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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: we never told you picture of iHeart Radio and uh,

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Speaker 1: if you've listened to our recent episodes, we are in

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Speaker 1: the final stretch listeners of the year. This is our

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Speaker 1: last recording session, I believe, and there's something wild. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we've had some some technical issues this year, so mate,

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Speaker 1: it's possible that too, lovely, Gosh, my birthday will never

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Speaker 1: be the same anyway, So we've already had some some mishaps,

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Speaker 1: but we're powering through, and we're powering through with this

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Speaker 1: episode that I think we could come back and revisit

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Speaker 1: in a much more research episode, But for today, we're

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Speaker 1: just going to kind of have an informal discussion around

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Speaker 1: gift giving and some of the interesting, interesting i'll say,

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Speaker 1: dynamics that can occur with gift giving since a lot

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Speaker 1: of us are in in that season where you're buying

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Speaker 1: gifts frantically. I gosh, I spent like three hours wrapping

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Speaker 1: gifts the other day in my back, my back, but

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Speaker 1: the gifts look great except on the bottom not good. Um,

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Speaker 1: but you know you put on the floor, they can't

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Speaker 1: see that, right, I'll let you listeners. Oh yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's okay. Um, we need to be more honest about

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Speaker 1: all of this, which is what we're talking about. So

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Speaker 1: this is meant to be kind of more of a

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Speaker 1: humorous thing. Though a lot of what we're talking about stinks, um,

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Speaker 1: But there are larger issues here, especially around money, especially

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Speaker 1: around a lot of things we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: that we could explore in more depths. So I just

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Speaker 1: want to say that we're more and more just talking

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Speaker 1: about our anecdotal stories and experiences. Um. Yeah, honestly, I

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Speaker 1: know you said that this came from the story that

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Speaker 1: I was told I had told for my birthday, And

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Speaker 1: just to kind of put it loosely, essentially, my relationship

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Speaker 1: with my family has been a little difficult in the

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Speaker 1: last ten years. I have changed a lot, and I

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Speaker 1: will say they have not. And I did not realize

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Speaker 1: the differences that we had because for so long I

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Speaker 1: was trying to acclimate to their beliefs, um to their standards,

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Speaker 1: which I find problematic. Um, and I think most people

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Speaker 1: in our listenership would find problematic. Uh. They are that

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Speaker 1: modern racist where they feel like what they're thinking is

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Speaker 1: not as bad as way back when, So therefore their

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Speaker 1: opinions are not that bad, which I would disagree with wholeheartedly,

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Speaker 1: especially today as we've come full circle to a lot

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Speaker 1: of that same issues that you know we've talked been

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Speaker 1: talking about for the last hundred years. Honestly, right, um

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Speaker 1: and I say we as in like the all of

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Speaker 1: people in this fight, not me personally, I have I

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Speaker 1: am not a hundred years old. Let's go ahead and

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Speaker 1: put that out there just case that is a confusing statement. Um.

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Speaker 1: And I was getting older and actually having money and

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Speaker 1: coming into my own adulthood, in my own independence I have.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have up my game in gift giving,

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Speaker 1: which I was pretty proud of. I will say again,

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Speaker 1: last year talked about the money a lot of that

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Speaker 1: because I could not afford to give the things that

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Speaker 1: I truly want, and so I I think I'm a

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Speaker 1: pretty good gift giver. So I tried my best to

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Speaker 1: do all of these things. And as of reason, I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen my parents as much as they would like

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Speaker 1: me to. We've kind of gotten distant again, not only

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Speaker 1: because of our beliefs, but when it comes down to

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, our attitudes have been different. Um. And so

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Speaker 1: therefore we have not seen each other. Their fiftieth anniversary happened,

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Speaker 1: and I did not go because it was in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the pandemic. They went forward because celebrating to

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Speaker 1: them was more important than the health of others. And

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Speaker 1: I felt that was not as important from my standpoint,

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Speaker 1: because if I were to get someone sick, I would

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Speaker 1: be wrought with guilt, like because that point there was

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Speaker 1: no vaccine. All these things, so that there was a

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Speaker 1: big wedge. And it's it's understandable on both ends, if

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. If the FIFTI year anniversary, which it is,

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Speaker 1: it's a big thing. It's important your daughter who did

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Speaker 1: not show up what feels a slight to them, and

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Speaker 1: I think it did. All these things happened um as

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Speaker 1: we finally came together. I should try to make things.

