Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She couldn't.
Speaker 2: She cleaned and cared for her children and the man
Speaker 2: of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices. That shit,
Speaker 1: we're good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 3: Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy shared all
Speaker 3: their bad choices.
Speaker 1: And sound out they were so bad.
Speaker 3: After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 1: Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Meila. Happy hump Day, bitches, Happy med the fucking
Speaker 1: hemp day. It is SmackDown mid January. Are in the middle.
Speaker 1: I can't fucking believe it. I'm like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Why is time moving so fast? So fast? I'm so annoyed.
Speaker 3: I literally was on the way here, like damn man, Like,
Speaker 3: can we just push pause for two weeks?
Speaker 1: I need everything to chill. Well, we've had a very
Speaker 1: eventful like beginning of January, so you probably do.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, there is I just feel like there's
Speaker 3: so many birthdays and celebrations and trips, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: can I just wash clothes last week?
Speaker 1: Like clothes, You're you're already planning your next trip. I
Speaker 1: was like, damn, bitch.
Speaker 3: My husband's turning thirty five. He's like, you plan it.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, house party, I'm thirty five. I'm like,
Speaker 3: can we keep our coins for one more month?
Speaker 1: Shit? Got it? Orlando? You got the AIRPNP but on
Speaker 1: the credit card. Got it. She's trying to get me
Speaker 1: go to New York. I want to go again. Oh lord.
Speaker 1: I's like, come on, it's my first party in New York.
Speaker 1: I'm like, first party. We're rock stars. I'm like a
Speaker 1: rock star. Oh my god, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3: And yeah, So I feel like time swimming so fast,
Speaker 3: and I keep thinking about twenty twenty and how we
Speaker 3: have anything.
Speaker 1: You think that this little past three episodes. Let's give
Speaker 1: me your hand. It's not coming back. It's not coming back, babe.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, COVID three. It's it's six years ago. But
Speaker 1: it was such a good time, and you know, first
Speaker 1: it was scary, but then I know it was a
Speaker 1: big moment for us. Good time. We didn't do a
Speaker 1: lot some hairstyles. I cut her hair. There was a
Speaker 1: lot going on. Our kids were smaller, they were cuter,
Speaker 1: more agreeable.
Speaker 3: There's mushrooms and backyards and nobody was on the highway. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you didn't have to wear any clothes. I really got
Speaker 3: my sweatpant game up that year.
Speaker 1: We got accidental. We got accidental boyfriends, speaking of which
Speaker 1: I ran into at the the other night. At that party,
Speaker 1: this guy came up to me and was like, you
Speaker 1: know who I am? And I was like, you're The
Speaker 1: face looks familiar. He's like, you don't remember me, do you?
Speaker 1: And I no, No, I do know your face, but
Speaker 1: I just don't who are you. I don't want of
Speaker 1: people detest me in public? Niggah, Where do I know
Speaker 1: you from? And he was like poetry Bay, scammer bay.
Speaker 1: Why would he call him that? He didn't. I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna say that his name. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: give that man credit here. And I was like, oh shit.
Speaker 1: He's like have you talked to him? I was like, hell, no,
Speaker 1: have you? He was like no, I thought you would.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, haiga, he's probably some more scamming a
Speaker 1: new bitch. He is in New York. He's in New York. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he lives in New York. I think, what a loser. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all the losers moved to New York or live there.
Speaker 1: Just kidding. I love New York. I love you guys.
Speaker 1: I actually do really love New York. It's my favorite
Speaker 1: place on Earth.
Speaker 3: I love New York too. I just I don't you know,
Speaker 3: I don't have a lot of friends there. I always go,
Speaker 3: I'm mean, I have Ashley, but I'm always like that
Speaker 3: was more popular here.
Speaker 1: You always say that, like, who can have lunch with nobody?
Speaker 1: You know, to get my friend, you just gotta hit
Speaker 1: up the discord. We have bitches in New York. Actually,
Speaker 1: we got our homegrowl in Connecticut. Whose who will come over? Oh,
Speaker 1: Addieth call her? Yeah, there's a couple of people we
Speaker 1: have people.
Speaker 3: I'm supposed to go to New York this weekend with Nanetia,
Speaker 3: and she's texting me this morning and I'm like, it's
Speaker 3: okay to say no, I know, I know, but yeah,
Speaker 3: it was just January is going to buy really fast.
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty six is here. I feel like sooner as
Speaker 3: the year starts, it's gonna be over in twenty In
Speaker 3: a blink of flash in a fucking hurry.
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not subscribing to this. I'm not either.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you what time starting right now, everything's
Speaker 1: moving slower, you hear me, right now?
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, it's been a good year though it popped
Speaker 3: off immediately. Great, I feel good. I just need like,
Speaker 3: I like, I want to move slower. I just want
Speaker 3: to have I wish each day was forty eight hours.
Speaker 1: That'll be great, you know it? Can we like can
Speaker 1: we change? Like who even made it? Twenty four? Like
Speaker 1: who said?
Speaker 3: And who is a person who said okay and go
Speaker 3: one two day one day two?
Speaker 1: This is your one? Like who made up time? I
Speaker 1: hate it? I don't know. But what I really need
Speaker 1: is for Daylight Savings to stop, to stop. It gets
Speaker 1: it gets, it gets dark really early. I needed to end.
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't know why we're still doing this shit.
Speaker 1: It's like, is it supposed to? Are they trying to
Speaker 1: cause seasonal depression? Like I'm pretty sure they're trying to
Speaker 1: manipulate our brains.
Speaker 3: I mean, they're definitely trying to manipulate our brains, but
Speaker 3: more so, they're trying to manipulate time.
Speaker 1: Because I always say this, and I'll say it again.
Speaker 1: Where are you putting the hour? Because they I just
Speaker 1: saw on Instagram posts like don't worry guys. Starting next month,
Speaker 1: nightfall will start at six pm instead of four thirty,
Speaker 1: and then in April it will be seven And I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh great, we gotta keep waiting. It does I don't
Speaker 1: They only do it once a year, right, I guess
Speaker 1: over the next few months, it starts, the sun's sunrise starts,
Speaker 1: the sunset starts to happen a little bit later, a
Speaker 1: little bit later, and by I want to say May,
Speaker 1: it's around like eight o'clock or like seven thirty or something,
Speaker 1: and a reasonable time, not four forty five in the afternoon.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't get it. Still still don't get it.
Speaker 1: How are you? What's going on? I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1: I uh have a child that's sick from school today.
Speaker 1: A lot of shit happened actually today my child. Last night,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I poisoned diary. I made her pasta
Speaker 1: and I I used some pasta sauce. I mean, I
Speaker 1: used some pizza sauce, which is the same shit. They're
Speaker 1: just like repackaging shit and calling it pizza sauce. So
Speaker 1: I used a pizza sauce and it had been opened
Speaker 1: maybe for like a week and a half, maybe longer,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I thought, like refrigerator. It was a refrigerator,
Speaker 1: of course, and I looked at it and I looked around.
Speaker 1: I was like, eh, it looks fine, and I put
Speaker 1: it in and then like thirty minutes later, she's like, well,
Speaker 1: my stomach hurts. I feel that feeling like like last
Speaker 1: time when I projectile vomited it. Did she hear you
Speaker 1: say that? It's no? She said no. That's why I
Speaker 1: was like, oh fuck, And like I was gonna have
Speaker 1: some of her pasta too. I was like, do you
Speaker 1: want some? She's like, I'll have more, and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I want some of that, And then thank god I didn't.
Speaker 1: Did she projected al voma? No? But like generally, like
Speaker 1: usually when I re said she's not feeling well, I've
Speaker 1: learned because I'm like one of those parents never believes
Speaker 1: her kid working on it. It's called trauma childiod trauma.
Speaker 1: Because my mom did that to me. Generally, She's like
Speaker 1: she's pretty truthful about like not feeling well. So I
Speaker 1: was like okay, So this morning. She woke me up
Speaker 1: at like five forty five in the morning saying her
Speaker 1: stomach was still hurting, and so I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do? Then? Also, I'm babysitting. Apparently
Speaker 1: I'm co parenting with my baby daddy's dog. My baby
Speaker 1: daddy bought my daughter a golden doodle and it's fucking
Speaker 1: adorable and I love the dog, and so I told him, like,
Speaker 1: when you go out of town, you can bring it
Speaker 1: over here, and so he dropped it off. But I
Speaker 1: haven't heard from him. Yeah, because I heard it. I
Speaker 1: haven't heard from him in two days. I'm like, niggah,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to work. What am I gonna do
Speaker 1: with this dog? You should have never agreed to that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I love the dog. With the dog is
Speaker 1: here at the studio now. Because I had nowhere to go,
Speaker 1: I was gonna put the dog in the car while
Speaker 1: I went to the gym. But thank god, my daughter
Speaker 1: was sick so she could baby sit the dog while
Speaker 1: I went to the gym. And now the dog is
Speaker 1: here with the with the kid. And on top of that,
Speaker 1: I just got a call that my boyfriend got in
Speaker 1: a car accident in my car. So you know, everything
Speaker 1: is great today. Everything is great. Okay, Okay, I'm alive
Speaker 1: and so is he, and that's all that matters. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm he got in a hit and run accident about
Speaker 1: twenty minutes ago. Seconds. Let's just say a prayer for
Speaker 1: chakem in my car. How are you well? Had a
Speaker 1: nightmare last night? Oh, tell me about it. I don't know.
Speaker 3: We were together and there was a man stalking us.
Speaker 3: They're stalking me, They're trying to get in and like
Speaker 3: man or men? A man?
Speaker 1: What do you look like? Hit?
Speaker 3: A very heavy beard, like a dyed beard, like someone's
Speaker 3: baby daddy that we know.
Speaker 1: Was he black? Yeah? Oh okay, that's all I can
Speaker 1: really remember. And it was so bad.
Speaker 3: Like also, do you experience like I just started my
Speaker 3: cycle yet, like yesterday, and I feel like I sweat,
Speaker 3: like when I I thought it was just like sometimes
Speaker 3: that I have night sweats.
Speaker 1: But like Perry, menopause, can.
Speaker 3: You not say that that is not the only thing
Speaker 3: that means that is very disrespectful and assumptive.
Speaker 1: You're not daying you're in menopause. It's called perimenopause. Is
Speaker 1: not the only apparently between the ages of thirty five
Speaker 1: to forty two, we are our bodies are already entering
Speaker 1: into perimenopause.
Speaker 3: My mother is not even menopause yet and she's almost
Speaker 3: sixty second of all. You know, I have aspirations to
Speaker 3: have a child that.
Speaker 1: Is not you can't have a child during pen and perimenopause.
Speaker 1: I don't ever beat that. Okay. I was just asking you.
Speaker 3: Or on your cycle, I asked you to fucking talk
Speaker 3: when you're on your cycle, do you feel like you
Speaker 3: sweat at night?
Speaker 1: No? I turned into a cycle path because.
Speaker 3: I was talking to I think Ashley, and she was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: when I get hot at night when I'm I'm on
Speaker 3: my cycle. I was like, I didn't think about the
Speaker 3: cycle part anyway.
Speaker 1: I had a nightmare.
Speaker 3: I fucking woke up and fucking heaps the sweat, and
Speaker 3: I was like, Orlando, He's like what this guy had
Speaker 3: a good nightmare. And I didn't fel like getting up
Speaker 3: to like put a towel or change the sheet, so
Speaker 3: I just rolled over. But I was like it was traumatic.
Speaker 3: I felt very traumatized. In the middle of the night,
Speaker 3: I'm like sweating, someone's chasing as and then like I
Speaker 3: had a live show but I was by myself. I
Speaker 3: was so weird. I'm like, why am I getting stalked
Speaker 3: maybe beaten? And then also I'm at a live show.
Speaker 3: It was a lot going on.
