Speaker 1: Sounds like.
Speaker 2: Sorry, when you build mom.
Speaker 3: We're healthy.
Speaker 4: Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 4: I'm Mila and we're in New York. Bitch, you, what's up?
Speaker 3: What's going on?
Speaker 4: You're late?
Speaker 3: I am late? You know what I thought all week?
Speaker 3: And I was, I love New York.
Speaker 5: I love Brooklyn. Look how the sun is setting on
Speaker 5: the Brownstones. I'm going to move here. And then this morning,
Speaker 5: when as I'm making my way to this very important
Speaker 5: recording in fucking still like heels and I'm drunk still
Speaker 5: and it's bright and it's hot and I'm wearing a
Speaker 5: long sleeve shirt, I said, bitch, you can't even make
Speaker 5: it on time in your own car. You can't move
Speaker 5: to New York.
Speaker 3: You're not allowed. I was like, Eric's gonna be so
Speaker 3: mad at me. Yeah, so New York has been fun.
Speaker 5: I feel like every time I come here I do
Speaker 5: too much, Like I act like a child. So that's
Speaker 5: what I'm doing right now, being very irresponsible, making bad choices.
Speaker 4: And what we're childless right now?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, that's what it is. It's the childlessness. I
Speaker 5: revert to my old self.
Speaker 3: How was your weekend?
Speaker 4: My weekend, was great too. I spent the weekend in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I came. I came and saw you there. Well,
Speaker 3: I came with you yet.
Speaker 4: I have a house there, my mom's house. My mom's
Speaker 4: house there, and I spent time there with my R
Speaker 4: and b Bay.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, how was that?
Speaker 4: It was interesting?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 5: I don't know, I don't like that face way interesting
Speaker 5: good because the vibrating, the vibrating mouth.
Speaker 3: I felt it would be like a great weekend.
Speaker 4: That was still the thing, But I don't know, it
Speaker 4: was just weird. I'm over. I'm just done. I just
Speaker 4: joined Hinge today. You joined hint, Yeah, I joined Hinge
Speaker 4: on the way here. Anyway, I want to introduce these
Speaker 4: two ladies that we have here. We can talk about
Speaker 4: Hinge and all that shit and my really whack profile
Speaker 4: because Hinge is really intimidating. I'm like, am I witty enough?
Speaker 4: I don't fucking know. We are here with Scary Mommy Speaks.
Speaker 4: We have Carrie and Ashley here.
Speaker 6: Hi, Hi, We're excited to be here.
Speaker 4: Yes, we are so excited. I've actually been following Scary
Speaker 4: Mommy for a while. I fucking love Scary Mommy. Paige
Speaker 4: if you guys haven't checked it out, make sure you
Speaker 4: go check out at Scary Mommy. They just keep it
Speaker 4: all the way real. Their memes are fucking hilarious. They
Speaker 4: just like you guys know if you if you follow us,
Speaker 4: you'll understand Scary Mommy because they just they're just real.
Speaker 4: This this mom shit is is fun.
Speaker 6: It's the realistic approach. You know, there's no everything's perfect.
Speaker 1: I hate those people.
Speaker 6: Can we can we talk for a second. My husband
Speaker 6: is from right around Bethlehem or from Easton Okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: So where did you go? Where were you frequenting this weekend?
Speaker 7: So my place, I think, yea, she has a weekend
Speaker 7: away from Mercadi and she was like, let's go to
Speaker 7: what place?
Speaker 6: Oh, Sesame Street, theme Park, Disney World.
Speaker 1: But of Sesame Street.
Speaker 5: I'm actually gonna go. And my daughter is in the
Speaker 5: vicinity of the East Coast. She's in Philadelphia with my
Speaker 5: dad and my grandmother. And that's my because I remember
Speaker 5: going as a child like one time.
Speaker 4: It was Yeah, I never was really to Same Street.
Speaker 4: I know I was iri my daughter. Yeah, god, the Judgment.
Speaker 6: Street.
Speaker 4: I didn't know there was a Sesame Street. No, But
Speaker 4: so basically my My main job is I work for
Speaker 4: Beauty Brandon. We are are main headquarters is in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 4: It's very random, and so my mom is always traveling
Speaker 4: there and so she bought a house there and it's
Speaker 4: it's really nice. It's like kind of off in the
Speaker 4: woods and it's kind of like a little getaway and
Speaker 4: I never like take advantage of it.
Speaker 6: And I already there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I was like, I could come to the city,
Speaker 4: but maybe, like, let me just chill out here.
Speaker 6: And you didn't go to the sands.
Speaker 4: I've been there, but no I didn't. I literally like
Speaker 4: maybe left the house twice.
Speaker 3: Let me let me give you the real really happened.
Speaker 5: Has a Bay an R and B Bay And for
Speaker 5: a week She's like, no, for months before this, it's
Speaker 5: not months. She was like, I just want to go
Speaker 5: somewhere like some are isolated and strange.
Speaker 3: I did like a staycation.
Speaker 5: With someone, you know, sexication, like something romantic, and I
Speaker 5: was like, Okay, that sounds actually kind of cool. So
Speaker 5: she was like looking for all these cool weird arabianbs
Speaker 5: and strange places.
Speaker 4: Colorado, Yeah, I.
Speaker 6: Like Colorado sounds nice.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So she finally she settles on her mom's.
Speaker 3: In Beslaham.
Speaker 5: She's like, oh, by the way, Imbba is going to
Speaker 5: meet me in Bethlehem.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh okay, Like baby.
Speaker 4: He was already in New York, so just take the
Speaker 4: bus down.
Speaker 3: So then she begs me to come one night. She's like,
Speaker 3: I'm I getting scared to stay by myself.
Speaker 5: He doesn't get there till tomorrow, so I'm like, okay,
Speaker 5: I guess, like just pick me up and fill it,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, we can just get drunk and bethl Ham.
Speaker 3: I don't know. But then the bitch is like, but
Speaker 3: he's coming. He's coming like twelve, so you have to
Speaker 3: get out down the fucking Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. But you also
Speaker 3: want me to get out at noon, like it's like
Speaker 3: a hotel you wait.
Speaker 5: So then I get in the car to go and
Speaker 5: she's like, oh, actually I gave him options, so like,
Speaker 5: I doubt he'll get on the seven a m.
Speaker 4: Train.
Speaker 5: But you know what happens. We go get drunk and
Speaker 5: tucking Bethlehem. And then the next morning, for some reason,
Speaker 5: I'm up at six point thirty and I hear her
Speaker 5: phone ringing from the other room.
Speaker 3: I'm like, that motherfucker got on that seven a train.
Speaker 3: Sure enough. She's like, so only for.
Speaker 1: Pussy man, get on a seven am train.
Speaker 3: And not only for dick. Will your best friend kicking
Speaker 3: out of her house?
Speaker 4: I did? In my defense, I said you don't have.
Speaker 3: To leave after she already said I'm so.
Speaker 4: I was hoping she would leave, but I just felt
Speaker 4: like I had to say that. Like I was like,
Speaker 4: you know, like if you have to stay, we can
Speaker 4: figure something out. There's other rooms here. Leave.
Speaker 6: I feel like I know I ventured a new phase
Speaker 6: of my life because nothing is worth me getting on
Speaker 6: a seven am train thing unless it's like is opening up.
Speaker 8: You gave me a bunch of money.
Speaker 4: Money. Money, that's it. Money, that's about it. Well, you
Speaker 4: guys are in committed relationships. We are not, So we
Speaker 4: got to do. I get it. We're trying to get
Speaker 4: to you. We're trying to get to where you.
Speaker 8: I mean, I'm still living in sin, but it's committed,
Speaker 8: it's committed.
Speaker 3: It's committed. I really like that committed sin. I just
Speaker 3: want to be committed sin. That's my goal.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, my weekend was fine. It was fine, okay,
Speaker 4: great fine.
Speaker 3: Speaking of committed sin.
Speaker 5: Since we're sinning and ship, I know you ladies both
Speaker 5: have children.
Speaker 3: A little younger than ours.
Speaker 5: I was gonna say much younger, but that's because we've
Speaker 5: had like two years of free time, and so I
Speaker 5: feel like I can brag.
Speaker 6: That's I'm so excited I've heard about Can.
Speaker 4: You tell us about your kids? Tell us about you
Speaker 4: guys where we have each other?
Speaker 8: We have daughter name in comment? Oh yeah, so my
Speaker 8: daughter's Luna. Sorry, I didn't mean to be like, jump
Speaker 8: on that ship. I mean jump on that dying to
Speaker 8: hear how why you decided to name your daughter Luna?
