Speaker 1: Words have power.
Speaker 2: I like that deadass.
Speaker 3: The word that came to mind when our guests walked
Speaker 3: through the door was Christmas.
Speaker 2: And you'll see why dead as dead ass. Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 2: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.
Speaker 2: Starts right now.
Speaker 4: All right, So story time, all right, this story time
Speaker 4: is going to include our guests. So, as you guys know,
Speaker 4: next week there's a movie that comes out call Meet
Speaker 4: Me Next Christmas. And it just so happens to be
Speaker 4: the first time I'm actually a lead on the film.
Speaker 4: So I walk into the place where we're gonna go
Speaker 4: do this scene, and we're at the scene and it's
Speaker 4: the stage and there's a downstairs area. So as soon
Speaker 4: as I walk in there like shirrkay please follow us.
Speaker 4: Do you know how to get downstairs? All I hear
Speaker 4: from downstairs.
Speaker 1: Is no, no, absolutely not no.
Speaker 4: So I'm like, I think if I just follow the voice,
Speaker 4: I can find downstairs.
Speaker 1: Everyone's laughing. Right when I get downstairs.
Speaker 4: Kaylen is dressed as his character is for that scene,
Speaker 4: and I'll let you all see the scene. I'm not
Speaker 4: gonna spoil it. Like Caylen is screaming at the top
Speaker 4: of his lungs about Beyonce to someone else that's a
Speaker 4: part of the cast, and I'm like, how you doing, guys.
Speaker 4: Kylen looks at me and goes, hi, no, no, And
Speaker 4: that is the first time I ever met Kaylen, and
Speaker 4: I was like, Wow, this is gonna be fun, and
Speaker 4: now we actually like family.
Speaker 3: I love that it's giving Christmas and Beyonce should have
Speaker 3: been my two words in the sound bite because it
Speaker 3: is two things we have in common at that at
Speaker 3: that come on, now, that is fat all right, y'all?
Speaker 2: Karaoke time.
Speaker 4: So y'all know how I normally do karaoke, right, I'm
Speaker 4: not doing karaoke.
Speaker 2: I'm not doing that, neither the person.
Speaker 4: Whose voice I heard from downstairs in the theater. It's
Speaker 4: going to bless us, okay, with his favorite holiday song.
Speaker 3: I mean not to put you on, yes to put
Speaker 3: on a little Birdie told me that you have an
Speaker 3: album driving on Friday.
Speaker 2: I do, so it's giving kill me get a sneak pe.
Speaker 5: Okay, So since it is coming out Friday, but if
Speaker 5: you pre added now, there's one song that you can
Speaker 5: get now, and it actually is my favorite Christmas song.
Speaker 1: So look, we tied it in together.
Speaker 5: So if you've ever seen The Grint, right, there's a
Speaker 5: song called where are You Christmas? In it that was
Speaker 5: actually written by Mariah Carey, but faith he'll performed it. Yes,
Speaker 5: it is my favorite Christmas song of all time, and
Speaker 5: that's why I did it. I guess I'll give you a
Speaker 5: little sneak people. This is on the spot, mero. No,
Speaker 5: So it goes, where.
Speaker 6: Are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have
Speaker 6: you gone up? Where where is the left you used
Speaker 6: to bring me? Why can't I hear the music.
Speaker 5: Play here, baby, that's my song I love.
Speaker 1: Where are you Christmas? Can I hear how I heard
Speaker 1: that voice from down from down the movie.
Speaker 2: Nothing? You know where Christmas is? Outside my house? I
Speaker 2: put my baby.
Speaker 3: I put my When Kaylyn got here, Kaylyn said, is
Speaker 3: it Halloween or is it Christmas? Well listen, we're teetering
Speaker 3: on the fence now, okay, because I said, the minute
Speaker 3: the kids come in from Tricker Trey, I am going
Speaker 3: to have my Santa hat on. Mariah will be playing
Speaker 3: in the background. Actually, Kaitlyn might be playing in the background.
Speaker 1: Time around.
Speaker 2: We'll have the hot Coco ready to go. Baby.
Speaker 4: It's so bad that she had the spider webs all
Speaker 4: around the bushes. They coming to do the Christmas lights,
Speaker 4: They're like, ma'am, ma'am, this spider web.
Speaker 1: She said, don't worry. She moved the spider web. They
Speaker 1: put the lights down. She put the spider webs on
Speaker 1: the top of the line.
Speaker 5: I literally was like, here you guys, because the Christmas
Speaker 5: is at the top and you still got the Halloween
Speaker 5: at the bottle.
Speaker 1: So really it's the nightmare before Christmas.
Speaker 2: You see, Okay, what you did there?
Speaker 4: I see what you did now she's gonna do this
Speaker 4: every year now, Kaitlyn, it gets it gets pushed back
Speaker 4: further and further, it gets pushed up.
Speaker 2: Excuse baby, is about to be Labor Day.
Speaker 1: You have lights and Labor day.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 3: Actually, let's stop and pay some bills because our light
Speaker 3: bill about to be crazy having to put up these
Speaker 3: Christmas lights. Let's take a quick break what I deal
Speaker 3: with more with Kaitlyn Allen?
Speaker 4: All right now, so yeah, we're back a right, trying
Speaker 4: to Hi Jack trying. First of all, this is no,
Speaker 4: don't do that.
Speaker 3: Don't do that.
Speaker 2: Are we gonna fight over Kaitlyn today?
Speaker 1: Trouble?
Speaker 4: Whose I did was to have Kaitlyn come on the show?
Speaker 4: Trouble who was it? Oh?
Speaker 1: It was? It was.
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 4: So you know what, We'll let trible start. Who gets
Speaker 4: to talk when we come back, trouble with me and Kadeen.
Speaker 4: She's gonna choose Kadeen. I don't even know why. I
Speaker 4: don't even know why.
Speaker 3: Basically, I come back and bring us in and then
Speaker 3: we talk about story times.
Speaker 1: Okay, hmm, let me host the show in the middle Street.
Speaker 3: Well, I'd like to come back now now that we're
Speaker 3: back from breaking me playing them bills in the house.
Speaker 3: Today we have Kaylin all literally in our house. Kaylan
Speaker 3: Allen is an actor, comedian, and Internet personality who gained
Speaker 3: widespread recognition and fame through his viral interactive videos, oh
Speaker 3: viral reaction videos, Actually so you were doing those for
Speaker 3: a minute, and he's been the co host of a
Speaker 3: podcast with Ricky Lake, Raised by Ricky, and is a
Speaker 3: fixture on The Ellen Show.
Speaker 2: And recently, Kaylin landed his first Broadway role.
Speaker 3: In Elf Okay Darling and as if He's not busy enough.
Speaker 3: Kaylan is also co starring in the new holiday film
Speaker 3: Meet Me Next Christmas, alongside the val Christina Milion and
Speaker 3: My Boy Kofi. When I heard he was in the film,
Speaker 3: I said, oh maybe, premiering November sixth on Netflix and
Speaker 3: all around amazing human being one of my favorite follows
Speaker 3: to this day Instagrams, Cayln, thank you so much for
Speaker 3: being here with us today.
Speaker 2: I'm so, so so happy to see you, bro yo.
Speaker 4: So the reason why I was so excited to get
Speaker 4: back in was because the conversation that followed after we
Speaker 4: met that day, then you, me and Christina.
Speaker 1: I forgot who else was down there, but we were
Speaker 1: talking to my mom. Was my mom was That's the
Speaker 1: first time I met her mom.
Speaker 4: We talked about where we started in the industry, because
Speaker 4: Christina started very young, and then Caitlin and I had
Speaker 4: both started, you know, technically on social media, even though
Speaker 4: we both trained and social media was just a tool.
Speaker 4: But when you started telling me all the things you
Speaker 4: wanted to do and for this day to come around,
Speaker 4: and you've accomplished all of those in two years, I
Speaker 4: want the people to hear what manifestation is.
Speaker 1: So can you take us back to the beginning.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but before I get there. Something that I actually
Speaker 5: realized recently, like a couple of days ago, because you
Speaker 5: were talking about Broadway and I was talking about everything
Speaker 5: that's going on right now. And something that I've realized
Speaker 5: is sometimes when people will say something, I'll be like,
Speaker 5: can you believe it? Or something like that, and I
Speaker 5: never have a responsible like, oh my gosh, can you
Speaker 5: I can't believe that I'm here. I realized that I
Speaker 5: don't have imposter syndrome. I realized that I fully believe
Speaker 5: that I am where I'm supposed to be, no matter
Speaker 5: what room it is, and that is why I don't
Speaker 5: I don't get over excited for stuff like I'm excited
Speaker 5: that I'm doing it. I'm I feel very grateful and
Speaker 5: I'm very blessed to do it. But it isn't something
Speaker 5: that has me like jumping off the roof for me
Speaker 5: being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that I'm
Speaker 5: here because I actually believe that I could be there.
