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Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

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Speaker 1: She couldn't.

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Speaker 2: She cleaned and cared for her children and the man

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Speaker 2: of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

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Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was

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Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices. That shit,

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Speaker 1: we're good mom's bad choices.

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Speaker 3: Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy shared all

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Speaker 3: their bad choices.

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Speaker 1: And sound out they were so bad.

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Speaker 3: After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.

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Speaker 1: Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Meila. Happy hump Day, bitches, Happy med the fucking

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Speaker 1: hemp day. It is SmackDown mid January. Are in the middle.

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Speaker 1: I can't fucking believe it. I'm like, what the fuck?

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Speaker 1: Why is time moving so fast? So fast? I'm so annoyed.

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Speaker 3: I literally was on the way here, like damn man, Like,

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Speaker 3: can we just push pause for two weeks?

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Speaker 1: I need everything to chill. Well, we've had a very

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Speaker 1: eventful like beginning of January, so you probably do.

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Speaker 3: I'm just like, there is I just feel like there's

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Speaker 3: so many birthdays and celebrations and trips, and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: can I just wash clothes last week?

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Speaker 1: Like clothes, You're you're already planning your next trip. I

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Speaker 1: was like, damn, bitch.

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Speaker 3: My husband's turning thirty five. He's like, you plan it.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, house party, I'm thirty five. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: can we keep our coins for one more month?

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Speaker 1: Shit? Got it? Orlando? You got the AIRPNP but on

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Speaker 1: the credit card. Got it. She's trying to get me

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Speaker 1: go to New York. I want to go again. Oh lord.

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Speaker 1: I's like, come on, it's my first party in New York.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, first party. We're rock stars. I'm like a

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Speaker 1: rock star. Oh my god, Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, So I feel like time swimming so fast,

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Speaker 3: and I keep thinking about twenty twenty and how we

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Speaker 3: have anything.

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Speaker 1: You think that this little past three episodes. Let's give

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Speaker 1: me your hand. It's not coming back. It's not coming back, babe.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, COVID three. It's it's six years ago. But

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Speaker 1: it was such a good time, and you know, first

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Speaker 1: it was scary, but then I know it was a

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Speaker 1: big moment for us. Good time. We didn't do a

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Speaker 1: lot some hairstyles. I cut her hair. There was a

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Speaker 1: lot going on. Our kids were smaller, they were cuter,

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Speaker 1: more agreeable.

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Speaker 3: There's mushrooms and backyards and nobody was on the highway. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you didn't have to wear any clothes. I really got

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Speaker 3: my sweatpant game up that year.

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Speaker 1: We got accidental. We got accidental boyfriends, speaking of which

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Speaker 1: I ran into at the the other night. At that party,

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Speaker 1: this guy came up to me and was like, you

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Speaker 1: know who I am? And I was like, you're The

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Speaker 1: face looks familiar. He's like, you don't remember me, do you?

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Speaker 1: And I no, No, I do know your face, but

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Speaker 1: I just don't who are you. I don't want of

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Speaker 1: people detest me in public? Niggah, Where do I know

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Speaker 1: you from? And he was like poetry Bay, scammer bay.

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Speaker 1: Why would he call him that? He didn't. I'm just

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Speaker 1: not gonna say that his name. I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: give that man credit here. And I was like, oh shit.

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Speaker 1: He's like have you talked to him? I was like, hell, no,

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Speaker 1: have you? He was like no, I thought you would.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, haiga, he's probably some more scamming a

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Speaker 1: new bitch. He is in New York. He's in New York. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he lives in New York. I think, what a loser. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all the losers moved to New York or live there.

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Speaker 1: Just kidding. I love New York. I love you guys.

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Speaker 1: I actually do really love New York. It's my favorite

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Speaker 1: place on Earth.

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Speaker 3: I love New York too. I just I don't you know,

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Speaker 3: I don't have a lot of friends there. I always go,

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Speaker 3: I'm mean, I have Ashley, but I'm always like that

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Speaker 3: was more popular here.

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Speaker 1: You always say that, like, who can have lunch with nobody?

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Speaker 1: You know, to get my friend, you just gotta hit

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Speaker 1: up the discord. We have bitches in New York. Actually,

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Speaker 1: we got our homegrowl in Connecticut. Whose who will come over? Oh,

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Speaker 1: Addieth call her? Yeah, there's a couple of people we

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Speaker 1: have people.

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Speaker 3: I'm supposed to go to New York this weekend with Nanetia,

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Speaker 3: and she's texting me this morning and I'm like, it's

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Speaker 3: okay to say no, I know, I know, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was just January is going to buy really fast.

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Speaker 3: Twenty twenty six is here. I feel like sooner as

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Speaker 3: the year starts, it's gonna be over in twenty In

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Speaker 3: a blink of flash in a fucking hurry.

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not subscribing to this. I'm not either.

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Speaker 1: I'm just telling you what time starting right now, everything's

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Speaker 1: moving slower, you hear me, right now?

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Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, it's been a good year though it popped

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Speaker 3: off immediately. Great, I feel good. I just need like,

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Speaker 3: I like, I want to move slower. I just want

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Speaker 3: to have I wish each day was forty eight hours.

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Speaker 1: That'll be great, you know it? Can we like can

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Speaker 1: we change? Like who even made it? Twenty four? Like

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Speaker 1: who said?

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Speaker 3: And who is a person who said okay and go

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Speaker 3: one two day one day two?

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Speaker 1: This is your one? Like who made up time? I

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Speaker 1: hate it? I don't know. But what I really need

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Speaker 1: is for Daylight Savings to stop, to stop. It gets

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Speaker 1: it gets, it gets dark really early. I needed to end.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I don't know why we're still doing this shit.

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Speaker 1: It's like, is it supposed to? Are they trying to

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Speaker 1: cause seasonal depression? Like I'm pretty sure they're trying to

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Speaker 1: manipulate our brains.

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Speaker 3: I mean, they're definitely trying to manipulate our brains, but

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Speaker 3: more so, they're trying to manipulate time.

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Speaker 1: Because I always say this, and I'll say it again.

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Speaker 1: Where are you putting the hour? Because they I just

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Speaker 1: saw on Instagram posts like don't worry guys. Starting next month,

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Speaker 1: nightfall will start at six pm instead of four thirty,

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Speaker 1: and then in April it will be seven And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh great, we gotta keep waiting. It does I don't

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Speaker 1: They only do it once a year, right, I guess

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Speaker 1: over the next few months, it starts, the sun's sunrise starts,

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Speaker 1: the sunset starts to happen a little bit later, a

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Speaker 1: little bit later, and by I want to say May,

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Speaker 1: it's around like eight o'clock or like seven thirty or something,

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Speaker 1: and a reasonable time, not four forty five in the afternoon.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't get it. Still still don't get it.

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Speaker 1: How are you? What's going on? I'm good. I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I uh have a child that's sick from school today.

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Speaker 1: A lot of shit happened actually today my child. Last night,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I poisoned diary. I made her pasta

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Speaker 1: and I I used some pasta sauce. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: used some pizza sauce, which is the same shit. They're

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Speaker 1: just like repackaging shit and calling it pizza sauce. So

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Speaker 1: I used a pizza sauce and it had been opened

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Speaker 1: maybe for like a week and a half, maybe longer,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I thought, like refrigerator. It was a refrigerator,

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Speaker 1: of course, and I looked at it and I looked around.

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Speaker 1: I was like, eh, it looks fine, and I put

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Speaker 1: it in and then like thirty minutes later, she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: my stomach hurts. I feel that feeling like like last

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Speaker 1: time when I projectile vomited it. Did she hear you

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Speaker 1: say that? It's no? She said no. That's why I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh fuck, And like I was gonna have

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Speaker 1: some of her pasta too. I was like, do you

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Speaker 1: want some? She's like, I'll have more, and I was like, fuck,

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Speaker 1: I want some of that, And then thank god I didn't.

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Speaker 1: Did she projected al voma? No? But like generally, like

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Speaker 1: usually when I re said she's not feeling well, I've

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Speaker 1: learned because I'm like one of those parents never believes

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Speaker 1: her kid working on it. It's called trauma childiod trauma.

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Speaker 1: Because my mom did that to me. Generally, She's like

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Speaker 1: she's pretty truthful about like not feeling well. So I

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Speaker 1: was like okay, So this morning. She woke me up

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Speaker 1: at like five forty five in the morning saying her

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Speaker 1: stomach was still hurting, and so I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what are we gonna do? Then? Also, I'm babysitting. Apparently

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Speaker 1: I'm co parenting with my baby daddy's dog. My baby

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Speaker 1: daddy bought my daughter a golden doodle and it's fucking

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Speaker 1: adorable and I love the dog, and so I told him, like,

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Speaker 1: when you go out of town, you can bring it

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Speaker 1: over here, and so he dropped it off. But I

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Speaker 1: haven't heard from him. Yeah, because I heard it. I

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Speaker 1: haven't heard from him in two days. I'm like, niggah,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go to work. What am I gonna do

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Speaker 1: with this dog? You should have never agreed to that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I love the dog. With the dog is

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Speaker 1: here at the studio now. Because I had nowhere to go,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna put the dog in the car while

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Speaker 1: I went to the gym. But thank god, my daughter

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Speaker 1: was sick so she could baby sit the dog while

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Speaker 1: I went to the gym. And now the dog is

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Speaker 1: here with the with the kid. And on top of that,

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Speaker 1: I just got a call that my boyfriend got in

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Speaker 1: a car accident in my car. So you know, everything

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Speaker 1: is great today. Everything is great. Okay, Okay, I'm alive

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Speaker 1: and so is he, and that's all that matters. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm he got in a hit and run accident about

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes ago. Seconds. Let's just say a prayer for

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Speaker 1: chakem in my car. How are you well? Had a

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Speaker 1: nightmare last night? Oh, tell me about it. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: We were together and there was a man stalking us.

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Speaker 3: They're stalking me, They're trying to get in and like

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Speaker 3: man or men? A man?

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Speaker 1: What do you look like? Hit?

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Speaker 3: A very heavy beard, like a dyed beard, like someone's

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Speaker 3: baby daddy that we know.

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Speaker 1: Was he black? Yeah? Oh okay, that's all I can

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Speaker 1: really remember. And it was so bad.

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Speaker 3: Like also, do you experience like I just started my

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Speaker 3: cycle yet, like yesterday, and I feel like I sweat,

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Speaker 3: like when I I thought it was just like sometimes

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Speaker 3: that I have night sweats.

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Speaker 1: But like Perry, menopause, can.

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Speaker 3: You not say that that is not the only thing

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Speaker 3: that means that is very disrespectful and assumptive.

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Speaker 1: You're not daying you're in menopause. It's called perimenopause. Is

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Speaker 1: not the only apparently between the ages of thirty five

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Speaker 1: to forty two, we are our bodies are already entering

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Speaker 1: into perimenopause.

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Speaker 3: My mother is not even menopause yet and she's almost

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Speaker 3: sixty second of all. You know, I have aspirations to

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Speaker 3: have a child that.

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Speaker 1: Is not you can't have a child during pen and perimenopause.

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Speaker 1: I don't ever beat that. Okay. I was just asking you.

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Speaker 3: Or on your cycle, I asked you to fucking talk

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Speaker 3: when you're on your cycle, do you feel like you

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Speaker 3: sweat at night?

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Speaker 1: No? I turned into a cycle path because.

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Speaker 3: I was talking to I think Ashley, and she was like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: when I get hot at night when I'm I'm on

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Speaker 3: my cycle. I was like, I didn't think about the

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Speaker 3: cycle part anyway.

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Speaker 1: I had a nightmare.

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Speaker 3: I fucking woke up and fucking heaps the sweat, and

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Speaker 3: I was like, Orlando, He's like what this guy had

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Speaker 3: a good nightmare. And I didn't fel like getting up

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Speaker 3: to like put a towel or change the sheet, so

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Speaker 3: I just rolled over. But I was like it was traumatic.

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Speaker 3: I felt very traumatized. In the middle of the night,

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Speaker 3: I'm like sweating, someone's chasing as and then like I

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Speaker 3: had a live show but I was by myself. I

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Speaker 3: was so weird. I'm like, why am I getting stalked

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Speaker 3: maybe beaten? And then also I'm at a live show.

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Speaker 3: It was a lot going on.

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Speaker 1: But I had a similar dream the other night, but

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Speaker 1: you weren't in it. But I had a dream that

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Speaker 1: two white men, one with a big beard, was trying

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Speaker 1: to break into my house and I and I didn't

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Speaker 1: have I knew they were trying to steal my money,

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Speaker 1: and so I tried to open the safe, but I

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Speaker 1: was so nervous that my hands like couldn't like puitch

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Speaker 1: the button. So and then I just threw the whole

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Speaker 1: safe in a suitcase, and Iri was with me. And

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Speaker 1: then I was like, oh my god, wait, I have

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Speaker 1: a gun, because I do have a gun in my house,

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Speaker 1: and so I remembered where it was, but I wasn't

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Speaker 1: in my house. I was like in the countryside, but

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Speaker 1: the gun was in the dresser that it is actually

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Speaker 1: in my house. And and then I went to go

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Speaker 1: put the the what is it called the magazine in

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't like getting in, and then finally I

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Speaker 1: got it in and I was like okay, And so

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Speaker 1: I went downstairs like ready to shoot them, and then

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Speaker 1: I kept hitting it and nothing was happening, and then

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Speaker 1: they grabbed me and they started taking me out of

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Speaker 1: the house and then they were like, you stay to Iri,

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Speaker 1: and then they closed the door and it was just

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Speaker 1: them and Iri in the house. And I woke up

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Speaker 1: fucking hysterically crying. And then I was like, Okay, it's

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Speaker 1: just a dream. And I tried to go back to sleep,

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Speaker 1: and then I felt guilty for going back to sleep

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Speaker 1: after such a fucked up dream. Not guilt, yeah, like

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Speaker 1: how could I go back to sleep after these two

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Speaker 1: men are like going to take my daughter? Like I

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Speaker 1: was just it's not really so anyway, I really I

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Speaker 1: was fucked up.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I haven't had a nightmare a really

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Speaker 3: long time, maybe because I didn't smugle weed last night.