Speaker 1: I mean, if you care.
Speaker 3: To tell it sounds super stupid and hippie.
Speaker 1: Oh mine is even stupid.
Speaker 6: I've just met your mat.
Speaker 5: So I'm a cancer, and cancers are considered moon children moonchild.
Speaker 5: They always refer to cancers as moonchild. So I have
Speaker 5: like a strange obsession with the moon and how the
Speaker 5: moon affects the ocean and the vibrations and like, you know,
Speaker 5: it's powerful and ship and I was like, oh, yeah, Luna,
Speaker 5: that's gonna be my daughter's name.
Speaker 3: That's hot, yeah.
Speaker 4: Hot, that was your hot process. Okay, so hot?
Speaker 5: I mean I don't know if I met hot. I
Speaker 5: just thought it was cool. Yeah, I was cool. I
Speaker 5: thought it was I don't know, like the name, Yeah's
Speaker 5: Latin English.
Speaker 6: It's a beautiful name. There's like the same reasoning for me.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 8: No, So my partner's last name is Mars, that's his
Speaker 8: real name. So we were we were having a hard
Speaker 8: time figuring out like what to put with that.
Speaker 1: So we were joking.
Speaker 4: I was like.
Speaker 8: Plune o Mar missioned to Mars, Brune Omar, and we
Speaker 8: were just like, name me all these things. And then
Speaker 8: in that joke we were I was like Luna and
Speaker 8: we were like and then the next morning we both
Speaker 8: woke up and we're like that actually sounds awesome.
Speaker 1: And then we conceived on the full moon.
Speaker 8: It was a triple mood. I got to talk about
Speaker 8: hippie I was, I was fertile, and I looked at him.
Speaker 8: I was like, because I call myself a witch and
Speaker 8: I was like hey, I was like, hey, you want
Speaker 8: to make some witchy love on this triple moon? Because
Speaker 8: it was like a full moon, strawberry moon. I forget
Speaker 8: all the moons it was, but it's like a triple moon.
Speaker 4: I think I remember this mood.
Speaker 1: It was remember crazy triple moon, Remember this moon?
Speaker 8: And I was I was like, I'm fertile on the
Speaker 8: triple Moon. Let's make a witch. And so we decided we.
Speaker 1: Would name her Luna Mars because we're.
Speaker 3: Like, I'm kind of jealous. Your last name is Mars.
Speaker 1: No my last name, but I don't have that the
Speaker 1: last name, but he has that.
Speaker 3: Let you guys, are you married? Do you want to
Speaker 3: get married?
Speaker 8: I mean maybe someday. It's like a conversation that we have.
Speaker 8: Mostly I don't want my daughter to feel like her
Speaker 8: parents aren't together, and I don't think that marriage means
Speaker 8: that you're together.
Speaker 1: I mean, my parents are married and got divorced.
Speaker 8: So it's not like that means any But it wasn't
Speaker 8: a priority because I'm older, he's older. So we were like,
Speaker 8: let's get that baby out and then we'll figure out
Speaker 8: what we want to do. Yeah, it doesn't we know,
Speaker 8: it doesn't necessarily mean you stay together. So maybe if
Speaker 8: it starts to become a thing, like she feels weird
Speaker 8: or whatever, then maybe we'll we'll.
Speaker 1: Think about it.
Speaker 3: I do feel like I met my mom match. Because
Speaker 3: I also think I'm a witch.
Speaker 1: I have some witches. Mostly it's a good witch.
Speaker 6: You did really smoked quartz.
Speaker 1: Today, and I'm clearing.
Speaker 8: I'm like a very very aries but I'm a Virgo
Speaker 8: rising and a Libra something.
Speaker 3: I'm a liberal something to I don't know the many.
Speaker 3: What's your what's your sign? What's your story? What's your kids?
Speaker 6: I'm a Virgo And that's about as much as I know. Technically,
Speaker 6: I'm on the cusp of Libra.
Speaker 3: Cusp attract each other.
Speaker 7: I'm a cusper too, a really kind of a cusp,
Speaker 7: I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when when's your March my third?
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I'm September twentieth, I told you, yeah, and
Speaker 6: my husband's September twenty third. Yeah, so technically he's not
Speaker 6: a cusp. But maybe maybe.
Speaker 4: No astrology podcast we have right now, you would think
Speaker 4: we actually we're talking, right.
Speaker 6: I just want to say this is the most la
Speaker 6: thing in the entire fucking world, which is not a bad.
Speaker 3: Welcome to all that.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, okay, So side story when we're in Bethlehem
Speaker 5: taking of her wird genus.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, this is the dumbest shit ever.
Speaker 4: But it's not dumb.
Speaker 3: It's wonderful and I really really enjoyed it.
Speaker 5: So we're in Bethlehem and we like, go to the
Speaker 5: a bar where there's like Bar Louis.
Speaker 3: It's no, no, we went to a bar before that
Speaker 3: was like old people.
Speaker 6: And we're like, was it the hotel bar?
Speaker 4: No, this is this restaurant called the copper Head.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I've heard of that place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: It was good at the bar, but there was.
Speaker 5: So let's go to another bar, like as if there's
Speaker 5: gonna be like a more popular together. So we're driving
Speaker 5: and we're like this sounds creepy. Yeah, I'm like, oh
Speaker 5: my god, is that is that a cemetery?
Speaker 3: And she's like yeah, She's like, you want to go?
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I do you want to go?
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm so happy I have a friend that
Speaker 5: wants to walk in the cemetery as growing as women
Speaker 5: for no reason. And we pull over and we fucking
Speaker 5: walk through the cemetery and she's like, I'm like, I'm scared.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of scared. She's like, I thought you were
Speaker 3: a witch.
Speaker 4: I went I was like, where's this witch that you
Speaker 4: see all the time? There can let's get out.
Speaker 3: This is the beginning of Texas Chainsaw. Yeah. So that
Speaker 3: was my side story.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm half Cuban.
Speaker 4: We don't.
Speaker 6: I don't funk with that stuff, you know. Like then
Speaker 6: I start thinking about like, yeah, like when you find
Speaker 6: like dead chickens on your doorstep or like broken plates.
Speaker 6: Not that I've ever found a dead chicken on my doorstep,
Speaker 6: but I know if I do, I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1: I know what I'm doing.
Speaker 6: The least funny thing.
Speaker 5: You So we have an episode called you Sacrifice to What,
Speaker 5: and it's with a shaman that's also my homide.
Speaker 3: She's no, no, no, I'm stop there.
Speaker 6: I totally believe in intention as long as it's like
Speaker 6: you know, for us, it's like, well, there's always been
Speaker 6: this preconceived notion that all like which craft type stuff
Speaker 6: is like scary and dark, and that doesn't have to
Speaker 6: be the case. I mean I went to a Raikie
Speaker 6: healer and I was like, yes, tell me who's my
Speaker 6: spirit animal? Yeah? Touch me again? Oh yeah, I totally
Speaker 6: I vibrated. Yeah, so I'm cool with that anyway.
Speaker 5: You know, I get into weird shit sometimes because I
Speaker 5: think of a witch until it's time to go to
Speaker 5: a cemetery.
Speaker 3: So it's totally normal, okay, But back.
Speaker 4: To what we're back to?
Speaker 6: Oh okay, So I have a two year old son, Sebastian,
Speaker 6: who was named after the never Ending Story. To be
Speaker 6: completely honest, I love that. I just really loved the
Speaker 6: name since I was a little kid, and the way
Speaker 6: the moon goddess that was the character. Right, So I
Speaker 6: guess I'm on this vein was like Bastian Bastion and
Speaker 6: it just like really stuck with me. And yeah, that's
Speaker 6: a I'm married. We've been together for like almost ten years,
Speaker 6: and uh, that's it. I'm kind of boring.
Speaker 4: Amazing, No, it's not boring. We're just we're single by accident.
Speaker 4: I'm actually supposed to be married right now, really though
Speaker 4: I am. My wedding last October. Bitch October what I've
Speaker 4: never heard. I was gonna be October twenty eighth. Actually
Speaker 4: that was my date except I woke up on October
Speaker 4: twenty eighth when my wedding was supposed to be in
Speaker 4: someone else's bed, and I was like, I'm alert, like
Speaker 4: your this is today is your wedding day. We had
Speaker 4: been broken up, oh okay for like six months at
Speaker 4: that point, but I still had.
Speaker 1: Like this is a good Sorry, I.
