1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 3 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,960 Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to you another Carefully Reckless episode. 4 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: What's Your Girl? Just hilarious. So we're talking about matters 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: of the heart today, right So the name of this 6 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 1: episode is going to be called twenty one Questions. I 7 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: don't really have twenty one questions to ask you, but 8 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: I do have questions about love that are going to 9 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: raise other questions within my questions that I'm gonna ask 10 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 1: all right now, this is not at all personal to 11 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,919 Speaker 1: me because I know a lot of y'all have been 12 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: submitting and a lot of y'all think the things that 13 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: I've been talking about are always about me. I do 14 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: give you all my experiences, my own personal take on things, 15 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: real life experiences from childhood all the way up to 16 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: right now. But I see a lot of this these 17 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: days in dating. You know what I mean, And I 18 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 1: just want to take a little time to ask questions 19 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 1: and make you like reflect because there is someone going 20 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: through this right now. So the first question is what 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 1: do you do when you feel like you're giving your 22 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: all to someone and they're not reciprocating. What I mean 23 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 1: by that is you can feel like you're committed to somebody, 24 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: you can feel like you're in love, you're happy, you're 25 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,479 Speaker 1: content with your side of things, like you know what 26 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: you want, you're certain about it. There's no if answer, 27 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: but no doubts. You're all in with a person, right, 28 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: but they're not reciprocating that. Now, that could be for 29 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,559 Speaker 1: many reasons, for any reason, you know, because they're not ready, 30 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: or because they don't want the same things that you want, 31 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: or they just move slower than you. It's not always 32 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: a bad thing when you're not being reciprocated the love actions, 33 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: but it's always important to know why you're not being 34 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 1: reciprocated if you understand what I'm saying. If that's clear, 35 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: So the first question within the question is do you 36 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: get upset? Can you even get upset if someone is 37 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: not reciprocating Like I said, it could be a few 38 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: reasons now I know. Even in my own personal relationship, 39 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: my boyfriend hasn't been in a relationship. He was single 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: for eleven years before he and I made it official, 41 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: got together and said this is what we're gonna do. 42 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: So he's a bit slower with things. No, he's not 43 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 1: as affectionate as I am, but I am very affectionate, 44 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,239 Speaker 1: like I'm sometimes overly affectionate. He's not that way. We're 45 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 1: not gonna get into astrology, too heavy and all of that. 46 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: But he is a LEO, and I don't know a 47 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 1: lot of leo's, but the three that I do know 48 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,239 Speaker 1: are the same exact way, and they're not all men. 49 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 1: There are women. So we could go the astrology way, 50 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 1: or we could just simply chalk it up to his 51 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: experience in dating. If you're a bachelor for eleven years, 52 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: you can't just jump back into ship, get into the 53 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 1: swing of things and move as quickly is the other person. 54 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: If all the other person has been doing for the 55 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: last eleven years is dating. Yep, I've been dating for 56 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: the past eleven years. I haven't been a bachelorette for 57 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 1: more than two years. Seriously, my whole fucking life I 58 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: lived to date. I love love. I love something about 59 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: having someone you can call your own. I love that. 60 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: And I've even made mistakes and just picking people because 61 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: I wanted that so bad. But that was the past 62 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: and this is now. So I'll use myself for an 63 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,679 Speaker 1: example do I get upset because he's not as love 64 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: e Dubby, touchy Philly as I am, or am I 65 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: somewhat holding him to a standard that doesn't need to 66 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: be put on him. Because you can't expect everyone to 67 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: do things like you would do them. That's a real gem. 68 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: That's not even only in relationships, that's in friendships as well. 69 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 1: That's for family members, that's at work, that's for co workers, 70 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: that's for you know, just your your children, just whatever. 