WEBVTT - Adult Education: The Magic Number 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.359 Wind Down with Jane Kramer and I've Heeart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:09.399 How's the stress level going by this week? Feeling good 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:09.959 about things? 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:12.400 My stress levels are actually good because I made the 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:16.360 decision this week, Yeah, about what not take life too seriously. 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:20.919 I feel like you've done so, like you're you feel different, 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.320 you feel like you feel lighter. Well, just make it 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:26.880 you seem lighter. I don't know how you feel. 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:33.800 A conscious decision just to just not let things affect 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:43.680 me so much, like comments, conversations, decisions. If things don't 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.000 go quite as I want them to plan them, then 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.680 it's fine. There's a reason for it. So I've just 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:53.800 kind of had to not had to be chosen to 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:58.680 take a step back and just relax a little bit, 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.760 not relax as and get through less work, or but 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:07.480 just be like, stop taking everything so so serious all 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:10.280 the time, because it doesn't do me any good. I 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:16.600 take things so seriously, I become irritable, defensive, reactive. But 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:20.840 as if I just speak to myself and be like, yeah, 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:23.479 your life's good things are happening. 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:28.679 Just slow down, right, do you does it? Do you 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:29.480 feel a difference? 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:30.679 Yeah? I do? 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:33.240 Actually yeah? 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:34.640 Yeah, smile more. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.840 Again? Now just to defend you know, you a bit. 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.040 It's just you have you have so much that you're 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.840 doing and so much writing on certain things, and it's 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.840 it can feel hard, right. 0:01:51.200 --> 0:01:53.440 Yeah, But I also become obsessed about things. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:54.840 Yeah, I do. 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:59.120 I have an obsessive nature, so I must do this, 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:04.680 I must do that, and and I forget to live essentially, 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.040 and it's not nice. It's not nice for the people 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:12.840 around you and the kids and Troy, and so it's just, yeah, 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:16.000 just need to relax a little bit more and not 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:17.880 take things so serious. 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.600 But I think too though you've had I mean maybe 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:25.720 you haven't, but in my mind it's it's almost like 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:28.600 I think when people go through that, it's like you're 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.000 the only person going through that, and you don't realize 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:35.080 other people that have stresses and pressure. And so when 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:38.480 I express something to the other day because I ended up, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.959 you know, turning down two things, and then I started 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:42.840 to feel, oh my gosh, like. 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:43.440 What am I doing? 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.760 And then I'm like, I also have pressure too, and 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.000 I have those feelings and thoughts. And I don't know 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:54.720 if you sometimes because I try not to let everybody 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:58.320 else feel it in a way, so I bet I 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.359 feel like in that conversation you might have been able 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:05.720 to hear like it's not like I also have those 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.600 same feelings too, just I just expressed them differently. 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:11.000 So you'll probably find that this week I held you 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:14.640 a little bit more based on how my outlook was 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:15.560 or not. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:17.000 What do you mean? 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:21.080 So because of how I decided to approach this week 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:24.359 with relaxing a little bit more and being a little 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.680 bit more fun than not taking things serious, then I 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:30.399 was in a better position to listen to you when 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:33.760 you want to discuss the things that you had said 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:37.400 no to and how you were feeling now. 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:41.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're you're I think it's like that. 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:43.400 I think when you'll be your present. 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:47.560 Yeah, when you're an obsessive person, there's a there's unfortunately, 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:51.960 there's a selfish trait in there. What do you Sometimes 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.200 you think your problems are the. 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.760 Only problems, right, and they're not. 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.680 No, it's not, and it's it's not it's not a 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.640 good mindset to have, and it's not place a good 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.640 place to be in, which is why I needed to 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:05.000 kick up they asked to get out of. 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:10.120 Essentially, Oh, I'm glad, I'm happy for you. Then I 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:17.480 wonder question for you in relationships, because sometimes when people 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.520 aren't having sex, they might start to feel a little. 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:22.480 Frustrated. 