WEBVTT - INTERVIEW: Aida Rodriguez Talks New Memoir, Upbringing, Transforming Trauma Into Comedy + More 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.520 Wake that ass up in the morning. 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:07.800 Breakfast Club morning, everybody is Steve j n V. Charlamagne 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:10.080 the Guy, just hilarious. We are the Breakfast Club and 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:12.120 we got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:13.520 we have Rodriguez. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:18.000 Think I think I am the Latin person what we 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:20.680 call now Latin a Latin X next right, I think 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:23.600 I think I think I'm the Latin person that's been 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:27.480 on the show the most, like my seventh time Dominican. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:31.280 I know here on the weekend Weekend Dominican. 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:32.559 I think you're fat. 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:39.240 Joe, and I mean fat Joe is Joey crack. 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:43.320 You're never not working new book? Legitimate kid, you know what? 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.080 I was laughing because she said that books are the 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:50.400 new this record. Yes, yeah, and it is because I'm 0:00:50.400 --> 0:00:51.680 just in my mama. 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:55.920 And daddy in this Jesus right, Jesus. 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:59.680 I'm holding them accountable, but I'm not never this my mam, 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:00.640 mom as my queen. 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:02.080 Why do you call it legitimate kid? 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.039 Because kids in the in the hood are evil. And 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:07.080 when I was little, a kid told me I was 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:10.000 a bastard because I didn't have my father's last name. Jesus, 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:12.760 and I found out what it meant, and then I 0:01:12.880 --> 0:01:15.200 was I felt less than and so I went on 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.160 a journey to find my legitimacy. And I want all 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:20.959 the little kids that grow up in the hood that 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.960 hear this. Your daddy didn't sign your birth certificate. That 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.360 doesn't make you legitimate. That that term comes from prostitution. 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.560 It has nothing to do with legitimacy, I mean with 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:36.920 with parental presence in your life. It yeah, that came 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:41.119 being a legitimate came from them saying children that were 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:44.880 born to prostitutes were not legitimate. But then they weaponized 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.240 that against people of color, poor people, And so I 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.160 wanted to find out more about myself because that affected 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.320 the way I dealt with men, you know, my life 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:57.160 as a mom and all that stuff, And so I 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:59.680 wanted to I want everybody who reads that book to 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:00.960 know that they are legitimate. 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:02.640 Now we said something back to the boy or what 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:04.440 was what was the joke? Back to the boy? You 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:05.440 had something for nah? 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.280 You know you know my joke. I was when I 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.240 was a kid. I was meek when I was little. 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:13.440 This didn't happen til like this was in elementary. I 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:17.760 didn't get gully till middle school started. You know, peeping 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:21.840 the pro wings. You're too young to know what that is. Okay, 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:24.400 nikkers from pay less that the poor people used to. 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:26.920 It was cool. 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.800 Yeah, that was cool when you now when we was kids, 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:31.720 that was food stamps. 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:33.160 You probably had them swagged out there. 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:36.640 Yeah, I did the flailix. Somebody could see that they 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:39.600 was play less year just a tip. You can see 0:02:39.600 --> 0:02:40.359 the tips sticking out. 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:43.720 But now talk about the journey of finding your dad 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:44.680 and finding your history. 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.720 So you know what my I went to the Dominican Republic. 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:51.040 I did the documentary that's on HBO and my father. 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.480 You know, when I met my father, my father asked 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.440 me for money, and it was the first question. It 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:58.640 was not the first question, but it was probably like 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:03.200 the fourth. And it was very painful because I was 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:06.120 I just met him and and you know, I was 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.560 really upset with him. I dissed them on stage. It 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:12.079 was really you know, he was he was d l 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:17.799 I was Monique, and it was I went in and 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:21.160 then I decided to uh to really explore what that meant. 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.960 And my father lives in the Dominican Republic. He's been 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.280 poor his whole life, and you know, I was looking 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:29.440 at it from my perspective. I wanted I don't want 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:31.600 to hate him. I just didn't want to. I wanted 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:33.440 to find love in my heart for him. So I 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.280 sat down and started exploring all of this stuff, and 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:40.119 I was like, yo, he is poor. His child came 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:40.880 from America. 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.880 The first, you know, fourth question you want to know 0:03:42.920 --> 0:03:43.600 about your daughter? 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:48.600 The first three questions? First, what was the first thing? Questions? 