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Speaker 1: But you have a weapon in your house. I have

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Speaker 1: a nailed wood piece she Come's been giving me. After

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Speaker 1: that dream, he gave me another gun lesson, So I

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Speaker 1: think it's time. I think it's time. No, I really

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Speaker 1: do need you need a weapon in your home. I

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Speaker 1: have one in my home. I need to feel more

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Speaker 1: secure using the weapon, and we need to just literally

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Speaker 1: get with cha. Can and do come over and do

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Speaker 1: these practices and then go to the shooting range. I'm down.

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Speaker 1: I've been saying that for a long time.

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Speaker 3: You know, I feel militant, Like there's a militant side

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Speaker 3: of me I haven't awakened yet.

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Speaker 1: So I'm yeah, I'm down.

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Speaker 3: And especially when we'd times like every time I see

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Speaker 3: like one of these ridiculous fucking ice pullovers, in my head,

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Speaker 3: I'm like thinking of the ways we should take them out.

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Speaker 3: But it's just, yeah, I just violent. I believe in

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Speaker 3: gun laws. I believe everyone should have the right to carry.

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Speaker 3: I believe everyone should have one. Well, now you can

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Speaker 3: open carry in California, you can't.

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Speaker 1: I think they just passed that. There's no way. I'm

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Speaker 1: like pretty sure California has been had.

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Speaker 3: This has the strictest, like the most strict carry laws

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Speaker 3: in like the country, Like you can have a gun,

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Speaker 3: we're not supposed to travel with it, and if you

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Speaker 3: do travel, it's supposed to be locked in your glove

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Speaker 3: compartment or locked in the trunk, where it's like what

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Speaker 3: the fuck am I gonna do with it locked in

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Speaker 3: my glove compartment and it can't be loaded.

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Speaker 1: So it's like.

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Speaker 3: It's very strict if you get caught the gun and

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Speaker 3: you and it's very hard to get a carry a

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Speaker 3: like an open not open carry, but a carry license here,

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Speaker 3: like they only do like ten a year or something.

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Speaker 1: Crazy. Okay, maybe I made that up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if that's true. I mean, maybe

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Speaker 3: I help so because I want one in my purse.

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Speaker 1: Supreme Court appears likely to strike down California law banning

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Speaker 1: guns and stores and restaurants.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So I mean that's the Republicans, that's the one

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Speaker 3: thing they're doing. I do believe that if people assumed,

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Speaker 3: if everyone assumed that someone else had a gun, there'd

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Speaker 3: be less likely people to fuck with you. If you

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Speaker 3: just assumed everyone was caring, like we're in Texas or

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Speaker 3: something like that, I think there'd be less likely for

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Speaker 3: someone to break into your home or fuck with you

302
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Speaker 3: because bitch, I'm gonna assume this bitch is gonna shoot me.

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Speaker 1: So I just feel like, protect yourself. Anger shit. I

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Speaker 1: know Iri was because I told Iri about my dream,

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Speaker 1: well not not every part, but she was like, so

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Speaker 1: it's like because I have a we have a baseball

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Speaker 1: bat because it's scary. I had really dark thoughts about

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Speaker 1: what was gonna happen, I know, but then don't put

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Speaker 1: the fear into her exactly, which why I didn't tell

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Speaker 1: I said, you said you did tell her? No. I

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Speaker 1: didn't tell her no, no. So then she was like, Mommy,

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Speaker 1: do you know that sometimes when that bat that we

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Speaker 1: used to have at the house, I used to just

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Speaker 1: push it to my side of the bed. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, you did, just like, I'm like why she's

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Speaker 1: because sometimes I'd be scared in her old house push

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Speaker 1: what we had. I had a bat under my bed

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Speaker 1: and so she I guess sometimes she'd push it to

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Speaker 1: her side of the bed. I'm like, gir, what you

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Speaker 1: going to do with it? Right? Keep that shit on

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Speaker 1: my side, you know. And she was like, well, if

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Speaker 1: someone came to the and to our door, now, would

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Speaker 1: you use a bat? I was like, no, I would

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Speaker 1: use it. And she was like why And I was like,

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Speaker 1: cuz they would know I'm not fucking playing. Generally, if

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Speaker 1: someone here's a gun, you just hear that shit, You're like,

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Speaker 1: all right, never mind like and then I was like, wait, well,

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Speaker 1: just I was like, if it's if we're out in

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Speaker 1: public and someone approaches me, probably not going to like

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Speaker 1: point a gun in their face. We're going to see

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Speaker 1: what happens, like, we'll see how I'm not going straight

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Speaker 1: for the gun. So I don't want her to think

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Speaker 1: like trouble equals shoot someone in the face.

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Speaker 3: I mean women, single women, single moms particularly, I think

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Speaker 3: like we need mace, we need tasers, we need guns,

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00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,200
Speaker 3: we need guns. I think, I know there's a lot

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00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 3: of things right now and like social about decentering men,

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Speaker 3: which I also feel like, do we need to recenterment?

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Speaker 1: I think I feel like that.

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Speaker 3: So all that to say, when we think about decentering men,

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Speaker 3: I don't think there's enough enough thought behind how can

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Speaker 3: I protect myself and not rely solely on a man?

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Speaker 3: How can I like, how do I feel secure without

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Speaker 3: a man? And I think if we're going to decenter men,

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Speaker 3: I think that is the first in place and foremost

346
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Speaker 3: where you need to feel secure in protecting and providing

347
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Speaker 3: for your own safety and your own family if and

348
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Speaker 3: when you know, like your man is not present.

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Speaker 1: I agree.

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Speaker 3: But back to the decentering men, uh, like, what is

351
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Speaker 3: it called like a fad?

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Speaker 1: The trend right now? Yeah? I wouldna say something mean,

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Speaker 1: but then I then I decided not to because it's

354
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Speaker 1: not true. I think that decentering men is important for

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Speaker 1: women who have made, of course men the center of

356
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Speaker 1: their world. For pigmies, Yes, that's what I was kind

357
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Speaker 1: of gonna say. I like, not all of us need

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Speaker 1: to decenter men, you know, like some of us that

359
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Speaker 1: have not made men the center of their world probably

360
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,000
Speaker 1: don't need to decenter men, but probably need to recenter men. Yeah,

361
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,080
Speaker 1: I understand. I think you need to recenter the good

362
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Speaker 1: men in the world and not decenter all men, because

363
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Speaker 1: then you're gonna be a lonely bitch. Because I know that.

364
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Speaker 1: I used to think that, like maybe we should just

365
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Speaker 1: live on a on an island full of women. I

366
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Speaker 1: don't want to do that. I change my mind. I

367
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Speaker 1: don't want to do that at all. Wait. I saw

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Speaker 1: today this woman is throwing like an all all moms

369
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Speaker 1: prom and they're all dressed up and Dan I was like,

370
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Speaker 1: I was like, I am, I don't mean that gay,

371
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, my.

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Speaker 3: Boy crazy, I'm like, I don't want to dress up

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Speaker 3: with a bunch of bitches.

374
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Speaker 1: I was like, this seems stupid. They're gonna drink and

375
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Speaker 1: what we're gonna do. I don't want to be in

376
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Speaker 1: a colony full of bitches. I don't want that. I

377
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,720
Speaker 1: do like. I like bitches. I like I need niggas

378
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 1: to do some stuff, including fuck me so and and

379
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,920
Speaker 1: pick up ship and take the trash out. Like there's

380
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 1: certain things and privileges that I've become accustomed to now

381
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 1: that I'm been in a relationship for a while that

382
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Speaker 1: I don't want to give up. I want I need

383
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 1: the man to be the center of the universe in

384
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Speaker 1: that way. I don't want to do certain ship, but

385
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Speaker 1: I do think we should decenter toxic men. Ain't no

386
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,000
Speaker 1: good ain't no good men, but they're the good ones. No,

387
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Speaker 1: we don't need to do that. You need to go

388
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Speaker 1: to therapy, girl and figure out why men are the

389
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,120
Speaker 1: center of universe and why you keep attracting the wrong men.

390
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,080
Speaker 3: Well, I know I've been at the center of women's

391
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 3: universes because that's kind of how we are socially programmed,

392
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Speaker 3: is that you know, our worth and our worthiness is

393
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,800
Speaker 3: tied to our dating status or like, if you're over

394
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,840
Speaker 3: thirty five and you don't marry, you don't have any kids,

395
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,040
Speaker 3: what's wrong with you? Like that's a huge Like, uh,

396
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 3: we get spoonfit, we get spoon fed that concept and

397
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,879
Speaker 3: that belief system from like zero years old, so I

398
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 3: understand it, but I think I realized that it causes

399
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,960
Speaker 3: such a it's so it's so toxic. A I've seen

400
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,120
Speaker 3: women saying relationships for way too long and essentially lose

401
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,119
Speaker 3: themselves with their purpose and like maybe they're they're they're

402
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 3: the possibility of them changing the world because they're so

403
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,560
Speaker 3: used to they're just obsessing over a man instead of themselves.

404
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,680
Speaker 3: And then also like just being dumb bitches, like being

405
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,880
Speaker 3: dumb bitches and desperate to keep a relationship by all

406
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,000
Speaker 3: means necessary, just to say they have a relationship hoping

407
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:48,160
Speaker 3: to change someone. And I just I really fucking despise

408
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,879
Speaker 3: that on like a very high level, because we are

409
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 3: so intuitive and we are so capable, and if we

410
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 3: tap into our intuition and stop fucking thinking we need

411
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,520
Speaker 3: a man to make ourselves worthy, then you might find

412
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,560
Speaker 3: the right man and stop hating men you're dating the

413
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,159
Speaker 3: wrong nigga. But I do think there needs to be

414
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:09,719
Speaker 3: a campaign or rebranding of recentering good men, because I mean,

415
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 3: we both said a lot of niggas ain't shit rhetoric.

416
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, I am not excluded from centering men

417
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,880
Speaker 1: in my life, like I'm not. I'm not. Just because

418
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,280
Speaker 1: I'm in a relationship now doesn't mean I've deleted the

419
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,000
Speaker 1: past of where I have made a man the center

420
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,040
Speaker 1: of my universe, where I've allowed him to like dictate

421
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,399
Speaker 1: how I feel, how I show up. So I understand

422
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 1: that concept of like decentering that man, decentering those the

423
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 1: urges to keep choosing those type of people. But I

424
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Speaker 1: don't think that.

425
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 3: I think that once and and and and centering yourself.

426
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 3: I think it's more like centering yourself, Like why do

427
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 3: we have to decenter the man just focus on you? Well,

428
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,280
Speaker 3: I think I think we've had to decenter the men

429
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 3: because most women will not focus on themselves. They will

430
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 3: focus on the man. They will focus on the relationship.

431
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,439
Speaker 3: And so I think it's just like it's not a

432
00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 3: good example, but like Black Lives Matter, It's like we

433
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 3: wouldn't have to say that if we weren't first fucking

434
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 3: systematically put at the bottom. But because women have so

435
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 3: often put men before themselves, then there's this campaign of

436
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 3: decentering men. But like, yeah, dub bitge center yourself, You're

437
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,959
Speaker 3: the sun. And I'm also I'm not exempt from this.

438
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 3: Like I saw my mom in my opinion center, my

439
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,159
Speaker 3: dad so much that it drained the fuck out of me,

440
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 3: and that growing up, I was like that will never ever, ever, ever, ever,

441
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 3: ever ever be me. And now that I'm in a

442
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 3: relationship with a great man, I've had to really like

443
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:41,959
Speaker 3: check myself on my he man hating club personally, you know.

444
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,680
Speaker 3: So I'm like, you know, there's we talked about this

445
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 3: before we started, about like I guess a rebranding of

446
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 3: your mindset, and like when we first started this show,

447
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 3: we were both newly out of like relationships with our

448
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,560
Speaker 3: baby fathers, and like there was a hue huge fuck

449
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,359
Speaker 3: niggas be ourselves, Like we were reclaiming ourselves. There was

450
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 3: a rebranding that happened. I guess there was a decentering

451
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 3: of a men. There was there was a decentering of men.

452
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 1: And now we're in like it's eight years later and

453
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: there's a completely different uh, Like we're in a completely

454
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 1: different world. And so there's like a relearning of myself

455
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 1: that I've had to like kind of accept like the

456
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 1: party girl and I am the party girl. I am fun,

457
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 1: but like also just not let it go but embrace

458
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 1: this other this other route too, which has been like interesting.

459
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,480
Speaker 1: It does feel like a little bit sad. Yeah, I

460
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 1: mean that's what came up for me. The other night

461
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 1: I did mushrooms and I was like moving through a

462
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,679
Speaker 1: few different things. It was pretty like lighted, lighthearted and joyful.

463
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,119
Speaker 1: It was having like a date night at my house.

464
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 1: And she kinme like made up this game called for you,

465
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,159
Speaker 1: and we played. We made up for you know, you

466
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: canna tell us how that goes? Take off of each

467
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: piece of clubs art. So basically each color is like

468
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: so like red like hit a key he had like

469
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: a key key he wrote a key out, so like

470
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: blue equals massage, Red equals like lick, suck or bite,

471
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: Green equals like a firm, like say some sort of affirmation.

472
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 1: And then with the other color, yellow equals I can't

473
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,480
Speaker 1: remember another thing. And then and then the way he

474
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,120
Speaker 1: plays like you pick a number like I say number five,

475
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 1: and then that's how many cards you pick whatever the

476
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 1: fifth card is, That is the I can remember the

477
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 1: numbers also mean something seems this is a whole game. No,

478
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: it was really easy when idea anyway, I won't give it.