Speaker 4: Don't add the reminder in my phone. I was like,
Speaker 4: this is I was like, I don't know whether to
Speaker 4: cry or be happy, Like, you're not my husband.
Speaker 6: Are you happy you didn't marry him? Yes, then that's
Speaker 6: all you need.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, it was definitely for the best. Yeah, at
Speaker 4: the time, it didn't feel that way.
Speaker 6: But of course, well, no breakup or ending is fun.
Speaker 6: It always feels like shit. Yeah, even if you know
Speaker 6: it's the right thing, it just sucks.
Speaker 4: It does sound so just dating. Yeah, but speaking of
Speaker 4: LA and New York and those things. I wanted to
Speaker 4: play a little game with you guys. Okay, I don't
Speaker 4: know what it's called East Coast versus West Coast.
Speaker 3: I said, like Tupac Biggie, but you were that name.
Speaker 4: So so basically, we have a list of things that
Speaker 4: we're gonna name and you maybe you guys should take turns,
Speaker 4: like one says, like one answers one question, you answer
Speaker 4: the other, and you tell me whether it's East Coast
Speaker 4: or coast.
Speaker 1: You're gonna start, actually want me to start.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't care you start okay, okay, and try
Speaker 4: to insert quickly like don't overthink it, okay, okay, four
Speaker 4: West Coast Doula's Last Coast spandex our Pants, East Coast,
Speaker 4: Keto Diet East Coast flip flops both really Yeah, I
Speaker 4: feel like I've never seen New york As wear footfalls.
Speaker 6: Well that's because your feet get really kind of nasty
Speaker 6: and dirty. They're like black by the end of the day,
Speaker 6: which is crud. But I definitely see it.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, luxury strollers East Coast, scheduled Sea section East Coast,
Speaker 4: that's what That's what the Google said too. Yeah, that's
Speaker 4: what the Google said. Water birth West Coast, Papa.
Speaker 6: Squat East Coast, So you are meant to be here, babe,
Speaker 6: Clean Squad are literally Papa squat anywhere.
Speaker 4: It's like almost I'm like, girl, that's a bathroom.
Speaker 1: We just need to get you a tote with a
Speaker 1: different pair of shoes than you before.
Speaker 4: On a she we it's always like, yes, you need
Speaker 4: what is she's it's a funnel. Yeah, it's like a
Speaker 4: fun that she's pro she's pro status yesterday, a prospect part.
Speaker 4: She literally, I think, prefers to Papa squat versus go
Speaker 4: to the bathroom actual stalls. Okay, I don't know. Juice
Speaker 4: cleanse uh West Coast spray Tan East Coast, Kale, East
Speaker 4: Coast best burgers.
Speaker 6: East Coast bullshit. We have shake shack And if you
Speaker 6: try to tell me in and out is better, I
Speaker 6: not need any world get in and out better than Shakeshack.
Speaker 4: Shouldn't say five guys because I know someone tries to
Speaker 4: tell me about I was like, if you don't get
Speaker 4: that nasty garbage.
Speaker 1: There's also a secret burger place in the back heart. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that one's really good.
Speaker 6: What the burger joint?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's real good.
Speaker 6: It's okay, it's no shake sh secret burger place on
Speaker 6: the back of the park. That's good, right on like
Speaker 6: fifty sixth Street, right by the part I don't like burgers.
Speaker 3: Well, that's silent radio literally awkward side silence.
Speaker 4: Best style, Oh, who is it? Is it me? Or
Speaker 4: you're not?
Speaker 1: Best style?
Speaker 4: East or West?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: I didn't know what we were East.
Speaker 4: Higher divorce rate mm hmm.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna say East Coast because I feel like on
Speaker 6: the West Coast, on the West Coast, I feel like
Speaker 6: people get like have kids without getting married more. And
Speaker 6: on the East Coast, yes exactly, and on the East
Speaker 6: Coast like people are doing the like well, this is
Speaker 6: the right thing to do, and then usually just get divorced.
Speaker 6: Does that make sense?
Speaker 4: Yea, yeah, but actually it's California. Really high school graduation
Speaker 4: rate East Coast California. I was shocked.
Speaker 3: We have a higher rate of graduation.
Speaker 1: You guys have better schools, I think, yeah, no, better
Speaker 1: public schools.
Speaker 4: Really, I feel like everyone. I feel like all my
Speaker 4: East Coast friends that are parents or even older people,
Speaker 4: like they're always planning their kids future.
Speaker 3: Like in the world.
Speaker 1: So New York City is not all of New York State,
Speaker 1: right of course. So that's another thing.
Speaker 8: Like I always forget that, and then I go upstate
Speaker 8: and I'm like, this is different here, like California, Like
Speaker 8: there's a lot, it's very different.
Speaker 6: Like go go to ox Nerd ox Nerd. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 6: it's like a totally different world. In LA, it's like
Speaker 6: two hours.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. True.
Speaker 4: Chicken pox? What is that me?
Speaker 8: I think so because I just said East Coast, I
Speaker 8: actually have no I had no statistical group for this one.
Speaker 4: I just threw it in, like.
Speaker 3: Why I think everybody gets chicken pox. I was like,
Speaker 3: I never had it.
Speaker 6: I've never had the chicken pox really never.
Speaker 5: I think it's really strange that like back in the
Speaker 5: day you used to bring kids, was like hanging out with.
Speaker 4: Yes, bye, are you both take gus the chicken you do?
Speaker 1: This is my chicken pock. Your first chicken pock always scars.
Speaker 3: It's God.
Speaker 1: I have what it's called the mama pop.
Speaker 4: It's so crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm the mama park. I should know that that's the
Speaker 1: mama pok right there.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: That's really sick.
Speaker 6: Have you all had shingles too? Yes, people had shingles all.
Speaker 3: They don't.
Speaker 4: Yes, they do.
Speaker 6: Even get shingles all the time. And you can only
Speaker 6: get shingles if you've had chicken.
Speaker 1: But they only get shingles if you live a high
Speaker 1: stress lifestyle.
Speaker 3: You only get shingles.
Speaker 7: If you have everybody on the fucking East Coast you
Speaker 7: gotta take your herbs.
Speaker 5: Girl, Oh my god, speaking of everybody on the East Coast.
Speaker 5: So I'm from California, so I smile at everyone, and
Speaker 5: so I'm like walking down the street with my East
Speaker 5: Coast friend. I was like, yeah, that's not oddly smiling
Speaker 5: at families and husbands.
Speaker 3: And he's like he's looking at me all strange, and
Speaker 3: like what he's like that guy's the cause you want
Speaker 3: to fuck them. I'm like, what this whole fucking family.
Speaker 1: When I was in LA, maybe you want to fuck
Speaker 1: the whole family.
Speaker 8: When I lived in La, well, I lived back and
Speaker 8: forth for six years and then study for three years
Speaker 8: at one time. And I remember that the first the
Speaker 8: three year stint, and I was like applying for jobs
Speaker 8: or just going out on I was an actor, so
Speaker 8: I was going out and like go season everything, and
Speaker 8: I remember everyone asking me if I had an anger
Speaker 8: management issue, and I'm.
Speaker 1: Like a pretty perky.
Speaker 8: I'm like pretty perky and I and I was like finally,
Speaker 8: after like the fourth time non related people asked me this,
Speaker 8: I was like, what, I don't understand what is making
Speaker 8: you say that? And they're like, well, you're very aggressive,
Speaker 8: and I'm like, I'm just efficient. I just don't think
Speaker 8: stuff should take that long, like way to know what
Speaker 8: you order before getting in line. If you don't know
Speaker 8: what you want to order, don't get in line. And
Speaker 8: I'm like, and you're asking me questions and I'm answering
Speaker 8: them in an efficient manner so as not to waste
Speaker 8: anybody's time. And I just didn't realize that, Like my
Speaker 8: new Yorker because I'm from here, so my New Yorker,
Speaker 8: like I was really being so nice, but my just
Speaker 8: kind of quality of not smiling at everybody, just trying
Speaker 8: to not waste anybody's.
Speaker 1: Time and being really efficient.
Speaker 6: But on the flip side, have you if you go
Speaker 6: to a bar in La, zero chance you're going to
Speaker 6: make a new friend, zero chan. No one has to
Speaker 6: each other randomly in the bathroom different right, because you're
Speaker 6: usually drunk and you're like, oh my god, you're so cute.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, so are you? And then you know
Speaker 6: that's a whole other thing. But like, you don't go
Speaker 6: to bars in LA and sit next to someone and
Speaker 6: just strike up a conversation where that's like a normally there.
