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Speaker 1: Pushkin. Welcome back to our series on how to spring

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Speaker 1: clean our well being. So far we've explored the happiness

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Speaker 1: benefits of things like releasing grudges, redesigning our spaces, and

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Speaker 1: rethinking how our screens affect our physical health. But this

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Speaker 1: episode of the Happiness Lab is about spring cleaning the

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Speaker 1: beliefs that lie underneath all that.

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Speaker 2: So if I ask people about beliefs, like what do

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Speaker 2: you believe? They'll start with a political belief and then

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Speaker 2: a religious belief.

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Speaker 1: This is author and happiness expert Sean Aker.

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Speaker 2: They'll immediately go to one those two things. But actually,

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Speaker 2: we have beliefs about everything. We have beliefs about who

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Speaker 2: drives a cyber truck, are they a liberal or conservative?

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Speaker 2: We have beliefs about how tall I should be, or

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Speaker 2: whether or not it's good to be a stay at

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Speaker 2: home parent. We have undercurrents of belief that shape everything.

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Speaker 1: It's true that this idea of beliefs feels almost too

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Speaker 1: broad to tackle. You can believe in things like free

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Speaker 1: will or Santa Claus, or karma or meritocracy. The list

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Speaker 1: goes on and on, from the political to the personal,

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Speaker 1: to the abstract and existential. So I asked Sean, what

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Speaker 1: is a belief really?

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Speaker 2: For me, beliefs is simply the lens through which you

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Speaker 2: view the world that change the way you act with

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Speaker 2: in it. So our beliefs shape how I get a

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Speaker 2: CEE in biology, or how I have a new baby.

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Speaker 2: Those beliefs help us to facilitate not only what's coming in,

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Speaker 2: but then they change what comes back out to and

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Speaker 2: then they predict what happens next.

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Speaker 1: In his new book, The Power of Beliefs, Sean focuses

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Speaker 1: on a set of core beliefs that he argues can

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Speaker 1: be predictive of positive life outcomes, things like success and

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Speaker 1: long term happiness, and that feels especially important right now,

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Speaker 1: given how many people are struggling.

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Speaker 2: Those beliefs are things like I don't matter where I'm alone,

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Speaker 2: or this work isn't meaningful, or I'm missing out or

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Speaker 2: there's nothing greater than me. And on the opposite side is,

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Speaker 2: of course, I am not alone, or this work is meaningful,

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Speaker 2: or imatter right, or my behavior matters. But these core

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Speaker 2: beliefs seem to not only shape our experience to the present,

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Speaker 2: they shape how I listen to a news story that

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Speaker 2: comes in, or shape how I hear a geopolitical event.

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Speaker 2: These beliefs are then predictive of somebody's longevity or their

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Speaker 2: grades at school. And so if we have those negative beliefs,

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Speaker 2: we can see exactly why we're seeing these negative impacts

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Speaker 2: within our society. When I look at this world right now,

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Speaker 2: this seems to be suffering so much. We see accelerated

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Speaker 2: rates of depression and anxiety. We see a loneliness epidemic.

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Speaker 2: We see massive amounts of burnout and the great resignation,

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Speaker 2: all those types of things. I think we see these

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Speaker 2: symptoms of the negative version of these core beliefs.

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Speaker 1: Given what's going on these days, from economic pressure to

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Speaker 1: endlessly upsetting news cycles to political polarization, it's no wonder

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Speaker 1: some people have adopted these negative versions core beliefs. But

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Speaker 1: how predictive are these beliefs of our long term well being?

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Speaker 1: And is there anything we can do to change these

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Speaker 1: beliefs without totally changing everything about modern society. In twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty six, Sean and I will dive into all these

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Speaker 1: questions and the science of better beliefs when the Happiness

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Speaker 1: Lab returns from this quick break. Well being expert Sean

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Speaker 1: Aker and I have a lot in common. We both

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Speaker 1: examine happiness, and we both studied at Harvard. But while

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Speaker 1: I was training in psychology, he was focused on something bigger, the.

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Speaker 2: Divide I was in the Divinity School. I was studying

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Speaker 2: Christian and Buddhist ethics, so I was interested in how

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Speaker 2: people's beliefs shape the way that they interact with the world.

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Speaker 2: How do our beliefs change the way we decided to

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Speaker 2: give or forgive, or wake up in the morning, or

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Speaker 2: why we care about what happens to other people, or

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Speaker 2: why we think our work is meaningful.

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Speaker 1: Sean was thinking about all this from a spiritual perspective

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Speaker 1: when he ran into one of the world's leading positive psychologists.

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Speaker 2: A man named doctor Tall Vin Shahar.

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Speaker 1: Tall gave Sean a chance to join his team and

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Speaker 1: to rethink what he had been studying at the Divinity School.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of psychological research.

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Speaker 2: I realized that positive psychology was asking the same questions

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Speaker 2: I was doing at the Divinity School, but with a

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Speaker 2: different language. I got hooked because if you could observe

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Speaker 2: and measure joy, then you could actually figure out what

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Speaker 2: was actually working. What beliefs help us create a better world,

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Speaker 2: what actions help us today.

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Speaker 1: Sean's work bridges those big existential questions with the practicality

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Speaker 1: of academic studies, and at the root of all of

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Speaker 1: Sean's work is the idea that our beliefs, both big

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Speaker 1: and small, matter. They shape our mood, our productivity, and

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Speaker 1: even our health. Take for example, the incredible power of

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Speaker 1: the placebo effect.

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Speaker 2: It's oftentimes the most a common example that we think

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Speaker 2: about how beliefs shape an outcome, like a health outcome.

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Speaker 2: So Henry Beecher was an anesthesiologist at Harvard who was

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Speaker 2: looking at the role of an inert intervention compared to

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Speaker 2: an actual intervention, and what he found back in the

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Speaker 2: fifties was basically, in a series of different studies, he

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Speaker 2: found that in thirty five percent of the cases, the

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Speaker 2: inert substance like a sugar pill, for example, or a

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Speaker 2: fake intervention that shouldn't have an impact upon the outcome,

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Speaker 2: when the participant believed that it was a real intervention,

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Speaker 2: then you got similar benefits to what you were seeing

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Speaker 2: with the actual medicine. And so then people started tracking

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Speaker 2: this over time, and it was the first opportunity for

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Speaker 2: us to be able to quantify in many ways the

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Speaker 2: role of belief about an intervention in the medical space

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Speaker 2: having a long term outcome. And it wasn't just in

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Speaker 2: one field. It wasn't just like with chronic pain, or

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Speaker 2: it wasn't just with cancer or epilepsy. But what we

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Speaker 2: got is to the modern world where before a drug

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Speaker 2: can be approved by the Federal Drug Administration, they tested

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Speaker 2: against a placebo. They want to know that it's better

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Speaker 2: than just believing that this new medication that you came

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Speaker 2: up with is going to work, and they do that

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Speaker 2: because they know the belief is so powerful.

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Speaker 1: Your book also showed an example of the power of

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Speaker 1: belief that comes from professional sports success. Could you explain

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Speaker 1: the example of home field advantage and why it's so

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Speaker 1: powerful for showing the effective beliefs.

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Speaker 2: Sure so, like most of your listeners who know about

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Speaker 2: the Placibo Effact, they know probably about the home field advantage.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty prevalent in our society that if you play

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Speaker 2: in your home stadium or your home court, you have

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Speaker 2: an increased likelihood of winning regardless of opponent. In college football,

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Speaker 2: you have a sixty percent chance of winning in your

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Speaker 2: home stadium. The same thing happens in soccer. There's like

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Speaker 2: a thirty percent chance of losing at home, but there

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Speaker 2: is a fifty percent chance of winning at home with

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Speaker 2: a twenty percent chance of a draw. But what you

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Speaker 2: see is this massive benefit to playing in your home stadium.

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Speaker 2: So I got this opportunity to talk with an NFL

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Speaker 2: coaching legend. This is Pete Carroll, who was out at

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Speaker 2: the time with the Seattle Seahawks, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: this is amazing because I've always wanted to ask someone

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Speaker 2: in a position like this about why the home field

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Speaker 2: advantage exists, because it's clearly some sort of psychology seeping in.

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Speaker 2: But what he explained to me was that's not what

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Speaker 2: home field advantage And what he told me at the

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Speaker 2: time is what most coaches and players believed, which is

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Speaker 2: the home field advantage exists because in order to get

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Speaker 2: to a visitor stadium, you have to travel, and you're

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Speaker 2: staying there overnight, and you've had flights, so you're fatigued,

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Speaker 2: and you're staying in a place where you don't know,

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Speaker 2: playing in a different elevation that you're not used to,

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Speaker 2: with a different type of weather system. You don't know

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Speaker 2: where the uprights are or the soccer goal compared to

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Speaker 2: the rest of the stadium. So your perception is slightly off.