Speaker 2: Oh well, you just love that.
Speaker 4: But you gave me a realization, right, how much so
Speaker 4: many people have imposture syndrome that when you don't have it,
Speaker 4: you don't realize that, like you don't have it. And
Speaker 4: until you mentioned it, Remember they asked the other day,
Speaker 4: you know, how long did you think you're going to
Speaker 4: have your own TV show? And I said, well, yeah,
Speaker 4: I said that. I told my wife that's what I wanted. Right,
Speaker 4: did you think he's going to have your own movie?
Speaker 4: And I was like yeah, and to me, it seems
Speaker 4: normal to me, it seems normal to you. But I've
Speaker 4: never even vocalized it as I don't have imposture syndrome.
Speaker 4: But now you're making me realize that, Like dang, that's
Speaker 4: is that a thing for people who just like I know,
Speaker 4: I'm supposed.
Speaker 3: To be here like or people who have a plan
Speaker 3: and they work towards the planet actually execute it. I
Speaker 3: think what happens is that typically, particularly in this field, right,
Speaker 3: this is not the easiest feel to exist in meeting
Speaker 3: the acting industry, television, film. So when you speak these
Speaker 3: things to folks who don't necessarily believe in those goals
Speaker 3: and dreams or don't believe that it's attainable, when you
Speaker 3: actually do it to them, it's like, oh, my goodness,
Speaker 3: you actually really did it. Whereas for us who are
Speaker 3: actually putting in the work day by day and it
Speaker 3: tends to come to fruition, which it will because we
Speaker 3: work for it, it's like, oh, this was all a
Speaker 3: part of the plant.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you have a greater belief system too, though
Speaker 4: you have a strong That's what I'm the same way,
Speaker 4: Like nobody can tell me God don't exist, right, So
Speaker 4: when I get a vision, I know who is from
Speaker 4: So that's when I'm working.
Speaker 1: Is that the same for you?
Speaker 5: I think also even to go far beyond there, and
Speaker 5: we're talking about Christmas, you know, like I had this
Speaker 5: conversation with somebody never talking about what I ever let
Speaker 5: my kids believe in Santa Claus and I said, I
Speaker 5: said absolutely, I said, because it's not this idea that
Speaker 5: this man flew across the world to deliver against.
Speaker 1: It's what it stands for.
Speaker 5: It's this idea that this person that does not know
Speaker 5: you care so much about who you were this year
Speaker 5: that they are going to travel tonight to bring you something.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. And the belief like even
Speaker 1: when you talk about like how believing isn't seen, I
Speaker 1: see what you're saying, you know what I So.
Speaker 5: It's like when you think about like what Christmas means
Speaker 5: and what that's rooted in. I think that's how I
Speaker 5: live my life, you know, to be like I am
Speaker 5: believing in what I cannot see because I know at
Speaker 5: some point I will be able to, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. For yes, exactly, I just have to make
Speaker 5: sure that I am aligning myself to get there. But
Speaker 5: it will come when it's time for it to come
Speaker 5: to me. And being patient in that, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. Like for instance, like that conversation me saying like, yes,
Speaker 5: I want to be on Broadway. I never gave a timeline.
Speaker 5: I never said that I want to be on Broadway
Speaker 5: by the end of this year or something like that
Speaker 5: I would even say this, even when we go back
Speaker 5: to the beginning, so we talked about the food reaction videos.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: That was by an accident. That was November of twenty seventeen.
Speaker 5: But I remember in February of that same year, I
Speaker 5: remember being in a place of I had gotten a
Speaker 5: call from a organization that was a school in Kansas
Speaker 5: City and I had applied for internship my freshman year
Speaker 5: of college, and they were like, oh, we came across
Speaker 5: your resume and saw that you were about to graduate
Speaker 5: with a theater degree, and we have a theater teacher
Speaker 5: job opening up, and we thought we could consider you.
Speaker 5: Mind you I didn't apply for this job, and still
Speaker 5: to this day that I believe that that was a
Speaker 5: test from God. I think there was a test from
Speaker 5: God to see if I was going to choose what
Speaker 5: was comfortable. I was going to choose what was and
Speaker 5: so I turned it down. And I remember February I
Speaker 5: went to a professor of mine. I said, by the
Speaker 5: end of this year, I'm going to be famous. And
Speaker 5: I made a very specific goal. And it wasn't necessarily
Speaker 5: because I wanted fame. It was because I knew that
Speaker 5: how hard it was to be a struggling actor and
Speaker 5: to be in this business. And I knew that fame
Speaker 5: was currency for stability, and I knew that I wanted
Speaker 5: stability over anything, you know what I mean, And so
Speaker 5: I was very certain on what I wanted. I didn't
Speaker 5: know how I was going to get there. And then
Speaker 5: it was November and I was about to go to
Speaker 5: one of my jobs and I had this feeling. I
Speaker 5: was on Facebook scrolling. It was like a sponsor ad
Speaker 5: for likes some cornbread, and something in my spirit was like,
Speaker 5: did you should put up your phone and press record
Speaker 5: and film yourself doing it? And then I uploaded it
Speaker 5: at night, and then when I woke up, I couldn't
Speaker 5: use any of my apps because it wasn't used to
Speaker 5: that size of volume because it had gone viral on
Speaker 5: all the platforms. And then from there I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 5: I guess this is a thing. So that's when I
Speaker 5: created the brand of kayleb Reacts. And then I started
Speaker 5: to post more because I knew if I created a brand,
Speaker 5: people would trust it more and they would see it
Speaker 5: as a package. I started getting a lot of emails
Speaker 5: from many different producers and stuff like that. But then
Speaker 5: that's when I also got the Ellen one, and I
Speaker 5: picked Ellen because I knew that was more stable. I
Speaker 5: was like, that's I was like, this is an entity
Speaker 5: that has been around, is glorified. It is just on
Speaker 5: a pedestal. It's something that people they are familiar with,
Speaker 5: they trust. I don't have to go and try and
Speaker 5: sell something. I was like, and I've always wanted to
Speaker 5: do a talk show. I said, that makes more sense.
Speaker 5: So I said, Okay, I'm gonna go do Ellen. Then
Speaker 5: once I got to LA, I was like, because the
Speaker 5: original deal first was not that I was supposed to
Speaker 5: relocate to LA. I was just gonna send them the
Speaker 5: videos from Philadelphia because I went to Temple University. I
Speaker 5: put into my first contract or relocation because I knew
Speaker 5: that if I was in LA they would always use me.
Speaker 2: You wow, smart Listen.
Speaker 4: I was going to say, what I have noticed is
Speaker 4: you do have a belief system, but you're also very strategic.
Speaker 4: Say anybody like, oh, yeah, no, this is what I
Speaker 4: have to do and you need that in business?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Oh.
Speaker 5: I tell people all the time is that I very
Speaker 5: am from first, I am business minded, creative comes second.
Speaker 5: I am very much like this is what the goal
Speaker 5: is and these are the movies that I need to make.
Speaker 5: I mean, I think that even that even has issues
Speaker 5: within my team because I very much work like a CEO.
Speaker 5: You know, there are a lot of people that that
Speaker 5: is very much like they team. They wait for their
Speaker 5: team to call them to know.
Speaker 1: I bring it to you, and I tell you how
Speaker 1: to make it bigger and how to make it work.
Speaker 1: Literally literally, I'm a.
Speaker 3: Serious over here. But my rising in my setting or
Speaker 3: whatever the hell is cap record too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, We're very similar, but in being creative but also
Speaker 4: seeing that business is important and for me, business gave
Speaker 4: me stability to be creative.
Speaker 1: E always for business first, you're talking.
Speaker 5: Right now, I'm like this sounds like I mean even
Speaker 5: once I got to l A and the and I
Speaker 5: was working, like I lived up the street from Warner Brothers,
Speaker 5: and you know, they were just like, oh yeah, so
Speaker 5: we'll use you every now and then I asked for
Speaker 5: an office at Warner Brothers because I said.
