind of gotten the vibe that he's a kind,

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Speaker 2: caring person who goes out of his way to help

318
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Speaker 2: his friends. He's a big advocate for people doing therapy,

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Speaker 2: talks openly about what he's working on. This is where

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Speaker 2: he gets upsetting for me. Last night we got back

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Speaker 2: from skiing, we were all exhausted. I went downstairs start

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00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,320
Speaker 2: chopping vegetables and help around. Another of the couples cooked

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Speaker 2: the group dinner. Susannswerker shower and I chopped and chatted

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Speaker 2: for like thirty minutes. I came back upstairs to bring

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Speaker 2: Suzanne some wine, and I hear Josh and her chatting

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Speaker 2: in our room.

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Speaker 1: No big deal. I walk in and Susannah's in a

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Speaker 1: towel with her legs up on the bed putting lotion on.

329
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Speaker 1: Talking about her job.

330
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Speaker 2: Wasn't exactly a compromising position, but it struck me as

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Speaker 2: possibly intimate. If she moved a bit one way or

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00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 2: another she'd be giving him a view. She said hi

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Speaker 2: to me, kept putting on lotion, and then grabbed the wine,

334
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,640
Speaker 2: totally nonchalant. Josh said it was his turn to shower

335
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 2: and left sitting here. Now, I wish to goodness that

336
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:31,800
Speaker 2: I just kept my effing mouth shut up. But I

337
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,160
Speaker 2: said it was a little surprising that she was putting

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Speaker 2: on lotion in a towel with Josh in the room.

339
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 2: She said she didn't even realize because she was just

340
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,479
Speaker 2: caught up in her story and went on an autopilot.

341
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,320
Speaker 2: Whilways own her to be self conscious person. She wears

342
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,680
Speaker 2: swimsuits that covered a lot of her skin because she

343
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,760
Speaker 2: doesn't like to feel glauwed at So I was getting

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00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 2: the tingles in the back of my brain that something

345
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,400
Speaker 2: was off. I said something like, you're usually so quick

346
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 2: to cover around people, she said. I guess I know

347
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Speaker 2: Josh so well that it didn't register. When she said

348
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,160
Speaker 2: that there was just something abrasive, annoyed. It came out

349
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,720
Speaker 2: more sharply than I would have expected. I should have

350
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,360
Speaker 2: dropped it, but I was two glasses of wine in

351
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,440
Speaker 2: myself and said, WHOA, did I strike a nerve? And

352
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 2: she said, let's just go eat, but now clearly agitated

353
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,040
Speaker 2: and doing a fake smile thing. At this point, I

354
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 2: could feel my stomach get a little queasy and like

355
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,920
Speaker 2: I was headed towards a world of pain. I shut

356
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 2: the door and said I could tell something was wrong.

357
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,360
Speaker 2: She said I needed to trust her and that there

358
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,160
Speaker 2: was nothing going on between she and Josh. I said,

359
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 2: I never imagined or implied that there was. It was

360
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,560
Speaker 2: really weird that she felt like she had to make

361
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,920
Speaker 2: that clear. Now I was feeling gross and suspicious, so

362
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 2: I straight up said, I can tell you're uncomfortable right now.

363
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,600
Speaker 2: Either you tell me what's up, or I'll go ask Josh.

364
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:43,760
Speaker 2: What happened next was the most uncomfortable hour of my life.

365
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 1: I need more Scotch for this. Everybody pulled her out

366
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 1: a little bit of a drink. She said she.

367
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,080
Speaker 2: Had a spicy sleep history with Josh and that it

368
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,200
Speaker 2: really wasn't anything of my business. I said that since

369
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,400
Speaker 2: he's still in our lives, then I deserve to know

370
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 2: the context. She said there was no context other than

371
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,160
Speaker 2: that he was someone she felt safe with when she

372
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,000
Speaker 2: wasn't partnered and they would have spicy sleep now and

373
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 2: then I asked, when was the last time they slept together.

374
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,000
Speaker 2: She danced around it before saying, before you and I

375
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:15,080
Speaker 2: were exclusive. I said that was a fuzzy answer, because

376
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,359
Speaker 2: I was exclusive with her from the time of our

377
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 2: first date. She said she never had spicy sleep with

378
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:23,119
Speaker 2: them after the two of us had spicy sleep. I

379
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 2: asked she had spicy sleep with him during the six

380
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 2: months between our first date and when we had spicy sleep,

381
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,919
Speaker 2: and she said she had. Antley felt like throwing up,

382
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,480
Speaker 2: started yelling a bunch of crap, I don't remember, you

383
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 2: just had the most pissed off and discussed the look

384
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 2: on her face the whole time. I finally calmed down

385
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,919
Speaker 2: a little and asked her to please give me the

386
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,640
Speaker 2: full story and timelines.

387
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,240
Speaker 1: I don't know if we want that, buddy. I don't

388
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 1: know if we want all that.

389
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 5: I think a lot of people want to know the details.

390
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,280
Speaker 5: I don't know.

391
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,400
Speaker 6: Just to know, I guess, but really it's just gonna

392
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 6: hurt you more.

393
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 1: She wasn't fully open, and I had to keep it

394
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,840
Speaker 1: digging to get more information, and it was a very

395
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 1: non linear conversation. But here's what I pieced together. About

396
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,720
Speaker 1: ten years ago. Douzanne's friend Rose now forty, also on

397
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,679
Speaker 1: the trip with us, had gotten out of a string

398
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,280
Speaker 1: of short, disappointing relationships. Rose started having spicy sleep with

399
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 1: Josh and regularly in a friends with benefits kind of way,

400
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,359
Speaker 1: while he still is hitting the apps. Apparently, the agreement

401
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,960
Speaker 1: with Josh made it easier for her to forego spicy

402
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,440
Speaker 1: sleep in her dating life, which she found helpful for

403
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 1: vetting guys to see if they were serious. Eventually, she

404
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 1: did find the man she is married to, Eric thirty eight.

405
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,120
Speaker 1: Mal Seeing the success that Rose had, two of other

406
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,320
Speaker 1: friends got in the same arrangement with Josh, and voila,

407
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,640
Speaker 1: they found serious guys as well. A modern effing miracle.

408
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 1: How about that? Suzanne said she.

409
00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,399
Speaker 2: Talked to Josh about giving it a try, and she

410
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,240
Speaker 2: was super good about boundaries and making sure the focus

411
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 2: was on her finding a long term partner, and even

412
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,560
Speaker 2: gave her advice about guys she was seeing. I said,

413
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,200
Speaker 2: so you would go on dates with me, I drop

414
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,959
Speaker 2: you off, give you a kiss on the cheek, and

415
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,679
Speaker 2: you go f Josh and then talk about our relationship.

416
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,880
Speaker 2: She said that was a crass way of putting it,

417
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 2: and that he was so supportive and made it easier

418
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,880
Speaker 2: for her and I to focus on what matters more.

419
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 2: I stayed on the hide to bed and told people

420
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,560
Speaker 2: I was sick and said I couldn't ski. I've just

421
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,359
Speaker 2: been sipping something and tried riding this in between naps.

422
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:17,360
Speaker 2: Feelings I'm having right now sadness, betrayal, jealousy, infuriority, wasted,

423
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,879
Speaker 2: more sad, and notes of pissed off and wanting to flee.

424
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,200
Speaker 2: But we are in an f in Canada and I

425
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 2: don't even know the quickest way to get back home.

426
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,440
Speaker 1: Do I try to work this out? Do I run?

427
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,080
Speaker 1: Do I even have a reason to be upset?

428
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 2: The more wasted I get, the less angry I get,

429
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,520
Speaker 2: and I can see her side of it more easily.

430
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 2: I'm very hungover, but reading through the comments, try to

431
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 2: clarify a few things. One the only other woman who

432
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 2: has slept, Josh Rose, is on the trip. The other

433
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 2: two couples were my friends first and don't know Josh.

434
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 1: Well.

435
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 2: Sorry those telling me I should drop a huge bombs

436
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 2: sail at dinner. The reason it's hard to leave is

437
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 2: because we all drove over the border together in a

438
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 2: van and we're deep in the mountains and not a

439
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,359
Speaker 2: lot of transit options. If I decided to leave it,

440
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 2: it will be a massive pain of the butt. Two,

441
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,240
Speaker 2: I don't have any reason to suspect an ongoing thing

442
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 2: between Josh and my wife. I've never seen a hint

443
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 2: of flirtation from either of them, even when I walked

444
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,200
Speaker 2: in on them last night, when they seemed completely casual,

445
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 2: like I would be with one of my guy friends.

446
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 2: But I also never suspected she could compartmentalize her feelings

447
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 2: and the way she apparently did, so, I think I

448
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 2: need to be open to all the possibilities at this point.

449
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go skiing this afternoon with my buddy Ryan

450
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 2: and see if he has you need advice. I will

451
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 2: be abstaining from any booze the rest of the trip.

452
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 2: As many have suggested, we got an update. Thanks everyone

453
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 2: for the wide area of perspectives on this. You give

454
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: me a lot to consider that I would have not otherwise.

455
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 2: I particularly appreciate hearing women's point of views on this.

456
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: The consistence from them seems to be that the arrangement

457
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,879
Speaker 2: with Josh made strategic sense, but that Shuzann should have

458
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 2: disclosed things much earlier. I went skiing yesterday and today

459
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,359
Speaker 2: after deciding that I'm going to stay the rest of

460
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 2: the trip. I've been looking forward to all of this

461
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,120
Speaker 2: all year, and we might actually get some snow soon.

462
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,959
Speaker 2: I've been hanging out with two of my good guy

463
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,680
Speaker 2: I have friends. For the most part. Suzanne has asked

464
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 2: if we can talk, but I told her I'm not

465
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,239
Speaker 2: ready and I just want to focus on skiing. I'm

466
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 2: pretty sure she alerted Josh because he's been standoffish.

467
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:10,120
Speaker 1: Whatever.

468
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 2: The feeling that is currently strongest is one of broken trust.

469
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 2: Several commenters noted that the language through Zan use made

470
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,400
Speaker 2: her technically within her rights to have the arrangement with Josh.

471
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 2: The question in my mind that I keep asking is

472
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 2: if I'd known about Josh from the get go, what

473
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 2: would have changed. I seriously don't think I would have

474
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 2: continued the relationship for six months without pursuing other options.

475
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 2: At the same time, Souzan knew I was only pursuing

476
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,199
Speaker 2: her get all of my attention because I wanted to

477
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 2: make something work for once. I also can't shake the

478
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 2: feeling that our relationship would have developed more quickly if

479
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 2: Josh had not been around. It definitely would have changed

480
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: things if he knew about Josh.

481
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,960
Speaker 5: Yeah. But then that last quote, that last thing was

482
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 5: actually interesting too, because like, if Josh wasn't even in

483
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 5: the picture, they probably it probably would have been way

484
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 5: less than six.

485
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: Months because he could have been a pass Josh would

486
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 2: have been a pacifier. So if I am going to

487
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 2: you for you know, emotional connecttion, but I'm also seeing

488
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: someone else, I'm going to them for physical connection. Yeah,

489
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: and sometimes an emotional connection. I want to be focusing

490
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: all of my attention on you emotionally and physically.

491
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:11,159
Speaker 1: I would just be like, you know.

492
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 2: Uh kind of emotional here, emotional and physical over time,

493
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 2: and then it transitions over time, rather than like I

494
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 2: have nothing to all of a sudden something exactly. I

495
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 2: spent some time last night looking at old texts and

496
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 2: emails from our early days about three months in. Started

497
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 2: crying because I remember how smitten I was by her.