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Speaker 2: That is the reason why we have such a home

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Speaker 2: field advantage. And then COVID started and the home field

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Speaker 2: advantage disappeared. Statistically, it completely was gone. But what is

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Speaker 2: amazing about this is that none of the things that

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Speaker 2: coach Pete Carroll had talked about, which were all the

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Speaker 2: things we knew were the reasons for the homefield advanage,

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Speaker 2: were the reasons for the home field advantage because they

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Speaker 2: were all still true. You still had to travel, you're

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Speaker 2: still in a different place with different weather. All of

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Speaker 2: that had actually remained constant. The only difference is, for

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Speaker 2: the first time in the history of sports, we got

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Speaker 2: to see players play in their home stadium but without

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Speaker 2: fans in the stands. Something about the fans being there

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Speaker 2: was changing the performance and the outcomes for the players,

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Speaker 2: which makes me believe that is one of two things

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Speaker 2: that either they believe that they're not alone, or they

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Speaker 2: believe that people are for them, not against them. And

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Speaker 2: you can see when people start to boo in the stadium,

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Speaker 2: the performance actually starts to drop for the home team

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Speaker 2: in most of the cases, right, So what you're seeing

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Speaker 2: is either way, beliefs seem to be predictive of the

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Speaker 2: future outcomes in a way that we didn't realize what

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Speaker 2: was happening before. And one last thing I thought was fascinating.

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Speaker 2: I learned this while writing the book. I started looking

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Speaker 2: up superstitions, which of course are beliefs that athletes have

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Speaker 2: that they think will affect the outcome. And what I

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Speaker 2: found was that Michael Jordan, he used to believe that

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Speaker 2: if he wore his UNC college shorts underneath his professional

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Speaker 2: Chicago Bulls shorts, so he was wearing two pairs of

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Speaker 2: shorts that increase his likelihood of winning. So for his

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Speaker 2: professional career, he didn't wear one set of shorts. He

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Speaker 2: wore two sets of shorts. And the other hilarious part

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Speaker 2: was that the UNC shorts were just slightly longer than

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Speaker 2: the Chicago Bulls shorts, so he asked for baggier, longer shorts,

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Speaker 2: which actually became the fashion. So you know, if you

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Speaker 2: talk to Michael Jordan, I'm sure he would tell you

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Speaker 2: that he wins because of his you know, never die

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Speaker 2: mentality or is insane skill sets. But I bet if

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Speaker 2: his UNC shorts were missing before that game, he would

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Speaker 2: just freak out. And the reason for that is that

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Speaker 2: our beliefs we know have a long term outcome, right,

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Speaker 2: short term and long term outcome, and.

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Speaker 1: So let's turn to this question of how beliefs can

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Speaker 1: actually shape the outcomes, because I think it's really powerful.

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Speaker 1: One of the things you've noticed that beliefs can shape

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Speaker 1: how we allocate attention, and that matters. You mentioned a

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Speaker 1: funny study by Richard Weisman that used a newspaper setup.

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Speaker 1: Can you tell me about that study.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's a funny one. If our attention for the

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Speaker 2: world is finite, there are brain resources or finite, then

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Speaker 2: what we attend to first becomes our reality, and the

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Speaker 2: allocation those resources happens through that lens to which we

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Speaker 2: view the world. But basically what he did was he

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Speaker 2: had students read through a newspaper and he asked them

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Speaker 2: to count the number of photographs they're in the newspaper,

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Speaker 2: and they get it correct in the allocated period of time,

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Speaker 2: then they get five pounds. It is done in the UK.

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Speaker 2: Right before taking the test, they gave him a short

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Speaker 2: battery of questions, and one of the questions was basically,

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Speaker 2: do you think that you're a lucky person? Do good

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Speaker 2: things just naturally happen to you? Do you expect good

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Speaker 2: things to happen in your life. There are questions about luck,

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Speaker 2: but it's also a proxy for optimism. But anyway, what

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Speaker 2: he found in the study was that after people responded

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Speaker 2: to that, they then go through and look for the

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Speaker 2: newspaper pictures on page two of everyone's newspaper, in big

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Speaker 2: bold letters, it says, stop the experiment now. If you

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Speaker 2: stop now, we'll give you ten pounds, so double the

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Speaker 2: outcome you would have if you just kept going. And

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Speaker 2: what he found was that the majority of the people

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Speaker 2: that claimed that they were lucky, the good things just

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Speaker 2: happened to them, they stopped the experiment and asked for

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Speaker 2: their money and got double the pay. The other ones

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Speaker 2: who claimed that the world doesn't move in their favor,

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Speaker 2: they don't expect good things to just happen to them,

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Speaker 2: the majority of them finished the experiment and got their

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Speaker 2: five pounds, and they got the right number of photographs,

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Speaker 2: but they didn't even see the possibility that was there

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Speaker 2: to get ten pounds and then this demonstration experiment. What

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Speaker 2: he was arguing was that when people believed that they

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Speaker 2: were lucky or that they were in an optimistic state,

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Speaker 2: their brain felt like it had enough resources to accomplish

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Speaker 2: the task, and then devoted more resources to look for

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Speaker 2: possibilities because you know they're there, you believe that they're there,

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Speaker 2: and when you look for possibilities, you're likelihood of pouncing

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Speaker 2: on them. Rises If you don't think there's possibilities, you

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Speaker 2: don't devote attentional resources there, and it shapes the outcome

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Speaker 2: within our lives. So yet another example of how the

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Speaker 2: lens to which you view the world might be continually

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Speaker 2: changing what happens. And if we could change the beliefs

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Speaker 2: we hold about the world from like only bad things

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Speaker 2: happen to me to I think as possible, good things

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Speaker 2: could happen or change as possible, then we might get

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Speaker 2: someone to apply for that job that they might not

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Speaker 2: have otherwise, or they might save more money, or they

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Speaker 2: might be able to look for a relationship when they're

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Speaker 2: feeling a.

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Speaker 1: Lowe And that gets to the next thing. You've argued

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Speaker 1: why beliefs change our performance because it also changes the

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Speaker 1: goals that we strive for. What do you mean here?

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Speaker 2: I think about this oftentimes as a parent. I live

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Speaker 2: in Dallas now. We moved here when our children were young,

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Speaker 2: and a lot of people around here sports is the

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Speaker 2: big thing. They've got private coaches for their kids, you know,

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Speaker 2: at four years old playing soccer, and a lot of

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Speaker 2: these kids and parents believe that their kid is going

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Speaker 2: to be the next you know, Michael Jordan. Right, He's

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Speaker 2: got to wear two pairs of shorts, but he's going

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Speaker 2: to be the next Michael Jordan. When you look at

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Speaker 2: the statistics for if my seven year old believes that

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Speaker 2: he or she's going to play professional sports, if you

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Speaker 2: round it to the nearest decimal point in the one hundreds,

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Speaker 2: it's so far down there. If we're rounding, it's basically

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Speaker 2: zero point zero zero percent. If someone makes it onto

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Speaker 2: a high school basketball team, their likelihood of making it

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Speaker 2: is point zero zero nine to make it into the NBA.

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Speaker 2: But if someone can make it into college and make

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Speaker 2: it to their senior year of playing, their likelihood goes

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Speaker 2: up to one point one percent. So if someone believes

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to become a professional athlete and that's

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Speaker 2: the end of their belief structure, stem I would assume

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Speaker 2: their likelihood is very low. What we look for when

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Speaker 2: we're looking and analyzing these beliefs and try and get

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Speaker 2: people too, is how do you find a way of

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Speaker 2: providing qualifiers and warrants in this So I know that

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Speaker 2: the likelihood is low, but I believe that if I

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Speaker 2: keep practicing and I listen to my coach and I

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Speaker 2: eat right and sleep right, I will increase the likelihood

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Speaker 2: of becoming a professional athlete that has some qualifiers to it.

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Speaker 2: Then make me feel like that belief might work out better. Also,

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Speaker 2: they could provide warrants like I was the best kid

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Speaker 2: on my team last year, I'm the best kid in

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Speaker 2: my school this year. I think I can be the

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Speaker 2: best kid in college. If someone's beliefs can get them

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Speaker 2: from high school basketball and point zeros around nine percent

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Speaker 2: to one point one percent at the end of college,

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Speaker 2: their belief and their actions that pull them through that

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Speaker 2: change their likelihood of becoming a professional athlete by twelve

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Speaker 2: thousand percent. So it doesn't sound big. It's still one

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Speaker 2: point one percent, but it's a massive change. And that's

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Speaker 2: what I'm trying to get people to realize in the

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Speaker 2: book is that beliefs don't guarantee outcomes, but they propel

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Speaker 2: us towards specific goals.