Speaker 8: It's in New York they where people have this conception
Speaker 8: of New York that we're unfriendly. We're not unfriendly, we're
Speaker 8: just efficient.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 8: But I remember being like, it's efficiency, I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 8: And I didn't get any of those.
Speaker 6: Jobs, not for nothing. But every place I waited tables
Speaker 6: in LA, I was like the superstar like waiter because
Speaker 6: of that, because it was just like that, go, come on,
Speaker 6: who's got time for the ship?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah. I feel like my face was born in New.
Speaker 1: York, faced by New York.
Speaker 3: Are you friendly but my face?
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, because everyone my whole life has always been
Speaker 4: are you okay? Why are you so serious?
Speaker 1: My daughter has the hardest restling.
Speaker 4: Ditch face, my resting bitch face. I love that word. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I wish I had a better resting bitch face.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna go. I'm needing more bitchy
Speaker 3: for sure. Yeah, because bitches.
Speaker 5: Bitches get far and then I get out for like
Speaker 5: eight seconds, I'm like, oh, hi, how are you?
Speaker 3: Where are you from? Where's your mom from?
Speaker 4: I send Jamila out to do I'm like, oh go,
Speaker 4: don't make friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm like, it's supposed to be a bitch today,
Speaker 3: damn it.
Speaker 4: Okay, we're almost done. Best beaches, Oh definitely. Oh no,
Speaker 4: you know what East Coast?
Speaker 6: No? Yes, have you been to Florida? The beaches are beautiful. Basically,
Speaker 6: that's not fucking up to like North Carolina. The beaches
Speaker 6: are real nice.
Speaker 3: She's making no heaving.
Speaker 1: Been to the Hampton's you know that's cool?
Speaker 4: Happened?
Speaker 6: I have gone one time, and well, the beaches are
Speaker 6: not nice in the Hamptons.
Speaker 4: I mean, West Post has beautiful beaches.
Speaker 3: Just cold, it's just cold.
Speaker 4: Yeah, bed bugs New York the East. Yeah, you guys
Speaker 4: are like number two. Yeah.
Speaker 6: What was number one?
Speaker 4: Philly? Philly.
Speaker 6: Oh, that's shocking. I thought for sure would be number one.
Speaker 4: Belief in the afterlife.
Speaker 6: West Coast Yep, stay.
Speaker 4: At home dad, East Coast?
Speaker 6: Wrong, Yeah, the West Coast on that I think, I
Speaker 6: know so.
Speaker 1: Many stayed home deads.
Speaker 4: Apparently there's two hundred and forty thousand stay at home
Speaker 4: dads in California, which was a very shocking number to me.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And I was reaching researching this and in the nineteen seventies,
Speaker 4: only six six people, six men in the United Wow,
Speaker 4: admitted to being a stay at home.
Speaker 3: It was like, I was like, wait, six percent.
Speaker 4: Six people people in nineteen sixties, nineteen seventies, seventies, Wow,
Speaker 4: crazy progressiveness.
Speaker 1: They're probably like dudes that were laid off and were like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'll do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not telling anybody though, exactly best rappers.
Speaker 6: East Coast.
Speaker 3: It was like minus nipsy yeah, boo jobs.
Speaker 6: West Coast for sure, I feel like that's tied. No,
Speaker 6: have you been to Jersey?
Speaker 4: No? I feel like I feel for so many New
Speaker 4: York book jobs, you just don't know.
Speaker 6: That, yes, exactly, we're also all covered up.
Speaker 1: But the like I think East Coast gets like a
Speaker 1: b C. Okay, like a they get higher.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're like the exactly, you're.
Speaker 4: Right apparently at the Zeller.
Speaker 1: Yeah on Boattoks, East Coast, it's so much cheaper on
Speaker 1: the West Coast.
Speaker 4: It's East Coast though, really.
Speaker 1: East Coast really.
Speaker 3: Maybe were great.
Speaker 4: Last Wedday drinking because it's our favorite.
Speaker 6: East Coast coast West Coast because you have to like
Speaker 6: take ubers or drive like here, you walk around.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 6: Drinking drinking culture I feel like overall is much stronger
Speaker 6: in New York.
Speaker 1: And also we've got Boston, which has like the biggest
Speaker 1: drinking culture.
Speaker 4: I was for sure Borderwain alcoholic when I lived here.
Speaker 3: I'm drunk right now because you're here, Can I tell you?
Speaker 3: Can I tell you?
Speaker 6: I'm sad I'm not on that.
Speaker 3: Literally no other reason. I have no reason to be
Speaker 3: drunk on Monday. Well, the reason to.
Speaker 1: Be drunk on Monday is Monday.
Speaker 6: Yeah exactly, Like legitimately, good, did you drink this morning
Speaker 6: or you're still drunk from last night.
Speaker 3: From last night.
Speaker 6: Oh okay, Oh no, I didn't know.
Speaker 3: I'm responsible little.
Speaker 6: I hadn't listen.
Speaker 3: I have a drink this morning, bitch, just like three o'clock.
Speaker 6: If there's one person in this room who's not going
Speaker 6: to judge you ever for being drunk, it is.
Speaker 4: I was listening to one of your episodes and you
Speaker 4: were saying, I think it was you. We were talking
Speaker 4: about drinking on the train around bag round bag on
Speaker 4: the train.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's not the drunk back the other day.
Speaker 1: I don't have I don't have time.
Speaker 8: Like my partner and I split childcare so far, and
Speaker 8: he is the primary right now, he's the primary breadwinner,
Speaker 8: and so he needs to when he's working from home,
Speaker 8: he needs to be able to work. So you know,
Speaker 8: when I'm here, when I'm doing something else, I have
Speaker 8: to usually get back pretty quickly. And sometimes I'm like,
Speaker 8: I just want I just want to be alone. Yeah, yeah, well,
Speaker 8: I just want to remember what it was like to
Speaker 8: be me without a kid, and that was I could
Speaker 8: have a drink in the middle of the day with
Speaker 8: my friend or whenever I damn wanted.
Speaker 6: To, or I still have drinks in the middle of
Speaker 6: the day though, I know, but.
Speaker 8: I just I just don't have time like I used
Speaker 8: to be able to like go and whatever anyway, you
Speaker 8: know what I mean. So sometimes I just want to
Speaker 8: feel that freedom and just remember I'm having a lot
Speaker 8: of issues person Like I said, I've been going to
Speaker 8: be nine months tomorrow. I'm having a lot of issues
Speaker 8: with my identity. Like the hardest part for me of
Speaker 8: being a parent. You didn't ask, but I'll tell you, Oh,
Speaker 8: Hell isn't so far her she's fabulous, Like she's she's great.
Speaker 8: It's just who I am now, Like it's really like
Speaker 8: fucking with my head, like trying to figure out and
Speaker 8: not to be like a total yoga teacher. But I
Speaker 8: know all about the ego and detaching from the ego,
Speaker 8: and I thought I was more evolved than this, and
Speaker 8: then you have a kid and then you're like, WHOA,
Speaker 8: I was not evolved. I was not as evolved I
Speaker 8: thought it was. And so my ego thing has been tricky,
Speaker 8: and so sometimes I just need to hang onto those
Speaker 8: little nuggets as I'm trying to figure it out. I
Speaker 8: need like little reminders, and sometimes that is drinking a rose,
Speaker 8: you know, from a can on the subway for my
Speaker 8: fifteen minute commute, and then I'm like, I hope this
Speaker 8: goes longer so I can have a second.
Speaker 3: Place break down exactly.
Speaker 6: I do have to tell you, I genuinely do think
Speaker 6: and this is what I was saying when Sebastian turned two.
Speaker 6: I do think, like by the second birthday, and you
Speaker 6: guys can chime in on this, but I felt I
Speaker 6: finally felt back to my old self, but like settled
Speaker 6: in the new version of my old self. Maybe a
Speaker 6: little bit before that, but it was like two, that's
Speaker 6: she's in like the really hard the dark.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the dark yeah.
Speaker 3: Too.
Speaker 5: Literally, that's I say the same thing. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 5: we'll just give yourself three years. Yes, when you hear
Speaker 5: you're pregnant, yep, like another four thousand years of your
Speaker 5: your fucking breastfeeding.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then and then you're like, oh, okay, I can
Speaker 3: still be myself.
Speaker 5: Yeah I could still like be a hot ass MEAs
Speaker 5: but also come and do stuff mom mehit on Monday. Yeah.
Speaker 5: That this that that all goes away, and and it is.
