Speaker 1: Look mad oh, I see you? Why why and look
Speaker 1: over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness, wow you guys. Um,
Speaker 1: Before we get going, we just have to do some
Speaker 1: some housekeeping. Um, I went through the change. It's Matt.
Speaker 1: Matt got vocal surge to make it deeper, to make
Speaker 1: it and it's me. Oh my god, god, good morning. Um,
Speaker 1: oh my god. So Matt just through an emergency, had
Speaker 1: to flat to l a last minute. So he's on
Speaker 1: a plane right now. UM, so I'm feeling it for him.
Speaker 1: We have our good friend friend of the show, um,
Speaker 1: the host of Fresh Batch. Uh, the former judge of Coltuar,
Speaker 1: my friend, my Floridian queen, Mr is three or five
Speaker 1: doing that. That was my cell phone that went off
Speaker 1: and it was a random doctor's office. So the results
Speaker 1: are in. I guess should I have taken it? Wait? Okay,
Speaker 1: can you explain the two cell phones? As you know?
Speaker 1: Can I just tell you why I can't win in
Speaker 1: this world and why why everyone's against This isn't new
Speaker 1: podcast I'm launching today. Um. I had a droid for
Speaker 1: a long time which became the But I mean, I
Speaker 1: always am the butt of many jokes, but this was
Speaker 1: really like the bottom of the rock bottom. But that's
Speaker 1: when Kensiela comes in and he's like, we need to talk,
Speaker 1: and everybody mad. Funny me because the green text came
Speaker 1: through when people were like what kind of animal are you? Etcetera.
Speaker 1: So I went on. I bought an iPhone because I
Speaker 1: figured on a new number because I was going overseas.
Speaker 1: This way they have like free tea, mobiles, free service whatever.
Speaker 1: Great bought an iPhone, started giving that number out and
Speaker 1: now I used both in the iPhone. I've had a
Speaker 1: no for over two years. But the iPhone um was
Speaker 1: breaking because they're actually garbage to break after the year.
Speaker 1: It's like Inspector gadgets. So I have it still. So
Speaker 1: I have two phones and now every one's question is
Speaker 1: do you have to like, I can't just live my
Speaker 1: life for what is? What? What is? What do you
Speaker 1: delineate each of them for? That's a great question. So
Speaker 1: my droid I still use for emails because for emails
Speaker 1: I find to be a lot better than the iPhone,
Speaker 1: and I use it for like making calls and the
Speaker 1: business e call email stuff. The iPhone I use music, Twitter, Instagram, pictures.
Speaker 1: It's like my fun text. Well, the two phones thing
Speaker 1: like you're the fucking pope or something like that. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, me and my Motorola. I'm sorry, droid Max
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. It didn't mean to pile on
Speaker 1: with like the y why why, but I just had to.
Speaker 1: But they're old phones, Like it doesn't look I don't
Speaker 1: look fancy. It's just nothing. I got a new Loomi,
Speaker 1: that's all. You're gonna leave me for this, But the motorola.
Speaker 1: No one got a new Loumi. I'm like that. The
Speaker 1: only people I know have that are you. The Kardashians
Speaker 1: Scott three of the most well with people in the business.
Speaker 1: They can't take some amazing selfies. Okay, we have an
Speaker 1: amazing guest. Um, he's such a wonderful human. You've seen
Speaker 1: his live show Haunting additions or if you have, you
Speaker 1: should voice truly the new Generation voice Ohan of Nebrato.
Speaker 1: Just that's so brilliant, beautiful titles and um he's written
Speaker 1: for teachers, Younger, New Girl, all your favorite shows starring
Speaker 1: just wonderful cute brunettes. Um Sutton, Hillary, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: is Hillary Clinton? Shutton Kate Friedman. Um it's her name
Speaker 1: from New Girl? Of course? How can we forget that.
Speaker 1: It's guys. It's it's a thank you, thank you. I
Speaker 1: think you should, by the way, just point out that
Speaker 1: Matt's not having like a like a scary emergency. No, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no, I'm so sorry. Yes, um a good one.
Speaker 1: It's sort of a bullshit emergency. Um okay, we both
Speaker 1: of mrs phones are are lit up. What's going on?
Speaker 1: Are there are the results? And what did the doctor say?
Speaker 1: You don't have to share? It's a girl, did it?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? I wish that were true. That's okay?
Speaker 1: You a kid now. The past two minutes, I just
Speaker 1: I can't get it out of my head. Do you
Speaker 1: want to be a great mom? Do you really think so?
Speaker 1: I absolutely think so. I mean she's a crazy person,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean she's a nut. Like arguably everyone
Speaker 1: thinks she's like the good things. I know she'll never
Speaker 1: hear this, like like on my podcast, I could never
Speaker 1: go here. It's called fresh Batch. By the way, that
Speaker 1: this listening, thanks, but I did plug it. I was
Speaker 1: looking at my phone. No, but my mom is like
Speaker 1: she's everyone who meets her. I always joke that like
Speaker 1: they faced palm me into a ditch because you're like
Speaker 1: your mom, Like she's very funny, and she's purposefully funny,
Speaker 1: like she knows what's what comedy is, she's timing. She's
Speaker 1: very very funny unless she knows that she's on stage
Speaker 1: and then she kind of shuts down. But she actually
Speaker 1: is like she was like psychologically traumatic growing up and
Speaker 1: like as a child, as her child, she was psychologically
Speaker 1: so people think like and when they meet her, they're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're so like your mom, and I'm
Speaker 1: like great performer or like overly loving to an almost
Speaker 1: asphixiating yeah, like you can't breathe, but also truly like
Speaker 1: borderline abuse of But I'm just saying, you know, it
Speaker 1: is what it is. But she so the helicopter thing
Speaker 1: was like the helicopter parenting was I'm assuming, very jewey jeweye,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't even that's not even the abuse was
Speaker 1: like just she was from Israel, she was in the
Speaker 1: Air Force, came from Holocaust survivors, her mother probably so
Speaker 1: there was just her her aunt, my great and committed suicide.
Speaker 1: That there's a lot of ship in my family. Are
Speaker 1: we supposed to talk about this? I don't know what
Speaker 1: this is, but it's fine, right, People like this poor
Speaker 1: Elliott came all the way to Brooklyn and like and
Speaker 1: then she's speaking my language. Ma'am actually felt that used
Speaker 1: with mental illness in the family for generations. You have
Speaker 1: that Elliot talk about it? Are you kidding? Seriously? Talk
Speaker 1: about it? Makes me feel like I've inherited it pretty recently.
Speaker 1: But really my sister converted. Oh does that count? I mean,
Speaker 1: but I mean it does my brother in law's side
Speaker 1: of the family and they're lovely, lovely people, but like
Speaker 1: there's there's a lot of ship going on. But I
Speaker 1: want to hear about this firsthand. Primary I want to get.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it's just you just grow up with. Um.
Speaker 1: There's like mental illness on both sides, and it stems
Speaker 1: from generation to generation and you know, manifests in different ways,
Speaker 1: and um, you know, I think my mom tried to
Speaker 1: learn from my grandfather and my grandfather tried to you know,
Speaker 1: you know, as parents do, they try to change what
Speaker 1: their parents did to them and do it, you know,
Speaker 1: do it better. But my parents were amazing, the most loving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: their parents. My sister and I are just like kind
Speaker 1: of stunned now from a macrowth perspective as to how
Speaker 1: they did it so well because they did it really well.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that as like I mean talking
Speaker 1: about like myself, myself or my sister. I just mean like,
Speaker 1: when you look at their approach to parenting, it didn't
Speaker 1: seem very like specific or like intri kid or or
Speaker 1: or like intentional. It just was what it was. But
Speaker 1: now we have perspective where we're like, oh, yeah, like
Speaker 1: they were like parenting our friends and like everyone else's
Speaker 1: parents were kind of fucked and our parents, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm sure they would say we were not perfect, but like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's that they did they did
Speaker 1: a really a really good job by just being kind
Speaker 1: of present. You know, like there's other comedians or people
Speaker 1: just comedians but also friends who parents so well just
Speaker 1: by being around, not by trying to be precious, not
Speaker 1: by trying to like give too much or give too little,
Speaker 1: like they're you know, like Andrea Rosen and John Gimberlin.
Speaker 1: They're the most they impressed me as parents by just
Speaker 1: being themselves, and so they're just as silly with the
Speaker 1: kids as they are as human beings. Um. But then
Speaker 1: let me ask you that because that also really depends
Speaker 1: to me if the kids naturally were born fun funky,
Speaker 1: funny kids or like monster demon because I have friends
Speaker 1: who have kids, and I'm so paranoid that any of
Speaker 1: them listening are going to figure it out, but including
Speaker 1: you know, I have nieces who are like lovely girls.
Speaker 1: You know, they're living in a really small town. The
Speaker 1: point that I'm making is is that sometimes kids are
Speaker 1: just born bad, like they're born like fucked up or
Speaker 1: whatever else, And then I see how parents kind of
Speaker 1: respond to those kids. Sometimes the parents are also evil.
Speaker 1: This is just something from when I grew up and
Speaker 1: knowing other kids like that. But um, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I can't explain it. Like I feel like they're lucky
Speaker 1: that their kids are like funny, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because not all kids are funny fun No. I think
Speaker 1: there's also an element of like being um, what's the
Speaker 1: right word. I guess, like I don't want to say,
Speaker 1: like woke is the wrong term, but like being attuned
Speaker 1: to your kids in a way that I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just keep thinking of like parents who are so
Speaker 1: fucking annoying precious and like their kids have to have
Speaker 1: the weirdest names and their kids are to have the
Speaker 1: weirdest pictures and their kids have to have the weirdest
Speaker 1: hob you know. Like I'm reading a book called tweet.
Speaker 1: It's literally like the history of tweet culture. In the
Speaker 1: book is called like something but like this the gentle
Speaker 1: Revolution that like rock a generation. But it's like it's
Speaker 1: trace and it's not written in a positive way. It's
Speaker 1: like what is the It basically you know, talks about
Speaker 1: how everybody just wants to be not everybody, but like
Speaker 1: there's such a generation of people who want to be
Speaker 1: like and like cute and weird and precious and quirky.
Speaker 1: And it's like it's such a real thing. It used
Speaker 1: to be like it used to kind of be uh
Speaker 1: like an outlier thing, and now it's become the thing.
