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Speaker 1: Colton's thank you so much for being here, welcome to

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Speaker 1: my show, Wide Open. Having you are such a dream.

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Speaker 1: I immediately was like, God, I just want to like

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Speaker 1: pick his brain because so much of like our stories

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Speaker 1: are so similar and parallel, quite nice, and our journeys

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Speaker 1: of making us into the parents we are today, which

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Speaker 1: is another exciting thing I want to talk about New Daddy. Congratulations.

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Speaker 1: I actually started really diving into your story the last

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Speaker 1: week and I got to watch the Netflix doc and

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Speaker 1: I just learned so much about you that I had

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Speaker 1: no idea, and like, I consider you you endured and

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Speaker 1: such dear friends, and I was like, wow, give me

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Speaker 1: so much perspective of you know, who you were as

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Speaker 1: a young boy, who you were as an athlete, who

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Speaker 1: you were as a football player, and now on this

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Speaker 1: beautiful journey of parenthood. I like to ask everyone to

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Speaker 1: kind of break the ices. What moment in your life

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Speaker 1: really split you wide open? And it could be sports related,

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Speaker 1: it could be life related. Yeah, what was that defining

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Speaker 1: moment in your life?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Heavy?

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Speaker 1: I know, quite heavy, very quickly, but my.

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Speaker 2: Gut I instantly went to the first time when somebody

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Speaker 2: asked me, are you gay? And I said yes for

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Speaker 2: the first time. I think like that that is my

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Speaker 2: moment that I felt the most vulnerable. Wow, where like

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Speaker 2: I had always always always said no, scritted around, the

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Speaker 2: answer had some sort of curveball, and for whatever reason,

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Speaker 2: I was really struggling, and it was my publicist at

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Speaker 2: the time, and wow, there were some things going on

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Speaker 2: and it wasn't really making sense to him and he's

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Speaker 2: like and he just asked it. And for whatever reason,

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Speaker 2: I remember I was in my grandma's driveway in Illinois

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Speaker 2: on the phone with him, pacing nervously outside because I,

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Speaker 2: like I didn't know what was going on. Like I

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Speaker 2: was like frantic, and he's like, I'm going to ask

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Speaker 2: you something and like I just need you to know.

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Speaker 2: He was a gay man himself. He's like, I need

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Speaker 2: you to know you're safe, but like are you gay?

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Speaker 2: And for whatever reason I said yes, And it was

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Speaker 2: the first time, you know. And immediately after that, he's like,

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Speaker 2: Everything's going to be okay, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I was like what I immediately was like, how do

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Speaker 2: I take that back? And I didn't, but I was.

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Speaker 2: I just remember feeling so.

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Speaker 1: Vulnerable and probably so safe to even answer it truthfully.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I was just numb after I said it, though, too,

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Speaker 2: because I was like in shock that I actually like said.

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Speaker 1: It, and that like brings me to really want to

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Speaker 1: dive into your story, because I do, Colton. I think

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Speaker 1: you have a really beautiful story, and there's so much

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Speaker 1: beauty in the struggle, and I think we don't see

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Speaker 1: that until we look at life through the lens as

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Speaker 1: being a parent. And I think it's this beautiful journey

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Speaker 1: of struggle and beauty that build us into the humans

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Speaker 1: we are now to really be able to be good

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Speaker 1: humans for young children, and our perspective of life changes

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Speaker 1: so quickly it is a little bit like whiplash. I

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Speaker 1: want to hear about Colton as a young boy, who

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Speaker 1: he was, what made him pick up that football? What

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Speaker 1: was it about the sport that made you feel like

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Speaker 1: it was what you wanted to do for the rest

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Speaker 1: of your life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I think I had this baby infant

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Speaker 2: photo of me wearing a seventy seven football jersey. Seventy

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Speaker 2: seven was my dad's number, and so I just think,

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Speaker 2: like it's always been in my DNA. I used to

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Speaker 2: joke that I was bred, not born, because my mom

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Speaker 2: was a D one volleyball player and my dad was

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Speaker 2: a D one football player, and they met in college.

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Speaker 2: They're both D one athletes scholarship athletes, and so I

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Speaker 2: always sort of had that joke that like, my parents

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Speaker 2: knew what they were doing by like getting together and

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Speaker 2: making my brother and I and I always sort of

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Speaker 2: knew sports were going to be in my future. And

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Speaker 2: you know, my parents created a household in which they

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Speaker 2: were like, you do not have to have a job

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Speaker 2: if you play sports you around, So in a weird

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Speaker 2: way as a kid, that was in my brain, I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, I don't have to work, and like, also,

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Speaker 2: I can have some extra perpse if I play sports.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to play sports. And I quickly fell

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Speaker 2: in love with basketball, track and field Baseball for a

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Speaker 2: little bit wasn't my end all where, but then football

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Speaker 2: came and I just loved being able to transform once

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Speaker 2: I put the helmet on, Like I was a completely

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Speaker 2: different player, completely different persona completely different man when I

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Speaker 2: had the helmet and the pads on, and I just

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Speaker 2: fell in love with that. And whether I don't whether

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Speaker 2: that's the right reasons or wrong reasons to fall in

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Speaker 2: love with the sport, I fell in love with it

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Speaker 2: because I was able to hide and I was able

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Speaker 2: to somewhat release my anger in a healthy legal way.

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Speaker 2: Yea of like hitting people like him and mother's sport

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Speaker 2: that you can like violently hit people and like release

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Speaker 2: built up aggression. And football allowed me to do that,

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Speaker 2: and it was something that I, like, looking back, I

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Speaker 2: probably think kept me alive. Like it just kept me

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Speaker 2: going and ended up being you know, my high school, college,

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Speaker 2: my life. And you know all that to be said,

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Speaker 2: I had incredible teammates, incredible coaches, Like there was so

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Speaker 2: much more than just like the release and like that

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Speaker 2: part of it that I took away from the sport.

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Speaker 2: And I would like, you know, this sports and football

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Speaker 2: specifically for me, I feel like parallels the ups and

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Speaker 2: downs of life. Oh yeah, and every you know what

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Speaker 2: is it? Average football plays four or five seconds, Like

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Speaker 2: sometimes it goes great, sometimes it doesn't, and you have

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Speaker 2: to get up and go to the next play. Yeah

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Speaker 2: that's life. Like things are going to happen and you're

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Speaker 2: going to fall short of expectations that people have for

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Speaker 2: you and you have for yourself. But then you like

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Speaker 2: get up and dust yourself off and keep going and

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Speaker 2: that's what I feel like. You know, I keep trying

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Speaker 2: to do with my life and I wouldn't. I don't

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Speaker 2: think I would have that same perspective if it was

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Speaker 2: in football.

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Speaker 1: It is so unique and so interesting how our sports

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Speaker 1: really do shape us. Yeah, and we have this unwavering,

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Speaker 1: undenying competitive spirit that is so magnetic, and you chase it,

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Speaker 1: You chase that thrill. And it's interesting when you say

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Speaker 1: I love football and I love putting the helmet on

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Speaker 1: so I could hide.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know, my escape for like through sport is because

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Speaker 1: I lived in a very toxic, troubling home as a kid.

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Speaker 1: There was a lot of fighting, There was a lot

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Speaker 1: of alcohol and addiction and mental health issues, and it

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Speaker 1: was my escape. It was a place where and I

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Speaker 1: played with boys and I smashed the shit out of

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Speaker 1: people all the time. And they finally were like, you

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Speaker 1: can't have any more red cards or yellow cards, like

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Speaker 1: you're breaking people's legs, were putting you in goal. But

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Speaker 1: you're right. It was such an escape for me to

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Speaker 1: get away from something that made me feel so small.

