Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hi Kristen, Hi. I have to say I'm just going
Speaker 1: to start it right now saying, um, last week's episode,
Speaker 1: I got so many d m s about people just
Speaker 1: being like, thank you for talking about grief and Christian's
Speaker 1: emotions because you were upset, not you were upset. I mean,
Speaker 1: oh I was upset. But then you're also like, should
Speaker 1: we like edit it out? Well, I will say I
Speaker 1: usually will have a little bit of a vulnerability hangover
Speaker 1: for like maybe a day, maybe a couple of hours.
Speaker 1: This one has lasted well over a week. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was just such a gut punch, like it was
Speaker 1: so honest from my heart, and the tears were so
Speaker 1: genuine that I it was just not cute. Nothing, it
Speaker 1: wasn't cute. But I also got a lot of messages.
Speaker 1: So it's hard because of my family system for me
Speaker 1: to say the things I say is not okay. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of pushback. Why because I'm truth telling and
Speaker 1: I go against a narrative. So that's why all of
Speaker 1: that felt genuinely honest to me. But then like it
Speaker 1: also there's this little bit of like shame piece, like
Speaker 1: I'm not going with the flow kind of. But then
Speaker 1: when everyone started reaching out to me like I feel
Speaker 1: this too, it was everything I need. It's confirmation. Well,
Speaker 1: that's kind of I told you. I'm like, listen ye
Speaker 1: to talk on a podcast, to to be I think
Speaker 1: the best thing to be able to do. And it's hard.
Speaker 1: I mean whenever I'm vulnerable, or when you're authentic or
Speaker 1: not authentic that's a bad word. When you're vulnerable and
Speaker 1: you share, sometimes it's very um it's hard because you
Speaker 1: feel very exposed. Yeah, I felt naked in the middle
Speaker 1: of like an arena. Yeah, and so but I'm like,
Speaker 1: but that's where that's how you connect to people. You
Speaker 1: can't just kind them on here and not speak from
Speaker 1: your heart and tell the truth, which I think that's
Speaker 1: why you and I are friends. Yes, And I think
Speaker 1: that's why people connect to you, is because you're honest
Speaker 1: and yeah, and you speak with vulnerability and you speak
Speaker 1: with and then that's what people that's what people connect to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people connect to people, Yeah, not ideas of people. So
Speaker 1: I think I think, uh, I think that showed so
Speaker 1: much last week. And so there's any bad comments I
Speaker 1: don't want to know, Well, that's the thing that's the problem,
Speaker 1: Like when you open yourself up. I didn't read and
Speaker 1: then people know I didn't either, and I've you know,
Speaker 1: you guys have taught me to stop reading. But it's
Speaker 1: hard because when you open yourself up and then you
Speaker 1: see people go, well, she should feel terrible for having
Speaker 1: relief for this or that, and it's like whoa, and
Speaker 1: then you were like you feel that's where the personal
Speaker 1: attack comes in. And it's hard because it's like, but
Speaker 1: I shared so vulnerably and like, how do you not understand?
Speaker 1: Like and then it's like you almost Then where I
Speaker 1: go is I want to defend and then that's just
Speaker 1: like it's a rabbit hole that just like gets that
Speaker 1: Michigan grit gets us every time. But I will say
Speaker 1: people did have my back last week though about the
Speaker 1: swapping they did. Did they not have my back? Then?
Speaker 1: They're like so many people were like, oh no, that's
Speaker 1: how I met my so and so, and then poor
Speaker 1: funny Jewish guy was like, listen to the episodes, so
Speaker 1: I guess we are just friends. It's like getting broken
Speaker 1: up with on a post it find out on a podcast.
Speaker 1: But I was like, we already had this conversation. They're
Speaker 1: funny Jewish guy so much I know bless um. So
Speaker 1: he's not coming to the podcast for the holidays. No,
Speaker 1: he's not coming for holidays. There is someone this is
Speaker 1: really funny. So I went to do you want to
Speaker 1: hear the story? I haven't even told you? Was like,
Speaker 1: this is I get excited. This is like inside of queendom.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of I like that where it's like
Speaker 1: because it's christened kind of told me one of the
Speaker 1: best things that I've heard. I think it was where
Speaker 1: it was either's too much blue? Oh yeah, I'm too
Speaker 1: much blue? And she goes over sharing that, but also
Speaker 1: like the guy needs to have like anybody, and there
Speaker 1: shouldn't be that much blue for anybody. Right, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a lot of gray. That's a lot of gray. This
Speaker 1: is good. This is good. So life in the gray
Speaker 1: area looks pretty tunting. Who is this? Well? This is
Speaker 1: okay again, Like y'all you guys know, I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I'm open. You're dating dating, right, just like I've never
Speaker 1: been good at dating. Well me neither. I meet someone,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to get married. That doesn't seem accurate.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, let me google just a couple. That's okay.
Speaker 1: I just know what I love to love. I know,
Speaker 1: and I like that you go all in I do.
Speaker 1: I'm like, here's my heart. But this time you're going
Speaker 1: all in on your yes. And so this time I'm
Speaker 1: with an optional funny jewish guy here and there, an
Speaker 1: optional boring guy that I wanted out here and there
Speaker 1: he's out good good, shoot, I can tell you something
Speaker 1: that I did. No, I did? What did you do?
Speaker 1: Did you do the closure blue text? I need to
Speaker 1: know it's bad? Tell me this is like so this
Speaker 1: is like a group not y'all are just in it
Speaker 1: with me right now? I know, I have sweaty hands,
Speaker 1: like maybe we shouldn't be you tell them everything on
Speaker 1: this podcast? Not everything kind of kind of but no,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is actually a topic. I want to
Speaker 1: talk to them. I can go back to there's so
Speaker 1: many things. Okay, I actually have a one to maybe Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know it's a little juicy or two for me. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me hurry up with my no no, no, And
Speaker 1: we don't even have to get to it, can table.
Speaker 1: I didn't to qualify it. So this is like a
Speaker 1: dropping no, this is kind this is great. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's go back to boring Jewish guy just for a
Speaker 1: hot minute. I wish I could share his nickname. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: I sent a text, I know, why are we wrapping today?