498
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: By then I was really starting to see a future

499
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 2: with her. Now I read her responses differently. Let's seemed

500
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 2: like a cute coy replies, but like an apathy in restrospect,

501
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 2: it robs a lot of the magic from my memories,

502
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 2: and I just feel empty. I'm not sure how I'm

503
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 2: going to handle things, but I'm seriously considering talking to

504
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,840
Speaker 2: Eric one on one before the trip ends to see

505
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,440
Speaker 2: what things look like from his perspective. We're here until Thursday,

506
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 2: and there's time. But until then, I'm just gonna sche

507
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 2: my brains out and pray for Snow.

508
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 5: My girlfriend cheated on me six years ago. We've been

509
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 5: together for ten years now.

510
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 1: I don't like this math.

511
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 5: My girlfriend and I started dating in high school twenty fifteen,

512
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 5: and we were both each other's first and so I

513
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,199
Speaker 5: thought only had spicy related partners, which I was okay with.

514
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 5: We both went off to as separate colleges, so we

515
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 5: began our long distance relationship, seeing each other at least

516
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 5: once a month. By the way, this comes from throwaway

517
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 5: user names, and if you want to submit your own stories,

518
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,200
Speaker 5: go to the r slash okay story time at separated

519
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 5: It so the first month twenty sixteen of college, she

520
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 5: was playing a drinking game with friends and ended up

521
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:32,160
Speaker 5: kissing someone else.

522
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,919
Speaker 6: She told me the following day we talked about it.

523
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 5: I was heartbroken, but after speaking to some of my

524
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 5: friends and some of her friends, I decided to give

525
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 5: her another chance. Even though I always said once a

526
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 5: cheater always a cheater. Mistakes happen. I saw a lot

527
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 5: of people make very stupid decisions in college. Our relationship

528
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 5: was slightly rocky from there on, doing long distance, trying

529
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 5: to build trust again. She had some guy friends I

530
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 5: was obviously worried about, but she always stated that they

531
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 5: were that friends. I was never worried about the actual

532
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 5: one because he was the least attractive of the group

533
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 5: and his sister already had a thing with him and

534
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 5: slept with him in the past. Keep in mind, I

535
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,120
Speaker 5: had many opportunities to cheat if I wanted to. There

536
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 5: were a dozen girls that she got mad at me

537
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 5: for being friends with because she thought I had a

538
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 5: thing with them. None ever meant more to me than

539
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 5: a friend. Anytime girls tried to make moves on me,

540
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 5: I would always politely decline and get out.

541
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 6: Of that situation.

542
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 5: In twenty nineteen, I went backpacking through Europe with my

543
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 5: brother and some friends for six weeks.

544
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 6: As my brother had just graduated.

545
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 5: During this time, she started hanging out with this girl,

546
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 5: let's call her a Let's call her Amy, who was

547
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 5: a bad influence, notorious for stirring the pot and cheating.

548
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 6: According to my ex. While I was in Europe.

549
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,680
Speaker 5: Her and Amy were constantly hanging out, going out, drinking,

550
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 5: and partying. During that time. We were obviously distant due

551
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 5: to time zones and traveling, and our relationship wasn't great.

552
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 5: One night, they went to a bar with some of

553
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:54,200
Speaker 5: their other male friends, then they both crashed at their place.

554
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 5: She assured me that her and Amy were sleeping together

555
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 5: on an air mattress, and I trusted her. Fast forward,

556
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 5: our love has developed a lot. It has become super strong,

557
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 5: and we have grown and developed as people started our

558
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 5: professional careers. We moved in together in twenty to twenty three,

559
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 5: and we have been super happy with our life, et cetera.

560
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,440
Speaker 6: Something triggers my brain this weekend after we.

561
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 5: Are looking at engagement rings, So when we are almost home,

562
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 5: I decided to ask her if she cheated on me

563
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 5: with these guys given her two names or anyone else.

564
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 5: She immediately denies it. We then pull into the driveway

565
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 5: and she turns and says, I can't lie to you.

566
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 5: I thought I would be able to take this to

567
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 5: the grave, but I'd love you so much that I can't.

568
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 5: He starts talking about a time in August twenty nineteen,

569
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 5: who says that she was wasted, and they kissed and

570
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 5: one thing led to another and they slept together. She

571
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 5: adds later that she doesn't remember parts of the night,

572
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 5: but she remembers, after running out of the room unclothed,

573
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,919
Speaker 5: where Amy found her crime. She states that it was

574
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 5: just one time, which I don't believe. She said, no

575
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 5: Wiener wrapper was used, and it lasted less than five

576
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 5: minutes from kissing to running out of the room. From

577
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 5: what she remembers, which she states is not much yet,

578
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 5: going back into my texts, which I rarely delete with anyone,

579
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 5: she was able to text me everything perfectly fine that

580
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 5: whole night, not a single spelling mistake, giving me updates

581
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 5: on where she was throughout the night and how everyone

582
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 5: was doing.

583
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 6: She did not appear super wasted over text.

584
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 5: Like she states. She also had the audacity text me

585
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 5: the morning after saying how much she misses me, she

586
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 5: loved me so much, and then she can't wait until

587
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 5: I get back from my trip.

588
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 6: She then went home after that night.

589
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 5: She states that she burned all of her clothes, got

590
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 5: an STD test, and saw her a gynecologist. She stated

591
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 5: right after it happened that she knew that she messed

592
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 5: up and that she only wanted me. Looking back at

593
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 5: my texts once again, I see that she remained in

594
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 5: the same friend group with him for over six months,

595
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 5: after sitting between him and Amy during class at least

596
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 5: once during the start of school, still going out as

597
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 5: a group to the bar, et cetera. During this whole time,

598
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 5: she is making it seem like him and Amy were

599
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 5: the ones who had a thing together in the past,

600
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 5: which they did, and that she is just keeping the peace.

601
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 5: March twenty twenty, around the vid lockdown, she stopped talking

602
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 5: to him and Amy. She unfollows him off of all

603
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 5: social media, or at least that is the last time

604
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 5: she talks about him and the last picture she has

605
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 5: liked on his Instagram, maybe trying to escape the pass.

606
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 6: Fast forward back to present day.

607
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 5: I ended things on the spot to when she told me,

608
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 5: and she said that this is why she didn't want

609
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 5: me to find out. She knew that if she told

610
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 5: me back then that I would have just ended things

611
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 5: as well, to which I replied, just like cheating was

612
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 5: her choice, what happens after with our relationship was not

613
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 5: for her to decide. She made a choice, and I

614
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 5: deserve to make mine. It wasn't fair for her to

615
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 5: allow us to fall in love and develop knowing that

616
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 5: she had cheated on me. I asked the other guy

617
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 5: for his side of the story privately. He stated that

618
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 5: they did sleep together one night after the bar while

619
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 5: both were very wasted. He stated that there was nothing

620
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 5: after that between them, and they never even spoke about

621
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 5: the night ever again, but their group did all still

622
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 5: hang out together since they were in the same program.

623
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 5: I'm unsure if I've just made the best decision or

624
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 5: worst decision of my life by ending our relationship, but

625
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,639
Speaker 5: I guess time will tell. I told her that I

626
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 5: see no point in even trying when she begged me too.

627
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 5: In my opinion, kissing someone one time is one thing,

628
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,440
Speaker 5: but sleeping with someone is a whole other thing, especially

629
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 5: considering that she was already on her second chance. How

630
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 5: do I know she isn't hiding other times with other people.

631
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 5: I don't believe that I could ever trust her again,

632
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 5: THOUGHHY waste my time. She said that she will literally

633
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 5: do anything to be with me.

634
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 6: We will go to therapy.

635
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,719
Speaker 5: She stated that she would wait for me if I

636
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 5: wanted to go day other women. If I believe that

637
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 5: we are in meant to be, as she does not

638
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 5: believe that she will ever love anyone or connect with

639
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 5: anyone this much.

640
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 3: Wow.

641
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 5: She said that she understands if I want to try

642
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 5: and fall in love with someone else, but she will

643
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 5: be here waiting if I decide that she was the one.

644
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 5: She basically stated that she doesn't care if I want

645
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 5: to have a one sided, open relationship and go see

646
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 5: if there is someone else out there for me, as

647
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 5: she would wait. She understands if I need to have

648
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 5: other relationships and will wait if there's a chance that

649
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 5: I come back to her.

650
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 6: It's a chance that she's willing to take.

651
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 5: She said. If that's what it takes, along with therapy,

652
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 5: then that's what she'll do. I find that hard to believe,

653
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 5: considering when we were in a relationship, times were tough

654
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 5: and I was only away for six weeks she ended

655
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 5: up getting with someone else. How does she expect me

656
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 5: to believe that she can now go years being faithful

657
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 5: to someone who she is no longer even dating, who

658
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 5: may never come back, and who is not even giving

659
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 5: her the time of day, who is dating other women.

660
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: I mean, I've noticed that she has changed a lot

661
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 5: for the better since twenty twenty seems like an eye

662
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 5: for an eye to me, seems like a waste of time,

663
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 5: because what kind of relationship would that be after I

664
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 5: feel like the relationship would become super controlling and I

665
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 5: would always be watching over her, which is toxic. I

666
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 5: feel like we would just both have a spite towards

667
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 5: each other after everything is said and done and there

668
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 5: isn't an edit.

669
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: Ah, dude, just break up, Just break up.

670
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe try counseling first.

671
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 7: Like I wonder ten years Yeah, yeah, because that's a

672
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 7: long time and if they have developed their relationship more,

673
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 7: like I can see that being a lot harder to

674
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 7: leave versus like if you were a few months in

675
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 7: or something.

676
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, but like, because how I would see it is

677
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 5: like it's literally your word that I have to trust,

678
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 5: but it's so much easier to trust actions, right, Like

679
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 5: you shouldn't really trust words, only you should trust actions.

680
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 5: So edit number one. I appreciate all the comments and advice.

681
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 5: We are still living together, just sleeping separately and keeping distance.

682
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 5: She's taking things a lot harder than I am. We

683
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 5: slept in the same room the first night, and I

684
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 5: woke up multiple times to find her just sitting staring

685
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 5: at the wall or silently crying. I don't know if

686
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 5: I could ever be physically attracted her again, knowing what

687
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 5: she has done and hid from me. I told my

688
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 5: family that I ended things, and I did not tell

689
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 5: them the reason why. My family said that we should

690
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 5: go to therapy and try to work things out. I

691
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 5: wonder how they would feel if they knew the truth.

692
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 5: The only people who know the truth are my brother,

693
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 5: her best friend, and her sister. My brother said to

694
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 5: hash it out if I ever think that I could

695
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 5: trust her again. She has unfollowed every female and male

696
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 5: that she went to school with, except for a handful

697
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 5: of her super close friends on social media. To those

698
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 5: asking yes, ten years is a long time, but we

699
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 5: started dating in high school and we both did six

700
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 5: years of schooling after. She also knew early on that

701
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 5: I wasn't keen on marriage because I believed it was

702
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 5: a waste of money. Your love for someone shouldn't change

703
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 5: because of a title. However, over the past two years,

704
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 5: I really started to believe that she was the one

705
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 5: and that maybe getting married would be fun. To those

706
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 5: calling her friends a holes, I never met the guy

707
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 5: or that friend group. As she was only part of

708
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 5: it for about eight to ten months, and it was

709
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 5: comprised of like five people. It was not her main

710
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 5: friend group that I knew of. She was typically visiting

711
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 5: me as her campus sucked. The friends I did meet

712
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 5: did not know that she slept with someone else, including

713
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 5: her best friend, as she was not a part of

714
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 5: that group or there that night. Even her best friend

715
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 5: told her that she effed up when she told her. Also,

716
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 5: just to confirm, I have been in other relationships prior

717
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 5: to this throughout high school, the longest being one and

718
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 5: a half years.

