1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. Oh Ship We wanna Air? Welcome 3 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,440 Speaker 1: back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl 4 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,760 Speaker 1: just hilarious or should I say Dr Jess fixed my mess? Hey, 5 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: y'all know I always play like that. I swear I'm 6 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: gonna get a PhD in doing this ship because I 7 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: love helping people. All Right, We're gonna jump straight in. 8 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: This person will remain nameless, and I'm going to be 9 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: reading again. You guys feel free to send in voice 10 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: notes and voice memos if you don't want to type, 11 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: if it's too long, or if you feel like I 12 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: won't read it right or read it how you would 13 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: say it. And if you don't use punctuation marks and 14 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: ship and you try to sending me long run on sentences, 15 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: please send your voice notes please. They're much needed and 16 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: they're much appreciated. All Right, First, Hey, just me and 17 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: my boyfriend have been together for one year. We lived 18 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: four hours away from each other and see each other 19 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: probably four to eight days out of the month. I 20 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: just turned twenty nine and he's about to turn twenty six. 21 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: I fully trust him. People think I'm not even when 22 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,679 Speaker 1: I say that, but I've never been insecure, and he 23 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,679 Speaker 1: hasn't given me a reason to be insecure. Recently, he's 24 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: been making jokes about how I don't want to have 25 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: sex as often as him, and I ended up telling 26 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 1: him my sex drive was low and I just don't 27 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:34,320 Speaker 1: know why I'm attracted to him. And the sex is good, 28 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: but I just don't care to do it that often. 29 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: A week after he came from visiting me, he posted 30 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 1: on his I G Close Friends story that baby, we've 31 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,120 Speaker 1: grown all that not tonight ship will get you replaced. 32 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: I confronted him about it, and he said it was 33 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 1: just a funny repost and then gave me a dry 34 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: ass sorry. I went back and looked at his story 35 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: and he had removed me from his close friends. I 36 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: do not feel like he sorry at all. I feel 37 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 1: like he was only sorry because I saw it. The 38 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: last time you visited me, we had sex three times 39 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,839 Speaker 1: out of the five days he stayed with me. That's 40 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: enough for me, but clearly he has a problem. Instead 41 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: of talking to me about it, he's making jokes and 42 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,679 Speaker 1: posting memes. I don't like him being insensitive and insinuating 43 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: that I could be replaced. I told him this, and 44 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: he's being dismissive, and I really don't like that he 45 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 1: removed me from his close friends. What would you do 46 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: in this situation? First of all, let's just start here. 47 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: He is acting his age. He's twenty five, you are 48 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 1: on your way to thirty. I know you've heard this, 49 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna just say it again for your benefit 50 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: and so you know that it's very real and it's 51 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: not just the myth. Women do mature faster than ment 52 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: We know what we want faster than they do. We 53 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: know how to make decisions and to be more responsible 54 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: and how to be less reckless when we're dealing with 55 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: other people's feelings that we love and that we care about. 56 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 1: When we're in relationships, it's not just about us anymore. 57 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: We can't be as selfish. I do think that, um, 58 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: he's being selfish with his actions in this particular situation. 59 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: You're about to be thirty, he's about to be twenty six, 60 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: so he's really mentally twenty three still, and you are 61 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: mentally thirty three right now. No, he should not be 62 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: making jokes about it, using means about it, especially if 63 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 1: it's something that bothers you if it's something that didn't 64 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,639 Speaker 1: bother you, I wouldn't see a problem with it. But 65 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: since you voiced how it makes you feel, which is 66 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: not good, and it bothers you, I think that he 67 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: should have taken heed to that. I mean, because you 68 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: obviously disagree with it. So if you're my boyfriend, UM, 69 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: I don't care how many hours away we live from 70 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: each other and and whatever. If we're in a relationship, 71 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: we are committed to one another. No, we don't need 72 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: to be married for us to be committed. We are 73 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: in a relationship. We're a boyfriend a girlfriend, and we 74 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: are in a committed relationship. It's a bond that we have. 75 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: And I feel like instead of talking to me, yes, 76 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: you're going and you're involving everyone else. You're close friends, 77 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: whether it's all your followers or only fans, are only 78 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: fucking too close friends, it's still not me. You need 79 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: to communicate this with me. I do find that to 80 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: be a problem in your relationship. Now you've already told 81 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: him this and he keeps on doing it, and then 82 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 1: for him to remove you, that is a sign of dishonesty. 