Speaker 1: I want to be able to shadow. I want to watch,
Speaker 1: I want to learn what y'all do.
Speaker 5: Because I knew if I was there every day, they
Speaker 5: could never forget about me. Yeah, because I was always
Speaker 5: in your face at this point. At that point I
Speaker 5: was twenty one.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because the first.
Speaker 3: Video Tavvy was like, oh from the g always had
Speaker 3: absolutely are.
Speaker 2: You still eliminade early? You know or you gave like
Speaker 2: you were hustling in like elementary school.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: So when I was twelve, I was president of the
Speaker 5: Johnson County NDBACP Youth Council.
Speaker 1: So I think I always had a lot of.
Speaker 5: Leadership positions, especially in church and everything like that.
Speaker 1: So I always worked as a leader.
Speaker 5: But I think that when we were talking about manifestations.
Speaker 1: Because he talked about leaders, fuck being a leader.
Speaker 4: Kaylen Bossi he gave He said, listen, I'm doing dinner
Speaker 4: at my house Friday. Everybody will be there seven third,
Speaker 4: don't bring and told everybody who showed up everybody yeah,
Speaker 4: because we had so many people from Canada just said.
Speaker 1: Same day, yes we were.
Speaker 5: We had all the casts and all the Canadian people like, oh,
Speaker 5: I've never had Southern food or something.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, we gotta change that, Okay.
Speaker 5: I was running through Toronto trying to find Colin, and
Speaker 5: you cook for everybody, don't.
Speaker 3: Bring nothing because we don't know how you made it.
Speaker 1: I don't need nobody bring nothing to please, don't I
Speaker 1: think Christina wash the dishes. Yes, yeah, it was very
Speaker 1: much like just nobody to bring nothing.
Speaker 3: Some of my most favorite videos from you were when
Speaker 3: you give like a whole tutorial of like what to
Speaker 3: do and what not to do a circumstances. I think
Speaker 3: one of them was like, if you're coming for Christmas
Speaker 3: or Thanksgiving, don't do any of these show me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't be playing Okay dying lasting.
Speaker 3: At one point, I noticed you took a little hiatus
Speaker 3: on social media fairly recently, I want to say, within
Speaker 3: this year. So how often do you feel like that
Speaker 3: reset is necessary for you to kind of reassess and
Speaker 3: realign and what kind of sparks that in you?
Speaker 5: You know, I think that comes a lot from my
Speaker 5: theater training. I think because I'm so used to, like
Speaker 5: back in the day, like you do a show and
Speaker 5: then once the show closes, then you kind of are
Speaker 5: sitting around to your next show. But I think what
Speaker 5: I learned in that is that the growth that I
Speaker 5: would learn in that in between, you know, it was
Speaker 5: almost like all the things that I had learned from
Speaker 5: doing that one show will kind of just sit and
Speaker 5: set in you know what I mean. And so I
Speaker 5: think what I realized is that I needed to do
Speaker 5: that even now, because I think when you work in
Speaker 5: social media, there is this idea that you need to
Speaker 5: be always on, and I don't adapt to that idea.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's healthy.
Speaker 5: I think at least to you having burnout, and I
Speaker 5: think you also then don't get an opportunity to celebrate
Speaker 5: the fruits of your labor.
Speaker 2: Klen, Salen, Klen speak to us, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Because oh, I know you're always on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you burnout.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to Actually, I'm literally sorry, go ahead, babe,
Speaker 3: you can. You can follow up, because I'm looking for
Speaker 3: something specific to bring to his attention or our attention.
Speaker 4: Rather, I personally felt like that because because when you
Speaker 4: get introduced to people through social media, they know you
Speaker 4: as a social media personality, but you can attest to this.
Speaker 4: You studied to be a classically trained fest s being you.
Speaker 4: Seeing you dance, people you act, people don't know that.
Speaker 4: They'll oh, that's the guy from Ellen Show, and it's annoying.
Speaker 4: So you spend all of your time constantly trying.
Speaker 1: To prove to people.
Speaker 4: I finally got to point now, where I'm like, man,
Speaker 4: I'm not proving to people who I am.
Speaker 1: They gonna have to accept me by who I am.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna have to take these breaks, like you said,
Speaker 4: to be able to refill my cup, because for years
Speaker 4: I was just going, going, going. It's content, content, content,
Speaker 4: And at this point now I realized that the quality
Speaker 4: of the content is so much more valuable just constantly
Speaker 4: putting out video.
Speaker 5: I think than that, I think it is egos, also
Speaker 5: the quality of your own spirit. You know, people are
Speaker 5: asking me all the time, they be like, well, are
Speaker 5: you when you're gonna do another food video? And I'm
Speaker 5: always like, oh, I don't know, But in my heart,
Speaker 5: I'm like, it's not. I'm not because I know that
Speaker 5: that already served its purpose and I know that for
Speaker 5: what I want is bigger and it's more expansive, and
Speaker 5: if anything that I'm doing doesn't lead me to that,
Speaker 5: then it can't live here anymore, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: More to that for creators who don't understand that, because
Speaker 4: I know, as creators sometimes we felt that, you know,
Speaker 4: we used to do Instagram videos and YouTube videos every day, yeah,
Speaker 4: and then when we stop to move forward and doing
Speaker 4: more podcasting and more acting.
Speaker 1: Then we got the backlash people it's like, oh, you
Speaker 1: forgot about us?
Speaker 4: Yeah, can you speak to the creator that doesn't understand,
Speaker 4: that doesn't understand how moving forward doesn't mean you forgot
Speaker 4: about people.
Speaker 5: Well, I think that's because we think that when you're
Speaker 5: moving forward, it still has to look like or feel
Speaker 5: like the success you once had with that other thing,
Speaker 5: and that isn't necessarily true. I think sometimes when you
Speaker 5: change or you adapt, then what happens is that you
Speaker 5: gain a new audience. And I think what you also
Speaker 5: learned is that the people that are actually here for
Speaker 5: you stick around around, and there is nothing wrong with
Speaker 5: losing people. And I think if it's no different in life.
Speaker 5: You know, we live life in chapters, and sometimes people
Speaker 5: can come with you, and sometimes people cannot. Right, I'm
Speaker 5: sure you have grown and people that you used to
Speaker 5: talk to you be like, yeah, that was great. Always
Speaker 5: tell people life is like a puzzle. And sometimes when
Speaker 5: you're putting together a puzzle, you get a piece and
Speaker 5: you try a twist and turn to make it fit
Speaker 5: in any way, and it does not fit right. But
Speaker 5: then you find a piece that does fit right, and
Speaker 5: then you keep putting that piece together, and you keep
Speaker 5: putting that puzzle together, but that but then eventually that
Speaker 5: piece does fit and the piece that fit earlier still
Speaker 5: exists within your puzzle, but it's already served its purpose.
Speaker 3: That's agreed and always having a similar conversation with Tabitha
Speaker 3: Brown because people are like, girl, stick to the videos
Speaker 3: making vegan food, because that's how we fell in love
Speaker 3: with you, And she's just like baby like that was
Speaker 3: that was a means to that was getting me to
Speaker 3: a bigger purpose and to whatever else God happens store
Speaker 3: for me.
Speaker 2: So I can completely relate to that.
Speaker 3: Deval and I had to have a conversation because this
Speaker 3: year for us was very very much a transition year.
Speaker 3: We feel like it was a year kind of like
Speaker 3: repositioning ourselves, reassessing. And at one point we were away
Speaker 3: on some business trip, you know, the children were home.
Speaker 3: I'm one of the boys was sick, and we really
Speaker 3: looked at each other and we were like, what are
Speaker 3: we doing?
Speaker 1: No for real, Like we both looked at each other like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were like the whole point of us working
Speaker 3: the way we've been working and working to build this
Speaker 3: legacy for our boys was to have autonomy over our
Speaker 3: time so that we can do the things that we
Speaker 3: really want to do. We can spend the time with
Speaker 3: the boys that we really want to spend and make
Speaker 3: it quality. And in that moment, we were both like,
Speaker 3: we got to shut some of this down, Like just
Speaker 3: moving and trying to be in every space, at every event,
Speaker 3: at everything was not serving its purpose for us. It
Speaker 3: was just busy work after a while, you know. So
Speaker 3: it's funny because I just pulled. I had sent this
Speaker 3: to de Val and you mentioned by asking what his
Speaker 3: sign was all this, and I'm like, oh my goodness, Val,
Speaker 3: this was any other confirmation. You know. I kind of
Speaker 3: teeter a little bit on like the signs, but ultimately
Speaker 3: I'm like, God knows what's happening with our lives. But
Speaker 3: it said you've been running full speed all year, chasing
Speaker 3: goals like your life depends on it. But not everything
Speaker 3: worth having needs to be rushed. It's time to leave
Speaker 3: behind the idea that doing more faster is the only
Speaker 3: way to succeed. Twenty twenty five will be a year
Speaker 3: to slow down, breathe, and trust that the right things
Speaker 3: will come at the right time. A man, you don't
Speaker 3: always need to force things. Some doors open when you
Speaker 3: simply stand still and do that.