Speaker 5: It is a strange time where you're just like, can
Speaker 5: I be the same person? Am I the same person?
Speaker 6: There.
Speaker 3: It's like it's like a coming of age.
Speaker 8: But I also did all the things at once, like
Speaker 8: I was a single lady for many years I spent
Speaker 8: I've been in New York twenty years. I would say
Speaker 8: almost all twenty I was just dating around like casual
Speaker 8: here and there may be a one year relationship, maybe
Speaker 8: a three year, but I always dumped them, like almost
Speaker 8: two years, I dump and then maybe we would do
Speaker 8: a do over, and never made it past two years
Speaker 8: for some reason. My freak out point was like two
Speaker 8: years but a lot of like randos, you know, and
Speaker 8: then me a lot of randos. And then me and
Speaker 8: my guy met online and we started dating whatever. Uh
Speaker 8: it was match match and I answered all the like
Speaker 8: I was on match and just it was basically like
Speaker 8: tender but not.
Speaker 6: By the way, I never told you this. I did
Speaker 6: jay date and that was the only online dating experienced.
Speaker 6: And if you know me, I'm not at all dater,
Speaker 6: but I did it. I just be to throw that
Speaker 6: did you want a date or too? No, okay, you
Speaker 6: just went on it.
Speaker 4: I just went on it.
Speaker 6: I got too many things saying like you're my Jewish princess.
Speaker 6: I'm good, so good, thank you yeah.
Speaker 8: But anyway, then we met and we dated, and then
Speaker 8: we had a baby pretty pretty soon after dating. I
Speaker 8: mean not soon, but pretty soon. And I never lived
Speaker 8: with anybody. I'm a live alone lady, and so we
Speaker 8: didn't even move in together until a month before I
Speaker 8: do date.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So I moved real big, real angry, real hot, and.
Speaker 8: It's a lot, and then had the baby and so like,
Speaker 8: I have three roommates now and I so I did
Speaker 8: all the things. So part of the identity thing is
Speaker 8: like I've always supported myself. I've always lived by myself.
Speaker 8: I've always and now I'm like, what is this?
Speaker 3: Who am I?
Speaker 1: I live with somebody? Live with two people?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 8: One came out of my vagina, or she actually didn't,
Speaker 8: she was ripped for my stomach, but still like, yeah,
Speaker 8: I was like now, so that's that's also part of
Speaker 8: the identity thing because I just did all the things
Speaker 8: at once, and so it's a little bit dizzy and.
Speaker 4: Yeah, trying to like recalibrate because I'm so like, I.
Speaker 8: Wish that we've lived in a Brownstone and I could
Speaker 8: live on month learn you can live on another right,
Speaker 8: because I'm a live alone kind of like, yeah.
Speaker 5: The evolved, like the evolving aspect I mean of life
Speaker 5: period is real. Especially I feel like after thirty you're like, yep, yeah,
Speaker 5: you think you're evolved, like you did yoga four times,
Speaker 5: I'm at peace with myself. And then you have a kid,
Speaker 5: and like then you have like someone connected to the kid,
Speaker 5: which is hopefully your partner but probably sometimes not and
Speaker 5: even worse. But it's it's that ship is real. And
Speaker 5: I know you like, uh, wait, which one of you
Speaker 5: has like the yoga background.
Speaker 3: That's me right, it's about you probably.
Speaker 5: Did yoga like four hundred times probably, yeah, And still
Speaker 5: it's so fucking hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, especially through the mirror of like a kid.
Speaker 8: Everything I do, you're like, oh, there's a person looking
Speaker 8: at me doing you know, it's like wait.
Speaker 4: Until they start repeating it, girl, wait until that happens.
Speaker 5: It's like a beautiful it's a beautiful, fucked up like
Speaker 5: mirror of yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, and then you have to re examine everything,
Speaker 3: like am I doing a good job? Like why do
Speaker 3: I care? I should care? This person cares I do this.
Speaker 8: I'm sort of like I did this straight up witchy thing.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna forget what data so in the Kundolini yoga tradition,
Speaker 8: which is not the tradition that I practice specifically, but
Speaker 8: there's a specific date where they feel the soul enters
Speaker 8: the baby and it chooses the mother.
Speaker 6: Oh, so do you agree with that?
Speaker 8: So the baby's inside you and then on his third trimester,
Speaker 8: well it's like, no, it's a one day one twenty
Speaker 8: something based.
Speaker 6: On the moon or is it based on like gestational period.
Speaker 4: I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I would be lying right now.
Speaker 6: Twenty eighth day of the baby existing.
Speaker 8: It's like something I don't know. I think it's like
Speaker 8: like you know how Kabala has those like sacred numbers.
Speaker 8: I think it has something to.
Speaker 1: Do with like the sacred wish.
Speaker 3: She's like.
Speaker 1: But anyway, so on this day they feel that there's
Speaker 1: like all of these.
Speaker 8: Reincarnated soul, you know, because it's come from a Hindu tradition,
Speaker 8: and they pick the mom and then it comes into
Speaker 8: the So on that day, I liked had a healing session.
Speaker 8: I meditated most of the day and I was like
Speaker 8: trying to fall into the soul, trying to call the
Speaker 8: kind of.
Speaker 3: Soul that it's gonna be me.
Speaker 1: So you know what I did, So aside from like,
Speaker 1: I want you to be creative. I was like, and
Speaker 1: above all, please do not be a basic bitch. I
Speaker 1: was like, I need you to be funny. I don't
Speaker 1: know how I'll relate to if you're not funny and
Speaker 1: you can't roll. Also, please don't be a basic bitch.
Speaker 6: And then now.
Speaker 1: Whatever, no basic bitches.
Speaker 8: But then now she is the feistiest, and I'm like,
Speaker 8: well I got what you asked for.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: My partner's always like, well you said you didn't want
Speaker 1: a basic bitch. She is not a basic bitch.
Speaker 3: I was like, that is shared.
Speaker 1: And that he was like, yeah, no basic.
Speaker 6: Meanwhile, I've gone around and been like, I hope Sebastian's
Speaker 6: an accountant or something that as like a four to
Speaker 6: oh one K or something stable, because mommy and daddy
Speaker 6: are both creative and have struggled for so long that
Speaker 6: I just want you to be established in your life
Speaker 6: and not struggle like by a house at twenty five.
Speaker 4: You know right right that part, Oh my god, that's
Speaker 4: like me too. I'm I'm like, I read, don't paint.
Speaker 9: Here, here's a stethoscope, here's a spreadsheetread power is so
Speaker 9: ye yes, So here's a really fun power of your
Speaker 9: Christmas listen.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I have two middle names. My
Speaker 6: name is Ashley Melissa Danielle Heron by birth and Melissa Danel.
Speaker 6: Melissa Danielle Melissa daniel are two you know, based off
Speaker 6: of two important people in my life. Uh obviously via
Speaker 6: my parents. And it is no coincidence that those middle
Speaker 6: initials are MD because my Cuban ass mother was like,
Speaker 6: you're going to be a doctor. You're going to be
Speaker 6: a doctor, and I the complete opposite past on television.
Speaker 6: I was like, no, I'm good. I don't like blood,
Speaker 6: I don't like long hours. We're good.
Speaker 3: My initials are enough.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's actually, thank.
Speaker 4: You so much.
Speaker 6: And also if I change my name, it will not
Speaker 6: be to Melissa or Danielle.
Speaker 5: Okay, So with your evolving and your yoga background, because
Speaker 5: you do like yoga and mental health awareness, which is
Speaker 5: bomb because everybody knows everybody's fucked up, everybody needs therapy.
Speaker 5: How what do you do you have any advice on
Speaker 5: how to like instill that in our kids young like
Speaker 5: we're toddler age where they repeat it and they're actually
Speaker 5: like kind of smarter than us.
Speaker 3: It's kind of fucking.
Speaker 1: Annoying because they have no filter.
Speaker 4: It's none.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's your advice on that?
Speaker 8: Since you're like a professional, I mean I'm not. I
Speaker 8: mean I'm not a professional, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: I've tried to.
Speaker 8: It's like a couple of things I've done for her
Speaker 8: so far. I mean she's like nine months, so like.
Speaker 1: I'm like one of those moms.
Speaker 8: I'm like, well before as she was born. No, anyway,
Speaker 8: I try to like instill gratitude. So even though she
Speaker 8: can't tell me at the end of the day, like
Speaker 8: after her a good night story, I'm always like, I'm
Speaker 8: grateful for this today. I know you can't tell me
Speaker 8: what you're grateful for, but maybe here's some things that
Speaker 8: you're grateful for. You're grateful for that you saw your
Speaker 8: friend Rocky in the park, or that whatever you got
Speaker 8: to you know, whatever it is. I just guess, I'm like,
Speaker 8: and then you'll be able to tell me someday, you know.