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Speaker 1: And I know it's totally different topics, and I would

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Speaker 1: assume yours had to be about your sexuality, at some

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Speaker 1: point when you were figuring out along the way. I

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Speaker 1: am curious, is that true to you? Is it where

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Speaker 1: you when you say you put that helmet on you

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Speaker 1: felt like a different person. Is it the one place

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Speaker 1: you could escape all of those thoughts of feeling alone

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Speaker 1: and ashamed? Or did you really not know why you

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Speaker 1: were different? You just knew you were different? No?

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Speaker 2: I knew why I was different once I hit high

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Speaker 2: school with pubertyreshman year. I think I definitely like started

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Speaker 2: to figure out what it was. But I think, you know,

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Speaker 2: looking back, you know you don't really like process. The

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Speaker 2: terminology that's loosely thrown around, and you and I have

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Speaker 2: spoke about this briefly before, too. Is like the male

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Speaker 2: sports sports culture for sure, And I'm sure I can't

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Speaker 2: speak to women's locker rooms and women's sports culture, but

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Speaker 2: homophobic slurs and also sexist slurs are like thrown around

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Speaker 2: in a negative way a lot in football, you know,

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Speaker 2: and even I mean baseball, like you play ball like

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Speaker 2: a girl, like from like our childhood, like famous lines

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Speaker 2: and movies. So I think for me, you know, I

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Speaker 2: could I never feel comfortable standing up or like, you know,

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Speaker 2: if anything I joined, I just wanted to blend it

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Speaker 2: in and I didn't want to like yeah, so like I

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Speaker 2: was part of the problem. I was contributing to it.

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Speaker 2: And I think I couldn't really process my emotions at

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Speaker 2: that time. I wasn't mature enough, and I don't think

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Speaker 2: a lot of kids at that age are mature enough

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Speaker 2: to like figure out how to process. So like disguising

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Speaker 2: myself and or venting through big hits or being able

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Speaker 2: to like be aggressive in my sport was the way

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Speaker 2: that I processed. And you know what always hurt the

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Speaker 2: most was the coaches because I was like, you know better,

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Speaker 2: like you are supposed to be like a role model

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Speaker 2: or somebody I look up to. Why are you using

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Speaker 2: that as like you know, a knock on me? Or

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Speaker 2: the way that I just play, Like if I had

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Speaker 2: a bad play, you know, why are you telling me?

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Speaker 1: You know it's just tell me elaborate, like what I will?

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Speaker 2: I mean, like the like I have early memories of

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Speaker 2: you know, messing up a play and you know them saying, oh,

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Speaker 2: you're taking it up the butt or you're doing like

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Speaker 2: it was very aggressive like that is and that's like.

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Speaker 1: A mild one locker room talk.

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Speaker 2: That's like coaches to players. That's like thirty forty fifty

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Speaker 2: year olds talking to sixteen seventeen. I'm not even fourteen fifteen,

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Speaker 2: sixteen year olds. You know, being called you know, pussy

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Speaker 2: quite often is another one. You know, coaches saying that

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Speaker 2: you know, the player has a vagina instead of a pin,

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Speaker 2: Like that's real everyday locker room. And some people are

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Speaker 2: gonna laugh and roll their eyes and be like, yeah, right,

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Speaker 2: it's it's true, and like as innocent or I don't

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Speaker 2: even want to say innocent as like people like are like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you can't take it that personal, Like when it's done

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Speaker 2: one hundred plus times a day or a practice, it

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Speaker 2: gets to you.

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Speaker 1: But it also is personal, is absolutely fucking because.

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Speaker 2: It's it was a private it's a private battle that

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Speaker 2: like I had to go through and the people who

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Speaker 2: were supposed to be there to protect me and like

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Speaker 2: look out for me as a person and as a

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Speaker 2: player were the ones contributing to it. That's like that

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Speaker 2: was the hardest part.

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Speaker 1: That's hard for me to hear because it's not the

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Speaker 1: same clearly, and women's sports and you and I we

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Speaker 1: talk about this all the time. It really drives me

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Speaker 1: crazy that in the women's game. So many of us

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Speaker 1: are identify on some spectrum of queerness. I would consider

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Speaker 1: well over half of us are gay. So that type

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Speaker 1: of language just doesn't exist. That type of communication from

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Speaker 1: coaches or fans just doesn't exist because a majority of

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Speaker 1: the people tuning into our games also identify as queer

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Speaker 1: or a part of the community. So it's just always

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Speaker 1: been a really hard topic that I always talk about

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Speaker 1: in the rooms I walk into. It's twenty twenty fucking

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Speaker 1: four and we still do not have active gay male

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Speaker 1: athletes saying this is who I am. I am A,

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Speaker 1: it's none of your fucking business. But B it doesn't

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Speaker 1: affect the player and person I am and how I

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Speaker 1: show up in this locker room. So it's just it's

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Speaker 1: so sad for me to see and hear stories that

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Speaker 1: minimize and shrink people and make people fearful. Colton, I,

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Speaker 1: if I heard that in a locker room, I would

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Speaker 1: never be able to be like, yeah, I'm gay, Like

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Speaker 1: that's just I would be like I would get smaller

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Speaker 1: and smaller and smaller. And it's a testament what I

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Speaker 1: will say. It's a you know, for you to show

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Speaker 1: up in the level in which you did, because I

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Speaker 1: consider us one percenters. Yeah, people do not live the

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Speaker 1: life we did. We were built to be machines and

227
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Speaker 1: we were built to suffer, which I'll get back to

228
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Speaker 1: because I'm trying to learn unlearn that, which is one

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Speaker 1: of my hardest things in there.

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Speaker 2: We had that in common when we were talking with

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Speaker 2: My husband brought that to my tess. He goes, do

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Speaker 2: you know you do this thing like you don't say

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Speaker 2: when something hurts, like you just like take the pain

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Speaker 2: and like I can clearly see like it's hurting you,

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Speaker 2: but you like laugh it off. And I'm like, oh, no,

236
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Speaker 2: I never knew that, But like that's me being an athlete.

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Speaker 1: Like you're built to suffer. Yes, I just can't imagine

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Speaker 1: showing up into my locker room space and only presenting

239
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Speaker 1: half of myself to my team because so much of

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Speaker 1: it is based on trust and chemistry and you didn't

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Speaker 1: even fucking trust the people in that locker room while

242
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Speaker 1: they use terms like fagot and homo and getting it

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Speaker 1: up the butt and being the butt of a joke,

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Speaker 1: like I just can't imagine. And and forget having your

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Speaker 1: dad come from football, right your dad was a coach, ye,

246
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Speaker 1: dad coached you most of your life. You come from

247
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Speaker 1: extreme religious background. Yeah, like to see where you are

248
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Speaker 1: today is such a gift. And I'm so happy, Like

249
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Speaker 1: we're both sitting here and I'm so lucky to have

250
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Speaker 1: our friendship because I consider you like so near and

251
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Speaker 1: dear to my heart. What a fucking journey, Like, what

252
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Speaker 1: a journey for you?

253
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Speaker 2: I know, I I I always try to like say,

254
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Speaker 2: I live life with no regrets, but like one one

255
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,440
Speaker 2: big one that I have, and look, I had. I

256
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,040
Speaker 2: truly believe I had to go on the journey that

257
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Speaker 2: I went through. I had to make the mistakes that

258
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Speaker 2: I'm made so that my kids and other people don't

259
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Speaker 2: have to go through that. But I wish that I

260
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,600
Speaker 2: would have been out when playing because I would have

261
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,600
Speaker 2: loved because trash talks part of the game. Yeah, I

262
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,320
Speaker 2: would have loved, love, loved love to put somebody on

263
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Speaker 2: their ass and then tell them that you know that

264
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,200
Speaker 2: derogatory mark, just put him on his or like be

265
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Speaker 2: able to just have a comeback or a whip and

266
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Speaker 2: just be able to like level the playing field a

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Speaker 2: little bit, Like you're going to keep using words that

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Speaker 2: you feel like are going to tear me in my

269
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Speaker 2: community down and like here, I am kicking your ass

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Speaker 2: every single day. I would have just loved to have

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Speaker 2: that moment, to be able to like talk some trash

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Speaker 2: back to them as an out player, because then their

273
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Speaker 2: words mean nothing. Then they're like their insults aren't insults

274
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Speaker 2: because who they're implying is weaker and lesser than them.

