Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production I've Inflectioned Network and iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Welcome back everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories.
Speaker 3: Honored to be here with you today.
Speaker 2: I'm Darren Waller, joined by my co host, my brother
Speaker 2: and friend, Donnie Starkins.
Speaker 3: Donnie, how you doing, brother.
Speaker 4: I'm doing well. I'm excited for this one.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, no doubt.
Speaker 2: We got a friend of the show coming back around
Speaker 2: for round two, someone who in preparation for this, I
Speaker 2: went back through all the screenshots I have in my
Speaker 2: phone from the content that he's posted to social media,
Speaker 2: via books, via you know, speaking via video and things
Speaker 2: that have really inspired me again today like that inspired
Speaker 2: me for the first time. He's an author, a podcaster,
Speaker 2: public speaker, course creator, most importantly, a father helping people
Speaker 2: to grow and self awareness and healing and loving themselves properly.
Speaker 2: We've got our friend making up the third join us today, Bro,
Speaker 2: how you doing.
Speaker 3: I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Thank you, Thank you
Speaker 3: for the invitation to come back.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, it's an honor to have you here. And
Speaker 2: I'm one thing that caught me. I was looking through
Speaker 2: the like the just the titles of your books and
Speaker 2: you have loving yourself properly care package for your energy,
Speaker 2: lust for life. This is what real love looks like,
Speaker 2: dear soul. Success is a choice. I'm looking at these
Speaker 2: and I'm like, in order for you to arrive at
Speaker 2: what love is and what care is, do you have
Speaker 2: to first learn what those things are not first?
Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a good question. That is That question makes
Speaker 3: me just think about this term that I often caught, duality,
Speaker 3: you know, and duality is really just embracing the polar
Speaker 3: experiences of life. You know. It's like literally like learning
Speaker 3: what to do in a loss and learning what to
Speaker 3: do in a win, you know, or it's like learning
Speaker 3: like wow, I'm extremely angry right now, I'm ready to
Speaker 3: punch this hole in the wall. And then you do it,
Speaker 3: especially when you're younger, you punch that hole in the wall,
Speaker 3: you break something, and then you have to deal with
Speaker 3: the duality of like those consequences, and then later in
Speaker 3: life you're met with that choice of like, Okay, well
Speaker 3: I'm angry, I want to punch his hole in the
Speaker 3: wall again. But then because you've had that previous experience,
Speaker 3: now you have the duality of to know like, wow,
Speaker 3: there's this path and there's that path, and you know,
Speaker 3: then you can get some more like discernments. So I
Speaker 3: feel like it's got to be both. It has to
Speaker 3: be both.
Speaker 2: For those that are listening that don't know much about
Speaker 2: your story. Are there any examples that you go to
Speaker 2: first as far as the duality in your own life?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I think it just points to you know,
Speaker 3: when you get older, you start saying things like, man,
Speaker 3: back in my day or when I was a young kid,
Speaker 3: or they don't make it like this anymore. Like, for example,
Speaker 3: there's a very popular musician who who just put out
Speaker 3: like new music. This is a musician I was I
Speaker 3: won't say the name, but this is a musician I
Speaker 3: listened to a lot when I was in college. But
Speaker 3: you know, that was like fifteen years ago. And now
Speaker 3: that musician's like music doesn't resonate with me at all.
Speaker 3: And I'm on my walk the other day and I'm
Speaker 3: trying to listen to this album. I'm trying to get
Speaker 3: into it, but I was forcing it. I just I
Speaker 3: just had outgrown this artist and this music, and so
Speaker 3: I was really like perplexed as I was walking home,
Speaker 3: like just recognizing the duality of like a younger me
Speaker 3: was completely embracing this, this music, this vibration, you know,
Speaker 3: this experience, but this me, authentically I couldn't get into it.
Speaker 3: And I even tried, like I even tried to prep
Speaker 3: myself like all right, come on, we're gonna listen to this,
Speaker 3: and it just didn't. It just didn't vibrate with me.
Speaker 3: And it was cool to have that. It was like
Speaker 3: a conflict at first, but then I was like, just
Speaker 3: really grateful because it's really growth and just maturity.
Speaker 2: I have. I have a really similar story. Actually, there
Speaker 2: is an artist that a lot of people would know
Speaker 2: of that he had a song towards the near of
Speaker 2: My rock Bottom and he was talking about using my
Speaker 2: drug of choice. And this artist was, you know, tremendous
Speaker 2: influence on me. I I love the beats, I love
Speaker 2: the melodies and all those things. And now it's like,
Speaker 2: unless they're playing them in the locker room or in
Speaker 2: the weight room or I'm somewhere, any song comes on
Speaker 2: like it's not something that I can willingly choose to
Speaker 2: put on because there's elements of me, I guess that
Speaker 2: are I wouldn't say no longer here, no longer alive,
Speaker 2: but parts of me that I no longer want to
Speaker 2: to surface, that I no longer want to have the
Speaker 2: stage anymore. So I can, I can, I can very
Speaker 2: much relate to to that experience.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that you brought that up there, And
Speaker 4: it's funny that you brought up his books initially because
Speaker 4: with him being on the podcast once before, I do
Speaker 4: want to get in I think for people that maybe
Speaker 4: weren't blessed to hear his episode one and hear his
Speaker 4: whole story to set some context as to why he'd
Speaker 4: even be on our show, and especially I mean, I'm
Speaker 4: confident after this episode you'll understand why he's been on
Speaker 4: two times. But I think just looking through the books,
Speaker 4: I have so much respect for you as a writer
Speaker 4: in the consistency with ten books and looking through some
Speaker 4: of the names of these books, I mean, anybody that
Speaker 4: has the words love yourself in a book title like
Speaker 4: you're my people, you know, And I think it's such
Speaker 4: an important message with which our listeners have probably heard
Speaker 4: me talk about a ton. But I'm curious with each book,
Speaker 4: maybe we can talk about a couple of them, starting
Speaker 4: with loving yourself properly, and maybe you can even talk
Speaker 4: about the duality of like who you were before writing
Speaker 4: the book, and then what it means to truly love
Speaker 4: yourself properly today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think any journey, of any massive creative project
Speaker 3: is going to change the person that is creating it,
Speaker 3: and so specifically with loving yourself properly. When I wrote
Speaker 3: that book, I wasn't a great place. I had a great,
Speaker 3: great training regimen, my sleep was dialed in, my nutrition
Speaker 3: was great, my hydration was great, my relationships were great.
Speaker 3: Everything was going really really good. For context, I wrote
Speaker 3: it from twenty eighteen to about twenty nineteen, so right
Speaker 3: before right before COVID came and changed the entire world.
Speaker 3: And at the time, I wanted to become a dad,
Speaker 3: like I wanted to become a father. And one of
Speaker 3: the things that I told myself and my partner was like, Hey,
Speaker 3: we need to create the best vessel possible for our kid.
