WEBVTT - Balancing Act 0:00:04.813 --> 0:00:15.013 Comeback Stories is a production I've Inflectioned Network and iHeartRadio. 0:00:17.933 --> 0:00:20.773 Welcome back everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. 0:00:21.133 --> 0:00:22.333 Honored to be here with you today. 0:00:22.373 --> 0:00:24.813 I'm Darren Waller, joined by my co host, my brother 0:00:24.893 --> 0:00:26.053 and friend, Donnie Starkins. 0:00:26.053 --> 0:00:27.213 Donnie, how you doing, brother. 0:00:27.493 --> 0:00:29.533 I'm doing well. I'm excited for this one. 0:00:30.133 --> 0:00:30.853 Oh yeah, no doubt. 0:00:30.893 --> 0:00:32.893 We got a friend of the show coming back around 0:00:32.893 --> 0:00:36.853 for round two, someone who in preparation for this, I 0:00:36.893 --> 0:00:38.933 went back through all the screenshots I have in my 0:00:38.973 --> 0:00:41.893 phone from the content that he's posted to social media, 0:00:42.253 --> 0:00:46.693 via books, via you know, speaking via video and things 0:00:46.693 --> 0:00:48.933 that have really inspired me again today like that inspired 0:00:48.973 --> 0:00:52.373 me for the first time. He's an author, a podcaster, 0:00:52.573 --> 0:00:57.733 public speaker, course creator, most importantly, a father helping people 0:00:57.773 --> 0:01:02.533 to grow and self awareness and healing and loving themselves properly. 0:01:02.733 --> 0:01:06.133 We've got our friend making up the third join us today, Bro, 0:01:06.173 --> 0:01:06.853 how you doing. 0:01:07.893 --> 0:01:10.493 I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Thank you, Thank you 0:01:10.533 --> 0:01:11.893 for the invitation to come back. 0:01:13.013 --> 0:01:14.893 Yes, sir, it's an honor to have you here. And 0:01:14.933 --> 0:01:17.573 I'm one thing that caught me. I was looking through 0:01:17.773 --> 0:01:20.133 the like the just the titles of your books and 0:01:20.213 --> 0:01:24.133 you have loving yourself properly care package for your energy, 0:01:24.693 --> 0:01:27.413 lust for life. This is what real love looks like, 0:01:28.213 --> 0:01:31.213 dear soul. Success is a choice. I'm looking at these 0:01:31.253 --> 0:01:33.813 and I'm like, in order for you to arrive at 0:01:33.853 --> 0:01:36.773 what love is and what care is, do you have 0:01:36.853 --> 0:01:40.453 to first learn what those things are not first? 0:01:42.453 --> 0:01:47.053 Ooh, that's a good question. That is That question makes 0:01:47.093 --> 0:01:51.213 me just think about this term that I often caught, duality, 0:01:51.373 --> 0:01:54.813 you know, and duality is really just embracing the polar 0:01:54.893 --> 0:01:59.853 experiences of life. You know. It's like literally like learning 0:02:00.053 --> 0:02:02.373 what to do in a loss and learning what to 0:02:02.413 --> 0:02:04.493 do in a win, you know, or it's like learning 0:02:04.653 --> 0:02:08.213 like wow, I'm extremely angry right now, I'm ready to 0:02:08.213 --> 0:02:10.573 punch this hole in the wall. And then you do it, 0:02:10.813 --> 0:02:12.853 especially when you're younger, you punch that hole in the wall, 0:02:12.973 --> 0:02:14.973 you break something, and then you have to deal with 0:02:15.013 --> 0:02:17.933 the duality of like those consequences, and then later in 0:02:17.973 --> 0:02:19.733 life you're met with that choice of like, Okay, well 0:02:19.773 --> 0:02:21.213 I'm angry, I want to punch his hole in the 0:02:21.213 --> 0:02:24.253 wall again. But then because you've had that previous experience, 0:02:24.333 --> 0:02:26.613 now you have the duality of to know like, wow, 0:02:27.733 --> 0:02:30.493 there's this path and there's that path, and you know, 0:02:30.533 --> 0:02:33.813 then you can get some more like discernments. So I 0:02:33.813 --> 0:02:36.213 feel like it's got to be both. It has to 0:02:36.253 --> 0:02:36.933 be both. 0:02:39.053 --> 0:02:41.733 For those that are listening that don't know much about 0:02:41.773 --> 0:02:45.413 your story. Are there any examples that you go to 0:02:45.533 --> 0:02:48.133 first as far as the duality in your own life? 0:02:48.573 --> 0:02:51.813 Yeah, I mean, I think it just points to you know, 0:02:52.133 --> 0:02:54.773 when you get older, you start saying things like, man, 0:02:54.853 --> 0:02:57.253 back in my day or when I was a young kid, 0:02:57.373 --> 0:03:01.013 or they don't make it like this anymore. Like, for example, 0:03:01.053 --> 0:03:04.213 there's a very popular musician who who just put out 0:03:04.253 --> 0:03:06.973 like new music. This is a musician I was I 0:03:07.013 --> 0:03:08.813 won't say the name, but this is a musician I 0:03:08.933 --> 0:03:12.173 listened to a lot when I was in college. But 0:03:12.213 --> 0:03:15.413 you know, that was like fifteen years ago. And now 0:03:15.893 --> 0:03:19.693 that musician's like music doesn't resonate with me at all. 0:03:20.573 --> 0:03:22.333 And I'm on my walk the other day and I'm 0:03:22.373 --> 0:03:24.933 trying to listen to this album. I'm trying to get 0:03:24.973 --> 0:03:27.293 into it, but I was forcing it. I just I 0:03:27.373 --> 0:03:32.173 just had outgrown this artist and this music, and so 0:03:32.653 --> 0:03:34.933 I was really like perplexed as I was walking home, 0:03:35.013 --> 0:03:38.933 like just recognizing the duality of like a younger me 0:03:39.173 --> 0:03:43.773 was completely embracing this, this music, this vibration, you know, 0:03:43.853 --> 0:03:47.813 this experience, but this me, authentically I couldn't get into it. 0:03:47.853 --> 0:03:50.373 And I even tried, like I even tried to prep 0:03:50.413 --> 0:03:52.573 myself like all right, come on, we're gonna listen to this, 0:03:52.693 --> 0:03:55.653 and it just didn't. It just didn't vibrate with me. 0:03:55.813 --> 0:03:58.373 And it was cool to have that. It was like 0:03:58.653 --> 0:04:01.093 a conflict at first, but then I was like, just 0:04:01.173 --> 0:04:04.733 really grateful because it's really growth and just maturity. 0:04:06.293 --> 0:04:09.373 I have. I have a really similar story. Actually, there 0:04:09.493 --> 0:04:13.173 is an artist that a lot of people would know 0:04:13.253 --> 0:04:17.893 of that he had a song towards the near of 0:04:17.933 --> 0:04:21.573 My rock Bottom and he was talking about using my 0:04:21.693 --> 0:04:25.893 drug of choice. And this artist was, you know, tremendous 0:04:25.933 --> 0:04:27.413 influence on me. I I love the beats, I love 0:04:27.413 --> 0:04:29.453 the melodies and all those things. And now it's like, 0:04:30.453 --> 0:04:32.653 unless they're playing them in the locker room or in 0:04:32.693 --> 0:04:35.933 the weight room or I'm somewhere, any song comes on 0:04:36.133 --> 0:04:39.933 like it's not something that I can willingly choose to 0:04:39.973 --> 0:04:45.013 put on because there's elements of me, I guess that 0:04:45.133 --> 0:04:48.773 are I wouldn't say no longer here, no longer alive, 0:04:48.853 --> 0:04:52.453 but parts of me that I no longer want to 0:04:52.453 --> 0:04:55.373 to surface, that I no longer want to have the 0:04:55.413 --> 0:04:58.093 stage anymore. So I can, I can, I can very 0:04:58.133 --> 0:05:00.133 much relate to to that experience. 