Speaker 4: You literally just gave that same message. She sent this
Speaker 4: to me. I think it was three or four days
Speaker 4: ago here. So it's funny how we keep hearing the
Speaker 4: same messages. Like to be honest, I was like, I
Speaker 4: want to bring Calen here to talk about his journey.
Speaker 4: You've already delivered so much more than just talking about
Speaker 4: your journey, because you've been a reminder to us at least,
Speaker 4: And I know we have some listeners who are probably
Speaker 4: on their way to work right now, just hustling, hustling
Speaker 4: because that's all they know, because they don't know how
Speaker 4: to be still, you know what I'm saying, And listening
Speaker 4: to you and listening to that again, we all have
Speaker 4: to learn at times to be still so that we
Speaker 4: can move forward.
Speaker 5: Exactly for your own growth too, of getting to know
Speaker 5: yourself better and to be able to look at the
Speaker 5: growth or to see what's changed or see what about
Speaker 5: you you want to do differently, you know what I mean,
Speaker 5: Like you have to have those moments of introspection. But
Speaker 5: even with you're talking about like the slow down and
Speaker 5: the calmness, right because you talked about me you know,
Speaker 5: taking a break. And it's like, even with me being
Speaker 5: in Atlanta right now, you know, when you texted me
Speaker 5: about coming, I was like, well, I don't know. I'm
Speaker 5: in rehearsals. I said, I don't know if I'm going
Speaker 5: to be able to get off, you know, or something
Speaker 5: like that. And then I got the call from Michelle
Speaker 5: Obama's team. You know, but even that being a regular,
Speaker 5: like that being normal, you know what I mean to
Speaker 5: be like. But I think that's where I am very
Speaker 5: proud of myself that I have devoted myself to making
Speaker 5: sure that I do good work and I do stand
Speaker 5: up work.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The fact that people will call me to do
Speaker 1: stuff like this absolutely, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: It's not about who you know, it's about who knows.
Speaker 1: You exactly and wants you exactly. But what you said
Speaker 1: is important. You you always do good work.
Speaker 4: A lot of times people are quick to say, oh
Speaker 4: I got black balled or they don't like me, and
Speaker 4: it's just like, well, can we take a look at
Speaker 4: the work you've put forth before that to see if there.
Speaker 1: Was something you might have done. No one ever wants
Speaker 1: to think about that.
Speaker 4: They always feel like someone's slighting them I always tell
Speaker 4: even tell my boys, I'm like, yo, listen, You're not
Speaker 4: important enough for other people to go out of their
Speaker 4: way to mess your life up.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, if you if something's messed up in your life,
Speaker 4: more than likely you got it.
Speaker 1: There right, fix it right.
Speaker 5: I also think it becomes very dangerous when we get
Speaker 5: to a place where we feel we are above critique.
Speaker 5: I think that can be very dangerous. I don't live
Speaker 5: like that. I'm always open to critiques. Contain right, and
Speaker 5: I can take the critique and I could be like, Okay,
Speaker 5: yeah that's not true or that's not right. But I
Speaker 5: don't take that to heart.
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't.
Speaker 5: It doesn't change who I am. Even when we're talking
Speaker 5: about confidence, you know, of how I enter every room.
Speaker 5: I enter every room like I'm supposed to be there.
Speaker 5: You know, because even when you're talking about people telling
Speaker 5: you what we want you to just stick to this
Speaker 5: that has to do with their own insecurities.
Speaker 1: That ain't got nothing to do with you. You know.
Speaker 5: It's because so many people have become so comfortable with
Speaker 5: being stagnant in their own life and not having the
Speaker 5: courage to chase their own dreams. They don't want other
Speaker 5: people to because they want to be able to feel like.
Speaker 1: I am against relatability.
Speaker 5: I don't like it. I don't think it's real. I
Speaker 5: don't think people should aspire for it.
Speaker 2: I think it's like because mediocrit as well.
Speaker 5: Right, I'm like, we all live very different lives, and
Speaker 5: especially if you have worked hard for what you got
Speaker 5: and what you can do, you should be able to
Speaker 5: really bask in that to its fullest potential, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean, and not be worried about what somebody
Speaker 5: else gonna think. Because when we talk about humility, it's
Speaker 5: like that should be based on how you treat people.
Speaker 2: Achieve.
Speaker 4: I think humility is based on how you treat people
Speaker 4: because they always tell a person to be home, the
Speaker 4: person that's always fucking with other people, you know what
Speaker 4: I'm saying. The humble person doesn't matter how much they
Speaker 4: bask or what they wear. If that person is genuinely humble,
Speaker 4: no one ever tells that person to be humble. I'm
Speaker 4: trying to think of an example.
Speaker 3: Well, not necessarily though, because you know you can be
Speaker 3: proud of For example, to Kyln's point, knowing that I
Speaker 3: aimed to land this role on Broadway and I landed it?
Speaker 2: So am I going to be excited or not too excited?
Speaker 3: Or if someone congratulate to you're like, oh, thank you
Speaker 3: so much, but they're expecting you to be like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, I can't believe this. It's like, no, someone
Speaker 3: can say that he's not humble because he expected that
Speaker 3: it was going to happen, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Wow, See I didn't even I didn't even think about that. See,
Speaker 4: my mind don't even work like that. My mind doesn't
Speaker 4: even my mind a minute. You said you worked for
Speaker 4: something and you got there. I never thought that he weren't.
Speaker 4: You wasn't humble. I just thought, man, he works for that.
Speaker 2: But you know what, I think people's reaction to it.
Speaker 5: Possibly, yes, I think that also is because you're an athlete,
Speaker 5: you know. And I think the thing about that is
Speaker 5: fair because I always always say this thing. You know,
Speaker 5: people love to be like actors get hate there's much
Speaker 5: money for something like that. But you never hear that
Speaker 5: critique for anybody in the NFL. You never they will
Speaker 5: be like, yeah, they should be be paid thirty million
Speaker 5: dollars in the contract.
Speaker 4: Well I understand why, though, I do, because it's a physicality.
Speaker 4: Absolutely in your life on the line. But I think
Speaker 4: it more comes down to how much money you generate.
Speaker 1: Correct.
Speaker 4: Athletes deserve to get paid, Actors deserve to get paid.
Speaker 4: If I generate one hundred and eighty million dollars for
Speaker 4: a film, I need to get at least twenty thirty
Speaker 4: percent of that if I'm leading that.
Speaker 5: That's just absolutely I just think in it as far
Speaker 5: a sports, I feel like it's built in the culture
Speaker 5: to be successful, you know, and to celebrate the confidence,
Speaker 5: right will. I feel like on the other end, it's
Speaker 5: almost like, Okay, you can be successful, but don't become
Speaker 5: too successful.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, right, Or don't be too
Speaker 3: happy that you've become and at least people could tell.
Speaker 1: It depends on the athlete.
Speaker 4: For example, Aaron Rodgers can do the discount double check, right,
Speaker 4: He does a discount double check when he scores a touchdown.
Speaker 4: No one has a problem with it. Cam Newton does
Speaker 4: a Superman and they tell him to be humble. So
Speaker 4: it really depends on who celebrating. If you're a black athlete,
Speaker 4: for example, Serena Williams, Right, Serena Williams, she hits an
Speaker 4: ace and she cheered.
Speaker 1: Oh, she needs to be humble and calmed down.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, but if it's Shrypova, then it's look
Speaker 4: at the fierce competitor.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: It really depends even with athletes what they look like
Speaker 4: and what they represent. Absolutely, But you're right though, athletes
Speaker 4: are told if you work for like if you beat
Speaker 4: somebody in something and you earned that, you can talk trash.
Speaker 1: Right, It's just what it is.