719
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 6: I just never slept with any of them.

720
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 5: We started dating when we were seventeen, so it's actually

721
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 5: just under ten years. And there's another edits for those asking.

722
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 5: I do believe that she has been faithful since at

723
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 5: least May twenty twenty two. Not that it makes a difference,

724
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 5: as everything else has been a lie. Looking back now,

725
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 5: she always got super spicy related when she's wasted. I

726
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 5: thought it was just for me, but I guess anyone

727
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 5: will do for her. Also, looking back, there was another

728
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 5: time two weeks after she cheated on me, where I

729
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 5: knew she was snaptatting another dude a lot when I

730
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 5: asked about it, she lied when I told her I

731
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 5: knew the truth kme clean. That should have been a

732
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,280
Speaker 5: huge red flag for me back then, but hindsight is

733
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 5: twenty seems like I have been dating a compulsive liar

734
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 5: with no care for anyone except herself. As many of

735
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 5: you have said, I'm not sure if she's a psychopath

736
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 5: or a sociopath, but she's definitely a self absorbed person

737
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 5: from what I've gathered from this ordeal. I've reached out

738
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 5: to a handful of other guys who I believe she

739
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 5: may have cheated with, and in waiting for their response.

740
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 6: I will add another edit if I do hear back.

741
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 5: It also makes sense why four months ago, when I

742
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 5: called her friend out for saying that she still loved

743
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 5: her ex after she kissed two other guys while they

744
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 5: were together. My ex girlfriend said, you could still love

745
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 5: someone and do stupid crack. Clearly their definition of love

746
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 5: isn't the same as mine. Yeah, and that's the end

747
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 5: of That's it makes sense.

748
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories,

749
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: but here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

750
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 2: I saw my best friend's boyfriend at a restaurant with.

751
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 1: Another woman, expose him, involve.

752
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 2: People me thirty female, friend thirty eight female and her

753
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 2: boyfriend thirty eight male. I've known my best friend for

754
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 2: about three years now, and she's been so significant in

755
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 2: my life ever since I moved to my new city

756
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: six months our friendship. We were already so comfortable in

757
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 2: our friendship. He has been an absolute rock since I've

758
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: moved to my Newish city. By the way, this comes

759
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 2: from Purple Throat nineteen and if you want to spit

760
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the Our Size Showkay stories,

761
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 2: I'm sell reading. So I've only met her boyfriend about

762
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 2: forty five times over these last few years. They're in

763
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 2: a long distance relationship and it's been tricky for me

764
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 2: to see him when he's been in our city. Last weekend,

765
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 2: he came to our city to see her for a week,

766
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: which he veryvery rarely gets to do, as they're usually

767
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: just quick weekend visits or the odd long weekend. This

768
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 2: week was different, being her birthday and not just being

769
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 2: able to see each other since January. I believe he

770
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 2: wanted to surprise her and be with her for her

771
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 2: birthday this year. Somedays she tends.

772
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: To work late. He has always had two jobs, so

773
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: this is a normal thing for her. Today was one

774
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: of those days.

775
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: I messaged her to catch up and she mentioned that

776
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 2: she has to work later tonight and her boyfriend is

777
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 2: in town, so maybe we could do something next week

778
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 2: or whenever the both of them this week. My response was,

779
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 2: all good, babe, you enjoy your time with your man.

780
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 2: We'll get to catch up next week. Knowing how they

781
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 2: only get a few moments together these days, I or

782
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 2: to take out and went to pick up the meal

783
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 2: and I saw her boyfriend.

784
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: I had to do a double.

785
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,680
Speaker 2: Take, maybe thinking she didn't get called into work or something.

786
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 2: Lo and behold, it was her boyfriend sitting at the

787
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 2: table with another woman. He was so engrossed in their

788
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 2: conversation that neither of them saw me gawking at them

789
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,839
Speaker 2: like an efing idiot. I was gobsmacked that he had

790
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 2: the e fing audacity to meet up with someone in

791
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 2: our city, a place that he rarely visits and only

792
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 2: knows a few people in besides her inner circle and family. Though,

793
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 2: this just made me so mad that he could do

794
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 2: something like this her. Yes, I thought maybe it could

795
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 2: have been a family member of hers or something like that.

796
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 2: But over the years, all the different events I've been

797
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 2: invited to, I can't guarantee this was not one of

798
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 2: those girls. I watched them like an effing stalker. I

799
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 2: saw they were really comfortable together, literally out of a

800
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:57,280
Speaker 2: movie scene type of crap, holding hands, laughing, flirting, leaning

801
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 2: over to each other in whispering crap. The whole sh

802
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,959
Speaker 2: it made me so thing mad. For years, my friend

803
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 2: has asked him to move closer to her, to be

804
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,280
Speaker 2: with her, and his response was always not yet, babe,

805
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 2: just one more project to give me. Over this line,

806
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 2: I kind of bs And only now I found out

807
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 2: this crap has been going on the whole time. I

808
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 2: take a few photos in their compromising positions, especially when

809
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,919
Speaker 2: they lean in and kiss. It still blows my mind

810
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 2: that he hasn't noticed me standing there like an effing moron.

811
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 2: But I guess he's so engrossed in this bimbo he

812
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 2: actually doesn't give a crap what or who is going

813
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 2: on around him. I just got what I needed and

814
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 2: got the f out of there. With this type of

815
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 2: info now literally in my hands, what do I do?

816
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 2: How do I tell my friend that our long term

817
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 2: boyfriend is cheating on her. So it's a tricky situation.

818
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 2: I've been in this situation with my ex, and I

819
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 2: know how it feels. I found out and effing sucks.

820
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 2: I still haven't recovered and it's been three years. I

821
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 2: will be there for her no matter what, and I

822
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 2: don't want him to spend this on me and make

823
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 2: it my issue only while she is my friend. I'm

824
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 2: also concerned that he'll just talk his way out of it.

825
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 2: I don't know him so well or anything has crossed

826
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 2: my mind. How do I gently let my friend know

827
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 2: about the situation you've been cheated on?

828
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: What would you want? You know?

829
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:06,399
Speaker 5: Op?

830
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: Like I think about that and probably answer.

831
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 5: That, Yeah. I would probably say, like, don't show up

832
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 5: the pictures. Don't show the pictures unless she just straight

833
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 5: up doesn't believe you.

834
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 2: I think show the pictures in person, Like, hey, girlfriend,

835
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 2: we talk.

836
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 6: I think I have this whole conversation in person for sure.

837
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 5: When I think as soon as you possible, it's like, yeah,

838
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 5: I know your boyfriend's coming in soon, but like, I

839
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 5: need to see you. I need to see you.

840
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Comment one.

841
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 2: All you can do is tell her you need to

842
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,479
Speaker 2: talk in person and then just show her the pics.

843
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 2: You don't need to say anything beforehand. Just straight up

844
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 2: say I need you to look at these pics, and

845
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 2: after she's done, tell her you were so sorry you

846
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 2: had to show her show don't tell, because there is

847
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 2: no easy, gentle way to start the conversation. If you

848
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 2: just straight out say it, you will get defensive and

849
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 2: maybe refuse to listen. To show her the picks, no

850
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 2: matter what, she will feel like crap, but there is

851
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 2: no way to gently rip off the band aid. Two. Hey, op,

852
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 2: pretty sure everyone is telling you to share the pic

853
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 2: right It doesn't like cheaters. The only one thing I

854
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 2: can add is I want to come out and say

855
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 2: her boyfriend is cheating. I just say I saw someone

856
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 2: that looked like your boyfriend at wherever. If you flat

857
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 2: out accuse him, there's a chance she'll defend him. So

858
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: show the evidence and let her do what she wants.

859
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,719
Speaker 2: It's a bit crazy to have two long distant relationships

860
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 2: in the same city, but I assume he's from there

861
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 2: and move. Also possible he grabs someone from an app

862
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 2: as well. Hope, he says, I hope not, but we

863
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 2: will see. I'll have to show her first thing tomorrow

864
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 2: as she gets off fairly late tonight, but thankfully tomorrow

865
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 2: is the weekend, so he goes home so I can

866
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 2: do it without him there or around updates. So a

867
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 2: few people have suggested that my friend is the other woman,

868
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: but in history to why they are long distance relationship.

869
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: From my understanding, they were together for a year and

870
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 2: a half before they moved into his home. They lived

871
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 2: in his home for I believe four years before she

872
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 2: had to move to our city to support her family.

873
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,800
Speaker 2: He wasn't able to follow her because of his company.

874
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:55,839
Speaker 2: He owns his own business. This has not been able

875
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 2: to sell up yet. I'm not sure of the situations

876
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 2: all around of that. All I know is that she

877
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 2: has asked him to come to our city for a

878
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 2: while now so they don't have to do long distance

879
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: relationship anymore. They have been doing long distance relationship for

880
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 2: the last three years. I understand she doesn't want kids

881
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 2: at all. I am not one hundred percent sure how

882
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,439
Speaker 2: she feels about marriage. He's always changing about it. I've

883
00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,839
Speaker 2: decided I will speak to her tonight as he has

884
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:21,879
Speaker 2: left today. He doesn't mention anything to me yesterday at all.

885
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 2: I think with them actually gone and her not working

886
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 2: the next few days. Tonight is the best time to

887
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 2: do it. I think I will be showing her the evidence,

888
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 2: and if she wants any explanation, I will give her

889
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: what I know. But I will be telling her as

890
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 2: I believe as a friend and someone who has been

891
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 2: through the same situation, I would rather want to know.

892
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 2: I'm not one hundred percent sure how up days work here,

893
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 2: but this is how I'm doing it.

894
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,760
Speaker 1: I hope everyone gets them. We have it. Oh boy,

895
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: right here, I'm looking at it.

896
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness, that is crazy. I

897
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,720
Speaker 5: really wanted op to like, like when she was watching

898
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 5: this guy. I really wanted her to like if there

899
00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,720
Speaker 5: was a free table nearby. I wanted her to be like, hey, waiter,

900
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 5: I need to sit there right? Can I sit right there?

901
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:06,839
Speaker 1: You see how long it takes him to realize it?

902
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just you just sitting there staring, sipping on

903
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 5: your drink, just watching, listening.

904
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, yeah, call my friend to have a

905
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 2: chat with her. On Saturday night far out. I was nervous.

906
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: I had no idea what the reaction would be. I

907
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: hoped it would be an okay ish reaction, considering the circumstances.

908
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 2: But yeah, it was tricky. I got all the good

909
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 2: type of goodies one needs in a time like this,

910
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 2: ice stream, junk food, drinks, and a lot of tissues good.

911
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 2: At first, she was confused why I brought everything. I

912
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 2: asked if we could just have a chat about something.

913
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 2: She saw how serious I was, and we talked. It

914
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 2: was a long butt conversation. We cried, we laughed, and

915
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 2: I gave her all the necessary info I could, including

916
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 2: this post. She appreciated me coming to her with the

917
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 2: info and she called him right then and there didn't

918
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 2: cry as she confronted him. I was so proud of her,

919
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,399
Speaker 2: But that effing a hole he gastled her so much.

920
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 2: First by saying, remember, babe, we agreed you and open relationship.

921
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 2: She shut that crap down so quick. Then it was

922
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 2: well your way, we're always doing something blood blah blah blah. Again,

923
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 2: She shut that down real quick. He deflected and blamed

924
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 2: her over and over, never actually apologizing or anything. He

925
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 2: was a totally different person to what we knew him as.