Speaker 1: The author of the book talks about how like the
Speaker 1: idea is you want to not be you know, people
Speaker 1: don't want to be drowning you in their tweetness. But
Speaker 1: it's a it's a gradient. So like some people it's
Speaker 1: they're all tweet and some people, like I would I
Speaker 1: consider myself probably like twenty tweet, you know, like that's
Speaker 1: so brave, but but I'm not sure. I don't. But
Speaker 1: purposely I'm like still like, well, you know, I want to.
Speaker 1: I'm like just like Jewish and New York enough to
Speaker 1: like not actually give in to it, you know, Like
Speaker 1: so yeah, it's so charming because it's like there's no
Speaker 1: part of you that feels and that is ever, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, needed to like check off a box of
Speaker 1: being like cute cute. That's I've never considered myself like
Speaker 1: cute at all, because but like I like animals, right,
Speaker 1: But you're like I like goats, and I like goats
Speaker 1: before other people. I know. That's what I mean. You're
Speaker 1: self aware without being um yeah, like precious about whatever.
Speaker 1: Elliots saying I have a question so much better about myself?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like, well, this is so unfair. I
Speaker 1: was gonna ask, like with your parents, do you feel
Speaker 1: like that vicious cycle of like crazy dest function in
Speaker 1: your family has stopped? Because but like how could the
Speaker 1: fund could? You know? Like, because I'm asking me because
Speaker 1: I'm terrified of the ways that I'm going to like
Speaker 1: lash out at the next generation. That's how I feel like.
Speaker 1: My sister is about to have a niece, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to be an uncle. But I'm also like,
Speaker 1: what are the ways in which I'm going to be
Speaker 1: a monster to this girl? You're not I know, but
Speaker 1: like or to my kid if I have them, you
Speaker 1: know you're aware of this stuff. I don't think you
Speaker 1: can make big I don't sweeping shitty judgments that will
Speaker 1: have terrible lasting effects on your on your niece. Your
Speaker 1: problem is like technology now I'm about to go somewhere
Speaker 1: has changed parenting in every direction. So my brother, who again,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's gonna I wish that this is
Speaker 1: just us at a bar, like I wish he's not
Speaker 1: gonna virtually that he's not. So he no, but you
Speaker 1: know it's like family. Fine, Um, he's a lovely guy.
Speaker 1: We love each other, God bless. But he my oldest
Speaker 1: niece who's now thirteen. But she's like six six, like
Speaker 1: she's a big girl, skinny, skinny, but like she just
Speaker 1: looks like she's eighteen already. Um wanted to join Instagram
Speaker 1: and Snapchat. And so he was saying no, no, no,
Speaker 1: of course all her friends. She's in a small town.
Speaker 1: You know, what else is there to do? There's barely
Speaker 1: a dsw there. I mean, where do you go? So
Speaker 1: they so he was coming to me being like should
Speaker 1: she join? And I'm thinking, well, he's divorced. The mother
Speaker 1: is like do what. Mother is like live your life.
Speaker 1: She does not give a ship. So I'm just like, honestly,
Speaker 1: let her join Instagram because snapchat, to me is when
Speaker 1: girls run away with their soccer coach. It's like snapchat,
Speaker 1: you know. She said she can join Instagram and then
Speaker 1: she like immediately so she joined, and he like blamed me,
Speaker 1: which really pissed me off. Michelle said you could, and
Speaker 1: I'm thinking I see her once a year. We barely
Speaker 1: talk um, which makes me sound bad, but it's the
Speaker 1: way it is. I don't take propeller planes, so it's
Speaker 1: like I never say I'm I won't get on a
Speaker 1: plane with the way where do they live? Where do
Speaker 1: they live like in the panandle take like a single
Speaker 1: aisle plane, Like why do you live in the pan Handle?
Speaker 1: That's a question for the ages that there literally propellants
Speaker 1: car from Alabama. It's truly horrible. So anyways, all she
Speaker 1: all she has, and then of course she immediately follows
Speaker 1: me on Instagram and is like like all my picks
Speaker 1: and now that I'm put I'm like the least porny person.
Speaker 1: I'm in and ankle, but you'ion it's all the way like,
Speaker 1: but I just I'm like, I don't want her to
Speaker 1: see me on Instagram. That was part of the deal.
Speaker 1: You check yourself, everything comes back to me. The point
Speaker 1: is father. Well, also the idea that like kids are
Speaker 1: just like kids are just like I don't think you.
Speaker 1: I don't think you can just hide the realities of
Speaker 1: the Instagram and Snapchat from children now like Dick Picks.
Speaker 1: I think that's like so mainstream with children, which I
Speaker 1: couldn't never even have imagined as a kid. But it's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's my question. Is that terrible? Is it not positive?
Speaker 1: But like is it? Does it? I don't know. Is
Speaker 1: it healthy that they're like aware of this and have
Speaker 1: a language for it early on or is it really fuck?
Speaker 1: I don't know because because my fear is if I
Speaker 1: if my approaches like yeah, let them like go on
Speaker 1: Instagram and look at like be exposed to the real world.
Speaker 1: I don't want to end up with a kid who's
Speaker 1: like the girl from Big Little Eyes, who like has
Speaker 1: impeccable music taste. No, it's like it's like a saw
Speaker 1: nos whiz that way that kid right, Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: then it's like you're setting them up for being the
Speaker 1: fucking tweet nightmare that I But don't you think how
Speaker 1: old are you? Seven? Okay, I'm so older than I'm
Speaker 1: thirty four. And I specifically like I was saying this
Speaker 1: at my show the other night that like, I feel
Speaker 1: like I grew up with a culture of like still
Speaker 1: that like gross like really white trash um anarchist like
Speaker 1: like Foe Spencer's gifts anarchists, culture of like pro quote
Speaker 1: unquote protest music, but like the you know, with the
Speaker 1: wind knocked out of it, like kid Rock and Mamas
Speaker 1: and the Papas. No, I'm like no, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: like trash, like trash, trash like blue light poster trash.
Speaker 1: His kids like the even Eminem's people are like, oh Eminem,
Speaker 1: And I'm like remember when he was like I'm the
Speaker 1: fucking slim. It's like a slim shady and it's like
Speaker 1: you and it was all it was all trash. It
Speaker 1: was all meant to be like fuck you mom, fuck
Speaker 1: you Dad. I mean, I loved Eminem, So I'm not
Speaker 1: even gonna pretend I'm not gonna sit like I never
Speaker 1: liked Eminem. I like him too, but I thought I would,
Speaker 1: but I recognized that before he was like quote unquote
Speaker 1: artistic eight mile on there he was just like you know, dick,
Speaker 1: dicky white dude. But how does that relate back to
Speaker 1: dick picks? This is what I means. What I mean
Speaker 1: is back then, like it was, it was a thing
Speaker 1: to be like a bad kid, like bad Kids was
Speaker 1: a thing like kids you know that movie. No, But see,
Speaker 1: I don't think that's happening now. I think that because
Speaker 1: of because of tweet culture and because parents are at
Speaker 1: least I guess good parents have to have these talks
Speaker 1: with kids early on about about sex because they're getting
Speaker 1: dick picks, which is insane that I feel like that
Speaker 1: has been a real sea change where kids instead of
Speaker 1: kids now saying like I hate my parents. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go into my room and listen to
Speaker 1: music and play it loud and funk my parents. I
Speaker 1: think now it's become that generation of my parents are
Speaker 1: my best friends, you know what I mean? Like that
Speaker 1: you don't think so really, I don't. Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe in the liberal enclaves of New York Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: certain monster babies in Middle America, but I guarantee you
Speaker 1: that is not in America. Like, then, what are they
Speaker 1: listening to? Like? What what is there like around? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What I mean, I'm honestly like, what if rock and
Speaker 1: roll isn't even really a thing anymore? Outside logan Paul? Like,
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't know what I'm even thinking.
Speaker 1: I'm literally just saying words. Who's that? But he's like
Speaker 1: a real piece of ship, and girls especially like love him.
Speaker 1: And he's just like he like the neighbors hate him.
Speaker 1: I mean, I right, here's the guy that everyone I'm
Speaker 1: turning to our can I say? I mean everyone hates him.
Speaker 1: Will Smith is here, folks, and I Will it's we
Speaker 1: call him on our show. We call him hot engineer
Speaker 1: Wall because all the males we objected by all the
Speaker 1: male producers. Later, I want you to do the monologue
Speaker 1: from Six Degrees of Separation if you would really make
Speaker 1: my well later on, Will might regale us with a story.
Speaker 1: I have a good one for us. Okay, really, we'll
Speaker 1: get wait we tell us now, it's okay, Wait, we're
Speaker 1: gonna finish the point, Michelle, Really it's mine, Will tell us, Okay, So,
Speaker 1: so as as you all now know, my name is
Speaker 1: Will Smith, and something very strange happened to me recently.
Speaker 1: Where the famous Will Smith who is making a new
Speaker 1: movie for Netflix called Bright. Yeah, so he gets on
Speaker 1: it's a buddy cop film where his cop, his buddy
Speaker 1: is a fairy. He's an orc. Yeah, it's it's kind
Speaker 1: of like Bad Boys meets like Dungeons of Dragons, Races
Speaker 1: or something. It's a Netflix movie Dark. They spent million
Speaker 1: dollars in this movie. It wasn't millions, so it wasn't
Speaker 1: exactly dark. It was a well all right, how were
Speaker 1: we not getting this Netflix every day? Well, there's more
Speaker 1: money where that came from. Yeah, so this ship gets
Speaker 1: really weird. Uh. So he gets on the social media's
Speaker 1: and says, well Smith, Will Smith, the famous one. He
Speaker 1: gets on the social media's and says, hey, guys, I'm
Speaker 1: doing this new movie for Netflix and they want me
Speaker 1: to do all this promotional material and it's too much
Speaker 1: stuff and I can't handle it all. So I need
Speaker 1: everyone whose name is Will Smith to get in touch
Speaker 1: with us below. And I'm like, it's on because my
Speaker 1: entire life, literally my entire life, has been a series
Speaker 1: of bad Will Smith jokes. So I email them or
Speaker 1: I get in touch on Twitter and they asked me
Speaker 1: to send them an email. Netflix does, so I email them.
Speaker 1: We go back and forth a couple of times, and
Speaker 1: they say, hey, send us a short video with some
Speaker 1: fun facts about yourself. So I do, and I challenged
Speaker 1: the famous Will Smith to a duel in the video,
Speaker 1: because you know this, all these bad jokes have to
Speaker 1: defend my honor. There could be only one. You would
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I would actually kill him.