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Speaker 1: You know, with gift giving, you can't buy love. I

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Speaker 1: know this, but I'm trying to show that. I Hey,

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Speaker 1: I know you, I thought about this for you, whatever whatnot.

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Speaker 1: I went home and typically when for our celebration, because

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Speaker 1: we don't see each other all the time, I live

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Speaker 1: an hour and a half away. Everybody's busy, like they

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Speaker 1: celebrate birthdays. But at the beginning of months and September.

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Speaker 1: You you know, this is heavy with birthdays and celebrations

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Speaker 1: and minds included. My mom's who is included, is included.

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Speaker 1: Their anniversary was included. So I assumed we were all

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Speaker 1: celebrating that I showed up, I had all the guests ready.

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Speaker 1: My partner, you know, came in. We were very excited,

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Speaker 1: and they kind of didn't have anything for me, which

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Speaker 1: was surprising because I've talked about the fact that they

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Speaker 1: used to make me cheesecake every year and it was

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Speaker 1: just a tradition that didn't happen. Um, they were kind

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Speaker 1: of surprised that I came in, but it was like

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Speaker 1: two days before the anniversary, so of course I've brought

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Speaker 1: them an anniversary gift that I came in with all

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Speaker 1: these gifts. I was like, I'm not gonna see if

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Speaker 1: your birthday, here's this and this, and they were like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: well we'll send you a gift, which was so awkward.

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Speaker 1: So none, nothing happened because I literally prepared my partner,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna get a cheesecake. And this is why I

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Speaker 1: think my mom's doing the celebration as it's an assumption

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Speaker 1: and I strongly apparently and so none of that happened,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, okay, well that that felt weird.

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Speaker 1: And this happened after an instance in which this is

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Speaker 1: I was not not it's not as humorous. It's not

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Speaker 1: as humorous. I wish it was, but it's it kind

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Speaker 1: of I kind of got mothered as in like they

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Speaker 1: talked about my grandparent, who was really close to at

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Speaker 1: one point, like before their death, and I still missed

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Speaker 1: them very much. And there was my niece and myself

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Speaker 1: and we were talking about it, and at one point

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Speaker 1: she she my mother went as actually saying saying that

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Speaker 1: it was my sister's grandmother, not mine, and to the

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Speaker 1: point that my niece had to defend me. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, wow, what just happened? Okay, like it was

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Speaker 1: the and I was never had that happened in my

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Speaker 1: life until that point to my face that that's to

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Speaker 1: my friends. So that's the whole thing. So all these

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Speaker 1: things were like hints that the things were changing, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know what to do about this.

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Speaker 1: And so for my birthday, I get my call to

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Speaker 1: my mom. She was like, oh, we got your birthday present.

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Speaker 1: It should be coming. It should be coming. I was

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Speaker 1: like oh cool cool. My thought is they always give

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Speaker 1: me gift cards. Cool. I love that. Give me that. No,

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Speaker 1: not a good deal. I love the gift cars. Give

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Speaker 1: it to me. I'll spend that. Wait and waited. It

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Speaker 1: was late, it was late, it was late, and finally

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Speaker 1: showed up. I kind of looked at it and I

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Speaker 1: opened it up, and it was a nice like one

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Speaker 1: of those gifts giving places, obviously, like they that's their

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Speaker 1: whole thing. If you look up nice gifts to send,

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Speaker 1: this is going to be one of those places. It

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Speaker 1: is like like baskets of things, themed things, you know,

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. And it was literally a tray of

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Speaker 1: dried fruit. And I set and stared at it, and

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Speaker 1: I looked at my partner because both of us were

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Speaker 1: like what Because I have never in my life said

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Speaker 1: anything that I like dried fruit. I've never in my

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Speaker 1: life said anything about this company. So it made no

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Speaker 1: sense for my mother, who typically is a really great

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Speaker 1: gift giver that she's amazing and very considerate for the

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Speaker 1: most part, that I just sat there and I laughed,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what am I supposed to do

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Speaker 1: with this? I don't eat this, I don't do this.