926
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,840
Speaker 2: After all the conversation, we ate junk food and cried together.

927
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 2: She isn't doing okay right now? She thought that they

928
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,320
Speaker 2: would maybe be together for a long time. Things happened.

929
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 2: I'm helping her move on from this horrible thing that

930
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 2: happened to her and with time all will heal. So now, yes,

931
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 2: she is single, and thankfully it's not as bad as

932
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: a breakup if they were still living together, as everything

933
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 2: would have been split. She just had a clean break

934
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 2: from here, hoping she will heal and move on from this.

935
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: But hat and that's the end of that story.

936
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 2: Guys.

937
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 6: Wow, relationship man, Oh wow?

938
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 5: My girlfriend catfished me multiple times to check if I'm

939
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 5: disloyal to her.

940
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 1: That's one stinky little catfish.

941
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,959
Speaker 5: This happened a short while ago, but I only found

942
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 5: out recently and haven't done anything about it. We've been

943
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 5: dating for just over a year. Firstly, I'm a student,

944
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 5: but on Twitter, I'm trying to get a small following

945
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 5: for indie games development, as I'm interested in game development

946
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 5: and like to make a few small things. Not long

947
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 5: before all this happened, I had some tweets showing off

948
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 5: some of my stuff that got moderately popular. I gained

949
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,279
Speaker 5: some followers, got some attention, and it encouraged me to

950
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,560
Speaker 5: post more and more. By the way, this comes from

951
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 5: do it for the metric system, and if you want

952
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go to the our slash

953
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 5: Okay storytime subpreadit. So one night, just before sleeping, I

954
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 5: texted my girlfriend good night, and then my Twitter buzzes

955
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,480
Speaker 5: with someone tweeting at me to message them. Their account

956
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 5: is clearly about indie development stuff too, but mostly bear only,

957
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 5: saying that they'll post their own stuff soon. I figure

958
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 5: it's someone who saw my stuff and wanted to ask

959
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 5: for help, so I messaged them. It didn't take long

960
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 5: for their messages to get weird and flirty, and with

961
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 5: the girl asking if I found her pretty, amongst other things.

962
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 5: He told her that she's asking the wrong person. I

963
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 5: said I had a girlfriend, but they didn't stop. They

964
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 5: sent a picture of her legs, which I deleted, and

965
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 5: then they said to me that they would tell my

966
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 5: girlfriend that I had flirted with them, which I hadn't.

967
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 5: My girlfriend messaged me after all of this, saying that

968
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 5: she couldn't sleep. I told her it would happened, and

969
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 5: then she told me to block the account, so I did.

970
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 5: I dismissed it as a bot, but then thought about

971
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 5: how oddly targeted it was. The fact that they knew

972
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 5: to target not only indie game development, but a specific

973
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 5: subcategory of indie game development that I was interested in.

974
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,720
Speaker 5: I watched the account, thinking that they would repurpose themselves

975
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 5: for another attack if it was really a bot, But

976
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 5: ever since it lay dormant, I found this odd and

977
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 5: concluded it must have been someone who knew of my

978
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 5: account to try and personally attack me. I figured I

979
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 5: would never know who, so I let that be the

980
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 5: end of it. Two to three weeks ago, my girlfriend

981
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:56,320
Speaker 5: did something that led me to believe that catfishing people

982
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 5: wasn't beyond her. I analyzed the messages from the Twitter

983
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:01,720
Speaker 5: account and noticed that they were similar to my girlfriend,

984
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 5: but almost as if it was specifically her, trying to

985
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 5: type as if it's not her. Furthermore, I recalled that

986
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 5: on that night, my girlfriend conveniently disappeared just before this

987
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 5: girl contacts me, and reappeared once the conversation had ended,

988
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 5: where my girlfriend asked specifically what I was doing and

989
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 5: why I couldn't sleep. Lastly, I remember my girlfriend expressing

990
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 5: some insecurity about wishing that she was a game developer

991
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 5: so that I would love her more, which would be

992
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 5: a believable motive. It was all too convenient. I happened

993
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 5: to have her password and I know that she uses

994
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,280
Speaker 5: it for everything, so I try it on the account,

995
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:41,760
Speaker 5: thinking I've got nothing to lose, and boom, I'm into

996
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 5: the account, so I know it was her. She tried

997
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 5: to capfish me with a fake account to prove that

998
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 5: I'm disloyal, and yet I didn't do anything wrong. I

999
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,280
Speaker 5: told the fake girl immediately that I have a girlfriend,

1000
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 5: nor did I flirt back. She brings this up occasionally

1001
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 5: as if it's something that I did wrong, even though

1002
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 5: I know it was her. What should I do? Thanks?

1003
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 5: And there are some comments, but I want to hear

1004
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 5: your comments. What do you think he.

1005
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 1: Should Doakoo break boo, break you break up?

1006
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 5: Yeah? I agree. I think if someone wanted to cheat,

1007
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 5: then they would and you can't do anything about that,

1008
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 5: even though it sucks and you want someone to be loyal,

1009
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,800
Speaker 5: but like you gotta let them cheat and then break

1010
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 5: up with them afterwards.

1011
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: I mean, like, if someone's gonna do that, they're gonna

1012
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 1: do that exactly.

1013
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 5: Exactly.

1014
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 1: It's just like it's too weird.

1015
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 5: It's too weird. You doing well. We do have some comments.

1016
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 5: Comment number one says, if someone has to act this

1017
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,280
Speaker 5: way to make sure that you're loyal. It's time to leave.

1018
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 5: Huge red flags. She needs mental help. You needs to

1019
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 5: leave before she gets worse, Opie responds. If I left,

1020
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 5: she would probably say that she was right all along,

1021
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 5: because she's always kind of doubted my loyalty. I had

1022
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 5: asked her to see a counselor before, but she refused,

1023
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,240
Speaker 5: saying it wouldn't help her and that there are long

1024
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 5: waiting lists in this country. The comments re number two

1025
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,200
Speaker 5: says the girlfriend is still very young. If she was

1026
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,320
Speaker 5: called out on this, she might be able to correct

1027
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 5: their behavior before it becomes a bigger problem. But let's

1028
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 5: be honest, most of us don't correct our behavior until

1029
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 5: it costs us something, and that's not necessarily even enough.

1030
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 5: We do have an update Hello again. Since the last post,

1031
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 5: I had decided to defer any action until after my

1032
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 5: exams to try and minimize the chaos from any fallout

1033
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 5: for any parties involved. Things didn't quite go the way

1034
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 5: I had planned, though. It amazes me that this happened

1035
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 5: again so recently. On Instagram, I had been liking a

1036
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 5: lot of pictures to do with Lego. This happened to

1037
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 5: gain me a lot of followers from Lego fan accounts,

1038
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 5: and I had mentioned this to my girlfriend about how

1039
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 5: strange it was. Then, just five minutes after telling her,

1040
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:51,720
Speaker 5: another account follows me with the username along the lines

1041
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 5: of Lego account. I literally watched the account form in

1042
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,879
Speaker 5: front of my eyes as it followed me and liked

1043
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 5: a series of my pictures. Every time I checked the profile,

1044
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 5: it had more details, suddenly filled in profile, picture, bio,

1045
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 5: et cetera. It followed the exact same format as the

1046
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 5: fake Twitter account, praying on a hobby of mine that

1047
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 5: she doesn't share with a bio, saying that they'll post

1048
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 5: new content soon, looking to make friends, and messaging me

1049
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 5: saying that they liked my stuff and wanted to chat.

1050
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 5: I reverse image searched the Instagram profile and found that

1051
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 5: it was from a girl off of TikTok. Of course,

1052
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 5: it was almost certainly my girlfriend who made the account,

1053
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 5: so I just ignored the account's messages. The messages from

1054
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,960
Speaker 5: the account got more and more extreme, calling my girlfriend

1055
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 5: a salute and sending full unclothed pictures. I logged into

1056
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 5: the Lego account from my girlfriend's password that I knew,

1057
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 5: and sure enough, it was her mid.

1058
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:52,760
Speaker 1: Mid heck, yeah, like, oh my wait, in the middle

1059
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 1: of her sending you all these unhinged lies, you just

1060
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 1: logged into the account and just got you just get

1061
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:00,760
Speaker 1: go stop stop.

1062
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 5: Yeah. I feel like he should log into these accounts

1063
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 5: and then change the user name to like the girlfriend's

1064
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 5: name then and then he's like, why is this account

1065
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 5: saying it's your name? Message? You know these things? What?

1066
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:14,919
Speaker 1: Oh my god?

1067
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 5: I mean he should just be honest and just call

1068
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 5: her out. But like that would be a fun way

1069
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 5: to mess with her, for sure.

1070
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, it would be.

1071
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 5: That night. She must have felt particularly bold because around

1072
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 5: the same time, I got another account popping up on Twitter,

1073
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 5: this time targeting coding. This time it was even sloppier

1074
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 5: than even the Instagram account.

1075
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 6: And I was getting so sick of these endless fake accounts.

1076
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 5: So I just said hi, girlfriend's name, and the account

1077
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 5: instantly blocked me. Then my girlfriend messages me saying that

1078
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 5: she keeps getting emails from her account and asks if

1079
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,319
Speaker 5: I tried to log in. I just explained that I

1080
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 5: knew she had been setting up these fake accounts and

1081
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 5: asked her why she did it, and she immediately starts

1082
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:57,959
Speaker 5: accusing me of things for backstory. The reason I knew

1083
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 5: her password is because a close friend of hers her

1084
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,240
Speaker 5: password and was logging into her accounts and stealing private pictures.

1085
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 5: Oh wow. Of course, since telling her that I was

1086
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 5: logging into her fake accounts, she accused me of logging

1087
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 5: into her main accounts which I hadn't, and being as

1088
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 5: bad as her friend that was stealing her private pictures.

1089
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 5: She accused me of being insensitive to the harm that

1090
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 5: caused her and said how she couldn't believe that I

1091
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 5: didn't trust her so much that I would think it

1092
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 5: was her and log into her accounts. She even accused

1093
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 5: me of checking if the accounts were hers so that

1094
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 5: it would be a clear for me to flirt with them.

1095
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 5: At no point does she acknowledge how unusual that behavior was.

1096
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 5: She asks me to block her and I don't, and

1097
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 5: then the conversation moves on to her saying how I

1098
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 5: don't care about her and how one of her other

1099
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 5: guy friends is the only guy that compliments her. This

1100
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 5: is between exams, so I didn't want to make up

1101
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 5: much of a fuss, but I was astounded that she

1102
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:54,839
Speaker 5: still acted like she had done exactly nothing wrong. It

1103
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,959
Speaker 5: isn't brought up again for a couple of weeks until

1104
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,160
Speaker 5: about two days ago. Mid conversation, she had been saying

1105
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 5: that there's probably lots of girls on my Instagram search history,

1106
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 5: and I said, the only girls in my Instagram search

1107
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,240
Speaker 5: history were from when I reverse image searched the fake account.

1108
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: Brother, Brother, Why are we going weeks after these revelations,

1109
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 1: Why are we still dating her?

1110
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 5: That needed to be the end of it. She immediately

1111
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 5: jumps to saying that I saved nudes because I had

1112
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 5: to save pictures to have performed the reverse image search,

1113
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 5: and then she said how the profile picts were elude

1114
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 5: the profiles that I saved weren't, and she accuses me

1115
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 5: of having the nudes still saved. I actually deleted all

1116
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 5: pictures I used for reverse search, none of which were

1117
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 5: not saved for work, and she accused me of getting

1118
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 5: off to them. She even questions me and using plural

1119
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 5: accounts and says that she only had one account, even

1120
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 5: though I managed to log into at least two with

1121
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:56,319
Speaker 5: her password. She keeps repeating this point that I was

1122
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 5: saving nudes which I wasn't, to completely deflect from me,

1123
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 5: saying that she set up fake accounts. There is a

1124
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,720
Speaker 5: little bit more to the story, but oh my gosh,

1125
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 5: I cannot believe that he hasn't broken up with her.