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Speaker 1: And in the example, you point out two different things

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Speaker 1: that we want to have in our beliefs to get

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Speaker 1: us towards those goals a little bit better. When is

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Speaker 1: this idea that you mentioned of warrants, this idea that

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Speaker 1: we have some reasons for our belief While it's not

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Speaker 1: just delusional that I think it could be an athlete,

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Speaker 1: I was the best kid on my team, right, we

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Speaker 1: want to kind of have reasons behind our beliefs. But

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Speaker 1: I think one that's even more important psychologically might be

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Speaker 1: this idea of qualifiers. These are kind of like these

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Speaker 1: if then statements. It's not just I'm going to become

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Speaker 1: a professional athlete. It's like, well, if I really study hard,

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Speaker 1: or if I follow what my coach says, And that

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Speaker 1: seems to be really important because it's pointing us towards

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Speaker 1: the action. It's not this naive hope. We're actually getting

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Speaker 1: towards an action that might help us be more likely

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Speaker 1: to achieve that goal and to actually have it come

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Speaker 1: true in our lives over time.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what we're looking for, is the cycle

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Speaker 2: between beliefs and actions. These qualifiers are saying if I

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Speaker 2: do something, so if a salesperson, for example, is like

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be the best salesperson here, but they

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Speaker 2: don't follow it up with if I make these calls,

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Speaker 2: if I'm okay getting no nine times out of ten,

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Speaker 2: if I learn this product better than anyone else, right,

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Speaker 2: then I'm going to have the outcome I want. I

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Speaker 2: see that so often in the business space is that

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Speaker 2: you get these leaders who try to pump you up

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Speaker 2: because they hear the beliefs are powerful. So then they're like,

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Speaker 2: I believe the you can hit X billion dollars by

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Speaker 2: year five, and I believe that we can hit these

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Speaker 2: sales target I know they're audacious, but I believe you

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Speaker 2: can hit these next year, and everyone's cheer for me.

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Speaker 2: There's no foothold for the brain to take the next step.

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Speaker 2: What that leader should be doing is providing both those

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Speaker 2: warrants and qualifiers. We've hit our sales targets last year,

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Speaker 2: if we make all these phone calls, if we learn

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Speaker 2: this new system and implement it well, if we are

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Speaker 2: able to connect with one another and not stay in

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Speaker 2: these silos. If we are able to do that, I

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Speaker 2: believe we can not only hit our sales targets, but

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Speaker 2: exceed them next year. Then the brain is not having

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Speaker 2: this irrational belief about the world that is pure hope

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Speaker 2: without any grounding. What we're looking for is grounding that

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Speaker 2: hope in previous action, but also in future pavior.

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Speaker 1: Our beliefs matter for our happiness and our success. That

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Speaker 1: much is clear, But which ones matter most? Which beliefs

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Speaker 1: really move the needle when it comes to our long

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Speaker 1: term well being? Sean and I will tackle those questions

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Speaker 1: when the Happiness Lab returns from the break. Happiness expert

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Speaker 1: Sean Aker is the author of a new book, The

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Speaker 1: Power of Beliefs, How strengthening seven core beliefs predicts greater

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Speaker 1: success and a better life. Today, we're walking through those

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Speaker 1: seven core beliefs and why they matter for our well

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Speaker 1: being and performance. The first core belief Sean focuses on

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Speaker 1: is a simple one. It's that our behavior matters. It's

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Speaker 1: also a belief that Sean has sometimes struggled to hold

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Speaker 1: on to in his own life.

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Speaker 2: I went through nearly three years of depression in my life,

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Speaker 2: and this actually happened back when I was at Harvard,

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Speaker 2: and there's loss of reasons for it. I think it

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Speaker 2: was actually a lack of social connection and also as

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Speaker 2: at the Divinity School, so I was challenging a lot

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Speaker 2: of my fundamental core constructs about the world. But what

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Speaker 2: happened in the midst of depression, especially at the bottom

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Speaker 2: of it, is you stop believing that any change is possible,

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Speaker 2: Like I will always be depressed. I don't even remember

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Speaker 2: how it got into the swamp, but there's no way

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Speaker 2: I'm getting back out. And then why would it matter

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Speaker 2: if I journal about a positive experience, or write down

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Speaker 2: things I'm grateful for, or write a two minute positive

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Speaker 2: email to someone else. I don't believe my behavior matters

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Speaker 2: because there's nothing I can do. And we see this

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Speaker 2: not just with depression. We see it when somebody tries

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Speaker 2: to diet multiple times and they've tried different fad diets

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Speaker 2: and they've tried different scientific diets and they didn't work.

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Speaker 2: So then they just stop. There's nothing I could do.

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Speaker 2: This is my genius, no ally, whatever I want. And

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Speaker 2: so what happens in that moment is when we believe

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Speaker 2: our behavior doesn't matter, you don't get any forward action,

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Speaker 2: and it causes a proalysis. It's actually, to me one

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Speaker 2: of the biggest differences between optimism and pessimism. A lot

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Speaker 2: of optimism is based not just upon thinking good things

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Speaker 2: will happen, but also that if you see a problem,

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Speaker 2: the pessimist believes that it's permanent, pervasive. Right, this problem

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Speaker 2: will continue to exist, There's nothing I can do. My

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Speaker 2: behavior doesn't matter. On the other side of it is optimist. Now,

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Speaker 2: irrational optimists don't even see the problems, so they don't change.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about more rational optimism, where they see a problem,

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Speaker 2: but they believe that eventually my behavior will matter if

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Speaker 2: linked to the right people within a system. So on

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Speaker 2: the one hand, if you have this belief that my

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Speaker 2: behavior doesn't matter, you get proalysis because it makes sense

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Speaker 2: there's nothing you can do. And that's what I think

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Speaker 2: we feel oftentimes when we watch the news. I mean

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Speaker 2: every news alert we get is a reminder, Hey, this

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Speaker 2: terrible thing happened. Also, you couldn't stop this. I'll text

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Speaker 2: you in a little bit with the new news alert. Right,

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Speaker 2: I'll just remind you again that your behavior doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: And of course our behavior doesn't matter. There we have

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Speaker 2: to be rational about where it does matter. But it

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Speaker 2: starts to bleed over to other aspects of our life.

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Speaker 2: And when someone believes that their behavior doesn't matter, they

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Speaker 2: don't take the forward steps. So actually, on the core,

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Speaker 2: I think tenets of this book is that if change

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Speaker 2: is going to be possible, if we're going to move

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Speaker 2: from the status quo to a better place, we need

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Speaker 2: to find a way of actually believing their behavior matters

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Speaker 2: and recognizing that it doesn't in most places. So we

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Speaker 2: need to actually identify those places where it has mattered

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Speaker 2: in the past, identify the places where it does matter,

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Speaker 2: and then focus our attentional resources there. If you have

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Speaker 2: the same world but a different belief, you'll get a

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Speaker 2: different outcome.

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Speaker 1: The next belief you recommend is one that we talk

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Speaker 1: a lot about on the Happiness Lab. It's the importance

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Speaker 1: of gratitude. Noticing all the blessings in life. How can

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Speaker 1: gratitude give us a competitive advantage?

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Speaker 2: So there is so much research on this. Right when

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Speaker 2: someone feels positive, it seems to increase their long term outcomes,

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Speaker 2: business outcomes and educational outcomes. And one of the greatest

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Speaker 2: ways of being able to do that is to shift

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Speaker 2: our lenses away from here's what I'm missing out on

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Speaker 2: to here's what I'm grateful for in the present. And

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Speaker 2: I think at the base of fomo, the fear of

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Speaker 2: missing out is the belief that I would be grateful

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Speaker 2: if I was somewhere else. If I could just get

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Speaker 2: that New York Times bestseller, just get that spouse, or

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Speaker 2: just have that incredible vacation, or just have a crypto

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Speaker 2: billionaire portfolio, then life would be great. And what happens

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Speaker 2: is it integrates our experience of the present because our

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Speaker 2: brain is focused on what we're missing out on, and

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Speaker 2: what we're really missing out on is what we're grateful

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Speaker 2: for in the present. So when our brain is grateful

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Speaker 2: for what we have in the present, doesn't mean that

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Speaker 2: we're grateful for If someone's going through domestic abuse or

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Speaker 2: they're grateful for trauma they experienced, right, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 2: that they're grateful for a sickness that they have. They

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Speaker 2: might be grateful for the benefits. Like I've worked with

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Speaker 2: a breast cancer support group. This woman stood up at

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Speaker 2: the beginning of I'll Always Remember. She got up and

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Speaker 2: she said, I wish I didn't have cancer, but because

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Speaker 2: of this cancer, I have the deepest social connection that

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Speaker 2: I've ever had. It was identifying that, Yes, so there's

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Speaker 2: inherently negative things in our life, inequality, discrimination, racism, trauma,

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Speaker 2: but in the midst of that, if we don't see anything,

434
00:22:06,036 --> 00:22:09,676
Speaker 2: we're grateful for there's no meaning or joy that can

435
00:22:09,836 --> 00:22:12,836
Speaker 2: accelerate our brain out of that situation. And when you

436
00:22:12,836 --> 00:22:15,316
Speaker 2: pair those two together, the belief that our behavior matters

437
00:22:15,916 --> 00:22:18,756
Speaker 2: and that there's some things I'm grateful for, the gratitude

438
00:22:18,756 --> 00:22:21,836
Speaker 2: becomes the fuel for then taking that next step forward.

439
00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:25,356
Speaker 1: Another next step forward we can take is to cultivate

440
00:22:25,396 --> 00:22:27,436
Speaker 1: a sense that we matter. We need to develop a

441
00:22:27,476 --> 00:22:30,316
Speaker 1: sense of self worth. Why is mattering such a powerful

442
00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:31,676
Speaker 1: fuel for our action?