0:05:02.853 --> 0:05:05.613 Yeah, I love that you brought that up there, And 0:05:05.733 --> 0:05:08.373 it's funny that you brought up his books initially because 0:05:08.813 --> 0:05:11.893 with him being on the podcast once before, I do 0:05:11.973 --> 0:05:13.693 want to get in I think for people that maybe 0:05:13.773 --> 0:05:17.013 weren't blessed to hear his episode one and hear his 0:05:17.093 --> 0:05:20.773 whole story to set some context as to why he'd 0:05:20.813 --> 0:05:23.813 even be on our show, and especially I mean, I'm 0:05:23.853 --> 0:05:26.533 confident after this episode you'll understand why he's been on 0:05:26.613 --> 0:05:29.693 two times. But I think just looking through the books, 0:05:29.693 --> 0:05:31.853 I have so much respect for you as a writer 0:05:31.973 --> 0:05:35.493 in the consistency with ten books and looking through some 0:05:35.573 --> 0:05:37.573 of the names of these books, I mean, anybody that 0:05:37.693 --> 0:05:40.813 has the words love yourself in a book title like 0:05:41.453 --> 0:05:44.253 you're my people, you know, And I think it's such 0:05:44.253 --> 0:05:47.533 an important message with which our listeners have probably heard 0:05:47.613 --> 0:05:50.573 me talk about a ton. But I'm curious with each book, 0:05:50.613 --> 0:05:53.693 maybe we can talk about a couple of them, starting 0:05:53.693 --> 0:05:56.413 with loving yourself properly, and maybe you can even talk 0:05:56.413 --> 0:06:00.773 about the duality of like who you were before writing 0:06:00.813 --> 0:06:02.933 the book, and then what it means to truly love 0:06:02.973 --> 0:06:05.573 yourself properly today. 0:06:05.693 --> 0:06:10.133 Yeah, I think any journey, of any massive creative project 0:06:11.133 --> 0:06:14.413 is going to change the person that is creating it, 0:06:15.533 --> 0:06:19.293 and so specifically with loving yourself properly. When I wrote 0:06:19.293 --> 0:06:22.533 that book, I wasn't a great place. I had a great, 0:06:22.613 --> 0:06:26.893 great training regimen, my sleep was dialed in, my nutrition 0:06:27.133 --> 0:06:31.453 was great, my hydration was great, my relationships were great. 0:06:31.653 --> 0:06:35.133 Everything was going really really good. For context, I wrote 0:06:35.133 --> 0:06:38.933 it from twenty eighteen to about twenty nineteen, so right 0:06:38.933 --> 0:06:42.893 before right before COVID came and changed the entire world. 0:06:43.733 --> 0:06:47.373 And at the time, I wanted to become a dad, 0:06:47.453 --> 0:06:48.973 like I wanted to become a father. And one of 0:06:49.013 --> 0:06:54.253 the things that I told myself and my partner was like, Hey, 0:06:54.973 --> 0:06:59.133 we need to create the best vessel possible for our kid. 0:06:59.973 --> 0:07:03.133 And that's like, it's three vessels. It's the vessel of me, 0:07:03.253 --> 0:07:05.533 it's the vessel of her, and it's the best of 0:07:05.693 --> 0:07:08.933 who we are and what we are together. And she 0:07:09.053 --> 0:07:10.933 bought in and she was on board, and so she 0:07:11.133 --> 0:07:13.533 was she was doing her yoga and going to the 0:07:13.533 --> 0:07:16.413 gym and lifting and you know, taking her vitamins and 0:07:16.533 --> 0:07:19.173 you know, hanging around women who are good influences on her, 0:07:19.253 --> 0:07:22.653 and we're spending quality time together and so we really 0:07:22.693 --> 0:07:26.773 created this like just beautiful landscape that existed withinside of 0:07:26.533 --> 0:07:31.373 each other, you know, individually and collectively. And I can 0:07:31.373 --> 0:07:34.613 truly say that, you know, like writing that book, it 0:07:34.773 --> 0:07:39.053 was it was interesting because it was like when you're 0:07:39.053 --> 0:07:41.653 writing about, you know, self, love on the internet is 0:07:41.853 --> 0:07:46.053 very shallow, and I think that's because the conversation is 0:07:46.173 --> 0:07:50.533 a is a nuanced conversation that you know, requires some 0:07:50.533 --> 0:07:54.613 some color and every colors, it requires some like imagination, 0:07:55.213 --> 0:07:57.053 you know, So things you'll say on the internet maybe 0:07:57.093 --> 0:07:59.493 just be like, oh, love yourself, take care of yourself, 0:07:59.813 --> 0:08:01.933 more or less those simple reminders. But when you're writing 0:08:01.973 --> 0:08:03.813 a book, you want to go a little bit deeper, 0:08:03.853 --> 0:08:06.933 well a lot of deeper, and like you really want 0:08:06.973 --> 0:08:09.813 to get into the things. And so I feel like 0:08:09.813 --> 0:08:12.573 when it comes to loving yourself properly and really taking 0:08:12.613 --> 0:08:15.453 care of yourself, there's there's a few ways to approach it. 0:08:15.493 --> 0:08:18.213 I think you can approach it from a mindset place. 0:08:18.733 --> 0:08:21.573 That's where I like to go to first, you know, 0:08:21.613 --> 0:08:24.133 because the mind to me is the is the navigation, 0:08:24.293 --> 0:08:27.213 is the is the conductor. You know, he's the person. 0:08:27.213 --> 0:08:30.573 The mind is the person that's that's guiding the actions 0:08:30.613 --> 0:08:32.413 that you take, you know, and then your actions are 0:08:32.413 --> 0:08:37.973 going to create certain emotions, certain reactions, certain perspectives. But 0:08:38.293 --> 0:08:40.093 to me, it all starts in the mind. So like 0:08:40.213 --> 0:08:43.253 at that time period, for me, my mindset was I 0:08:43.293 --> 0:08:45.973 need to be the healthiest I can be in all 0:08:46.013 --> 0:08:49.533 pillars of my life. Now it wasn't a like pursuit 0:08:49.573 --> 0:08:52.533 of perfection. It was just a pursuit of making sure 0:08:52.573 --> 0:08:56.973 that I'm investing in each pillar and knowing that those 0:08:57.013 --> 0:08:59.813 investments will give me a life full of love. Now 0:08:59.893 --> 0:09:02.493 I have the I guess I have the ability to 0:09:02.533 --> 0:09:05.453 look back in time now five or six years ago 0:09:05.493 --> 0:09:08.533 when I started writing that and to see that it worked, 0:09:08.573 --> 0:09:10.173 you know, because now when I look at my son, 0:09:10.733 --> 0:09:14.133 he's full of joy, he can express himself, he has 0:09:14.173 --> 0:09:17.453 hell of boundaries. He doesn't let people mess with him, 0:09:17.453 --> 0:09:19.693 you know, like in any type of negative way, and 0:09:19.893 --> 0:09:22.613 you know, he loves life. He's like just enjoys his life. 0:09:23.253 --> 0:09:26.253 And that honestly, it like it inspires me just to 0:09:26.253 --> 0:09:29.653 get those reminders like man, just have fun, enjoy life 0:09:29.773 --> 0:09:32.733 because before I was such a serious person, because I 0:09:32.773 --> 0:09:35.013 had so many things to do, And I feel like 0:09:35.053 --> 0:09:38.773 there's this like just beautiful journey that started with self 0:09:38.813 --> 0:09:40.933 love and taking care of myself that I feel like 0:09:41.053 --> 0:09:43.653 has affected me, but with a different consequence because I'm 0:09:43.693 --> 0:09:45.173 seeing it coming from my son. 0:09:47.093 --> 0:09:49.973 What would you say is the biggest thing that you see? 0:09:50.213 --> 0:09:53.533 I have my own inspiration around that theme of loving yourself, 0:09:53.613 --> 0:09:56.613 But what do you see as the common theme in 0:09:56.693 --> 0:10:00.533 humanity or in other people as to why they they 0:10:00.573 --> 0:10:02.093 don't love themselves properly? 