1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:01,599 Speaker 1: Call from Tyler. 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, what's up? 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 3: Not the much? 4 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: How are you doing? 5 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 2: All right? What's your name? 6 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,639 Speaker 3: My name is Tyler. 7 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 2: How can I get you today? Tyler? 8 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:18,080 Speaker 3: Oh, you know, I've got a lot going on right now. 9 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 3: Actually it's a bit heavy, if that's all right. 10 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 2: You know what. I drank a Celsius and half a 11 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 2: bottle of diet Mountain Dew. So that's I'm on about 12 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:35,200 Speaker 2: two hundred and fifty milligrams of caffeine. I feel alert, 13 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 2: I feel awake, I feel I feel as though I'm 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: going to try. I will try my best to tackle, 15 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,840 Speaker 2: to tackle a heavy thing. Let's let's give it a shot. 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 3: Cool, let's go. Okay, So we'll start this off with 17 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 3: at the end of last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, 18 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 3: depression and anxiety. Okay, in that I'm married and I 19 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 3: have a three year old son. It's a little bit 20 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 3: of information there. So after that diagnosis, I get on 21 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 3: proper medications and get into a good therapist. I've been 22 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 3: in therapy for a decade or so. I'm thirty four now. 23 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 3: Oh sorry, So I start doing that, and I'm starting 24 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 3: to realize some things about my life looking back, and 25 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 3: I realize that I have been for the past seven 26 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 3: or eight years been in a both physically and emotionally 27 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 3: abusive relationship, and for the past three years that has 28 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 3: been occurring in front of my son. 29 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 2: So this is with your wife, This is with my wife. 30 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 3: Yes, I've been with her marriage for five years, together 31 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 3: for ten. 32 00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 2: Okay. 33 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 3: So as I realize these things, I start kind of 34 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 3: pushing back on some of the controlling, abusive types of 35 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 3: things and trying to fix some stuff, and she just 36 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:15,080 Speaker 3: kind of starts to escalate and begins getting kind of 37 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 3: like paranoid. Our son was born like right in the 38 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,959 Speaker 3: middle of COVID, so she's got like a pretty strong 39 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 3: protective attachment over him and has been always kind of 40 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 3: protective over him, but like doesn't let anybody else drive 41 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 3: him around rarely. I'll ever lette anybody watch him if 42 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 3: she's not around. And she started getting that way towards me. 43 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 3: She had been accusing me of becoming psychotic after getting 44 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:51,920 Speaker 3: on my medications, which another little side thing. Just before 45 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 3: I got on my medication, my best friend killed himself, 46 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 3: So I kind of had a bit of a men 47 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,679 Speaker 3: breakdown because of that. So I think because of that 48 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 3: occurring around the same time as the medication and me 49 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 3: pushing back on stuff. She just thought I was going 50 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 3: nuts or she's just nuts herself. I'm not really sure 51 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 3: at this point, but anyway, she started getting more and 52 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 3: more paranoid. She started calling the police to our house 53 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,799 Speaker 3: and telling them that she felt threatened by me. I've 54 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 3: never done anything violent to her or the kid, but 55 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 3: because she said she felt threatened, the police would make 56 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 3: me leave. So for about a week or so she 57 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 3: was doing that, so I wasn't able to see my 58 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 3: son for that week. Anytime I would try and come home, 59 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 3: she would leave. She would pack them on it begone. Yeah, YadA, YadA. 60 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 3: The last time that she called the police, they didn't 61 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 3: recommend or tell me that I should leave, so I stayed. 62 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 3: She asked if she could leave, they said yeah, she 63 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 3: got in the car and left. 64 00:03:59,480 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: That was. 65 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 3: A little over a month ago, and I haven't seen 66 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 3: or heard from either of them since going out of me. 67 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: You even seen or heard from your son or your 68 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 2: wife in a month? 69 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 3: They have contacted me or my wife has. She texted 70 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 3: me once to remind me to water her plants while 71 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 3: she was gone, and then another time to offer to 72 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 3: do a video chat with him. But the wording and 73 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 3: the message is really suspicious, and I had already been 74 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 3: told by lawyers in my therapists not to respond to 75 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 3: any contact. Shit pretty apparent that she's trying to like 76 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 3: frame me for domestic violence or something. I'm not really 77 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 3: sure what is going on in her head, but. 78 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 2: Well, I I mean, first of all, oh, I'm sorry 79 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 2: that all this is happening to you. Second of all, 80 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 2: tell me more about what your therapists and lawyers are 81 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 2: saying to you. 82 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 3: Okay, So therapist says, no contact with her if she 83 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 3: shows up, don't be alone with her. She said. His 84 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 3: words were, I am at an extreme risk of being 85 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 3: framed for domestic violence. So he said, don't be alone 86 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 3: with her. And I've only actually managed to see he's 87 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 3: I just started seeing him a month or two ago, 88 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 3: so I've only no more than a month or two ago. 89 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 3: Last month kind of doesn't really count for me right 90 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 3: now because it's been such a fucking weird, fucked up thing, 91 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 3: but two months like before then probably, so I've only 92 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 3: seen him three or four times and never gotten on 93 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 3: like a consistent schedule. So I've only seen him twice 94 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 3: now since they left. So I haven't really been able 95 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 3: to go over with it with him so much. But 96 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 3: we're going to start seeing each other more or uh, 97 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 3: now that shit's really hit the sands. But the police 98 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 3: haven't really I haven't really been able to work with 99 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 3: the police too much. They don't like I live in Michigan, 100 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 3: so at least here, the police aren't allowed to like 101 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 3: interfere in any kind of custody situation. And even if 102 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 3: they are able to, it still has to go through 103 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:35,840 Speaker 3: the courts. And I think because she is telling them 104 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 3: that I'm after her or hurt them or something, the 105 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 3: cops aren't really talking to me all that much. They 106 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 3: I think, caught on pretty quickly what was happening, so 107 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 3: they can kind of like encode say things to me. 108 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 3: But I've had to send a couple of wellness checks 109 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 3: to her family here and there, so I kind of 110 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 3: have like a general idea of where they might be. 111 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 3: But I don't have a place where I could send 112 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 3: somebody to serve her divorce papers or a restraining order 113 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: or custody order or anything like that. But the lawyers 114 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 3: are I found a good lawyer. I think he's a 115 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 3: good lawyer. He seems to be doing everything they should be. 116 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 3: We're just trying to like track her down at this 117 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 3: point because I can't really do anything until I serve 118 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 3: her papers. 