83 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 1: It's a sign of dishonesty, and Um, I wouldn't go 84 00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:33,359 Speaker 1: as far as to say it's toxic. However, it seems 85 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: as if it's taking a turn for the worst, and 86 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 1: this could be the beginning of a downhill because it 87 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: shows you that he's hiding something, not another girl, not 88 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: you know, but he's going to continue to make these 89 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: jokes and these memes and you know it relates to you, 90 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: and you know he is talking about you. I mean, 91 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: females do that all the time. Males are doing it 92 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 1: as well, but it's a female thing to do to 93 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 1: go online and post all your damn business instead of 94 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 1: talking to the person that's involved in the business that 95 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,600 Speaker 1: you're posting about. I mean, I just don't see why 96 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,600 Speaker 1: he's still doing it after you told him, you voiced it, 97 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: you made it verbal. That would be a problem if 98 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: you didn't, because a lot of times women we like 99 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 1: to just assume that men know what we're thinking. No, girl, no, 100 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that they're dumb as a box of bricks, 101 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: but they ain't smarter than a fifth grader either, so 102 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: you get what I'm saying. Now for you, you said 103 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: your sex drive is very low and you don't know 104 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: why are you curious enough to see why would you 105 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: like to see why or are you okay with having 106 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: a low sex drive? It could be something that you're 107 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: okay with. I'm going to also tell you this, in 108 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 1: a relationship, there has to be compromised. He is younger, 109 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: so yes, the sex drive is higher than yours. But 110 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: you're not even old. You're twenty nine, you're thirty. In 111 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: my relationship currently, I'm in a relationship with a forty 112 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: year old. I'm thirty. My sex drive is highs Hell, 113 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: his was low in the beginning, and then he caught 114 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: up to mine. That was compromised on his end, and 115 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: I think that there's fixing here. Um, he just needs 116 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: to grow up a little bit or a lot of 117 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: bit and realize everything is not for the internet. Everything 118 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 1: is not as you can see. We see relationships fail 119 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 1: all the time due to the Internet, due to posting 120 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: and just needing validation from others. As it relates to 121 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: your personal life. You don't need to be validated by 122 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 1: your followers or your close friends. Something so close to you, 123 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: something so personal, which is your fucking relationship. I think 124 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: there needs to be another conversation. And um, the fact 125 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,599 Speaker 1: that you guys lived four hours away and you guys 126 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: see each other four to eight days out of the month, 127 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 1: and you says you do trust him. That is a 128 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 1: little strenuous, especially for a guy as young as he is. 129 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to say in his defense, he's trying to 130 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: hunch and much all he can. He only gets to 131 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: see you a week out of a month, so he 132 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: wants to hunch every day all day that he gets 133 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: to see you. And I do understand that. However, the 134 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: online thing is the only thing that I do have 135 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: a problem with. But as far as you just for 136 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: the sake of sacrifice and compromise, Um, if you want 137 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: your relationship, I would go get checked out and see why, 138 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: exactly why your sex drive is low. I would try 139 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: to do things to prevent dryness. I don't know if 140 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: it's that your box is dry and you don't know, 141 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 1: you know, or you may just not have a desire 142 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: to have sex all the time. If that's what it is, 143 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: that's just what it is, and he has to understand 144 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: that or you guys aren't gonna work. You know, we 145 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: can already see how it's turning out now, and you 146 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: guys only been together for a year. So um, if 147 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: it's something that you really want. Yes, baby girl, I 148 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: would say, keep communicating that, keep communicating it, you know, 149 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: and be serious and stand firm, you know, not disrespectful, 150 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 1: but staying firm, because he may not take you serious. 151 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: How are you saying it? What is your addiction? What 152 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: is your tone own? Where are you coming from? What 153 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: is your demeanor when you're talking to him? And speaking 154 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: to him? You know? And then removing you from close 155 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: friends is kind of iffy. But I'm just gonna let 156 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: you know. I would not want to be and my 157 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: boyfriend's close friends. Okay, I don't even follow my boyfriend. 158 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: Should my boyfriend on even follow me? I think that's best, 159 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: you know, because then I would be reluctant to stay 160 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,000 Speaker 1: up under them comments like who who look? Who looking? 