Speaker 8: And then I also really love that that's the last
Speaker 8: thing before I put her down.
Speaker 4: That's what I do.
Speaker 8: And then I really and it helps me too, because
Speaker 8: I need gratitude because I can be a snarky ass
Speaker 8: bitch and it helps me to remember what I'm grateful for.
Speaker 8: I always say that, like, if you don't have great
Speaker 8: gratitude in your life, it's like waiting till last call
Speaker 8: to find the guy you want to go home with.
Speaker 8: Like whenever you are empty, you make terrible choices, you
Speaker 8: know you make or like when you're hungry and you
Speaker 8: go to the grocery store. If you're empty, you make
Speaker 8: a terrible choice. But if you're full of good stuff,
Speaker 8: you just only pick what's going to make you better.
Speaker 8: So that I'm trying to instill that in her that
Speaker 8: she doesn't have to go from the botty them, you know.
Speaker 8: And then I also try to just let her feel
Speaker 8: what she's feeling, even if I don't like it. So
Speaker 8: I'm like, I hear you, yeare super angry. Okay, so
Speaker 8: you know you can be angry, that's okay. I just
Speaker 8: I hate when people always like, just smile or whatever.
Speaker 8: Why are you so angry? Why are you so angry?
Speaker 8: You don't need to know why she's angry unless you're
Speaker 8: right exactly now, I mean, just in general, I used.
Speaker 1: To be a nanny too.
Speaker 8: I'm like, oh, celebrities, yeah, So I'm like, you know,
Speaker 8: you don't always have to know while someone's angry. I
Speaker 8: can't always put on I'm angry because I don't know.
Speaker 8: Because I'm angry, you don't need to know, you know.
Speaker 8: So those are a couple of things. And I also
Speaker 8: want her to know that it's okay to be depressed
Speaker 8: or anxious. Those are normal things. You're not broken, You're
Speaker 8: not going to have a messed up life because you
Speaker 8: feel that way, and that there's things that you can
Speaker 8: do to help yourself.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 8: I just I just as a yoga teacher, I I
Speaker 8: felt really weird about having anxiety and depression. I'd like
Speaker 8: felt like as a yoga teacher, I shouldn't be. And
Speaker 8: then one day I was just like fuck it, and
Speaker 8: I started telling people that I had it. And that
Speaker 8: was the moment that my whole entire life and yoga
Speaker 8: practice just like burst right open. Then I found the
Speaker 8: kind of students that were like my freak tribe that
Speaker 8: needed to hear that, and it made me feel better.
Speaker 8: I felt like I wasn't hiding or I just felt
Speaker 8: like being honest in a really transparent way just blew
Speaker 8: my whole life open in a great way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I think I can we both can
Speaker 4: relate to that. I think starting this podcast, like I
Speaker 4: felt initially going into parenthood, I really felt like I
Speaker 4: had to be a certain type of way. I felt
Speaker 4: like I couldn't do the things that I was doing before,
Speaker 4: you know, I felt like I couldn't act in certain
Speaker 4: ways anymore that were not motherly.
Speaker 3: Or wholesome or maybe not wholesome.
Speaker 4: But I just felt like, I don't know, like you know,
Speaker 4: we've talked about it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no, for sure, there's a whole there's a
Speaker 3: whole thing.
Speaker 8: Yeah, And it's just it was important to me that
Speaker 8: I what didn't change a ton. I mean, you change
Speaker 8: as you have a care I don't want to be
Speaker 8: I don't want to be one of those people that
Speaker 8: you're like, you have no you don't even recognize them because.
Speaker 4: What happened.
Speaker 6: I've seen you piss yourself who.
Speaker 3: Right? Cut?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 5: First of all, I think like the power of testimony
Speaker 5: sounds so religious, but the power of testimony and the
Speaker 5: power of like just.
Speaker 3: Being honest that people can relate, and that's the fear
Speaker 3: of it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, just like fuck it like this when it's honest,
Speaker 5: it's true, Like who's going to check me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're gonna be like, well, it's the truth. What
Speaker 3: the fuck the truth?
Speaker 6: What are you going to do about it? If you're
Speaker 6: just being authentic? Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: And also like what are you going to do?
Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm not going to get a job because I
Speaker 8: have anxiety depression, right, that's not going.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And you got to still love yourself and you
Speaker 5: got to keep you know, like you can't feel guilty
Speaker 5: about who you are. And that's I think that's the
Speaker 5: biggest one of the like, one of the biggest reasons
Speaker 5: I think we've started our podcast, like is because there's
Speaker 5: so much pressure to be one dimensional as a mother,
Speaker 5: and you know, we're human, We're so many things.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 3: There's like I'm drunk right now.
Speaker 1: That's one dimension right there.
Speaker 4: That's just.
Speaker 3: In two hours, she won't be and we'll be like, oh,
Speaker 3: we're still I was fifteen minutes late. We are still
Speaker 3: productive exactly right. Yeah. And I fell on someone, but
Speaker 3: I'm here.
Speaker 5: I made it, you know, and I put yourself back
Speaker 5: up again, you know, And that's that's that's the goal.
Speaker 5: And I think like our kids need to see I
Speaker 5: always tell people, like, you want who is your child
Speaker 5: going to know some fake ass person, some unhappy person.
Speaker 5: Like I don't want my child to know the unhappy
Speaker 5: version of me. I want you to know genuinely who
Speaker 5: I am at my best, you know, like when I
Speaker 5: when I'm getting drunk on the weekends, when I'm when
Speaker 5: I'm having orgasms, you know, like.
Speaker 4: That want the child to know about your organs?
Speaker 5: No, I want her to know the best version of me.
Speaker 5: And the best version of me is having orgasms and
Speaker 5: getting drunk.
Speaker 4: I know it's not that's not the best version of your.
Speaker 8: Sometimes I read some article recently that said that you're
Speaker 8: that it's a good idea to show your kids all
Speaker 8: the emotion, even including fear and sat but how much
Speaker 8: you share of that like verbally so so like let's
Speaker 8: say you get laid off, right, you don't need to
Speaker 8: tell your kid, I'm really nervous that we're not going
Speaker 8: to have dinner on the table. But you can say,
Speaker 8: you know, mommy's nervous, and then you can say something
Speaker 8: that makes you nervous. That's maybe not that thing, and
Speaker 8: you're not like lying to your children, but you're like
Speaker 8: mommy's nervous because you know she gets nervous when she's
Speaker 8: around people she doesn't know whatever, whatever makes something honestly right,
Speaker 8: so that they understand, like they did the study that
Speaker 8: like people who don't share how they're feeling and like
Speaker 8: smile through the sad and its their kids have that
Speaker 8: fake ass smile like they don't even they don't know
Speaker 8: how to pattern emotion based on that, and that you
Speaker 8: should share the full range of your emotion within the
Speaker 8: confines of what is suitable to not make them totally.
Speaker 6: I think that's so this morning on my way out,
Speaker 6: I got into a fight with my husband, and uh,
Speaker 6: you share that well, I know it is. It's authentic.
Speaker 6: You know, we fight, we argue, and we got into
Speaker 6: a fight. He was driving me to the train to
Speaker 6: get here, and he was like, you know, you're really
Speaker 6: scaring Sebastian because I'm I feel feelings and he is
Speaker 6: very white man who does not feel things, who just
Speaker 6: kind of like swallows you know, that's how he was raised,
Speaker 6: where I'm not. I'm We we have feelings, we cry
Speaker 6: it out, we scream it out, like that's what happens
Speaker 6: in there. There's a happy middle. My way isn't necessarily
Speaker 6: the right way.
Speaker 4: His way.
Speaker 6: I definitely don't think it's the right way. There's a
Speaker 6: middle somewhere, And you know, he was like, you can't
Speaker 6: act like this in front of Sebastian, And I'm like,
Speaker 6: I'm not throwing things, I'm not screaming, I'm not calling
Speaker 6: you the names I want to call you. I'm doing better. Yeah,
Speaker 6: And I don't want him to think that it's realistic
Speaker 6: that mom and dad don't disagree. We disagree, We disagree,
Speaker 6: And I would rather he feel safe letting feelings out
Speaker 6: and talking about things, even if it comes out in
Speaker 6: not a happy way. Then he thinks he has to
Speaker 6: stifle his emotions, especially as a man, especially in like
Speaker 6: this climate that we live in. You know, a lot
Speaker 6: of the crimes against people are done by men, and
Speaker 6: they're done by men who don't know how to deal
Speaker 6: with their feelings. And I don't want him to think
Speaker 6: that that's okay, Like it's okay to feel and talk
Speaker 6: it out and move on and that's important. It's like
Speaker 6: he has to see us out and also likelve and
Speaker 6: stay together.