119 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 2: And what has anyone given you advice about how like 120 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 2: you can get your son back? 121 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 3: It's pretty much just get her to come back in 122 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 3: one way or another. So the devor once she is served, 123 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 3: she has to respond to the serve the service whatever 124 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 3: process or whatever like in person, so she has to 125 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 3: like come and sign something in front of a notary here, 126 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 3: but that one she gets served. So it's just a 127 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 3: matter of once we find her, then the clock kind 128 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 3: of starts ticking because once she doesn't, if she doesn't 129 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 3: respond to it, she'll be delinquent in the divorce. And 130 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 3: then it just goes however I want it to. So 131 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 3: I'm assuming she would come back, but I also never 132 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 3: really assumed that she would kidnap my son. 133 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 2: That is very heavy. Yes, that is very heavy. 134 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah. 135 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 2: How how how how are you doing? 136 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 3: Weird? It's very weird because, like I said, I'm in 137 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 3: therapy now and I'm on proper medications, specifically h and 138 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 3: at a pressant with working good for me shouts out symbaltah, 139 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 3: So I like probably at least mentally besides the like 140 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,360 Speaker 3: constant hellish turmoil and doing what good as I've ever 141 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 3: done my entire life. I'm like, and I think, like 142 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 3: her being gone, I'm realizing how much of an effect 143 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 3: just being in her relationship with an abusive person has 144 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 3: on your self esteem and well being in general, I suppose, 145 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 3: and for fucking eight years, practically tell. 146 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 2: Me more about how you're doing. You're doing better than 147 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 2: you ever have before. 148 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 3: Well, I would love to tell you about that. So 149 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 3: I'm like calling friends and like hanging out with people 150 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 3: that for the past decade or so I've thought didn't 151 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 3: like me anymore, but it was just because I wasn't 152 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 3: calling them because I was in a controlling relationship. So 153 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:48,839 Speaker 3: I'm kind of realizing that I have. I mean, I've 154 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 3: got three or four of my closest friends I've been 155 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 3: friends with for fifteen years at least, my best friend 156 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 3: I've been friends with for like twenty five years. And 157 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 3: I've got a super supportive family. They're not really the 158 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 3: most emotionally available, but they're supportive in all the ways 159 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 3: that they know how So I'm kind of just like 160 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 3: realizing my whole life, I've been kind of like my 161 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 3: life sucks and nobody loves me and everything's terrible and 162 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 3: there's no point. And then my son was born and 163 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,959 Speaker 3: I was kind of like, oh, yeah, here's the point. 164 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 3: But it was still kind of not me. It wasn't 165 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 3: about me still. But now I'm like, oh, I can 166 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 3: like go out and do whatever the fuck I want 167 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 3: whenever I want to, and I don't have to like 168 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 3: ask permission to hang out with my friends or be 169 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 3: worried about the repercussions of going and seeing a movie 170 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 3: or a show. And I'm a musician. Music has always 171 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 3: been like the most important thing in the world to me, 172 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 3: and I'm like super excited about making music again. I 173 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 3: haven't done it in like seven or eight years probably, 174 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 3: and just getting back into that community and stuff. So 175 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 3: oh that's good. But the son getting kidnapped in my 176 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 3: abusive life kinds sucks still. 177 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,440 Speaker 2: Wow. So do you, I mean, looking back on it, 178 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 2: do you attribute uh, falling out of touch with these 179 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,440 Speaker 2: friends and with music and with your family to your 180 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 2: relationship with this person. 181 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. Never like it was never like outright like 182 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,280 Speaker 3: you can't go and hang out with that person, But 183 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 3: it was just like anytime I tried to make plans, 184 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:44,000 Speaker 3: it would turn into a fight, and then eventually the 185 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 3: fight returning into me getting hit in front of the 186 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 3: kid or something like that. And then it gets to 187 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 3: the point where you're just like, well, I'm just gonna 188 00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 3: not ask anymore to avoid the conflict and stuff like that. 189 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 3: So it's kind of like I'm trying to give myself 190 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 3: a little bit of grace because up until the end 191 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 3: of last year, I wasn't a mentally stable person and 192 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 3: I was kind of being controlled by another person. But 193 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 3: still kind of stupid and for like putting up with 194 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 3: it for so long, especially after the kid was born, 195 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 3: I feel bad for letting him be around it for 196 00:12:24,679 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 3: too long. But and then also after being in an 197 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 3: abusive relationship like that, your self esteem is just so 198 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 3: low and you're just so depressed you don't feel like 199 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,120 Speaker 3: doing anything anyways. 200 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 2: How has your depression been like recently? 201 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 3: I mean it's been since I got on the SYMBALTHA especially, 202 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 3: I've been doing pretty good on that. I haven't like 203 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 3: I used to and I didn't realize that this was 204 00:12:56,080 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 3: a normal thing. But up until I got into therapy 205 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 3: and medicated, I wouldn't like consider suicide, but it would 206 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 3: be something that I was beyond my mind on practically 207 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 3: a daily basis, Like just like just the thought passing 208 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 3: through my mind. 209 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I realized, sorry, go ahead, why don't you finish? Oh? 210 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,040 Speaker 3: And then once and once I got into therapy and 211 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 3: got on the medication, that kind of went away for 212 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 3: the most part. And I think that's like the main thing, 213 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,559 Speaker 3: just like not thinking about my own death all of 214 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 3: the time is probably good for my mental health, and 215 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 3: like I just feel legitimately, like for the first time, 216 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:54,319 Speaker 3: I like can actually be happy. Like, uh, it's I'm 217 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 3: like I said, it's really fucking weird because it's like 218 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 3: I'm probably the most unhappy I've ever been my entire life. Also, 219 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 3: but it's a really strange. 220 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:05,239 Speaker 1: Situation. 221 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 2: I guess when you were when you were thinking about 222 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 2: like dying all the time, what was like what was 223 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 2: driving that? Was it like a were you thinking about 224 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 2: certain events going on in and around your life, or 225 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 2: was it just like your the fucking chemistry of your 226 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 2: brain attacking you. 227 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 3: I think it was a little bit of both. I 228 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 3: think that I've got some pretty big issues from having 229 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 3: ADHD my whole life and not knowing it because I 230 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 3: kind of just like and I did all right in school, 231 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 3: and at the time, that's how people like figured out 232 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 3: if their kid had ADHD or not. So I think 233 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 3: that's kind of how I squeezed by. But looking back 234 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 3: now with like a clearer mind, I'm realizing, like, oh, 235 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 3: I've been struggling with like everything my entire life. And 236 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 3: because I didn't know that I had ADHD, I thought 237 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 3: it was just because I was a fucking idiot or 238 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 3: what good enough or didn't deserve to have whatever it 239 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 3: was that I was trying to get. So that was 240 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 3: going into the abusive relationship, the state of mind that 241 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 3: I was in already, and then also depression and anxiety. 