Speaker 3: And that's like, it's three vessels. It's the vessel of me,
Speaker 3: it's the vessel of her, and it's the best of
Speaker 3: who we are and what we are together. And she
Speaker 3: bought in and she was on board, and so she
Speaker 3: was she was doing her yoga and going to the
Speaker 3: gym and lifting and you know, taking her vitamins and
Speaker 3: you know, hanging around women who are good influences on her,
Speaker 3: and we're spending quality time together and so we really
Speaker 3: created this like just beautiful landscape that existed withinside of
Speaker 3: each other, you know, individually and collectively. And I can
Speaker 3: truly say that, you know, like writing that book, it
Speaker 3: was it was interesting because it was like when you're
Speaker 3: writing about, you know, self, love on the internet is
Speaker 3: very shallow, and I think that's because the conversation is
Speaker 3: a is a nuanced conversation that you know, requires some
Speaker 3: some color and every colors, it requires some like imagination,
Speaker 3: you know, So things you'll say on the internet maybe
Speaker 3: just be like, oh, love yourself, take care of yourself,
Speaker 3: more or less those simple reminders. But when you're writing
Speaker 3: a book, you want to go a little bit deeper,
Speaker 3: well a lot of deeper, and like you really want
Speaker 3: to get into the things. And so I feel like
Speaker 3: when it comes to loving yourself properly and really taking
Speaker 3: care of yourself, there's there's a few ways to approach it.
Speaker 3: I think you can approach it from a mindset place.
Speaker 3: That's where I like to go to first, you know,
Speaker 3: because the mind to me is the is the navigation,
Speaker 3: is the is the conductor. You know, he's the person.
Speaker 3: The mind is the person that's that's guiding the actions
Speaker 3: that you take, you know, and then your actions are
Speaker 3: going to create certain emotions, certain reactions, certain perspectives. But
Speaker 3: to me, it all starts in the mind. So like
Speaker 3: at that time period, for me, my mindset was I
Speaker 3: need to be the healthiest I can be in all
Speaker 3: pillars of my life. Now it wasn't a like pursuit
Speaker 3: of perfection. It was just a pursuit of making sure
Speaker 3: that I'm investing in each pillar and knowing that those
Speaker 3: investments will give me a life full of love. Now
Speaker 3: I have the I guess I have the ability to
Speaker 3: look back in time now five or six years ago
Speaker 3: when I started writing that and to see that it worked,
Speaker 3: you know, because now when I look at my son,
Speaker 3: he's full of joy, he can express himself, he has
Speaker 3: hell of boundaries. He doesn't let people mess with him,
Speaker 3: you know, like in any type of negative way, and
Speaker 3: you know, he loves life. He's like just enjoys his life.
Speaker 3: And that honestly, it like it inspires me just to
Speaker 3: get those reminders like man, just have fun, enjoy life
Speaker 3: because before I was such a serious person, because I
Speaker 3: had so many things to do, And I feel like
Speaker 3: there's this like just beautiful journey that started with self
Speaker 3: love and taking care of myself that I feel like
Speaker 3: has affected me, but with a different consequence because I'm
Speaker 3: seeing it coming from my son.
Speaker 4: What would you say is the biggest thing that you see?
Speaker 4: I have my own inspiration around that theme of loving yourself,
Speaker 4: But what do you see as the common theme in
Speaker 4: humanity or in other people as to why they they
Speaker 4: don't love themselves properly?
Speaker 3: It's still a most of shame. It's definitely the emotion
Speaker 3: of shame, which I believe can come from a lot
Speaker 3: of different routes. Oftentimes it comes from the family system
Speaker 3: first and foremost. And then I would say that it
Speaker 3: can be reinforced through the mass media, through marketing, through commercials,
Speaker 3: through the through these campaigns that we don't even recognize
Speaker 3: or know that we're consciously being targeted in, you know,
Speaker 3: things that are telling us that we're inadequate or not
Speaker 3: good enough, or we don't look like this person, or
Speaker 3: we don't have enough money, or it just creates and
Speaker 3: again it's playing on the emotion of shame. And the
Speaker 3: consequence of shame is you feel smaller, you feel inadequate,
Speaker 3: you feel defective, you feel unworthy. I remember when I first,
Speaker 3: you know, in high school, I was one of those guys.
Speaker 3: We're not just in high school. My whole life, I've
Speaker 3: always been the guy in my mind, I'm Mark, you know,
Speaker 3: I'll go after the pretty girl, the girl that I
Speaker 3: think is pretty. And I remember, this is such a
Speaker 3: this is such a like a basic juvenile thing when
Speaker 3: you bring it up, like, oh, go after the pretty girl.
Speaker 3: But a lot of guys won't do that, And a
Speaker 3: lot of guys won't do it because they're shamed. They
Speaker 3: have a shameful image of themselves. It's called no, she
Speaker 3: wouldn't pay attention to me, or she wouldn't acknowledge me,
Speaker 3: or what happens if I get rejected. It's all the
Speaker 3: emotion of just being small, you know. And so I
Speaker 3: remember going up to back in that day before people
Speaker 3: did you know, online dating, when you actually had to
Speaker 3: like approach girls. I remember going up to a girl
Speaker 3: the very first time and like just having that anxiety
Speaker 3: and like knowing like, oh man, this is this is hard.
Speaker 3: But you know, I gotta do it, and yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: so I just think, yeah, let's just let's just go
Speaker 3: to the next question. I think I answered that one enough.
Speaker 2: M Yeah, when you when you think we talk of shame,
Speaker 2: like my mind directly goes to I guess what I
Speaker 2: would say is the other end is the compassion aspect
Speaker 2: of things that I've always struggled with. I feel like
Speaker 2: nowadays I can have like spurts of self compassion and
Speaker 2: it be a practice and it be regimented, but it
Speaker 2: always seems to kind of slip away, like what do
Speaker 2: you what do you say the most common like hurdles
Speaker 2: to people being able to have compassion for themselves? And
Speaker 2: what does a self compassion practice, I guess look like
Speaker 2: for yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally can understand why, you know, someone like
Speaker 3: you would struggle with that, just like giving you your
Speaker 3: profession as well. It's like how many not everybody's being watched,
Speaker 3: you know, with their with their profession, and you know,
Speaker 3: like for you, you're being graded, you know essentially like
Speaker 3: every literally every step that you take as being greated.
Speaker 3: So I could totally understand, could stand that, but that's
Speaker 3: really what it comes from. It's like the lack of
Speaker 3: self compassion is often a reinforced habit that we learned
Speaker 3: in our family system, where we're being watched or where
Speaker 3: we're being graded, where we're being like micromanaged. Like for example,
Speaker 3: that kid who get b's and c's, which are passing grades,
Speaker 3: and they come home and their parents are like, no,
Speaker 3: you need a's. This is this is terrible. You know,
Speaker 3: it's just that reinforcement of not good enough, which creates
Speaker 3: a shame. So as far as what we can do,
Speaker 3: really we need to and this is not easy to do.
