Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. Oh Ship We wanna Air? Welcome
Speaker 1: back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl
Speaker 1: just hilarious or should I say Dr Jess fixed my mess? Hey,
Speaker 1: y'all know I always play like that. I swear I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get a PhD in doing this ship because I
Speaker 1: love helping people. All Right, We're gonna jump straight in.
Speaker 1: This person will remain nameless, and I'm going to be
Speaker 1: reading again. You guys feel free to send in voice
Speaker 1: notes and voice memos if you don't want to type,
Speaker 1: if it's too long, or if you feel like I
Speaker 1: won't read it right or read it how you would
Speaker 1: say it. And if you don't use punctuation marks and
Speaker 1: ship and you try to sending me long run on sentences,
Speaker 1: please send your voice notes please. They're much needed and
Speaker 1: they're much appreciated. All Right, First, Hey, just me and
Speaker 1: my boyfriend have been together for one year. We lived
Speaker 1: four hours away from each other and see each other
Speaker 1: probably four to eight days out of the month. I
Speaker 1: just turned twenty nine and he's about to turn twenty six.
Speaker 1: I fully trust him. People think I'm not even when
Speaker 1: I say that, but I've never been insecure, and he
Speaker 1: hasn't given me a reason to be insecure. Recently, he's
Speaker 1: been making jokes about how I don't want to have
Speaker 1: sex as often as him, and I ended up telling
Speaker 1: him my sex drive was low and I just don't
Speaker 1: know why I'm attracted to him. And the sex is good,
Speaker 1: but I just don't care to do it that often.
Speaker 1: A week after he came from visiting me, he posted
Speaker 1: on his I G Close Friends story that baby, we've
Speaker 1: grown all that not tonight ship will get you replaced.
Speaker 1: I confronted him about it, and he said it was
Speaker 1: just a funny repost and then gave me a dry
Speaker 1: ass sorry. I went back and looked at his story
Speaker 1: and he had removed me from his close friends. I
Speaker 1: do not feel like he sorry at all. I feel
Speaker 1: like he was only sorry because I saw it. The
Speaker 1: last time you visited me, we had sex three times
Speaker 1: out of the five days he stayed with me. That's
Speaker 1: enough for me, but clearly he has a problem. Instead
Speaker 1: of talking to me about it, he's making jokes and
Speaker 1: posting memes. I don't like him being insensitive and insinuating
Speaker 1: that I could be replaced. I told him this, and
Speaker 1: he's being dismissive, and I really don't like that he
Speaker 1: removed me from his close friends. What would you do
Speaker 1: in this situation? First of all, let's just start here.
Speaker 1: He is acting his age. He's twenty five, you are
Speaker 1: on your way to thirty. I know you've heard this,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna just say it again for your benefit
Speaker 1: and so you know that it's very real and it's
Speaker 1: not just the myth. Women do mature faster than ment
Speaker 1: We know what we want faster than they do. We
Speaker 1: know how to make decisions and to be more responsible
Speaker 1: and how to be less reckless when we're dealing with
Speaker 1: other people's feelings that we love and that we care about.
Speaker 1: When we're in relationships, it's not just about us anymore.
Speaker 1: We can't be as selfish. I do think that, um,
Speaker 1: he's being selfish with his actions in this particular situation.
Speaker 1: You're about to be thirty, he's about to be twenty six,
Speaker 1: so he's really mentally twenty three still, and you are
Speaker 1: mentally thirty three right now. No, he should not be
Speaker 1: making jokes about it, using means about it, especially if
Speaker 1: it's something that bothers you if it's something that didn't
Speaker 1: bother you, I wouldn't see a problem with it. But
Speaker 1: since you voiced how it makes you feel, which is
Speaker 1: not good, and it bothers you, I think that he
Speaker 1: should have taken heed to that. I mean, because you
Speaker 1: obviously disagree with it. So if you're my boyfriend, UM,
Speaker 1: I don't care how many hours away we live from
Speaker 1: each other and and whatever. If we're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: we are committed to one another. No, we don't need
Speaker 1: to be married for us to be committed. We are
Speaker 1: in a relationship. We're a boyfriend a girlfriend, and we
Speaker 1: are in a committed relationship. It's a bond that we have.
Speaker 1: And I feel like instead of talking to me, yes,
Speaker 1: you're going and you're involving everyone else. You're close friends,
Speaker 1: whether it's all your followers or only fans, are only
Speaker 1: fucking too close friends, it's still not me. You need
Speaker 1: to communicate this with me. I do find that to
Speaker 1: be a problem in your relationship. Now you've already told
Speaker 1: him this and he keeps on doing it, and then
Speaker 1: for him to remove you, that is a sign of dishonesty.