Speaker 1: Nothing to wrap up if you had nothing in the
Speaker 1: first place. But it wasn't a wrap up, which makes
Speaker 1: it even worse. What was it picture? So no, I
Speaker 1: didn't send a picture a video? I did. It was
Speaker 1: it was a video because he might be in the
Speaker 1: sports world, and it was a video of Jace playing baseball.
Speaker 1: M and so I sent it to him now and
Speaker 1: then I said, I thought this might cheer up your
Speaker 1: DAGs and I I could just tell from the stuff
Speaker 1: there was like a rough day. I thought that this
Speaker 1: would might inspire your personality because my almost four year
Speaker 1: old has more personality in his big toe. Continue, I said,
Speaker 1: why this is I'm going to the topic. Okay. So
Speaker 1: I sent this message and I said, I thought this
Speaker 1: was Um, I'm so mad. Yeah, I'm I'm equally a
Speaker 1: little bit angry as well. I know I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: to the topic though, But I said, so, I thought
Speaker 1: this might make you smile, cheer up. Um, I said,
Speaker 1: you've been on my heart we taught you nothing, damn it.
Speaker 1: And I said, like, I hope you're doing well, because
Speaker 1: again we would talk every like two days, and then
Speaker 1: it went to like and by talking mean you talked,
Speaker 1: and he gave appropriate no no. I know he would
Speaker 1: always text me first though I never texted him first ever.
Speaker 1: And then when he told me to start texting him
Speaker 1: or text him when I feel that's when it stopped.
Speaker 1: Was like, what the heck? And so then I didn't.
Speaker 1: I maybe like texted a few times and then and
Speaker 1: then what happened was then all of a sudden, we
Speaker 1: this this is also what bothers me with the dating world.
Speaker 1: It went from him texting me every two days to
Speaker 1: like hitting her fro him for two weeks. I'm kind
Speaker 1: of like what happened? And that's when we kind of
Speaker 1: had the conversation like my personal detachment issues blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: So cut to then it's been another two weeks since
Speaker 1: that whole corporate message personal attachment stuff. But I was
Speaker 1: just like, you know what, I'm just gonna send a thing,
Speaker 1: and so I sent that and then I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, you've been on my heart. I'm like, hope
Speaker 1: you that heart really bothers. That's the part where I'm like,
Speaker 1: have we learned nothing? Damn it. It's genuine of you,
Speaker 1: an authentic of you. It's just not going to ever
Speaker 1: Land anywhere that's going to feel like it's reciprocated. I know, well,
Speaker 1: this is where my This is the topic right here
Speaker 1: that I'm about to get to is this. And I
Speaker 1: sent a little blue heart And the second I sent
Speaker 1: the text message, I was like, damn it, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: we're trapped were tractor tractor tractor track? Why is there
Speaker 1: not an unsend button? There is on Instagram, There is
Speaker 1: no not on text mess and there should be. I
Speaker 1: am so angry at myself that I sent that because
Speaker 1: I know better. What did you want? Well, guess what
Speaker 1: do you sent back? Damn it? Black heart to you too?
Speaker 1: No do we need any more signs to Okay? So
Speaker 1: one thousand million person I literally woke up to that. Mario,
Speaker 1: Oh and I'm done. I'm done. But we rolled back
Speaker 1: the tape on two episodes ago when we also anybody
Speaker 1: does anybody have that audio? And we just insert it
Speaker 1: right here, so I, um, black are not new? Oh
Speaker 1: wait there is now with the new iOS, Apple will
Speaker 1: come see stop. Really, there's a new one, Jackie. Please
Speaker 1: come on here. Please lease lea lea LEAs list. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be helpful and also scandalous. This unsaid what because
Speaker 1: there's so many things that I've said that I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh shoot, I want to take that back, Like you
Speaker 1: know that when like last year with my divorce, like
Speaker 1: things where I was angry with I'm like, well, I
Speaker 1: told you to pack the freaking lunchbox, you know, like
Speaker 1: why didn't you forget it? It's like dis similar this morning?
Speaker 1: Where's the garage door opener? Jannet. You can in the
Speaker 1: new iOS you can unsend and edit messages, but we'll
Speaker 1: tell the other person that you did it to be
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes after you sent it. I don't need I need.
Speaker 1: I need I need to after the second I send it.
Speaker 1: I need the unsend because you know, in the moment,
Speaker 1: I mean literally the second I press sent, I go,
Speaker 1: oh no, Janna, why did you do that? We need
Speaker 1: a fifteen minute delay on Kramer's life at all times.
Speaker 1: I think you can't mean you should get one of
Speaker 1: those like medical bracelets and just as weight fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: before hitting sent, you know, like she had that it's
Speaker 1: called the queendom and she doesn't use it or the
Speaker 1: medical bracelet. We've said, We've even said text us in
Speaker 1: the group chat, any of your feelings, pretend were the guy.
Speaker 1: Just send it and let us respond to you the
Speaker 1: way it should be responded to and that you won't get.
Speaker 1: And yet here we are on episode I have to
Speaker 1: I have to test this out. Are you sending something
Speaker 1: to me? Have you updated your iOS? Hello, Kristen, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe I'm gonna go hello Christen more delete? No, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to Maybe I didn't. You have to
Speaker 1: update your iOS and then the feature should be already
Speaker 1: get there. Well, I could have used it last night.
Speaker 1: Black Heart to you, Kramer, Welcome. So I'm done for
Speaker 1: real this time. I just need like a pinky swear
Speaker 1: or something, a document or an Affidavid. I'm exhausted. When
Speaker 1: is this over? But I was like but then I
Speaker 1: was like a block, like what like here and here's
Speaker 1: the thing, just tell me, like when you're done. But
Speaker 1: that's what what like I kind of did? Did he? Well?
