1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:11,560 Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson, 2 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: your host, narrator and author. We hear at the ten 3 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:21,760 Speaker 1: Minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales, rendered 4 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to pack 5 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:32,160 Speaker 1: as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human condition 6 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:40,959 Speaker 1: as ten minutes will permit. Many novels on steroids. This 7 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: week we meet Tammy. Every day Tammy thinks about doing it, 8 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: and every day she doesn't do it. She wants to 9 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: do it, or at least she thinks she does, but 10 00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: still she doesn't do it. She wants to do this, 11 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: and she wants wants to do that, go here and 12 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: go there, but desire so rarely leads to action. What 13 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 1: is life? What's it for? What are we supposed to 14 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: do with it? Is it anything more than the random 15 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: thoughts in our heads? Inertia Wednesday, Oh to hell with it, 16 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: Tammy says, right out loud, I'm going to do it. 17 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to do it now, right now, as soon 18 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,479 Speaker 1: as the light turns green. I'm sick of thinking about 19 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: doing it, been thinking about doing it long enough, long 20 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: enough time to do it and stop thinking about doing it. 21 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: Everyone thinks about it, everyone thinks about everything, thinks about 22 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: about going to Paris. But how many actually go? Not many, 23 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: not many. I've been thinking about going to Paris since 24 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: high school, when I first saw a picture of the 25 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: Mona Lisa and found out it hung in the Louver 26 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: Museum in the middle of Paris. Thinking and thinking, and 27 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,799 Speaker 1: never doing, never going. Always some excuse, too busy, too expensive, 28 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: hate to fly, Hate the French, Oh god, I don't 29 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: even know anyone who's French. Next year, I'll go next year, 30 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: of course, next year, next summer. A dozen summers later, 31 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: and here I still sit. Everyone thinks about getting a 32 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: new job, a new boyfriend, a new apartment, new friends, 33 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: new tastes in clothes and movies and books. Everyone thinks, 34 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: but no one does, at least I never do. I 35 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 1: just think. I never do. The light turns green, Tammy 36 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 1: doesn't do it. Tammy first felt blue back in high school. 37 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 1: Nothing she or the therapist her parents sent her to 38 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: see could put a finger on. Nothing. Just blue. Not 39 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: her usual flamboyant, wild red self. Just blue, just unhappy, 40 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: not even unhappy, just not happy. Eventually it passed. Thursday. 41 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: Look at this traffic. Jesus, I'll sit here inching forward 42 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: for the next half an hour, another half hour of 43 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: my life wasted. And when I finally get to the 44 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 1: green light, am I going to do it? I? Am? 45 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: I Am? I am? I Probably not, probably not, I 46 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: don't have the guts, But I mean, seriously, can life 47 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: get any more absurd? What's the point? Get up, Wash 48 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: the body I hate, and shampoo the hair I loathe, 49 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: Brush my way to yellow teeth from my days as 50 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: a covert smoker. Eat a few crumbs of food because 51 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: I'm totally paranoid of both getting fat and being poisoned 52 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: by all the lethal chemicals and sugar and everything from 53 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 1: strawberries to peanut butteredy yogurt. But still, What'll I do. 54 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: I'll stop at Starbucks and get one of their gazillion 55 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: dollar coffee rip off full of fat and sugar and 56 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: artificial flavored drinks. That's what I'll do. If I had 57 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 1: all the money I've spent at Starbucks, I could retire 58 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: to Barbados, Yeah, and do what lie on the beach 59 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: and get skin cancer. It's all just a great, big, 60 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 1: fucking waste of time. Work friends, boyfriends, work sucks a 61 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: third of my life taken up with mindless drudgery and 62 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 1: sow what sew what so what? Go to the gym 63 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: after work and work out so I don't get fat, 64 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 1: watch TV, go to bars and the beach on weekends 65 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: in the hopes of finding a boyfriend who was in 66 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: a complete loser, a complete jackquad. I hate bars. I 67 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,239 Speaker 1: used to love the beach till fear of skin cancer 68 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: drove me to lather on several coats of SPF fifty 69 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: and then hide under my Tommy Bahama umbrella. I prefer 70 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 1: not to even go, but my friends go, and so 71 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: I go. And if I didn't go, what would I do? 72 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 1: I'd be stuck home alone in my crappy little apartment. 73 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:20,600 Speaker 1: Tammy finally reaches the light once again, for like at 74 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: least the five hundredth time she says she's going to 75 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: do it, but when the light turns green, she doesn't 76 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: do it. In college, she had a few bad patches, 77 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: had to drop out once, come home get some help. 78 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: This time she wasn't just blue, but well, according to 79 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: her therapist, depressed. Not unusual. Lots of college kids get depressed. 