443
00:22:32,756 --> 00:22:37,236
Speaker 2: So if you call into a national suicide hotline, that's

444
00:22:37,276 --> 00:22:38,916
Speaker 2: the very first thing that they try to make you

445
00:22:38,916 --> 00:22:41,916
Speaker 2: feel is that you matter. They immediately say, thank you

446
00:22:41,956 --> 00:22:44,196
Speaker 2: so much for calling. This was such a brave step.

447
00:22:44,676 --> 00:22:46,716
Speaker 2: You are not alone in the midst of this, and

448
00:22:46,756 --> 00:22:49,236
Speaker 2: I'm here with you right at this moment. I think

449
00:22:49,276 --> 00:22:52,716
Speaker 2: everyone experiences it, this feeling of that they don't matter

450
00:22:52,756 --> 00:22:54,476
Speaker 2: for some reason. And I'm going to give an example

451
00:22:54,556 --> 00:22:57,236
Speaker 2: that makes me sound not great, but I think it's

452
00:22:57,236 --> 00:23:00,716
Speaker 2: important because it reveals something interesting about the way that

453
00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:03,356
Speaker 2: we look at the world. So eight years ago and

454
00:23:03,396 --> 00:23:06,996
Speaker 2: when my last book came out, called Big Potential, that week,

455
00:23:07,196 --> 00:23:11,116
Speaker 2: my wife, Michelle Gielan, got rushed to the hospital. Her

456
00:23:11,156 --> 00:23:13,956
Speaker 2: water had broke three months early, so we were supposed

457
00:23:13,956 --> 00:23:16,436
Speaker 2: to have a daughter in April. My book came out

458
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:19,516
Speaker 2: the first week of February, and three days later, after

459
00:23:19,516 --> 00:23:22,356
Speaker 2: being rushed to the hospital, they rushed her into emergency surgery,

460
00:23:22,636 --> 00:23:24,836
Speaker 2: and we almost lost my daughter three times in a

461
00:23:24,876 --> 00:23:27,436
Speaker 2: two day period of time. She kept sparking back to life.

462
00:23:27,476 --> 00:23:30,076
Speaker 2: Her name is Zoe sparks Acre. She just turned eight,

463
00:23:30,156 --> 00:23:32,836
Speaker 2: and she's amazing. But instead of going on this book tour,

464
00:23:33,356 --> 00:23:35,996
Speaker 2: I decided to take a step back and just be

465
00:23:36,076 --> 00:23:39,076
Speaker 2: there as a father for my kids, which at first

466
00:23:39,076 --> 00:23:41,716
Speaker 2: seemed great, But then I just started to disappear a

467
00:23:41,756 --> 00:23:44,796
Speaker 2: little bit, and I watched all these opportunities go by

468
00:23:44,916 --> 00:23:47,516
Speaker 2: that I wanted. I had this moment where I was

469
00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:51,476
Speaker 2: out giving a talk at Target headquarters and I read

470
00:23:51,516 --> 00:23:54,716
Speaker 2: these two news alerts. It was about two of our contemporaries.

471
00:23:54,956 --> 00:23:57,916
Speaker 2: One got a New York Times bestseller number one, and

472
00:23:57,916 --> 00:24:00,436
Speaker 2: then another one who's now at Harvard, got to write

473
00:24:00,436 --> 00:24:02,876
Speaker 2: a book with Oprah. And I used to be at

474
00:24:02,876 --> 00:24:05,916
Speaker 2: Harvard and I was doing work with Oprah, and I

475
00:24:05,956 --> 00:24:09,516
Speaker 2: got replaced, and I thought to myself, you know what,

476
00:24:10,076 --> 00:24:12,436
Speaker 2: I don't matter as much. And I remember getting in

477
00:24:12,476 --> 00:24:14,956
Speaker 2: the car going to that talk, and I just stared

478
00:24:14,956 --> 00:24:16,516
Speaker 2: out the window and I felt that the world was

479
00:24:16,556 --> 00:24:22,636
Speaker 2: passing me by. And obnoxious and nonsensical and self indulgent.

480
00:24:22,916 --> 00:24:25,716
Speaker 2: As those feelings were, I felt like it was true.

481
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:27,956
Speaker 2: And you know what, I was blind to the reason

482
00:24:28,076 --> 00:24:31,076
Speaker 2: I stopped doing the work and the good that I

483
00:24:31,076 --> 00:24:32,956
Speaker 2: had done. I couldn't see any of that. All I

484
00:24:32,956 --> 00:24:36,436
Speaker 2: felt like was that's it. I don't really manage the world.

485
00:24:36,756 --> 00:24:39,396
Speaker 2: So the driver took me to the wrong location and

486
00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,676
Speaker 2: I called the target people and they said, okay, just

487
00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:44,396
Speaker 2: stay right there, we'll send somebody. And this guy who

488
00:24:44,476 --> 00:24:46,556
Speaker 2: had blue hair, that's all I remember about him, because

489
00:24:46,556 --> 00:24:48,636
Speaker 2: it happened so fast, walked up next to me and

490
00:24:48,676 --> 00:24:50,316
Speaker 2: they said, are you sean Akuor I was like yes,

491
00:24:50,556 --> 00:24:52,356
Speaker 2: I thought he was the escort to take me to

492
00:24:52,596 --> 00:24:55,476
Speaker 2: the event. And he shook my hand and he said,

493
00:24:55,556 --> 00:24:57,116
Speaker 2: I just want to let you know that your book

494
00:24:57,156 --> 00:25:00,516
Speaker 2: saved my life. That moment, I felt like it was

495
00:25:00,596 --> 00:25:03,796
Speaker 2: this message of not only hope, but that you matter it.

496
00:25:03,796 --> 00:25:06,076
Speaker 2: And when that happened, suddenly I could see the meaning

497
00:25:06,156 --> 00:25:08,876
Speaker 2: in my talk. I felt like my lens was less cloudy.

498
00:25:09,396 --> 00:25:12,676
Speaker 2: I still felt replaced in this world. I still felt

499
00:25:12,756 --> 00:25:18,076
Speaker 2: envious of other opportunities, but I took a step back

500
00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:20,836
Speaker 2: intentionally because of my family and it mattered to them.

501
00:25:21,676 --> 00:25:24,916
Speaker 2: So once I saw that, my mood, my outcome, the

502
00:25:24,956 --> 00:25:27,756
Speaker 2: way I did the talk changed dramatically. But in that moment,

503
00:25:27,836 --> 00:25:29,836
Speaker 2: I needed to see that I mattered. And I think

504
00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:32,516
Speaker 2: that what happens so often is when we're on social

505
00:25:32,516 --> 00:25:35,116
Speaker 2: media and we see that all these other people are

506
00:25:35,156 --> 00:25:37,436
Speaker 2: important or better than us a different things, we start

507
00:25:37,516 --> 00:25:39,356
Speaker 2: to not just feel envious, we start to feel like

508
00:25:39,396 --> 00:25:42,436
Speaker 2: I don't matter, and that actually changes the actions we

509
00:25:42,556 --> 00:25:45,796
Speaker 2: take next and predicts our long term future. And when

510
00:25:45,836 --> 00:25:48,876
Speaker 2: people believe that they matter, they live longer, they do

511
00:25:48,916 --> 00:25:52,036
Speaker 2: better at work, and their experience of the present improves.

512
00:25:52,156 --> 00:25:54,396
Speaker 2: So they can see why they matter because they're a

513
00:25:54,516 --> 00:25:57,676
Speaker 2: parent or a good friend, or a good teammate or

514
00:25:57,836 --> 00:26:00,116
Speaker 2: a good author, whatever it is that causes them to

515
00:26:00,116 --> 00:26:00,876
Speaker 2: feel like they matter.

516
00:26:02,036 --> 00:26:05,316
Speaker 1: So that's belief number three. We should cultivate our own mattering.

517
00:26:05,636 --> 00:26:07,596
Speaker 1: The next belief you recommend is to shift from a

518
00:26:07,636 --> 00:26:10,636
Speaker 1: taking mindset to a giving It's this belief that you

519
00:26:10,716 --> 00:26:14,076
Speaker 1: have something to give. Why is generosity a strategy for resilience?

520
00:26:14,996 --> 00:26:17,036
Speaker 2: So this is the belief that I have something to

521
00:26:17,036 --> 00:26:21,916
Speaker 2: give versus I have nothing. Immediately people start thinking about money, right,

522
00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,036
Speaker 2: They're like, Oh, I don't have money to give. But

523
00:26:24,276 --> 00:26:27,156
Speaker 2: one I'm really talking about it is actually time and attention.

524
00:26:27,636 --> 00:26:30,196
Speaker 2: So what happens oftentimes does we feel like I'm too busy,

525
00:26:30,356 --> 00:26:32,236
Speaker 2: I'm swamped right now. I've got so much going on,

526
00:26:32,316 --> 00:26:34,396
Speaker 2: so I don't have time to be nice to this

527
00:26:34,516 --> 00:26:36,276
Speaker 2: random person on the bus. I don't have time to

528
00:26:36,276 --> 00:26:38,316
Speaker 2: be nice to the subordinate who I'm telling to do

529
00:26:38,356 --> 00:26:40,516
Speaker 2: this job. Just do the job and get this done

530
00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:42,836
Speaker 2: so I can go home. Or I don't have time

531
00:26:42,916 --> 00:26:46,516
Speaker 2: to know volunteer, like I barely have time for myself.