Speaker 3: It takes time, but we need to unlearn some of
Speaker 3: the mindsets that we've learned. If we've learned the mindset
Speaker 3: that everything needs to be graded and everything needs to
Speaker 3: be judged, we'll never we'll never really be able to
Speaker 3: come into harmony with our emotions because the baseline of
Speaker 3: our logic and the baseline of our thinking is everything
Speaker 3: I do needs to be judged, everything I do needs
Speaker 3: to be graded. And or we also need to practice indifference.
Speaker 3: You know, indifference is the art of I don't want
Speaker 3: to necessarily say not caring, but being being able to
Speaker 3: use not caring as a tool. Right, It's not to
Speaker 3: be disengaged from the things that we care about are
Speaker 3: the things that we value. But it's to be indifferent
Speaker 3: and just to not care as much emotionally, especially if
Speaker 3: you're a person that if the feedback to you is, well,
Speaker 3: this wasn't good enough, or this sucks or this is weak,
Speaker 3: and then if you just instantly shut down, you instantly
Speaker 3: get in shame. Then you have to learn some indifference
Speaker 3: and you also have to learn, you know, the word closure.
Speaker 3: Like I'm a strong believer that if I try my
Speaker 3: best at something like how long am I going to
Speaker 3: allow myself to beat myself up? You know, a very
Speaker 3: very simple situation. You're learning how to make pancakes. I mean,
Speaker 3: when you first do it, it's so hard to time
Speaker 3: it right. You flip it, you miss it right. But
Speaker 3: then as you age, you learn, okay, I need a
Speaker 3: medium heat. I gotta put the butter in the pan.
Speaker 3: I'll wait till those bubbles come up and get under there,
Speaker 3: make sure it's all good, and then I can flip
Speaker 3: it per quickly, right. And we got to understand that
Speaker 3: like everything in life is like pancakes, it really really is.
Speaker 3: It's a process. You gotta learn the science of it.
Speaker 3: You know, and it starts within great question.
Speaker 4: I feel like with that question, something that I want
Speaker 4: you to talk and elaborate as much as you want
Speaker 4: to on is boundaries, because I think there's such an
Speaker 4: essential part of our self care, our self looking that
Speaker 4: set proper boundaries. And I know you have an online
Speaker 4: course and you dive super deep into this, but how
Speaker 4: does that play into affect with everything?
Speaker 3: Yeah, boundaries, everybody needs them. Two different degrees and different pillars.
Speaker 3: I mean, the one that's most prevalent right now in
Speaker 3: my life, I would say is a boundary that like
Speaker 3: one of the boundary that I'm struggling with is I
Speaker 3: have a lot of work to do since I'm in
Speaker 3: the process of finishing my next book, like literally have
Speaker 3: like a week or two left to turn them back
Speaker 3: into my editor, and so I'm catching myself giving more energy,
Speaker 3: giving more time, going you know, going past my boundaries,
Speaker 3: and then it's causing me to stay up later at night,
Speaker 3: and then I'm groggy and tired the next day. And
Speaker 3: there's just like these negative consequences that I'm experiencing. And
Speaker 3: the thing is is I'm aware of it. It's not
Speaker 3: that I'm unaware of it. You know, I'm aware of
Speaker 3: this problem that I'm creating for myself, but then I'm
Speaker 3: justifying it because I'm saying, well, I have a big project.
Speaker 3: Do I have a big deadline? Dude? So it makes
Speaker 3: sense like I'm again that duality, like I'm justifying why
Speaker 3: I'm violating my own boundaries, right, And so I had
Speaker 3: to talk with myself this weekend and one of the
Speaker 3: things and yoga, there's this phrase, it's one of the
Speaker 3: yamass brama machari, and it's about the right use of
Speaker 3: your energy, and that term refers to you know, it
Speaker 3: can be it could be sexual, it could be food,
Speaker 3: it could be it could be so many different ways
Speaker 3: we use our energy. And so I had to talk
Speaker 3: with myself this weekend and say, hey, I need to
Speaker 3: make sure I use my energy the right way. And
Speaker 3: so for that was my attention for the week. And
Speaker 3: so what I did if anyone who has boundaries, I'm
Speaker 3: kind of explaining the framework now, so you recognize the problem,
Speaker 3: like you recognize the consequences of you not having boundaries, right,
Speaker 3: because recognition is step one, and then step two you
Speaker 3: have to have some type of new commitment. And so
Speaker 3: my new commitment came this weekend where I said, Okay,
Speaker 3: this week, I'm gonna make sure I have the right
Speaker 3: use of my energy. And so, for example, when you're writing,
Speaker 3: it's very easy to you know, be working on your
Speaker 3: book like and then all of a sudden, you're like
Speaker 3: looking at Halloween decorations, or you're like ordering a cup
Speaker 3: of coffee, or you're like just doing something that has
Speaker 3: nothing to do with what you need to be doing.
Speaker 3: And so what I determined was, I'm gonna do three blocks.
Speaker 3: So today, for example, I had three blocks, like literally
Speaker 3: three scheduling blocks. And these scheduling blocks represent it the boundaries,
Speaker 3: the energy boundaries, the focus boundary for me to write.
Speaker 3: So literally would just be ninety minutes, phone was off, boom,
Speaker 3: I'm doing what I need to do, disengage, take a
Speaker 3: thirty minute break, go for a walk, drink water, hydrate,
Speaker 3: just do whatever. And so that recommitment to my boundaries.
Speaker 3: As far as today, I'm completely set up and I'm
Speaker 3: set up to thrive. And then tonight I have one
Speaker 3: more session. It's gonna be ninety minutes. I'm gonna give
Speaker 3: myself to it, and then I'll get back to my
Speaker 3: family and go to sleep on time and complete that
Speaker 3: throughout this week. And so my theory is that if
Speaker 3: I stick to my boundaries, if I integrate these boundaries
Speaker 3: this week, this work related boundary, not only will I
Speaker 3: get my work done, but I won't be burnt out.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm gonna have fun with it,
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna get to enjoy the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: You know. So that's like a real world present example
Speaker 3: of the boundaries framework that I teach that I'm using
Speaker 3: myself with the work with work thereon.
Speaker 4: I gotta say, Man, I'm loving how you've really made
Speaker 4: yourself at home in the big city.
Speaker 1: I'm curious, how are you getting around?
Speaker 4: You a subway guy, cab uber.
Speaker 3: I'm glad you're asked.
Speaker 2: Donnie Man, I'm a got the honor to partner with
Speaker 2: All American Forward over in New Jersey. They've been taking
Speaker 2: really good care of me since I got out here,
Speaker 2: and that's why I love the most about it.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: They treat me like I'm family, not just a customer
Speaker 2: trying to get a deal or just a statistic.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: They give me great service. You could tell they got
Speaker 2: to commitment to quality. The innovation is unmatched. And just
Speaker 2: so if anybody's you know, like me, trying to get
Speaker 2: around in New Jersey, don't know where to go, I'm
Speaker 2: telling you go check out All American Forward here in Jersey.
Speaker 2: They're gonna take real good care of you.
