1 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: I am a younger your host for this journey. I 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get 3 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks 4 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about love aholism. Welcome to 7 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership 8 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. One of the most challenging relationship 9 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 1: issues that I personally have ever bumped into is learning 10 00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: how to shift my relationship with my children and from 11 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 1: being their mother, their mom who's got to fix everything 12 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 1: and make it okay, to learning how to parent an adult. 13 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: Oh my god, because as the mom, I don't know 14 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: how to let go, and quite frankly, I don't want 15 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: to let go because even though they've grown people, they're 16 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: still gonna be my children. But mother's there comes a 17 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: time when you have to realize that is not your baby, 18 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 1: that is not your little pooky poo. This is a 19 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: grown a person and you have to learn how to 20 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:41,279 Speaker 1: be in relationship with an adult, and that can be hard. 21 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: My first caller is dealing with just that. Greetings beloved, 22 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: welcome to the ourt spot when we talk about all 23 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: things relationships. So how can I support you today? It 24 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: is so awful to speak. Thank you so much for 25 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 1: taken time to speak to me. Oh well, thank you 26 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: for taking the time to call. Yes, ma'am, I called 27 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: because I long story short, I had a mental health 28 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 1: issue while working and ended up relocated to move with 29 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: with my son. He was He's always been my angel. 30 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 1: He was an absolute angel to offered me to come 31 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: and live with him, myself and my two dogs. So 32 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: I've been here about six six months, and I feel 33 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: bad because I've gotten out of the darkness where I was. 34 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 1: I would not I truly believe I would not be 35 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,679 Speaker 1: alive if he and his girlfriend had not extended their 36 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: hands out to me to come spend time with them 37 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: and my two year old grand daughters. So it's been 38 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,359 Speaker 1: a blessing. And I know that I haven't been much 39 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: of or I don't feel like I'm much of a 40 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 1: blessing because I have been moody. It's a lot losing 41 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 1: everything I was on medication and things that were making 42 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,959 Speaker 1: me cognitively different. So a lot of things happen, and 43 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: they've supported me and stayed with me throughout all this time, 44 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,799 Speaker 1: So for that, I am forever grateful. As I'm getting 45 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: better mentally and physically or more clear, I'll say that 46 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm stuck in just beating myself up, 47 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 1: which in turn comes out in an argument with him 48 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,359 Speaker 1: a lot of times. I don't know if it's because 49 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: he expects me to be probably much better than I am. 50 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: He's been patient, it's taken a while, my self esteem 51 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: has been going. It's just rebuilding myself altogether. So I 52 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: called because I'm trying to figure out how to save 53 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: the relationship with my son, like that's the one relationship 54 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: on this planet that means everything to me. So I 55 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: don't want to ruin it to where we aren't talking. 56 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to ruin it to where where I'm 57 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 1: being disrespectful, which I am sometimes because I get so 58 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: angry and frustrated. We've always been close and able to 59 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: understand each other. That's just not working out like that now. 60 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 1: I just don't want to ruin it. You said you're 61 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 1: angry and frustrated, and that leads to an argument. I'm 62 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: angry at myself and I'm frustrated with the situation. It's 63 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: like I don't have money coming in. I've always been independent, 64 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 1: taking care of people, so this is the first time 65 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 1: I've had to learn how to ask for help, and 66 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: that's been one of the most difficult things. So the 67 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: anger that I end up having. I think you posted 68 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: today about um from your book about being angry with 69 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: yourself and frustrated. That hit home a lot of times. 70 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: Whatever you post seems like you're posting it for me, 71 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: so it's like she knows we're in the sync, but 72 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: I am. It's all for you, my love. I'm blessed. 