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Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I'm super

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Speaker 1: stoked and scared for this episode. UM. We're gonna be

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Speaker 1: talking today about discipline. That's a trigger word for some people.

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Speaker 1: Some people like that words, people don't like that word.

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Speaker 1: But let's We're going to talk about setting limits for

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Speaker 1: young toddlers, UM, and about how babies they grow when

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Speaker 1: they move around and they start to explore the world

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Speaker 1: around them, but they are also simultaneously testing their boundaries.

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Speaker 1: And this is a massive topic, as all you guys know,

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Speaker 1: and there are no easy answers, is what it sounds

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Speaker 1: like to me. UM. So I have three awesome guests

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Speaker 1: here today, UM, who have different approaches for helping kids

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Speaker 1: navigate all through their world safely. First, I want to

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Speaker 1: welcome Dr Rebecca shreg Hershberg. I'm gonna just call you.

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Speaker 1: Can I call you Rebecca or do we call you doctor?

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Speaker 1: Can call me Dr sharg Hersberg at all time? No,

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Speaker 1: Dr shragg Hershberg, Okay, So Rebecca. She is a child

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Speaker 1: psychologist and a mother herself. UM. She's also the author

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Speaker 1: of an upcoming book called The Tantrum Survival Guide. There's

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Speaker 1: such a part of me that's like, do I have

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Speaker 1: to get that book? I'm gonna have to get that book, right, God,

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Speaker 1: But isn't I'm just gonna have an angel who's never

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Speaker 1: gonna have a dangrum. No, okay um. And she's also

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Speaker 1: the founder of Little House Calls Psychological Services p LC.

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Speaker 1: And then our next guest is Kristen Eliasburg. She is

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Speaker 1: a RYE instructor and a mom and RYE stands for

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Speaker 1: Resources for Infant Edge Cars. Yes, edu caring was the

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Speaker 1: word that Maga Gerber, who founded RYE, coined to describe

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Speaker 1: what she feels we are doing as parents, which is

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Speaker 1: educating through how we care for our children. Yes, and

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Speaker 1: RYE has been really cool. I came to the RYE

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Speaker 1: method because I nannied a family that I went to

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Speaker 1: the babies classes RYE classes, and then I had a

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Speaker 1: baby and I've been taking them also with my son. Um. So,

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Speaker 1: Kristen is a certified Right Associate as we said, and

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Speaker 1: she's a mentor and she's the founder of Present Parenting

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Speaker 1: where she teaches the RYE parent Infant Guidance classes. And

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Speaker 1: then last, but definitely not least, we have the one,

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Speaker 1: the only Lorie Gelman. God, more. She is a mom

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Speaker 1: of two and she is the author of the book

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Speaker 1: that I'm currently reading called Class Mom. And as you

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Speaker 1: guys all know listening to Katie's crib, I really rely

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Speaker 1: on humor getting through this motherhood thing and this book

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Speaker 1: provides so much of that in my life. So thank

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Speaker 1: you Laurie for that my pleasure. So let's get started

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Speaker 1: and talking about this. First of all, this word discipline, okay, uh?

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Speaker 1: Is that even the right word to use? And you

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Speaker 1: can have you guys can agree to disagree, like that's

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Speaker 1: all fine. Yeah, what do you think, Rebecca, what do

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Speaker 1: you think the word discipline? I don't like or really

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Speaker 1: use the word discipline. I frequently it's where I meet

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Speaker 1: people to have these conversations because they come in with

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Speaker 1: that word. But I think, um, I think it's much more.

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Speaker 1: As you said in your introduction about how toddlers and

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Speaker 1: young kids explore the world and helping them do that

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Speaker 1: and navigate that in a safe and nurturing way. I

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Speaker 1: do think that limits are a very important part of that,

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Speaker 1: helping kids figure out where are the boundaries, And I

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Speaker 1: think knowing where their limits are helps them figure out

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Speaker 1: who they are, who, what their relationships are. I think

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Speaker 1: it's a really important part of social emotional development. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so discipline is not a word that you're a fan of.

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Speaker 1: I don't look young kids cook. I mean again, it's

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Speaker 1: not a it's not a trigger word for me. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna be like, oh my gosh, I can't believe

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Speaker 1: someone used that word. However, in my thinking and my writing,

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Speaker 1: it's not It's not a word that I think is

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Speaker 1: helpful in conceptualizing kids at this age and what they

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Speaker 1: need and what they benefit from, and how we best

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Speaker 1: help promote the behaviors we want to see. Sure, and

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Speaker 1: what do you think, Kristen, Um, I would tend to agree. Um,

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Speaker 1: I think. I actually was talking amongst some Raye colleagues

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Speaker 1: about this upcoming podcast. What they got to say, Well,

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Speaker 1: Debra Solomon, who was the former executive director at RYE,

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Speaker 1: had a really interesting take, which was to look at

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Speaker 1: the root of the word, which is disciple, so that

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Speaker 1: it's not that I think the word discipline, I think

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Speaker 1: immediately conjures up this sort of like I am the

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Speaker 1: authority and you are the being that must be chastised

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Speaker 1: kind of It's like, guy, how do you scold somebody

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Speaker 1: it's I mean, it rarely has a sort of very

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Speaker 1: positive connotation. On the other hand, disciple is more like,

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Speaker 1: you know, we are modeling for our toddlers and young

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Speaker 1: children and our older children, um, the behavior that we

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Speaker 1: want to inspire. So you know, if you think of

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Speaker 1: it that way, I mean, certainly limit setting is a

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Speaker 1: is a better word to use, but it also kind

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Speaker 1: of gives it a new another perspective on what we're doing,

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Speaker 1: because it's really about our relationship with our children and

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Speaker 1: our connection with them. It's not about how we can

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Speaker 1: get them to do certain things or how do we

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Speaker 1: you know, scold them or punish them or you know,

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Speaker 1: it's really inspiring the behavior that we want them to have.

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Speaker 1: Love that what do you think, Well, I think I'm

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Speaker 1: in way over my head. No you are not. You

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Speaker 1: and I both were the moms, but we're the moms

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Speaker 1: who were just like, call it what you want. It's

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Speaker 1: it's basically forming your child and showing them the way

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Speaker 1: and giving them the ideas of what they're going to

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Speaker 1: grow up with. And I you know, discipline, it's just

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Speaker 1: a word really and and you know, my grandmother used

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Speaker 1: to be like, where is my stick? And like that

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Speaker 1: was we knew that was like we have a big trouble.

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Speaker 1: So thank goodness, we don't do that anymore. But I

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Speaker 1: think that no matter what you call it, it's just

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Speaker 1: it's just molding the kids into what the human beings

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Speaker 1: they should be. Sure, sure, Rebecca, look what do you add?

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Speaker 1: They so I'll be the year. So what do I

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Speaker 1: have to look forward to in the next couple of years?

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Speaker 1: Like what are the typical what's the common acting out

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Speaker 1: at this age? Like what what are what do you

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Speaker 1: see like when parents come with you, Like what are

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Speaker 1: they freaking out about? So many things? Um, I mean

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Speaker 1: I think God, I think typical quote unquote tantrums begin.

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Speaker 1: They can begin as early as twelve months. But it

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Speaker 1: also depends on how we define tantrums. And I certainly

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Speaker 1: talk about that. We all use that word kind of

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Speaker 1: left and right. I think of tantrums, and I define

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Speaker 1: tantrums as expressions of emotion that are perhaps not um

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Speaker 1: well regulated. And a lot comes down to sort of

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Speaker 1: where kids brains are at this stage, and they're prefrontal cortex,

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Speaker 1: which is the part of the brain that plans and

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Speaker 1: judges and can think about how they want to act

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Speaker 1: in certain ways is not at all developed. Um. There's

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Speaker 1: a metaphor I love, which is that it's like an

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Speaker 1: air Your toddlers are like airport traffic control centers without

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Speaker 1: the traffic control like there like planes flying in and out,

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Speaker 1: no one knows. And and so you see kids that

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Speaker 1: are really impulsive, that are really emotional, that are really egocentric,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of times parents get really frustrated with

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Speaker 1: those behaviors and expect that kids won't do them because

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Speaker 1: they tell them not to do that, but their brains

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Speaker 1: don't know how to do them and aren't capable of

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Speaker 1: doing them. And that's I would say often a really

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Speaker 1: based starting point for families is where is your kid developmentally?