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:50.720 You know. The first thing he asked me, he asked 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:52.839 me about my mom. He asked me how my mom 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.520 was doing. He cried, you know, he asked me about how, 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.240 you know, how things were going for me. You know, 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.280 he asked me about me. But it was just I 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:04.280 was getting ready to leave because I was only there 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:07.680 for two days, and he gave me a hug and 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:09.760 then he whispered in my ear, I'm gonna need you 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:14.240 to give me some money. And I was devastated. I left. 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:17.400 I didn't talk to him for a minute. And you know, 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.680 they had they had mics on me because we were 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.640 recording a documentary. We were in production, and so all 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:26.200 those people heard it and they were like, oh, they 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:26.919 felt bad for me. 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:28.840 Did you give money? I did? 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:37.520 Why did I know I'm. 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:36.600 Not going to say that, but you know, I just 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:41.920 I was paying him to go away at that moment. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:44.440 I was like, I'm just because I know he's struggling. 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.080 But I was like, this is it. This is the 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.400 cheapest amount of money that I'm gonna give away. And 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:53.479 then I had to go through some work, some in work. 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:55.920 Did you learn any because did you learn to give 0:04:55.960 --> 0:04:58.200 grace to your parents or just realizing they were just human? 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:03.120 Yes, my mom absolutely. You know who knows what my 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:05.760 daughter and my son are gonna say about me when 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:08.040 they get you know what I mean, like we all 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.200 think we got it right. You think that because you're 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.880 not your parents and you're you're not struggling like your 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:16.200 parents were, that they had the best shoes. You never 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:18.720 know what the kids are going to say, and so 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:21.960 I just I learned to My mom had her first 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:23.839 kid when she was fourteen, and I didn't know that. 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:25.520 I found out when I was writing the book, and 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.719 that baby died and the father of the baby died 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:33.240 playing Russian roulette. So that was all before I was 0:05:33.240 --> 0:05:35.560 even born. She was a kid. So I was like, 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:37.640 how I'm gonna sit here and judge my mother, Like, 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:38.640 I mean, you know. 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:41.440 The traumas and stuff she was dealing with. You know, 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:41.840 I was. 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:44.440 Born into it and so and it was generational. My 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.240 grandmother had her first kid when she was thirteen. My 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.560 mom was sexually abused at home, so she was trying 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.400 to get out, you know what I mean, I can't 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:54.240 do that to her. She's and even still with all 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.080 of that, she raised four amazing kids, like none of 0:05:57.160 --> 0:06:00.480 us have ever been in trouble. We're all productive. Who 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:01.680 does that, you know what I mean? 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:03.680 I'd have walked in here and was telling us about 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:06.760 an interview she did with Gail King. 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.840 Yeah, she said, girl, you've been through some things, you 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:11.320 know what. It's interesting though. 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:12.200 She read the book. 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:14.760 And I did an interview a couple of days ago 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.000 with somebody who didn't read the book. And when I 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.200 walked in, they were like, girl, your books so funny. 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:25.599 And I was like, I disrespect people that were like, 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:27.479 you know, I didn't read it, so tell me about it. 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:29.279 But she was like you so, and I was like, 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:30.440 it's not that tabe of book. 0:06:30.560 --> 0:06:32.080 Who is that? Who is that? 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:33.440 Well? 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:34.040 You know what? Ess? 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.680 And I walked in, Jess and I walked in and 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:39.000 Charlemagne was looking at the book. And he was very 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.760 interested in the chapter that said pizza and penis. 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:44.320 Yeah, that was the one that I went straight. 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:46.240 To, straight to pizzas because. 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:47.560 I wanted to know about carlos I heard that was 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:47.920 your uncle. 0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:49.120 I wanted to know what was with him. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.120 We definitely talked about Carlosza. 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:56.880 But he saw pizza and penis and he didn't even 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:58.719 see pizza. He just saw m penis. 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:02.080 To ask about this, you need to get into. 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:06.200 You know what's funny, it's Gael Kinge was like that. 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.640 She was like, I enjoyed this chapter. The chapter is 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:15.000 about me getting sexually abused, and so it's not. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:23.880 Ship ahead. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:28.840 This is y'all got some good chemistry. It's you know 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.160 it was it was I was just I want people 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.000 to be free, like I want people who've been through 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:34.920 the stuff I've been through to read this and say 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:36.920 I'm gonna be all right. I didn't want, I don't want. 