73 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: I'm blessed, but I'm just I'm so frustrated. I feel 74 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,359 Speaker 1: like I'm able to come up with a business, but 75 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 1: I need money. And then I feel like I can 76 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,359 Speaker 1: do this, but I need money. And I feel like 77 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: I can do that, but I need money. I feel 78 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: like I don't know how to get back on my 79 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: feet the way the old Christie used to and it's 80 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: frustrating with that. And like I said, I don't want 81 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: to lose my relationship with my son, his girlfriend, and 82 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:15,720 Speaker 1: especially my granddaughter. So I know now from taking your 83 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: flask especially and through prayer every day or throughout the day, 84 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: that I'm further out of the darkness than I was, 85 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,600 Speaker 1: but sometimes the clutches seem like it's still right there, 86 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: and I don't want to I'm working hard to not 87 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,159 Speaker 1: go back that way, but out of everything in life, 88 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to lose the relationship with him. Wow. Sorry, 89 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 1: no need to be sorry, but loving. It sounds like 90 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 1: you've been through a lot. Yeah, yes, news, So just 91 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: a couple of questions to help me point you in 92 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: the right direction. Because I started writing it down and 93 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,840 Speaker 1: I got up to nine nine times you said, I 94 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: don't want, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want. Well, 95 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: what do you want a lot of things. I want 96 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: to have the love between our souther and I again. 97 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:10,799 Speaker 1: I want a great relationship with him, or at least 98 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: a good relationship of solid, peaceful with his family, his girlfriend, 99 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: my son, and my granddaughter. I want to feed back 100 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: on my feet. I want to be successful at helping others. 101 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. 102 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 1: I want to be just on solid ground. Okay, So 103 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: do you love your son absolutely? Does he love you, yes, ma'am? Okay, 104 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: So then why are you worried about that? Because we 105 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 1: argue well and I'm going through a divorce and all that, 106 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: so I feel like he's just it's it's a lot 107 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: that like you said, it's a lot, and I don't 108 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 1: know how to change. You. Well, the first thing you 109 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: can do is make a commitment not to argue. That's 110 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: the first thing. Listening. You know, it's hard for mom 111 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: because we always see particularly our sons as boys, you know, 112 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: And right now you're in a relationship with a grown 113 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: man who has been a support system for you, right, Yeah, 114 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 1: because you're parenting an adult. So even if you had 115 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: never been in this situation where you had to be 116 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: dependent upon him or you know, moving with him or whatever, 117 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 1: even if you had never been in that situation, you 118 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: would still be parenting an adult. So you have to 119 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: treat him like he's a grown a man, not like 120 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: he's your son and he should or shouldn't. Does that 121 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: make sense, Yeah, because you're still talking to him like 122 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: he under your roof and he ain't under your roof. Right? 123 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: What are some of his good qualities that you see 124 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: in love and are proud of. He's amazing, he's loving, 125 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: he's a great listener, he is inquisitive. I guess with me, 126 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: the word he's always trying to figure things out and 127 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: reaching for his goals. And he's a strong man. He's 128 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: always been intelligent and smart and handsome and full of 129 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 1: joy and happiness and forgiveness. And who raised him? Who 130 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: raised him? How did he get that way? I did, 131 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:35,680 Speaker 1: and and my milut Okay, Yes, so you look at 132 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 1: this young man not as your son who should be 133 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: or shouldn't be, or might have or whatever. You look 134 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: at him as a man who's serving and supporting you. 135 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,839 Speaker 1: That's one way to stop the arguments. Yes, when you 136 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: get angry or frustrated. You know, one of the things 137 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: I teach my students is how to pivot. Because if 138 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: he says something that the mother and you think he 139 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: shouldn't be saying to you, because I'm assuming that's how 140 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: your arguments come about, would that be accurate? When he 141 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 1: says something or ask something or is with you away 142 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: that the mother in you thinks is out of line, 143 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,599 Speaker 1: you have to remember, wait a minute, this is a loving, accomplished, 144 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: curious young man, a great listener who's serving and supporting me. 145 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: Let me pivot from being a mother and stand as 146 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: an elder woman, because you're still an elder woman and 147 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: it may be something as simple as I hear you. 148 