Speaker 1: But I had a similar dream the other night, but
Speaker 1: you weren't in it. But I had a dream that
Speaker 1: two white men, one with a big beard, was trying
Speaker 1: to break into my house and I and I didn't
Speaker 1: have I knew they were trying to steal my money,
Speaker 1: and so I tried to open the safe, but I
Speaker 1: was so nervous that my hands like couldn't like puitch
Speaker 1: the button. So and then I just threw the whole
Speaker 1: safe in a suitcase, and Iri was with me. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, oh my god, wait, I have
Speaker 1: a gun, because I do have a gun in my house,
Speaker 1: and so I remembered where it was, but I wasn't
Speaker 1: in my house. I was like in the countryside, but
Speaker 1: the gun was in the dresser that it is actually
Speaker 1: in my house. And and then I went to go
Speaker 1: put the the what is it called the magazine in
Speaker 1: and it wasn't like getting in, and then finally I
Speaker 1: got it in and I was like okay, And so
Speaker 1: I went downstairs like ready to shoot them, and then
Speaker 1: I kept hitting it and nothing was happening, and then
Speaker 1: they grabbed me and they started taking me out of
Speaker 1: the house and then they were like, you stay to Iri,
Speaker 1: and then they closed the door and it was just
Speaker 1: them and Iri in the house. And I woke up
Speaker 1: fucking hysterically crying. And then I was like, Okay, it's
Speaker 1: just a dream. And I tried to go back to sleep,
Speaker 1: and then I felt guilty for going back to sleep
Speaker 1: after such a fucked up dream. Not guilt, yeah, like
Speaker 1: how could I go back to sleep after these two
Speaker 1: men are like going to take my daughter? Like I
Speaker 1: was just it's not really so anyway, I really I
Speaker 1: was fucked up.
Speaker 3: I was like, I haven't had a nightmare a really
Speaker 3: long time, maybe because I didn't smugle weed last night.
Speaker 1: But you have a weapon in your house. I have
Speaker 1: a nailed wood piece she Come's been giving me. After
Speaker 1: that dream, he gave me another gun lesson, So I
Speaker 1: think it's time. I think it's time. No, I really
Speaker 1: do need you need a weapon in your home. I
Speaker 1: have one in my home. I need to feel more
Speaker 1: secure using the weapon, and we need to just literally
Speaker 1: get with cha. Can and do come over and do
Speaker 1: these practices and then go to the shooting range. I'm down.
Speaker 1: I've been saying that for a long time.
Speaker 3: You know, I feel militant, Like there's a militant side
Speaker 3: of me I haven't awakened yet.
Speaker 1: So I'm yeah, I'm down.
Speaker 3: And especially when we'd times like every time I see
Speaker 3: like one of these ridiculous fucking ice pullovers, in my head,
Speaker 3: I'm like thinking of the ways we should take them out.
Speaker 3: But it's just, yeah, I just violent. I believe in
Speaker 3: gun laws. I believe everyone should have the right to carry.
Speaker 3: I believe everyone should have one. Well, now you can
Speaker 3: open carry in California, you can't.
Speaker 1: I think they just passed that. There's no way. I'm
Speaker 1: like pretty sure California has been had.
Speaker 3: This has the strictest, like the most strict carry laws
Speaker 3: in like the country, Like you can have a gun,
Speaker 3: we're not supposed to travel with it, and if you
Speaker 3: do travel, it's supposed to be locked in your glove
Speaker 3: compartment or locked in the trunk, where it's like what
Speaker 3: the fuck am I gonna do with it locked in
Speaker 3: my glove compartment and it can't be loaded.
Speaker 1: So it's like.
Speaker 3: It's very strict if you get caught the gun and
Speaker 3: you and it's very hard to get a carry a
Speaker 3: like an open not open carry, but a carry license here,
Speaker 3: like they only do like ten a year or something.
Speaker 1: Crazy. Okay, maybe I made that up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if that's true. I mean, maybe
Speaker 3: I help so because I want one in my purse.
Speaker 1: Supreme Court appears likely to strike down California law banning
Speaker 1: guns and stores and restaurants.
Speaker 3: Okay, So I mean that's the Republicans, that's the one
Speaker 3: thing they're doing. I do believe that if people assumed,
Speaker 3: if everyone assumed that someone else had a gun, there'd
Speaker 3: be less likely people to fuck with you. If you
Speaker 3: just assumed everyone was caring, like we're in Texas or
Speaker 3: something like that, I think there'd be less likely for
Speaker 3: someone to break into your home or fuck with you
Speaker 3: because bitch, I'm gonna assume this bitch is gonna shoot me.
Speaker 1: So I just feel like, protect yourself. Anger shit. I
Speaker 1: know Iri was because I told Iri about my dream,
Speaker 1: well not not every part, but she was like, so
Speaker 1: it's like because I have a we have a baseball
Speaker 1: bat because it's scary. I had really dark thoughts about
Speaker 1: what was gonna happen, I know, but then don't put
Speaker 1: the fear into her exactly, which why I didn't tell
Speaker 1: I said, you said you did tell her? No. I
Speaker 1: didn't tell her no, no. So then she was like, Mommy,
Speaker 1: do you know that sometimes when that bat that we
Speaker 1: used to have at the house, I used to just
Speaker 1: push it to my side of the bed. And I
Speaker 1: was like, you did, just like, I'm like why she's
Speaker 1: because sometimes I'd be scared in her old house push
Speaker 1: what we had. I had a bat under my bed
Speaker 1: and so she I guess sometimes she'd push it to
Speaker 1: her side of the bed. I'm like, gir, what you
Speaker 1: going to do with it? Right? Keep that shit on
Speaker 1: my side, you know. And she was like, well, if
Speaker 1: someone came to the and to our door, now, would
Speaker 1: you use a bat? I was like, no, I would
Speaker 1: use it. And she was like why And I was like,
Speaker 1: cuz they would know I'm not fucking playing. Generally, if
Speaker 1: someone here's a gun, you just hear that shit, You're like,
Speaker 1: all right, never mind like and then I was like, wait, well,
Speaker 1: just I was like, if it's if we're out in
Speaker 1: public and someone approaches me, probably not going to like
Speaker 1: point a gun in their face. We're going to see
Speaker 1: what happens, like, we'll see how I'm not going straight
Speaker 1: for the gun. So I don't want her to think
Speaker 1: like trouble equals shoot someone in the face.
Speaker 3: I mean women, single women, single moms particularly, I think
Speaker 3: like we need mace, we need tasers, we need guns,
Speaker 3: we need guns. I think, I know there's a lot
Speaker 3: of things right now and like social about decentering men,
Speaker 3: which I also feel like, do we need to recenterment?
Speaker 1: I think I feel like that.
Speaker 3: So all that to say, when we think about decentering men,
Speaker 3: I don't think there's enough enough thought behind how can
Speaker 3: I protect myself and not rely solely on a man?
Speaker 3: How can I like, how do I feel secure without
Speaker 3: a man? And I think if we're going to decenter men,
Speaker 3: I think that is the first in place and foremost
Speaker 3: where you need to feel secure in protecting and providing
Speaker 3: for your own safety and your own family if and
Speaker 3: when you know, like your man is not present.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: But back to the decentering men, uh, like, what is
Speaker 3: it called like a fad?
Speaker 1: The trend right now? Yeah? I wouldna say something mean,
Speaker 1: but then I then I decided not to because it's
Speaker 1: not true. I think that decentering men is important for
Speaker 1: women who have made, of course men the center of
Speaker 1: their world. For pigmies, Yes, that's what I was kind
Speaker 1: of gonna say. I like, not all of us need
Speaker 1: to decenter men, you know, like some of us that
Speaker 1: have not made men the center of their world probably
Speaker 1: don't need to decenter men, but probably need to recenter men. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand. I think you need to recenter the good
Speaker 1: men in the world and not decenter all men, because
Speaker 1: then you're gonna be a lonely bitch. Because I know that.
Speaker 1: I used to think that, like maybe we should just
Speaker 1: live on a on an island full of women. I
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. I change my mind. I
Speaker 1: don't want to do that at all. Wait. I saw
Speaker 1: today this woman is throwing like an all all moms
Speaker 1: prom and they're all dressed up and Dan I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, I am, I don't mean that gay,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, my.
Speaker 3: Boy crazy, I'm like, I don't want to dress up
Speaker 3: with a bunch of bitches.
Speaker 1: I was like, this seems stupid. They're gonna drink and
Speaker 1: what we're gonna do. I don't want to be in
Speaker 1: a colony full of bitches. I don't want that. I
Speaker 1: do like. I like bitches. I like I need niggas
Speaker 1: to do some stuff, including fuck me so and and
Speaker 1: pick up ship and take the trash out. Like there's
Speaker 1: certain things and privileges that I've become accustomed to now
Speaker 1: that I'm been in a relationship for a while that
Speaker 1: I don't want to give up. I want I need
Speaker 1: the man to be the center of the universe in
Speaker 1: that way. I don't want to do certain ship, but
Speaker 1: I do think we should decenter toxic men. Ain't no
Speaker 1: good ain't no good men, but they're the good ones. No,
Speaker 1: we don't need to do that. You need to go
Speaker 1: to therapy, girl and figure out why men are the
Speaker 1: center of universe and why you keep attracting the wrong men.
Speaker 3: Well, I know I've been at the center of women's
Speaker 3: universes because that's kind of how we are socially programmed,
Speaker 3: is that you know, our worth and our worthiness is
Speaker 3: tied to our dating status or like, if you're over
Speaker 3: thirty five and you don't marry, you don't have any kids,
Speaker 3: what's wrong with you? Like that's a huge Like, uh,
Speaker 3: we get spoonfit, we get spoon fed that concept and
Speaker 3: that belief system from like zero years old, so I
Speaker 3: understand it, but I think I realized that it causes
Speaker 3: such a it's so it's so toxic. A I've seen
Speaker 3: women saying relationships for way too long and essentially lose
Speaker 3: themselves with their purpose and like maybe they're they're they're
Speaker 3: the possibility of them changing the world because they're so
Speaker 3: used to they're just obsessing over a man instead of themselves.
Speaker 3: And then also like just being dumb bitches, like being
Speaker 3: dumb bitches and desperate to keep a relationship by all
Speaker 3: means necessary, just to say they have a relationship hoping
Speaker 3: to change someone. And I just I really fucking despise
Speaker 3: that on like a very high level, because we are
Speaker 3: so intuitive and we are so capable, and if we
Speaker 3: tap into our intuition and stop fucking thinking we need
Speaker 3: a man to make ourselves worthy, then you might find
Speaker 3: the right man and stop hating men you're dating the
Speaker 3: wrong nigga. But I do think there needs to be
Speaker 3: a campaign or rebranding of recentering good men, because I mean,
Speaker 3: we both said a lot of niggas ain't shit rhetoric.
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, I am not excluded from centering men
Speaker 1: in my life, like I'm not. I'm not. Just because
Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship now doesn't mean I've deleted the
Speaker 1: past of where I have made a man the center
Speaker 1: of my universe, where I've allowed him to like dictate
Speaker 1: how I feel, how I show up. So I understand
Speaker 1: that concept of like decentering that man, decentering those the
Speaker 1: urges to keep choosing those type of people. But I
Speaker 1: don't think that.
Speaker 3: I think that once and and and and centering yourself.
Speaker 3: I think it's more like centering yourself, Like why do
Speaker 3: we have to decenter the man just focus on you? Well,
Speaker 3: I think I think we've had to decenter the men
Speaker 3: because most women will not focus on themselves. They will
Speaker 3: focus on the man. They will focus on the relationship.
Speaker 3: And so I think it's just like it's not a
Speaker 3: good example, but like Black Lives Matter, It's like we
Speaker 3: wouldn't have to say that if we weren't first fucking
Speaker 3: systematically put at the bottom. But because women have so
Speaker 3: often put men before themselves, then there's this campaign of
Speaker 3: decentering men. But like, yeah, dub bitge center yourself, You're
Speaker 3: the sun. And I'm also I'm not exempt from this.