275
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Speaker 2: Just beat them. Yeah, So that's that would be like

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Speaker 2: the one thing that I wish, if I can go back,

277
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Speaker 2: I would have like, well had had that. You know,

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm confident that eventually there will be a stud

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Speaker 2: quarterback or a stud college player that is openly by

280
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Speaker 2: or openly gay. And it's just sort of like, yeah,

281
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Speaker 2: it's somewhat like I'm but I'm like, it just does

282
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Speaker 2: this thing. Yeah, and it's not a big deal, but

283
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Speaker 2: it is a big deal to so many people. I

284
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Speaker 2: think it's just all it's gonna take is one.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that's it, right, So the visibility piece,

286
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Speaker 1: And I know we talk about this a lot, especially

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Speaker 1: in our community, you know, I know there's so many

288
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Speaker 1: things that we would love to do different. And I

289
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Speaker 1: wish if I saw more female athletes who looked like me,

290
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Speaker 1: who had my sexual identity. Like if I had more

291
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,480
Speaker 1: visibility of what was possible, fuck, it wouldn't have taken

292
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 1: me so long to figure it out, And like I

293
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't have I lived this life almost like a paperbag.

294
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 1: I kind of just fucking went like with this group

295
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I don't really fit in this,

296
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 1: and then it was like a chameleon. Yeah, I just

297
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,640
Speaker 1: go and blend with all. I was so good.

298
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,560
Speaker 2: But that's the locker room, right, We're so good at

299
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,600
Speaker 2: blending in so I could get into Like that's the

300
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 2: one thing I do miss. Everybody say, do you miss it?

301
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,400
Speaker 2: I missed the locker room. And as painful as a

302
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 2: locker room was for me at times, I missed the

303
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 2: melting pot of cultures. Like one of my best friends

304
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 2: grew up in the hood of Milwaukee, and then I

305
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 2: have another guy who's from a rich Chicago suburb, and

306
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, you're playing with somebody from

307
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,720
Speaker 2: South Florida, and then you have so like I got

308
00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,120
Speaker 2: slight more life experience in that locker room than any

309
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 2: part of my life and just got to hear their

310
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,360
Speaker 2: stories and their struggles and what they went through and

311
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,639
Speaker 2: gave me a whole new perspective because I grew up

312
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:12,040
Speaker 2: in like a cornfield and the beanfield, Illinois. I didn't

313
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 2: have like we had like one hot kid in our

314
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 2: high school. So I didn't get to educate myself on

315
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,399
Speaker 2: culture until I really got to college. And it was

316
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,400
Speaker 2: such a beautiful thing.

317
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Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's like, that's why we love it. That's

318
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,440
Speaker 1: why it's so important. That's why sports teach young kids

319
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,560
Speaker 1: so much. It's like, that's why it's so valuable total

320
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 1: being this incredible athlete, incredible young man. How did you

321
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,479
Speaker 1: keep it so quiet? How did you walk into that

322
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:52,959
Speaker 1: locker room? This masculine, handsome, big beefcake you are and

323
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 1: you still are clearly Like how did you hide that?

324
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:58,400
Speaker 2: Yeah?

325
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,359
Speaker 1: Like how how did you not get outed? How did you?

326
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 1: I mean, fuck, I went on one date with Sophia

327
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: and it was like headlines, hello, tabloids.

328
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 2: Well there's no hiding that, And I think we live

329
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Speaker 2: in a different era.

330
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Speaker 1: Well that's true too, That's I'm just like, how did

331
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,640
Speaker 1: you do it? Were you ever scared?

332
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 2: Were you like, oh, I was living I was living

333
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 2: in a spiderweb of lies. No, It's like for real,

334
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:25,199
Speaker 2: in college, this is like a perfect example, in college,

335
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 2: I basically compartmentalized my high school friends, which I went

336
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,639
Speaker 2: to college forty five minutes away from my high school,

337
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 2: so and there's a lot of people from my high

338
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,399
Speaker 2: school who went to my university. I would never let

339
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,919
Speaker 2: my high school friends really get to know my college

340
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,920
Speaker 2: friends because when I wanted to explore my sexuality physically,

341
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,480
Speaker 2: I would lie. They'd be like are you coming home

342
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 2: for the weekend. I'm like yeah, or no, I'm staying

343
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 2: at college. And my my friends at college where are

344
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 2: you going home? And I'm like, yeah, I'm going home.

345
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,680
Speaker 2: And then I would like, you know, have yeah, have

346
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 2: my free time. But I never I never wanted them

347
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,000
Speaker 2: to compare notes. So but then on top of it,

348
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 2: as I really learned and I don't love this character

349
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,080
Speaker 2: trade about me, but like I really learned how to

350
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,879
Speaker 2: control situations and all the way down to like I

351
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 2: had a folder and I'm not proud of this either,

352
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,360
Speaker 2: but like I had a folder of topless women on

353
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 2: my phone ready to go to prove that I was straight.

354
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 2: And because that was very much the locker room of

355
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 2: like who, like who are you into? Now? Check this out?

356
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 2: And like it's very show offy and it's very if

357
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 2: you don't have that, something's wrong with you, like something's weird.

358
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 2: I just remember how proud they were that they were

359
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: like exploiting people, and then I felt really gross and

360
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 2: like changed the way that I went about it. But

361
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 2: like that was one of the ways that I sort

362
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,560
Speaker 2: of felt like I needed to protect myself. It's like, oh,

363
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 2: if these other straight guys are acting this way, I

364
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 2: guess that's how I have to to like fit in.

365
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,920
Speaker 1: So do you feel at that time? And I can't

366
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,560
Speaker 1: imagine putting myself in that situation. However, when I was

367
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,880
Speaker 1: in college, I would have a boyfriend and I would

368
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: be physically intimate with and then I would crawl out

369
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 1: of bed and go sleep in my roommate's bed because

370
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 1: I felt more emotionally safe. And that's when like I

371
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: started flirting a little bit with HM, Why do I

372
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 1: physically feel like I have to do this but emotionally

373
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 1: feel safe on this side?

374
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 2: And it see, I was the opposite really of you.

375
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 2: So I was more emotionally connected to women and physically

376
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 2: connected to me connected to men, So like I like

377
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 2: physically I can could separate. Like when I started to

378
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 2: first took up with men. I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't

379
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 2: ask their name, I wouldn't like. But that's also gay

380
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,639
Speaker 2: culture is easier to get away with that. Yeah, for

381
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 2: any of our straight listeners or viewers out.

382
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 1: There, like that you had an image to keep up.

383
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,679
Speaker 2: I did, and like I even remember. So it's so

384
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 2: like my first tattoo that I got was this cross,

385
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 2: and I'm a Christian gay man, but like when I

386
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 2: was closeted, I really prayed to not be gay. I

387
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,879
Speaker 2: wanted to be so straight, and part of it, I

388
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 2: think when I got this. I don't know if I

389
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 2: ever really talked about this, but part of the reason

390
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 2: I got across was I was like, Okay, this will

391
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 2: stop me from hooking up, because then people are going

392
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 2: to be able to identify me for my tattoos. Wow,

393
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 2: all I did was cover it up when I went

394
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: to go like do things. But it's so the mental

395
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 2: gymnastics that you have to do to justify the shame

396
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 2: that you have when you're in the closet and trying

397
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 2: to figure yourself out. Like that's the other thing is

398
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,199
Speaker 2: like I truly just wish that I would have been

399
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 2: able to say, like, I'm confused about my sexuality. I'm

400
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 2: going to need a minute to figure it out, versus

401
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 2: going the route that I did of like a lot

402
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 2: of pain and suffering for myself and people in my life.