242 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 2: Right, So that's what I was gonna ask you, is 243 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 2: so this this is kind of a state of mind 244 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 2: that you've had even before you met your wife. 245 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 246 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, And then the came around. 247 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 2: When did you, like, at what point in your life 248 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 2: did you start noticing you like had these like these 249 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 2: these feelings and issues. 250 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,120 Speaker 3: I think I've kind of known my whole life. I've 251 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 3: had this conversation with friends and girlfriends and other wives 252 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 3: before about kind of just feeling like aliens sort of 253 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 3: like I remember when I was really young, just always 254 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 3: having that feeling of like everybody else seems to be 255 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 3: different than I am, and it seems to make it 256 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 3: so that they all get along and somehow I don't 257 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 3: fit in there. So it was just always like kind 258 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 3: of just like a general feeling of like I don't 259 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 3: belong here just because like simple easy things, because I'm 260 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 3: not like stupid, but there's a lot of real simple, 261 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,520 Speaker 3: easy things that I just couldn't do. And I'd be like, well, 262 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,120 Speaker 3: this is a thing that human beings seem to be 263 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 3: able to do pretty easily, and I can't figure it out. 264 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 3: And just like I had issues like communicating and expressing myself, 265 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 3: and I think the biggest thing has been like not 266 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 3: really ever because I would just kind of like, in 267 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 3: order to feel like I was liked by other people, 268 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 3: I would just kind of morph myself into what I 269 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 3: thought that they wanted a cool person to be or whatever. 270 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 3: So I ended up being and like a real like 271 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 3: go with the flow, like fun kind of party guy, 272 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:10,720 Speaker 3: and that's how I figured out how to make people happier, 273 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 3: fit in or whatever. But because I was always just 274 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 3: going along with what everybody else is doing, I was 275 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 3: never really figuring out what I wanted or what would 276 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 3: make me happy. And then if I don't know what 277 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 3: I want or what would make me happy, I can't 278 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 3: ask or try and get it. So I think that's 279 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,439 Speaker 3: just kind of been preventing me from being happy my 280 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 3: whole life. 281 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:41,120 Speaker 2: And so now at thirty four, you said, after therapy 282 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 2: and after medication, you finally Well, I know you've kind 283 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 2: of phrased it in this weird contradictory way, because obviously 284 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 2: you're going through a lot of completely insane external circumstances 285 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 2: right now. But the way you phrased it was that, 286 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 2: in a weird way, you found this, Like do you 287 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 2: feel like like you found this kind of freedom and 288 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 2: happiness from these crazy mental circumstances. 289 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It definitely feels like I have a 290 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 3: lot more freedom, and I mean it is a lot 291 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 3: of that's just because I literally don't have anyone to 292 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 3: answer to right now. I went from having a toddler 293 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 3: that I was chasing around, taking care of and all 294 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:27,680 Speaker 3: this stuff to absolutely nothing, which sucks in a lot 295 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,440 Speaker 3: of ways. But I can also play guitar as loud 296 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 3: as I want, and I can listen to all my 297 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 3: Deathcore records as loud as I want, and nobody can 298 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 3: tell me to turn the wrestling off the TV. 299 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 2: Have your SOCID thoughts gone away? 300 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:41,880 Speaker 1: Yeah? 301 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty much completely. I haven't really. After my friend 302 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 3: killed himself, there was like a week that I couldn't 303 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 3: get my medication, but I probably had my closest brush. 304 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,400 Speaker 3: But since I've been on the meds, it's pretty much 305 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 3: gone completely. 306 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:06,639 Speaker 2: What's your name again, Tyler? Tyler? Uh? I'm curious for 307 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:12,600 Speaker 2: anyone who might be listening to this, who who uh 308 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 2: may may themselves be going insane? You know, as someone 309 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 2: who who also you know, myself personally goes insane fairly often, 310 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: and everybody's insane, and everybody is hopeful hopefully that one 311 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:40,360 Speaker 2: day they will not be going insane, and so as 312 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 2: somebody who at least in this very moment, you know, again, 313 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 2: despite pretty pretty nightmarish external circumstances, you seem to, at 314 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 2: least from what I'm gathering from you be going uh 315 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 2: less insane. Do you What would you say to those 316 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 2: people and how they themselves can deal with these issues. 317 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 3: I would definitely say go to therapy. I would definitely 318 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 3: say talk to your doctor about potentially getting on medications, 319 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:20,200 Speaker 3: is that the kind of thing you're into talk to 320 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 3: your friends, did just fucking talk to somebody, talk to anybody, 321 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 3: Just talk to people about how you're feeling. Really, that's 322 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 3: what I found since they left, Like there is a 323 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 3: week or so that I was just kind of like 324 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 3: hold up in the house, not doing anything, not talking 325 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 3: to anybody. And at this point, like nobody knew about 326 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 3: any of the abuse, and nobody really knew what had happened. 327 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 3: They just knew that they were gone, and it was 328 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 3: pretty fucking miserable. But the second that I just started 329 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 3: talking to just anybody, and even if like nothing got resolved, 330 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 3: even if they didn't say anything back, like I think, 331 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 3: just going over it in your head at least especially 332 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 3: at first when it's something like this crazy. Because it 333 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 3: took me like a week or so just to even 334 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:18,400 Speaker 3: like actually like understand what was going on. It's going 335 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 3: over it over and over and over in your head. 336 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 3: And just because a lot of people try and avoid 337 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,200 Speaker 3: thinking about stuff and every now and then, yeah, you 338 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,840 Speaker 3: got to give yourself a break, but you're not going 339 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,640 Speaker 3: to get over anything if you're not working it out. 340 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,919 Speaker 3: So I would say the best thing that is for 341 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 3: me and my mental health has been talking to my 342 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 3: friends just about what's going on or just anything. Really. 343 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean no, when you keep it in your head, 344 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 2: you it just it just it goes exactly. It's not 345 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 2: about uh like I guess the response. It's about like 346 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 2: getting it out of your head and talking about it, 347 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 2: because if it just stays in your head, it rattles 348 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 2: and becomes a fucking hurricane. 