Speaker 3: Like I saw my mom in my opinion center, my
Speaker 3: dad so much that it drained the fuck out of me,
Speaker 3: and that growing up, I was like that will never ever, ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 3: ever ever be me. And now that I'm in a
Speaker 3: relationship with a great man, I've had to really like
Speaker 3: check myself on my he man hating club personally, you know.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, you know, there's we talked about this
Speaker 3: before we started, about like I guess a rebranding of
Speaker 3: your mindset, and like when we first started this show,
Speaker 3: we were both newly out of like relationships with our
Speaker 3: baby fathers, and like there was a hue huge fuck
Speaker 3: niggas be ourselves, Like we were reclaiming ourselves. There was
Speaker 3: a rebranding that happened. I guess there was a decentering
Speaker 3: of a men. There was there was a decentering of men.
Speaker 1: And now we're in like it's eight years later and
Speaker 1: there's a completely different uh, Like we're in a completely
Speaker 1: different world. And so there's like a relearning of myself
Speaker 1: that I've had to like kind of accept like the
Speaker 1: party girl and I am the party girl. I am fun,
Speaker 1: but like also just not let it go but embrace
Speaker 1: this other this other route too, which has been like interesting.
Speaker 1: It does feel like a little bit sad. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean that's what came up for me. The other night
Speaker 1: I did mushrooms and I was like moving through a
Speaker 1: few different things. It was pretty like lighted, lighthearted and joyful.
Speaker 1: It was having like a date night at my house.
Speaker 1: And she kinme like made up this game called for you,
Speaker 1: and we played. We made up for you know, you
Speaker 1: canna tell us how that goes? Take off of each
Speaker 1: piece of clubs art. So basically each color is like
Speaker 1: so like red like hit a key he had like
Speaker 1: a key key he wrote a key out, so like
Speaker 1: blue equals massage, Red equals like lick, suck or bite,
Speaker 1: Green equals like a firm, like say some sort of affirmation.
Speaker 1: And then with the other color, yellow equals I can't
Speaker 1: remember another thing. And then and then the way he
Speaker 1: plays like you pick a number like I say number five,
Speaker 1: and then that's how many cards you pick whatever the
Speaker 1: fifth card is, That is the I can remember the
Speaker 1: numbers also mean something seems this is a whole game. No,
Speaker 1: it was really easy when idea anyway, I won't give it.
Speaker 1: I won't give him too many information. But anyway, it
Speaker 1: was fun. It was really fun, and I think that's why,
Speaker 1: like the mushrooms, Like I took the mushrooms and we
Speaker 1: played the game, and so like I entered into the
Speaker 1: mushroom experience already like doing something, like doing something fun,
Speaker 1: because sometimes when I'm doing mushrooms and like let me wait,
Speaker 1: and then I'm like my teether feel weird and then
Speaker 1: like gotta take depreas, gotta go cry, so like lay here,
Speaker 1: don't lay here. So I kind of bypassed that, which
Speaker 1: was nice. But as so then we after we played
Speaker 1: for he you know, we laid down and and he
Speaker 1: was like just holding me from behind, and like I
Speaker 1: was just thinking, I like I did actually kind of
Speaker 1: cry because I was thinking about just like my identity
Speaker 1: and how like it has shifted so much over the
Speaker 1: last I would say two years. And one of the
Speaker 1: things that has shifted is my relationship with safety and
Speaker 1: always feeling like I can never be safe with a man.
Speaker 1: And Shakim has shown me consistently that I am safe
Speaker 1: with him, like never has he ever made me feel unsafe.
Speaker 1: And so what I mean, like.
Speaker 3: As far as like infidelity and like inflatlity, consistency, like
Speaker 3: doing what he said he's gonna do, showing up for IRI,
Speaker 3: like emotional safety, so if I share something with him,
Speaker 3: he doesn't like against me or like act weird or
Speaker 3: act different or pull away like if anything, he leans
Speaker 3: in more.
Speaker 1: And so like these are all things that I didn't
Speaker 1: even realize some of those things I needed in safety
Speaker 1: until I was with so I started dating him, But
Speaker 1: I was sitting there thinking about just like yeah, feeling
Speaker 1: like that's not part of my world anymore, and feeling
Speaker 1: like sad, not sad about it. It sounds weird to
Speaker 1: feel sad, but like I felt like I needed to
Speaker 1: have a funeral. Like that was the message, Like, bitch,
Speaker 1: you need to have a funeral for these, for this identity,
Speaker 1: this identity is not yours anymore, like your anti men identity,
Speaker 1: like not even anti men. Because I don't think i've
Speaker 1: I don't think i'm I don't want to say I've
Speaker 1: never been anti men. I don't. I don't think i've.
Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't. I let that part go
Speaker 1: a while ago. Whereas like I know that there's good
Speaker 1: men in the world, and like I know that I
Speaker 1: believe that but the part around the trusting of them
Speaker 1: not necessarily gonna cheat on me, but like the holistic trust,
Speaker 1: Can I trust you in all the ways? Like it's
Speaker 1: one thing for me to be able to trust you
Speaker 1: and know you're not gonna cheat on me. But if
Speaker 1: I say, hey, like I need more of this, are
Speaker 1: you going to now act weird? And now I feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't share those things with you. So there was
Speaker 1: like it felt like I needed or I need to
Speaker 1: have a funeral for that previous that identity that is
Speaker 1: no longer fits where I'm at anymore. And I felt sad,
Speaker 1: and then I felt happy, and then I felt like, wow,
Speaker 1: how have how have I not like realized this? And
Speaker 1: I was thinking about just how as people, not even
Speaker 1: just as women, how we hold on so tightly to
Speaker 1: our these identities that we say we don't want anymore,
Speaker 1: and then when things show up, how we still like
Speaker 1: grasp to them and not realizing how they're infiltrating into
Speaker 1: our relationship dynamics. And sometimes it takes a second for
Speaker 1: us to realize like this is not here anymore, and
Speaker 1: there's no space for this anymore, and I don't want
Speaker 1: space for this anymore. And actually now I have to like,
Speaker 1: who is Erica as someone who has safety in her life? Like,
Speaker 1: have I fully even stepped into that version of myself
Speaker 1: because I didn't even realize I was still holding on
Speaker 1: to this identity. So in the Mushrooms, I kind of
Speaker 1: like at the end of it all, I felt like
Speaker 1: really happy. I was like, oh my God, Like I
Speaker 1: feel like I birthed something like that. It's like a
Speaker 1: new piece of me now that is going to be
Speaker 1: allowed to show up as someone who feels safe not
Speaker 1: just with men, but like also like within my within
Speaker 1: other relationships, within relationships with my friends, with you, because
Speaker 1: I realized how that specific thing affects all of my relationships.
Speaker 1: The distrust, not trusting what people say they're going to
Speaker 1: do and then if they then if they don't do
Speaker 1: what they say they're going to do. It's way heavier
Speaker 1: than it should be, just because people are human and
Speaker 1: like they fuck up, But it carries a way heavier
Speaker 1: weight because I have this like I've had I've had
Speaker 1: no longer had this deep distrust and wound and how
Speaker 1: and how personal I take it. And yeah, so anyway
Speaker 1: that came up in the mushrooms is just like having
Speaker 1: this funeral for like your previous identities, and like encouraging
Speaker 1: other women or people to think about the ways that
Speaker 1: their lives have shifted over the last however and long,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a better place or you're in
Speaker 1: a better relationship, and if you are still holding on
Speaker 1: to those identities and how they're showing up in a
Speaker 1: relationship and how it's time to fucking let the shake go.
Speaker 3: It's funny, before we started, I just read something it
Speaker 3: was like ivery birth myself and I'm going through postpartum.
Speaker 1: That's what it kind of felt like, because I was
Speaker 1: like kind of sad bitch in the mushroom. I was like,
Speaker 1: why am I sad that I have to let this go?
Speaker 1: Like I was crying about like finally letting it go.
Speaker 3: I think that we I don't there's not enough discussions
Speaker 3: about like identity, and I think we're also in a
Speaker 3: time we're removing really quickly, and there's so much to do,
Speaker 3: and there's like birthday parties, kids, dad. Like I think
Speaker 3: just generally in adulthood life, I mean like time seems
Speaker 3: like it's going by faster because you have more responsibilities.
Speaker 3: But I think that in that fast movingness. We don't
Speaker 3: give enough credit for the lessons and the evolution and
Speaker 3: the and like give more enough time to sit with
Speaker 3: self about reevaluating and rebranding and releasing the old versions
Speaker 3: of yourself. And especially I think because I feel I
Speaker 3: felt this way, Like, you know, we've had a lot
Speaker 3: of discussions, We've gone through a lot of changes, relationship wise,
Speaker 3: friendship wise, kids, whatever, And I was just like, because
Speaker 3: we spent so much time talking about celebrating those breakups,
Speaker 3: and like it was such a win to get out
Speaker 3: of those relationships and to find ourselves and to decenter
Speaker 3: men and like center ourselves.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 3: It's a It's a huge part of our identity, Like
Speaker 3: Good Moms is a huge part of our identity, and
Speaker 3: that period of time where we we healed and talked
Speaker 3: about it out loud and people heard is a huge
Speaker 3: part of our identity. And I also realized, like as
Speaker 3: I got into this relationship with Orlando, even though we've
Speaker 3: been dating and we've lived here for like four years,
Speaker 3: three and a half years, whatever, there were times where
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't want to be one of those
Speaker 3: bitches online always posting my man. I don't know those
Speaker 3: bitches online like always posting my han love. I am like,
Speaker 3: because those bitches used to really get all my nerves,
Speaker 3: or like bitches online like I.
Speaker 1: Really want a man. I can't wait for my man
Speaker 1: to camp.
Speaker 3: I'm like, if you don't shut the fuck up, bitch
Speaker 3: about this man to come, Like, if you don't shut up,
Speaker 3: he's not gonna come. But but I realized, like me
Speaker 3: feeling discussed with those type of women, I kind of
Speaker 3: like downplayed the love and the excitement of like what
Speaker 3: I was experiencing, And I'm just like, that's not you,
Speaker 3: so you don't have to worry about that. But like again,
Speaker 3: seeing my mom sent her my dad so much, it
Speaker 3: just like put a bad taste in my mouth. But
Speaker 3: also just allowing yourself to have new experiences and not
Speaker 3: be so deeply tied to childhood experiences, your parents' experiences,
Speaker 3: like not not hoarding them as your identity and being
Speaker 3: able to release them and let it burn and then rebirth,
Speaker 3: and just becoming new people in different stages of your
Speaker 3: life and understanding how much that evolution serves the bigger
Speaker 3: good instead of being like fuck men. It's just like
Speaker 3: people who say in bad relationships, it's like it's comfortable
Speaker 3: because that's what's familiar to you, but like we're not
Speaker 3: in childhood anymore, Like you're you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: Like whatever like qualms you have with your father I
Speaker 3: have with my mom, Like we don't have to hold
Speaker 3: on to that anymore. But you're right, like it affects
Speaker 3: all of your relationships, and I don't think women particularly
Speaker 3: realize how much it even affects your female relationships. Like recently,
Speaker 3: we were having a discussion because obviously we're friends, we're
Speaker 3: not perfect, we've been friends for a long time, and
Speaker 3: you said something to me and you're like I felt
Speaker 3: like you abandoned me, And I was like I sat
Speaker 3: on that and I was like, I feel like that
Speaker 3: is deeper than just me, Like I know that you
Speaker 3: have a bit, like there's issues there, like with your
Speaker 3: father and like just men in general, and I like
Speaker 3: that stuck out to me and even to you with me,
Speaker 3: like I feel like when women center men over relation,
Speaker 3: friendships or whatever, like I take that very personally because
Speaker 3: my mom. I feel like my mom did that a lot.
Speaker 3: Like I felt neglected because my parents were so focused
Speaker 3: on the relationship and I had to be like wow,
Speaker 3: like I can't believe even like you always think about
Speaker 3: it in a like a romantic relationship, but you don't
Speaker 3: really think about it how to affect your your female
Speaker 3: relationships and your platonic relationships until you're aware enough and
Speaker 3: how much you have to like dig through that to realize,
Speaker 3: like when you're really sensitive to some shit, it's because
Speaker 3: there's a wound that you haven't really cleaned out, poured
Speaker 3: up and bandaged correctly. It's like not really healed yet.