532
00:26:46,636 --> 00:26:49,596
Speaker 2: What happens in those moments is when people feel like

533
00:26:49,676 --> 00:26:53,156
Speaker 2: they don't have time or money or resources or attention,

534
00:26:53,476 --> 00:26:56,276
Speaker 2: it changes how they're acting to other people. It changes

535
00:26:56,596 --> 00:26:59,356
Speaker 2: the social relations that are occurring, but also the choices

536
00:26:59,356 --> 00:26:59,756
Speaker 2: that we make.

537
00:26:59,916 --> 00:27:01,836
Speaker 1: This is something that we know from really old social

538
00:27:01,876 --> 00:27:04,596
Speaker 1: psychology studies. The so called Good Samaritan Study tell me

539
00:27:04,596 --> 00:27:05,436
Speaker 1: about that one.

540
00:27:05,716 --> 00:27:08,396
Speaker 2: Yes, so this is one of my favorite studies. Basically,

541
00:27:08,436 --> 00:27:11,796
Speaker 2: they had people divinity school, these seminary students who were

542
00:27:11,836 --> 00:27:15,156
Speaker 2: asked to give a sermon across campus on a story

543
00:27:15,156 --> 00:27:18,156
Speaker 2: from the Bible about how there was an injured person

544
00:27:18,196 --> 00:27:20,036
Speaker 2: on the side of the road and two or three

545
00:27:20,036 --> 00:27:22,036
Speaker 2: people walk past and then help this person, and then

546
00:27:22,076 --> 00:27:24,596
Speaker 2: the person you wouldn't think would help this person, the Samaritan,

547
00:27:24,996 --> 00:27:27,196
Speaker 2: is the one who actually helped them. So they are

548
00:27:27,236 --> 00:27:31,076
Speaker 2: giving a sermon on taking care of people that other

549
00:27:31,116 --> 00:27:34,756
Speaker 2: people don't see, and they have to do it across campus,

550
00:27:34,756 --> 00:27:37,036
Speaker 2: and they have a couple of different conditions. One of

551
00:27:37,036 --> 00:27:39,516
Speaker 2: them is they tell them, you're running late. You have

552
00:27:39,556 --> 00:27:41,516
Speaker 2: to get over there as quickly as possible. The other

553
00:27:41,556 --> 00:27:43,596
Speaker 2: one is you have plenty of time. There's a Confederate

554
00:27:43,716 --> 00:27:47,956
Speaker 2: who's an undercover researcher who is coughing and leaning like

555
00:27:48,036 --> 00:27:50,836
Speaker 2: he's injured or sick or something's wrong with him, maybe

556
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:53,316
Speaker 2: having a heart attack in a door cell on the

557
00:27:53,356 --> 00:27:55,876
Speaker 2: path to give this sermon on the good Samaritan. It's

558
00:27:55,956 --> 00:27:59,196
Speaker 2: literally the Good Samaritans story. And what they found was

559
00:27:59,436 --> 00:28:01,796
Speaker 2: that people, when they felt like they had time stopped

560
00:28:01,796 --> 00:28:05,276
Speaker 2: and helped them. But the vast majority of the people

561
00:28:05,396 --> 00:28:08,036
Speaker 2: who felt like they were in a time constrained position,

562
00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:10,956
Speaker 2: that they were too busy, don't help the person. So

563
00:28:11,116 --> 00:28:13,996
Speaker 2: they believe I do not have enough I do not

564
00:28:14,076 --> 00:28:17,956
Speaker 2: have enough time, and because of it, it changes our

565
00:28:18,116 --> 00:28:22,436
Speaker 2: fundamental core values about the world. These are people who've

566
00:28:22,436 --> 00:28:25,476
Speaker 2: dedicated their life to God. We're giving a sermon on

567
00:28:25,556 --> 00:28:29,316
Speaker 2: helping people that other people don't see, but just a

568
00:28:29,356 --> 00:28:32,916
Speaker 2: time constraint. Believing I don't have enough time changed how

569
00:28:32,956 --> 00:28:35,716
Speaker 2: generous and kind they were. So what we're looking at

570
00:28:35,876 --> 00:28:37,716
Speaker 2: is when people start to feel like I have nothing,

571
00:28:38,636 --> 00:28:40,996
Speaker 2: then they do nothing. They're like, I don't have a

572
00:28:41,076 --> 00:28:43,356
Speaker 2: million dollars to give to a charity, then they might

573
00:28:43,436 --> 00:28:45,676
Speaker 2: not give five dollars. Right If they feel like they

574
00:28:45,676 --> 00:28:47,956
Speaker 2: don't have time to go out to dinner with all

575
00:28:47,996 --> 00:28:50,996
Speaker 2: their friends, they might not send them a two minute text.

576
00:28:51,196 --> 00:28:54,076
Speaker 2: But when people feel like I have something to give,

577
00:28:54,276 --> 00:28:57,876
Speaker 2: you're telling your brain I do have some resources, which

578
00:28:57,956 --> 00:29:00,396
Speaker 2: means my behavior matters. I matter. In these situations, you

579
00:29:00,436 --> 00:29:03,556
Speaker 2: start to see how these beliefs start to reinforce one another.

580
00:29:05,236 --> 00:29:07,956
Speaker 1: It's time for another quick break, but stay tuned because

581
00:29:07,956 --> 00:29:10,476
Speaker 1: Sean and I still have more or core beliefs to unpack.

582
00:29:10,876 --> 00:29:12,916
Speaker 1: We'll also talk about what you can do to change

583
00:29:12,916 --> 00:29:15,756
Speaker 1: the beliefs that might be holding you down. The Happiness

584
00:29:15,836 --> 00:29:36,596
Speaker 1: lab will be back in a moment. So belief number

585
00:29:36,636 --> 00:29:38,316
Speaker 1: five is something else we talk a lot about on

586
00:29:38,356 --> 00:29:41,036
Speaker 1: the Happiness Lab, this importance of connection. We need to

587
00:29:41,076 --> 00:29:43,356
Speaker 1: believe that we're not alone. What's some of the evidence

588
00:29:43,396 --> 00:29:45,156
Speaker 1: that this belief helps us perform better?

589
00:29:46,116 --> 00:29:49,076
Speaker 2: So one of my favorite studies is one I'm sure

590
00:29:49,116 --> 00:29:51,316
Speaker 2: you're familiar with these research are not in Virginia, the

591
00:29:51,316 --> 00:29:54,076
Speaker 2: Perception study, where they if you look at a hill

592
00:29:54,236 --> 00:29:56,996
Speaker 2: while standing alone and you're total you a climate, that

593
00:29:57,156 --> 00:30:01,236
Speaker 2: hill looks fifteen percent steeper compared to if the participants

594
00:30:01,436 --> 00:30:03,516
Speaker 2: standing next to someone else who they're told will climb

595
00:30:03,556 --> 00:30:06,716
Speaker 2: the hill with them. And there's different versions and variations

596
00:30:06,756 --> 00:30:10,596
Speaker 2: on that. You see both physical spaces about also emotional spaces. Right,

597
00:30:10,756 --> 00:30:13,396
Speaker 2: it validates the role of mentors or parents, or if

598
00:30:13,396 --> 00:30:15,756
Speaker 2: someone's going through depression having a friend in those places.

599
00:30:16,116 --> 00:30:19,156
Speaker 2: And my father was a perception researcher at Baylor. He

600
00:30:19,236 --> 00:30:22,636
Speaker 2: was a neuroscientist there, and when I told him about

601
00:30:22,636 --> 00:30:25,636
Speaker 2: the study, it was amazing because in many ways he

602
00:30:25,716 --> 00:30:28,556
Speaker 2: knew that this was the case that our perception in

603
00:30:28,556 --> 00:30:32,356
Speaker 2: the world is subjective, not objective. Somebody can objectively be

604
00:30:32,436 --> 00:30:35,316
Speaker 2: surrounded by friends who care about them, and love them.

605
00:30:35,356 --> 00:30:37,876
Speaker 2: But if they believe that they're alone and people really

606
00:30:37,916 --> 00:30:42,076
Speaker 2: don't like them, the perception of that social support changes

607
00:30:42,076 --> 00:30:44,156
Speaker 2: the impact upon it, which is part of the problem

608
00:30:44,156 --> 00:30:47,956
Speaker 2: of depression sometimes is we lose that ability to see

609
00:30:47,996 --> 00:30:50,636
Speaker 2: that social connection or perceive the world like other people do.

610
00:30:50,916 --> 00:30:52,916
Speaker 2: But the reason I like this is if a hill

611
00:30:53,036 --> 00:30:57,516
Speaker 2: looks steeper to me when I'm feeling alone, when I

612
00:30:57,516 --> 00:31:00,316
Speaker 2: believe that I'm alone, then my likelihood of wanting to

613
00:31:00,356 --> 00:31:03,876
Speaker 2: climb that hill declines. I might not take that next challenge,

614
00:31:03,916 --> 00:31:05,916
Speaker 2: I might not apply for that next job, I might

615
00:31:05,916 --> 00:31:08,196
Speaker 2: not apply for that college or for that scholarship, which

616
00:31:08,196 --> 00:31:11,436
Speaker 2: means the world has being warped, but unconsciously we don't

617
00:31:11,436 --> 00:31:15,796
Speaker 2: even know that it's happening, and warping sounds like it's negative.