479
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: I won't give him too many information. But anyway, it

480
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 1: was fun. It was really fun, and I think that's why,

481
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: like the mushrooms, Like I took the mushrooms and we

482
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: played the game, and so like I entered into the

483
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: mushroom experience already like doing something, like doing something fun,

484
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: because sometimes when I'm doing mushrooms and like let me wait,

485
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: and then I'm like my teether feel weird and then

486
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: like gotta take depreas, gotta go cry, so like lay here,

487
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: don't lay here. So I kind of bypassed that, which

488
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,920
Speaker 1: was nice. But as so then we after we played

489
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,919
Speaker 1: for he you know, we laid down and and he

490
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: was like just holding me from behind, and like I

491
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 1: was just thinking, I like I did actually kind of

492
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: cry because I was thinking about just like my identity

493
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: and how like it has shifted so much over the

494
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 1: last I would say two years. And one of the

495
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: things that has shifted is my relationship with safety and

496
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: always feeling like I can never be safe with a man.

497
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 1: And Shakim has shown me consistently that I am safe

498
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: with him, like never has he ever made me feel unsafe.

499
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: And so what I mean, like.

500
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 3: As far as like infidelity and like inflatlity, consistency, like

501
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 3: doing what he said he's gonna do, showing up for IRI,

502
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 3: like emotional safety, so if I share something with him,

503
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 3: he doesn't like against me or like act weird or

504
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 3: act different or pull away like if anything, he leans

505
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 3: in more.

506
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: And so like these are all things that I didn't

507
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,479
Speaker 1: even realize some of those things I needed in safety

508
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: until I was with so I started dating him, But

509
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 1: I was sitting there thinking about just like yeah, feeling

510
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 1: like that's not part of my world anymore, and feeling

511
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: like sad, not sad about it. It sounds weird to

512
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 1: feel sad, but like I felt like I needed to

513
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 1: have a funeral. Like that was the message, Like, bitch,

514
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: you need to have a funeral for these, for this identity,

515
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: this identity is not yours anymore, like your anti men identity,

516
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 1: like not even anti men. Because I don't think i've

517
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,199
Speaker 1: I don't think i'm I don't want to say I've

518
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: never been anti men. I don't. I don't think i've.

519
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,880
Speaker 1: I feel like I haven't. I let that part go

520
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: a while ago. Whereas like I know that there's good

521
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: men in the world, and like I know that I

522
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 1: believe that but the part around the trusting of them

523
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 1: not necessarily gonna cheat on me, but like the holistic trust,

524
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 1: Can I trust you in all the ways? Like it's

525
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 1: one thing for me to be able to trust you

526
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,640
Speaker 1: and know you're not gonna cheat on me. But if

527
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: I say, hey, like I need more of this, are

528
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: you going to now act weird? And now I feel like, oh,

529
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,239
Speaker 1: I can't share those things with you. So there was

530
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: like it felt like I needed or I need to

531
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: have a funeral for that previous that identity that is

532
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: no longer fits where I'm at anymore. And I felt sad,

533
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: and then I felt happy, and then I felt like, wow,

534
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: how have how have I not like realized this? And

535
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: I was thinking about just how as people, not even

536
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: just as women, how we hold on so tightly to

537
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: our these identities that we say we don't want anymore,

538
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 1: and then when things show up, how we still like

539
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: grasp to them and not realizing how they're infiltrating into

540
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: our relationship dynamics. And sometimes it takes a second for

541
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: us to realize like this is not here anymore, and

542
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: there's no space for this anymore, and I don't want

543
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: space for this anymore. And actually now I have to like,

544
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: who is Erica as someone who has safety in her life? Like,

545
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,719
Speaker 1: have I fully even stepped into that version of myself

546
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: because I didn't even realize I was still holding on

547
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 1: to this identity. So in the Mushrooms, I kind of

548
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: like at the end of it all, I felt like

549
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: really happy. I was like, oh my God, Like I

550
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 1: feel like I birthed something like that. It's like a

551
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 1: new piece of me now that is going to be

552
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 1: allowed to show up as someone who feels safe not

553
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: just with men, but like also like within my within

554
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 1: other relationships, within relationships with my friends, with you, because

555
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 1: I realized how that specific thing affects all of my relationships.

556
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 1: The distrust, not trusting what people say they're going to

557
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: do and then if they then if they don't do

558
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: what they say they're going to do. It's way heavier

559
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: than it should be, just because people are human and

560
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: like they fuck up, But it carries a way heavier

561
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: weight because I have this like I've had I've had

562
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 1: no longer had this deep distrust and wound and how

563
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: and how personal I take it. And yeah, so anyway

564
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,440
Speaker 1: that came up in the mushrooms is just like having

565
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: this funeral for like your previous identities, and like encouraging

566
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: other women or people to think about the ways that

567
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 1: their lives have shifted over the last however and long,

568
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a better place or you're in

569
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: a better relationship, and if you are still holding on

570
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 1: to those identities and how they're showing up in a

571
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: relationship and how it's time to fucking let the shake go.

572
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 3: It's funny, before we started, I just read something it

573
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: was like ivery birth myself and I'm going through postpartum.

574
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: That's what it kind of felt like, because I was

575
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,920
Speaker 1: like kind of sad bitch in the mushroom. I was like,

576
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: why am I sad that I have to let this go?

577
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 1: Like I was crying about like finally letting it go.

578
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 3: I think that we I don't there's not enough discussions

579
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 3: about like identity, and I think we're also in a

580
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,880
Speaker 3: time we're removing really quickly, and there's so much to do,

581
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,400
Speaker 3: and there's like birthday parties, kids, dad. Like I think

582
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 3: just generally in adulthood life, I mean like time seems

583
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 3: like it's going by faster because you have more responsibilities.

584
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: But I think that in that fast movingness. We don't

585
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 3: give enough credit for the lessons and the evolution and

586
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,199
Speaker 3: the and like give more enough time to sit with

587
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,359
Speaker 3: self about reevaluating and rebranding and releasing the old versions

588
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 3: of yourself. And especially I think because I feel I

589
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 3: felt this way, Like, you know, we've had a lot

590
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 3: of discussions, We've gone through a lot of changes, relationship wise,

591
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 3: friendship wise, kids, whatever, And I was just like, because

592
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 3: we spent so much time talking about celebrating those breakups,

593
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 3: and like it was such a win to get out

594
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 3: of those relationships and to find ourselves and to decenter

595
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 3: men and like center ourselves.

596
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: It was.

597
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 3: It's a It's a huge part of our identity, Like

598
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 3: Good Moms is a huge part of our identity, and

599
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 3: that period of time where we we healed and talked

600
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 3: about it out loud and people heard is a huge

601
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 3: part of our identity. And I also realized, like as

602
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 3: I got into this relationship with Orlando, even though we've

603
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 3: been dating and we've lived here for like four years,

604
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 3: three and a half years, whatever, there were times where

605
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't want to be one of those

606
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 3: bitches online always posting my man. I don't know those

607
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 3: bitches online like always posting my han love. I am like,

608
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 3: because those bitches used to really get all my nerves,

609
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 3: or like bitches online like I.

610
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,479
Speaker 1: Really want a man. I can't wait for my man

611
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:24,840
Speaker 1: to camp.

612
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 3: I'm like, if you don't shut the fuck up, bitch

613
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 3: about this man to come, Like, if you don't shut up,

614
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 3: he's not gonna come. But but I realized, like me

615
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 3: feeling discussed with those type of women, I kind of

616
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 3: like downplayed the love and the excitement of like what

617
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: I was experiencing, And I'm just like, that's not you,

618
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 3: so you don't have to worry about that. But like again,

619
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 3: seeing my mom sent her my dad so much, it

620
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,600
Speaker 3: just like put a bad taste in my mouth. But

621
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 3: also just allowing yourself to have new experiences and not

622
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 3: be so deeply tied to childhood experiences, your parents' experiences,

623
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: like not not hoarding them as your identity and being

624
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 3: able to release them and let it burn and then rebirth,

625
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 3: and just becoming new people in different stages of your

626
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 3: life and understanding how much that evolution serves the bigger

627
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 3: good instead of being like fuck men. It's just like

628
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 3: people who say in bad relationships, it's like it's comfortable

629
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 3: because that's what's familiar to you, but like we're not

630
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,959
Speaker 3: in childhood anymore, Like you're you know what I mean,

631
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 3: Like whatever like qualms you have with your father I

632
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 3: have with my mom, Like we don't have to hold

633
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 3: on to that anymore. But you're right, like it affects

634
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 3: all of your relationships, and I don't think women particularly

635
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 3: realize how much it even affects your female relationships. Like recently,

636
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 3: we were having a discussion because obviously we're friends, we're

637
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: not perfect, we've been friends for a long time, and

638
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 3: you said something to me and you're like I felt

639
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 3: like you abandoned me, And I was like I sat

640
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 3: on that and I was like, I feel like that

641
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: is deeper than just me, Like I know that you

642
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 3: have a bit, like there's issues there, like with your

643
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 3: father and like just men in general, and I like

644
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 3: that stuck out to me and even to you with me,

645
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 3: like I feel like when women center men over relation,

646
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 3: friendships or whatever, like I take that very personally because

647
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 3: my mom. I feel like my mom did that a lot.

648
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 3: Like I felt neglected because my parents were so focused

649
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 3: on the relationship and I had to be like wow,

650
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 3: like I can't believe even like you always think about

651
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: it in a like a romantic relationship, but you don't

652
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 3: really think about it how to affect your your female

653
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: relationships and your platonic relationships until you're aware enough and

654
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: how much you have to like dig through that to realize,

655
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 3: like when you're really sensitive to some shit, it's because

656
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 3: there's a wound that you haven't really cleaned out, poured

657
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 3: up and bandaged correctly. It's like not really healed yet.

658
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 3: So it's just like it's interesting how all those things

659
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 3: play into a part of like a relationships being an adult,

660
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 3: Like you know what I mean, Like those those same

661
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 3: wounds can continue to poison your growth if you don't

662
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 3: really let them go and really forgive and really like

663
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 3: you know, remove those be acknowledging that like things have

664
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 3: changed and you don't have to hold on to that anymore.

665
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: So I do totally feel that too. Yeah, it's it's

666
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 1: it's it's something that like I think that you don't

667
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: even realize until something different shows up. You know, it's

668
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: hard to it's hard to like acknowledge the change, and

669
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: even if you've had even if you have changed on

670
00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: your own, sometimes it takes like someone else mirroring this

671
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: new piece of your identity for you to like be like, oh,

672
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm this new bitch now, and I think, like,

673
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: for me, that's what that was. That's what the message

674
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: was the other night. And I was thinking about too,

675
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 1: just identity in general, because I've been really I don't

676
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: know if you've been seeing like this twenty sixteen trend

677
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: that's been going around on Instagram where everyone's fucking posting

678
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 1: two thousand. I'm slow too, because I was like, why

679
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen? And she comes like I was like, oh,

680
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: I was like, why not two eighteen? That was a

681
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 1: great year for me. I'm going to post twenty eighteen.

682
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 1: Between twenty sixteen and seventeen, actually from twenty all fifteen

683
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: was good because I had my child, but from two

684
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: thousand sixty to seventeen, those were like the worst years

685
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 1: ever for me. And so like I went, I forgot

686
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: that twenty sixteen was such a shitty year for me.

687
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: So I went searching in my phone. I was like,

688
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: I want to be part of the trend. And then

689
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: I went looking and I was like, oh my god,

690
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: this year sucked my asshole. This is the year like

691
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: my I found out my baby daddy was like I

692
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: mean I found out. I knew he was, like, you know,

693
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 1: doing his thing with other women, but he almost like

694
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: we He got arrested in Europe, and I was my

695
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: daughter was like fucking under two years old, and I

696
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: was flying back and forth to Europe fighting a horrendous case.

697
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: And I was also like trying to understand who I

698
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: was battling my identity at that time because I was

699
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: a new mom and even before I had my daughter,

700
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: I was really kind of unsure about who I was.

701
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: And so now I had this human and then I

702
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: had this baby daddy that was like needed me, but

703
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 1: also I felt like had disrespected me. But I was

704
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: like pushing that, pushing everything to the side and fighting

705
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: my family around it. Like there was so much going on.

706
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 1: I cut my hair off, Like there was so many

707
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: things happening in twenty sixteen and it may be really

708
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: fucking sad, And I was just sitting there like thinking like, Okay,

709
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I have come this far. But I

710
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: realized that that year specifically still really triggers me. Like

711
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: I cried in the car. I was like in the car,

712
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 1: I was actually texting Freddy, I was like, have you

713
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: seen this try in twenty sixteen and he was like,

714
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: this is the worst fucking year of my life. I'm like,

715
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: just your life, niggat, And have you seen this trend?

716
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 1: I just wonder if you've seen this, cause there were

717
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: so many pictures of us in Europe and Iri being

718
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 1: so small, and like I had videos that I don't

719
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 1: even know if I'd ever even shared with him, like

720
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: of him in the studio after he got out of jail,

721
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: and Irin in the studio and us in the studio

722
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: with him, and like just like us, like us on

723
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 1: the plane after like beating the case and coming back

724
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: and things. I just never went to go back and

725
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 1: look at and and just like how much that year

726
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 1: affected me and how much I like, I just wanted

727
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 1: to forget it, and I just wanted to move past it.

728
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: And that's what I did. And then twenty seventeen, you know,

729
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,320
Speaker 1: throw through me for another curve ball. And then I

730
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 1: actually saw pictures of us in twenty sixteen at the

731
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,720
Speaker 1: pumpkin patch. Oh, and I was like, oh shit, because

732
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:34,880
Speaker 1: I like, of course I knew that we had I

733
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: was trying to remember the few different times when we

734
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 1: hung out after our babies were like three months that

735
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: first time, and I was like, oh, it was at

736
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: the pumpkin patch we hung out, but like there was

737
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,879
Speaker 1: so sporadically few and far between, but it was cool

738
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: to see. Then the Niche's wedding shower, you were there too,

739
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 1: because Luna was there. We were all wearing white at

740
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: her I.

741
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:59,240
Speaker 3: Think we started the podcast then we went through twenty sixteen.

742
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 3: It was yeah, no, she got married, and when did

743
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 3: she get married? She get married in twenty sixteen.

744
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, so yeah, we all had

745
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: white on. Actually I had no pictures of you. We

746
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: just had pictures of our kidies. So it was like,

747
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: I see the seeds that were being planted. We drive together,

748
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 1: is that event on the roof? No, this is something else.

749
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: This was at her backyard, in her backyard of her

750
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 1: grandmother's house, and she had all this like China.