403
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,360
Speaker 3: This is wide open and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris.

404
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening.

405
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:06,439
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. What makes me so proud of you,

406
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,439
Speaker 1: and I have to say this is the fact that

407
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: you leverage your platform now to help because there's someone

408
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 1: right now who's dealing with the same things you did,

409
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 1: who still feel that that locker room is not safe

410
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 1: enough to be themselves. Yeah, and we are still being

411
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 1: I mean, men are losing their jobs when they actually

412
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,000
Speaker 1: say the hard things, which it's not a hard thing,

413
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful thing. It's who you are.

414
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 2: Well, can I tell you this after my show came out. Yeah,

415
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people in my hometown that were

416
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 2: not happy that I aired the conversation that I aired

417
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 2: between the coach and me. And at first I felt

418
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,239
Speaker 2: really guilty, and I was like, why did I do that?

419
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,000
Speaker 2: Like I really just feel like I messed up friendships,

420
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 2: and like, the more I sat with it, and then

421
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 2: I started getting messages and messages from four kids on

422
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 2: tea on the team from my town who were out,

423
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 2: like not publicly out, but like who basically came out

424
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 2: to me and my dms. It's like, thank you so much,

425
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 2: Like I haven't told anybody, but like I'm on the

426
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 2: team and this is exactly how I feel right now.

427
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 2: That made it all worth it in my head. It's

428
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 2: like as much as much as people were sort of

429
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 2: coming from me, like how dare you trap him? Or

430
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: how dare you come for this program and these coaches

431
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,440
Speaker 2: and all this, I mean, I suffered for how many

432
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 2: years of my life and not solely because of those people,

433
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 2: but like they definitely didn't help, but they're continuing to

434
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 2: do it and get away with it up until this day,

435
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 2: and like that's not okay. Yeah, So that that made

436
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 2: me feel better. And I do think, you know, when

437
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 2: the show first came out, it caught a lot of backlash,

438
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: and I obviously have learned so much more and I

439
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 2: have a completely different perspective now. But I do think

440
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 2: a lot of people from Middle America, in the middle

441
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 2: of our country are going to watch that and know

442
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 2: that they're not alone sports wise, because there isn't there

443
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 2: isn't you know, that much representation yet.

444
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 1: Well, Colton, Statistically, there are gay men out there.

445
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 2: I mean there were supposed to be. There was rumors,

446
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 2: there was rumors that there were supposed to be like

447
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 2: this group of gay NFL players that we're going to

448
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 2: jointly come out and like try to help. But then

449
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 2: one or two All it takes is one or two

450
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 2: people to back out, and then they don't feel ass safe.

451
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 2: So you know, I know there's gay people in the NFL, Well,

452
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 2: I'm sure you do, and they're just like waiting for

453
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 2: their careers to be done to come out.

454
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: Will we ever create change if we continue doing that?

455
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 2: No males and once. The only reason I'm saying male

456
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 2: sports is because I feel like that's what I can

457
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 2: still do. I'm not going to ever speak for women.

458
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 2: But like, the male sports culture right now is so

459
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: homophobic that it's going to take a lot to change.

460
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,639
Speaker 2: I have faith it can, but it is going to

461
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 2: take a lot to change it. And it is going

462
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 2: to take a five star, high score recruit that's maybe

463
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 2: openly by or openly gay, or it's going to take

464
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 2: a first round draft pick out of college to enter

465
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: into the NFL as an out gay out by man

466
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 2: to really change people's, you know, view and perspective of

467
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 2: queer men in sports and queer people in sports in general.

468
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:32,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like I just I'm so hopeful for it

469
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: because I can't. And this is a genuine question. Do

470
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: you feel that and we don't. It's not that I

471
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: want you to feel like you have to go back

472
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: and you have to change anything. I genuinely want to

473
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,680
Speaker 1: know if you, if you are the person you are now,

474
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: the Coulton you are now, the dad you are, the husband,

475
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: you are so sure of every part about you and

476
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: the growth you've had, if you, if you were to

477
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: go back, do you think your football career would have

478
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,159
Speaker 1: been different? To bring your whole fucking self to the picture,

479
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: exactly who you wanted to be, exactly how you wanted

480
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 1: to show up for that locker room and your teammates

481
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,199
Speaker 1: and your coach. Do you think your career would have

482
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 1: been different? Yeah?

483
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 2: I would have been better, I truly believe. I mean,

484
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 2: and I had two All American seasons in college. Like,

485
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 2: I would have played much looser, I would have practiced harder,

486
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 2: I would have felt more mental clarity. I just would

487
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 2: have brought a whole different level to me. That's like

488
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 2: it's sort of like that last gear that I never unlocked. Yeah,

489
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 2: and while I was playing both, you know, because my

490
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: story is I played a D one double a college

491
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 2: and then I went to the NFL for three years

492
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 2: and was on practice squads and I felt like I

493
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 2: was just spinning my tires. And I know why I

494
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 2: was spinning my tires because like, I couldn't level up,

495
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 2: I couldn't kick it to the next year, and I

496
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,879
Speaker 2: couldn't do that because I couldn't be fully myself and

497
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 2: I sort of had to live this double life and

498
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 2: this shame and this stigma. So my answer to your

499
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 2: question is yes, but it would have been better. My

500
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 2: life and my career would have been better.

501
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I hope that we can definitely get to

502
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: the point. And I love that you use your platform

503
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: to continue to push for change, and I mean, I

504
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: hope I see that in my lifetime as well, because

505
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 1: I want. It's such a beautiful gift to be at

506
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 1: such an elite level, and the emotional toll it takes

507
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: to be at the top is exhausting. Forget battling an

508
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:40,040
Speaker 1: internal battle about showing up, exactly who the fuck you

509
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: want to show up to be. I can't imagine the

510
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 1: exhaustion and the energy you had to put in other

511
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 1: parts of your life instead of just focusing on your job.

512
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just yeah, there was a lot of like

513
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 2: I said, like I said, a lot of spiderwebs, Yeah,

514
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 2: that I had to. And it's just the other thing

515
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 2: that really sort of surprised me is after I publicly

516
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 2: came out, I had a lot of players that I

517
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 2: used to play with and teammates from college and pros

518
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 2: and coaches reach out to me and come out in

519
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: a different way of like just opening up about something

520
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: they felt shame or stigma around, from you know, drug

521
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 2: addictions to cheating on their wives and sort of like

522
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 2: find the safety with me that I really realized. You know,

523
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 2: the sports culture isn't very vulnerable. We all are built

524
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 2: for pain, and we're built with this armor to like

525
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,479
Speaker 2: not let people know that they're getting to us. So

526
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 2: why would we ever be emotional or vulnerable with our

527
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 2: teammates Because we're weak, That's what they tell you. And

528
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: I think that hopefully has changed. I like to think

529
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 2: that's changed a little bit, and I think that has

530
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 2: to do a lot with people feeling more comfortable talking

531
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 2: about their mental health because that it's also a bridge

532
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 2: to like communicate openly with like what's leading to those

533
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 2: mental health challenges. You know, for me it was my sexuality.

534
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 2: For other people, that can be a handful of other things.

535
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 2: And I think we're slowly getting better there.

536
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:16,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely agree, And I think, you know, mental

537
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: health is such a valuable part of this. And I

538
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: know you and I are both very big advocates in

539
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: the mental health space for a reason because we've been

540
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 1: through it, and we've been through a ton of pain

541
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: and hardship, and I think it's so admirable and important

542
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 1: for a very masculine man to be able to be

543
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 1: vulnerable and show that you have scars and you want

544
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 1: to share those scars so other people, you know, maybe not,

545
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: they don't have to take the same journey and pain

546
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: you did if you use your voice for good. You know,

547
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: we're on this whole topic about football and the NFL.