Speaker 1: You know, he might like to do the honorable gentleman
Speaker 1: thing and shoot into the air or whatever. Anyway, can
Speaker 1: I just interrupt by saying, you really are going somewhere
Speaker 1: with us, and I'm respecting this is a good story.
Speaker 1: I mean that the thing that ever happened to me.
Speaker 1: I've never met you, and it's not what I was expecting.
Speaker 1: I'm just always speaks with intention. I'm like like us.
Speaker 1: I'm like us. Everywhere the marble carved statue is a somewhere. Yes, Okay.
Speaker 1: They get back to me after I send the video
Speaker 1: and they say, hey, we really like that and we
Speaker 1: want to talk to you more about it, but you
Speaker 1: need to sign this release form. So I signed the
Speaker 1: release mistake, It wasn't really because they invited me to
Speaker 1: the premiere of Brighton l A. And they flew me
Speaker 1: out and put me up for the premiere. They said,
Speaker 1: you're going to be walking down the red carpet with
Speaker 1: many other will Smith's, the famous Will Smith. This turned
Speaker 1: out to be like thirty to fifty will Smith's plus
Speaker 1: the famous one, all of us staying in the same
Speaker 1: hotel and all of us going to the same event,
Speaker 1: and it was totally bizarre. That's this was like a
Speaker 1: few days ago. Yeah, this is the hot breaking press story.
Speaker 1: My picture was on Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, it was pretty weird.
Speaker 1: When did you meet Well, I did. I got to
Speaker 1: shake his hand, but there were so many of us.
Speaker 1: He talked to him and then he ran off. And
Speaker 1: then they put all the will Smiths in a separate
Speaker 1: theater for the premier, Yes they did. They put us
Speaker 1: in a separate theater and the after party, which is
Speaker 1: funny because they had at first like shoehorned us into
Speaker 1: the v I P after party area when we were
Speaker 1: getting ready to like go out and you know, meet
Speaker 1: famous Will Smith on the on the red carpet and
Speaker 1: they shepherded us into the v I P Red carpet
Speaker 1: area or red v I P Party area, and afterwards
Speaker 1: the after party. We didn't even go to that one.
Speaker 1: They had a separate one for all of the will
Speaker 1: Smiths and guests, which to me was infuriating because you know,
Speaker 1: I am an audio engineer and I wanted to talk
Speaker 1: to people from Netflix about all their original content audio
Speaker 1: for post, all this kind of stuff. You know, they
Speaker 1: did not run criminal background checks. They couldn't risk it
Speaker 1: there that was too expensive. Like where would you yourself?
Speaker 1: And the attractiveness of the will Smith's invited, like that
Speaker 1: depends in my self worth on any given you are
Speaker 1: Wills very attractive? Well that's why I'm asking you can
Speaker 1: rank me in relationship And I don't know what the
Speaker 1: look like? Can you bring Can you pull up a
Speaker 1: picture of canture? I actually I am so curious. I
Speaker 1: met Will Smith once many many moons ago, my very
Speaker 1: first job out of UM only got two years ago
Speaker 1: my college many um Wait here they are, there's too many,
Speaker 1: like a disgusting frat liked they told us cocktail attire,
Speaker 1: so everyone wore some Tai suits. I have to tell
Speaker 1: you something of these ones are true monsters. I don't
Speaker 1: see where are you here? I'm on the right side,
Speaker 1: not looking at the camera. Is you look very handsome?
Speaker 1: Rock and roll? Honestly, I'm like, I'm not hitting on you.
Speaker 1: Top three hottest picture, I really mean not. But well,
Speaker 1: I feel like it was all such a transparent marketing
Speaker 1: plus moment thing, but also like so massurbratory. A Why
Speaker 1: this movie? Why did Will Smith choose this movie to
Speaker 1: do this? I don't know. I mean he must have,
Speaker 1: this must have been on his mind for a long time.
Speaker 1: I mean, how many of us? Can there be? Thousands? Right?
Speaker 1: I'm going to change my name to Jada Pinkett Smith
Speaker 1: for when she does it. Funny you mentioned there was
Speaker 1: another Will Smith from New York who is the He
Speaker 1: was the manager for the Yankees Little or the Yankees
Speaker 1: minor League team, who had a wife named Jada. That
Speaker 1: is yeah. They were like total like New Jersey, New York.
Speaker 1: What's what is the deal with those two Will and Jada? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Out so I heard they escaped sideentology by the way,
Speaker 1: but you go, all right, okay, if anyone really does
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, Well, I mean we'll get to their
Speaker 1: dealing minute. Basically I was working to Sci Fi channel,
Speaker 1: panting for people to be impressed. My first job out
Speaker 1: of college. Also first job I ever got fired from
Speaker 1: about two months later, but my last for doing nothing,
Speaker 1: like literally but also like I didn't do anything wrong,
Speaker 1: but I also didn't do anything because no one taught
Speaker 1: me what to do. And then I was literally William
Speaker 1: Shatner would call and I would be like, I don't
Speaker 1: know how to help you at all, so sorry, and
Speaker 1: they were like, you need to get But anyways, I
Speaker 1: did get a free trip to l A out of it,
Speaker 1: and we were staying at the Ritz Carlton in Pasadenia
Speaker 1: which now is the Langham, and there was I think
Speaker 1: Sugar Ray was getting married like the weekend it was
Speaker 1: for the t C A whatever it is, and and
Speaker 1: so he was the best man and he was in
Speaker 1: a was the best men, yes after all the oh
Speaker 1: Sugar McGrath, right, but Mark McGrath. I so I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm really laughing, yeah, Sugar Ray. And there were no
Speaker 1: condoms and everybody was like, you know. So he was
Speaker 1: walking up sets now with all these girls that I
Speaker 1: worked with, and he was so gorgeous. I have to say.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's gorgeous, like he's tall, and he's well
Speaker 1: and and he went so charming, he went good morning,
Speaker 1: good morning to all of us, and literally we stood there.
Speaker 1: Not one of us said a word. We didn't say anything.
Speaker 1: I've never had that happen, and he kept walking and
Speaker 1: then we fully it was like in love. Actually when
Speaker 1: Laura Lenny makes that with a model. We were like
Speaker 1: stopping their feet. And then I called my mom right
Speaker 1: later and I was like, mommymel Smith and like we
Speaker 1: didn't say it, and you know, I was like, my god,
Speaker 1: it was so great. And then we didn't say anything
Speaker 1: because we were so terrified. And she went, so he
Speaker 1: ships like you like you, so she can't impress her please,
Speaker 1: And that's but that's that Floridian mom. Can I say
Speaker 1: Jewish Israeli Mom? No, it's great. Got back to Elliott
Speaker 1: singing boy when I wanted everything I have to know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think Jada really does strike me as
Speaker 1: having a very but I say, she's a mask, mask
Speaker 1: for a mask. Have you seen her? Have you seen her?
Speaker 1: Hunge band? Are you getting what's it called? I don't
Speaker 1: even know the name. Alana's my sister loves it um um.
Speaker 1: They were on jay Leno or something. I want to
Speaker 1: show me the video. It is called like passing. Are
Speaker 1: we talking passing judgment on this family? And by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something's hardcore band. Yes. I saw them
Speaker 1: at oz Fest in like two what are they called?
Speaker 1: What are they called? I saw them and I didn't
Speaker 1: know who they were. I was just like, a little
Speaker 1: white is white. She went to oz Fest. She was
Speaker 1: it was literally band. At the video of her on
Speaker 1: jay Leno, it's not it's one of the funny things
Speaker 1: that you're looking at the name. Yeah, I'm looking it's
Speaker 1: like passing strange or something, or like it's a crazy name. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what are we what are we trying to get
Speaker 1: at right now? Is that maybe she's queer Wicked Wisdom? Yea.
Speaker 1: I saw them at oz FESTO five when I was
Speaker 1: in high school. I just like I was there and
Speaker 1: they were playing it like noon or something in the
Speaker 1: second stage, Like this is kind of cool, Wicked Wisdom
Speaker 1: and she really I have to say this, Say what
Speaker 1: you will about Jada two things. She kills him in
Speaker 1: Wicked Wisdom. I mean, she gives it. I will do
Speaker 1: you think you know Jada Pinketts, you don't know her.
Speaker 1: The real Jada Pinkett is the lead singer of Wicked Wisdom. Okay, yes,
Speaker 1: that is actually yes, that's all. I think We've stumbled
Speaker 1: on a rule and that's the rule number twenty four culture,
Speaker 1: which is the real Jada Pinkett Smith is the lead
Speaker 1: singer of Wisdom. Let's say it together. The real Jada
Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith is the lead singer of Wisdom. That's actual.
Speaker 1: There's like Jada Pinkett Smith from like a different world,
Speaker 1: Jada Pinkett Smith from um set it off Queen Lativa
Speaker 1: and I'm hilarious was there? I think there was a
Speaker 1: reference to set it off in Girls Trip Latifa is
Speaker 1: the Danish is that they were hoggling to the front
Speaker 1: of her head. Wait, what was this that movie? Queen
Speaker 1: Latifa's ward drove in hair and Girl's Trip is something
Speaker 1: that they were like, I need to dissect. They were
Speaker 1: kinnetic sculptures. They were like, what is going on? It was,
Speaker 1: but never reference. She was in full a modcloth boogie
Speaker 1: woogie bogle boyd cloth like nifties. I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fun and Queen Latifa like God bless by the
Speaker 1: way gorgeous. Yes, well, I will see this that. I'm
Speaker 1: a very tall girl. I'm six ft one and every
Speaker 1: time I see people who are like who I think
Speaker 1: are my size and then I mean him in person
Speaker 1: and they're like half my size. Has happened twice. Chloe
Speaker 1: Kardashian and Queen Latifah both much shorter than you think
Speaker 1: they are. Okay, but Queen Latia, but she's a curvy gal.