Speaker 4: When we come back, you'll hear more of this inspiring
Speaker 4: comeback story.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: I mean, boundaries are an unfolding thing in my life
Speaker 2: as well, because I will still, like you said, find
Speaker 2: a way to justify me going over it, because I
Speaker 2: think it goes back to the mindsets that we need
Speaker 2: to learn of. Well, my value comes from my performance.
Speaker 2: My value comes from the grade that I get. My
Speaker 2: value comes from you know, these things I do turning
Speaker 2: into a result that's pleasing as opposed to being pleased
Speaker 2: with the process and the result before it even happens
Speaker 2: and living with the result as it comes. And you know,
Speaker 2: that's like you said something that in my profession, like
Speaker 2: in a way, I can't afford to get rid of it.
Speaker 2: But I feel like I'm kind of like always moving
Speaker 2: back and forth between the two. Like I wake up
Speaker 2: in the morning and I'm like, you know, I know
Speaker 2: who I am. I'm not here to be a I'm
Speaker 2: not a human doing. I'm a human being, you know.
Speaker 2: But here I step into this realm of where it's like,
Speaker 2: all right, now I gotta perform, I gotta I gotta
Speaker 2: make it dance, you know what I'm saying. And it's
Speaker 2: like it always leads me in this place of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: well what do my boundaries look like? They always seem
Speaker 2: so fluid as opposed to being so solid, And I'm like,
Speaker 2: how do I create more solid boundaries amidst this?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: So, Bester, I got a question for you regarding boundaries.
Speaker 4: I think I've gotten so much better at actually articulating
Speaker 4: them and communicating them. I think the power of our
Speaker 4: words and actually it's you know, sometimes it's not what
Speaker 4: we say, it's how we say it, but being able
Speaker 4: to actually frame these boundaries or these because I believe
Speaker 4: you have to know your values, right, because a boundary
Speaker 4: gets cross when a value gets stepped on. So if
Speaker 4: you don't know your values, you're more likely to allow
Speaker 4: people to cross that imaginary line in the sand. But
Speaker 4: when you know who you are and you know how
Speaker 4: to clearly articulate why you're saying no, you're less likely
Speaker 4: to be getting talked into like shit, you just don't
Speaker 4: want to do. I'm a lot better on that. But
Speaker 4: where I struggle is the energetic boundary of guilt. So
Speaker 4: when I set a boundary and and feel guilty about
Speaker 4: it afterwards, So what would you say to myself or
Speaker 4: somebody who's asking in regards to that?
Speaker 3: Okay, So what I'm hearing is there's guilt associated with
Speaker 3: setting a boundary, and so that guilt emotion that triggers
Speaker 3: is a very healthy emotion. To feel guilt means that
Speaker 3: you're feeling empathy, you're feeling what another person is feeling.
Speaker 3: So that's a very healthy emotion. But when we feel
Speaker 3: guilt for setting a boundary, what we're experiencing is an innerviolation,
Speaker 3: and it's an interviolation. Because the paradigm before was I
Speaker 3: am going to people please, I am going to overgive,
Speaker 3: I am going to overdo whatever this thing is. And
Speaker 3: so when we have this inner conflict where we say no,
Speaker 3: not this time, not this time, we're going against We're
Speaker 3: going against our programming that we were committing to before.
Speaker 3: We're going against a paradigm that we were used to.
Speaker 3: So it feels off, it can feel inauthentic. It feels weird.
Speaker 3: Like Darren, you're you're a superstar athlete. You can sign
Speaker 3: one hundred autographs. Now you're tired, you need to go
Speaker 3: see your wife, you need to got you got other
Speaker 3: things to do. That one hundredth and one person is like, hey,
Speaker 3: can I get one? And you're like, no, I can't.
Speaker 3: I can't, Like I gotta go, and then you feel
Speaker 3: that guilt. That's where it's coming from. It's coming from
Speaker 3: like this programming and so like in that situation or
Speaker 3: any situation, what we have to recognize is a lot
Speaker 3: of the times that we're setting boundaries with people we've
Speaker 3: already given or we're already in a commitment to give,
Speaker 3: and we have to recognize the right use of our energy.
Speaker 3: It's like, you know what, I don't there's a duality again,
Speaker 3: I don't want to miss this one hundredth and one thing.
Speaker 3: There's one hundred and one person or this one hundredth
Speaker 3: in one class. We know Donnie is one of the
Speaker 3: best yoga teachers in the world. I don't want to
Speaker 3: miss this one. But then can we give ourselves credit
Speaker 3: because we did one hundred We've done one hundred reps.
Speaker 3: Can we give ourselves credit for that? Is it some
Speaker 3: self compassion we could tap into, recognizing like, you know what,
Speaker 3: I am gonna miss this one, But who's putting this
Speaker 3: expectation on me that I have to hit everything one?
Speaker 3: You know? You can. You can go to the Baseball
Speaker 3: Hall of Fame that in three hundred, which is thirty percent,
Speaker 3: you know, and I mean that that applies to all
Speaker 3: things in life. You can do things at a high
Speaker 3: rate and not be perfect, you know. And so it's
Speaker 3: just changing your language to I can't do this or
Speaker 3: something is wrong with me because I'm unable to fulfill
Speaker 3: it to I've done enough. I could do more tomorrow
Speaker 3: that's fine, but for today, I've done enough. Great, great question, Donny.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's like a lot of I've heard
Speaker 4: Sylvester Youth just talk about it about maybe you just
Speaker 4: didn't say it exactly, but infection versus intention, which I
Speaker 4: think they're like so completely different energies, right, because perfection
Speaker 4: isn't perfect, Perfection isn't real, it's not attainable. And if
Speaker 4: we have any remnants of any type of not enough story,
Speaker 4: which in my experience, myself and almost every human on
Speaker 4: this earth has some form of that, then the chasing
Speaker 4: perfection never happens, which validates the not enough story. So,
Speaker 4: like you know, I'm thinking about you know, Darren, and
Speaker 4: reframing where like every route doesn't have to be perfect,
Speaker 4: but his intention or his objective in everything that he's doing,
Speaker 4: it's a completely different energy. And I have to imagine,
Speaker 4: like for you writing ten books, that difference of because
Speaker 4: I you know, I can try to create an Instagram
Speaker 4: post and there's that it needs to be perfect, come
Speaker 4: up with the right words and drop a nugget right.
Speaker 4: So how do you navigate through that? I guess as
Speaker 4: a writer. And then Darren, I'd love to hear your
Speaker 4: take on just perfection versus intention on the field in
Speaker 4: your preparation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a time and place for perfection. I like
Speaker 3: to compartmentalize it. I like to look at it as
Speaker 3: a tool. If I'm gonna lean into perfection, to me,
Speaker 3: that just means I'm trying to do something right, and
Speaker 3: that there oftentime is a form component of like doing
Speaker 3: something right. Donnie. You know this As a yoga teacher,
Speaker 3: people will be in class and they'll ask you all
Speaker 3: the time, like, Hey, how's my form, how's this And
Speaker 3: there's two things that you're looking at. It's like, well,
Speaker 3: the yoga itself is not about achieving a particular form,
Speaker 3: and you want to make sure that the person is
Speaker 3: doing something that is anatomically safe for their experience. And
Speaker 3: so you're holding that duality of like Okay, you don't
Speaker 3: have to look a particular way, but if there's a
Speaker 3: particular alignment of a foot, of ankle, a door, suflection
Speaker 3: of bending, or whatever it may be, we can achieve perfection.