Speaker 1: It's a sign of dishonesty, and Um, I wouldn't go
Speaker 1: as far as to say it's toxic. However, it seems
Speaker 1: as if it's taking a turn for the worst, and
Speaker 1: this could be the beginning of a downhill because it
Speaker 1: shows you that he's hiding something, not another girl, not
Speaker 1: you know, but he's going to continue to make these
Speaker 1: jokes and these memes and you know it relates to you,
Speaker 1: and you know he is talking about you. I mean,
Speaker 1: females do that all the time. Males are doing it
Speaker 1: as well, but it's a female thing to do to
Speaker 1: go online and post all your damn business instead of
Speaker 1: talking to the person that's involved in the business that
Speaker 1: you're posting about. I mean, I just don't see why
Speaker 1: he's still doing it after you told him, you voiced it,
Speaker 1: you made it verbal. That would be a problem if
Speaker 1: you didn't, because a lot of times women we like
Speaker 1: to just assume that men know what we're thinking. No, girl, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they're dumb as a box of bricks,
Speaker 1: but they ain't smarter than a fifth grader either, so
Speaker 1: you get what I'm saying. Now for you, you said
Speaker 1: your sex drive is very low and you don't know
Speaker 1: why are you curious enough to see why would you
Speaker 1: like to see why or are you okay with having
Speaker 1: a low sex drive? It could be something that you're
Speaker 1: okay with. I'm going to also tell you this, in
Speaker 1: a relationship, there has to be compromised. He is younger,
Speaker 1: so yes, the sex drive is higher than yours. But
Speaker 1: you're not even old. You're twenty nine, you're thirty. In
Speaker 1: my relationship currently, I'm in a relationship with a forty
Speaker 1: year old. I'm thirty. My sex drive is highs Hell,
Speaker 1: his was low in the beginning, and then he caught
Speaker 1: up to mine. That was compromised on his end, and
Speaker 1: I think that there's fixing here. Um, he just needs
Speaker 1: to grow up a little bit or a lot of
Speaker 1: bit and realize everything is not for the internet. Everything
Speaker 1: is not as you can see. We see relationships fail
Speaker 1: all the time due to the Internet, due to posting
Speaker 1: and just needing validation from others. As it relates to
Speaker 1: your personal life. You don't need to be validated by
Speaker 1: your followers or your close friends. Something so close to you,
Speaker 1: something so personal, which is your fucking relationship. I think
Speaker 1: there needs to be another conversation. And um, the fact
Speaker 1: that you guys lived four hours away and you guys
Speaker 1: see each other four to eight days out of the month,
Speaker 1: and you says you do trust him. That is a
Speaker 1: little strenuous, especially for a guy as young as he is.
Speaker 1: I'm going to say in his defense, he's trying to
Speaker 1: hunch and much all he can. He only gets to
Speaker 1: see you a week out of a month, so he
Speaker 1: wants to hunch every day all day that he gets
Speaker 1: to see you. And I do understand that. However, the
Speaker 1: online thing is the only thing that I do have
Speaker 1: a problem with. But as far as you just for
Speaker 1: the sake of sacrifice and compromise, Um, if you want
Speaker 1: your relationship, I would go get checked out and see why,
Speaker 1: exactly why your sex drive is low. I would try
Speaker 1: to do things to prevent dryness. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's that your box is dry and you don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, or you may just not have a desire
Speaker 1: to have sex all the time. If that's what it is,
Speaker 1: that's just what it is, and he has to understand
Speaker 1: that or you guys aren't gonna work. You know, we
Speaker 1: can already see how it's turning out now, and you
Speaker 1: guys only been together for a year. So um, if
Speaker 1: it's something that you really want. Yes, baby girl, I
Speaker 1: would say, keep communicating that, keep communicating it, you know,
Speaker 1: and be serious and stand firm, you know, not disrespectful,
Speaker 1: but staying firm, because he may not take you serious.
Speaker 1: How are you saying it? What is your addiction? What
Speaker 1: is your tone own? Where are you coming from? What
Speaker 1: is your demeanor when you're talking to him? And speaking
Speaker 1: to him? You know? And then removing you from close
Speaker 1: friends is kind of iffy. But I'm just gonna let
Speaker 1: you know. I would not want to be and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend's close friends. Okay, I don't even follow my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Should my boyfriend on even follow me? I think that's best,
Speaker 1: you know, because then I would be reluctant to stay
Speaker 1: up under them comments like who who look? Who looking?