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Speaker 1: So for example, hol be may um you know, you say,

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Speaker 1: don't you know, don't throw that spoon, and so then

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Speaker 1: he kind of hits you a little bit and it's

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Speaker 1: sort of like, don't hit well, he's already he didn't

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Speaker 1: think like, oh I'm angry at mom, so I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: hit her. It's impulsive, it's an emotional reaction. It's like

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Speaker 1: saying to you you know, um, you know, Katie, go

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Speaker 1: go And now I'm of course not under pressure I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to whatever thing that you're really not capable

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Speaker 1: of doing, you know, like go say a paragraph in

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Speaker 1: Greek now, and you're going to be like, watch this,

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Speaker 1: I didn't do it, But no, because it's you. Literally

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Speaker 1: you can't do it and you're not capable of doing it,

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Speaker 1: and so no matter how many times I tell you

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Speaker 1: to do it, you're not. When does rational thought, I

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Speaker 1: guess that's when when does that come into play? Like

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Speaker 1: when the mother of teenagers usually answer well, I'm still waiting,

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Speaker 1: not by I mean full full rationality, but I don't

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Speaker 1: think you can. You can rationalize with kids until they're

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Speaker 1: at least and I'm not an expert on name, but

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Speaker 1: for my kids it was, and it was the negotiating

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Speaker 1: started maybe at four, where they could see the cause

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Speaker 1: and effect and they could see the benefits of doing

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Speaker 1: it my way versus their way. And it depends on mood.

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Speaker 1: It's all the mood depending. None of us can rationalize

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Speaker 1: when we're hungry sometime excited or hungry and tired or

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Speaker 1: or frustrated. You know, when when my husband tries to

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Speaker 1: problem solve when I'm still like really ramped up, I

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Speaker 1: can't hear that. You know, we it depends on kind

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Speaker 1: of what is going on in all of our brains.

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Speaker 1: What I will say is that executive functioning and that

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Speaker 1: prefntal cortex has been shown not to be fully developed

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Speaker 1: until twenties. And that's why, Holy, I know, but it's

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Speaker 1: why there's so much I mean, not to go off

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Speaker 1: on a tangent. You can edit it out, but it's

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Speaker 1: why there's so much debate about like how we treat

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Speaker 1: adolescence in the criminal justice system, like their brains are

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Speaker 1: not fully So we can leave that over here and

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Speaker 1: talk about it on another podcast. No, that's very it's

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Speaker 1: it's very helpful. So I mean in super I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't believe I had a child.

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Speaker 1: Um um, so how do you go about setting limits?

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Speaker 1: Like I know what makes me unco I know I

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Speaker 1: have a mommy instinct, gut right, Like I know there

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Speaker 1: are certain family members I have that will go unnamed,

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Speaker 1: that definitely have like shaken their kids in front of

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Speaker 1: me in public when they acted out, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's not for me, you know, or like some more

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Speaker 1: old school way of disciplining or whatever. You know. My

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Speaker 1: husband comes from a family that was like super old

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Speaker 1: school and like he got spanked, and like my family

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Speaker 1: is like so like hippie dippy, and like my I

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Speaker 1: was never even grounded, Like every time I got in trouble,

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Speaker 1: it ended up like okay, you can go to your

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Speaker 1: room and think about what you've done. And then my

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Speaker 1: dad would come in and said it then in my

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Speaker 1: bed and he would cry more than I would, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like he would be hysterical about like,

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Speaker 1: let's discuss maybe a better choice would have been X,

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Speaker 1: Y or Z or whatever. But did that frustrate you

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Speaker 1: at all? And were you at some point like just

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Speaker 1: yell at me and get it over with it? Just

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Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like I deserve it,

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Speaker 1: give me, give me a punishment. I'm like, no, I

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Speaker 1: was perfect. No, I I was always one of those

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Speaker 1: kids that it meant far more to me if I

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Speaker 1: it was far worse to disappoint my parents than it

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Speaker 1: was to get in trouble like I was, so like

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Speaker 1: you know, just I I really you know if I

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Speaker 1: disappointed my family like that felt shitty, Like that was

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Speaker 1: an interaction right there, like you were probably temperamentally going

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Speaker 1: to lean in that direction and then you had a

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Speaker 1: dad that would respond in such a way that sure,

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Speaker 1: of course it was worse. And so I would say

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Speaker 1: all those quis, I mean, there are, without a doubt

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Speaker 1: some basic principles and I'm sure, but but I would say,

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Speaker 1: without a doubt, it's about your individual kid and you

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Speaker 1: as a parent and how that fits together. So it's

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Speaker 1: different for every kid. But like, what about these I

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Speaker 1: used to be I was a nanny for like fifteen years, right,

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Speaker 1: and like some like I baby sat in a Rye

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Speaker 1: household right where if a kid had a tantrum, it

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Speaker 1: was very much a lot about I see that you're

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Speaker 1: very upset. I hear that you're upset, and I would

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Speaker 1: be there for the child and just really go through

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Speaker 1: it with them, and it was over in a few minutes,

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Speaker 1: Like it wasn't that big of a deal and I

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Speaker 1: wasn't trying to change the current thing. I also worked

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Speaker 1: in households where time outs were like a big thing,

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Speaker 1: you know, And I I don't know where I fall.

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Speaker 1: I think I lean definitely more towards the Rye method,

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Speaker 1: but I know that my husband don't. Just to get

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Speaker 1: back to your comment about well, why did I have

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Speaker 1: a child, and get you onto the moment positive side

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Speaker 1: of that question. You know, when you think about the

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Speaker 1: upcoming years, when which will be full of limit testing

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Speaker 1: and and and every day there will be more of it,

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Speaker 1: and and you will often feel like you wish there weren't.

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Speaker 1: But when you think about it, if you just kind

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Speaker 1: of flip the coin a little bit and think about, well,

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Speaker 1: these are opportunities for us to build our connection because

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Speaker 1: he's limits. He's testing those limits because he wants to

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Speaker 1: have me set them. And by setting them, I'm giving

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Speaker 1: him the example of how to behave in the world.

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Speaker 1: How I can be the sort of commander of the ship,

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Speaker 1: keep things safe for him, make his world, you know,

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Speaker 1: a functioning place, because I will set the limit. And

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Speaker 1: I think Umlur is resolutely right that ye re gelman

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Speaker 1: is Lorie is absolutely right that there are there are

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Speaker 1: They're asking you to just say this is the limit,

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Speaker 1: and you can't go any further, and I won't let

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Speaker 1: you go any further. And that's what they want to hear,

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Speaker 1: and that's what they need to hear. And by doing that,

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Speaker 1: you are establishing again reconnecting with them. So I have

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Speaker 1: to change it in my brain, to change it in

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Speaker 1: my brain. You're you know, we're not on different teams.

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Speaker 1: You guys know, and you need to do You need

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Speaker 1: to show the united front that is the same. They

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Speaker 1: will sense they can smell a crack in the armor.

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Speaker 1: So you always have a united front with the parents there.

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Speaker 1: You meant that you and your kid were on the

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Speaker 1: same team, and then you're seeing you in your I

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Speaker 1: met you and your kid, I mean, because this is

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Speaker 1: the same team. I mean the joyful parts of parenting,

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Speaker 1: we all know what those are. But you know, also

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Speaker 1: the setting limits is almost more important and can you

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Speaker 1: know in some way sort of deeply more joyful because

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Speaker 1: you're being strong, You're meeting your child where he is.