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 1: I can't respond right now, but I hear you. Let 149 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 1: me get back to you so that you have a 150 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: chance to walk away and become the woman and not 151 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: the mother. Put the mother in the closet with some 152 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,319 Speaker 1: knitt needles and tell her to sitting there in the 153 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: dark and knit you something. Tell her to knit you 154 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: a blanket with black wool in the dark. It will 155 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: take her a while. Put the mother away because you're 156 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: getting the creating problems. She is she is. You gotta 157 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: pivot from that, and then another thing is like I said, 158 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: I counted nine. You may have said more. Start creating 159 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: your vision for what you want and share that vision 160 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: with him. I know I've been here six months. It's 161 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: been great, but it's time for me to move on. 162 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: This is my vision, this is what I want to do. 163 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,439 Speaker 1: Here's some good news for you. I heard you say 164 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: you want to do this, but you don't have money. 165 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: You want to do that, but you don't have money. Well, 166 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: if money is the only problem, then we don't have 167 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: a problem. And you said that in your class, But 168 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: I did thet I did it, but I did it 169 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: for passing the mental health Licensure exam and I didn't pass, 170 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Speaker 1: but I didn't get angry. I got down for a 171 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: day or two. I questioned, like, why didn't it work? 172 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 1: But I'm sure you know God is gonna work and 173 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,319 Speaker 1: I when it's supposed to. But what wall I wait 174 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: a minute, hold on, hold on, let's not bypass staff. 175 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: You have a mental health issue that you haven't fully 176 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: accepted or healed and you're taking them tests for mental 177 00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 1: health licensure. No, that's what I want food for. But 178 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: you can do it. But the thing is, you still 179 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: got shame and guilt and anger about the fact that 180 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: you had a mental health issue. Goodness, clean it up 181 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: and you pass the tests. I tell you, as human beings, 182 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: we are just so wonderful, ain't we wonderful? And we 183 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: are wonderful. You still got shame and guilt and anger 184 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: about your own mental health issue, and you want to 185 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: go get licensed to help people with their mental health issue. 186 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 1: The universe ain't gonna put up with that. Well, I 187 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 1: wanted to get license. I can be both to all 188 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: the jobs that are out there where I can get money. 189 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 1: But that's the other problem. Wait a minute, did you 190 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:07,959 Speaker 1: do abundance you did my abundance classes. I did the class, yes, ma'am. 191 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: And what was the first thing I said to you? 192 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 1: The first thing I said to you is you are 193 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: not doing this for money. Do you recall me saying that? 194 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: How many times did I say it? With fifty? Okay, See, 195 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: you're doing it for the money. You're not doing it 196 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 1: for the love. You're not doing it for the joy. 197 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 1: You're doing it for the money. And because you took 198 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: that class and you know too much, the universe is 199 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: not supporting you and being out of integrity. Interesting. If 200 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: you don't love mental health work, if you don't love 201 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: serving people, if you don't love serving God first, you'll 202 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: never pass that test. Okay, but I do. Okay, So, yes, 203 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: my mental health is not stable enough to be in 204 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: the field. Yes, I do want to work in the field, 205 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: and believe I'm supposed to be in the field in 206 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: some capacity to help others. But at the same time, 207 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,679 Speaker 1: the way that I saw to get from point A 208 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: to point beer to get a job in mental health, 209 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: because there's how you're paid, and you know, working at 210 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 1: public or McDonald. Back to the money, you're back to 211 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: the money. Okay. Well, I'm not saying no money, you're saying, 212 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 1: don't focus on the money at all, right, because money 213 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 1: is not my supply. No person, place, or thing is 214 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 1: my supply. Do you know what I'm speaking to you 215 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: right now? Yes, ma'am. What am I speaking to you 216 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: right now? Speaking from that's number five? Yes, yes, ma'am, 217 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 1: your favorite one. Money is not my supply. No purpose 218 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:54,840 Speaker 1: and place or thing is my supply. What is my supply. 