80 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,799 Speaker 1: The work, the stress, the food, the parties, the growing 81 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,919 Speaker 1: fear of the future, the very real possibility that life 82 00:05:55,960 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: has no meaning, that it's all just meaning less. Living 83 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: back home with mom and dad, who every day did 84 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: the same things they'd been doing for thirty years was 85 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: even more depressing than being depressed. So after missing a semester, 86 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,839 Speaker 1: she went back to school, got her degree, found a 87 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: job and an apartment, took out a big, fat car 88 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: loan to buy her snazzy fire engine red Mazda Mayada 89 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 1: with a six speed manual, easily the most daring and 90 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: rebellious thing she's ever done. Friday, Today, Today, I'm going 91 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: to do it. I'm doing it. If I do it, 92 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 1: I won't have to go home after work to my dirty, dusty, crummy, 93 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: cluttered apartment with nothing in the cupboards but pasta and crackers, 94 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 1: and nothing in the fridge but half and half my 95 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: stupid one bedroom apartment. I had to have it. I 96 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: had to have it because I thought I wanted to 97 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: live alone after living in a house two years with 98 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: five other girls. If I do it, I won't have 99 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: to drive down to the beach tonight or early tomorrow 100 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: morning and sit under my umbrella all day, sweltering and 101 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: wondering if the lymphomas are going to start growing just 102 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: below my skin. But Tammy doesn't do it. She's never 103 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,559 Speaker 1: going to do it. Wait for the light to turn green, 104 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: and then accelerate at high speed into oncoming traffic, blow 105 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: herself up in a fiery head on collision. It's just 106 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: a dream, a fantasy, a way to deal with all 107 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: the crazy craps swirling around in her head and all 108 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,720 Speaker 1: the dreary boredom in her life. Instead, she pulls into 109 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 1: Starbucks orders her favorite, an iced white chocolate mocha with 110 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: extra pumps of vanilla syrup. She has mastered the art 111 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: of driving a stick and drinking her drink. That night, 112 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: at the bar, she meets Dan, tall, dark and handsome Dan, 113 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: Dan the Handyman. That's what he tells her. His name 114 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: is Dan the Handyman. Dan makes her smile, laugh, cackle. 115 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: He gets a little drunk, tells her he's too drunk 116 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: to drive home, wants to know if she'll drive him home. Well, 117 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: of course, she's mildly suspicious, but she asks where he lives, 118 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 1: and he tells her. Tammy thinks about it, and, after 119 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 1: a long pause, finally says okay. He folds himself into 120 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: the tiny, low slung passenger seat of the Mayotta. Wow, 121 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: this is like a toy car, he says. She shifts 122 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: expertly through the gears. You're good, he says, I've never 123 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: seen a girl drive a stick before. Oh god, she says, 124 00:08:55,240 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: let's not go there. You could drive Formula one to 125 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: his house, a small ranch VW Jetta in the driveway. 126 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: He invites her inside. She says, oh, I don't think so. 127 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: Oh come on, I don't bite. How do I know? 128 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:18,559 Speaker 1: Reluctance pounding at her temples. She goes inside. They start 129 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: to make out on the couch. He pulls her blouse 130 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: up over her head and tugs off his t shirt. 131 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: They start to grind, and then the overhead lights snaps on. Jesus, Dan, 132 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: Who the fuck is this? Startled Tammy looks up and 133 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: sees a woman in silk pajama bottoms and no top 134 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 1: standing in the doorway. This is says Dan. This is 135 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: what's your name again? Dan and his wife are interested 136 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: in a menage autoi. Two girls and Dan, Dan the handyman. 137 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: Tammy pulls her blouse says, okay, maybe some other time, Hey, 138 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: says Dan, No time like the present. Driving back to 139 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: her apartment. Racing along the dark, quiet streets, shifting through 140 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:19,440 Speaker 1: the gears like Lewis Hamilton, she asks herself, why didn't 141 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: I do it? I should have just done it. Damn, 142 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: I never do anything. I think about doing stuff I do, 143 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: I think about it, but I never do. I never 144 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:37,559 Speaker 1: do ever. Hey, thanks for listening to this original audio 145 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: presentation of Inertia, narrated by the author. If you enjoy 146 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review, 147 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: and subscribe to this podcast, and then please go to 148 00:10:52,559 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: Thomas William Simpson dot com for additional information about the 149 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: author and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute 150 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: Storyteller is produced by Andrew Pliglisi and Josh Kilani and 151 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: is part of the Elvis Duran Podcast Network in partnership 152 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:17,680 Speaker 1: with iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, 153 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: your ten Minute Storyteller.