Speaker 1: They do her no favor. They're pleading in the front
Speaker 1: with the skirts, constant khakis, and then they're putting these
Speaker 1: fucking danishes And I'm like, how can I take this
Speaker 1: movie seriously when she looks like that? Yes, I have
Speaker 1: to agree with you. I think the movie is I
Speaker 1: think Tiffany had a sort of lives in a world
Speaker 1: outside the movie. She's sort of really I think she's
Speaker 1: so she was the star. I feel like, so captivatingly funny,
Speaker 1: and can I tell you the movie is, well, it's
Speaker 1: not okay. I mean it's fun, but I mean it's
Speaker 1: not a you know, like if there's a lot of
Speaker 1: like goofy music in it that bumped me. You know
Speaker 1: that those like goofy music sequences where I'm like, the
Speaker 1: airport scenes were shot at a Marriott, like and really
Speaker 1: the exterior shot of Jada's were like blurry stock pots
Speaker 1: and I was like, you guys waiting. I love this
Speaker 1: movie and I'm happy to support this, but also like,
Speaker 1: let's let's get it together. It looked a lot of
Speaker 1: it looked very cheap, and I was surprised because you know,
Speaker 1: I mean, just it was. It was a really fun movie,
Speaker 1: but it was like that looks so faint. And I've
Speaker 1: been saying this since the summer and it's literally not
Speaker 1: just because you're here, and if now we're here, he
Speaker 1: could vouch for this, I was saying all summer, And
Speaker 1: since I watched I was like, god, rough Night is
Speaker 1: like not to like draw comparisons, but like rough Night
Speaker 1: is like, to me, like a perfect film because I
Speaker 1: saw it and I was like, this is so this
Speaker 1: is exactly my sense of humor and like good on
Speaker 1: a movie for like getting that and like capturing that.
Speaker 1: But then I saw Girls Trip and I was like,
Speaker 1: and people started like shooting on Roughneck during the reviews
Speaker 1: and I was like, wait, this isn't I know? It
Speaker 1: was like the four year old version wedding crash thing
Speaker 1: where they came out almost at the same time, and
Speaker 1: they were similar because they had either all guys or
Speaker 1: all women, and the comparisons were drawn. Even then, they're
Speaker 1: completely separate movies made in separate university. I went with
Speaker 1: Steven who you know, you guys speak CrossFit friends. Really
Speaker 1: made me happy. That made me feel good when you
Speaker 1: guys were like, I think we both ross. Yes, we
Speaker 1: need to get shoulder surgery. I've never worked out, so sorry,
Speaker 1: keep going. We went through a whole like family circus
Speaker 1: dashes through the city to get tickets to Girls Trip.
Speaker 1: Because first we went to the Street Theater, which truly
Speaker 1: is now just turned into a bed bug holding your
Speaker 1: projector it's not even we left, you know. We we
Speaker 1: threw a fitter Matt and I saw Girls Trip up.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. First of all, to get to the theater,
Speaker 1: it's it's like l O L like Aska Wise, it's
Speaker 1: on top of the mountain like s Later, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's a nightmare. So then we went to We went
Speaker 1: to Chelsea because I was like, oh, it's been much
Speaker 1: funny and it's like, you know, I love a gay audience.
Speaker 1: And then it was like half empty, and but I
Speaker 1: will say that the best left. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: comment on how much I laughed. I will say this,
Speaker 1: I saw Tiffany Howes to stand up years ago to
Speaker 1: this day one of the funniest live things in my life, really,
Speaker 1: I've ever seen she lay up the fucking room like
Speaker 1: in a way, like in a way that only maybe
Speaker 1: Chris Rock I've seen do like where it's like the
Speaker 1: whole place she is and her stories on any talk
Speaker 1: show I could listen to for hours an hour. That
Speaker 1: being said, the funniest part of Fucking Girl's Trip is
Speaker 1: and the part Steven and I were like watching, like
Speaker 1: all right, and then there was a part of the
Speaker 1: end when Regina Hall is on stage like giving her
Speaker 1: speech to the podium and they all run in and
Speaker 1: the camera cuts. It's Queen full Almond croissant Um, who
Speaker 1: was a Tiffany and Jada, and I actually thought Jada
Speaker 1: was good because she was very natural. The other two
Speaker 1: are like dry as a bone, including Queen oh my god,
Speaker 1: and Jada is sweaty as those literally someone down in
Speaker 1: a fucking ballpool. She is. But it's not it's not
Speaker 1: a joke. It's not meant to be funny, right, And
Speaker 1: they mentioned it on the way over, like like they
Speaker 1: on that when they're like trying to get there today
Speaker 1: and they're stuck in the cab some there's something I
Speaker 1: remember them talking to something about sweating, But like, then,
Speaker 1: why is it just Jada? Every time when you watch
Speaker 1: the movie, if you're listening, every time they cut to Jada,
Speaker 1: we literally were screaming. I thought Regina Hall was very
Speaker 1: she was great, and that will maintain that Regina Hall
Speaker 1: deserves to be as big as Sandra Bull, and she should.
Speaker 1: Everything's I like her a lot, and she's sort of
Speaker 1: gotten the shaft, She's gotten the star. Regina King also
Speaker 1: one of the one of the funniest of all time.
Speaker 1: But I also love dramatic I mean, so good stuff.
Speaker 1: Here's the the cast, and Girl's Trip is like a plus.
Speaker 1: Can I make a please? I think is going to
Speaker 1: agree with me on this. I'm I think Queen Latifa
Speaker 1: is overrated. Here we go, here we go, everything in
Speaker 1: my neck and my blower you've got and went home.
Speaker 1: Let's support that. I love that she's sort of um
Speaker 1: transcended where you know, what's what she was you know
Speaker 1: already sort of like a groundbreaking hip hop, you know,
Speaker 1: a rapper truly, and like I, nobody knows or cares
Speaker 1: about this movie, but I love the movie Living out
Speaker 1: Loud from that was like her first acting job where
Speaker 1: she plays like a gay jazz singer and she's charming
Speaker 1: in it. But subsequently a lot of times I'm like,
Speaker 1: she's not. There's not she's not. There's not much happening.
Speaker 1: And I thought she was. I thought she was funny
Speaker 1: in Girls Trip, but I find I feel this is
Speaker 1: just my opinion, but I feel like she's very guarded
Speaker 1: and for someone who's so successful as an actress, I
Speaker 1: never really I feel like being Queen Latifa. She I agree.
Speaker 1: I don't think she is a great actress. I think
Speaker 1: that she's stiff. I guess that's what I mean. I
Speaker 1: will say, however, that just this weekend, I did a
Speaker 1: head to cleaning in my apartment, and while doing that,
Speaker 1: I watched I'm telling you now because I always watched musicals,
Speaker 1: so what was on Netflix? I paid for Dream Girls,
Speaker 1: and then I watched Chicago's streaming and she's very good
Speaker 1: in Chicago, and I was saying, she actually made me
Speaker 1: laughing Girls Trip, Um she did. I mean, and I was.
Speaker 1: I'm saying I'm surprised that she made me laugh. Her
Speaker 1: story was just I'm poor, was like, I'm a writer
Speaker 1: and then she's like working a gawker in that boogie wi.
Speaker 1: I literally was like makes no, I don't know. It
Speaker 1: was like media take out or something. We should write
Speaker 1: a movie. Listen are we recording? Turning up? Stop recording?
Speaker 1: We should write Listen, it's about us. Let me finish.
Speaker 1: It's called like who are they? Yeah? I like her,
Speaker 1: but I'm also like, I guess here's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: She slept. She was, She's like been sleepwright. That's what
Speaker 1: I mean. And that's exactly what I mean. There a
Speaker 1: fire within a talk show kind of baffled me because
Speaker 1: I don't know, but she didn't. She have two talk
Speaker 1: shows she was. Can I tell you I went to
Speaker 1: a taping of her talk show. This is really funny.
Speaker 1: When I was, I believe, in college or right after.
Speaker 1: I went to a taping of the queenly Teva Show
Speaker 1: because we got every tickets. Yeah, down in Chelsea where
Speaker 1: Earndy is now, and we were so late and we
Speaker 1: had to write in the elevator with her dad rest
Speaker 1: in her poor father, Mr Owens, and he was so nice.
Speaker 1: He introduced himself to us. It was me and like
Speaker 1: four white people, and the second we got there, they
Speaker 1: literally fell to their knees in happiness, like with arms
Speaker 1: outstretched like thank you. And then they spread us around
Speaker 1: this mostly ethnic audience. And then afterwards they pulled us
Speaker 1: aside to be like, please come back, bring your friends,
Speaker 1: because we were the only white people there. I mean,
Speaker 1: I will say something reversed to scrims but opposite. We
Speaker 1: were treated like kings and queen's But to talk shows.
Speaker 1: She's a second one like that late but pretends that
Speaker 1: someone who never who has not publicly come out, especially
Speaker 1: in the like in the land of like Ellen, right,
Speaker 1: it's like bizarre, Why put yourself on display like day
Speaker 1: after That's exactly because you know why people she's like
Speaker 1: a personality but America, right, So yeah, she's going to
Speaker 1: have a talk show. She's like trying to be a mogul.
Speaker 1: That's what people think, don't you get it? Think about
Speaker 1: who has talk shows? Right? Steve Harvey, Yeah, ste you
Speaker 1: think you know Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey's probably I love
Speaker 1: Steve Harvey. He would hate me. You think he'd like me,
Speaker 1: would love me. Actually, let me leave that in he
Speaker 1: would love me. I feel like he's so secretly homophobia. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: he's not a good person, like I. I think he's funny,
Speaker 1: but I think it's funny. I also think that it's
Speaker 1: like an act to the nth degree, like him liking
Speaker 1: kids and ship It's like, come on, but it's so
Speaker 1: good though, Like I think he's hilarious. Don't you think
Speaker 1: that he hates Asian people? Though he truly hates, But
Speaker 1: don't you think it's like unlikes Harvey, who couldn't even
Speaker 1: if you wouldn't find even if you wouldn't describe him
Speaker 1: as accessible, he's still like bombastic and his personality is loud.
Speaker 1: I'm like, who who are you? But she was like
Speaker 1: a cover. I mean, this fucking girl has She's famous,
Speaker 1: Like that's it. She's just transcended from being just a
Speaker 1: rapper and she became a mogul. I mean, do you
Speaker 1: find her charming personally? I did not think she was
Speaker 1: a good talk to host. I mean she I never
Speaker 1: watched it except for literally the one and I agree,
Speaker 1: and I say, stiff, I'm like, so what is is America? Is?
Speaker 1: There like white guilt regarding her or because she was written.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, so many people get talk shows who have
Speaker 1: no business. I mean so many. Well I was on it,
Speaker 1: Oh what was it? A good experience? UM? I was
Speaker 1: on with Stasis. She's really nice, actually, um Bethany. I
Speaker 1: will say this about Bethany. I like her on Housewives.