Speaker 3: Like inside of that tool. It's like, you know what,
Speaker 3: that is the perfect warrior too for you. You're balanced,
Speaker 3: you're pushing through both feet. But it doesn't have to
Speaker 3: be perfect. It's just perfect for that person, if that
Speaker 3: makes sense. And so there's like this compartmental connection. I
Speaker 3: can never say that part of it, right, compartmentalization that
Speaker 3: we have to do to understand, like you know what
Speaker 3: perfection is a tool? Like if they're like, okay, you know, Darren,
Speaker 3: we need you to hit this overallte Yeah, Like there
Speaker 3: is a certain amount of depth you have to get
Speaker 3: to yardage. You do have to get there in a
Speaker 3: certain amount of seconds to be like available for your quarterback.
Speaker 3: If I'm my book I'm writing, it does need to
Speaker 3: be per my contract seventy thousand words. I can't give
Speaker 3: them sixty and be like, oh, yeah, it's good enough. No, Like,
Speaker 3: there is certain expectations with things, and there are times
Speaker 3: where we can achieve or look for and even expect
Speaker 3: from ourselves set perfection, but we have to do it,
Speaker 3: and we have to make sure we're using the right
Speaker 3: use of our energy to make sure that we're not
Speaker 3: doing it to the detriment of our journey, because it's
Speaker 3: a tool, right, so it has to be an assistant
Speaker 3: to our journey.
Speaker 2: As far as on the field, as far as perfection
Speaker 2: versus intention, I would say there's a lot of ways
Speaker 2: where coaches or tradition or whatever may tell you that
Speaker 2: there's a certain way that something should be done and
Speaker 2: you need to, you know, adhere to this way of
Speaker 2: running this route to twelve twelve yards and just breaking in.
Speaker 2: But I feel like with intention for me that I
Speaker 2: take into whatever my craft may be on a certain
Speaker 2: play is whatever is being asked of me to do.
Speaker 2: Like I'm putting some of my own flavor on it.
Speaker 2: I'm putting some of who I am into it because
Speaker 2: Travis Kelcey may run something this way, you know, Daniel
Speaker 2: Bellinger on my team may run it a certain way.
Speaker 2: But the way that I'm going to run, the way
Speaker 2: that I'm going to open. I'm not placing myself in
Speaker 2: this box. To whereas the way somebody tells me to
Speaker 2: do something is how I have to do it, because
Speaker 2: I feel like that in a way is already like, okay,
Speaker 2: my goal is to please this person who's handed this
Speaker 2: down to me, as opposed to the relationship I can
Speaker 2: form with my quarterback, the relationship I can I can
Speaker 2: form with my body and how I do these things
Speaker 2: to whereas I don't have to go out there and
Speaker 2: think I'm trying to be perfect. I'm out there thinking,
Speaker 2: I'm out there measuring. I'm out there worrying about oh man,
Speaker 2: well if this doesn't go perfect, what is such and
Speaker 2: such going to think?
Speaker 3: What is this going to look like?
Speaker 2: On ESPN or on Instagram reel somebody's making fun of
Speaker 2: me or talking or talking crazy about me. But whereas
Speaker 2: intention is like, I'm gonna do this a certain way
Speaker 2: because this is what I feel, this is what my
Speaker 2: intuition is telling me to do, and I can live
Speaker 2: with the result of me trusting myself at the end
Speaker 2: of the day.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you didn't get there overnight. To get to that place.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 4: I've talked about this about you, but just the consistency
Speaker 4: and for both of you, I mean, go, I'll jump
Speaker 4: back to Sylvester with ten books, and I think about
Speaker 4: like the level of discipline and consistency that has to take,
Speaker 4: you know, drumming up a few paragraphs sometimes in a
Speaker 4: blog for me can be challenging. So I just have
Speaker 4: so much respect. But I'm curious. So it's been ten books.
Speaker 4: What do you think, like, what's the difference between I
Speaker 4: guess how have you grown as a writer from book
Speaker 4: one to book ten?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I know what I'm doing now, you know,
Speaker 3: I don't know what I was doing it at first.
Speaker 3: I know, when we're young, we have all the confidence,
Speaker 3: you know, and all the bravado, and we think we
Speaker 3: know what we're doing. But at least with my profession
Speaker 3: is one of those things that you it's like you
Speaker 3: actually get better as you get older, as you get feedback,
Speaker 3: as you get criticism, as you learn and practice. So
Speaker 3: I actually feel a lot more confident from a few
Speaker 3: few ways I feel more confident in the ability to
Speaker 3: be clear in my messages when I'm writing, which is
Speaker 3: extremely important as a writer. I feel more confident in
Speaker 3: my ability to I guess, how do I say sound
Speaker 3: smart but not like so academic that it's not chewable, right,
Speaker 3: And then I'm a lot more confident in my ability
Speaker 3: to break down like complex things to make them simple,
Speaker 3: because to me that that's very important. Like I remember
Speaker 3: walking into psychology one O two, the most you know,
Speaker 3: basic freshman level class, and the professors just hitting me
Speaker 3: with all this this, these phrases in these terms, and
Speaker 3: I'm just like, wow, this is about to stress me
Speaker 3: out for the next the next semester. And I just
Speaker 3: remember that feeling of like these new terms feeling overwhelming,
Speaker 3: and I you know, I knew that I was going
Speaker 3: to be a teacher at one point in my life,
Speaker 3: so I wanted to I wanted to really learn, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: how do I take something complex and make it simple?
Speaker 3: Because that's what we all need. Like, you know, I
Speaker 3: can go through I could tell you all these like,
Speaker 3: for example, the yoga thing I brought up. I could
Speaker 3: tell you all these different things from a yoga practice,
Speaker 3: but the common person doesn't care. They're not trying to
Speaker 3: do the homework. They wanted to be breaking broken down
Speaker 3: for them so they can go back to their life.
Speaker 3: So I would say, those are some of the things
Speaker 3: that I had to learn, you know, as a writer.
Speaker 3: And then the other thing I would say is learning
Speaker 3: how to write effectively, because you can have an idea
Speaker 3: and you're like, Okay, I want to write about this
Speaker 3: recipe or I want to write about this concept, but
Speaker 3: then knowing where to start, knowing how to make it
Speaker 3: a story, knowing how to put like beginning, middle, and
Speaker 3: end to its actually very very difficult. And so yeah,
Speaker 3: I would say that now I feel confident, whereas before
Speaker 3: I was. I feel confident because I have the data
Speaker 3: in proof of my work, Whereas ten years years ago,
Speaker 3: I was confident because I had an image a visualization
Speaker 3: of what I can do, but I didn't have the data.