0:10:03.893 --> 0:10:07.653 It's still a most of shame. It's definitely the emotion 0:10:07.773 --> 0:10:10.333 of shame, which I believe can come from a lot 0:10:10.413 --> 0:10:13.653 of different routes. Oftentimes it comes from the family system 0:10:13.693 --> 0:10:16.173 first and foremost. And then I would say that it 0:10:16.213 --> 0:10:20.613 can be reinforced through the mass media, through marketing, through commercials, 0:10:21.573 --> 0:10:25.053 through the through these campaigns that we don't even recognize 0:10:25.133 --> 0:10:28.613 or know that we're consciously being targeted in, you know, 0:10:28.693 --> 0:10:30.933 things that are telling us that we're inadequate or not 0:10:30.973 --> 0:10:34.413 good enough, or we don't look like this person, or 0:10:34.413 --> 0:10:37.853 we don't have enough money, or it just creates and 0:10:37.893 --> 0:10:40.813 again it's playing on the emotion of shame. And the 0:10:40.813 --> 0:10:45.053 consequence of shame is you feel smaller, you feel inadequate, 0:10:45.173 --> 0:10:50.293 you feel defective, you feel unworthy. I remember when I first, 0:10:50.533 --> 0:10:52.213 you know, in high school, I was one of those guys. 0:10:52.213 --> 0:10:54.093 We're not just in high school. My whole life, I've 0:10:54.133 --> 0:10:56.653 always been the guy in my mind, I'm Mark, you know, 0:10:57.133 --> 0:10:58.933 I'll go after the pretty girl, the girl that I 0:10:59.093 --> 0:11:02.253 think is pretty. And I remember, this is such a 0:11:03.293 --> 0:11:05.893 this is such a like a basic juvenile thing when 0:11:05.933 --> 0:11:08.093 you bring it up, like, oh, go after the pretty girl. 0:11:08.333 --> 0:11:10.613 But a lot of guys won't do that, And a 0:11:10.693 --> 0:11:12.733 lot of guys won't do it because they're shamed. They 0:11:13.173 --> 0:11:17.013 have a shameful image of themselves. It's called no, she 0:11:17.013 --> 0:11:20.213 wouldn't pay attention to me, or she wouldn't acknowledge me, 0:11:20.333 --> 0:11:22.933 or what happens if I get rejected. It's all the 0:11:22.973 --> 0:11:27.093 emotion of just being small, you know. And so I 0:11:27.173 --> 0:11:30.413 remember going up to back in that day before people 0:11:30.453 --> 0:11:32.613 did you know, online dating, when you actually had to 0:11:32.653 --> 0:11:35.773 like approach girls. I remember going up to a girl 0:11:35.853 --> 0:11:39.213 the very first time and like just having that anxiety 0:11:39.293 --> 0:11:43.173 and like knowing like, oh man, this is this is hard. 0:11:43.293 --> 0:11:48.253 But you know, I gotta do it, and yeah, yeah, 0:11:48.333 --> 0:11:52.093 so I just think, yeah, let's just let's just go 0:11:52.133 --> 0:11:53.933 to the next question. I think I answered that one enough. 0:11:54.373 --> 0:11:57.653 M Yeah, when you when you think we talk of shame, 0:11:57.733 --> 0:12:00.013 like my mind directly goes to I guess what I 0:12:00.013 --> 0:12:03.653 would say is the other end is the compassion aspect 0:12:03.653 --> 0:12:07.573 of things that I've always struggled with. I feel like 0:12:07.653 --> 0:12:12.173 nowadays I can have like spurts of self compassion and 0:12:12.533 --> 0:12:14.373 it be a practice and it be regimented, but it 0:12:14.413 --> 0:12:17.213 always seems to kind of slip away, like what do 0:12:17.253 --> 0:12:21.533 you what do you say the most common like hurdles 0:12:21.573 --> 0:12:25.093 to people being able to have compassion for themselves? And 0:12:25.173 --> 0:12:28.733 what does a self compassion practice, I guess look like 0:12:28.893 --> 0:12:29.613 for yourself. 0:12:31.173 --> 0:12:34.173 Yeah, I totally can understand why, you know, someone like 0:12:34.213 --> 0:12:36.773 you would struggle with that, just like giving you your 0:12:36.813 --> 0:12:41.213 profession as well. It's like how many not everybody's being watched, 0:12:41.693 --> 0:12:46.493 you know, with their with their profession, and you know, 0:12:46.613 --> 0:12:49.293 like for you, you're being graded, you know essentially like 0:12:49.413 --> 0:12:52.653 every literally every step that you take as being greated. 0:12:52.693 --> 0:12:55.653 So I could totally understand, could stand that, but that's 0:12:55.693 --> 0:12:57.973 really what it comes from. It's like the lack of 0:12:57.973 --> 0:13:01.893 self compassion is often a reinforced habit that we learned 0:13:01.893 --> 0:13:04.933 in our family system, where we're being watched or where 0:13:04.933 --> 0:13:08.653 we're being graded, where we're being like micromanaged. Like for example, 0:13:08.733 --> 0:13:11.933 that kid who get b's and c's, which are passing grades, 0:13:12.293 --> 0:13:14.013 and they come home and their parents are like, no, 0:13:14.053 --> 0:13:16.813 you need a's. This is this is terrible. You know, 0:13:16.893 --> 0:13:20.213 it's just that reinforcement of not good enough, which creates 0:13:20.253 --> 0:13:23.253 a shame. So as far as what we can do, 0:13:25.093 --> 0:13:27.773 really we need to and this is not easy to do. 0:13:27.893 --> 0:13:31.613 It takes time, but we need to unlearn some of 0:13:31.653 --> 0:13:35.093 the mindsets that we've learned. If we've learned the mindset 0:13:35.173 --> 0:13:37.933 that everything needs to be graded and everything needs to 0:13:37.973 --> 0:13:41.653 be judged, we'll never we'll never really be able to 0:13:42.493 --> 0:13:45.773 come into harmony with our emotions because the baseline of 0:13:45.773 --> 0:13:48.773 our logic and the baseline of our thinking is everything 0:13:48.813 --> 0:13:51.173 I do needs to be judged, everything I do needs 0:13:51.173 --> 0:13:56.613 to be graded. And or we also need to practice indifference. 0:13:57.333 --> 0:14:00.293 You know, indifference is the art of I don't want 0:14:00.293 --> 0:14:06.173 to necessarily say not caring, but being being able to 0:14:06.413 --> 0:14:09.693 use not caring as a tool. Right, It's not to 0:14:09.773 --> 0:14:12.053 be disengaged from the things that we care about are 0:14:12.093 --> 0:14:14.693 the things that we value. But it's to be indifferent 0:14:14.733 --> 0:14:18.813 and just to not care as much emotionally, especially if 0:14:18.853 --> 0:14:21.733 you're a person that if the feedback to you is, well, 0:14:21.773 --> 0:14:24.373 this wasn't good enough, or this sucks or this is weak, 0:14:24.773 --> 0:14:27.293 and then if you just instantly shut down, you instantly 0:14:27.333 --> 0:14:30.373 get in shame. Then you have to learn some indifference 0:14:30.733 --> 0:14:33.653 and you also have to learn, you know, the word closure. 0:14:33.973 --> 0:14:36.333 Like I'm a strong believer that if I try my 0:14:36.413 --> 0:14:38.973 best at something like how long am I going to 0:14:39.013 --> 0:14:42.293 allow myself to beat myself up? You know, a very 0:14:42.453 --> 0:14:47.213 very simple situation. You're learning how to make pancakes. I mean, 0:14:47.253 --> 0:14:50.173 when you first do it, it's so hard to time 0:14:50.253 --> 0:14:53.733 it right. You flip it, you miss it right. But 0:14:53.773 --> 0:14:56.453 then as you age, you learn, okay, I need a 0:14:56.533 --> 0:14:58.853 medium heat. I gotta put the butter in the pan. 0:14:59.133 --> 0:15:01.933 I'll wait till those bubbles come up and get under there, 0:15:02.053 --> 0:15:03.773 make sure it's all good, and then I can flip 0:15:03.813 --> 0:15:06.773 it per quickly, right. And we got to understand that 0:15:06.853 --> 0:15:10.013 like everything in life is like pancakes, it really really is. 0:15:10.293 --> 0:15:13.133 It's a process. You gotta learn the science of it. 0:15:13.413 --> 0:15:16.573 You know, and it starts within great question. 