349 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. And what I found was that in situations 350 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 3: of abuse, if you don't talk about it and then 351 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 3: it keeps going on for so long, you just get 352 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 3: used to it and then you don't know that you're 353 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 3: being abused. Because it took again like a week after 354 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 3: they left for me to be like, oh shit, yeah, 355 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 3: this has been an abusive relationship. And that was because 356 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 3: I was talking to my friends about it, and just 357 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 3: because I mean, and because she's been telling me it's 358 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 3: been my fault and that it's because I make her 359 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 3: mad and all these things that I do or whatever. 360 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 3: And I believed her because I wasn't talking to anybody else. 361 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 3: But the second I talked to anybody else, and I mean, 362 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 3: I was feeling like I was a horrible father, a 363 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 3: horrible husband. She made me feel fucking worthless every fucking day. 364 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:59,119 Speaker 3: But yeah, the second I started talking to people, I 365 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,439 Speaker 3: very quickly realize like, oh no, I'm the one that 366 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 3: has been doing everything right and she's the evil person here. 367 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,120 Speaker 3: So just talking to people, you might even realize some 368 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 3: huge thing that's been going on in your life for 369 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 3: a fucking decade that you didn't even really have any 370 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 3: idea about, and you'll feel better about it afterwards because 371 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,600 Speaker 3: he talked about it. But the therapist would be good. 372 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 2: Too, Tyler, I'm going to pray for you, my brother. 373 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 1: Thank you. 374 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 3: I appreciate that I'm not religious, and I was for 375 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,000 Speaker 3: a long time very anti religious, but I've grown to 376 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,639 Speaker 3: appreciate people praying for me. 377 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,719 Speaker 2: Hey man, neither am I I'm just I'm just praying. 378 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,679 Speaker 2: I've been trying to like, I'm not religious at all, 379 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 2: but I'll just like, I'll just I'll just clasp my 380 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 2: hands and shake them like a Morocca, and that's I 381 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 2: do it. 382 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 3: Occasionally, the Morocca, probably the Moraca prob like an actual 383 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 3: Morocca would By God, would I hear you better if 384 00:23:59,040 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 3: you did that? 385 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,880 Speaker 2: Tyler? Thanks for sharing all this stuff. This is this 386 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:05,679 Speaker 2: is really cool. 387 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 3: Thank yeah, thanks for thanks for talking. I've been calling 388 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 3: for several weeks and I think I may have been 389 00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 3: rude to you one time. 390 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,200 Speaker 2: Wait what do you think? Well? When? 391 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:14,400 Speaker 1: When? 392 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 2: When? When were you rude to me? 393 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 3: I think I got through. I wasn't sure because I 394 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 3: was like going back and forth on my phone and 395 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 3: I had called like a bunch of times and kept 396 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 3: leaving different names, and then there was one that I 397 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 3: was like, are you gonna fucking answer what? And then 398 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 3: I switched back to the twitch and I heard like 399 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 3: the very end of it, I think, And You're like, well, 400 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:36,680 Speaker 3: not if you're going. 401 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 2: To be like that, And I was like, fuck, well, 402 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 2: I forgive you. 403 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 3: That's really why I called forgiven for that. 404 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, Hi, you you were forgiven? Tyler. Okay, is there 405 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 2: anything else you want to say to the people of 406 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 2: the computer before we go? 407 00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:01,399 Speaker 3: Let's talk to people, talk to your friends, talk to 408 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 3: your and also, if you go with your wife or 409 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 3: husband or long term boyfriend or girlfriend a fun date 410 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 3: night could be you could go to your local mental 411 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 3: health facility and you could both take some sort of 412 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,840 Speaker 3: mental health exam to make sure that nobody is going 413 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 3: to go insane and kid is that. 414 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,680 Speaker 2: I don't know if. I don't know if I would 415 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,719 Speaker 2: call that a date night, But that sounds pretty nice. Actually, 416 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 2: that would be a fun first date to have. 417 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 3: That would be fun. 418 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,159 Speaker 2: That'd be a fun I don't know if that. I 419 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,879 Speaker 2: don't know if that's a good date night for a 420 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 2: five year relationship, but it's probably a good thing to do. Yeah, 421 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 2: but that would be a fun. 422 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,399 Speaker 3: Care of your mental health is what I would say 423 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 3: to the people of the world. Good luck, Tyler, take 424 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,000 Speaker 3: care you too, thinks man. 425 00:25:54,560 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 2: You know, folks, I've I've thought a billion thoughts and 426 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 2: I've spoken to a billion people, and all I really 427 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 2: have gleaned from it is that life is fucking crazy. 428 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 2: So dear best, I guess attention listeners of the Therapy 429 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,040 Speaker 2: Gecko podcast. Do you know that I do a live 430 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 2: version of this podcast on stage in person, in front 431 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 2: of real people, And that I'm doing this live show 432 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:35,200 Speaker 2: in several cities across the United States and Europe this fall, 433 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:39,840 Speaker 2: And that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour 434 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,360 Speaker 2: dot com or at the link in the episode description. 435 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,440 Speaker 2: It is all true. I'm currently on my third tour 436 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 2: doing Therapy Gecko Live. All around the country and it 437 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 2: is the most fun, sick, amazing thing ever and you 438 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,119 Speaker 2: should come out and be a part of it. The 439 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 2: shows involve a mix of material and presentations from myself 440 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 2: combined with a group Gecko therapy session where members of 441 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 2: the audience come on stage to share things from their 442 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 2: lives in front of a big group of people, just 443 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 2: like we do here on the podcast. Whether you're a 444 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,479 Speaker 2: fan of the podcast or you have no idea what 445 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 2: this is and you clicked on it by accident, you're 446 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 2: gonna have a great time at the live show once again. 447 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 2: Tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com 448 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,679 Speaker 2: or at the link in the episode description. These are 449 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 2: really fun shows. They're always wild, they're always unpredictable, and 450 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 2: I hope to see you guys there. 451 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 1: From Sam. 452 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,360 Speaker 2: Hello, Hi, what is your name? 453 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 1: My name is Kiwi or Kulley Sam. 454 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 2: Either or what's going on? Sam? 455 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: Oh? My god? I am I am freaking out right now. 456 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:50,199 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry? 457 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 2: How uh? How what would you? What did you? What 458 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,399 Speaker 2: would you like to talk about on the Gecko podcast today? 459 00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:01,520 Speaker 1: Give me one, give me one second month. I want 460 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:08,119 Speaker 1: to talk about moving to Australia. Oh, yeah, yeah, where 461 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,199 Speaker 1: from California? 462 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 2: What's bringing you to Australia. 463 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: I am leaving everything behind. I am sick and tired 464 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,520 Speaker 1: of the way my family treats me. And I've been 465 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,480 Speaker 1: talking to all my friends in Australia and they are 466 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 1: so down to bring me over there. 