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Speaker 1: The pursuit of happiness is a solo sport.

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Speaker 2: Dead Ass. I like that one.

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Speaker 3: It's extreme too, if you think about it, it's so

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Speaker 3: extreme sport. And Baby, the minute I am broke free

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Speaker 3: of the shackles of being concerned about what everybody else thoughts, happiness,

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Speaker 3: baby just came bubbling nowhere.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass, dead asss Hey.

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Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therpy.

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Speaker 1: Wait. I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth.

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Speaker 1: And I think about the truth. We about to take

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Speaker 1: Billows off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take y'all back to.

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Speaker 4: Two thousand and way back in to time ity Tenkay,

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Speaker 4: And it's the crazy part when I talk about happiness

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Speaker 4: in this has nothing to do with relationships particularly, but

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Speaker 4: we're gonna talk about how it affects relationships.

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Speaker 1: But twenty ten, I just came back.

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Speaker 4: Kadeen and I were trying to figure out what was

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Speaker 4: gonna be the next steps. We knew we wanted to

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Speaker 4: get back to where were financially in the NFL, but

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Speaker 4: we didn't know exactly how to start. And I remember

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Speaker 4: I was starting to build my sports performance business and

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Speaker 4: I was at poly Prep working. I trained a young

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Speaker 4: man named Dave Frederick. Shout out to Dave, went on

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Speaker 4: to Wagner played offensive line for them Division one school.

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Speaker 1: It'stat alland shout out, what's up, Dave.

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Speaker 4: But after I trained Dave, Dave had given my brother

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Speaker 4: and I we changed him for two months and afterwards

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Speaker 4: he gave us one hundred dollars each and a bottle

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Speaker 4: of wine.

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Speaker 1: I was like wow, like like a light bulb went off.

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Speaker 4: It was like it was like, Dang, I can actually

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Speaker 4: get paid because of my expertise. And I actually saw

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Speaker 4: his transformation. You know, he lost some weight, he got faster, bigger, stronger.

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Speaker 4: I said, I could teach athletes how to get an

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Speaker 4: elite shape. They can be like like Dave's like the prototype,

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Speaker 4: oh elite prototype athletics.

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Speaker 2: That light bulb moment.

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Speaker 1: So we're in Brooklyn, We're at poly Prep.

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Speaker 4: Poly Prep is one of the most expensive schools for

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Speaker 4: day schools in the in the country, all let alone Brooklyn,

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Speaker 4: and I started to tell people what I wanted to do.

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Speaker 4: And every time I told someone what my plan was,

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Speaker 4: they were just like, I can't see it working.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, whatch me.

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Speaker 4: So they started giving me all of these reasons as

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Speaker 4: to why I would work. First, they was like, okay,

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Speaker 4: you got one person to pay who is at poly Prep.

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Speaker 4: That person is at poly Preps. Money has money. I said, okay,

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Speaker 4: I could make it work in inner cities. Yeah, but

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Speaker 4: if you make it too cheap, you'll never make any money.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, dang, that's true.

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Speaker 3: Right then there was we don't really have any athletes

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Speaker 3: that come out of New York like that that do anything.

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Speaker 4: Remember all of that. Yep, nobody's gonna pay for that.

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Speaker 4: Nobody cares enough. Poly Prep it's a different thing. So

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Speaker 4: I said, what if I get a gym and I

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Speaker 4: can charge more because I have a space and they're

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Speaker 4: not training in the park.

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Speaker 1: Oh, training in a gym is too expensive. You won't

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Speaker 1: be able to do this, you won't be able to

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Speaker 1: do that. Blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 4: So for about a year, I listened to everybody else,

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Speaker 4: and I was traveling around the city.

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Speaker 1: I spoke at in Brooklyn, the Bronx Queen, I spoke

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Speaker 1: in Long Island, spoken Stanton Island, spoken Jersey, just trying

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Speaker 1: to get some kids to join the program.

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Speaker 4: And I listened to what everyone was saying. I set

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Speaker 4: my price point based on what everyone else told me.

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Speaker 4: I set my location based on what everyone else telling me,

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Speaker 4: and I also set my plan for marketing based on

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Speaker 4: everyone else telling me.

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Speaker 1: And you know what happened. It flopped. It flopped. We

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Speaker 1: went around.

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Speaker 4: My brother and I spoke for eight weeks, going all

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Speaker 4: these different locations and engaging in all these different conversations

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Speaker 4: with people, and we only had three kids sign up

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Speaker 4: to this camp in that summertime. Two of them were

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Speaker 4: family members. So at that point I was about to quit.

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Speaker 4: I was like, man, this will never work. But then

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Speaker 4: I said, you know what, Deville, how about you just

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Speaker 4: go back to what you thought you were going to

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Speaker 4: do in the very beginning, like not doing a version

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Speaker 4: of what everyone else wanted to give me. Why don't

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Speaker 4: you do your own version? And I did, and ten

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Speaker 4: years later Elite Prototype Athletics was a fully fledged business

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Speaker 4: in Brooklyn that serviced the community but also was then

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Speaker 4: able to generate enough money where I could buy my

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Speaker 4: own gym and branch out and doing a lot more

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Speaker 4: philanthropy work. So the moral of the story is stop

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Speaker 4: listening to niggas okay.

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Speaker 2: Who have not done what you're trying to do.

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Speaker 4: Fact, and I'm explaining how this relates to happiness when

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Speaker 4: we return.

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Speaker 2: Oh, the trickle down effect.

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Speaker 1: So I actually have a different song, different type of song.

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Speaker 3: Right, you were very excited about this karaoke song. I

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Speaker 3: want to hear what it is because you think about

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Speaker 3: a lot of songs that deal with happiness, right, because

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Speaker 3: I'm happy.

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Speaker 1: But I think we've done that before.

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Speaker 3: Well, the thing is, that's a great song, But you

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Speaker 3: don't just get to be happy, right, No, you don't

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Speaker 3: just get the struggle of it getting to the happy.

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Speaker 4: So, speaking of the pursuit of happiness, this song is

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Speaker 4: a score let me see if you know it ready.

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Speaker 5: It is giving a beyonces and take it to the

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Speaker 5: mom you just so I know you just saw beyones, sweetie.

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Speaker 2: Also, everything is beyond.

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Speaker 4: You don't remember the scene, okay, so I'll paint the

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Speaker 4: picture for you. There's a gate, there's a gate. There's

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Speaker 4: a basketball. There's a basketball in the bag. A kid

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Speaker 4: is holding a basketball in the bag.

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Speaker 1: He gotta fro Jaden Smith.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, all right, clicking but gag.

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, don't ever let nobody tell you can't do so.

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Speaker 1: It's dream. Gotta protect it.

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Speaker 2: Oh, you're right.

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Speaker 1: You see something, Go get it?

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Speaker 2: Period, brother will, brother will, brother will?

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Speaker 1: What happiness? Now that it makes sense, it makes sense different.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was more the score of the music,

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Speaker 3: not the song song. That's sure, as he wasn't on

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Speaker 3: the soundtrack, so I don't believe.

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Speaker 1: No, it's a score, but I'm pretty sure it's a

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Speaker 1: song that's attached to a song for sure in the soundtrack.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: But it was very impactful. Yeah, and yeah, makes.

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Speaker 1: Sense that that scene in that movie meant a.

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Speaker 2: Lot to the scenes in that movie.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, when you say that, I realized, like then there

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Speaker 4: was another scene but that scene in particular because it

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Speaker 4: was like he was talking to his son, but he

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Speaker 4: was talking to himself.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: It's trying to get himself to believe it right, right.

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Speaker 4: He was talking to himself out loud so his son

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Speaker 4: could hear it, but it was just almost like yeah,

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Speaker 4: And he also realized how he was projecting all the

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Speaker 4: stuff he could do on his son.

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Speaker 3: And do you well, I want to say favorite scene,

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Speaker 3: but the most emotional for me was which one them

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Speaker 3: in the in the bathroom when he sleep there with

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Speaker 3: his son.

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Speaker 4: But yo, that's that's let's take a break. I want

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Speaker 4: to go back to that scene. Let's let's take a break.

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Speaker 4: I want to go back to because this is actually dope.

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Speaker 4: It's actually dope. All Right, we're gonna take a break,

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Speaker 4: pay some bills, come back, and we're gonna discuss everything

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Speaker 4: we're talking today.

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Speaker 1: Perfect, Okay, we're back.

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Speaker 2: We're back, all right.

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Speaker 4: And I really wanted to talk about this movie, but

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Speaker 4: also I wanted to talk about how this movie and

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Speaker 4: well not just this movie, but the ideas that this

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Speaker 4: movie portrayed kind of reflect exactly what it was that

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Speaker 4: created what you and I have and how we can

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Speaker 4: project this onto as many people as possible. Right happiness Right,

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Speaker 4: happiness for a lot of people isn't how they feel.

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Speaker 4: Happiness for a lot of people, is everybody else telling

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Speaker 4: them that they've reached a place of happiness, you know

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Speaker 4: what I'm saying. So, for example, in a relationship, I know,

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Speaker 4: I don't know if guys do this as often as girls.

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Speaker 1: But I know women do this. Right.

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Speaker 4: They meet a guy, they're happy with the guy, then

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Speaker 4: they ask their friends what they.

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Speaker 2: Think about the guy all the time.

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Speaker 4: Right, And then if their friends don't approve of the guy,

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Speaker 4: now they no longer liked the guy that they were

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Speaker 4: excited about because they didn't get the approval from their friends, right.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Men often don't do it

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Speaker 1: as much.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say that, because you know, we

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Speaker 4: always seek approval for our friends too. But it's like

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Speaker 4: if I like Shorty, I like Shorty, Like you can

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Speaker 4: say what you want, but I like Shorty. You know

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Speaker 4: what I'm saying. I feel like for us it's a

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Speaker 4: little bit different. But that's not even the whole point.

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Speaker 4: That's a completely different discussion. The point is is that

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Speaker 4: other people can take your happiness away when you seek

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Speaker 4: their approval for the things that you already feel happy about.

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Speaker 1: And that's the sickness.

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Speaker 2: I can see that.

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Speaker 4: And the scene you talked about before we went to

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Speaker 4: break was when Will was in the train and I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna show you how powerful this scene is.

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Speaker 1: He's in the train.

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Speaker 3: Station, and prior to this, they had gotten kicked out

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Speaker 3: of a couple of the homes that they didn't make

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Speaker 3: the time frame that they were supposed to get there

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Speaker 3: to get a bed.

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Speaker 2: So this was like nowhere to go, literally nowhere to go.

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Speaker 4: It was him and his son. They had the little

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Speaker 4: thing that he was calling a time machine, and his

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Speaker 4: son looked distraught. So he knew that the only way

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Speaker 4: he could get his son to go along with what

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Speaker 4: he was doing was to make it a game. So

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Speaker 4: he was like, oh my gosh, this is a time

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Speaker 4: machine and we want to be in the caves and

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Speaker 4: the dinosaurs, and he started to talk to his son's

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Speaker 4: imagination until he watched a smile come over his son's

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Speaker 4: face and his son became happy. Then they went into

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Speaker 4: the bathroom. He closed the door. May act like the

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Speaker 4: bathroom was the cave in his heart. He was crying,

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Speaker 4: and then we watched him cry as he was scared,

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Speaker 4: but his son was calm and happy because his dad

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Speaker 4: told him he should be happy.

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Speaker 1: But that, to me is the power of projection, but

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Speaker 1: also the power of.

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Speaker 4: Learning not to let other people project their ideas on you.

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Speaker 4: As a child, It's okay if my dad told me

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Speaker 4: I should be happy and everything's going to be fine.

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Speaker 1: As a child, you're like.

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Speaker 2: Cool to say.

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Speaker 3: That's a difference like a child, And that's the beauty

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Speaker 3: of being a child, right, the beauty of just knowing, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to go with the flow, and I really

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Speaker 3: got anything to worry about that in a sense alone, Man,

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Speaker 3: you know how many times I wanted to just backtrack,

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Speaker 3: just go back to that moment.

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Speaker 2: You have no worries.

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Speaker 3: But we can even see it with our children right

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Speaker 3: how we approach anything. For example, Jackson's first debate competition, right,

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Speaker 3: first debate competition, the Valot had an opportunity to.

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Speaker 2: Go away that weekend. We both said absolutely not.

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Speaker 3: I was being honored at an event that I was

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Speaker 3: supposed to be accepting the award at. Could not attend

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Speaker 3: because why we absolutely had to be there in that

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Speaker 3: moment and It was for me in part because I

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Speaker 3: knew that I needed to make sure that he was

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Speaker 3: going to be okay with this being his first debate competition,

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Speaker 3: and instead of me projecting the nervousness or the doubt

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Speaker 3: that I may have had in that moment on him,

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Speaker 3: we took a totally different round, and we do. There

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Speaker 3: was so many different things when it comes to our children,

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Speaker 3: but just showing the excitement around it and empowering him

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Speaker 3: and showing him how to prepare for it, it really

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Speaker 3: just changed the whole tie absolutely for him. So as

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Speaker 3: a child and a parent, or at least within this relationship,

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Speaker 3: I think we've become more I think at this point

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Speaker 3: now we understand that the kids really feed off of

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Speaker 3: every little bit of energy, and that they see us

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Speaker 3: happy in a moment or think that we should be

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Speaker 3: happy as we approach something that could be scary, They're

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Speaker 3: bought in it, really bought in absolutely.

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Speaker 4: I mean that's a great point because you and I

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Speaker 4: have learned over the last year and a half how

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Speaker 4: to change what we project onto our children. Right because

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Speaker 4: we were talking about the pursuit of happiness. But that

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Speaker 4: scene with him on the basketball court, he shot the

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Speaker 4: ball and said I'm going to the NBA.

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Speaker 1: And then his dad was just.

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Speaker 4: Like, you know, you're a little bit tall at an

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Speaker 4: average high you know, not really athletic. I wasn't really athlete,

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Speaker 4: so you may play high school at best. And then

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Speaker 4: you watch his son put the ball into his bag,

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Speaker 4: and that's what made him realize, like, you know what,

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Speaker 4: that was messed up, that I just did that right

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Speaker 4: to my son. But that lesson and the lesson in

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Speaker 4: the train station and what you just mentioned about Jackson

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Speaker 4: is really what I want to touch on today. Right,

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Speaker 4: we have two responsibilities of people, right in the pursuit

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Speaker 4: of happiness. The pursuit of happiness is not only to

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Speaker 4: find your own happiness, but also not deter other people from.

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Speaker 1: Finding their their happiness.

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Speaker 4: Yes, right, And that's really what I wanted to touch on,

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Speaker 4: which is why I chose that song and we chose

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Speaker 4: this movie. Because people think you only have one responsibility.

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Speaker 4: And in this world today, we've all become extremely selfish. Right,

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Speaker 4: It's all about me, me, me, me, I I self care,

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Speaker 4: self care, which is very important, you know, but they've

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Speaker 4: turned mental health into a selfish thing almost, you know, right,

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Speaker 4: A lot of the narrative now is I got to

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Speaker 4: take care of me and screw everybody else. But I

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Speaker 4: want to challenge that because we have two responsibilities as people.

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Speaker 4: We don't share this world with ourselves. We share this

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Speaker 4: world with a bunch of other people. So I think

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Speaker 4: we all have to learn the power in seeking other

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Speaker 4: people's approval but also unnecessarily projecting our perceptions of life

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Speaker 4: onto other people because of what that can do for

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Speaker 4: their happiness.

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Speaker 3: I also think self care, too, is sometimes not even

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Speaker 3: just a scapegoat per se, but it's just making sure

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Speaker 3: that you are taking care of yourself so that for

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Speaker 3: so that you can be of service to other people

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Speaker 3: that were it matters right, right, So taking care of

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Speaker 3: yourself so you can be of service to your family

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Speaker 3: or to your children, or to your career if that's

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Speaker 3: what you so choose. I just think that waters get

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Speaker 3: a little bit muddy when people use self care or

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Speaker 3: use mental health as a way to just make an

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Speaker 3: excuse or to bow out a situation where someone may

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Speaker 3: be depending on them or they may have, you know,

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Speaker 3: as a particular role that requires them to act in

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Speaker 3: a certain way or to perform in a certain way,

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Speaker 3: and then the scapegoat becomes oh, not mental health, oh

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Speaker 3: self care.

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Speaker 2: You know, so it could be tricky.

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Speaker 4: I feel you people need to really look at what

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Speaker 4: qualified as a mental health emergency and what is just

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Speaker 4: like I don't feel like doing it, you know what

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Speaker 4: I'm saying. But realistically, in the pursuit of happiness, you

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Speaker 4: should do what you want to do unless it puts

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Speaker 4: other people to at is a detriment if your actions

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Speaker 4: are a detriment to other people. And that's really what

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Speaker 4: what I want to focus on, Like why do we

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Speaker 4: as people always seek affirmation from everybody else for stuff

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Speaker 4: that we are going to be responsible for in our lives,

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Speaker 4: And that's relationships, career, children. You know, people ask me

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Speaker 4: all the time like how are you so comfortable sharing

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Speaker 4: your life? Like how are you so comfortable sharing? You're

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Speaker 4: not concerned about what people say? You're not concerned And

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Speaker 4: I learned this through football. Right, people are entitled to

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Speaker 4: have their opinions about what you do and who you

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Speaker 4: are they are. Everyone is entitled to think what they

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Speaker 4: want to think, but you, as an individual, are also

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Speaker 4: entitled to block out the ideas and opinions of others. Right,

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Speaker 4: We don't share because we are seeking affirmation. I don't

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Speaker 4: put something on the Internet hoping that everyone agrees with

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Speaker 4: what I do. I'm just sharing what I do as

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Speaker 4: a testimony, as a possibility for someone else to do

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Speaker 4: the same thing if they choose to.

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Speaker 1: If you choose to walk in the same life as

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Speaker 1: I do.

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Speaker 4: Say you want to be monogamous, you want to be married,

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Speaker 4: you want to have kids, you want to get into

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Speaker 4: TV film.

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Speaker 1: Here's an option of how I did it. That's all

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Speaker 1: it is.

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Speaker 4: I'm not sharing my life for people to confirm that

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Speaker 4: my life is great or horrible. And I think oftentimes

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Speaker 4: because of social media, that's what their happiness has become.

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Speaker 3: That's absolutely it. Someone recently, I forget what event I

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Speaker 3: was at, and a young lady was making a post

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Speaker 3: on her Instagram and she said, I don't know about

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Speaker 3: this picture.

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Speaker 2: I like it, but I'm not sure. But you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to post it in this moment.

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Speaker 3: I'll just turn the life off so that way I

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Speaker 3: can't see how many people like it or not. And

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Speaker 3: I was like, what was the purpose of that? And

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Speaker 3: She's like, be cause it's gonna mess with me. It's

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Speaker 3: just gonna fuck with my head. Like if I post

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Speaker 3: it and I only get a couple thousand likes, then

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Speaker 3: I'll probably just archive it or take it down. Wow,

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Speaker 3: So I said, so you're strictly posting this just to

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Speaker 3: see what other people will think of the photo, and

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Speaker 3: because you don't feel confident enough in this photo.

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Speaker 2: It's like a trial and everything. Let me just post

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Speaker 2: it and see.

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Speaker 3: Let me take the likes away from it for my

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Speaker 3: quote unquote mental health, because if I look at it

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Speaker 3: and there's not enough likes on it, then it confirms

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Speaker 3: the fact that this was.

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Speaker 2: Indeed not a good picture.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, Wow, that's the process that some people

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Speaker 3: go through when it comes to just something which we

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Speaker 3: think is as simple as posting on social media.

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Speaker 2: But it's not that simple for some people.

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Speaker 3: It really is and has become like the be all

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Speaker 3: that ends all, and that barometer for people deciding what

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Speaker 3: is good for them.

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Speaker 2: And it's insane.

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Speaker 4: It is insane, Like I'm glad you said. I'm glad

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Speaker 4: you said insane because to me, that is literally the world.

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Speaker 4: It's insanity. It is insanity for you to believe that

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Speaker 4: if you put out a piece of art or something

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Speaker 4: into the world and one hundred percent of people have

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Speaker 4: to agree with the same thought process of what beauty

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Speaker 4: is or what intellectuality is, if that's even a word.

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Speaker 1: But the fact that you think that is insanity.

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Speaker 4: Like there is never going to be a time where

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Speaker 4: everyone agrees that something is right. You know, there are

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Speaker 4: nuances throughout life, and I want to implore people to

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Speaker 4: challenge the notion that everyone has to agree with what

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Speaker 4: your life is for it to be great, because we

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Speaker 4: don't write like if your life, for example, my life,

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Speaker 4: for what I want it to be, is great because

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Speaker 4: this is what I want out of my life for

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Speaker 4: someone else in a different part of the world. Hell,

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Speaker 4: even my next door neighbor could look at my life

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Speaker 4: and say that's too much. I don't want a house

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Speaker 4: that big. My other neighbor could be like, that's not enough,

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Speaker 4: that house is too small. If I'm concerned about what

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Speaker 4: they feel about my house, then I'm not in the

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Speaker 4: pursuit of my own happiness.

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Speaker 1: I'm in the pursuit of someone else's happy. You see

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: Half the time, the pursuit of the happiness that others

401
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Speaker 3: that you're in pursuit of. They don't even be happy neither,

402
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Speaker 3: so they won't even know what makes them happy either.

403
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Speaker 3: And it really clicked to me, and you helped me

404
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,479
Speaker 3: with this so much when we met and as we

405
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 3: started dating and building together in our relationship and me

406
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,919
Speaker 3: just as an individual, I was raised to always seek

407
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Speaker 3: confirmation and affirmation from outside sources. It could have been

408
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Speaker 3: someone as simple as my mom. It could have been

409
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Speaker 3: as simple as my grandmother. It could be simple as

410
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Speaker 3: strangers who I have no dealing with, who have no

411
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Speaker 3: impact on my life. It was always about how something

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Speaker 3: looked to somebody else. Example, when you and I will

413
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Speaker 3: plan the trip to go to Jamaica, it was spray

414
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Speaker 3: break right the first time Devana and I were trying

415
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Speaker 3: to go away on vacation together Spring break book the

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Speaker 3: trip to Jamaica.

417
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Speaker 2: You had never been. This was two thousand and maybe.

418
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Speaker 1: Right in college.

419
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Speaker 3: Super we were in college from break and his dad

420
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Speaker 3: went ahead and booked I think maybe through his time

421
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Speaker 3: share something this you know, resort for us to stay

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Speaker 3: at for spring break week. Initially, I already knew what

423
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Speaker 3: I was dealing with when it came to my mom

424
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Speaker 3: and dad that I had to present this as some

425
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Speaker 3: sort of group activity so that Deval could potentially get

426
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Speaker 3: lost in the shuffle right, presented it as a group activity.

427
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Speaker 1: The fact that we thought this was going to work

428
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Speaker 1: is insanity too.

429
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Speaker 3: For it's being nineteen years old, right, So I'm like, okay,

430
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Speaker 3: if we're presented as a group activity, then we have

431
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Speaker 3: more of a chance that my mom would be like,

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Speaker 3: all right, Kaden will.

433
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Speaker 2: Rule with the girls and the guys will room together. Right.

434
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Speaker 4: Sure, I'm smile so hard if you're not watching on

435
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,879
Speaker 4: Patreon and you're listening, I'm smiling so hard right now

436
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 4: because this was insanity to me that we actually thought

437
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Speaker 4: it was.

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Speaker 1: Gonna work, right, and it did.

439
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Speaker 3: In my mind, I was like, like, yeah, it's a group.

440
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 3: We're all going away to spring break. People were in college.

441
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Speaker 3: That's what people do, they go on spring break trips.

442
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Speaker 3: So then as the trip got closer, she's like, well,

443
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,440
Speaker 3: who's going Who's mom?

444
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,320
Speaker 2: Can I speak with such and such? As Mom?

445
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, we're still doing that, and I'm in college

446
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 3: twenty years old.

447
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 2: It's still doing that. So then I could vote pretty much.

448
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 2: I could vote with smoke. Okay, yes, and my cigarettes.

449
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 2: I don't smoke cigarettes either, but I'm just saying, you know.

450
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 3: So, then it came down to the time where she

451
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 3: wants to speak to all of these moms to be,

452
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 3: you know, on the same page about what's transpiring. And

453
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 3: that's when I had to say, well, mom, you know

454
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 3: all these people backed out and it's just going to

455
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 3: be me and de vou.

456
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 4: The way you kind of broke it down is like

457
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 4: he was, you know, so I finally had to come

458
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 4: to it and tell the truth. No, you said, finally

459
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 4: had to come do it and tell her. Everybody else

460
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 4: back down. This is what we thought was gonna work the.

461
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,720
Speaker 2: Truth right in this moment.

462
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 3: So clearly at this point, I'm like, oh, that was

463
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 3: had already paid for this trip, like we can't have

464
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,719
Speaker 3: this man lose his money, Like how dare we? So

465
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 3: I figured I was just letting her know that it

466
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 3: was just going to be me in the vowel, and

467
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 3: she was just like you go away with him some together?

468
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 2: You and some why some? Why are we together?

469
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,719
Speaker 3: How exactly do you expect for me to tell your

470
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 3: grandmother this? And what will your aunt say when you

471
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 3: a girl of your caliber it's traveling overseas.

472
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: This is why she said all of this.

473
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,639
Speaker 4: I was sitting right there and I was tapping k

474
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,239
Speaker 4: okay while we have this conversation with me right here now,

475
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 4: with me, just do this right now.

476
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 3: And I was like, first of all, it's not a why. Okay,

477
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 3: this is the val my boyfriend who you know? Was

478
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 3: this while you were still coming by the house?

479
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 1: Did you say I was still coming by the house.

480
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 4: It was after this whole thing is that I was like,

481
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 4: I ain't coming by because after the whole comments and

482
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 4: picture me Sharon Joseph, director of nurse and riverman I

483
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 4: Care Center, she went down her whole occupation.

484
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:03,719
Speaker 3: It's her whole Imagine me telling people that my daughter

485
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,679
Speaker 3: is away with some wak break.

486
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 4: Picture me, director of nursing riverman Caena telling the people

487
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 4: I work with my daughter as away with some why

488
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 4: and Jamica overseas for days at a time.

489
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: It was like, how did we get here? How did

490
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 1: we get here?

491
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 2: Bruh?

492
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 3: And it was simply that was the reasoning. Though that

493
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 3: was the reasoning. It wasn't that, you know, guys, I

494
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 3: think it's that little inappropriate. Y'all you know are underage.

495
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 3: I don't think you should be going away together because

496
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 3: of X y Z reasons, because of safety, none of that.

497
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 3: It was strictly because what would people think or say

498
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: about me and about her as a parent. And that

499
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 3: is literally the microcosm situation of how I was raised

500
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 3: to always be concerned with other people thought. And finally,

501
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,600
Speaker 3: once you and I started dating, and you just really

502
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,159
Speaker 3: showed me like, Okay, what exactly do you have to

503
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,200
Speaker 3: gain by being so overly concerned about what other people think?

504
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 2: Who are these people? First off?

505
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 3: What are they offering you in your life that should

506
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 3: allow them to dictate the things that make you happy?

507
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 3: And I really was like, you know what, bye, George.

508
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 3: It clicked, It clicked, clicked.

509
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: People ask all the time how did I get here? Right?

510
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: Because even you asked you was like, how did you

511
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: get to that point? You grew up the same way.

512
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 4: I grew up in a Southern Baptist house where everything

513
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 4: was about church and church folks and the clergy and

514
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 4: what would this person think and that person think? Like

515
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 4: it was so bad in my house growing up, I

516
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 4: had braids. My mother would make me undo my braids

517
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 4: every Saturday night because she felt like people would talk

518
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 4: about me being a dog if I went to church

519
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:47,120
Speaker 4: on Sunday with braids, to church with my afro out.

520
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 4: She'd rather me have an afro than wear braids because

521
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 4: braids was associated with hoodlum activity.

522
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: But afros wasn't. No, it was like the dumbest thing.

523
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,040
Speaker 2: So you just walking to church, which fists up and

524
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: you know me, I'm just gonna play all the way in.

525
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: I will black the whole time.

526
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 4: Oh god, it was a funeral every Sunday I went

527
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 4: to church and I'm proving the point, but sell you.

528
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 4: But this is how I literally got to this point,

529
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 4: like I'm not this great person with all of these

530
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 4: ideas of how to solve happiness.

531
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: You know what happened? Football happened. And the eye in

532
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: the sky. You know what the eye and the sky is.

533
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: Don't lie the iron. The sky is the camera.

534
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 4: They film every practice, they film every game, and you

535
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 4: get a chance to watch what it is that you do.

536
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 1: And when you for years have.

537
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,479
Speaker 4: To watch what you do, but also watch what you

538
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 4: think you did and then watch it on camera, you

539
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 4: realize that your reality, your perception, is not the reality.

540
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 4: So then you start to realize but wait a minute,

541
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 4: if my perception is not the reality, that means all

542
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 4: the other people's perceptions ain't the reality neither, So why

543
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 4: am I listening to people who are going to have

544
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 4: a slant view of what I do with my life.

545
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 4: I'm the only one that can control what my life is.

546
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 4: I can't rely on other people who have slanted perceptions

547
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 4: of what my reality is to tell me what's gonna

548
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,879
Speaker 4: make me happy. Oh, tell me what's gonna work for me.

549
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 4: That's why it works. With jobs and work with your kids.

550
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,959
Speaker 4: I can give you every idea. For example, when it

551
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 4: comes to your kids. Oh, I wouldn't put my child

552
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 4: in that school because my daughter did da da da

553
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 4: da da da dah. So now, oh that didn't work

554
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 4: for their daughter, it won't work for mine, right, Not true,

555
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 4: Not true at all. I've seen so many different families

556
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 4: and different walks of life have successful kids through Brooklyn.

557
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 4: I have kids that went to Polyprep. I have kids

558
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 4: that went to public school. I have kids that went

559
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 4: to specialized high schools like Bronx Science in Brooklyn Tech.

560
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 4: And they've all been successful in all these different walks

561
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,119
Speaker 4: of lives. But if you ask them during the time,

562
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 4: what's the only way to be successful, it's what they

563
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 4: did with their children and made that successful.

564
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you see what I'm saying.

565
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 4: So watching that over years, first through football, But then

566
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 4: watching how people interact with their kids, I realized, like, yo,

567
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 4: you have to make a decision for yourself and learned

568
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 4: how to navigate what your reality is instead of listening

569
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 4: to other people. I've also watched other people with their

570
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 4: kids try to follow other families and it not worked

571
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 4: to work out.

572
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 2: That's so true, it don't work out.

573
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 3: Think about when we were signing Jackson up for his

574
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 3: first year of school, so we were doing our due

575
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 3: diligence as brand new parents. Right, there was such a process,

576
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 3: particularly living in New York and Brooklyn with the school

577
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 3: system right public schools were depending on where we were

578
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 3: we were zoned and probably one of the worst public

579
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 3: schools and Crown Rights. Then there were an interview, like

580
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:38,680
Speaker 3: a very rigorous interview process with us and with Jackson,

581
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 3: and for private schools and the independent schools, then there's

582
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 3: just like, oh, what's the right there's a test for him.

583
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 2: It was almost a test for us.

584
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 3: I feel like I felt like everything was was we

585
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: were on a display. It's like they were touching us

586
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 3: right you know where, and it became stressful for us,

587
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 3: like wearing the right outfit at the time, and like

588
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 3: not saying the saying the wrong thing, like was Jackson

589
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 3: gonna have a good day where he was like on

590
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,719
Speaker 3: and you know, there were so many different things that

591
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 3: went into that school process. And someone told us about

592
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 3: a program I think it was called Early Steps, Early

593
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: Steps where they were able to you go and it's

594
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 3: pretty much all minority children.

595
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: Early Steps for what it was.

596
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 3: Yes, so devout aunt chiddy, shoutout town Chatty told us

597
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,479
Speaker 3: about Early Steps Steps and this is where pretty much

598
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 3: all black children came to be in this pool of color.

599
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,400
Speaker 1: It wasn't all black children.

600
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,160
Speaker 2: True, but majority I would say majority.

601
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 3: I say that because it was probably one of the

602
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 3: few ways that black children could get into the schools,

603
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 3: right private school, whether it be a scholarship or whether

604
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 3: it being like they're taking only two to fill their

605
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 3: diversity quota, whatever that looked like in the moment, which

606
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 3: was another whole thing for another day.

607
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 2: But this is what the process that we had to take.

608
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: Whereas your cousin Cale was successful in it where she

609
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 3: made it into the program, Jackson actually ended up making

610
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,479
Speaker 3: it into the Early Steps program and he was one

611
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 3: of the children that they were now trying to sift

612
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: into a independent school and he ended up being waitlisted

613
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 3: for I think majority of the schools and never ended

614
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 3: up getting in.

615
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 4: Well, no, remember we he had got into Brooklyn Friends

616
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 4: and they had sent us the bill.

617
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: Remember we had got into Brooklyn Friends. Yes, and k

618
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 1: calls me, Kate calls me, that's the right the email.

619
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: The email came in for Brooklyn Friends.

620
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 2: Which we loved too. At the time, we were like,

621
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 2: this is the bombs.

622
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 4: It wasn't far from us, yeah, and we were just like, okay. Well,

623
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 4: she was just like okay, so it's gonna be three K.

624
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 4: So I said, okay, three K over ten months, that's

625
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 4: three hundred dollars a month.

626
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: We can do this. She laughed, laugh she said, I said,

627
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: I said, why are you laughed joking?

628
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 3: Now?

629
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: She said, it's three K a month month, thirty thousand dollars.

630
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 1: I said, for for brea K. What are you teaching

631
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: my son?

632
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 2: That's okay.

633
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: There is nothing that they can guarantee me that this

634
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 3: child will be or do at three years old for

635
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 3: thirty k.

636
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: In no way, there's just there's no way.

637
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: And that was just like, you're absolutely right.

638
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 4: And at the time, there were so many people around

639
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 4: us telling us, if you want your child to have

640
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 4: a good education, you got to go through this.

641
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: You can't put them in a public school.

642
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: The only way, it's.

643
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: The only way.

644
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 4: And we were just listening and we were stressed out,

645
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 4: we were paying in and then Mayor Deblasio won and

646
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 4: he announced UPK, which is universal pre K, which means

647
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: that the city was going to pay for anyone going

648
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 4: into pre K that year and they didn't have to

649
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 4: go to a public school.

650
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: They could go to private schools and get a stipend.

651
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,959
Speaker 4: Yes, So Jackson qualified, yes, and that's when we found

652
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 4: the learning, the learning experience.

653
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 3: They had a great time there and some teachers, and

654
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 3: I was like, look at God, look at God.

655
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 2: And we really did not have to pay a cent after.

656
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 4: That, and we chose and you know what, we got

657
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 4: some flack from people, not flack, but it was like,

658
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 4: he got a chance to go to Brooklyn, friends, why

659
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 4: don't you just find a way.

660
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 1: And I said, it's not about finding a way.

661
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 4: At the time, we couldn't afford thirty thousand dollars a

662
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 4: year for private school that we just couldn't afford it.

663
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 2: This wasn't a thing.

664
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 3: And everybody who had opinions, I was like, do y'all

665
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 3: want to put up a selection plate, go fund me.

666
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 2: I don't know. We didn't have good fund at the time.

667
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 1: We did not have trying to do this. Then you no, yeah,

668
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: we didn't have the money option. But that's a great

669
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: story you told, because think about it. If we were

670
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: so focused on making other people happy, you know, we

671
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: would have did we would have scraped top all our

672
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: pennies and been spending our money for three thousand months.

673
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 2: And struggling, struggling.

674
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 4: Instead, we chose to use that money to invest in

675
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,600
Speaker 4: our future, and we sent them to TL and it's

676
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 4: worked out very, very well.

677
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 3: And then from TL they were able to between them

678
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 3: and us, you know, really just working with him. He

679
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 3: tested for the Gift of the Talented program, was in

680
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 3: the ninety nine percentile and then that was a whole

681
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,239
Speaker 3: other mess where they put him in the school all

682
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: the way in the.

683
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:47,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a Bronx, the number three, the number three,

684
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 2: the number three school.

685
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,520
Speaker 3: In the city, which was amazing, But I'm like, how

686
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: am I going to air lift him there?

687
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 2: Every day?

688
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 3: Like how exactly what was that going to get in

689
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: New York traffic to and fro. They literally made it

690
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 3: impossible for us to even be able to take him there,

691
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 3: which ended up happening. And then I had to fight

692
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,719
Speaker 3: tooth and nail to get him in the Gifted Intelligent program.

693
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 3: Well he tested for it, but getting into school that

694
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 3: was in Brooklyn that was close enough for us and feasible.

695
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 3: So I say that all to say, if we really

696
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 3: think about what other people are going to think of

697
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 3: the journey that we take with our children, with ourselves, bruh,

698
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 3: it's an instant set up for failure.

699
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 4: I got to give one more example and then we

700
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: can take a break and do listening letters. I gave

701
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 4: them an example with work, not listening to people, we

702
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 4: were able to advance our careers because we followed our

703
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 4: hearts in your relationship. This is how the pursuit of

704
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 4: happiness will help you in your relationship and not seeking

705
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 4: affirmation for someone else. I get this all the time.

706
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 4: Listen to this scenario because I just got it with you. Okay,

707
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 4: and yo, d what's up?

708
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 1: Was good?

709
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 4: I see Kadean went to Sweden and go see Beyonce?

710
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 4: Yeah she went with girls? Yeah cool? How long would

711
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 4: you let your wife stay away?

712
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 1: You know?

713
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 4: She goes in the girl's trip and I'm like, what

714
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 4: would you how long would you let your wife stay away?

715
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 4: And then I remember when when dj Envy was talking

716
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 4: about Gia had went away for three weeks and they

717
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 4: had asked us when we were on the Breakfast Club

718
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 4: Shout Out the Breakfast Club, shar God and dj Envy,

719
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 4: they asked us, you know, like, you know, would you

720
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 4: be upset if your wife went away for a girl

721
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 4: shrip for three weeks? My first thought process was and

722
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 4: DJMV literally had the same thought process though, but why

723
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 4: would I care? How upset y'all get about what me

724
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 4: and my wife decided on? But then it made me

725
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 4: realize when people asked me though, how long would you

726
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,240
Speaker 4: because I see K went away, and I'm like, dude,

727
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 4: why are you asking me what I think is okay

728
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 4: for my wife?

729
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: What do you think is okay for your wife? And

730
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: what is your wife think it's okay for herself? That

731
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: his questioning and their questioning is a couple to me,

732
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 1: is the problem?

733
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 2: Well, maybe he was trying to get some sort of

734
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 2: confirmation for you, like see devour only let K go

735
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,879
Speaker 2: away for four days when you want to go away

736
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 2: for a week.

737
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 1: But that's the problem, And that's the problem.

738
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 4: That's the problem is that you can't find happiness if

739
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,240
Speaker 4: you're trying to tailor make your relationship to other people's standards.

740
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 6: If you we over me New York Times bestseller Me Baby,

741
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 6: But but but seriously, though, it's like we as people

742
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 6: consistently find happiness with our partner and then let other

743
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 6: people talk us out of our own happiness.

744
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, doing that? Why would you let your Why would

745
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 4: you let your girl do that? I would let my man.

746
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: Same thing with you. Remember when we were younger in

747
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 1: our relationship and I go to strip club with my

748
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: friends like that, and you would get them comments like

749
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: you still let him go to strip club. It's like, yo,

750
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: you know, like if we found something that works.

751
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 3: For us, the man, he is as an adult. He

752
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 3: is an adult who can make a decision, an informed decision.

753
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 3: I was informed. Am I supposed to have a problem

754
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 3: with it? Then you'll be thinking that you're crazy. Sometimes

755
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:04,879
Speaker 3: if you don't have the problem with.

756
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 1: You feel crazy.

757
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 4: If you don't have a problem, but you like, I

758
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 4: really don't have a problem, Like you're supposed to have

759
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 4: a problem. Now they're disrupting your happiness, but you've let

760
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,720
Speaker 4: them disrupt your happiness by including them in a decision

761
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 4: that you've already made.

762
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 3: Bruh.

763
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 2: Be careful of the people you have around you.

764
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 3: I have another person recently got into a relationship, you know,

765
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 3: was in the first maybe three four weeks of the relationship,

766
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 3: you know, disclosed to me. You know, this is the

767
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 3: person that I'm seeing now. Really like this person, awesome individual, like,

768
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 3: you know, hours on the phone, like feel like I

769
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 3: knew him for years type of things. So I'm like, oh,

770
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 3: this is giving me a devo vibes. I'm like, girl,

771
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 3: you know, maybe this is your husband, you know. So

772
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 3: we're chit chatting and everything. End up going to an

773
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 3: event where we see another friend. Well, this is a

774
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 3: friend of hers at this point, this is not my friend.

775
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 3: This is her friend. Now, okay, so you have to

776
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 3: tell me about this guy. Her friend comes and she's like,

777
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,839
Speaker 3: don't mention. Don't mention the guy I told you about.

778
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, okay, no problem. So the

779
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 3: three of us are there, we're chit chatting, and she

780
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 3: did not want to bring up this guy.

781
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 2: And after the fact, I was just like, what was

782
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 2: that about?

783
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 3: And she was just like, just because I feel like

784
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 3: you know, she's my friend, but I just feel like

785
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 3: anytime I show that I'm like remotely happy about something,

786
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: or you know, meet a guy, and then she starts

787
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 3: to get weird or she tries to convince me why this.

788
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: Is not a good idea.

789
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 3: So I said, Oh, your single friend over here, that's

790
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 3: been single for the past six years. You know, that's

791
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 3: just been like trying to figure it out for the

792
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 3: past whole life. Yes, that's who we're trying to compare

793
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 3: notes with. Okay, gotcha, she said, But yeah, I just

794
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 3: don't feel that energy anytime I seem like I'm excited

795
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 3: about something.

796
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 2: So I said, well, that means.

797
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 3: That you need to rehash if this person is indeed

798
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,400
Speaker 3: a friend or is this person in their own competition

799
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 3: with you? Like you can be in situations like that

800
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 3: where you don't even realize that the people closest to

801
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:00,040
Speaker 3: you are deterring you from what could be one of

802
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 3: the happiest moments or one of the happiest things to

803
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 3: happen in your life because they are jealous, jealous, not

804
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:12,880
Speaker 3: happy exactly wish they were in that position to misery

805
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 3: loves company.

806
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 2: Oh baby, were gonna be single together forever?

807
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 3: On some Golden Girls type shit like you know that

808
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 3: is also a very big possibility too. So it was

809
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 3: crazy in that moment because I'm just like, Wow, I'm like,

810
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: this is supposed to be one of your good friends

811
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 3: that you cannot even disclose this too because for fear

812
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 3: that she will try to steal your happiness from you

813
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 3: in that moment, So y'all be careful who you have

814
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 3: around you.

815
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: I feel you on that.

816
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 2: Wow.

817
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 4: Here's the thing, though, You're never going to know who

818
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 4: that person is. Well, you will know at times and

819
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 4: when you know you should separate them. I want people

820
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 4: to realize that those people can give opinions you don't

821
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 4: need to listen to.

822
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: You don't, you don't, you don't, but you.

823
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 1: Know what you need to listen to these ads is

824
00:37:55,160 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: coming up next transition that I'm becoming the host of

825
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 1: dead Ass podcast.

826
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 2: You know, listen after eleven seasons.

827
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 3: After eleven seasons, baby, I said, let me take you.

828
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 3: You take your stab at it, all right, baby, I

829
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 3: hate I'll be taking a lot of stab sure as

830
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 3: no do that part. We'll be back, y'all.

831
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:15,360
Speaker 2: We'll be back.

832
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 3: All right, y'all were back for listener letters. Let's get

833
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 3: into them and see what y'all talking about today. You

834
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: want to go first, baby, go ahead.

835
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 4: First of all, I want to shout out my sister

836
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 4: for putting me onto y'all's podcast. I knew devout from

837
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 4: watching the team and sisters shout out. Yes, I hate

838
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 4: just jumping in on the middle of things, so I

839
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 4: had to take it all the way back to the

840
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 4: beginning of the podcast.

841
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: To catch up.

842
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 4: Now, Oh dope, Can I just say that I love

843
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 4: the show. How relatable you guys are and how you

844
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 4: just how you guys just love on each other. Well,

845
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 4: thank you so much. I've never met a married couple

846
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 4: whose relationship resonated with mine until now. Me and my

847
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 4: husband have been together since I was fifteen and he

848
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 4: was seventeen. Oh that's a long time. So you know,

849
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 4: we've had our fair share ups and downs. Now we're

850
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 4: about to be thirty five and thirty seven, twenty eight.

851
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: They like us, I'll say eight twenty years. We have

852
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,799
Speaker 1: three kids. Hey, will we be yelling that? And we

853
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: just celebrated thirteen years of being married.

854
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 2: In thirteen years and in July, so very similar. Okay.

855
00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 1: My husband is a great provider, protector and a great father.

856
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:23,760
Speaker 1: I also try my best to be a better wife

857
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 1: and mom each day. Like Kadeen, I grew up in

858
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 1: a household where things were swept under the rug, so

859
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 1: I struggled with expressing myself and I had bad communication.

860
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 1: Over the years, I have gotten much better about expressing

861
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: my feelings and communicating my needs to my husband. He

862
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 1: has done his best at meeting most of those needs,

863
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: and I appreciate him and make sure to tell him

864
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: and show him. But of course it's always a work

865
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: in progress. So my question is how can I get

866
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: my husband to be more romantic. He has his moments,

867
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: but it's very rare that it happens. I always plan

868
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: our date nights and getaways, birthdays and special events. I

869
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: want to.

870
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 4: Be the one that gets surprised. I am a very

871
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 4: simple girl. I don't really care about materialistic things, nor

872
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 4: do I care about extravagant things. It's the small things

873
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 4: that count. One of the most special things that he

874
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 4: has done for me in the twenty and was in

875
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 4: twenty twenty when everything was shut down and my birthday

876
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 4: came around. He woke me up early before any of

877
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 4: our kids were awake. He had a hot bath of

878
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 4: a hot bath full of rose petals ready for me

879
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 4: to just show to just relaxing before getting my day started.

880
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: Totally surprise me.

881
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,080
Speaker 4: How can I get more moments like these regularly and

882
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 4: not just during a pandemic?

883
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 2: Mmmm?

884
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 3: Well, you as a guy being romantical, because you have

885
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 3: a lot of romantical moments. Yes, it's cute, and I

886
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 3: mean the romance doesn't necessarily look the way I expected

887
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 3: to look all the time, but I do enjoy the

888
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 3: moments that you do take the time to be thoughtful.

889
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: I wonder if she's had the conversation with him about it.

890
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: Moments don't look like what you be wanting.

891
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying sometimes in our mind as women,

892
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 3: you think about like fairy tales and all these things

893
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,280
Speaker 3: that we see as like romantic moments. But I've learned

894
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,799
Speaker 3: that you are romantic in your own way, and I

895
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 3: love that because it's all the thought that counts.

896
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 4: Oh, this is news to me because I thought I

897
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 4: was doing exactly what you wanted.

898
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: This is news to me, and we just opened up

899
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 1: a new can of worm.

900
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 3: No. I love those moments like something that was super

901
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 3: romantic and it was kind of like at a difficult

902
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 3: point in our life. But it stands out, it stands

903
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 3: out as one of the more romantic things that you've done.

904
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: And the romantic ahead, go ahead.

905
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 3: It was when we lived in California, and remember Ian

906
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 3: miscarried that baby that I was pregnant with in September

907
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 3: twenty twenty and you weren't able to be there. I

908
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 3: ended up coming to Georgia to see you for a

909
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 3: little bit. That's actually when we found this house. And

910
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 3: when I went back home, I got to deliver at

911
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 3: the door and there were three large white, no, three

912
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 3: large red bouquets of roses, and then one white to

913
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 3: represent the.

914
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 2: Baby and then the baby we lost. And that was

915
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 2: just so romantic in that moment.

916
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 3: I didn't never understand that's that's something I would have

917
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 3: thought of to do like that to me in that

918
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: moment wasn't a romantic thing per se, but it was

919
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 3: romantic right because it was a moment that I wasn't

920
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 3: expecting that that's what I meant romance.

921
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, sometimes it doesn't look exactly like

922
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:13,399
Speaker 4: how I am envisioned it, but I accepted nonetheless, I'm

923
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 4: just grateful.

924
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying yeah, But as a guy. I know,

925
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 3: sometimes it's harder for y'all to think about ways to

926
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 3: be romantic. I know I struggle with that as a

927
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 3: woman because I'm just like, oh, you see romance, Like,

928
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 3: how do I how do I, you know, express romance

929
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 3: to you? It's not necessarily the way I would want

930
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 3: to receive it as a man.

931
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:32,919
Speaker 2: And a woman.

932
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean it's definitely different.

933
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 3: Des I did romances, crop tailed booty shorts, walk around

934
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 3: the house, make me a sandwich, you know, pack my

935
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 3: bond like that's.

936
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 1: I'm glad you know that that's romance.

937
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: And I've learned that I was not going to care

938
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 3: about rose pedals.

939
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: All over them. No no, no, no, he's.

940
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 3: Not drop your ass on the floor and there we go.

941
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 3: It's romantic. You gotta learn your partner.

942
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 1: You know, well you just answered the question.

943
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 4: Sorry no, no, no, no, I'm what you just said is

944
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 4: the word learn your partner. And if you're a woman

945
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 4: who loves a different level of romanticism, tell your partner

946
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 4: what you like, and it's up to him to decide

947
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 4: whether or not he wants to engage in that. And

948
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 4: then it's up to you to decide whether or not

949
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:18,360
Speaker 4: you are willing to receive what he is giving you, like, ultimately,

950
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 4: he just got to open your mouth.

951
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 1: Of course, I like.

952
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 2: That that's romantic to development.

953
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,400
Speaker 3: But she said that she's usually the one that plans

954
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 3: all these things too, so he may just be a

955
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 3: creature of habit at this point and say, oh, well, baby,

956
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 3: you're normally the one that's planning all these special events

957
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 3: and stuff like that, and you do it well, so

958
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 3: you know, why not ruffle those feathers if everything is

959
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 3: working out. But he may not even see or know

960
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 3: that you're desiring a bit more.

961
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 4: Well, I'll say something too to speak to them. Because

962
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,280
Speaker 4: they've been together since fifteen seventeen. He's never gone through

963
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 4: the courting process as a fully fledged adult.

964
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 2: That's true.

965
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 4: He's been with her since he was a teenager, so

966
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 4: he's never had to date.

967
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,760
Speaker 1: So how does he really know what to woo someone?

968
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,240
Speaker 1: Romantics look like, Yeah.

969
00:43:58,239 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 4: He's never had to do it, So I would say

970
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 4: tall to him, let him know exactly, because if y'all

971
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 4: been together this long, he seems like the type of

972
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 4: no that seems you said everything, all of your needs

973
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 4: and wants he provides.

974
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:13,919
Speaker 3: Yes, he's got to protector prod o grandfather. Y'all seem

975
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 3: to have a really healthy relationship. So yeah, tell me

976
00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 3: a little spicy, empower me to do something a little strange,

977
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 3: change that kind of thing.

978
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:27,439
Speaker 1: And I think, y'all, you know this girl of freak,

979
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: you have no idea she been talking about have.

980
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 2: To be because, like I said, that's what romanticism looks like

981
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 2: to you. So I gotta do what you think is

982
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 2: romantic in these.

983
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:35,439
Speaker 1: That's another thing too.

984
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,439
Speaker 4: Don't let other people tell you your partners not being

985
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 4: romantic because they don't agree with what their idea of

986
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 4: happiness is.

987
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: Right.

988
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 4: For example, we have always of being romantic, and then

989
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 4: you'll hear other people like I ain't doing all of that.

990
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: Anybody asked you to do all that?

991
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 4: Right, and my pursuit of happiness, I'm asking Kay to

992
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 4: do that same thing. Men, be like, I ain't doing

993
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 4: all that for no girl the other night, and Kay then.

994
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: Ask you to do didn't she asked me to do it?

995
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,799
Speaker 1: And if we're going to do.

996
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:08,439
Speaker 4: It, Yeah, pursuit of assiness.

997
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 1: There you go, There you go period.

998
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 2: All right, good luck to y'all.

999
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 3: Hopefully that works out and Herbie finds ways to be

1000
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 3: more romantic.

1001
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 1: I guarantee you he will.

1002
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 2: I try this.

1003
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 3: I would really love that, you know, that'd be dope.

1004
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 3: All right, Hello King and Queen, I could really use

1005
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,960
Speaker 3: your help while staying anonymous. And this is a long one.

1006
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 3: All right, girl or guy. Let's see. I'm at a

1007
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 3: crossroads and unsure what to do. My partner and I

1008
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 3: have been together for five years, living together for three.

1009
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,720
Speaker 3: We have the typical trails trial. Sorry she said trails,

1010
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 3: but I think they made trials. We have the typical

1011
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 3: tru trials like every couple, but accomplishments cause conflicts. My

1012
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 3: parents and family lived two hours away, while her mother,

1013
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 3: her main and only considered family, lives in another state.

1014
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 3: Her mother moved a year ago or so, so she's

1015
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 3: now a travel nurse. Whenever there's a time to be

1016
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 3: happy or celebrate with family, she seems to support me

1017
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:08,359
Speaker 3: until it's time to be around my family. She never

1018
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 3: wants to come with me or wants to speak to

1019
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 3: me while I'm away. She tries to make me feel

1020
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 3: guilty about telling me how sad and lonely she is.

1021
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 3: I try to have her either see if her mom

1022
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 3: could come with us, we go to her, or she

1023
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 3: goes on her own. Of course, there's always an excuse

1024
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:29,319
Speaker 3: or scheduling conflicts, but I try. I usually only see

1025
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 3: my family for Thanksgiving and maybe a day trip two

1026
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:35,280
Speaker 3: to three times out of the year. Birthdays, promotions, holidays,

1027
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 3: especially Mothers and Father's Days always end up with arguments.

1028
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 3: My family views and treats her as if she is family,

1029
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 3: but she always rejects it and says, I'm not the same.

1030
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,840
Speaker 3: Since say this is not the same because it's not

1031
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 3: her blood. I don't know what to do, and I

1032
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 3: don't want to live a life of dimming my success

1033
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 3: or not sharing it with my loved ones to make

1034
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 3: her comfortable. I try my best to understand or find solutions.

1035
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 3: Maybe there is something that I'm not seeing. What are

1036
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 3: your thoughts? Seems like family is a trigger for her.

1037
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: She said, it's just her mom. This is just her mom.

1038
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 4: She's probably used to only being aroound her mom, and

1039
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,319
Speaker 4: it could be triggering for her to be around large

1040
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 4: groups of people and it don't feel she doesn't feel comfortable.

1041
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: Or does it know how to be comfortable in a

1042
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 3: situation where there's people in this family and there's love

1043
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 3: and there's like you know, yeah.

1044
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:25,759
Speaker 4: Or it could be a thing where she's manipulative and

1045
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 4: she just wants to pull them away from his family

1046
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,240
Speaker 4: because she wants to have access to him all to herself.

1047
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,840
Speaker 4: Like there are so many different options. The truth of

1048
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 4: the matter is he knows this woman better than.

1049
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 2: These are two men, two women.

1050
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:38,720
Speaker 1: They don't know.

1051
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,360
Speaker 4: They know this person better than we do. So it's

1052
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 4: gonna it's hard for us to give advice on what

1053
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 4: to do. What I will keep saying is, though, is

1054
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 4: if you keep trying to open her up to your

1055
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 4: family and she keeps rejecting it, there's gonna come a

1056
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,359
Speaker 4: point where your family's gonna start rejecting her as well,

1057
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 4: and then you have to make a choice of whether

1058
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 4: or not you want to continue to live in this

1059
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:02,400
Speaker 4: type of environment, because I've seen it in so many families,

1060
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:06,240
Speaker 4: even in mind, where one spouse pulls another spouse away

1061
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 4: from their family, and then it becomes a thing with

1062
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 4: they're the outsiders, yes, and then it ever fels down

1063
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:14,359
Speaker 4: to generation and be like, oh, you know that aunt

1064
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 4: or that uncle that don't talk to nobody, well, their

1065
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 4: wife or their husband don't fuck with us.

1066
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:22,439
Speaker 1: It's like, why, you know, why is that the case?

1067
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,839
Speaker 4: You know, people have their own reasons and their own

1068
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 4: traumas that cause them to act that way. So I

1069
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,759
Speaker 4: think he should investigate and learn more about her, or

1070
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 4: they should investigate and learn more about her so that

1071
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 4: they can understand why they're moving that way.

1072
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:38,640
Speaker 3: Right, And I don't see anything here about children, because

1073
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 3: usually two children also add a layer of wanting the

1074
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 3: children to see a particular side of family. But I

1075
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 3: don't see anything about children here, So it may just

1076
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,839
Speaker 3: be that they are a couple who's dealing with that. Yeah,

1077
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 3: it seems like there's some kind of issue around family.

1078
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 3: And my thing is if you're making the attempts to

1079
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 3: get her mom to come to hang with her or

1080
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,720
Speaker 3: to be there for her, or you're encouraging that and

1081
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,320
Speaker 3: then declines it, then I'm wondering is there an issue

1082
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 3: with her and her mom as well too? It doesn't

1083
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 3: seem like she has like a healthy family environment or

1084
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 3: relationship when it comes to family, So I would say

1085
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 3: there probably has to be some deeper conversation happening here.

1086
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:17,799
Speaker 4: I think he or she needs to focus on your

1087
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 4: partner and find out why they are behaving the way

1088
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 4: they are. Once you find out why they are behaving

1089
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 4: the way they are, you can make a decision on

1090
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 4: what and whether or not you want to continue moving forward. Right,

1091
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 4: It's clearly your family is important to you and you

1092
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 4: should never have to choose.

1093
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 1: For sure, you know you should not have to choose.

1094
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: You should be able to find someone who is in

1095
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 1: synergies with how your family works. So that's what I

1096
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: would do.

1097
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 4: I would investigate, find out what her thought process is,

1098
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 4: and if you can't figure something else that works with me,

1099
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 4: I move on.

1100
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, because some people just usually genuinely just don't know

1101
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 3: that there's a problem. For example, we had issues earlier

1102
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 3: on where you felt like the kids were going to

1103
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 3: my family more than they were going to your family,

1104
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 3: and really there was no malice from.

1105
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:55,760
Speaker 2: Any party involved.

1106
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 3: It was just a matter of convenience a and it

1107
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:00,799
Speaker 3: was a matter of speaking out against.

1108
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 4: Who That's different though, because neither one of us had

1109
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 4: an issue going to each other's families.

1110
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 3: It was.

1111
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 4: Making choices of where the kids were going to go

1112
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 4: when you needed help, and my family feel like they

1113
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 4: didn't see the kids as much as difference. Right, That's

1114
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 4: different than nobody not wanting to be around your family

1115
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 4: or you not wanting to be around mine?

1116
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,640
Speaker 3: Now, I was using that example just to just say

1117
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 3: that sometimes parties involved are thinking different things, and it

1118
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 3: may be no malice intent or any harmful intention there.

1119
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 3: It's just that if you don't have the conversation about it,

1120
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 3: you don't understand the other person's idea or how they

1121
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 3: feel in that moment.

1122
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: The example was just.

1123
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 4: Off of me because I was like, did she clearly

1124
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 4: just doesn't want to be around his family?

1125
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 3: I know, but I'm just saying, has she expressed the

1126
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 3: reason why? I'm just saying the conversation needs to be

1127
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 3: happening because there may be a valid reason around.

1128
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 4: So she just makes excuses. He said that he's tried

1129
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 4: to include her. See, that's what I'm saying that. I

1130
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 4: think the example is different because you if I told

1131
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,320
Speaker 4: you there was a problem, you didn't make excuses to

1132
00:50:58,360 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 4: why you couldn't do it. You were just like, oh,

1133
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 4: this was my thought process, and then we made moves

1134
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 4: to change.

1135
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 1: That so that we could be fair.

1136
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 4: It seems like he or she is constantly trying to

1137
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 4: make provisions in this person here, she is just always

1138
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 4: making a different change always.

1139
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 1: She shows a pattern of deliberately avoiding it, which is

1140
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 1: different than what you gave, right.

1141
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,359
Speaker 3: But the thing is she's not being vocal about why

1142
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 3: she feels the way she feels. I'm just saying, if

1143
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 3: someone's not vocal about why they feel the way they feel,

1144
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 3: then you're left to your own devices of just guessing.

1145
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 2: And it doesn't seemed like she's been vocal with him

1146
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,000
Speaker 2: or her.

1147
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 1: I understood what you're saying.

1148
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 4: I just feel like the example was confusing for me

1149
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:38,879
Speaker 4: at least because we were two parties trying to find

1150
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:41,840
Speaker 4: a split in the middle, and it seemed like she's

1151
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 4: not trying to find a split in the middle. She's

1152
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 4: just ye, I don't want to come around your family.

1153
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 4: I only want to be around my mom. But then

1154
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,399
Speaker 4: when you leave me, it's almost like narcissism. But then

1155
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 4: when you leave me, even though I said I don't

1156
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 4: want to go, I'm gonna call you every day until

1157
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 4: you make you feel guilty about not being there, but.

1158
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: Doing it like that's just messed up you. You were

1159
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: never trying to.

1160
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 3: Be messed up you, no, exactly, but conversation alleviated that.

1161
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 2: So hopefully you were able.

1162
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 3: To have a conversation with her and find out what

1163
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 3: is the actual problem.

1164
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right.

1165
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 3: To really rate listener letters. If y'all want to be

1166
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: featured as a listener letter, continue to write into us.

1167
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 2: We love to hear from you. Email us. That's the

1168
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 2: best way to get in touch.

1169
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 3: Dead assadvice at gmail dot com.

1170
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 4: That's d E A D A S S A D

1171
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 4: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1172
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 3: All right, time for a moment of truth. We're talking

1173
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,839
Speaker 3: pursuit of happiness. What that looks like for you? Who

1174
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,440
Speaker 3: were including? Who were excluding? How do we get to

1175
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 3: the root of budding happiness?

1176
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: Very is very very simple to me.

1177
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 4: We have one inaliable right on this earth, and that's

1178
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:49,360
Speaker 4: to survive by any means necessary. During that survival, you

1179
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: want to be happy, right, So if you really truly

1180
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:55,879
Speaker 4: want to be happy, look within, stop looking without. It's

1181
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 4: the same thing I've been preaching with every aspect. Look within,

1182
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 4: don't look without. And also don't project your unhappiness on

1183
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:04,600
Speaker 4: other people because as.

1184
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: Humans we have a responsibility.

1185
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 4: Not only we have one inailiable right, but we have

1186
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:12,240
Speaker 4: responsibilities to ourselves and the people we frequent.

1187
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:17,360
Speaker 1: So don't make your life's goal to make other people unhappy.

1188
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:22,959
Speaker 3: Moment misery, shouldn't love company huh, no moment of truth

1189
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 3: for me. I think I'm actually going to steal your

1190
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 3: soundbites from earlier and just say that happiness is an

1191
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 3: extreme solo sport. You are responsible for your own happiness.

1192
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 3: You cannot project that on anyone else. Your lack thereof

1193
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 3: also cannot be projected on anyone else. Nor can you

1194
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 3: attempt to get into relationships, whether it's romantic or not,

1195
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 3: expecting for someone to then make you happy, because what

1196
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 3: that does is put the onus on other people and

1197
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 3: not on you.

1198
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 2: Okay, So good luck, y'all.

1199
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 1: And be sure to find us on Patreon. It's the

1200
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 1: exclusive dead Ass podcast video content, and you can find

1201
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 1: us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast.

1202
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:07,480
Speaker 2: Kadine I am and I am devout And it's right

1203
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 2: because you kind of chat this screwty, but it's cute.

1204
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 2: It was cute.

1205
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 3: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,

1206
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 3: and subscribe dead Ass, y'all.

1207
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:22,240
Speaker 1: Dead Ass dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast

1208
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: Network and it's produced by Donorpina and Triple Follow the

1209
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and

1210
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:29,800
Speaker 1: never miss a Thing