548
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: And then you retire and you decide to do The Bachelor, Yeah,

549
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: a part of the franchiser and three different parts of

550
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: The Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Paradise, your own show. Do you

551
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: feel that was your breaking point and how hard was

552
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 1: the transition of now you're this big public figure. Yeah,

553
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: you know, because football you can hide. You got a

554
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: helmet on, especially football, no one, you know, not many people.

555
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 2: The Bachelor was my helmet. Yeah, I think, I mean,

556
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 2: it definitely wasn't my breaking point. If anything, it was

557
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 2: false hope. It was. It was contributing to the same

558
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: sort of logic of I'm going to pray the gay away,

559
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make this show is going to convert me,

560
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 2: I'm going to be straight, I'm going to fall in love.

561
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 2: And it was also confusing, and I think it's important that,

562
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: like I I've done a lot of therapy and work

563
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: through this, and at first I didn't really want to

564
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: talk about it because I didn't want to confuse people.

565
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 2: But like it was confusing to me, and I think

566
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 2: you'll relate to this. It's like I was attracted to

567
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 2: some of the women. Yeah, but I'm a big energy guy.

568
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 2: Like a lot of the way I'm on my season

569
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,719
Speaker 2: had masculine energy, and like it just like we vibed.

570
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 2: There was like there was nothing. I don't know how

571
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 2: else to explain it. I was in the back of

572
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 2: my mind physically knew I was missing something. Yeah, but

573
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 2: I was going in it with pure intentions of like

574
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 2: I'm going to be come straight and this show is

575
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 2: going to help me. And I obviously was wrong with that,

576
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 2: but like that was my mask, that was my helmet,

577
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 2: you know. I just jumped from one crutch to another. Yeah,

578
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: that's all I did. And now I realize that, but

579
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: I just you know, and as far as like adrenaline

580
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 2: goes to like I sort of matched the same. Like

581
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 2: it's hard to recreate sports adrenaline, right, like when you

582
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 2: step on to the green and like you step onto

583
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 2: that field and all of a sudden you're flooded. Oh yeah,

584
00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 2: that that spike.

585
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: Right, Oh god, you're.

586
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 2: Chasing that for the rest of your life when you're

587
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 2: done playing. When I got in front of a camera

588
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 2: and they miked me up and I knew, like we're recording, I.

589
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: Got the same, only just fucking explore.

590
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: I love this. I love the entertainment industry, Like this

591
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 2: is gonna be this is sort of my hit, Like

592
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 2: I like.

593
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 1: Pressure, yeah, and I could see that.

594
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's just a whole different you know.

595
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 2: The one thing I'll say is like it was just

596
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 2: a whole new level of fame, like playing football, I

597
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 2: had a name for myself in the sports community. But

598
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,920
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, now you're on ABC. You know.

599
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 2: For me, I recorded three shows in one year, and

600
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: I'm on back to back to back hit shows. All

601
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 2: it did was make it more difficult for me to

602
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 2: physically explore then and explore my sexuality when I was

603
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: single and not dating anybody in between shows, which I

604
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 2: was doing. It just made it a little bit more challenging.

605
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: I I mean, I can imagine because you were everywhere and.

606
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 2: Yeah it was on I mean when I had my

607
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: show too, it's like Times Square, billboards and like out here,

608
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 2: but like I'm I don't know how you know somebody

609
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 2: at some point it's like wait, you know. But yeah, I.

610
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: Also think what's very important is, and I say this often,

611
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 1: is like you don't have a playbook. You don't have

612
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: a playbook to come out, you don't have a playbook

613
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: to live out a very public separation, divorce, split from Cassie. Like,

614
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: there's no playbook. And when when I saw you take

615
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: off running on that fucking show, it made me think

616
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: about my life and my situation and my relationship. Because

617
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: as soon as I knew as soon as the aha

618
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: moment hit, I fucking ran and I ran so fast,

619
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: and I hurt a lot of people in the process,

620
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: but it was literally life or death. It was literally

621
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: life or death for me. There was no for me.

622
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 2: People will never understand that. And I think that that's

623
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: something like I it took me a while to be

624
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 2: able to vocalize it, and it's incredible that you already can.

625
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 2: But like, was it good? No? Was it harder than

626
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 2: hell for me to like go through what I did?

627
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 2: And yeah, and I made a ton of mistakes and

628
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 2: I did a ton of things that I never wanted

629
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 2: to and I like it just makes my skin cross

630
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 2: even like look back, but I had to go through that,

631
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 2: like it was a life or death situation, and like

632
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: I had to figure myself out. I just yeah, it's

633
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 2: just it came at the expense of a lot of people,

634
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 2: and you and I have to take the accountability and

635
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 2: like like own that. But now I'm just like I

636
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 2: look back, and I mean, you're obviously the healing journey

637
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 2: never stops, like you're you're gonna be on it for

638
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: a long time, but like you're well on your way,

639
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 2: and I just know that, and it's I'm really excited

640
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 2: for myself and excited for you too, but like, yeah,

641
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: it's it's a challenging thing.

642
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: It really is beautiful because you've gone through this incredible

643
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: journey and I appreciate you sharing so much of it

644
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 1: with me, and then you decide to come out.

645
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be completely transparent. It's like I I was

646
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 2: publicly the reason why it was sort of backwards my

647
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 2: coming out process. I came out to my team and

648
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 2: for people like my business team. Yeah, like my publicist

649
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 2: was the first person. Then I came out to my management,

650
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: and then I came out to my agents, and I

651
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 2: had to do that because there was I was being blackmailed.

652
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 2: So I was like trying to figure out, Okay, if

653
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 2: this goes to the press, I need somebody to help me.

654
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 2: And I'm not ready. Like the thing that I think

655
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 2: people are like, well, why didn't you just ask you?

656
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 2: I wasn't ready to come out to my mom and

657
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 2: my dad yet, and like I have gone to them

658
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 2: for everything in my life, but like, for whatever reason,

659
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 2: I trusted my gut. I wasn't ready to come out

660
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 2: to my family. It would have been too much for

661
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 2: them to process, I think because like I just put

662
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 2: them through three television shows about finding a wife and

663
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 2: I could not do that to them where I was

664
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 2: like I was not ready and I just didn't feel it.

665
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 2: So I had to come out to them and they

666
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 2: had to like help guide me, and they did, and

667
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 2: the show opportunity for the Netflix part came up and

668
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: we had I had gone back and forth if I

669
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 2: was going to do it several times and I finally

670
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 2: said yes. And ultimately the reason why I decided to is,

671
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 2: like I live such a you know, I lived such

672
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 2: a straight life on camera and like through my straight

673
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 2: sexuality into the universe that I needed to try to

674
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 2: fix it was the way that I justified it in

675
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 2: my head of like, Okay, like now I have to

676
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 2: really own who I really am. As hard as this

677
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 2: is going to be, I have to do this and

678
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 2: it's going to be messy and it's going to be

679
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 2: ugly at times, but like I have to let people

680
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 2: in on that, Yeah, because they got to see this

681
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 2: polished suit and tie bachelor who you know wasn't the

682
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 2: most authentic and was like really confused in trying to

683
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 2: like fix himself. It's important that they see this version too.

684
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. So wow, is this why you became such a

685
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:22,160
Speaker 1: big advocate in the mental health space because I can't

686
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: imagine Colton this was easier.

687
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think when and for me, where I

688
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: specifically focus on is advocating for college athletes, college level athletes,

689
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 2: because when I go back and sort of put a

690
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,880
Speaker 2: finger on where it was, where it started was in

691
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,479
Speaker 2: the locker room, whether it was you know, my senior

692
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 2: year of high school and or college, a lot of

693
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 2: my pain and a lot of my suffering could have

694
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 2: been prevented or minimized if I would have started to

695
00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 2: get help in college and trusted a therapist, because a

696
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 2: lot of these athletes struggle to feel safe enough to

697
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: tell somebody who is part of the university, who controls

698
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 2: their playing time, who controls their scholarship, who controls their life,

699
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 2: Like when you're on scholarship and playing at the collegiate level,

700
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 2: that is your life that you're struggling mentally because you're

701
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 2: afraid that since you are going through depression and or anxiety,

702
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 2: you're going to be benched. And that's just the reality.