751
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 3: We didn't drive there. That was her aunt's house or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

752
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: So I was just witnessing the seeds that had been

753
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: planted in twenty sixteen, even though that year really fucking sucked,

754
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,359
Speaker 1: and just thinking about identity, and then I was thinking

755
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: about our friend Nietzsha and how and her transformation and

756
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: her identity because at that time her identity was I'm

757
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: a wife. I'm going to be a wife. She was

758
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,840
Speaker 1: committed to being the best wife and having that and

759
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: having the perfect family at that point. And watching our

760
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: friend expand now like shout out to nishe, I love

761
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: you so much and I'm so proud of you, Like

762
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: she I told her, I was like, your transformation should

763
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 1: be studied. She's a Capricorn every time and really truly,

764
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 1: and I hope she doesn't mind that if I share,

765
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: just because I think a lot of women that are

766
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,320
Speaker 1: married or in long term relationships, especially with kids, but

767
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: I would say even marriages where you've really like you've

768
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 1: you've signed your name on the dotted line and like sacrifice,

769
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: you agreed that this is what my life is now,

770
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: aside from just having a kid, because yes, you feel

771
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 1: that women you have a kid, but I think marriage

772
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: like adds an extra little stamp. And seeing her transformation

773
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:46,919
Speaker 1: from like kind of like reserved housewife to now full

774
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:50,959
Speaker 1: on outside DJ like she is, she is a DJ.

775
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 1: She has climbed the ranks of DJs in a way

776
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: I've never seen before. Okay, And I know that about

777
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: my friend because, like you said, she's a Capricorn and

778
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: when she decides something, she goes all the way one

779
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: hundred percent. But I just think like her identity has

780
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: shifted so much over the last year, and I think

781
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 1: that more women need to know that it's possible and

782
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: need to know that you can do it that quickly.

783
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: I think my identity it took. It's taken longer. It's

784
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: taken me a few seasons to get there. But it's

785
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 1: just a choice. It's like you make a choice and

786
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: then you stick to it, and then boom. People are

787
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 1: just so afraid to make a choice.

788
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 3: I guess like the year before last, we went on

789
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 3: a trip with her and she was still you know,

790
00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 3: at the beginning of the figure out if she was

791
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 3: going to have, you know, separate from the marriage or

792
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 3: you know whatever. And I looked at her and we

793
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 3: were having conversations. We had a lot of conversations about

794
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 3: it within our tribe, and I was like, you need

795
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 3: to leave them. I was like, you need to leave them.

796
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 3: I'm like, let it go. I was like, stop fighting it,

797
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 3: let it go, because if it's meant to be, it

798
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 3: will be it'll come back. And I was like, and

799
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 3: you're you're kind of you're holding your blessings. I was like,

800
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: you're really delaying your blessings. And everybody was kind of like, like,

801
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 3: you think that was kind of too harsh, and I

802
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 3: was like, no, and I probably did come off harsh

803
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 3: and I didn't mean it harshly, but I could see,

804
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 3: first of all, I know her, and I know her capabilities,

805
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,240
Speaker 3: and you're she's far more.

806
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: Self like.

807
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 3: She can she could execute some shit without a blink

808
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,360
Speaker 3: of a fucking eye. So I was like, girl, just

809
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 3: trust me on this, and like seeing that transformation as

810
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,439
Speaker 3: soon as she made the choice, I was like, bitch,

811
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 3: I told you.

812
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: I told you.

813
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 3: And I think sometimes like especially amongst women, because we're sensitive,

814
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 3: we're afraid to tell our friends the truth. You know,

815
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 3: we like coddle them and be like tiptoe around and

816
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 3: fear that they won't take it the right way. And

817
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 3: a lot of times bitches, especially when it comes to men,

818
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,919
Speaker 3: don't take it the wrong way. And I get having

819
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 3: to be sensitive or sugarcoat with our friends because with

820
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 3: their with relationships, people are very sensitive, especially when there's

821
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 3: kids involved and there's marriage and You've poured so much

822
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 3: into it, but I think we do ourselves such a

823
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 3: disservice not keeping it real with ourselves and with our homegirls.

824
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: Like she has completely made it completely. She's so much happier.

825
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,080
Speaker 3: She there's so much life in her, you know, like

826
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: her whole world isn't consumed with I hope this person

827
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,800
Speaker 3: does this, like when you when you were in a

828
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 3: place where your whole sent like you're centered around. I

829
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 3: hope this person does this. You will fuck yourself because

830
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 3: hoping and wishing someone else outside of you does something

831
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,279
Speaker 3: is never it. You cannot make someone else do something.

832
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 3: But what you can do is control yourself and if

833
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 3: it's not good for you, if it doesn't feel good,

834
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 3: release it. I'm not saying don't try. I'm saying try.

835
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 3: But women have the tendency get to tried too fucking much,

836
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:42,479
Speaker 3: try too much, until you have nothing.

837
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: You're drained.

838
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 3: And I'm like for twenty sixteen, I was looking through

839
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 3: pictures and her bachelor party was that year and I

840
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,080
Speaker 3: didn't really know her. I think I just got invited

841
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 3: because my other friends got invited. And I remember that

842
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 3: was a day, like the day I chose to go

843
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 3: to that I told my baby daddy, I'm like, when

844
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 3: I get back, I want you to be out of

845
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 3: the house, and for some miracle fucking of God, he

846
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 3: actually listened. And I just remember so clearly driving to

847
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,440
Speaker 3: Palm Springs and being like, I'm done, I'm over it.

848
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:13,800
Speaker 3: And of course it wasn't completely done, but it was

849
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 3: the first time I was like, this is not it

850
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 3: and I felt free, like I felt like something had

851
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: shifted and it did, you know, and like it was

852
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 3: like the baby steps that I needed. But for anybody

853
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 3: listening right now who's in a relationship that's empty or

854
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:30,560
Speaker 3: doesn't feel good, or listen to how you feel, Listen

855
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 3: to your gut, listen to your conversations. If your conversations

856
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 3: are centered around hoping someone does something different, or that

857
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 3: you're not happy or you're not fulfilled, make moves, bitch,

858
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 3: make moves, because the longer you wait, the worse it

859
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 3: will be. And the longer you wait, the more you're

860
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 3: delaying yourself from your blessings. And all I can think

861
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 3: about in this season of my life now that I'm

862
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 3: married to someone I could who is my best friend.

863
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 3: Thank fucking God for the people I walked away from

864
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 3: thank God for when I ripped off the band aid

865
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 3: when I really didn't want you, when it really wasn't comfortable. Well,

866
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 3: you know, like my baby daddy was also my best friend,

867
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 3: he was we were very close and like we went

868
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 3: to I've known him for twenty fucking years, twenty five years,

869
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 3: and it was hard for.

870
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 1: Me to do that, but I knew that there was

871
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 1: something more.

872
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 3: And then after that there was another nigga I thought

873
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 3: I loved and blah blah blah, yeah.

874
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 1: And like aborgin Yeah, but you know what the like

875
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:25,879
Speaker 1: hopefully the time gets shorter. Yeah, and it does, it does.

876
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 3: But thank God for the fuck knows, or else I

877
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: wouldn't be here and like to be on the other

878
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 3: side and to feel the love and to witness it

879
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 3: and to experience the love that I knew existed but

880
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 3: I wasn't getting. I'm like, thank God for those niggas

881
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 3: fucking up. Thank God for that little bit of intuition

882
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 3: that I followed, because I would not have arrived here

883
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: with you, here in the studio, here with all of

884
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 3: you who are listening, and here with my man and

885
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 3: like this life that I've I saw because the truth is,

886
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 3: we're all experiencing things like multidimensional. There's like another dimension

887
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 3: of Mila where I'm who knows who I am?

888
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? My car isn't fucked up? Yeah, sure, absolutely,

889
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,320
Speaker 1: you know. And it's like there is an inkling of

890
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:08,800
Speaker 1: that thread inside of you.

891
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,720
Speaker 3: And that's why there's doubt, and I think people ignore

892
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 3: it and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, let

893
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 3: me just say I'm gonna be a good woman. And

894
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 3: it's like Richard said, change, Yeah, like a good woman

895
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 3: is A good woman is a woman who stands on

896
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 3: business for herself, a woman who's like centering herself as

897
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 3: someone's like this is not good enough for me, And

898
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 3: I'm okay with saying that this doesn't feel good enough.

899
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 3: And it's not personal. I think people are so take

900
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,000
Speaker 3: things so personal. But make it personal about you, bitch.

901
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 3: This is personal about you. It's not about any niggas.

902
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 3: It's not about if you're poured enough. It's about you.

903
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,160
Speaker 3: If you're not happy, that is enough. And I'm not

904
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,720
Speaker 3: saying fleeting like just jump in and jump out of everything.

905
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 3: But nine times out of ten, if you've poured and

906
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 3: done everything and you're still not fulfilled, and something is

907
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 3: still not being men.

908
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: That is valid.

909
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, it doesn't have to be cheating, it doesn't have

910
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 3: to be getting beat Granted I was getting all that,

911
00:42:56,640 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 3: so but it's just like I just want this to

912
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 3: be a reminder. I hope that we This is a

913
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,640
Speaker 3: testimony that like when you move and shake out of

914
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 3: situations that no longer serve you, there's always more and

915
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 3: greener grass on the other side. And like rebranding and

916
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 3: re releasing and rebirthing is a part of being a woman.

917
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 1: We are sick. How do you say cyclical? Cyclical recycle bitches,

918
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: We have cycles. We go with the moon. We were mooney.

919
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 1: It goes up, it goes down, and that is what

920
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: we do.

921
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 3: That is who we are, and that is a part

922
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 3: like this is a part of like a part of

923
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 3: centering yourself as a woman, is a part of accepting

924
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 3: that we go through cycles and that there has to

925
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 3: be release and rebirthing and re rebranding a lot of times.

926
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 3: It's going to happen a lot and that's a part

927
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 3: of just the phoenix. You know, you just have to

928
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 3: keep on doing it. And the more you resist, the

929
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 3: more it's going to like you're going to be stagnant.

930
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: Amen, hell Elijah, let the church say amen. I mean,

931
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:11,240
Speaker 1: look at Sierra. She could have been with future. Literally,

932
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: thank God, thank God. You know. Um, I'm just gonna

933
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: say something I was gonna say for God, it is no.

934
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 3: I'm just glad that we've at that point where we

935
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 3: can look back and be like, oh my god.

936
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: I mean that's why I'm great. I you know, as

937
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: much as I hate the phone, I am grateful for

938
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 1: the phone because, like it really allows you to really

939
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 1: go on a journey. Because when I was going on

940
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: that journey, looking through those photos, I was like, damn,

941
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 1: like look at my look at me. Like I didn't

942
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: know shit, I didn't know what I was going to do.

943
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: I was so deep in love and just like ready

944
00:44:53,280 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 1: to just throw away my life in ways just for family,

945
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 1: for what I thought was family. It wasn't even love.

946
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 1: It was just like I want to I want this.

947
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: It's going to be different. I'm going to not be

948
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 1: a single mom. I'm going to fight for my man

949
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: when no one else wants to fight for him. And

950
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 1: and I guess that like I know how loyal I am,

951
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: and like I think that's that's something that like I

952
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,439
Speaker 1: know is true for myself. But I've had to learn

953
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 1: where to place my loyalty because I mean I have

954
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: I think I've had I feel like, no, I want

955
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 1: to say I've had discernment, because like I have like

956
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 1: very clear discernment for people that like are not going

957
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: to get my loyalty. But when I'm when len it's

958
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 1: heart centered, when it's like Dick centered, died, it's Dick center,

959
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 1: Dick center, get a Dick centered. How about don't decenter

960
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 1: men decentered dick. I think that's what we need to

961
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 1: do more of. It's like, how about just don't put

962
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 1: dicks inside of you so that you can see clearly,

963
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Dick's are contaminated. If so, if you

964
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: just Dick's dick de centered, you wouldn't have to decenterment.

965
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: You just need to dick dessenter because once you do that,

966
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: you see a lot a lot more clearly. But I'm

967
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: just grateful for the journey. I'm grateful for the seeds

968
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:18,280
Speaker 1: planted in twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen, twenty twenty sixteen,

969
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 1: and and that that year is fucking over with. When

970
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: I was talking to my baby daddy, he was like,

971
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: I never really talked to you about like how that

972
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 1: year changed me. And I was like, no, you have.

973
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, actually a lot. Actually you

974
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 1: asked me, and that's the problem. I was like, I

975
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 1: don't think you've really ever asked me how that year changed.

976
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 1: She said yeah. I was like, I don't think you

977
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 1: know how that year affected me too, Like I know

978
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: you were in jail, but I was outside battling my identity,

979
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 1: going back and forth with our daughter, figuring things out,

980
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 1: fighting lawyers. I was like twenty seven years old, like

981
00:46:56,239 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to do this, and you know,

982
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 1: I remember, like I've told him about that article, remember

983
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,800
Speaker 1: he wrote, Remember he did that horrible article where he

984
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 1: said like, oh yeah, and he apologized to me. Finally

985
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 1: he apologized me the other day. He was like, I'm

986
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,320
Speaker 1: sorry for that. That wasn't right. I was in a

987
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,239
Speaker 1: really bad place and it was the devil is what

988
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 1: he said. And I was like, is the devil? And

989
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: I appreciated that, you know, like our relationship is interesting,

990
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's weren't a lot in a much

991
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 1: better place. I know where to like, I know where

992
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 1: to keep him in ways, and I think he knows

993
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:32,879
Speaker 1: where to keep me as well. I think it goes

994
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: both ways. But I appreciated that, and I told him

995
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 1: I love him, like because I do. I do love him,

996
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:39,880
Speaker 1: and like I want the best for him, and like

997
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: we did, we had, we did have a great life

998
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: together and it's shifted obviously, but like I'm just glad

999
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: that we can look back on that moment and reflect

1000
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 1: on it in a mature way and understand how far

1001
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: we've come. But fuck twenty twenty six twenty fuck twenty

1002
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen. You can only get you can only get

1003
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 1: to this.

1004
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:05,359
Speaker 3: Place where it feels like not absolved or like there's

1005
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 3: a resolution. But like when you let shit go you

1006
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 3: there is no room for forgiveness when you're still like

1007
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,080
Speaker 3: angry and in it, you know, like even for me,

1008
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 3: like maybe I realized we were so young and like

1009
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 3: there was growth that needed to happen, and I we're

1010
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 3: I'm cool with my baby daddy and it's cool, and

1011
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,920
Speaker 3: I do love him, I do you know what I mean,

1012
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 3: like as a the contribution to my child and to

1013
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:32,279
Speaker 3: for that period of time, and but he was not

1014
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 3: my person and in any shape, form or fashion, and

1015
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 3: like it's I'm and also even my parents fucked up relationship.

1016
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 3: They love each other, it's sick. They're obsessed with each other.

1017
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 3: They won't leave each other fuck alone after four hundred years,

1018
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 3: even though it's obviously not fucking good. But I am

1019
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 3: grateful for even being a witness to that because those

1020
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 3: that those were the things that made me get.

1021
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: Out of that relationship. I said, I've seen how this

1022
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,439
Speaker 1: looks forty years later. I'm good.

1023
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 3: That was literally my only point of reference to say

1024
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 3: hell to the naw bach like no, no, no, no no,

1025
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 3: and that was like, that's what And I saw my

1026
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 3: mom stay and I thought that was so weak, and

1027
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 3: I was like, I can't be that. I can't be

1028
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 3: this person that I despised and saw her kind of

1029
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:25,360
Speaker 3: like lose herself. And I'm like, sometimes instead of like

1030
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 3: just just being grateful for the entire journey, even the

1031
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 3: bad stuff, even the good stuff, like I've had, I've

1032
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 3: had so much time to reflect on it that I'm

1033
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even be able to appreciate where I'm at

1034
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 3: now had I not experienced all of those things, and

1035
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 3: like saw that that wasn't for me, and like moved

1036
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,720
Speaker 3: on and released it, and like I'm very, very grateful

1037
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 3: for all of it, you know, And I think that's

1038
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 3: a part of it, is like all the versions of me,

1039
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:53,920
Speaker 3: all the versions of me that were like dumb and

1040
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 3: stupid and who knows what the fuck I was doing,

1041
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

1042
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: Like, I'm very I'm just.

1043
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 3: I think sometimes we like try to remove those parts

1044
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 3: of us, and for us, we can't because you could

1045
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 3: just go back and listen control a delete.

1046
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: You can't.

1047
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 3: We can't delete our wholeness unless the internet did let

1048
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 3: those Internet wipes out. But I'm just, yeah, like also understanding,

1049
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 3: I'm not that person anymore. I can forgive that part

1050
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 3: of me, and there's nothing like.

1051
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,959
Speaker 1: That part too. Is the forgiving of that, Like going

1052
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 1: back to the identity thing is like that came up

1053
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: for me too, is like forgiving myself for allowing the function,

1054
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 1: for allowing the betrayal of my trust and choosing the

1055
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,440
Speaker 1: betrayal over and over and over again so that it

1056
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:53,800
Speaker 1: became a part of my identity, for not choosing to

1057
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: do the uncomfortable thing, which is to say, you know,

1058
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel right, and I'd

1059
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,200
Speaker 1: be like, well, let me just see, let me just

1060
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:03,960
Speaker 1: see how this feels. Let me just see what happens,

1061
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,800
Speaker 1: and fucking around and finding out over and over and

1062
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: over again until now this is part of my identity,

1063
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: and so like part of that is the forgiving of

1064
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: yourself for even allowing that to become a part of

1065
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: you and to become so deeply ingrained in you. And

1066
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 1: I think that's part of the reason why I felt

1067
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 1: like it needed to be a funeral, like and it

1068
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:23,720
Speaker 1: really needed.

1069
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,799
Speaker 3: To be a death, not just because of what other

1070
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 3: people have done to me, but what I've done to myself.

1071
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 3: I realize with women specifically there, especially when it comes

1072
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 3: to I think being kept in relationships, there's so much shame.

1073
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:40,759
Speaker 3: There's so much shame and guilt about things that like

1074
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 3: the mistakes we've made being young in them being digmatized,

1075
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 3: and it doesn't always just like dissipate. There's almost like

1076
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 3: a covering of like a pretend.

1077
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,959
Speaker 1: It didn't happen. I'm you know what I mean, It's

1078
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: like I'm really fortunately for me I haven't had.

1079
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 3: Of course, there's there's guilt and their shame because I

1080
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 3: just forget about it, which is probably dissociation and it's

1081
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 3: not healthy. But I realized for women that's still lit.

1082
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 3: I realized for women like, yeah, going back to certain

1083
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 3: times where you maybe weren't making the best decisions because

1084
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 3: you're young and dumb is painful and it hurts and

1085
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 3: it's hard, you know, because there's shame and there's guilt

1086
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 3: because of decisions that we've made. But it kind of

1087
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: requires you to go back and forgive those parts of

1088
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 3: you so that you can so you can move forward

1089
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,799
Speaker 3: and feel feel good about the mistakes, so that you're

1090
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 3: aware that that is all a part of the version

1091
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 3: of you that exists now, you know. And I feel like,

1092
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:39,359
Speaker 3: I mean, even for us, I'm like, damn, I said

1093
00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 3: a lot of shit. I have a lot of dumb

1094
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:41,879
Speaker 3: shit I probably shouldn't have said.

1095
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: But it's okay. It's okay to make mistakes.

1096
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 3: It's okay to release those decisions and move the fuck on,

1097
00:52:49,360 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 3: because if you don't think, these niggas are out here

1098
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:54,760
Speaker 3: doing weird shit and doing things that they don't.

1099
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 1: Feel proud of. I asked the guys the other day,

1100
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: I was like, have you ever had sex and felt

1101
00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: like used after her?

1102
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 3: That's what I asked the men who was I with.

1103
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:06,279
Speaker 3: I was asking some guys like, have you ever had

1104
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 3: sex and felt like used or like a piece of

1105
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 3: meat after? And I want to say, Orlando said not really,

1106
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 3: and the other guy said, yeah, but it's not the same.

1107
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 3: It's doesn't it doesn't hit the same for some reason,

1108
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 3: because they have been celebrated for their sexuality where men

1109
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 3: where women haven't. So I still realize, like this is

1110
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 3: such a big, a big thing for us, especially if

1111
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 3: you want to be married. Like I always say, I

1112
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 3: read I read this thing on Reddit one time and

1113
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 3: this this guy or this girl was saying his wife

1114
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 3: told him one time she went to Jamaica and like,

1115
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 3: let five guys fuck her and they were about to

1116
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:41,879
Speaker 3: get married, And now he doesn't want to get married anymore.

1117
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,760
Speaker 1: Because something she did in her past. Yeah, because she basically,

1118
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 1: you know, got a train.

1119
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:51,240
Speaker 3: Got a gang bang, which I don't know breaking news, Fellas,

1120
00:53:53,719 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 3: if you have a straight woman, there's a small desire

1121
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,839
Speaker 3: she wants to get gang banged because she likes dick.

1122
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe I'm just speaking for myself. Whatever, No, I

1123
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 1: think maybe if she doesn't, if she doesn't want to

1124
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:08,919
Speaker 1: get gang bang, it's because she hasn't had the seed

1125
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 1: planted in her brain. Yet shout out to Samaya planted

1126
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 1: this seed in both of our brains. I didn't even

1127
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 1: know I wanted it until she broke it down so

1128
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 1: beautifully and painted such an epic, cinematic picture of what

1129
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,840
Speaker 1: it could be like and not be a train, in

1130
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 1: fact be goddess worship, a loving goddess worship. Yeah, it's true.

1131
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 3: Her and uh Goddess Jesse both planted those seeds. Shout

1132
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 3: out to Semaya. She is a good picture painter.

1133
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 1: One time, she's like, I could see you. It's a

1134
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 1: little cat, like a sexy cat, and you could be

1135
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 1: like you could do like pet play. And I was like, now,

1136
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:46,960
Speaker 1: look at you. I think I like that. But it's true.

1137
00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 1: It's true.

1138
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:49,880
Speaker 3: Like if you haven't seedd it a certain way, or

1139
00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 3: you haven't seen it centered a certain way or look beautiful,

1140
00:54:52,239 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 3: you're gonna.

1141
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:57,319
Speaker 1: Immediately reject it. Everything sexual, everything. No, I'd never did that. Gross.

1142
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,920
Speaker 1: For the longest I thought it was rape. I was like,

1143
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:01,879
Speaker 1: sounds like I'll die.

1144
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 3: And and for a lot of most men it is

1145
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 3: rabee because they can't control themselves, but for actual men,

1146
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:09,160
Speaker 3: it's possible.

1147
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:15,359
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Speaking of which, my fake boyfriend broke

1148
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: up with me this weekend. I'm so mad. Maybe he

1149
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 1: waited till you're married. He's like, you know, she'll she'll

1150
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 1: understand she's married now.

1151
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys know, but last year

1152
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 3: or the year before that, Orlando granted my this last year.

1153
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 3: Last year, I granted my fucking dreams of my fantasy

1154
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 3: coming true, which was having two men worship me in

1155
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 3: a sexual experience, and I got my goddess powers because

1156
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:39,840
Speaker 3: I was unlocked.

1157
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:41,440
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, this is the greatest thing

1158
00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: that ever happened to me.

1159
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 3: This is why they tell you not to do it.

1160
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 3: They were telling me they loved me. It was it

1161
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:47,320
Speaker 3: was a friend of mine that I've known for a

1162
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 3: very long time, so it was really beautiful and lovely.

1163
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:54,320
Speaker 3: But he's wiped up this weekend.

1164
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: He told me.

1165
00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 3: This weekend, my MMF boy friend told me he's no

1166
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 3: longer need a huh, that's why we need a back

1167
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 3: really with the fun he is in a relationship now,

1168
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: And I said foursome, he said no, And I'm really

1169
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 3: I was kind of sad. But also he told me

1170
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 3: the news when I was really hungry, so I was

1171
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 3: also like really hungry and there was like I had

1172
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 3: made food the night before, but there were like they

1173
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 3: ate it all and I was like, and then he's

1174
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,239
Speaker 3: like I am with a woman now, and I.

1175
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 1: Was like, Orlando, he's breaking up with us. He's like, bitch,

1176
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,800
Speaker 1: if we don't shut the fuck out, I was like,

1177
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 1: just give me a minute.

1178
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 3: I'm gonna need a minute. He was like, shut the

1179
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 3: fuck out. We were laughing, but I was kind of serious.

1180
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:49,799
Speaker 3: I texted my friends like, you guys won't believe this shit,

1181
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:55,720
Speaker 3: and well, my dreams are over. But shout out to Orlando,

1182
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 3: who could really take a joke because most bitches would

1183
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:02,800
Speaker 3: have got slapped. I was really sad about it, but

1184
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:05,520
Speaker 3: just thinking like this is never gonna happen again. Who

1185
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 3: else am I going to trust enough to do this?

1186
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:12,320
Speaker 3: Who's cool enough? But anyway, I don't know how we

1187
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 3: got here, but obviously I've I've resolved some of my

1188
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 3: my host shaming and my guilt around wanting to get

1189
00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 3: gang banged.

1190
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,440
Speaker 1: Because I really like Dick. I realized I really like Dick,

1191
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: and you realize.

1192
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:27,760
Speaker 3: You just realized I realized I really like Dick, and

1193
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 3: I want to be able to have those experiences in

1194
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 3: a safe space. And I know it's not for all women,

1195
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 3: but let me just wish. Wish gets somebody to paint

1196
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 3: a picture, because you might change your much might insert

1197
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:40,360
Speaker 3: some it's the smiest picture here.

1198
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 1: Imagine it's late, it's late. You walk in, they're making

1199
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 1: you dinner, shirtless and oiled up. One comes and serves

1200
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,880
Speaker 1: you a goblet of wine, and.

1201
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 3: The other one is massaging your head and shoulders, slowly

1202
00:57:56,600 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 3: undressing you, asking you about your day, while.

1203
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 1: The other one traces his tongue down the side of

1204
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 1: your neck, following all the way down to your breast,

1205
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 1: caressing your nipples, and places the blood in your hand

1206
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 1: and says, baby, smoke, relax, you've had a long day,

1207
00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 1: while the other one affirms and says, tonight is all

1208
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 1: about you, baby.

1209
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 3: You're so beautiful, You're so worthy, and we fucking love you.

1210
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 3: We came all this way to praise and worship and

1211
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 3: please you.

1212
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 1: Are you ready? Yeah, And there's some conspiring on your pleasure.

1213
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:42,440
Speaker 1: They're talking, communicating and saying you got that you got

1214
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 1: her feet nigga.

1215
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe even one time you put one foot in

1216
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 3: one nigga's mouth and the other foot in the other

1217
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 3: nigga's mouth, well one sitting it and you're like, oh my.

1218
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: Goddess, I'm a goddess on the bob and they're calling

1219
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: you a goddess and telling you you're the bomb, and

1220
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 1: tell you I'm telling you to repeat it, say it.

1221
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 1: Say you're a goddess, Say you're the bomb. And there's

1222
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 1: there's they're homies, so they're like, we're laughing in between,

1223
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, what soap. There's a couple of jokes, and

1224
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:20,560
Speaker 1: it's just I think. I think that you will attract

1225
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 1: this again in your life. I do, and just because

1226
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 1: you've already you've proven that you can't. You've already proven

1227
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,160
Speaker 1: that you can't. I've done that guy for a long time.

1228
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 1: So it's a matter. You've known a lot of guys

1229
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 1: for a long time. You never know. None of them

1230
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: are worthy. They might not be thinking of one. Maybe

1231
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 1: one is going to come out the woodworks. If anyone's

1232
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 1: hearing this, Hey, if we haven't talked in about ten

1233
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 1: plus years, hit me up. No gay shit, no diddy,

1234
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's inappropriate. Oh my god, it's true though.

1235
00:59:55,320 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 1: I was actually talking to some friends this weekend. That's

1236
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 1: something after this about they're like, I could never do

1237
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 1: that relationship. I can never do that relationship. I was like, bitch,

1238
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:08,600
Speaker 1: I didn't think I could do my relationship either. I

1239
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 1: was like, but there's a level of friendship and the

1240
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,120
Speaker 1: level of honesty that we have.

1241
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 3: And I was like, do you want your bitch to

1242
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 3: not tell you the truth about her fantasies because you can't.

1243
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 1: Handle them, or do you want to be able to

1244
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:22,760
Speaker 1: hear them and know that she's human? And like, there's

1245
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,480
Speaker 1: a difference between hearing them and acting on them. I

1246
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 1: feel like nothing everybody's at everybody's not going to act

1247
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 1: on them. That's what I'm saying. I feel like, does

1248
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: take a certain man who actually I think that Orlando

1249
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 1: gets pleasure out of watching you get pleasure and also

1250
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 1: gets just pleasure out of being the being the man

1251
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:42,200
Speaker 1: in the situation. So like, but not every man who's

1252
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 1: going to have that perspective. But they might be able

1253
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:45,880
Speaker 1: to hold space for his woman to share that. But

1254
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 1: some men can't even hold space.

1255
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 3: Most can't can't do this shit. But the guy on Reddit,

1256
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,600
Speaker 3: he was gonna not get married. This guy I dated

1257
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:54,400
Speaker 3: told me, this girl told me she wanted to get

1258
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 3: two men. And I was like, you're a hoe and

1259
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 3: I never fucked with her, and I said, you're a

1260
01:00:58,240 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 3: dumb ass. You weren't even her negget, and she was

1261
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 3: honest with you. But I realize, like, I think that's

1262
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 3: why I'm kind of extreme, and I like say things

1263
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 3: that go direct to the jugular because I know if

1264
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 3: you're if you're not involved in a way to understand

1265
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 3: that I'm a sexual being and I'm a woman and

1266
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 3: I'm a human, then like I'm going to say the

1267
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 3: thing that's going to trigger you, and I know immediately

1268
01:01:17,920 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 3: it's not gonna work out. Like I'm not the type

1269
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 3: of girl for you, but like someone who a man

1270
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 3: who at least not to say every man has to

1271
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 3: do as I do or whatever, but like a man

1272
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,600
Speaker 3: who feelings to handle the truth and still be like,

1273
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 3: I get it. I want to fuck two bitches too.

1274
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: I like pussy. I get why you'd like dick common sense.

1275
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 1: You know, I guess I just really want common sense. Niggas.

1276
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: You want equal rights. I want equal rights real bad.

1277
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: Yeah makes sense. I wanted coal rights too. We should

1278
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:47,439
Speaker 1: have equal rights in the bedroom and in the world,

1279
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 1: at least equal rights to share. Honestly, you know, like

1280
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want to.

1281
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 3: Fear that you won't love me because I'd share a

1282
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 3: fantasy even if I haven't acted on it or whatever,

1283
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 3: Like all fantasies are not to be acted on.

1284
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 1: So kinky shit you think about, you watch porn, you

1285
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 1: don't ever really want to do it. You just want

1286
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 1: to see it on the screen, you know.

1287
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 3: And I think people put too much, too much like wait,

1288
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 3: wait on it, And there is a lot of guilt,

1289
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 3: a lot of shame. People are watching shit right now.

1290
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:16,600
Speaker 3: They'll never tell anybody. Actually, I always ask people like,

1291
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 3: what's your porn category? Just to see how embarrassed they get,

1292
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,919
Speaker 3: because that's all know how far you go? You said,

1293
01:02:21,960 --> 01:02:22,800
Speaker 3: you look at some nasty shit.

1294
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,120
Speaker 1: Generally they're not gonna I It'sy're already ashamed. They're not

1295
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 1: gonna tell you they're watching fucking whatever. Most people are shamed.

1296
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 1: What is it? Bukaki? What's BUKACKI actually I think that's

1297
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 1: the one where they tie you up? No no, no,

1298
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:42,840
Speaker 1: no oh, yeah, you're right, that's bukcaki. You're right. I agree.

1299
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:47,800
Speaker 1: We got to unashamed Americans, the men and the women.

1300
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,400
Speaker 1: Women be fucked up A lot of fucked up. Yes,

1301
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 1: a lot of shaming, a lot of shaming ladies a lot,

1302
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 1: But men be fucked up too. I'm realizing that now,

1303
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:02,200
Speaker 1: and that's normal. I feel like I feel like the

1304
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:04,320
Speaker 1: men been fucked up. They haven't fucked up, but we

1305
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 1: don't really.

1306
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 3: I don't think we acknowledge how fucked up they are

1307
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:09,240
Speaker 3: sexually because they've been empowered in it, but not in

1308
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,520
Speaker 3: a healthy manner. I've realized as I started, like it's

1309
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:14,520
Speaker 3: just in this tantric journey. A lot of men are

1310
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:17,160
Speaker 3: attracted to the work because I feel like they haven't.

1311
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: Had any anyone anywhere anything like to be intimate or

1312
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:22,560
Speaker 1: sentiment or soft about it, Like they're like waiting to

1313
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:26,480
Speaker 1: like what you say, you want to hold me? I'm like, yeah,

1314
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,560
Speaker 1: they're not gonna tell their homies that, and then they

1315
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 1: barely want to tell their bitch that, so who are

1316
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 1: they gonna tell?

1317
01:03:31,040 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 3: And this is important for the ladies too. When men

1318
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 3: have unresolved sexual energy, they're nutting that shit into you.

1319
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 3: That that's that that that whatever weird shit to have

1320
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 3: going on, whatever, like anger, they net that shit into

1321
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,200
Speaker 3: your womb. And that is a lot of times why

1322
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:49,440
Speaker 3: our wombs are dying or disconnected and we have no

1323
01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:52,000
Speaker 3: idea why, or like you feel like there's other entities,

1324
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 3: because bitch, that's not even your fucking shame and guilt

1325
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 3: and all other anger, Like that's somebody else's, don't.

1326
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 1: Queen of Fua came on our show and shared about that,

1327
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 1: just how like who you sleep with like can become

1328
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: part of like your identity, like you really like you

1329
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 1: take on their energy. Speaking of which that leads me to, well, actually, yeah,

1330
01:04:13,040 --> 01:04:15,280
Speaker 1: actually that leads me to the other night at Nisha's

1331
01:04:15,320 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 1: birthday party when I sat next to our friend and

1332
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 1: I was asking him about his type. He's gay or

1333
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:24,880
Speaker 1: maybe not, No, he's he's more gay, but he's fluid.

1334
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 1: He hasn't had sex with a woman in a very

1335
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 1: very very long time. We're talking about Yeah, okay, I

1336
01:04:29,120 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 1: asked him, and I was I was asking all types

1337
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:32,280
Speaker 1: of questions, like you've never asked me these questions. I

1338
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:33,880
Speaker 1: was because I want to know, but I will tell you.

1339
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, kind of nervous, I've

1340
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 1: been nervous to ask you. You're like, I was like,

1341
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:39,600
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1342
01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 3: Sexuality, his preferences, like how he likes to fuck like,

1343
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 3: you know what. I thought it was offensive to ask, like,

1344
01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 3: guys who mess with other guys are your tougher?

1345
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 1: I asked him, okay, what did you say, top mostly

1346
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 1: but he said if he meets a man that's masculin enough,

1347
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:58,560
Speaker 1: he would have let him bought them. But he says

1348
01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:02,800
Speaker 1: it's very rare he has or that he would. But

1349
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 1: he was talking to me and he said that he

1350
01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:10,520
Speaker 1: got a sexual std bitch okay, elaborate like that. He

1351
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:12,120
Speaker 1: went to the doctor because it was itchy and there

1352
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 1: was nothing. He went to a medical physician and said, hell,

1353
01:05:20,720 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm about to call him. Something is not right it.

1354
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:26,440
Speaker 1: He said it was it was like burning. Okay, then

1355
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 1: what happened? It was sexual STDD So but you looked

1356
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:34,080
Speaker 1: at that, I mean spiritual city, So then then I yes,

1357
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: I did look it up because I was like, is

1358
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:37,400
Speaker 1: this the thing I looked at up today? Actually? And

1359
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,640
Speaker 1: and it said that hold on, let me go back.

1360
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 1: I need to know more because I guess a spiritual

1361
01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 1: sit isn't a medical term, but refers to negative emotional, mental,

1362
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:48,640
Speaker 1: and spiritual baggage from unhealthy relationships. This was a physical

1363
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 1: This was a physical ailment though, and some people, they

1364
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:56,360
Speaker 1: might call it spiritual transmitted demons. Yeah, often discuffed in

1365
01:05:56,360 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 1: self help books to describe lingering, negativity or trauma that

1366
01:05:58,800 --> 01:06:02,040
Speaker 1: spreads rather than actual infections. I mean, think about it.

1367
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 1: If you're like in a fucked up relationship, you can

1368
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,800
Speaker 1: get sick, and well this is it. You're not exempt

1369
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:08,840
Speaker 1: if you're gay or if you're lesbian. Think about like

1370
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:10,320
Speaker 1: some of the people you have sex with and you

1371
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:13,000
Speaker 1: get like a yeast infection, and you always get a

1372
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:15,680
Speaker 1: yeast infection with them, always, every time, your body is

1373
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,040
Speaker 1: literally rejecting them. And that is not the case when

1374
01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: they go fuck other people or whatever. It's some people's

1375
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:25,000
Speaker 1: literal little their shit does not go together. But yeah, yeah,

1376
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:26,120
Speaker 1: and I think and we all.

1377
01:06:26,320 --> 01:06:30,400
Speaker 3: But we know that in the spiritual, the spiritual principle,

1378
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:33,800
Speaker 3: it's like the spiritual body.

1379
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:38,560
Speaker 1: It is sought like over the physical body.

1380
01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:40,640
Speaker 3: So it makes sense that if you get a spiritual

1381
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:43,000
Speaker 3: std that it would manifest in actual physical it.

1382
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:49,640
Speaker 1: Geniess, Okay, why does the Huffington Post have ten spiritually

1383
01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 1: transmitted to disease. It's a whole article, but these are

1384
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 1: spiritually number one? What the fuck is this? Fast food spirituality?

1385
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 1: Faux spirituality confused, But this is dumb. It's isa. You

1386
01:07:03,160 --> 01:07:05,400
Speaker 1: can't I don't. You can't trust, you can contract fast,

1387
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:07,800
Speaker 1: can't be trusted anyway. I don't even know what really,

1388
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 1: I thought they were reputable, so I don't know. They've

1389
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:12,560
Speaker 1: gone bad. They've gone dark. They covered an I think

1390
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 1: that's her name. She's she's gone dark. But they didn't

1391
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:18,400
Speaker 1: they do They were cool at first. How did Anna

1392
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:23,440
Speaker 1: do that? My parents might be pissed that Jane got

1393
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 1: the best of her. The white gene you know, not

1394
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 1: all the white, not all the whites. All the genes

1395
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:31,280
Speaker 1: transmute how they do some of these whites, some of

1396
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:34,200
Speaker 1: the other genes, some of the whites, some of the whites.

1397
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 3: Jeans are for peace, some of them know some sometimes

1398
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:39,840
Speaker 3: they get better, but they do get better sometimes, but

1399
01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 3: sometimes it's literally in their DNA.

1400
01:07:44,200 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 1: Anyway, historical. So yeah, the spiritual STD. I thought that

1401
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:51,680
Speaker 1: was really interesting. That was such a fun party. I

1402
01:07:51,720 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 1: had such a good time at that party. I was

1403
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 1: I did Yeah, I wasn't drinking or anything. I had

1404
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:59,200
Speaker 1: just come from like, I had a volleyball tournament, and

1405
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:01,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if there's any other tournament moms in

1406
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 1: the fucking chat here. But that shit is intense. Okay,

1407
01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:08,520
Speaker 1: first of all, it's expensive. Second of all, it's a

1408
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 1: real commitment. They're not fucking around. And I know that

1409
01:08:10,640 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 1: because I played club soccer, but I forgot, like now,

1410
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:14,440
Speaker 1: being on the other side of it, where I have

1411
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 1: to be responsible, the one that's pushing her, I'm realizing

1412
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:20,160
Speaker 1: it's intense. And so anyway, it was just like at

1413
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 1: this huge court there were maybe like sixty volleyball games

1414
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:27,560
Speaker 1: happening at one time, people blowing whistles, people screaming, screeching

1415
01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:30,640
Speaker 1: feet on the court, like all types of shit. I

1416
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:34,320
Speaker 1: was like, I felt over fucking stimulated. And I was

1417
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 1: there for like six hours, and so when I left,

1418
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:40,920
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna die. And I was like,

1419
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 1: all right, I have tools meditate. So I was listening

1420
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:46,880
Speaker 1: to meditation as I was driving. Then I realized this

1421
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 1: is this can be dangerous. Like I'm trying to do

1422
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:52,800
Speaker 1: breath work and shit, i'm driving, so anyway, I pull

1423
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:56,240
Speaker 1: over and then I'm like, I pull over. I'm so

1424
01:08:56,479 --> 01:08:58,519
Speaker 1: deep in it and I might guess I'm sticking like

1425
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 1: four inches into some one's fucking driveway, and I'm like,

1426
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:05,080
Speaker 1: I've gone far. I'm off I'm at c okay, and

1427
01:09:05,160 --> 01:09:08,880
Speaker 1: this person just I was like, I literally haz that.

1428
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:10,280
Speaker 1: It's not ever happened to you where you're like so

1429
01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:13,840
Speaker 1: deep in like another space in your mind. Bitch. I

1430
01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna have a heart attack anyway, ga right, No,

1431
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:20,240
Speaker 1: I was parked. I was parked, but I guess I

1432
01:09:20,320 --> 01:09:22,160
Speaker 1: had like stuck out in the driveway a little bit,

1433
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:24,560
Speaker 1: and then she was trying to pull out. So I

1434
01:09:24,640 --> 01:09:26,920
Speaker 1: was like, this is a test. I'd be okay. So

1435
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 1: then I went inside the restaurant and then there was

1436
01:09:30,479 --> 01:09:33,080
Speaker 1: a full band playing, and I said, wow, God, this

1437
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 1: is a test. So I went and I put my

1438
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,960
Speaker 1: headphones on and then I just like I just put

1439
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,200
Speaker 1: on like meditation music and I calmed myself and I

1440
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:44,920
Speaker 1: felt so good at the restaurant. Yeah, I felt so good.

1441
01:09:44,920 --> 01:09:46,920
Speaker 1: And then I went and then I got to Nich's

1442
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:51,720
Speaker 1: and and it was just good energy. I'm I was

1443
01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 1: just so happy for her too. I'm like literally like

1444
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:56,800
Speaker 1: seeing my friend transform and like she has like a

1445
01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:59,280
Speaker 1: whole new group of friends. That's a whole other thing too,

1446
01:09:59,560 --> 01:10:02,720
Speaker 1: is like the friend expansion. I was like, she's so cool.

1447
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:04,720
Speaker 1: Are these people okay? But like think about us, Like,

1448
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:07,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure your friends and my friends when we became

1449
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:10,200
Speaker 1: friends were like, who the fuck are these bitches? Okay,

1450
01:10:10,240 --> 01:10:12,800
Speaker 1: I guess Eric's going with Toma again. Okay, Jamila's new

1451
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:14,840
Speaker 1: best Erica blah blah, you know what I mean. Like,

1452
01:10:15,439 --> 01:10:19,799
Speaker 1: and you know, obviously Nisha had like just four hundred

1453
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:23,680
Speaker 1: new friends. But I thought it's so beautiful because I

1454
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 1: know that, like, you know, she needs that, and she's

1455
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:29,439
Speaker 1: she's killing it, and she has a good discernment and

1456
01:10:29,520 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 1: she has good taste, and so the people that are

1457
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:32,840
Speaker 1: gonna be there are going to be in good taste

1458
01:10:32,880 --> 01:10:35,479
Speaker 1: than they were and they are stragglers, but yeah, it's

1459
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:38,760
Speaker 1: a nightlife. I was like, can we leave her? She's fine,

1460
01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:39,920
Speaker 1: I told them with someone else.

1461
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:43,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, she's new, just make sure he's not

1462
01:10:43,640 --> 01:10:46,360
Speaker 3: letting any stragglers day. He's like, yeah, I know, but

1463
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:49,760
Speaker 3: I'm so excited for her. I think we left the

1464
01:10:49,800 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 3: party and me and Orlando talked for like the whole

1465
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:52,040
Speaker 3: ride home.

1466
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:54,800
Speaker 1: Like she's fucking killing it. She's the bomp. Look how

1467
01:10:54,800 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 1: happy she is. Yeah. Literally, we were like so hyped up.

1468
01:10:58,000 --> 01:10:59,519
Speaker 1: I was like, we've talked about n she for thirty

1469
01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:02,719
Speaker 1: five minutes. But because we've seen our friend be so sad,

1470
01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:05,240
Speaker 1: you know, and just like we've seen like we've been

1471
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,960
Speaker 1: so sad, like when you've seen someone be so fucking

1472
01:11:08,240 --> 01:11:11,960
Speaker 1: sad and like really fighting for something, like just like

1473
01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:14,439
Speaker 1: she saw me do the same thing, Like just like

1474
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:15,120
Speaker 1: someone saw you.

1475
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:17,160
Speaker 3: Know, like when you come to the other side, it's

1476
01:11:17,200 --> 01:11:18,800
Speaker 3: really like you're winning.

1477
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:20,439
Speaker 1: Bitch, I saw you be there and now I see

1478
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:22,479
Speaker 1: you here. We're not We're all this, Like, we're not

1479
01:11:22,680 --> 01:11:24,840
Speaker 1: all different. We're all the same. It's just a matter

1480
01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:27,080
Speaker 1: of who decides to like make the choice and say

1481
01:11:27,160 --> 01:11:29,080
Speaker 1: fuck this shit, you know what I mean. Like we've

1482
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:32,680
Speaker 1: all been in like deep love, Like, bitch, your love

1483
01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:34,479
Speaker 1: for you that nigga is not more than the love

1484
01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 1: I thought I have for this nigga. Okay, it's all

1485
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:40,080
Speaker 1: the same. It's all whatever whatever our capacity is. So

1486
01:11:40,240 --> 01:11:42,720
Speaker 1: like when you see someone that's like come from like

1487
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:46,960
Speaker 1: the their capacity where like they're about to fucking burst

1488
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:49,560
Speaker 1: if they don't make a motherfucking choice, you know what

1489
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,400
Speaker 1: I mean, And then you see them do it, and

1490
01:11:51,479 --> 01:11:55,760
Speaker 1: they do it in such a fucking amazing, empowering, empowering,

1491
01:11:56,080 --> 01:12:00,120
Speaker 1: self centered way, like it's that's what you That's I

1492
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 1: hope for every woman. That's what I fucking hope for

1493
01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:04,800
Speaker 1: every fucking woman. You're able to do that, that you're

1494
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:07,880
Speaker 1: able to be that self centered at your brim when

1495
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:09,960
Speaker 1: you're about to, like when everything is on the line

1496
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:13,400
Speaker 1: and you're about to make either this bad choice that

1497
01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:15,640
Speaker 1: you know is bad because you know it's bad, or

1498
01:12:15,680 --> 01:12:18,240
Speaker 1: you're really about to just make a different choice because

1499
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:21,240
Speaker 1: sometimes a different choice it doesn't that sometimes it feels

1500
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:21,879
Speaker 1: like it could.

1501
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:24,439
Speaker 3: Be bad, like you just don't know. It's just the unknown.

1502
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:26,640
Speaker 3: I'm gonna blow everything up right now. The unknown is

1503
01:12:26,680 --> 01:12:30,639
Speaker 3: better than the bad choice. It is thenown. Always trust

1504
01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,960
Speaker 3: the unknown over the bad choice, over the misery, over

1505
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:35,800
Speaker 3: the gut, the gut feeling that something is not right here.

1506
01:12:36,880 --> 01:12:39,719
Speaker 3: Always say, when there's that gut feeling that just something

1507
01:12:39,840 --> 01:12:41,439
Speaker 3: is trust the unknown.

1508
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:45,840
Speaker 1: Literally, like that's why it's a quote, bitch, look trust

1509
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:47,120
Speaker 1: the unknown.

1510
01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:51,519
Speaker 3: But unknown, it's true. There was a time, like I

1511
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:53,800
Speaker 3: don't know, when we went to salsa dancing. I don't

1512
01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:56,360
Speaker 3: know if you're there, and she smoked and she doesn't

1513
01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:58,960
Speaker 3: really smoke, but she got really sad head. She was

1514
01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,920
Speaker 3: like she was talking about she's like, you were dancing,

1515
01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:03,120
Speaker 3: you were having so much fun. And she told me like,

1516
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 3: I just couldn't dance. I didn't feel like I didn't

1517
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:07,320
Speaker 3: feel confident in my body. Like she was like, I cry.

1518
01:13:07,400 --> 01:13:09,200
Speaker 3: I was crying on the way home. I just don't

1519
01:13:09,280 --> 01:13:11,280
Speaker 3: feel good. I remember this moment, she's like, because she

1520
01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:13,360
Speaker 3: was like, you looked so free, and I was triggered,

1521
01:13:13,479 --> 01:13:16,960
Speaker 3: like it was a it was very specific. And that

1522
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:20,640
Speaker 3: night at her party, the DJ played salsa music and

1523
01:13:20,720 --> 01:13:22,479
Speaker 3: we were dancing and I was looking at her and

1524
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:25,280
Speaker 3: we were like spinning and dancing, and I was like, oh.

1525
01:13:25,240 --> 01:13:26,400
Speaker 1: That makes me so happy.

1526
01:13:26,479 --> 01:13:28,759
Speaker 2: I was like, do you remember when whenselves are dancing

1527
01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:30,760
Speaker 2: and you said you didn't feel free? And she was

1528
01:13:30,840 --> 01:13:34,400
Speaker 2: like I do and I was like see. I was like, see,

1529
01:13:34,439 --> 01:13:36,439
Speaker 2: look where you are, Like how this feels. I'm like,

1530
01:13:36,560 --> 01:13:40,519
Speaker 2: I'm so fucking happy that you jump timelines. That's what

1531
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:42,280
Speaker 2: I told her, I'm so happy that you jump timelines.

1532
01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:45,400
Speaker 2: Real people don't understand when you do that unknown, when

1533
01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:47,439
Speaker 2: you jump, when you trust that one thing that says

1534
01:13:47,479 --> 01:13:49,880
Speaker 2: something's not right here and you do whatever the fuck

1535
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:51,840
Speaker 2: ouse the option is, even if you don't know exactly

1536
01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:55,640
Speaker 2: what it is like you jump timelines, you tell the

1537
01:13:55,760 --> 01:13:58,680
Speaker 2: universe fuck this, there's something better, and it's like a

1538
01:13:58,760 --> 01:14:02,560
Speaker 2: Mario fucking and all the coins come out like you

1539
01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:07,000
Speaker 2: literally do, and it changes everything. Like I always say

1540
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:11,920
Speaker 2: that one different choice would have changed everything, like our

1541
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:12,960
Speaker 2: whole lives.

1542
01:14:13,320 --> 01:14:16,560
Speaker 1: You know, generally, Like I'm thinking about jumping timelines, like

1543
01:14:16,600 --> 01:14:18,320
Speaker 1: if you're in a point in your life where like

1544
01:14:18,479 --> 01:14:20,800
Speaker 1: you know, you need a big shift, It's not you

1545
01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:25,040
Speaker 1: can't make a little decisions. If you want a big shift,

1546
01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:28,040
Speaker 1: then you have to make big girl fucking decisions. It's

1547
01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:29,960
Speaker 1: not like it's probably not like go to the go

1548
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:33,519
Speaker 1: on Hike on Mondays. It's probably not that. No, no,

1549
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:37,640
Speaker 1: So it's yeah, the jumping of timelines is.

1550
01:14:38,080 --> 01:14:40,000
Speaker 3: But also, don't write in the show and be like

1551
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:43,639
Speaker 3: I quit my job because Jamila, Melan, Jamila and Eric

1552
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:48,560
Speaker 3: had told me to do it smart. We will not

1553
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:53,560
Speaker 3: take responsibility for any of that. Like you got to

1554
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:54,479
Speaker 3: put your ducks in a row.

1555
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:59,759
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but if you quit your job and just sorry,

1556
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:03,320
Speaker 1: I mean like sometimes you got to do something something,

1557
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:05,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes it has to go that far, you know what

1558
01:15:05,640 --> 01:15:08,880
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I'm not taking responsibility for your actions.

1559
01:15:08,960 --> 01:15:12,360
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you what I've seen, what I've witnessed,

1560
01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:16,160
Speaker 1: what I've heard through the grapevine of my life and

1561
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:18,280
Speaker 1: other people's life, in your own experience, you know what

1562
01:15:18,320 --> 01:15:20,800
Speaker 1: I mean. Like this is you generally can't ask for

1563
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:23,519
Speaker 1: big life shifts and not make big decisions. That's that's

1564
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:26,479
Speaker 1: not how it works. That's just basic math, bitch. Like

1565
01:15:26,840 --> 01:15:29,320
Speaker 1: you can't just do little things of course, like yes,

1566
01:15:29,439 --> 01:15:33,120
Speaker 1: the habits, like the disciplines all that stuff. Yes, But

1567
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:35,320
Speaker 1: like generally there's going to be a point where you

1568
01:15:35,439 --> 01:15:36,920
Speaker 1: have to make a choice. Am I going to stay

1569
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:39,000
Speaker 1: in this relationship or not? Am I going to stay

1570
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:42,040
Speaker 1: in this house or not? Am I gonna, you know,

1571
01:15:42,240 --> 01:15:44,040
Speaker 1: stay in this state or not? Whatever it is, like,

1572
01:15:44,479 --> 01:15:49,280
Speaker 1: it's going to require something big. So just don't be afraid,

1573
01:15:50,040 --> 01:15:52,120
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a place where you know that's

1574
01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:57,280
Speaker 1: that's what has to happen, and you'll know that. I

1575
01:15:57,360 --> 01:15:59,000
Speaker 1: always say this, It's like as soon as you do

1576
01:15:59,080 --> 01:16:01,960
Speaker 1: that one left turn, and spirit is going to give

1577
01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:02,559
Speaker 1: you a sign.

1578
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:05,000
Speaker 3: More turns start to more doors start to open. Things

1579
01:16:05,040 --> 01:16:07,360
Speaker 3: that you talked about will come. The thing, the thing,

1580
01:16:07,439 --> 01:16:09,479
Speaker 3: the opportunities you ask for will say yes, you've got

1581
01:16:09,560 --> 01:16:11,360
Speaker 3: to move. It's like it's like as soon as you

1582
01:16:11,760 --> 01:16:13,840
Speaker 3: make moves in your favor, God is going to be

1583
01:16:13,920 --> 01:16:15,800
Speaker 3: like yep, now keep going, now, keep going, and give

1584
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:18,080
Speaker 3: you like treats along the way so that you know

1585
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:20,639
Speaker 3: I'm not tripping, you know. And it could be small,

1586
01:16:20,680 --> 01:16:24,920
Speaker 3: it could be big, but like watch watch the blessings

1587
01:16:25,120 --> 01:16:29,040
Speaker 3: literally and sometimes it's not so it's not so covered.

1588
01:16:29,120 --> 01:16:30,000
Speaker 1: It's very obvious.

1589
01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:32,000
Speaker 3: It's like you'll like put the phone down and make

1590
01:16:32,040 --> 01:16:34,200
Speaker 3: a decision and then be like, you got five hundred dollars.

1591
01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:35,880
Speaker 1: It's literally because it's like they.

1592
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:37,600
Speaker 3: Don't even want to they won't even It's sometimes so

1593
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,400
Speaker 3: obvious because spirit doesn't want you to miss it.

1594
01:16:39,880 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 1: This is a congratulations. Now keep going.

1595
01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:46,000
Speaker 3: So I like, don't underestimate the magic that comes when

1596
01:16:46,040 --> 01:16:48,479
Speaker 3: you choose yourself and the little things that start to align,

1597
01:16:48,600 --> 01:16:52,520
Speaker 3: because it's it is also part of the universe congratulating

1598
01:16:52,600 --> 01:16:54,400
Speaker 3: you and keeping you on your route. And like if

1599
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:56,400
Speaker 3: all the things, if a bunch of things are going

1600
01:16:56,479 --> 01:16:59,400
Speaker 3: wrong all the time, it's it's likely that you're not

1601
01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:01,920
Speaker 3: making the right to decisions that are centering yourself.

1602
01:17:02,920 --> 01:17:10,360
Speaker 1: Amen, as Shay, Let's take a breath, just some Meala

1603
01:17:10,439 --> 01:17:31,840
Speaker 1: Moons inhale deep hold excel sounds. Life is good. Life

1604
01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:36,320
Speaker 1: is good. Do you want to pull a card? Lady? Sure,

1605
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:39,080
Speaker 1: we do have a bad choice of the week. Do

1606
01:17:39,120 --> 01:17:42,919
Speaker 1: you want to read one off? Sure? Is it a discord?

1607
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:47,640
Speaker 1: Uh no, it's you know what we need to do.

1608
01:17:48,200 --> 01:17:51,000
Speaker 1: We need to make a channel, bad choice, a bad

1609
01:17:51,080 --> 01:17:55,960
Speaker 1: choice channel. Oh yeah, I love the bad mom. Not

1610
01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:57,760
Speaker 1: a bad mom, but a bad mom.

1611
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:11,000
Speaker 3: I had my boyfriend finger me while at my parents' house.

1612
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:13,400
Speaker 3: It's kind of fun, very seventh grade.

1613
01:18:15,479 --> 01:18:17,640
Speaker 1: I like it. Yeah, I like that. You know, they

1614
01:18:17,840 --> 01:18:20,840
Speaker 1: have to steal that. I have to steal that, I

1615
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:21,519
Speaker 1: have to steal that.

1616
01:18:22,439 --> 01:18:24,559
Speaker 3: There is something about like messing around in your parents

1617
01:18:24,680 --> 01:18:26,759
Speaker 3: house that feels like naughty and like quiet.

1618
01:18:26,800 --> 01:18:28,559
Speaker 1: It brings you back to like your high school days.

1619
01:18:29,040 --> 01:18:29,519
Speaker 1: That's true.

1620
01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:31,320
Speaker 3: I mean, just don't get caught, for just the love

1621
01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:33,200
Speaker 3: of God, because then everyone's gonna talk shit about you

1622
01:18:33,240 --> 01:18:33,679
Speaker 3: in the family.

1623
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:36,080
Speaker 1: I think that. I like, I've never thought, well, how

1624
01:18:36,160 --> 01:18:38,960
Speaker 1: I talked about my mom's other house, but not that house.

1625
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:41,240
Speaker 1: Just like there's cameras everywhere. I feel like I'm being

1626
01:18:41,320 --> 01:18:44,519
Speaker 1: watched there because I've stayed there with people, like I've

1627
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:45,360
Speaker 1: even stayed.

1628
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:47,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I always forget your mom's house with cameras, Like

1629
01:18:47,800 --> 01:18:51,639
Speaker 3: you know they have cameras. I'm like, where my tits

1630
01:18:51,680 --> 01:18:52,839
Speaker 3: have been out for four hours?

1631
01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:59,679
Speaker 1: The point are Oh god, but are you pulling it? Yeah?

1632
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:19,280
Speaker 1: So I pulled the Page of Swords. Curiosity, floating verse

1633
01:19:22,600 --> 01:19:25,600
Speaker 1: the WiFi. My phone's about today? What is it? The

1634
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:26,400
Speaker 1: page of Swords?

1635
01:19:33,360 --> 01:19:36,240
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Orlando, like, my history on my phone

1636
01:19:36,320 --> 01:19:38,840
Speaker 3: used to be off and for some reason he turned

1637
01:19:38,880 --> 01:19:41,320
Speaker 3: it not off and so I can see my porn history.

1638
01:19:41,920 --> 01:19:44,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't need to watch it. No, come on,

1639
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:49,519
Speaker 1: what's your category? Stay on topic? Okay, anyway, Page of Swords.

1640
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:54,280
Speaker 1: The Page of Swords is fully is full of energy, passion,

1641
01:19:54,360 --> 01:19:57,439
Speaker 1: and enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. When this card shows up in a

1642
01:19:57,560 --> 01:19:59,680
Speaker 1: terror reading, you're bursting with new ideas and plans for

1643
01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:02,320
Speaker 1: the few. You may be excited about starting a new project,

1644
01:20:02,400 --> 01:20:04,760
Speaker 1: pursuing a new approach of learning something new. You have

1645
01:20:04,920 --> 01:20:07,320
Speaker 1: so much energy that you feel as though you could

1646
01:20:07,360 --> 01:20:10,360
Speaker 1: do almost anything, and you can. The challenge, however, is

1647
01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:12,400
Speaker 1: whether you can keep it up. The Page of Swords

1648
01:20:12,439 --> 01:20:14,559
Speaker 1: often emerges when you are exploring a new way of thinking,

1649
01:20:14,640 --> 01:20:17,800
Speaker 1: a new idea, perspective, new knowledge or new technique. You

1650
01:20:17,880 --> 01:20:20,479
Speaker 1: have a curious mind and a thirst for knowledge. You're

1651
01:20:20,479 --> 01:20:23,599
Speaker 1: also very much in the exploratory phase and not mastery.

1652
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:26,000
Speaker 1: You may be prone to making mistakes along the way.

1653
01:20:26,439 --> 01:20:29,000
Speaker 1: As a sword relates to communication, the page of swords

1654
01:20:29,000 --> 01:20:31,360
Speaker 1: suggests that you are exploring a different way of expressing

1655
01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:34,880
Speaker 1: yourself with others and communicating your ideas and opinions. You

1656
01:20:34,960 --> 01:20:37,840
Speaker 1: may be drawn to public speaking, writing a big writing

1657
01:20:37,880 --> 01:20:40,560
Speaker 1: a book or a blog. I think it's time to

1658
01:20:40,600 --> 01:20:46,560
Speaker 1: start writing a book. Should we read this one and

1659
01:20:46,600 --> 01:20:49,240
Speaker 1: then maybe we'll get motivated? Yeah, you're right. Have you

1660
01:20:49,320 --> 01:20:53,320
Speaker 1: read the poll like the book? No? Have you? Who

1661
01:20:53,400 --> 01:20:56,439
Speaker 1: reads their book? Do people read their books? We did

1662
01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:59,160
Speaker 1: once authors trying to edit it. I mean I read

1663
01:20:59,240 --> 01:21:01,000
Speaker 1: my book over and over again as I was writing,

1664
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:03,439
Speaker 1: which is really confusing. Is you know how stressful it was?

1665
01:21:03,840 --> 01:21:07,080
Speaker 1: I think now it's time. It's very stressful. I actually

1666
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:11,479
Speaker 1: I do know how with you. I was in the room.

1667
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:16,080
Speaker 1: I was literally in the room, like Hamilton. Yeah, I

1668
01:21:16,120 --> 01:21:18,080
Speaker 1: think that also started like a lot of ship for me.

1669
01:21:18,520 --> 01:21:20,400
Speaker 1: Reading my book was like, oh bitch, you got more

1670
01:21:20,439 --> 01:21:24,839
Speaker 1: work to do. This is all still fucking you up. Anyway,

1671
01:21:25,000 --> 01:21:26,679
Speaker 1: Now that we've gotten past it. We have other things

1672
01:21:26,760 --> 01:21:31,200
Speaker 1: to say. I'm sure. Yeah, where was I at the book?

1673
01:21:31,840 --> 01:21:33,400
Speaker 1: If you're looking for a sign to move ahead with

1674
01:21:33,479 --> 01:21:37,400
Speaker 1: a new project, the Painofswar says, go for it. There

1675
01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:39,840
Speaker 1: will always be challenges with whatever way you choose, and

1676
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:43,320
Speaker 1: not everyone will be thrilled with your choices. But when

1677
01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:45,720
Speaker 1: it comes down to it, you need to follow your

1678
01:21:45,760 --> 01:21:49,640
Speaker 1: passions and go where the true energy lies. You're just

1679
01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:52,720
Speaker 1: talking about that true energy. Where does your true energy lie? Yeah,

1680
01:21:53,520 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: you need to stay open. Well, this is something in relationships.

1681
01:21:58,240 --> 01:21:59,880
Speaker 1: If you need to give yourself a break from this

1682
01:22:01,200 --> 01:22:03,439
Speaker 1: from this person in return with fresh eyes. They have

1683
01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:06,240
Speaker 1: a lot to share with you, and despite their experience inexperience.

1684
01:22:06,360 --> 01:22:08,599
Speaker 1: May sorry, I'm reading in the middle of a sentence.

1685
01:22:08,640 --> 01:22:11,040
Speaker 1: It makes no sense. It may teach you something about yourself.

1686
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:18,360
Speaker 1: We can read good anyway. Start starting, Start, start the transition,

1687
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,400
Speaker 1: Start the new thing. It's the beginning of the year.

1688
01:22:21,880 --> 01:22:24,840
Speaker 1: Don't worry about it being perfect. You know, the year

1689
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:29,560
Speaker 1: of the Horse is coming. Yeah, don't overwhelm yourself. But

1690
01:22:30,439 --> 01:22:32,760
Speaker 1: if you're feeling the itch to shift, it's time to

1691
01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:36,720
Speaker 1: start the words of fucking Nike, just do it.

1692
01:22:38,080 --> 01:22:40,760
Speaker 3: Do you still support Nike and the words of I

1693
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,679
Speaker 3: don't know who's on the list. You can't even trust

1694
01:22:43,720 --> 01:22:48,360
Speaker 3: any big brands. Oh well, thank you for joining us today.

1695
01:22:48,439 --> 01:22:50,920
Speaker 3: We have been cackling for quite some time. We're high now,

1696
01:22:51,080 --> 01:22:53,840
Speaker 3: but I enjoyed that. I hope that this message resonates

1697
01:22:53,880 --> 01:22:57,960
Speaker 3: with you. And if you're looking to do this, powwow

1698
01:22:58,040 --> 01:23:00,959
Speaker 3: and person check out the Good Vibrant. We have retreats

1699
01:23:01,000 --> 01:23:03,920
Speaker 3: coming up this summer and we want to spend time

1700
01:23:03,960 --> 01:23:05,559
Speaker 3: with you in the jungle with your titties out.

1701
01:23:06,680 --> 01:23:09,439
Speaker 1: It's life changing. It is a timeline jump, and it's

1702
01:23:09,600 --> 01:23:13,000
Speaker 1: literally that's a big decision. You truly like, if you

1703
01:23:13,040 --> 01:23:14,640
Speaker 1: don't know how to jump the timeline, come to the

1704
01:23:14,880 --> 01:23:17,040
Speaker 1: just ask our girls, ask the people that have come.

1705
01:23:17,120 --> 01:23:19,880
Speaker 1: You literally can look at the reviews, you can DM

1706
01:23:20,000 --> 01:23:22,360
Speaker 1: people in the discord and if you're in our discord,

1707
01:23:22,479 --> 01:23:24,240
Speaker 1: just say, hey, anyone been to the Good Vibratory Tell

1708
01:23:24,280 --> 01:23:27,360
Speaker 1: me about it, because it truly is like jumping timelines.

1709
01:23:27,400 --> 01:23:30,479
Speaker 1: It truly is a big shift and a big decision

1710
01:23:30,560 --> 01:23:32,559
Speaker 1: and it's an investment, so it really is a big decision.

1711
01:23:32,640 --> 01:23:34,400
Speaker 1: Like you're like, do I am I ready to do this?

1712
01:23:34,520 --> 01:23:37,120
Speaker 3: I don't know anyone who's come that hasn't left changed,

1713
01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:39,160
Speaker 3: you know in some capacity.

1714
01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:42,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true. So come join us in Costa Rica

1715
01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:46,840
Speaker 1: and make sure you subscribe to our YouTube follow us.

1716
01:23:47,200 --> 01:23:49,840
Speaker 1: Leave us a motherfucking review, please, you know we love

1717
01:23:49,880 --> 01:23:56,200
Speaker 1: a review and we'll see you next week night. Yeah,

1718
01:23:57,160 --> 01:23:59,400
Speaker 1: been so good. Can't you tell? I went through it

1719
01:23:59,600 --> 01:24:01,640
Speaker 1: rout since til I found out? Well, may might have

1720
01:24:01,720 --> 01:24:04,000
Speaker 1: been known earth. I used to be broken tail, now

1721
01:24:04,120 --> 01:24:07,200
Speaker 1: got the blues in to like Beyonce justll throat shot

1722
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:09,120
Speaker 1: or pop in his cow. We're in our voices.

1723
01:24:09,280 --> 01:24:12,200
Speaker 2: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit its women

1724
01:24:12,280 --> 01:24:14,360
Speaker 2: put the pee in power, so it's pointless.

1725
01:24:14,400 --> 01:24:17,000
Speaker 1: They want me to be good, so I mean bad choices.

1726
01:24:17,160 --> 01:24:19,639
Speaker 1: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.

1727
01:24:19,760 --> 01:24:22,280
Speaker 1: It's in on fort Cannabis in their backbone.

1728
01:24:22,400 --> 01:24:24,920
Speaker 3: Walked in boussos cap and I blew his cat balls.

1729
01:24:25,000 --> 01:24:27,720
Speaker 1: Hot dog. Now I'm immune to the cat called her

1730
01:24:27,800 --> 01:24:30,400
Speaker 1: being no waisted straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother,

1731
01:24:30,479 --> 01:24:32,679
Speaker 1: rent the lover when too. It's like a water sign

1732
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:35,320
Speaker 1: where you're rent the winter essential will when the summertime?

1733
01:24:35,520 --> 01:24:37,280
Speaker 1: I do it all? Ain't know when that needs a

1734
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:37,840
Speaker 1: running by