Speaker 1: Really she looks, first of all, fantastic. I mean you
Speaker 1: see these days on Sharks Tank. I'm like, whatever they did,
Speaker 1: whatever mallets they took, they should bronze them. And I
Speaker 1: need to know who did it because I wanted her
Speaker 1: to tell Bronzealots well. Working on after the UM it
Speaker 1: was fine, but there's really here's a great example of
Speaker 1: someone who listen. I'm in no place professionally to put
Speaker 1: anyone down, let's put it that way. But I will
Speaker 1: say this, I really like Bethany. I think she's great,
Speaker 1: but like she to me is someone who has her
Speaker 1: whole personality is that she's closed off. That is like
Speaker 1: she's in New York, closed off woman. And I've met
Speaker 1: her a million times. She's fine. I'm no beef with Bethany.
Speaker 1: I stay that way forever. But she's not like a
Speaker 1: warm person. It's not how she's And I actually don't
Speaker 1: think the warm people I'm speaking of myself can be successful.
Speaker 1: It can be that bloodthirsty when it comes to success
Speaker 1: and money and stuff like that, because it's like you
Speaker 1: have to be fucking people to make it that far
Speaker 1: for someone like that, like like you're not gonna she's not.
Speaker 1: She's not the gregarious talk show but like Anderson Cooper
Speaker 1: is another example is someone who I love, great newscaster,
Speaker 1: has a great thing going with Anti Cohen, but like
Speaker 1: it's not a warm person, like he's good at he
Speaker 1: doesn't need to talk to It's not accessible in that way.
Speaker 1: You rich, you're a child of socialites, no one. I
Speaker 1: don't think anybody wants to spend an afternoon with you.
Speaker 1: None of those were let's put it this way, like
Speaker 1: none of them lasted, because I think that the truth
Speaker 1: is there's no warmth anymore, including even I hate to
Speaker 1: say I think with Ellen to like I think Ellen
Speaker 1: is like programmed now, I mean a brilliant woman, inspirational,
Speaker 1: I mean truly like, uh, you know, what do you?
Speaker 1: How would you even describe her? Fond? But I mean
Speaker 1: I never watched the show, to be fair, but when
Speaker 1: I catch parts of it, it just seems like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, who has no business hosting a
Speaker 1: talk show but yet still does? And I guess you
Speaker 1: could consider her to be warm? Is Rachel Ray? Like?
Speaker 1: Why is she still? Mean? She has an empire but
Speaker 1: like ten minute meal and she loves dogs and he
Speaker 1: never wanted to watch I've never wanted to watch that
Speaker 1: show in a even a campy way, not because I
Speaker 1: dislike her, but because I just I have no connection
Speaker 1: or interest in her brand. And I'm like, so I
Speaker 1: feel I mean, and this isn't a real question. Are
Speaker 1: people watching her like microwave stuff? They're watching her? Is
Speaker 1: she cooking? Or like, just like I'm making stuff in toast,
Speaker 1: She's pushing chicken cutlets on a fucking frying pan around
Speaker 1: and people applaud, people applaud. Here's another question. Does anybody,
Speaker 1: truly does anybody ever watch morning television and go, I'm
Speaker 1: going to cook that I'm gonna put down, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take down that recipe. They do you think? People? Do?
Speaker 1: I think? Can I be honest? I have friends who all,
Speaker 1: including my parents or my mom, they use Rachel Ray's recipe.
Speaker 1: They goneline find of she apparently has good fast recipes
Speaker 1: like that. But what I was gonna say, and I
Speaker 1: speak from experience in a way, is that I think
Speaker 1: we're assuming that this business is like where warm true
Speaker 1: talent really goes far, and it's like the truth is
Speaker 1: with things like talk shows. I mean, it's it's a business,
Speaker 1: show business, and so the talk shows crazy, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck. It's all politics, it's all this,
Speaker 1: it's all that. So whatever. I'm like, I'm so bitter
Speaker 1: now in you go. I feel like that's where you
Speaker 1: just belong. That's nice of you to say take this
Speaker 1: in the best way possible. Would you do you would
Speaker 1: do it again? That's all I want to do. Everybody
Speaker 1: in a comedy, the main consensus is that where's Michelle's
Speaker 1: talk show? It's a very nice day. It's true. I
Speaker 1: mean rule number seventy of culture. Where's Michelle's talk show?
Speaker 1: Michelle say it with me? Where Michell's talk show? Can
Speaker 1: I bring up the View? Yeah? When so I started
Speaker 1: watching the View again when Michelle was on, because my god,
Speaker 1: this is so exciting. Meant the world to me. By
Speaker 1: the way, Like when you were tweeting me, I was like,
Speaker 1: because Elena and I used to work together back Technically,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say I hired you and I really
Speaker 1: brought you. I was like, you're the number one, it
Speaker 1: was my same job, and that it was like such
Speaker 1: a stupid job at best Togever, that wasn't on the
Speaker 1: air anymore. D nothing watched in high school me too,
Speaker 1: I mean a day. Um, but I started watching it
Speaker 1: when Michelle was on, and Michelle was hilarious on but
Speaker 1: and correct me if I'm wrong, But I couldn't believe
Speaker 1: that like the audience, like wouldn't forget about the audiencedn't
Speaker 1: they didn't pick up your jokes and you weren't And
Speaker 1: it wasn't like you weren't doing like super absurdest weird references.
Speaker 1: It was like you being funny and like I think
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to speak for you, but
Speaker 1: it felt like you were trying to really like be
Speaker 1: in the vibe and like even talk politics and stuff.
Speaker 1: But my feeling is, um, while you were on the View,
Speaker 1: and also since since you've not been on the View,
Speaker 1: that is the I watch it because it's the It
Speaker 1: is such a weird show because I look at it
Speaker 1: as a show where they're like trying to fit in
Speaker 1: the rubric of morning TV, which is a very specific
Speaker 1: and weird animal. And with Whoopy at the helm and
Speaker 1: like Joy and like Joy, who's like a sort of firecracker,
Speaker 1: like liberal Italian from like from Brooklyn, and Whoopee who
Speaker 1: can't read the teleprompter, it's a mess. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: what what is going on? Because they're trying to do
Speaker 1: this like morning talk show thing or you know, fit
Speaker 1: into the morning vibe, and like Whoopy literally seems to
Speaker 1: not be able to read the teleprompter and gets angry
Speaker 1: at the producers when they tell her to wrap, which
Speaker 1: makes it all is it's a it's a bizarre show.
Speaker 1: I will just pay you back by saying that I
Speaker 1: love so much and she's literally the best person I've
Speaker 1: ever met. No, I have to always say that because
Speaker 1: you know, and I'll say I won't bring up anyone else,
Speaker 1: but I will say that I met her because she
Speaker 1: did a little thing on Broad City. She was literally
Speaker 1: the kindest, sweetest soul. Which is why you can tell that,
Speaker 1: like on that show, when somebody, usually like an actor
Speaker 1: or celebrity, is speaking to her and speaking speaking so
Speaker 1: highly of her, she smiles in a way that's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the real woman, and she's such a kind souls
Speaker 1: one job, which is why I'm like, what it's that's
Speaker 1: the that's the sort of them is the right word.
Speaker 1: I don't not gonna say it's listen, you know you don't.
Speaker 1: I feel like I never read about it anymore, which
Speaker 1: is a blessing for me because this way, it's like
Speaker 1: I like, you know exactly, it's fine. I mean whatever,
Speaker 1: God bless a highlight of my career certainly. Um that
Speaker 1: being said, I know that, you know, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff. What I always say about that job was
Speaker 1: like the second the cameras were on, it was like
Speaker 1: the fucking best job. Like I was like, I'm so lucky.
Speaker 1: I love it. And I actually felt like the audience
Speaker 1: for the most part was on my side, Like I
Speaker 1: actually didn't feel like they came especially well. I will
Speaker 1: say this, like there are a ton of gay guys
Speaker 1: to watch the vehic. It is insane, and I don't
Speaker 1: believe my opinion that the producers. No, I don't think
Speaker 1: that gay men are like in the U Nielsen ratings
Speaker 1: or things, so they're sort of not really catered to
Speaker 1: on that show. Uh that beings That makes sense, right,
Speaker 1: Like so they're they're aiming for like the moms and
Speaker 1: whatever else, which of course makes sense. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like it's a mess. I mean so not always.
Speaker 1: I was going to say the reason that it's so
Speaker 1: that that's the reason that I find it. I watch
Speaker 1: it sort of like an art project, because what you're
Speaker 1: saying is they're trying to reach you know, moms and
Speaker 1: moms in Middle America. However, the show is anchored by
Speaker 1: two centric New York comedian performance artists. Joy is like
Speaker 1: a you know, is like hilarious but like you know,
Speaker 1: her own thing, and then you know, and then so
Speaker 1: to try to it's like trying to like a square
Speaker 1: into a circle. I mean, why I can't, um comment
Speaker 1: on the chefs of course that put the recipe together
Speaker 1: and that and that's why I watched it like an
Speaker 1: art project. I guess. It feels like they're trying to
Speaker 1: do a morning talk show with very almost eccentric New
Speaker 1: York personalities, well really only two, and then they have
Speaker 1: they came mixing the other. I mean when I was
Speaker 1: brought on, it was basically they were trying to by
Speaker 1: the way this show was about Elliott I came to technically,
Speaker 1: and I feel like, but honestly, I know that's why
Speaker 1: I love Elliott. I love it brings it up secularly.
Speaker 1: I'm like I couldn't write, um no, I mean imagine that.
Speaker 1: Like I get hired and they were like, we're going
Speaker 1: to make it. Because the producers who hired me, we're like,
Speaker 1: we're going to make it this pop culture, like we
Speaker 1: wanted to be more pop culture, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: of course, with everything going on politically, it would have
Speaker 1: to be political on no matter what, because politics and
Speaker 1: pop culture are one in the same at the moment,
Speaker 1: so it's like converged. But they were like, yeah, we
Speaker 1: don't like a funny pop culture and I was like right,
Speaker 1: So they hired me and ravens Now. Raven and I
Speaker 1: were like tight from the beginning. She seems amazing areas
Speaker 1: I mean truly very funny and kind and great. And
Speaker 1: then that producer got fired and it was like almost
Speaker 1: before my first day, it was like already like I
Speaker 1: was scrapped, scrapping, like fighting to stay you know. Um,
Speaker 1: and of course we know how that ended there during
Speaker 1: the Trump Oh yeah, throughout the whole election. So and
Speaker 1: then they brought Joy back, and like, you know, the
Speaker 1: thing was always like she's very funny. She she comes
Speaker 1: in with like premeditated lots like ready to go. She's
Speaker 1: quick on her feet, but like she's very broad, you know.