467 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 2: Okay. I have two questions. First of all, how old 468 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 2: are you? 469 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 1: I am twenty okay. 470 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,479 Speaker 2: And you just said I heard you just now. You 471 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 2: were like, hey, mom, give me one second. You're with 472 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 2: your mom right now. 473 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,560 Speaker 1: No, she just knocked on my door. 474 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 2: Oh okay. And you why are you? What's wrong with 475 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 2: the way that your family treats you? 476 00:28:54,160 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 1: They are extremely religious, religious, and homophobic. So that's fun. 477 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 2: Okay. And so let me understand. So you are do 478 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 2: you have a job? Are you in school? I? 479 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 1: I do. I did have a job. I just got 480 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 1: fired like a week ago. 481 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 2: Okay. What's tell me about the plan to move to Australia. 482 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 1: Okay, So it's like a long story. But like for 483 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,320 Speaker 1: the past eight years or so ever, since like my 484 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:35,360 Speaker 1: stepdad came into the pictures, like my life has just 485 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 1: been like terrible. Oh my god, I am I'm still 486 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: geeking out right now. I'm so sorry. 487 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:44,479 Speaker 2: Are you all right? 488 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: Are you? 489 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 2: Are you all right? 490 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 4: Brother? 491 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just like super excited. I 492 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 1: have been a major fan of the show. I've I've 493 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: watched you since uh the guy with the rivalry between 494 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,960 Speaker 1: the top Gobel and the McDonald Yeah. 495 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,479 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a classic one. That's a classic one. 496 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 1: I will get the Tugo bill. 497 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 2: But so okay, so so sure, if you want to 498 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 2: give me the backstory, you can give me the backstory. 499 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,000 Speaker 2: But then I'm curious about what the plan is to 500 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,120 Speaker 2: have how are you going to get there? 501 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 1: So I am currently looking for a job, and I 502 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: have like a couple aspects like up and coming. One 503 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:34,240 Speaker 1: of them is becoming a warehouse worker where I will 504 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: be making twenty eight an hour because my neighbor is 505 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:40,840 Speaker 1: actually getting me that. 506 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 2: Job twenty eight astro twenty eight Australian dollars an hour, 507 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 2: no American. Oh, it's actually that's pretty good. 508 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, And hopefully you know he's like he's not like 509 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 1: a hiring manager there, but he's like up in rank 510 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,959 Speaker 1: at that company. So hopefully by the end of this 511 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: week I should be hearing back from him or like 512 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:11,719 Speaker 1: the company, and you know, it's looking pretty promising. So 513 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:17,640 Speaker 1: twenty eight dollars an hour, ten hour workdays, it's gonna 514 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 1: be crazy. I'm gonna be fucking loaded and I'm going 515 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: to be So we're like, me and my Australian friends 516 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,840 Speaker 1: were kind of like still talking about it, but we're 517 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 1: hoping to have me over there by March. 518 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 2: And what's in where? Well a few questions. Where in 519 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 2: Australia gone Adelaide, Adelaide, Adelaide? Hell yeah, I went to 520 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,760 Speaker 2: Adelaide a year ago. It's a fun, fun town. How 521 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 2: what's the visa ship looking like? 522 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,640 Speaker 1: Uh, we're we're just gonna get We're we had we're 523 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,280 Speaker 1: talking about that currently. We're like they're giving me all 524 00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 1: the information that I need personally to get over there, 525 00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 1: but there's still like plans in motions that I have 526 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: to do before that because I am a trans person 527 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: male to female, So part one of this plans it's 528 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 1: already in motion. I have my like specialist appointment to 529 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:28,400 Speaker 1: get me on hormones coming up within the next three weeks. 530 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:34,080 Speaker 1: It's going to be August, I believe. The twenty second 531 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: is when I go in to see my specialist. 532 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 2: Wait, but how is this is this related to the 533 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 2: visa situation of how you have how you're gonna get 534 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:47,880 Speaker 2: to Australia. 535 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,680 Speaker 1: No, okay, so this is like plans before I go 536 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 1: to Australia. Like we're we're talking. We're talking like we're 537 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:01,120 Speaker 1: getting me on the prescription so that it's easier for 538 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: me to get it in Australia and I don't have 539 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: to go through the entire process again. Sure, and then 540 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: after that it's going to be a legal name change. 541 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: After that, that's when we're going to do the visa 542 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 1: m And everything is being so fast, and it's just 543 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 1: like it's looking super promising. 544 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 2: That's very exciting. I think, well, look, I think if 545 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 2: you have a job lined up there and you have 546 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 2: friends lined up there, I think twenty is actually a 547 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 2: pretty good age to be like fuck it, I'm just 548 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 2: gonna leave my where I live and go to Australia. 549 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 4: No. 550 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: I mean, like seriously, like the other night, like it's 551 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: always something in this house, Like I can just be like, hey, 552 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:51,000 Speaker 1: I'm going to go out with like by myself or 553 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: something like I'm a I'm a big magic the Gathering fan. 554 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 1: So when I was working, I would go to like 555 00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 1: pre releases and tournaments and stuff like that. And it 556 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: was always an issue with like my mom and stepdad. 557 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: They're like, oh, well, when are you going to come back? 558 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: When is this? When is that? I'm like, I'm twenty 559 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,920 Speaker 1: years old already, Like you don't have to be on 560 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,959 Speaker 1: my ass, like I'm going to be home before like ten. 561 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,399 Speaker 2: Well that's well, well, well, well what's your name again? 562 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:17,960 Speaker 1: My name is Sam? 563 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,640 Speaker 2: Sam? Well Sam, that's less of an issue of that's 564 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 2: just like in life. In life, it's like, look, all 565 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 2: you have to do to not be under your parents 566 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 2: rule is like, you know, make enough money that you 567 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,440 Speaker 2: don't have to live at their house, you know, no, 568 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 2: And it sounds like and it sounds like you have 569 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,839 Speaker 2: an I mean, look, if you're telling if what you're 570 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,320 Speaker 2: telling me is true, and you can line up a 571 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,359 Speaker 2: twenty eight dollars an hour, twenty eight US dollars an 572 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 2: hour job working in Adelaide and uh, you know, you 573 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 2: don't have to go bankrupt. I have no idea what 574 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:58,799 Speaker 2: the you know, uh bureaucracy of of you know, going 575 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 2: to work in Australia. I don't know how expensive it 576 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 2: is and job. But if you tell me that, if 577 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 2: you tell me that everything is working out really well. 578 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 2: Then I'm incredibly excited for you. This sounds sounds really cool. 579 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,520 Speaker 1: The job, the job is here in the States, So 580 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to save up at least eight. 581 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:21,799 Speaker 4: Grand, at least eight grand and eight So so you're 582 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 4: so you have a job lined up in California. 583 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,360 Speaker 2: This is not in Australia. 