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Speaker 1: Like I use the metaphor often of like a fourteen

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Speaker 1: year old doesn't have a curfew, who deep down wants

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Speaker 1: a curfew, and that kid is going to show off

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Speaker 1: to all his friends that he doesn't have a curfew,

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Speaker 1: and that kid's going to in the moment be like,

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Speaker 1: this is freaking awesome. I get to stay out till

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Speaker 1: three in the morning and like pizza, and then at

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Speaker 1: three in the morning he's by himself, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: I just wish my parents would step up and be

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Speaker 1: the grown ups, and part of being the grown up

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Speaker 1: is setting a limit, and it can be over time,

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Speaker 1: really anxiety provoking for kids to feel like they hold

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Speaker 1: so much power in the equation that there. It's not

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Speaker 1: to say that limits can't be nurturing and collaborating and whatever,

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Speaker 1: but they also do need to know there's an overall

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Speaker 1: structure in place that they're not so powerful that they

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Speaker 1: can break, because that's terrifying as a four year old.

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Speaker 1: If you think you're steering the shop at four, it's,

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Speaker 1: over time, a pretty damaging place to live. I was

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Speaker 1: raised by wolves. I mean I was the sixth child.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, was literally I would I would come

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Speaker 1: home from a three nights sleep out when I was

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Speaker 1: in seventh grade, um like with the school, and I

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Speaker 1: my mother forgot I was coming home and she didn't

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Speaker 1: pick me up at the school. So I had to

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Speaker 1: lug all my stuff home and I walk into the

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Speaker 1: kids and she's like, oh, your home, did you have

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Speaker 1: a good time? I mean, I hated that part of

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Speaker 1: my life. I hate I loved the kids who you know,

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Speaker 1: whose parents were always on them about this and that.

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Speaker 1: I envied those kids. And now when my daughters begged

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Speaker 1: me not to go to their volleyball games or their

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Speaker 1: cross games or whatever. I'm like, I don't give a

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Speaker 1: ship what you want every single game because no one ever,

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Speaker 1: no one ever came to my games. It would literally

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Speaker 1: be oh did you win? Like nobody cared, and I

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Speaker 1: want I don't want my either girl to ever feel

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Speaker 1: like I don't care about what's going on in their life.

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Speaker 1: That's so nice. So can you give me each of

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Speaker 1: you guys, like specific ways that adults said. I know

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Speaker 1: it's different on the age, but like how you would

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Speaker 1: set a limit, like is a time out of thing?

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Speaker 1: Is it? Is it? Like? No, you can't do that?

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Speaker 1: What about the word no? Like teach me what I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to or less? Um you're looking at read your book,

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Speaker 1: read your book, read your books obviously. Um, I think

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Speaker 1: that there's some bait. Okay, So when you talk about

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Speaker 1: time outs and you talk about nurturing and being empathic,

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Speaker 1: I think we've talked about what we're talking about. Like

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Speaker 1: if your child is having an emotional reaction to not

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Speaker 1: getting another cookie, that is an emotional reaction that wouldn't

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Speaker 1: ever marrit a time out by I mean, if we're

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Speaker 1: talking about specifically tantrums, even people who use time outs.

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Speaker 1: Timeouts are one of, let me just say, one of

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Speaker 1: the most widely misunderstood and misapplied concepts of all time.

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Speaker 1: And I'm happy to go through why if anybody's interested

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Speaker 1: in hearing that. I think they can be and have

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Speaker 1: been shown over and over and over again to be

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Speaker 1: very useful and effective if done in a very specific

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Speaker 1: way and context. Um, they've gone off the rails, and

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Speaker 1: then they've been misunderstood and then oh yeah, you mean

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Speaker 1: like making the kids sit in like a naughty chair

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Speaker 1: and counting down for a certain amount of time for

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Speaker 1: crying too loud, which is never what I mean. That's

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Speaker 1: sort of it's meant to be like for a discreet

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Speaker 1: behavior that you and your child have been able to

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Speaker 1: decide upon in advance in a home with a lot

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Speaker 1: of warm and love and time in all the time,

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Speaker 1: a very quick taking away of attention for a very

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Speaker 1: concrete period of time when that child gets bored because

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Speaker 1: they can't do anything like that. That it's and it's

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Speaker 1: We had that in my house. It was called the

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Speaker 1: naughty chair. It was fucking hilarious. We loved it. We

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Speaker 1: had two chairs like you and your husband. No, my

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Speaker 1: parents like they're you know, they were making it up

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Speaker 1: on the spot. They were like five years old when

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Speaker 1: they had us, and they just like really didn't know

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Speaker 1: what they were doing and was probably yeah, oh, my

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Speaker 1: dad's such an emotional being, like he's so open, and

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Speaker 1: my mom is. Um, they were just both not great

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Speaker 1: at the word discipline like they I mean, we had

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Speaker 1: curfews and all of that stuff. But um, you know,

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Speaker 1: if we were really if it was if my brother

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Speaker 1: and I were super mean to each other, was normally

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Speaker 1: where we would get into big trouble. You know, like

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Speaker 1: you can't say shut up to each other, you can't

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Speaker 1: call each other stupid, you can't hit each other, you know,

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Speaker 1: things like that. And when that would get out of control,

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Speaker 1: it would say, okay, the two of you have to

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Speaker 1: go sit in those shares and face the wall fall.

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Speaker 1: We would sit there for like four minutes, and then

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Speaker 1: by the end of the four or five minutes would

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Speaker 1: be hysterical laughing at each other and it would be

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Speaker 1: over and sort of quelched. But um, I guess that

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Speaker 1: was their equivalent of sort of a time out, like

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Speaker 1: a break in the in the cycle. Little kids so

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Speaker 1: much We talked about this a little bit before the

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Speaker 1: mics were on um and and Chris and I think

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Speaker 1: you were here. Who setting kids up for success? I

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Speaker 1: mean so much, I would say, is being able to

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Speaker 1: anticipate on the front end what your child is like,

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Speaker 1: what you are like, what are your hot button issues?

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Speaker 1: Like you'll probably notice as Albi gets a little older

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Speaker 1: there are things that he does that make you insane

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Speaker 1: and your husband's sitting there like perfectly okay. Then he

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Speaker 1: does something that you thought was funny, and your husband's

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Speaker 1: about to lose his mind. And so it's figuring out

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Speaker 1: like who am I? Who am I with my partner?

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Speaker 1: Who is my kid? Not in this dog, not in

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Speaker 1: this like crazy shrinky like after take notes and understanding,

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Speaker 1: but just myke you know my kid gets cranky at

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Speaker 1: X time of day, Like if I bring a snack,

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Speaker 1: I can avoid a lot of the you know, it's

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Speaker 1: a lot of that kind of cutting it off of

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Speaker 1: the past, like knowing that maybe your kids having a

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Speaker 1: meltdown because you brought them to this thing so the

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Speaker 1: nap was skipped. So there we're setting them up for

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Speaker 1: a total possible ship storm, right of course, And it

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Speaker 1: can be something even from last week. You know, we

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Speaker 1: had we had family in town for the whole week

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Speaker 1: and everything was great and everyone was having fun, and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, my my son is doing these

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Speaker 1: strange things that he's never done before. And you won't

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Speaker 1: behave in this you know the ways that he has

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Speaker 1: behaved before, and I wonder what that's about. It's like, oh, right,

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Speaker 1: he's had to be on and be behaving list and

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Speaker 1: he's had a completely different environment for the whole for

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Speaker 1: the whole week, which and all of it was fine.

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Speaker 1: You're like, well that went well, but you know he

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Speaker 1: may be showing the signs of it a week later.

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Speaker 1: That's really good to read. The book Mama, Mama, Lama, Lama,

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Speaker 1: mad At Mama. Yeah, that's a brilliant book because it

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Speaker 1: really does. It makes so much sense. Like he was

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Speaker 1: just about taking nap and then he had to wake

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Speaker 1: up because he had to go, and so all these

399
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Speaker 1: things are coming into play and he finally has a

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Speaker 1: meltdown and the mother is trying to figure out why.

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Speaker 1: But you know in the book they spelled out so beautifully,

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Speaker 1: and I mean it's going to happen to every kid.

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Speaker 1: There's no child that does not have a meltdown at

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Speaker 1: some point, and there's no person like I had yesterday.