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.480 Now, that has never really been our issue, but I 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.600 was reading something where they say sometimes in relationships, when 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:31.920 you're not getting your needs met, you start to get 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:38.440 a little more irritable, a little more annoyed. Maybe what 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:42.840 do you think the magic number is to being intimate 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:43.839 and having sex. 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:49.240 I think somewhere between two and three. I think two 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.280 is minimal and three is good. 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:59.799 A week or day I'm goodding, but a week a week, yeah. 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:04.360 Yeah, And I think I think that's healthy physically. Emotionally 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:09.680 there's a good number, but not quite the case for 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:11.960 a lot of relationships unfortunately. 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:16.360 Well, I think it's hard. You know, everyone's so busy, 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:22.000 especially if you have kids. Other factors into things. And 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:24.640 I mean we're in a stage now where when we 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:29.080 go to bed, I'm like, I'm tired. I just want 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.479 if it's if it's past a certain point, like I'm done, 0:05:32.520 --> 0:05:35.719 I'm gone. Like if that's where it's like if we're 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:37.719 in I feel like you kind of know me now too. 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.040 If you don't get me on the front end of 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:41.640 the movie, you're not getting me on the back end 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:43.640 of the movie, which is not gonna happen. 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:50.600 I'm exhausted, you know what I mean. 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:54.760 You hear people get into you, hear couples that that 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:59.440 actually schedule sex into the lives. 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:05.719 But that's something that therapists say to do. If so 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:09.360 that you it's like a date, they sexy time. 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:13.560 Yeah, would you think that's intimate, that it's planned. 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.520 That I know someone that does that, So I can't 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:18.839 again that that works. 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.320 For them, you know, judgment on anyone. 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:25.520 Yeah, to me, I don't like that because to me, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:29.120 it adds more pressure and then it takes the To me, 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.680 it adds more pressure scheduling, and it it makes it 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:37.240 a little less sexy. Okay, So that's just my personal 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:39.719 for me and how I operate. Yeah, but I know 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.280 for other people it can either be exciting that they 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:43.480 know every Monday is. 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.200 Monday, Monday Funday. 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:51.840 Yeah, and then you know, for other people it's or 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:53.520 it might make them feel pressured. 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.640 I don't know. Yeah, I don't think we. 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:58.080 I don't think we would ever get to a place 0:06:58.080 --> 0:06:59.720 where we feel like we'd have to schedule sex. 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:07.080 No, how do you know when I want to sex you? 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:09.680 I always know? 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.240 How do you know, I feel like you'd have it 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:14.160 every day if you could. 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.720 Yeah. Yeah, we have a very healthy sex life. 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:21.200 Yeah, but I grateful for it, that's for sure. 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.240 You give me a look, I give you a look. 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:25.040 You give me a luck. 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:31.520 Like the memes that you see the gorillas or the monkeys, 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:32.000 all the. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.520 Things that you send me. The memes the gorillas are 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:50.080 the best band. 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:52.800 Questions who plans the vacations? Do you both match up 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.240 on what you like your vacation to look like? 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:59.960 That's a good question because a lot of a lot 0:07:59.960 --> 0:08:05.280 of our vacations are we've gone because they come through 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:08.480 being offered, don't they. 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:14.320 Well, I see where there are places that are offering 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:16.600 three places. 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.000 And then we make a decision based decision. Yeah, I 0:08:19.000 --> 0:08:21.320 think we're both pretty similar when it comes to the 0:08:21.400 --> 0:08:22.920 vacation needs only. 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.800 Yeah, I mean I planned our honeymoon honeyon. I planned 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:31.600 our year wedding anniversary trip that's coming up. Very excited 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:34.800 about that, but I wanted to do that. I was 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:35.640 excited about that. 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:37.440 And do you want people to know that I know? 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.559 Oh yeah he knows now, Yeah, I know that so fat. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.200 I cannot wait. I think I think about it like 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:47.080 four times a day. 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:51.480 Ah, I just I cannot wait. 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:52.800 It's going to be so fun. 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.600 If people know who were going. No, not yet, let's 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:56.440 keep it a secret. 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:59.439 But I think it's fun because this vacation says like, 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.600 do you both and what you like your vacation to 0:09:01.600 --> 0:09:03.680 look like? We have a wish list of all the 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.480 things that we want to do, and they're very similar. 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:07.800 It's not not one thing where it's like I don't 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.040 want to do this, but my partner does. Like we're 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:14.400 both open to trying things and having fun. And for this, 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.800 I don't want to just lay at a beach somewhere. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.320 I want to I want us to where I think 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:24.920 we thrive the most is an adventure and doing active things. 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.040 And so this is right up that alley. 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:30.240 I think it was a place for lying on a beach. 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:31.760 Yes, for a couple of days February. 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:35.000 Absolutely, And I think we're in agreement with that. Yeah, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:37.600 Like if that's what we're going for, then that's what 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:38.000 we're doing. 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:38.320 Yeah. 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:40.280 So I think we're good on the front end because 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:42.880 you hear a lot of people that go on vacational like, well, 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.280 he just wants to lie in the beach and I 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.640 end up just wander on the round, the walking, and 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.280 I'm like, wow, how can you how can you not 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.720 be aligned before you decide where you're going and what 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:56.839 you're doing. I find that that would be tough. Yeah, okay, 0:09:56.880 --> 0:10:01.720 and a fine question. Who's the fun to apologize? And 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:04.359 either of you have a hard time apologizing? 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.400 Who's the first to apologize? Yeah? 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:14.280 And then this agreement probably do Yeah, yeah, thank you? Yeah, 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:17.000 both stubborn. You're less stubborn. 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:19.640 I've worked really hard to apologize first. 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:24.480 Yeah, I would say you apologize bost. I think we 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:28.120 both have a hard tame apologizing, but we've got better 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:31.800 at managing it. Yeah, and actually, okay, I put myself 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:32.880 in your shoes. I'm sorry. 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:39.360 Yeah, that's the kind of our Our no rule is 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.200 in something it's alan's brought to the relationship where it's 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:47.480 flip it. If it's flipped, how would you feel? And 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:53.600 that's just been a really good not only reflection before 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:57.400 I do things, but just something I always think about 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:02.120 in just regular conversations what I would do prior to you. 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:07.400 I would never think to flip it, really never, But 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:11.760 there was no respect, you know, previously, so why would 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:12.319 I flip it? 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:13.160 You know? 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:17.680 When I when I didn't feel perspected. So with this situation, 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:22.000 I always go to flip it. How how do you feel? 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:25.160 What would I what would I want in this situation? 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:30.240 Would I be happy in this situation? And then but 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.719 I think it's interesting because I think when I ask 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:34.720 you to flip it, you have a harder time with that, 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.880 Like I will. I will look at what you say, 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:39.520 like flip it, and I'm like, okay, yeah I can. 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:41.720 I can totally see that. But when I tell you 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:44.320 to flip it, it's like, no, it only flips the 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:48.560 other way. It doesn't flip your way, sure or not. 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:50.640 It's like a coin that's got heads or tails. This 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.240 one's only got heads. Cliff it. No, don't see it, 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:56.679 cliff a game. Still don't see it? 0:11:56.880 --> 0:12:00.000 Yeah, that's be flipped a few times to show you. 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:01.319 Do you agree or no? 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:04.480 Again, it goes back to me being a little bit 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:07.160 more stubborn. If you asked me to flip the situation 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.240 when I would I like to be in that situation, 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:13.200 then I'll probably have a few, if some butts before 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:18.240 I finally say, yeah, you're right, it's not good or 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:20.840 it is good or whatever the situation is at a time. 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.480 Have you ever disagreed on how to handle a parenting situation? 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:31.760 Not the big disagreement, None that I can think of offhand. No, 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:35.480 I smacked Roman's ass once. No, you did, not a 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:39.680 little bit like not, And you're like, we don't smack 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:40.280 in this house. 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:42.679 We don't. But I don't remember that. 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.960 That's exactly That's why it made such an made that 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.800 much of an impression. You don't even remember. Or I 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:50.679 think maybe I said I'm when to smack. 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.800 Has asked, Yeah, I don't think you actually did. 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.280 No, maybe I didn't because I'm like. 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:59.760 He's this much old Harvard many months old or whatever, 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.000 like and no, we don't do that. 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.080 Okay, So maybe I just said I'm going to smack. 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.960 Has asked the you you raised it and said we 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:07.240 don't smack in this house. 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:13.480 Yeah, like, hm, that's not how my glass region was raised. 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:17.040 Let's talk about that. 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:20.000 Really. Here we go. 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:25.600 We're having an Instagram right now. This is a big 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:27.440 one actually, and we're just figuring this out. 