584 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, this is in California. 585 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:31,920 Speaker 2: Oh okay, I thought you were moving. I thought you 586 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 2: had a job lined up in Australia. 587 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:35,919 Speaker 1: No, I wish, Oh my god. 588 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,200 Speaker 2: So okay, So this is a long term plan that 589 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,239 Speaker 2: you're talking about here. 590 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,000 Speaker 1: This is like a year top plan. 591 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,120 Speaker 2: Okay, all right, So we are going to work at this. 592 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 2: We're gonna work fucking whatever fifty hours a week at 593 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 2: our warehouse job in California. We're gonna live at our parents' house, 594 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,240 Speaker 2: and we're gonna save up a bunch of money until 595 00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,279 Speaker 2: we can eventually afford to move to Australia. That's what 596 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:09,880 Speaker 2: you're telling me. 597 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,399 Speaker 1: Yes, I like that plan. 598 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:14,640 Speaker 2: I think that's a cool plan. 599 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,600 Speaker 1: And you want to know what the best part of 600 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:21,680 Speaker 1: that plan is. I'm leaving without saying. 601 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,759 Speaker 2: A word to your family, to my family. 602 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:30,680 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna disappear in the night I'm leaving. All 603 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do is gonna leave a note be like 604 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm out ease pieces. Fuck you guys. 605 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry to hear that you're not getting along 606 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:45,840 Speaker 2: with your family. 607 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 1: It's always been an issue with my family, to be honest. 608 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 2: So the plan, So have you looked into what the 609 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 2: costs are of immigrating to Austria. 610 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:06,520 Speaker 1: We have so to get a visa. I believe it's 611 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:11,600 Speaker 1: like three fifty. They told me to like just apply 612 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: for it. You have to put down like three fifty 613 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:14,160 Speaker 1: or something like that. 614 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:20,480 Speaker 2: Okay, And so the plan, what are you gonna do 615 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:21,520 Speaker 2: when you get to Adelaide? 616 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 1: First thing when I get to Adelaide, I'm moving in 617 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,759 Speaker 1: with my friend sharky mm hmm. And like first week 618 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,640 Speaker 1: of me getting situated, you know, we're gonna go to 619 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 1: like a furniture store, get me a bed. Like I'm 620 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: I'm selling everything like within this year that I that 621 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: I'm that I plan on leaving. I'm selling everything that 622 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:52,080 Speaker 1: I have, my TV, my PlayStation, fucking books, anime like 623 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: you know. 624 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:54,959 Speaker 4: Shoot, people want okay. 625 00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 1: To also like contribute to the fund. 626 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:06,040 Speaker 2: So do you have plans for like what, By the way, 627 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 2: I'm not trying. Here's here's here's like what I like. 628 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 2: My genuine feeling is like I think that you know, 629 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,560 Speaker 2: at twenty is actually a pretty good age to be like, 630 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:21,640 Speaker 2: fuck it, I'm gonna move to Adelaide with no plan 631 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 2: and just fucking get there and then I'll figure it 632 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,000 Speaker 2: out from there. I actually like that idea. I just 633 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,279 Speaker 2: I'm just like, Okay, how do we get a baseline 634 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 2: so that you don't uh starve and die or honestly 635 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 2: even less even less dramatic than that, just you like, 636 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 2: you know, having to be like I don't know, dependent 637 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:49,239 Speaker 2: on your friends for money or like just shit like that. 638 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:50,440 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. You don't want to You 639 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,040 Speaker 2: just don't want to get You just want to like 640 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 2: you know, you are like like I like again again, 641 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,840 Speaker 2: I like the idea of taking a big risk, but 642 00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 2: I would plan it out, legit sticklarly enough so you're like, 643 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 2: I'm not going to end up in like a fucking 644 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:10,799 Speaker 2: situation where you know, shark heat turns out to be 645 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:15,960 Speaker 2: crazy and you know I have to rely on them 646 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,480 Speaker 2: for said you know, you just know what I'm talking about. 647 00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:19,400 Speaker 1: Well, I mean, yeah, I know what you're talking about, 648 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,839 Speaker 1: but it's like I'm gonna have enough money to where 649 00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have to rely on them. So, like I said, 650 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,239 Speaker 1: I want to save up eight thousand, at minimum eight 651 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: thousand US d and I believe that translates to like 652 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,800 Speaker 1: nine or ten k in aud. 653 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, can you say that one more time? 654 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna save up about eight thousand US dollars And 655 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,200 Speaker 1: I believe I found that too, like I wouldn't. Don't 656 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,920 Speaker 1: take my word for it, but I believe it translate 657 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:59,200 Speaker 1: is to like nine to ten k and aud. 658 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:07,720 Speaker 2: Aud Australian dollars are worth sixty five percent. If you 659 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 2: you take an Australia, you take whatever you have in 660 00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,479 Speaker 2: US dollars and you divide it by point sixty five 661 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:14,840 Speaker 2: and that's what you got in Australia. 662 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:24,120 Speaker 1: I thought it was more. Wait, do you have Google 663 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,719 Speaker 1: or divide it? Is it times? Did? I thought it 664 00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:27,680 Speaker 1: was time you divide it? 665 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,759 Speaker 2: You divide it. So you take your eight thousand dollars, 666 00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,880 Speaker 2: you divide you you go in your calculator app, you 667 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,200 Speaker 2: type eight thousand divided by point sixty five and that 668 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,200 Speaker 2: is how much you will have in Australian dollars. 669 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:44,440 Speaker 1: No, but I mean one one American dollars is sixty 670 00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:49,760 Speaker 1: sixty seven cents in aud I believe. 671 00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:58,480 Speaker 2: Uh, I don't think you're you will have If you 672 00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 2: take your American money, you will have more and converted 673 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 2: to Australian dollars it will be more money. Yeah, yeah, Okay, 674 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,960 Speaker 2: we're on the same page. Whatever. Whatever we're arguing about 675 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,319 Speaker 2: something that's google We're not arguing. We're discussing something that 676 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:22,640 Speaker 2: is googleable. But anyway, whatever, math aside, what are you 677 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,040 Speaker 2: gonna do when you get when you get. 678 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,239 Speaker 1: There, I don't I don't know. I think I'm just 679 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,400 Speaker 1: gonna live life like I'm gonna enjoy life the fullest. Finally, 680 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:37,120 Speaker 1: spread my wings man, you know. Cool cool, And also, 681 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:41,800 Speaker 1: don't tell the Australian government. But I think I'm gonna 682 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,840 Speaker 1: be smuggling weed seeds. 683 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:52,560 Speaker 2: Sam, I'm gonna give you some advice, all right, Okay, you, 684 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:57,480 Speaker 2: as you are attempting to immigrate into this country, I 685 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:02,800 Speaker 2: strongly advise you keep no secrets from the Australian governments. 686 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,200 Speaker 1: But but I mean, come on, how am I gonna 687 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: live without looking to weeds? 688 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,759 Speaker 2: Weeds isn't weed. We's fucking legal in Australia, isn't it? 689 00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:14,360 Speaker 1: No, it's not. 690 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,040 Speaker 2: Oh, I'll find Listen, you, you, you and sharky. You 691 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,640 Speaker 2: can probably find weed in about two seconds. You don't 692 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,520 Speaker 2: need to bring it a seed. You don't need to 693 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,239 Speaker 2: shove seeds up your ass and bring them to Australia. 