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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Keon and.

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Speaker 2: This is your host, Riley, your favorite Okay storytelling host,

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Speaker 2: and we've got some great stories coming up from you.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend is bad at everything, and I'm losing respect

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Speaker 3: for him. Okay, So I twenty three female, am going

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Speaker 3: crazy in my head here because I don't know if

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Speaker 3: I'm just the world's hugest witch or what. Basically, my boyfriend,

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Speaker 3: let's call him Steve twenty three mail, is just not

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Speaker 3: good at doing anything.

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Speaker 2: Stop.

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Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait, that's not true. He's good at out

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Speaker 3: doorsy stuff and is apparently pretty good at his job

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Speaker 3: in catering aside from that question marks. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from Don't Care Throwaway and if you want

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Speaker 3: to smit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytime subbured it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, I'm Keon,

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Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice scoofy, But we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: so please let us know what you would do in

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Speaker 3: the comments.

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Speaker 2: So he's good at like hiking, Yeah, he's good at

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Speaker 2: walking and jumping.

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Speaker 1: Apparently catering money and catering.

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Speaker 2: You would think that would apply at home, too, right.

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Speaker 1: You can't cater to op.

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Speaker 3: You can't do it. For example, I feel like I

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Speaker 3: can't do anything with him that involves any skill or

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Speaker 3: is even slightly competitive, because one he's a sore loser

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Speaker 3: and two he never win.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 3: When I stayed with his family over Christmas, they had

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Speaker 3: a scrabble board, and because it was snowy and boring,

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Speaker 3: I tried to pass the time playing scrabble.

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Speaker 1: With says Sophia's worst nightmare.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been losing a lot at scrabble. Currently I'm winning.

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Speaker 2: Your boyfriend's just super smart. You just got to give

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Speaker 2: it up.

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Speaker 3: Well, I usually win the word game.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Sophia has actually has a challenge. She

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Speaker 1: met her maker kind of thing. But like, if you

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Speaker 1: were dating someone and they like they were just really

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Speaker 1: bad at like board games or scrabble, would that be

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Speaker 1: an ick for you?

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Speaker 3: Not at scrabble. If they were bad at scrabble, that's okay.

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Speaker 3: I'm not even a good scrabble player, and I still

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Speaker 3: crushed him every game, And eventually, after a few rounds.

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Speaker 3: I just couldn't play anymore because I had to spend

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Speaker 3: like ten minutes after every game making him feel better

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Speaker 3: about himself.

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Speaker 2: Stop it? No, why do.

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Speaker 3: You even after like the first time I had to

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Speaker 3: do that, and we're not playing anymore. It's so boring.

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Speaker 2: No, babe, you can spell. It's fine.

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Speaker 3: No, babe is a word you tried. Awesome, Ash says,

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Speaker 3: met her match, not her maker. Yeah, if I was

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Speaker 3: meeting my maker, i'd be dying. After giving up on Scrabble,

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Speaker 3: we switched to playing Sorry, I Love Sorry, and we

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Speaker 3: had to stop that too because I couldn't handle the

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Speaker 3: mental toll of continuously beating him at Sorry? How did

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Speaker 3: you beat sorry? Sorry? Sorry is a game of chance?

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Speaker 2: You literally, there's no thinking, it's.

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Speaker 3: Literally you pick up a card. How did you beat

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Speaker 3: him at? Sorry? That's actually crazy?

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Speaker 2: Every time you beat him every time? It's sorry every time.

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Speaker 3: Statistically, that's like impossible.

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Speaker 2: Hot take. I think he does want you to break

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Speaker 2: up with him, so he's just doing this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he just wants to lose everything.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, rock paper scissors? He always how

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Speaker 1: do you always win?

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Speaker 3: She's like, I think you have bad luck? Another time

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Speaker 3: we went to a board game night with some friends

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Speaker 3: and he couldn't understand the rules for most of the

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Speaker 3: board games, and afterwards he vented to me about how

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Speaker 3: stupid the games were and why there was no point

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Speaker 3: having rules so complicated no one could grasp them. He

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Speaker 3: was the only one who couldn't grasp them. Other times,

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Speaker 3: we'd play casual stuff like air hockey foosball, which I

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Speaker 3: didn't think even required any strategy other than spinning the

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Speaker 3: little plastic dudes really fast, and he'd still lose every

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Speaker 3: time and get upset about it. I don't care about winning.

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Speaker 3: I just want to have fun, and it feels like

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Speaker 3: it's impossible to have fun because playing anything with him

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Speaker 3: feels like playing against a gosh dang five year old boy.

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Speaker 3: I feel like the issue here is not that he

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Speaker 3: loses at everything, is that he just can't stand losing.

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Speaker 1: No, I think he just he also can't grasp I

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Speaker 1: don't know, this guy just doesn't you play uno Yeah, loses,

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Speaker 1: I do know. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I just think he's such a sore loser that it

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Speaker 3: is becoming unattractive.

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Speaker 1: Well, I was gonna say, why don't you bring up

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Speaker 1: the question of like what game do you want to play? Johnny, Well, it's.

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Speaker 3: Your turn to pick, and he's like, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I suck at everything.

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Speaker 3: What if we just do a race?

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Speaker 2: I have a really, really hot take at the end

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Speaker 2: of the story.

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Speaker 3: But wait, this thread isn't entitled. My boyfriend is terrible

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Speaker 3: at games. I was wondering because you had only mentioned games.

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Speaker 3: So here's some other stuff. His internet stopped working a

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Speaker 3: while back, so he called me. I told him to

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Speaker 3: use his mobile data to download the troubleshooting manual for

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Speaker 3: his router and see if he could fix it. He

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Speaker 3: didn't manage it, so I went to his place later

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Speaker 3: and found he downloaded the manual for the wrong router.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't even for the right brand.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, so he zero critical thinking skills? Yeah, how

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Speaker 2: was he raised?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: No, no, without critical thinking. I ended up fixing his problem,

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Speaker 3: and then he rant it to me about how all

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Speaker 3: these router manufacturers make their manuals so hard to use,

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Speaker 3: like there's some sort of deliberate conspiracy to keep everyone

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Speaker 3: in perpetual confusion. A less, they're a genius. I think

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Speaker 3: this guy has low IQ. I'm not a genius. I'm

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Speaker 3: just capable of following simple written instructions. Also, he wants

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Speaker 3: to go back to school to do a master's degree,

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Speaker 3: but he needs to do some prerecs, including a math

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Speaker 3: unit where he's struggling with a lot of the material,

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Speaker 3: but as far as I can tell, it's all stuff

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Speaker 3: he learned in high school. Lately, he's been posting Facebook

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Speaker 3: updates about how hard it is to learn logarithms. My

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Speaker 3: school covered logarithms in grade nine, and even though I

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Speaker 3: can't remember how to do them off the top of

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Speaker 3: my head, I don't recall them being particularly hard at

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Speaker 3: the time.

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Speaker 2: He's lost me at going to Facebook.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that he's like going to Facebook to complain about

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Speaker 3: more things that he's bad at. Oh gosh, stop telling

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Speaker 3: people that you're bad at everything.

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Speaker 1: Also, he's not trying to solve, like figure out the problems, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: is there a cheat code for this yet?

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Speaker 3: I know I'm getting my master or like trying to

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Speaker 3: get my master's degree, but can someone else get my

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Speaker 3: master's degree for me?

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Speaker 1: Dudo P.

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Speaker 3: If he keeps this up, you make his master's Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he's going to email you or not email you. He's

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Speaker 3: going to text you whenever he's doing a test. And

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Speaker 3: he's like, Babe, I don't I don't understand all the

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Speaker 3: bad problems, and then you're gonna take the test for him?

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Speaker 2: Yeah at this pace.

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Speaker 3: And aside from that, I'm getting tired of being expected

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Speaker 3: to be sympathetic when increasingly I just want to yell, well,

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Speaker 3: maybe if you weren't such I don't. But but if

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Speaker 3: I even hint that, maybe he should be able to

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Speaker 3: deal with his own emotions, Honey, I know you couldn't

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Speaker 3: get the pizza dough of the shape you wanted, but

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Speaker 3: it's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, right.

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Speaker 3: I get accused of being unsympathetic to his feelings, Well,

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Speaker 3: what about my feelings? Oh pee? Why are we with him?

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Speaker 2: He sounds stupid and not confident.

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Speaker 1: Do you have to shake it for him or wipe

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Speaker 1: it for him? ROAs it's giving.

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Speaker 3: It is, You're not his mommy.

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Speaker 2: Do you have to put like onion rings on the

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Speaker 2: toilet so he knows where to like aim onion rings?

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Speaker 1: Did you do that?

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Speaker 3: Who did that?

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Speaker 2: Or cheerios cheerios the pros cheerios, but they're moving, that's

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Speaker 2: the fun part.