Speaker 5: But I think you know, because athletes, I think people
Speaker 5: the general public has a better understanding of how athletes
Speaker 5: become who they are. Well, I think a lot of
Speaker 5: people don't understand this world. I don't think people don't
Speaker 5: They don't know the intricacies that come into it, the
Speaker 5: work that goes into it. I think they look at
Speaker 5: it and they think it looks easy and it was like, oh,
Speaker 5: you just got lucky, and they don't know everything else
Speaker 5: that goes into it.
Speaker 2: That's true, can I can?
Speaker 3: I can relate to that because I've had people sometimes say, oh, well,
Speaker 3: y'all just do videos or y'all just do you know.
Speaker 3: You just hold a camera up and it's made to
Speaker 3: look easy, but they have no idea as you elevate
Speaker 3: too within this, like this whole thing with Val and
Speaker 3: I started with him holding up his I phone and
Speaker 3: you know, using iMovie to edit videos, and we were
Speaker 3: doing that and now it's like a full like we're
Speaker 3: literally like an ecosystem for people and their livelihood, you know,
Speaker 3: because of the elevation of the type of quality content
Speaker 3: that we're putting out there.
Speaker 5: I'm glad you said that, because a lot of people
Speaker 5: don't also don't understand that a lot of people don't
Speaker 5: understand that sometimes the reason why I have to fight
Speaker 5: for certain stuff or or I'm fighting to get more
Speaker 5: recognition or notoriety is because, yeah, there are a lot
Speaker 5: of people that pay their bills because of me. There
Speaker 5: are a lot of people that take care of their
Speaker 5: family because I am paying them. And so yes, I
Speaker 5: have to be able to win. It's more than just me.
Speaker 5: It's not just about me.
Speaker 1: And it's like there's so many other people that need
Speaker 1: me to win.
Speaker 3: Maybe the sleepless nights, yes, but that's sitting up and wondering, OK,
Speaker 3: he wins the next check coming in and this year's everybody.
Speaker 1: Nobody's been working this year.
Speaker 5: My endsident are now talking about Yeah, I had to
Speaker 5: go get a corporate job or I had to go
Speaker 5: do this, that and the other. And it's like, yes,
Speaker 5: that that's great and all, but it's like when you
Speaker 5: think about the arts, it's the fact that you devote
Speaker 5: so much of your life to it to think that, well,
Speaker 5: why can't I survive just like everybody else?
Speaker 1: You know, like for me, like I still ain't got
Speaker 1: a degree.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, you're currently getting my master's in journalism
Speaker 5: and I'll be done with that soon, you know what
Speaker 5: I mean. So it's just like it's like, if I
Speaker 5: donet work so hard, why shouldn't I be able to
Speaker 5: just make a living and live my life?
Speaker 1: You know? Why do you devalue?
Speaker 5: And I always say that, especially during the strike, you know,
Speaker 5: when people are being so hard on actors for striking,
Speaker 5: I'm like, you don't even understand how people are paid.
Speaker 5: If you are not an a list actor, you are
Speaker 5: not making no money.
Speaker 2: That you say on that billboard? What happens to grips
Speaker 2: and lighting? And you know, there's so much.
Speaker 5: That's into it, so many people are affected, And I'm like,
Speaker 5: but but when you go home, and when you've been stressed,
Speaker 5: you go home and watch your favorite You go home
Speaker 5: and watch your favorite movie. You go listen to your
Speaker 5: favorite song. We the artists are providing you that escape,
Speaker 5: so you should want us to be able to do that,
Speaker 5: so that you can escape from that. And when you
Speaker 5: don't work that nine to five and they don't got
Speaker 5: on your nerves and the only thing that's gonna.
Speaker 1: Make you happy is going home and watching the team,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Every Thursday.
Speaker 4: We're joking, But the truth is there would be no
Speaker 4: mental health, there would be no space of.
Speaker 1: Peace if it wasn't for art. Absolutely, like that's in all.
Speaker 4: Like in all genres of anything, in all cultures, people
Speaker 4: when they look for space for like to just be themselves, escape,
Speaker 4: it's always to the arts.
Speaker 1: No one, No one escapes to their money.
Speaker 4: No, they escape to music, they escape to film, they
Speaker 4: escape to theaters. So art keeps people human and art
Speaker 4: tells stories. So for people who don't understand why artists
Speaker 4: get paid so much, that is why.
Speaker 1: And not for nothing.
Speaker 4: You have to dedicate your life to be a great artist.
Speaker 4: Yes you said, people don't realize. Okay, maybe I'm trying
Speaker 4: to think of an artist that Denzel Washington, right, Oh
Speaker 4: my god, he makes millions of dollars. There's one Jenny
Speaker 4: Denzel Washington in the generation Tom Brady, There's only one
Speaker 4: Tom Brady. All the other actors are trying to earn
Speaker 4: a living, just like you. Your normal mom and pop,
Speaker 4: you know, shop, your normal barber, like we all trying
Speaker 4: to make money. The thing that I noticed that you
Speaker 4: talked about today, though, is your recognition of business while
Speaker 4: being an artists. And we have to I want to
Speaker 4: close out on that before we get to listen to letters.
Speaker 4: What would be your message, because we talked to our
Speaker 4: artists people who are listening about always maintaining a job.
Speaker 4: Right you said that you gave up a job or
Speaker 4: you let it go because you didn't see your vision.
Speaker 4: Talk about what it was about your vision that made
Speaker 4: me choose Okay, this is a business moment, but this
Speaker 4: here is an art moment, because that balance is how
Speaker 4: you thrive as an artist.
Speaker 1: You know. Actually, I think the better answers to that.
Speaker 5: My pride and ego never gets in the way of
Speaker 5: what jobs I decide to do, and I don't base
Speaker 5: jobs that I take off of the money. I very
Speaker 5: rarely say no. And I'd also do a lot of
Speaker 5: stuff for free because I always know that sometimes the
Speaker 5: payment that I will receive in the long run will
Speaker 5: be worth more than money. I know that it will
Speaker 5: want whether it's who is connected with, or what stages on,
Speaker 5: or the opportunity I know in the long game will
Speaker 5: work out in my favor, you know. And I know
Speaker 5: more opportunities will come from me doing this one thing,
Speaker 5: because the more I have on a resume, the more
Speaker 5: experience I have, the more I can be paid on
Speaker 5: the long run. Because they don't know how much I
Speaker 5: was paid. I could have been paid zero dollars for
Speaker 5: five jobs in a row and they don't know that.
Speaker 5: But when they come because I have this on my resume,
Speaker 5: then I can ask for a certain amount because it's experience, experience.
Speaker 3: And exposure and you work with a good impression. I mean,
Speaker 3: these are basics. I feel like that my mom has
Speaker 3: always taught me.
Speaker 2: It's not basic case, it's not basically basic for a
Speaker 2: lot of people.
Speaker 4: It's okay, it's not a lot of the things he
Speaker 4: said right now, like yeah, yeah, it makes sense. But
Speaker 4: if you explain to someone who's never heard it, they're like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you know. I had to tell clients this when I
Speaker 4: was training. It was like I don't want to train
Speaker 4: that person for free. I said, Bro, you have no clients,
Speaker 4: so you're either going to charge everybody one hundreds an
Speaker 4: hour or you're going to start to build a client
Speaker 4: list so that at some point someone will pay you.
Speaker 4: Now you have ten clients you're training for free, but
Speaker 4: they don't know that. I literally told my train is
Speaker 4: that and it worked out. Here's my resume, here's my people,
Speaker 4: this is what I charge. Oh, you got ten clients,
Speaker 4: you must be good payment.
Speaker 5: I mean, because if I'm being honest, like Broadway is
Speaker 5: not paying me, they are underpaying people. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: I'm like, it's not given what you think it does.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: And it's like, but that's not why I'm doing it, right,
Speaker 5: I feel I'm doing it because I love it. And
Speaker 5: I based every job I took off of how much
Speaker 5: I was being paid.
Speaker 1: It was a whole bunch of I wouldn't be doing.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 2: That's funny, because I was.
Speaker 3: Going to segue to Broadway, has it been preparing for
Speaker 3: everything of it?
Speaker 2: I mean considering look at you.
Speaker 1: Said, he said, I don't make no money, but then
Speaker 1: look at his face.
Speaker 2: Is that where you're supposed to be.
Speaker 5: I don't know about that part, okay, but it's on stage,
Speaker 5: I mean, like, yes, I think.
Speaker 1: It's more so.