618
00:31:15,836 --> 00:31:18,756
Speaker 2: But if you could have a corrective lens, those hills

619
00:31:18,756 --> 00:31:21,236
Speaker 2: start to collapse, or my likelihood of being able to

620
00:31:21,236 --> 00:31:24,596
Speaker 2: move forward rises, or my ability to overcome depression rises.

621
00:31:25,516 --> 00:31:27,836
Speaker 2: The other study that I pulled was not on human

622
00:31:27,876 --> 00:31:31,036
Speaker 2: as an entomology study, but at MIT. These researchers found

623
00:31:31,036 --> 00:31:34,436
Speaker 2: that fireflies, when they light up individually randomly, there's success

624
00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:36,876
Speaker 2: rate of reproduction per night is three percent, that's where

625
00:31:36,876 --> 00:31:40,396
Speaker 2: it caps out. But two separate species on opposite sides

626
00:31:40,436 --> 00:31:43,356
Speaker 2: of the globe separately evolved to have this where they

627
00:31:43,396 --> 00:31:46,196
Speaker 2: can time their pulses of light to the millisecond using

628
00:31:46,196 --> 00:31:49,876
Speaker 2: these neurotransmitters. So instead of lighting up individually randomly, they

629
00:31:49,916 --> 00:31:51,796
Speaker 2: all light up together and they all go dark together,

630
00:31:52,356 --> 00:31:54,876
Speaker 2: which is beautiful but not that smart, right, Because we

631
00:31:54,916 --> 00:31:56,956
Speaker 2: live in the survival of the fittest world. You got

632
00:31:56,996 --> 00:31:59,956
Speaker 2: to be the fastest, brightest light shining, otherwise you'll never

633
00:31:59,996 --> 00:32:02,396
Speaker 2: be successful. Then you'll never be rich, then you can

634
00:32:02,436 --> 00:32:05,396
Speaker 2: never be happy. That's what Darwin was talking about. What

635
00:32:05,436 --> 00:32:07,396
Speaker 2: I would argue is that I think we're not living

636
00:32:07,436 --> 00:32:09,476
Speaker 2: in this world of survival of the fittest. We're living

637
00:32:09,516 --> 00:32:11,716
Speaker 2: in a world of survival the best fit, best fit

638
00:32:11,756 --> 00:32:14,836
Speaker 2: with the ecosystem we find ourselves in. And what happens

639
00:32:14,916 --> 00:32:16,876
Speaker 2: is that when these bugs started to light up together,

640
00:32:17,276 --> 00:32:20,316
Speaker 2: their success rate goes from three percent to eighty two

641
00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:23,076
Speaker 2: percent per bug. It's not like one bug does better,

642
00:32:23,196 --> 00:32:25,676
Speaker 2: the entire group of them starts to do better. I

643
00:32:25,716 --> 00:32:27,676
Speaker 2: don't know what a group of lighting bugs it's called it.

644
00:32:27,676 --> 00:32:29,716
Speaker 2: There's probably a fun word for it. But when they

645
00:32:29,756 --> 00:32:32,036
Speaker 2: let up together. The light became brighter, you could see

646
00:32:32,076 --> 00:32:34,036
Speaker 2: them further away. This is exactly what we see in

647
00:32:34,116 --> 00:32:36,036
Speaker 2: human studies. You're finding a way of lighting up together

648
00:32:36,356 --> 00:32:38,156
Speaker 2: and you take the cap off your potential. So when

649
00:32:38,196 --> 00:32:40,396
Speaker 2: people feel like they're alone, not only do they not

650
00:32:40,556 --> 00:32:44,396
Speaker 2: take steps forward, but they're underperforming the potential they have,

651
00:32:44,756 --> 00:32:48,756
Speaker 2: and those moments shape the long term outcomes from everything

652
00:32:48,756 --> 00:32:50,636
Speaker 2: from longevity to their business outcomes.

653
00:32:51,276 --> 00:32:53,916
Speaker 1: The penultimate belief you recommend involves how we think about

654
00:32:53,916 --> 00:32:56,236
Speaker 1: our work. You've argued that we need to think about

655
00:32:56,236 --> 00:32:58,356
Speaker 1: it is a bit more meaningful. Share some of the

656
00:32:58,396 --> 00:33:00,716
Speaker 1: results showing that the meaning we have behind our work

657
00:33:00,716 --> 00:33:02,396
Speaker 1: seems to matter for our productivity.

658
00:33:02,716 --> 00:33:06,436
Speaker 2: When someone perceives that their work is meaningful, they're engaged

659
00:33:06,476 --> 00:33:08,916
Speaker 2: with the task rises dramatically. They feel like that they

660
00:33:08,916 --> 00:33:11,796
Speaker 2: met I might believe that my behavior matters, but I

661
00:33:11,876 --> 00:33:14,516
Speaker 2: might be doing things I feel like are not meaningful.

662
00:33:14,836 --> 00:33:17,596
Speaker 2: And if I take two employees and give them both

663
00:33:17,596 --> 00:33:20,716
Speaker 2: a belief that their behavior matters, but only one beliefs

664
00:33:20,716 --> 00:33:23,036
Speaker 2: that this work is meaningful, you'll get a split in

665
00:33:23,076 --> 00:33:26,556
Speaker 2: their engagement levels, the retension rates, their success rates, long term,

666
00:33:26,596 --> 00:33:30,076
Speaker 2: their ability to succeed not just in the business space,

667
00:33:30,396 --> 00:33:32,836
Speaker 2: but students feel this. So one of the studies that

668
00:33:32,916 --> 00:33:35,316
Speaker 2: I pulled into the book showed that if you have

669
00:33:36,036 --> 00:33:40,276
Speaker 2: low income students that were struggling, if you could make

670
00:33:40,316 --> 00:33:42,996
Speaker 2: the connection between the work that they're doing right now

671
00:33:43,356 --> 00:33:46,156
Speaker 2: and why it's meaningful to an outcome later in their

672
00:33:46,196 --> 00:33:49,316
Speaker 2: life like a job or an income level or stability

673
00:33:49,356 --> 00:33:52,436
Speaker 2: later in life. Once you made that connection, their grades

674
00:33:52,476 --> 00:33:54,716
Speaker 2: start to improve compared to the control group that you

675
00:33:54,796 --> 00:33:57,516
Speaker 2: just left at neutral. So seeing that pathway of why

676
00:33:57,556 --> 00:34:00,276
Speaker 2: this is meaningful makes me take the next step forward,

677
00:34:00,636 --> 00:34:03,276
Speaker 2: and it also causes such a negative drop. When we

678
00:34:03,276 --> 00:34:06,316
Speaker 2: feel like this work is not meaningful, we feel drained, right.

679
00:34:06,436 --> 00:34:08,556
Speaker 2: That's one of the fastest ways to fatigue. The brain

680
00:34:09,196 --> 00:34:11,156
Speaker 2: remind them that this is a repetitive action that has

681
00:34:11,196 --> 00:34:13,236
Speaker 2: no longer meaning, and as soon as you do that,

682
00:34:14,036 --> 00:34:16,476
Speaker 2: you get a negative outcome. There's so many different examples

683
00:34:16,516 --> 00:34:18,476
Speaker 2: of this. In the midst of high levels of burnout

684
00:34:18,596 --> 00:34:21,196
Speaker 2: in the hospital systems we were working with in the

685
00:34:21,236 --> 00:34:23,316
Speaker 2: middle of COVID, one of the things that one of

686
00:34:23,316 --> 00:34:26,076
Speaker 2: the groups decided to do was when kids would have

687
00:34:26,116 --> 00:34:28,476
Speaker 2: to go for these transfusions, they would wheel them down

688
00:34:28,516 --> 00:34:31,116
Speaker 2: the hallway in the wheelchair. They're hunched over there going

689
00:34:31,156 --> 00:34:33,556
Speaker 2: for this painful event. They read through some of this

690
00:34:33,636 --> 00:34:35,396
Speaker 2: literature they talked about, and one of the things that

691
00:34:35,436 --> 00:34:38,236
Speaker 2: they decided to do is to get motorized jeeps and

692
00:34:38,276 --> 00:34:41,156
Speaker 2: they spray paint in the orange and the kid could

693
00:34:41,516 --> 00:34:45,116
Speaker 2: drive this motorized jeep down the hallway to what is

694
00:34:45,436 --> 00:34:49,276
Speaker 2: inherently a negative and traumatic event that most kids don't

695
00:34:49,276 --> 00:34:51,676
Speaker 2: have to deal with, and they do, but the pathway

696
00:34:51,676 --> 00:34:54,156
Speaker 2: to it is different. They're smiling, they're honking at the

697
00:34:54,196 --> 00:34:56,756
Speaker 2: other nurses and staff. But while the nurses and staff

698
00:34:56,796 --> 00:35:00,876
Speaker 2: are seeing this, they're seeing this meaningful impact that's happening there.