Speaker 4: In the po Does writing still give you? Does it
Speaker 4: set you free? Does it does it feel more of
Speaker 4: a job sometimes, as I'm guessing, maybe early on they
Speaker 4: were maybe open journal entries, so like one of your
Speaker 4: books is called free Your Energy, So I'm curious, how
Speaker 4: has writing maybe from day one up until now, like,
Speaker 4: how does it free your energy? How does it set
Speaker 4: you free?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna just speak from my own journey. Does it
Speaker 3: set you free? Does it feel like a job. That's
Speaker 3: interesting that I haven't set with that a lot. But
Speaker 3: when I think back to when I first started, I
Speaker 3: was younger, and when I was a younger kid, really
Speaker 3: my life was very simple. I played football, I played basketball,
Speaker 3: I watched cartoons, I hung out with my friends, and
Speaker 3: you know, I was just an artist and athlete. That's
Speaker 3: essentially every day was saying. I wasn't making any money
Speaker 3: from any of those things. That's just what I love
Speaker 3: to do. And so it's really cool now to be,
Speaker 3: you know, in my thirties and I'm still writing, I'm
Speaker 3: still training like an athlete, and I'm fortunate to say, hey,
Speaker 3: I have a career from writing my books and doing
Speaker 3: teachers in those things. So there's like a duality there,
Speaker 3: because yeah, it does feel like a job, because there's
Speaker 3: sometimes I don't want to do it, but I don't
Speaker 3: have a choice, Like you know what you have to, Like,
Speaker 3: you signed up for this, this is your skill, this
Speaker 3: is your talent. You signed up for this, so you
Speaker 3: got to get up and find a way. But then
Speaker 3: there are some days where there is that just pure
Speaker 3: joy where it's like, man, I get to write today.
Speaker 3: You know, it's both I'm not gonna sit here and
Speaker 3: lie to you and just say, oh yeah, I live
Speaker 3: with dreaom every day. I do. But there's times I
Speaker 3: don't want to do it. There's times I'm stressed out.
Speaker 3: There's time it bothers me. Like I said, I have
Speaker 3: a deadline in ten days, and it's been hard for
Speaker 3: me to drop in the way that I wanted to
Speaker 3: because I have a kid. Now, this is something I
Speaker 3: never experienced writing a book when you have a kid.
Speaker 3: It's really easy when you don't, because you control all
Speaker 3: your time and all your energy. So much of writing
Speaker 3: is energetic, and when you have a kid, that's like, hey,
Speaker 3: come play with me, Come do this, make me some food.
Speaker 3: I'm tired. I'm gonna throw a tantrum now. Then it's like, okay,
Speaker 3: now this is a whole different beast. So I'm still
Speaker 3: learning it now. With being the dad.
Speaker 2: As a creator myself, somebody that wants to use my
Speaker 2: words to impact other people, how do you deal with like,
Speaker 2: is there a clash between allowing creativity and words to
Speaker 2: flow to you and flow through you without forcing, while
Speaker 2: also dealing with a deadline, like what comes up with
Speaker 2: that as you deal with the both of those.
Speaker 3: I think deadlines are great. Deadlines are great for the
Speaker 3: psychological benefit that they give us. There's this what is
Speaker 3: it called Parkinson's law, And Parkinson's law is just this
Speaker 3: theory that states, however much time you have for something,
Speaker 3: you'll use up the entire time. Right. And so we
Speaker 3: go back to college and they're like, they give you
Speaker 3: the sillibus. Professors like, hey, so this paper right here
Speaker 3: that it's August something and it's due in November. It
Speaker 3: does anyone do that paper that's due in November in
Speaker 3: August when you get the shillaber, No, you don't do it.
Speaker 3: Don't it's due say November eleventh. You probably start working
Speaker 3: on that paper November ninth, and then you spend two days.
Speaker 3: You cram, You get to your study tables, you go
Speaker 3: to your girlfriend house, you up till two, you go
Speaker 3: to the library, you turn that paper in. So why
Speaker 3: is that though? Is it because you're lazy? Is it
Speaker 3: because you're a procrastinator? Because you had half the year
Speaker 3: to get ready for it. It's just Parkinson's law. It's
Speaker 3: however much time you're giving to do something, you'll find
Speaker 3: a way. That same paper, if the professor said, hey,
Speaker 3: this is due ob first, you probably would start it
Speaker 3: sooner and you probably would have it done right. So
Speaker 3: I like to use that with writing. I like to
Speaker 3: give myself deadlines, like I like to say, hey, For example,
Speaker 3: in the example I gave earlier, I say, hey, I'm
Speaker 3: going to write for ninety minutes, So that lets me
Speaker 3: know that writing for ninety minutes, like I'm flowing, I'm
Speaker 3: dropping in. Whatever happens in the ninety minutes is what happens.
Speaker 3: My editor or excuse me, my publisher gave me a deadline, Hey,
Speaker 3: you need to have this book in on this date.
Speaker 3: So now I know, okay, Like I'm not taking these
Speaker 3: other meetings, I'm not taking these other calls. I'm not
Speaker 3: wasting my time because contractually I have this date that
Speaker 3: I have to hit. But then there's also but this
Speaker 3: is the book writing process, there's also the daily journaling
Speaker 3: that I do that nobody ever sees. That's just me writing.
Speaker 2: To me.
Speaker 3: That is all about the free form, flowing, energetic. In
Speaker 3: the moment, I can go slow I can go fast,
Speaker 3: it can be ugly, like I can have typos, I
Speaker 3: can be completely freeform in there, you know. So there's
Speaker 3: still that space as well.
Speaker 4: You've been talking a lot of yoga since last time
Speaker 4: we had you on the episode. I don't know, maybe
Speaker 4: yoga came up, but you're you're breaking it down a
Speaker 4: lot more. And I don't think we threw it in
Speaker 4: your intro that you're also a certified yoga teacher. Now,
Speaker 4: so how's that journey going? Just what are you learning through?
Speaker 4: Just what did you learn through the teacher training process
Speaker 4: and through the practice, and how does it changed your life,
Speaker 4: because as we know, it's certainly changed mind.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so really cool for really cool nugget to drop.
Speaker 3: I actually took my my yoga certification where Donnie trains
Speaker 3: and teaches and it has been there. So that was
Speaker 3: really cool for me to you know, be with Donnie
Speaker 3: and spend time there and like literally to be where
Speaker 3: you were at, you know, for a whole month, which
Speaker 3: it was a vibe, man, it was. It was really cool.
Speaker 3: And my teacher, I feel like my teacher, her name
Speaker 3: is Gabrielle. She was just the perfect teacher for me,
Speaker 3: you know, she really just I was the only guy
Speaker 3: in the class, and she just made me so comfortable.