Speaker 1: He he kind of? When someone here's the thing, when
Speaker 1: someone stops communicating with someone, I'd rather I would like
Speaker 1: I wouldn't meet when he tells you Eastern, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: We just text me for over two years, like I
Speaker 1: think we know. I think I want someone to be
Speaker 1: like hey, like you do change the game. I want
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, I'm really not into this anymore
Speaker 1: that I would appreciate that. For example, this one guy
Speaker 1: was texting me saying, um he was saying, it's an
Speaker 1: l A based guy. Uh yeah. He was like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I want to see you again, you know, would
Speaker 1: you like to hang out again? And I'm like, personally,
Speaker 1: I was like, I just I'm not in that space
Speaker 1: and I don't know romantically if I'm if I'm feeling it,
Speaker 1: And so that to me is how it should be handled,
Speaker 1: both very respectful instead of like I'm not going to
Speaker 1: text you for two weeks. Well that's why I asked
Speaker 1: why you sent it, because I feel like the one
Speaker 1: thing I've always loved about you is that your heart
Speaker 1: on the sleeve. And no, but it is a good thing.
Speaker 1: Like when you think of someone, you just send them
Speaker 1: that you're thinking of them. That's like a really wonderful characteristic.
Speaker 1: If more people did that, the world might be a
Speaker 1: kind or softer place. So if you're sending it just
Speaker 1: because you're like, man, I was just genuinely thinking of
Speaker 1: a hope as well? Or did you send it hoping
Speaker 1: there with some sort of like something more than a
Speaker 1: black heart was going to come back? These may not
Speaker 1: be answers you're willing to share with your beautiful podcast family.
Speaker 1: This might be an internal or a diary question, but
Speaker 1: I would challenge to ask you eas didn't just sent
Speaker 1: me a black heart? And I want to east and
Speaker 1: great you're our newest love interest. Wait wait, look again,
Speaker 1: did I actually send it? Look at your tex How
Speaker 1: did you want to send it? Oh? Wait, it's there?
Speaker 1: Oh wow you Oh it says you and sent a message.
Speaker 1: Jane K can still see the message say well, because
Speaker 1: I don't think you've updated yet. Oh wow, that's gonna
Speaker 1: be dangerous. So everyone has to be on the new
Speaker 1: iOS for us all to play the game software updates,
Speaker 1: download and installed. Okay, I'm going to download it while
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a break and bring our guest on,
Speaker 1: and then we're going to try it again once um
Speaker 1: the guests is done. Because now I'm this, this is
Speaker 1: this is like the most needed thing for me ever. UM.
Speaker 1: So it's gonna download, We're gonna take a break, get
Speaker 1: our guests on, and then we're gonna unpin something that
Speaker 1: Kristen is going to bring to the table, and then
Speaker 1: I'll answer the other question maybe someday, probably not in
Speaker 1: her diary offline alright. So our guest coming on. Her
Speaker 1: name is Dylan Lovitt and she has a blog called
Speaker 1: we Got this Blog. UM. So her dad committed suicide
Speaker 1: UM at four when she was fourteen years old. UM.
Speaker 1: And so she's been able to grieve and um heal
Speaker 1: through writing UM. And so she's got this blog UM.
Speaker 1: And she actually wrote a blog post that we saw
Speaker 1: about coming on wind on podcast UM, and so we
Speaker 1: reached out to her because we thought it would be um,
Speaker 1: you know, obviously a conversation and something, you know, like
Speaker 1: when she wrote about coming on wind Down, it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: like there's you know, there's things that she wants to
Speaker 1: share and things that people, um, you know, UM should
Speaker 1: hear like one of her things. As grief is just
Speaker 1: like the ocean, there are so many parts that are
Speaker 1: undiscovered UM. And some wounds just don't heal and they
Speaker 1: never will and UM. So we're gonna get her on
Speaker 1: and talk to her about her blog post and how
Speaker 1: she's doing today another late day for me, I'm sure. Dylan,
Speaker 1: Hi girl, Hi, how are you good? How are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? Thank you, Dylan. You're beautiful, Kristen, I'm sweet. Hi. Um.
Speaker 1: First of all, how old are you now? So I'm seventeen.
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you there's an injustice in the world.
Speaker 1: Are you ready? When I was seventeen, I didn't look
Speaker 1: like you. We all had a mandatory ugly phase. We
Speaker 1: all had to go through it. And your generation doesn't
Speaker 1: have that anymore. It's absolutely you all just go from
Speaker 1: cute to stunning. Oh my god, you're both are so sweet.
Speaker 1: I was like so nervous getting ready to got my
Speaker 1: hair done this morning. I was like, I did my makeup.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm like on the phone with my grandma, Like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm so nervous, Like I want to
Speaker 1: look really good, like I want to look put together,
Speaker 1: like I didn't do that. I think that's fairly honest.
Speaker 1: Well you have. You look amazing and um, we're so
Speaker 1: happy to have you on the podcast. Um. We saw
Speaker 1: your blog post about coming on the show and we're
Speaker 1: just really happy to have you on here and UM again,
Speaker 1: as a she's seventeen year old, I mean to be um,
Speaker 1: to have walked what you've already walked, and to be
Speaker 1: so vulnerable and sharing, like I just want to, like,
Speaker 1: first of all, like affirm you and just say thank you,
Speaker 1: like for for having um the heart and the and
Speaker 1: the you know, and and I think to like you,
Speaker 1: you probably want to help other people with with your words,
Speaker 1: and I think that's a beautiful thing. Totally. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's really why I set out to start this blog
Speaker 1: and to write about my story because where where I
Speaker 1: come from, I live in New Jersey, and I'm also
Speaker 1: young with a teenager. I've never really I never really
Speaker 1: met someone who had been through something like this before,
Speaker 1: and so I often felt really lonely, like I had
Speaker 1: my mother and my sister, and I'm a twin, so
Speaker 1: my sister and I are very much like we see
Speaker 1: a lot of things similarly, some things differently. UM, But really,
Speaker 1: I I was like, I have met nobody who's ever,
Speaker 1: you know, had these type of experiences, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want other people who, unfortunately in the future,
Speaker 1: may go through something like this to feel like they
Speaker 1: didn't have anybody to help them out and to guide
Speaker 1: them and to show them, you know what, A lot
Speaker 1: of days are really really difficult, and a lot of
Speaker 1: days are really hard, but not every day is super difficult,
Speaker 1: and not every day is super hard. Like I'm oftentimes
Speaker 1: a very happy kid. I feel very blessed in my life.
Speaker 1: I'm very lucky to live where I live and to
Speaker 1: be given such amazing opportunities. Um, I have my dream job.