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Speaker 1: And when I looked it up. I was like, it's

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Speaker 1: a nice gift for someone you don't know. It's literally

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Speaker 1: like if you're sending it to an older person or

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Speaker 1: someone that you had not seen, it was a condolence's

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Speaker 1: gift essentially, right, it's nothing. And I was just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I think they are really mad at me. Like that's

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Speaker 1: all I could think was this was one of those

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Speaker 1: last minute they forgot I did something super super nice.

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Speaker 1: They were not going to do anything. They were just

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Speaker 1: gonna or very minimal to anything, and that was the end.

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Speaker 1: So essentially I was like huh huh, and I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to figure it out, to the point that I was

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Speaker 1: so taken aback that I did not immediately called them.

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Speaker 1: I finally did, and I got a voicemail, and then

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Speaker 1: I kind of never talked about it again, and then

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Speaker 1: my dad asked about it because I could tell my

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Speaker 1: dad was hurt that I was not appreciative that they

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Speaker 1: sent me a gift, and that it probably bothered my mother,

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Speaker 1: especially because she was really worried it wasn't get to me.

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Speaker 1: So I really think it was well intended, but felt

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Speaker 1: like it's something you give to a stranger, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So this started this whole moment of like wow, and

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Speaker 1: I know, just a gift, but it felt like it

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Speaker 1: was a testament to our relationship, right right. And that's

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Speaker 1: the thing. That's the thing, because originally when you told

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Speaker 1: me this story, we kind of joked about, like your

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Speaker 1: bitter fields. It's still here, by the way, it hasn't.

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Speaker 1: I think one person touched it when I set it

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Speaker 1: out for a party. I was there and I was

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Speaker 1: trying to be very delicate about it. I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: I did. And we talked about gift giving and especially

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Speaker 1: gift giving with women before we called it passive aggressive

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Speaker 1: gift giving, and just all these dynamics we're going to

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Speaker 1: run through some really quick. I did want to share

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Speaker 1: I have a story that's similar. But it's also funny

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Speaker 1: to me because we recently, Smith and I did kind

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Speaker 1: of a comparison of the holiday movies we watched every year,

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Speaker 1: and the differences between them are clear and made me laugh. Um.

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Speaker 1: But one big theme in a lot of the movies

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Speaker 1: I watch is the dad who's never there finally is like,

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Speaker 1: oh God, the power of Christmas, let me get this

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Speaker 1: gift to you. Um, but like did the bare minimum,

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Speaker 1: let's be honest, like he should have done that forever ago,

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Speaker 1: given the circumstances he had. It was just that he

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Speaker 1: wasn't there. But my dad once was not there on

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Speaker 1: Christmas Eve. I didn't give an explanation why, but we

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Speaker 1: all knew what it was. And then it came back

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Speaker 1: and he was like, I was out getting your Christmas gifts.

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Speaker 1: He didn't even wrap it, and it was a football

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Speaker 1: and manager football that I believe they hand out for

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Speaker 1: free football games. Yes, they throw it to the stands.

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Speaker 1: And I was a grown ass woman at this pointlessness

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Speaker 1: who had never shown any interest in football, Like nothing

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Speaker 1: would have been better at that point, thank you. Yes. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like that level of like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what her thought process was and I could be

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Speaker 1: taking it completely out of context, and that she literally

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Speaker 1: looked up something different. She wanted to give me something

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Speaker 1: different gift cards, and when she googled it on her

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Speaker 1: phone in her limited experience in technical prowess, this is

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Speaker 1: what popped up because it was one of those things

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Speaker 1: that first popped up as an act that that and

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Speaker 1: that's why she's like perfect, which is hilarious because growing