71 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: In everyday life. You cannot expect someone to think like 72 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: you would think. You cannot expect for them to react 73 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: like you would react. You can't expect for someone to 74 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: do what you would do in certain circumstances. And so 75 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: I'll tell you, yes, I used to get upset. I've 76 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 1: been with my boyfriend now for ten months April fourteen, 77 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: which is my son's birthday, which is tomorrow. Were y'all better, 78 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,920 Speaker 1: which you make a birthday will make it ten months 79 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 1: for me and my boyfriend now. In the beginning, yes, 80 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: I was just so used to guys being clingy to me, 81 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: and then me being clingy back, and then me getting 82 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,239 Speaker 1: tired of him, and then it's over in a few months. Boom. 83 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,120 Speaker 1: That's what I got used to. But because I got 84 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: so used to it, I automatically assumed that he would 85 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: be that way. I automatically wanted him to be that way. 86 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,799 Speaker 1: And he actually taught me what it's like to miss someone. 87 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: He taught me what it feels like to miss someone. 88 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: So I actually learned from this gentleman as well as 89 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: he is learning from me because it's given take. But yes, 90 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: I used to get upset, and so he explained, communication 91 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: is key in my relationship, which is some thing he's 92 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: also had a hand in teaching me. Um and he's 93 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: the older guys who so you know, but communicating, babe. 94 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,479 Speaker 1: This is why I'm not this touchy faily. This is 95 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: why I don't have experience in certain areas because I 96 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: haven't dated. But I'm open to it. Just just meet 97 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: me halfway. It's gonna get better. Just time, just time, 98 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: just time. And as a woman, you get tired of 99 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: hearing that ship sometimes, but you really have to step 100 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: outside of yourself and don't be so selfish and try 101 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: selflessness sometimes and put yourself as someone else's shoes and 102 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,039 Speaker 1: try another way it may work. I had to really 103 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: step outside of myself and say, well, all of your 104 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,840 Speaker 1: relationships have failed because of this one thing you keep doing. 105 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: You just keep getting tired of people, and you get 106 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: tired of them because you want them around, and there's 107 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,840 Speaker 1: no room to grow, there's no room to miss you. 108 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 1: You leave nothing for conversation, You leave nothing for your 109 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: partner to be curious about. Curious means what did you 110 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 1: do today? Damn? I ain't talked to you all day? 111 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: Where you've been girl? It leaves space for us flirting 112 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: and dates. When we go on dates, it's fresh, it 113 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,719 Speaker 1: feels good. I actually miss you. And don't just say 114 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: it because it's something to say, I actually can say 115 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: it and mean it. That brings me to my next question. 116 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: If you tell your significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, that 117 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: you miss them and they don't say it back, is 118 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 1: that considered rude or mean? Will that start a beef? Like? 119 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: Is that like a dealbreaker? Will you then have an 120 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: attitude for a few hours or a few days. You 121 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: know how us women can be when we don't get 122 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 1: our way. What does that do for you? What does 123 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 1: that mean for you? I'm gonna go off of personal 124 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: experience again with my boyfriend. I may tell him I 125 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: miss you. He'll smile and he'll be like, oh I 126 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: love that, or oh my god, thank you for missing me. 127 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: It feels good to be missed. I enjoy that you 128 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: missed me. I enjoy that you want to be around me, 129 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: that you missed my company. Instead of saying I miss 130 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 1: you too, now he will say it. He will say 131 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: it is not like he never says, and sometimes we 132 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: even say I miss you first. But he has taught 133 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: me like, just because somebody says something does not mean 134 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: you have to say it back. Like I said before, 135 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't grasping any of this ship because I'm so 136 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,679 Speaker 1: used to what I'm used to. I'm used to being 137 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: told what I want to be told. I'm used to 138 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 1: hearing what I want to be told instead of someone 139 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: really meaning it. As a woman, you can miss your 140 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: boyfriend you just was with him two hours ago. Before 141 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: a man, it is different now some men will say 142 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: it just because it's said to them. I really don't 143 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: want that, now that I think about it, I don't 144 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: want you to lie. I don't want you to tell 145 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: me things just because I want to hear them, because 146 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: it means more when he actually says it to me. Now, 147 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,640 Speaker 1: it means more. And just because your man or you're 148 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: a woman doesn't tell you that they miss you does 149 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 1: not mean that they don't want to see you. But 150 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: missing someone that's different. It's a feeling you want to 151 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 1: be around this person is you reminisce and you you 152 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: know missing someone is it's a feeling. And so I 153 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: wouldn't want anyone to lie about missing me. So that's 154 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 1: also something to think about. And then also you have 155 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: to allow people to feel certain ways on their own. 156 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: You can't really force them into feeling the way you feel. 157 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and 158 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. If you tell someone I 159 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: love you and they don't say it back because they're 160 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: not ready yet or they don't feel that same way, 161 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: are you upset? Is that a deal breaker? Do you 162 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: leave them for that? Do you now? I know that 163 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: it could crush your girl's heart for her to tell 164 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,199 Speaker 1: a man I love you and he doesn't say it back. 165 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: It depends. Is that the goal for you? Guys? Does 166 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 1: he plan on loving you? He just hasn't gotten there yet. 167 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: Is that a deal breaker for you? And in most 168 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,440 Speaker 1: instances some women would say yes, but you have to 169 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: really think about it. Why why is it over because 170 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: I didn't tell you I love you back? Does that 171 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: make me like you any less? Does it make me 172 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: treat you any differently? Because I don't of you yet 173 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 1: I'm working towards that that's what I want. If the 174 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 1: conversation is that ain't what the guy is looking forward, 175 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: that ain't what the girl is looking for, then that's 176 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: something else. Then that's a deal breaker. Then it becomes 177 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: a thing of Okay, you have to plan to treat 178 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: this person according when we have to plan to move 179 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: on with your life. Because everybody is not looking for love. 180 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: Everybody is not looking to be in love. Everybody is 181 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: not looking to date, to marry, to be with one 182 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: person for the rest of their lives. That's very rare 183 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,080 Speaker 1: these days. However, it's still out here. But again, you 184 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: have to allow people to feel certain ways on their own. Now, 185 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: you can't change a person, but you can help mold 186 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: and evolve a person. Yes, you can. You can influence 187 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: a person enough for them to evolve, for them to 188 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: want to change, for them to want to do better 189 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: for themselves in any areas they feel they lack. But no, 190 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: I do not think it's always bad when you tell 191 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 1: someone you love them and they don't say it back. 192 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 1: And then also, don't get angry if you love a 193 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 1: person and they don't love you back yet. Don't get 194 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,440 Speaker 1: so angry that you don't want to say it anymore 195 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: because you never know, You never know when it's going 196 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,839 Speaker 1: to be said. Don't treat a person differently because they're 197 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 1: not treating you the same exact way you want to 198 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: be treated, but not treating you badly, just not saying 199 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: and doing the things that you do. They're just not 200 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: the same way as you yet. Next question, If you 201 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 1: feel that someone is not moving at your pace or 202 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: the same pace as you are, you obligated to wait 203 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: for them to move at the pace that you're moving 204 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 1: if you love them, do you feel obligated now in 205 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: certain instances yes, certain instances, no, because you will be 206 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: able to tell if a man or a woman is 207 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: not ready to move forward, is not ready to take 208 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: it to the next level. You will be able to 209 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: tell if you are not as plumb dumb as they come. 210 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,559 Speaker 1: You will notice you will pick up on certain actions, 211 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,680 Speaker 1: certain patterns, things people say, their disposition, their demeanor, the 212 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 1: words they use, the attitude, personality, all types of things, 213 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: a person's hand, movements of the way they maneuver. At 214 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 1: all types of ship, you'll be able to pick up. 215 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 1: But sometimes your pace may be faster, sometimes your pace 216 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: may be slower. It's all about communication. Now. You have 217 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: to be able to sit down and tell your significant 218 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: other how you're feeling about all this ship, so feelings 219 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: don't get lost in a mix and the agenda isn't misconstrued. 