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:29.920 No, we'll not figuring it out because realistically it's not 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:33.400 something that I want to do. But have you researched 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:35.000 the positives and negatives of it? 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:36.960 You just don't. 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:41.199 Yeah, that's like it's you're then telling the person the 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:41.800 kid to hit. 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:45.839 Okay. Were you raised with a smack toass. 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:49.360 Yes, and not a good way, which is why then 0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:54.760 you think it's okay and it's not okay. I'm not 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:56.920 saying I got into abusive relationships because I got into 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:06.439 abusive room, but and there are levels of things that happen, 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.720 and I think back then that was more norm to 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:13.800 be spanked with. Like my dad was absolutely spanked with 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:17.040 the belts because that was his generation him than carrying 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:21.440 that on with our generation. It makes sense, but there's 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:28.160 no like it's I cannot imagine a world today where 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.600 a child is spanked with a belt and it is okay. 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:34.160 I'm not talking about smacking anyone. 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:36.440 Right, but just think about like when we were raised, 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:40.440 I would have the belt. That is child abuse. 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.160 You had the belt, yes. 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:48.280 Oh yeah, okay. My dad was a smick moss known 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:49.040 again but that was. 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:53.520 Oh we got the belt. Yeah. 0:14:54.040 --> 0:15:00.880 More so my brother but like not okay, again he 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:06.480 was raised with that. I mean my mom spanked my 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.280 brother with a wooden spoon and it broke in half. 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:12.880 Like I mean, there was yeah, what I'm saying it's 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.240 and I remember I laughed about it. I'm like, wait, 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:17.320 are you punishing him? 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:22.000 Like, but yeah, yeah, I think there's certain things that 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:29.160 you carry from generation to generation that healthy. There's not 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:32.160 one of them. I don't think a smack toss now 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.360 and again does anyone any harm. But I do not 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.680 intend to be smacking Roman's ass. 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:38.240 I just don't. 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.560 And listen, I have friends that have smacked their kids before. 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.960 I have friends we talked about on here, Kristen and Window, 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:49.000 and we talked about how she gave her son the soap, 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:51.920 and then I'm like, that's also something. 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:52.360 That we had. 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:57.440 I was raised in such that household that it's so triggering, 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:02.360 and then now then being in an abusive relationships. I 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.920 just don't see what the any sort of benefit would 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.800 be to actually hitting a kid. And I think it 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:14.440 shows that that's okay, and it's no, it's not okay 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:18.040 to be hit. To be punished like I am bad 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.320 equals I am being hit and that's how I am punished. 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:23.520 You know, I agree with. 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:27.160 You, So I just and it's not about kids being 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.240 soft these days. It's not about that at all. There 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:32.960 are ways to discipline your child without raising a hand. Again, 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:37.600 this is my own personal opinion with parenting. I know 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:39.640 other parents do it different ways if that is how 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.000 they feel, and listen, there are times I am not 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.640 proud of the way that I've screamed before. That's not 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:49.840 okay too, you know, like I've lost my temper and 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:56.040 screamed at them. Now that's very foreign fee between. But 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.200 we are all. We are doing the best we can. 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:03.920 But to make a habit of that, like of hitting 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:06.080 and it's great, like this is not okay in my 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:08.760 personal opinion, don't come at me. 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:11.320 I agree with you, but so I would be upset 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:12.040 with given my. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.719 History, and I don't think him hitting that is whatever. 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:20.640 There should be other consequences. Take away the TV or 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:21.359 I don't. 0:17:21.240 --> 0:17:23.400 Know a little bit, raising voices. 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:27.480 Again, I don't think there's any Again, I don't do 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:36.240 it perfectly, but I don't see it's still anger in a aggressing, 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:39.280 aggressive way manner. And again I have triggers from the 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.439 way my dad would look at me or the yelling. 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:42.000 I don't. 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:43.960 I don't like it, which is why I don't react 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:48.640 to it in situations if you get angry, I react opposite. 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.560 I don't like it. I don't hear it. 0:17:51.760 --> 0:17:54.080 I don't like you can take that somewhere else because 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:56.600 I'm not here for it kind of vibe. 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:58.560 What are your thoughts? 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:01.399 I think that to be a shift in tone. 