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Speaker 1: up I did love fresh fruit I was very, very

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Speaker 1: obsessed with fresh fruit, to the point that it was

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Speaker 1: because it was expensive, which it shouldn't be. UM, So

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Speaker 1: my pot parents didn't get it often because it wasn't

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Speaker 1: as sustainable as getting any of these dry things or

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Speaker 1: boxed things, um, a lot of artificial stuff. So she knows,

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Speaker 1: I'm like fresh fruit, which is an option in those beasts.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, even that would have made a lot

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Speaker 1: more sense, right right, Well, this is you know, we're

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Speaker 1: talking a lot about all the kind of like parents relationship,

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Speaker 1: but it is a big deal with like couples as well.

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Speaker 1: And then you see that so many times in sitcoms

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Speaker 1: where it's like you gave me this, like you haven't

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Speaker 1: been listening to me, you didn't pay attention to me,

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Speaker 1: this is what you thought I wanted. And speaking of that, like,

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Speaker 1: we see that a lot with women, particularly on sitcoms,

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Speaker 1: I think, And so I was just thinking of a

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Speaker 1: couple of examples, like, for one, you know, there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of gendered gift giving and a lot of maybe

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Speaker 1: not well thought out gift giving when it comes to women.

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Speaker 1: And one big joke is like when you give a

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Speaker 1: wee in a vacuum or some kind of like cleaning,

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Speaker 1: like this is a thing you're gonna have to do,

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Speaker 1: which I will say, don't get me wrong. If you

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Speaker 1: asked for a vacuum, you want a good vacuum, that's great,

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Speaker 1: good vacuum. I'm looking for a good stick vacuum, right,

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Speaker 1: Like you can actually want that. But a lot of

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Speaker 1: times it would just be like the house is dirty,

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Speaker 1: you're the one that cleans it. Here's a vacuum, like

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Speaker 1: kind of that underlying message, this is not what I

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Speaker 1: asked for, right, And like There's in Love actually, which

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Speaker 1: was one of the movies that I made you watch.

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Speaker 1: That the fact that uh, Emma Thompson's character which she

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Speaker 1: saw I knew something was wrong. I know that's heartbreaking,

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Speaker 1: I know, but I mean that's the same thing. Like

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Speaker 1: my mom would always tell my dad, like I want this,

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Speaker 1: which we all do, but she would like go out

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Speaker 1: and buy it herself. She would buy it and then

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Speaker 1: wrap her own present, which is like, you know, again,

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Speaker 1: if that's what you want and that works for you,

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Speaker 1: and communicated it fine, But to me, it just felt

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Speaker 1: like he was not going to do it. He was

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Speaker 1: not going to get her something she actually wanted. So

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Speaker 1: she had to go out and buy the thing and

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Speaker 1: then wrap it herself. Yeah, and then a couple of

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Speaker 1: years ago, oh peloton oh peloton um not having a

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Speaker 1: good time of it. But like, that's a big theme

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Speaker 1: I see with gifting and women, which can feel very

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Speaker 1: either passive, aggressive or outright offensive. Because there was that

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Speaker 1: commercial that it was like the husband gave his wife,

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Speaker 1: who was very thin, a peloton and like, you'll be

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Speaker 1: able to get in shape finally, honey. And again, if

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Speaker 1: that's what you want, if you want to feel better,

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Speaker 1: be healthy, that's fine, but it was much more framed

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Speaker 1: and like you need to lose weight for right, right,

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Speaker 1: and for our family, and you need to do this

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Speaker 1: in the waking hours when you don't have to like

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Speaker 1: right like spit this into your schedule, and then it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: Like cut to a year later and she's like supposed

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Speaker 1: to be so much more fit, you're like you looked,

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Speaker 1: and then cut to Ryan Reynolds taking her off the

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Speaker 1: same actress and it looking like he had been in

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Speaker 1: like a hostage situation. I mean, yeah, I mean that's

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Speaker 1: the thing I've seen that happen to, where people give

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Speaker 1: those kinds of gifts, which I can't hark on this enough.