161 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: And who liking? And who comment? You know, but check 162 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: back in with me, check back in with me? Hold up, 163 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: hold up, I know the ship getting good, but listen 164 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 165 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: you love me, you'll listen all right. Next, Hey Jess, 166 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 1: please fix my mess. I would have done a voicemail, 167 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: but my husband is sitting right here. Oh my god. 168 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm writing because I think that I am 169 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: at my breaking point with my stepson. My husband and 170 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: I have been married for five years and together for six. Yes, 171 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: we move fast l O l any who. My stepson 172 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: has always been a problem child since the day I 173 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: met him, from his misbehaving at school to just saying 174 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:07,199 Speaker 1: disrespectful things. His mom is even worse. She is a 175 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,719 Speaker 1: ghetto bird and never have I ever had to deal 176 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: with the baby mama until I met my husband. A 177 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: lot of his issues I feel come from here. She 178 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: belittles him and calls him names and is always putting 179 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: him down. My husband's time has been reduced to weekends 180 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: because she is always on some bullshit and drama. There 181 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: was a time when I wanted my husband to go 182 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: for full custody, but over the years I find it 183 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: that I rarely want him around. He doesn't care about school. 184 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: He has an I e. P. And I think that 185 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 1: contributes to it, and he takes no interest in learning. 186 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: He curses, and it's always creating some type of drama 187 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: with my son, who was a few years younger than him. 188 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,680 Speaker 1: His mom and his grandmother is always comparing him to 189 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 1: my son and saying what my husband does for him, 190 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: So I feel they created some type of jealousy streak 191 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: and envy in him against my son. He fights his mom. 192 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: Just the other day, he pushed me, oh shout. I 193 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: really was about to knock a little kid out, but 194 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: his dad ran in. I wouldn't really hit him, but 195 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: he was going to know not to disrespect me like that. 196 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: He has punched a girl in the stomach and fought 197 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: another boy so far this school year. I'm sorry to say, 198 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: but I don't think I want him around my other children. 199 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,199 Speaker 1: I've been trying to help my husband with him all 200 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 1: these years, and I'm now tired of it. I'm seriously 201 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 1: considering leaving my husband over this because I don't feel 202 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm obligated to deal with his disrespect and abuse to 203 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 1: me or my other children. His dad is always making 204 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 1: excuses for him as well. I don't want my husband 205 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: to have to choose between us and his other child, 206 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 1: which should I do? And I do want to remain anonymous. Okay, baby, 207 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: you have just said that twice, and I understand your 208 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: husband is sitting right next to you. Girl. You better 209 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 1: hope he don't glance over and be like, who are 210 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 1: you writing a goddamn essay to and hope that he 211 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 1: don't snatch the phone and see that you're writing some 212 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: shing about him and his son. All right, now, let 213 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: me help you. For most of all, I do sincerely 214 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: apologize that you are going through this. Children are not 215 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: the easiest to deal with, No, they're not. Have you 216 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,240 Speaker 1: tried to sit down and talk to the child, not 217 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,959 Speaker 1: even with his father around? Obviously he is far gone. 218 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 1: You haven't told me his exact age, but you did 219 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,600 Speaker 1: say that he has no desire in learning, he curses 220 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: and all that. So I'm guessing that he's a teenager. 221 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 1: If I'm wrong, please come back with an update and 222 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: correct me. But I'm just gonna go with him being 223 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 1: a teenager for now. And your child, your other son 224 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: is a few years younger. I think for the safety 225 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: and the sake of you know, your sanity, it deserves 226 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: a lot more communication with the boy. There are so 227 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: many different ways that you can go if you don't 228 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: want to talk to him, if you feel like you 229 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 1: can't get through to him. Now, you did tell me 230 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: that there was a lot of baby mama drama. Now 231 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 1: is that with you or is that just with the child? 