0:15:16.693 --> 0:15:20.733 I feel like with that question, something that I want 0:15:20.773 --> 0:15:22.893 you to talk and elaborate as much as you want 0:15:22.933 --> 0:15:26.653 to on is boundaries, because I think there's such an 0:15:26.813 --> 0:15:30.813 essential part of our self care, our self looking that 0:15:30.973 --> 0:15:33.213 set proper boundaries. And I know you have an online 0:15:33.253 --> 0:15:36.733 course and you dive super deep into this, but how 0:15:36.773 --> 0:15:38.533 does that play into affect with everything? 0:15:38.973 --> 0:15:44.493 Yeah, boundaries, everybody needs them. Two different degrees and different pillars. 0:15:44.573 --> 0:15:47.133 I mean, the one that's most prevalent right now in 0:15:47.173 --> 0:15:50.693 my life, I would say is a boundary that like 0:15:50.733 --> 0:15:53.053 one of the boundary that I'm struggling with is I 0:15:53.093 --> 0:15:55.213 have a lot of work to do since I'm in 0:15:55.213 --> 0:15:58.813 the process of finishing my next book, like literally have 0:15:58.853 --> 0:16:00.493 like a week or two left to turn them back 0:16:00.533 --> 0:16:05.333 into my editor, and so I'm catching myself giving more energy, 0:16:05.413 --> 0:16:10.013 giving more time, going you know, going past my boundaries, 0:16:10.413 --> 0:16:12.573 and then it's causing me to stay up later at night, 0:16:12.613 --> 0:16:14.853 and then I'm groggy and tired the next day. And 0:16:14.933 --> 0:16:19.573 there's just like these negative consequences that I'm experiencing. And 0:16:19.773 --> 0:16:22.173 the thing is is I'm aware of it. It's not 0:16:22.213 --> 0:16:24.973 that I'm unaware of it. You know, I'm aware of 0:16:25.013 --> 0:16:28.293 this problem that I'm creating for myself, but then I'm 0:16:28.413 --> 0:16:30.893 justifying it because I'm saying, well, I have a big project. 0:16:30.893 --> 0:16:33.373 Do I have a big deadline? Dude? So it makes 0:16:33.413 --> 0:16:37.093 sense like I'm again that duality, like I'm justifying why 0:16:37.133 --> 0:16:41.213 I'm violating my own boundaries, right, And so I had 0:16:41.213 --> 0:16:43.053 to talk with myself this weekend and one of the 0:16:43.093 --> 0:16:46.853 things and yoga, there's this phrase, it's one of the 0:16:46.973 --> 0:16:53.333 yamass brama machari, and it's about the right use of 0:16:53.373 --> 0:16:59.133 your energy, and that term refers to you know, it 0:16:59.133 --> 0:17:01.893 can be it could be sexual, it could be food, 0:17:01.973 --> 0:17:04.653 it could be it could be so many different ways 0:17:04.653 --> 0:17:06.893 we use our energy. And so I had to talk 0:17:06.933 --> 0:17:09.253 with myself this weekend and say, hey, I need to 0:17:09.253 --> 0:17:11.813 make sure I use my energy the right way. And 0:17:11.853 --> 0:17:15.453 so for that was my attention for the week. And 0:17:15.493 --> 0:17:18.213 so what I did if anyone who has boundaries, I'm 0:17:18.253 --> 0:17:21.493 kind of explaining the framework now, so you recognize the problem, 0:17:21.653 --> 0:17:25.093 like you recognize the consequences of you not having boundaries, right, 0:17:25.093 --> 0:17:28.133 because recognition is step one, and then step two you 0:17:28.213 --> 0:17:30.453 have to have some type of new commitment. And so 0:17:30.533 --> 0:17:32.813 my new commitment came this weekend where I said, Okay, 0:17:33.173 --> 0:17:35.053 this week, I'm gonna make sure I have the right 0:17:35.133 --> 0:17:38.893 use of my energy. And so, for example, when you're writing, 0:17:39.373 --> 0:17:42.573 it's very easy to you know, be working on your 0:17:42.573 --> 0:17:45.453 book like and then all of a sudden, you're like 0:17:45.773 --> 0:17:49.573 looking at Halloween decorations, or you're like ordering a cup 0:17:49.613 --> 0:17:52.453 of coffee, or you're like just doing something that has 0:17:52.493 --> 0:17:54.573 nothing to do with what you need to be doing. 0:17:56.173 --> 0:17:59.093 And so what I determined was, I'm gonna do three blocks. 0:17:59.093 --> 0:18:02.053 So today, for example, I had three blocks, like literally 0:18:02.093 --> 0:18:06.493 three scheduling blocks. And these scheduling blocks represent it the boundaries, 0:18:06.493 --> 0:18:10.773 the energy boundaries, the focus boundary for me to write. 0:18:10.973 --> 0:18:14.813 So literally would just be ninety minutes, phone was off, boom, 0:18:14.893 --> 0:18:17.373 I'm doing what I need to do, disengage, take a 0:18:17.373 --> 0:18:20.693 thirty minute break, go for a walk, drink water, hydrate, 0:18:20.773 --> 0:18:25.093 just do whatever. And so that recommitment to my boundaries. 0:18:25.253 --> 0:18:28.933 As far as today, I'm completely set up and I'm 0:18:28.973 --> 0:18:30.973 set up to thrive. And then tonight I have one 0:18:30.973 --> 0:18:34.053 more session. It's gonna be ninety minutes. I'm gonna give 0:18:34.053 --> 0:18:35.973 myself to it, and then I'll get back to my 0:18:36.013 --> 0:18:39.053 family and go to sleep on time and complete that 0:18:39.133 --> 0:18:42.573 throughout this week. And so my theory is that if 0:18:42.613 --> 0:18:45.213 I stick to my boundaries, if I integrate these boundaries 0:18:45.253 --> 0:18:47.813 this week, this work related boundary, not only will I 0:18:47.853 --> 0:18:50.013 get my work done, but I won't be burnt out. 0:18:50.693 --> 0:18:52.973 I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm gonna have fun with it, 0:18:53.213 --> 0:18:55.013 and I'm gonna get to enjoy the rest of my life. 0:18:55.573 --> 0:18:58.573 You know. So that's like a real world present example 0:18:58.613 --> 0:19:01.533 of the boundaries framework that I teach that I'm using 0:19:01.613 --> 0:19:04.773 myself with the work with work thereon. 0:19:04.813 --> 0:19:06.813 I gotta say, Man, I'm loving how you've really made 0:19:06.813 --> 0:19:08.533 yourself at home in the big city. 0:19:08.773 --> 0:19:11.173 I'm curious, how are you getting around? 0:19:11.533 --> 0:19:14.533 You a subway guy, cab uber. 0:19:14.973 --> 0:19:15.773 I'm glad you're asked. 0:19:15.773 --> 0:19:18.293 Donnie Man, I'm a got the honor to partner with 0:19:18.693 --> 0:19:21.533 All American Forward over in New Jersey. They've been taking 0:19:21.533 --> 0:19:23.053 really good care of me since I got out here, 0:19:23.293 --> 0:19:24.493 and that's why I love the most about it. 0:19:24.573 --> 0:19:24.653 Man. 0:19:24.653 --> 0:19:26.573 They treat me like I'm family, not just a customer 0:19:26.693 --> 0:19:29.133 trying to get a deal or just a statistic. 0:19:30.133 --> 0:19:30.293 You know. 0:19:30.333 --> 0:19:32.293 They give me great service. You could tell they got 0:19:32.293 --> 0:19:36.213 to commitment to quality. The innovation is unmatched. And just 0:19:36.213 --> 0:19:38.533 so if anybody's you know, like me, trying to get 0:19:38.573 --> 0:19:41.093 around in New Jersey, don't know where to go, I'm 0:19:41.133 --> 0:19:43.773 telling you go check out All American Forward here in Jersey. 0:19:43.813 --> 0:19:44.973 They're gonna take real good care of you. 0:19:45.853 --> 0:19:48.933 When we come back, you'll hear more of this inspiring 0:19:49.013 --> 0:19:49.853 comeback story. 0:19:51.253 --> 0:19:51.453 Man. 0:19:51.533 --> 0:19:56.013 I mean, boundaries are an unfolding thing in my life 0:19:56.053 --> 0:19:59.453 as well, because I will still, like you said, find 0:19:59.493 --> 0:20:01.773 a way to justify me going over it, because I 0:20:01.773 --> 0:20:04.133 think it goes back to the mindsets that we need 0:20:04.173 --> 0:20:08.893 to learn of. Well, my value comes from my performance. 