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Speaker 1: It's called Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I don't want constant rolling coverage of every tiny thing

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Speaker 3: that bothers you. But he's also an incredibly sweet, hard

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Speaker 3: working person who treats me well, and his boss and

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Speaker 3: co workers all say he doesn't just work hard, but

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Speaker 3: it's actually really competent at his job. And he did

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Speaker 3: pretty well in high school. And he's lived on his

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Speaker 3: own since he was sixteen and kept himself alive the

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Speaker 3: whole time, and no one else has ever hinted or

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Speaker 3: said to me, Gee, your boyfriend is kind of a

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Speaker 3: dumb butt. So what the f is it? Me? Am

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Speaker 3: I the crazy one, am I the Witch? And we've

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Speaker 3: got an update two months later. But uh, what.

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Speaker 2: Do you think this man is masculated?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Okay, few things I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get kind

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Speaker 2: of serious here, a few points here. He was able

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Speaker 2: to live on his own set sixteen, and then you

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Speaker 2: came into his life. Did he just kind of like

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Speaker 2: dump everything onto you? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: He's like, oh, I've been waiting for someone to take

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Speaker 3: this off of my hands, and it's just his whole life.

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Speaker 2: Weaponizing incompetence could me? That's my theory.

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Speaker 3: You know, weaponized incompetence doesn't usually come out board games. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so it feels like maybe he's just incompetent.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, within a relationship, Sophia, you're probably gonna

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Speaker 2: disagree with me. People are gonna disagree with me. But

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Speaker 2: between like a heterosexual relationship, you need a healthy amount

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Speaker 2: of feminine and masculinity because a man in a role,

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Speaker 2: I feel like, should be a protector, be confident, be

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Speaker 2: like and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna watch but like

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Speaker 2: he's like, oh, I got you back, I'm gonna go

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Speaker 2: check out the scary noise outside. I'm gonna do that.

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Speaker 2: That's kind of his role in the relationship, and it

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Speaker 2: feels like he's not doing that. And now you're like

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Speaker 2: his partner and also his mother, where every time he

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Speaker 2: does something wrong or something you have to like build

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Speaker 2: him back up where he can't do himself. He doesn't

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Speaker 2: have the tools of doing himself, and that is not

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Speaker 2: gonna sustain whatsoever. Think about when you have kids. The kid,

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Speaker 2: this is what's gonna happen. The kid's gonna play a

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Speaker 2: little board game with daddy. The kid beats dad, and

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Speaker 2: guess who you're gonna have to help out with.

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Speaker 3: It's the five year old and he's like, Dad, let's

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Speaker 3: play a game, let's play, you know, and then by

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Speaker 3: the end of the game, he's like, this game is

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Speaker 3: too hard, my five year old? Is that change? Yes?

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Speaker 3: How is he doing this?

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Speaker 2: Do you want that?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: I'm glad that you're realizing this, But you may have

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Speaker 2: also shot yourself in the foot because have we given

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Speaker 2: him room to like kind of like build up into that.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: We're always like kind of aiding him, and we're now

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Speaker 2: we're getting sick of it. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I feel like if you have always not allowed this

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Speaker 3: behavior but kind of kind of allowed it, like you've

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Speaker 3: you've encouraged it in a way, and that every time

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Speaker 3: that he comes whinding to you, you fix his problems,

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Speaker 3: and then now you're complaining about it. I feel like

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Speaker 3: maybe this is just not the right match.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh, he's the one who deals with him on like

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Speaker 1: a daily basis. Good point, And she's like, am I

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Speaker 1: the crazy one that nobody else is calling him out

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Speaker 1: for this?

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Speaker 3: No? You probably just know him better than other people.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Is there another friend that like you

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Speaker 1: have that you like a group of friends that you have,

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Speaker 1: like the board game group. Did you message them and like, hey,

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Speaker 1: sorry for his behavior? You know. Sorry, he was so cranky.

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Speaker 1: He just didn't get the rules kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: We're like, he didn't get his nap today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he didn't get his nap. He didn't get it.

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Speaker 1: He didn't get a snack today.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, But like there was a there's a real or

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Speaker 2: video out there that's like, oh, it's like when one

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Speaker 2: of your girlfriends has the baby. Their boyfriends like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: here's your snack, here's your iPad. I've see that, and

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Speaker 2: then it's like trying to touch your boobs and she's

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Speaker 2: like no, no, no, not right now, later later, real quick predictions. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she's gonna break up with them.

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Speaker 3: I think so too.

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Speaker 1: I think she's gotta have a conversation with him. And

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Speaker 1: then they break up because he's like no, no, how

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Speaker 1: dare you.

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Speaker 2: It's one of those scary breakups. Oh, don't leave me.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because he's incapable of anything. But we've got an

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Speaker 3: update two months later. I'll save you some scrolling. We

256
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Speaker 3: broke up.

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Speaker 1: Oh nice.

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Speaker 3: Some more background. My ex graduated with a degree in

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Speaker 3: bio medicine last.

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Speaker 1: Year from where Chad gpt University, but never.

261
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Speaker 3: Actually looks for work in his field. As far as

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Speaker 3: I know, this didn't strike me as a problem at first,

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Speaker 3: since he's always taken care of himself just fine, and

264
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Speaker 3: he never seemed that enthusiastic about his degree anyway. I

265
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Speaker 3: spent several years after high school working odd jobs while

266
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Speaker 3: I figured out what to do with my life. I'm

267
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Speaker 3: most of the way through nursing school right now, so

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Speaker 3: who am I to judge?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: But gradually I just got more and more of a

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Speaker 3: sinking feeling about things, mostly because he kept talking about

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Speaker 3: how he wanted to get a PhD and become a professor,

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Speaker 3: and I felt professorship was a pretty optimistic goal for

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Speaker 3: even the most brilliant of students. But how do you

275
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Speaker 3: tell your boyfriend you think their dreams are wildly unrealistic?

276
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Speaker 3: So he decided he was going back for his master's No.

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Speaker 3: After I posted the original thread, I realized I'd never

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Speaker 3: really spoken to him about his negativity while we were

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Speaker 3: both calm, So I sat him down one day and

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Speaker 3: told him that while I was always going to be

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Speaker 3: there for him in times of real distress, I couldn't

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Speaker 3: take all this complaining anymore about his coworkers, about my housemates,

283
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Speaker 3: about his housemates, about losing a games, about the train system,

284
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,360
Speaker 3: about math, about arts majors. Apparently they all work at Starbucks.

285
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Speaker 2: The train system.

286
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Speaker 3: Yeah, he hates the train system. So it doesn't come

287
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Speaker 3: when I wanted to come so frustrated.

288
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Speaker 2: Dude, that one they haven't apped for that. To be

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Speaker 2: an adult, you do have to have a certain IQ

290
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Speaker 2: just to understand how things move around.

291
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Speaker 3: And it doesn't seem like he has that. The one

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Speaker 3: time I pointed out the irony of this, he went

293
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,160
Speaker 3: real quiet and later told me I really hurt his

294
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Speaker 3: feelings and to not strike such low blows in the future.

295
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,120
Speaker 3: Guess I missed a heck of a red flag. I

296
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,280
Speaker 3: told him it was exhausting to constantly have to attend

297
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Speaker 3: to one crisis or another, and that perhaps he could

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Speaker 3: benefit from seeing a therapist. In addition to everything else,

299
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Speaker 3: he'd also had depression on and off, and I figured

300
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,280
Speaker 3: it was a good chance to learn better coping skills. Oh,

301
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,280
Speaker 3: that's a good suggestion.

302
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Speaker 2: I like that.

303
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,960
Speaker 3: Well, that didn't go over well at all. He immediately

304
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,760
Speaker 3: accused me of not caring about his feelings and said

305
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,280
Speaker 3: he should be able to say whatever he wanted to me,

306
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,960
Speaker 3: and that psychologists just want to give you happy pills

307
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,320
Speaker 3: to make you think like everyone else.

308
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Speaker 2: You can't speak negativity all the time.

309
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Speaker 3: When I told him psychologists aren't licensed to prescribe medication,

310
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Speaker 3: he went silent for a while. And so it doesn't matter.

311
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,600
Speaker 3: They still just want to convince you it's fine to

312
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,120
Speaker 3: be a loser and everything's okay with you. I asked

313
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,720
Speaker 3: him if he thought he was a loser, and he

314
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,040
Speaker 3: said he doesn't think he's a loser. He just thinks

315
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,440
Speaker 3: it's important to stay aware of your flaws and punish

316
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 3: yourself when you mess up, which is why he runs

317
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,920
Speaker 3: so much. He's dobby.

318
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Speaker 2: What so that's why he's going to outdoorsy stuff. Yeah,

319
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Speaker 2: that's how he copes.

320
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,920
Speaker 3: That's how he punishes himself.

321
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Speaker 2: What this is such a horrible cycle. Yeah, please go

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Speaker 2: see a professional, dude.

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Speaker 3: At that point, I ended the conversation because I didn't

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Speaker 3: know what to say. The other thing that had been

325
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,840
Speaker 3: bothering me progressively more is that he was currently taking

326
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,880
Speaker 3: units so he could start his master's next semester. But

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Speaker 3: it struck me as kind of weird that he had

328
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Speaker 3: to take math and science preres considering he already had

329
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,320
Speaker 3: a degree in biomedicine. I'm pretty sure he graduated. He

330
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,840
Speaker 3: has a photo of himself in his gown on Facebook,

331
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,760
Speaker 3: but every time I try to ask and wave it

332
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,960
Speaker 3: away like he was hiding something. Stop did he graduate?