232 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: Is that just between your husband and his son's mother, Like, 233 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: what what is that? Because if she's never given you 234 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: a problem directly where she doesn't like you or anything 235 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,680 Speaker 1: like that, I think that you should actually have a 236 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: conversation with her and you would not be overstepping your 237 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: boundaries because you are the father of her child's wife 238 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: like you are her ex's wife. You guys live in 239 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 1: the same home together, you guys have a household, and 240 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:26,080 Speaker 1: now you have a conjoint family. Your stepson is her son. 241 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: So while I do understand your frustration and you're even 242 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: thinking about leaving your husband, like you're really contemplating a 243 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: divorce over this child, I think before you do that 244 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,320 Speaker 1: there needs to be other actions taking you are completely 245 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 1: happy with your husband, I canna tell this is just 246 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: the only thing in your way. And then how far 247 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 1: into the teenage phase is he? Is he sixteen? Is 248 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 1: he's seventeen? If so, you only got a few more 249 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: years to go to stick it out. I'm not one 250 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: two enforce being the ruble in any way, but I 251 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: think that's a conversation for you and your husband as well. 252 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 1: Like listen, sit him down and talk to him, talk 253 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: to him, just like you talk to me. Look, it's 254 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: been a lot. This has been a journey with this kid, 255 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 1: with with your son, and while I love him like 256 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: he is mine, this is bringing me to my my 257 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: breaking point his behavior, And I don't want you to 258 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: have to choose, but I am thinking, like seriously have 259 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: been contemplating leaving you. You know. I think that that 260 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: needs to be something that you really take more time 261 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: to think about, and that you should bring it up 262 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: to your husband so he can really really put into 263 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: perspective all that is at stake right now. It's not 264 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 1: just about him anymore. It's about he and his wife 265 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 1: and his other children that he now has. It's not 266 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: just about his oldest baby anymore. He has to share 267 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 1: his dad, and he has to share his household, the 268 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: one that he lives in with the dad. And then 269 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 1: also I want to point out something that you said 270 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 1: to me, that his visitation was reduced to weekends because 271 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: the mom just be on some bullshit and all of that. 272 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 1: Is it really that bad his behavior bothers you that 273 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: bad that you can't deal with it two days out 274 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 1: of the week. Um, it must be horrible. I'm not 275 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: trying to discredit what you're telling me. I'm not trying 276 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: to downplay were you're telling me. I'm just asking. I'm 277 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 1: just trying to get a full understanding just how bad 278 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 1: his behavior is if you can't deal with it on 279 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: the weekends because he's not with you during the week 280 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: so god damn. Really, Yeah, that's the conversation that you 281 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: just have to have with your husband. It starts with 282 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: you and your husband first, and then it continues with 283 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: you in the sun, and then if there aren't any issues, 284 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 1: or if you feel like you can talk to her, 285 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 1: the mother, that is that I would have a conversation 286 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: with his mother. You said she belittles him and all 287 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 1: of that. I'm not sure if you were talking about 288 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: the son or your husband that she belittles and she disrespects, 289 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: and you talked shipped too. If it's the sun, that's 290 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 1: exactly where it comes from. That's exactly where it comes from. 291 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: If she belittle as the sun, or if she talks 292 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,760 Speaker 1: ship to the sun, or you know, she may be 293 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 1: the reason for a lot of his behavioral issues. You know, 294 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: I used to work with kids, and a lot of 295 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: that ship starts at home. Sometimes it does not, but 296 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: a lot of times it does, and a lot of 297 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: times it's rooted from childhood. So if the mom has 298 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: always been that way, that's where it's coming from, you know. 299 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 1: And then the dad making excuses is just him not 300 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: trying to give up on his son. However, he needs 301 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: to take some type of action because, um, we ain't 302 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: doing no disrespect, not in our households. No, no, we're not. 303 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: I don't care if I'm married in to this family. 304 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: I you will respect me as your stepmother. You said 305 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: he pushed you, he has hit he has punched a 306 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 1: girl in the stomach. Yeah, that's my little motherfucker need 307 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: a boot camp. I'm sorry about it, but not come 308 00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: to tell you. Yes, he needs his asks whipped like 309 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: for real, because I wonder what the husband did before 310 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: you laid hands on him. When your husband found out 311 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: that his son had pushed you, what the fund did 312 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: he do? Okay, but again rule number one, communicate and 313 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 1: be honest. Talk to him like you talked to me. 314 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 1: Don't beat around a damn bush girl. You need to 315 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: let him know because this obviously is affecting you in 316 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: your own home and you are concerned for the safety 317 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: of your other children, you know, and I understand that 318 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: that is where I would draw the line, and I 319 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: would have to go, you don't get some help for 320 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: this boy, for this little boy, you know who I 321 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: dearly love as one of my own. We cannot do 322 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: this in this marriage. We cannot co exist in this marriage. 