Speaker 5: The ability to just create something and in a collaborative way,
Speaker 5: you know, with people that care so much about it
Speaker 5: in the community that it brings you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Gosh, yeah, well meet me next Christmas.
Speaker 5: I think had a little bit of that because we
Speaker 5: were all stuck in a place that a lot of
Speaker 5: us weren't from, you know what I mean, So it
Speaker 5: was kind of inevitable. And I think also when you're
Speaker 5: doing like a Christmas movie, it's a little different. It
Speaker 5: brings you know, like all rooted in the joy and
Speaker 5: it's a family film, so it had a little bit
Speaker 5: of that. But the difference in this is like one,
Speaker 5: it feels more like I've went home, you know, because
Speaker 5: I haven't been on the stage since I was in college.
Speaker 1: Wow, And so to be able to go back and
Speaker 1: to be up there.
Speaker 5: And also when you work in TV film, you know,
Speaker 5: you don't get any gratification from it, like the fact
Speaker 5: that I get to walk out to the stage door
Speaker 5: every night, you know, and I.
Speaker 1: Get to meet Pete and stuff like that, Like you
Speaker 1: don't get that when you work.
Speaker 5: It is nice to be able to connect to people
Speaker 5: in a real way, you know, order to perform a number.
Speaker 5: You're sitting there, You're looking at You're looking at the
Speaker 5: kids smiling and seeing the joy and being able to
Speaker 5: create that joy in the moment. And that's what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 5: it's not always about the money, It's about the experiences.
Speaker 1: We haven't made a done. We've been on tour for
Speaker 1: three years in a row.
Speaker 3: We haven't made a dome, we haven't always breaking even
Speaker 3: on them live shows. But baby, I come alive on stage.
Speaker 3: Did you see my version of Beyonce? I get your approval, you.
Speaker 1: Know I'll be tapped in.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: But you're absolutely right.
Speaker 5: You are absolutely right, And I think that's the beauty
Speaker 5: thing about being an artist. You just want to create
Speaker 5: the art because you want to create it. I mean,
Speaker 5: think about this Christmas album. There's no way I am
Speaker 5: going to make back when I spent on that album.
Speaker 1: There's no way. I'm not a music artist. I'm not Beyonce.
Speaker 5: Maybe not sitting around waiting for the next Kaylen Christmas album.
Speaker 4: That's another thing though, people say, you know, why would
Speaker 4: he you know, Why would he do this for even
Speaker 4: with us?
Speaker 1: Why would they do duvushal? Why would they do because
Speaker 1: I wanted to What do you mean why I have
Speaker 1: no reason not to. I like to be on tour.
Speaker 1: She liked, Beyonce, let's do it. I did it for me.
Speaker 5: Yes, people did it for me and I because even
Speaker 5: when I listened to the album now, I was like,
Speaker 5: I have poured so much of myself into this that
Speaker 5: that's the prize.
Speaker 1: I've already gotten the reward.
Speaker 2: I'm doing it for therapy for you. Did you feel?
Speaker 1: Yes? Absolutely?
Speaker 5: And when I was doing it, I also said, I'm
Speaker 5: only doing this so that I can do Broadway. I said,
Speaker 5: because I want I need to have some proof that
Speaker 5: I can sing, that I can do.
Speaker 1: This on that The only reason we did videos because
Speaker 1: I wanted to act.
Speaker 4: I had proof that I could do something other than
Speaker 4: just be a thug because I'm a black dude tattoos, right,
Speaker 4: And that's the sole reason why I picked the.
Speaker 2: Phone, like we want to be on TV here, yeah,
Speaker 2: and we show people.
Speaker 5: You need the proof of concept. You need to be
Speaker 5: able to prove that you can do it. People don't
Speaker 5: believe just by words with when you're a minority.
Speaker 3: They they believe it when they actually finally see you
Speaker 3: got to show it to them.
Speaker 4: Moments of truth from this conversation. Yeah, I got so
Speaker 4: many moments of truth. Yeah, at the end of the
Speaker 4: just so you know, at the end of the conversation,
Speaker 4: always do a moment of truth, like what did you learn?
Speaker 1: And I got my moment of truth. I got a couple,
Speaker 1: but I got there.
Speaker 3: All right, Let's take a quick break and then we
Speaker 3: can come back. Will you stick around for a couple
Speaker 3: of listening letters before you go. We all little time.
Speaker 3: I've been timing it so you can give it your
Speaker 3: cents and what the people are talking about today. All right,
Speaker 3: Let's take a quick break, pay some bills, and we're
Speaker 3: going to get back into listener letters with our guest today,
Speaker 3: Caitlin Allen.
Speaker 2: Stick round.
Speaker 3: All right, we're back and it is time for listener letters,
Speaker 3: the moment in truth, all that good stuff, and I'll
Speaker 3: dive right in with our first listener letter for today.
Speaker 3: All right, Hello, Kadeen and Deval and Caitlin. A little background.
Speaker 3: I'm thirty two, married with one son. He's six pregnant
Speaker 3: with my second child, a girl, due December twenty ninth.
Speaker 3: My husband's approaching forty in December. Also, I have a
Speaker 3: full time job and used to braid here to bring
Speaker 3: in extra funds to help us meet our wants. My
Speaker 3: job helps me meet the needs. My husband works and
Speaker 3: pays majority of the bills, but paid once monthly, and
Speaker 3: lately it's been a struggle getting to the next month.
Speaker 3: He's been miserable at his job for a few months,
Speaker 3: even maybe a year. He's been there eight years. In February,
Speaker 3: he was promoted last year. However, they let him know
Speaker 3: they weren't interested in helping him reach his max potential.
Speaker 3: He consistently complains about our financial situation, but won't start
Speaker 3: a new job. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm no longer braiding.
Speaker 3: I refuse to work to two jobs pregnant sidebark jobs
Speaker 3: are paying locally twenty to thirty k a year for
Speaker 3: his recent obtained status, which would make a difference in
Speaker 3: our financial situation twenty to thirty kre year. He says
Speaker 3: he wants to wait until I have the baby, but
Speaker 3: to me, it's just an excuse. He's comfortable there and
Speaker 3: doesn't really like change. I know he will be great
Speaker 3: at his next endeavor, but he kind of always had
Speaker 3: lower self esteem about himself and his abilities. It's gotten
Speaker 3: better over the ten years we've been together, but I'm
Speaker 3: seeing that more of these days with holding on to
Speaker 3: changing jobs, and maybe it's more like imposter syndrome. So
Speaker 3: look at that, and maybe it's more like imposter syndrome,
Speaker 3: like he doesn't believe he deserves it.
Speaker 2: We also plan to move.
Speaker 3: From Ohio to Columbia, South Carolina next year or next
Speaker 3: summer rather, and that's something that he's also been holding
Speaker 3: him back from applying for better opportunities since he knows
Speaker 3: we'd be helping us save and pay off some debt
Speaker 3: to prepare for this move. He doesn't want to start
Speaker 3: a new job and have to start in another state.
Speaker 3: I say it's worth it. If he's scared to pull
Speaker 3: the trigger in Ohio, I'm wondering if he will be
Speaker 3: able to pull the trigger for a new state when
Speaker 3: we move. I won't be working to adjust with the move, however,
Speaker 3: I do plan to return after we lock in buying
Speaker 3: a new home and currently selling.
Speaker 1: I know what you're going to ask.
Speaker 3: He told me that he would fill out applications this
Speaker 3: weekend and he didn't.
Speaker 2: He just watched football all weekend while I worked on
Speaker 2: his relocation cover letter.
Speaker 3: My question is, how do I support his standstill knowing
Speaker 3: that he's worth more elsewhere, but won't take the steps
Speaker 3: needed to move from this employer.
Speaker 1: You gotta you gotta thought problem.
Speaker 4: This is my thought and a lot of things go
Speaker 4: back to trauma stuf for whatever reason that he has
Speaker 4: in pasta syndrome, But it does seem like he's unwilling
Speaker 4: to get up off his ass. Maybe because he's afraid
Speaker 4: to try and fail. Well, maybe because he believes he
Speaker 4: doesn't deserve it. We don't know why, because until we
Speaker 4: hear his perspective, we won't. But I think that at
Speaker 4: some point, as his wife, she should have that open
Speaker 4: conversation with missay.
Speaker 1: Dude, I'm pregnant, I'm not getting another job.
Speaker 4: The time to do it is now, Like you can't
Speaker 4: keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will ever come?
Speaker 1: Like Kadein and I have talked about this in our marriage.