694 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,880 Speaker 1: Hey, I never said anything about shoving them up my ass. 695 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:39,279 Speaker 2: Okay again saying look, I'm excited for you. I just uh, 696 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,200 Speaker 2: you know, don't don't don't don't do anything to pissed 697 00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 2: off Australia, right because you like you don't wanna, don't 698 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,759 Speaker 2: don't smuggle weed into Australia. 699 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,799 Speaker 1: Okay, maybe, okay, okay, maybe the second time I come 700 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,160 Speaker 1: back to Australia. Let's say I go back to California. 701 00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:03,440 Speaker 1: Let's say I forget something or you know, I go 702 00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 1: back for some reason, some some reason, some way, I 703 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,960 Speaker 1: go back. Right, Can I can? 704 00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:10,440 Speaker 2: I can I give you? Can I give you another? 705 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:11,880 Speaker 2: Can I give you another piece of advice? 706 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 1: What's up? 707 00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:20,360 Speaker 2: Have you thought about? You've never been there? Right? I 708 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:26,080 Speaker 2: have not considered you can? Have you considered taking a 709 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:27,359 Speaker 2: trip before you move? 710 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:34,320 Speaker 1: I have not, But plane tickets are like super expensive. 711 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,320 Speaker 1: It's like two K right now, and I'm just for 712 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:40,440 Speaker 1: a one way. 713 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:48,120 Speaker 2: All right, Well, so you have about so so you've 714 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,480 Speaker 2: you've decided that Okay, logistically, if I stay in my 715 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:56,319 Speaker 2: family house for a year, then I'll have enough to go. 716 00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:58,359 Speaker 4: Mm hmm. 717 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,480 Speaker 2: Why do you want to leave your family with? Why 718 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,760 Speaker 2: do you why do you want to leave your family 719 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,200 Speaker 2: without saying anything to them? 720 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:15,360 Speaker 1: Because like the it's it's hard like living here, Like 721 00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,640 Speaker 1: I'm like ninety nine percent sure after I hang up 722 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,879 Speaker 1: the phone with you, my mom's gonna be like, who 723 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:25,960 Speaker 1: the fuck are you on the phone with talking about Australia? Okay, 724 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,680 Speaker 1: Like okay, so my my my parents are very transphobic, 725 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:35,120 Speaker 1: like they said, if I'm ever to start start that 726 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,360 Speaker 1: whole thing, you know, I will never be welcomed in 727 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:38,840 Speaker 1: their house. 728 00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:44,719 Speaker 2: I'm sorry to hear that. I I genuine I really am. 729 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 2: I'm I'm I'm very sorry to hear that. I think 730 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:54,080 Speaker 2: it's a bummer that your family, Uh you know it 731 00:44:54,120 --> 00:45:02,960 Speaker 2: doesn't is like that. So yeah, uh but I just 732 00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,200 Speaker 2: again the really the theme of what I am trying to 733 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:13,680 Speaker 2: get at in this is that you know, I'm as 734 00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:18,080 Speaker 2: good that you're excited, but make sure you got your 735 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:20,880 Speaker 2: logistics down before you just move one way to a 736 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,600 Speaker 2: foreign country. But again, I mean, it's worked out for 737 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,719 Speaker 2: some people, So I don't know. 738 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,959 Speaker 1: Just don't die, I mean how I mean, the only 739 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:32,880 Speaker 1: way I die getting to Australia is if the plane 740 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,440 Speaker 1: crashes or if I have a fucking panic attack on 741 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:41,920 Speaker 1: a plane and have a heart attack. Also, I've never 742 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:45,880 Speaker 1: flown in a plane before, so that's that's also fun. 743 00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,359 Speaker 2: Just I guess the thing that worries me is you're like, 744 00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:54,040 Speaker 2: is you're like, fuck it, I'm gonna go one way 745 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:58,600 Speaker 2: and you know, I'll stay it my homies house and 746 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,880 Speaker 2: I'm gonna bring we there. But don't tell anyone. 747 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,759 Speaker 1: Hey, you're you're you're revealing the secret man. 748 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,919 Speaker 2: Come on, don't keep secrets Sam for the don't keep 749 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,720 Speaker 2: any secrets from the Australian government. All right, Well, okay, 750 00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,160 Speaker 2: before we go, is there any other aspect of this 751 00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 2: that you wanted to talk about or think through or 752 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 2: anything like that. 753 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,440 Speaker 1: I want to know what you think about it. Should 754 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:30,040 Speaker 1: I should I at least give a goodbye? 755 00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,600 Speaker 2: Should you at least give a goodbye to your family? 756 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,319 Speaker 2: That I actually was thinking about that because you told 757 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,799 Speaker 2: me that you were gonna leave without saying a note, 758 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,640 Speaker 2: and I was trying to think about what I think 759 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:52,440 Speaker 2: about that. At the end of the day, It's like, 760 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,120 Speaker 2: to me, what would make you feel good? 761 00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,120 Speaker 1: Right? Mm hmm. 762 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,560 Speaker 2: And I'm not talking about what would make you feel 763 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,160 Speaker 2: good in the moments. I'm talking about you know, when 764 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:09,280 Speaker 2: you're older and you look back on everything, like, what 765 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,400 Speaker 2: what's the decision that's going to make you feel like 766 00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,640 Speaker 2: you did everything you could? 767 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,239 Speaker 1: Right? Well? I mean well, like from my perspective, right, 768 00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:27,399 Speaker 1: I see it as like, you know, like if I'm 769 00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:29,800 Speaker 1: to start doing what i want to do with my body, 770 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:34,440 Speaker 1: I'm not welcome to see my family ever again. And 771 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,600 Speaker 1: you know, it kind of sucks because I do have 772 00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:43,719 Speaker 1: younger siblings, you know, like I've seen both of them 773 00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:46,880 Speaker 1: grow up and to know that, like, if I'm to 774 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,000 Speaker 1: do what I want to do, if I want to 775 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,319 Speaker 1: be happy, I can't see them be happy, if that 776 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:53,880 Speaker 1: makes sense. 777 00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 2: Your siblings, Yeah, how old are your siblings? 778 00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,960 Speaker 1: I have a thirteen year old sister and a six 779 00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,160 Speaker 1: year old little brother. 780 00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:08,960 Speaker 2: Okay, and are you cool with them? You have a 781 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,520 Speaker 2: good relationship with them? 782 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:16,879 Speaker 1: My sister for sure, okay, and not your brother well, 783 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,160 Speaker 1: I mean he's younger. You know, I'm always like watching him. 784 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:23,040 Speaker 2: So when you say you're going to leave without saying anything, 785 00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,440 Speaker 2: does that mean you're going to not say anything to 786 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:25,640 Speaker 2: them too? 787 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,520 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I might tell my 788 00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:31,680 Speaker 1: sister Ruby, but at the same time, I'm like, I 789 00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:35,520 Speaker 1: don't want to break her heart. 790 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,520 Speaker 2: Well again, I'll ask you again. I mean, what do 791 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,640 Speaker 2: you think would make you feel is the right way 792 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:53,080 Speaker 2: to move forward? Also also also you have a year 793 00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:53,960 Speaker 2: to think about this. 794 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,480 Speaker 1: I do have a year to think about this. But 795 00:48:56,560 --> 00:49:01,920 Speaker 1: it's like, God, it's like with how fast everything's moving 796 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,440 Speaker 1: right now, It's just like it time's gonna fly. 797 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,359 Speaker 2: How fast is everything moving? Yeah, you don't even have 798 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,960 Speaker 2: any of the anything, but I have you have you 799 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,640 Speaker 2: have you applied for an Australian visa yet? 800 00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:16,600 Speaker 1: Okay? 801 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:16,719 Speaker 4: No? 802 00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:17,279 Speaker 1: Not yet? 803 00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:20,520 Speaker 2: Okay, dog, dog, this ain't moved. Dog, this ain't moving 804 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,520 Speaker 2: as fast as you think it is. If you all 805 00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,680 Speaker 2: have any of the paperwork or the job or the 806 00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:30,600 Speaker 2: like it like it's all again, I really like, I don't. 807 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:31,920 Speaker 2: I don't want to be a downer. I believe in 808 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,319 Speaker 2: the vision, but like Jesus not You're not moving to 809 00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:36,320 Speaker 2: Australia tomorrow. 