0:20:09.013 --> 0:20:12.333 My value comes from the grade that I get. My 0:20:12.453 --> 0:20:15.613 value comes from you know, these things I do turning 0:20:15.653 --> 0:20:20.493 into a result that's pleasing as opposed to being pleased 0:20:20.533 --> 0:20:23.893 with the process and the result before it even happens 0:20:24.053 --> 0:20:26.573 and living with the result as it comes. And you know, 0:20:26.653 --> 0:20:29.653 that's like you said something that in my profession, like 0:20:30.173 --> 0:20:32.053 in a way, I can't afford to get rid of it. 0:20:32.413 --> 0:20:36.773 But I feel like I'm kind of like always moving 0:20:36.813 --> 0:20:39.133 back and forth between the two. Like I wake up 0:20:39.133 --> 0:20:43.053 in the morning and I'm like, you know, I know 0:20:43.093 --> 0:20:45.973 who I am. I'm not here to be a I'm 0:20:46.013 --> 0:20:48.013 not a human doing. I'm a human being, you know. 0:20:48.093 --> 0:20:50.733 But here I step into this realm of where it's like, 0:20:52.053 --> 0:20:54.973 all right, now I gotta perform, I gotta I gotta 0:20:54.973 --> 0:20:56.453 make it dance, you know what I'm saying. And it's 0:20:56.453 --> 0:20:58.973 like it always leads me in this place of like, Okay, 0:20:59.013 --> 0:21:01.333 well what do my boundaries look like? They always seem 0:21:01.373 --> 0:21:04.213 so fluid as opposed to being so solid, And I'm like, 0:21:05.613 --> 0:21:09.413 how do I create more solid boundaries amidst this? 0:21:10.013 --> 0:21:10.253 You know? 0:21:12.293 --> 0:21:15.053 So, Bester, I got a question for you regarding boundaries. 0:21:15.093 --> 0:21:20.213 I think I've gotten so much better at actually articulating 0:21:20.213 --> 0:21:22.693 them and communicating them. I think the power of our 0:21:22.733 --> 0:21:25.573 words and actually it's you know, sometimes it's not what 0:21:25.613 --> 0:21:28.893 we say, it's how we say it, but being able 0:21:28.933 --> 0:21:33.053 to actually frame these boundaries or these because I believe 0:21:33.093 --> 0:21:35.413 you have to know your values, right, because a boundary 0:21:35.493 --> 0:21:38.613 gets cross when a value gets stepped on. So if 0:21:38.653 --> 0:21:42.533 you don't know your values, you're more likely to allow 0:21:42.573 --> 0:21:45.893 people to cross that imaginary line in the sand. But 0:21:45.973 --> 0:21:47.973 when you know who you are and you know how 0:21:48.013 --> 0:21:52.293 to clearly articulate why you're saying no, you're less likely 0:21:52.333 --> 0:21:55.373 to be getting talked into like shit, you just don't 0:21:55.373 --> 0:21:58.253 want to do. I'm a lot better on that. But 0:21:58.293 --> 0:22:02.653 where I struggle is the energetic boundary of guilt. So 0:22:02.733 --> 0:22:05.773 when I set a boundary and and feel guilty about 0:22:05.813 --> 0:22:09.453 it afterwards, So what would you say to myself or 0:22:09.453 --> 0:22:11.213 somebody who's asking in regards to that? 0:22:13.573 --> 0:22:17.133 Okay, So what I'm hearing is there's guilt associated with 0:22:17.173 --> 0:22:21.133 setting a boundary, and so that guilt emotion that triggers 0:22:21.453 --> 0:22:24.733 is a very healthy emotion. To feel guilt means that 0:22:24.733 --> 0:22:28.733 you're feeling empathy, you're feeling what another person is feeling. 0:22:28.813 --> 0:22:32.693 So that's a very healthy emotion. But when we feel 0:22:32.773 --> 0:22:38.813 guilt for setting a boundary, what we're experiencing is an innerviolation, 0:22:39.373 --> 0:22:44.453 and it's an interviolation. Because the paradigm before was I 0:22:44.493 --> 0:22:47.133 am going to people please, I am going to overgive, 0:22:47.173 --> 0:22:50.973 I am going to overdo whatever this thing is. And 0:22:51.053 --> 0:22:53.893 so when we have this inner conflict where we say no, 0:22:53.973 --> 0:22:57.973 not this time, not this time, we're going against We're 0:22:57.973 --> 0:23:01.413 going against our programming that we were committing to before. 0:23:01.493 --> 0:23:03.693 We're going against a paradigm that we were used to. 0:23:04.613 --> 0:23:09.093 So it feels off, it can feel inauthentic. It feels weird. 0:23:09.853 --> 0:23:13.653 Like Darren, you're you're a superstar athlete. You can sign 0:23:14.173 --> 0:23:17.653 one hundred autographs. Now you're tired, you need to go 0:23:17.693 --> 0:23:19.533 see your wife, you need to got you got other 0:23:19.573 --> 0:23:22.573 things to do. That one hundredth and one person is like, hey, 0:23:23.093 --> 0:23:25.573 can I get one? And you're like, no, I can't. 0:23:25.613 --> 0:23:29.253 I can't, Like I gotta go, and then you feel 0:23:29.253 --> 0:23:32.653 that guilt. That's where it's coming from. It's coming from 0:23:33.133 --> 0:23:36.533 like this programming and so like in that situation or 0:23:36.573 --> 0:23:39.453 any situation, what we have to recognize is a lot 0:23:39.533 --> 0:23:43.013 of the times that we're setting boundaries with people we've 0:23:43.053 --> 0:23:46.573 already given or we're already in a commitment to give, 0:23:47.213 --> 0:23:50.253 and we have to recognize the right use of our energy. 0:23:50.453 --> 0:23:53.573 It's like, you know what, I don't there's a duality again, 0:23:53.653 --> 0:23:56.413 I don't want to miss this one hundredth and one thing. 0:23:56.533 --> 0:23:59.173 There's one hundred and one person or this one hundredth 0:23:59.173 --> 0:24:01.293 in one class. We know Donnie is one of the 0:24:01.293 --> 0:24:03.853 best yoga teachers in the world. I don't want to 0:24:03.853 --> 0:24:07.613 miss this one. But then can we give ourselves credit 0:24:07.613 --> 0:24:10.133 because we did one hundred We've done one hundred reps. 0:24:10.133 --> 0:24:12.773 Can we give ourselves credit for that? Is it some 0:24:12.813 --> 0:24:15.693 self compassion we could tap into, recognizing like, you know what, 0:24:16.213 --> 0:24:19.133 I am gonna miss this one, But who's putting this 0:24:19.253 --> 0:24:22.413 expectation on me that I have to hit everything one? 0:24:23.013 --> 0:24:25.893 You know? You can. You can go to the Baseball 0:24:25.893 --> 0:24:29.333 Hall of Fame that in three hundred, which is thirty percent, 0:24:30.453 --> 0:24:33.653 you know, and I mean that that applies to all 0:24:33.693 --> 0:24:36.813 things in life. You can do things at a high 0:24:36.933 --> 0:24:40.093 rate and not be perfect, you know. And so it's 0:24:40.133 --> 0:24:44.213 just changing your language to I can't do this or 0:24:44.253 --> 0:24:46.453 something is wrong with me because I'm unable to fulfill 0:24:46.493 --> 0:24:51.453 it to I've done enough. I could do more tomorrow 0:24:51.493 --> 0:24:56.053 that's fine, but for today, I've done enough. Great, great question, Donny. 0:24:56.693 --> 0:24:59.293 Yeah, I think it's like a lot of I've heard 0:25:00.053 --> 0:25:03.093 Sylvester Youth just talk about it about maybe you just 0:25:03.093 --> 0:25:07.053 didn't say it exactly, but infection versus intention, which I 0:25:07.093 --> 0:25:12.773 think they're like so completely different energies, right, because perfection 0:25:12.933 --> 0:25:17.453 isn't perfect, Perfection isn't real, it's not attainable. And if 0:25:17.453 --> 0:25:19.973 we have any remnants of any type of not enough story, 0:25:20.013 --> 0:25:23.333 which in my experience, myself and almost every human on 0:25:23.373 --> 0:25:27.213 this earth has some form of that, then the chasing 0:25:27.293 --> 0:25:31.613 perfection never happens, which validates the not enough story. So, 0:25:31.853 --> 0:25:34.573 like you know, I'm thinking about you know, Darren, and 0:25:34.613 --> 0:25:38.493 reframing where like every route doesn't have to be perfect, 0:25:38.533 --> 0:25:43.213 but his intention or his objective in everything that he's doing, 0:25:43.573 --> 0:25:46.213 it's a completely different energy. And I have to imagine, 0:25:46.253 --> 0:25:50.173 like for you writing ten books, that difference of because 0:25:50.213 --> 0:25:52.413 I you know, I can try to create an Instagram 0:25:52.453 --> 0:25:55.173 post and there's that it needs to be perfect, come 0:25:55.253 --> 0:25:58.133 up with the right words and drop a nugget right. 