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Speaker 1: If that's something you want, that's fine, But I were

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Speaker 1: more talking about sort of the when a gift is

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Speaker 1: more about you and it's about yes. Oh that is

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Speaker 1: a big one Victoria's secret around this time of year,

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Speaker 1: it's like the only time you see a lot of

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Speaker 1: men in there. They sounded reason. Uh, yeah, that's a

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Speaker 1: good point. My uncle gave me clothes from the maternity

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Speaker 1: section once, and I have to feel like that was

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Speaker 1: a very mean spirited gifts because he said something like,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't sure if anything else would fit you. Is

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Speaker 1: this the same uncle that I have problems with? It could? Well,

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Speaker 1: I think you have problems with multiple of my uncle. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That your family is fun. It's it's a yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know it's so. But the I don't know. Our families

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Speaker 1: are amazing. Families are amazing. Yeah, yeah, Like that's the

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Speaker 1: thing is like my mother also not because I don't

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Speaker 1: have a lot of relationship content to that that gifts

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Speaker 1: that I've typically gotten from any partners. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I've had many partners during Christmas. I purposely stayed away

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Speaker 1: from partners through Christmas. Um but like like my experiences

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Speaker 1: that had been like because I don't like Christmas. Um,

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Speaker 1: I've been giving gifts to make me try to like Christmas,

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Speaker 1: and like this is this is not gonna work because

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Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not religious. I've been given religious gifts

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Speaker 1: to change my ways. That's just more than one person

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Speaker 1: on that one. But that's like, why why would you

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Speaker 1: do this? Like why would you make me really despise

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Speaker 1: you more right doing this to me? Yeah, for sure.

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Speaker 1: And when you bought up that I had totally forgotten about.

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Speaker 1: Is um married gifts? The gifts there once you get married?

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Speaker 1: I mean honestly, because I said this is a sex

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Speaker 1: in the City episode. But we've heard so many times

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Speaker 1: we have put this away for your wedding, we have

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Speaker 1: put this away for your this that you have to

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Speaker 1: hit a specific mark. And I've thought about that because

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Speaker 1: I know, no shade, because I'm happy for people like

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Speaker 1: they have saved money a lot of the tradition for weddings.

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Speaker 1: So therefore, um, my sister had a budget specifically pay

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Speaker 1: for by my parents. I will never see that money

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Speaker 1: unless I get married, and even then, I think I'm

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Speaker 1: an adult now, so I probably won't because she was

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Speaker 1: not necessarily like in career life yet when you got married. Um,

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Speaker 1: but like we know that's a lot of people that

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Speaker 1: especially when it's the brideside, which is a whole different

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Speaker 1: conversation in itself, but like the tradition is that the

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Speaker 1: bride's family pays for the wedding. I think it has

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Speaker 1: a lot to do with a dowry way back when. Um,

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Speaker 1: but like that's that level of like, I've saved this

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Speaker 1: for your wedding, so nless you do this, you're not

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Speaker 1: going to get this. In the Sex and the City's episode,

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Speaker 1: it literally was that like, once you get married, you'll

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Speaker 1: get part of my fortune. But if you never get married,

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Speaker 1: you're never going to get it. Yeah, and that's so strange.

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Speaker 1: That's such a like I feel my mom had a

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Speaker 1: lot of that kind of stuff, which I've always been

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Speaker 1: quizzical about with, um, like plates, Like when she got married,

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Speaker 1: she got of a bunch of like nice silverware and

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Speaker 1: nice plates and stuff. And I like that's nice in

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Speaker 1: one level of Okay, you're married now and you can

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Speaker 1: have that, But it's also like what if they never

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Speaker 1: got married but there's still in a state relationship, Well,

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Speaker 1: then then that's kind of goes into the like wedding,

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Speaker 1: bridal showers and baby showers. I have given so much

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Speaker 1: money to friends for wedding gifts, baby gives all these things,

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Speaker 1: and I have never once thrown any of those kind

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Speaker 1: of parties. Where's my house formation? Yeah, no, it's true,

340
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:05,960
Speaker 1: it's true. Oh gosh um. And then I did want

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Speaker 1: to mention just because this is a huge thing during

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Speaker 1: this time as well, with gifts like gender gift giving.