703
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 2: And I think that's what a lot of athletes feel.

704
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 2: So advocating for more resources and to get rid of

705
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: the stigma and just say, somebody with anxiety and depression

706
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 2: could still go out there and kick assah and just

707
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 2: because they're going through that right now does not make

708
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 2: them less of a player or less of a human.

709
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 2: I think that's why I've become such an advocate is

710
00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 2: because you know, my own experience, and also I hear

711
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 2: from and see a lot of athletes out there today

712
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: that are struggling.

713
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: And it's not just their sexuality, No.

714
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 2: It's everything. That's one thing too that really shocked me.

715
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 2: It is, like, like I said before, people slide into

716
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 2: my dms and come out in different ways like hey,

717
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 2: I know, like I'm not gay, but this is what

718
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 2: I'm going through and it's and it's similar like the

719
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 2: coming out journey and like owning. It's it's all rooted

720
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 2: in shame. Like just people working through their shame and

721
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 2: the stigmas and our you know, culture and the societal norms.

722
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,880
Speaker 2: Is something that I really realized is very common.

723
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, once you finally drop the rope and you said,

724
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,479
Speaker 1: you know what, even though you were forced a little

725
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 1: bit to do it, sometimes we just need a little nudge.

726
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: It was the best I like, did it change everything

727
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 1: for you?

728
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,760
Speaker 2: Did it?

729
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: Just the weight of the world and the.

730
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 2: Eyes I never I sort of dropped it after I

731
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 2: came out of like pursuing who the emails came from,

732
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 2: who the pictures were threatened from, because I got so

733
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 2: obsessed with that, because it was like, I need to

734
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 2: find who's doing this to me and make sure it

735
00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 2: doesn't get out. Like I'm sort of like, I dropped it,

736
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,880
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm sort of grateful they pushed me. Yeah,

737
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 2: I really am. I might not have been ready, but

738
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 2: like what I was ready for was like I had

739
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 2: the right team and people around me who protected me

740
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 2: and helped me and were there for me. And I'm

741
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,080
Speaker 2: proud of that and I'm glad that they gave me

742
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 2: a little nudge.

743
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like it led you to

744
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 1: meeting Jordan and real it really feels that it changed

745
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: your life for the best. Stay tuned.

746
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,600
Speaker 3: I'll be back in just a moment after this brief

747
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 3: message from our sponsors.

748
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: So how did these challenges lead you? Because I adore

749
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: you and Jordan. I am like the smile that goofy

750
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 1: grin on your face right now tells me everything. I

751
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: need to know because he's the fucking best I The

752
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 1: second I met both of you, it was like immediate.

753
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 1: I just remember walking in you both walked into the kitchen,

754
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 1: and we just like wrapped our arms around each other.

755
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: I think, because it's not like a painful hug, it's

756
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 1: a I see you. We understood each We understood each

757
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:34,240
Speaker 1: other right away.

758
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 2: I met him at the rap party of my Netflix

759
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 2: show Wow, so like I and I very vocalate you

760
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,359
Speaker 2: to people too, is like I'm not looking for a relationship,

761
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,360
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden I meet him and then

762
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: two months later we're on the same trip and he

763
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 2: helps me through it. And then like we go to

764
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 2: release the show and it's met with a ton of

765
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 2: backlash and I've like I had been through it, but

766
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 2: like I never experienced that, and experience it from the

767
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 2: gay community too, where like they were condemning me and

768
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 2: coming for me, and obviously the Bachelor fans were confused

769
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 2: to why I was like so publicly coming out, and

770
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,800
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I had this rock of like Jordan,

771
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 2: and it just made us obviously even stronger, and I

772
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 2: just fell more in love with with him more than anything.

773
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 2: And I think like that's like what I can see

774
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 2: with you two is like as hard as it's been,

775
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,439
Speaker 2: you have a rock in Sofia. Absolutely, I mean it

776
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 2: doesn't get much better. And the thing that I can

777
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 2: say is like Sophia and Jordan are very good friends too,

778
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 2: so like they're from the same cloth, yes where their

779
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 2: writer dies, and you don't want to get on their

780
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: their bad side, because they will stick up for the people,

781
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 2: like their family and the lives they love heart, the

782
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 2: love heart. I get to watch that every single day

783
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 2: with him.

784
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 1: The universe presents you with a beautiful gift and it's yours,

785
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,239
Speaker 1: even in your most broken, vulnerable, suffering state, whether you

786
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:10,399
Speaker 1: take it. And you know, you always talk about this

787
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 1: life that you've always wanted with children, you know, being married,

788
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 1: really living with full purpose and as your full self.

789
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 1: And I really feel like you're doing that. And I'm

790
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:30,319
Speaker 1: so happy that you now are this new father and

791
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure it gives you such a different perspective. And

792
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: you know, as you said in the in the Netflix

793
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: special about your dad, was very much so a coach

794
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 1: a lot in your life. And not that he wasn't

795
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 1: the best father figure, he just was coach right and

796
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 1: now that you're a father, because I say this a

797
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: lot being a parent and looking through the lens as

798
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: being a mom. I forgave my parents immediately, because even

799
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: though it's the greatest thing I've ever done in my life,

800
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,760
Speaker 1: it is the hardest and people don't realize it until

801
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: you start becoming a parent. And lucky enough for both

802
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: of us, we do live privileged lives where we have

803
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:19,399
Speaker 1: access to things our parents never dreamed of and they

804
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: still managed, worked it out, worked two jobs, did all

805
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: these things so we would have the best. And I'm

806
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: just wondering, has your perspective on life now that you're

807
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 1: married and you have beautiful bishop, has it changed? Is

808
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: there anything now that you're like, I want to be

809
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: this kind of dad because I know what it's like

810
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: on this side, and I want to give this world

811
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: to my child where he is safe enough to be

812
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: in a locker room potentially one day and be exactly

813
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: who he wants to be. Like, just do you think

814
00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 1: about that now being a father?

815
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I have a responsibility, and I think

816
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,880
Speaker 2: I've always known that I've had a responsibility, but like

817
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 2: in a way, you know, I have a husband to

818
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 2: hold me accountable. And also to like help me take

819
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 2: the higher road at times. I mean, I'm sure you

820
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 2: can relate to this too, Like it's hard, like you

821
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 2: sometimes let the emotions and we did this as athletes too.

822
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 2: You sometimes let the emotions get the better of you

823
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 2: where you see something and you want to react quickly

824
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 2: and like defend yourself and like you know, punch back, yeah,

825
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 2: and sometimes having that voice. And for me, it was

826
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 2: Jordan during time, during my hard times of like leveling

827
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 2: me out and calming me down and saying, hey, this

828
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 2: is how we're gonna approach this. We're going to take

829
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 2: the higher road here. And I want to be that

830
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 2: version of myself, this current version with Jordan and like

831
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 2: all of the things he's sort of rubbed off onto

832
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 2: me for my son, and I want to be a

833
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 2: better example. I want to, you know, continue to keep

834
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 2: improving who I am. I want to set a good example,

835
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 2: and I want to I want him just to be

836
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 2: proud of who I am and what I'm putting out there,

837
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 2: especially since he's entered this world. I'm sure at times

838
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: he's going to when he's old enough, he can go

839
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 2: back and see what I've done in my athletic career

840
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: in the entertainment industry and stuff like that. But I

841
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 2: think it's important that from the moment he entered this world,

842
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: he sees like that I'm trying to lead by example

843
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 2: for him.

844
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:39,760
Speaker 1: It's so enjoyable for me to sit back and see

845
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: like how present you both are and how sweet and

846
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: kind and gentle, Like you're so gentle even though you

847
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: were built to be this machine who has taught to be.