Speaker 1: Yes, all relationship is healthy to have a right exactly absolutely.
Speaker 4: I also think your kids also need to know. I mean,
Speaker 4: you're probably not there yet. Your your son is too.
Speaker 4: I don't know if he's entered terrible twos yet. Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: what's going on over there? My daughter waited till three,
Speaker 4: so I thought it had gotten out. I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: we skipped her three year old around. I was like,
Speaker 4: you're a bitch.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yesterday he spent a whole hour tantruming for no reason.
Speaker 4: But with that, with what you were saying, like I
Speaker 4: had a there was. We had a moment me and
Speaker 4: my daughter in the mall where she's just been fucking
Speaker 4: crying all day for nothing. Yeah, and I was in
Speaker 4: the mall and I would just fucking had it, and
Speaker 4: like I was at them. I had to get I
Speaker 4: had to go to the mall for something for work.
Speaker 4: I had to be there. I had to get it.
Speaker 4: She wanted me to pick her up. She's fucking heavy.
Speaker 4: I didn't want to pick her up. She's crying. I'm crying.
Speaker 4: At this point, people are staring at us, worrying about
Speaker 4: her safety, like they're like, does she need water? I'm like,
Speaker 4: I need, you know. And so finally I went into
Speaker 4: the dressing room and I just like cried, and I'm
Speaker 4: sitting there and she's watching me. Cry and I was like,
Speaker 4: and she was like, you're scaring me, and I was like,
Speaker 4: you're me made me cry, and like I think some
Speaker 4: parents might like your kids never should see you crying, Like, no,
Speaker 4: they need to know how. They need to know how.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm not this is not obviously, I'm not
Speaker 4: going to act this way all the time, but like
Speaker 4: she needs to know how she affects, how her actions
Speaker 4: affect people. And I told her, I was like, when
Speaker 4: you act like that, it hurts my feelings, and she
Speaker 4: just like doesn't my mind. My daughter's terrible at apologies
Speaker 4: terror She's a tourist, very stubborn.
Speaker 8: I don't know, like I've never seen as I'm sorry
Speaker 8: you feel that way.
Speaker 4: Literally literally that's how I apologize.
Speaker 6: And so but later that, oh god, you have such
Speaker 6: a road aheadache.
Speaker 4: It's my karma. So then like the next day in
Speaker 4: the morning, she's like, Mommy, today I'll be better, and
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, baby, But they need to see that,
Speaker 4: they need to see like real human interaction. The world
Speaker 4: is not perfect. Relationship marriages aren't perfect. My parenting isn't
Speaker 4: fucking perfect. Even the other day, I yelled she was
Speaker 4: she was yelling at me, like not not even yelling,
Speaker 4: She's just like screaming about something. And then I started screaming,
Speaker 4: and then I was like, you like it, and I
Speaker 4: never really do that. But then I was like, wait,
Speaker 4: I'm thirty one, let me calm me down. You're four
Speaker 4: and I'm thirty one, and like that probably wasn't productive,
Speaker 4: but should happen.
Speaker 6: We're all flawed. And that's the other thing that our
Speaker 6: kids need to learn is like, nobody is perfect. Obviously.
Speaker 6: You know, there's a line you don't want to like
Speaker 6: beat the crap out of your kids or be abusive
Speaker 6: emotionally or anything, but like to have feelings is perfectly normal,
Speaker 6: and they need to see that to some extent, you know,
Speaker 6: Like I don't know that maybe that's the wrong perspective,
Speaker 6: but that's where I lie on.
Speaker 8: Right because we're right away, we're perfect mother exactly. But
Speaker 8: I have to say, as a parent from both of
Speaker 8: our podcasts, that's.
Speaker 6: What's really nice about both of these podcasts is like
Speaker 6: they're both very realistic, and it's both it's not you know,
Speaker 6: a bunch of people sitting there being like, isn't life perfect?
Speaker 6: Don't you just love when your child smiles?
Speaker 8: At you, like, if you don't call your child an asshole,
Speaker 8: I'm not friends with you. I mean your children are assholes?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, And they're like, how could you call
Speaker 1: your child? I'm like, yeah, we can't. There's gonna be
Speaker 1: worse things that are coming out in my mouth shortly.
Speaker 1: So if that's the cat, we're going.
Speaker 4: To be okay.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah right, you're not gonna like me.
Speaker 8: No, your episode where you asked your kids about where
Speaker 8: they came from, I was laughing.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, what did they say? I forgot?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well they kept talking each other.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I'm strangely obsessed with uh, with childbirth. So even before
Speaker 5: I had a baby, or like, watch home birth a lot.
Speaker 6: I'm I follow a bunch of accounts.
Speaker 3: On Instagram and I.
Speaker 4: Love that.
Speaker 3: So when she like born to four, I always showed
Speaker 3: her like her birth video birth you.
Speaker 4: I wanted one to but.
Speaker 5: But I'm sure animal birth, sure a lot of child birth,
Speaker 5: to the point where other kids want to watch like
Speaker 5: other shit on YouTube.
Speaker 3: Like I want to see I want to see an
Speaker 3: elephant give birth. I want to watch birth mom. I'm like,
Speaker 3: that's my little thing. Yeah, I think it strange. And
Speaker 3: then I had to check myself, like who gives the fun?
Speaker 3: At least you know where you came from.
Speaker 5: And maybe she'll never want to have kids because I've
Speaker 5: scarred her for life, or maybe or maybe she'll won't
Speaker 5: be fucking super fearful of it when it's time and
Speaker 5: you won't have any other knowledge except this fucking screaming
Speaker 5: bitch on er.
Speaker 4: You know, how would you have a question? Because we
Speaker 4: actually we pose this question on our instagram how did you?
Speaker 4: How do you? I don't you probably haven't had this conversation,
Speaker 4: but when you plan on having this conversation because eventually
Speaker 4: your kids are going to ask you, because my daughter
Speaker 4: has asked me a few times, how did I get
Speaker 4: in your stomach? Specifically? And actually, at first I started,
Speaker 4: I started like doing this fairy tale thing, and then
Speaker 4: she knew. She was like, Mommy, I thought, we don't
Speaker 4: tell secrets. And then I was like, okay, so I
Speaker 4: like and I did. I gave like I told her
Speaker 4: like you know, mommy and Daddy loved each other, and
Speaker 4: like Daddy rubbed down my stomach and he gave me
Speaker 4: a lot of kisses, and then like and a actually
Speaker 4: she asked me again, so like after that post I
Speaker 4: kind of like felt even more inclined to really explain more.
Speaker 4: And I was like, then he planted his seed inside
Speaker 4: of my stomach and then it grew, and then you
Speaker 4: were here. But we had so many people respond with
Speaker 4: like the strangest conver like the.
Speaker 6: Strangest like a wizard came and like.
Speaker 4: It so creepy, weird as shit like, and then they
Speaker 4: like so much so that they told like one lady,
Speaker 4: I can't remember what she said, she told her kids
Speaker 4: some weird shit and then the kid went back to
Speaker 4: school and told the teacher or something, yeah, and it
Speaker 4: was like the kids were like, what the fuck is
Speaker 4: this good? Like the kid thought that he got in
Speaker 4: his mom's stomach in some strange way for a very
Speaker 4: long time up until like I think he understood probably
Speaker 4: dated him. I feel like I've dated, Like, how would
Speaker 4: you explain to your kids like how you got here?
Speaker 6: I don't know the exact terminology I would use, but
Speaker 6: I think it would be in your vein of what
Speaker 6: you described. I remember asking my mom, so, I'm a
Speaker 6: product of teen pregnancy, and my mom always it was
Speaker 6: very important for her to be very honest with me
Speaker 6: because she was like I was in the situation I
Speaker 6: was in because no one told me, no one told
Speaker 6: me how to and obviously, you know you're not going
Speaker 6: to tell a four year old like make sure you're
Speaker 6: put a condom, but let's practice, right, But like there,
Speaker 6: you know, being honest was always so it was just
Speaker 6: important to her because she didn't know how to prevent
Speaker 6: it because no one talked to her. They were just like,
Speaker 6: you don't have sex, which is also a very unrealistic thing.