Speaker 1: I teach kids martial arts. Like I I really do
Speaker 1: often feel very grateful for my life. But then there
Speaker 1: are you know, things that have happened and things that
Speaker 1: I wish didn't happen. Um, but yeah, that's why I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, daih, you gotta start this, you gotta
Speaker 1: write this, you can do this. And and here I
Speaker 1: am today fell in at seventeen the words too that
Speaker 1: she's speaking, and I'm like this, are you gonna be
Speaker 1: running an empire gon a ceo of like I mean,
Speaker 1: my god, planning your own helicopter on top of your skyscraper.
Speaker 1: I'm here for it, Lancz. I mean, I guess let's
Speaker 1: go back to um, to that time you were fourteen,
Speaker 1: when your father committed suicide. Um, where where were you?
Speaker 1: Where was Um? Yeah, just kind of like set that
Speaker 1: scene for us. Yes, So he died on a Tuesday.
Speaker 1: He died on October twenty nine, twenty nineteen, And it
Speaker 1: kind of started off as any regular day. He Um.
Speaker 1: He drove my sister and I to school, and we
Speaker 1: were listening to music and we were laughing, just kind
Speaker 1: of what we normally did, and it was just a
Speaker 1: normal car ride. And then he told us he loved us,
Speaker 1: and we told him we loved him back. And that
Speaker 1: was the last time my sister or me would ever
Speaker 1: see him, and I'm fairly certain it was the last
Speaker 1: time my mother would ever see him. Um. Right after school, UM,
Speaker 1: my sister Alex and I had a tennis lesson, so
Speaker 1: we went straight from school to tennis, where we played
Speaker 1: in a two hour clinic. And everybody in my family
Speaker 1: plays tennis. My dad was like a ridiculous golfer tennis player,
Speaker 1: and um, and I played really well that day, Like
Speaker 1: anyone who plays tennis knows that sometimes you have really
Speaker 1: good days and sometimes you have some not good days
Speaker 1: on the court. But I felt like I just played amazing,
Speaker 1: like I had scored like several points on like the
Speaker 1: best kid in our clinic. I felt like at the
Speaker 1: top of the world. I mean, it didn't really matter,
Speaker 1: but I was like, oh my gosh, like he's the
Speaker 1: best kid and I can keep up with him. And
Speaker 1: the first person I wanted to tell after my lesson
Speaker 1: was my dad. I'm like, he's gonna be so proud
Speaker 1: of me, and he's gonna give me a high five
Speaker 1: and hug and and I got home that day. I
Speaker 1: got home that night and nobody knew where he was.
Speaker 1: Mother's looking for him. I'm looking for him, I think
Speaker 1: I it. It was like called out his name, Lynned
Speaker 1: and answer. I was like, Okay, he's probably in a
Speaker 1: work call. He worked from home. So I go to
Speaker 1: my room, My sister goes to her room. And then
Speaker 1: about ten minutes after we got home, I hear my
Speaker 1: mother screaming to leave the house and sorry, I take
Speaker 1: my sister. And it was raining outside. It was a
Speaker 1: gross night in New Jersey, and we went to our
Speaker 1: neighbor's house where we were there for two hours. Was
Speaker 1: zero knowledge of what was going on. What did you
Speaker 1: just say, What's happening in that moment? Like what is
Speaker 1: your fourteen year old brain think? Like you're you're no
Speaker 1: questions asked, You're just leaving. I thought that there was
Speaker 1: something wrong with my dog. I don't think I processed,
Speaker 1: and like I thought that it could be my dad,
Speaker 1: like I thought. I don't know why I thought this,
Speaker 1: but um, my cousin has epilepsy and I'm super close
Speaker 1: with my cousin, so I'm like, maybe it's brody. And
Speaker 1: my mom's got a call from my aunt. Like I
Speaker 1: really had no idea. I mean, we're walking slate at night.
Speaker 1: My sister's crying, trying to comfort her. I'm like, Lex,
Speaker 1: it's okay, Like it's gonna be all right, Like Mom's
Speaker 1: gonna text us and we'll be home in a half
Speaker 1: hour and then we could do our homework and eat dinner,
Speaker 1: like everything's gonna be fine. Um. We go to our
Speaker 1: neighbor's house and we were there for like I said,
Speaker 1: we were there for two hours. I think we watched
Speaker 1: like six episodes of Friends. He Um, he was super sweet.
Speaker 1: He's like, we can order in pizza, we can order
Speaker 1: in dinner. My sister and I are like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like we don't want to intrude like, we're probably not
Speaker 1: gonna be here for that long and we're just gonna
Speaker 1: leave this guy with like it's like a full pizza pie.
Speaker 1: Like we're like, like, it's fine. Um. And maybe like
Speaker 1: an hour and a half into into it, my sister
Speaker 1: looks at me and goes still, I think I should
Speaker 1: text Dad, like what's going on? And I said to her.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, no, Lex, I think
Speaker 1: you should wait for him. And in hindsight, I'm so
Speaker 1: happy that I did that because it's the last text
Speaker 1: my sister sent to my dad was Oh my gosh, Dad,
Speaker 1: what's happening? And he responded, I feel like that would
Speaker 1: have been so haunting for my sister, and and so
Speaker 1: I was like, just waight um. About two hours later,
Speaker 1: my uncle comes and picks us up, and I'm so confused, Like,
Speaker 1: like I said, my cousins was like five minutes from
Speaker 1: my house, and I'm like, why is my uncle picking me?
Speaker 1: Like that's that's so strange to drive me a few
Speaker 1: houses down. But I had never seen him look so sad,
Speaker 1: and he was quiet the whole thirty seconds. And we
Speaker 1: get in the house. The door was unlocked, and both
Speaker 1: my sister and I walked into the kitchen and we
Speaker 1: see family members surrounding our kitchen table. We have like
Speaker 1: a like an oval table or like a circle table,
Speaker 1: and a bunch like my uncle, my other uncle was there,
Speaker 1: my aunts were there, my family friend was there, and
Speaker 1: they all look so sad, and I'm like, like, what's
Speaker 1: going on? So my mom sits us down and she
Speaker 1: calls to her sister. She's like, Steph, can you come
Speaker 1: with me? My aunt nods, and then the two of
Speaker 1: them take my sister and I on upstairs and they
Speaker 1: sit us down on the floor, and I want to say.