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Speaker 1: But I do think but that's important, Like we're human,

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Speaker 1: you know, they are having emotions, and we hold them

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Speaker 1: to a standard. You know when I often talk to

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Speaker 1: parents like what are you like when you're hungry? And

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Speaker 1: some parents are like, I'm fine, I'm a straight up asshole.

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Speaker 1: Like I always say, kids only act the way adults

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Speaker 1: would if it was socially acceptable. And I write something

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Speaker 1: and I also someone I think it's really again, there

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Speaker 1: are there are hard and fast principles, like I always

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Speaker 1: go back to love and connectedness and limits. There are

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Speaker 1: quick and dirty tools, but any are iCal or anything

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Speaker 1: that's like ten ways to make sure your kid never

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Speaker 1: has a tantrum. Again, It's it's it's just not quite

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Speaker 1: that simple. You can have those ten tools in your toolbox,

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Speaker 1: but you're never going to get away, to my mind,

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Speaker 1: from the deeper work of figuring out how to anticipate

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Speaker 1: your kids needs, how to figure out your own ship,

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Speaker 1: and how to kind of look at the larger context

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Speaker 1: of what's been happening in your family and your environment,

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Speaker 1: and can you asked about some examples of disciplining. I

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Speaker 1: think it's so age dependent because um once, I think

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Speaker 1: we actually were discussing a little bit like when does

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Speaker 1: it start. I mean it can start with with a

428
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,959
Speaker 1: you know, a child who's old enough to sit on

429
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 1: his own, but is is beginning to pull up, and

430
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 1: it is continually pulling up on you, for example, and

431
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 1: it's actually disciplining. And what I'm saying in quote and

432
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: air quotes which you can't see, um that to to say,

433
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want you pulling up on me.

434
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 1: You can pull up on the bookshelf, you or someplace

435
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: safe whatever. Is doing that right now when he bites

436
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: my nipple, Yeah, right, I don't want you to do that.

437
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,639
Speaker 1: I feel like that's my first sort of like you know,

438
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 1: and he looks up, moving the eye like like you know,

439
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 1: we've been through it enough now to know that I

440
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,160
Speaker 1: don't like it, and he gets the boob taken away,

441
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: like okay, well then that's your sign that like you're

442
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: having a hard time. We're having a hard time, and

443
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: we're not doing this and so you can chew on

444
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: something else. Yeah, you guys, breastfeeding is very close to

445
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 1: being done, and it's a very it's a consequence that

446
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: makes sense, which is always the way. It's not like, oh,

447
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: this is a like you're gonna bite my nipple and

448
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 1: therefore I'm going to take away your blanket like it's

449
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,719
Speaker 1: it's a very natural train of thought, like you're biting

450
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 1: me that hurts, and so I'm going to take away

451
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 1: this body part that you're hurting, which is how, as

452
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: you said before, the world works, and I try to

453
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: explain it to him while and it's happened. I mean,

454
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 1: I know again the rational thinking is like whatever, it's

455
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: probably more for me to be honest than him, because

456
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: you're just like your dad, just like my dad. You guys, oh,

457
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 1: I am since I think you want to try to

458
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 1: also just keep it short and sweet. You know that

459
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 1: hurts me, and I'm so I'm not gonna let you

460
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 1: do it. It's not like you don't get into it. Dies.

461
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 1: Katie's crib is all about me, all about my selfish

462
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: need of figuring out how to do this. Well, so

463
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 1: thank you, Okay, So I say, because I think as

464
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 1: they get older as well, I think the temptation Laurie

465
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: mentioned it is a sort of rationalize you know, well,

466
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: you know, if you eat a lot of pizza. You'll

467
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 1: start you might have a stomachache later, and then you

468
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 1: know that's actually not very healthy food. And here's why,

469
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 1: I mean, it's too much. It's just you know, you

470
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 1: had one piece and that's all we said you were

471
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: going to have. I always think of like what we

472
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,479
Speaker 1: can do that keep it? Oh, I thought we were

473
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: all like but also you know, I understand you want more.

474
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: I know it's delicious, but we said that today we'd

475
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: have one piece. So that's what we're doing with I

476
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: always like, wow, so you can really talk yourself out

477
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: like it's too much. It's too much. And also because

478
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: you're them, God, guys, this is this is such a

479
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: hot topic for me because I really I'm such a

480
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,640
Speaker 1: fluid like I'm going to have a very hard time

481
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 1: like my again, kids aren't dogs, but we're gonna go

482
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: to my dog for a second. My dog is a

483
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 1: terrible dog because I have no boundaries, no no limits.

484
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 1: And I'm glad I learned on the dog to be honest,

485
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 1: because I'm going to try to not sunk up my

486
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: human child in that. What I'm hearing from you is

487
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: that by setting limits and boundaries are saying maybe a

488
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: short sense. That doesn't mean I love him any less

489
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 1: or anything like that. It's like actually a very healthy

490
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: thing to set boundaries and limits in a loving, safe way. Yeah,

491
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: And I think Rebecca brought up about the emotions, that

492
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 1: that they cannot regulate their own emotions now and so

493
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 1: that in these situations you want to acknowledge the emotions.

494
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 1: I see how angry you are, and we're not gonna

495
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: have a pizza and we're not Like I often have

496
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 1: parents say like I either have to total line like no,

497
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: you can have the pizza. I said, you can have

498
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: the pizza, you know, or I have to give them

499
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: the pizza. And the fact is there's this whole gray

500
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: area and queen of like, I'm not going to give

501
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 1: you the pizza. But I totally get it because oftentimes

502
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 1: kids are escalating because they feel like you don't understand

503
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: how much I want a piece of pizza. So I'm

504
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: not trying about the pizza. I'm just like for the law,

505
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: and God, do you understand that this is a huge deal.

506
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: And as parents we do the opposite. We're like, it's pizza,

507
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: you had it yesterday, you'll have it tomorrow, Like take

508
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 1: it easy, but you know from your own life that never,

509
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 1: I mean no one who ever says things like that

510
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: to you. That never feels good. So you say, like

511
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,199
Speaker 1: you're really frustrated, you really want the pizza. I know

512
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 1: pizza is delicious. Like, squeeze my hand as hard as

513
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,719
Speaker 1: you possibly can because we're not having another piece of pizza.

514
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you did this? I did all

515
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: this and that's it. That's true, because absolutely Mad and

516
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: her kids are wonderful perfect, No they're not. But but

517
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 1: I remember, I remember so often just sitting and saying,

518
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 1: I get it, I understand how I know you want

519
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 1: ice cream. I'm sorry I can't give it to you today,

520
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,640
Speaker 1: but we've had enough treats already and we can maybe

521
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: have it tomorrow. But I'm really sorry, and I get

522
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: I want ice cream too, but it's it's not going

523
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: to happen today. And you say, and they really do

524
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: get it. It calms them down, It calms them down.

525
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: But then there was one point I wish I remember.

526
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: It was me shared Jamie and I said, I'm sorry,

527
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: I I understand, I know you want that doll, but

528
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: I just like that saying you understand I'm saying, right, Well,

529
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: my my frind's been like, but you're in charge, you

530
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: can get me ice cream, and I'm like, that is

531
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 1: an excellent point. However, doesn't stop saying how much you

532
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,399
Speaker 1: understand God, because once they actually get rational thinking, it's like,

533
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: now we're dealing with negotiating and but some natural consequences.