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:38.640 I don't want to do trauma porn Like it's not 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:41.320 just what is me and my life has been bad. 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.720 It's every turn is me turning around and say I'm 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.160 gonna turn this, I'm gonna flip this into this and 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:49.920 this is how those things became jokes. 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:55.120 You think a comedian can even have material without trauma. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:00.040 Yes, I think we have a spectrum of comedy and 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:04.080 we need Simba was not trauma driven, and we love 0:08:04.120 --> 0:08:08.360 Simbat and undeniably one of the funniest. Shout clean, yeah 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:12.080 he's healing. Yeah, clean comedy. I do think. So we 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.160 need we need, especially people of color. We can't all 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:18.920 be the color purple. We need some levity. We need 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.080 to have comedians who are lighthearted and do jokes about things. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:25.760 Everybody doesn't have to be deep and you know that's 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.760 that's pretentious. I think some of us need, we need 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.240 our We ain't have a Carrot Top. Like Carrot Top 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:35.200 is a millionaire in Vegas. We've never had a comedian 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:37.760 like that that can just be you know why. We 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.320 always have to have the burden of walking around being 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:41.840 the heaviness. 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:47.079 Yeah and brown, a certain privilege that comes with being 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:47.679 a Yeah, but. 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:50.560 We need one. We need somebody walking around with props. 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:54.160 And ship just you know, Kevin is the closest thing 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:59.760 we got the cat Ken show. 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:04.959 No prepare him to Kevin Hart, because Kevin Hart talks 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:06.839 about his experiences as well. 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:10.040 I'm just talking about like man, you got mad. 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:13.040 He got kicked out of the Kevin Hart Show. You 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:13.840 have to tell you that story. 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:14.600 Oh no, I didn't. 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:16.360 Never kicked the dumb ass out because he recorded. 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:18.320 Was not recorded? 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:18.920 Was? 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:20.000 But did you get kicked out? 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.679 I did get kicked out. I was trying to bootleg 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.800 the show was not It's not true. It was actually 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:28.360 Philly Kevin. Kevin was performing. 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:30.800 My phone started to ring, so they tell you in 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:33.520 no shows do not pull your phone out. But you know, 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:35.360 when you got kids, when your phone ring, you pick 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:37.160 it up. So I went to try to pick it up, 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:38.679 like kind of on the low. But you know what, 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:41.559 the light is bright. Sure did kick my ass out? 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:41.800 Good? 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.520 Yeah, Kevin see me getting kicked out too. 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:48.960 It was like I MBC later. I have no problem 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:52.480 with that whatsoever. Wow, Now talk to us about how 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.760 junkies and prostitutes assisted jama. 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:59.800 My mom was the person she was dating at the 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.840 time beat her. She was pregnant and he left her 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:05.520 for dead in the park in Central Park. She was 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:09.319 not muchs pregnant, and it was the junkies and the 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.120 prostitutes that were around who took her to the hospital 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.839 and saved her life. So she's she's my mother is 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.320 not a respective of persons. She lives. She lives that 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:22.600 Bible life, like she feeds anybody. She will, she's all, 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.080 she's she's so wounded, but she will never forget. She 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:28.000 does not look down on anybody. And so we were 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:30.280 never allowed to do that. We could never be make 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.280 fun of somebody because you know, whatever it was, she'd 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.400 be like, not do that. She will always say it 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:38.440 was the prostitutes and the junkies, that's what they called them, 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:40.880 not the people. She was like, those are the people 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:44.600 who saved your brother's life. And so we were raised 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.360 to just you know, that's how we all are. 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.760 Everybody, when this becomes a movie or mini series, it's 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:52.800 gonna be a drama y or a horror movie. What 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:53.200 the hell? 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.320 Non so dramedy, drama developing a TV show? Now, No, 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.560 it's gonna be a drama. We gotta laugh at we 0:10:58.640 --> 0:10:59.640 gotta laugh at it. 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:01.280 How difficult was it to write this? 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:02.880 It was hard as hell. 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:03.839 How long did it take? 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.040 Because I wrote my own book, there's no ghostwriter. So 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:10.480 the thing is it took me two and a half years, 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:12.360 but I've been working on that book for seven years. 