Speaker 3: You know, she made me so comfortable. And I'm coming
Speaker 3: from this background of you know, being an author, being
Speaker 3: an athlete, so I was feeling like a little what
Speaker 3: is it called imposteram syndrome, you know, because I'm in
Speaker 3: class with like fourteen women. They're doing splits and they're
Speaker 3: you know, they're just doing all this yoga stuff and
Speaker 3: I do yoga, but it was just different. And She's like,
Speaker 3: oh no, don't worry, Yoga's for everybody. You deserve to
Speaker 3: be here. It was such such a like empowering, you know,
Speaker 3: experience before I went to there. The reason why I
Speaker 3: wanted to do a yoga training is because I just
Speaker 3: didn't like paying twenty dollars every class to have someone
Speaker 3: lead me, Like I wanted to just leave myself. Twenty
Speaker 3: dollars adds up. You know, they're going to class two
Speaker 3: or three times a week. So that was like really
Speaker 3: my own reason, Like I just wanted to deepen, you know,
Speaker 3: my practice, and getting like the education, getting the knowledge
Speaker 3: and just you know, getting immersed in it was really
Speaker 3: really good for my journey. It brought me a lot
Speaker 3: of inner peace. And now I don't teach. I actually
Speaker 3: do not teach. I did not do the certification with
Speaker 3: the idea of like becoming a public teacher. It really
Speaker 3: truly was for my own journey and my own advancement.
Speaker 3: And I do yoga every day. Every single day. I
Speaker 3: do some aspect of yoga, whether it's just some stretching,
Speaker 3: whether it is meditation, whether it's some type of working
Speaker 3: on myself, or just trying to, you know, make myself
Speaker 3: the best version of me that I can be. I
Speaker 3: try to do yoga every day.
Speaker 4: How would you say yoga's made you a better dad
Speaker 4: and partner?
Speaker 3: Oh? Patients, easily patients. I am not a patient person.
Speaker 3: So let me be a little more clear. I'm a
Speaker 3: patient person if I'm working on something, if I'm creating something,
Speaker 3: if I'm trying to see like a goal or dream fulfilled.
Speaker 3: But I don't always have the most pay for other people.
Speaker 3: I just don't like when people make bad decisions over
Speaker 3: and over. I don't like certain low vibrational things. I
Speaker 3: don't like people are complaining. And so my tolerance for
Speaker 3: people is not that high. It's not right. And so
Speaker 3: yoga has really taught me that to have compassion for
Speaker 3: other people, to be forgiving, to be understanding, to be
Speaker 3: less critical. I grew up in a critical household, with
Speaker 3: my father being in an army, my mother, she was
Speaker 3: an administrative assistant, and my parents had very high expectations
Speaker 3: of me. And so I grew up in like this
Speaker 3: critical world. And so I wanted to be the type
Speaker 3: of parent where I wasn't critical of every single thing
Speaker 3: that my son does, because I know that that can
Speaker 3: create shame, that can create a lot of insecurities. I
Speaker 3: want to have him feeling empowered. I want to have
Speaker 3: him feeling confident in himself, you know. So for example,
Speaker 3: I won't like hover over him and say, well, you
Speaker 3: messed this up or you messed that up. Sometimes I'll
Speaker 3: just I'll just sit back and let things happen now,
Speaker 3: not to just let him be a menace, like yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't I don't discipline, but yeah I let him know,
Speaker 3: like hey, don't break this, you know, or don't mess
Speaker 3: this up please, you know. But I'm not caught up
Speaker 3: in like trying to micromanage my kid. I want him
Speaker 3: to experience his childhood without that hovering parent over, you know.
Speaker 3: Yoga taught me that patience. It truly did teach me
Speaker 3: more patients. You talked about talking about your son and
Speaker 3: your family. I remember a post that you posted one time.
Speaker 3: You're talking about being mindful of like brushing over like
Speaker 3: victories and blessings that come into your life, and that
Speaker 3: some families didn't know how to celebrate properly, Like how
Speaker 3: do you go about implemating that into your family now
Speaker 3: and keeping a vision for that going forward? Because I
Speaker 3: feel like a lot of families fall into that same
Speaker 3: just that same trap. I guess, great question. The way
Speaker 3: the human brain works, we're always looking for something to
Speaker 3: focus on. So it's so easy to accomplish something and
Speaker 3: then instantly turn to Okay, well what's next, what do
Speaker 3: I gotta do next? It's so easy to do that.
Speaker 3: It's normal. It's a normal thing for us to look
Speaker 3: for the next thing because we need something, you know,
Speaker 3: to focus on. But what can happen is like, for
Speaker 3: the school example, you can be in school for four
Speaker 3: years and never celebrate until graduation. You graduate from high
Speaker 3: school and then you're so happy. You know, your grandmother comes,
Speaker 3: cousins you never see, you're up there, there's cake, there's
Speaker 3: this big celebration, and then it's like, all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: it's like, Okay, well, what are you gonna do next?
Speaker 3: It's like, well, dann, can I celebrate just got my diploma?
Speaker 3: Can I honor this? Can I can I cherish this?
Speaker 3: Can this mean something to me? You guys are talking
Speaker 3: to me about college and my job and what kids
Speaker 3: are gonna happen in the future. I'm eighteen. Let me
Speaker 3: just enjoy this, right, So that's what I think is
Speaker 3: super important man, just to just to like enjoy. You know,
Speaker 3: we can call them small victories, big victories. I'm not
Speaker 3: here to make anybody's else's life minimize. If it's a
Speaker 3: big victory for you celebrated, if it's small celebrated, why not.
Speaker 3: Why not? And it doesn't have to be about social media,
Speaker 3: you know it can it can just be here in
Speaker 3: the home or with your friends, go out to a dinner. Guys,
Speaker 3: I passed the test, I got my driver's license. I
Speaker 3: asked that girl out. She said no, But I'm proud
Speaker 3: of myself because I tried. You know, I just feel
Speaker 3: like making space for celebration just makes it makes life
Speaker 3: so beautiful, man, because we're gonna look for the next thing.
Speaker 3: We are all, all of us, everybody listening already knows.
Speaker 3: When I say what's the next thing, you know it.
Speaker 3: You already know what you have to do, right, So
Speaker 3: why not put celebration in there. Right, it's and psychologically
Speaker 3: it's gonna give you a better wellness. Excuse me, it's
Speaker 3: gonna give you more encouragement. It's gonna give you mental wealth. Right,
Speaker 3: it's gonna give you more of a positive mindset. Why
Speaker 3: wouldn't you start to celebrate yourself also allowing yourself to
Speaker 3: be celebrated because a lot of us will reject it.
Speaker 3: Other people will call us, but hey man, good job,
Speaker 3: or I'm proud of you, and then we have this shame.
Speaker 3: So we're like, oh no, no, no, let me reject that
Speaker 3: like or or let me know. I need to do
Speaker 3: some other things before I can get your celebration and praise.
Speaker 3: That's not true. Love is love. Let the love in,
Speaker 3: Let the love in. The more love in your life,
Speaker 3: the better. Open yourself up to the vibration of receiving love.
Speaker 3: Open yourself up to the vibration of receiving a pat
Speaker 3: on the back of a hug from yourself. And from others, Hey,
Speaker 3: you did a good job. Cool, I receive that. Right.
Speaker 3: If you're the type of person that maybe you're not
Speaker 3: open to receiving love, just literally say it when it
Speaker 3: comes to you. I receive this. I am open to
Speaker 3: receiving this. Thank you, whether it's coming from self or externally.