1126
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 1: I think it was he mentioned that it's like I'm

1127
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 1: deferring anything until after exams. But honestly, I think that

1128
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 1: you need to like really, if this person in any

1129
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 1: way like shares a space with you or as access

1130
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: to like the keys to your house, like you need

1131
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,279
Speaker 1: to change locks, Like you need to be like very

1132
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: because this is not someone living in reality, which can

1133
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 1: be dangerous.

1134
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, absolutely, but yeah, no I don't.

1135
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 1: I don't need to make it more too intense. But

1136
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 1: like if she's able to literally lie to herself about

1137
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,320
Speaker 1: the things she did, Imagine if she lies to herself

1138
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: and she's like he's threatening me, and like what would

1139
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,560
Speaker 1: she like crap, like could she like hurt you? And

1140
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: then just be like no, like yeah, she's just so

1141
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: not in real in the real world. I know, I

1142
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 1: I yeah. But there is a little bit more into

1143
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: the story.

1144
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 5: She says to me that she would rather be catfish

1145
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 5: than to find out that her boyfriend has been saving

1146
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 5: other girls nudes. The only way that she shows any

1147
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 5: form of remorse is to say that we were both

1148
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 5: in the wrong. She tries to deflect to the conversation

1149
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 5: to say about how sad she is, et cetera, and

1150
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 5: I say to her that she's changing the subject, which

1151
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 5: she then accuses me of changing the subject because I

1152
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 5: keep insisting that I didn't save the nudes.

1153
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: Dude, that's not.

1154
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 5: Changing the subject. That's just denying what you're accusing, right.

1155
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: It's just saying like, no, I didn't do that. Honestly,

1156
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 1: at this point, he needs to just be like, Hey,

1157
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 1: that guy you said compliments you. Why don't you just

1158
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: go to him? Yeah, just go to that guy exactly.

1159
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 5: The conversation ends with her saying that she's going to

1160
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 5: talk to one of her friends that actually acknowledges her feelings,

1161
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 5: and then she ignores me for the rest of the day.

1162
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 5: No apology, no real acknowledgment, no explanation, just consistent lies.

1163
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,359
Speaker 5: I'm out a loss here, Guys, How can I get

1164
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,400
Speaker 5: through to her? Is there even any point? Thanks?

1165
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: Again?

1166
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 6: And there are some comments, but OHP doesn't respond to this,

1167
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 6: So just.

1168
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 5: Walk away, walk away?

1169
00:51:59,160 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: Man?

1170
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 6: You know, yeah, I've been in a simpler situation.

1171
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:07,120
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say, when someone accuses you of cheating from

1172
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 5: all the stories, that we've found out it seems like

1173
00:52:11,200 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 5: they are usually.

1174
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: The ones cheating the odds that it's projection. Yeah pretty high.

1175
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:19,600
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories, but

1176
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My boyfriend

1177
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 1: wants to help his ex with her visa by renewing

1178
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: their engagement.

1179
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,080
Speaker 5: That sounds complicated to.

1180
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 1: A bit of context. Here, I, twenty nine female, have

1181
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 1: been with my boyfriend thirty one male for almost two

1182
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:39,359
Speaker 1: years now. We weren't looking for something serious when we met,

1183
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:42,760
Speaker 1: but we instantly clicked and it became serious really fast

1184
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 1: as we were so well with each other. By the way,

1185
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 1: this comes from Lall's do brawls and if you want

1186
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,160
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the our size Okay,

1187
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: storytime subbrend it. So, around three months into this perfect relationship,

1188
00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 1: my boyfriend let's call him John, sat me down as

1189
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 1: he needed to tell me something important about his ex,

1190
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 1: let's call her Jane, thirty four female. As I have

1191
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: absolutely no issues with being in contact and friendly with exes,

1192
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 1: I directly assumed it was something really heavy, like maybe

1193
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: they had a kid, or she was pregnant or something

1194
00:53:14,520 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 1: like that. He reassured me and started to tell me

1195
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: their story. They met in a foreign country. Jane was

1196
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,320
Speaker 1: studying there, perfecting her English and discovering a new country.

1197
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 1: John was there for vacation. They felt for each other

1198
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 1: and had a bit of a long distance relationship for

1199
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 1: a few months before she suggested coming to live in

1200
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:34,760
Speaker 1: our country. John was happy about that because long distance

1201
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: was not really his thing and they were kind of

1202
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 1: in love. Before she moved in, though, he asked her

1203
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:42,760
Speaker 1: if she was sure she wanted to move to another

1204
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 1: country with another language again, and wanted to know if

1205
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 1: she had a plan for a life in our country,

1206
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 1: because he didn't want her to come only for him.

1207
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 1: She assured him that she wanted to come here, not

1208
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 1: just for him, and that she wanted to learn our

1209
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 1: language and continue her studies and have a career here.

1210
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 1: So she came to live in john parents' house. They

1211
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 1: were locked down there a bit due to the VID

1212
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 1: and then they got their own apartment. The thing is

1213
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: that she came here on a vacation visa that expired

1214
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:14,720
Speaker 1: a few months after being there. They rapidly got kind

1215
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 1: of married, not a real marriage, but something you do

1216
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,279
Speaker 1: in my country to prove to the administration that you're

1217
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,960
Speaker 1: an official couple so she could apply for a long

1218
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 1: term visa. When they took the apartment, Even though he

1219
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:29,040
Speaker 1: was the one paying for everything, as she couldn't work

1220
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: without a visa, he put her name everywhere to make

1221
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 1: sure she'd be able to prove they were actually in

1222
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: love and living together in order to ask for the visa.

1223
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,279
Speaker 1: So everything was going kind of great between them. She

1224
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:42,759
Speaker 1: was contributing a bit by doing some babysitting here and there.

1225
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:46,240
Speaker 1: They got a dog, spoke about having a family everything.

1226
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: It was really important to her, and as she is

1227
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,839
Speaker 1: a bit older, she wanted it done sooner than later.

1228
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:55,680
Speaker 1: But quickly things got rough between them and they started

1229
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:58,720
Speaker 1: to become really toxic to each other to some extent

1230
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 1: that I won't share the detail here, but it was

1231
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,279
Speaker 1: really not good. John had a hard time deciding to

1232
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: leave her because even though he wasn't in love anymore,

1233
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 1: he was feeling really guilty to leave her alone in

1234
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: this foreign country without money, visa or the family she

1235
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,959
Speaker 1: had dreamt of. So after a big fight they had,

1236
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 1: he eventually left the house, but promised her to still

1237
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 1: help her financially until she could have the visa and

1238
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 1: be able to work. The situation is like really spiraling. Yeah,

1239
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's being handled correctly.

1240
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean hopefully.

1241
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,800
Speaker 6: It seems like they're they're i don't know, like keeping

1242
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 6: a keeping.

1243
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 5: A distance of their relationship kind of and like keeping

1244
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 5: it strictly like legal, you know, or like for the

1245
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 5: green card or something. I don't know.

1246
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 6: It's it's yeah, it's hard to tell for me.

1247
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 1: Let keep going. Yeah. At that point, he was afraid

1248
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 1: I would not react well to the fact that he

1249
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 1: was still paying her rent and bills, et cetera, and

1250
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:00,120
Speaker 1: was still officially tied to her and was still well

1251
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 1: going to the administration appointments for the visa. He told

1252
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 1: me it was only for a few months more, as

1253
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,400
Speaker 1: she was supposed to get the visa and the job

1254
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: in September. It was around April or May when he

1255
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 1: had told me, and they were separated for almost two years.

1256
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 1: At that point, of course, I was so relieved. To me,

1257
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:17,880
Speaker 1: it was a great thing. I was so happy it

1258
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 1: wasn't something that important, and I figured that if he

1259
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 1: could handle it financially, it was really great that he

1260
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 1: was still helping her, and to me, it was telling

1261
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,480
Speaker 1: how much of a good person he was, but as

1262
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: you can guess, from that point, things slowly became weirder

1263
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:37,280
Speaker 1: and weirder. First of all, I noticed she was calling

1264
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 1: him more than necessary, sometimes in the middle of the night,

1265
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 1: calling five times in a row, sending a bunch of

1266
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: text messages, saying how much of a mistake it was

1267
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 1: to leave her, that no one could love him more

1268
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 1: than her, etc. And at that point he blocked her,

1269
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,880
Speaker 1: but he left his emails open if she needed it

1270
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 1: for the administration thing or the dog, because they're sharing

1271
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 1: custody of the dog. Of course, she started spamming his

1272
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 1: email too. I overheard some of their conversations on the phone,

1273
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:09,000
Speaker 1: and every time he was not acting friendly with her,

1274
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,920
Speaker 1: he used a dry tone and was clear with her

1275
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:15,760
Speaker 1: that she had to stop these behaviors. We're often speaking

1276
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 1: about it, and I told him I didn't feel good

1277
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:20,440
Speaker 1: with this situation because I thought it was just a

1278
00:57:20,440 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: friendly relationship, but it is clearly not. She's clearly not

1279
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: over him and clearly completely dependent. Every time I raised

1280
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: the concerns, he tells me that he wishes it was over,

1281
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 1: but he wanted to go through what he promised, and

1282
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 1: that it would be over as soon as she got

1283
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: the visa, so I accepted it. As you can guess,

1284
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 1: she didn't get a visa. In September, it was pushed

1285
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 1: back again and again she was still so manipulative, saying

1286
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 1: how much he owes her, and how he should be

1287
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: paying for her school, how he's not a human for

1288
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 1: having abandoned her, etc. Last January, she finally got her visa.

1289
00:57:56,440 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 1: I was happy for her and also for us, as

1290
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:00,760
Speaker 1: I thought it was the end of it. John went

1291
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 1: to celebrate it a bit with her and her mom,

1292
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 1: who was visiting, and they all agreed that now she

1293
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 1: should get her life together and find a job to

1294
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 1: be able to provide for herself. As you can still

1295
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 1: as you still correctly guess, she did not do this.

1296
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 1: John was still paying for everything. At some point he

1297
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 1: even had to take a little loan from the bank

1298
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,680
Speaker 1: as he couldn't afford to pay both for his life

1299
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 1: and his new Wait. He had to take a little

1300
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 1: loan from the bank as he couldn't afford to pay

1301
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: for both his life and his new apartment and hers.

1302
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 5: All right, why are we paying for hers? What's that about?

1303
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,680
Speaker 1: I feel like he just feels so responsible for her

1304
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 1: that if something bad were to happen, like you know,

1305
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: she becomes the homeless or like, yeah, whatever, it's like

1306
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 1: he'd be like, well, that'd be on me, But really

1307
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: it's not. It's not on you, No, especially not now

1308
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:55,600
Speaker 1: she has a visa. She can get a job. You

1309
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: need to stop providing.

1310
00:58:57,240 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 6: For her, absolutely, especially now that you girlfriend.

1311
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: Right, I supposed to end at the visa. Yeah, when

1312
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 1: he told me that, I was so sad because I

1313
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: thought he could afford paying for someone else that long.