Speaker 1: And who liking? And who comment? You know, but check
Speaker 1: back in with me, check back in with me? Hold up,
Speaker 1: hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen
Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If
Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen all right. Next, Hey Jess,
Speaker 1: please fix my mess. I would have done a voicemail,
Speaker 1: but my husband is sitting right here. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm writing because I think that I am
Speaker 1: at my breaking point with my stepson. My husband and
Speaker 1: I have been married for five years and together for six. Yes,
Speaker 1: we move fast l O l any who. My stepson
Speaker 1: has always been a problem child since the day I
Speaker 1: met him, from his misbehaving at school to just saying
Speaker 1: disrespectful things. His mom is even worse. She is a
Speaker 1: ghetto bird and never have I ever had to deal
Speaker 1: with the baby mama until I met my husband. A
Speaker 1: lot of his issues I feel come from here. She
Speaker 1: belittles him and calls him names and is always putting
Speaker 1: him down. My husband's time has been reduced to weekends
Speaker 1: because she is always on some bullshit and drama. There
Speaker 1: was a time when I wanted my husband to go
Speaker 1: for full custody, but over the years I find it
Speaker 1: that I rarely want him around. He doesn't care about school.
Speaker 1: He has an I e. P. And I think that
Speaker 1: contributes to it, and he takes no interest in learning.
Speaker 1: He curses, and it's always creating some type of drama
Speaker 1: with my son, who was a few years younger than him.
Speaker 1: His mom and his grandmother is always comparing him to
Speaker 1: my son and saying what my husband does for him,
Speaker 1: So I feel they created some type of jealousy streak
Speaker 1: and envy in him against my son. He fights his mom.
Speaker 1: Just the other day, he pushed me, oh shout. I
Speaker 1: really was about to knock a little kid out, but
Speaker 1: his dad ran in. I wouldn't really hit him, but
Speaker 1: he was going to know not to disrespect me like that.
Speaker 1: He has punched a girl in the stomach and fought
Speaker 1: another boy so far this school year. I'm sorry to say,
Speaker 1: but I don't think I want him around my other children.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to help my husband with him all
Speaker 1: these years, and I'm now tired of it. I'm seriously
Speaker 1: considering leaving my husband over this because I don't feel
Speaker 1: I'm obligated to deal with his disrespect and abuse to
Speaker 1: me or my other children. His dad is always making
Speaker 1: excuses for him as well. I don't want my husband
Speaker 1: to have to choose between us and his other child,
Speaker 1: which should I do? And I do want to remain anonymous. Okay, baby,
Speaker 1: you have just said that twice, and I understand your
Speaker 1: husband is sitting right next to you. Girl. You better
Speaker 1: hope he don't glance over and be like, who are
Speaker 1: you writing a goddamn essay to and hope that he
Speaker 1: don't snatch the phone and see that you're writing some
Speaker 1: shing about him and his son. All right, now, let
Speaker 1: me help you. For most of all, I do sincerely
Speaker 1: apologize that you are going through this. Children are not
Speaker 1: the easiest to deal with, No, they're not. Have you
Speaker 1: tried to sit down and talk to the child, not
Speaker 1: even with his father around? Obviously he is far gone.
Speaker 1: You haven't told me his exact age, but you did
Speaker 1: say that he has no desire in learning, he curses
Speaker 1: and all that. So I'm guessing that he's a teenager.
Speaker 1: If I'm wrong, please come back with an update and
Speaker 1: correct me. But I'm just gonna go with him being
Speaker 1: a teenager for now. And your child, your other son
Speaker 1: is a few years younger. I think for the safety
Speaker 1: and the sake of you know, your sanity, it deserves
Speaker 1: a lot more communication with the boy. There are so
Speaker 1: many different ways that you can go if you don't
Speaker 1: want to talk to him, if you feel like you
Speaker 1: can't get through to him. Now, you did tell me
Speaker 1: that there was a lot of baby mama drama. Now
Speaker 1: is that with you or is that just with the child?
Speaker 1: Is that just between your husband and his son's mother, Like,
Speaker 1: what what is that? Because if she's never given you
Speaker 1: a problem directly where she doesn't like you or anything
Speaker 1: like that, I think that you should actually have a
Speaker 1: conversation with her and you would not be overstepping your
Speaker 1: boundaries because you are the father of her child's wife
Speaker 1: like you are her ex's wife. You guys live in
Speaker 1: the same home together, you guys have a household, and
Speaker 1: now you have a conjoint family. Your stepson is her son.