333
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,720
Speaker 3: I was wondering how this guy graduated? Really, I don't

334
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,040
Speaker 3: know if he graduated, he would have got that far.

335
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,440
Speaker 3: Maybe the only thing he's good at is lying. Of

336
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,560
Speaker 3: all the problems in our relationship, this was the only

337
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,920
Speaker 3: one that made me feel like I might be nuts,

338
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,320
Speaker 3: because for all I knew, there was a perfectly simple explanation.

339
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 3: But why the evasiveness? Anyway, reading back, everything I wrote

340
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,400
Speaker 3: feels super weird because there's a lot of crazy crap

341
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,040
Speaker 3: and it's like, well, sure that happened, but it wasn't

342
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:34,360
Speaker 3: like that. But maybe it was after my failed attempt

343
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 3: at talking. I felt like a giant dumb butt for

344
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,840
Speaker 3: not realizing the relationship was doomed from the start. But

345
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 3: I was dreading actually breaking up with him until the

346
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,000
Speaker 3: boat ride Dawn.

347
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 1: What happened at the boat ride, Well, something's about to sink.

348
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,560
Speaker 3: In my town. There are a few places you can

349
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,560
Speaker 3: hire a little sail boat for an hour and sail

350
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 3: around on the water in the summer, fun couples activities.

351
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,200
Speaker 3: That sounds great, I want to do that, or can

352
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,400
Speaker 3: I run a little sit boat anywhere? Before the horrible talk,

353
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,840
Speaker 3: we'd made plans to do this and he didn't know

354
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,640
Speaker 3: I was going to break up with him, and I

355
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,239
Speaker 3: was still clinging to the hope of fixing our relationship.

356
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 3: So we went sailing. All went well for about ten

357
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 3: minutes until we had to turn the boat, and of

358
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,480
Speaker 3: course turning a sailboat can be tricky if you've never

359
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,120
Speaker 3: done it before. As we were trying and failing to

360
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 3: turn the boat, I could see him getting more and

361
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,560
Speaker 3: more agitated, and I tried to lighten the mood by

362
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,320
Speaker 3: joking about our struggles, and he replied with something like, oh, sure,

363
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 3: it's fine to be crappy at things. Who needs standards?

364
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,320
Speaker 3: And I should have known not to expect to be

365
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,360
Speaker 3: good at sailing.

366
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,000
Speaker 2: Who this kind of mindset towards yourself is not helpful either, Bro,

367
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,440
Speaker 2: Oh what is happening?

368
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,960
Speaker 3: Oh? He just has like no call or sorry, nope,

369
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 3: he's boyfriend just has no confidence and also he's bad

370
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,680
Speaker 3: at everything.

371
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,360
Speaker 2: Stick with one thing.

372
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,040
Speaker 3: It also just feels like every time he tries something new,

373
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 3: he immediately gives up. Ah, yeah, I could see that,

374
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,200
Speaker 3: and so like he never actually learns how to be

375
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 3: good at something. But there is a little bit left too.

376
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,280
Speaker 3: Who this story? What were you final thoughts?

377
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 2: Yes? What would you say to this guy to kind

378
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,520
Speaker 2: of help build up his confidence? He's at a very

379
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 2: low point.

380
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 3: What would you therapist? Yeah, a tutor in something I

381
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,440
Speaker 3: don't know. Pick one thing and then get a tutor

382
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,800
Speaker 3: in that and stop being a baby. Wake up, don't

383
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 3: be a whiny baby anymore. That's my advice for him.

384
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, he really does have to see someone because this

385
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,040
Speaker 2: like cycle he's going through is not very helpful, no

386
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 2: or healthy. It's not gonna do good much for him.

387
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,080
Speaker 3: But you don't have to be with him while he

388
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,200
Speaker 3: figures that out. So let's finish the story. I told

389
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,720
Speaker 3: him there's no reason he needs to be good at something.

390
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,080
Speaker 3: We're just doing for fun and to just try to

391
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 3: enjoy the activity, something I was sick of saying, and

392
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 3: he was evidently sick of hearing because it set him

393
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 3: off on one of his rants about how he can't

394
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 3: do anything right and people who don't care how well

395
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: they do are dumb butts. Everyone is a dumb butt.

396
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 3: I just want him to be happy with being a

397
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,200
Speaker 3: dumb butt. The boat is stupid. Sailboats are stupid. Our

398
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 3: town is unreasonably windy.

399
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,560
Speaker 2: Hear, he's a movie character.

400
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,280
Speaker 3: After that, he was too upset to talk and snapped

401
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:06,399
Speaker 3: at me every time I asked him to hold her

402
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,840
Speaker 3: rope or whatever, all because he had trouble turning a

403
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,120
Speaker 3: higher boat. So I turned to him and yelled, you're dumped,

404
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,040
Speaker 3: jumped into the water and swam back to shore.

405
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 2: Just kidding.

406
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,040
Speaker 3: I only did that in my imagination. I broke up

407
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,640
Speaker 3: with him a couple of days later. Oh that works too,

408
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,879
Speaker 3: And there you have it.

409
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,240
Speaker 2: It would have been dramatic, it would have been fun.

410
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,760
Speaker 2: He probably wouldn't have see the thing. WYOPI didn't do that.

411
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 2: It's if she did, he probably would have been lost

412
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 2: and wouldn't have ever came back.

413
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it'd be like, I don't is tooing me?

414
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 2: He probably would have died out there? Man?

415
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 3: Where did I?

416
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 2: That's so hard with dating because like, once you start

417
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 2: dating someone, yeah, cover some things absolutely well. You're just

418
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,159
Speaker 2: dating to what you can leave If some things are

419
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:48,960
Speaker 2: a little too much.

420
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, you're you're I mean, we're talking

421
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,960
Speaker 3: to the dating coaches yesterday. There will be things that

422
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 3: annoy you about your partner because you're with them more

423
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,320
Speaker 3: than anyone else.

424
00:17:59,400 --> 00:17:59,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

425
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, However, you have to kind of weigh It's like

426
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 3: a balance, you know, like are the scales? Are you

427
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,960
Speaker 3: more annoyed by them than you are in love with them?

428
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 3: And in this case, it seems like he was more

429
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 3: annoyed by him.

430
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 2: What are you annoyed with you with your partner besides

431
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,440
Speaker 2: him beating you all the time.

432
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 3: I'll make a list.

433
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,400
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding with me. With Angie, I have never

434
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: cried in front of her. She cries in front of me.

435
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,120
Speaker 3: Oh, I cry in front of him all the time.

436
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 2: That's something I don't understand.

437
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,400
Speaker 3: I feel my emotions deeply.

438
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,520
Speaker 2: That's what she says around me. And it'll be something

439
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 2: like simple or she'll see something and then she'll just

440
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,800
Speaker 2: start crying and I'm like, yeah.

441
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 3: He never my boyfriend never cries.

442
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 2: But all the time, what's going on here? It was

443
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,719
Speaker 2: very nice about it, See like I am nice, but

444
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like, I get where you're coming from. I'll

445
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,280
Speaker 2: give you a moment, but I can't I don't know.

446
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 2: I just don't do Sometimes I've never been around that.

447
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,560
Speaker 3: You just you just give him a hug.

448
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 2: My whole life that just.

449
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 3: You just say it's okay, baby.

450
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,000
Speaker 2: Sometimes whenever you cry, I'm like, ah, I don't know

451
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 2: what to do with myself. I was good though, Yeah,

452
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 2: but I also feel very, very uncomfortable when it happens.

453
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,680
Speaker 3: That's what we want. You should feel uncomfortable.

454
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 2: My girlfriend makes me feel ashamed of my interests.

455
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 3: Well are they shameful?

456
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,120
Speaker 2: My girlfriend, twenty three female and I twenty five male,

457
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 2: have been dating for about a year now. I love

458
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 2: her a lot and I genuinely care about her deeply.

459
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,639
Speaker 2: I see her as my partner and my best friend,

460
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,400
Speaker 2: and I have always imagined a future with her.

461
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:24,120
Speaker 3: Wow.

462
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 2: We share similar goals, values, and aspirations, and most of

463
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 2: the time our relationship feels supportive and loving. That's why

464
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:36,560
Speaker 2: this situation has been weighing on me more and more

465
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,400
Speaker 2: because it feels odd close. I thought we were.

466
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:39,920
Speaker 3: Oh.

467
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Adventurous Cap. Eighty six

468
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 2: And if you want to speak on stories, what are

469
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,920
Speaker 2: the rslage? Okay, stories on suburt ets and Opie says,

470
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,680
Speaker 2: I'm kind of a nerd. All right, this makes sense.

471
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 1: This makes herd nerd alert, nerd alert.

472
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 2: It depends on what kind of nerd could be.