534
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: And like, I just want to say one more thing

535
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 1: about the giving long explanations, because not only is it

536
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: going but by a lot, especially if they're an emotion set,

537
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: but it's also it's really feeding, like let's make this

538
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: this really big deal. Let's really connect on this, and

539
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: particularly if you're a working mom, if you're a mom

540
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: of more than one kid, if you like every mom

541
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: and ning at the time I was on your phone. Well, no,

542
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: it's not only that, it's that's suddenly becomes the behavior

543
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 1: that gets that gets you. It's like, oh, mom is

544
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 1: suddenly not paying attention to my brother and not paying

545
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 1: attention to her phone and stopped cooking dinner and isn't

546
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 1: emailing her colleagues because I am going nuts about wanting

547
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,440
Speaker 1: more pizza. I think. So we're working for me, And

548
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 1: so part of the short explanation is something like, guys,

549
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: you are blowing my mind all day to day. And

550
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: then you can say, if you have that time and energy,

551
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 1: right then I tell you we're not having more pizza now,

552
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,320
Speaker 1: but I'd love to go play legos and and so

553
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 1: by all means give them that time and attention if

554
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 1: in that moment you haven't, but don't make it contingent

555
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 1: on their acting in this way that you're actually trying

556
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,880
Speaker 1: to Why is this ship you not to get into

557
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: the show that they're going to want to see tomorrow too?

558
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: You know, why is this ship not taught? I don't understand,

559
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: Like I feel like we would be making such better

560
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,360
Speaker 1: human like, like I just feel like I know so

561
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 1: many parents that don't well. In my former job, I

562
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 1: taught pediatricia because that those are the people that are

563
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: actually interfacing with parents, and parents have these questions, and

564
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: pediatricians actually don't learn, for example, about attachment in training

565
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: to be a pediatrician. Yeah, now I'm going to get also,

566
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: no good please. In Canada for five years, I'm Canadian

567
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 1: by birth, and it was freaking love Canadian. My best

568
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: used to babysit justin Trudeau. How crazy is that he is? So?

569
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 1: So anyway, I did a show called um the Mom

570
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: Show in Canada, and it was. It was. Our studio

571
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 1: was basically a playroom, a living room in a kitchen,

572
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: and we had on every day a supernanny. Her name

573
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: is Nanny Robina, and she was in the playroom with

574
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: the kids. We'd have three moms, regular moms on with

575
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 1: their kids. The kids would be in the playroom. We

576
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: had a pediatrician and we had a family therapist. Those

577
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 1: were our experts and every day we would have three

578
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: moms come in. They would talk about what was going

579
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: through now and we'd have the expert's way in on it.

580
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 1: It was such a great Have you sold this now?

581
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: I tried to sell it to a network that shall

582
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: not be named, and they said that parenting is too niche,

583
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: so that they couldn't sell it. But like every I mean,

584
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: it's a big niche. Like it's a big niche and

585
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: like very important because I feel like and it was

586
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: by the way, it was unscripted. The kids could write,

587
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: you know, but it would be cool because you could

588
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: watch a kid have a tantrum, then you could see

589
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: how someone would maybe deal with it. And then if

590
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: you're at home in your life, you could translated and

591
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: use some of those tools, and the kids could, like

592
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: we literally having us have our kids, they could just

593
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: wander in and come and sit on your lap if

594
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: they needed to, or they could be in the other room.

595
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,719
Speaker 1: It was very loose and it was It taught me

596
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 1: so much about parenting. Yeah, because you're really good at it. Um,

597
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: So tell me about RYE a little bit too. I'm

598
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 1: sorry we skipped over this, but can you explain because

599
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: we're saying that word a lot and I think are

600
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: and I'm a fan of it. So tell our listeners

601
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: if you can. How would you explain the method? So um,

602
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 1: One thing about RYE, which I should say right off

603
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: the bat, is that it's impossible to do an elevator

604
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: speech about it. Sorry, so thank you for asking. You're welcome.

605
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: But um, I can tell you a number of things.

606
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 1: RYE is an approach to childcare which emphasizes how we

607
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: connect with our children and having a relationship with them,

608
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: not as if they are little adults, but recognizing that

609
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 1: they are people and as as people, they need to

610
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 1: be related to with respect and with um nurturing and

611
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 1: also with firmness. So um, when we talk about respect,

612
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: it's a it's a it's it's sometimes people are like

613
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: respect babies, like what why? I don't get what you mean?

614
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: But and we and you see it every day how

615
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: parents can often treat their they love their babies, but

616
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: they don't always treat them with respect. And so you know,

617
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: sort of dangling the baby, throwing the baby up in

618
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: the air, maybe that's not what the baby wants. Did

619
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: you did? Was that? Was there any thought put into that?

620
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: Or just sort of picking the baby up, putting them

621
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 1: on the changing table, doing the diaper change, putting them

622
00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: down and not telling them to what's going on is disrespectful.

623
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: And because they can they can't understand if you say

624
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pick you up now, you show them your hands,

625
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: and you wait until you get some kind of recognition

626
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: that they've that they heard you. You know, maybe they

627
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: move slightly towards you, maybe they just make eye contact.

628
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: You know, that's a respectful exchange. And you you you

629
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: don't see as much of that as I wish. Yeah,

630
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 1: it's really truly like an amazing thing. So when what

631
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: I said about discipline and that it's really not about

632
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: it's not about how can I get my child to

633
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: do this or get my child to to do that.

634
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: It's really what kind of relationship do I want to

635
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: have with my child and how do I want to

636
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: influence what he or she becomes in the world, and

637
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: how can I do that in a respectful way. So

638
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 1: one of the examples that I gave the child sitting

639
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: on your lap trying to pull up, Um, you recognize

640
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: that they have physical needs. It's same way that you

641
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: recognize that they have these emotional needs when they become

642
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 1: toddlers and they're overwhelmed by these giant emotions that they have.

643
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: You recognize that. You acknowledge that I know you want

644
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 1: to pull up. I see you have this need, but

645
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: you can't do it in this fashion because that hurts me,

646
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: or because it's not healthy, or because it's dangerous. But

647
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 1: I will give you another way of doing it. So

648
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 1: it kind of it's just a very different exchange from

649
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: don't do this or no, you can't do that. How

650
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: would you guys, like, for example, like Ry, I go

651
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 1: to the classes in l A. I love it. I

652
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 1: know it. My husband has never been, my nan has

653
00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: never been. How do you guys make sure the this

654
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: united front of caretakers to your baby are all on

655
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,239
Speaker 1: the same page. Like, you know, my kid is with

656
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: a nanny right now, I'm working mom. He's with her

657
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: a lot, and I'm curious about how, you know, how

658
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: do we form a good team to make sure that everyone,

659
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: like I said it on the same page, and we're

660
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 1: all understanding that when huge emotional swings happen or they're

661
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: throwing themselves on the floor and kicking and screaming that

662
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 1: they didn't get pizza, Like I know that, Like my

663
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: nanny and I have a very different style, but even

664
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 1: my husband and I to be honest or on different

665
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: you know, like you should have asked him on the

666
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 1: so what do you think of what do you think

667
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: about child? He's very like he has a much higher

668
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: threshold for just like you know, so what he's crying,

669
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: let him cry for a what like he's he's a

670
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: much higher threshold for I guess being tougher is maybe

671
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: the word you would use. Or he um, he didn't

672
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: carry him for nine months. It's a whole different dynamic.

673
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: And also like with Rye stuff like he loves our

674
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 1: sons so much and he's an incredible dad and he

675
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 1: loves to smush on him and kiss him so much.

676
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 1: And sometimes the baby audibly complains, and I'm like, the

677
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: baby is communicating with you that he don't want that

678
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: right now, Like he's like, but I don't care. He's

679
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 1: my baby. I'm kissing him everywhere, and and the baby

680
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 1: is like completely whining and complaining, and I'm like, the

681
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,400
Speaker 1: baby is like, get the funk out of my space.

682
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:30,359
Speaker 1: And Adam, I like to say to him, how would

683
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,720
Speaker 1: you feel if someone was doing that to you? Doesn't

684
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: really translate, but I'm trying. So how would you guys

685
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 1: suggest getting people on the same page for people who

686
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,399
Speaker 1: are listening if they're don't line up exactly with their

687
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: partner whoever they're raising the baby. Wow, that's a tough

688
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: question and it comes up all the time in classes. UM,

689
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 1: and I think there, it's it's it's it's difficult. And

690
00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 1: I think you sometimes also have to choose your battles

691
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: because you may not be able to be on the

692
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 1: same page about every single interaction and that happens in

693
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: your home. Um, I do think that the more your

694
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: husband is able to in this case, I'm saying, yes,

695
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: it can also be you know, a nanny or partner

696
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: or whatever. But the more they're able to observe how

697
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: you interact with your child and and and the success

698
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:23,320
Speaker 1: of those interactions, the more they might become a little

699
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: more willing to accept your method or to try out

700
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 1: some of the things that you're doing. Um, I think

701
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 1: you might also look at like, why is it that

702
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: if if it take an example that the father is

703
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: much more prone to be very, very stern, and it

704
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: feels like the child is not getting enough quote unquote discipline,

705
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: you might also look at like, why is that? Is

706
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: he thinking that what I'm doing is is too soft?