220 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: Because it's very easy to make a woman feel wanted, 221 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 1: but it's much easier to make her feel unwanted. And 222 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,079 Speaker 1: trust me, I'm a woman and I know so there 223 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: are ways that you can make someone feel loved or 224 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 1: feel like you're not going anywhere, reassuring them just because 225 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: I'm not moving as fast as you are or I 226 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: don't want to move as fast as you are, does 227 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: not mean we're not gonna get there. And maybe something 228 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: in your significant other's past that's holding them back. That's 229 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: why communication is the best. Some couples need therapy, and 230 00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: some couples are scared to get it, but that doesn't 231 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: negate the fact that you do need it if you've 232 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: been damaged in the past, because that will stop you 233 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: from going forward. It will hold you back in ways 234 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: that you don't even realize. Speaking from personal experience, me 235 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,360 Speaker 1: and my boyfriend's fifth month of dating, I felt as 236 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: if we were stagnant, we weren't going anywhere, when I 237 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: really wasn't really even paying attention now in the beginning, 238 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: he wasn't affectionate at all. It took my boyfriend three 239 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 1: weeks to kiss me on my lips, like seriously, three weeks. 240 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 1: He took me out on dates, we went everywhere. It 241 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: was amazing. We partied together everything, and we had had sex. 242 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: I peer pressure this man into sleeping with me, and 243 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: I still didn't get a kiss. I want to weary 244 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 1: my No damn kiss I wanted some day. Oh yeah, 245 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: but again, everybody's not gonna move as fast as you 246 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: are gonna move now. A kiss is more intimate than 247 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: just sex, so that I guess that was something that 248 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: he really had to wait forward to see if it 249 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: was right. Now. A lot of people can make jokes like, 250 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: oh man, it's not yah, you y'all would I would 251 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: love to kiss your lips, And I'm sure that he 252 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: wanted to kised them as well. The way he looked 253 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: at me the way that if he touched me, touched 254 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: on my body or whatever, whatever, you know what I'm saying. 255 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,960 Speaker 1: The way he's staring at me, looking at my eyes 256 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,840 Speaker 1: when we have conversations. His ways of intimacy were different. 257 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: I was never accustomed to that way, so I didn't know. 258 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:19,680 Speaker 1: He's more of a mental intimate person. He's more of 259 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 1: a let me funck your mind, let me get into 260 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: your mind, let me make you love me without me 261 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: even touching you, let me make you want to fuck 262 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: me without even me pulling my pants down, ship like that. 263 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,440 Speaker 1: So he's a very sensual person, very logical as well, 264 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 1: sometimes to goddamn logical. But that's my man, and I'm 265 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: gonna stick beside him. Now, we got a commercial, and 266 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: if you click off of this podcast, I swear I'm 267 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 1: gonna beat your ass. Listen. So, yes, if you love 268 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: a person and you see that they are still consistent, 269 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 1: they're solid, and they're not going anywhere, They're just not 270 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: moving as fast as you are, then I do think 271 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,559 Speaker 1: that you are well within your right to leave, move on. 272 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,320 Speaker 1: But I think that you should wait for them. You 273 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: should because you never know when that they'll come, and 274 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: don't think about it being so far away. Just keep 275 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,679 Speaker 1: doing what you're doing. And then there's a plot to us. 276 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: There's a flip side to it. I am about to 277 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: be waiting forever for nobody to love me. How long 278 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: do you consider forever? Because these millennials and these younger generations, 279 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: to them, time ain't ship. Everything is so fast. That's 280 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: why a lot of relationships don't last. But timing is everything, 281 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: and you don't rush love. Last question, what if you're 282 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: significant other never been in love before, so they don't 283 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: know how it works or how it goes. Do you 284 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: stick it out to help teach them or do you 285 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: just move on because you ain't got time for that. Now. Listen, 286 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: if a person never swam before, they're