219 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 1: My supply is my knowledge, my connection, my intimate relationship 220 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:05,640 Speaker 1: with the all providing source within me. That's my supply. 221 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: So the same source can help you clean up the anger, 222 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: the shame of frustration about having a crisis, a mental 223 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: health crisis. You have to clean that up. I had 224 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: a mental health issue and I'm ashamed of it because 225 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: I had a mental health issue, and that makes me 226 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: feel You know, you got more tools than have the 227 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: people on the planet, and you're still talking like you 228 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 1: don't know nothing. Will number five? Get number five and 229 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: you work number five. So if money is not your supply, 230 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: no person, place, or thing is your supply. What you 231 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: have to do then is tap into the all providing 232 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: source of infinite prosperity, the all providing source of infinite 233 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 1: prosperity will support your son so that he can support you. 234 00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: The all providing source of infinite prosperity will guide you 235 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: as as to what to do. The all providing source, 236 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: not a person, not your son, not the people that 237 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: are going to hire you, The all providing source of 238 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: infinite prosperity. And we'll talk about that when we come back. 239 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the our spot. Let's get back to 240 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: the conversation. Did you do your prosperity tree? I did 241 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:35,000 Speaker 1: my prosperity tree. And what's in the roots? What's in 242 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: the roots? Yeah, what's in the roots of your prosperity tree. 243 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: The roots are I am a loving and lovable person. 244 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: I am resourceful. I probably I don't have to I 245 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: have this one. I have the one on my cabin 246 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to say more. I just didn't. 247 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: I guess either know how or didn't take the time 248 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: to sit there and beat my head to come up 249 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: with it. If that's your prosperity tree, then what you 250 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: have to do is put in the roots. Remember your 251 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: I am this, You put that in the roots of 252 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: what it is you desire. The first thing I am hold, 253 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: I am healed. I am healthy, I am mentally stable 254 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 1: and capable. I am filled with gratitude, I am filled 255 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: with light, I am filled with readiness. I am willing 256 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: to re enter the world. I am a brand new person, 257 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: this man. But until you heal up that shame and 258 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: that anger about the mental health issues. I shouldn't have 259 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: done this. I shouldn't be feeling this way. This shouldn't 260 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 1: happened to me. You got any of that going on? 261 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: And where does that go? Where are you supposed to 262 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: put those things? I know where does it go? Because 263 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: it also caused what I feel is like a psychosis 264 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: where it's crazy, it's insane. No, isn't not supposed to 265 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 1: be in your root, in your I don't have it. 266 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 1: I don't have it in my tree. Oh my Lord, 267 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: have mercy. Go to the mirror and slap the first 268 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 1: person that shows up. Well, what is it in your tree? Oh? 269 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 1: My goodness, your tree? So let me just say this 270 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 1: for love it. First of all, stop looking at this beautiful, loving, accomplished, 271 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 1: supportive young man as your little boy. This is a 272 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:39,359 Speaker 1: grown a man. Okay, treat him as such. Put the 273 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 1: mother in the closet. She don't have nothing to say, 274 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 1: leave her right in there. That's number one. Number two, 275 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,199 Speaker 1: get busy creating your vision. Your son loves you, You 276 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: love your son. All relationships have difficulty, But get busy 277 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: creating your vision and stop talking about what you don't 278 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: have and focus on what you desire. So you just 279 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: created and it just comes out of nowhere. I'm not 280 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: supposed to know how it's gonna happen. No control freak, 281 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: you're not. Let me just call you out right now, 282 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: that's what? Okay? I got it? Yeah, and what were 283 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: you saying? The therapist can't figure out what it's insane? Right, 284 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out any of it. I can't figure 285 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: out how to get myself out of the hole because 286 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,720 Speaker 1: you're punishing yourself for going in the hole in the 287 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: first place. Absolutely I can see that. So start here. 288 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:49,439 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for believing I lost control. I forgive 289 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: myself for believing a mental health issues bad or wrong. 