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Speaker 1: I have recently come across several that are aimed at

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Speaker 1: men because, as I told you, a friend of mine

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Speaker 1: got me these Star Wars themed soaps because of course,

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Speaker 1: and she didn't realize when she gave them to me,

347
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,000
Speaker 1: but they're for men. It says like four men, which

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Speaker 1: cracks me up because it's like, one, you're trying to

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Speaker 1: trick men into like buying soaps so they'll be clean,

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Speaker 1: I guess. But two, it's implying that Star Wars isn't

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Speaker 1: for women once again. Once again. Yes, but also they

352
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Speaker 1: smell really good. I'm excited to use them. It just

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Speaker 1: makes me laugh. I'm like, it's sad, but it's so

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Speaker 1: funny to me that it like literally says soaps for men.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to use those soaps for women obviously,

356
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Speaker 1: like the Dude Wife, they're obviously only for men to

357
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Speaker 1: wipe everything else as women's even though there's no gender

358
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Speaker 1: outside of that, there's no women's wipes outside of being

359
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,879
Speaker 1: like douche products, which we don't love anyway, which no

360
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 1: one should be using them, but like any of the

361
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 1: like cottonell all that, which also are bad for the environment,

362
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 1: bad dubs, but dude wipe just because right well, and

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Speaker 1: there's just so much like it's such a clear time

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Speaker 1: when you look at gifts to see that the ginger

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Speaker 1: provides that still exist based on what gifts are, like

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Speaker 1: the user manly man gifts you get this, and these

367
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,879
Speaker 1: are for women, you get this, and like it's still

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Speaker 1: even when you come to children, which we've done multiple

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Speaker 1: episodes on, like the gendering of children's toys, it's still

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Speaker 1: like women kind of doing how domestic stuff and men

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00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 1: drinking whiskey and grilling out. Yes, that's which makes me

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Speaker 1: laugh because yeah, all of them are like brown leather

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Speaker 1: or any of those things. And you're like, but why

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Speaker 1: also I like whiskey. I'm confused. I know we need

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Speaker 1: to we need to put it into this okay, and

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Speaker 1: then I did briefly want to talk about regifting, which

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Speaker 1: I'm actually not opposed to regifting without disclosing I think

378
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 1: is the issue. I don't know if it's something like

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00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 1: we've definitely gotten things that we are supposed to endorse

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00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 1: that we're like, we're not going to use this. What

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00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: I have to do. Is it a really re gift,

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00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:46,440
Speaker 1: I'm probably just gonna give it away. Um, and then gifts, Yeah,

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00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,919
Speaker 1: it is. It's different, but I've definitely had those moments.

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Speaker 1: When I was younger and I was making twenty nine

385
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Speaker 1: thousand a year, I had three nieces and nephews had

386
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Speaker 1: been given gift cards from people that I'm like, okay,

387
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 1: want to use this for them, and they would use it,

388
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 1: so they're like, this is that gift that makes it

389
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: easier for me? Yeah? Yeah, Like I said, I'm not

390
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 1: really opposed. I think what I'm specifically thinking about there's

391
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: an episode of sign felt for this place out. It's

392
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 1: more in a like romantic relationship. That's fair, yeah, but

393
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,679
Speaker 1: I do. I want to mention this because when I

394
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 1: was very young, I didn't have any money, but I

395
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,399
Speaker 1: was I've actually I did have money, but I didn't

396
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: spend it. Maybe that's the issue. But I regifted all

397
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Speaker 1: of these things to my relatives and I made them

398
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 1: a bunch of gifts. And I was nine years old

399
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,679
Speaker 1: because I wanted to give everybody a gift and I

400
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: over them making fun of me. Yeah, And so now

401
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 1: it's become like I I I can't forget that conversation.