699
00:35:00,996 --> 00:35:02,556
Speaker 2: And one of the things we found is when people

700
00:35:02,596 --> 00:35:06,196
Speaker 2: saw meeting in their work, patience, safety, and satisfaction rates

701
00:35:06,556 --> 00:35:09,956
Speaker 2: improved dramatically. So it wasn't just my life is meaningful

702
00:35:09,996 --> 00:35:13,236
Speaker 2: and it's a self indulgent response to the world. Feeling

703
00:35:13,316 --> 00:35:17,196
Speaker 2: like your work is meaningful actually improve patient care.

704
00:35:17,996 --> 00:35:20,316
Speaker 1: And that gets to the final belief you say is

705
00:35:20,316 --> 00:35:23,636
Speaker 1: so important for flourishing and for our productivity, we need

706
00:35:23,676 --> 00:35:25,756
Speaker 1: to believe that it's not all about us. We need

707
00:35:25,796 --> 00:35:28,676
Speaker 1: to find some belief in the transcendent. Why does this

708
00:35:28,756 --> 00:35:31,436
Speaker 1: belief especially help us in the worst of times.

709
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:33,876
Speaker 2: So the belief I framed that as is a belief

710
00:35:33,876 --> 00:35:36,836
Speaker 2: that there's something greater than me. And so when somebody

711
00:35:36,836 --> 00:35:39,116
Speaker 2: hears me frame it like that, they might be like, well, Sean,

712
00:35:39,236 --> 00:35:41,996
Speaker 2: you just mean a god, right that you believe in

713
00:35:41,996 --> 00:35:44,796
Speaker 2: a god, or you don't. But someone might believe that

714
00:35:44,796 --> 00:35:48,156
Speaker 2: there's something greater than them, and it's justice or nature

715
00:35:48,756 --> 00:35:54,196
Speaker 2: or karma or genuine connection or energy or the universe.

716
00:35:54,396 --> 00:35:57,556
Speaker 2: They might be completely framed differently, But when they believe

717
00:35:57,596 --> 00:35:59,916
Speaker 2: that there's something greater than them, it does some pretty

718
00:35:59,956 --> 00:36:02,276
Speaker 2: important things. One of the things we kept finding is

719
00:36:02,316 --> 00:36:06,396
Speaker 2: that from both religious and non religious academics, they found

720
00:36:06,436 --> 00:36:08,556
Speaker 2: this to be one of the greatest predictors of human

721
00:36:08,636 --> 00:36:11,476
Speaker 2: flourishing a belief that there's something greater than them, their

722
00:36:11,476 --> 00:36:17,236
Speaker 2: longevity improves dramatically, their happiness levels rise, altruism rises, all

723
00:36:17,316 --> 00:36:20,796
Speaker 2: those other six beliefs you find being impacted by this

724
00:36:20,876 --> 00:36:22,796
Speaker 2: final belief that when you believe that there's something greater

725
00:36:22,836 --> 00:36:26,076
Speaker 2: than you, you feel like, maybe I'm not alone, maybe

726
00:36:26,196 --> 00:36:29,236
Speaker 2: my behavior matters, maybe I matter, I have things to

727
00:36:29,236 --> 00:36:31,356
Speaker 2: be grateful for, and it shapes what happens next.

728
00:36:32,236 --> 00:36:34,516
Speaker 1: So all of these beliefs seem to have these big

729
00:36:34,516 --> 00:36:37,476
Speaker 1: effects on our performance, But is there actually any evidence

730
00:36:37,476 --> 00:36:39,196
Speaker 1: that we can change our beliefs. How do we know

731
00:36:39,196 --> 00:36:40,236
Speaker 1: that that's really possible.

732
00:36:40,756 --> 00:36:45,196
Speaker 2: Beliefs can change instantaneously overnight. When our daughter Zoe was

733
00:36:45,196 --> 00:36:48,516
Speaker 2: born three months early, my beliefs about what was important,

734
00:36:48,556 --> 00:36:51,236
Speaker 2: what I wanted to be doing, changed radically. I've talked

735
00:36:51,236 --> 00:36:53,716
Speaker 2: to the doctors who said, you know, they'll see somebody

736
00:36:53,716 --> 00:36:58,556
Speaker 2: who's negative and selfish, and then they go through a

737
00:36:58,596 --> 00:37:01,516
Speaker 2: car accident in their fifties, traumatic car accident, and one

738
00:37:01,556 --> 00:37:03,876
Speaker 2: person walks away from is like, this is exactly what

739
00:37:03,916 --> 00:37:05,836
Speaker 2: I expected to happen in life, and I never want

740
00:37:05,876 --> 00:37:07,396
Speaker 2: to get into a car again. I'm afraid to drive.

741
00:37:07,716 --> 00:37:10,756
Speaker 2: And then somebody else who was negative or self centered,

742
00:37:10,796 --> 00:37:12,876
Speaker 2: they'd get into a traumatic car accident, and then for

743
00:37:12,916 --> 00:37:14,956
Speaker 2: some reason, on the backside of this, they feel like

744
00:37:15,036 --> 00:37:17,036
Speaker 2: I have a whole new lease on life. They become

745
00:37:17,036 --> 00:37:19,596
Speaker 2: more altruistic, they invest more in their kids, they do

746
00:37:19,676 --> 00:37:23,276
Speaker 2: more meaningful things at work. But the change there was

747
00:37:23,436 --> 00:37:26,596
Speaker 2: a traumatic event. How much more so could a positive

748
00:37:26,596 --> 00:37:29,756
Speaker 2: event create a positive impact upon people's lives. And that's

749
00:37:29,756 --> 00:37:31,356
Speaker 2: one of the things I looked at. And early on

750
00:37:31,396 --> 00:37:33,556
Speaker 2: in the book was I went on a hike with

751
00:37:33,556 --> 00:37:36,036
Speaker 2: our son. It was a long eight hour hike and

752
00:37:36,076 --> 00:37:38,556
Speaker 2: we got stuck up on a mountain in New Hampshire

753
00:37:38,716 --> 00:37:40,796
Speaker 2: with nothing. We didn't know we were gonna get stuck.

754
00:37:40,796 --> 00:37:42,436
Speaker 2: We started an eight hour hike at nine am and

755
00:37:42,476 --> 00:37:45,076
Speaker 2: we finished at eleven the next day, and we found

756
00:37:45,116 --> 00:37:47,996
Speaker 2: an emergency hut and it was thirty four degrees on

757
00:37:48,036 --> 00:37:50,356
Speaker 2: top of this mountain. And I'm actually more of a

758
00:37:50,356 --> 00:37:52,916
Speaker 2: helicopter parent. Although the story doesn't sound like it sounds

759
00:37:52,956 --> 00:37:56,836
Speaker 2: like somebod should call child Protective Services, but I would

760
00:37:56,836 --> 00:37:59,556
Speaker 2: always like, watch out for this. I patted our whole

761
00:37:59,556 --> 00:38:02,076
Speaker 2: house within an inch of its life, right like, everything

762
00:38:02,156 --> 00:38:05,516
Speaker 2: is padded. And the next day we hike back down

763
00:38:05,556 --> 00:38:07,556
Speaker 2: and we got back to our rental place and there

764
00:38:07,596 --> 00:38:10,436
Speaker 2: was this little board that went over this creek at

765
00:38:10,436 --> 00:38:13,516
Speaker 2: this rental house that we had, And before the hike,

766
00:38:13,636 --> 00:38:15,636
Speaker 2: I had told my son multiple night every time he

767
00:38:15,636 --> 00:38:17,356
Speaker 2: crossed that, I'd be like, hey, be careful when you

768
00:38:17,396 --> 00:38:19,076
Speaker 2: cross that board because it's gonna tip and you're gonna

769
00:38:19,076 --> 00:38:23,796
Speaker 2: fall into that creek. And my brain instantaneously thought he

770
00:38:23,916 --> 00:38:27,716
Speaker 2: had forty thousand steps on his footbit over uneven ground,

771
00:38:28,156 --> 00:38:32,276
Speaker 2: spent overnight in freezing temperatures, and made it down a mountain,

772
00:38:32,876 --> 00:38:36,676
Speaker 2: and my brain shifted and it was like, he's gonna

773
00:38:36,676 --> 00:38:38,356
Speaker 2: be fine. He walked across and he was fine, and

774
00:38:38,396 --> 00:38:41,396
Speaker 2: we went back to school. His beliefs had changed, and

775
00:38:41,476 --> 00:38:43,596
Speaker 2: he told the teacher, I'm a hiker. We have been

776
00:38:43,596 --> 00:38:46,876
Speaker 2: on dozens of hikes before, but this one, He's like,

777
00:38:46,956 --> 00:38:50,116
Speaker 2: I'm a hiker now. My beliefs about parenting, my son's

778
00:38:50,116 --> 00:38:52,636
Speaker 2: beliefs about who he was as a person, my beliefs

779
00:38:52,676 --> 00:38:54,436
Speaker 2: about what I felt like I was missing out on

780
00:38:54,876 --> 00:38:57,916
Speaker 2: and what I was grateful for, changed overnight with a

781
00:38:57,956 --> 00:38:59,756
Speaker 2: single event, Just like with a car accident.