290 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for being weak. I forgive myself a 291 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: falling apart. I forgive myself for believing I shouldn't be weak. 292 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:08,879 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for believing I shouldn't fall apart. I 293 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 1: forgive myself for judging myself. It's wrong or bad. I 294 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: forgive myself for believing this should not be happening to me. 295 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 1: Why don't you start there? Yes, am, start with some 296 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: forgiveness work. Principal number five. You need to be able 297 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 1: to say it backwards and forwards in the dark, with 298 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: your eyes closed, naked, standing on one foot, but not 299 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 1: in the closet with mama with the needles and the 300 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: black woo. No, you don't talk to her. Don't talk 301 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 1: to her, don't talk to her at all. She is 302 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: a problem. I'm telling you leave helone, leave her in 303 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,399 Speaker 1: the closet. And every time you get ready to open 304 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,880 Speaker 1: your mouth and argue what your son say, let me go, nit, 305 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: let me go niit, let me go knit, pivot and 306 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 1: create the vision or the tree however you want to 307 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 1: do it, beloved, not focusing on the money, but focusing 308 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,400 Speaker 1: on rebuilding your life, and ask the Holy Spirit to come. 309 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: You know how to do that. I'll do that all 310 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: day long. I do show me my next most appropriate STAPs. 311 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 1: But the Holy Spirit can't show you. If you're still angry, 312 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: if you're judging yourself for what happened, maybe you just 313 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: needed the rest. Maybe you needed to learn how to 314 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: ask for support. Could be who knows, Yes, but you 315 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: need to fix your tree. Yes, ma'am, I'm gonna fix 316 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna redo my tree. Yeah, please do Okay, yes, ma'am. 317 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,000 Speaker 1: Leave mama in the closet, do some forgiveness work and 318 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 1: call me in six weeks and let me know if 319 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,600 Speaker 1: things are better, we'll call you. Okay. Now, I appreciate you. 320 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. You got work to do. Go 321 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: do the work by Yes, ma'am, thank you so much. 322 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:04,880 Speaker 1: Have a good alright, my love. Changing the established pattern 323 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:10,359 Speaker 1: and a parent child relationship can be extremely difficult, and 324 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: my caller needs to give herself some grace in order 325 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:18,639 Speaker 1: to realize that it's okay to let things change and 326 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: that there's no need for her to always be in control. 327 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 1: It's never easy. We'll talk more about it when we 328 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:40,120 Speaker 1: come back. Welcome back. I am the online Today we're 329 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 1: talking about what happens in the parent child relationship when 330 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 1: the dynamics change. A changing parent child relationship is always 331 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 1: going to lead to difficult conversations. In my next caller's case, 332 00:21:55,119 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: becoming an unexpected parent to four grandchildren after the loss 333 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,680 Speaker 1: of her daughter might be the hardest thing she's ever 334 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: had to navigate, but I believe she's going to get 335 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 1: through it. We'll find out how together. Good afternoon, beloved, 336 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: Welcome to the artspoct What is the challenge is should 337 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,919 Speaker 1: question that you want to place on the floor today? 338 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 1: Good afternoon. I am trying to find out how to 339 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 1: establish relationships. My daughter was murdered in a killing, a 340 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 1: murder suicide last summer in June with the children's father 341 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: killed her and he killed himself. They have four kids, 342 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,200 Speaker 1: three under five and one ten year old, all by 343 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: same father. I'm the legal maternal grandmother and his family 344 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: has just walked away. Is that the kids no longer exist. 345 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: So I am trying to find out how can I 346 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: stopt its relationship, even with his parents, so that they 347 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: can be a part of the grand certain FLFE because 348 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: that's been June of last year and it just feel 349 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 1: like the kids have went under radar on the best 350 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: side of the family. Yes, yes, oh Mama, I feel 351 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,679 Speaker 1: your heart, Oh Jesus, yes, yes, My three babies have 352 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: development delays and disability. So I'm fighting a whole lot 353 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 1: of things right now, but I need to support of 354 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 1: that side of the family so that I can continue 355 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:24,199 Speaker 1: to live in you know, not break down. So the 356 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: real question, the real question is how do you get 357 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 1: the children's father's family to support you in their upbringing? Yeah, 358 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: that's the real question, yes, ma'am. All right, So you 359 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 1: said this happened last June. Yeah, this was June eighteenth. 