Speaker 4: Man, we've got to talk about well, the practice of acknowledgement.
Speaker 4: I think a lot of this ties into acknowledgment, stopping
Speaker 4: and taking a moment to acknowledge if you've done good work,
Speaker 4: or stopping and smelling the roses. But I've told this story,
Speaker 4: your story about the old lady in Sprouts when you
Speaker 4: were all dressed up in the suit, So maybe you
Speaker 4: can share that for those that didn't hear your episode one,
Speaker 4: because I share this all the time and the importance
Speaker 4: of receiving acknowledgment.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So my grandmother, she passed in twenty twelve. She
Speaker 3: was one of my best friends, one of the most loving,
Speaker 3: encouraging people you know that I ever met. And I
Speaker 3: think for any of us who you know had that
Speaker 3: soft spot for you know, grandmother who helped raise us
Speaker 3: and help be a part of our lives. It's just
Speaker 3: an energy that you really you never feel that energy
Speaker 3: again in your life, like the energy of a loving
Speaker 3: present grandmother. And so I was in La, I was
Speaker 3: doing some work. Had just flew back to Arizona where
Speaker 3: I live, and I will walk to Sprouts grocery store.
Speaker 3: I will walk there pretty much every day. I will
Speaker 3: walk there. And I had just got off the plane.
Speaker 3: I go to my go to my house, do my
Speaker 3: daily walk to Sprouts to get my food for the day.
Speaker 3: And as I'm going in, this old lady is coming out,
Speaker 3: and man, she just she changed my life because she's like, sir, sir.
Speaker 3: And again I already told you guys, I don't really
Speaker 3: like people. I'm not super tolerant. I like to just
Speaker 3: mind my business. You know, I'm historically an introvert. I
Speaker 3: won't really talk to to most people unless you know,
Speaker 3: I have to. That's kind of how I've been. And
Speaker 3: you know, I was very reserved at this point in
Speaker 3: my life. So I'm trying to ignore her. She's like sir, sir,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, no, I don't hear her. I
Speaker 3: don't hear I'm trying to just walk past her. And
Speaker 3: then finally she was like sir, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I can't ignore her. At this part. She's like screaming
Speaker 3: at me essentially, and I was like, yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 3: And she's like, I just want to say, you know
Speaker 3: that outfit you have on and those boots are amazing.
Speaker 3: She was really complimenting the boots. And the first thing
Speaker 3: I tried to do was, oh, well, these are just
Speaker 3: some moots from Levi's. They're only like twenty five thirty bucks.
Speaker 3: Like I'm trying to justify or talk about the love
Speaker 3: that she was giving me, and she just looked at
Speaker 3: me and she was like, shut up. I didn't ask
Speaker 3: you any of that. I'm giving you a compliment, Receive it.
Speaker 3: I'm giving you love, receive it. I'm giving you acknowledge it.
Speaker 3: Receive it. And there was just this moment where I
Speaker 3: just felt the rush of my grandmother's energy just take
Speaker 3: me over. You know. It's like she had passed at
Speaker 3: this point, so I'm like I just felt her energy.
Speaker 3: I'm like man, and I just had a smile on
Speaker 3: my face and I said, okay, thank you, you know,
Speaker 3: And since that day, I have never done that. If
Speaker 3: someone's like, hey, you I like you, I'm like hey, thanks, Yeah,
Speaker 3: you did something good for me. Okay, thanks. I appreciate
Speaker 3: that I received that. I acknowledge it now, whereas previously
Speaker 3: I was taught to be humble, to reject it, to
Speaker 3: push it aside, to play it off, to be nonchalant,
Speaker 3: to act like, oh, it's no big deal. This is
Speaker 3: what I do. Now I receive it and I say
Speaker 3: those words. Now I receive this, thank you. I'm open
Speaker 3: to this thank you, and I do it when it's
Speaker 3: simple things. Now, simple things people will text me and
Speaker 3: I say, hey, thank you for I'll say thank you
Speaker 3: for this genuinely. And I feel like what this does
Speaker 3: for us is it puts us into emotion of gratitude.
Speaker 3: Right one of the most studied emotions that we experience
Speaker 3: is gratitude and choosing that grateful reaction, stopping and just
Speaker 3: saying I receive this, tan next your life right there.
Speaker 4: Well, the practice of acknowledgement, it feeds both parties because
Speaker 4: it feels good to acknowledge somebody else, So the person
Speaker 4: doing the acknowledging is filled up, but then also the
Speaker 4: person that's receiving it. So it's it's a practice that
Speaker 4: I don't think us as humans are very good at
Speaker 4: especially acknowledging ourselves for the good work, taking a step
Speaker 4: back and you know, stopping and smelling the roses, but
Speaker 4: also just acknowledging other people simply just starting a conversation
Speaker 4: out and saying, I want to acknowledge you for the
Speaker 4: amazing friends you've been. It's just, you know, I think
Speaker 4: we as humans could get better at that, and ultimately,
Speaker 4: like you know, I know for me, receiving compliments can
Speaker 4: be tricky and it's all rooted in like childhood stuff
Speaker 4: and wanting to dim my light. But yeah, I think
Speaker 4: you know they what do they say? It's not love
Speaker 4: unless you give it away. But the only way that
Speaker 4: you can really have a full cup is you have
Speaker 4: to receive. You have to be able to receive certain
Speaker 4: things and receive compliments, and then ultimately, as your cup
Speaker 4: is full, everybody else gets the overflow. So it's it's
Speaker 4: it's a powerful practice, man. But that story I share
Speaker 4: it with all my coaching clients. I if there's boundaries issues,
Speaker 4: I do a session on boundaries with my coaching clients.
Speaker 4: But if there's some some shit there, like I push
Speaker 4: them to your course, you know. So it's just so
Speaker 4: cool to have you on here and really feel like
Speaker 4: I'm being coached in many aspects with some of the
Speaker 4: questions that I'm asking. So it's just cool to have
Speaker 4: you on the show for round two, to have you
Speaker 4: in my life and consider you a friend, and to
Speaker 4: be out here in San Diego with you, and it
Speaker 4: was it's been some special moments, man, So thank you.
Speaker 3: Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, man, I want to I want to say
Speaker 2: thank you as well, you know, for both the times
Speaker 2: you call on the show, for the time that I've
Speaker 2: been able to sit down with you face to face.
Speaker 2: You know, I just for all that you overcome, the
Speaker 2: energy and everything that you put out into the world.
Speaker 2: It's impacted me, it's impacting a lot of people, and
Speaker 2: it's impacting people that are listening right now. And just
Speaker 2: grateful for another opportunity to get to sit with you.
Speaker 3: Man. Thank you, sir, Thank you, sir.
Speaker 2: Appreciate you all joined us for another episode come Back Stories.
Speaker 2: Check us out wherever you get your podcast check us
Speaker 2: out and Inflection Network on YouTube as well. Love you
Speaker 2: all and see y'all next week.
Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio.
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