Speaker 1: So while I do understand your frustration and you're even
Speaker 1: thinking about leaving your husband, like you're really contemplating a
Speaker 1: divorce over this child, I think before you do that
Speaker 1: there needs to be other actions taking you are completely
Speaker 1: happy with your husband, I canna tell this is just
Speaker 1: the only thing in your way. And then how far
Speaker 1: into the teenage phase is he? Is he sixteen? Is
Speaker 1: he's seventeen? If so, you only got a few more
Speaker 1: years to go to stick it out. I'm not one
Speaker 1: two enforce being the ruble in any way, but I
Speaker 1: think that's a conversation for you and your husband as well.
Speaker 1: Like listen, sit him down and talk to him, talk
Speaker 1: to him, just like you talk to me. Look, it's
Speaker 1: been a lot. This has been a journey with this kid,
Speaker 1: with with your son, and while I love him like
Speaker 1: he is mine, this is bringing me to my my
Speaker 1: breaking point his behavior, And I don't want you to
Speaker 1: have to choose, but I am thinking, like seriously have
Speaker 1: been contemplating leaving you. You know. I think that that
Speaker 1: needs to be something that you really take more time
Speaker 1: to think about, and that you should bring it up
Speaker 1: to your husband so he can really really put into
Speaker 1: perspective all that is at stake right now. It's not
Speaker 1: just about him anymore. It's about he and his wife
Speaker 1: and his other children that he now has. It's not
Speaker 1: just about his oldest baby anymore. He has to share
Speaker 1: his dad, and he has to share his household, the
Speaker 1: one that he lives in with the dad. And then
Speaker 1: also I want to point out something that you said
Speaker 1: to me, that his visitation was reduced to weekends because
Speaker 1: the mom just be on some bullshit and all of that.
Speaker 1: Is it really that bad his behavior bothers you that
Speaker 1: bad that you can't deal with it two days out
Speaker 1: of the week. Um, it must be horrible. I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to discredit what you're telling me. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to downplay were you're telling me. I'm just asking. I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to get a full understanding just how bad
Speaker 1: his behavior is if you can't deal with it on
Speaker 1: the weekends because he's not with you during the week
Speaker 1: so god damn. Really, Yeah, that's the conversation that you
Speaker 1: just have to have with your husband. It starts with
Speaker 1: you and your husband first, and then it continues with
Speaker 1: you in the sun, and then if there aren't any issues,
Speaker 1: or if you feel like you can talk to her,
Speaker 1: the mother, that is that I would have a conversation
Speaker 1: with his mother. You said she belittles him and all
Speaker 1: of that. I'm not sure if you were talking about
Speaker 1: the son or your husband that she belittles and she disrespects,
Speaker 1: and you talked shipped too. If it's the sun, that's
Speaker 1: exactly where it comes from. That's exactly where it comes from.
Speaker 1: If she belittle as the sun, or if she talks
Speaker 1: ship to the sun, or you know, she may be
Speaker 1: the reason for a lot of his behavioral issues. You know,
Speaker 1: I used to work with kids, and a lot of
Speaker 1: that ship starts at home. Sometimes it does not, but
Speaker 1: a lot of times it does, and a lot of
Speaker 1: times it's rooted from childhood. So if the mom has
Speaker 1: always been that way, that's where it's coming from, you know.
Speaker 1: And then the dad making excuses is just him not
Speaker 1: trying to give up on his son. However, he needs
Speaker 1: to take some type of action because, um, we ain't
Speaker 1: doing no disrespect, not in our households. No, no, we're not.
Speaker 1: I don't care if I'm married in to this family.
Speaker 1: I you will respect me as your stepmother. You said
Speaker 1: he pushed you, he has hit he has punched a
Speaker 1: girl in the stomach. Yeah, that's my little motherfucker need
Speaker 1: a boot camp. I'm sorry about it, but not come
Speaker 1: to tell you. Yes, he needs his asks whipped like
Speaker 1: for real, because I wonder what the husband did before
Speaker 1: you laid hands on him. When your husband found out
Speaker 1: that his son had pushed you, what the fund did
Speaker 1: he do? Okay, but again rule number one, communicate and
Speaker 1: be honest. Talk to him like you talked to me.