402
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 1: It haunts me, and so I feel like part of

403
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 1: the reason I I go out of the way with gifts,

404
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 1: which I feel I'm pretty good with my friends. My

405
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: friends not so much, but with my family, I feel

406
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 1: like I'm pretty good. But you know, but that's the thing,

407
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 1: is I it's turned in too because of like, at

408
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 1: least in part because of this memory, I have to

409
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 1: redeem myself even though I was like nine, And what

410
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,679
Speaker 1: does it matter, Like, honestly, I've never had that kind

411
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,119
Speaker 1: of traumatic experience that I would be traumatized by that

412
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 1: for real, for real, like it would see her into

413
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: my memory. Obviously has to you, but for me, like

414
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: it's literally that level of I want to be able

415
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,439
Speaker 1: to give anything I want to give without without question.

416
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 1: And again, like, not until recently have I been able

417
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: to have the capability to do so um, but I

418
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: still have to rein it in because there's this level

419
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: of disparity when it comes to what you're giving and

420
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: what you're getting, and so you don't want to make

421
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 1: the other person feel worse. And I would be that person.

422
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: If you can say something amazing and I gave you

423
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: something minute, Oh right, damn it, what do I do?

424
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: It's kind of like that Office episode which he brings

425
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: the iPod Touch, which is like two hundred dollars, and

426
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 1: everybody's like, we're supposed to spend twenty dollars. Why are

427
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: you doing this? And he makes a big deal. Not

428
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: that I made the big deal, but you don't want

429
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 1: that to happen either. It's such a bad balance, Like

430
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: gift givings feels so awful, which I just read a

431
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,440
Speaker 1: tradition in Iceland that I'm like, maybe we should do this,

432
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about, essentially the night before

433
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,199
Speaker 1: Christmas or maybe some New Year's I can't remember, in

434
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: which instead of giving all these big gifts, you just

435
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: give books and what you do is to sit around

436
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: as a family reading your own books. That's the it,

437
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: that's it, And I'm like, that's sounds amazing. That Yeah.

438
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: I mean no, that's a good point because I think,

439
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 1: just to wrap this up, um, there is a stress

440
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: around finance, and sometimes I get the I was talking

441
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: about this with some friends of mine the other day

442
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: because I'm of the opinion like I love giving gifts.

443
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: I love getting gifts, but I don't like it if

444
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: you're just doing it to do it, like oh, I

445
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: have to do it, and I have to find you

446
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 1: a gift, and I know it's not perfect for you,

447
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,120
Speaker 1: but I can't think of anything else. I would much

448
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: rather like throughout the year see something to be like,

449
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 1: oh Samantha, with the of that, I'm going to get

450
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: that and give it to her um, as opposed to like,

451
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: oh god, it's December. I can't think of a single thing,

452
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 1: which is why I have my post it note where

453
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: I make notes throughout the year. But you know, I

454
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,959
Speaker 1: do like that idea, and that's why my group of

455
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 1: friends that I've grown up with we had a rule

456
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: where you couldn't spend any money. It was like a

457
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: re gifting or if you found something and I loved it,

458
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 1: you got the most interesting gifts. I got a big

459
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 1: bird ornament that had its legs broken off. And I

460
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 1: love it. How did you find that I love it?

461
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: That's interesting. I feel like that I had been they

462
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: to get out of a trash can and I like it.

463
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 1: There you go, oh I love it. I legitimately love

464
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 1: it because it's just so when I opened it, of

465
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 1: course I have to laugh. Amazing. But that's the thing, Like, yeah,

466
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: that's And then also having that clear communication of like

467
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: doing gifts, like I think you're a guest person, but

468
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 1: you don't like I'm a good person, right, You do

469
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: need to have that conversation, and I think it is

470
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: it's good to established because I've seen that play out

471
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: in rom comms as well, where they're like, oh, we're

472
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: not doing gifts, and then one of them gets a

473
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 1: gift and then the other person is just mad because

474
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 1: you agreed not to get into gifts. Like I think

475
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: you need to be very clear on those kinds of parameters,

476
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: because I mean, this is supposed to be a fun,

477
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: nice thing, and I think it can be. But clearly

478
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: there's a lot of because I feel like the capitalism

479
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: of it all makes it a little more. It takes

480
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 1: out the magic. Sometimes I will say I do want

481
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: to redeem the story about my bitter fruit, my better

482
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: drive fruit in that that I think my parents have

483
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: come background in that, oh this is something else that

484
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: maybe we should go back to what it was with Christmas.