Speaker 3: So it's just like it's interesting how all those things
Speaker 3: play into a part of like a relationships being an adult,
Speaker 3: Like you know what I mean, Like those those same
Speaker 3: wounds can continue to poison your growth if you don't
Speaker 3: really let them go and really forgive and really like
Speaker 3: you know, remove those be acknowledging that like things have
Speaker 3: changed and you don't have to hold on to that anymore.
Speaker 1: So I do totally feel that too. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's it's something that like I think that you don't
Speaker 1: even realize until something different shows up. You know, it's
Speaker 1: hard to it's hard to like acknowledge the change, and
Speaker 1: even if you've had even if you have changed on
Speaker 1: your own, sometimes it takes like someone else mirroring this
Speaker 1: new piece of your identity for you to like be like, oh,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm this new bitch now, and I think, like,
Speaker 1: for me, that's what that was. That's what the message
Speaker 1: was the other night. And I was thinking about too,
Speaker 1: just identity in general, because I've been really I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've been seeing like this twenty sixteen trend
Speaker 1: that's been going around on Instagram where everyone's fucking posting
Speaker 1: two thousand. I'm slow too, because I was like, why
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen? And she comes like I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I was like, why not two eighteen? That was a
Speaker 1: great year for me. I'm going to post twenty eighteen.
Speaker 1: Between twenty sixteen and seventeen, actually from twenty all fifteen
Speaker 1: was good because I had my child, but from two
Speaker 1: thousand sixty to seventeen, those were like the worst years
Speaker 1: ever for me. And so like I went, I forgot
Speaker 1: that twenty sixteen was such a shitty year for me.
Speaker 1: So I went searching in my phone. I was like,
Speaker 1: I want to be part of the trend. And then
Speaker 1: I went looking and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this year sucked my asshole. This is the year like
Speaker 1: my I found out my baby daddy was like I
Speaker 1: mean I found out. I knew he was, like, you know,
Speaker 1: doing his thing with other women, but he almost like
Speaker 1: we He got arrested in Europe, and I was my
Speaker 1: daughter was like fucking under two years old, and I
Speaker 1: was flying back and forth to Europe fighting a horrendous case.
Speaker 1: And I was also like trying to understand who I
Speaker 1: was battling my identity at that time because I was
Speaker 1: a new mom and even before I had my daughter,
Speaker 1: I was really kind of unsure about who I was.
Speaker 1: And so now I had this human and then I
Speaker 1: had this baby daddy that was like needed me, but
Speaker 1: also I felt like had disrespected me. But I was
Speaker 1: like pushing that, pushing everything to the side and fighting
Speaker 1: my family around it. Like there was so much going on.
Speaker 1: I cut my hair off, Like there was so many
Speaker 1: things happening in twenty sixteen and it may be really
Speaker 1: fucking sad, And I was just sitting there like thinking like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I have come this far. But I
Speaker 1: realized that that year specifically still really triggers me. Like
Speaker 1: I cried in the car. I was like in the car,
Speaker 1: I was actually texting Freddy, I was like, have you
Speaker 1: seen this try in twenty sixteen and he was like,
Speaker 1: this is the worst fucking year of my life. I'm like,
Speaker 1: just your life, niggat, And have you seen this trend?
Speaker 1: I just wonder if you've seen this, cause there were
Speaker 1: so many pictures of us in Europe and Iri being
Speaker 1: so small, and like I had videos that I don't
Speaker 1: even know if I'd ever even shared with him, like
Speaker 1: of him in the studio after he got out of jail,
Speaker 1: and Irin in the studio and us in the studio
Speaker 1: with him, and like just like us, like us on
Speaker 1: the plane after like beating the case and coming back
Speaker 1: and things. I just never went to go back and
Speaker 1: look at and and just like how much that year
Speaker 1: affected me and how much I like, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to forget it, and I just wanted to move past it.
Speaker 1: And that's what I did. And then twenty seventeen, you know,
Speaker 1: throw through me for another curve ball. And then I
Speaker 1: actually saw pictures of us in twenty sixteen at the
Speaker 1: pumpkin patch. Oh, and I was like, oh shit, because
Speaker 1: I like, of course I knew that we had I
Speaker 1: was trying to remember the few different times when we
Speaker 1: hung out after our babies were like three months that
Speaker 1: first time, and I was like, oh, it was at
Speaker 1: the pumpkin patch we hung out, but like there was
Speaker 1: so sporadically few and far between, but it was cool
Speaker 1: to see. Then the Niche's wedding shower, you were there too,
Speaker 1: because Luna was there. We were all wearing white at
Speaker 1: her I.
Speaker 3: Think we started the podcast then we went through twenty sixteen.
Speaker 3: It was yeah, no, she got married, and when did
Speaker 3: she get married? She get married in twenty sixteen.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, so yeah, we all had
Speaker 1: white on. Actually I had no pictures of you. We
Speaker 1: just had pictures of our kidies. So it was like,
Speaker 1: I see the seeds that were being planted. We drive together,
Speaker 1: is that event on the roof? No, this is something else.
Speaker 1: This was at her backyard, in her backyard of her
Speaker 1: grandmother's house, and she had all this like China.
Speaker 3: We didn't drive there. That was her aunt's house or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: So I was just witnessing the seeds that had been
Speaker 1: planted in twenty sixteen, even though that year really fucking sucked,
Speaker 1: and just thinking about identity, and then I was thinking
Speaker 1: about our friend Nietzsha and how and her transformation and
Speaker 1: her identity because at that time her identity was I'm
Speaker 1: a wife. I'm going to be a wife. She was
Speaker 1: committed to being the best wife and having that and
Speaker 1: having the perfect family at that point. And watching our
Speaker 1: friend expand now like shout out to nishe, I love
Speaker 1: you so much and I'm so proud of you, Like
Speaker 1: she I told her, I was like, your transformation should
Speaker 1: be studied. She's a Capricorn every time and really truly,
Speaker 1: and I hope she doesn't mind that if I share,
Speaker 1: just because I think a lot of women that are
Speaker 1: married or in long term relationships, especially with kids, but
Speaker 1: I would say even marriages where you've really like you've
Speaker 1: you've signed your name on the dotted line and like sacrifice,
Speaker 1: you agreed that this is what my life is now,
Speaker 1: aside from just having a kid, because yes, you feel
Speaker 1: that women you have a kid, but I think marriage
Speaker 1: like adds an extra little stamp. And seeing her transformation
Speaker 1: from like kind of like reserved housewife to now full
Speaker 1: on outside DJ like she is, she is a DJ.
Speaker 1: She has climbed the ranks of DJs in a way
Speaker 1: I've never seen before. Okay, And I know that about
Speaker 1: my friend because, like you said, she's a Capricorn and
Speaker 1: when she decides something, she goes all the way one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. But I just think like her identity has
Speaker 1: shifted so much over the last year, and I think
Speaker 1: that more women need to know that it's possible and
Speaker 1: need to know that you can do it that quickly.
Speaker 1: I think my identity it took. It's taken longer. It's
Speaker 1: taken me a few seasons to get there. But it's
Speaker 1: just a choice. It's like you make a choice and
Speaker 1: then you stick to it, and then boom. People are
Speaker 1: just so afraid to make a choice.
Speaker 3: I guess like the year before last, we went on
Speaker 3: a trip with her and she was still you know,
Speaker 3: at the beginning of the figure out if she was
Speaker 3: going to have, you know, separate from the marriage or
Speaker 3: you know whatever. And I looked at her and we
Speaker 3: were having conversations. We had a lot of conversations about
Speaker 3: it within our tribe, and I was like, you need
Speaker 3: to leave them. I was like, you need to leave them.
Speaker 3: I'm like, let it go. I was like, stop fighting it,
Speaker 3: let it go, because if it's meant to be, it
Speaker 3: will be it'll come back. And I was like, and
Speaker 3: you're you're kind of you're holding your blessings. I was like,
Speaker 3: you're really delaying your blessings. And everybody was kind of like, like,
Speaker 3: you think that was kind of too harsh, and I
Speaker 3: was like, no, and I probably did come off harsh
Speaker 3: and I didn't mean it harshly, but I could see,
Speaker 3: first of all, I know her, and I know her capabilities,
Speaker 3: and you're she's far more.
Speaker 1: Self like.
Speaker 3: She can she could execute some shit without a blink
Speaker 3: of a fucking eye. So I was like, girl, just
Speaker 3: trust me on this, and like seeing that transformation as
Speaker 3: soon as she made the choice, I was like, bitch,
Speaker 3: I told you.
Speaker 1: I told you.
Speaker 3: And I think sometimes like especially amongst women, because we're sensitive,
Speaker 3: we're afraid to tell our friends the truth. You know,
Speaker 3: we like coddle them and be like tiptoe around and
Speaker 3: fear that they won't take it the right way. And
Speaker 3: a lot of times bitches, especially when it comes to men,
Speaker 3: don't take it the wrong way. And I get having
Speaker 3: to be sensitive or sugarcoat with our friends because with
Speaker 3: their with relationships, people are very sensitive, especially when there's
Speaker 3: kids involved and there's marriage and You've poured so much
Speaker 3: into it, but I think we do ourselves such a
Speaker 3: disservice not keeping it real with ourselves and with our homegirls.
Speaker 1: Like she has completely made it completely. She's so much happier.
Speaker 3: She there's so much life in her, you know, like
Speaker 3: her whole world isn't consumed with I hope this person
Speaker 3: does this, like when you when you were in a
Speaker 3: place where your whole sent like you're centered around. I
Speaker 3: hope this person does this. You will fuck yourself because
Speaker 3: hoping and wishing someone else outside of you does something
Speaker 3: is never it. You cannot make someone else do something.
Speaker 3: But what you can do is control yourself and if
Speaker 3: it's not good for you, if it doesn't feel good,
Speaker 3: release it. I'm not saying don't try. I'm saying try.
Speaker 3: But women have the tendency get to tried too fucking much,
Speaker 3: try too much, until you have nothing.
Speaker 1: You're drained.
Speaker 3: And I'm like for twenty sixteen, I was looking through
Speaker 3: pictures and her bachelor party was that year and I
Speaker 3: didn't really know her. I think I just got invited
Speaker 3: because my other friends got invited. And I remember that
Speaker 3: was a day, like the day I chose to go
Speaker 3: to that I told my baby daddy, I'm like, when
Speaker 3: I get back, I want you to be out of
Speaker 3: the house, and for some miracle fucking of God, he
Speaker 3: actually listened. And I just remember so clearly driving to
Speaker 3: Palm Springs and being like, I'm done, I'm over it.
Speaker 3: And of course it wasn't completely done, but it was
Speaker 3: the first time I was like, this is not it
Speaker 3: and I felt free, like I felt like something had
Speaker 3: shifted and it did, you know, and like it was
Speaker 3: like the baby steps that I needed. But for anybody
Speaker 3: listening right now who's in a relationship that's empty or
Speaker 3: doesn't feel good, or listen to how you feel, Listen
Speaker 3: to your gut, listen to your conversations. If your conversations
Speaker 3: are centered around hoping someone does something different, or that
Speaker 3: you're not happy or you're not fulfilled, make moves, bitch,
Speaker 3: make moves, because the longer you wait, the worse it
Speaker 3: will be. And the longer you wait, the more you're
Speaker 3: delaying yourself from your blessings. And all I can think
Speaker 3: about in this season of my life now that I'm
Speaker 3: married to someone I could who is my best friend.
Speaker 3: Thank fucking God for the people I walked away from
Speaker 3: thank God for when I ripped off the band aid
Speaker 3: when I really didn't want you, when it really wasn't comfortable. Well,
Speaker 3: you know, like my baby daddy was also my best friend,
Speaker 3: he was we were very close and like we went
Speaker 3: to I've known him for twenty fucking years, twenty five years,
Speaker 3: and it was hard for.