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:14.520 But you don't you know, Like you say you're going 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:16.920 to write a book, and you think because you got 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.200 the ideas and you got the stories, but when you 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:22.240 start writing them down in that publisher, that editor is like, 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:25.920 I need eighty thousand words, it becomes a whole different 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:27.760 You're like, damn, I could just tell you. When you 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:31.240 write the story down it's two pages. You're like, that's it, 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.000 I got it. But now you got to go in 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.320 and you gotta details. And it was. It was one 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.439 of the hardest things I ever did, one of the 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:42.160 greatest lessons for me not to take anything for granted, 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.800 because you know, authors, these authors have been real snobby 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:47.960 towards me, Like even people of color that I've been 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.240 I've reached out to and I've been posting about their 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:53.000 books and they all been kind of kind of like, 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.200 kind of greasy with me. And it's because I'm not 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:59.240 I'm a comedian stepping into their world and they're like, 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:01.400 here goes another one. They're going to do a book 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:03.560 and then they're gonna bounce. And I was like, now 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.160 I've been writing my whole life. My stand up is writing, 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.400 my TV shows are writing, you know, this book is writing. 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.240 The movies I've written. I'm a real writer, and I 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:15.160 don't need y'all validation because y'all go for that. But 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.400 I understand that. You know, they do this all day long, 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.280 and then celebrities will come in do books, they do 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.320 the press, and then they out. They're like, that's just 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.800 one more notch on their belt. They don't really assume 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:30.319 the role of author where I could write. I could 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:32.640 write books until I die, like I would like to. 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:34.640 It's a good therapy of bad therapy because you have 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:36.839 to relive a lot of the stuff, I'm sure trauma 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.599 that you have since a kid. So sometimes you like 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.600 you push it out of your brain so you don't 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:42.520 have to think about it. But when you're writing a book, 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.720 you got to dive deep into it. It can't just be 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:45.320 like two pages. 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:48.640 Like you said, it was traumatic to relive it, but 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.600 I needed to do it so I can heal, Like 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.000 I needed to forgive so I can move on, because 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:57.240 you know what, that's the thing about forgiveness. It's for you, right, 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.680 you think it's for the other person. I ain't forgiven them. 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.640 It's what do they say? You know? Revenge is like 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:06.480 drinking poison and hoping the enemy dies. I needed to 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:09.800 forgive these people, like all of them, my stepfather, the 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:11.720 one who got his ass on the bus stop for 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.000 being racist, Like I needed to just let it go. 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:17.360 And I want somebody else to read it and also 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:20.040 let it go, Like your life can be so great 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:22.120 when you forgive somebody. That doesn't mean you got to 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.679 hang out with them. You don't have to forget. I 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.559 choose to forget, but it just it's freedom. 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:31.240 I'm realizing forgiveness isn't linear though. No, it's not because 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.480 you got to. You gotta remind yourself of CAF forgave them, 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:34.760 you know, Yeah. 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.760 You gotta and you gotta accept it. Acceptance is probably 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.360 one of the hardest things we deal with, people always 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:43.440 saying love yourself, love yourself, you can love yourself. Acceptance 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:47.680 is where we thrive, right, being able to say I'm 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:50.160 okay with the fact that I'm never gonna be a 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:52.640 size to again, you know what I mean? Like that 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.080 that is freedom for me instead of you know, love 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.959 is beautiful, but love what Tina Turner said, what's love 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.040 got to do with it? I think acceptance has been 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.600 the greatest journey for me. And yeah, I forgave them. 0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:07.439 People, what are you writing the book teach you about illegitimacy? 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:12.400 You know that illegitimacy and feeling that those feelings of 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:17.199 not feeling invalidated are crippling for most people. We all 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:20.520 battle with it, whether it's because you dark, dark skin, 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.360 or you don't speak English, you got you got an accent, 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.800 you're in a wheelchair, like, we all struggle with it. 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:30.960 And they can give it a term for every single 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.440 sector of it, but the truth is that we all 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.760 battle with it and we cannot give it to somebody 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.800 else to declare it for us. We cannot. That's my 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:43.160 favorite scene that Jerry maguire was when Regina King looked 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:46.440 Cuba Goodding in the eye and said, we validate our worth. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.720 And that was that was like the most powerful thing 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:52.400 I had seen at that age because I was much younger. 