1314
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 1: It's been almost three years now, but he can't totally,

1315
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: and that's impacting him more than I thought. In March,

1316
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 1: three months after she got the visa, she got sick

1317
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:22,960
Speaker 1: and had to get an operation. Of course, she called

1318
00:59:23,040 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 1: John to tell him and ask him every single thing

1319
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 1: she could. She even asked him to stay with her

1320
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 1: a few nights after the operation, as the doctors recommended.

1321
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,880
Speaker 1: He asked her if she couldn't, I don't know ask

1322
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 1: this to her friends, and she had the nerve to

1323
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,080
Speaker 1: reply that their friends have their own partners and their

1324
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 1: own lives to take care of, as if John didn't

1325
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 1: have one. She also tried to manipulate him, saying she

1326
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: was sick because of the pressure he put on her

1327
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 1: to get a job. Anyway, Jane's mom went visiting again,

1328
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: and John's mom helped them settle after the operation since

1329
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 1: she had to recover from the operation. Of course, getting

1330
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: a job now wasn't even on the table, so I

1331
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:02,560
Speaker 1: waited again. At some point end of April, John went

1332
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 1: there with his father to have a meet up with

1333
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 1: Jane and her mom. It was important that John's father

1334
01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 1: was involved, as he is the one helping him pay

1335
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 1: everything for her. John came back home saying it went

1336
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 1: really great and they agreed to pay for themselves starting

1337
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 1: in July. I was pissed though, because it took so long.

1338
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 1: It was still a long time, and also Jane went

1339
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:25,240
Speaker 1: on crying in front of both parents, saying how much

1340
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 1: John is not nice with her, how much she has

1341
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:31,439
Speaker 1: so much pressure that she hasn't even started to search

1342
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,480
Speaker 1: for a real job. She basically spent six months looking

1343
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: exclusively for her dream job. Anyway, as John said, Jane

1344
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 1: and her mother gave their word in front of him

1345
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 1: and his father and that it was nearly over. So

1346
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,920
Speaker 1: again I had waited. In May, Jane called John saying

1347
01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 1: that she got a new job. I was so relieved,

1348
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 1: like it was finally over. But as you can still guess,

1349
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 1: she had something else to ask. She wanted him to

1350
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 1: renew his engagement to her so she can ask for

1351
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:04,640
Speaker 1: two year visa as the first one is expiring in January.

1352
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 1: It is so irritating because now that she is legal

1353
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: and has a job, she can just ask her company

1354
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 1: and apply for a working visa. But she's saying that

1355
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: she's not so sure about the company. It's just the beginning,

1356
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 1: and it would be easier to just renew the visa

1357
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:23,200
Speaker 1: with John. Of course I agree it's it is easier,

1358
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:26,800
Speaker 1: but she proved that she doesn't deserve it. She can't

1359
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: be trusted. She recently sent an email because she had

1360
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:33,680
Speaker 1: She recently sent an email because she had HR questions

1361
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 1: to ask John. He said that he doesn't care and

1362
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 1: she needs to ask the internet or her HR team right.

1363
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: Stop talking to John, Jane. Yeah, he is not your

1364
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend exactly. Man, there's some people that really need to

1365
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 1: understand that.

1366
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, sometimes it would be easier to I don't know,

1367
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 5: marry a rich old man. But if you're dating someone

1368
01:01:58,080 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 5: like you, shouldn't. You shouldn't do that to get money,

1369
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 5: you know, what I mean.

1370
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:05,360
Speaker 1: Put that in the Bible, like it's already in the pipe.

1371
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 1: Who can get married to a rich old man, but

1372
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 1: if you're dating somebody, dating somebody and changes things kind

1373
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 1: of not a very cool guy move.

1374
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1375
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 1: She answered that legally, he doesn't have the right to

1376
01:02:17,120 --> 01:02:20,760
Speaker 1: not care about her situation, which is true because they

1377
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:24,160
Speaker 1: are legally tied and they've been lying to the administration

1378
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 1: for a few years now, so he could be in

1379
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 1: trouble for that. I'm so pissed that she had the

1380
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 1: nerve to threaten him after everything he's done for her.

1381
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: She also said that she won't be paying as planned

1382
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: in July because she wants to know first that her

1383
01:02:38,120 --> 01:02:40,880
Speaker 1: and their dog will be safe, meaning she won't pay

1384
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 1: anything until they renew the visa. To be honest, I

1385
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:45,880
Speaker 1: could go on for hours about what she has done.

1386
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: She still gives well wishes on their anniversary, perfuming the

1387
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:52,360
Speaker 1: dog so he smells like her, posting ai pictures of

1388
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: them together on Instagram, not telling her family they broke up,

1389
01:02:56,240 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: et cetera. She's so childish and manipulative. At the same time,

1390
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: I told John that I don't want him to renew

1391
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 1: the visa because she doesn't deserve it. He has already

1392
01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:10,200
Speaker 1: done what he promised to do. She has possibilities to

1393
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 1: do it. With her job. He will still be legally

1394
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 1: tied to her, and he won't and she won't stop

1395
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 1: asking for everything. I feel like it's so disrespectful to

1396
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 1: me because of how she is acting like I and

1397
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:24,800
Speaker 1: our relationship don't matter. He, on the other hand, wants

1398
01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 1: to renew the thing because he wants it to end peacefully,

1399
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 1: and he knows she'll become crazy if she doesn't get

1400
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 1: what he wants. He believes it is simpler to just

1401
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 1: do it rather than argue with her and make her

1402
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:38,520
Speaker 1: feel like there's still a thing. He wants to believe

1403
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:40,720
Speaker 1: her when she says it's the last thing she asks.

1404
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:43,880
Speaker 1: Her life is at stake and it's more important than

1405
01:03:43,880 --> 01:03:46,160
Speaker 1: my feelings. I have told him that he is giving

1406
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 1: her much more power than she actually has. He can

1407
01:03:49,160 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 1: just block her on everything and stop paying. She won't

1408
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 1: have any other choice than to figure things out on

1409
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:58,920
Speaker 1: her own. The only thing is that he won't be

1410
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 1: able to see the dog any more. She has already

1411
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: threatened to not let him see the dog if he

1412
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: doesn't do what she wants. We have a little more

1413
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 1: story left. But I mean, Angie, what are you do?

1414
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 5: You do you have any.

1415
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,440
Speaker 1: Like summarizing thoughts here?

1416
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:16,000
Speaker 5: I just like, you gotta let go of the dog. Sorry. Man,

1417
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:19,680
Speaker 5: If like she's literally blackmailing you, that is kind of.

1418
01:04:19,720 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: That's ridiculous to me, being like, dog custody is the

1419
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 1: thing that's going to keep you like together with this person.

1420
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 1: Like I get it if it was just like, oh,

1421
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 1: we just kind of like it's weird vibes, like yeah, sure,

1422
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:32,919
Speaker 1: like but it's still like a dog. It's like your dog,

1423
01:04:32,960 --> 01:04:33,760
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah.

1424
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 6: Okay, fine.

1425
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 5: But like but if this was a normal breakup and

1426
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,120
Speaker 5: you had, like she had a dog that you ever

1427
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 5: really attached to, that's just part of the loss that

1428
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:45,560
Speaker 5: you gotta deal with. So, man, especially when she's freaking

1429
01:04:45,640 --> 01:04:48,960
Speaker 5: blackmailing you, you gotta let go and let go the

1430
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 5: one thing tying you to that.

1431
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,880
Speaker 1: Relationship that actually happened to me, I think. But it

1432
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,560
Speaker 1: wasn't a dog. It was a cat. Oh really, I didn't. Yeah.

1433
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, we can't both have the cat.

1434
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 5: So I guess did you get cat together? Huh? Did

1435
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:05,880
Speaker 5: you get the cat together? Or was it like dang man,

1436
01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 5: that's a commitment.

1437
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:09,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, cat's total crackhead.

1438
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:11,800
Speaker 6: Really, yeah, that's what you off from a cat.

1439
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 1: Though, yeah, I mean kind of. It was more like

1440
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: he was like like the equivalent of like if a

1441
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: human was raised in the woods by wolves. It's like

1442
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,840
Speaker 1: he had zero social skills and like did not know

1443
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,800
Speaker 1: how to properly act like a cat because when he

1444
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:29,080
Speaker 1: was like a baby, like in the litter, he got pneumonia,

1445
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:32,959
Speaker 1: so he got separated from like during the timeline where

1446
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:35,080
Speaker 1: you look, the cats learned all of their social skills

1447
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 1: and behaviors, he was isolated. So he's like actually, just

1448
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:41,920
Speaker 1: like he was like a just fair, a fairal like

1449
01:05:42,160 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 1: wolf child, had no idea how to act.

1450
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 5: Wow, interesting he was.

1451
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:51,439
Speaker 1: He was great. So here's where I need advice from

1452
01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 1: the nice strangers on the internet. I really want him

1453
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 1: to stand up for himself and for us and not

1454
01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 1: renew the thing. By now, I think I've reached the

1455
01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:01,480
Speaker 1: point where I'm not able to get on with this

1456
01:06:01,520 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 1: situation anymore. But on the other hand, I know that

1457
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 1: her life is at stake, and I feel like an

1458
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 1: a hole trying to push for her. Not being able

1459
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,240
Speaker 1: to renew with him, I feel like I'm becoming crazy

1460
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:14,200
Speaker 1: over this. I need some outside perspectives on how I

1461
01:06:14,200 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 1: should approach things. Could you please give me some advice.

1462
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,760
Speaker 1: Have some of you been in a similar situation? And

1463
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. And here's what

1464
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 1: I'll say to that. Literally, just say everything that you

1465
01:06:26,040 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 1: said in this post. To have a conversation with him

1466
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 1: about this. Approach it with entirely open. And what that

1467
01:06:32,960 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: means is that you might have to be open to

1468
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:39,280
Speaker 1: the relationship being over. If you're like, Hey, I can't

1469
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:45,280
Speaker 1: deal with you being engaged legally to this crazy X

1470
01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:47,880
Speaker 1: that you have who does not treat you right. He

1471
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:50,840
Speaker 1: does not deserve your assistance. She's a grown woman who

1472
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:53,480
Speaker 1: can help herself. And if he's like, I just can't.

1473
01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:55,840
Speaker 1: I can't do that, you have to go all right,

1474
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,600
Speaker 1: well I can't do it, so I'm gonna leave.

1475
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 5: My partner judged me for cutting off my mother. He

1476
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 5: just doesn't understand.

1477
01:07:04,600 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: Hey, who are you to judge? Come on.

1478
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes directly from the r slash

1479
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 5: Okay story time sepread it to one.

1480
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:12,680
Speaker 1: Of our own.

1481
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, I will try to make this brief, but I

1482
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 5: have a tendency to be worthy. So my apologies beforehand,

1483
01:07:18,680 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 5: expect typos as well. I'm dyslexic. I see you. Riley,

1484
01:07:22,160 --> 01:07:24,680
Speaker 5: I thirty eight non binary, have been with my partner

1485
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 5: fifty four mail off and on for about eight years.

1486
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:30,919
Speaker 5: Before anyone says anything about the age difference, just note

1487
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 5: that I was thirty when we initially got together. That's

1488
01:07:33,840 --> 01:07:38,160
Speaker 5: also when we first met, and I absolutely, without question,

1489
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 5: came on to him first. Eliwell, by the way, this

1490
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:44,040
Speaker 5: comes from a pinball, not head, and if you want

1491
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:45,760
Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go to that r slash

1492
01:07:45,760 --> 01:07:48,160
Speaker 5: Okay storytime separating. However, I'm not going to lie and

1493
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 5: say our relationship has always been perfectly angelic. We've had

1494
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:55,400
Speaker 5: lots of ups and downs, and when our relationship gets down,

1495
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:56,280
Speaker 5: it can.