485
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 1: They've kind of done some things, and they've actually done

486
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: some really good boundaries for themselves because they have so

487
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 1: many grandkids, step kids, like family members that they are

488
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: trying to give for and they're retired and they don't

489
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 1: need to be doing it bad. I don't want to

490
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,119
Speaker 1: seem like I'm being ungrateful because I know that at

491
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: least they tried. I do, and I've tried to come

492
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 1: back to that, but it was so out of left

493
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,640
Speaker 1: bill and so um not pertaining to me that it felt, uh,

494
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: it felt like it was passive aggressive. And again, this

495
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: is my own feelings and I have to like own that.

496
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: But I do know that my mother, like I said,

497
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: has been an amazing person when it comes to ghosts.

498
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: My dad is very sentimental, but he doesn't buy things necessarily.

499
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,320
Speaker 1: He likes the moment um. But my mom, she really

500
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: does put an effort to the point that she makes

501
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: herself so ancious that she hates everything and BT dubs.

502
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: She's probably one of the most crafty people I've seen

503
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: in my life. Her packages look like they need to

504
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,640
Speaker 1: be in shopping malls as displays, Like you don't want

505
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: to open her presence. It's one of those you have

506
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 1: big floral ribbons with like thecre pine cones mistletoe in there.

507
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: You're like, what the hell is happening with this package?

508
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 1: So she is that person. So I feel like it

509
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,639
Speaker 1: does come back around. But there is a lot to

510
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: be said that when it comes to gift giving and

511
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: if you're trying to be sentimental and trying to knowing somebody,

512
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: and some people are good and some people aren't. That's

513
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,920
Speaker 1: the thing there is. It was, it is an art

514
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: to it. It is, yes, and I don't want to ever.

515
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: As we said, we were kind of just having an

516
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: informal discussion, you know, I don't want people to feel

517
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 1: more guilty than than not, Like I can't think of

518
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: a gift, but I have to get them something. We've

519
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 1: all been there, we all do it. Some people are

520
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: better at it than others and that's just that's just

521
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: how it is, and that's okay. And some people have

522
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: more hobbies so it makes it easier, that's true. And

523
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,360
Speaker 1: I've gotten some amazing paintings from a good friend of mine,

524
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: Katie's who does that, and they're like so good, like

525
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 1: I love it, like I think. I think it's another

526
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: one of those areas where you don't have to relegate

527
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 1: it into one thing, like gift giving can look like

528
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 1: a lot of ways, like I really like it when

529
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 1: people just take me up for a drink or something like.

530
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be yeah exactly. So hopefully it's

531
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: not super stressful for everybody listening. I know it can be, um,

532
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 1: but there is there's something like giving that perfect gift

533
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 1: and they go, oh, yes, it's powerful. It's a powerful

534
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 1: fit is it is? It is? All right? Well, good

535
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: luck everyone, Hopefully good gift shopping down. For those of

536
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 1: you who are having a hard time, we love you.

537
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,720
Speaker 1: And then we know that this was a very privileged conversation.

538
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,800
Speaker 1: We're so sorry, but just no, you're not alone, no

539
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,719
Speaker 1: matter what. No, no, no, no um. And if you

540
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: would like to contact us, you can our emails stefinitely

541
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: your mom stuff at iHeart media dot com. You can

542
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at most of the podcast, our

543
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff I've never told you. Thanks as always

544
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 1: to super producer Christina the best Merry Christmas and thanks

545
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: to you for listening, so whoever told the production of

546
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcast in my heart Radio,

547
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: you can check out the iHeartRadio, a Apple podcast wherever

548
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.