473
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 3: We could be fellow nerds or you could be more

474
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 3: of a key on type of nerd. That's supposed to

475
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 3: mean no, nothing, nothing.

476
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 2: At all, narche stream. But my interests are things like superheroes, anime, games,

477
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 2: and D and D. So Mango it's like my Mango,

478
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,400
Speaker 2: but mang it's like anime but in comic form.

479
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,879
Speaker 1: Comic books, but Japanese.

480
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 2: I've seen them, I just never read one.

481
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 1: So this is more so meat.

482
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,159
Speaker 3: Yes, I told you, See I was right. Could have

483
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 3: been me or you.

484
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,479
Speaker 1: It's a little bit of you. It's a little bit

485
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 1: of both of us, because we're both nerds.

486
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 2: These are things I've liked for a long time and

487
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 2: they are a big part of how I relax and

488
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,040
Speaker 2: enjoy myself. She is pretty much the opposite. She is

489
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 2: more into celebrity culture, going out, fashion, luxury or trendy things.

490
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 2: I do not have a problem with all of that.

491
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 2: I've always tried to be supportive. How do you be

492
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 2: supportive of this? I don't know.

493
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,880
Speaker 1: Stock a celebrity, go out, go get drinks.

494
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,080
Speaker 3: Go get drinks.

495
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 1: You go girl.

496
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 2: The problem is that whenever I bring up my interests,

497
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 2: she reacts very negatively. She will scoff and say, we're

498
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 2: looking annoyed.

499
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 3: That's crazy. I'm sorry, you're like supporting her, And then

500
00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,959
Speaker 3: you're like, yeah, I was watching this anime she got

501
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 3: em this is.

502
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: Just the big Bang theory.

503
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:04,880
Speaker 3: Yeah.

504
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 2: At first I thought she was just teasing, so I

505
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 2: tried playing along with that as a joke, but she

506
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 2: actually gets upset when I do it. She has told

507
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 2: me that she finds these interests unattractive and associates them

508
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: with guys who have bad mindsets, like misogynists or in cells.

509
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:20,439
Speaker 3: Well why is she dating you?

510
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? Exactly.

511
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 3: Wait what I mean, Like, she either thinks that of

512
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 3: you or she doesn't. It doesn't really have anything to

513
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 3: do with your interest.

514
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's either into it or not.

515
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, that really hurt. I do not identify with any

516
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 2: of that, and I do not think my hobbies say

517
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 2: anything about my values or how I treat women. I'm

518
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,159
Speaker 2: not asking her to like the same things I like.

519
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 2: I just want basic respect to not feel judged or

520
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 2: gross for enjoying them. There have also been moments that

521
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 2: make me wonder if this is partly about image, which

522
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 2: seems like that's pretty important to her.

523
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: Have you met any of her friends or family yet?

524
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, she like showed you off to anyone? Are you

525
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:57,760
Speaker 3: a secret?

526
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 2: For example, I am using a old iPhone and I

527
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: want to upgrade to a flagship Android phone. She keeps

528
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 2: pushing me to get an iPhone instead, even though it's

529
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 2: not the latest model. She says this is because she

530
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 2: prefers using eye message, but in my country, iPhones are

531
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 2: also a status symbol. She has mentioned before that appearances

532
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 2: matter a lot to her because of how she grew up,

533
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,440
Speaker 2: which makes me unsure what the real issue is. Why

534
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 2: are you with her?

535
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 3: She doesn't like you. I don't feel like you really

536
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 3: like her.

537
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: And y'all aren't enjoying the same things. It seems like,

538
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 1: is she just hot?

539
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 3: I think so. I think she's like there, you know,

540
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 3: she cares deeply about her appearance and about how she

541
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:39,640
Speaker 3: looks to the general public.

542
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 1: How do they start dating?

543
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: Maybe op is attractive as well, and she's like, well,

544
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 3: you look hot, but you like these unhot things.

545
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 1: Maybe he wasn't like outwardly like I love these things.

546
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 1: And then they started dating, and she started noticing he's.

547
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 2: Probably got that Atlantic dude vibe to him. Oh Atlantis

548
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 2: like my leow hatch, I can see that lately, I

549
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 2: noticed that I hesitate to talk about things I enjoy

550
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 2: around her, or I downplay parts of myself to avoid

551
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 2: that reaction. I do not want to feel ashamed of

552
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 2: who I am in my own relationship. How do bring

553
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: this up in a way that sets boundaries without turning

554
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 2: it into a fight. Is this something that can realistically

555
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 2: be worked through? Or does this point turn to a

556
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 2: deeper incompatibility.

557
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 3: I think it's an incompatibility.

558
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 2: What do we always say about people being themselves in relationships?

559
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 3: So feel it. Be yourself, be true to who you are.

560
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: Be true to yourself because in a.

561
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 2: World where a lot happens and people feel overwhelmed because

562
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,679
Speaker 2: you can't do anything, and like ninety nine percent of

563
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: the things that happen around you are not your responsibility.

564
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 2: So the one percent of things that is your responsibility

565
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 2: and you can do something about, embrace it.

566
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 3: I think it's okay if she were to lightheartedly make

567
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 3: fun of your interests, which is what you were saying

568
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 3: you thought she was doing. But if she's actually making

569
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 3: you feel bad, insulting your interests. It doesn't feel like

570
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 3: she's a good match.

571
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 2: Kroy Love says he needs an another nerdy girl or

572
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 2: gamer girl who gets him.

573
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 1: Or at least supports what you enjoy.

574
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 2: Angie, for example, knows nothing about basketball, but she will

575
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 2: watch it with me, and I will explain every little

576
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 2: thing that happens around there.

577
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: I know. The thing is like opposites attract, y'all, y'all

578
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: are opposites, and it seems like y'all aren't really attracting.

579
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it seems like you are repelling.

580
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, opposites attract when they see have mutual respect exactly.

581
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 3: That's a great point.

582
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like, oh, she loves anime,

583
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 1: D and D all this stuff, but she at least

584
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: respects it and like you're like, oh, yeah, have fun,

585
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: Like that's so cool, Like maybe shows a little bit

586
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:36,439
Speaker 1: of interest.

587
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's not ashamed.

588
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 1: Bingo.

589
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 2: You know what? This girl reminds me of the jealous

590
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 2: emoji in Riley's head in In and Out?

591
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: Is it discussed discussed or is it on we?

592
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 2: Oh I haven't seen it on me, so Yellow Star

593
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 2: ninety three asked the question We're all thinking, I'm confused

594
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,880
Speaker 2: how you even started dating this girl if y'all are

595
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 2: so different?

596
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: Thank you?

597
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 2: Like, what do y'all talk about? Sounds boring and demoralizing? Oh,

598
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 2: he says. We bonded over food and movies. We are

599
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: both big setophiles, people that like to watch movies, and

600
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 2: I love cooking while she enjoys going out and trying

601
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 2: new food. We also share similar life goals, which is

602
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,120
Speaker 2: why this is hard for me. The issue isn't lack

603
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 2: of overlap, it's feeling judged for certain interests. And seven

604
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: days later we talked.

605
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 3: Oh boy, I hope it's a breakup. Talk. My two scenarios.

606
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 3: One it's you break up, or two it's actually that

607
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,680
Speaker 3: episode in psych where they go find their friend who's

608
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 3: like a big alien nerd, but he's like all hot

609
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 3: now and pretends like he's not interested in that stuff,

610
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 3: and so he hides it from his girlfriend, who's also hot.

611
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: But then at the end of the episode they realize

612
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 3: that they're both in love with the nerd stuff and

613
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 3: they were both hiding it from each other.

614
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 2: Breakup or she is jealous. Seven days later, we talk, like,

615
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: actually talked, not just surfule level fixing things for the night.

616
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:59,159
Speaker 2: Finally told her straight up how it feels when she

617
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 2: crapped on my interests. That it is not just a

618
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 2: small joke to me. Every time she scoffs or say

619
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 2: use it chips away at me, it makes me hesitate

620
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 2: to share parts of myself. I told her that I'm

621
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 2: scared that if it kept happening, it could build resentment

622
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 2: over time, and that is not something I want in

623
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 2: our relationship. She listened and owned up to it. She

624
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,959
Speaker 2: explained a lot of the people she has encountered who

625
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: are really into the same hobbies I've made misogynistic remarks

626
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 2: or behaved in ways that made her uncomfortable. Because of

627
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 2: those experiences, she has built this association in her head,

628
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 2: and a part of her reaction came from being afraid

629
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,439
Speaker 2: I might share those traits or eventually show them. I

630
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: told her, I understood where that fear came from, but

631
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: applying it to me felt unfair. I explained that it

632
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 2: felt like I was being judged based on a spatereotype

633
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,159
Speaker 2: rather than who I actually am. Because you could do

634
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 2: the stereotype of oh, you're just a valley girl, you

635
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 2: just like eating your vegan stuff. You just like run

636
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: around in your convertible prius.

637
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 3: I wish I had a convertible prius.

638
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 1: Is there a convertible prius.

639
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: I'm gonna look it up.