360 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,360 Speaker 1: It's not even been a year yet, but it has 361 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 1: been hard. It's been really hard, I know, mam. Yeah, wow, 362 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 1: that's ma'am. So you're still grieving. I have to grieve 363 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: in inferment because I'm a full time worker. Yeah, I know. 364 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:02,200 Speaker 1: It spurts, Yes, man, Can I ask you this? How 365 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: did you get the children? Did you take them where 366 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 1: they've given to you? Did you? How did you get 367 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 1: the children? So, but that's a fight as well. Actually, 368 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,159 Speaker 1: when all this happened, and wanted the crime scene, the 369 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,640 Speaker 1: kids were there, and the police should say, well who's 370 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: taking the kids? Because they didn't want them take him 371 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 1: into DFS custody, which I wish they would have been 372 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 1: for evaluations. So Grandpa took the kids his dad because 373 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: I was grieve, I was shocked, but I'm being in 374 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: honest with you. Two weeks later, when he started saying, 375 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: you know, we couldn't see the kids. I ran to 376 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 1: the courthouse and and said, okay, I need to get 377 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,479 Speaker 1: an attorney because he hadn't seen his son in two years, 378 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: so there was no relationship there, so I can't just 379 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,680 Speaker 1: you can't come in and just take kids that don't 380 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 1: know you. Yeah, but he don't. Happened about two weeks. 381 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: As soon as I buried my daughter, those kids is 382 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: back in my house and they've been in me ever since. 383 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: I didn't have to fight because none of them showed 384 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,640 Speaker 1: up their court They didn't short the courts for the kids. 385 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:55,680 Speaker 1: It was just me and the attorney. So I am 386 00:24:55,720 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 1: now the illegal guardians. So there was no relationship between 387 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: the children's father and his father. Was he in relationship 388 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,199 Speaker 1: with his mother? Yes, yeah, he had a relationship with 389 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,760 Speaker 1: with his mom, that's who he was closest to. He 390 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: didn't have a relationship with his dad. Okay, so how 391 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,959 Speaker 1: come she didn't show up? Do you know why? Well, 392 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,679 Speaker 1: she only wanted the oldest girl because she's teen and 393 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: she don't have any disabilities. This exactly what she told police. 394 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,560 Speaker 1: She did not want the other three kids because they 395 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 1: were special and they are specially my baby, and the 396 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: judge said, no, you cannot say you want to take 397 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: one child and not all four. Okay, well you're not 398 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: asking her to take them, you're asking for support. So 399 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 1: let's let's be clear about that. Yes, that's all just support. 400 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: Have you reached out to them, yes, uh, but Granddad's 401 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: kind of hard. But we have talked Grandma every time 402 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: I reach out, even like for a weekend or it's 403 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:54,160 Speaker 1: just always an excuse as to why she cannot get 404 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 1: the children. And I know it has a lot to do, 405 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 1: but she don't think the three younger babies are her 406 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: sons children, but all four children are his kids. Well, 407 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,639 Speaker 1: I mean there's a way to resolve that. And you 408 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,840 Speaker 1: can ask her if she'd be willing to have a 409 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: DNA test because the DNA tests will tell Yeah, and 410 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking at this as a mother, as a grandmother. 411 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 1: You got a couple of things going on here. First 412 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 1: of all, she's probably ashamed, guilty and grieving. You have 413 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,200 Speaker 1: the shock and the grief, maybe the anger, but she's 414 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:35,919 Speaker 1: probably ashamed that her son did this. How did she 415 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,439 Speaker 1: fail him? Why didn't she see this? Because you know, 416 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 1: as moms, if our children's eyes across is our fault. 417 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 1: You know, if anything that's wrong, Oh my lord, my 418 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: childish god, what did I do wrong? So she probably 419 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: has a shame. The only thing I can say to 420 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,480 Speaker 1: you is is this. You gotta talk to her mother 421 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 1: and the mother and don't wait for her to offer it. 422 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,160 Speaker 1: You offer it. I know you have some concerns about 423 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 1: whether or not these children are your grandchildren. Would you 424 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: be open to a DNA test? And if they are 425 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 1: your children, I'm willing to raise them. I'm willing to 426 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: do what I can because you know, in our community, 427 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: is the mother's mother to wait folds on the mother's Yeah, 428 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 1: that's how it