0:25:58.173 --> 0:26:00.533 So how do you navigate through that? I guess as 0:26:00.533 --> 0:26:02.773 a writer. And then Darren, I'd love to hear your 0:26:02.813 --> 0:26:06.173 take on just perfection versus intention on the field in 0:26:06.253 --> 0:26:06.893 your preparation. 0:26:08.853 --> 0:26:15.013 Yeah, there's a time and place for perfection. I like 0:26:15.053 --> 0:26:17.853 to compartmentalize it. I like to look at it as 0:26:17.893 --> 0:26:22.813 a tool. If I'm gonna lean into perfection, to me, 0:26:22.893 --> 0:26:25.613 that just means I'm trying to do something right, and 0:26:25.653 --> 0:26:29.293 that there oftentime is a form component of like doing 0:26:29.333 --> 0:26:31.893 something right. Donnie. You know this As a yoga teacher, 0:26:31.933 --> 0:26:33.693 people will be in class and they'll ask you all 0:26:33.693 --> 0:26:37.013 the time, like, Hey, how's my form, how's this And 0:26:37.093 --> 0:26:40.093 there's two things that you're looking at. It's like, well, 0:26:40.333 --> 0:26:44.333 the yoga itself is not about achieving a particular form, 0:26:44.813 --> 0:26:47.853 and you want to make sure that the person is 0:26:47.973 --> 0:26:53.333 doing something that is anatomically safe for their experience. And 0:26:53.373 --> 0:26:55.933 so you're holding that duality of like Okay, you don't 0:26:55.933 --> 0:26:58.653 have to look a particular way, but if there's a 0:26:58.693 --> 0:27:03.453 particular alignment of a foot, of ankle, a door, suflection 0:27:03.573 --> 0:27:06.853 of bending, or whatever it may be, we can achieve perfection. 0:27:07.013 --> 0:27:10.093 Like inside of that tool. It's like, you know what, 0:27:10.493 --> 0:27:13.813 that is the perfect warrior too for you. You're balanced, 0:27:14.053 --> 0:27:16.813 you're pushing through both feet. But it doesn't have to 0:27:16.853 --> 0:27:19.853 be perfect. It's just perfect for that person, if that 0:27:19.893 --> 0:27:24.373 makes sense. And so there's like this compartmental connection. I 0:27:24.413 --> 0:27:28.253 can never say that part of it, right, compartmentalization that 0:27:28.293 --> 0:27:30.093 we have to do to understand, like you know what 0:27:30.133 --> 0:27:33.573 perfection is a tool? Like if they're like, okay, you know, Darren, 0:27:33.573 --> 0:27:36.413 we need you to hit this overallte Yeah, Like there 0:27:36.453 --> 0:27:38.053 is a certain amount of depth you have to get 0:27:38.213 --> 0:27:40.773 to yardage. You do have to get there in a 0:27:40.813 --> 0:27:44.093 certain amount of seconds to be like available for your quarterback. 0:27:44.413 --> 0:27:46.933 If I'm my book I'm writing, it does need to 0:27:46.973 --> 0:27:51.333 be per my contract seventy thousand words. I can't give 0:27:51.373 --> 0:27:54.453 them sixty and be like, oh, yeah, it's good enough. No, Like, 0:27:54.493 --> 0:27:58.213 there is certain expectations with things, and there are times 0:27:58.493 --> 0:28:02.373 where we can achieve or look for and even expect 0:28:02.373 --> 0:28:05.053 from ourselves set perfection, but we have to do it, 0:28:05.133 --> 0:28:06.853 and we have to make sure we're using the right 0:28:06.973 --> 0:28:09.053 use of our energy to make sure that we're not 0:28:09.133 --> 0:28:11.813 doing it to the detriment of our journey, because it's 0:28:11.853 --> 0:28:14.573 a tool, right, so it has to be an assistant 0:28:14.613 --> 0:28:15.693 to our journey. 0:28:15.613 --> 0:28:17.613 As far as on the field, as far as perfection 0:28:17.773 --> 0:28:22.293 versus intention, I would say there's a lot of ways 0:28:22.333 --> 0:28:27.853 where coaches or tradition or whatever may tell you that 0:28:27.893 --> 0:28:30.533 there's a certain way that something should be done and 0:28:30.573 --> 0:28:34.733 you need to, you know, adhere to this way of 0:28:34.853 --> 0:28:38.653 running this route to twelve twelve yards and just breaking in. 0:28:39.773 --> 0:28:42.053 But I feel like with intention for me that I 0:28:42.133 --> 0:28:44.413 take into whatever my craft may be on a certain 0:28:44.413 --> 0:28:47.653 play is whatever is being asked of me to do. 0:28:47.813 --> 0:28:51.493 Like I'm putting some of my own flavor on it. 0:28:51.533 --> 0:28:54.813 I'm putting some of who I am into it because 0:28:55.693 --> 0:28:59.453 Travis Kelcey may run something this way, you know, Daniel 0:28:59.493 --> 0:29:02.253 Bellinger on my team may run it a certain way. 0:29:02.293 --> 0:29:04.013 But the way that I'm going to run, the way 0:29:04.013 --> 0:29:08.413 that I'm going to open. I'm not placing myself in 0:29:08.453 --> 0:29:10.933 this box. To whereas the way somebody tells me to 0:29:10.933 --> 0:29:12.413 do something is how I have to do it, because 0:29:12.453 --> 0:29:15.093 I feel like that in a way is already like, okay, 0:29:15.133 --> 0:29:18.333 my goal is to please this person who's handed this 0:29:18.373 --> 0:29:21.333 down to me, as opposed to the relationship I can 0:29:21.373 --> 0:29:24.213 form with my quarterback, the relationship I can I can 0:29:24.253 --> 0:29:26.533 form with my body and how I do these things 0:29:26.573 --> 0:29:28.493 to whereas I don't have to go out there and 0:29:28.493 --> 0:29:30.533 think I'm trying to be perfect. I'm out there thinking, 0:29:30.573 --> 0:29:36.013 I'm out there measuring. I'm out there worrying about oh man, 0:29:36.013 --> 0:29:38.093 well if this doesn't go perfect, what is such and 0:29:38.133 --> 0:29:38.933 such going to think? 0:29:39.173 --> 0:29:40.173 What is this going to look like? 0:29:40.333 --> 0:29:45.693 On ESPN or on Instagram reel somebody's making fun of 0:29:45.733 --> 0:29:47.853 me or talking or talking crazy about me. But whereas 0:29:47.933 --> 0:29:51.373 intention is like, I'm gonna do this a certain way 0:29:51.413 --> 0:29:53.413 because this is what I feel, this is what my 0:29:53.493 --> 0:29:56.133 intuition is telling me to do, and I can live 0:29:56.173 --> 0:29:58.853 with the result of me trusting myself at the end 0:29:58.853 --> 0:30:01.493 of the day. 0:30:01.813 --> 0:30:04.493 Yeah, you didn't get there overnight. To get to that place. 0:30:04.693 --> 0:30:04.893 I know. 0:30:04.933 --> 0:30:08.653 I've talked about this about you, but just the consistency 0:30:08.733 --> 0:30:10.853 and for both of you, I mean, go, I'll jump 0:30:10.893 --> 0:30:14.013 back to Sylvester with ten books, and I think about 0:30:14.053 --> 0:30:18.533 like the level of discipline and consistency that has to take, 0:30:20.173 --> 0:30:22.533 you know, drumming up a few paragraphs sometimes in a 0:30:22.533 --> 0:30:25.093 blog for me can be challenging. So I just have 0:30:25.173 --> 0:30:28.373 so much respect. But I'm curious. So it's been ten books. 