Speaker 1: And I then had to kind of slip my stuff
Speaker 1: and through the mail slot not to compete with her,
Speaker 1: but also to get my point across. So that was
Speaker 1: like you were fortunate in that corner. There was like
Speaker 1: a survival instinct to like, okay, well let me just
Speaker 1: like just let this fly under the ring. I did.
Speaker 1: I did my thing too. I mean I didn't obviously.
Speaker 1: I was there to be myself. That's what I tried
Speaker 1: to do, you know what I mean. So you know
Speaker 1: I did as much as I could, and I knew
Speaker 1: that I had a feeling that the right was on
Speaker 1: the wall literally from day one. So I after the
Speaker 1: producer laugh, I just had a vibe, well that's that show.
Speaker 1: I when I had to like write my goodbye message,
Speaker 1: I called myself a one season or because that was
Speaker 1: what it is like. You go for one season. It's
Speaker 1: like you know, junior college, and then very bizarre, it's
Speaker 1: a very bizarre it's a bizarre show. And even like,
Speaker 1: like I have no interest in the talk and I
Speaker 1: think that it's for a specific reason. It's because that
Speaker 1: show is like it's smooth. It's like a smooth and
Speaker 1: like a well oiled machine, and it's I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's boring to me because the view is is
Speaker 1: just it's weird. It's a weird hour of television. I
Speaker 1: will say, like, look, I I think that it's funny
Speaker 1: because like it was just the craziest obviously craziest thing,
Speaker 1: and it led to so many other things, still leading
Speaker 1: to other things, And for me, I called a talk
Speaker 1: show boot camp because it was like for someone who
Speaker 1: really has always wanted to be a talk show host,
Speaker 1: you know which it sounds so dorky, but it's really
Speaker 1: been like childhood dream comedy talk show never snl People
Speaker 1: like why don't you try for smell? Like that wasn't
Speaker 1: my childhoo dream? Like why would I go for that? Um?
Speaker 1: But that being said, like you couldn't pick a better
Speaker 1: show to like sharpen the Knives on than The View?
Speaker 1: How early to get there every day? Not that bad?
Speaker 1: Like seven it wasn't too bad? No, not that bad,
Speaker 1: and then you know the whole they would like dip
Speaker 1: me in paint and like pushing me out, put me
Speaker 1: in like a terrible I used to call the Caitlin
Speaker 1: Genner dress because I was like, oh my god, let's
Speaker 1: not even get into the wardrobe there, because I was
Speaker 1: a whole other thing. Wait, this is like I can't
Speaker 1: write a book anymore, do you like like Megan McCain
Speaker 1: never met her. I don't watch the show now. I
Speaker 1: can't because it's like too close and listen if you
Speaker 1: don't think. Of course, they want people to leave better.
Speaker 1: They do everything within their power to push people out.
Speaker 1: Feeling like I'm not the only person. I've done that too.
Speaker 1: I did not go to Variety and give an interview
Speaker 1: because I was raised in a home and I was
Speaker 1: raised as a lady, so I didn't want to go
Speaker 1: spilling secrets right after because I was grateful for the opportunity.
Speaker 1: But that being said, like they really want you to leave,
Speaker 1: and just like block everyone's numbers crazy and not the
Speaker 1: people on camera I'm talking about, by the way, like
Speaker 1: no one who behind the scenes people they don't give
Speaker 1: a funk. They're like, goodbye, pack it up. I remember
Speaker 1: there was like a vanity fair that crazy and it
Speaker 1: was like they just they just I mean they painted
Speaker 1: the picture of like Rosie and Whoopie. I'm also friends
Speaker 1: with Susie Esman, who's like friends Joy, So I also
Speaker 1: have another hilarious Susie is a living She's a deity.
Speaker 1: She's the funny what does she say? What's me? Everything?
Speaker 1: Obviously well I can't talk, but she is the greatest Susie.
Speaker 1: She's the greatest. We had a show together joint Susie
Speaker 1: right on. But the funniest thing is because she plays
Speaker 1: my mom on Broad City and um, she you know,
Speaker 1: she's playing pretty tough, you know, doing the sort of
Speaker 1: Susie thing she's so she's one of the funniest of
Speaker 1: all time, all time. Um, but it's just a funny
Speaker 1: little thing about Susie is that as soon as she
Speaker 1: started playing my mom on show, my mom in real
Speaker 1: life said I was like Mom, I swear, I was like, Mom,
Speaker 1: do you like Susie's impression of you? And my mom said,
Speaker 1: she's not playing me. She never stops talking. That just
Speaker 1: sounds like Sue she never I'm like, he's Joy on
Speaker 1: Broad City? Are you kidding? Why don't you do in
Speaker 1: a minute too, you kid? I mean she would be
Speaker 1: by the way I'm like putting words in her mouth,
Speaker 1: I assume, I imagine. I mean, it's like the most
Speaker 1: beloved show. Um. Susie was in an episode of SVU
Speaker 1: that I saw. She was amazing. She was. You know,
Speaker 1: what's great about Susie is that she plays these like
Speaker 1: ball busting Jewish women and in real life, yes, she's
Speaker 1: very bold and very of course outspoken, but she's really
Speaker 1: sweet and really really really thoughtful, and so it's just
Speaker 1: so funny to watch her on like Curb where she's
Speaker 1: just she's just ruthless, ruthless. What do you think of
Speaker 1: this last season? A Curb? So weirded out by it?
Speaker 1: Now that I you know, I love Larry Love like thin.
Speaker 1: He's attracted Madam through Rosie Perez got last not to
Speaker 1: name drop my xput Coast's gotta give Rosie shout out.
Speaker 1: She was the best um. And he shined a light
Speaker 1: from within because he eats very healthily. He looked truly
Speaker 1: like a little glow army, so shy like not shiny
Speaker 1: like lip so nice soft skin. I was like, what
Speaker 1: is his daughter is also really pretty and also really
Speaker 1: funny on Instagram. She's dating um Pete Davidson. Really I
Speaker 1: like that, but he does want to turn on. He
Speaker 1: doesn't come off to me that way that I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't like you lived in l A sort of
Speaker 1: on and off and like to me. That was the
Speaker 1: first shore I was like, oh, this is not like
Speaker 1: like l A. It was the first time that l
Speaker 1: A appealed to me. But also it's because yeah, he's
Speaker 1: living like a Westwood you know west would like Spanish
Speaker 1: colonial mansion and like a retiree. Like he's always at
Speaker 1: lunch like he exactly. And that was that on the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a whole episode about it. It is Hello, it's
Speaker 1: a Palestinian chicken episode. Yes, but that's literally supposed to
Speaker 1: be Zancing. Yes. Oh I didn't know that Zink that
Speaker 1: place you know where I used to go row Rose
Speaker 1: Chicken because I've never been to Zanks. Best food is though,
Speaker 1: wait we should be isn't coming to l A carousel?
Speaker 1: Kevin had to burn every mother the Armenian restaurant Carousel
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles to one in Glendale, and then of
Speaker 1: course where they all it's where all your ubers were born.
Speaker 1: They're all made there, all the cameras and creus. But
Speaker 1: then there's one on Hollywood Boulevard, uh In like Thai
Speaker 1: town literally called Carousel Chicken just Carousel. They have a
Speaker 1: labna there. I will tell you one funny story. I
Speaker 1: was living with an actress when I first moved to
Speaker 1: l A. And I went and I brought Carousel a
Speaker 1: whole trades worth and I for the week because I
Speaker 1: love to eat Will Smith and I took it home
Speaker 1: and I like put in the fridge and I came
Speaker 1: the next day the whole thing was gone. She came
Speaker 1: downst she was like norbidding down the stub because like
Speaker 1: there was like no food in the house and she's like,
Speaker 1: you can't bring that food in? Like I ate all
Speaker 1: of it. And it was like, girl roll, I've got
Speaker 1: an eating DP but like n l A at all,
Speaker 1: never would, but I love it. And this is my
Speaker 1: favorite quotabell. This is I would. This is our friend
Speaker 1: Jamie Salka says everyone loves l A. And then I said,
Speaker 1: well what about people who hate it? And he said
Speaker 1: they just don't know that they love it. Ye, that's
Speaker 1: a mistake. Why when I moved there, everyone said to me,
Speaker 1: give it to me years. Then they said four in
Speaker 1: tanks four years. I'm like, what is this? Like, how long?
Speaker 1: We're five years? And then I moved back to do
Speaker 1: the view, but also gave that you love New York, right,
Speaker 1: I mean love I love l A and and I
Speaker 1: might be the outlier, but I just love it. And
Speaker 1: maybe it's because I'm from New York that I just
Speaker 1: got to find an alternative where where like people weren't,
Speaker 1: where your blood isn't boiling all the time by default,
Speaker 1: was like really cathartic to see. But that's funny because
Speaker 1: I have that's my constant blood. Ten is that a
Speaker 1: full cauldron? And then when I bring that energy to
Speaker 1: l A, people are really nice in l A. Will
Speaker 1: say nobody hanks their horns. It makes me fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I honk a hone. I hanker horn too,
Speaker 1: But because people let you into their I'm from Long Island,
Speaker 1: where people literally speed up so you can't I mean seriously,
Speaker 1: they speed up so you can't get off of your exit,
Speaker 1: which is like where else in this it's just it's insane.
Speaker 1: So in l A that you you feel like you've
Speaker 1: been tempered into like, yeah, I mean I'm not a dummy,
Speaker 1: Like I love going to sound baths, but like I
Speaker 1: never feel like I'm like on a journey or right whatever.
Speaker 1: I just I just don't what do you mean clean
Speaker 1: sound baths? Have you done them? No? I'm dying. Do
Speaker 1: you want to go with me when I come? I know?
Speaker 1: Will you go with me to this? I have never been? Okay,
Speaker 1: tell them the greatest. So sound bath is a thing
Speaker 1: where you are with a group of people. It's very hailbop.
Speaker 1: It sounds like prehilbop whatever your nikes out you were
Speaker 1: talking about. Okay, okay, So um, it's a it's a
Speaker 1: thing a group. It's like a yoga class almost. But
Speaker 1: you go in and you lay down and you like
Speaker 1: bundle up. A lot of the women usually bundle up.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't need to bundle up the buntle up.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I think that's why I'm like when I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you like putting yourself under like doubting yourself
Speaker 1: in blankets? But whatever? Is it cold in there? No?
Speaker 1: But it's usually women who are like I'm freezing. You're
Speaker 1: in a room, all right, and everybody lays down and
Speaker 1: you just you you chill out. And usually most sound
Speaker 1: baths are one person leading a bath with them like
Speaker 1: Tibetan bowls and gone and chimes, and it sounds so
Speaker 1: silly in theory, but but it's truly the most relaxing
Speaker 1: nap you could imagine, or the most it's just meditative.
Speaker 1: And of course they're like, you might feel like you're
Speaker 1: on a journey. You might see things and start and
Speaker 1: you're like, maybe some people do. I, of course don't.
Speaker 1: I just find it a relaxing nap. Can we go
Speaker 1: to the Integraton? Oh? I would love to? Wait? Can
Speaker 1: we make it? Can I propose it today? Sure? I'll drive.
Speaker 1: I'd love to let book an now Cabazon and intrat Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: I'd love to. Alana and I did the Integratron and
Speaker 1: christ it was, um, it was amazing. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: the Integratron is this weird thing in the desert. It's
Speaker 1: a weird like dome hut that they say Aliens built
Speaker 1: that sounds like some Steve Bannon ship. It's nuts, but
Speaker 1: it's a it's a very it's very pro life. It's
Speaker 1: a perfect dome in the middle of Joshua Tree. So
Speaker 1: the acoustics are such that you're sitting in a room
Speaker 1: where if you're it doesn't matter where you're sitting, it
Speaker 1: sounds like the person across the way is in your
Speaker 1: ear because the acoustics are so strange. And so that
Speaker 1: Fernando and I did that together and he was weird out,
Speaker 1: but we were like, but it was it was fun.
Speaker 1: It was a you know, it's a fun weird sound bath.
Speaker 1: That was my intro. But I've done a bunch. I
Speaker 1: love most of them. There is one place where I
Speaker 1: went that is so beautiful and it was the worst
Speaker 1: sound bath you could possibly imagine. The woman who ran
Speaker 1: it was um sort of this uh like kind of
Speaker 1: like a big like a big kind of like middle aged,
Speaker 1: like she was like a pull no punches kind of
Speaker 1: ladies cuen. However, I don't feel like where the thing
Speaker 1: is that. I'm like, there's the personality comb Sorry, oh no,
Speaker 1: but this like usually sound baths are like led by
Speaker 1: somebody like chill, maybe a little out there whatever. This
Speaker 1: lady made me laugh because she was she was kind
Speaker 1: of a monster and like she started the sound bath
Speaker 1: speaking as though she were on a like like a
Speaker 1: hard scrabble nurse like giving you like the rundown on
Speaker 1: some type of medication. But she was like, all right,
Speaker 1: so your chakra is gonna be aligned in the She
Speaker 1: was like talking like, you know, matter of fact, a
Speaker 1: matter of fact about like solstice and chakras and sound
Speaker 1: waves and energy, and I was it was hilarious because
Speaker 1: she was like it was like watching like Cameron Mannheim,
Speaker 1: you know, talking really like I'm like feeming uh huh
Speaker 1: oh yeah, no, tell Us might find I'm right here.
Speaker 1: It was just and then but the reason that I
Speaker 1: didn't like her in particular is because the sound bath.
Speaker 1: You know, she took so long, like building the whole
Speaker 1: thing up. Then finally when the sound bath started, it
Speaker 1: was nice. But then at a certain point, by the
Speaker 1: end of the sound bath, you know, like it's been
Speaker 1: five minutes, and then I look up and I swear
Speaker 1: to you her she was wearing like like all black tights,
Speaker 1: and I like woke. I like opened my eyes, and
Speaker 1: her literal like butt hole was like so close to
Speaker 1: my face because she was bending down and putting putting
Speaker 1: a chime on everybody's chest going around. First of all,
Speaker 1: I was like, your butt hole is literally or something no,
Speaker 1: but I could like see it because it was like
Speaker 1: but also I'm like, what's happening? And she was putting
Speaker 1: chimes on every and I was like, wait, there's like
Speaker 1: there's like fifty people in here. You're gonna go around
Speaker 1: and literally place a chime on everybody's chest, Like you know.
Speaker 1: I wanted to wrap this up at at a certain
Speaker 1: point and this was just like, lady, come on, but
Speaker 1: there is one woman and that's the one I would
Speaker 1: like to take us to. This one woman who is
Speaker 1: like a beautiful, like like ethereal looking woman. She's she
Speaker 1: plays a guitar and has a beautiful voice and sang
Speaker 1: that Mini Ripertons song loving my Rudolph's Mother's mother but
Speaker 1: saying that and then lead you into the sound and
Speaker 1: it was the most just chill out experience. That's the
Speaker 1: sound bath we should wear. It's actually in covert say
Speaker 1: no more to the best buy off the four of
Speaker 1: five and then always the one that I did that
Speaker 1: I hated was in a beautiful place and I was
Speaker 1: I noticed that um Rachel Hunter, the supermodel, and she
Speaker 1: was my first like childhood crushed like super I was
Speaker 1: just like, she's good taste because shesh to die for her.
Speaker 1: I mean, she was, and it was it was just
Speaker 1: a weird moment because like I was genuinely like into
Speaker 1: her as a kid. Obviously I'm I'm gay, but I
Speaker 1: was just like, she's fucking she's like, you can't even
Speaker 1: believe she looks this. She's so hot, it's insane. I
Speaker 1: was like, she left early. She had to have left early.
Speaker 1: Think about Um, I saw Roster it once walking with
Speaker 1: his new wife. And why my my family loves rod
Speaker 1: is because um, he's like five six and every wife
Speaker 1: is six six like this, and we're a tall family,
Speaker 1: every mom, my mom, my dad is short. My mom
Speaker 1: is tall, and my brother is tall. My dad is
Speaker 1: like the sam Wise, I know, it's okay, he's like
Speaker 1: five eight, and then all yeah he's the angie and
Speaker 1: then I'm who am i I'm sorry on and then
Speaker 1: my living along tree Beard. So what was they saying? Oh,
Speaker 1: but yeah, every wife is huge, and so we love
Speaker 1: little guys who marry like big giant women love they're
Speaker 1: fucking dynamics. But you know, someone brought up, um that
Speaker 1: we're okay as a society to like remark on people's height.
Speaker 1: Either way, like pointing out how people tall are tall
Speaker 1: or short. I don't think that's true. It's fair gay
Speaker 1: who said that. It's just a friend of mine who's short,
Speaker 1: and she's like people always sure. Woman can't say shit
Speaker 1: about that. I'm sorry, Like, how do you feel about it?
Speaker 1: I mean, no, are you and know when people point
Speaker 1: out how tall you are? They it's so like just
Speaker 1: so it's what. It's what when people are like my
Speaker 1: least favorite thing, do you see the smoke coming out
Speaker 1: of me? I've actually so much to say that I've
Speaker 1: gone full of the motherboard. It's like West World. I
Speaker 1: like me the fucking iPad to come here and like
Speaker 1: programming right now. Um. My least favorite is when men
Speaker 1: think they're flirting with me by telling me that I'm
Speaker 1: taller than I say i am where they go have
Speaker 1: taller you, and I'll go, I'm six one because I
Speaker 1: am uh, and they'll go, no, you're not, You're like
Speaker 1: six three. But they're they're like nagging me. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, it's a weird night, and I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're right. It just makes me want to fucking knock
Speaker 1: them out. I'm just like, yeah, I know, you're right,
Speaker 1: you know my hype better than me. Thank you for
Speaker 1: even asking. So isn't it rude for some any I mean,
Speaker 1: this is maybe just me, But isn't it like it
Speaker 1: need to to like comment on somebody's appearance to that
Speaker 1: that's what, that's what, that's what we're saying. It's like,
Speaker 1: it's not fair game to me. I would never say
Speaker 1: that you're so tall, you're so short, Like when when
Speaker 1: like girls stayed in like, oh my god, you're so lucky.
Speaker 1: I wish I was tall. It's like, oh, sorry, why
Speaker 1: do you say? And they do mostly mean it in
Speaker 1: like like a nice way, and then men who are
Speaker 1: insecure will say things. You know, then I feel like
Speaker 1: it's coming from a place of like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It can be shitty sometimes. I mean it's annoying. I
Speaker 1: can't wear heels. If I wear heels and I get
Speaker 1: on a subway car with teenagers, we're gonna have some problems.
Speaker 1: Like it's happened. It has happened where I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get into a fight on the train tonight. And
Speaker 1: it's that um because it listen, if I put a
Speaker 1: little like a block, he'll on you know, I'm like
Speaker 1: Kevin Durant, like I can't. I'm not like a normal woman.
Speaker 1: And then what's funny. Sometimes I'll see really tall women,
Speaker 1: like women taller than me, and I'm so not used
Speaker 1: to seeing women that tall that I'm like, what a
Speaker 1: freak And then me like what a horrible feeling? But
Speaker 1: also it is who I am, And you know, we're
Speaker 1: just knocked four glasses over. I'm in the great place.
Speaker 1: We're beautiful and it's fine. You know. My favorite I
Speaker 1: love the comedian Judy Gold. She did my It was great.
Speaker 1: She's so funny because she plays that she we did
Speaker 1: a musical bit where she played the clarinet, and watching
Speaker 1: her sort of like hunch over to it was like
Speaker 1: the funniest thing I've just watching sort of hunch over
Speaker 1: to play the clarinet was like the greatest story of
Speaker 1: my life. When I used to play violin as a child,
Speaker 1: I used to joke, it's a cello like a high
Speaker 1: jo would never laughing the comedy after that, So what else?
Speaker 1: She so much elso someone else in your show and
Speaker 1: my dad we did a we did a tribute to
Speaker 1: my grandma who passed right a couple of years A
Speaker 1: couple of years ago. But it was like funny. It
Speaker 1: was like, we played a video of her singing. She
Speaker 1: had a just a piercing voice when she sang, just
Speaker 1: so shrill and piercing. And so there's this video of
Speaker 1: her singing bring back my Bonnie to Me, to me
Speaker 1: as a child, and it's very cute, and it's very
Speaker 1: you know, it is so funny to like. Even my
Speaker 1: dad was like that, it just cuts right through you.
Speaker 1: So we did, uh, we watched the video and then
Speaker 1: we did. My dad plays the piano really well, so
Speaker 1: my dad put the piano, A want to play the drums,
Speaker 1: Judy played the clarinet, and I saying, we did a
Speaker 1: little cute little tribute. That's really nice. I love that.