1496
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,520
Speaker 6: Be really, really down due to the fact.

1497
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:01,640
Speaker 5: That we both suffer from major of disorder. Because of this,

1498
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 5: when we both hit bad lows at the same time,

1499
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,920
Speaker 5: we can go from being lovers and best friends to

1500
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 5: each other's worst nightmare. We understand this about each other

1501
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 5: now and do our best to be supportive instead of

1502
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:15,840
Speaker 5: accusatory these days. In December, I had to go in

1503
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:18,840
Speaker 5: no contact with my mother seventy four female. The reason

1504
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,559
Speaker 5: why is a very long story worthy of a Reddit

1505
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,160
Speaker 5: post all to itself, but let's just say that she's

1506
01:08:24,200 --> 01:08:27,600
Speaker 5: always been an abusive, self absorbed person, and things have

1507
01:08:27,720 --> 01:08:30,680
Speaker 5: gotten worse for multiple reasons, and I simply could not

1508
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:33,960
Speaker 5: tolerate it anymore, not to mention because of another self

1509
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 5: absorbed person in her orbit, things had gotten where it

1510
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:40,040
Speaker 5: was literally unsafe for me to even try to be

1511
01:08:40,080 --> 01:08:43,240
Speaker 5: close to her. My partner, let's call him, Silas, and

1512
01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:46,640
Speaker 5: I love each other very much and very deeply. Unfortunately,

1513
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 5: family is a deeper trigger for him, especially mothers. This

1514
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 5: is because his own passed away due to illness over

1515
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:55,760
Speaker 5: a decade ago and he was her caretaker. Yeah, in

1516
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:58,559
Speaker 5: my opinion, I don't think he ever actually processed that grief.

1517
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:00,919
Speaker 5: The first quarter of the year can be very difficult

1518
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,680
Speaker 5: for him because they contained both his mother's birthday and

1519
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 5: passing date before, both of which put an extreme strain

1520
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 5: on him emotionally and mentally. Silas has been aware of

1521
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:13,120
Speaker 5: the difficult relationship that I've had with my mother from

1522
01:09:13,160 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 5: the very start. He's been there to hold me and

1523
01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:17,599
Speaker 5: comfort me because of the things this woman has put

1524
01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:20,200
Speaker 5: me through. The fact that our immediate families and childhood's

1525
01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:22,920
Speaker 5: pretty much sucked. Has been a bonding point for us,

1526
01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:26,200
Speaker 5: far from the only one, don't worry. It's also been

1527
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:28,400
Speaker 5: a great comfort knowing that he could empathize with that

1528
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:31,439
Speaker 5: aspect of my life. But when I went no contact,

1529
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:34,960
Speaker 5: his attitude about the situation completely changed. Silas was and

1530
01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:37,320
Speaker 5: is very much of the opinion that one should never

1531
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 5: entirely cut off anyone, especially family. He thinks that if

1532
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:43,320
Speaker 5: he should reach out to my mother, he has every

1533
01:09:43,400 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 5: right to do so, and I have no right or

1534
01:09:45,320 --> 01:09:47,760
Speaker 5: reason to feel hurt by that action. If I am

1535
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 5: heard by that, it's manipulation and controlling on my part.

1536
01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:55,360
Speaker 5: Today I found out that blocked numbers can still receive voicemails.

1537
01:09:55,600 --> 01:09:59,120
Speaker 5: Who knew because my egg donor left one. She was

1538
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:01,280
Speaker 5: upset that I hadn't told her about some health issues

1539
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 5: that I've been having lately, and the voicemail was clearly

1540
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:05,920
Speaker 5: both trying to shame and guilt me for not talking

1541
01:10:05,960 --> 01:10:08,040
Speaker 5: to her. What's funny is that if she had just

1542
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:10,240
Speaker 5: checked her emails, she would have known that I did

1543
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:12,559
Speaker 5: tell her, I just didn't give a lot of details.

1544
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:14,640
Speaker 5: I sent a group email explaining that I would be

1545
01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:16,840
Speaker 5: out of pocket for a while and why and she

1546
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,400
Speaker 5: was one of the recipients. To be sure that I

1547
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:21,759
Speaker 5: wasn't being biased, I sent a copy of the voicemail

1548
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 5: to multiple people, both friends and family. Everyone agreed that

1549
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:28,800
Speaker 5: she was trying to be manipulative, except for Silas. He

1550
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:32,920
Speaker 5: insisted that she just sounded concerned. Listen, I care very

1551
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 5: deeply about this man. I've been anti marriage my entire life,

1552
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,960
Speaker 5: but if you were to ask, I would absolutely marry him.

1553
01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:42,600
Speaker 5: But his absolute blindness to this issue is starting to

1554
01:10:42,600 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 5: be too much. He consistently says that he doesn't judge people,

1555
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 5: but that's how I feel anytime this comes up. I

1556
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:52,040
Speaker 5: feel judged. I feel like because I finally found the

1557
01:10:52,040 --> 01:10:54,479
Speaker 5: courage to walk away from someone that was supposed to

1558
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:56,920
Speaker 5: love and cherish me yet never really did.

1559
01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 6: He's ashamed of me.

1560
01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:01,000
Speaker 5: And I know that this post is looking for advice,

1561
01:11:01,240 --> 01:11:03,680
Speaker 5: but please don't let the first thing anyone says be

1562
01:11:03,840 --> 01:11:06,680
Speaker 5: break up. Yeah, I'm aware I can do that. The

1563
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:08,760
Speaker 5: reason I said off and on earlier is because I

1564
01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:11,080
Speaker 5: have broken up with him before, and now we have

1565
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,479
Speaker 5: an agreement. If we break up again, we won't even

1566
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:16,120
Speaker 5: try to stay friends and will completely walk away from

1567
01:11:16,160 --> 01:11:18,960
Speaker 5: each other because we clearly can't avoid getting back together

1568
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:22,120
Speaker 5: so long as we're in each other's lives. And I

1569
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:25,640
Speaker 5: know the second suggestion is therapy. Well, I'm already in

1570
01:11:25,720 --> 01:11:28,400
Speaker 5: therapy and have been for a while. Silas, on the

1571
01:11:28,400 --> 01:11:31,719
Speaker 5: other hand, has had therapy weaponized against him at multiple

1572
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:34,120
Speaker 5: points in his life, so he no longer trusts it.

1573
01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:37,080
Speaker 5: I've asked him for a couples counseling multiple times and

1574
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:40,720
Speaker 5: he refuses, saying only people who need help breaking up

1575
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:41,919
Speaker 5: do couples counseling.

1576
01:11:42,080 --> 01:11:49,160
Speaker 1: Pause. This sounds extremely suspicious. Yeah, Like, first of all,

1577
01:11:49,360 --> 01:11:52,519
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm allowed to feel however I want to

1578
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:56,160
Speaker 1: feel about you, but you are not allowed to feel

1579
01:11:56,360 --> 01:11:59,160
Speaker 1: anything about the way I feel about you.

1580
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think, say aloud, I read that thing wrong

1581
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 5: Earlier that said, like, you know, if he if he

1582
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:09,760
Speaker 5: decides to reach out to Ope's mom, then uh, then

1583
01:12:09,840 --> 01:12:12,679
Speaker 5: they can't have any like response to it. I totally

1584
01:12:12,720 --> 01:12:15,120
Speaker 5: read that wrong. I thought that like he was saying

1585
01:12:15,160 --> 01:12:18,720
Speaker 5: that if if like they want to walk away or

1586
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:19,600
Speaker 5: something like that. I don't know.

1587
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,120
Speaker 1: I totally read that wrong. But he's that very was

1588
01:12:22,360 --> 01:12:25,639
Speaker 1: a manipulative thing. He's literally saying, your feelings don't matter.

1589
01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:28,519
Speaker 1: My feelings you matter throughout this all of that. Yeah,

1590
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:30,840
Speaker 1: Like even THO where it's like, well, now if we've

1591
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:33,040
Speaker 1: been on and off again, He's like, yeah, I want

1592
01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:35,519
Speaker 1: was it a group decision really to be like if

1593
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,360
Speaker 1: we break up again, we'll never ever see each other

1594
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:41,759
Speaker 1: ever in our lives? Yeah? Or or was that his idea?

1595
01:12:41,960 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 1: Was that like an ultimatum, is that you never break

1596
01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:47,960
Speaker 1: up again? Yeah? Because clearly it's working right And then

1597
01:12:48,040 --> 01:12:49,840
Speaker 1: now he can you know, and.

1598
01:12:49,880 --> 01:12:52,759
Speaker 5: I don't trust this guy so far, very extreme.

1599
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:55,120
Speaker 1: He seems very good at manipulating EUOPI. Yeah.

1600
01:12:55,320 --> 01:12:57,479
Speaker 5: I tried to explain that that's not how that works,

1601
01:12:57,520 --> 01:12:59,720
Speaker 5: but that's exactly what's happened to him before. So I

1602
01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:02,400
Speaker 5: can't and say blame him for having that mindset. I

1603
01:13:02,520 --> 01:13:04,479
Speaker 5: actually have a list of reasons for why I think

1604
01:13:04,520 --> 01:13:06,400
Speaker 5: he feels the way he does about my choices about

1605
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:09,760
Speaker 5: my mother and including his own mothers passing away. I

1606
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:12,240
Speaker 5: can add the whole thing if anyone wants that, but

1607
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:14,840
Speaker 5: at this point I don't need the why as much

1608
01:13:14,880 --> 01:13:16,720
Speaker 5: as I need a way for him to understand that

1609
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:19,680
Speaker 5: his mindset is neither helpful nor supportive, but it's in

1610
01:13:19,800 --> 01:13:22,400
Speaker 5: fact hurtful and that I'm not wrong in being upset

1611
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:25,919
Speaker 5: about it, so help please, And there are some comments,

1612
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:29,639
Speaker 5: but yeah, what would you say if you're not saying breakup,

1613
01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:32,800
Speaker 5: and if you're not saying go to therapy, what would

1614
01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:33,719
Speaker 5: you do in the situation?

1615
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:36,200
Speaker 1: Well, you know, and there's another thing. I you know

1616
01:13:36,400 --> 01:13:38,760
Speaker 1: that I've just talked about the the fact that he

1617
01:13:38,960 --> 01:13:41,320
Speaker 1: was like, not therapy was weaponized against me, So I

1618
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:44,880
Speaker 1: don't trust it. Yeah, that honestly could read as like

1619
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:46,960
Speaker 1: and look, if you go to therapy with like an abuser,

1620
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:49,040
Speaker 1: they very much can weaponize your therapy against you. So

1621
01:13:49,120 --> 01:13:51,320
Speaker 1: you should never go to therapy with an abuser. Sure,

1622
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:53,640
Speaker 1: but like for him to just be like therapy, I

1623
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:56,519
Speaker 1: don't trust it really reads is like, nah, I don't

1624
01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:59,760
Speaker 1: like people like really putting my issues out in the

1625
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:03,200
Speaker 1: spot and telling me things I need to change exactly

1626
01:14:03,320 --> 01:14:05,519
Speaker 1: because I don't want to exactly.

1627
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,960
Speaker 5: I don't think that's a weapon against you. I think

1628
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:11,479
Speaker 5: it's just you're just having to confront your own mistakes.