640
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: I don't think I've don't I think I've ever seen.

641
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 3: A I'm gonna look it up. I want one.

642
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 2: You want to go? Of course?

643
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 3: Oh there is a convertible Wait, no, hold on, I

644
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,440
Speaker 3: don't think there is. The Toyota Prius is, but it's

645
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 3: not available as a convertible.

646
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 2: I told her she knows me well enough by now

647
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: that I'm not like those people. The conversation got emotional

648
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 2: and deeper than just hobbies. We talked about insecurities, fears,

649
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 2: and how we affect each other. It got heavy and

650
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 2: we both ended up crying, and we agreed to be

651
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 2: more mindful with how we speak to each other, including

652
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 2: her or not diminishing the things I enjoy. Fast forward

653
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 2: to recently. I was telling her about my day and

654
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 2: kind of testing the waters without making a big deal

655
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: out of it. I mentioned that I watched an anime

656
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 2: while working. I work remotely. Normally that might get a reaction,

657
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,360
Speaker 2: but this time she just kind of asked about it.

658
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 2: What She asked if it was something I watched as

659
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 2: a kid, and whether I enjoyed it. No, scoffing, No,

660
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 2: you just curiosity.

661
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 3: She's learning. What do you mean you can teach a

662
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: dog new tricks an old dog.

663
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 2: It sounds small, but I noticed it immediately and appreciated

664
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,959
Speaker 2: it a lot. I'm not declaring victory or anything. I

665
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 2: just see it as a positive step, and I hope

666
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 2: it reflects a real shift rather than something temporarily. Yeah,

667
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 2: me too, Also addressing something I saw a lot people

668
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 2: saying I'm putting up with her because she is hot,

669
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 2: or calling her shallow. Yes, I think she is conventionally attractive,

670
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 2: but no, that is not why I'm with her, And no,

671
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 2: she is not shallow. She enjoys fashion and material things.

672
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,360
Speaker 2: It's just part of how she expresses herself and how

673
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 2: she wants to be seen. It has never hurt her finances,

674
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 2: and she's always been mindful about spending. She talks things

675
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 2: through with me before buying stuff cheap or expensive. Do

676
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 2: you like this?

677
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 3: I feel like we're seeing growth, and you know, you

678
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 3: got to keep an eye on her because then she reverts.

679
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: It's only seven days, though that's true, she could revert.

680
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 3: However, she could continue on with all of the growth

681
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 3: growth that she gained.

682
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: That was a very insight thing. This is something you

683
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,239
Speaker 2: watched as a kid or just recently got. I mean,

684
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 2: she's wanted to kind of talk to you about it,

685
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: because if it was something like, oh, what was it?

686
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 2: Kind of anime? Was it that? That's that question she asked,

687
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 2: seemed a little bit more deeper.

688
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 3: She was interested. That's a good thing.

689
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 2: Honestly, I do not think this is that different from

690
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 2: how many of us express ourselves through our hobbies. People

691
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: buy expensive collectibles or gear. Yes, it is for personal enjoyment,

692
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 2: but we also enjoy when others appreciate it or think

693
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: it is cool. Wanting to be seen or validated is human,

694
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 2: not something exclusive to one type of interest. I am

695
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 2: not pretending everything is magically solved now. I just want

696
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 2: to share that we had an honest conversation, Emotions were

697
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 2: on the table, accountability happened on both sides, and I

698
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:46,479
Speaker 2: have seen a small behavioral shift since I'm paying attention

699
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 2: to consistency going forward. That was kind of a happy ending,

700
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 2: no breakup.

701
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I it was unexpected. I didn't believe in her

702
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,479
Speaker 3: and she did it so really good, Anya, and I

703
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 3: hope that you continue. Maybe you watch the anime together,

704
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 3: or maybe that's that's too much for her so far.

705
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 3: I don't know.

706
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 2: I could see them watching it together.

707
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 3: Maybe start her off with some like less weird ones.

708
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 2: I don't even know which one that's not that weird.

709
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: I do skip them over. It's super cute and I

710
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 3: love it. There's feel like also like Hi hike is

711
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 3: another good one.

712
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 2: Hiku hike.

713
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: It's a volleyball one.

714
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that basketball one. They made a soccer one,

715
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 2: basketball one.

716
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: Volleyball, baseball one. There's a lot of there's a lot

717
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: of them.

718
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: I'd lose myself. I'm already too busy as it is,

719
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: Like I can only play one video game. I'm trying

720
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 2: to work on other things outside of work. I've done

721
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: this thing recently. One hobby is I cook something new

722
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 2: every week. Nice. Well that's the end of that story.

723
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 2: We got another one, sure do. Hey, this is Riley,

724
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 2: your favorite Southern biale. We're gonna get back to these stories,

725
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 2: but here's three minutes worth of that for our sponsors.

726
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 3: I'm not sure about my boyfriend anymore because he refused

727
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 3: to drive me around.

728
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 2: You deserve to be a passenger princess.

729
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 3: Long story short is that I, twenty three female, offered

730
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 3: a seizure and was diagnosed with brain cancer because of

731
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 3: an orange sized tumor I had.

732
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Wow, that's that's crazy.

733
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 3: I recently got the tumor taken out, and due to

734
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 3: the seizure that I had, I won't be able to

735
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 3: drive for a while, so I don't have any way

736
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 3: to get to my appointments or go to the grocery

737
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 3: store without taking public transport. Uber and after chemotherapy, that's

738
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 3: not the best option, especially with the VID and having cancer,

739
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 3: my immune system is even worse than normal. By the way,

740
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 3: this comes from deleted and if you want to smit

741
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the arslash. Okay, storytime suppered

742
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 3: and we're here to give good advice scoofley, But we

743
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do.

744
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 1: So let us know what you.

745
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 3: Would do in the comments and do be sets. Now

746
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 3: here's the problem. I asked my boyfriend twenty four mail,

747
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 3: who has been unemployed for the last couple of years.

748
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: His parents pay for everything and he lives with them

749
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 3: about two hours from where I live because I moved

750
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 3: for college. If he could move in with me for

751
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 3: three months to help me with driving, et cetera. He

752
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 3: wouldn't be paying for anything because I have rent paid

753
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 3: for the next few months in my apartment and he

754
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 3: lives with his parents, so he wouldn't have to make

755
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 3: a huge move or anything. Just bring enough clothes and

756
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 3: necessities and maybe some food. But I have most of

757
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 3: that cover too.

758
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 2: This is a big ask.

759
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he doesn't work and he would be living

760
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 3: there for free. Still, I don't think this is a

761
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 3: crazy ask.

762
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 2: Okay, hear me.

763
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 3: I've been together, hair me out.

764
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 2: This is a big ask for him, not a normal person,

765
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 2: but for him, someone that's not working and living with

766
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: their parents. You're asking them to help you and take

767
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 2: care of you.

768
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 3: He's like, I've never taken care of anyone who do

769
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 3: or done something for anyone other than myself.

770
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 2: Dude, he doesn't know how to take care of himself.

771
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 2: Yeah he doesn't.

772
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 3: That's true.

773
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 2: He's not taking care of himself. His parents are taking

774
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 2: care of him. Yeah.

775
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,479
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could date someone who was

776
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 3: like unemployed and also had no desired, Like, is he

777
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 3: doing anything to not be unemployed, like, does he have

778
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 3: any goals?

779
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 2: You could pick one and they both have to be

780
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 2: first season. Yeah, and your goal should be to have

781
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 2: neither can only be unemployed or he can only live

782
00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: with your parents, but your goal should be to move

783
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 2: out or define a job exactly.

784
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 3: I agree. I feel like you should want to have

785
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 3: goals and I don't know. Yeah, Op, are you okay

786
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 3: with him not having any? I didn't think this was

787
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 3: a huge ask since I lived with him and his

788
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 3: family for three months for other reasons at the beginning

789
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 3: of the year, but he got really upset, saying he

790
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: can't leave his family during the VID even though his

791
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 3: whole family is together and they all have each other

792
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 3: and I'm completely alone in another city with no support system.

793
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 3: I got upset at his response and cried a lot

794
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: and told him I felt like he didn't care about

795
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 3: me because he always puts his family ahead of me,

796
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 3: and I really need him now and if he's going

797
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: to be that way, I'm not sure if I want

798
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 3: to be with him.

799
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 2: Oh.

800
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 3: I also did put him down and said he has

801
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 3: no backbone, and now I haven't talked to him for

802
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 3: a day because of it, and I'm not sure if

803
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 3: I should apologize and say it's okay that he won't

804
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 3: drive me, if I have anything to apologize for, or

805
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 3: if I'm justified for being upset at him? Am I

806
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 3: the a hole here? And we've got comments? But what

807
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:55,320
Speaker 3: do you think?

808
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 2: You're basically asking a teenager take care of you. He

809
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 2: still live with his parents, he can still do things,

810
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 2: and of course he's gonna put his family first because

811
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: it's paid.

812
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's like, I have to put I gotta take

813
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 3: care of my family because they are taking care of

814
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 3: me right now.