Speaker 1: Don't beat around a damn bush girl. You need to
Speaker 1: let him know because this obviously is affecting you in
Speaker 1: your own home and you are concerned for the safety
Speaker 1: of your other children, you know, and I understand that
Speaker 1: that is where I would draw the line, and I
Speaker 1: would have to go, you don't get some help for
Speaker 1: this boy, for this little boy, you know who I
Speaker 1: dearly love as one of my own. We cannot do
Speaker 1: this in this marriage. We cannot co exist in this marriage.
Speaker 1: This is not right, you know. And he's just gonna
Speaker 1: have to respect that. Um, But keep me posted, keep
Speaker 1: me posted. I hope I helped you. I feel for you.
Speaker 1: I'm very very sorry about that, honey. But let me know.
Speaker 1: And lastly, before we get out of here, I have
Speaker 1: an up date. Okay. So this woman had wrote a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks back and she was saying that she
Speaker 1: was talking to this guy and they for the first
Speaker 1: couple of months they were dating and they were sexually involved,
Speaker 1: and she had ended up getting pregnant by the guy
Speaker 1: and they both collectively agreed to terminate the baby. And
Speaker 1: then he had gotten too some legal trouble and they
Speaker 1: were still dealing with each other, but he got into
Speaker 1: some legal trouble when he came home and he had
Speaker 1: found out that he had had a baby on the
Speaker 1: way and he had told her about it, and um,
Speaker 1: she just wanted to know what to do because he
Speaker 1: was just strictly gonna co parent with the other girl
Speaker 1: who had gotten pregnant and actually had the baby, and
Speaker 1: she was wondering what she should do because he really
Speaker 1: wants to be with her, but he just has a
Speaker 1: baby now and he's not with the other baby mother.
Speaker 1: So here's the update. I'm going to read it. Thank
Speaker 1: you for responding on the show. He wasn't being honest
Speaker 1: at all. He was selling the dream of a relationship
Speaker 1: to his baby mother and another girl who he's entertaining
Speaker 1: in another state. I'm done for good. See how JE
Speaker 1: can fix your goddamn mess? You see dd c D.
Speaker 1: You see I told you, I told you girl it
Speaker 1: could have been And look, let me stop because I
Speaker 1: don't even want to beat I told you type. I
Speaker 1: can't be that type of therapist. I told you, I
Speaker 1: told you not that donna make somebody cut their damn
Speaker 1: reous I'm sorry, no, now, I gave you a bunch
Speaker 1: of different dilemas. I did say that maybe what it
Speaker 1: is he he may be lying about not working with
Speaker 1: this girl at all. He may be lying about just
Speaker 1: wanting to co parent and ship. And I told you,
Speaker 1: I said, look, he might have been working with that
Speaker 1: girl long before you. He could have been working with
Speaker 1: at the same time as you, or could have been
Speaker 1: sucking with it right after you. But the fact still
Speaker 1: remains the same that he got a baby. Y'all terminated.
Speaker 1: Y'alls for the right reasons, Like I said, because you
Speaker 1: guys barely knew each other and you were having unprotected sex,
Speaker 1: which is not good. It's a recipe for a baby.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, unless you want birth control, and
Speaker 1: you are not, and you still, even with birth control,
Speaker 1: need to use protection because you don't know these men
Speaker 1: out here and they don't know you got me. So
Speaker 1: you did a very very good job by leaving that
Speaker 1: ass alone. I'm very very happy that you did that,
Speaker 1: because now look, you've then dodged a goddamn bullet, heat
Speaker 1: too time and a baby mama, and he got another
Speaker 1: bitch in another state. You keep on keeping on, girl.
Speaker 1: You are worth it. You are beautiful, and you are
Speaker 1: loved all right, and there will be somebody who will
Speaker 1: love you and give you a baby when the time
Speaker 1: is right, and probably even walk your ways down the
Speaker 1: aisle if that is what you desire. And just like that,
Speaker 1: we've come to yet the end of another carefully reckless
Speaker 1: what's your girl just hilarious. I love you guys so
Speaker 1: very much. Tune into Reckless Discussions tonight. We got London
Speaker 1: back next week, y'all. I know y'all been asking where
Speaker 1: she's been. I didn't kick her off. The girl went
Speaker 1: to Mexico and she had to miss the four episodes
Speaker 1: because we shoot four episodes in one day, So tune
Speaker 1: in tonight. Reckless Discussions is only on YouTube, and tune
Speaker 1: into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday at seven am.
Speaker 1: Peace to clad Love. Carefully Reckless is a production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts
Speaker 1: from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.