1629
01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:14,080
Speaker 1: He would have to relinquish some level of control over

1630
01:14:14,120 --> 01:14:16,960
Speaker 1: the situation to the therapist. Yeah, and of course he

1631
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:19,120
Speaker 1: doesn't want to do that because it really reads I

1632
01:14:19,160 --> 01:14:21,240
Speaker 1: don't know if you recognize his OPI, it reads like

1633
01:14:21,280 --> 01:14:24,599
Speaker 1: he's controlling the entire relationship at this point down from

1634
01:14:24,640 --> 01:14:27,559
Speaker 1: the top down to the point where you're you're no contact.

1635
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:30,559
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm not no contact with your mom

1636
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,240
Speaker 1: and you can't do anything about it.

1637
01:14:32,640 --> 01:14:35,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, we do have some comments, So comming number one says,

1638
01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:38,760
Speaker 5: so sorry, op Since y'all do love each other and

1639
01:14:38,960 --> 01:14:41,559
Speaker 5: once to stay together and counseling isn't an option, then

1640
01:14:41,600 --> 01:14:44,000
Speaker 5: you need to have someone other than Silas to support

1641
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:46,799
Speaker 5: you and that you can discuss your mother. I personally

1642
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:49,519
Speaker 5: think that Silas is wrong. Sometimes people are so horrible

1643
01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:51,920
Speaker 5: and selfish that cutting ties is the healthiest thing to do.

1644
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:54,800
Speaker 5: My dad cut off his toxic family. I will forever

1645
01:14:54,920 --> 01:14:57,680
Speaker 5: appreciate that because he protected us. We grew up with

1646
01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:01,080
Speaker 5: healthy relationships because he made that to decision. You can't

1647
01:15:01,120 --> 01:15:04,200
Speaker 5: help how you feel. Silas's attitude and words have hurt you.

1648
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:07,360
Speaker 5: That's a fact, even if he chooses not to acknowledge it.

1649
01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:09,720
Speaker 5: My husband won't go to counseling, but will listen to

1650
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:14,200
Speaker 5: self help books. Maybe that could be an alternative, something

1651
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:17,479
Speaker 5: that y'all could start out doing together. Maybe Opie says

1652
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,840
Speaker 5: that may be an option. He spends half the week

1653
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:22,080
Speaker 5: out of town because of work, not worried about cheating

1654
01:15:22,160 --> 01:15:23,200
Speaker 5: We're Polly, and.

1655
01:15:23,439 --> 01:15:25,720
Speaker 6: During the road trip he listens to audiobooks a lot.

1656
01:15:25,800 --> 01:15:28,320
Speaker 5: Anyway, up, I thought on the advice of the comments,

1657
01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 5: and also talked to my therapist about it. My therapist,

1658
01:15:31,080 --> 01:15:33,679
Speaker 5: I think, gave me the best advice. Have a deep

1659
01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:36,080
Speaker 5: heart to heart with him about it, but wait to

1660
01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:38,560
Speaker 5: do it. Wait until he's not so sensitive about his

1661
01:15:38,680 --> 01:15:40,760
Speaker 5: own mother, if you can. I thought that that was

1662
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:43,280
Speaker 5: fabulous advice, and that he would be far more open

1663
01:15:43,320 --> 01:15:45,439
Speaker 5: to being empathetic if he wasn't so caught up in

1664
01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:46,120
Speaker 5: his own feels.

1665
01:15:46,520 --> 01:15:47,200
Speaker 1: So I waited.

1666
01:15:47,640 --> 01:15:50,599
Speaker 5: In fact, I waited so long that I forgot because

1667
01:15:50,640 --> 01:15:54,880
Speaker 5: the issue didn't come up again until last week. The

1668
01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,920
Speaker 5: egg donor and her flying monkeys were making trouble for

1669
01:15:57,960 --> 01:16:01,559
Speaker 5: an organization that I volunteer for, because why not right

1670
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,479
Speaker 5: things that I didn't have to deal with directly. But

1671
01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:07,960
Speaker 5: they knew that I would see fun times, and rather

1672
01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:11,160
Speaker 5: than make silas deal or start a fight. When he

1673
01:16:11,240 --> 01:16:13,360
Speaker 5: would ask how I was or how my day was,

1674
01:16:13,520 --> 01:16:15,639
Speaker 5: I would just tell him something like, oh, the drama

1675
01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:18,519
Speaker 5: queen is at it again, this would tell him all

1676
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:20,960
Speaker 5: that he really needed to know that the woman formerly

1677
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:23,200
Speaker 5: known as my mother was stressing out my world, and

1678
01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:26,599
Speaker 5: if he wanted more details he could ask. Sometimes he did,

1679
01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:28,960
Speaker 5: but normally he would just comfort me. And that's all

1680
01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:31,639
Speaker 5: I had really wanted was some comfort. So when when

1681
01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:34,200
Speaker 5: later in the week, Silas calls me while he's away

1682
01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:36,280
Speaker 5: he's gone a half of the week for work, again,

1683
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:39,920
Speaker 5: he was highly distraught because he had just gotten some

1684
01:16:40,080 --> 01:16:42,840
Speaker 5: bad news about his family. It's private and not actually

1685
01:16:42,880 --> 01:16:45,000
Speaker 5: relevant to the story, but the point is we ended

1686
01:16:45,080 --> 01:16:47,160
Speaker 5: up talking for a long time while he calms down.

1687
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:51,160
Speaker 5: Eventually he just suddenly said, without prompting, I'm sorry for

1688
01:16:51,280 --> 01:16:53,400
Speaker 5: not being there for you when you cut off your mom.

1689
01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:58,200
Speaker 5: I was literally stunned into silence. True family has started

1690
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 5: this call, but I was not expecting that, and I

1691
01:17:01,160 --> 01:17:03,240
Speaker 5: had been doing my best not to bring any of

1692
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,040
Speaker 5: my stress onto him while he was venting. And there

1693
01:17:06,160 --> 01:17:07,479
Speaker 5: is a little bit more to the story, but I

1694
01:17:07,560 --> 01:17:11,000
Speaker 5: am so curious about what happened to give him this change,

1695
01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:11,479
Speaker 5: And in.

1696
01:17:11,560 --> 01:17:13,400
Speaker 1: Opinion, I mean, you know, it's a lot of time

1697
01:17:13,439 --> 01:17:17,479
Speaker 1: went by, like yeah, you know, I don't know. I

1698
01:17:17,600 --> 01:17:20,280
Speaker 1: think people can get clarity from a lot of different places.

1699
01:17:21,120 --> 01:17:23,599
Speaker 1: I still feel like there's some elements of this relationship

1700
01:17:23,680 --> 01:17:28,679
Speaker 1: that are like kinda hmm, I mean unhealthy, Like yeah,

1701
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:31,800
Speaker 1: the fact that wait so wait also wait wait wait

1702
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:33,840
Speaker 1: wait wait wait. So you guys are together, but you're

1703
01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:37,320
Speaker 1: also polly. But if you guys go off again again

1704
01:17:37,760 --> 01:17:41,280
Speaker 1: because you've been on and off, there's now an ultimatum

1705
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:44,120
Speaker 1: that y'all will completely cut each other out of each

1706
01:17:44,120 --> 01:17:47,400
Speaker 1: other's lives. Yeah, that just sound I don't if that

1707
01:17:47,640 --> 01:17:50,160
Speaker 1: was a group idea, great, but I I you know,

1708
01:17:50,240 --> 01:17:53,439
Speaker 1: if that came from maybe from silis more than op.

1709
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:57,519
Speaker 1: It sounds like him being like, well, you are not

1710
01:17:57,560 --> 01:17:59,320
Speaker 1: allowed to leave anymore essentially.

1711
01:17:59,720 --> 01:18:02,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, Yeah, it sounds like we're done done.

1712
01:18:02,240 --> 01:18:04,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't like that. I don't like that either,

1713
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:06,400
Speaker 1: And you don't like that either. Ope, you literally said

1714
01:18:06,439 --> 01:18:08,400
Speaker 1: it in the post. You're like, and that's why we

1715
01:18:08,479 --> 01:18:12,080
Speaker 1: can't break up, Yeah, which, yeah, is not really fair

1716
01:18:12,439 --> 01:18:16,439
Speaker 1: because in an open and honest relationship, really, that potential

1717
01:18:16,520 --> 01:18:21,400
Speaker 1: is kind of always there underneath everything. Yeah, but I

1718
01:18:21,439 --> 01:18:22,760
Speaker 1: don't think I don't think you could be in a

1719
01:18:22,760 --> 01:18:25,800
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody with the caveat of like and we're

1720
01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:28,040
Speaker 1: and you're never allowed to break up if we and

1721
01:18:28,160 --> 01:18:30,840
Speaker 1: if we break up one more time, yeah, I'll never

1722
01:18:30,920 --> 01:18:33,439
Speaker 1: talk to you again. Yeah, like it's kind of it's

1723
01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:34,120
Speaker 1: kind of wild.

1724
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:37,800
Speaker 5: But we do have more to this story, so he continued,

1725
01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:40,240
Speaker 5: I know that's your relationship and not mine, and that

1726
01:18:40,439 --> 01:18:42,719
Speaker 5: it's for you to handle the way you see fits.

1727
01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:45,160
Speaker 5: I've been doing my best to keep quiet about it

1728
01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:47,600
Speaker 5: and just be supportive to you. By this point, I

1729
01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:49,760
Speaker 5: was tearing up a bit and had to push it back.

1730
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:53,040
Speaker 5: Thank you, I told him, really, you don't know how

1731
01:18:53,120 --> 01:18:55,800
Speaker 5: much I appreciate you saying that. I've been trying not

1732
01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:58,639
Speaker 5: to overwhelm you with it either, and then we change

1733
01:18:58,680 --> 01:19:01,720
Speaker 5: the subject. This, this is why I didn't want to

1734
01:19:01,760 --> 01:19:03,800
Speaker 5: break up. This is why I wanted to advise and

1735
01:19:03,920 --> 01:19:07,400
Speaker 5: alternatives because this man, well his skull is as thick

1736
01:19:07,439 --> 01:19:10,519
Speaker 5: as a husky's coat. But he's a good egg, a

1737
01:19:10,680 --> 01:19:14,840
Speaker 5: really good egg, and that is the end of that story. Interesting.

1738
01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:19,000
Speaker 5: I think it's very nice that he said that, but

1739
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:20,760
Speaker 5: I also think that it's something to keep an eye

1740
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,720
Speaker 5: on and see if his actions actually back it up,

1741
01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:27,000
Speaker 5: because if he does have manipulative tendencies, which you know

1742
01:19:27,120 --> 01:19:29,240
Speaker 5: he might not. It might have just been that one

1743
01:19:29,320 --> 01:19:29,840
Speaker 5: thing that we saw.

1744
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,040
Speaker 1: It might have just read that way. And again, like

1745
01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:35,120
Speaker 1: we're just reading the story. I don't know either of

1746
01:19:35,200 --> 01:19:37,920
Speaker 1: these people in my life. I'm basing everything off of

1747
01:19:38,120 --> 01:19:41,920
Speaker 1: the way that post was written. Yeah, and I ope,

1748
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:43,320
Speaker 1: you probably don't want to hear me say it, but

1749
01:19:43,439 --> 01:19:44,760
Speaker 1: it sounded a little manipulative.

1750
01:19:44,840 --> 01:19:47,040
Speaker 5: It did sound a little manipulative. So if he has

1751
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:49,200
Speaker 5: those tendencies that it's very possible that this.

1752
01:19:49,360 --> 01:19:52,120
Speaker 6: Could be another chance.

1753
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:55,360
Speaker 5: So it must feel really good that that's happened, and

1754
01:19:55,520 --> 01:19:57,519
Speaker 5: let it feel good, but also keep an eye out

1755
01:19:57,600 --> 01:19:59,400
Speaker 5: and observe rather than just trusting