848
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 2: Wait, I was so nervous for newborn. I think I

849
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 2: told you this when you came over here. I was

850
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 2: not expecting to be good because I was like, I

851
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 2: have these big, big hands. I'm I'm like athletic, but

852
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 2: I'm also like a little clumsy. Yeah, I'm like a

853
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 2: bowl in a china shop, right Like, I'm like this

854
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 2: big dude. So I was really scared. And then all

855
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 2: of a sudden he comes out and I'm like swaddling diaper,

856
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: like feeding my neck and chin as like I'm trying

857
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 2: to like get his booties back on. Yeah, I was.

858
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 2: I was really nervous, and all of a sudden, I

859
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 2: was like it just kicks in.

860
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,960
Speaker 1: You're natural, yeah, and you and you said, because you

861
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: have your own podcast, Daddy, hood, which I love. And

862
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 1: you've said this from the beginning, like you really feel

863
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 1: and you felt like you were born to be a dad.

864
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 1: You just have always wanted to be a dad. Of

865
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: course you're gonna like get it right. You're the sweetest,

866
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: most gentle human I know. Even though you've been in

867
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 1: this very masculine, very aggressive sports it's sort.

868
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 2: Of been healing to feel like I have some maternal

869
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 2: instincts and same with Jordan. He does too, Like that

870
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 2: was always something. Jordan and I feel like we balance

871
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:05,759
Speaker 2: each other out in our feminine and masculine energies. We

872
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 2: were a really good mix. Yeah, but yeah, like the

873
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 2: parental maternal like whatever people with terminology they want to use, Like,

874
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 2: I just feel like it kicked in. Yeah, and I

875
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 2: was like, oh, we got this, Like this is this

876
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 2: is calming to know that you know you're going to

877
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 2: pick me up when I need you, and I'm going

878
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 2: to pick you up and you need me.

879
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 1: And you know what I love too is you both

880
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: are so open on your podcast about you know, how

881
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,320
Speaker 1: you chose to do this, and I think most people

882
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,240
Speaker 1: actually don't know. So if you are open to sharing,

883
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,240
Speaker 1: because it is such cool the way you and Jordan

884
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 1: went about this was so beautiful and your entire process

885
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 1: actually talking about it, because most men don't talk about yea,

886
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: the you know, the fertility process for us as gay,

887
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: same sex couples, it's difficult and it is very expensive,

888
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: and especially you and I like we're brainwashed a little

889
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: bit because we have cared for our bodies in a

890
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: way most people don't.

891
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 2: Like.

892
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: Trust me, when we walk into a room, people will

893
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: know we are athletes, and with that comes we eat right,

894
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: we sleep right, we still work out, we do cold plunge,

895
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 1: we do saana, we do all of these things. But

896
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: also we've done things to our body to be the

897
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 1: best at our sport that actually hurt, hurt the fertility process.

898
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 1: And you're so open about it because that had to

899
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: be hard when you wanted to start having children. They

900
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: were like, listen, your sperm count.

901
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:42,319
Speaker 2: Totally is not like that. None like that what you're

902
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 2: alluding to. So when we first started this, and I'll

903
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 2: start by saying, like, oftentimes when you hear about fertility struggles,

904
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: immediately I think everybody's mind goes to, oh, she or

905
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 2: her fertility issues. No, men are fifty percent of the equation,

906
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 2: whether you like it or not, if there are if

907
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 2: there is anybody out out there that's struggling with fertility

908
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 2: right now, my number one advice before people get started

909
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,799
Speaker 2: is please have the men, the husbands or both men.

910
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 2: If you're in a same sex relationship, go get tested.

911
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 2: Just know where you're at. Because it took us. It

912
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 2: took me six months. Jordan's numbers were good. It took

913
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 2: me six months to rehabilitate my sperm. And the top

914
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,960
Speaker 2: contributing factors to my low sperm count slash no sperm

915
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 2: was daily hot tub slash hot bass. I love a

916
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 2: bath and exercising more than four times a week actually

917
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 2: harms your sperm production. I was pelotoning too, which bike

918
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 2: rides tend to do that. Yeah, sawn and steam room

919
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 2: and then taking tiestostrone or TRT replacement so tasosterone. For

920
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 2: those men out there that are taking it. While there

921
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 2: are plenty of benefit, you know, benefits to it, it

922
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 2: actually does work as like it sterilizes you. Essentially, it

923
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 2: tells your you know, your body to stop producing sperm.

924
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,479
Speaker 2: So my numbers were really really low.

925
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's like got to be hard because this

926
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 1: is your journey. You're literally like I just.

927
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 2: Want to be a dad, and anybody who's been on

928
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 2: the fertility fertility journey knows, like these fertility doctors are

929
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 2: very black and white like and they went on to

930
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 2: the next subject, and I was like, wait, hold on,

931
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:22,840
Speaker 2: can someone hold my hand and cry with me for

932
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 2: a second, because I was expecting to like give my

933
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 2: sample today and be pregnant in nine months and like now,

934
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, you know, it took Jordan and

935
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: I to over a little over two years to have Bishop,

936
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 2: and it was patience and resilience and like a lot

937
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:41,240
Speaker 2: of start and stops and once again, that's life, that's sports.

938
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 2: And I don't like, I don't know if I hadn't

939
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 2: been an athlete, if I could have gotten through that

940
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 2: as strongly as I did, and what I.

941
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:54,480
Speaker 1: Love the most, and I don't I don't think our

942
00:51:54,600 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: listeners know this, but you and Jordan did a Sarah, Yeah,

943
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:06,840
Speaker 1: but you don't know whose sperm you actually ended up using.

944
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 1: That is so cool and so amazing and so special

945
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: because it doesn't make either of you feel like you

946
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 1: weren't a part of the process. It is beautiful. I

947
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: think it makes me want to weep because it is.

948
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: It's like so special and not many people think of that,

949
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 1: especially with same sex couples. Someone is getting left out

950
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 1: and that's hard.

951
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was, and I think in a way when

952
00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 2: we talked about it is we sort of did it

953
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 2: to protect ourselves one because we had been so public

954
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 2: with our journey. But what I noticed is, you know,

955
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 2: a lot of people don't understand when you for us,

956
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: for two men, our egg donor is different from our surrogate.

957
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 2: So the woman who gives us her egg her eggs.

958
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,959
Speaker 2: We then fertilize with our sperm and then from there

959
00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:00,399
Speaker 2: we have our embryos, and then once those embryos are

960
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,400
Speaker 2: tested and frozen, we then do an embryo transfer to

961
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 2: a surrogate, which is a completely different lady and woman

962
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:11,680
Speaker 2: who is equally as incredible as their egg donor, and

963
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 2: she carries our baby to term. And we just told

964
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 2: our doctor, we were like, we know how many umbryroos

965
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 2: I have, we know how many embryos he has, And

966
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:26,280
Speaker 2: we just said, hey, you put in whichever healthiest embryo

967
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 2: is and for the next one when we come back

968
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 2: to you, because we want to just put the opposites

969
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,839
Speaker 2: in and we didn't really want to know. Because one

970
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 2: thing that bugs me and I talk about this a

971
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 2: little bit on my most recent episode of Daddyhood with Jordan,

972
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 2: was a lot of times people are innocent and curious

973
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 2: when they ask us a question of who. It's an

974
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 2: offensive question to ask sex couples, and honestly, I think

975
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 2: just couples in general, because even straight couples have fertility issues,

976
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: and I think people need to be a little bit

977
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: more mindful of that, of the question of but whose

978
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 2: is it really or whose child is it? Who's biomateial

979
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 2: because it feels in a way like you're disqualifying one

980
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,560
Speaker 2: of the parents, and that's not okay because we both

981
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 2: went through a lot over two years to have baby

982
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 2: Bishop here, and we don't like to hear, you know,

983
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,520
Speaker 2: offensive things, and we're sort of protective of our family.