0:30:28.453 --> 0:30:32.853 What do you think, like, what's the difference between I 0:30:32.853 --> 0:30:35.893 guess how have you grown as a writer from book 0:30:35.973 --> 0:30:36.973 one to book ten? 0:30:37.933 --> 0:30:39.973 Yeah, well I know what I'm doing now, you know, 0:30:40.213 --> 0:30:42.053 I don't know what I was doing it at first. 0:30:43.013 --> 0:30:45.533 I know, when we're young, we have all the confidence, 0:30:45.653 --> 0:30:48.253 you know, and all the bravado, and we think we 0:30:48.333 --> 0:30:51.413 know what we're doing. But at least with my profession 0:30:51.573 --> 0:30:55.173 is one of those things that you it's like you 0:30:55.213 --> 0:30:58.933 actually get better as you get older, as you get feedback, 0:30:58.973 --> 0:31:03.373 as you get criticism, as you learn and practice. So 0:31:03.413 --> 0:31:07.493 I actually feel a lot more confident from a few 0:31:07.613 --> 0:31:11.293 few ways I feel more confident in the ability to 0:31:11.373 --> 0:31:13.813 be clear in my messages when I'm writing, which is 0:31:13.853 --> 0:31:18.853 extremely important as a writer. I feel more confident in 0:31:18.933 --> 0:31:23.173 my ability to I guess, how do I say sound 0:31:23.373 --> 0:31:29.293 smart but not like so academic that it's not chewable, right, 0:31:30.093 --> 0:31:32.253 And then I'm a lot more confident in my ability 0:31:32.333 --> 0:31:37.573 to break down like complex things to make them simple, 0:31:37.813 --> 0:31:40.893 because to me that that's very important. Like I remember 0:31:40.893 --> 0:31:43.453 walking into psychology one O two, the most you know, 0:31:43.693 --> 0:31:47.733 basic freshman level class, and the professors just hitting me 0:31:47.813 --> 0:31:51.493 with all this this, these phrases in these terms, and 0:31:51.533 --> 0:31:54.533 I'm just like, wow, this is about to stress me 0:31:54.613 --> 0:31:58.373 out for the next the next semester. And I just 0:31:58.413 --> 0:32:02.053 remember that feeling of like these new terms feeling overwhelming, 0:32:02.613 --> 0:32:03.893 and I you know, I knew that I was going 0:32:03.933 --> 0:32:05.333 to be a teacher at one point in my life, 0:32:05.333 --> 0:32:07.933 so I wanted to I wanted to really learn, like, Okay, 0:32:08.373 --> 0:32:11.813 how do I take something complex and make it simple? 0:32:11.893 --> 0:32:14.253 Because that's what we all need. Like, you know, I 0:32:14.253 --> 0:32:15.853 can go through I could tell you all these like, 0:32:15.893 --> 0:32:17.933 for example, the yoga thing I brought up. I could 0:32:17.973 --> 0:32:20.693 tell you all these different things from a yoga practice, 0:32:20.733 --> 0:32:23.973 but the common person doesn't care. They're not trying to 0:32:24.013 --> 0:32:26.893 do the homework. They wanted to be breaking broken down 0:32:26.933 --> 0:32:29.093 for them so they can go back to their life. 0:32:29.493 --> 0:32:30.933 So I would say, those are some of the things 0:32:30.933 --> 0:32:33.893 that I had to learn, you know, as a writer. 0:32:34.013 --> 0:32:37.213 And then the other thing I would say is learning 0:32:37.213 --> 0:32:40.373 how to write effectively, because you can have an idea 0:32:40.373 --> 0:32:42.973 and you're like, Okay, I want to write about this 0:32:43.133 --> 0:32:46.213 recipe or I want to write about this concept, but 0:32:46.333 --> 0:32:49.093 then knowing where to start, knowing how to make it 0:32:49.133 --> 0:32:51.773 a story, knowing how to put like beginning, middle, and 0:32:51.933 --> 0:32:56.613 end to its actually very very difficult. And so yeah, 0:32:56.613 --> 0:32:59.453 I would say that now I feel confident, whereas before 0:33:00.133 --> 0:33:02.413 I was. I feel confident because I have the data 0:33:02.453 --> 0:33:04.973 in proof of my work, Whereas ten years years ago, 0:33:05.493 --> 0:33:09.293 I was confident because I had an image a visualization 0:33:09.373 --> 0:33:11.413 of what I can do, but I didn't have the data. 0:33:11.173 --> 0:33:15.533 In the po Does writing still give you? Does it 0:33:15.573 --> 0:33:18.773 set you free? Does it does it feel more of 0:33:18.813 --> 0:33:21.733 a job sometimes, as I'm guessing, maybe early on they 0:33:21.733 --> 0:33:25.493 were maybe open journal entries, so like one of your 0:33:25.493 --> 0:33:28.613 books is called free Your Energy, So I'm curious, how 0:33:28.813 --> 0:33:32.253 has writing maybe from day one up until now, like, 0:33:32.333 --> 0:33:34.253 how does it free your energy? How does it set 0:33:34.293 --> 0:33:35.213 you free? 0:33:35.573 --> 0:33:39.693 I'm gonna just speak from my own journey. Does it 0:33:39.733 --> 0:33:41.893 set you free? Does it feel like a job. That's 0:33:42.053 --> 0:33:45.693 interesting that I haven't set with that a lot. But 0:33:46.653 --> 0:33:48.413 when I think back to when I first started, I 0:33:48.453 --> 0:33:51.733 was younger, and when I was a younger kid, really 0:33:51.773 --> 0:33:55.613 my life was very simple. I played football, I played basketball, 0:33:55.813 --> 0:34:00.253 I watched cartoons, I hung out with my friends, and 0:34:01.093 --> 0:34:03.213 you know, I was just an artist and athlete. That's 0:34:03.293 --> 0:34:07.773 essentially every day was saying. I wasn't making any money 0:34:07.773 --> 0:34:09.693 from any of those things. That's just what I love 0:34:09.773 --> 0:34:14.133 to do. And so it's really cool now to be, 0:34:14.413 --> 0:34:17.013 you know, in my thirties and I'm still writing, I'm 0:34:17.013 --> 0:34:21.573 still training like an athlete, and I'm fortunate to say, hey, 0:34:21.613 --> 0:34:25.133 I have a career from writing my books and doing 0:34:25.173 --> 0:34:28.093 teachers in those things. So there's like a duality there, 0:34:28.133 --> 0:34:31.013 because yeah, it does feel like a job, because there's 0:34:31.053 --> 0:34:33.493 sometimes I don't want to do it, but I don't 0:34:33.493 --> 0:34:35.613 have a choice, Like you know what you have to, Like, 0:34:35.733 --> 0:34:38.853 you signed up for this, this is your skill, this 0:34:38.933 --> 0:34:41.453 is your talent. You signed up for this, so you 0:34:41.493 --> 0:34:43.533 got to get up and find a way. But then 0:34:43.573 --> 0:34:45.453 there are some days where there is that just pure 0:34:45.533 --> 0:34:47.573 joy where it's like, man, I get to write today. 0:34:48.053 --> 0:34:49.693 You know, it's both I'm not gonna sit here and 0:34:49.693 --> 0:34:51.573 lie to you and just say, oh yeah, I live 0:34:51.613 --> 0:34:54.293 with dreaom every day. I do. But there's times I 0:34:54.293 --> 0:34:57.013 don't want to do it. There's times I'm stressed out. 0:34:57.093 --> 0:34:59.013 There's time it bothers me. Like I said, I have 0:34:59.053 --> 0:35:02.093 a deadline in ten days, and it's been hard for 0:35:02.133 --> 0:35:04.333 me to drop in the way that I wanted to 0:35:04.773 --> 0:35:06.933 because I have a kid. Now, this is something I 0:35:07.013 --> 0:35:09.133 never experienced writing a book when you have a kid. 0:35:09.493 --> 0:35:12.413 It's really easy when you don't, because you control all 0:35:12.453 --> 0:35:15.613 your time and all your energy. So much of writing 0:35:15.733 --> 0:35:18.253 is energetic, and when you have a kid, that's like, hey, 0:35:18.453 --> 0:35:20.893 come play with me, Come do this, make me some food. 0:35:21.013 --> 0:35:24.693 I'm tired. I'm gonna throw a tantrum now. Then it's like, okay, 0:35:24.733 --> 0:35:28.453 now this is a whole different beast. So I'm still 0:35:28.493 --> 0:35:31.533 learning it now. With being the dad. 0:35:32.813 --> 0:35:37.093 As a creator myself, somebody that wants to use my 0:35:37.173 --> 0:35:40.773 words to impact other people, how do you deal with like, 0:35:40.893 --> 0:35:46.533 is there a clash between allowing creativity and words to 0:35:46.973 --> 0:35:49.933 flow to you and flow through you without forcing, while 0:35:49.973 --> 0:35:52.453 also dealing with a deadline, like what comes up with 0:35:52.533 --> 0:35:55.053 that as you deal with the both of those. 