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:55.400 You gotta validate your own worth. In comedy, you know, 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.360 people are always saying who they think is funny, who 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:01.120 is great? Who is you? Cannot anybody else tell you 0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:03.000 who you are because if you let if you give 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:04.920 them the power to feed you, you give them the 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.840 power to starve you. That validation has to come from 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:08.160 with them. 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.840 I was gonna ask. You know, one of the producers 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:12.960 after reading the book, was like, she has to hate 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:15.400 all men, like, damn, they all men did her dirty 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.240 in this book. So how do you feel about men after, 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.200 you know, I'm going through the process of a lot 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:21.760 of men that did you dirty, a lot of men 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:23.360 that would file to you. 0:15:24.760 --> 0:15:26.400 Well, if you read the book, then you would see 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.400 that I adore my uncles. My uncle Carlos passed away 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.440 and my uncle Raymond. My uncles raised me. My uncles 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.400 together they were a transformer. They all got together and 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.080 they became the father that I needed. And they used 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:41.640 to be hustlers, they were on the streets, but they 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.640 have always been my heroes. I love men so much. 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.000 I made a great one. My son is an amazing 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.280 human being, amazing and I don't hate men, and I 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:52.960 hate that the rhetoric, like all of this stuff that 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.880 goes on on social media with men and women, it 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:59.960 is so toxic and unnecessary. It's just divide and conquer. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.000 It just keeps getting deeper and deeper in terms of 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:05.840 what happens with our communities. I uphold man and I 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.480 you know, I hold them accountable, but I hold women 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.440 accountable too. You know, I'm not I'm not basic, so 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.920 I don't I don't delve in that man. You know, 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:16.120 it's some men that are trash. It's a bunch of 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:19.000 women that are trashed too. You know, it's some non 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:22.880 binary people that are trash. Yeah, right, so everybody gets it, 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:24.920 you know, So I don't hate men. 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.120 I think another thing people will learn from. Like, you know, 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:30.000 growing up without your father's last name. How do you 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:31.240 feel after your mom told you why? 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.560 I felt worse because she gave it to me so casually. 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:38.360 She was so like cavalier about it, but it was 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:40.600 because that was what she knew. She grew up, she 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:42.520 didn't have her father's last name. You know, it was 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:44.480 like that just means you don't have your dad's last name. 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:47.400 Like it's all good for me. It was a stamp 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.800 that it made me a victim to I thought in 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:53.520 my head that means I'm gonna get mistreated. People know 0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:55.680 my father is not around because my idea of a 0:16:55.760 --> 0:17:00.560 daddy was protection. You know it exactly? Yeah, you know, 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.040 you're very good you you you I don't know if 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:08.600 you are in real life, but on social media. You know, 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.000 you know what I'm saying. You know, people do it 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:19.440 all for the you know. But then because I put 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:23.240 some people on I know, some some stories. But the 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:25.720 thing was that I thought that because that's what I 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:28.240 thought a father was. It made me feel vulnerable like 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.320 I was like, now anybody can do anything to me, 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.919 you know whatever, And it wasn't true. My grandmother was 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:38.280 walking around with that gun making sure that she protected us. 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:43.800 Man, your story is crazy, even even even having to 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:47.400 your mom as a whole, like, because you. 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.800 Know what, that's what kids would do when they when 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.760 you're not they see your mom and then you know, 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.760 in the hood is everything is get fair game. You know, 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.119 when you're playing them dozens, those kids will be like, 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:02.200 that's why your patty got canceled, Like it's the kids 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:03.080 are evil. 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:07.000 Crackhead son the job, your daddy was a crackhead, your 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:08.520 mothery crackheads son, crackhead dogs. 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:10.560 Yeah, that's how we process the pain, that's how we 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.200 deal with it. And when somebody said that mama, the 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.080 creepiest thing about the whole thing was that the girl, 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:19.439 the lady who said my mama was a whole was 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:21.960 the biggest hole on the block, Like that's you, you know, 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.119 and she was talking about my mom because we she 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:28.000 thought that because her kids had the same father and 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:30.800 we didn't that her, she was better than my mom. 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:33.280 And I was like, how sad. Now that I'm an adult, 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.080 I'm like, what a saddy assistence that that's where you 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:39.480 pop your collar, not something you did positive in the world. 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:42.800 But my kids got the same daddy and they got 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.240