810 00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:40,400 Speaker 1: I know, I know, I know that, but it's like, like, 811 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 1: for the next year, I'm going to have to hide 812 00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:51,360 Speaker 1: my medication from fucking everyone because remember I'm seeing a 813 00:49:51,360 --> 00:50:04,839 Speaker 1: specialist on the twenty second of this month, I'm gonna 814 00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:08,080 Speaker 1: have to go black ops. Okay, it's secret operation. 815 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:20,960 Speaker 2: Well I again, I'm I'm sorry that your your family 816 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:26,919 Speaker 2: has has made the mistake of uh, of their love 817 00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:27,799 Speaker 2: being conditional. 818 00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,120 Speaker 1: It's always been that way. I mean, I've gotten used 819 00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:35,840 Speaker 1: to it. Like I've been called the F slurry, the 820 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:40,480 Speaker 1: T slurry, you know, being told I'm gonna go to 821 00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,319 Speaker 1: hell because I want to live this way, and it's 822 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,359 Speaker 1: just like I hear it so often. I'm like, yeah, 823 00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:50,400 Speaker 1: maybe you're right, but like, at least I'm gonna be happy. 824 00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:54,719 Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say or talk 825 00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:58,560 Speaker 2: about or anything like that before we go? Uh? 826 00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:01,200 Speaker 1: I do want to say one thing because I know 827 00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,520 Speaker 1: my coworker who made me lose my job listens to 828 00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:05,279 Speaker 1: the podcast. 829 00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:06,600 Speaker 2: Mm hmm. 830 00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:10,319 Speaker 1: So like I, like I said at the beginning of 831 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:14,440 Speaker 1: this call, I lost my job and this is because 832 00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:18,840 Speaker 1: a girl at my work who is a terrible person 833 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:23,359 Speaker 1: to work with. She'll make her dumb ass comments like oh, 834 00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,960 Speaker 1: you're fat, you're this, you're that, and I'm just like, 835 00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,759 Speaker 1: can you do shut the fuck up. I'm trying at 836 00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:31,799 Speaker 1: work right. She even told me I was going to 837 00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:36,120 Speaker 1: hell one. You know, I know she listens to this podcast. 838 00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,120 Speaker 1: So fuck you, Jackie, you big back bitch. I fucking 839 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:39,560 Speaker 1: hate you. 840 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,399 Speaker 2: No, No, Sam, don't do Sam. Don't Sam. I want 841 00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:43,759 Speaker 2: to Sam. 842 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,359 Speaker 1: Look, okay, you can cut that out. You can cut 843 00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:47,319 Speaker 1: that out. You can cut that out. 844 00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,399 Speaker 2: No, dude, it's just like. 845 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,160 Speaker 1: Dude, he accused me of stealing from the store. 846 00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:06,399 Speaker 2: Look, fucking let them. I don't know. I'm Sam. I 847 00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:12,280 Speaker 2: I I'll Sam, I I I really uh I. I hope, 848 00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:14,839 Speaker 2: I'll hope you're find happiness in your life. 849 00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,000 Speaker 1: I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. 850 00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:23,080 Speaker 2: I'm happy to I'm happy to hear that. Well, good luck. 851 00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:28,239 Speaker 2: I hope you make many Australian dollars. I hope you. 852 00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,520 Speaker 2: You know you get to hang out in the Kangaroo's 853 00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:34,440 Speaker 2: pouch and uh you to Koala and do all the 854 00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,600 Speaker 2: fun things you get to do over there. Have a 855 00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:38,280 Speaker 2: good night, Sam. 856 00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:40,680 Speaker 1: Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, Lyle. 857 00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:41,879 Speaker 2: What what's up? 858 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 1: One thing before I go okay, I want to thank 859 00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:49,720 Speaker 1: you for everything you've done, man like best. You've gotten 860 00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:51,320 Speaker 1: me through some tough ship. 861 00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:52,120 Speaker 4: Dude. 862 00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:56,839 Speaker 1: The calls are the best, and man, I just want 863 00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,200 Speaker 1: to thank you for having me on again, like you 864 00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:07,240 Speaker 1: don't talk for no I have called you literally just today, 865 00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,760 Speaker 1: I called you two hundred and twenty times just to get. 866 00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:19,000 Speaker 2: In Well, Sam, thanks for listening, good good luck. Just 867 00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:23,759 Speaker 2: I just hope, I hope it all works out for you. 868 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,439 Speaker 2: All right, have a good night, Say. 869 00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:27,480 Speaker 1: Thank you you too, Love you. 870 00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:37,640 Speaker 2: That was interesting. I have a lot of thoughts about that. Again, 871 00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:40,279 Speaker 2: I want to reiterate a few things. One is, I 872 00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:44,760 Speaker 2: genuinely do believe that if there ever was a time 873 00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:48,839 Speaker 2: to move to a foreign country and abandon all you know, 874 00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:55,879 Speaker 2: it's probably like high risk decisions are probably better made 875 00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:57,680 Speaker 2: when you're younger than when you're older. You know, you 876 00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:59,200 Speaker 2: don't have kids, you don't have a family, you don't 877 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:04,839 Speaker 2: really have any responsibility. You're really only responsibility is to 878 00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:09,359 Speaker 2: eat enough food and sleep inside enough that you don't die. 879 00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:14,200 Speaker 2: So as long as you can, as long as you 880 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:19,799 Speaker 2: can meet that responsibility, you're probably good. I the whole 881 00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,880 Speaker 2: thing about like whether or not Sam should say goodbye 882 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:29,400 Speaker 2: to their family. I was really thinking about that because 883 00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:35,520 Speaker 2: it is a bummer when you're when your family is like, 884 00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,640 Speaker 2: you know, I'm a family's fight and there's you know, 885 00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:46,520 Speaker 2: things that people like don't like or don't approve of 886 00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,400 Speaker 2: or whatever, and you can kind of like reconcile that, 887 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,360 Speaker 2: but to have it like be at the point where 888 00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:56,040 Speaker 2: like you can't be in I can't. I won't be 889 00:54:56,080 --> 00:55:00,239 Speaker 2: in your life anymore, you know, I won't. You know, 890 00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,279 Speaker 2: even if I don't approve of this thing or don't 891 00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,520 Speaker 2: like this, it's it's not even like I don't approve, 892 00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:10,040 Speaker 2: but like of you know, you're my you're my child, 893 00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:14,279 Speaker 2: like that nothing will ever change that, you know. I 894 00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,160 Speaker 2: think when it goes beyond that to a point of 895 00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:18,240 Speaker 2: like you can't be in the house, you can't fucking 896 00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:27,680 Speaker 2: call me, it's it's sad. But I'm also like Sam 897 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,760 Speaker 2: was saying a bunch of things where I was like, slow, 898 00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:36,640 Speaker 2: slow down for a second. Here, let's let's let's make 899 00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:40,240 Speaker 2: sure we know the conversion rate of the currency first. 900 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,640 Speaker 2: Uh know, the bureaucracy involved in doing the stuff that 901 00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:48,399 Speaker 2: we want to do, So I don't know I hope. 902 00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,800 Speaker 2: I hope they're all right. I hope they do stuff, 903 00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:55,840 Speaker 2: and I hope everything works out. I like I like Adelaide. 904 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,600 Speaker 2: Shout out to uh, where the fuck did I do 905 00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:02,200 Speaker 2: my show? There? The Lions something. I had a good time, 906 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:12,520 Speaker 2: so yeah. Shout out Australia, Shout out life, God bless 907 00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:16,560 Speaker 2: Mickey Mouse. Rep Ken goes on the line, taking your 908 00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,240 Speaker 2: phone calls every night. The Repink goes to on his eye. 909 00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:22,480 Speaker 2: He's teaching you a loud in the mid of your life, 910 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,040 Speaker 2: but he's not really an expert.