Speaker 1: My mom gave like a speech like guys, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be okay, We're gonna get through this. We're gonna stick together.
Speaker 1: And she said Daddy took his own life tonight, which
Speaker 1: was the most shocking thing I had ever heard I
Speaker 1: And I remember I didn't process that it was my
Speaker 1: dad because my like, I's up calling my dad daddy
Speaker 1: like years before, and my mom didn't call him daddy.
Speaker 1: He was just dad or my father whatever. And I
Speaker 1: remember being like, wait, like my dad like my father,
Speaker 1: and she nods, and then I just turned to my
Speaker 1: aunt and I'm like screaming in her arms like no,
Speaker 1: like over and over and over again, like because I
Speaker 1: never thought that anything like this could have ever happened
Speaker 1: to me. I mean I thought that this was stuff
Speaker 1: that just happened in the movies, Like it wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: happen to my family. Like we we were fine, Like
Speaker 1: we were you know, your I don't want to say,
Speaker 1: like your picture perfect family, because every family has problems
Speaker 1: and issues, but you know, like in terms of what
Speaker 1: we looked like to maybe the outside worlds, like my parents,
Speaker 1: um had been married for maybe like sixteen years, fifteen
Speaker 1: sixteen years at that point, Like my sister and I
Speaker 1: were happy kids. You know, we had a lot of friends.
Speaker 1: My mom knows everybody, my dad knew everybody. Like we
Speaker 1: just looked like you're kind of normal, average family. And
Speaker 1: so later that night, I go in the shower and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like sobbing, like my eyes out, like
Speaker 1: I'm so in shock, and I'm like like I I
Speaker 1: say this to people, and I say this to my blog.
Speaker 1: Like before he died, I felt like I was almost
Speaker 1: standing on top of a mountain, like I had everything
Speaker 1: anybody could ever dream of, friends, family, my dream job. Um,
Speaker 1: I lived a beautiful life, and then when he died,
Speaker 1: I almost felt that mountain kind of crumbled beneath me,
Speaker 1: like everything I had ever thought or pictured, like like
Speaker 1: future with him was just gone. And so I cry
Speaker 1: in the shower and there's people in and out of
Speaker 1: my home when I get out of the shower, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I really want to listen to music. Because
Speaker 1: my father and I loved country music. It was ours
Speaker 1: thing together. We love to go to concerts, we love
Speaker 1: to play it in the car, and his favorite songs
Speaker 1: I go back by Kenny Chestney, and so I remember
Speaker 1: turning it on and like crying to it and like
Speaker 1: singing it and just feeling so broken and in shock
Speaker 1: that this is what had happened to me. So yes,
Speaker 1: so that was That was Next month will be three
Speaker 1: years jelling mhm, you are just an incredible human being.
Speaker 1: Like I have no words for how you articulate. No,
Speaker 1: it's how you articulate, how you can identify your emotions,
Speaker 1: the bravery and the courage you have. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: it's really I don't think you'll ever quite understand until
Speaker 1: you're a bit older, how phenomenal you really are. I mean,
Speaker 1: truly this is a really, this is a that's a day.
Speaker 1: October twenty nine is the day that turns your life
Speaker 1: around and it shape it's it's day one of a
Speaker 1: completely new life. Yeah, I mean I echo everything you
Speaker 1: just said. I mean, I'm just sitting here like just
Speaker 1: the grace that you carry even just like talking about
Speaker 1: it and then you know what you're doing with it now,
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, I wonder like, did did
Speaker 1: you ever? What was the hardest thing? Was it? Not?
Speaker 1: Like knowing why? Yeah? For me, like I kind of
Speaker 1: thought that something was off a few days before he died.
Speaker 1: My father was a very colorful person with a very
Speaker 1: big personality. And I say these people all the time.
Speaker 1: When I talked about my dad, I'm like, he either
Speaker 1: loved you or he hated you. He was like a
Speaker 1: very like black and white type of type of person.
Speaker 1: But he was like the funniest person I had ever met,
Speaker 1: and like he wasn't like it wasn't like dad jokes,
Speaker 1: like the type of jokes that you probably shouldn't share.
Speaker 1: You're like teenage kids are like your young kids. But
Speaker 1: he just really didn't care. And I noticed that he
Speaker 1: kind of wasn't himself and I just kind of equated
Speaker 1: it to like his lack of sleep, because he had
Speaker 1: gone home from like Hilton Head a few days before
Speaker 1: and he was a terrible sleeper. So I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: Dad's probably just tired. But I didn't think anything of it.
Speaker 1: But that kind of falls under like the what if
Speaker 1: category that I think a lot of people who grieve
Speaker 1: kind of get trapped under, like what if I did this,
Speaker 1: if I said this, and there's and I hope you
Speaker 1: know now that there's nothing, because I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: very different scenario, but like in things that have happened
Speaker 1: in my life, I'm sure christ and yours too, where
Speaker 1: it's like, oh what if you know, what if you know,
Speaker 1: we didn't do this podcast and you know, we exposed
Speaker 1: to much of our path, like maybe we would have
Speaker 1: been able. It's like there's no matter what um you
Speaker 1: could have done or you think you could have done differently,
Speaker 1: people are always going to make their own choices, regardless
Speaker 1: of what the other person does, you know, And mental
Speaker 1: illness is just that, like your dad is obviously, as
Speaker 1: you're saying, like battling for so long these you know,
Speaker 1: it's an it's an imbalance, that's the hardest part. This
Speaker 1: isn't that selfish, He's not. You know, there's all those
Speaker 1: things that go through. But you know, if you're low
Speaker 1: on vitamin D, you take vitamin D right. And if
Speaker 1: you're if you have something, if you're whatever, if you
Speaker 1: need more teena drink of protein jake, if you have
Speaker 1: a mental illness. I have these discussions recently with some
Speaker 1: friends of mine that are not they're feeling shame overtaking
Speaker 1: medicine to manage anxiety or depression. And I've been on
Speaker 1: both of those medicines at some points in my life,
Speaker 1: you know, and like still depend on it, some of
Speaker 1: those medicines some of my life same some medication for
Speaker 1: anxiety depression O D. And there's no shame. People should
Speaker 1: never ever feel shame for going on medication to help them.