323 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,560 Speaker 1: This is not right, you know. And he's just gonna 324 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: have to respect that. Um, But keep me posted, keep 325 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: me posted. I hope I helped you. I feel for you. 326 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: I'm very very sorry about that, honey. But let me know. 327 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: And lastly, before we get out of here, I have 328 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: an up date. Okay. So this woman had wrote a 329 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,439 Speaker 1: couple of weeks back and she was saying that she 330 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: was talking to this guy and they for the first 331 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: couple of months they were dating and they were sexually involved, 332 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,359 Speaker 1: and she had ended up getting pregnant by the guy 333 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: and they both collectively agreed to terminate the baby. And 334 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,199 Speaker 1: then he had gotten too some legal trouble and they 335 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: were still dealing with each other, but he got into 336 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: some legal trouble when he came home and he had 337 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: found out that he had had a baby on the 338 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 1: way and he had told her about it, and um, 339 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: she just wanted to know what to do because he 340 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: was just strictly gonna co parent with the other girl 341 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: who had gotten pregnant and actually had the baby, and 342 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,119 Speaker 1: she was wondering what she should do because he really 343 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: wants to be with her, but he just has a 344 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 1: baby now and he's not with the other baby mother. 345 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: So here's the update. I'm going to read it. Thank 346 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: you for responding on the show. He wasn't being honest 347 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: at all. He was selling the dream of a relationship 348 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: to his baby mother and another girl who he's entertaining 349 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: in another state. I'm done for good. See how JE 350 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 1: can fix your goddamn mess? You see dd c D. 351 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: You see I told you, I told you girl it 352 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: could have been And look, let me stop because I 353 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: don't even want to beat I told you type. I 354 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,479 Speaker 1: can't be that type of therapist. I told you, I 355 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: told you not that donna make somebody cut their damn 356 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,120 Speaker 1: reous I'm sorry, no, now, I gave you a bunch 357 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: of different dilemas. I did say that maybe what it 358 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 1: is he he may be lying about not working with 359 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,600 Speaker 1: this girl at all. He may be lying about just 360 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: wanting to co parent and ship. And I told you, 361 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: I said, look, he might have been working with that 362 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,280 Speaker 1: girl long before you. He could have been working with 363 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: at the same time as you, or could have been 364 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: sucking with it right after you. But the fact still 365 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: remains the same that he got a baby. Y'all terminated. 366 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 1: Y'alls for the right reasons, Like I said, because you 367 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,919 Speaker 1: guys barely knew each other and you were having unprotected sex, 368 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: which is not good. It's a recipe for a baby. 369 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, unless you want birth control, and 370 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,719 Speaker 1: you are not, and you still, even with birth control, 371 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: need to use protection because you don't know these men 372 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: out here and they don't know you got me. So 373 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: you did a very very good job by leaving that 374 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,920 Speaker 1: ass alone. I'm very very happy that you did that, 375 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: because now look, you've then dodged a goddamn bullet, heat 376 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,440 Speaker 1: too time and a baby mama, and he got another 377 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,000 Speaker 1: bitch in another state. You keep on keeping on, girl. 378 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: You are worth it. You are beautiful, and you are 379 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: loved all right, and there will be somebody who will 380 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: love you and give you a baby when the time 381 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 1: is right, and probably even walk your ways down the 382 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,400 Speaker 1: aisle if that is what you desire. And just like that, 383 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: we've come to yet the end of another carefully reckless 384 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,679 Speaker 1: what's your girl just hilarious. I love you guys so 385 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,480 Speaker 1: very much. Tune into Reckless Discussions tonight. We got London 386 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: back next week, y'all. I know y'all been asking where 387 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: she's been. I didn't kick her off. The girl went 388 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,360 Speaker 1: to Mexico and she had to miss the four episodes 389 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 1: because we shoot four episodes in one day, So tune 390 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: in tonight. Reckless Discussions is only on YouTube, and tune 391 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday at seven am. 392 00:19:49,920 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 1: Peace to clad Love. Carefully Reckless is a production of 393 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts 394 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 1: from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, 395 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.