815
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 2: And you have to understand this is a big ask.

816
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 2: If my girlfriend asked me, hey, could you move in

817
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 2: with me for three months? I would see anything I

818
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 2: could do. Hey, guys, can I come here for two

819
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 2: days out of week, three days out of a week?

820
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 2: What can I do?

821
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 3: You know?

822
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah. Can she move in with me?

823
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 2: I try to move around everything she can't? I can. Yeah,

824
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 2: but it does seem like this guy's not looking at

825
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 2: his options of what he can do for you.

826
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 3: Four months that I was dating my boyfriend, this is

827
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 3: we weren't even official. I was driving him a lot

828
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 3: of places because he didn't have a car, and I

829
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 3: wanted to do that and I wanted to.

830
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 1: Be helpful, and you're like, I will get to spend time.

831
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 3: With him, yea, And it feels like he won't even

832
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 3: do this, despite having no job, no reason why he

833
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 3: couldn't do this.

834
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 1: A lot of people are asking how old are they?

835
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 1: Uh OPI's twenty three and boyfriend's twenty four comment.

836
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 3: One, are you sure you want to be with a

837
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 3: man who wants you to remain alone in a city

838
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 3: and take yourself to and from keemo therapy appointments while

839
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,280
Speaker 3: he hangs out with his family having a good time.

840
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 3: This doesn't sound like a man you should remain in

841
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 3: a relationship with. And even if you stayed with him,

842
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,399
Speaker 3: I'm not sure if you would ever really get over

843
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 3: how he left you alone to deal with cancer when

844
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 3: he had nothing truly stopping him from being there. I

845
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,760
Speaker 3: would have to go with not the ale. In my opinion,

846
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 3: your response wasn't that harsh, and priorities have to be

847
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,839
Speaker 3: discussed at some point, and he showed you his Oh

848
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,359
Speaker 3: if he says thank you for your opinions. I love

849
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 3: him a lot and I think to his core he's

850
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 3: a good person. But I agree with you that it

851
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 3: is important for me to think about what I need

852
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 3: and what I want from a relationship, and the same

853
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 3: on his end. I do regret saying the mean things

854
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,800
Speaker 3: I said, so I wish I could take that back.

855
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 3: I also agree that I might hold a grudge deep

856
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 3: down or maybe some resentment from this, and that worries

857
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 3: me about the future of our relationship. Comment who says

858
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 3: not the ale a good partner would be bending over

859
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 3: backwards to help and support you after receiving a diagnosis

860
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 3: like that. It sounds like this isn't the first time

861
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 3: he's let you down with giving you the care and

862
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 3: attention you need. And I also see from your post

863
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 3: history that he also totally ignored your last birthday. What

864
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 3: he sounds quite selfish, and now he's shown he won't

865
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,959
Speaker 3: be there for you when you need him most ohp

866
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 3: He says thank you and yes, I came to this

867
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 3: thread before because most of my friends are also friends

868
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 3: with him, and I don't want to make his friends

869
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 3: think of him badly, so it's easier to talk to

870
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 3: strangers for advice. I think he doesn't see him selfish

871
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 3: because he's using his family as an excuse but I

872
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 3: also think it comes from a lack of maturity and experience.

873
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 3: We are very different when it comes to independence, as

874
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 3: I have been on my own since eighteen, which isn't

875
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 3: his fault. And I'm happy as a family who loves

876
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 3: and supports both of us. But I also want him

877
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,920
Speaker 3: to support me too, And we've got an edit.

878
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: I like, I forgot to put that much weight on

879
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 2: that op. He has cancer, so.

880
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 3: That's the main reason she needs him to drive her.

881
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, because she had a stroke and she

882
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 3: can't try herself.

883
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 2: I mean, I knew she had cancer, but like looking

884
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 2: at it now and hearing from these other people, it's

885
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: so much worse. Guy, you last birthday? Yeah, oh, come

886
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,239
Speaker 2: with them? Oh he should have broken up with him

887
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 2: for forgetting your last birthday. If he's a good person

888
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 2: who is core, then he would help his girlfriend who

889
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 2: has cancer is going through a very scary time right now.

890
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 3: But he's not a good boyfriend.

891
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: His parents forgot to tell him.

892
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 3: You didn't tell me it was your birthday. I didn't know.

893
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 2: Forgot to tell me to take you to your cancer appointment.

894
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,400
Speaker 1: She forgot to put it in my calendar.

895
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 3: She's supposed to drive you to your cancer appointment and

896
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:24,399
Speaker 3: then pick me up ice cream.

897
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:25,919
Speaker 2: This is what happens when you don't pair it good

898
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 2: and you don't build your kids up for success.

899
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 3: They are just kind of useless. It'll be this guy.

900
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,839
Speaker 3: Someone didn't believe me. So here's a picture. I'm three

901
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,320
Speaker 3: weeks post operation and due to start chemotherapy and radiation

902
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 3: in a couple of weeks as my oncologists and I

903
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 3: make a plan for my care. Luckily, brain cancer is

904
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 3: actually one of the most survivable cancers.

905
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: Oh good to know.

906
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 2: I didn't think that.

907
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 3: And the tumor that I have, APXA, has a high

908
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 3: rate of survival, no recurrence after treatment, and primary brain

909
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 3: tumors rarely spread. I had a cranyotomy, so basically they

910
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 3: cut up in my skull and sucked out as much

911
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 3: of the tumor they could and the fluid that surrounded it.

912
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 3: And we've got an update.

913
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: Do we want a picture of what of her? It's

914
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 1: a scar on her head.

915
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to see it.

916
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 1: I don't think I want to see And.

917
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 3: This boyfriend is not supportive of you, and therefore, you know,

918
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 3: not a good person to continue to spend.

919
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: Your life that's crazy. People in the anwh were like,

920
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 1: we don't believe you have brain cancer.

921
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 3: I ended up giving up my job because I wasn't

922
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 3: able to come in anymore and move back to my parents' house.

923
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 3: I gave up my apartment and basically all of my

924
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,479
Speaker 3: autonomy because my recovery process is definitely going a lot

925
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 3: slower than I wanted or intended, and my savings ran out.

926
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 3: The most important thing is getting healthy. I wish I

927
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 3: had a better update and that I was happier and

928
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 3: feeling better. My parents take me to my appointments that

929
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,839
Speaker 3: happen every couple weeks, but they live four hours from

930
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 3: my hospital, so I have to make that trip every

931
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 3: week with them to get my treatment. I am consistently

932
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 3: nauseous because of all the medicine I'm taking, and mentally

933
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 3: clouded because of my anti seizure substances. I talked to

934
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 3: my boyfriend after posting, and he did admit that seeing

935
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 3: me in pain and as sick as I am is

936
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 3: really scary for him, and that was a large part

937
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 3: of the reason that he did not want to move

938
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: in with me during this time. I understand, and I

939
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 3: can see how terrible it would be to see your

940
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,800
Speaker 3: partner in this way. So I understand. I am still

941
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 3: with my boyfriend, but our relationship is strained and I'm

942
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 3: not sure with the future holds. I have not seen

943
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 3: him in person since June when he first visited me

944
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 3: after my surgery for a couple days, but he plans

945
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,479
Speaker 3: to come see me soon again at my parents' house.

946
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 3: He does feel badly about me losing my apartment, and

947
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 3: he did show me he is trying to start a

948
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 3: freelance business to make money so that he can help

949
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 3: me move back out and hopefully into a place with him,

950
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,879
Speaker 3: but I'm not quite sure if that will happen anytime soon.

951
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 3: There is a little bit left to the story.

952
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 2: But I just thought about my life if I went

953
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 2: to the doctor and they told me I had six

954
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 2: months left to live, and I was just playing that

955
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,760
Speaker 2: for the last little bit. I totally didn't hear anything.

956
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 3: Well, they're not breaking up, and it seems like he

957
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 3: has said, Oh, I was just scared, and that's why

958
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,239
Speaker 3: I didn't want to stay with you. Ah don't know,

959
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 3: I don't know, selfish.

960
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 2: Very selfish, way more scared. Yeah, you're way more scared.

961
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, yeah, he's not the one going

962
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 1: through brain cancer right now and going through all the

963
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 1: all the medical things. He's just there on the sidelines

964
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 1: at home doing nothing.

965
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 3: And he told you that he's going to try and

966
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 3: start a business. Well, let's see if he actually does that.

967
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: Fun fact, in order to start a business, she probably

968
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: work for one for a little bit. Learn Do you.

969
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 3: Have any qualifications? There's a little bit left to this story.

970
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 2: I can't physically.

971
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 3: I'm starting to do better. Yeah, And if everything goes well,

972
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 3: I'll finish my radiation in September and hopefully my scans

973
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 3: come up with no regrowth. I will have to get

974
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 3: MRI scans for the next five years every three to

975
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 3: six months to monitor my brain, and then annually after

976
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 3: five years until my doctors believe I am in total

977
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 3: permission and hopefully eventually cured. Thank you again everyone who

978
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 3: reached out and gave advice before edit. I appreciate the

979
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 3: responses and everyone's advice and opinions they have given I

980
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 3: posted here and I value every judgment. Well, please remember

981
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: I am a human being and I wanted to give

982
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 3: an update despite it not being a popular outcome from

983
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 3: my decisions. I take full responsibility for that, and I

984
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 3: feel badly that some of you are genuinely upset that

985
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,359
Speaker 3: I did not take the advice given to me, And

986
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 3: for that I am sorry.