not gonna know 287 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: how to do it. It's gonna take some time. If 288 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: a person never rode a bike before, might take time. Now. 289 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: Some people are quicker learners than others, but everybody learns 290 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: at their own pace. If you've never flew a plane before, 291 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: that's gonna take a lot of time. There are so 292 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: many levels of love um and and levels that I 293 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: haven't even reached yet. I'm thirty years old, I'm coming 294 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: out of my twenties. Where a lot of my love 295 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: was still puppy love. I don't care. You don't only 296 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: have to be a teenager to know puppy love. I 297 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: thought a lot of relationships that I was in was love. 298 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: Turns out it wasn't. And I know now because I grow. 299 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: With every year of my life, I grow, I'm learning myself, 300 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: and and I know more about myself than I did 301 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: this year, last year, you know what I mean. So 302 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 1: I grow with experience. Every person I've dated, I've learned 303 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: something from, you know, whether it was taught to me 304 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: voluntarily or involuntarily, whether it was something I learned about myself, 305 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: or I learned about something that I didn't want to 306 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: deal with In a man, it's all a learning curve. 307 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: You have to be willing to put yourself first, but 308 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: you also have to be willing to teach someone if 309 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: you really feel like it's worth it, if you really 310 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: feel like you love them, if you really feel like 311 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: it's going somewhere. Just because they're not in love with 312 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: you yet does not mean that they won't be, or 313 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: they might be, and not even fucking A lot of 314 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: men are scared to admit that they love someone. A 315 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: lot of men are scared to admit to even being 316 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: in love. You know, it's a scary feeling for a man, 317 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: even scarier feeling for a woman. But we know how 318 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: to show it more. We know how to adapt to 319 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 1: it quicker. We know how to maneuver around this world 320 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: called love, and we know how to We know how 321 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: to love. That's just the thing. We know how to 322 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: be in love. Now. We go a little crazy when 323 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: we feel like we're being played with. Our love is 324 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: being tampered with, which is our heart. But for the 325 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 1: most part, we got it. And so those are all 326 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: the questions that I wanted to really touch on today 327 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: because someone can learn from this. I know someone has 328 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: some of the same questions about love. I know there 329 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: is a woman or women or men or a man 330 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 1: out there who feel like they on their last goddamn 331 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: string with this person. Now, to your own discretion, leave 332 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,480 Speaker 1: But if it's worth it and you are just used 333 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: to something else, have a little bit more patience. You 334 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: have to have patience, and you have to be able 335 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: to know if the person has good intentions. You know 336 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 1: if the person is solid, nor if the person is 337 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 1: gonna get there. No, you ain't, cleo, you don't know 338 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 1: the future all the time, but you will be able 339 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 1: to see depending on how a person treats you. You 340 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 1: know how you don't want to be treated. You know 341 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: how you want to be treated if you're treated fairly, 342 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 1: and you know someone fox with you and you got 343 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,640 Speaker 1: a person and you you know, everybody got problems and ship. 344 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,919 Speaker 1: Don't just leave that ship because this ain't going right. 345 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 1: That ain't going right. This ain't going right. If the 346 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: good outweighs the bad, stay always where the funk you 347 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 1: ad because it ain't nothing now here as y'all can see. 348 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 1: And just like that, we've come to the end of 349 00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. 350 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:46,160 Speaker 1: Make sure you tune into Reckless Discussions tonight. You got 351 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 1: twelve hours to subscribe and catch up on all the 352 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: episodes episodes one through fourteen. Make sure you're watch, subscribe, 353 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,959 Speaker 1: like share, give your feedback comment, I love y'all tune 354 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 1: in every Wednesday, hump Day and then my deepest panboys, Peace, 355 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: feel Aspect, feel A, n feel A. Carefully Reckless is 356 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. 357 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I 358 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: Heart radio, app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 359 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.