Speaker 1: It was fun number I love. Okay, guys, um, this
Speaker 1: is the perfect time to move on to I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Sure, So this is um one minute
Speaker 1: where we're banking. Oh my god, I'm forgetting mine. That's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay. We'll go first and then you go and
Speaker 1: then in the time I mean listen to us and
Speaker 1: yeah I can. I don't have to do mine, No,
Speaker 1: do it please, Michelle, Okay, we'll do it'll be one
Speaker 1: minute each. Um, mine's not gonna be that great. I'm
Speaker 1: really selling it. So this is where we take one
Speaker 1: minute to really get something in culture, while repeating the phrase,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Um on, what's mine? With
Speaker 1: sound baths like you're gonna like shower me. You're basically
Speaker 1: did one about men who comment on your height smoking
Speaker 1: the enemy years. I mean you can go any which, right,
Speaker 1: I have nothing planned to go. You told me you
Speaker 1: got something planned. I'll do it all right, right, um,
Speaker 1: all right? So this is Bowen Yang doing. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, and his time am I good? I'm doing?
Speaker 1: And his time starts now? I don't think so, honey
Speaker 1: gift guides. No, I don't want to buy stem blocks
Speaker 1: for my one year old niece who's not even one yet,
Speaker 1: she's yet unborn. I don't think it's the honey gift
Speaker 1: guides for pushing like a foot massager for my dad
Speaker 1: because he's not gonna like buy these shrinks. He's not
Speaker 1: gonna use it, and he's gonna say you shouldn't have
Speaker 1: bought me something. Why did you do this? I mean,
Speaker 1: God bless you, and I hope whoever receives that enjoys it.
Speaker 1: But for my purposes, every gift guide is catered to
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it, and I'm sorry. You guys
Speaker 1: are in the room. It's catered to a white audience.
Speaker 1: It's about it. There's who are they. It's it's catered
Speaker 1: to some runaway capitalist cog in the machine, and I
Speaker 1: need to buy. All I want is just a good
Speaker 1: teapot for my dad to steepest teas in, or like
Speaker 1: a fun They call them what nap robes that um
Speaker 1: at Brookstone they tell these amazing bathrobs that everyone loves
Speaker 1: nap robes. You gotta get robes and nap and they're
Speaker 1: basically amazing and that's my minute. That's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 1: But gift guides they're so stressful because you never agree
Speaker 1: with I don't understand. I think as a jew, he
Speaker 1: go on, I just don't. I'm just I'm just like,
Speaker 1: do people follow this? Like there's so much going on
Speaker 1: about buying stuff. It's like I don't understand the purposely
Speaker 1: functioned that's I don't get it. So weirdly curated. I'm like,
Speaker 1: people are just buying the ship. They're gonna buy yea
Speaker 1: and mine piggybacks off your It's about definitely that in
Speaker 1: this red wine is true. It's also clear, Okay, I've
Speaker 1: never really done a good one of these. Yes you have,
Speaker 1: Yes you have. I don't think so many of her
Speaker 1: time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Package thieves.
Speaker 1: And why am I saying this Because I just had
Speaker 1: a package get thefted. And here's what I don't get.
Speaker 1: I moved to a building. I'm just gonna be up front.
Speaker 1: No doorman, don't stop me, and they leave him in
Speaker 1: the front. And so someone decided to steal my package
Speaker 1: from and Taylor. Yes, Now, if this is a teacher
Speaker 1: or a librarian or someone, thank God bless you. And
Speaker 1: I really hope you are hervy and you like it.
Speaker 1: But I guarantee you it was a man who came
Speaker 1: in there and sold these packages. And here's all I
Speaker 1: have to say. I hope you have a fat cousin
Speaker 1: a big old feet because literally everything was blue size
Speaker 1: and big shoot and there's no way anyone you know,
Speaker 1: we'll fit into it. I also just want to add
Speaker 1: that I called Dan Taylor and after a week of
Speaker 1: literal calls, that fund name on me. Yes, just nice
Speaker 1: but also fun. Package thieves like fuck it, like steal
Speaker 1: the old fashioned way pickpocket. When I take time to
Speaker 1: go online and do all this ship, you're just creating
Speaker 1: proms for me and everyone else. And by the way,
Speaker 1: we have you on camera and you will go to jail.
Speaker 1: So fun. Same. Just fore, I'm not being shitty. That
Speaker 1: is literally like in the and the thing she said,
Speaker 1: it's no worse than I mean. And Taylor is like
Speaker 1: truly bottom of the barrel, but they have a tall section.
Speaker 1: You guys all, my god, mine is not like super No, No,
Speaker 1: it'll be great. Your's not about chopping. I have to
Speaker 1: say that is a crave. You're right, it's so cowardly
Speaker 1: to steal a package so easy. I should start doing it, honestly,
Speaker 1: Like thinking about it, it's like, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: can just walk in and take it. No, don't risk it,
Speaker 1: never camera, you'll be arrested. I'm very I'm very god,
Speaker 1: I'm so nervous about mine because it's not I don't
Speaker 1: know if I can rant. No, I never, I don't
Speaker 1: can't go. The momentum will carry You're siding fucking spark
Speaker 1: plug of You've done harder things than this. This is
Speaker 1: alliot glaciers. I don't think so honey. As time starts now, okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Hashtag. It's not the hashtag
Speaker 1: the idea of positioning your thirst trap up on Instagram
Speaker 1: to make it about quote quote missing summer, thank you
Speaker 1: miss summer? Bring back hashtag? Bring back summer? Hashtag? Where
Speaker 1: summer here? I can't. It's like, look, everybody has well,
Speaker 1: you know people I'm talking about, Hey, guys, there is
Speaker 1: very specifically a desire to you know, be hyper sexual
Speaker 1: and to be desired on social media, and it's across
Speaker 1: the board. But this, I'm like, how did you find
Speaker 1: a way? I get it? Fitness, you can do it right,
Speaker 1: But it's December. And if you're posting pictures literally you're
Speaker 1: like I can see your pubes and you're on the
Speaker 1: beach and you're just saying you're doing it because you
Speaker 1: miss summer. How much do you miss summer? We all
Speaker 1: miss summer, or some of us don't. I don't care
Speaker 1: about summer. But I don't need you to just say that.
Speaker 1: You just do what you're doing. Just do what you're doing.
Speaker 1: You don't need to position it around the fucking season.
Speaker 1: And that's one minute that summer summer exactly. I love
Speaker 1: I love fall. Winter Fall is my sweet but it
Speaker 1: was so watering. I don't follow. I have a couple.
Speaker 1: I follow a couple of game models because they like
Speaker 1: follow me, and I feel and it is truly the
Speaker 1: low point of my feet. It just like I don't
Speaker 1: there's no point of it. And like, but Elliott's talking
Speaker 1: about this phenomenon of it's not even just the missing
Speaker 1: summer thing. It's like just cloaking some other the guys
Speaker 1: of some other thing of just like I mean that
Speaker 1: could I could talk about that for hours, but I'm
Speaker 1: just talking very specifically about seeing this hashtag I miss
Speaker 1: summer Summer brings summer back. I'm like literally just say, like,
Speaker 1: look at my my ass look at it, like there's
Speaker 1: the Chi chime on people, and show you my asshole people.
Speaker 1: You're showing us your asshole. Um no I am. I
Speaker 1: like had a little mini mental breakdown like two weeks
Speaker 1: ago after like some guy like it wasn't the way
Speaker 1: the guy did this, Like the guy like me on
Speaker 1: went on one day, which I thought was nice. Then
Speaker 1: I followed up just very gave space, followed up after
Speaker 1: a few days and he very politely, tactfully, was like,
Speaker 1: I think we should be friends. And I was like great,
Speaker 1: But then that was just the last little granule of
Speaker 1: rejection and so just sent me off and a friend
Speaker 1: somebody knew or no, it was a friend. And what
Speaker 1: was nice about the day was that it was like
Speaker 1: we didn't have to go through this song dance like
Speaker 1: what do you do? Um, like we knew each other already.
Speaker 1: Was great, but then like I just something in me
Speaker 1: broke where I was just like oh, um, and writer
Speaker 1: at New York Magazine Alex Jung says, and I agree
Speaker 1: with this gay culture is white supremacy, and um, it's
Speaker 1: not wrong. And I'm sorry and I'm making this real heavy,
Speaker 1: but this is just what it is. And I texted no,
Speaker 1: I texted j I texted Joel can booster you guys? Um.
Speaker 1: I was like, this just happened to sucks, um, And
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm going through a similar thing at
Speaker 1: the time he was. And I was like the fact
Speaker 1: that Joel, like this Adonis of a man, so smart,
Speaker 1: so charming, so funny, so like on paper desirable will say,
Speaker 1: like the fact that Joel is not immune to this
Speaker 1: like makes me think that there's something like that. And
Speaker 1: also nobody. Here's the thing with gay guys, nobody is
Speaker 1: immune to it. However, in the in the in the
Speaker 1: vein of what Alex says about white supremacy, a ton
Speaker 1: of guys will refuse to acknowledge that that it is difficult,
Speaker 1: that it is hard, and that it is challenging, and
Speaker 1: that because that because that threatens their masculinity. And then
Speaker 1: and which is quite honestly just them being dude. Well,
Speaker 1: there's a self preservation. They're like, they're like, that's too bad,
Speaker 1: these people have that harder. But I'm fine. It's really
Speaker 1: it's it's it's astonishing and it drives me and I
Speaker 1: feel like other gay comedians wild because we're like we
Speaker 1: talk about stuff. When you find when you come across
Speaker 1: people who are like nope, I'm great, and you're like,
Speaker 1: but what are you allowed? What is there anything in
Speaker 1: your body? Okay, I'm glad you're agree, but like, can
Speaker 1: you help out here? Yeah, that's all that's all I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. Um, Hi, oh my god, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We love you so much. Um, oh my god. I
Speaker 1: hope everyone has a great holiday. Um, And we usually
Speaker 1: close that with a song that we just saying, let's
Speaker 1: sing it. Can we do Mariah's a Holy Night? Here
Speaker 1: we go, Let's do it? You know obviously I don't
Speaker 1: know like the runs that she does. Let's do How
Speaker 1: are you? I mean, how are you in your community?
Speaker 1: Let's stars? Okay, well, all right, bye guys. This has
Speaker 1: been a Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham,
Speaker 1: Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please
Speaker 1: visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our
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Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following
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