Speaker 4: When you say something to your partner, your partner doesn't
Speaker 4: want to hear hear you say you're going to do
Speaker 4: something your partner wants to see you do what you
Speaker 4: say you're going to do right and that.
Speaker 2: This support to your partner and getting that done.
Speaker 4: And at this point that's what she needs. She needs
Speaker 4: to say, you got to get this done so I
Speaker 4: can be of support.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because to be complacent for eight years in a
Speaker 2: job a long time.
Speaker 4: I've never been to complacent for eight minutes in anything,
Speaker 4: let alone eight.
Speaker 3: Years develop went apple picking with me and the boys
Speaker 3: are speaking and he.
Speaker 1: Was I was on it.
Speaker 2: He was on it eight minutes. He was ready to
Speaker 2: got eight minutes.
Speaker 5: I mean from what from the letter, it seems almost
Speaker 5: as if she's ourlready had that conversation, and so at
Speaker 5: this point I think it's no longer her responsibility. I
Speaker 5: think this is more of a conversation of honestly therapy,
Speaker 5: because this seems to be a little bit more deeply rooted,
Speaker 5: you know, because it's the fact of like it feels
Speaker 5: a little bit of like, yes, I'm comfortable and even
Speaker 5: though I hate it, there if to me in his
Speaker 5: mind feels like, well, this is easier than me having
Speaker 5: to step into the unknown afraid to change, or having
Speaker 5: to face yourself to have to work a little differently,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean? Or scared that maybe if
Speaker 5: you go in somewhere they may push you a little
Speaker 5: differently or expect something different from you.
Speaker 1: You know. So I think that's an internal thing of him.
Speaker 5: You know, I'm not a fan of we don't know
Speaker 5: they race, but black women having to come to save
Speaker 5: the man all.
Speaker 1: The time, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: I talk about this all the time, and sometimes I'm
Speaker 4: called misogynistic and sometimes i'm told old school. But I
Speaker 4: don't think that it's a woman's responsibility to have to
Speaker 4: do a heavy lifting. I think as a man, it's
Speaker 4: your job to provide and protect. If you used discernment
Speaker 4: to pick that woman, you chose to ask her, she
Speaker 4: used descernment to choose you, and y'all said yes together.
Speaker 4: So when she says she requires something, it is your
Speaker 4: job as a man. Now, I've been called misogynistic.
Speaker 1: Because of that, I've been called old school. I think
Speaker 1: that's But a lot of people don't.
Speaker 4: They think that that's an old school way of thinking
Speaker 4: that it's a man responsibility. What if a woman wants
Speaker 4: to work, I said, I'm not saying she don't have
Speaker 4: to work. I'm saying she can work if she wants to.
Speaker 4: But if a man asks a woman to be his wife,
Speaker 4: that's your job.
Speaker 1: Bro.
Speaker 4: It pisses me off, bro, Like when a dude, I
Speaker 4: would I would tell drugs. I do anything if my
Speaker 4: wife and my kids needed to eat or something. It's
Speaker 4: nothing that I'm not doing, you know. I was eighteen
Speaker 4: hours in that gym. It.
Speaker 1: Oh my.
Speaker 4: There was certain times of people that I had to
Speaker 4: train and I couldn't stand.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: When I was training our kids and the kids that
Speaker 4: I knew were invested in it, I loved it. But
Speaker 4: then there was ours where've I had clients who, you know,
Speaker 4: some women just needed someone event too, And I was like,
Speaker 4: you don't really want to work out, but I got
Speaker 4: to be there four thirty in the morning to hear
Speaker 4: you vent and you're only gonna do three push ups
Speaker 4: the whole time, right, you know.
Speaker 1: I had to do that for hours. But I'll do
Speaker 1: that for my family.
Speaker 5: I think that goes beyond a partnership. I think that
Speaker 5: can go on to just individual life. I hear a
Speaker 5: lot of people always talking about what they want or
Speaker 5: their dreams and aspirations, but don't want to put any
Speaker 5: work in on.
Speaker 1: It, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Many times said how else do you expect exactly.
Speaker 5: You just think it's going to be handed to you
Speaker 5: or it's going to come out of thin air. And
Speaker 5: that's why I'm saying, I think this is more a
Speaker 5: personal things. Yes, it's like he gotta want better for
Speaker 5: himself in order to want better for or to do
Speaker 5: better for you, you know.
Speaker 1: What I mean. Otherwise you're gonna always be in this battle.
Speaker 1: You know. That's why I start with trauma. Where does
Speaker 1: the imposta shim drone come from?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: Something happened and now you feel you don't deserve what
Speaker 4: you happen. He has to figure out what that is.
Speaker 2: I understand too.
Speaker 3: Sometimes within a relationship or just in general, as you said, individuals,
Speaker 3: you get into a rut, whether it's a creative or
Speaker 3: you may just feel like, damn, I'm in this dead
Speaker 3: end job, or just in this particular moment, I'm just
Speaker 3: not feeling like myself. And when you are in a partnership,
Speaker 3: it's nice to have someone kind of just like help
Speaker 3: push you along. But when you feel like you're literally
Speaker 3: having to drag someone to that somebody step.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, the whole A woman has to save
Speaker 1: a guy. I don't. I don't believe in that.
Speaker 4: I feel like a man has to be prepared to
Speaker 4: be a husband before he asked the woman to marry him, and.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're not prepared. I wasn't prepared.
Speaker 4: But when I got married and the ship was falling
Speaker 4: apart because my attitude was terrible and my ego was bad,
Speaker 4: I had to look within at that point and say,
Speaker 4: what can I do to change this? Like I can't
Speaker 4: say it's your job to motivate me, Like that's not
Speaker 4: what a man is supposed to do. He gonna have
Speaker 4: to work on that, right, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: She realized that telling him the truth because that's what
Speaker 4: she used to do. Oh, sure did lots of truth moments. Baby,
Speaker 4: I don't know truth. Oh did you see that the
Speaker 4: thing I sent you about the tiger tongue? No, it
Speaker 4: is a tiger tongue and it has the look you nasty.
Speaker 4: There was a tiger's tongue and it had like the
Speaker 4: inside look at it, and it had like little razors
Speaker 4: on it, and it was like, the tiger's tongue is
Speaker 4: the second most dangerous thing in the world behind a
Speaker 4: woman's tongue. And then underneath it, it says a woman's tongue
Speaker 4: is so dangerous. It can speak life or death into anything.
Speaker 4: And when you think about how valuable that is, it's
Speaker 4: the truth. Think about the stuff your mom has said
Speaker 4: to you. There are things in my life that stick
Speaker 4: with me just because my mom said it. There are
Speaker 4: things that I know as a man because you've said
Speaker 4: it to Wow, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: And now I have four boys, Yes, that makes me
Speaker 3: more mindful of the things that I say to them,
Speaker 3: though I try to be very hyper aware of that.
Speaker 3: There's been many moments where Devo is just like, you've
Speaker 3: never been a little boy before, you won't grow into
Speaker 3: a man.
Speaker 2: So like, take this approach.
Speaker 3: With the boys just so that I'm you know, I'm
Speaker 3: just careful as to how I handle them, how I
Speaker 3: speak life into them, how I you know, even reprimand them,
Speaker 3: because I know the last thing effects that it will
Speaker 3: potentially have. But that's pretty interesting.
Speaker 4: There's an African proverb that says a managed to be
Speaker 4: soft with his hands and a woman soft with her words.
Speaker 4: And if you think about that, like so many different
Speaker 4: versions of that is I think there's a verse in
Speaker 4: the Bible that says something like that, a managed to
Speaker 4: be soft with his hands, and she's soft with her words.
Speaker 4: At the power the tongue, it all goes back to
Speaker 4: what we started with the power that it is.
Speaker 1: Hopefully she uses her.
Speaker 4: Tongue to get him motivated in an unpauseworthy way.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, crazy. I wasn't trying to go there,
Speaker 1: Igrance over. We only got time for one, got time
Speaker 1: for one?
Speaker 3: All right, It is all good, Kaylin. It's been a
Speaker 3: great time having you, bro. We just scratched the surface.
Speaker 3: It's going we need to do a reap it. Maybe
Speaker 3: when we get to New York to do an episode
Speaker 3: with him on.
Speaker 1: I would love to.
Speaker 2: I feel like there's so many things that we.
Speaker 1: And you know, people going to say we cousins now
Speaker 1: for real once they see it together. I would say that.