987
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 2: She's stuck in a loop. Where does this guy have

988
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 2: to get on?

989
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 3: Nothing, not that he forgot your birthday.

990
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: He only offers you more stress and more questions.

991
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's bringing me questions like why are you

992
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 3: still together?

993
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 2: Godley.

994
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 3: That is the end of that story, folks. High survivability

995
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 3: in brain cancer is normally because of early detection, not

996
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 3: because it's not dangerous.

997
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 2: I would thinking like, if it's right there at the brain,

998
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 2: the brain has everything. My cousin has to be a

999
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,839
Speaker 2: fight cancer for ten years, was in remission for two

1000
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 2: of those years, but it came back worse.

1001
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 1: Dang that sucks.

1002
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,439
Speaker 2: I have a story about being the by od side

1003
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 2: of a family member who also has brain tumor. It

1004
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 2: changed them for the worst.

1005
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, a lot of times, cancer in general can change

1006
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:06,320
Speaker 3: personality and stuff, but especially brain tumors because it's you know,

1007
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 3: obviously attached.

1008
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Smiley riding of the hear from Okay, storytime,

1009
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

1010
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 2: minutes worth of ads from our sponsors. I told everyone

1011
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 2: I'm over my ex, but I'm secretly stalking his instagram.

1012
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 3: A tale as old as time.

1013
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 2: I'm writing about the following situations. You reached out to

1014
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 2: your ex and they're not responding to you. You are

1015
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 2: frustrated that your ex didn't reach out to you. You

1016
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 2: were blocked by your ex full block, partially blocked, blocking, unblocking, whatever.

1017
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,399
Speaker 1: Op op op, Come on, pee.

1018
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 2: There's a reason that doesn't really matter who the dumper

1019
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 2: or dumpy in my opinion is for the situations above.

1020
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: But of course there is some nuance in this, as

1021
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: you are sure you have pondered already. So Ope, you

1022
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 2: got dumped. We get it.

1023
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 3: She's like, like, it doesn't matter who dumped who.

1024
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: This is coming from a friend.

1025
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is this is not.

1026
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 2: About me, by the way, this comes from a melon

1027
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 2: pie forty four. And if you want to make your

1028
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 2: ow stories, go to your slash okay stories. I'm super

1029
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 2: at it and we're goofy. You give comments. Hope, he

1030
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 2: says some background. I was dumped.

1031
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 3: Wow, what we didn't know that.

1032
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 2: I'm heartbroken. I love Slash, loved him so much. I

1033
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 2: wanted to be back whether that's love or ego is

1034
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 2: a story for another day. Luckily I'm working through it

1035
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: with a professional help and self care practices. We were

1036
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:30,320
Speaker 2: together for three years. Bang he dumped me over text?

1037
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 2: You didn't have the decency.

1038
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 3: That's tough.

1039
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 2: Three years We were pretty serious. He dumped me in

1040
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 2: January for many reasons, but ultimately it was incompatibility. I think,

1041
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 2: I think, I think, ope, you're overthinking this.

1042
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 1: How do you?

1043
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 2: I think? Is it because of incompatibility.

1044
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: Or maybe underthinking this? Possibly she'd like there was no incompatibility.

1045
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: We were great.

1046
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 3: We wh did he say?

1047
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 2: To text? A few weeks after the breakup. I begged,

1048
00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 2: then was rejected, ouch for sure, still recovering out to

1049
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,840
Speaker 2: never initiate contact again. Now I want to analyze a

1050
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 2: few scenarios. Scenario one. A few weeks later, he throws

1051
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: a breadcrumb, one of those hope you're okay type messages.

1052
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 2: I respond in a few days with my own breadcumb.

1053
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: What I waited because I.

1054
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: Want breadcumb was not on my bingo card today. And

1055
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: you know what, thank you for that shout out to

1056
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 1: your dyslexia, because that was hilarious.

1057
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 2: Is that what I said?

1058
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: You said bread cumb. Bro.

1059
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 2: Oh God, this is what happens when you have dyslexia

1060
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 2: and you don't sleep well at night or at all.

1061
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 2: I waited because I wasn't sure what to do, and

1062
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 2: also because I don't feel any obligation to respond quickly

1063
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 2: to him. Fun fact, Op, how many people are there

1064
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 2: in the world? A lot, mainly people she might be

1065
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 2: attracted to two hundred.

1066
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,879
Speaker 1: No, there's only one person for OP, and it's her,

1067
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: I mean him.

1068
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,760
Speaker 2: Four billion men in this world, you have a chance

1069
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 2: four billion.

1070
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 3: Should you think that she's going to be attracted to

1071
00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 3: four billion men?

1072
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 2: One of them?

1073
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 3: I think she's it is one of them. The four

1074
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,719
Speaker 3: I think of the eighth probably gonna be like two

1075
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 3: hundred scenario.

1076
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 2: Two exactly thirty days go by key and he reaches

1077
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 2: out again with similar breadcrumb. But this I'm in question

1078
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 2: for him. Are you okay? This is about a month

1079
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 2: and a half ago. I never responded, good job.

1080
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: I thought he blocked? Did he did he block you?

1081
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 3: No?

1082
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 2: I ignored it. I do not ever plan on responding

1083
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 2: to that. It could be just a moment of weakness

1084
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 2: on his side, or what if he doesn't respond after

1085
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 2: I respond?

1086
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 3: Oh, boy.

1087
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 2: All imagined rhoades only led to one path pain. And

1088
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 2: I know you may be thinking, isn't it cruel to

1089
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 2: ignore the acts? No, I did not think that he

1090
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 2: dumped me. He chose that a life without me is

1091
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,399
Speaker 2: better than a life with me. He made his bed,

1092
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 2: now he can go lie in it.

1093
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 1: Scenario three, All the scenario should be I never talked

1094
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:47,280
Speaker 1: to him ever. Again.

1095
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 3: This is just like classic breakup. You want to talk

1096
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 3: to them, they text you despite breaking up with you,

1097
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 3: and then you have to say okay. At a certain

1098
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 3: point you have to say this is not good for me,

1099
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 3: and you say stop texting me, or you blocked them.

1100
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 3: Those are the options for you, because otherwise you're going

1101
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 3: to be torturing yourself.

1102
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 2: Next days after Sineia two, at the encouragement of some

1103
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 2: friends and my therapist and me witnessing myself wasting my

1104
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 2: young life, refreshing my ex's private messages on Instagram, watching

1105
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 2: the numbers go up and down, I realized that I

1106
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 2: needed to block him from my own piece, not because

1107
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 2: I don't want him or don't care about him, because

1108
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,680
Speaker 2: I'm devastated and I need to begin with picking up

1109
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: the pieces. Honestly, it helped scenario four. Since then, I've

1110
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 2: been unblocking and blocking like a maniac. Yeah, not good,

1111
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 2: but I am. I'm not playing games with him or

1112
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 2: trying to provoke him. I'm just a loose cannon. And

1113
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 2: there's not much more to it than that analysis slash conclusion.

1114
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 2: I've not reached out. I've ignored him. I have un

1115
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 2: blocked and blocked him not to play games. Not because

1116
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,280
Speaker 2: I have moved on, not because I don't love him anymore,

1117
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 2: but because I'm hurt and I have it recovered, and

1118
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 2: I don't want to risk getting hurt more.

1119
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 1: But you're doing that to yourself. Yeah, you're doing that

1120
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: to yourself.

1121
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 3: Keep the blocked the girl.

1122
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 2: You blocking and unblocking him is still a pathway of

1123
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 2: communication in your mind.

1124
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, you cannot have any line of communication open. We

1125
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,800
Speaker 3: learned yesterday it was like twenty seven days or something

1126
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 3: from our matchmaker friends. They said, you got away twenty

1127
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 3: seven days after a breakup before any communication.

1128
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: Extreme cut off, like no no contact, no contact, no

1129
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: looking at them, nothing, don't look at the messages nothing.

1130
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 2: I like that too. The unknown potential of reconciliation is

1131
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 2: not worth than me further getting hurt. I am aware

1132
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 2: that he could be thinking, Wow, she doesn't care, she

1133
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 2: moved on. My chances to get back with her are

1134
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 2: short if he wanted to reconcile, or he could be thinking, oh,

1135
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,720
Speaker 2: what a relief she left me alone.

1136
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 1: What matters of what he thinks?

1137
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 2: Ope, he doesn't want to get back together with you,

1138
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 2: is opek white young? I believe so also, Opie. You

1139
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 2: blocking and unblocking is sort of like you being at

1140
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 2: the bridge with the lever, you know, put opening the

1141
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: bridge like doors or not, just close them and.