is in our community. You know, very 429 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,400 Speaker 1: rarely did the children go to the father's mother. They 430 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: go to the mother's mother first, and then you ask her. 431 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm asking you to support me. You know, both of 432 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 1: us are grieving mothers. We both lost our pups, we 433 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,720 Speaker 1: both lost our children. And the fact that you're willing 434 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 1: to even have a conversation with the woman whose child 435 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:54,200 Speaker 1: killed your child, that's huge. Yeah, you have to talk 436 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 1: to her mother, to mother and see if you can 437 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: get through and if she's willing to support with you 438 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: one weekend a month, even if she comes to your house, 439 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: she may think you want money. I don't know. If 440 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,439 Speaker 1: you haven't had the conversation, I don't know what she 441 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 1: will do. But Mom, listen to me. Clutch your pearls 442 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 1: right now. You have to be willing to carry this 443 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: burden alone. Jesus, I know, I know that's who you're 444 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: gonna need. You and j C may be doing this all. Yeah, 445 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: which means then then you have to go into the 446 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,719 Speaker 1: state and you have to get all available resources that 447 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: you can, if that's home health care, if that is 448 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 1: part time help, if that's a housekeeper, if that's money, 449 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: whatever that is. And you go not with not with 450 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: your hand out, you go with your head held high, 451 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 1: willing to accept the responsibility and asking for support from 452 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: the state. I'm fighting now, man. They denied me for 453 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:08,600 Speaker 1: all state assistance because of my income by itself. Yes, well, 454 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 1: don't fight, No, no, don't fight, don't fight. You keep 455 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: calling your friend Jesus, so you put this in Jesus's hands. 456 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 1: Give up the fight, and you know, Okay, let me 457 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 1: tell you this analogy. The mother bear, they say, is 458 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: one of the most loving, nurturing mammals on the planet. 459 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,480 Speaker 1: That she'll nurse her babies for three to four years. 460 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 1: And when she's with her baby, she's walking on all 461 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: four and she's down on their level, and she's watching everything, 462 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: and she'll nudge them into where they need to be. 463 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: But she's always also on the lookout. But when mama 464 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,640 Speaker 1: gets up on her hind legs, you better look out 465 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: because somebody gonna get swatted, all right. So when you 466 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: go to the state, you don't go with your hand 467 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: out begging. You go on your hind legs. Back up 468 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: and here it is. If they were in the system, 469 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,480 Speaker 1: the state would have to provide for them. If he 470 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 1: was in jail, the state would have to provide for him. 471 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: So if you got to get a legal aid attorney, 472 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: be willing to hear and know, but don't be willing 473 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 1: to stop it. The know that right now you're down 474 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: on all fours trying to take care of the babies. 475 00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: Get up on your hind legs and go into the 476 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 1: system wherever you have to go. Not to fight, but 477 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,320 Speaker 1: you and Jesus, because he seems to be you friendly 478 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: with him, You and Jesus going there and refuse to 479 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: accept the know how much would it cost the state 480 00:30:56,760 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 1: to take care of them if you said, okay, you 481 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: know what, take them. Yeah, I need help. They have 482 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: special needs. That means they may need transportation or they 483 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: may need educational support. You know, I don't know. But 484 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: as a grandmother, I've raised two grandchildren and a great 485 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: grand I have, so I understand. Hear me, my sister woman, 486 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 1: my mama's sister, I hear you. And particularly when you 487 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 1: mind in your business, living your life, and next thing 488 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,239 Speaker 1: you know, you got a three year old. You're like, 489 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:37,560 Speaker 1: what the hey, and you're grieving you lost your pap. 490 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 1: You lost your baby to some madness. And I wouldn't 491 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 1: be shy about reminding his mother of that. Say, I 492 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:57,080 Speaker 1: understand your grieving the loss of your child, and so 493 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:02,480 Speaker 1: am I. Here's the difference. Your I took my child's life, 494 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 1: and I'm still willing for us as grandmothers to do 495 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: what our children are no longer willing to do. Yeah, 496 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,760 Speaker 1: and again she may she may not, but you should 497 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 1: ask and at the same time be willing to do 498 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 1: it on your own. And then you turn your eyes 499 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 1: towards wherever the state is. My grandmother had a saying 500 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 1: she was a Native American, but she was real good 501 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 1: friends with Jesus, Jesus will fix it him, Mother, Mary, 502 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 1: the governor, the councilman, whoever it is, because really this 503 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 1: is not your responsibility. Culturally, you are accepting the responsibility, 504 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 1: but you could turn them babies right over to the state. 