Speaker 5: I would say of the movie, I thought that our
Speaker 5: scenes together had the best chemistry.
Speaker 3: Yes, as a non bias, well, I guess it's kind
Speaker 3: of biased. I love the home every senior and babe. However, Kelln,
Speaker 3: I do appreciate the scenes, even the kids. Some of
Speaker 3: our families have seen it already because we've had a
Speaker 3: little like access to it, and everyone like they were
Speaker 3: it was so memorable memorable.
Speaker 1: Thought stole thought you stole it.
Speaker 5: But I and I texted you and I said, I
Speaker 5: think you're the heart of the movie. There is something
Speaker 5: and I think it was so nice to see, especially
Speaker 5: like a black man lead, that there was a softness
Speaker 5: to your character that felt like really brought the movie
Speaker 5: together and kind of like steered the ship that I
Speaker 5: really enjoy And I think also, and I do want
Speaker 5: to say this, because Jordi is a very feminine, queer character,
Speaker 5: and I really appreciated the comfort that you brought to
Speaker 5: the to the to the set for me to be
Speaker 5: able to be that and for us to have that
Speaker 5: relationship in the movie because I think about that, Yeah,
Speaker 5: because I felt like that wasn't common. I feel like
Speaker 5: a lot of times when you have that type of
Speaker 5: character in the movie, usually the more feminine carror is
Speaker 5: like the comedic relief or the butt of all the
Speaker 5: I think from the jump we kind of set the
Speaker 5: president that we were going to make sure that we
Speaker 5: felt like real family.
Speaker 4: Well that's that's I'm glad you brought that up, cause
Speaker 4: I completely forgot about that. But you and I made
Speaker 4: a point beforehand we sat down and I was like Yo,
Speaker 4: let's give them a handshake.
Speaker 1: Yes, And he was like, why you want to give
Speaker 1: them a handshake?
Speaker 4: I said, because I want them to see a straight
Speaker 4: man and a game man on camera have a sort
Speaker 4: of camaraderie and be physical and love each other.
Speaker 1: Without people being like uh, and they can see us
Speaker 1: do it naturally. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: But that's also just that's who Kadina. I worry about humanity.
Speaker 4: You just want all people to be able to get together.
Speaker 2: Feel comfortable they are, and shout out to you.
Speaker 4: We've be uncomfortable because I also exist in a space
Speaker 4: where i'm you know, my chol muscle. A lot of
Speaker 4: times I get around dude to a little bit more
Speaker 4: feminine and they automatically go into a show and don't
Speaker 4: know how to be around me, and I'm like.
Speaker 2: How to be themselves?
Speaker 1: They know how to be themselves? And you was like no, Beyonce,
Speaker 1: and they came excreaing of me. How I gave me
Speaker 1: a big com like damn this, You're just a human.
Speaker 4: And that's that's why I think the movie is going
Speaker 4: to resonate with people because our cast got together like
Speaker 4: humans who really love each other, like I know you
Speaker 4: can text Christina.
Speaker 1: I still text Christina. Our families got together with Christina.
Speaker 2: I guess I'm like honorary family member.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find me a man. Hit pairs to
Speaker 1: the story crazy same birthday they met, same birtha.
Speaker 3: That's crazy, crazy crazy crazy. Naylan, thank you so much
Speaker 3: for sitting with us today. You have to tell everybody
Speaker 3: about all the things. So we know about ELF on Broadway.
Speaker 3: Give us like a timeline to find.
Speaker 2: You all that good stuff.
Speaker 5: First is Christmas Memories. That's the Christmas album that comes
Speaker 5: out of November. First, our first opening, our preview is
Speaker 5: for ELF November ninth.
Speaker 1: We were from November ninth to.
Speaker 5: January fourth, and then the meet Next Christmas comes out
Speaker 5: November sixth.
Speaker 1: Also, this next two weeks is a k.
Speaker 2: Our team gonna be busy, man.
Speaker 3: I love that. And don't forget to vote. Yes y'all, Ye, yes,
Speaker 3: November fifth, Yes, counting on everybody? All right, all that
Speaker 3: good stuff?
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 3: So first of all, if you want to be featured
Speaker 3: as a listener letter, be sure to email us at
Speaker 3: dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d E A d A S S A d
Speaker 1: V I C e at gmail dot.
Speaker 3: Com housekeeping out the way? All right, did you want
Speaker 3: to go to a moment of truth? Did you have
Speaker 3: anything else you wanted to wrap up with? Or I
Speaker 3: thought that was a nice little wrap up moment.
Speaker 4: I thought it was a nice rap. My moment of
Speaker 4: truth is man, words have power. M h words have power.
Speaker 4: You gotta believe in yourself. And also, don't be afraid.
Speaker 4: This is what I've learned from Kaitlyn say, don't be
Speaker 4: afraid to praise yourself because you put the work in.
Speaker 4: It was God's vision. God gave it to you, put
Speaker 4: the work in. So baby, praise yourself.
Speaker 2: That was cool. You kind of overlapped with my moment
Speaker 2: of truth.
Speaker 3: It was like, if you've seen it, if it was
Speaker 3: placed on your heart, if God gave you this purpose
Speaker 3: and you fully execute that and bring it to fruition,
Speaker 3: don't be surprised. Yeah, you are exactly where you were
Speaker 3: supposed to be. Come on, period, come on, round it
Speaker 3: out for us now, baby, do you have a moment
Speaker 3: of truth based episode?
Speaker 2: We spoke about so much today.
Speaker 1: We did, you know?
Speaker 5: I think I think my moment of truth is don't
Speaker 5: be afraid of the softness that community can bring you.
Speaker 5: I think fostering community can unlock different parts of you
Speaker 5: that will then bleed into other parts of your life.
Speaker 5: Like I told my I once said that, you know,
Speaker 5: I feel like a lot of my life, and especially
Speaker 5: with my journey and career, was out of survival, of
Speaker 5: being like this queer kid from Kansas and needing a
Speaker 5: way out and wanting to you know, be able to
Speaker 5: support myself by myself. And then I reached a point
Speaker 5: mainly in that break, where I was like, if this
Speaker 5: is who I could be when I was trying to survive,
Speaker 5: I can only imagine who I could be if I
Speaker 5: started creating out of joy and out of love.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: I was like, so I've allowed myself to let the
Speaker 5: softer moments come into me so that it un locks
Speaker 5: even more.
Speaker 1: Out of my spirit.
Speaker 2: Spirit.
Speaker 4: Wow, that's deep, bro, you're a very deep and profound person.
Speaker 4: Twenty years old, man, that's twenty eight. Well you're twelve
Speaker 4: years my junior. Young.
Speaker 1: You have a lot of life ahead of.
Speaker 4: Your right, Please, Bro, thank you keep this this spirit
Speaker 4: you got.
Speaker 3: Yes, we don't invite people to our house. Chill, we don't.
Speaker 1: You don't invite people. I don't invite people food.
Speaker 3: At least I know when I come to see me
Speaker 3: see you in New York, I'll come with an empty stomach.
Speaker 1: Because he can cook. Because he can cook to you.
Speaker 1: Don't just rape food. He cooked them.
Speaker 3: And be sure to find us on Patreon to see
Speaker 3: exclusive dead Ass podcast content as well as exclusive Ellis
Speaker 3: family content, and you can find this on social media
Speaker 3: at dead Ass the podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen Iam.
Speaker 1: And I am Devouting.
Speaker 4: If you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
Speaker 4: review and subscribe, and last, but not least, make sure
Speaker 4: you pick up that copy of We Over Me. The
Speaker 4: counter intuitive approach to getting everything you want out of
Speaker 4: your relationship. The race is to get to one hundred
Speaker 4: thousand copies sold.
Speaker 1: Baby, Let's get it at the end of the year.
Speaker 2: Baby tis the season. Follow La La Lah, deck the halls,
Speaker 2: all that stuff. Where are you Christmas?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Here the corner. Listen.
Speaker 3: I'm not backup singer for you, baby, because y'all know
Speaker 3: I've butchered a karaoke song or two in my day.
Speaker 2: But we can celebrate a great voice when we have it.
Speaker 4: Here.
Speaker 2: Where can people find you? Kalyn?
Speaker 1: You can find me everywhere at the Kaylin Allen The
Speaker 1: dead Ass.
Speaker 4: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network, and
Speaker 4: it's produced by Donor, Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast
Speaker 4: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and Never
Speaker 4: miss a Thing