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:03.720 A shift in tone, sure, like absolutely not do not 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.800 do that, you know, like that kind of shift. But to. 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:10.800 No, I think that has to be a shift in tone. 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:12.680 That has to be a shift in volume. It doesn't 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:15.560 need to be aggressive. It can be. It can be 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:19.080 a hey, yeah to get a reaction, an and some reaction. 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:25.120 Sure I could see that possibly, Yeah, woy to ask 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:26.360 that question? Boy? 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:27.200 Did that just come? 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:30.840 Smack tosses and raised voices. 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.919 Relationship headlines, Kellie Ripper reveals the secret behind her almost 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:50.159 thirty year marriage to Mark Quinsuelos. They've been married for 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:52.840 almost thirty years. There's such a cute couple. This is 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:54.280 what she said. She was the first year of our 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:56.920 marriage for us was the worst. Like it was really hard. 0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:59.120 We discover things about each other, like, oh my god, 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:02.080 he breathes and it sounds irritating to me. So you 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:05.720 just have to not panic because you've because you'll settle 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.360 into each other. A lot of people find the first year, 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:12.240 you know, really hard, and then it sort of deteriorates. 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:14.840 So she went on to, you know, basically talk about that. 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:18.200 Other people agreed, someone saying, we've been married forty one 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:23.080 years and yes, the first year was the hardest. Babe. 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:24.760 How do you think the first year of marriage has 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:25.360 been for us? 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:29.679 It's been I think it's been a it's been a 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:36.600 roller coaster of good and good in growth and not 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:38.120 so good moments. 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:40.359 What do you think are not so good moments are? 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:44.600 I think? I mean, listen, it's a first year of marriage, 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.920 so you're still still a part of your developing into 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:52.800 each other's habits and behaviors, monitoring and dealing with reactions 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:55.639 to things, and some things are new, some things are not. 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:00.960 I think it's been I think room for growth and 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.920 it has been great. I think we've had so many 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:06.600 moments that have been amazing with it. So many moments 0:20:06.640 --> 0:20:12.800 we've been angry and frustrated, and but whatever those moments 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:17.359 have been, we've grown through them in a positive in 0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:19.920 a positive way. Listen, we're in a better place. We're 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:24.280 in a better place now than maybe are yesterday, and 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:26.840 will be a better place tomorrow than we are today 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:30.280 because we try and grow from each each day. I 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:34.560 don't think anyone's first year of marriage will be playing sailing. 0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:39.359 I really don't. But as long as you recognize that, Okay, 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.560 this is my person that I want to spend the 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:45.240 rest of my life with and that never changes, then 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:49.000 I think you can. I think you can overcome any 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:51.520 hurdle that happens in the first year. And there will 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:56.560 be hurdles like we've had. But I've never like, I 0:20:56.600 --> 0:21:00.960 love you more than I loved you when we got 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:03.960 married or nearly a year I love you more now 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:06.719 we've grown more together, we've been through and more together. 0:21:08.720 --> 0:21:12.520 It's been tough at certain times, but we've we've we've 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.960 got through it, and we've we've embraced certain things. We've 0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:19.280 struggled with certain things, and I think that's part of it. 0:21:19.440 --> 0:21:21.480 Never going to be perfect, But you grow from the 0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:24.879 You grow from the the moments where you have to 0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:27.680 challenge each other or deal with each other or deal 0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:30.359 with certain things. So I think it's been amazing. Like 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:32.960 I love being married to you, Thanks be. 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:37.280 I love be married too, too, And I think has 0:21:37.320 --> 0:21:41.320 it been perfect? No, But I wouldn't have wanted it 0:21:41.320 --> 0:21:45.240 to be in a sense where like I love that 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:49.720 we've been able to work through things together and that 0:21:49.760 --> 0:21:53.800 piece makes us stronger. And I love that piece just 0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:55.320 like you said, like I love you more now than 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:58.040 I did then. And also our first year marriage, we 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:03.080 have a newborn, you know, we have you know, you're 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:06.760 you know, fighting your fight over here with green cards 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:09.159 and work and everything, and so that just adds a 0:22:09.160 --> 0:22:13.040 whole layer. There's a lot of stress, you know, and 0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:16.480 so that's that's hard. And you know, three kids, and 0:22:16.560 --> 0:22:19.719 so it's probably looks a little different than maybe some 0:22:20.000 --> 0:22:22.359 people's first year of marriage that don't have kids. But 0:22:22.560 --> 0:22:24.880 I do think there is something to be said of 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:28.240 you are settling in and that is the first year 0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:31.840 of settling in and figuring things out and how people operate. 0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:35.199 And it's exactly what it's like I said to you 0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:39.600