505 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 1: You can't give me support that I need to provide 506 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 1: for them, three special needs children. Come get them and 507 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: let's see how much it's gonna cost you and be willing. 508 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,840 Speaker 1: Let me tell you they're not gonna calm. But you 509 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:15,320 Speaker 1: know you on your hind legs. Get up on your 510 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: hind legs, Grandma, you're down on all fours. That is 511 00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: not working. You be down on all fours with the babies, 512 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: with the state and the other grandmother you get up 513 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: on your hind legs. Yeah, definitely. Will you gotta roar? 514 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 1: I don't know how bad roars, whatever it is. And 515 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna pray with you and for you. 516 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray that the spirit of all grandmothers who 517 00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,920 Speaker 1: had to raise children stand with their hands on their 518 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 1: hips behind you. I'm gonna affirm and know and call 519 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: that all of the greatest greatest grandmothers in your line 520 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:10,399 Speaker 1: who took on children of their children, children of neighbors. 521 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,719 Speaker 1: I'm calling on the spirit of the wet mothers who 522 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,840 Speaker 1: nursed white babies on their bosoms because their mothers wouldn't 523 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:23,080 Speaker 1: do I'm calling on them, and I'm asking all of 524 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:28,960 Speaker 1: them to stand with you, for you, behind you, so 525 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:33,280 Speaker 1: that what you need to provide for these children comes 526 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 1: to you easily, effortlessly, under grace, with the mercy of 527 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:45,759 Speaker 1: God's wisdom and the love of the Divine Mother. It 528 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:56,160 Speaker 1: shall be so, because I'm speaking it into existence. Oh yeah, 529 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 1: you call on them grandmothers. You call on them and 530 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:05,000 Speaker 1: ask them to go before you and make the way straight. 531 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: And you call that other grandmother and you talk to her. 532 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 1: I need your support. They needed They need to know 533 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,839 Speaker 1: that their father was more than a murderer. They need 534 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 1: to know that. They need to know that their father 535 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: had a mother and had a family and things went awry, 536 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 1: but that their family embraces them. They need to know that. 537 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:36,080 Speaker 1: You tell her that m hm hm Okay, God, bless 538 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: your grandma, Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Alright, 539 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:46,560 Speaker 1: my love, bye bye. I really feel for her. I'm 540 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,680 Speaker 1: gonna pray and wish her the best of love moving forward. 541 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,719 Speaker 1: Whether she's able to rely on the other grandparents or not. 542 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: I can sense from our short conversation that she has 543 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:04,399 Speaker 1: the strength and the determination to make it through and 544 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 1: love those four grand babies just like their mama would. Now. 545 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,640 Speaker 1: I know it's going to be difficult, but navigating through 546 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 1: any change and a parent child relationship is difficult. I 547 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:21,000 Speaker 1: have been there, as have both of my callers. What's 548 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:25,960 Speaker 1: most important to remember at some point is that you 549 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,359 Speaker 1: will not always be a parent to a child. You 550 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: will be forced to create a new relationship pattern and 551 00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 1: dynamic with a grown adult who you have loved and 552 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,759 Speaker 1: raised to become the person that they are. If I 553 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,799 Speaker 1: can do it and my callers can do it, I 554 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 1: know all of you out there can do it. To 555 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 1: just remember to give yourself grace, be gentle with yourself, 556 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:59,080 Speaker 1: and be willing to ask for the strength and support 557 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,520 Speaker 1: you need from wherever you can get it. And if 558 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: you have a question about this or any other relationship issue, 559 00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three 560 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight. Now be sure to 561 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times, 562 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:27,320 Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The 563 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:31,440 Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 564 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,760 Speaker 1: with I heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 565 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 566 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,200 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.