707
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: Is it too soft? Um? You know what's needed for

708
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: the child? And and and how can I not not

709
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 1: just know I'm doing everything that's right, and you're need

710
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 1: to change to what I'm doing? You know, maybe maybe

711
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,920
Speaker 1: there's a reason that he thinks that more sternness is needed.

712
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 1: You know, maybe you're not being quite as you know quite,

713
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: Maybe you're not setting as many limits as are needed,

714
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,840
Speaker 1: or you're not being as firm and consistent about it. So,

715
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's not necessarily the case, but that's

716
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: something to It's interesting. I know everything, and I'm going

717
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: to tell you how to do that, do it the

718
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: right way or whatever way? That I feel is better. Um,

719
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: but definitely I feel like the modeling can have a

720
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: huge effect. I mean it's particularly like in laws. I've

721
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 1: had people come into class and say, you know, my

722
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 1: my in laws just thought I was insane doing this

723
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 1: wright thing. It's so different from what they grew up with.

724
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: It's so different from what they did with their children.

725
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,439
Speaker 1: But they saw me, you know, they saw my child

726
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 1: sit down and have a snack and sit on a

727
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,800
Speaker 1: stool when he's eighteen months old, and they were blown away.

728
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: I think it's also and I do this a lot

729
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 1: with parents that I work with, UM, it can be

730
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: a really beautiful conversation to say, what do we want

731
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,839
Speaker 1: him to look like when he's older, Like, what are

732
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,800
Speaker 1: the qualities that are most important to us as parents

733
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: that are so for example, ball, I hear that a

734
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: lot about affection and I've even brought in again not

735
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: to go on a political bent, but like the met

736
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: too movement, their body is their body and they are

737
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: allowed to say no, don't touch me, and that starts

738
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 1: young and so like. But if you want that and

739
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: you value that, how do we get there? And then

740
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 1: that can be a collaborative conversation between parents, and there's

741
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 1: a lot of science backing up different ways. So it

742
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: would be like, Okay, I want my son or I

743
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: want my daughter to be really confident and resilient. Okay, well,

744
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: there's a lot of research showing that the best way

745
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: to instill and promote confidence and resilience is with a

746
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 1: really connected early childhood relationship, meeting your kids needs. It's

747
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: anti it's counterintuitive. A lot of people feel like, oh,

748
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 1: I need to foster independence early on so they become independent. Actually,

749
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: and I don't mean independent in like the healthy right way.

750
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 1: I mean the like he needs to stop crying and

751
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 1: buck up or whatever. Actually the opposite is true when

752
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 1: the early years of life, like showing that you're there

753
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: to help your kid and be there for them emotionally.

754
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 1: I it is what gives them right. So it's a

755
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: lot of there are quote unquote some answers, not in

756
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: a formulaic way of like do this get this? You know,

757
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 1: it's not like you put your soda cam. But having

758
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: parents think together about what kind of a family do

759
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 1: we want, what kind of a kid do we want?

760
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,799
Speaker 1: And then what are some ways that we can get

761
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: there together can be a really collaborative and cool conversation

762
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,839
Speaker 1: to have, particularly not in the moment of the thing.

763
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 1: And that's like, right when we're all calm, right, you

764
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 1: can't be having this conversation whild exactly like sit and

765
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: have dinner and again, you know, and just talk about

766
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 1: in a fun way. I mean, it can be like

767
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: a fun fantasy. And when my son goes to a

768
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 1: therapist when he's sixteen, what do I want him to

769
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:50,440
Speaker 1: say about me? WHOA, yeah, that's great. What do you

770
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: think Lorie? But yeah, like are you are you? And

771
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: are you guys so united? Like I mean, have you

772
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: been so united? And like we do believe in grounding.

773
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,440
Speaker 1: We don't believe in grounding. This warrants you know, like

774
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: we were a time out failing, you know what I mean?

775
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 1: Like wo and if we if we are not are

776
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,439
Speaker 1: united front, we never show it, are we? We talked

777
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: about it behind closed doors. It's key. They can never

778
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,399
Speaker 1: see the crack in the army. They can never They

779
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 1: will They will be starting from very young. They will

780
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: know that oh mom's the sucker and will say yes,

781
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: and Dad will say now and and you know, and

782
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 1: they'll work it if they if they want so. Um,

783
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 1: Michael and I have always tried really hard to stay

784
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: on the same page. I always thought I would be

785
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: like the the iron fist, and he was going to

786
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 1: be the velvet glove, the pushover, and it's actually turned

787
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 1: around to be the other way around. But for somehow,

788
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: we we keep it calm. We don't fight in front

789
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,240
Speaker 1: of them, and we don't yell at them, and and

790
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: that that's a controversial thing too. We keep a very

791
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,320
Speaker 1: calm household. But the problem with a calm household, I

792
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: don't know whether we've done them any favors, because now

793
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: when somebody yells at them, they collapse. They don't know

794
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: what is going on, because we honestly rarely, if ever

795
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 1: raised of voices to them. We just always kept a

796
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: calm like, look at this is what it's going to be.

797
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 1: We're not gonna listen to it. I think that's great. Yeah,

798
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: it is great, except that that, you know, the other day, No,

799
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: it was actually not the other it was like years ago.

800
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: But I was like, damn it, Michael, I'm really blah

801
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 1: blah blah, and and my daughter looking she said, stop screaming,

802
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: and Daddy stop screaming, like screaming. They don't even know

803
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: what whatever real and it has done them a bit

804
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 1: of a disservice. But for the most part, they are

805
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 1: calm kids. They walk into the world, you know, sort

806
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: of in a with a very and they also know

807
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: that we love them. So when we do discipline them,

808
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: you know, it's to the point now where my daughter says, yes,

809
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: I know you love me, mom, Like I get it,

810
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 1: I understand that you have to do this, but you

811
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 1: still love me. Yes, that's great. So when they can

812
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: finish that sentence for you, then it's good. Yes, And

813
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 1: I would just say that it's okay, I agree with

814
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 1: you about the chink in the armor when it's sort

815
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 1: of not a healthy discussion, but it's really also okay

816
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 1: to say to your kid like I talked to daddy

817
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,759
Speaker 1: and I changed my mom, you know, or you know,

818
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: daddy and I talked about this and now I actually

819
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: feel a little bit different. Oh this is a huge question,

820
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: Yeah that I want to say, like how much of

821
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: it is like I said, like we're not going to

822
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: have the pizza. I've heard from other moms just as

823
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 1: in life, like would you not go back on that

824
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,239
Speaker 1: like the minute you say or this type of thing. Okay,

825
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: if you do that one more time. I'm just explained

826
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: to you were going to leave the party. Okay. Um,

827
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 1: I've said that we're not going to do whatever it

828
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 1: is five times and on the sixth time, we're going

829
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: to leave the party whatever it is. And I know

830
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,759
Speaker 1: a mom who I respect very well and her kids

831
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:39,480
Speaker 1: are awesome, and she was like, let me tell you something.

832
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: It only takes a couple of times, but you leave

833
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: that party and they and they know that your word

834
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: means something and they can't. Is that true? I think,

835
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 1: I mean, I think there's two questions about consistency. So

836
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 1: one is that yes, when you I mean leave the

837
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: party thing, I would say, I see you're having a

838
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 1: hard time being here. Too much is going on. We're

839
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: to go home. I mean that's you know, you can't

840
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: hit you, you hit your friend, We're going to go.