984
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 1: And I think also, what you're shedding light on, and

985
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: I think what people don't talk enough about is there's

986
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:39,759
Speaker 1: two folds here. There's this beautiful thing you're doing with

987
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: your husband to bring a sweet human into this world,

988
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: and Bishop Kattie's so freaking cute, Yes, But the fucking

989
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 1: process and the money that it takes for people like

990
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: you and I. And you know, Sophie and I have

991
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: been dating now for almost you know, a year, and

992
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: where I'm thirty nine, she's forty two, and we have

993
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 1: to have these conversations now early in a relationship. She's

994
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 1: never had a child. I've never had a biological child,

995
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:18,399
Speaker 1: and the amount of money it costs to do these steps,

996
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: not only for our community, but just families going through IVF,

997
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: it really opens the door to having this conversation that

998
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 1: why is it only people who have the means financially

999
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 1: to even do this get access to it? Like I

1000
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 1: thought about freezing my eggs and I started going through

1001
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 1: this loophole process and this hamster wheel of the process,

1002
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:49,319
Speaker 1: the time and the money, and I'm just like, who

1003
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 1: can afford this? Like I adopted two children, Colton and

1004
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 1: I spent a lot of money adopting some of the

1005
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 1: most at risk children out there, And I'm just like,

1006
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,760
Speaker 1: how is this so hard? There's so many beautiful families

1007
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 1: out there who just want to be parents like us totally,

1008
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 1: who maybe they don't have the financial means to do so.

1009
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,919
Speaker 1: And do you ever think about that? Do you ever

1010
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 1: think of how we can change that? And have you know,

1011
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: access to bringing beautiful children into this world without having

1012
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,279
Speaker 1: financially financially.

1013
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 2: It's a huge like a couple of companies online because

1014
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,399
Speaker 2: I did a lot of research over my season one

1015
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 2: of Daddyhood for women out there that are looking to

1016
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 2: freeze your eggs, it's very expensive. There is a company

1017
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 2: called Cofertility that if you're comfortable enough to donate half

1018
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 2: of your eggs, they will freeze the other half for

1019
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 2: you to use for free.

1020
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 1: WHOA.

1021
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:57,200
Speaker 2: So it's it's an incredible, incredible company. I had the

1022
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,880
Speaker 2: founder on my podcast and it's called ho Fertility. So

1023
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,640
Speaker 2: they just help take the burden off of the expense

1024
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 2: of freezing your eggs and so throughout you know, once

1025
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,080
Speaker 2: you get matched with the you know where your your

1026
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 2: eggs are going to and who they're going to. They

1027
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 2: schedule your egg retrieval and then the other half will

1028
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 2: be frozen for you. So that's an option if you

1029
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 2: feel comfortable with it. Another company that's really cool is

1030
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 2: called Nordle. It's an app and I had their founder

1031
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 2: on as well, and it's a surrogate matching program sort

1032
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 2: of like a Tinder where you get to swipe and

1033
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:41,400
Speaker 2: it's just I'm just fascinated by innovative and companies that

1034
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 2: are trying to change because unfortunately, in my opinion, I

1035
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 2: feel like the industry, the fertility industry sees money through

1036
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 2: our LGBTQ plus community. Absolutely, they see the dollar signs

1037
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 2: and they know that, you know, we can have children

1038
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 2: on our own, and they charge us enarnment a leg

1039
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 2: and I think that's a problem. So I love all

1040
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 2: of these different companies. And then the last one that

1041
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 2: I'll shout out for men out there who might not

1042
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 2: feel comfortable, and this goes for trans women out there

1043
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 2: who are looking to freeze or sperm. There is this

1044
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 2: company called Legacy Sperm, which is an at home sperm

1045
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 2: testing kit. So if you do not feel comfortable going

1046
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 2: into your clinic to get tested and to get your

1047
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 2: sperm tested, you can request and get an at home

1048
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 2: kit and they freeze your sperm for you as well. Wow.

1049
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 2: So just I say that because parts of our country Oklahoma, Texas,

1050
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 2: some of the southern states that you might not necessarily

1051
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 2: feel comfortable going and getting your sperm frozen at there

1052
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 2: is an at home you know, test and kit for that.

1053
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that you've done so much

1054
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 1: research and I know, but it's so important because there

1055
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 1: are just things we don't know. And it's great that

1056
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 1: you've really gone through this process and you're so willing

1057
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 1: to continue advocating and sharing and making it easier for

1058
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:11,280
Speaker 1: people like myself. And I'm just so lucky to call

1059
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 1: you a friend. And I know we're trying to build

1060
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 1: our sweet little families out and build a future together.

1061
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: And I hope we have this dream of being on

1062
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:21,440
Speaker 1: a farm.

1063
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 2: I was like, wait, where are we going? Are we

1064
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 2: going there with this? Yeah? I just I want my

1065
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:28,919
Speaker 2: kids to play in dirt sa And I want them

1066
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:33,320
Speaker 2: to have like farm animals as friends. And I want

1067
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 2: them to be able to ride their bike. I just

1068
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 2: want them to have a really good childhood. Yeah, And

1069
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 2: I think, I don't know. I just want them to

1070
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 2: have like responsibilities and chores and uh not feel like

1071
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 2: they have to, you know, compete for attention. And I

1072
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: live It's no secret I live in LA and like

1073
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,080
Speaker 2: it's just people are like, sign up for schools now,

1074
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 2: and I'm like, he's one month old, No, you need

1075
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 2: to get on the wait list, Like no, I don't.

1076
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,200
Speaker 2: I need to move, That's what I'm.

1077
01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 1: I hope that we continue manifesting this life together and

1078
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 1: our kids get to be friends forever, neighbors, building tree forts.

1079
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:15,440
Speaker 2: Go cow tipping every once in a while.

1080
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 1: So cowtipping get in trouble in a small town where

1081
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:22,840
Speaker 1: it's allowed. Like I just feel back in the day

1082
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: when we were growing up, we played every sport, We

1083
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 1: climbed every tree, we had cast on every limb, we

1084
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,880
Speaker 1: split every chin and head open possible, and you just

1085
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: don't see that anymore. And I want that for our kids.

1086
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,040
Speaker 2: I know we're gonna make it happen.

1087
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 1: Well. Thank you for being so vulnerable and wide open.

1088
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on the show, and I just

1089
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 1: I love your story. I love where you're at. Congratulations

1090
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 1: on being a new daddy. Thank you, and tell everyone

1091
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 1: where they can go listen to your podcast.

1092
01:00:56,680 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, anywhere you listen to podcasts at daddy Hood. The

1093
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 2: podcast name Season one, I will say, is a lot

1094
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 2: about the fertility journey, and they're all pretty clearly titled,

1095
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 2: so if like some of them don't apply to you,

1096
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 2: feel free to skip around. But we interview anything from

1097
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 2: surrogates to egg donors, to donor conceived children from both

1098
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 2: donor eggs and from donor sperm, so it just gives

1099
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 2: you paints of clear picture of what you're getting into.

1100
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 2: And then on socials, I'm just cool Wonderwood and you

1101
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:29,040
Speaker 2: can see lots of Bishop and Daddy content, all right.

1102
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 1: And you'll see a lot more of us together, ye

1103
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 1: riding on a farm.

1104
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 2: In any in Hudson soon.

1105
01:01:33,880 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: Yes, thanks man, thanks for being here, Thank you, thank you.

1106
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 3: Wide Open with Ashland Harris is an iHeart women's sports production.

1107
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:48,760
Speaker 3: You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,

1108
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 3: or wherever you get your podcasts. Our producers are Carmen

1109
01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 3: Borca Coreo, Emily Maronov, and Lucy Jones. Production assistants from

1110
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 3: Malia Guidello. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Jenny Kaplan

1111
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 3: and Emily Rudder. Our editors are Jenny Kaplan and Emily

1112
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 3: Rudder and I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris