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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This Cold Stratton

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Speaker 1: here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who's off

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Speaker 1: shooting the prequel to End of Days. Plenty of Days left.

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Speaker 1: Let's meet her Chemist for today. She's also fierce on

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Speaker 1: the runway. Vanessa Ragland, what's your signature? Look? This is

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Speaker 1: kind of grimace. I wish you guys could see this.

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Speaker 1: It was really good. It was I want to buy

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Speaker 1: whatever she's selling next. He's the end of the world

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Speaker 1: and he knows it. Joey Greer, Yes, I am Joey.

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Speaker 1: How's it all gonna end? I don't want to spoil it.

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Speaker 1: He's so angsty he needs to dance hardcore in a barn,

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Speaker 1: Mark Gagliardie Mark, what song really gets you going? Um?

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Speaker 1: Right now? The confrontation song from La miz Oh. That's

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Speaker 1: a good one. Yeah, right now. You're too hip for

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Speaker 1: your own good. I mentioned the world where musical theater

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Speaker 1: is awesome. Row finally, working too hard can give you

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Speaker 1: a heart attack? Atta Kikok Craig, would you get in

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Speaker 1: a car with Billy Joel in a heartbeat? I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: let him drive? That's was that what you were asking?

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Speaker 1: I didn't specify that I would get in a vehicle

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Speaker 1: with him. What's the cultural take on Billy Joel at

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Speaker 1: this point, cool or not? I don't think he's like

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Speaker 1: three years away from people being like, Billy Joel's the coolest,

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Speaker 1: Like it's kind of about that. I mean, you two

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Speaker 1: is not cool, right YouTube they were there's They've always

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Speaker 1: been the biggest band in the world, so they didn't

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Speaker 1: don't have a chance to be cool or not cool.

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Speaker 1: They're just they're just a stadium. I think they got

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Speaker 1: a chance not to be cool, but I don't know

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Speaker 1: that my opinion counts. I just don't think they're cool. Wait,

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Speaker 1: do we have goss hot Goss? We don't know. We

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Speaker 1: don't know the truth from Bam, We're just getting headshakes

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Speaker 1: and comes down for Beast and Furious presents. Babe. All right, well,

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Speaker 1: let's get to our first scene. All of today's scene

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Speaker 1: suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like

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Speaker 1: to submit yours, please write to the podcast at your

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Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name

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Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. Our first scene comes

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Speaker 1: from David, who wrote, Dear Alchemists, I would like to

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Speaker 1: begin the way I'll finish, passionately and without warning. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: say that you all have made my job much easier.

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Speaker 1: I travel three to four days a week and usually

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Speaker 1: drive four plus hours at a time. I have laughed

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Speaker 1: so hard I've cried, spit water all over my dashboard,

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Speaker 1: and swallowed my gum. I would like to suggest a

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Speaker 1: scene we always see the public facing side of a

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Speaker 1: live action children's show, such as Sesame Street, Blues Clues,

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Speaker 1: Baby signing time, et cetera. I have a one year

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Speaker 1: signing time and maybe it's singing time, but it's it's

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Speaker 1: type signing time here, so I'm gonna do that terrifying

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Speaker 1: show teaches America signed like which to Toddler, it's important

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Speaker 1: signed us NBA right now. I have a one year

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Speaker 1: old and would love to see your interpretation of what

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Speaker 1: goes on behind the scenes in the writer's room after

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Speaker 1: bad takes craft services, et cetera. I'll be overjoyed to

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Speaker 1: hear you all take this and run with it. I

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Speaker 1: would like to tell everyone that I thoroughly enjoy all

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Speaker 1: of your characters. You're wonderful. Thank you again. Can't wait

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Speaker 1: to hear the next episode. Sincerely, David, it's a rap.

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Speaker 1: I can't do that anymore. A sure reason. I got

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Speaker 1: your a costume in uh in the trailer, so whenever

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Speaker 1: you need it, it's over there. I'm wearing the costume

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Speaker 1: I need for the day. I don't need the other costume. Okay,

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Speaker 1: do we have a for tomorrow? Christ Uncle Squishy, Hey, Dwayne,

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Speaker 1: you can knock it off. I don't know who Dwayne is,

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Speaker 1: Uncle Squishy. You don't have to always be on Lawrence.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why you even why do you even try.

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Speaker 1: I don't know him. I don't because because I have

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Speaker 1: faith in him. When when he was hired here sixty

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Speaker 1: one year ago, everybody had faith in him, and we

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Speaker 1: don't have to be nice to him anymore. Like no,

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Speaker 1: I just feel like he's such a legacy here. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to stop. Okay, Uncle Squishy, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: look at this the squishy people. How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Corporate new time over? So? I want to just say

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Speaker 1: the ratings are up. The kids love it, the parents

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Speaker 1: love it. I think it's because I'm doing more feminist

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Speaker 1: stuff with my character. Thank you for listening to the

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Speaker 1: notes on what that was fantastic, you know, we're progressive,

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Speaker 1: we're moving. Yeah, so I want to let you all

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Speaker 1: know we're gonna do a live show show. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: do a live show. Boss. There's no way that Jayne's

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Speaker 1: gonna be able to handle a live show. I think

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Speaker 1: he will know he can't, can't take it. I think

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Speaker 1: I know he's ninety, and when he hits ninety, we'll

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Speaker 1: have a talk. He's not all there. He's always uncle squishy.

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Speaker 1: He moves very slowly. We have to edit around him

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Speaker 1: and you don't have to. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to call angles on all of these cameras

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Speaker 1: and he's just wandering all over the set. What do

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Speaker 1: you think he's going to do on a live show.

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Speaker 1: I think he's gonna from his own year in half

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Speaker 1: the time, and then we'll guess what. We'll get a

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Speaker 1: little schlop pot of the bottom of the stage and

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Speaker 1: it will excuse me. I don't think I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: be back here. I'm lost. Hey, you want me to

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Speaker 1: help you buy? Yeah, if that would be great. Jesus Christ,

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Speaker 1: why am I doing this because you have one that

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Speaker 1: all the kids left? Get the kid to his mother? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I just I don't give a shit about it.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've been working like two weeks on the

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Speaker 1: set and that just sucking. Sucks. Yeah, you know, you

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Speaker 1: tell me about it. We've been we've been out of here.

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Speaker 1: I swear to god, they're gonna put cameras out be

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Speaker 1: able to smoking pit. One of these days. They're gonna

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Speaker 1: put cameras out of here. They're gonna put mics out

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Speaker 1: of here. They're listening to everything we say. Corporate guy, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Steve Oh always uses to oh at the end, that guy.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna turn this whole thing into like a cam

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Speaker 1: girl scenario. You know what I meant smoking all that.

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Speaker 1: If I wasn't two weeks from my pension, i'd get

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Speaker 1: out now. Yeah. I got a friend who works the

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Speaker 1: baby signing time, I might yeah. Yeah, wait, your two

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Speaker 1: weeks from your pension. Why you know what, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: go get a new job after you retire. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just you like to work, huh. I like to work.

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Speaker 1: It's all about that. Yeah, I get it. Oh, Hey, guys,

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Speaker 1: are we smoking? Yeah? Trying to quit any room for

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Speaker 1: the new kid or no? Yeah? Going out kidding? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So we're smoking. We're smoking. What do we do more?

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Speaker 1: Old burloughs, I don't smoke. Yeah, he's American spirits, American

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Speaker 1: spirit PAULA guy got gonna kill Dwayne if he comes

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Speaker 1: by my craft s trailer's table one more and calls

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Speaker 1: Red Vines fun time. Squishy straws, I'm gonna fucking cut him. Oh, Dwayne,

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Speaker 1: sweet listen, I'm trying to get into the boys club.

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Speaker 1: I'm willing to do what it takes well doing what

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Speaker 1: it takes me complaining a lot about Uncle Squishy, I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you that. N Yeah, you weren't here when Dwayne

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Speaker 1: killed him? Man what Yeah? Yeah, Dwayne, Uncle Squishy killed him?

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Speaker 1: In what happened? How to do it? Excuse me? Uncle Squishy,

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Speaker 1: that's my name and that's my game. Oh would you

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Speaker 1: mind signing this? It's it's a Auburn Helbert helmet. It's

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Speaker 1: Auburn helmet. I just want your singature. I know you

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Speaker 1: played there. You're a tight end for Auburn University and uh,

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Speaker 1: Uncle Squishy octopus. I know that, But Dwayne Doyne Helper,

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Speaker 1: you were your tight end for Dwayne Helper. You were

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Speaker 1: a tight end for Auburn univer there's no one by

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Speaker 1: that name anymore. Why don't you drop the act and

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Speaker 1: just signed the helmet? He stabbed him eight times, one

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Speaker 1: freest tenticle. It's unbelievable. Wait, he was a football player.

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Speaker 1: You're missing the point of his story. Don't don't bring

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Speaker 1: it up. Don't bring it up. I just love football.

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Speaker 1: Really Yeah, why did you say like that? Well, because

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Speaker 1: this is such a boys club. This is such a

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Speaker 1: boys club. I can't love football. Yeah, it's an amazing game.

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Speaker 1: You know, we will talk about it. We just think

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Speaker 1: with the CT and the fact they don't play, they

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Speaker 1: don't pay college players, it just it's well, guess what,

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Speaker 1: I'm a fan of the CT. I'm sorry. Like you

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Speaker 1: like head trauma? Yeah, I love it? Yeah, that's that's crazy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, what the hell? Hey, come on, we're I'm

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Speaker 1: supposed to say crazy alright, Sorry, yeah, crazy cigarettes? Try

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Speaker 1: hold on, let me roll you one. I gotta roll mine. Okay, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: the season eight arc. Okay, we have to be concise

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Speaker 1: on this all right now, Uncle Squishy. In the timeline

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Speaker 1: so far, he said he hasn't he has had kids.

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Speaker 1: He hasn't had kids, He hasn't hadd hasn't had kids,

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Speaker 1: no kids. Okay, so then let's add we're not adding kids.

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Speaker 1: The kids watch the show. Uncle Squishy is everyone's uncle.

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Speaker 1: We can't be daddy uncle Squishy. We also added an

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Speaker 1: orphan in season sixty, episode eight, So we've done that

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Speaker 1: before and it didn't go great. Thirty minutes till the

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Speaker 1: light show starts, I'm gonna need a scrap. Yes, okay,

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Speaker 1: I think we just do the thing where he sings

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Speaker 1: the eight arms song again. How many times he's gonna

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Speaker 1: do that? He can do that three times? How you

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Speaker 1: can do that three times? In the show eight arms,

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Speaker 1: eight arms? Ears got one arm over here, one over there,

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Speaker 1: one over here, and one over here, one over here

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Speaker 1: and one over here and one on over here. You

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Speaker 1: sounds like the scripts. Ready, let's get wrong. Were just

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Speaker 1: sing the song? What if he did it in Spanish?

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Speaker 1: Shut that anyone? You know? Yeah? Why is somebody pointing

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Speaker 1: at the brown guy in the writer's yeah brass brassy? Hello?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? What does that mean? What does that means?

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Speaker 1: We have twenty minutes? Are we add percent that? That's

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Speaker 1: what that means? Yeah, that's what that means. You're getting

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Speaker 1: distracted by the wrong thing. We have to we have

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Speaker 1: a live show. We got Uncle Squshy. We'll do the

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Speaker 1: arm song three times, then another time in Spanish that's

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Speaker 1: four three, So he's gonna say I got an arm

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Speaker 1: over here twenty four times over the course of the show,

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Speaker 1: but in different languages. So I think it's okay, bent

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Speaker 1: Amon nudos. What if that someone's name, If that's a

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Speaker 1: call for help, it's not. It means twenty minutes, where's

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Speaker 1: graph service? It's never moved. Well, I'm gonna squish them

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Speaker 1: down the hall. My uncle Squishy, Oh my god. Do

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Speaker 1: you think he's like that at home? What do you mean, Grandpa?

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Speaker 1: We have to talk. What's Grandpa's It's it's about it's

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Speaker 1: about Marline. I'm sorry, Mrs Squishy. What's wrong with this?

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Speaker 1: Is squishy? You may have noticed there's an e KG

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Speaker 1: attached to her and her bed has been replaced with

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Speaker 1: a hospital bed, and she's been making that noise a lot.

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Speaker 1: Let's see if we could all make that noise. It's

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Speaker 1: not I'm not going to help, Look, Uncle Squishy, it's not.

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Speaker 1: Try again, kids, very good. I just think Grandpa should

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Speaker 1: just hugger goodbye because it's probably times. Yeah, that's the death. Cop.

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Speaker 1: That was the death that's coming soon. Well, I'll hugger

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Speaker 1: with this arm. I don't hugger with this arm. Hugger

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Speaker 1: with this song. Goddamnit, hugger with us arm. I've got

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Speaker 1: eight arms to hold you. I heard a bad word. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it's you know, things have been going crazy for

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Speaker 1: him at home. But I don't know if he's gonna

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Speaker 1: be able to handle this guy. We don't have a choice.

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Speaker 1: We don't even know what bendos means. You gotta mean anything. Now,

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Speaker 1: you have to get this show together. We can have

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Speaker 1: the other characters do more songs. We can have them improvised.

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Speaker 1: IV I don't know it's fun. Are we gonna? Are

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Speaker 1: we gonna put in more of that feminist crap that

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Speaker 1: she's been preaching along there? I think it would buy

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Speaker 1: us sometimes. All right, fine, get her out there on

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Speaker 1: top of the show. I gotta fade this into the prompter.

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Speaker 1: We ready, I gotta feed it into the problem. What

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Speaker 1: are we going to put in the prompter? What are

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Speaker 1: we going to put him the prop anyone have anything

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Speaker 1: to put in the propect? I know what it is.

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Speaker 1: I know what it is. Bay means to to beckon.

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Speaker 1: To nudo means by means to beeccan are getting that?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god? What does that mean? I think? Are

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Speaker 1: we a hundred? Someone has to have something to put

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Speaker 1: in the prompter. Anybody, what are we gonna put in?

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Speaker 1: Send him the file, send him the last whatever, the

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Speaker 1: last thing you wrote. Put it, we'll put it in

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Speaker 1: the prompt. Okay, and emailed him sent sent okay, Ready,

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Speaker 1: this is what you want to put in the from

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Speaker 1: all right, I put it in the ro all right,

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Speaker 1: put it in the put it in the prompter. Okid,

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Speaker 1: Uncle Squishy, do you know what painting minw toast means?

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Speaker 1: Bay means to beckon? Oh oh what she wanted to

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Speaker 1: see me? Or yeah, we did want to see you? Yea?

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Speaker 1: What is this about? What do you think it's about?

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Speaker 1: What do you think it's about? That's good? I wore sandals.

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Speaker 1: You think that's why you think that? As our live

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Speaker 1: show was starting and Uncle Squishy was going on and

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Speaker 1: on about what maintaining new Toast means that it's because

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Speaker 1: you were sandals that you're in here today, we asked

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Speaker 1: to send the teleprompter the script. I was struggling to

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Speaker 1: find the word. Yeah I did. I did, and that's

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Speaker 1: what you thought that Uncle Squishy should say. Is this

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Speaker 1: about steppers or no, it's not about your sandals. This

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Speaker 1: is about going into the lives. This is about going

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Speaker 1: into the live show. I'm sorry to overstep. That's okay,

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Speaker 1: don't overstep. It's you're not overstepping at all. No, I

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Speaker 1: was overstepping, Dan, and I shouldn't have. It's okay, I

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Speaker 1: don't mind. You can handle this. You know, we we

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Speaker 1: both have the same I've been here longer, but we

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Speaker 1: both have the same job. So there it was, you

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Speaker 1: tell me it's not a thing, and then you just

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Speaker 1: sneak in that you've been here long because I think

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Speaker 1: we're losing the thread here. Okay. After he fed that

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Speaker 1: into the prompter, it was then just stats about Auburn

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Speaker 1: football players throughout the year he flipped out. He stabbed

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Speaker 1: each of those kids eight times. Thankfully he only had

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Speaker 1: a spoon, so it just gave them little bruises. But

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Speaker 1: still the damage is done. The house friend wait to

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Speaker 1: way to trigger him, way to trigger him? Gary. It

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Speaker 1: was the last thing I wrote, how long have you

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Speaker 1: been standing there? Anyone know where Mrs Squishy is? I

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Speaker 1: can't find her anywhere. Um, I heard she's I heard

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Speaker 1: she's in the parking lot. Yeah, she's. Uh. If she's

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Speaker 1: not in the parking lot, she's on the train tracks

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Speaker 1: or very dead. He was joking, a horrible joke, Mr

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Speaker 1: Uncle squishy pants. Um, the train tracks, that's right. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Dan was right. She said she would be waiting on

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Speaker 1: the train tracks, just laying on them. Well, I guess

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Speaker 1: we'll go lay on the train tracks. Okay, Uncle Squishing.

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Speaker 1: What have we done? Oh? Man, I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: felt like it was just a momentary lash out to

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Speaker 1: say that, and we might have just just killed Uncle Squishing. Well,

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Speaker 1: he did a lot of damage. You can't him in

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Speaker 1: the building. He's a threat to everyone. He's safer on

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Speaker 1: the train tracks. By boy trained depart at the station.

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Speaker 1: He for one more little kid? You bet, kid, jop

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Speaker 1: all two more little kids? Okay, to do kid? He

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Speaker 1: wait in the Probert the engineer, sure can so excited

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Speaker 1: over here? Run around here and one who essentially from

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Speaker 1: the train tracks. What do you mean there's there's an

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Speaker 1: offer from the train tracks. I do everything and training

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Speaker 1: I see Squire's sorry started. Oh and that's the end

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Speaker 1: of Uncle squish, he got squish, he got squished. Oh

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Speaker 1: he got uncle's QUI strot a poetic in a way

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Speaker 1: none of us have have worked in television accurately sl

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Speaker 1: right there. I don't know how that works. Our second

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Speaker 1: scene comes from Lance. He wrote, Dear Alchemists, I have

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Speaker 1: been loving the podcast since the first show. Athan listen

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Speaker 1: to it while doing yardwork on the weekends. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: the neighbors wonder why I'm laughing so much while pulling weeds,

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Speaker 1: spreading mulch, and getting points in ivy. I don't think

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Speaker 1: you're doing all right, guy. In any event, a suggestion

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Speaker 1: if you all would like. A couple wants to buy

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Speaker 1: a new car. The various salespeople at the car lot

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Speaker 1: all really need that sale, and he tries to sabotage

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Speaker 1: the other to convince the couple to buy from them.

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Speaker 1: I look forward to the next show, Lance in Baltimore.

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Speaker 1: This is a nice model, honestly, four door. It looks

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Speaker 1: pretty good. Looks pretty good. I noticed you're looking. I'm

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Speaker 1: terribly sorry. Oh no, I was just I was just

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Speaker 1: checking it out. It's a beautiful car, isn't Yeah, really

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Speaker 1: really gorgeous. Yeah, you guys newly wents. Don't put any

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Speaker 1: more pressure on him. We're living together, just living, and

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Speaker 1: that's fine. I don't want any more. Well, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's don't do this right now. I'm not doing anything.

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Speaker 1: You're just making it about the ring, and I just

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Speaker 1: didn't make it about the rings as if we were married.

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Speaker 1: I said we're not. And it's not a big deal.

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Speaker 1: I think it's not. Even saying it's not a big

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Speaker 1: deal makes it seem like it's a big stuff. That's

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Speaker 1: your stuff coming by stuff. It's absolutely you've got a

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Speaker 1: call online. Four I think it's the census. Well the census. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm sharing your life with you. That's

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Speaker 1: enough for me. I'm just I'll be right back. Here's

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Speaker 1: my car. Thank you, want to thank you too. I

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Speaker 1: see you looking at this car? Right? Four dos four doors?

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Speaker 1: Great enough for a family, but also great for just

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Speaker 1: two people. What mm hmm, I just didn't white? All right, great, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it good for a family, let's go good for

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Speaker 1: a film. It's good for a family. It's easily get

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Speaker 1: a car seat in there too if you need to,

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Speaker 1: or maybe a dog. We could put a dog in there.

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Speaker 1: Definitely dog serious I don't you doing it. I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to make it better. Not worth a dog? Do you

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Speaker 1: not like a dog? I mean that unconditional love right

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Speaker 1: off the bat, Like, what are you doing? What are

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Speaker 1: you talking about? What are you talking about? We're moving

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Speaker 1: in together, we're getting a car again. I understand that,

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Speaker 1: but it's just one thing. When do we not get

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Speaker 1: a dog? Because it's I gotta Brent is one thing?

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Speaker 1: Hey Jones, he's sorry to interrupt here, but you got

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Speaker 1: a phone call something about your wife and a divorce.

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Speaker 1: I probably should take this. He's been threatening for months.

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Speaker 1: So here's my car. No, we only need one because

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Speaker 1: we share everything. I'm not gonna hold both. Just take

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Speaker 1: one of them. Are we doing here, folks? Anything I

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Speaker 1: can help you with? Yeah? We're just looking at this

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Speaker 1: sess today and it's it's really nice. It's sparkles like

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Speaker 1: a diamond. It's really nice. So clearly you've been married

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Speaker 1: a long time now. We're not married. No, we're not married. Okay, married.

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Speaker 1: We don't need a piece of paper. No we don't.

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Speaker 1: We don't need No, we don't. No, we don't because

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Speaker 1: love doesn't need paper. I agree. Okay, Well, speaking of

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Speaker 1: a piece of paper. What is you married? Are you

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Speaker 1: doing this? I'm not doing anything. I'm trying to make conversation.

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Speaker 1: Are you married? That's what I just did? Well, proppably

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Speaker 1: married for twenty Oh my gosh. Let me show you

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Speaker 1: a picture, not just a picture of you, that's a

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Speaker 1: picture of me. That was me the day I got married.

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Speaker 1: Look great, thank you all Denim all denim. Wow it

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Speaker 1: was the nineties, ZIZI here your wife. Your wife's on

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Speaker 1: the phone right now. She needs you to take this call. Okay,

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Speaker 1: very badly. Oh no, I better take this call. Okay,

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Speaker 1: do you want us to keep the picture? You can?

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Speaker 1: Please take the picture. Take three of them looking at

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Speaker 1: this car. Yeah, we've been looking at the car. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You guys got kids? No, we don't have kids. No,

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Speaker 1: we don't have kids. You have a dog? No you're married? Nope, nope,

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Speaker 1: And we don't want to be. We're happy to just

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Speaker 1: be sharing our life together. Needs paper. Let me show you,

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Speaker 1: guys a couple of motorcycles in sure you know what?

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Speaker 1: That's more like the life we're living, isn't it. Yeah

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Speaker 1: it makes a great point. We're living a motorcycle life.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Let's do it. I don't love it.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to live a motorcycle. I I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be shoving for two motorcycles. That's psychotic. Look

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Speaker 1: at me, Look at me. I don't want about a motorcycle.

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Speaker 1: You never want to take a chance. No, No, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to get a car with you, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to move in with you because I thought we're moving

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Speaker 1: towards because everything I say triggers. We got to share

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Speaker 1: one car, share one car? Do know how to do

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Speaker 1: a motorcycle? What is it? You got a phone call

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Speaker 1: the cast a wild Hogs and making a sequel and

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Speaker 1: they want to bring you on a marriage. Don't be

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Speaker 1: a to marriag. If you don't want me to be

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Speaker 1: afraid of the motorcycle, I don't want you to be

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Speaker 1: a friend of Americans. Get flies in your mouth? What's

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I don't know a lot

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Speaker 1: of married people with flies in their mouth that are

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Speaker 1: scraping off the highway. Oh yeah, what do you hear

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Speaker 1: about that couple that passed on the on the train track.

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Speaker 1: I didn't on anything because you know why, because I'm

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Speaker 1: talking to your mother on the phone all the time.

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Speaker 1: Talk to my mother, talk to my mom. She's got

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Speaker 1: sny Well I don't. She should stop calling me, don't

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Speaker 1: answer it, Okay, then she'll be mad at me. The

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Speaker 1: manager of this establishment here, is there is there a problem?

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Speaker 1: Not at all. We're just trying to decide between this

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Speaker 1: or the motorcycles. No, we've already decided we're not getting

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Speaker 1: two motorcycles. Okay. Well, all of our all of our

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Speaker 1: sales associates have a thousand yards stare right now, and

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Speaker 1: they all claim that it's because of you too, So

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Speaker 1: I just like to think you're good. I think it's

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Speaker 1: probably just my fault, but that's the way things tend

393
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 1: to shake out around. Wow, are you serious? It's probably

394
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Speaker 1: my fault, But I think everybody's like Stephanie. Who would

395
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Speaker 1: want to commit to Stephanie? Get away from Stephanie. It's George.

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Speaker 1: George did it? George the guy George manager's manager. And

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Speaker 1: if you're not going to buy a car, then get

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Speaker 1: the funk off of our locks. Okay, you're not worry

399
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Speaker 1: of one of our car Come on, the word tall

400
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Speaker 1: you something right now? I would taste something right now, Okay,

401
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Speaker 1: something George does how you sound? I'm right here, tell

402
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Speaker 1: you joice something now, George, tell you somewhere to me.

403
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Speaker 1: Tell me, it's gonna go damn. You want to say it,

404
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 1: It's gonna go right into your heart and it's gonna

405
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Speaker 1: blow your mind. Stop looking at our Sudan's okay, you're

406
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: not even worthy to lay eyes on them. Oh really,

407
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Speaker 1: we could lay whatever we want on your you know what,

408
00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: dumper on this, you buy it, right, I'm not buying

409
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Speaker 1: the scraps. No, no, no, we could dump on it

410
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Speaker 1: and we wouldn't buy it. I'm sorry, folks. I'm a

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Speaker 1: lot relationship counselor. They bring me in when sales go

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Speaker 1: bad because of turmoil between two people, and I'd just

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Speaker 1: like to come in here and try to help solve

414
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 1: this situation. I want you to hear, hear each other.

415
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 1: We're gonna shoot on that car. Yeah, okay, Now, what's

416
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 1: your which, what's your name? I'm Stephanie, Stephanie, and you

417
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: are George. Let me George, George here. You didn't you

418
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: didn't George stammering that. George, listen to me. I didn't

419
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 1: do that. I didn't stay Okay, yes, you didn't talk.

420
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: You're getting Senalia just like your mom. Don't say that

421
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: don't say I'm just poking your shoulder. Okay, I didn't

422
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: hurt you to shoot on this Carlo, you I'm gonna

423
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 1: do it right now. I'm gonna shoot on this car.

424
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 1: And I want you to really hear me when I

425
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: say I'm going to dump on this sedan. Okay, hands

426
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 1: going and it's going down. This is hard because you

427
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: guys decide if you wanted to. Wow, what the hell

428
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:10,359
Speaker 1: is going on for the better of their relationship? It's cool.

429
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: I'm this man does not working. He doesn't work here. No,

430
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: he's the self appointed relationship counselor. He shows up a

431
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: couple of times a week. He's just doing good here.

432
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 1: You're gonna get a sale after I figured the dunk

433
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: off of my by whatever you guys are do George,

434
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: we've been through a lot together. We really have. Could

435
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: be pretty funny. Time to propose. I'll take a motorcycle.

436
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: Oh I will too. Oh no, we're not doing this together.

437
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: What do you mean you're breaking up with me? Yeah?

438
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: I want a motorcycle. Prepare the paperwork just big enough

439
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: for one. You got it? No side car, no even

440
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: no even hook up for a side car. And I

441
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,160
Speaker 1: guess if You're relationship is ending. I'll take a minivan,

442
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: all right, prepare the paperwork. Thanks George. Why are you

443
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: getting the most impressing thing I could think of to

444
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: drive solo? Oh um, honey, I tried to shoot on

445
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 1: the car. It didn't know good. I'm not helping anybody.

446
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: Don't you say that. Don't you say that. My little

447
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 1: boy is gonna be a It's gonna be a big by,

448
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: big bright, shining star of the of the world, of

449
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: of of what is it that you call this job?

450
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 1: You made up relationship counselor lot use Carl car lot

451
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: relationship counseling. You're gonna be the big cone of it.

452
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: I don't know. Most of my friends are playing video

453
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: games and trying to score. I'm a fifteen year old

454
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: who wants to shoot on a car to help a relationship. Well,

455
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: you know what, some people are doing important things in

456
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 1: the world and some people aren't. You think video games

457
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: are important? No, you think that shifting on a car

458
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 1: to show a relationship when it should be Yeah, I

459
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 1: don't know. I just don't think I'm going to get

460
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: into Dartmouth or Princeton. I think I just need to

461
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 1: go to a state school and reset, come here, we've

462
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: got a very interesting application. I know, we don't. We've

463
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,959
Speaker 1: got a very exciting after What is it? What does

464
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:33,199
Speaker 1: it say? What? He disregard the g p A. Disregard

465
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: the g p A, disregard the g A. They've asked, Yes,

466
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: Cambridge cadge, all the heads of all the ivy league.

467
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: When we've decided what this student is up, where we

468
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: will auction in bid? Yes, yes, I've Justice League. Now oh,

469
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: here we go. Point one disregard gp A fascinating start points. True,

470
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: I'm only fifteen. No, no, I'm not fifteen. I've been

471
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: fifteen and I'm no longer fifteen. The applicant fifty, right,

472
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: but we've had younger in the course of course, they've

473
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: been geniuses. His person is of average intelligence? Right? What what?

474
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: Why did you call us all in here? Because point three? Right,

475
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: look at my CV and it's attached. And then when

476
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: I look at the TV or not used car Relationship

477
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 1: counselor this is your CV. No, no, no, no, no,

478
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 1: this applicant CV. He's reading the application. It says has

479
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: saved upwards five relationships by sitting on cars. It's a

480
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 1: dartmouth man. If ever, I heard. Well, it is a

481
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: tulip pointed representative of Princeton. We've been coming to our

482
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 1: fine establishment. Wait, if he likes to shut on cars,

483
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: why not Brown. There's a gentleman from Soxford. I think

484
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 1: that is. Where are you from? Soxford University is one

485
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: of those state schools? Onto fest? Oh you've seen my

486
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: chest underneath his vest. He's the chest of a statement. Kirby,

487
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: that's spoons for you. I got into Brown, you did, honey,

488
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: It's so exciting. That's a little on the nose, but

489
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: I'm excited. You're fifth. Oh my baby's fifteen and he's

490
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: gonna go to Brown. I just don't think I'm ready

491
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: for you to go to college yet. I think I'm ready.

492
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 1: All right? Is she looking at some cars here? Huh? Yeah?

493
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: Okay cool. If you have any questions, just let me know.

494
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: So are you all in a relationship or no? This

495
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: is my family. I'm about to go off to college.

496
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: Are you all married together? Or how does that work?

497
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: How does the family work? Clearly his father and I'm

498
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: clearly his mother. Yeah? Is there like I'm kissed? Three?

499
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: Just three? Okay? And so who married who? How does

500
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,040
Speaker 1: that work? Married? His mother and his father and I

501
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: are married. And then who you got you kind of

502
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: cherry pick or we had them? There are children? Okay,

503
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 1: have you done this before? I sell cars all the time.

504
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: All right, so I just need something that's gonna, you know,

505
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 1: get me across country. So I can you know, I

506
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: just hate hearing that it's gonna be okay, all right,

507
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: here you go nice and uh so do you all

508
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: sleep in the same bed or how how does that? Just?

509
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: Buy a car? Please? Every and going? Okay over here? Oh? No,

510
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: which one are you married to? I'm married to my wife. Yes,

511
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: we're married. Oh congratulations, we love that. So a car

512
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: for the newly wed? Might I suggest a pink Corvette?

513
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: Love it? Love it. We've been married for a long time.

514
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: I mean you know, we've had our ups and downs

515
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: every couple times. It's normal. That's when you brought that

516
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: one in. Well, spice it up, spicing it up with

517
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: I'm going to college. The cars for me, it's for me,

518
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 1: it's for the second husband. This is our son to

519
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: drive to Providence, Rhode Island. Oh, so you're gonna want

520
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: a aqua vehicle? What? I love it? Guys? Why are

521
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: we doing this? Let's just go to Uncle Squishies a

522
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: lot across town. You don't want to go to Squishes. Oh,

523
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 1: we got good deals here, alight, better than Uncle Squishy

524
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: can do. We guarantee, we guarantee, we guarantee it. I guarantee.

525
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 1: Do you guarantee the eight high fives when you buy

526
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: the car like he does? We can make that happen.

527
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no problem, no problem. Happy to get in

528
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: the mix of this crazy marriage crupple, it's not you

529
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 1: know what. Let's just go to Uncle Squishies. No, well,

530
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: here we are. Look at that animatronic was dead? Animatronics alive? Honey?

531
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: But why is he not dead? But that's how animatronics work.

532
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: He should be dead forever thanks to what Yeah they

533
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: I guess they just put Uncle Squishy's brain inside a

534
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: new robot body. Can they do that with Grandma? Oh? Honey? Dead? Maybe?

535
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 1: I don't think they're ai. I don't think they're ayeing everybody,

536
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: just the important ones. It was important. She made the

537
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: best jam. Oh she was important to you. Oh your

538
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: grandmother was dead forever up top one five. So sorry

539
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 1: about grandma, honey. We're all suffering. Uncle Squshy. We'd like

540
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: to get our son a car for college. Where are

541
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: you going? I'm going to Brown. You must like the

542
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: ship on cars, dude, it's my passion. Well here's one

543
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 1: you can take a ship on anytime you want. Wow,

544
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: Mazda Miata. I'll be careful, honey. That's a convertible. You

545
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: don't want to take a ship in the car. That's

546
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 1: that's fair. Let me just do it on the hood.

547
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: Then let me see how this feels. Gonna take a frispin,

548
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 1: that's all. Yeah, But I think this is the car

549
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,479
Speaker 1: like my life. I don't like my off, I don't

550
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: like my dad, I don't like my brother, and I

551
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: don't like Uncle Squitchy, and my grandma's dead. And she

552
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 1: was the one that will saw me. She deserves her

553
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 1: own spin off special three years old, very very She

554
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: was the one that should have been going, you know,

555
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: to the ivy leagues. Our third scene comes from Clint,

556
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: who wrote, I've been listening since the start of this podcast,

557
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 1: and I've loved every episode. I listened while I'm at

558
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: work doing my flaps. I work in water treatment for

559
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 1: my local government. You make me laugh out loud, disturbing

560
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: the safety officer in the office next door. My idea

561
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: is we need to get nerves control. He's got a

562
00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: big job. My idea is a safety officer and inspecting

563
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: a new building which is wildly out of code, but

564
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 1: the people working there are totally incompetent. Keep up the

565
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 1: hilarious work, Clint from North Carolina. The second floors, that's uh,

566
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,919
Speaker 1: we presume a lot of flooding might have been there.

567
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:27,440
Speaker 1: That's above the first fool. You assume a lot of

568
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: flooding is going to happen on the second floor because

569
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: we're handed out finished the I'm sorry, I was called

570
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: in here to inspect this building and you're just flat

571
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 1: out telling me that you did a terrible job with it.

572
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: The second floor my flood, Yeah, I noticed already wrote

573
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 1: down that the second floor the breaker up there, I

574
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: got a lot of exposed wires. Yeah, I wanted to

575
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 1: ask you about that. Why exactly is the breaker sitting

576
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: in a half full fish aquarium? I don't know. That's

577
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: where I keep the dogs, so I figured I just

578
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: leave them all up there and keep them in a

579
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: safe place. Second floor, all right. I didn't even notice

580
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: that there were dogs in there as perhaps, so would

581
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: you notice the dogs? Why wouldn't I notice the dogs?

582
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: Tell him we're painted him like the walls you carry.

583
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 1: You see you dogs, it's a new breed. We created

584
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 1: camo dogs military budget, and we're gonna send them camo

585
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: dog bitch. Alright, I do have a few other things

586
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: i'd like to Yes, you're right, I'm I'm I got

587
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm a bit. I got into a property manager. I

588
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 1: thought you you're not the property managers. Doesn't look like

589
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: we're property man. By god, I checked in on you.

590
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 1: Oh are you the property manager? I managed the property

591
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,919
Speaker 1: are I've got to say there's some serious violations here.

592
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:10,800
Speaker 1: The only violation is that every dog isn't camoed. You

593
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 1: guys have been camoing dogs, which frankly I did not

594
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: even know was a verb. And uh and then this

595
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 1: building is a nightmare. Look around at this place, for god.

596
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: Think you have a ninth floor but no floors three

597
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,719
Speaker 1: through eight. Those floors overrated. It's just stilts with a

598
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 1: floor at the top. They only had enough money. Fun

599
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: three flaws. Let me finish, boss. The favorite numbers nine

600
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,640
Speaker 1: because when you flip it over at six and when

601
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 1: you put it by a nine, it's sixty nine. Hey, yeah,

602
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: Mr Inspector, Hold on a second. Why I don't even

603
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: think they'll notice I'm gone. Hey, what I'm a whistleblower.

604
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:04,920
Speaker 1: What I'm a whistle blower? What? Okay? I think this

605
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: building might not be up to code? Yeah, yeah, I

606
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 1: think I think you're absolutely right. This building is not

607
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: up to code. If anything you need, I can get

608
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 1: you information. You just can't use my name. Okay, thank

609
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: thank you, I appreciate Ted. Anybody want to I'll take seconds. Also,

610
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 1: what do you what do they even? What are they

611
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 1: even calling this room that you're living in here? This

612
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: is Ted's room. It's called Ted's room, and they keep

613
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: me in here? Why you just have one extension cord

614
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 1: going out of the room. There's no wall outlets in here.

615
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: That keeps saying they're gonna sell tickets, sell tickets to

616
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: see you. I don't know. I don't know, Ted, Ted,

617
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: you want to blow the whistle? Okay, you're blowing. This

618
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,800
Speaker 1: is it? This is you are currently blowing the whistle.

619
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: I think they didn't build any handicapped ramps, Ted, Ted, Yeah,

620
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: want you to know You're seven o'clock is sold out?

621
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 1: Oh no, they're selling tickets. You don't know what for.

622
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: But it's you got a complice for the matinee tomorrow

623
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 1: because it's almost sold out. If you got accomplice, you

624
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: gotta get it to me. I don't have any comps.

625
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 1: Nobody knows I'm here, Ted. Everybody apparently knows you're here.

626
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: God's sake. Look, it's gonna be really hard for me

627
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 1: to not use you as a whistle blower and not

628
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: use your name because you're the only other person in

629
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: this building. Okay, but whatever you can do to just

630
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: stop this building, to stop the building, that's all right.

631
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: Condemn it, whatever you have to do. Honest, I'm gonna

632
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 1: be perfectly honest with you, Ted, I really didn't need

633
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: a whistleblower to tell me that this building was really

634
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 1: in terrible shape. I want to be your deep throat. Okay,

635
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 1: you can be deep throat. Yeah, Like, if you don't

636
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: tell me who your contact is, I'm not going to

637
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: be able to condemn the building. You know how this works.

638
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: You you can see from I mean, I'm your contact.

639
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 1: Look at this list. Look at this list of problems

640
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,800
Speaker 1: that this building has. The foundation is literally made of

641
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 1: quick sand. Like, I understand that you're telling me this,

642
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna need a third party to tell me

643
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: that that's actually what's going down. About to take the

644
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: condemned list down to city Hall? Do we have any

645
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,320
Speaker 1: of the names Ted? Wait? Wait, wait, wait before you go,

646
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: before you go wow, back up, back up, Okay, back up, Okay,

647
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: no one gets that close to my face before you go.

648
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 1: Much better, I'm gonna go talk to a guy. All right,

649
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 1: I'll be right back. Don't send the list until I

650
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,800
Speaker 1: go down doing the number on my nuts. Ted's in

651
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: the middle of a performance right now. I have to

652
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: see Ted, right, No, think you k busy? Ted's killing

653
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: it and I gotta go back in ticket? Yeah, I

654
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 1: find I'd like one ticket? Please? How much you got?

655
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are you a scalper? You look? Do

656
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 1: you want to take it to see Ted? And that? Yeah?

657
00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: I need a ticket to see Ted? How much you go?

658
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 1: About sixteen dollars? I have a couple of quars? Sixteen fifty? Said,

659
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,959
Speaker 1: you've got a couple of coins? Yeah? How many coins?

660
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: You got to? Two quarters? It's the fifties, all right,

661
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 1: let's do it for justin Coinsifty's bigger than sixteen, ain't it?

662
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: You know what? It? Sure is? Fine? I guess I'll

663
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,720
Speaker 1: give you these fifty cents instead of these six dollars.

664
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: The boy, thank you. Sorry. Nobody gets seated after act

665
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 1: once you get the intermission. Fine, you could go in

666
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 1: for Act five right after intermission. What happens to at two, three,

667
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 1: and four, at one and at five? A good? Alright?

668
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 1: Can I get you a drink while you wait? You

669
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: want to eat a fot from concessions? No, I don't

670
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: want to eat a fart from concessions? Uh? Yeah, you know,

671
00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: what about a spicy fot? No? I don't want question. Question. Yeah,

672
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 1: you don't see any dogs in here? Do you know? Dogs? Again?

673
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 1: You know what? That's it. I'm just going in there.

674
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: I'm just going in there. Please please help me, Ted,

675
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: Please help me this part of the ship. Just here

676
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: in the middle of a performance. What exactly are you doing? Look?

677
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 1: Act five they're gonna flood, They're gonna flood this level.

678
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: Oh god, you know what. Come with me, Ted, Come

679
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,320
Speaker 1: with me. I know you don't want to be outwardly

680
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 1: the voice of dissension in this building. You think he's

681
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: a hero. Hero that's just established and that character. I'm

682
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 1: just a t Comes on, Ted, Come with me, We've

683
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 1: got to get downtown to the building. Inspectors making me

684
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 1: do eight shows a week. There's no understudies. Just come

685
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: with me, Ted, I'm getting I'm literally telling you how

686
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 1: to get out of this situation right now, Ted is

687
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: a love story. I really can't leave in the middle

688
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: of a performance. You're gonna flood the place. What a

689
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,439
Speaker 1: gladigator leave in the middle of a performance if he could? Yes.

690
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 1: The one part I like is the curtain call. They

691
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: really don't do it now. It's versus his love for call.

692
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: Now do something that's never been done in theater before.

693
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 1: Take your curtain call right now and get off the

694
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: stage before they fled this place. Thank you. That's not

695
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:25,399
Speaker 1: a curtain call. I've got an application another Princeton man. Yeah,

696
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 1: this guy is a performance an't do? Why am I

697
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 1: looking up applicant Lernew You say he's very good. He's

698
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,359
Speaker 1: very good. He's been performing eight shows a week down

699
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 1: at the Condemned but not get Condemned Camel Dog man

700
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: like Harvard Love Haven? What we kill you? Yes? Oh?

701
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 1: Does you are you? Are you the stocks for guy

702
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: from my brother? My brother? What are you from? Trilling me?

703
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: Trill at the State School. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

704
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: Don't come now, this is I the Camo dogs. Well,

705
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: I can't see the best money the Ivy Justice League

706
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 1: ever spent was all those Camo dogs. Say, God damnit, sergeant,

707
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 1: get in here, and then hearing about these things Camo dogs. Yes, yes,

708
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 1: about this, Yes, I wasn't I informed about this. Why

709
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: aren't these Camo dogs working for the United States military? Goddamnit?

710
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:48,360
Speaker 1: Well they're still being tested out, sir, still being tested,

711
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: field tested, field ted. What kind of idiots would field

712
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 1: test Camo dogs? Did you bring them in with you? Sure?

713
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 1: Did privates line up? A line can be in the shape?

714
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: Cann't not? Oh my head, my head. These guys showed up,

715
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: so they were drafting, even though we got rid of

716
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: that a long time ago. So we just decided they're

717
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: privates in the military. People We need bodies. They are

718
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 1: they are? I am being generous and saying disheveled, yes, sir,

719
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 1: but they have a way with camera dogs. There came

720
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 1: dog whispers, sir, Camo dog whispers. Huh, alright, cameo dog whispers.

721
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 1: Are you gonna eat all those pens? No, I'm not

722
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 1: gonna eat any of them. I gonna have them around there. Uh,

723
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 1: nobody eats farts around. Get your hands off the pen

724
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 1: one huh. Yes, I have a ceiling, the better to

725
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 1: keep the rain out. My dear, I'm the big wolf

726
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 1: from red Head. All right, Am I gonna have to sergeant,

727
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: Am I gonna have to put up with this kind

728
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 1: of ship to get if you want the camera dogs,

729
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: they're part of the package deal, sir. Alright, you know

730
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 1: when the red Head thing, the grandma has been eaten

731
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 1: by the wolf the whole time. Yeah, riding hood. It's

732
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: a classic. Hey colonel, yeah over here, Yeah, what who

733
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 1: are you? I'm a whistleblower? What there's a conspiracy, But

734
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: there's a conspiracy with Let me shut the door. There's

735
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 1: a conspiracy. I'm sorry, now I'll shut the door. Well,

736
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: she's hold on all right, let me all right. You

737
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: stay there, you stay here. Let me come around. Now,

738
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 1: both of you stay on this side of the door.

739
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go in here, and I'm gonna talk to this.

740
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 1: Do you want your pens? No, you can eat one

741
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 1: of my pens if you need to. All right, look,

742
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a crazy story. Okay, And did

743
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: he go straight to the top. Okay, there's no limits

744
00:47:57,239 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: to who's involved in this. Okay, I'm gonna tell you

745
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 1: a story about eight men in England can decide where

746
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 1: all Ivy League students and public school students go. I

747
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: mean this sounds a little far fetched. Do you realize

748
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a story about people shooting on

749
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: mini vans, relationships getting solved. Okay, I'm gonna tell you

750
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,919
Speaker 1: a story about an octopus who died on a train track,

751
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 1: but maybe he didn't die. Um do you do you

752
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 1: actually have a conspiracy theory that you want to let

753
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: me know about, or a real problem that you've seen

754
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 1: that you want to whistle blow, or are you just

755
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 1: gonna ramble about these kind of things? This is? Is

756
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: this all connected somehow? I don't understand what you're saying.

757
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: It's all in one episode of alchemy? This what got

758
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: to be connected? What? It goes straight to the top,

759
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 1: straight to the top of alchemy. This, yes, all the

760
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: way up to Kevin. Kevin's never here. I'm sorry to interrupt, buddy,

761
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: he can't make it. How did you get here? Oh,

762
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 1: I'm always Oh my god, how did you get in here? Um?

763
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 1: I just have been here. I don't remember a life

764
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 1: before this. Hey everybody, I'm here again. Sorry cool Stratton

765
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 1: disappointed looking all your he's the front. I'm James Heeney

766
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: and I'm here too. I'm Joey. Have been even McCom

767
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 1: that's inaccurate. We're spitting inception tops over here. Oh my god.

768
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: Oh that's our show for today. Let's go around and

769
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,799
Speaker 1: say what we're up to. Mark gig already. You can

770
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 1: catch me at the Beautiful Dynasty Typewriter Theater on the

771
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 1: last Wednesday Wednesday of the month with Craig Kowski playing

772
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: with work us iprov H and also Blood and Treasure

773
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:58,719
Speaker 1: Season one, now available on Amazon Prime. Vanessa Raglan, I'm

774
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: usually a Dynasty type right to the aforementioned hanging out

775
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 1: scooping corn. We just ordered a cotton candy machine. I'm

776
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 1: gonna be twist and sugar and no time to get

777
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 1: tambo dogs soon, and we're trying to but you know

778
00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 1: there's a lot of red taper on that understood. Craig Atkowski.

779
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 1: If you're in Austin, Texas over Labor Day weekend, I'll

780
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: be scooping corn at the Out of Bounds Comedy Festival. Yeah, yeah,

781
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 1: I love it. Joey Greer at Jeffy Grieber on Instagram,

782
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: Bear Supply second fourth, Wednesday, nine o'clock West Side Comedy Theater.

783
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 1: I'm pretty pretty pony. First first Thursday up, last time,

784
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: so I wanted. Yeah, that's what it is. We always

785
00:50:38,239 --> 00:50:43,280
Speaker 1: show up most of the time, right. I'm at Cole

786
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: Stratton on Twitter at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Always getting

787
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 1: a fews. I don't know which is which. Um, yeah,

788
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 1: that's about it comes see pretty pretty pony. As he mentioned,

789
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: let's thank our sound engineer Doug I Hate Billy, Joel Bay,

790
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 1: our post sound design artist Rough El Brito, our producers

791
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:14,960
Speaker 1: Sophie Lichtman, and lastly I heart Media. Encourage all of

792
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 1: you to write a review, tell everyone you've ever met,

793
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: and write to us at your name here at alchemy

794
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 1: this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this

795
00:51:23,200 --> 00:52:00,320
Speaker 1: dot com. Until next time. No