1142
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 3: Walk away, close that mote. Yeah, really, Yeah, he doesn't

1143
00:47:58,120 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 3: want to get it back together with you. He either

1144
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 3: feels guilty because he broke up with you over text,

1145
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 3: wants to make sure that you're okay after he did

1146
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 3: a bad thing to you, or he I don't know,

1147
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 3: like wants attention from someone he had been getting attention

1148
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 3: from for three years. But either way, I don't think

1149
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 3: either of those means that he wants to get back

1150
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 3: together with you.

1151
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 2: What the truth is, He'll never know what my true

1152
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,879
Speaker 2: intent is, and I'll never know his note. I might

1153
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 2: respond to him if it wasn't a bread crumb, if

1154
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:29,360
Speaker 2: he straight up said, hey, I want to talk I

1155
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:31,720
Speaker 2: miss you and want to consider things again.

1156
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 1: Who cares if it's a bread crumb, Who cares? If

1157
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 1: it's a loaf of bread? Who cares? It's the whole

1158
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:37,280
Speaker 1: dang bakery.

1159
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:38,359
Speaker 3: He's not gonna do that.

1160
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: What you do is move on?

1161
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, you move on.

1162
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 2: In other words, he needs to be the vulnerable one first,

1163
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 2: because I'm still picking up my self dignity that was

1164
00:48:47,440 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 2: hit by a truck and left to rod on this

1165
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 2: side of the road. I don't care what those YouTube

1166
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 2: coaches say about. But what if that is his way in?

1167
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 2: What if he's scared? Did you right end? They're testing

1168
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 2: the waters and he wants you back?

1169
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 3: Nope, if he wanted you, he would do something about it.

1170
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,880
Speaker 2: Also, what YouTube coaches are you listening to?

1171
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, he's just not added to you, girl.

1172
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, it doesn't really matter if a guy text you says,

1173
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 3: here are you okay? Oh? Hey, what's up? No, unless

1174
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,239
Speaker 3: he tells you straight up I want to get back

1175
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,240
Speaker 3: together with you. He doesn't want to get back together

1176
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 3: with you.

1177
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 1: Op.

1178
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 2: What if he wants to get back together he don't,

1179
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 2: then I remind myself of this. This manchild broke my heart.

1180
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 2: I gave him everything. He abandoned me. He left me

1181
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 2: dead on the side of the road. I deserve more

1182
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: than a hey are you okay? Text at one am.

1183
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,799
Speaker 2: If that's his sad little door he is afraid to

1184
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 2: walk through, we deserve firework, disprays opera man singing on

1185
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 2: a canal boat in venice, house full of flowers, huge gestures.

1186
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 2: If those efforts want us back, ignoring the AREU okay

1187
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: results in me and him never reuniting, then so be it.

1188
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,840
Speaker 2: I'm tired of dealing with a coward.

1189
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,360
Speaker 3: And there you go, he's not gonna do any of that.

1190
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 3: So you move on.

1191
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,200
Speaker 1: And looks like she's kind of doing that.

1192
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,720
Speaker 3: I don't know. She's still in that mindset of like.

1193
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,480
Speaker 1: So is she washy? I guarantee you. Five minutes after this,

1194
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: she's like, well, wait, what if I texted him? What

1195
00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: if he's okay at one am? Should I ask him?

1196
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 3: Yeah? What if he's like not? What if he's not

1197
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 3: doing well?

1198
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 2: I can't think it into cancer.

1199
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 3: Chris the new fundder, says he dodged a bullet. The

1200
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 3: thing is, I don't think so this is like such

1201
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 3: classic breakup behavior. I've been in. This boat is this

1202
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,760
Speaker 3: classic behavior and he broke up with you over text,

1203
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 3: like this is not a guy you want to be with.

1204
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 3: But also you are deluding yourself if you think that

1205
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 3: he wants to get back together. Yeah, I'm sorry.

1206
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 1: If you're getting the text of are you okay at one?

1207
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: Am girl? That's the hey you up? Like you up? Text?

1208
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: What are you doing right now? You want to come over?

1209
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 1: Kind of yeah?

1210
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, he misses the physical connection, feels guilty and that's it.

1211
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 3: But we've got comments from the story Am I the

1212
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 3: hole for going back on letting my husband adopt my

1213
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:09,799
Speaker 3: daughter because he cheated? And this was posted January third,

1214
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 3: twenty twenty six DLDR. From story two, Opie is passing

1215
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 3: from cancer and has one big decision left to make

1216
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 3: who gets her ten year old daughter when she's gone.

1217
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 3: Her husband of three years has been like a real

1218
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 3: dad to the little girl, but op he just found

1219
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 3: out he cheated four years ago. Now she's cutting him

1220
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 3: out completely, filing for divorce and handing her daughter to

1221
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 3: her cousin instead. The internet is not happy with her choice.

1222
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 3: But is Ope being selfish or is she just passing

1223
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 3: mom trying to protect her kid the only way she

1224
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,760
Speaker 3: knows how. If you're curious to know the full story,

1225
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:42,359
Speaker 3: you can go watch the full video. And I do

1226
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 3: remember this story very vividly, and I also remember not

1227
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 3: being super pleased with her decision. I don't remember because

1228
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 3: it felt somewhat spiteful. Even though he did betray her,

1229
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 3: he did seem like he really loved that little girl.

1230
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 3: And the cousin that she was going to give the

1231
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,800
Speaker 3: girl to did not have enough money to old she

1232
00:51:58,800 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 3: already had to.

1233
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: I remember this one, Okay, Yeah, it was just like

1234
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:03,960
Speaker 1: there was It was like, really just a lose lose

1235
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:07,680
Speaker 1: situation for everyone. Well, we have some comments for that video,

1236
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 1: and first one here from Abigail Runquist saying, the part

1237
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: about the second story that frushts me is the foster

1238
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 1: system isn't an adoption system. People don't understand that the

1239
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 1: foster system is set up to hold children until their

1240
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: parents are ready to have them back. The goal is

1241
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: to reunite families. The adoption system wants children to find

1242
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 1: new families. Yes, adoption is possible after fostering, but her

1243
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 1: child would be moved around a lot because she is older.

1244
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: The fact she's considering putting her child in the foster system.

1245
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, no, I was just saying that was crazy.

1246
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. We were like, what do you want?

1247
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 3: But fosterism over like a father who loves her?

1248
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she was and she was like, I'm getting

1249
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: back at him. It's like it. Considering from Abigail's or

1250
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: continuing from Abigail's comment here saying the fact she's considering

1251
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: putting her child in the foster system knowing she doesn't

1252
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:55,040
Speaker 1: have a fighting chance is kind of shocking. I'm disabled

1253
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 1: and chronically ill, so I can definitely say you make

1254
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 1: some strange, in extreme choices when you're passing away. She

1255
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 1: should have consulted a professional like a lawyer or a

1256
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,760
Speaker 1: therapist to make sure she takes her child's feelings into account.

1257
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: Ten is definitely old enough to aid in that decision,

1258
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 1: which I think we all.

1259
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 3: Agreed in completely agree with that comment.

1260
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: And we have more comments here. Another comment from Sarah

1261
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,800
Speaker 1: Zilka second story, that woman is one hundred percent in

1262
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: a hole thinking of what is best for her daughter

1263
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 1: went out the window. Be pissed, but don't let your

1264
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 1: anger destroy the life of your child. And no way

1265
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 1: in heck is a court going to allow your cousin

1266
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 1: with five kids and on welfare to take an additional

1267
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 1: burden the state will be paying for.

1268
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 3: That was I just can't fathom this.

1269
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 2: She said it was so savage she should have stayed

1270
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 2: with Opie's husband. Yeah.

1271
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 1: I think we all agree.

1272
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 3: We're like, at this point, just because he's a bad

1273
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 3: husband doesn't mean he would be a bad father. Yeah,

1274
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:42,359
Speaker 3: doesn't seem like he has shown that.

1275
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: We have another comment here, though, from Jennifer Daniels seven

1276
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: zero one, saying could the op and story two not

1277
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 1: let him adopt her but still give him legal custody

1278
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 1: in a will? The daughter's inheritance could be put in

1279
00:53:52,680 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: a trust that only daughter can access when she's a

1280
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: certain age. There are so many questions, but it just

1281
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,880
Speaker 1: seemed like from what I recall and Sophia because we

1282
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 1: that is that she didn't care. She was just like,

1283
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: I don't want anything. I don't want my hut. Was

1284
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 1: it my ex husband or yet?

1285
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like I don't want I'm divorcing him,

1286
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 3: I don't care.

1287
00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,640
Speaker 1: I don't want him involved at all. One last comment

1288
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 1: from Terry dots Soon eleven fifty four, saying a crappy

1289
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: husband doesn't mean a crappy father yep. If ill mother

1290
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: isn't careful, this child might end up in the foster

1291
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:20,440
Speaker 1: care agree.

1292
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,440
Speaker 3: Agree, agree, But those are all the comments we have

1293
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 3: and this is the end of the episode, so if

1294
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 3: you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1295
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:31,000
Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow.