1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:04,040
Speaker 1: Being understood is such a special thing because it's so rare.

2
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,000
Speaker 1: If you feel understood by everyone, then you would love everyone.

3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,879
Speaker 2: He is many things, a best selling author, a former monk,

4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,640
Speaker 2: the host of On Purpose, and an entrepreneur. Today I

5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,960
Speaker 2: get to ask him the questions that no one else can.

6
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,440
Speaker 2: My husband, Jay s you know a very low meintance.

7
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,400
Speaker 2: You didn't come with the entourage or anything. We get

8
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,119
Speaker 2: you the raw, unfiltered version today everyone.

9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,920
Speaker 1: I don't believe I deserve this. I can't believe this

10
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:29,319
Speaker 1: happened to me, and so my hard work is a

11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,639
Speaker 1: way of me showing gratitude back to God in the

12
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,600
Speaker 1: universe for the opportunities I've been given.

13
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:39,880
Speaker 2: People's idea of material success and spirituality not being something

14
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,360
Speaker 2: that you can combine. I would love to have a

15
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,960
Speaker 2: discussion on that, like saying that, oh my god, we've

16
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,879
Speaker 2: just started what's your favorite podcast?

17
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,200
Speaker 1: I'm actually a reader. I don't listen to bout what's.

18
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:58,200
Speaker 2: Your favorite podcast? And asking that question again. I'm Radi

19
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,160
Speaker 2: da Lukiah, and on my podcast Really Good Cry, we

20
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,399
Speaker 2: embrace the real, the messy, and the beautiful, providing a

21
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,640
Speaker 2: space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow

22
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,360
Speaker 2: you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

23
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,319
Speaker 2: I forgot to ask you, did you want a Junie?

24
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,120
Speaker 2: What flavor do you want?

25
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,000
Speaker 1: I'll take.

26
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,960
Speaker 2: Peples, great choice. Mine's always strawbery hibiscus. I know, I

27
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,040
Speaker 2: think I go through phases of just having one flavor

28
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:30,040
Speaker 2: every single day and then I switch the next thing. Yeah, well, thanks,

29
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,480
Speaker 2: thanks Stage Chance. Appreciate you, Jay Shessi, you are officially

30
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:43,759
Speaker 2: on my podcast. Honestly, professionally, I am absolutely in all. Personally,

31
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,720
Speaker 2: I'm very excited because I'm going to ask you a

32
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,160
Speaker 2: questions and you have to answer them even though we're

33
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,560
Speaker 2: on camera and on audio. So I feel like I'm

34
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,440
Speaker 2: going to get a version of you that nobody really

35
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,440
Speaker 2: gets to hear. I'm very excited about it.

36
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,320
Speaker 1: I'm so is the first time you're interviewing me.

37
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,080
Speaker 2: I know, you know what, normally I'm a little bit

38
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,520
Speaker 2: nervous when guests are coming on, and I have to say,

39
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,360
Speaker 2: my nerves were overridden by excitement with you coming on.

40
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,840
Speaker 2: So thanks for being here. Thank you for making the

41
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,400
Speaker 2: really long journey from your podcast room in your office

42
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,839
Speaker 2: to my podcast room in my office.

43
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,160
Speaker 1: I know I didn't get greeted, No, offered me a drink.

44
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,720
Speaker 2: Very low maintenance. You didn't come with the entourage or anything.

45
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,560
Speaker 2: Just you. We get you, the raw, unfiltered version today.

46
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 2: Everyone who's ready because I am. You went from being

47
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 2: a monk to leaving being a monk, to being broke,

48
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,840
Speaker 2: to dating me and still being broke, to working at Accentia,

49
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,280
Speaker 2: which I still don't really remember what it is, but

50
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,440
Speaker 2: it was something to do with like consulting.

51
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 1: That was good.

52
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. To moving to New York to now

53
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,679
Speaker 2: being in LA and I feel like the one thing

54
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,040
Speaker 2: years how many years.

55
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:54,920
Speaker 1: That's in eleven years?

56
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:59,640
Speaker 2: Eleven years, it's eleven years. Like we're completely new people

57
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,560
Speaker 2: in so many ways. But one thing I realized when

58
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,240
Speaker 2: I was thinking about you, when I was writing the

59
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 2: questions was the one thing that stood out most to

60
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,320
Speaker 2: me about you from the moment I met you to

61
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,079
Speaker 2: now whenever reflects back, is that your deep intention has

62
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,480
Speaker 2: always remained the same. From the moment I met you

63
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,200
Speaker 2: after you being a monk, or we started talking after

64
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,000
Speaker 2: you being a monk, to now, it is literally like,

65
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,919
Speaker 2: never ever change, your deep intention has always sayed the same.

66
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,360
Speaker 2: So I guess my first question for you is what

67
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,000
Speaker 2: is your intention in life? Like, what is your deep

68
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,600
Speaker 2: purpose and your deep intention? And the second part of

69
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,640
Speaker 2: it is how do you maintain such a deep, meaningful

70
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,680
Speaker 2: intention and distinguish between what is and isn't part of

71
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:43,400
Speaker 2: your journey.

72
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm so happy and grateful to be here as well.

73
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,240
Speaker 1: Watching you grow over the last eleven years has been

74
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,520
Speaker 1: I don't think anything's brought me greater during life. I

75
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,040
Speaker 1: was talking about it last night. I've about to cry

76
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:53,960
Speaker 1: and just like saying.

77
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,120
Speaker 2: That, oh my god, we've just started.

78
00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:01,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, literally, but yeah, watching you grows and amazing. To

79
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,160
Speaker 1: explain my intention, I have to explain a bit about

80
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:12,120
Speaker 1: how our Eastern tradition works and also how monk training works,

81
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:16,159
Speaker 1: and so in our tradition, our intention is very much

82
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:20,360
Speaker 1: about service. There are two things that come to mind

83
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,120
Speaker 1: when someone asks me what my intention is, And the

84
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,280
Speaker 1: first is to serve and please my teachers, my gurus,

85
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,080
Speaker 1: my guides. The people that have poured into you, invested

86
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:35,080
Speaker 1: in you, have given you all the incredible skills and

87
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:40,480
Speaker 1: qualities and attributes and abilities. Everything that you have has

88
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,719
Speaker 1: come from someone else, and so your first desire is

89
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,159
Speaker 1: to serve them and to please them and the second

90
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:51,960
Speaker 1: is to use all of those skills, abilities, qualities, everything

91
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,320
Speaker 1: that you've been given in the service of others. And

92
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,080
Speaker 1: so my intention has always been very simple to try

93
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,880
Speaker 1: to serve my teachers and guides and then to use

94
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,520
Speaker 1: my nature and my skills my abilities in the service

95
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:07,440
Speaker 1: of others. And it's almost this idea of like, how

96
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,479
Speaker 1: can you at the end of your life actually be

97
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:16,520
Speaker 1: completely empty because you gave everything, you used everything, and

98
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,880
Speaker 1: you left everything behind to someone else, and so you

99
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 1: weren't trying to take anything with you, but you were

100
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,920
Speaker 1: actually trying to empty everything out to the last drop,

101
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,479
Speaker 1: because you were leaving everything that you were given because

102
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,239
Speaker 1: it was never yours to keep in the first place.

103
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,360
Speaker 1: It was always for you to pass on to someone else.

104
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,520
Speaker 1: So that is my intention every day that I wake

105
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:36,800
Speaker 1: up to.

106
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,160
Speaker 2: That's so nice, and I honestly can say that I

107
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,320
Speaker 2: feel like I've witnessed that every single day, and I've

108
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:48,320
Speaker 2: witnessed you refining that intention every single day. And one

109
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,080
Speaker 2: thing I always wondered, and I feel like I've never

110
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,960
Speaker 2: really asked you, like, how do you know what is

111
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,480
Speaker 2: part of this journey? What is part of your intention?

112
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 2: Because so many things come to us. I feel that way,

113
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,080
Speaker 2: like I have so many things that come to me,

114
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,400
Speaker 2: and so many times I'm like, I don't really know

115
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,000
Speaker 2: whether it's part of my journey or not. Like I

116
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,919
Speaker 2: don't know whether I should or shouldn't be doing this.

117
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,560
Speaker 2: I don't know whether this is the route I should

118
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,080
Speaker 2: be on and whether this is meeting me on the

119
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,240
Speaker 2: route or whether I'm going completely off course. So how

120
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:18,359
Speaker 2: do you distinguish between those things that are internally you

121
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,440
Speaker 2: know they are part of the journey, even if externally

122
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,240
Speaker 2: people may see them and be like, oh, what is

123
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 2: this person doing?

124
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,040
Speaker 1: If you live life in the external world, you're basically

125
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,520
Speaker 1: looking at an activity and you're giving importance to an activity.

126
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,200
Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example. Two people externally could

127
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:39,919
Speaker 1: give to charity. Is their charity equal? The impact of

128
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,000
Speaker 1: the charity may be equal if they gave the same

129
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,640
Speaker 1: amount of money or the same amount of time, But

130
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,040
Speaker 1: the intention with which they give it, which is in

131
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,320
Speaker 1: the invisible world the internal world, defines the quality of

132
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:56,400
Speaker 1: that act for them charmically and then in how it

133
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,839
Speaker 1: makes them feel and ultimately how it will sustain whether

134
00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:02,560
Speaker 1: the keep doing it or not. What I focus on

135
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,680
Speaker 1: is on the invisible world. And what I mean by

136
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:09,040
Speaker 1: that is I'm focused on why I do something more

137
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,800
Speaker 1: than what I'm doing, because what I'm doing could look

138
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,080
Speaker 1: the same as what someone else is doing. So over

139
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,880
Speaker 1: the last few years, I've worked really hard. I've worked

140
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:22,840
Speaker 1: really crazy hours. I've put in my time, and my

141
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 1: thought to do that was, honestly, I couldn't believe it

142
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:31,320
Speaker 1: when I got my first breakthrough from God, from the universe,

143
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,760
Speaker 1: and I just said, I said, from this day forward,

144
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,400
Speaker 1: I never want to take it for granted. So my

145
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,960
Speaker 1: hard work has been my way of showing gratitude for

146
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,440
Speaker 1: the opportunities I was given. My hard work. Yes it

147
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,240
Speaker 1: was to achieve certain things, Yes it was to accomplish

148
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,600
Speaker 1: certain goals, but really it's come from a place of

149
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,200
Speaker 1: I don't believe I deserve this. I can't believe this

150
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,360
Speaker 1: happened to me. I can't believe my first video went viral.

151
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,320
Speaker 1: I can't believe that I got to connect with so

152
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,440
Speaker 1: many people. I can't believe that so many people message

153
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,640
Speaker 1: me or stop me on the street and say your

154
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:10,360
Speaker 1: video stop me from committing suicide, or your video save

155
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,800
Speaker 1: my marriage, or your book has helped me get over

156
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:16,360
Speaker 1: my heartbreak. When I heard those things, I thought, from

157
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: this day forward, I will never ever take for granted

158
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,600
Speaker 1: what I've been given. And so my hard work is

159
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,880
Speaker 1: a way of me showing gratitude back to God in

160
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,760
Speaker 1: the universe for the opportunities I've been given. No one

161
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,040
Speaker 1: would ever know that or see that. It just looks

162
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,200
Speaker 1: like you're working hard to accomplish some stuff. And so

163
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,120
Speaker 1: for me, I don't live in the world of what

164
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,880
Speaker 1: people see and what people know, because I don't think

165
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,599
Speaker 1: you can tell anyone's intention, forget mine. There's loads of

166
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,120
Speaker 1: people in the world doing amazing things with deep intentions,

167
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 1: and you'd never see it. And so I think the

168
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,920
Speaker 1: way you do it first is you live in the

169
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,480
Speaker 1: invisible world. I think too many of us live in

170
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,719
Speaker 1: the external visible world. I think we live in the

171
00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,680
Speaker 1: world which is about what do people think of me?

172
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:07,280
Speaker 1: And what is people's perception of me? And I try

173
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,840
Speaker 1: to live in the world of what is my perception

174
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,520
Speaker 1: of me? And what do the people that I look

175
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,840
Speaker 1: up to and admire because of their character think of

176
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,440
Speaker 1: what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. And so

177
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,320
Speaker 1: the other habit that I have is I call it

178
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,280
Speaker 1: seeds and weeds and what I mean by that is

179
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,200
Speaker 1: I'm constantly trying to plant seeds in my heart, and

180
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,400
Speaker 1: I'm trying to uproot weeds. So if I sat here

181
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,520
Speaker 1: and said I've never had a thought that was impure

182
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:38,439
Speaker 1: or slightly selfish or slightly personally motivated, I'd be lying,

183
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,320
Speaker 1: We've all had that. That's natural, that's what it means

184
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,960
Speaker 1: to be human. So I've had all those thoughts. I'm

185
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,960
Speaker 1: not perfect. I have plenty of flaws.

186
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:46,679
Speaker 2: You're not perfect.

187
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,000
Speaker 1: And I try every day, every week, every month, every

188
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,680
Speaker 1: year to sit down and ask myself is this spiritually motivated?

189
00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:01,200
Speaker 1: Or is this materially motivated? How is it spiritual? How

190
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,000
Speaker 1: is it material? And that's not easy, and it's actually

191
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,679
Speaker 1: not that clear. And what I realized is that that

192
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,360
Speaker 1: activity in and of itself is the only way to

193
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,840
Speaker 1: hold yourself accounter right. And so sometimes the external perception

194
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 1: can actually be a great way of checking internally. Feedback

195
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,320
Speaker 1: can be a beautiful thing if you use it as

196
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,800
Speaker 1: self reflection, not self dejection. Yeah right, you're not rejecting yourself.

197
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:30,640
Speaker 1: You're actually reflecting and saying, I'm using what I'm maybe

198
00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:33,840
Speaker 1: hearing or seeing as a way of reflecting and seeing

199
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,680
Speaker 1: where I may need to change. Does that make any sense?

200
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes so much sense. And I feel like,

201
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,080
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like I've definitely seen you refine

202
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,920
Speaker 2: that intention over and over again, and it's been incredible

203
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,440
Speaker 2: to watch. But I didn't think i'd ever asked you

204
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,920
Speaker 2: how you actually do it in your mind. Like I

205
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,280
Speaker 2: see the gratitude every single day. I see that you're

206
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,720
Speaker 2: so thankful even when something goes wrong. You're like, yeah,

207
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,120
Speaker 2: but I'm just so grateful for this life, Like this

208
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,520
Speaker 2: life is amazing, and regardless of whether it's this or that,

209
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,560
Speaker 2: like you're always you're always very grateful for it. And

210
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,400
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, now it makes sense that you're just

211
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,160
Speaker 2: linking it to this is how I can repay the

212
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,959
Speaker 2: people that have given to me, how I can even

213
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,640
Speaker 2: repay them. And actually, if you think about it, when

214
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:16,120
Speaker 2: you were saying that, what I thought about was the

215
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,160
Speaker 2: concept of what I've spoken about before about preparing for

216
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,000
Speaker 2: your blessings, And it reminded me of that, because I

217
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,959
Speaker 2: feel like the preparation is getting ready to do the

218
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,880
Speaker 2: hard work, and then once you receive the blessings, are

219
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,320
Speaker 2: you actually ready to hold them, harness them, utilize them,

220
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,960
Speaker 2: and carry them with you for as long as you

221
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,400
Speaker 2: want to have them, Because there's one thing about receiving blessings.

222
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,080
Speaker 2: You may do good things, you receive the blessings you want.

223
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,080
Speaker 2: You receive the things that you want in your life.

224
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,840
Speaker 2: But that's just the beginning. Like the rest of it,

225
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,720
Speaker 2: is what can I do to keep purifying myself and

226
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,920
Speaker 2: to keep nourishing myself and doing the things to be

227
00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,880
Speaker 2: worthy of it for a longer period of time, not

228
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,320
Speaker 2: just in that instant moment where I received it. And

229
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,319
Speaker 2: so I thought that that was really beautiful. Thanks for

230
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:03,880
Speaker 2: sharing that. You thought, Oh, you were going to come

231
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:05,280
Speaker 2: on here and I was going to interview you as

232
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,760
Speaker 2: like your wife. No, I'm interviewing you as a student

233
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,240
Speaker 2: and a fan and someone who has many questions for

234
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 2: you that I realized I hadn't asked over these past

235
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,240
Speaker 2: years of knowing.

236
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,800
Speaker 1: Whenever I'm with you, though, I'm already in my heart,

237
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,960
Speaker 1: so it's a very different conversation. I know.

238
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,600
Speaker 2: That's why I'm really excited. I want to be able

239
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,200
Speaker 2: to get things out I've been wanting to for a while.

240
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,640
Speaker 2: How have you always known what you wanted to do?

241
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,200
Speaker 2: Because from the moment I met you even though you

242
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,600
Speaker 2: had no idea where your life was going to go.

243
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,320
Speaker 2: It was so interesting to me that you were I mean,

244
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,760
Speaker 2: I don't mean to say this in a rude way,

245
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,160
Speaker 2: but like you're a bit of a bum like you

246
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,800
Speaker 2: came out of you were't a bum in terms of

247
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,360
Speaker 2: I don't mean it in like a rude way, but

248
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,040
Speaker 2: like technically to the outside world, whether it was like

249
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,360
Speaker 2: some of my family members or you know, if you

250
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,320
Speaker 2: met people in a professional manner, they'd be like, what

251
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,080
Speaker 2: were you doing for the last whatever many years?

252
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:50,319
Speaker 1: Oh?

253
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:52,160
Speaker 2: I was trained to be among to them, it's like

254
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 2: I was just not working. And then you come out

255
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,079
Speaker 2: and literally from the moment you came out, you were

256
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,480
Speaker 2: trying to find a job straight where you were like futoring.

257
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,800
Speaker 2: You were doing so many things to get yourself back

258
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,880
Speaker 2: on your feet. But did you always know what you

259
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,800
Speaker 2: wanted to do? And how did you come to the

260
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,840
Speaker 2: conclusion of what you wanted to do, Like how you

261
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,720
Speaker 2: were going to channel everything you just said your intention

262
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,160
Speaker 2: into the actions that you actually decided to make them into.

263
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,120
Speaker 1: I was lucky that I tried a lot of things

264
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,200
Speaker 1: out when I was young. So when I was fourteen,

265
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,880
Speaker 1: I became a paper boy, and I would stack papers

266
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,360
Speaker 1: and deliver papers down my streets and the streets around

267
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 1: my area. And I think I used to get around

268
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,960
Speaker 1: like three pounds per street, and so I was like,

269
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,160
Speaker 1: the more streets I do, the more money I could make.

270
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,200
Speaker 1: And so I used to do like five streets to

271
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,040
Speaker 1: get fifteen pounds, and I'd use ten pounds of that

272
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,800
Speaker 1: to top up my phone. Now, anyone who's not not

273
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,920
Speaker 1: old enough to understand what a top up is, it's

274
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,920
Speaker 1: basically when you had to pay to make calls. Yeah,

275
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,400
Speaker 1: so you didn't get unlimited minutes on a contract. You

276
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,640
Speaker 1: paid ten pounds and you got ten pounds worth of

277
00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:59,720
Speaker 1: calls and unlimited texts and unlimited text Maybe I don't

278
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,720
Speaker 1: even know, but I don't think so. Yes. And so

279
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,720
Speaker 1: there was this idea of like I'd been a paper boy,

280
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,480
Speaker 1: so what does that mean. It meant i'd have a

281
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,160
Speaker 1: good relationship with the person who owned the paper. I

282
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,880
Speaker 1: had to make sure I did my job on time,

283
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,080
Speaker 1: and then I had to report and I had to

284
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,720
Speaker 1: plan my time out after school or before school to

285
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:21,120
Speaker 1: do that. Then a few years later, I worked at Morrisons.

286
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 1: Morrisons is the equivalent of Walmart or something similar to that.

287
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,920
Speaker 1: There I got an understanding and learning of like what

288
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,280
Speaker 1: it felt like to be in the warehouse to stack shelves,

289
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 1: to realize how clumsy I was when I spilt too

290
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 1: many bottles of wine which are probably too expensive, and

291
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,240
Speaker 1: having to stack them back up, and what it felt

292
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,880
Speaker 1: like to work at a supermarket, and how hey, if

293
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,040
Speaker 1: I worked on a Sunday, I got paid time and

294
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,200
Speaker 1: a half, or if I worked on a bank holiday

295
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 1: or a day off, I got double pay. And so

296
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,440
Speaker 1: start learning about how it works. And then later on

297
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,360
Speaker 1: I worked in retail. I worked at River Island. You know,

298
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:01,040
Speaker 1: I was working in a retail store. I was selling denim,

299
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 1: and I remember my official title was like Denim Expell

300
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 1: or something like that, and I was selling denim and

301
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: I understood how River Island. So I was just very

302
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,360
Speaker 1: very lucky that I started working very very young. And

303
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,880
Speaker 1: I remember doing some incredible work experience at this event's

304
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,520
Speaker 1: company that would organize these incredible events and exhibitions at

305
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:20,680
Speaker 1: the Business Design.

306
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 2: Center in London. I think I need.

307
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,880
Speaker 1: It was the first time I had to do cold calling,

308
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:29,400
Speaker 1: so I'd get a list of three hundred companies linked

309
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,680
Speaker 1: to that exhibition. It can be a bike's company, a

310
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,840
Speaker 1: car company, whatever, and I'd have to literally call these

311
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,000
Speaker 1: people that I didn't know. I was like sixteen years old,

312
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:40,160
Speaker 1: and I'd have to sell them exhibition space. And I

313
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,040
Speaker 1: remember people teaching me how to do that and what

314
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,440
Speaker 1: they looked like. And literally, out of the three hundred

315
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,280
Speaker 1: people you called, two hundred and ninety four were going

316
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,440
Speaker 1: to reject you. So I got really good at dealing

317
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,440
Speaker 1: with rejection and understanding that failure was the journey to success.

318
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 1: And so I look at all of that as such

319
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: great exposure so early on to everything from sales to

320
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:08,800
Speaker 1: customer service, to marketing to business to stacking shelves. I've

321
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 1: done every part of the journey. And then finally after

322
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,960
Speaker 1: I met Gorongapurbu, my monk teacher, who inspired me by

323
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,000
Speaker 1: his example because he would study the scriptures so deeply

324
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,400
Speaker 1: the legend. Yeah, and you love him now, which makes

325
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,240
Speaker 1: me so happy. And you watch how he studies the

326
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,280
Speaker 1: scriptures and how he presents them in this really innovative, accessible,

327
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,880
Speaker 1: practical way, and seeing that, I was just like I

328
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,520
Speaker 1: love that, Like That's what I'd love to do. And

329
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,720
Speaker 1: so then I started spending lots of time studying spiritual texts,

330
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,720
Speaker 1: studying Eastern philosophy, reading books about psychology and science and

331
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,800
Speaker 1: everything else, and trying to find the juxtaposition and where

332
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 1: they fit. And so, if I'm honestly being completely truthful,

333
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,160
Speaker 1: I didn't ever try to find the thing I love.

334
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,040
Speaker 1: I just did a lot of things. And then once

335
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 1: you've done a lot of things, what you're actually doing

336
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,880
Speaker 1: is you're collecting and connecting ideas. And I think most

337
00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 1: of us don't have enough collection to connect enough. And

338
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 1: so I've been exposed to so many different roles, so

339
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,639
Speaker 1: many different jobs, so many different things, and I was

340
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 1: never there going, God, I hate being a paper boy,

341
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? Or hate being in Morrison's?

342
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? Or I hate being in retail?

343
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,679
Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? That was never what I

344
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,679
Speaker 1: was saying. What I was saying is what can I

345
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 1: learn from this? What skill did I pick up from this?

346
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,080
Speaker 1: What's a value? What's a example? What's a case study

347
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 1: that I can take from this? And so by the

348
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 1: time I met you, the reason I knew what I

349
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 1: wanted to do was because for so long I'd been

350
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,119
Speaker 1: collecting and connecting ideas and I really believe today that

351
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to do what I do if

352
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 1: I hadn't been a monk, if I hadn't worked at Accentia,

353
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 1: if I hadn't been a paper boy, if I hadn't

354
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,439
Speaker 1: worked in retail, if I hadn't worked at a grocery store.

355
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 1: I am who I am because of the sum total

356
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 1: of all of my experiences. And I think often we're

357
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,719
Speaker 1: looking for that one thing that we are, and the

358
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 1: truth is none of us are one thing. All of

359
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,399
Speaker 1: us are so many more things. And so if everyone's

360
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 1: in a job right now and they hate it, or

361
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,439
Speaker 1: if anyone's in a role right now and they don't

362
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,680
Speaker 1: like it, or if anyone's in a position and they're

363
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,360
Speaker 1: just like I can't wait to get out of here,

364
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,920
Speaker 1: I encourage you to ask yourself, what can I learn

365
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,440
Speaker 1: from this? What can I take from this experience that

366
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 1: could be useful in my next phase, rather than how

367
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,120
Speaker 1: do I get out of this situation? Because I promise you,

368
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,840
Speaker 1: in everything you're trying to avoid, there's something that you

369
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: need to build the future you and that's what you're

370
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 1: trying to chase, and that's what you're after.

371
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like when I was really young and

372
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,520
Speaker 2: I made the decision of what I wanted to be,

373
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 2: I didn't even think about whether who I was was

374
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,359
Speaker 2: suited to what I thought I wanted to be. So

375
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,480
Speaker 2: let's say I want to be a patritrician. I want

376
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 2: to be a children's doctor. So I see a children's

377
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,960
Speaker 2: doctor and I'm like, oh, that means I have to think,

378
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 2: like this, do this be really good at this, look

379
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,239
Speaker 2: like this, whatever it is, you create this form of

380
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,879
Speaker 2: what you believe that looks like. So then instead of

381
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 2: leaning into your strengths your skills, learning what they even are,

382
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,239
Speaker 2: you tell yourself that's what you have stain and if

383
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 2: you don't do that and you don't have the skills

384
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,720
Speaker 2: for that, then you're failing. And so I feel like

385
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,840
Speaker 2: most of us do that the wrong way around, because

386
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,360
Speaker 2: for me, now, if I look back, my skills actually

387
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 2: and the way that I think, as much as I

388
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 2: love caring for people, it really wasn't suited to being

389
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 2: a doctor, Like that was not actually what I was

390
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 2: supposed to do, which is why I'm not doing it.

391
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,639
Speaker 2: But I also think because I kept thinking that was

392
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,800
Speaker 2: what I had to do and what I wanted to do,

393
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,360
Speaker 2: my whole life, I kept thinking, Oh, I've just failed,

394
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 2: Like I didn't do the thing I said I was

395
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,000
Speaker 2: going to do, so everything else I was like, Oh,

396
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,200
Speaker 2: I just did a dietitian degree because my mom told

397
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,959
Speaker 2: me I should do it. And I just did this

398
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,000
Speaker 2: degree because what else was I going to do? And

399
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 2: I just went to this college because I'm the only

400
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 2: ones who took me. So everything that I was doing,

401
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 2: it was coming from a place of failure from before

402
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 2: i'd even figure o who I was or what I

403
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 2: was good at. And so what you said makes so

404
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 2: much sense. I gained the experience, collect the experience to

405
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 2: then see what you're best suited to, like to really

406
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,040
Speaker 2: channel those things into the right thing. And then I

407
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 2: imagine it kind of comes to you, and when it

408
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 2: comes to you, you have way more alignment in yourself

409
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 2: to know that's it. Like that is I believe whatever

410
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 2: this opportunity has come to me, that is what I'm

411
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 2: supposed to do, because I've done all this work beforehand

412
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 2: to show me that this is the path and this

413
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 2: is the room.

414
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 1: Yeah. And also I don't think it's an activity, Like

415
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a job title. I think that's

416
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,520
Speaker 1: the mistake, right. I always struggle with the question when

417
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 1: someone says, so what are you, and yeah, what are you?

418
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 1: I don't like to say I'm just an author because

419
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 1: I'm a podcaster. I don't like to just say I'm

420
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 1: a podcaster because I'm also a coach. I don't like

421
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 1: to just say I'm a coach because I'm also whatever

422
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,120
Speaker 1: it may be. And the truth is, if someone asks

423
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,399
Speaker 1: me who I actually am, I'm someone who wants to

424
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,120
Speaker 1: help people find their purpose. That's why I app whatever

425
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: vessel in whatever way that gets talked about. So I

426
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: may write a book about that, I may record a

427
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: podcast about it, I may coach someone on it. But

428
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: so you're not ever defined by your job title. And

429
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,399
Speaker 1: I think that's the mistake. We're looking for the ideal job.

430
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 1: There is no ideal job. We're looking for the ideal title.

431
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 1: There is no ideal title. We're looking for the ideal role.

432
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: There is no ideal role. There's only a deep sense

433
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: of this is what I'm trying to do, and I'm

434
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 1: infusing my job, infusing my role, infusing my title with that.

435
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,400
Speaker 1: And so I think I would discourage people from finding

436
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 1: the thing they love or the one thing because I

437
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: don't think it is one thing, and I think it's

438
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 1: healthier when it's evolving and you're just learning and growing.

439
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 1: And as humans, we have this addiction to certainty and

440
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 1: finding something like the one thing, Like we're like, I

441
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 1: want to find the one. Whether it comes to relationships,

442
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: I want to find the one, whether it comes to jobs,

443
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: I want to find the one to do what I love.

444
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: And the truth is life is more about what am

445
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: I willing to work towards, what am I willing to

446
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 1: put effort into, what do I want to grow into.

447
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: It's not this is it, I've found it, I'm done.

448
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,679
Speaker 1: And so I discourage people to think like that because

449
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 1: I think it creates an unhealthy.

450
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 2: Mindset and sometimes says what are you or who are you?

451
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,239
Speaker 2: Should be like, I'm complex. That should basically be the

452
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,080
Speaker 2: end of the sentence, I'm a complex human. Yeah you

453
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 2: could pull that, Yeah, okay. So the next thing I

454
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 2: wanted to move on to was your emotional availability, because

455
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, whether it's from our culture,

456
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 2: whether it is the expectations of a man being less

457
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,479
Speaker 2: emotionally available, whatever those sorts are. It definitely grew up

458
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 2: thinking that, and then my experiences of people generally were that,

459
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 2: you know, there was a big difference between a man's

460
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 2: emotions and a woman's emotions, Like men are not emotionally available,

461
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: women are emotionally available. Like that's how the split was

462
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 2: in my mind. How did you unlock the ability to

463
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 2: be emotionally available? Because you're like that with your friends,

464
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 2: You're like that with your partner, You're like that with

465
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 2: your family, you're like that with You wear your heart

466
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: on your sleeve a lot, and it's literally just who

467
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 2: you are. You will tell your friends how much you

468
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 2: love them. You will remember to message them and be like,

469
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 2: I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you.

470
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 2: Like you are emotionally available to me every single day.

471
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: You really do share your emotions a lot. And so

472
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 2: one have you been like that from a young age?

473
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 2: And two what do you think molded that and allowed

474
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 2: you to come into that ability to just wear your

475
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:35,720
Speaker 2: heart on your sleeve.

476
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 1: I think it developed from being very emotionally available for

477
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,719
Speaker 1: my parents. And so my parents I don't even think

478
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: they knew what therapy was growing up. Yeah, of course,

479
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 1: and so they came to me ever since I was

480
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: a kid, and a lot of.

481
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: People the oldest child.

482
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a lot of people look at that as like,

483
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: oh my god, you didn't have a childhood, And I

484
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,560
Speaker 1: look at it as like the best training for adulthood.

485
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 1: I had a great childhood in the sense of I

486
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 1: have some good memories, I have some bad memories, I

487
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: have some great experiences, I have some tough experiences, and

488
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: my life's so wonderful today that I don't actually look

489
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: at that as a negative thing. I look at it

490
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 1: as an experience that molded who I am today. And

491
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: so I had to be so emotionally available to both

492
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: my parents to hear them out, to mediate, to see

493
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: how they felt, to see what they were going through,

494
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: doing it for my sister too, who's younger than me.

495
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: It's the role I've always played. But what I found

496
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: is that when I became spiritual, my monk teachers had

497
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 1: the greatest ocean of capacity. So what happened was you're

498
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: a little river trying to carry lots of different things,

499
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 1: but then you're being carried by an ocean, so you're

500
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: like a river to the sea, as our Peful friend

501
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 1: Janavie's album is called, So You're a river, But then

502
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 1: your teacher of the ocean, and they're able to hold

503
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 1: so much, and so you're able to hold a little

504
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: bit as well because they're holding you. That is what

505
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 1: humanity is meant to be, is that you're held, and

506
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: then you hold others, and then they feel held, and

507
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 1: then they hold others. And so I think it would

508
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: have been unhealthy if I never found where I was held.

509
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,720
Speaker 1: But I feel so deeply held by my Guru and

510
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 1: my teachers, and I find them to be such a

511
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: abundant vessel, expensive vessel of mercy and of blessings that

512
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 1: I feel I have an incredible capacity to hold others.

513
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 1: And it's not something I feel like I carry in

514
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 1: a way that weighs me down because I don't believe

515
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 1: I'm doing the carrying. I think the challenges we think

516
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: we have to fix people, and actually we have to

517
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: love them while they fix themselves. And when you think

518
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: you have to fix them because you think they're broken,

519
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: you're now taking all of that responsibility. And so now

520
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: when they don't change, you're triggered. But when you can

521
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: love someone and hold space for them and provide compassion

522
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 1: for them in their transformation, now you're not carrying it.

523
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 1: Now you realize it is their journey, it's not your journey,

524
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: and so I don't feel a pressure to carry other

525
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 1: people's weight. I don't feel weighed down by other people's weight.

526
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm allowing them to be who they are,

527
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: to evolve at their pace, in their own time, the

528
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: way they want to grow, and I don't have any

529
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: expectation or obligation for them, just as my teachers don't

530
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: have any expectation or obligation for me. I don't want

531
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: to be led by someone who's forcing me to be someone.

532
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: I don't want to be led by someone who's judging

533
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: me to be someone, and so I don't want to

534
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: force someone, or judge someone, or criticize someone or compare

535
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,360
Speaker 1: someone either. And so for me, I think it came

536
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 1: from having had a lot of practice when I was young,

537
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 1: and I'm really grateful for that skill because I like

538
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 1: being that person. And I think you also know this.

539
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 1: I'm also very good at setting boundaries, so it's not

540
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 1: like I feel overstretched or overwhelmed by holding other people's space,

541
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: because if I don't feel like I want to, I

542
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: will happily step out and distance myself. So I don't

543
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 1: see it as me feeling like I'm this people please

544
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 1: are wanting to be there for everyone that I don't

545
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 1: identify with that because I will gladly step out and

546
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: bow out and put my hands up and say I

547
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: don't think I can do this. And so I think

548
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: it's something that I have a healthy relationship with. It's

549
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: not like I'm trying to overly sacrifice myself. And I

550
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: think there was a time when I probably did have

551
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: compassion fatigue. And I think a lot of people experience

552
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 1: compassion fatigue because we're trying to fix people, not love them.

553
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: We're trying to solve people's problems, not hear them out.

554
00:27:56,520 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: We're trying to save people, not hold their And I

555
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 1: think for me, I'm not trying to fix, save, or

556
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 1: solve for anyone. Yeah, because I can't. No one can.

557
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: Only they can. I'm just trying to be their friend

558
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:10,880
Speaker 1: as they figure it out.

559
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 2: So that's one side of it, that's how you are

560
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 2: with other people. But how do you feel if there

561
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 2: are people who find it really difficult to give out emotions?

562
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 2: So there's one thing about helping people and being there

563
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 2: for other people, But really what I'm asking is like,

564
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 2: how does someone become so okay with sharing their heart

565
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 2: with other people. So for you, how are you so

566
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: emotionally available to people? So number one, how can someone

567
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 2: who really struggles with sharing their emotions with people? Do

568
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 2: you have any tips of like what did you do

569
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 2: through your life to do that? Because you know, do

570
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 2: you feel like you came from people who were emotionally available?

571
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 2: Like would you say that your parents were overtly emotionally available?

572
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: Your mum definitely was, so a lot of the times

573
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: you end up taking on their natures. So I feel

574
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 2: like you definitely have that from your mum. But maybe

575
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 2: I don't know whether your dad was very emotionally available

576
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 2: growing up, but I think and that's a very natural

577
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 2: thing in our culture for like the parents to be

578
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: they'll provide, but they're not necessarily the dad will provide,

579
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 2: but not necessarily saying I love you all the time,

580
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: or like telling you how they feel about things, so

581
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 2: you know, don't necessarily grow up with the nature of that.

582
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 2: So for people who find it hard to share emotions,

583
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 2: were there any tools and techniques that helped you? And

584
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 2: then another question is for people looking for emotionally available people,

585
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 2: how does that look like? How do you distinguish that

586
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,720
Speaker 2: and how do you seek that in someone.

587
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 1: I have to give my mom credit because I feel

588
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: like my mom's so sweet. My mom's love was and

589
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: has been always a shield. I've never questioned whether I'm

590
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: lovable because my moms love me so. Yeah, and that's

591
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing mothers can do for their kids.

592
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 2: Well, I think your parents are nothing like it.

593
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 1: I think there's that very stable foundation of a healthy

594
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: attachment style with that with my mom, I've just realized

595
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: that life's too short. If you care about someone and

596
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: you want them to know, tell them. I know. If

597
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: you love someone, tell them. If you believe in someone,

598
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: tell them, because I don't know when my last experience

599
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: with then will be that person I never want to feel.

600
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: I think my tool or technique is I don't like regrets. Yes,

601
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 1: I don't believe in regrets. I don't subscribe to regrets.

602
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: I don't like the idea that my future self may

603
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 1: regret something I did or didn't do.

604
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 2: I think I mentioned to you, don't you feel like,

605
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 2: don't you get worried about being too much? Sometimes? Like,

606
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 2: don't you get worried about sending that message to a stranger?

607
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: Not a stranger, but someone that you've met like once

608
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: or twice, and you're telling them how happy you are

609
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 2: to have met them, or you know, really really sharing

610
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 2: your heart with them and truly saying how how you feel.

611
00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 2: And I remember you saying like, no, I actually, I

612
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 2: actually don't have any thoughts like that, because I'm saying

613
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 2: what's truly in my heart, Like I'm just being honest.

614
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just being honest and the tool

615
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: of just like I have regrets, obviously, we all do.

616
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: Like there are things I wish I didn't do. There's

617
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: so many things, of course, but I don't want to

618
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: keep creating those, Yeah, And I think the biggest thing

619
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: you'll ever regret in life is not telling someone how

620
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: you felt about them and that you believed in them

621
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 1: and that you saw something in them and that you

622
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: love them. And I think I look at it as

623
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: I want to do for others what I wished people

624
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: did for me. Right. There have been times in my

625
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: life where I think someone could have been more loving, yeah,

626
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: or someone could have been more encouraging, where someone could

627
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: have believed in me a little bit more. And if

628
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: I want to live in that world, I've got to

629
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: be the person doing those things. And so I can

630
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: either sit here and say I wish someone told me

631
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: they believed in me. By the way, I barely heard

632
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 1: that when I was young. Yeahah, I could sit here

633
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: and say I wish someone told me that, whatever it is,

634
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: And I don't feel that that's healthy. I don't. I

635
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: feel that creates more bitterness in my heart. And I

636
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: don't want to live with resentment and bitterness in my heart.

637
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: And so in order to make my heart a place

638
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: that I want to live, I have to create that

639
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: space myself. And so for me being able to give

640
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: to others what I never got has made my heart

641
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: better and helped other people. And so I just want

642
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: to live in a home. It's almost like saying, like,

643
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 1: if someone comes into your house and messes it up,

644
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: do you just leave it messy, yeah, because you're just

645
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: mad at it? Or do you clean it up because

646
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: you want your place to be cleaned?

647
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 2: That's so true.

648
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 1: And so if someone came and messed up my mindset

649
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: or didn't say the right thing, I can either sit

650
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: here and just sit there and sit in the mess,

651
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 1: or I can solve it, because I don't want to

652
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: live in that space room out. Yeah, and so yeah,

653
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: I get your rumor. So I think that's the first part.

654
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 2: I also just wanted to add there that you know,

655
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 2: when you were talking about being expansive in nature, and

656
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: that's the ability when you're doing the river to the

657
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: sea and the ability to just give expansively. I would

658
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 2: say that. I mean I met some of your teachers,

659
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 2: you know, rather than Aswami and growing up probably it

660
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 2: which just all had and my tea. I think it

661
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 2: was the first time I experienced what it would feel

662
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 2: like and understood what it would feel like to not

663
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 2: be jealous. And the reason I say that is because

664
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 2: I remember, rather Aswami would just I would meet him

665
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 2: and his energy was like, Oh, this person loves me

666
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: so much. But then I'd also see him with like

667
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 2: other people and I'd be like, God, he loves them

668
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 2: so much, and I was like, wait, he just met

669
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 2: the stranger and he loves them so much. And what

670
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 2: it made me realize was when you have unlimited capacity,

671
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 2: when you have decided to be a full vessel of

672
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: what life brings and a full vessel of God, the

673
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 2: expansiveness of that is unlimited, which means you may get

674
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 2: physically tired, but you never get depleted emotionally because you

675
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 2: are constantly pouring into other people. But somehow they constantly

676
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 2: have this charge coming in towards them. So that meant

677
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 2: and I realized that when he is being so loving

678
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 2: to one person, he has just as much left for

679
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 2: the other person, and just as much left for the

680
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 2: person after that. And that is when I really because

681
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: at first I'll be like, wait, but he really liked

682
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: my pumpkin pie, but like now I cook for a

683
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,879
Speaker 2: rather nasami a lot, and so okay, it's like kind

684
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,799
Speaker 2: of part of our relationship now. And then someone else

685
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 2: made pumpkin by like this pumpkin pie is amazing. I

686
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 2: was like, what do you mean? But he truly means

687
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 2: it because he has that heart that is so expensive

688
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 2: and so to have watched that I've only seen. I've

689
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 2: seen way smaller glimpses than you have of that. But

690
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 2: I imagine once you experience somebody like that, it's just beyond

691
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 2: like you can't help but want to be like that.

692
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,760
Speaker 2: So a question on that, because we talked about mentors.

693
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 2: I think people find it really hard to find mentors

694
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 2: in their life. I find it so hard to find

695
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: people to look up to and turn to. And so

696
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 2: you know, I've noticed with you you really do connect

697
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 2: to a lot of people throughout your life. And you're

698
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 2: the type of person everyone Jay's the type of person

699
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:07,640
Speaker 2: who whether it is his art teacher from school, you

700
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 2: still remember them, whether it is your mentor that took

701
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 2: you from like accentia, you still go back and you

702
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 2: see them, like you have remained grateful and connected to

703
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 2: your teachers from when you were at school up till now.

704
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 2: And so how do people one have mentors at an

705
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 2: older age if they're past all of that, they haven't

706
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 2: stayed in touch with them. What's the process of finding

707
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,919
Speaker 2: a mentor? And like how do people do that?

708
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: I think mentors when you become an adult, it gets

709
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: harder unless you find a coach and you build a

710
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: professional relationship out of it, which I highly recommend I

711
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: do that, and I think it's a really important investment.

712
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: But let's say that's not your path. I believe the

713
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,479
Speaker 1: goal is to be mentored by people you've never met,

714
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: and I think we live at a time when you

715
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: can feel mentored by people to reading about their life.

716
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: You can be mentored by people by watching their doctors, mentory.

717
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 1: You can be mentored by people by studying how they

718
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: made certain decisions. We have so much access today to

719
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 1: a plethora of information about people's lives and decisions and

720
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 1: challenges and failures and stresses that you can be mentored

721
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 1: by deep study. And we believe this in our philosophy too,

722
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: that we talk about our teachers who are no longer here,

723
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,920
Speaker 1: that me and you have never met, but you still

724
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: feel their presence in your life. And in the Vedic tradition,

725
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 1: there are two words that are very important. One is

726
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 1: vapu and one is vanni. Vapoo means the physical presence

727
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: of a mentor. Vanni means the wisdom of a mentor.

728
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 1: And we believe that the vanni, the wisdom of a

729
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: mentor i e. The written word, the listened word, whatever

730
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: it may be, is actually even more important than the

731
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,360
Speaker 1: physical presence of a mentor. So I think today we

732
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,959
Speaker 1: kind of feel like, I wish I could be close

733
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 1: to this person and they'd mentor me and they'd guide me.

734
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 1: And that's great. If you can do that, that's brilliant.

735
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: But for most of us, picking up a book, listening

736
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 1: to a podcast studying someone's life is sometimes going to

737
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: be the deepest bond you'll ever build with something. And

738
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: I feel really connected to people that I've never met

739
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 1: in my entire life through books, and so I think

740
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 1: books are underestimated. Now if you're looking for a physical mentor,

741
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: I think the first thing you have to realize is

742
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 1: there are certain people who are happy to mentor and

743
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: they exist. You need to turn up at those events.

744
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: You need to go and meet them, you need to

745
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: go put yourself in front of them. But mentors also

746
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 1: want to see accountability. I think with me and my mentors,

747
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: what they always rewarded was that I was ready to

748
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: take their advice. I was ready to put into action

749
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: what they said, and when they saw growth, they invested more.

750
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: I was talking to someone recently actually on my podcast.

751
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:52,879
Speaker 1: He name's Cody Sanchez, and Cody was talking about how

752
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 1: when she wanted a mentor, she'd get their information and

753
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: she'd update them on anything she heard them say anywhere

754
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: and how things were going for her.

755
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 2: Interesting.

756
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 1: So if she heard someone at a talk and that

757
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: person said, hey, you should start an Instagram account, for example,

758
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: she would start an Instagram account. After you got their dtail,

759
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 1: she'd message them and be like I loved your talk.

760
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: I started an Instagram account, as you said, I've been

761
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: posting every day and that person may or may not respond.

762
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: Now three months later she's like, I posted every day,

763
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: just like you said, and I've got X amount of

764
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: followers now and I just wanted to let you know.

765
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: Maybe they do respond, maybe they don't. The third term,

766
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: she'd update them again and say like, oh, you know what,

767
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: I just started my first business. Now this person responds,

768
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 1: goes congratulations. That's amazing. And so she held herself accountable

769
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 1: to that person and now those people are in her lives.

770
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: And I love that example because I thought it's you

771
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: not saying, well, how much do you have to give

772
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:46,399
Speaker 1: to me, invest in me, build me. It's no, I'm

773
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: going to show you that I take your advice seriously

774
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: and I'm going to let you know and our relationship

775
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,719
Speaker 1: is going to develop in the background. So I love

776
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: that piece of advice.

777
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 2: That's so cool. But she did that cool. You also

778
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 2: touched on boundaries and something I struggle with a bit,

779
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 2: and I feel like lots of people struggle with and

780
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 2: what I've seen you do is be able to help people,

781
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 2: whether it's people you're very close to or sometimes people

782
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 2: who aren't. But the people that you're close to, you're

783
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 2: able to help them but not feel like you have

784
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,280
Speaker 2: to fix them. And I think that that's a really

785
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 2: difficult line that I struggle with of what is then

786
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 2: helping and what is then overstepping. How have you learned

787
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 2: to create boundaries, what's the mindset behind it? And how

788
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: can someone be okay with other people in their life

789
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: feeling pain and not trying to constantly fix it.

790
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: I wrote about this idea that I share and think

791
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: like a monk, which I call radius of care. So

792
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,439
Speaker 1: if you think about it, radius how far you are

793
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,319
Speaker 1: from someone. And so sometimes you can help someone by

794
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: being really close to them and being really close to

795
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: the problem, and sometimes you can help someone by not

796
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: being involved. And what I realize is that, I mean,

797
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 1: you've been talking about this a lot, lady, but yeah,

798
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: what I realize is that we live in a illusion

799
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 1: that if I solve this for someone else, it solves

800
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 1: the problem, not realizing that you're taking away their skills

801
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: and the muscles they need to grow. It's like me

802
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: saying or actually you saying, because you're stronger than me,

803
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: But it's like you saying I'll lift your weights for you,

804
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: I'll run your mouths for you today, don't worry about it.

805
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:32,280
Speaker 1: I'll meditate for you today. Right, But it doesn't help.

806
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 1: How would that ever transfer your meditation? Sure, you can

807
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 1: send energy, sure, but your meditation doesn't transfer into someone

808
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: else's comments. You running on a treadmill doesn't transfer into

809
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 1: someone else's fitness. Your weightlifting doesn't transform into someone else's strength.

810
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: It doesn't transfer or transform. So then why would you

811
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 1: doing everything else for someone else cause them to grow?

812
00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: So then the real question is do you want to

813
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: help them or do you want to feel like you're

814
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 1: helping trout and most of us want to feel like

815
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 1: we're helping people rather than actually help them. So sometimes

816
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 1: the hardest thing is to receive a call from someone

817
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 1: you love and say to them, I'm not going to

818
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 1: get involved, not because I don't love you, but because actually,

819
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: if I get involved, it's going to take away the

820
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 1: exact thing and step you need to take in this

821
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 1: situation in order to make this a long term benefit.

822
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: And that isn't a cop out. That's not me saying

823
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 1: I'm stepping away because I don't want any responsibility. This

824
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: isn't an excuse to get away from offering help and

825
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: helping your friends.

826
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 2: Which if you love someone you want to anyway.

827
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 1: Exactly, it's actually saying I love you so much that

828
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: this is the right decision.

829
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:46,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

830
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: Now, if someone right out asks you for help and

831
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: be like I need you to do this, sure maybe

832
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,840
Speaker 1: you will step in. But I think often it's about

833
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: having that healthy conversation with them and asking them what

834
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:58,800
Speaker 1: will actually solve this problem?

835
00:41:58,920 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 2: Right?

836
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 1: What will actually create a long term harmony to this

837
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 1: challenge that they have? Yeah, And to me, that's the

838
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,319
Speaker 1: best way to set boundaries because I think often people

839
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: think of boundaries as like I've said it, that's it now, Yeah,

840
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,320
Speaker 1: And that's not how I think of it.

841
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,879
Speaker 2: You think of boundaries as also being set for you.

842
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 2: Like you think that a lot of the times when

843
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 2: you think of boundaries, it's like, I'm setting this boundary

844
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 2: because it's going to protect me. But you never think about,

845
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 2: I'm going to set this boundary to protect the other person.

846
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 2: I'm going to set this boundary to help the other person.

847
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 2: Like boundaries always seem like a selfish thing or not.

848
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say selfish, but it's for yourself. You're setting

849
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 2: them to protect yourself, but like I just realized, you

850
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 2: can also be setting boundaries from what you said to

851
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 2: protect other people. Let me not overstep, let me not overhelp,

852
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,040
Speaker 2: let me not oversay, so that they can't come to

853
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 2: the conclusion for themselves. And you know, you really did

854
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: that for me in the beginning of our relationship, because

855
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 2: I felt like I was pretty lost about a lot

856
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 2: of things, especially when we moved to New York, and

857
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 2: you know, I really didn't know what I was going

858
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 2: to be doing. And for a lot of people when

859
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 2: they end up in relationships with somebody like that, especially

860
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 2: if you're the person that's a little bit more stable.

861
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 2: But if you're stable in what you want to do,

862
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 2: but you're still a little bit emotionally immature, you could

863
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,799
Speaker 2: easily end up being an enabler or expecting that person

864
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 2: who's a little bit weaker in the relationship, you're like, great,

865
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 2: this is my opportunity to make her fully dependent on me. Like,

866
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: and that's happened a lot, even subconsciously, Like, Okay, if

867
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 2: she's a damsel in distress, which I wasn't, but like,

868
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 2: let's just call myself a damson in distress, then I'm

869
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,839
Speaker 2: never a damson in distress. If I'm an independent woman.

870
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 2: But let's say I was a damsoning distress, then you

871
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 2: had a choice then as.

872
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 1: An independent woman but still loves to stay with her

873
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: mum when she's in.

874
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 2: London, suspect. Let's say I am an independent Let's say

875
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:52,320
Speaker 2: I am I'm damseling distressed, and you have the opportunity

876
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 2: to be the night in shining armor. Who wouldn't take

877
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 2: that opportunity but you, annoyingly At the time, I was

878
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 2: very annoyed by this. I would ask you every single question.

879
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,160
Speaker 2: I would try and get you to make decisions for

880
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 2: me and be like, no, I'm not doing it. I'm

881
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 2: not making that decision for you. I'm not telling you

882
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 2: what you should do. I'm not picking your Instagram paption

883
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 2: for you. I would have no, that's a joke. But like,

884
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 2: whatever it was, you really made me come to the

885
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 2: conclusion myself. You made me make the decision myself. And

886
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 2: I think I was in the habit of with my

887
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 2: family always tending to them for help, and naturally I've

888
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,839
Speaker 2: loved they would always help me, but they didn't help

889
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 2: me create a version of me that I trusted. And

890
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 2: so you didn't take advantage of that, and I think

891
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 2: that that was very interesting for me to reflect back on,

892
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 2: because you really could have become a crutch for me,

893
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 2: but you didn't allow yourself to do that, like you

894
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 2: were like, no, no, create your own life, do your

895
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 2: own thing. After that, I was thinking about how from

896
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 2: the beginning of our relationship you've always been like, you

897
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 2: do what you love doing. I'll do what I love doing.

898
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,359
Speaker 2: And of course we want to do things together, but

899
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,320
Speaker 2: I will you. I'll never sacrifice what you want to do,

900
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: and I will never sacrifice what I want to do.

901
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 2: How do you think people can create this independence in

902
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 2: a world where I'd say relationships are shown to be

903
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 2: this constant intertwinement of every part of your life, like

904
00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 2: every person you know, with your watching a movies, whatever

905
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 2: you're doing. It's like the expectation is you do everything together,

906
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 2: you sacrifice in inverted commerce for the other person, and

907
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 2: everything is kind of like a give and take in

908
00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 2: that way. What would you say the healthy way of

909
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 2: actually creating that independence is but not be bitter.

910
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: I think most people when they get into relationship, they

911
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 1: don't know themselves and that's okay. I did not and

912
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: what happens is the person who knows themselves slightly better

913
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:47,919
Speaker 1: the person who doesn't know themselves starts following that person, Yeah,

914
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: for sure, and then five years later goes, well, I've

915
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 1: just been following you. Why did you make me do that?

916
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: And the person's like, I didn't. I just knew it's direction.

917
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,720
Speaker 1: I was going, yeah, really. It starts with everyone taking

918
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: owner of their own life and saying, is this what

919
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 1: I want to do? Is this what brings me joy?

920
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 1: Is this what I want to focus on, because otherwise

921
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: you naturally will follow the person who has a tiny

922
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: bit of direction. And then I've seen this, and this

923
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: is why I didn't do it with you. I was

924
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 1: so lucky to spend time with couples who were in

925
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 1: their fifties and sixties as part of my work, and

926
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:25,839
Speaker 1: I just constantly saw, especially women who had sacrificed their

927
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: passion for the man's passion. And in their twenties it

928
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 1: was fine. In their thirties, it was fine, in their forties,

929
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 1: it was fine. But when they turned fifty and the

930
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: kids left, and that was usually the mark where they

931
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 1: realized it. They now felt they'd sacrificed their purpose and

932
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 1: their partner had gone on to achieve all of his goals,

933
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to be in a position ever

934
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 1: with you that you would feel I achieved all of

935
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: my goals and that you didn't achieve yours. How would

936
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: that be fair on either of us? And even if

937
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: it felt easy for thirty years, I don't want you

938
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: to feel that when you're years old. Yeah, And so

939
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:05,280
Speaker 1: I really believe that if anyone wants a healthy relationship,

940
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:07,439
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what gender you are, doesn't matter what type

941
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 1: of relationship you're in. You want your partner to pursue

942
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 1: their goals and you want to pursue your own, because

943
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 1: you don't want your partner to ever say to you,

944
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: I didn't achieve or become who I could be because

945
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 1: of you. And I think a lot of people don't

946
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,399
Speaker 1: realize that. A lot of us think we'd rather our

947
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: partner become who we want them to be, because that's

948
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: easier and more comfortable, then become who they want to be.

949
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: But the problem is when they become who we want

950
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 1: them to be, they are so sad because they didn't

951
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: become the person they were destined to be, and now

952
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 1: you've taken away everything you love about them. I think actually,

953
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 1: this is at the core of it. The thing that

954
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 1: your partner wants to pursue is what makes them attractive.

955
00:47:48,560 --> 00:47:51,399
Speaker 1: That's what you fell in love with, right, That's what

956
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: makes them who they are. I always say this, like

957
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 1: the way you've loved your family, the way they've loved you,

958
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 1: it's what made you the person that I love. I

959
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 1: want to If I want you to change that, I'm

960
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,320
Speaker 1: actually taking away your superpower. It's like you're saying to me,

961
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: I don't want you to be ambitious anymore. I don't

962
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: want you to be driven anymore. I would be sad,

963
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: unattractive potential. I wouldn't be who I am. So you're

964
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 1: taking away your partner's superpower by saying stop doing that,

965
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 1: start doing this. I want you to do this thing

966
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 1: that I want to do that I think is important. Now.

967
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: When it comes to health, that could be true. When

968
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:29,799
Speaker 1: it comes to mental health, that could be true. There

969
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,919
Speaker 1: are certain habits where actually healthy. Like when you would

970
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 1: say to me, you would always say to me like, oh,

971
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 1: you're so mentally sharp, But imagine how sharp you'd be

972
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 1: if you worked out more. Like you'd say that to me,

973
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 1: and I'd always be like, yeah, right now. I don't

974
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 1: have time. I just got to figure this out. And now,

975
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: as someone who works out a lot, I fully fully

976
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:50,919
Speaker 1: agree with you. You are spot on. So there are those

977
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:52,800
Speaker 1: kinds of things that we should be open to changing

978
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,840
Speaker 1: and learning. But if you're looking at your core personality

979
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: and your core trait, and the point is, if you're

980
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:00,879
Speaker 1: trying to change someone, you don't want to be with them.

981
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: You want to be with the type of person you're

982
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:05,280
Speaker 1: trying to change them to. Yeah, so go find that person,

983
00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: don't try and mold your person into that person.

984
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:09,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so true. I feel like people get really

985
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 2: trapped in that idea, the idea of sacrifice having to

986
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 2: be part of a relationship. I imagine you talk about

987
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,239
Speaker 2: this in your second book. Obviously I've read it. You

988
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 2: talk about that, I do, oh amazing. Yeah, I must

989
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 2: have just missed that chapter. So you know, whenever you

990
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 2: go through hard times, whether there's ups and downs, as

991
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 2: everybody does ups and downs in life, I feel like

992
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 2: you've always repeated this one thing to me, and it's

993
00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 2: always stayed with me. It's just purification and part of

994
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 2: the journey, no matter what it is in your life. Professionally,

995
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 2: personally everything. It's always it's just purification. It's just part

996
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 2: of the journey, and it's something that I have really

997
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: turned to whenever I felt like I've gone through hard

998
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 2: times because I think it's so easy to get into

999
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 2: this like why me mentality and like, I don't think

1000
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 2: I've ever heard you say why me? Why has this

1001
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,800
Speaker 2: happened to me? Oh, whether it's a small thing of

1002
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:01,839
Speaker 2: like like oh, why did this person park in front

1003
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,880
Speaker 2: of me to or block me? To why did this

1004
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 2: horrible thing happen in my life that wasn't meant to Like,

1005
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 2: There's never been a point in time where I've heard

1006
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 2: you say why me the whole time I've known you.

1007
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 2: I guess my question is how do we get out

1008
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 2: of this idea of like this victim mentality of feeling

1009
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 2: like when bad things happen, the first thing you think

1010
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,719
Speaker 2: is why me? Like why did this happen to me?

1011
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 2: This is horrible? How did you work through that? And like,

1012
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 2: you know, have you had those thoughts? How do you

1013
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 2: then get to the point where you were just like, no,

1014
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: it's just purification. This is just what I have to

1015
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 2: go through.

1016
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: Life is a school, a hospital, and a mountain. Life

1017
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 1: is a school because it's a place to learn. Life

1018
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: is a hospital because it's a place to heal, and

1019
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: life is a mountain because it's a place to grow.

1020
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:50,879
Speaker 1: Life is not a.

1021
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 2: Sina roses and daisies on a field. It isn't the daffodils.

1022
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 1: So if you look at the purpose of life, and

1023
00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 1: if the purpose of life is to learn, grow and heal,

1024
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 1: then you have to look at everything that comes your

1025
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 1: way as either helping you learn, either helping you heal,

1026
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: or either helping you grow. And sometimes some things make

1027
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: you do all three at the same time. And so

1028
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: for me, when I say life is about purification, it's

1029
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: me accepting and admitting to myself that there is something

1030
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 1: I can learn from this, there is something I have

1031
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: to heal from this, and there is some way in

1032
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,239
Speaker 1: which I have to grow from this. This could have

1033
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: been sent to me to break my ego. This could

1034
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: have been sent to me to heal my heart. This

1035
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: could have been sent to me to push me towards

1036
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 1: my higher self. And I feel like I've lived through

1037
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: enough different ups and downs now where I can identify

1038
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,600
Speaker 1: all of those. The worst things that have ever happened

1039
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 1: to me have been some of the best things that

1040
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,080
Speaker 1: have ever happened to me. And that is the hardest

1041
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: thing to say in the moment, in the moment, and

1042
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:58,600
Speaker 1: I didn't feel it in the moment, but I had

1043
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: to recognize it in the moment then, And I would

1044
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: honestly say that there are people on the planet who've

1045
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,439
Speaker 1: been through way harder things than I have, and they

1046
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 1: feel that way. So don't trust me because of my experience.

1047
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,879
Speaker 1: I trust those people who've been through the most atrocious,

1048
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,799
Speaker 1: horrific events on planet Earth and they're saying that, So

1049
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 1: don't don't take my word for it, take their word

1050
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,840
Speaker 1: for it. And so what I'm trying to say is

1051
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: that our pain, most of our pain in what we're

1052
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: going through, is actually caused from our resistance to it, right,

1053
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,800
Speaker 1: so when we don't want it to be the case.

1054
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 2: It's almost like the struggle that you have to like

1055
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:39,120
Speaker 2: to close the door versus just letting it open and

1056
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 2: allowing the water to come through you could be swimming

1057
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:44,840
Speaker 2: into it, versus the resistance it takes to keep that

1058
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: door closed against the water coming in.

1059
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you should try to keep that door

1060
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 1: closed in that circumstance, for sure. Sometimes, Yeah, It's like

1061
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 1: saying I wish it was easier. Yeah, that is what

1062
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: causes the pain.

1063
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,720
Speaker 2: Rather than trying to think how can I get stronger

1064
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,279
Speaker 2: in this situation to handle what is coming at me?

1065
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: And by the way, I think all the time, I

1066
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:07,440
Speaker 1: wish this was easier. Do you so?

1067
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 2: No?

1068
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 1: No, What I'm saying is like perfect, like as in,

1069
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: this is something that I feel like you're constantly learning this.

1070
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 1: This isn't something that I've mastered and I've perfected. It's

1071
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: like every time there's a new challenge, the first thing

1072
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, why me, really, why does this happen to me?

1073
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 2: Like?

1074
00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: Why am I going through this? And then what did

1075
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 1: I do?

1076
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 2: Like, you know, let's say you are going through a

1077
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 2: hard time in your life. What the practical things that

1078
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 2: you do on a daily basis that you're like, Okay,

1079
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: I'm in a funk. Stuff's gone wrong. Life is a

1080
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 2: bit unfair right now. But then you wake up you

1081
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:39,720
Speaker 2: feel that way.

1082
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 1: I've got a few things.

1083
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 2: What are you going to do?

1084
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 1: The first thing is I remind myself of the famous

1085
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:48,760
Speaker 1: quote there's no strong person with an easy past. Every

1086
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: single person I admire has been through hardship, difficulty, and challenges.

1087
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 1: The second thing I remind myself is of the stoic

1088
00:53:57,239 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: phrase the obstacle is the way. The obstacle is the path.

1089
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: This is the way. There is no other way, there

1090
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:06,719
Speaker 1: is no shortcut, This is the path.

1091
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 2: The pain is part of the past.

1092
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 1: Correct. And the third thing I do is I find

1093
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 1: that being alone by myself, for me making sense of

1094
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 1: everything is more important than outsourcing that work to twenty

1095
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 1: people on a text throat. So I don't enjoy outsourcing

1096
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: mental processing to other people because I believe it's something

1097
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 1: that I can build that muscle myself, and once I

1098
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,320
Speaker 1: feel confident and confirmed in where I'm at, I'll share

1099
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 1: that with others, or if I'm feeling really weak, I'll

1100
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,319
Speaker 1: turn to someone who I believe can help me. I

1101
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:47,239
Speaker 1: won't ever turn to just twenty people that I love

1102
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 1: and care about, because they may just say things that

1103
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 1: sound helpful, but they don't change how I feel about myself.

1104
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:56,760
Speaker 2: It also magnifies it so much. I did that recently.

1105
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,920
Speaker 2: I had like a thing with someone that I was

1106
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 2: so fond of, and I had a disagreement or just

1107
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 2: was feeling a certain way about them, and for the

1108
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 2: first time, I usually process things, and I don't talk

1109
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 2: about it, but I decided randomly it came up in

1110
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 2: conversation with you, and I had to chat about it

1111
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 2: with you, And then someone else brought that person up,

1112
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 2: and then I had to chat about that person with them.

1113
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 2: And suddenly something that I would have forgotten about within

1114
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 2: a day became something that I was talking about every

1115
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 2: single day. And then my my pain towards them became larger,

1116
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:35,680
Speaker 2: my annoyance towards them became larger, my thought became larger

1117
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,320
Speaker 2: about them. And so whether it's about that's just a person,

1118
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 2: but it's literally the same thing that you're talking about

1119
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 2: right now, Like when something bad is happening in your life,

1120
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,319
Speaker 2: the more you give energy to it, the more you

1121
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 2: talk to people about it, the more that you're fixated

1122
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 2: on it, the larger it may be larger, But the

1123
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,319
Speaker 2: larger it will feel in you. It's like fear, and

1124
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of our pain is also

1125
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 2: linked to fear. And so the larger that you make

1126
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: it and the more you think about it, talk about it,

1127
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 2: act on it, the bigger it becomes, and the harder

1128
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 2: it becomes. It then overcome that hurdle and that hurdle

1129
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 2: becomes something enormous where you feel like you can't even.

1130
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, the practical question or practical step is asking myself

1131
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 1: what is the root of this problem? Right, and what's

1132
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 1: the root of it? Because we're all so distracted by

1133
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:20,520
Speaker 1: the branches. This is what in my book Think like

1134
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 1: a monkey, talk about the difference between the monk mind

1135
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 1: and the monkey mind. Right, the monkey is jumping from

1136
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:28,760
Speaker 1: branch to branch, jumping from leaf to leaf, grabbing the fruit.

1137
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:32,799
Speaker 1: The monk mind is focused on the roots. And so, yes,

1138
00:56:32,800 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 1: the monkey's cue, but it's distracting monk monkey, But it's distracted,

1139
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 1: and so how can I focus on the root? Let

1140
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,239
Speaker 1: me solve for the root? And I think a lot

1141
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:48,080
Speaker 1: of us get distracted by what's the latest, what's the trendiest,

1142
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 1: what's the new thing, all of that stuff, and it

1143
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:52,920
Speaker 1: just distracts us away. So my practical step is, what

1144
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: is the root of what I'm trying to solve? What

1145
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: will actually get me to where I want to get to,

1146
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:01,600
Speaker 1: What will actually get to the heart of the issue,

1147
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 1: to the root of the issue, and to the depths

1148
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 1: of the issue. Because if I don't focus on that now,

1149
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 1: I'm just distracted.

1150
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I feel like there's so much competition

1151
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 2: in life, no matter what career you're in, no matter

1152
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 2: what family you're in, Like, competition is something that surrounds

1153
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 2: us so much. And you know, we're talking about mentors earlier,

1154
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 2: and it reminded me that you often mentor a lot

1155
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 2: of people who also want to do the things that

1156
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 2: you've done, Like, you know, whether it's writing a book,

1157
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,720
Speaker 2: whether it's being online, whatever it is. I've always admired

1158
00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 2: that you really do put so much effort into sharing

1159
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 2: that knowledge with other people so that they can also

1160
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 2: succeed it. Have you been through times in your life

1161
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 2: where you felt jealous of people, where you have felt

1162
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 2: that competitive nature? And how can someone as I'm probably

1163
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,800
Speaker 2: asking for myself, really, how can one how can one person?

1164
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 2: How can I get past the competitive nature that you

1165
00:57:53,120 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 2: feel on a daily basis in so many different parts

1166
00:57:55,840 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 2: of your life physically, emotionally, mentally, work, family, whatever, Like

1167
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 2: how do you do that?

1168
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 1: The first thing I want to say, because I think

1169
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 1: competition often gets a bad rap because it leads to comparison.

1170
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 2: I think it's a bad rep. Is it bad rap?

1171
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: I think competition gets a bad name. Because because it

1172
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 1: leads to comparison and it leads to envy, and so

1173
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 1: we just go, oh, competition is a bad thing. But

1174
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 1: then everyone in their heads going, how do I win? Right?

1175
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 1: And so here's how I look at it. If anyone's winning,

1176
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: they've just understood the systems and patterns better than you.

1177
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:42,560
Speaker 1: That's it. And the question is are you willing to

1178
00:58:42,680 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 1: study the systems and patterns as well as they have

1179
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 1: or better than they have, a lot of us don't

1180
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: want to put in that work, so we'd rather tear

1181
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,760
Speaker 1: that person down. We'd rather point fingers, or we'd rather

1182
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I don't I don't want to be

1183
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: that popular anyway. I just I'm happy being me. And really,

1184
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 1: all of that's coming the angst of I just don't

1185
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 1: want to do the work to study that. That deep

1186
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 1: the distraction. That's just the reality of it. That's just

1187
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:09,800
Speaker 1: the truth. I've rarely seen it where it's genuine because

1188
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,360
Speaker 1: if it was genuinely you didn't care, you wouldn't be

1189
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: talking about that person in the first place. So you

1190
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:15,919
Speaker 1: really have to look at it, first of all, from

1191
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: the perspective of anyone who is successful has just studied

1192
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: the patterns, the algorithms and the systems. That is what

1193
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 1: has happened. That's just a fact. If you look at

1194
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 1: the best people in business, they understand business patterns. If

1195
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 1: you look at the best people on social media, they

1196
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: understand social media patterns. If you look at the best

1197
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 1: people in marketing, fashion, beauty, they either are building patterns

1198
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: that become the patterns that everyone studies, or they're studying patterns.

1199
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,760
Speaker 1: We have a choice. So knowing that it's factual and

1200
00:59:45,840 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 1: that it's studiable means okay, Now it's a matter of

1201
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 1: do I want to use do that with my time?

1202
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: And if someone goes, actually I don't want to do

1203
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 1: that with my time. I want to spend time with

1204
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 1: my family, that's beautiful, that's great, But then don't expect

1205
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 1: the same results, right, And if someone goes, oh, actually

1206
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 1: I want to study that haten and do that, then

1207
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,560
Speaker 1: they may have to compromise somewhere else. So that's the

1208
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: first thing. It's just factual, it's not that emotional. Then

1209
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:09,880
Speaker 1: I look at it as I of course I've felt

1210
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 1: envious and jealous in my life. Of course I have.

1211
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone who doesn't feel that way. And

1212
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 1: I think again. We've got to normalize it. It's a

1213
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: human emotion. We shouldn't judge people for feeling that way.

1214
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 1: It's very normal. We often ask ourselves do I want

1215
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 1: what that person has? And instead we should be asking

1216
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 1: do I want to do what they do?

1217
01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 2: Right?

1218
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 1: Right? Am I willing to put in the work, the effort,

1219
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: the sweat, the time, that hours, the miles to do

1220
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:40,960
Speaker 1: what that person does? And if the answer is no,

1221
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:45,440
Speaker 1: then you should accept with grace that you've decided to

1222
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 1: prioritize something else. And that's what I find. We're only

1223
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 1: envious and jealous of others when we don't know what

1224
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 1: we're prioritizing. If I stand here and look at all

1225
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 1: the other houses and what they're doing, I won't be

1226
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 1: focused on my own. And if I'm not for focused

1227
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: on my own, I'll be more distracted by everyone else's.

1228
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 1: And so I find that if you're living in your truth,

1229
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 1: if you're living in alignment, if you're working on the

1230
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 1: things that matter to you and prioritizing them, and if

1231
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 1: success is important to you, study the patterns. If happiness

1232
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 1: is important to you, study the patterns. If health is

1233
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 1: important to you, study the patterns, And so then you've

1234
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 1: got to ask yourself in your limited time, what is

1235
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 1: your top priority? And that person you're jealous of is

1236
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:30,040
Speaker 1: just prioritizing that as their number one priority, and chances are,

1237
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 1: what's your number one priority? Maybe their tenth priority. There's

1238
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 1: no one in the world who has mastered everything. The

1239
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:38,960
Speaker 1: strongest person in the world is not the most beautiful

1240
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 1: person in the world. The most beautiful person in the

1241
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 1: world is not the richest person in the world. The

1242
01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:44,280
Speaker 1: richest person in the world is not the most followed

1243
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:48,200
Speaker 1: person in the world. Like, those things don't correlate because

1244
01:01:48,240 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: everyone's had to prioritize and everyone's had to compromise. And

1245
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 1: so I think we spend more time in envy and

1246
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: jealousy when we don't know what our priority is and

1247
01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:01,920
Speaker 1: when we don't answer the question what am I willing

1248
01:02:01,960 --> 01:02:05,800
Speaker 1: to do? And we should look at endy and jealousy

1249
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 1: as a sign of saying do I want that? Yeah,

1250
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 1: and not do I want that? Do I want to

1251
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:12,560
Speaker 1: do what they did to get that? Am I willing

1252
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 1: to learn that? That's the real question we have to

1253
01:02:14,640 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 1: focus on. Yeah, So to me, feeling jealousy and envy

1254
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:20,240
Speaker 1: is normal. It will never go away, it will always

1255
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 1: be there. It's what you do with that emotion, and

1256
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 1: that emotion can be used as incredible fuel. But just

1257
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:29,040
Speaker 1: make sure that you're not focused on just the outcome.

1258
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 1: You're focused on what the life might it takes to

1259
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 1: get there and what it takes to get there.

1260
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 2: I feel like the times I've been most jealous in

1261
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 2: my life have probably been times where I've seen people

1262
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 2: do things that, in my eyes, make them feel happy

1263
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 2: or like that make them happy. So for example, even

1264
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 2: if let's say it's a physical appearancing, it's like, Wow,

1265
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 2: that person looks so confident, and I think it's because

1266
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 2: they look that way, that's why they are confident. And

1267
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:53,480
Speaker 2: so I'm like, oh, I want to look like that

1268
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:57,880
Speaker 2: because it's actually their behavior of being confident that I'm desiring.

1269
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 2: Or I feel like we've spoken about this before, but

1270
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 2: a lot of the time, even when I went to

1271
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 2: New York, I did my yoga teacher training, and I

1272
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:09,120
Speaker 2: did that because I saw these two girls, Dana and Shama,

1273
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:11,600
Speaker 2: my teachers then, and I was like, God, they look

1274
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 2: so happy, and like when they're teaching this, they look

1275
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 2: so happy when they're living their life through yoga, they

1276
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 2: look so happy, and I was like, that's what I

1277
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 2: wanted to feel, and then to feel bad that means

1278
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 2: I need to do my yoga teacher training. I did

1279
01:03:24,680 --> 01:03:26,480
Speaker 2: my yoga teach training and I did not look or

1280
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:28,880
Speaker 2: feel how they did. And I was like, oh, I

1281
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 2: did not need to do my yoga teach training. I

1282
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 2: did because I really enjoyed it, but that was not

1283
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 2: what got me what they wanted. And that was the

1284
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 2: same with you. I saw you were so happy with

1285
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 2: your purpose. I saw you were so determined and focused,

1286
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, I don't think I was

1287
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 2: jealous of you, but I was like, oh, I want that,

1288
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:48,360
Speaker 2: and so I'm going to try and mimic what you've

1289
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:51,240
Speaker 2: done to get that happiness. And I think sometimes we

1290
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,960
Speaker 2: crave the emotions that we think people have from the

1291
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:57,080
Speaker 2: things they're doing right, and we create jealousy in our

1292
01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 2: mind through that versus thinking, do I actually want to

1293
01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:02,360
Speaker 2: do that? But do I want to do that? And

1294
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 2: again it's do the work, but also do I want

1295
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:06,760
Speaker 2: to be that person? Is that really what I want

1296
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 2: in my life? Because actually I realized it wasn't it

1297
01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:11,600
Speaker 2: wasn't suited to me to be a yoga teacher, and

1298
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 2: that wasn't what I wanted to do, but I did

1299
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 2: want to feel happy. I didn't want to feel those emotions,

1300
01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 2: and so I think it's a really good mix of

1301
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 2: both of those things.

1302
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 1: That's such a great point. I really love that, and

1303
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:25,120
Speaker 1: it's you know, everyone envies the result. No one envys

1304
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 1: the process.

1305
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 2: I don't think I could do your process.

1306
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:29,880
Speaker 1: Everyone envyes the result. No one envies the process, Like

1307
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: no one's sitting there envying staying up at till two am,

1308
01:04:34,440 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 1: like you know. I mean, I started working out a

1309
01:04:35,960 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 1: little bit recently, and if you look at like Christiano Ronaldo,

1310
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 1: you realize what it takes. Like when you start doing

1311
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 1: the process in the smallest way, you get so much

1312
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 1: more respect for someone. You actually don't envy them at all.

1313
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 1: And that's what I find. If you get on the

1314
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:54,240
Speaker 1: path to becoming whoever you want to be, damn, you

1315
01:04:54,280 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 1: actually go I get it, like good for you, Like

1316
01:04:57,680 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 1: I really realized how hard that is. So now when

1317
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 1: I see anyone who has a phenomenal physique, I'm like,

1318
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:06,000
Speaker 1: good for you. I geah, how is like that's hard work?

1319
01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 1: Whereas when you're not on the path, you're kind of like, oh,

1320
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:09,720
Speaker 1: I could have that for one of that bright you

1321
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:11,600
Speaker 1: have that chip on your shoulder, or like oh that

1322
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 1: Oh you just care too much about how you look.

1323
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:15,840
Speaker 1: But really you have so much respect for someone because

1324
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,080
Speaker 1: you know what it takes. And that applies to anything.

1325
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 2: I remember thinking that when you used to do podcasts

1326
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 2: and when you used to do content creation, and I

1327
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,320
Speaker 2: used to be like, oh wow, it's like so easy.

1328
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 2: And then I started doing it myself and I was like, flipping, hell,

1329
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,280
Speaker 2: this is a full time job, more than a full

1330
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:32,120
Speaker 2: time job. And then I started getting in the habit

1331
01:05:32,120 --> 01:05:34,840
Speaker 2: of it. And then I remember my friend in London

1332
01:05:35,120 --> 01:05:37,600
Speaker 2: and she'll be like, God, it just seems so fun

1333
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:38,880
Speaker 2: what you don and I was like, yeah, it's fun.

1334
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 2: I really I really enjoy what I do. And she

1335
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 2: was like, well, how many hours, maybe like a couple

1336
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:44,520
Speaker 2: of hours a day, and I'm like no, I literally

1337
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,160
Speaker 2: work day and night. I edit, I do this, I

1338
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 2: do this, I create, I have to think of ideas,

1339
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:52,600
Speaker 2: I have to whatever it is. And she started creating

1340
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 2: content for herself and she was like, oh my gosh,

1341
01:05:55,240 --> 01:05:58,120
Speaker 2: this is so difficult, like it is a full time job.

1342
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 2: But until she actually did that, she had a perception

1343
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 2: of what it looked like versus what the work it

1344
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,960
Speaker 2: took to actually create the thirty seconds may take two

1345
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:11,480
Speaker 2: hours worth of filming, editing, whatever. Anyway, it's just reminded

1346
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 2: me of that because that's so true. You just don't

1347
01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:17,080
Speaker 2: you don't know until you do it how difficult it

1348
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:17,680
Speaker 2: actually is.

1349
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so the practical step is turn envy into

1350
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:26,880
Speaker 1: study and then apply it, because you'll keep envying someone

1351
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 1: until you start studying them. When you start studying them,

1352
01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:33,880
Speaker 1: you'll actually gain more appreciation, and then when you apply it,

1353
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:37,959
Speaker 1: you'll gain more respect. So envy's transferred into respect because

1354
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:40,840
Speaker 1: you took envy to study to apply. And so if

1355
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:43,000
Speaker 1: I envy someone, my number one question is, let me

1356
01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:46,520
Speaker 1: start studying, because envy means I'm looking at them from afar.

1357
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:49,840
Speaker 1: That's what env is. Envy is looking at someone from

1358
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:53,880
Speaker 1: afar and wishing you had that. Studying is looking at

1359
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:57,600
Speaker 1: someone up close and realizing what they did to get there,

1360
01:06:57,960 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 1: and then applying is actually taking the step and recognizing

1361
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: how hard it is. Yeah, And so you can turn

1362
01:07:03,360 --> 01:07:04,160
Speaker 1: envy to respect.

1363
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:07,200
Speaker 2: Really simply, I love that little roadmap you just create

1364
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:11,240
Speaker 2: for us. I also feel like it's an abundance scarcity

1365
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 2: to abundance mindset where I remember thinking in this way

1366
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:16,640
Speaker 2: before in my life and I still do sometimes when

1367
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:18,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, but there can be only

1368
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:21,400
Speaker 2: one person that can do this, and if they're doing it,

1369
01:07:21,440 --> 01:07:23,400
Speaker 2: then I won't be able to do it. And actually,

1370
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:27,400
Speaker 2: the world is so big that just because that person

1371
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:30,920
Speaker 2: is making the most amazing food videos doesn't mean you can't.

1372
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:33,800
Speaker 2: Just because that person is the most amazing doctor doesn't

1373
01:07:33,840 --> 01:07:35,880
Speaker 2: mean you can't be an amazing doctor. It's almost like

1374
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:38,680
Speaker 2: we think that there's not enough I don't know what

1375
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 2: we think there's not enough of for all of us

1376
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,160
Speaker 2: to be able to do it. Like, what do we

1377
01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:46,520
Speaker 2: think is so limited? That means that we are so

1378
01:07:46,680 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 2: limited in our ability to that there's only one person

1379
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:52,600
Speaker 2: or a few people that can do something amazingly.

1380
01:07:53,080 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 1: In the material world, there are a limited number of

1381
01:07:56,200 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 1: VIP seats, there's a limited number of boxing, there's a

1382
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:06,240
Speaker 1: limited number of security seating, there's a limited number of

1383
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:12,240
Speaker 1: corporate event organization, right Like, there's all these limited numbers

1384
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:15,400
Speaker 1: that have been created. So our brain has started to

1385
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:19,880
Speaker 1: believe that the theater of happiness is limited, But there

1386
01:08:19,920 --> 01:08:22,919
Speaker 1: are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness.

1387
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,080
Speaker 1: There's a seat with your name on it, and there's

1388
01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:26,640
Speaker 1: a seat with my name on it. Because that's how

1389
01:08:26,680 --> 01:08:29,759
Speaker 1: the universe is created. The universe doesn't have a VIP section.

1390
01:08:30,280 --> 01:08:33,559
Speaker 1: There's not a limited number of seats that are you're

1391
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 1: allowed to be happy and you're not. It's not like

1392
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 1: the universe is running out of happiness.

1393
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 2: So we're capacity.

1394
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:40,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. You're never going to hear that from the universe.

1395
01:08:41,040 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 1: But because we see a line out of a nightclub

1396
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,439
Speaker 1: and we know that fifty percent of the room is

1397
01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:48,080
Speaker 1: not going to get inside, we know the bounce is

1398
01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: going to stop you. We know you're going to hear

1399
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:51,920
Speaker 1: we're at capacity. We know we're going to hear it's

1400
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 1: sold out, it's oversubscribed. The universe is never oversubscribed. The

1401
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:59,800
Speaker 1: universe is never sold out. The universe always has in

1402
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:03,000
Speaker 1: off happiness and joy for each and every person.

1403
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:05,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we think it's a limited time only. Yeah,

1404
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:08,040
Speaker 2: a lot of the time it's like sold out or

1405
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 2: for a limited time only. So there's an exploration day

1406
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,599
Speaker 2: on it too. On your happiness in the material world. Yeah,

1407
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 2: it's so true. Oh, this was a really big one

1408
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:20,560
Speaker 2: that came up in my mind, and I feel me

1409
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:22,680
Speaker 2: and you talk about this a lot. I think it's

1410
01:09:22,680 --> 01:09:25,879
Speaker 2: an idea that I have been speaking about with friends

1411
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,919
Speaker 2: and with family for a long period of time. People's

1412
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:34,240
Speaker 2: idea of material success and spirituality not being something that

1413
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 2: you can combine that to be spiritually authentic. It means

1414
01:09:41,479 --> 01:09:45,320
Speaker 2: you need to be materially poor or like not materially wealthy.

1415
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:47,759
Speaker 2: I would love to have a discussion on that, because

1416
01:09:47,840 --> 01:09:49,400
Speaker 2: I feel like my mind shifted a lot as I've

1417
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:54,559
Speaker 2: grown up about that topic of feeling like you can't

1418
01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:58,880
Speaker 2: be in abundance in your life and also be deeply spiritual,

1419
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 2: and I've seen people be able to do both. But yeah,

1420
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:03,240
Speaker 2: I would love to hear your perspective on it, because

1421
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 2: I feel like we've channed that thought a lot as

1422
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:06,599
Speaker 2: we've gone through our life.

1423
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 1: To be honest, even when you started this and you

1424
01:10:08,320 --> 01:10:09,880
Speaker 1: were like you wanted a simple life, I think we

1425
01:10:09,960 --> 01:10:15,559
Speaker 1: both visualized the simple definitely. I think I've become more

1426
01:10:15,560 --> 01:10:18,720
Speaker 1: ambitious and driven over time, and I would say I

1427
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:21,519
Speaker 1: was always ambitious and driven. I've become more believing in

1428
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,000
Speaker 1: possibility over time. But when we first met, I mean

1429
01:10:25,040 --> 01:10:28,839
Speaker 1: we both decided to live right near your parents definitely,

1430
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,640
Speaker 1: and the temple and our friends, and the goal was

1431
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:35,799
Speaker 1: to live in a beautiful community. Yeah, go to the temple,

1432
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 1: serve help other people like that. That was our plan.

1433
01:10:39,160 --> 01:10:41,680
Speaker 1: Like that was my plan too, my plan, I think.

1434
01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:44,320
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's really hard to explain that to

1435
01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:46,080
Speaker 1: people because people kind of feel like there was always

1436
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:48,160
Speaker 1: a master plan. I would say I had no master plan,

1437
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 1: did not And things have unfolded as time has gone on,

1438
01:10:52,080 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 1: and so and I grew up in a family where

1439
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:56,720
Speaker 1: we didn't we didn't have a lot.

1440
01:10:57,120 --> 01:11:00,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, shout out to would Green.

1441
01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:04,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was always happy with what we could do.

1442
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:10,320
Speaker 1: But anyway, all of that to say that spirituality means

1443
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:14,519
Speaker 1: living in abundance, as in a spiritual mindset is an

1444
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:19,160
Speaker 1: abundance mindset because you've accepted that nothing is yours, everything

1445
01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 1: belongs to the universe. And so from that abundance mindset,

1446
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:28,880
Speaker 1: how could scarcity ever appear? It could only be abundant. Now,

1447
01:11:29,560 --> 01:11:33,519
Speaker 1: I think that people misconstrue it because we've been trained

1448
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:38,920
Speaker 1: for so long to believe that success is bad and

1449
01:11:38,960 --> 01:11:42,040
Speaker 1: that wealth is bad, and we always hear the phrase

1450
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:47,679
Speaker 1: money doesn't buy happiness. I don't subscribe to that statement,

1451
01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:49,720
Speaker 1: because I think money can solve a lot of problems.

1452
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:55,360
Speaker 1: I don't believe that money buys happiness, but it decreases

1453
01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:59,120
Speaker 1: problems and certain problems, and I wish more people had

1454
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:02,080
Speaker 1: access to that. And I think it also comes from

1455
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,439
Speaker 1: the phrase that we often hear, which is money is

1456
01:12:04,479 --> 01:12:07,439
Speaker 1: the root of all evil. But actually someone told me

1457
01:12:07,479 --> 01:12:11,040
Speaker 1: that the full phrase is love of money is the

1458
01:12:11,120 --> 01:12:11,960
Speaker 1: root of all evil.

1459
01:12:12,080 --> 01:12:13,799
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, they cut off the first.

1460
01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:17,120
Speaker 1: We always only hear money is the root of all evil. Yeah,

1461
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:19,160
Speaker 1: and love of money being the rule of all evil

1462
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:21,640
Speaker 1: makes more sense to me, definitely, because the point is

1463
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:25,960
Speaker 1: so I've always loved the monk teachings around this that

1464
01:12:26,520 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 1: as humans we tend to idolize or demonize everything. We

1465
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 1: either idolize money or we demonize it. We idolize fame

1466
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:40,280
Speaker 1: or we demonize it. And as a spiritual person, you're

1467
01:12:40,360 --> 01:12:45,000
Speaker 1: learning not to idolize or demonize, but to purify and

1468
01:12:45,080 --> 01:12:48,320
Speaker 1: to neutralize, and you do that by using everything you

1469
01:12:48,400 --> 01:12:52,559
Speaker 1: have in the service of others. That's the principle. And

1470
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,640
Speaker 1: so I know plenty of people who are serving with

1471
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,080
Speaker 1: the little they have My parents were like that. We

1472
01:12:58,200 --> 01:13:01,200
Speaker 1: always gave to charity, We always took care of people

1473
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 1: out at home, we always fed people. I'd say my

1474
01:13:03,400 --> 01:13:07,240
Speaker 1: parents gave more to charity than they spent on us sometimes,

1475
01:13:08,000 --> 01:13:09,640
Speaker 1: and I love them for that.

1476
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:10,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1477
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:13,559
Speaker 1: And I know people who have so much today, who

1478
01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:15,120
Speaker 1: are doing so much for the world.

1479
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:15,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1480
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:18,640
Speaker 1: And so it's not really about what you have or

1481
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:21,559
Speaker 1: what you don't have. It's about what you hold back.

1482
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:24,760
Speaker 1: It's about what you do with what you have. And

1483
01:13:24,840 --> 01:13:28,200
Speaker 1: so I've grappled with this for a long time because

1484
01:13:28,360 --> 01:13:30,760
Speaker 1: I grew up believing that if you were doing good

1485
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:32,880
Speaker 1: in the world, you had to be poor. But then

1486
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:35,559
Speaker 1: I realized you couldn't do that much good, Like how

1487
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:37,120
Speaker 1: much good were you going to be able to do?

1488
01:13:38,280 --> 01:13:41,559
Speaker 1: And so I've changed my mindset about that. And I

1489
01:13:41,600 --> 01:13:44,680
Speaker 1: think if more people build an abundance mindset, that will

1490
01:13:44,720 --> 01:13:47,120
Speaker 1: impact all areas of their life. And I'd love to

1491
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:50,040
Speaker 1: see a world where spiritual people, people who wanted to

1492
01:13:50,040 --> 01:13:53,360
Speaker 1: help others, were abundantly flowing in all aspects of their

1493
01:13:53,400 --> 01:13:57,519
Speaker 1: success so they could serve others. That's the reason. The

1494
01:13:57,560 --> 01:13:59,479
Speaker 1: reason is so you can give more totally.

1495
01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:04,360
Speaker 2: And I think people confuse abundance with greed, and I

1496
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:09,439
Speaker 2: think those two things can often get very entangled in

1497
01:14:09,520 --> 01:14:15,280
Speaker 2: people's mind. That living abundantly or having things materially in

1498
01:14:15,320 --> 01:14:18,519
Speaker 2: abundance does not mean you're greedy for it. You can

1499
01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:20,840
Speaker 2: actually have a lot of things in your life and

1500
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:23,639
Speaker 2: actually be quite detached from them. You can appreciate them

1501
01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:26,200
Speaker 2: for what they give you, but you can definitely be

1502
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:28,800
Speaker 2: a place where you're like, actually, even if I lost

1503
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:31,960
Speaker 2: these luxuries, and even if I went back to living

1504
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:34,240
Speaker 2: in the semi detached house that I started off in

1505
01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:36,880
Speaker 2: eighty nine years ago and I was a tutor like

1506
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:39,479
Speaker 2: you were, to try and date me, even if I

1507
01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:42,000
Speaker 2: went back to those things, Yeah, it would be an adjustment.

1508
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:46,280
Speaker 2: But would it change my level of contentment and joy

1509
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,559
Speaker 2: and want desire to help other people and desire to

1510
01:14:49,600 --> 01:14:52,360
Speaker 2: live my life with purpose? Would it change that? And

1511
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:54,639
Speaker 2: if the answer is yes, then there is probably greed.

1512
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:56,720
Speaker 2: And if the answer is no, then really it's a

1513
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,360
Speaker 2: sign that you are trying to live from a place

1514
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:00,880
Speaker 2: of abundance, like you are trying to live from a

1515
01:15:00,920 --> 01:15:04,639
Speaker 2: place of growth and welcoming whatever comes into your life.

1516
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:06,439
Speaker 2: I think I used to really struggle with that because

1517
01:15:06,800 --> 01:15:09,120
Speaker 2: I would never know whether to say yes or no

1518
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:12,680
Speaker 2: to things which were depending on money, and I'd be like, oh,

1519
01:15:12,720 --> 01:15:14,800
Speaker 2: but if I say And what I realized was like,

1520
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:17,160
Speaker 2: if I say no to this, of course I had

1521
01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:19,040
Speaker 2: to allow my values. But if I say no to this,

1522
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:22,519
Speaker 2: I won't be able to give to this couch charity

1523
01:15:22,680 --> 01:15:24,120
Speaker 2: that I want to give to here, or I won't

1524
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:25,840
Speaker 2: be able to give to midday meals how I want to,

1525
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:28,559
Speaker 2: or I won't be able to create the eventually create

1526
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:31,559
Speaker 2: this nonprofit that I want to create for whatever it is.

1527
01:15:32,000 --> 01:15:34,000
Speaker 2: And then when you start thinking like that and that

1528
01:15:34,040 --> 01:15:36,000
Speaker 2: becomes your desire, of course you're going to buy yourself things.

1529
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:37,800
Speaker 2: It's just part of life. Who doesn't whether you have

1530
01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:39,360
Speaker 2: a lot of don't havem like you're gonna endupuying things

1531
01:15:39,360 --> 01:15:43,840
Speaker 2: for yourself. But I think the overall mindset of what

1532
01:15:43,960 --> 01:15:46,200
Speaker 2: is the reason I want to create more abundance in

1533
01:15:46,200 --> 01:15:48,640
Speaker 2: my life, it's just so different.

1534
01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,800
Speaker 1: And I think it's being honest with yourself. Yeah, it's

1535
01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:54,759
Speaker 1: not like everything you do is going to be completely perfect. Yeah,

1536
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 1: And there are certain things you want, there are certain

1537
01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:59,479
Speaker 1: comforts and luxuries and all that kind of stuff. There's

1538
01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:02,519
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that. It's more about being honest and

1539
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:05,960
Speaker 1: aware of what you're up to what you're doing. You know.

1540
01:16:06,040 --> 01:16:07,479
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I see it, Yeah, a feeling.

1541
01:16:07,520 --> 01:16:09,000
Speaker 2: It's been really beautiful to have examples of that. I

1542
01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:12,280
Speaker 2: feel like I've seen people who live in abundance materially

1543
01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:15,880
Speaker 2: but have had such incredible spiritual practices throughout their life

1544
01:16:15,960 --> 01:16:18,639
Speaker 2: and have really turned to God even when they're at

1545
01:16:18,640 --> 01:16:21,439
Speaker 2: their peak of wealth or fame or whatever it is.

1546
01:16:21,479 --> 01:16:23,840
Speaker 2: And I'm like, wow, it's kind of given me hope

1547
01:16:23,840 --> 01:16:27,400
Speaker 2: that I'm like, if I end up living more abundantly,

1548
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:30,559
Speaker 2: more materially abundantly, that there is a possibility to have

1549
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:32,439
Speaker 2: both of these, And I think that that's such a

1550
01:16:32,439 --> 01:16:37,880
Speaker 2: beautiful desire to also have. How do you deal with

1551
01:16:37,920 --> 01:16:40,479
Speaker 2: criticism in your life? Because we're in a place where

1552
01:16:41,600 --> 01:16:45,040
Speaker 2: Lord knows, everyone has something to say, and I find

1553
01:16:45,840 --> 01:16:49,120
Speaker 2: we are very two different types of personalities in our relationship.

1554
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:54,479
Speaker 2: You are calm and composed in times where injustice has

1555
01:16:54,520 --> 01:16:57,880
Speaker 2: been done, or in times where things necessarily haven't gone

1556
01:16:57,880 --> 01:16:59,519
Speaker 2: the way that they should have, or when people are

1557
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:03,960
Speaker 2: saying things that are actually ridiculous, and I'm like, absolutely not,

1558
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,439
Speaker 2: I'm gonna come back and I'm going to reply, and

1559
01:17:06,479 --> 01:17:08,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to make and I'm going to do all

1560
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:09,680
Speaker 2: these things, and especially when you to do with you,

1561
01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:12,439
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I literally see this person every single

1562
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:15,320
Speaker 2: day and this is pathetic. And so I guess my

1563
01:17:15,479 --> 01:17:18,960
Speaker 2: question to you is, how the hell do you stay

1564
01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:22,559
Speaker 2: so calm and composed in times where people are saying

1565
01:17:22,560 --> 01:17:25,599
Speaker 2: things that are like safer comments or whatever. People are

1566
01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:27,720
Speaker 2: criticizing you, they know you, they may not know you.

1567
01:17:28,280 --> 01:17:31,719
Speaker 2: How do you deal with that? Because whether you're famous

1568
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:34,200
Speaker 2: or not, whether you have a platform or not, criticism

1569
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:37,240
Speaker 2: comes in every form. And I really struggle with that.

1570
01:17:37,439 --> 01:17:41,320
Speaker 2: And so how do you what actually goes through your mind?

1571
01:17:41,760 --> 01:17:44,960
Speaker 1: I remember being on a podcast a few years ago,

1572
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:46,960
Speaker 1: is on the Man and Of podcast with Justin Bow.

1573
01:17:47,120 --> 01:17:48,200
Speaker 2: That was a great episode.

1574
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:53,400
Speaker 1: Jamie, who's Justin's co host, asked me what did you

1575
01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:56,280
Speaker 1: used to value that you no longer value.

1576
01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:57,719
Speaker 2: You seen that clear and.

1577
01:17:57,640 --> 01:18:02,680
Speaker 1: I said being understood instead. I'm okay, being misunderstood.

1578
01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:04,400
Speaker 2: You really are.

1579
01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:10,240
Speaker 1: And I say that because if a hundred people saw

1580
01:18:10,280 --> 01:18:15,040
Speaker 1: something happen and you ask them all their opinion, chances

1581
01:18:15,040 --> 01:18:19,240
Speaker 1: are you'd get a hundred different. Now, if you ask

1582
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:22,720
Speaker 1: a million people about something that happened. Some of them

1583
01:18:22,720 --> 01:18:24,519
Speaker 1: were standing up close, some of them are standing in

1584
01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:28,320
Speaker 1: the bag. They'd all have a different perspective of what happened.

1585
01:18:28,760 --> 01:18:31,640
Speaker 1: If we had a mirror in this room and it

1586
01:18:31,680 --> 01:18:34,920
Speaker 1: fell and it broke, and everyone took a different piece

1587
01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:39,080
Speaker 1: of the mirror home, they'd have a different reflection and

1588
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:41,920
Speaker 1: a different piece and a different part, and they'd have

1589
01:18:41,920 --> 01:18:46,840
Speaker 1: a different perspective. I think it's more normal to be

1590
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:50,720
Speaker 1: misunderstood than it is to be understood. It's why we

1591
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:55,160
Speaker 1: fall in love because we believe that person understands us.

1592
01:18:56,040 --> 01:19:00,200
Speaker 1: It's why we love our families or our siblings, or

1593
01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:03,280
Speaker 1: are best friends because we believe they understand us. It's

1594
01:19:03,320 --> 01:19:07,360
Speaker 1: why being understood is such a special thing, because it's

1595
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:10,600
Speaker 1: so rare. If you felt understood by everyone, then you

1596
01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:13,080
Speaker 1: would love everyone, and then you'd marry everyone, and then

1597
01:19:13,360 --> 01:19:16,840
Speaker 1: everyone would be your best friend. But it's such a rare,

1598
01:19:16,920 --> 01:19:22,120
Speaker 1: special thing, so to be misunderstood. The more open your

1599
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:25,720
Speaker 1: life is, the more scaled it is, the more expansive

1600
01:19:25,760 --> 01:19:28,439
Speaker 1: it is, the more natural it is for people to

1601
01:19:28,439 --> 01:19:32,640
Speaker 1: misunderstand you. It would make no sense for everyone in

1602
01:19:32,680 --> 01:19:35,240
Speaker 1: the world to understand me, you, or anyone we know,

1603
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:38,639
Speaker 1: and so first of all, you have to accept it's

1604
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:43,680
Speaker 1: just a probability exercise, like it's just math. It's just

1605
01:19:43,800 --> 01:19:47,639
Speaker 1: math from a mathematical point of view. Chances are most

1606
01:19:47,640 --> 01:19:50,360
Speaker 1: of us won't be understood. So I'm happy accepting facts.

1607
01:19:50,560 --> 01:19:53,120
Speaker 1: I like accepting truths and facts and reality. So it's

1608
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:55,160
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm man in life. I don't like

1609
01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:58,639
Speaker 1: to live in my made up world of I wish

1610
01:19:58,800 --> 01:20:00,760
Speaker 1: or what if? I want to live in the world

1611
01:20:00,840 --> 01:20:04,360
Speaker 1: and what is and where are we? The second thing

1612
01:20:04,520 --> 01:20:08,960
Speaker 1: is you've got to look at the level of criticism

1613
01:20:09,040 --> 01:20:12,640
Speaker 1: compared to the level of knowledge that person has of you.

1614
01:20:14,240 --> 01:20:20,639
Speaker 1: So if someone's criticizing something you're wearing, and sure they

1615
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:22,479
Speaker 1: have an opinion about you're wearing in fashion and you

1616
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:25,519
Speaker 1: don't know them, and that's cool. But if someone's talking

1617
01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:29,519
Speaker 1: about you very very deeply or feels like they're attacking

1618
01:20:29,520 --> 01:20:32,320
Speaker 1: something deeply, but they don't know you deeply, why would

1619
01:20:32,320 --> 01:20:35,080
Speaker 1: you take that seriously because they don't know you to

1620
01:20:35,120 --> 01:20:38,479
Speaker 1: that degree. It's why when someone close to us says

1621
01:20:38,479 --> 01:20:41,599
Speaker 1: something hurtful, it hurts more because we know they know us.

1622
01:20:42,280 --> 01:20:44,600
Speaker 1: So that means if someone's far away from you, they

1623
01:20:44,640 --> 01:20:47,360
Speaker 1: shouldn't have the ability to hurt you because they don't

1624
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:50,360
Speaker 1: know you. So I don't want to give them that permission.

1625
01:20:50,360 --> 01:20:53,519
Speaker 1: I don't want to give them that ability to do

1626
01:20:53,560 --> 01:20:56,840
Speaker 1: that because they don't know me. So I turned towards

1627
01:20:57,000 --> 01:20:59,040
Speaker 1: and you've really helped me in these moments, Like I

1628
01:20:59,080 --> 01:21:01,360
Speaker 1: feel you know me deepest of anyone in my life

1629
01:21:01,560 --> 01:21:05,880
Speaker 1: by far, for sure, knowing that you love me and

1630
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:08,719
Speaker 1: see me for who I am. Knowing that my best

1631
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:12,040
Speaker 1: friends see me and know me for who I am,

1632
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:15,160
Speaker 1: knowing my teachers, my guides, my mom teaches, the people

1633
01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:18,439
Speaker 1: that I actually care about their opinion. That's what I

1634
01:21:18,479 --> 01:21:19,760
Speaker 1: turn to, and by the way, I think that's what

1635
01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:21,880
Speaker 1: we all have to turn to. If you have a

1636
01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:26,360
Speaker 1: colleague at work who's criticizing your effort, only your partner

1637
01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:29,639
Speaker 1: knows you stayed up till two am yesterday, right, If

1638
01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:33,200
Speaker 1: you have a boss who's always criticizing your effort, only

1639
01:21:33,240 --> 01:21:35,760
Speaker 1: your kids know that you haven't slept for the last

1640
01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:38,000
Speaker 1: three nights because you've been working all night, Like, those

1641
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:40,320
Speaker 1: are the people that know. So how are you going

1642
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:42,680
Speaker 1: to let that person have that much power over you

1643
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:45,320
Speaker 1: when they don't even know They don't have a clue.

1644
01:21:45,960 --> 01:21:48,439
Speaker 1: And the third thing is I allow criticism to be

1645
01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:53,799
Speaker 1: transformed into feedback and I'm open to change. I'm open

1646
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:59,120
Speaker 1: to being aware of my flaws. I'm open to being better.

1647
01:22:00,160 --> 01:22:05,320
Speaker 1: So I'm not scared of reflecting and seeing where there

1648
01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:08,680
Speaker 1: may be a glimpse of an opportunity to change for

1649
01:22:08,840 --> 01:22:11,719
Speaker 1: me in that. And at the same time, the whole

1650
01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:13,800
Speaker 1: time i'm practicing all of this, I'm thinking, God, I

1651
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:16,080
Speaker 1: wish I didn't have to deal with this. Oh yeah,

1652
01:22:16,360 --> 01:22:19,200
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's not fun being criticized. I hate it.

1653
01:22:19,360 --> 01:22:20,840
Speaker 2: You're there going I don't like it.

1654
01:22:21,000 --> 01:22:23,800
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy it. It's the hardest thing to go through.

1655
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:26,160
Speaker 1: To be misunderstood is the hardest thing to go through.

1656
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:29,639
Speaker 1: To be misrepresented is the hardest thing to go through.

1657
01:22:29,680 --> 01:22:32,040
Speaker 1: To be all of that is the hardest thing. I

1658
01:22:32,040 --> 01:22:34,439
Speaker 1: don't like it at all. But at the same time,

1659
01:22:34,439 --> 01:22:35,479
Speaker 1: I know it's amazing. For me.

1660
01:22:35,760 --> 01:22:38,240
Speaker 2: It takes way more, I feel, in those situations to

1661
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:42,519
Speaker 2: abstain from saying anything than it does to reacting. Like

1662
01:22:42,560 --> 01:22:44,600
Speaker 2: for me, you're over there going through this process in

1663
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:47,479
Speaker 2: your mind. I'm there sending people voice notes back. I'm

1664
01:22:47,840 --> 01:22:50,280
Speaker 2: actually I just want you to know that I didn't

1665
01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:53,840
Speaker 2: actually wear an fur coat. It was vague and you

1666
01:22:53,920 --> 01:22:58,040
Speaker 2: think you I am actually still vegan, So I definitely

1667
01:22:58,040 --> 01:22:59,320
Speaker 2: need to practice that, Okay.

1668
01:22:59,400 --> 01:23:02,800
Speaker 1: I also don't want to convince I'm okay with If

1669
01:23:02,800 --> 01:23:04,880
Speaker 1: someone doesn't like me or doesn't like what I'm doing

1670
01:23:04,960 --> 01:23:09,080
Speaker 1: or what I'm actually okay, don't I'm like, I get

1671
01:23:09,120 --> 01:23:11,080
Speaker 1: that there's there's plenty of stuff that I don't like

1672
01:23:11,120 --> 01:23:13,000
Speaker 1: in the world, so I don't follow it. I don't comment.

1673
01:23:13,680 --> 01:23:14,639
Speaker 1: I just don't follow it.

1674
01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:16,080
Speaker 2: I just moving.

1675
01:23:16,200 --> 01:23:18,360
Speaker 1: This is not that deep. It's like, there's so many

1676
01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:20,559
Speaker 1: there's so many things in the world that I don't like,

1677
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:22,080
Speaker 1: so I just don't follow them and I don't comment.

1678
01:23:22,120 --> 01:23:24,240
Speaker 1: I don't talk about it. But it's like, I don't

1679
01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:27,000
Speaker 1: think it's that crazy that someone doesn't vibe with what

1680
01:23:27,040 --> 01:23:30,080
Speaker 1: I do. Like, I don't find that that remarkable each

1681
01:23:30,120 --> 01:23:32,320
Speaker 1: to their own. Like, there's so many TV shows and

1682
01:23:32,400 --> 01:23:34,880
Speaker 1: movies that we didn't like that we watch. There's so

1683
01:23:34,920 --> 01:23:35,760
Speaker 1: many that we love that.

1684
01:23:35,720 --> 01:23:39,439
Speaker 2: We I didn't message the guy I really didn't like that. Yeah,

1685
01:23:39,479 --> 01:23:44,240
Speaker 2: this is cringe. Yeah, I say the best motto is

1686
01:23:44,479 --> 01:23:47,080
Speaker 2: just if you don't have anything, I say, just keep

1687
01:23:47,080 --> 01:23:51,320
Speaker 2: it moving. People keep it, keep it scrolling, keep it scrolling.

1688
01:23:51,560 --> 01:23:54,320
Speaker 2: So to end, I've got some very serious questions to

1689
01:23:54,360 --> 01:23:58,120
Speaker 2: ask you. You don't have long to answer them, to

1690
01:23:58,160 --> 01:24:00,000
Speaker 2: ask them quickly. How many times have you felt your

1691
01:24:00,040 --> 01:24:00,519
Speaker 2: driving test?

1692
01:24:00,760 --> 01:24:02,160
Speaker 1: Once in the UK? Twice? Here?

1693
01:24:02,640 --> 01:24:02,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1694
01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:03,719
Speaker 1: How many.

1695
01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:06,920
Speaker 2: Times did it take me to pass?

1696
01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:09,240
Speaker 1: You did it on your first time in the US

1697
01:24:09,320 --> 01:24:10,280
Speaker 1: and the UK have no idea?

1698
01:24:10,360 --> 01:24:12,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we're not talking right now. How many times

1699
01:24:12,120 --> 01:24:14,720
Speaker 2: it take me to pass the first time? Why do

1700
01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:15,879
Speaker 2: you run stop signs?

1701
01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:18,000
Speaker 1: I don't. Why is this the target of my drive

1702
01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:18,519
Speaker 1: stas game?

1703
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:20,479
Speaker 2: We're in that phase right now because he's trying to

1704
01:24:20,520 --> 01:24:21,280
Speaker 2: take his driving test.

1705
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:24,840
Speaker 1: I do not run stop signs. I don't want this

1706
01:24:24,920 --> 01:24:27,040
Speaker 1: reputation of being This.

1707
01:24:27,160 --> 01:24:29,720
Speaker 2: Was asked actually by your team members. These are some

1708
01:24:29,760 --> 01:24:33,479
Speaker 2: of the questions. Why do you dislike talking about food

1709
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:33,920
Speaker 2: so much?

1710
01:24:34,439 --> 01:24:35,760
Speaker 1: I don't. I love talking about food.

1711
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:36,920
Speaker 2: I just need a chocolate cake.

1712
01:24:36,960 --> 01:24:37,960
Speaker 1: I just feel educated.

1713
01:24:39,479 --> 01:24:42,599
Speaker 2: What's been your favorite hairstyle you have done this year

1714
01:24:42,680 --> 01:24:46,639
Speaker 2: so far? My nice? What's your favorite podcast?

1715
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:49,639
Speaker 1: I'm actually a reader. I don't listen to podcast.

1716
01:24:49,640 --> 01:24:51,559
Speaker 2: What's your favorite podcast? I'm asking that question again.

1717
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:52,400
Speaker 1: I'm a reader.

1718
01:24:52,400 --> 01:24:54,720
Speaker 2: I don't I didn't get the hint, what's one of

1719
01:24:54,800 --> 01:24:55,840
Speaker 2: your favorite books of all time?

1720
01:24:56,560 --> 01:24:59,320
Speaker 1: I would have to say Thinking Fast and Slow by

1721
01:24:59,400 --> 01:24:59,920
Speaker 1: Daniel kN.

1722
01:25:00,960 --> 01:25:03,040
Speaker 2: If you could go back to any day in your childhood,

1723
01:25:03,040 --> 01:25:03,680
Speaker 2: what day would it be?

1724
01:25:04,479 --> 01:25:05,200
Speaker 1: Christmas Day?

1725
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:09,160
Speaker 2: Any Christmas days? I know you love Christmas so much.

1726
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:13,320
Speaker 1: Going afterwards, a Christmas play, listening to Christmas music, making

1727
01:25:13,360 --> 01:25:16,120
Speaker 1: a snowman, opening gifts?

1728
01:25:16,320 --> 01:25:19,799
Speaker 2: Do you want to budde a Snowman? Piece of advice

1729
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:21,680
Speaker 2: you got that really helped you.

1730
01:25:22,160 --> 01:25:24,760
Speaker 1: I remember saying to one of my monk teachers. This

1731
01:25:24,840 --> 01:25:28,280
Speaker 1: was when I was experiencing compassion fatigue, So I remember

1732
01:25:28,280 --> 01:25:30,320
Speaker 1: saying to one of my monk teachers, I feel like

1733
01:25:30,479 --> 01:25:34,599
Speaker 1: I give so much love out and I don't get

1734
01:25:35,040 --> 01:25:38,320
Speaker 1: love from those people back. And he said this to me,

1735
01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:42,320
Speaker 1: and I'll never forget it. He said, just remember that

1736
01:25:42,400 --> 01:25:45,160
Speaker 1: the people you love may not be the ones who

1737
01:25:45,240 --> 01:25:48,040
Speaker 1: give it back. And there are people that love you

1738
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:52,080
Speaker 1: that you don't give love back to. So love's a circle.

1739
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:54,760
Speaker 1: You'll always get it back, just not from the same

1740
01:25:54,760 --> 01:25:57,760
Speaker 1: people you give it to. And that has always made

1741
01:25:57,760 --> 01:26:00,280
Speaker 1: me live in gratitude because it's so eat you to

1742
01:26:00,320 --> 01:26:02,800
Speaker 1: walk around the world and go I'm not loved, No

1743
01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:05,639
Speaker 1: one cares about me. And really we're saying that because

1744
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:08,400
Speaker 1: we're not getting loved back by the same people we love. Yeah,

1745
01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:11,240
Speaker 1: but there are so many people who are constantly loving

1746
01:26:11,240 --> 01:26:14,280
Speaker 1: on you, constantly taking care of you, constantly supporting you,

1747
01:26:14,760 --> 01:26:15,920
Speaker 1: but we take them for granted.

1748
01:26:16,600 --> 01:26:19,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes even strangers give you love in your day. I've

1749
01:26:19,120 --> 01:26:24,000
Speaker 2: noticed that your favorite hair care products right now Highland. Yes,

1750
01:26:24,080 --> 01:26:26,639
Speaker 2: you've been using that alone. Favorite skin care.

1751
01:26:28,000 --> 01:26:29,000
Speaker 1: Doctor Dennis Gross.

1752
01:26:29,120 --> 01:26:31,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've been using him a lot. He's a gangster.

1753
01:26:32,080 --> 01:26:35,200
Speaker 2: Repeat after me. A Really Good Cry is the best

1754
01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:38,680
Speaker 2: podcast in the world. It's just a simple exercise.

1755
01:26:39,160 --> 01:26:41,599
Speaker 1: A Really Good Cry is the best podcast in the world.

1756
01:26:41,880 --> 01:26:46,559
Speaker 2: Perfect. Thank you so much for coming on. It's going

1757
01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:49,760
Speaker 2: to be the best promo for my podcast. Thank you

1758
01:26:49,800 --> 01:26:53,400
Speaker 2: for coming, opening your heart, opening your mind, opening the

1759
01:26:53,439 --> 01:26:57,479
Speaker 2: door to my podcastroom, and just appreciate you so much.

1760
01:26:57,920 --> 01:26:59,560
Speaker 1: This was actually really great.

1761
01:26:59,520 --> 01:27:02,960
Speaker 2: Was it? We've been asked this question before, was I Like, I.

1762
01:27:02,920 --> 01:27:05,439
Speaker 1: Didn't ask me anything before. But also it's exactly what

1763
01:27:05,479 --> 01:27:07,760
Speaker 1: you said, like, I'm just I'm different when I'm with.

1764
01:27:07,720 --> 01:27:10,680
Speaker 2: You, like I'm just I think it's actually effective.

1765
01:27:10,880 --> 01:27:15,160
Speaker 1: I don't share this part of me this deeply with anyone.

1766
01:27:15,560 --> 01:27:18,560
Speaker 2: You know, I really want to get it easy.

1767
01:27:17,720 --> 01:27:20,200
Speaker 1: To lock in with you because yeah, this is the

1768
01:27:20,240 --> 01:27:23,840
Speaker 1: only type of conversation we have and you look real

1769
01:27:23,920 --> 01:27:24,559
Speaker 1: cute too, so.

1770
01:27:24,760 --> 01:27:28,760
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Well, all that emotional availability thing

1771
01:27:28,920 --> 01:27:31,599
Speaker 2: stuff that we spoke about is coming true. Now I'm

1772
01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:35,200
Speaker 2: not a DA person, so we're going to cut it

1773
01:27:35,320 --> 01:27:40,840
Speaker 2: right there. Thank you so love, appreciate you all, and yeah,

1774
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:41,639
Speaker 2: thanks so much.

1775
01:27:42,040 --> 01:27:42,360
Speaker 1: Thanks