841
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: It's not so much like I'm going to threaten you

842
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be five chances, because they'll take the

843
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:13,760
Speaker 1: five chances. Um. But I think Rebecca's point about changing

844
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: your mind, you know, they're going to be times when

845
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,359
Speaker 1: you cannot hold the line because you're human. You have

846
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,760
Speaker 1: you know, the stresses of life in New York City

847
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: or life in a rural town. I mean, you have

848
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 1: a lot of stresses. So um, there's going to be

849
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 1: the time where you say, you know what I thought

850
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 1: about it. We're gonna have another pizza today. We're gonna

851
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: have another piece, you know, And it's not. It's not

852
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 1: if you have established that you are the authority, and

853
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: if you've established that you have this kind of relationship

854
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: with your child where you do talk about these things

855
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: and you do set limits, and you do recognize his

856
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: emotions and his needs, then you go back on it

857
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: one time, you go back on it, you know, five

858
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 1: times in two months. It's not going to change that.

859
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 1: They know that you're the no. And I love that

860
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: you say that, you say, I thought about it. It's

861
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: giving them human Like wait a second, I'm this is

862
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 1: what a human being does when they make a mistake

863
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:08,879
Speaker 1: or when they change their mind. In my book, because

864
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 1: I get this question all the time, it's a personal example,

865
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 1: and I just think it speaks to this because parents

866
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: say to me all the time like exactly that question,

867
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 1: Like you say, to be really consistent, but also that

868
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: I'm human and I can make mistakes. And I think

869
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: your point is very well taken, which is that the

870
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 1: point is your overall consistent and then you can But

871
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: I Henry, who's my oldest who's turning five in March,

872
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,760
Speaker 1: when he was three, I remember he called me into

873
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: his room at one point, like two in the morning,

874
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: and he sort of knew that he could only call

875
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: me and if it was an emergency. But the emergency

876
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: was that he wanted more ice in his water. And

877
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,359
Speaker 1: it's two in the morning and he called me out

878
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: of bed and he asked for more ice in his water,

879
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 1: this little freaking three year old, right, And I said, no,

880
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: that's not an emergency. I'm not getting you ice in

881
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: your water. That's insane. And he started to lose his mind.

882
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 1: And what I was able to do, and I can't

883
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: always do this, but I talked about it. I was

884
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: able to just up for a second and take stock

885
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,359
Speaker 1: and be like, Okay, I'm exhausted. I have a big

886
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 1: day at work tomorrow. He's never done this before. I

887
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: am taking a risk that if I go get him

888
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: ice for his water, maybe tomorrow he'll wake up and

889
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 1: want it again. And then it's just one choice point

890
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 1: in time, like it's just it's not because parents get

891
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: overwhelmed with like if I say no now, I mean

892
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: if I say yes now, every night till he's fifteen,

893
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: he's gonna wake it's like no, like right, like what's

894
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: happening right now? And I ended up getting him ice

895
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: for his water. You know, I went all the way

896
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: down stairs. I got him ice, and it was just

897
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: the path of least resistance. But I said it out loud,

898
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 1: not because at age three in the middle of the

899
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 1: night he would understand, but as a way of starting

900
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,240
Speaker 1: to practice, I said, you know what, I changed my mind.

901
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 1: I am going to get you ice for your water,

902
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,800
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna get you ice for your water because

903
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 1: I really need to get back to sleep, and so

904
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: do you. And I went down and I did it,

905
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 1: and he didn't wake up the next night wanting it.

906
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 1: And if he had, then maybe I would take a

907
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 1: different approach, like it's it's right. You can't you say

908
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 1: he didn't understand and and maybe you know, the words

909
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: weren't computing the way they would in our minds. But

910
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 1: I think he probably sense you had to change in tone,

911
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 1: and that is that communicating. I agree, And again it's

912
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: also just modeling, being thoughtful, as you said, and just

913
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: practicing for when he's older and does realize and I

914
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: am going to need to say you know what, Yeah

915
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: I said this and I thought about it, and I'm

916
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: chaking and actually you're curp you can and I'm changing

917
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,720
Speaker 1: my mind from my needs like that was an important

918
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 1: like this actually is going to be about me right now.

919
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,919
Speaker 1: I want to get back to sleep. And so that's

920
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 1: why I'm what I parents, What do you guys think

921
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: about when this ship goes down in public? Because like, yeah,

922
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: like that's the stuff that like I'm I, you know,

923
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: having a one year old. We talked about this a

924
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: lot in the podcast about you know, hopefully finding a

925
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: mom crew or friends that really you do truly feel

926
00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: supported by and not judged by, or you don't each

927
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 1: others because as we all know this this mothering thing,

928
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: women can be very harsh and it can be a

929
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: very unfortunately judgment filled space. Um and yeah, I can

930
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: tell you are I can tell. But I feel like,

931
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 1: as I move forward, I have this awesome group of moms.

932
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,919
Speaker 1: We're all very close with babies at the same age,

933
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 1: and I'm really curious to see how, you know, because

934
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 1: we're already starting to split off with like I know,

935
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,799
Speaker 1: the moms who are like in the group who are

936
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: like super fucking tough and hardcore, and I know the

937
00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 1: moms who are like super super lax and like you

938
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like it's already like becoming clear

939
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,720
Speaker 1: and where I'm falling in that line. But I'm curious

940
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: when we're at each other's when your birthday party is

941
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: coming up and or no, not one, but probably like

942
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: two or three and like freak out start to happen,

943
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,960
Speaker 1: or babies need to leave the party because babies aren't

944
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 1: having or the toddlers not having a You're not you're

945
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 1: not enjoying yourself at this party, so it's time to

946
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 1: go um Or the person who's like you get six

947
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 1: chances is and then we're out of here, or the

948
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 1: mom who grabs that child by the arm very roughly.

949
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 1: I mean, look like we've all seen these things, So like,

950
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 1: what are your tips for public boundary setting, like with

951
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: your own tribe. I think the number one thing I

952
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,479
Speaker 1: say to go back to what we said, like, because

953
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: this comes up all the time, is that's the most

954
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: important time to be on the same team as your kid,

955
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 1: because what I see all the time is parents who

956
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 1: talk to me or I'll do an observation or whatever,

957
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: and their kid will start melting down in the playground,

958
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,799
Speaker 1: and their immediate alliance is to the other moms. So

959
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: they'll immediately feel like embarrassed that their kid is, you know,

960
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 1: and they're I'm sorry, sorry, no one can see me,

961
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 1: you know, like they'll they'll look at the other moms

962
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: and or on the on the grocery store line, you know,

963
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 1: they'll their kids will start grabbing something and they'll look

964
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:49,760
Speaker 1: at the other customers. Oh, I'm you know, I'm sorry.

965
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: You know, he's not. You gotta just try to tune

966
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 1: that stuff out as your first It's not that you

967
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: can't eventually circle back and if your kid hit some

968
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: old woman by only, but like you're it's like you

969
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: go to your kid and again you're on your kids team.

970
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 1: It's not I gave you six chances. It's like, this

971
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: isn't working for you. I'm right here, Let's go outside

972
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,320
Speaker 1: and talk about it, let's figure it out, or um.

973
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 1: Because I think I've seen I've seen it in like

974
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: a in a moment kids since when that connectedness is

975
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 1: lost and if they're having a big emotional reaction like

976
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: a tantrum in public. The number one thing that's going

977
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,319
Speaker 1: to make it amp up is sensing like where my

978
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: mom go Like my mom is, but she's not actually

979
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: with me. She's now suddenly best friends with that person

980
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 1: she's never seen before. And I think we have to

981
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: examine our own instincts about like why am I something

982
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 1: best friends with that woman? Who when my own kid?

983
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,879
Speaker 1: Who's more important to her? The kids that the other

984
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 1: mothers at the playground, or your child of course, or

985
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 1: even your friend who has a different approach. And then

986
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: in the moment though it's just for whatever reason, it's

987
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 1: so hard, that judgment thing is one of the hardest

988
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,799
Speaker 1: things to deal with, I think. But but the remembering,

989
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 1: you know, the relationship with your child is the most important,

990
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: and then also remembering that it doesn't really matter in

991
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,800
Speaker 1: the scheme of things that your child had a meltdown.