Speaker 1: Me to do that, but I knew that there was
Speaker 1: something more.
Speaker 3: And then after that there was another nigga I thought
Speaker 3: I loved and blah blah blah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And like aborgin Yeah, but you know what the like
Speaker 1: hopefully the time gets shorter. Yeah, and it does, it does.
Speaker 3: But thank God for the fuck knows, or else I
Speaker 3: wouldn't be here and like to be on the other
Speaker 3: side and to feel the love and to witness it
Speaker 3: and to experience the love that I knew existed but
Speaker 3: I wasn't getting. I'm like, thank God for those niggas
Speaker 3: fucking up. Thank God for that little bit of intuition
Speaker 3: that I followed, because I would not have arrived here
Speaker 3: with you, here in the studio, here with all of
Speaker 3: you who are listening, and here with my man and
Speaker 3: like this life that I've I saw because the truth is,
Speaker 3: we're all experiencing things like multidimensional. There's like another dimension
Speaker 3: of Mila where I'm who knows who I am?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? My car isn't fucked up? Yeah, sure, absolutely,
Speaker 1: you know. And it's like there is an inkling of
Speaker 1: that thread inside of you.
Speaker 3: And that's why there's doubt, and I think people ignore
Speaker 3: it and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, let
Speaker 3: me just say I'm gonna be a good woman. And
Speaker 3: it's like Richard said, change, Yeah, like a good woman
Speaker 3: is A good woman is a woman who stands on
Speaker 3: business for herself, a woman who's like centering herself as
Speaker 3: someone's like this is not good enough for me, And
Speaker 3: I'm okay with saying that this doesn't feel good enough.
Speaker 3: And it's not personal. I think people are so take
Speaker 3: things so personal. But make it personal about you, bitch.
Speaker 3: This is personal about you. It's not about any niggas.
Speaker 3: It's not about if you're poured enough. It's about you.
Speaker 3: If you're not happy, that is enough. And I'm not
Speaker 3: saying fleeting like just jump in and jump out of everything.
Speaker 3: But nine times out of ten, if you've poured and
Speaker 3: done everything and you're still not fulfilled, and something is
Speaker 3: still not being men.
Speaker 1: That is valid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't have to be cheating, it doesn't have
Speaker 3: to be getting beat Granted I was getting all that,
Speaker 3: so but it's just like I just want this to
Speaker 3: be a reminder. I hope that we This is a
Speaker 3: testimony that like when you move and shake out of
Speaker 3: situations that no longer serve you, there's always more and
Speaker 3: greener grass on the other side. And like rebranding and
Speaker 3: re releasing and rebirthing is a part of being a woman.
Speaker 1: We are sick. How do you say cyclical? Cyclical recycle bitches,
Speaker 1: We have cycles. We go with the moon. We were mooney.
Speaker 1: It goes up, it goes down, and that is what
Speaker 1: we do.
Speaker 3: That is who we are, and that is a part
Speaker 3: like this is a part of like a part of
Speaker 3: centering yourself as a woman, is a part of accepting
Speaker 3: that we go through cycles and that there has to
Speaker 3: be release and rebirthing and re rebranding a lot of times.
Speaker 3: It's going to happen a lot and that's a part
Speaker 3: of just the phoenix. You know, you just have to
Speaker 3: keep on doing it. And the more you resist, the
Speaker 3: more it's going to like you're going to be stagnant.
Speaker 1: Amen, hell Elijah, let the church say amen. I mean,
Speaker 1: look at Sierra. She could have been with future. Literally,
Speaker 1: thank God, thank God. You know. Um, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: say something I was gonna say for God, it is no.
Speaker 3: I'm just glad that we've at that point where we
Speaker 3: can look back and be like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I mean that's why I'm great. I you know, as
Speaker 1: much as I hate the phone, I am grateful for
Speaker 1: the phone because, like it really allows you to really
Speaker 1: go on a journey. Because when I was going on
Speaker 1: that journey, looking through those photos, I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: like look at my look at me. Like I didn't
Speaker 1: know shit, I didn't know what I was going to do.
Speaker 1: I was so deep in love and just like ready
Speaker 1: to just throw away my life in ways just for family,
Speaker 1: for what I thought was family. It wasn't even love.
Speaker 1: It was just like I want to I want this.
Speaker 1: It's going to be different. I'm going to not be
Speaker 1: a single mom. I'm going to fight for my man
Speaker 1: when no one else wants to fight for him. And
Speaker 1: and I guess that like I know how loyal I am,
Speaker 1: and like I think that's that's something that like I
Speaker 1: know is true for myself. But I've had to learn
Speaker 1: where to place my loyalty because I mean I have
Speaker 1: I think I've had I feel like, no, I want
Speaker 1: to say I've had discernment, because like I have like
Speaker 1: very clear discernment for people that like are not going
Speaker 1: to get my loyalty. But when I'm when len it's
Speaker 1: heart centered, when it's like Dick centered, died, it's Dick center,
Speaker 1: Dick center, get a Dick centered. How about don't decenter
Speaker 1: men decentered dick. I think that's what we need to
Speaker 1: do more of. It's like, how about just don't put
Speaker 1: dicks inside of you so that you can see clearly,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Dick's are contaminated. If so, if you
Speaker 1: just Dick's dick de centered, you wouldn't have to decenterment.
Speaker 1: You just need to dick dessenter because once you do that,
Speaker 1: you see a lot a lot more clearly. But I'm
Speaker 1: just grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the seeds
Speaker 1: planted in twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen,
Speaker 1: and and that that year is fucking over with. When
Speaker 1: I was talking to my baby daddy, he was like,
Speaker 1: I never really talked to you about like how that
Speaker 1: year changed me. And I was like, no, you have.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, actually a lot. Actually you
Speaker 1: asked me, and that's the problem. I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't think you've really ever asked me how that year changed.
Speaker 1: She said yeah. I was like, I don't think you
Speaker 1: know how that year affected me too, Like I know
Speaker 1: you were in jail, but I was outside battling my identity,
Speaker 1: going back and forth with our daughter, figuring things out,
Speaker 1: fighting lawyers. I was like twenty seven years old, like
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to do this, and you know,
Speaker 1: I remember, like I've told him about that article, remember
Speaker 1: he wrote, Remember he did that horrible article where he
Speaker 1: said like, oh yeah, and he apologized to me. Finally
Speaker 1: he apologized me the other day. He was like, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry for that. That wasn't right. I was in a
Speaker 1: really bad place and it was the devil is what
Speaker 1: he said. And I was like, is the devil? And
Speaker 1: I appreciated that, you know, like our relationship is interesting,
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's weren't a lot in a much
Speaker 1: better place. I know where to like, I know where
Speaker 1: to keep him in ways, and I think he knows
Speaker 1: where to keep me as well. I think it goes
Speaker 1: both ways. But I appreciated that, and I told him
Speaker 1: I love him, like because I do. I do love him,
Speaker 1: and like I want the best for him, and like
Speaker 1: we did, we had, we did have a great life
Speaker 1: together and it's shifted obviously, but like I'm just glad
Speaker 1: that we can look back on that moment and reflect
Speaker 1: on it in a mature way and understand how far
Speaker 1: we've come. But fuck twenty twenty six twenty fuck twenty
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen. You can only get you can only get
Speaker 1: to this.
Speaker 3: Place where it feels like not absolved or like there's
Speaker 3: a resolution. But like when you let shit go you
Speaker 3: there is no room for forgiveness when you're still like
Speaker 3: angry and in it, you know, like even for me,
Speaker 3: like maybe I realized we were so young and like
Speaker 3: there was growth that needed to happen, and I we're
Speaker 3: I'm cool with my baby daddy and it's cool, and
Speaker 3: I do love him, I do you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: like as a the contribution to my child and to
Speaker 3: for that period of time, and but he was not
Speaker 3: my person and in any shape, form or fashion, and
Speaker 3: like it's I'm and also even my parents fucked up relationship.
Speaker 3: They love each other, it's sick. They're obsessed with each other.
Speaker 3: They won't leave each other fuck alone after four hundred years,
Speaker 3: even though it's obviously not fucking good. But I am
Speaker 3: grateful for even being a witness to that because those
Speaker 3: that those were the things that made me get.
Speaker 1: Out of that relationship. I said, I've seen how this
Speaker 1: looks forty years later. I'm good.
Speaker 3: That was literally my only point of reference to say
Speaker 3: hell to the naw bach like no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 3: and that was like, that's what And I saw my
Speaker 3: mom stay and I thought that was so weak, and
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't be that. I can't be
Speaker 3: this person that I despised and saw her kind of
Speaker 3: like lose herself. And I'm like, sometimes instead of like
Speaker 3: just just being grateful for the entire journey, even the
Speaker 3: bad stuff, even the good stuff, like I've had, I've
Speaker 3: had so much time to reflect on it that I'm
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even be able to appreciate where I'm at
Speaker 3: now had I not experienced all of those things, and
Speaker 3: like saw that that wasn't for me, and like moved
Speaker 3: on and released it, and like I'm very, very grateful
Speaker 3: for all of it, you know, And I think that's
Speaker 3: a part of it, is like all the versions of me,
Speaker 3: all the versions of me that were like dumb and
Speaker 3: stupid and who knows what the fuck I was doing,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm very I'm just.
Speaker 3: I think sometimes we like try to remove those parts
Speaker 3: of us, and for us, we can't because you could
Speaker 3: just go back and listen control a delete.
Speaker 1: You can't.
Speaker 3: We can't delete our wholeness unless the internet did let
Speaker 3: those Internet wipes out. But I'm just, yeah, like also understanding,
Speaker 3: I'm not that person anymore. I can forgive that part
Speaker 3: of me, and there's nothing like.
Speaker 1: That part too. Is the forgiving of that, Like going
Speaker 1: back to the identity thing is like that came up
Speaker 1: for me too, is like forgiving myself for allowing the function,
Speaker 1: for allowing the betrayal of my trust and choosing the
Speaker 1: betrayal over and over and over again so that it
Speaker 1: became a part of my identity, for not choosing to
Speaker 1: do the uncomfortable thing, which is to say, you know,
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel right, and I'd
Speaker 1: be like, well, let me just see, let me just
Speaker 1: see how this feels. Let me just see what happens,
Speaker 1: and fucking around and finding out over and over and
Speaker 1: over again until now this is part of my identity,
Speaker 1: and so like part of that is the forgiving of
Speaker 1: yourself for even allowing that to become a part of
Speaker 1: you and to become so deeply ingrained in you. And
Speaker 1: I think that's part of the reason why I felt
Speaker 1: like it needed to be a funeral, like and it
Speaker 1: really needed.
Speaker 3: To be a death, not just because of what other
Speaker 3: people have done to me, but what I've done to myself.
Speaker 3: I realize with women specifically there, especially when it comes
Speaker 3: to I think being kept in relationships, there's so much shame.
Speaker 3: There's so much shame and guilt about things that like
Speaker 3: the mistakes we've made being young in them being digmatized,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't always just like dissipate. There's almost like
Speaker 3: a covering of like a pretend.
Speaker 1: It didn't happen. I'm you know what I mean, It's
Speaker 1: like I'm really fortunately for me I haven't had.
Speaker 3: Of course, there's there's guilt and their shame because I
Speaker 3: just forget about it, which is probably dissociation and it's
Speaker 3: not healthy. But I realized for women that's still lit.
Speaker 3: I realized for women like, yeah, going back to certain
Speaker 3: times where you maybe weren't making the best decisions because
Speaker 3: you're young and dumb is painful and it hurts and
Speaker 3: it's hard, you know, because there's shame and there's guilt
Speaker 3: because of decisions that we've made. But it kind of
Speaker 3: requires you to go back and forgive those parts of
Speaker 3: you so that you can so you can move forward
Speaker 3: and feel feel good about the mistakes, so that you're
Speaker 3: aware that that is all a part of the version
Speaker 3: of you that exists now, you know. And I feel like,
Speaker 3: I mean, even for us, I'm like, damn, I said
Speaker 3: a lot of shit. I have a lot of dumb
Speaker 3: shit I probably shouldn't have said.
Speaker 1: But it's okay. It's okay to make mistakes.
Speaker 3: It's okay to release those decisions and move the fuck on,
Speaker 3: because if you don't think, these niggas are out here
Speaker 3: doing weird shit and doing things that they don't.
Speaker 1: Feel proud of. I asked the guys the other day,
Speaker 1: I was like, have you ever had sex and felt
Speaker 1: like used after her?
Speaker 3: That's what I asked the men who was I with.
Speaker 3: I was asking some guys like, have you ever had
Speaker 3: sex and felt like used or like a piece of
Speaker 3: meat after? And I want to say, Orlando said not really,
Speaker 3: and the other guy said, yeah, but it's not the same.
Speaker 3: It's doesn't it doesn't hit the same for some reason,
Speaker 3: because they have been celebrated for their sexuality where men
Speaker 3: where women haven't. So I still realize, like this is
Speaker 3: such a big, a big thing for us, especially if
Speaker 3: you want to be married. Like I always say, I
Speaker 3: read I read this thing on Reddit one time and
Speaker 3: this this guy or this girl was saying his wife
Speaker 3: told him one time she went to Jamaica and like,
Speaker 3: let five guys fuck her and they were about to
Speaker 3: get married, And now he doesn't want to get married anymore.
Speaker 1: Because something she did in her past. Yeah, because she basically,
Speaker 1: you know, got a train.
Speaker 3: Got a gang bang, which I don't know breaking news, Fellas,
Speaker 3: if you have a straight woman, there's a small desire
Speaker 3: she wants to get gang banged because she likes dick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe I'm just speaking for myself. Whatever, No, I
Speaker 1: think maybe if she doesn't, if she doesn't want to
Speaker 1: get gang bang, it's because she hasn't had the seed
Speaker 1: planted in her brain. Yet shout out to Samaya planted
Speaker 1: this seed in both of our brains. I didn't even
Speaker 1: know I wanted it until she broke it down so
Speaker 1: beautifully and painted such an epic, cinematic picture of what
Speaker 1: it could be like and not be a train, in
Speaker 1: fact be goddess worship, a loving goddess worship. Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 3: Her and uh Goddess Jesse both planted those seeds. Shout
Speaker 3: out to Semaya. She is a good picture painter.
Speaker 1: One time, she's like, I could see you. It's a
Speaker 1: little cat, like a sexy cat, and you could be
Speaker 1: like you could do like pet play. And I was like, now,
Speaker 1: look at you. I think I like that. But it's true.
Speaker 1: It's true.
Speaker 3: Like if you haven't seedd it a certain way, or
Speaker 3: you haven't seen it centered a certain way or look beautiful,
Speaker 3: you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Immediately reject it. Everything sexual, everything. No, I'd never did that. Gross.
Speaker 1: For the longest I thought it was rape. I was like,
Speaker 1: sounds like I'll die.
Speaker 3: And and for a lot of most men it is
Speaker 3: rabee because they can't control themselves, but for actual men,
Speaker 3: it's possible.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Speaking of which, my fake boyfriend broke
Speaker 1: up with me this weekend. I'm so mad. Maybe he
Speaker 1: waited till you're married. He's like, you know, she'll she'll
Speaker 1: understand she's married now.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys know, but last year
Speaker 3: or the year before that, Orlando granted my this last year.
Speaker 3: Last year, I granted my fucking dreams of my fantasy
Speaker 3: coming true, which was having two men worship me in
Speaker 3: a sexual experience, and I got my goddess powers because
Speaker 3: I was unlocked.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, this is the greatest thing
Speaker 1: that ever happened to me.
Speaker 3: This is why they tell you not to do it.
Speaker 3: They were telling me they loved me. It was it
Speaker 3: was a friend of mine that I've known for a
Speaker 3: very long time, so it was really beautiful and lovely.
Speaker 3: But he's wiped up this weekend.
Speaker 1: He told me.
Speaker 3: This weekend, my MMF boy friend told me he's no
Speaker 3: longer need a huh, that's why we need a back
Speaker 3: really with the fun he is in a relationship now,
Speaker 3: And I said foursome, he said no, And I'm really
Speaker 3: I was kind of sad. But also he told me
Speaker 3: the news when I was really hungry, so I was
Speaker 3: also like really hungry and there was like I had
Speaker 3: made food the night before, but there were like they
Speaker 3: ate it all and I was like, and then he's
Speaker 3: like I am with a woman now, and I.
Speaker 1: Was like, Orlando, he's breaking up with us. He's like, bitch,
Speaker 1: if we don't shut the fuck out, I was like,
Speaker 1: just give me a minute.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna need a minute. He was like, shut the
Speaker 3: fuck out. We were laughing, but I was kind of serious.
Speaker 3: I texted my friends like, you guys won't believe this shit,
Speaker 3: and well, my dreams are over. But shout out to Orlando,
Speaker 3: who could really take a joke because most bitches would
Speaker 3: have got slapped. I was really sad about it, but
Speaker 3: just thinking like this is never gonna happen again. Who
Speaker 3: else am I going to trust enough to do this?
Speaker 3: Who's cool enough? But anyway, I don't know how we
Speaker 3: got here, but obviously I've I've resolved some of my
Speaker 3: my host shaming and my guilt around wanting to get
Speaker 3: gang banged.
Speaker 1: Because I really like Dick. I realized I really like Dick,
Speaker 1: and you realize.
Speaker 3: You just realized I realized I really like Dick, and
Speaker 3: I want to be able to have those experiences in
Speaker 3: a safe space. And I know it's not for all women,
Speaker 3: but let me just wish. Wish gets somebody to paint
Speaker 3: a picture, because you might change your much might insert
Speaker 3: some it's the smiest picture here.
Speaker 1: Imagine it's late, it's late. You walk in, they're making
Speaker 1: you dinner, shirtless and oiled up. One comes and serves
Speaker 1: you a goblet of wine, and.
Speaker 3: The other one is massaging your head and shoulders, slowly
Speaker 3: undressing you, asking you about your day, while.
Speaker 1: The other one traces his tongue down the side of
Speaker 1: your neck, following all the way down to your breast,
Speaker 1: caressing your nipples, and places the blood in your hand
Speaker 1: and says, baby, smoke, relax, you've had a long day,
Speaker 1: while the other one affirms and says, tonight is all
Speaker 1: about you, baby.
Speaker 3: You're so beautiful, You're so worthy, and we fucking love you.
Speaker 3: We came all this way to praise and worship and
Speaker 3: please you.
Speaker 1: Are you ready? Yeah, And there's some conspiring on your pleasure.
Speaker 1: They're talking, communicating and saying you got that you got
Speaker 1: her feet nigga.
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe even one time you put one foot in
Speaker 3: one nigga's mouth and the other foot in the other
Speaker 3: nigga's mouth, well one sitting it and you're like, oh my.
Speaker 1: Goddess, I'm a goddess on the bob and they're calling
Speaker 1: you a goddess and telling you you're the bomb, and
Speaker 1: tell you I'm telling you to repeat it, say it.
Speaker 1: Say you're a goddess, Say you're the bomb. And there's
Speaker 1: there's they're homies, so they're like, we're laughing in between,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, what soap. There's a couple of jokes, and
Speaker 1: it's just I think. I think that you will attract
Speaker 1: this again in your life. I do, and just because
Speaker 1: you've already you've proven that you can't. You've already proven
Speaker 1: that you can't. I've done that guy for a long time.
Speaker 1: So it's a matter. You've known a lot of guys
Speaker 1: for a long time. You never know. None of them
Speaker 1: are worthy. They might not be thinking of one. Maybe
Speaker 1: one is going to come out the woodworks. If anyone's
Speaker 1: hearing this, Hey, if we haven't talked in about ten
Speaker 1: plus years, hit me up. No gay shit, no diddy,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's inappropriate. Oh my god, it's true though.
Speaker 1: I was actually talking to some friends this weekend. That's
Speaker 1: something after this about they're like, I could never do
Speaker 1: that relationship. I can never do that relationship. I was like, bitch,
Speaker 1: I didn't think I could do my relationship either. I
Speaker 1: was like, but there's a level of friendship and the
Speaker 1: level of honesty that we have.
Speaker 3: And I was like, do you want your bitch to
Speaker 3: not tell you the truth about her fantasies because you can't.
Speaker 1: Handle them, or do you want to be able to
Speaker 1: hear them and know that she's human? And like, there's
Speaker 1: a difference between hearing them and acting on them. I
Speaker 1: feel like nothing everybody's at everybody's not going to act
Speaker 1: on them. That's what I'm saying. I feel like, does
Speaker 1: take a certain man who actually I think that Orlando
Speaker 1: gets pleasure out of watching you get pleasure and also
Speaker 1: gets just pleasure out of being the being the man
Speaker 1: in the situation. So like, but not every man who's
Speaker 1: going to have that perspective. But they might be able
Speaker 1: to hold space for his woman to share that. But
Speaker 1: some men can't even hold space.
Speaker 3: Most can't can't do this shit. But the guy on Reddit,
Speaker 3: he was gonna not get married. This guy I dated
Speaker 3: told me, this girl told me she wanted to get
Speaker 3: two men. And I was like, you're a hoe and
Speaker 3: I never fucked with her, and I said, you're a
Speaker 3: dumb ass. You weren't even her negget, and she was
Speaker 3: honest with you. But I realize, like, I think that's
Speaker 3: why I'm kind of extreme, and I like say things
Speaker 3: that go direct to the jugular because I know if
Speaker 3: you're if you're not involved in a way to understand
Speaker 3: that I'm a sexual being and I'm a woman and
Speaker 3: I'm a human, then like I'm going to say the
Speaker 3: thing that's going to trigger you, and I know immediately
Speaker 3: it's not gonna work out. Like I'm not the type
Speaker 3: of girl for you, but like someone who a man
Speaker 3: who at least not to say every man has to
Speaker 3: do as I do or whatever, but like a man
Speaker 3: who feelings to handle the truth and still be like,
Speaker 3: I get it. I want to fuck two bitches too.
Speaker 1: I like pussy. I get why you'd like dick common sense.
Speaker 1: You know, I guess I just really want common sense. Niggas.
Speaker 1: You want equal rights. I want equal rights real bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah makes sense. I wanted coal rights too. We should
Speaker 1: have equal rights in the bedroom and in the world,
Speaker 1: at least equal rights to share. Honestly, you know, like
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to.
Speaker 3: Fear that you won't love me because I'd share a
Speaker 3: fantasy even if I haven't acted on it or whatever,
Speaker 3: Like all fantasies are not to be acted on.
Speaker 1: So kinky shit you think about, you watch porn, you
Speaker 1: don't ever really want to do it. You just want
Speaker 1: to see it on the screen, you know.
Speaker 3: And I think people put too much, too much like wait,
Speaker 3: wait on it, And there is a lot of guilt,
Speaker 3: a lot of shame. People are watching shit right now.
Speaker 3: They'll never tell anybody. Actually, I always ask people like,
Speaker 3: what's your porn category? Just to see how embarrassed they get,
Speaker 3: because that's all know how far you go? You said,
Speaker 3: you look at some nasty shit.
Speaker 1: Generally they're not gonna I It'sy're already ashamed. They're not
Speaker 1: gonna tell you they're watching fucking whatever. Most people are shamed.
Speaker 1: What is it? Bukaki? What's BUKACKI actually I think that's
Speaker 1: the one where they tie you up? No no, no,
Speaker 1: no oh, yeah, you're right, that's bukcaki. You're right. I agree.
Speaker 1: We got to unashamed Americans, the men and the women.
Speaker 1: Women be fucked up A lot of fucked up. Yes,
Speaker 1: a lot of shaming, a lot of shaming ladies a lot,
Speaker 1: But men be fucked up too. I'm realizing that now,
Speaker 1: and that's normal. I feel like I feel like the
Speaker 1: men been fucked up. They haven't fucked up, but we
Speaker 1: don't really.
Speaker 3: I don't think we acknowledge how fucked up they are
Speaker 3: sexually because they've been empowered in it, but not in
Speaker 3: a healthy manner. I've realized as I started, like it's
Speaker 3: just in this tantric journey. A lot of men are
Speaker 3: attracted to the work because I feel like they haven't.
Speaker 1: Had any anyone anywhere anything like to be intimate or
Speaker 1: sentiment or soft about it, Like they're like waiting to
Speaker 1: like what you say, you want to hold me? I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: they're not gonna tell their homies that, and then they
Speaker 1: barely want to tell their bitch that, so who are
Speaker 1: they gonna tell?
Speaker 3: And this is important for the ladies too. When men
Speaker 3: have unresolved sexual energy, they're nutting that shit into you.
Speaker 3: That that's that that that whatever weird shit to have
Speaker 3: going on, whatever, like anger, they net that shit into
Speaker 3: your womb. And that is a lot of times why
Speaker 3: our wombs are dying or disconnected and we have no
Speaker 3: idea why, or like you feel like there's other entities,
Speaker 3: because bitch, that's not even your fucking shame and guilt
Speaker 3: and all other anger, Like that's somebody else's, don't.
Speaker 1: Queen of Fua came on our show and shared about that,
Speaker 1: just how like who you sleep with like can become
Speaker 1: part of like your identity, like you really like you
Speaker 1: take on their energy. Speaking of which that leads me to, well, actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: actually that leads me to the other night at Nisha's
Speaker 1: birthday party when I sat next to our friend and
Speaker 1: I was asking him about his type. He's gay or
Speaker 1: maybe not, No, he's he's more gay, but he's fluid.
Speaker 1: He hasn't had sex with a woman in a very
Speaker 1: very very long time. We're talking about Yeah, okay, I
Speaker 1: asked him, and I was I was asking all types
Speaker 1: of questions, like you've never asked me these questions. I
Speaker 1: was because I want to know, but I will tell you.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, kind of nervous, I've
Speaker 1: been nervous to ask you. You're like, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Sexuality, his preferences, like how he likes to fuck like,
Speaker 3: you know what. I thought it was offensive to ask, like,
Speaker 3: guys who mess with other guys are your tougher?
Speaker 1: I asked him, okay, what did you say, top mostly
Speaker 1: but he said if he meets a man that's masculin enough,
Speaker 1: he would have let him bought them. But he says
Speaker 1: it's very rare he has or that he would. But
Speaker 1: he was talking to me and he said that he
Speaker 1: got a sexual std bitch okay, elaborate like that. He
Speaker 1: went to the doctor because it was itchy and there
Speaker 1: was nothing. He went to a medical physician and said, hell,
Speaker 1: I'm about to call him. Something is not right it.
Speaker 1: He said it was it was like burning. Okay, then
Speaker 1: what happened? It was sexual STDD So but you looked
Speaker 1: at that, I mean spiritual city, So then then I yes,
Speaker 1: I did look it up because I was like, is
Speaker 1: this the thing I looked at up today? Actually? And
Speaker 1: and it said that hold on, let me go back.
Speaker 1: I need to know more because I guess a spiritual
Speaker 1: sit isn't a medical term, but refers to negative emotional, mental,
Speaker 1: and spiritual baggage from unhealthy relationships. This was a physical
Speaker 1: This was a physical ailment though, and some people, they
Speaker 1: might call it spiritual transmitted demons. Yeah, often discuffed in
Speaker 1: self help books to describe lingering, negativity or trauma that
Speaker 1: spreads rather than actual infections. I mean, think about it.
Speaker 1: If you're like in a fucked up relationship, you can
Speaker 1: get sick, and well this is it. You're not exempt
Speaker 1: if you're gay or if you're lesbian. Think about like
Speaker 1: some of the people you have sex with and you
Speaker 1: get like a yeast infection, and you always get a
Speaker 1: yeast infection with them, always, every time, your body is
Speaker 1: literally rejecting them. And that is not the case when
Speaker 1: they go fuck other people or whatever. It's some people's
Speaker 1: literal little their shit does not go together. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think and we all.
Speaker 3: But we know that in the spiritual, the spiritual principle,
Speaker 3: it's like the spiritual body.
Speaker 1: It is sought like over the physical body.
Speaker 3: So it makes sense that if you get a spiritual
Speaker 3: std that it would manifest in actual physical it.
Speaker 1: Geniess, Okay, why does the Huffington Post have ten spiritually
Speaker 1: transmitted to disease. It's a whole article, but these are
Speaker 1: spiritually number one? What the fuck is this? Fast food spirituality?
Speaker 1: Faux spirituality confused, But this is dumb. It's isa. You
Speaker 1: can't I don't. You can't trust, you can contract fast,
Speaker 1: can't be trusted anyway. I don't even know what really,
Speaker 1: I thought they were reputable, so I don't know. They've
Speaker 1: gone bad. They've gone dark. They covered an I think
Speaker 1: that's her name. She's she's gone dark. But they didn't
Speaker 1: they do They were cool at first. How did Anna
Speaker 1: do that? My parents might be pissed that Jane got
Speaker 1: the best of her. The white gene you know, not
Speaker 1: all the white, not all the whites. All the genes
Speaker 1: transmute how they do some of these whites, some of
Speaker 1: the other genes, some of the whites, some of the whites.
Speaker 3: Jeans are for peace, some of them know some sometimes
Speaker 3: they get better, but they do get better sometimes, but
Speaker 3: sometimes it's literally in their DNA.
Speaker 1: Anyway, historical. So yeah, the spiritual STD. I thought that
Speaker 1: was really interesting. That was such a fun party. I
Speaker 1: had such a good time at that party. I was
Speaker 1: I did Yeah, I wasn't drinking or anything. I had
Speaker 1: just come from like, I had a volleyball tournament, and
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's any other tournament moms in
Speaker 1: the fucking chat here. But that shit is intense. Okay,
Speaker 1: first of all, it's expensive. Second of all, it's a
Speaker 1: real commitment. They're not fucking around. And I know that
Speaker 1: because I played club soccer, but I forgot, like now,
Speaker 1: being on the other side of it, where I have
Speaker 1: to be responsible, the one that's pushing her, I'm realizing
Speaker 1: it's intense. And so anyway, it was just like at
Speaker 1: this huge court there were maybe like sixty volleyball games
Speaker 1: happening at one time, people blowing whistles, people screaming, screeching
Speaker 1: feet on the court, like all types of shit. I
Speaker 1: was like, I felt over fucking stimulated. And I was
Speaker 1: there for like six hours, and so when I left,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna die. And I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I have tools meditate. So I was listening
Speaker 1: to meditation as I was driving. Then I realized this
Speaker 1: is this can be dangerous. Like I'm trying to do
Speaker 1: breath work and shit, i'm driving, so anyway, I pull
Speaker 1: over and then I'm like, I pull over. I'm so
Speaker 1: deep in it and I might guess I'm sticking like
Speaker 1: four inches into some one's fucking driveway, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've gone far. I'm off I'm at c okay, and
Speaker 1: this person just I was like, I literally haz that.
Speaker 1: It's not ever happened to you where you're like so
Speaker 1: deep in like another space in your mind. Bitch. I
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna have a heart attack anyway, ga right, No,
Speaker 1: I was parked. I was parked, but I guess I
Speaker 1: had like stuck out in the driveway a little bit,
Speaker 1: and then she was trying to pull out. So I
Speaker 1: was like, this is a test. I'd be okay. So
Speaker 1: then I went inside the restaurant and then there was
Speaker 1: a full band playing, and I said, wow, God, this
Speaker 1: is a test. So I went and I put my
Speaker 1: headphones on and then I just like I just put
Speaker 1: on like meditation music and I calmed myself and I
Speaker 1: felt so good at the restaurant. Yeah, I felt so good.
Speaker 1: And then I went and then I got to Nich's
Speaker 1: and and it was just good energy. I'm I was
Speaker 1: just so happy for her too. I'm like literally like
Speaker 1: seeing my friend transform and like she has like a
Speaker 1: whole new group of friends. That's a whole other thing too,
Speaker 1: is like the friend expansion. I was like, she's so cool.
Speaker 1: Are these people okay? But like think about us, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure your friends and my friends when we became
Speaker 1: friends were like, who the fuck are these bitches? Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess Eric's going with Toma again. Okay, Jamila's new
Speaker 1: best Erica blah blah, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: and you know, obviously Nisha had like just four hundred
Speaker 1: new friends. But I thought it's so beautiful because I
Speaker 1: know that, like, you know, she needs that, and she's
Speaker 1: she's killing it, and she has a good discernment and
Speaker 1: she has good taste, and so the people that are
Speaker 1: gonna be there are going to be in good taste
Speaker 1: than they were and they are stragglers, but yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a nightlife. I was like, can we leave her? She's fine,
Speaker 1: I told them with someone else.
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, she's new, just make sure he's not
Speaker 3: letting any stragglers day. He's like, yeah, I know, but
Speaker 3: I'm so excited for her. I think we left the
Speaker 3: party and me and Orlando talked for like the whole
Speaker 3: ride home.
Speaker 1: Like she's fucking killing it. She's the bomp. Look how
Speaker 1: happy she is. Yeah. Literally, we were like so hyped up.
Speaker 1: I was like, we've talked about n she for thirty
Speaker 1: five minutes. But because we've seen our friend be so sad,
Speaker 1: you know, and just like we've seen like we've been
Speaker 1: so sad, like when you've seen someone be so fucking
Speaker 1: sad and like really fighting for something, like just like
Speaker 1: she saw me do the same thing, Like just like
Speaker 1: someone saw you.
Speaker 3: Know, like when you come to the other side, it's
Speaker 3: really like you're winning.
Speaker 1: Bitch, I saw you be there and now I see
Speaker 1: you here. We're not We're all this, Like, we're not
Speaker 1: all different. We're all the same. It's just a matter
Speaker 1: of who decides to like make the choice and say
Speaker 1: fuck this shit, you know what I mean. Like we've
Speaker 1: all been in like deep love, Like, bitch, your love
Speaker 1: for you that nigga is not more than the love
Speaker 1: I thought I have for this nigga. Okay, it's all
Speaker 1: the same. It's all whatever whatever our capacity is. So
Speaker 1: like when you see someone that's like come from like
Speaker 1: the their capacity where like they're about to fucking burst
Speaker 1: if they don't make a motherfucking choice, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, And then you see them do it, and
Speaker 1: they do it in such a fucking amazing, empowering, empowering,
Speaker 1: self centered way, like it's that's what you That's I
Speaker 1: hope for every woman. That's what I fucking hope for
Speaker 1: every fucking woman. You're able to do that, that you're
Speaker 1: able to be that self centered at your brim when
Speaker 1: you're about to, like when everything is on the line
Speaker 1: and you're about to make either this bad choice that
Speaker 1: you know is bad because you know it's bad, or
Speaker 1: you're really about to just make a different choice because
Speaker 1: sometimes a different choice it doesn't that sometimes it feels
Speaker 1: like it could.
Speaker 3: Be bad, like you just don't know. It's just the unknown.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna blow everything up right now. The unknown is
Speaker 3: better than the bad choice. It is thenown. Always trust
Speaker 3: the unknown over the bad choice, over the misery, over
Speaker 3: the gut, the gut feeling that something is not right here.
Speaker 3: Always say, when there's that gut feeling that just something
Speaker 3: is trust the unknown.
Speaker 1: Literally, like that's why it's a quote, bitch, look trust
Speaker 1: the unknown.
Speaker 3: But unknown, it's true. There was a time, like I
Speaker 3: don't know, when we went to salsa dancing. I don't
Speaker 3: know if you're there, and she smoked and she doesn't
Speaker 3: really smoke, but she got really sad head. She was
Speaker 3: like she was talking about she's like, you were dancing,
Speaker 3: you were having so much fun. And she told me like,
Speaker 3: I just couldn't dance. I didn't feel like I didn't
Speaker 3: feel confident in my body. Like she was like, I cry.
Speaker 3: I was crying on the way home. I just don't
Speaker 3: feel good. I remember this moment, she's like, because she
Speaker 3: was like, you looked so free, and I was triggered,
Speaker 3: like it was a it was very specific. And that
Speaker 3: night at her party, the DJ played salsa music and
Speaker 3: we were dancing and I was looking at her and
Speaker 3: we were like spinning and dancing, and I was like, oh.
Speaker 1: That makes me so happy.
Speaker 2: I was like, do you remember when whenselves are dancing
Speaker 2: and you said you didn't feel free? And she was
Speaker 2: like I do and I was like see. I was like, see,
Speaker 2: look where you are, Like how this feels. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm so fucking happy that you jump timelines. That's what
Speaker 2: I told her, I'm so happy that you jump timelines.
Speaker 2: Real people don't understand when you do that unknown, when
Speaker 2: you jump, when you trust that one thing that says
Speaker 2: something's not right here and you do whatever the fuck
Speaker 2: ouse the option is, even if you don't know exactly
Speaker 2: what it is like you jump timelines, you tell the
Speaker 2: universe fuck this, there's something better, and it's like a
Speaker 2: Mario fucking and all the coins come out like you
Speaker 2: literally do, and it changes everything. Like I always say
Speaker 2: that one different choice would have changed everything, like our
Speaker 2: whole lives.
Speaker 1: You know, generally, Like I'm thinking about jumping timelines, like
Speaker 1: if you're in a point in your life where like
Speaker 1: you know, you need a big shift, It's not you
Speaker 1: can't make a little decisions. If you want a big shift,
Speaker 1: then you have to make big girl fucking decisions. It's
Speaker 1: not like it's probably not like go to the go
Speaker 1: on Hike on Mondays. It's probably not that. No, no,
Speaker 1: So it's yeah, the jumping of timelines is.
Speaker 3: But also, don't write in the show and be like
Speaker 3: I quit my job because Jamila, Melan, Jamila and Eric
Speaker 3: had told me to do it smart. We will not
Speaker 3: take responsibility for any of that. Like you got to
Speaker 3: put your ducks in a row.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but if you quit your job and just sorry,
Speaker 1: I mean like sometimes you got to do something something,
Speaker 1: Sometimes it has to go that far, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I'm not taking responsibility for your actions.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you what I've seen, what I've witnessed,
Speaker 1: what I've heard through the grapevine of my life and
Speaker 1: other people's life, in your own experience, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like this is you generally can't ask for
Speaker 1: big life shifts and not make big decisions. That's that's
Speaker 1: not how it works. That's just basic math, bitch. Like
Speaker 1: you can't just do little things of course, like yes,
Speaker 1: the habits, like the disciplines all that stuff. Yes, But
Speaker 1: like generally there's going to be a point where you
Speaker 1: have to make a choice. Am I going to stay
Speaker 1: in this relationship or not? Am I going to stay
Speaker 1: in this house or not? Am I gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: stay in this state or not? Whatever it is, like,
Speaker 1: it's going to require something big. So just don't be afraid,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a place where you know that's
Speaker 1: that's what has to happen, and you'll know that. I
Speaker 1: always say this, It's like as soon as you do
Speaker 1: that one left turn, and spirit is going to give
Speaker 1: you a sign.
Speaker 3: More turns start to more doors start to open. Things
Speaker 3: that you talked about will come. The thing, the thing,
Speaker 3: the opportunities you ask for will say yes, you've got
Speaker 3: to move. It's like it's like as soon as you
Speaker 3: make moves in your favor, God is going to be
Speaker 3: like yep, now keep going, now, keep going, and give
Speaker 3: you like treats along the way so that you know
Speaker 3: I'm not tripping, you know. And it could be small,
Speaker 3: it could be big, but like watch watch the blessings
Speaker 3: literally and sometimes it's not so it's not so covered.
Speaker 1: It's very obvious.
Speaker 3: It's like you'll like put the phone down and make
Speaker 3: a decision and then be like, you got five hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: It's literally because it's like they.
Speaker 3: Don't even want to they won't even It's sometimes so
Speaker 3: obvious because spirit doesn't want you to miss it.
Speaker 1: This is a congratulations. Now keep going.
Speaker 3: So I like, don't underestimate the magic that comes when
Speaker 3: you choose yourself and the little things that start to align,
Speaker 3: because it's it is also part of the universe congratulating
Speaker 3: you and keeping you on your route. And like if
Speaker 3: all the things, if a bunch of things are going
Speaker 3: wrong all the time, it's it's likely that you're not
Speaker 3: making the right to decisions that are centering yourself.
Speaker 1: Amen, as Shay, Let's take a breath, just some Meala
Speaker 1: Moons inhale deep hold excel sounds. Life is good. Life
Speaker 1: is good. Do you want to pull a card? Lady? Sure,
Speaker 1: we do have a bad choice of the week. Do
Speaker 1: you want to read one off? Sure? Is it a discord?
Speaker 1: Uh no, it's you know what we need to do.
Speaker 1: We need to make a channel, bad choice, a bad
Speaker 1: choice channel. Oh yeah, I love the bad mom. Not
Speaker 1: a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 3: I had my boyfriend finger me while at my parents' house.
Speaker 3: It's kind of fun, very seventh grade.
Speaker 1: I like it. Yeah, I like that. You know, they
Speaker 1: have to steal that. I have to steal that, I
Speaker 1: have to steal that.
Speaker 3: There is something about like messing around in your parents
Speaker 3: house that feels like naughty and like quiet.
Speaker 1: It brings you back to like your high school days.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 3: I mean, just don't get caught, for just the love
Speaker 3: of God, because then everyone's gonna talk shit about you
Speaker 3: in the family.
Speaker 1: I think that. I like, I've never thought, well, how
Speaker 1: I talked about my mom's other house, but not that house.
Speaker 1: Just like there's cameras everywhere. I feel like I'm being
Speaker 1: watched there because I've stayed there with people, like I've
Speaker 1: even stayed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I always forget your mom's house with cameras, Like
Speaker 3: you know they have cameras. I'm like, where my tits
Speaker 3: have been out for four hours?
Speaker 1: The point are Oh god, but are you pulling it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So I pulled the Page of Swords. Curiosity, floating verse
Speaker 1: the WiFi. My phone's about today? What is it? The
Speaker 1: page of Swords?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Orlando, like, my history on my phone
Speaker 3: used to be off and for some reason he turned
Speaker 3: it not off and so I can see my porn history.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't need to watch it. No, come on,
Speaker 1: what's your category? Stay on topic? Okay, anyway, Page of Swords.
Speaker 1: The Page of Swords is fully is full of energy, passion,
Speaker 1: and enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. When this card shows up in a
Speaker 1: terror reading, you're bursting with new ideas and plans for
Speaker 1: the few. You may be excited about starting a new project,
Speaker 1: pursuing a new approach of learning something new. You have
Speaker 1: so much energy that you feel as though you could
Speaker 1: do almost anything, and you can. The challenge, however, is
Speaker 1: whether you can keep it up. The Page of Swords
Speaker 1: often emerges when you are exploring a new way of thinking,
Speaker 1: a new idea, perspective, new knowledge or new technique. You
Speaker 1: have a curious mind and a thirst for knowledge. You're
Speaker 1: also very much in the exploratory phase and not mastery.
Speaker 1: You may be prone to making mistakes along the way.
Speaker 1: As a sword relates to communication, the page of swords
Speaker 1: suggests that you are exploring a different way of expressing
Speaker 1: yourself with others and communicating your ideas and opinions. You
Speaker 1: may be drawn to public speaking, writing a big writing
Speaker 1: a book or a blog. I think it's time to
Speaker 1: start writing a book. Should we read this one and
Speaker 1: then maybe we'll get motivated? Yeah, you're right. Have you
Speaker 1: read the poll like the book? No? Have you? Who
Speaker 1: reads their book? Do people read their books? We did
Speaker 1: once authors trying to edit it. I mean I read
Speaker 1: my book over and over again as I was writing,
Speaker 1: which is really confusing. Is you know how stressful it was?
Speaker 1: I think now it's time. It's very stressful. I actually
Speaker 1: I do know how with you. I was in the room.
Speaker 1: I was literally in the room, like Hamilton. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think that also started like a lot of ship for me.
Speaker 1: Reading my book was like, oh bitch, you got more
Speaker 1: work to do. This is all still fucking you up. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Now that we've gotten past it. We have other things
Speaker 1: to say. I'm sure. Yeah, where was I at the book?
Speaker 1: If you're looking for a sign to move ahead with
Speaker 1: a new project, the Painofswar says, go for it. There
Speaker 1: will always be challenges with whatever way you choose, and
Speaker 1: not everyone will be thrilled with your choices. But when
Speaker 1: it comes down to it, you need to follow your
Speaker 1: passions and go where the true energy lies. You're just
Speaker 1: talking about that true energy. Where does your true energy lie? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to stay open. Well, this is something in relationships.
Speaker 1: If you need to give yourself a break from this
Speaker 1: from this person in return with fresh eyes. They have
Speaker 1: a lot to share with you, and despite their experience inexperience.
Speaker 1: May sorry, I'm reading in the middle of a sentence.
Speaker 1: It makes no sense. It may teach you something about yourself.
Speaker 1: We can read good anyway. Start starting, Start, start the transition,
Speaker 1: Start the new thing. It's the beginning of the year.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it being perfect. You know, the year
Speaker 1: of the Horse is coming. Yeah, don't overwhelm yourself. But
Speaker 1: if you're feeling the itch to shift, it's time to
Speaker 1: start the words of fucking Nike, just do it.
Speaker 3: Do you still support Nike and the words of I
Speaker 3: don't know who's on the list. You can't even trust
Speaker 3: any big brands. Oh well, thank you for joining us today.
Speaker 3: We have been cackling for quite some time. We're high now,
Speaker 3: but I enjoyed that. I hope that this message resonates
Speaker 3: with you. And if you're looking to do this, powwow
Speaker 3: and person check out the Good Vibrant. We have retreats
Speaker 3: coming up this summer and we want to spend time
Speaker 3: with you in the jungle with your titties out.
Speaker 1: It's life changing. It is a timeline jump, and it's
Speaker 1: literally that's a big decision. You truly like, if you
Speaker 1: don't know how to jump the timeline, come to the
Speaker 1: just ask our girls, ask the people that have come.
Speaker 1: You literally can look at the reviews, you can DM
Speaker 1: people in the discord and if you're in our discord,
Speaker 1: just say, hey, anyone been to the Good Vibratory Tell
Speaker 1: me about it, because it truly is like jumping timelines.
Speaker 1: It truly is a big shift and a big decision
Speaker 1: and it's an investment, so it really is a big decision.
Speaker 1: Like you're like, do I am I ready to do this?
Speaker 3: I don't know anyone who's come that hasn't left changed,
Speaker 3: you know in some capacity.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. So come join us in Costa Rica
Speaker 1: and make sure you subscribe to our YouTube follow us.
Speaker 1: Leave us a motherfucking review, please, you know we love
Speaker 1: a review and we'll see you next week night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: been so good. Can't you tell? I went through it
Speaker 1: rout since til I found out? Well, may might have
Speaker 1: been known earth. I used to be broken tail, now
Speaker 1: got the blues in to like Beyonce justll throat shot
Speaker 1: or pop in his cow. We're in our voices.
Speaker 2: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit its women
Speaker 2: put the pee in power, so it's pointless.
Speaker 1: They want me to be good, so I mean bad choices.
Speaker 1: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 1: It's in on fort Cannabis in their backbone.
Speaker 3: Walked in boussos cap and I blew his cat balls.
Speaker 1: Hot dog. Now I'm immune to the cat called her
Speaker 1: being no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother,
Speaker 1: rent the lover when too. It's like a water sign
Speaker 1: where you're rent the winter essential will when the summertime?
Speaker 1: I do it all? Ain't know when that needs a
Speaker 1: running by