Speaker 1: And sorry, just go fever. Your dad's fancy dad, and
Speaker 1: Dad's like, I'm in this. Dad is bringing them. Any
Speaker 1: moms out there at a controls moment, just now, oh
Speaker 1: my god, and your dad is showing up. I know
Speaker 1: he's like he's like he's like, oh my gosh, let
Speaker 1: me make my own presence and kind of crash a little.
Speaker 1: Is that like his personality to do that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: thought there was a joke start to the very end.
Speaker 1: He he definitely did that to kind of like kind
Speaker 1: of be funny and like show off. Well he just
Speaker 1: did it. Dad, Welcome to the interview, Dad Dylan. Tell me,
Speaker 1: can you tell me, like would you if I'll say
Speaker 1: one word because I don't want to make it too difficult,
Speaker 1: but give me like one word to describe your dad,
Speaker 1: like how you see your dad now post death and
Speaker 1: grieving the person that he is to you but was
Speaker 1: to you. What's one word you would used to describe
Speaker 1: in um, I would say one word to describe You
Speaker 1: can pick more words. I just didn't want to make
Speaker 1: you have to like Yes, it's like as a writer,
Speaker 1: I like have like a million words in my heaving
Speaker 1: all the time. But I would say, like the word
Speaker 1: to describe my father that I think kind of goes
Speaker 1: before he passed after and is hardworking like my father
Speaker 1: before he died, like he ran his own business, and
Speaker 1: my mother was like to stay at home mom, and
Speaker 1: she always like my mother drove my sister and I
Speaker 1: at all these places and made sure that my sister
Speaker 1: and I like got everywhere we needed to be on time,
Speaker 1: but my father was up in his office like like
Speaker 1: making the money and and working. And then I also
Speaker 1: think even after he died, he was hard working because
Speaker 1: I know now that I didn't know then that it
Speaker 1: takes a lot of It takes a lot to continue
Speaker 1: to keep going when you really don't want to hold
Speaker 1: on anymore, and it takes a lot of hard work
Speaker 1: to continue moving forward. But I also think, you know,
Speaker 1: he didn't come to this decision lately, and even though
Speaker 1: we don't have these conversations, and we can't ever have
Speaker 1: these conversations, like I know for a fact that this
Speaker 1: was his last and final straw um. So I would
Speaker 1: say for me, my father was just like I see
Speaker 1: what you know he went through with his work and
Speaker 1: being a business owner, and and I see kind of
Speaker 1: the toll it took on him. But no matter what,
Speaker 1: he's still he just wanted my family to have the
Speaker 1: best life possible. Like he didn't grow up with that
Speaker 1: much money, my mother didn't grow up that much money. Like,
Speaker 1: but he wanted my sister and I to live and
Speaker 1: my mother too, But he wanted us to live a
Speaker 1: life of comfort. And I think that's the biggest word,
Speaker 1: Like I could say he's funny, I could say he's athletic,
Speaker 1: and all those things are true. But I think for me,
Speaker 1: when I talk about my father, I like to dig
Speaker 1: deeper into kind of like like the surface level things. Um.
Speaker 1: You said in your post um. One of the things
Speaker 1: is you have every right to blame the person for
Speaker 1: dying by suicide, and anyone who tells you otherwise is naive.
Speaker 1: You want to touch on that a little bit, sure,
Speaker 1: So when my father passed, I was really agree. I
Speaker 1: didn't understand how he could do this to my family.
Speaker 1: I didn't understand how he could put us like his
Speaker 1: passing broke me into a million in one different pie
Speaker 1: says like I had never felt as broken as I did,
Speaker 1: and and so I would blame him, and I would
Speaker 1: get angry because I was so hurt and felt so
Speaker 1: abandoned by him. So I wrote that because I wanted
Speaker 1: people who have lost a loved one to suicide to
Speaker 1: not feel ashamed for being angry or for blaming the person.
Speaker 1: Like these are in my eyes, very normal reactions and
Speaker 1: very normal emotions. But I think sometimes people like people
Speaker 1: who have never been through something like that can kind
Speaker 1: of look at it and be like, well, you can't
Speaker 1: blame the person because they were fighting battles or but
Speaker 1: they were in pain and they were hurt and and
Speaker 1: they just wanted to be at peace. And that's true.
Speaker 1: But it's also like if you've been through it directly,
Speaker 1: then you know that so many emotions come from that.
Speaker 1: And I didn't want people to kind of look at
Speaker 1: themselves in the mirror and go, well, I shouldn't feel this,
Speaker 1: this isn't okay, this isn't this isn't right. I should
Speaker 1: be happy that there are a piece. I should be
Speaker 1: happy that they're no longer suffering. So that's why I
Speaker 1: wrote it, so I could almost validate, like it's okay
Speaker 1: to be angry, It's okay, yeah, And there's so many
Speaker 1: unfin there's so many conversations that you don't get to have.
Speaker 1: My dad passed away last July, and it was quick
Speaker 1: and not unexpected. But I didn't I didn't have this
Speaker 1: hospice moment that I thought I'd always have my whole
Speaker 1: life where I could like have this face to face.
Speaker 1: And I've learned something that I've called heaven reckoning, which
Speaker 1: is just this, like the conversations you have in the
Speaker 1: processes you go through without that person, and sometimes I
Speaker 1: just will for me. I guess I just felt like
Speaker 1: there just has to be a reason. It's only a
Speaker 1: one sided conversation. Maybe you wouldn't be able to hear
Speaker 1: or understand or comprehend or you know, digest what I
Speaker 1: had to say. But the heaven reckoning conversations are still
Speaker 1: really hard and very unfair, and they're still anger totally.
Speaker 1: I mean, your dad left a tremendous legacy by leaving
Speaker 1: you with us, like he has contributed a massive amount
Speaker 1: to the world just by having you. And there's two
Speaker 1: of you because there's a sister. When um, you also
Speaker 1: wrote to I said, UM, which, gosh, there's so many
Speaker 1: things where like grief is like the ocean. There's so
Speaker 1: many parts that undiscovered. And that's so true, Like things
Speaker 1: come up and you know they're different pieces and parts
Speaker 1: and times. UM, And I think an, I think too.
Speaker 1: I'm curious that you say some wounds just don't heal
Speaker 1: and they never will. And I'm curious, like where you're
Speaker 1: at with then, like what do you see healing? Like? Um,
Speaker 1: Like how do you deal with Yes, the wound is
Speaker 1: there and it might not ever fully hear heal, it's
Speaker 1: going to be um there forever. But like, how do
Speaker 1: you kind of go okay to not um to to
Speaker 1: protect the wound and to keep like and to keep
Speaker 1: going and not just um yeah, to keep to keep
Speaker 1: moving forward. So when I wrote that wounds don't heal,
Speaker 1: I kind of played that off as like like I
Speaker 1: feel like everyone knows the saying, like like time heals
Speaker 1: all time heals all wounds, and I don't look at
Speaker 1: that it's true. And because I'm like even still, like
Speaker 1: three years later, like I'm not as sad all the
Speaker 1: time or I'm not as you know, hurt all the time,
Speaker 1: but I'm still like even a few days ago, I
Speaker 1: was doing some writing or college because that's what I
Speaker 1: feel like my whole life is like right now is college. Um.
Speaker 1: And I was listening to like music, and I just
Speaker 1: kind of stopped in my tracks and just started falling
Speaker 1: my eyes out, Like I'm sitting in my bed. It's
Speaker 1: like one am, and I'm just crying because I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like he's been gone for three years,
Speaker 1: like he's missed out on so much good that has
Speaker 1: happened in my life, Like he's missed out on so much,
Speaker 1: but I don't like um. But even though he's missed
Speaker 1: out on so much and there's time we could have
Speaker 1: had together that we can never get back, I choose
Speaker 1: to move forward with two memories that I already have
Speaker 1: with him and the blessings that I already got to
Speaker 1: you know, share with him. Like my father and I
Speaker 1: were very very close. Like I said, he worked from home,
Speaker 1: didn't really travel for work. He would travel to like
Speaker 1: hang with like his girlfriends, um, but he was always around.
Speaker 1: Like something that I always love is that my family
Speaker 1: at dinner with each other around the dinner table pretty
Speaker 1: much five days a week. My mother would cook or
Speaker 1: we would order in, but we always, no doubt eight
Speaker 1: dinner as a family. And so I choose to you know,
Speaker 1: kind of move forward by saying, you know what, like,
Speaker 1: even though fourteen years isn't enough and I should have
Speaker 1: gotten more time, the time that I did have he
Speaker 1: is good, Like we had really good moments together, and
Speaker 1: I choose to hold on to those really tightly because
Speaker 1: they're they're mine. They don't belong to anybody else. They
Speaker 1: are my memories to hold close and to hold dear,
Speaker 1: and nobody could take them away. And nobody can tarnish
Speaker 1: them or kind of like pick them apart and then
Speaker 1: put them back together their own kind of way. So
Speaker 1: so I choose to say, you know what, I'm lucky,
Speaker 1: and now you get to, you know, maybe one day,
Speaker 1: you know, when you have kids, you get to honor
Speaker 1: the memories by having making sure you guys do family
Speaker 1: dinners every night and and honoring something that he loved
Speaker 1: and enjoyed too. And I think that's that's beautiful. What
Speaker 1: would you say to the kids out there that are
Speaker 1: dealing with um, you know, a family member that has
Speaker 1: died of suicide or a friend, because I know there's
Speaker 1: just I can't even like the kids this young getting
Speaker 1: younger brother day and that's just like breaking my heart.
Speaker 1: But yeah, what would you say to them that are
Speaker 1: they're going through it in this moment? I would say
Speaker 1: something that I used to hate hearing, which might sound weird,
Speaker 1: but I got so many like texts and messages from
Speaker 1: people saying it will be okay at the beginning, and
Speaker 1: it was like the worst thing. I felt like someone
Speaker 1: could say to me, like, what do you mean it's
Speaker 1: going to be okay? Like my father's dead, Like I'm
Speaker 1: a I'm a fourteen year old girl living with one parent,
Speaker 1: like Father's Day, like everybody gets to hang out with
Speaker 1: their dad, and I'm going to a cemetery and I
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, it's not gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: How could it ever be okay again? But as I
Speaker 1: got older, and as I got wiveser and had more experiences,
Speaker 1: like I've fallen into depression and i have anxiety, and
Speaker 1: I've experienced panic attacks, but I'm okay now and I've
Speaker 1: been able to kind of pull myself out of some
Speaker 1: really dark places. So to those kids who have lost
Speaker 1: a parent or a sibling or a best friend, I
Speaker 1: would say it's gonna be okay. It might not be
Speaker 1: okay right now, and it might not be okay two weeks,
Speaker 1: two months, two years, but at some point you're going
Speaker 1: to wake up in the morning and you're not gonna
Speaker 1: want to get back into your bed right after you
Speaker 1: get out. You're not going to want to crawl into
Speaker 1: like a hole and be alone. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: cancel on plans with friends, like you will find yourself
Speaker 1: doing things that you didn't think you would do again,
Speaker 1: Like frankly, for me, like I didn't think after my
Speaker 1: father passed it, I would ever laugh again. I didn't
Speaker 1: and I would ever laugh smile. I was like, my
Speaker 1: father was the funniest person I know, and I loved
Speaker 1: him and he loved me. I'm never gonna smile because
Speaker 1: nothing is ever gonna make me happy ever again, because
Speaker 1: I'm too sad, I'm too angry and to her, too broken,
Speaker 1: never gonna be happy. And and that wasn't true. Like
Speaker 1: there have been so much good that has happened in
Speaker 1: my life that has made me smile and that has
Speaker 1: made me happy. Like my job, for instance, makes me
Speaker 1: so happy. Like working with my my karate students is
Speaker 1: probably one of the biggest joys of my life because
Speaker 1: I've worked later today. Because my kids are so like
Speaker 1: they see the world so like, so uniquely, and they
Speaker 1: all like they're so funny and so like, and there's
Speaker 1: always uh entry canning story to bring home, like to
Speaker 1: my mom and my sister, there's always like a kid
Speaker 1: always says something funny or does something funny. Even I
Speaker 1: mean the other day I almost like, I like tripped
Speaker 1: over something and my kids are like looking at me
Speaker 1: and like I'm like, you guys, didn't see that, And
Speaker 1: they're like they're like laughing and smiling, and I was
Speaker 1: laughing and smiling too, Like I, like I said at
Speaker 1: the beginning, I'm a naturally happy kid. Like I'm someone
Speaker 1: who who smiles. I have like when I'm around people
Speaker 1: that I'm comfortable with, like I'm goofy and I'm silly
Speaker 1: like and I try. I try and make jokes like
Speaker 1: whenever I can. And I don't consider myself to be
Speaker 1: the funniest person by any means of no comedian, but
Speaker 1: I think that like I'll be the doctor's appointment and
Speaker 1: I'll try and make the doctor laugh. Or I'll be
Speaker 1: at school and I'll try and make my teacher laugh.