Speaker 6: So I think I would always be honest. Now do
Speaker 6: I need to say, like your daddy's penis goes inside
Speaker 6: your mommy's vagina. I don't. I'm not at that point. Yeah,
Speaker 6: but I definitely would, like.
Speaker 1: It might take a long time.
Speaker 6: Hope daddy's not drunk blassus is not fun. But I
Speaker 6: think something along those lines, some kind of you know,
Speaker 6: we love each other very much, and you know, and
Speaker 6: he was an accident, so and I don't think. I
Speaker 6: also don't believe that that's a bad term. I don't.
Speaker 6: I think beautiful things can come from accidents. So I
Speaker 6: and I was an accident. So you know, I never
Speaker 6: was brought up with this notion that that's a bad
Speaker 6: thing to be that's other people's that's that's other people's,
Speaker 6: you know, preconceived notions that they're just putting on me.
Speaker 6: I don't need that. I'm happy. I'm happy being I
Speaker 6: love child, yeah, and I love my accident.
Speaker 8: So my mom is a single mom and she was
Speaker 8: a nurse, so it was like very clinical and she
Speaker 8: wanted to start it early. She didn't want me to
Speaker 8: get any bad information, so she had like medical books.
Speaker 8: I actually actually gave me the medical book right before
Speaker 8: I had a baby, and like, Mom, I know you
Speaker 8: showed it to me every year, and I remember I
Speaker 8: was obsessed with watching back to Back Three's Company and
Speaker 8: the Jeffersons.
Speaker 4: I'm a little bit.
Speaker 6: Older, but there was a company.
Speaker 8: There was a back to back, and I remember my
Speaker 8: mom was like, so now we're gonna we're gonna it
Speaker 8: was like this time of year again. We're gonna sit down,
Speaker 8: We're gonna review from like a Baby's Born book about
Speaker 8: like how babies are made. And I was like, is
Speaker 8: this gonna go past the Jefferson So I was like,
Speaker 8: you talk a lot. I was like, really, how far
Speaker 8: is this going to go? I have to make the Jefferson.
Speaker 4: It's my show.
Speaker 8: You know or and the Three's Company afterwards, Like I
Speaker 8: got to get those shows, so I knew, and I
Speaker 8: was I was like the girl that taught other girls
Speaker 8: how to wear tampons. And because my mom was like
Speaker 8: the medical lady, she didn't want any false information. I
Speaker 8: was the one that was like, that's not where babies
Speaker 8: come from, which probably people were not happy about because
Speaker 8: but my mom taught me really early, and I was like,
Speaker 8: and this is how you put a tampon in, and
Speaker 8: this is how I was that girl. So I don't know,
Speaker 8: I'll probably do something like that.
Speaker 4: I guess with my daughter.
Speaker 8: I mean I turned out okay, so you know maybe.
Speaker 8: And I always was a responsible kid. I mean I
Speaker 8: did some stupid shit and I of course, but I
Speaker 8: was like, I was like responsibly irresponsible. Does that make sense?
Speaker 8: Like even when I was being crazy, I was usually
Speaker 8: prepared crazy. Yeah, I was prepared crazy. Can I just
Speaker 8: say I thought I was a cool mom until I
Speaker 8: listened to your podcast. Yeah, I did not feel like
Speaker 8: a cool mom.
Speaker 1: I said that earlier before you got here. I was like,
Speaker 1: big takeaway, I'm not a cool mom.
Speaker 6: I'm also not convinced I ever really thought I was
Speaker 6: a cool mom. I don't think I'm like cool in general.
Speaker 6: I'm just like there.
Speaker 4: Well, I think like our podcast is very appropriately named yea,
Speaker 4: because we've made a lot of bad choices something that
Speaker 4: a lot of them turn into great choices and learning experiences.
Speaker 4: We're still learning along the way, and you know, I
Speaker 4: think instead of like looking at bad choices as like this.
Speaker 3: Like daunting, daunting, forever permanent. Of course.
Speaker 4: I could have not done that. That would be great
Speaker 4: not doing that thing, of course, that way right now,
Speaker 4: get this girl some water. Drink water. But everyone's I
Speaker 4: you know, I realized that, you know, me and Jamila
Speaker 4: as moms and as people, not everyone that can relate
Speaker 4: to us. Not everyone's going to relate to our experience,
Speaker 4: and that's totally fine. I don't expect everyone to do
Speaker 4: what we do or act how we act, And you
Speaker 4: know what, I might not act like this and next year,
Speaker 4: who knows, you know, maybe.
Speaker 3: Christians fucking baptized.
Speaker 1: I don't judge their way, but that's how I feel.
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, like, let's let's love and respect, Yeah, and.
Speaker 5: Respect that you know we're parents and that you know
Speaker 5: we're all I can think the end goals that we're
Speaker 5: all just trying to be better yea, and heal and
Speaker 5: like evolve, and that's and that's really all that matters,
Speaker 5: even if it takes me and Erica a really long
Speaker 5: time to get there.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I need better friends.
Speaker 6: I don't really have mom friends.
Speaker 4: Come to lay.
Speaker 3: At one point, I think we were leaving, I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: if you haven't, I.
Speaker 4: Was like, I have a few things that I can
Speaker 4: relate to and some other things that I'm like, yes,
Speaker 4: I'm so glad, I'm listening.
Speaker 5: We were leaving and I was like, you know what, Erica,
Speaker 5: you know, maybe we are crazy, Maybe we are a
Speaker 5: little absurd as mothers.
Speaker 3: This is a little fucking crazy. I don't I don't
Speaker 3: get it.
Speaker 4: But I made it to the kid's birthday part exactly
Speaker 4: in costume and costume costume.
Speaker 6: The takeaway is like being a mom doesn't change who
Speaker 6: you are. That's really right, and it can it can
Speaker 6: for the better, hopefully for all of us, but like
Speaker 6: it doesn't have to change like who you.
Speaker 8: Are before, because if you're not that stable and who
Speaker 8: you are then and go yeah, and it got it
Speaker 8: was able to be moved around so easily.
Speaker 6: Right, Well, I also think I think kids bring an
Speaker 6: opportunity for healing in your life, like the damage that
Speaker 6: has been done to us as children, the damage we've
Speaker 6: seen been that's been done to other people. Kids present
Speaker 6: this opportunity to you know, try and right those wrongs.
Speaker 6: But other than that, we're still the same person. So,
Speaker 6: you know, in most of us, unless you know you're
Speaker 6: deranged or trying to do the right thing by our kids,
Speaker 6: to sit there and be like, well, I wouldn't do that,
Speaker 6: Like okay, yeah, you wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1: I didn't ask.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so I don't know. Thank you, guys. This is
Speaker 6: really fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm so glad we were able to connect. And
Speaker 4: you guys, make sure you go check out Scary Mommy
Speaker 4: and let our listeners know where they can find your podcast.
Speaker 6: Everywhere Podcasts, Gary Mommy Speaks, Yeah, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify.
Speaker 6: Am I missing anything?
Speaker 4: All those places, all those play podcast places.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm really happy we have to connect. So thank you, guys,
Speaker 5: Thank you, Thank you for not judging me wrong.
Speaker 3: I was a little jealous. Actually I'm not jealous.
Speaker 6: Honestly, I went to breakfast with my friend who was
Speaker 6: in town from l A and I was like, oh,
Speaker 6: I should have had that bloody Mary alone.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was texting her. She wasn't answering. I'm like, you're
Speaker 4: scaring me. Where are you?
Speaker 3: I was trying to like totally cool, like why are
Speaker 3: you scared?
Speaker 4: Them?
Speaker 5: On my way I'm in transit when I was like,
Speaker 5: she's gonna kick my hast Anyway, thank you guys for
Speaker 5: for coming on.
Speaker 4: Uh.
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Speaker 4: No? I think I think you're thinking of.
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Speaker 3: But they also offer books. Uh, tamp organic like tampon Mela.
Speaker 4: Got a necklace vibrator?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, because I was. I was last week. I
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Speaker 4: Mom's Underscore Bad Choices. Join our newsletter Good Momsbad Choices
Speaker 4: dot Com and leave a fucking review and also like
Speaker 4: rate us five stars because you love us and you're
Speaker 4: listening and I know you've been listening, so stop haying.
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Speaker 4: guys NEX Monday. Bye bye.
Speaker 2: So also interesting bookkeeping, interesting bookkeeping when a bail far
Speaker 2: babook keeping don't interesting bookkeeping