992
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: You know, in the serial Aisle Michael, Michael was taking

993
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: Jamie across the street one day and she wouldn't hold

994
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: his hand, and he's like, you have to hold my hand.

995
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm walking an hold Ranet. She had a complete meltdown

996
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 1: in the middle of the corner of four and bro

997
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 1: and he just, I mean and literally people are walking, Gilman.

998
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's a very Piman like famous. Yeah,

999
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 1: And I remember because I was there to what he

1000
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,839
Speaker 1: did was he crouched down. You got to get down

1001
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 1: to their level because if you're just towering over them,

1002
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 1: yelling at the it's not gonna get down to their level.

1003
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: I understand you're upset. This is a safety issue, like

1004
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 1: whatever is you have to say to get them to

1005
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: do this is unacceptable behavior, which lying down in the

1006
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 1: middle of the street is, and you know whatever. But

1007
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,120
Speaker 1: the hardest thing you'll ever do as a parent is

1008
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 1: not lose it. I mean, you swallow so much rage

1009
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 1: sometimes when you just want to scream back, and it's

1010
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 1: the probably the worst thing you can do because if

1011
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: you're a screamer, they'll be a screamer and then that's

1012
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 1: the relationship. But if you can just tamp it down,

1013
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 1: walk away for ten seconds, make sure they're safe, but

1014
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,760
Speaker 1: just you know, take it, take ten breaths, because sometimes

1015
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 1: that's as many as it you need um come back.

1016
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: It'll it'll make for a happier environment in general. And

1017
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:16,879
Speaker 1: sometimes you're not going to be able to do that,

1018
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 1: and you're going to scream at your kid and say

1019
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,800
Speaker 1: something you regret, and the idea of rupture and repair

1020
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,839
Speaker 1: like you go back and you will say I'm sorry.

1021
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 1: You say I'm sorry a lot. We were on eighty

1022
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: four and Broadway, which is, by the way, where my

1023
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,280
Speaker 1: grandparents used to I grew up on eighty first and Broadway.

1024
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 1: But you know, we're on eighty four and Broadway, and

1025
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:34,919
Speaker 1: I just I got really impatient and I lost my mind.

1026
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry that I, you know, use the F

1027
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: word and I yanked you. I don't do that a lot.

1028
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: And at the same time, I can't lie down on

1029
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 1: the street, and so let's go have an ice cream.

1030
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: And I think also a part of your question that

1031
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: has to do with just friends and your real moms

1032
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 1: and group you know, other parents that you interact with.

1033
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:55,359
Speaker 1: And I think, but again it's the most important thing

1034
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 1: is you stay close to your child, and your child

1035
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: can understand. You know, Jim's house is different from my house.

1036
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: This is how Jim's mom behaves, or even just you

1037
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: know that mom at the playground. It's like, I don't

1038
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: think that she wants you to play with you know,

1039
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: Johnny's truck. You know in our house, you know, you

1040
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 1: would be able to do that. You would be able

1041
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 1: to play with your friend's toys, but she doesn't really

1042
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 1: want you to, so let's go to the sandbox or

1043
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, the house that you're allowed to watch

1044
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,439
Speaker 1: Pretty Woman at when you're twelve is like the house

1045
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 1: that every kid wants to have a sleepover at, you

1046
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, well I didn't, I didn't. Yeah,

1047
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,279
Speaker 1: that's a that's a whole lot of boundaries, and it's

1048
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 1: like begging for someone parents to say no, this is

1049
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 1: an inappropriate movie for you. You know you you know,

1050
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,879
Speaker 1: they think that they're the cool kid, but they really

1051
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: would love it if somebody told them. You know, that

1052
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 1: is huge to hear. That is huge to hear. My

1053
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,280
Speaker 1: relationship is with my child. You know, that's the most

1054
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:52,319
Speaker 1: valued in my life, and like the one that I

1055
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:58,480
Speaker 1: have to Yeah, like practice, prioritize and practice the methods

1056
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: that feel the best for us, no matter where we

1057
00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 1: are or who's looking. Um, this is so helpful. I

1058
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 1: feel like we've been talking forever and it is nowhere

1059
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 1: near enough. Can we just go around really quick and

1060
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 1: say I don't know any words of wisdom or like

1061
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 1: a quick advice you have for anyone embarking on this

1062
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: journey of parenthood. I mean, I feel like we touched

1063
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 1: on some real fucking gems. But if there's anything you

1064
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 1: guys forgot or feel like you didn't get in, I

1065
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: mean again, there this is endless, but something to maybe

1066
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 1: remember put in the back of their pocket. Hang on,

1067
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 1: let me get my notes out. I love that we're

1068
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 1: on the same team. I love that we're I think

1069
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 1: love and limits I talk about all the time, Like

1070
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:44,239
Speaker 1: just when in doubt, go back to like how does

1071
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 1: the love thing feel in my home? Not like do

1072
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 1: I love my kid? But are we showing it? Are

1073
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: we connecting? If I'm super super busy all the time,

1074
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: can I leave my kids and post its? Can I

1075
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: tell them at night when I kissed them good night,

1076
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,839
Speaker 1: you know, three specific times of day that I thought

1077
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 1: about them and in what way? And then how am

1078
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 1: I doing on limits? How am I doing on modeling

1079
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 1: the behavior I want? You know? And just as a

1080
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,720
Speaker 1: general like quick and dirty guide, as you said back pocket,

1081
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 1: when your kid is acting in ways that you're not

1082
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 1: loving and you see it trending over time, um, let

1083
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 1: me go back to love, let me go back to limits.

1084
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: And then, like we said, in the beginning, let me

1085
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 1: go back to what's happening in the whole system, because

1086
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 1: you had that great point christ and about there were

1087
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:27,840
Speaker 1: family in town last week, you know, like, let me

1088
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 1: let me go back to see a big picture, bigger

1089
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 1: picture than I might be in and figure out kind

1090
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: of what may be going on for my kids. And Gloria,

1091
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: I was just looking at my notes into something I've

1092
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 1: said before. You need to listen to your child. Make

1093
00:53:44,719 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 1: sure you're listening to them and listening to them with

1094
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 1: clear ears and not with an agenda of any kind. Um.

1095
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: It's so important they are trying to communicate to you

1096
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 1: in any way they can. And a lot of the

1097
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:58,840
Speaker 1: tantrums come because of the frustration that you're not getting

1098
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 1: what they're trying to explain to you. So listen to

1099
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,280
Speaker 1: your child, Listen, Listen, listen, listen, listen. So we have listened.

1100
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: We have love, and we have limits. And so I'm

1101
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: just going to add an r which relationship that when

1102
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: you're parenting, you're building the relationship that you want to

1103
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 1: have with this being for the rest of their life. Um.

1104
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 1: And and that's I mean, that's maybe just a sort

1105
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,640
Speaker 1: of cosmic sound. No it's but if you really go

1106
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 1: back to thinking like, well, what kind of relationship do

1107
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 1: I want to have with this being? And how can

1108
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: I achieve that? Oh, you guys, this makes me feel

1109
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: so much better. I really this was so hopeful and

1110
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 1: and I think the three of you are so remarkable

1111
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to

1112
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,719
Speaker 1: be on Katie's Crib. Thank you so much, thank you,

1113
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 1: thank you ladies, thank you, thank you guys so much

1114
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: for listening to Katie's Crib. And be sure to check

1115
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:00,799
Speaker 1: out Shonda land dot com where you can find every

1116
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 1: episode of Katie's Crib and we've got crib notes for

1117
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: each episode where you can find out more about our

1118
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: guests and links to some of the resources we talked

1119
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:11,400
Speaker 1: about on the podcast. And last, but not least, subscribe.

1120
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 1: We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher basically like wherever you

1121
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: get your podcasts. Yet I want to watch what I want,

1122
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 1: you want