Speaker 1: I'll try and make my friends laugh, and then I'll
Speaker 1: laugh long with them. So and like I said, those
Speaker 1: are things that I just thought we're gone. I thought
Speaker 1: when he died, he passed. He took my happiness, he
Speaker 1: took my smile, and he brought him with him to
Speaker 1: heaven and that was it. It's not true, No, And
Speaker 1: he lives within you. You know, Dylan, what was your
Speaker 1: dad's name. His name is Eric. Eric. I'm glad Eric
Speaker 1: gave us to you. Yeah, you're a special person. You
Speaker 1: are wise beyond your years. You're beautiful and He is
Speaker 1: shining through you. The best parts of him live within you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Where can our listeners find you so that
Speaker 1: they can read everything that you write and your words
Speaker 1: and fall along with your journey. Yes, so my blog
Speaker 1: is titled we Got This. You could just kind of
Speaker 1: type it into like your U R L and I
Speaker 1: should be the first thing that pops up. I have
Speaker 1: an Instagram titled we Got This. Blog was like an
Speaker 1: underscore they can they can follow me on there. I'm
Speaker 1: always posting quotes or back the latest post that you
Speaker 1: know I just uploaded. Um, so you looked me up
Speaker 1: on you know Google. It's weird that people can like
Speaker 1: Google like my work. I didn't think like and think
Speaker 1: that can ever happen to me. There's goodness, girl, there
Speaker 1: is goodness and all of that. You know, there's and
Speaker 1: and you found it. So um, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for coming on wind out. This is just stunning. Thank you.
Speaker 1: This is like one of the best, you know, opportunities
Speaker 1: I've ever been given. Like, I mean, I've been listening
Speaker 1: to music for years. I wrote in my post that
Speaker 1: you know, my dad introduced me to your music, like
Speaker 1: years ago. We were on the golf course and he's like,
Speaker 1: I have a really good song for you. I was
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, what is it. He's like, you
Speaker 1: should this not I got the Boy by Janet Cramer.
Speaker 1: So so I'm like okay. So I listened to it
Speaker 1: and we're on the golf course, like this is a
Speaker 1: good song. And then I went home and looked you
Speaker 1: up on like Google and it was like watching music videos.
Speaker 1: I'm so bad that we were able to connect. And
Speaker 1: you're just keep shining, keep being the boss that you
Speaker 1: are in the light that you are. Thank you, so
Speaker 1: love you, Dylan. I'm gonna hug you someday real hard,
Speaker 1: and I'm not letting you go. It's a warning. So
Speaker 1: okay by Dylan. Bye bye, sister. How I am mean seventeen?
Speaker 1: I mean just she doesn't even know how phenomenal she is. No,
Speaker 1: I mean she's just she's just plugging along, I mean,
Speaker 1: writing and helping and so so much grace too. I mean,
Speaker 1: she's just she's incredible. Can I tell you that those
Speaker 1: little Jersey accents get me a time. I would listen
Speaker 1: to her talk all day. I mean, she's so she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: She really is Um, I really don't have much. I
Speaker 1: don't have yeah, No, I mean, I'm just I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that she was able to come on the show.
Speaker 1: And I can not even imagine fourteen, Like, gosh, what
Speaker 1: a what an age too? I mean this, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean at any age that that I can't imagine, but
Speaker 1: such a formative I mean that he teenage, so many
Speaker 1: emotions already, and then to now you're so aware to
Speaker 1: like my parents got divorced most thirteen, I knew everything
Speaker 1: that was going on, and when you come home at
Speaker 1: two in the morning was not right and not a
Speaker 1: good thing. Yeah. And it's interesting because I feel like
Speaker 1: at that age, what you don't know, well, you know everything,
Speaker 1: but what you can't figure out you try to figure
Speaker 1: out without asking. And what she's learned way beyond you
Speaker 1: know earlier, I wish I would have learned. It's like
Speaker 1: I took my dad leaving at two in the morning
Speaker 1: and then leaving our family and going to the essentially
Speaker 1: the mistress was m hmm. Then the worth that I
Speaker 1: took with me like, Okay, I'm not worried worthy of
Speaker 1: a man's love, and so then I then I start
Speaker 1: attacked so like but she's like she's so beyond that,
Speaker 1: beyond her years, like that they the work that she's
Speaker 1: already done, and like the knowledge and the to be
Speaker 1: able to go like it's you know, it's it's incredible.
Speaker 1: I know. I was like, I would give to feel
Speaker 1: that it's seventeen because I would have had three less marriages.
Speaker 1: They all tell us something and one gave us two kids.
Speaker 1: All right, don't diminish all those unions, screamer, You've done
Speaker 1: hard work out there. Um Dylan, Okay, there were some
Speaker 1: really good things, really good topics, and we kind of
Speaker 1: went all over the board. But if this episode is
Speaker 1: now going to run super long, so can we put
Speaker 1: a pen? We can pen because I need to have
Speaker 1: a minute to how to phrase things anyways. Okay, so
Speaker 1: let's put it in our phone, not on send it. No,
Speaker 1: I can't un send it because I haven't updated in
Speaker 1: my iOS. But I won't unsend. I'll remember and I'll
Speaker 1: just frame it. Okay for next episode, Yes, for next
Speaker 1: week's Okay, stay tuned. I'm so said bring the popcorn
Speaker 1: by y'all. Bye. Mm hm