782
00:38:59,956 --> 00:39:02,076
Speaker 1: I'm guessing lots of listeners don't necessarily want to get

783
00:39:02,076 --> 00:39:04,236
Speaker 1: trapped on the mountain to change their beliefs. Are there

784
00:39:04,356 --> 00:39:06,316
Speaker 1: things we could do at the local level to start

785
00:39:06,316 --> 00:39:08,236
Speaker 1: shifting some of these things around today?

786
00:39:08,876 --> 00:39:11,356
Speaker 2: So I went back and looked at how do people

787
00:39:11,836 --> 00:39:15,116
Speaker 2: get people to believe something politically or in religion? And

788
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:17,716
Speaker 2: I found that there was a series of patterns that

789
00:39:17,716 --> 00:39:19,756
Speaker 2: I kept seeing over and over again. They had a

790
00:39:19,796 --> 00:39:23,036
Speaker 2: common text. So whether that common text is a US

791
00:39:23,116 --> 00:39:27,956
Speaker 2: constitution or is the Koran or the Bible or Plato, right,

792
00:39:28,436 --> 00:39:31,796
Speaker 2: they share the same language. If you want to change beliefs,

793
00:39:31,836 --> 00:39:35,156
Speaker 2: in short, you change the text, You change the language

794
00:39:35,196 --> 00:39:37,636
Speaker 2: that people hold about the world. You change the sources

795
00:39:37,636 --> 00:39:41,036
Speaker 2: of information, right, so you get a completely different belief system.

796
00:39:41,236 --> 00:39:44,596
Speaker 2: If you're watching CNN versus New York Times versus Fox

797
00:39:44,716 --> 00:39:48,436
Speaker 2: versus you're on Extra Twitter, right, completely different outcomes based

798
00:39:48,476 --> 00:39:51,116
Speaker 2: upon those sources. From the psychology side, you change what

799
00:39:51,156 --> 00:39:53,396
Speaker 2: part of the brain is processing the world, and you

800
00:39:53,556 --> 00:39:57,916
Speaker 2: change what actions create that virtuous cycle, that repetitive behavior

801
00:39:58,236 --> 00:40:01,236
Speaker 2: that leads to some sort of interaction that creates the

802
00:40:01,276 --> 00:40:04,756
Speaker 2: ripple effect into the community. So something very practical and

803
00:40:04,836 --> 00:40:07,836
Speaker 2: easy to do is about language. So where our words go,

804
00:40:07,916 --> 00:40:10,556
Speaker 2: our brains go as well, and we can shape and prime,

805
00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:13,876
Speaker 2: oftentimes outcomes based upon what we're saying. Some people do

806
00:40:13,916 --> 00:40:17,356
Speaker 2: pausitive mantras they feel sometimes hokey to people. But I

807
00:40:17,396 --> 00:40:19,516
Speaker 2: found that we were actually doing a lot of negative mantras.

808
00:40:19,556 --> 00:40:20,916
Speaker 2: I was doing some of my life. Every time I

809
00:40:20,916 --> 00:40:23,996
Speaker 2: get a phone call someone hire me to talk about happiness,

810
00:40:23,996 --> 00:40:26,316
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I'm so busy, I'm so sorry, I'm

811
00:40:26,356 --> 00:40:28,316
Speaker 2: so swamped I've got so much going on, my head's

812
00:40:28,316 --> 00:40:31,476
Speaker 2: barely above water. And I was repeating this mantra of

813
00:40:31,556 --> 00:40:33,876
Speaker 2: how I do not have enough time, which is one

814
00:40:33,956 --> 00:40:36,236
Speaker 2: of the core beliefs that we talked about, but a

815
00:40:36,276 --> 00:40:38,876
Speaker 2: negative form. And what I realized was that we do

816
00:40:38,956 --> 00:40:40,636
Speaker 2: this in multip ways. When my kids get sick, they

817
00:40:40,676 --> 00:40:42,556
Speaker 2: don't tell me they're sick once. They tell me over

818
00:40:42,596 --> 00:40:44,916
Speaker 2: and over again, I'm sick, I'm sick, my throat hurts

819
00:40:44,916 --> 00:40:47,596
Speaker 2: my headers, I'm sick. And what happens is we need

820
00:40:47,636 --> 00:40:51,356
Speaker 2: to be authentic and being able to share with someone

821
00:40:51,396 --> 00:40:53,916
Speaker 2: what we're experiencing. But at some point there's a tip

822
00:40:53,996 --> 00:40:58,716
Speaker 2: over where the repetition of negative language causes a negative outcome.

823
00:40:58,796 --> 00:41:01,596
Speaker 2: It causes symptoms become more acute, we feel sicker, we

824
00:41:01,636 --> 00:41:04,396
Speaker 2: feel busier, we feel more fatigued in those moments. So

825
00:41:04,436 --> 00:41:06,556
Speaker 2: one of the easiest ways to shift beliefs is to

826
00:41:06,556 --> 00:41:09,236
Speaker 2: shift the language we're using and cut out some of

827
00:41:09,236 --> 00:41:11,556
Speaker 2: those negative mantras that we're using within our life. So

828
00:41:11,596 --> 00:41:14,396
Speaker 2: what we're looking for is are there things we could

829
00:41:14,436 --> 00:41:17,996
Speaker 2: do that change our lens long term? But also what

830
00:41:18,076 --> 00:41:20,116
Speaker 2: are those things we could start to do that have

831
00:41:20,196 --> 00:41:23,516
Speaker 2: an effect very quickly in our life. That shift from

832
00:41:23,636 --> 00:41:26,036
Speaker 2: I'm going to this talk and I don't matter too,

833
00:41:26,076 --> 00:41:27,996
Speaker 2: I'm going to this talk and I do matter right,

834
00:41:28,196 --> 00:41:30,156
Speaker 2: or I'm going to help this patient and this work

835
00:41:30,236 --> 00:41:33,396
Speaker 2: is meaningful versus I see the same thing every day

836
00:41:33,396 --> 00:41:36,756
Speaker 2: and it doesn't seem to help. Completely different outcomes, same world,

837
00:41:36,916 --> 00:41:38,836
Speaker 2: but different beliefs and a different outcome.

838
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:44,716
Speaker 1: Beliefs aren't just abstract feelings about politics or religion. They

839
00:41:44,756 --> 00:41:47,596
Speaker 1: fundamentally guide the things we notice, the choices we make,

840
00:41:47,956 --> 00:41:50,756
Speaker 1: how we respond to setbacks, and how we shape our future.

841
00:41:51,676 --> 00:41:54,116
Speaker 1: Sean has shown that it's natural to let negative core

842
00:41:54,156 --> 00:41:57,476
Speaker 1: beliefs cloud your perception, but he's also learned that beliefs

843
00:41:57,516 --> 00:42:01,876
Speaker 1: aren't fixed. Small shifts in language, attention, gratitude, and connection

844
00:42:02,276 --> 00:42:04,716
Speaker 1: can change the way you move through the world and

845
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:07,756
Speaker 1: the outcomes that you create for yourself. If you'd like

846
00:42:07,836 --> 00:42:10,596
Speaker 1: to learn more about how beliefs affect happiness and success,

847
00:42:10,956 --> 00:42:13,716
Speaker 1: check out Sean's new book, The Power of Beliefs, which

848
00:42:13,756 --> 00:42:16,756
Speaker 1: is out now. And finally, for those who are curious,

849
00:42:16,996 --> 00:42:20,476
Speaker 1: a group of lightning bugs is called a sparkle. If

850
00:42:20,516 --> 00:42:22,956
Speaker 1: you have thoughts about today's episode, we'd love to hear them.

851
00:42:23,276 --> 00:42:26,036
Speaker 1: You can email us at Happiness Lab at Pushkin dot

852
00:42:26,116 --> 00:42:28,676
Speaker 1: fm and leave our review to tell us what you think.

853
00:42:29,156 --> 00:42:31,076
Speaker 1: You can also sign up to learn more about the

854
00:42:31,116 --> 00:42:34,556
Speaker 1: science of happiness and join my free newsletter on my website,

855
00:42:34,876 --> 00:42:38,196
Speaker 1: Doctor Lauri Santos dot com. That's d R l A

856
00:42:38,316 --> 00:42:40,476
Speaker 1: U R I E S A N t O s

857
00:42:40,636 --> 00:42:44,396
Speaker 1: dot com. Next up in our series on spring Cleaning

858
00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:47,196
Speaker 1: your well Being, we're breaking down how to refresh your

859
00:42:47,236 --> 00:42:49,476
Speaker 1: relationship with negative emotions.

860
00:42:50,076 --> 00:42:54,956
Speaker 3: What is told to us by society about emotions in

861
00:42:55,036 --> 00:42:59,796
Speaker 3: what ways does that narrative actually not serve us infect

862
00:43:00,036 --> 00:43:02,956
Speaker 3: completely counter to making us strong and more resident, it

863
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Speaker 3: actually makes us more fragile.

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Speaker 1: That's all Next week on a Happiness Lab with me,

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Speaker 1: Doctor Lauri Santos