0:35:55.733 --> 0:35:59.213 I think deadlines are great. Deadlines are great for the 0:35:59.253 --> 0:36:03.813 psychological benefit that they give us. There's this what is 0:36:03.853 --> 0:36:09.053 it called Parkinson's law, And Parkinson's law is just this 0:36:09.093 --> 0:36:12.413 theory that states, however much time you have for something, 0:36:12.893 --> 0:36:16.053 you'll use up the entire time. Right. And so we 0:36:16.093 --> 0:36:18.333 go back to college and they're like, they give you 0:36:18.373 --> 0:36:21.133 the sillibus. Professors like, hey, so this paper right here 0:36:21.173 --> 0:36:25.773 that it's August something and it's due in November. It 0:36:25.773 --> 0:36:28.093 does anyone do that paper that's due in November in 0:36:28.133 --> 0:36:30.853 August when you get the shillaber, No, you don't do it. 0:36:31.293 --> 0:36:35.653 Don't it's due say November eleventh. You probably start working 0:36:35.973 --> 0:36:39.573 on that paper November ninth, and then you spend two days. 0:36:39.613 --> 0:36:42.253 You cram, You get to your study tables, you go 0:36:42.293 --> 0:36:44.133 to your girlfriend house, you up till two, you go 0:36:44.173 --> 0:36:47.173 to the library, you turn that paper in. So why 0:36:47.253 --> 0:36:49.373 is that though? Is it because you're lazy? Is it 0:36:49.413 --> 0:36:52.573 because you're a procrastinator? Because you had half the year 0:36:52.573 --> 0:36:55.973 to get ready for it. It's just Parkinson's law. It's 0:36:56.533 --> 0:36:59.173 however much time you're giving to do something, you'll find 0:36:59.173 --> 0:37:02.733 a way. That same paper, if the professor said, hey, 0:37:03.293 --> 0:37:06.773 this is due ob first, you probably would start it 0:37:06.853 --> 0:37:09.933 sooner and you probably would have it done right. So 0:37:10.933 --> 0:37:12.773 I like to use that with writing. I like to 0:37:12.813 --> 0:37:16.253 give myself deadlines, like I like to say, hey, For example, 0:37:16.253 --> 0:37:18.133 in the example I gave earlier, I say, hey, I'm 0:37:18.133 --> 0:37:20.653 going to write for ninety minutes, So that lets me 0:37:20.733 --> 0:37:23.493 know that writing for ninety minutes, like I'm flowing, I'm 0:37:23.573 --> 0:37:26.573 dropping in. Whatever happens in the ninety minutes is what happens. 0:37:27.373 --> 0:37:30.253 My editor or excuse me, my publisher gave me a deadline, Hey, 0:37:30.293 --> 0:37:32.533 you need to have this book in on this date. 0:37:33.053 --> 0:37:35.733 So now I know, okay, Like I'm not taking these 0:37:35.773 --> 0:37:38.053 other meetings, I'm not taking these other calls. I'm not 0:37:38.533 --> 0:37:42.013 wasting my time because contractually I have this date that 0:37:42.733 --> 0:37:46.133 I have to hit. But then there's also but this 0:37:46.173 --> 0:37:49.373 is the book writing process, there's also the daily journaling 0:37:49.373 --> 0:37:53.133 that I do that nobody ever sees. That's just me writing. 0:37:53.173 --> 0:37:53.373 To me. 0:37:54.373 --> 0:37:58.813 That is all about the free form, flowing, energetic. In 0:37:58.893 --> 0:38:01.573 the moment, I can go slow I can go fast, 0:38:02.133 --> 0:38:05.973 it can be ugly, like I can have typos, I 0:38:06.013 --> 0:38:09.133 can be completely freeform in there, you know. So there's 0:38:09.133 --> 0:38:10.373 still that space as well. 0:38:12.493 --> 0:38:17.053 You've been talking a lot of yoga since last time 0:38:17.053 --> 0:38:18.933 we had you on the episode. I don't know, maybe 0:38:18.973 --> 0:38:21.533 yoga came up, but you're you're breaking it down a 0:38:21.533 --> 0:38:23.053 lot more. And I don't think we threw it in 0:38:23.093 --> 0:38:26.573 your intro that you're also a certified yoga teacher. Now, 0:38:27.493 --> 0:38:30.133 so how's that journey going? Just what are you learning through? 0:38:30.333 --> 0:38:33.133 Just what did you learn through the teacher training process 0:38:33.253 --> 0:38:36.573 and through the practice, and how does it changed your life, 0:38:36.573 --> 0:38:39.173 because as we know, it's certainly changed mind. 0:38:40.013 --> 0:38:44.013 Yeah, so really cool for really cool nugget to drop. 0:38:44.053 --> 0:38:47.893 I actually took my my yoga certification where Donnie trains 0:38:48.053 --> 0:38:50.853 and teaches and it has been there. So that was 0:38:50.893 --> 0:38:52.853 really cool for me to you know, be with Donnie 0:38:52.893 --> 0:38:55.853 and spend time there and like literally to be where 0:38:55.853 --> 0:38:57.773 you were at, you know, for a whole month, which 0:38:57.813 --> 0:39:00.093 it was a vibe, man, it was. It was really cool. 0:39:00.373 --> 0:39:02.373 And my teacher, I feel like my teacher, her name 0:39:02.373 --> 0:39:04.373 is Gabrielle. She was just the perfect teacher for me, 0:39:04.933 --> 0:39:07.053 you know, she really just I was the only guy 0:39:07.093 --> 0:39:10.613 in the class, and she just made me so comfortable. 0:39:10.693 --> 0:39:13.093 You know, she made me so comfortable. And I'm coming 0:39:13.093 --> 0:39:15.613 from this background of you know, being an author, being 0:39:15.653 --> 0:39:21.653 an athlete, so I was feeling like a little what 0:39:21.733 --> 0:39:25.933 is it called imposteram syndrome, you know, because I'm in 0:39:25.973 --> 0:39:29.453 class with like fourteen women. They're doing splits and they're 0:39:29.493 --> 0:39:31.733 you know, they're just doing all this yoga stuff and 0:39:31.773 --> 0:39:34.253 I do yoga, but it was just different. And She's like, 0:39:34.293 --> 0:39:37.733 oh no, don't worry, Yoga's for everybody. You deserve to 0:39:37.733 --> 0:39:41.093 be here. It was such such a like empowering, you know, 0:39:41.173 --> 0:39:45.893 experience before I went to there. The reason why I 0:39:45.933 --> 0:39:48.853 wanted to do a yoga training is because I just 0:39:48.893 --> 0:39:53.013 didn't like paying twenty dollars every class to have someone 0:39:53.173 --> 0:39:56.373 lead me, Like I wanted to just leave myself. Twenty 0:39:56.413 --> 0:39:59.133 dollars adds up. You know, they're going to class two 0:39:59.213 --> 0:40:01.653 or three times a week. So that was like really 0:40:01.693 --> 0:40:04.453 my own reason, Like I just wanted to deepen, you know, 0:40:04.613 --> 0:40:08.733 my practice, and getting like the education, getting the knowledge 0:40:08.733 --> 0:40:11.293 and just you know, getting immersed in it was really 0:40:11.613 --> 0:40:14.213 really good for my journey. It brought me a lot 0:40:14.253 --> 0:40:18.533 of inner peace. And now I don't teach. I actually 0:40:18.613 --> 0:40:22.133 do not teach. I did not do the certification with 0:40:22.253 --> 0:40:25.533 the idea of like becoming a public teacher. It really 0:40:25.573 --> 0:40:28.573 truly was for my own journey and my own advancement. 0:40:28.973 --> 0:40:31.733 And I do yoga every day. Every single day. I 0:40:31.813 --> 0:40:34.173 do some aspect of yoga, whether it's just some stretching, 0:40:34.533 --> 0:40:38.773 whether it is meditation, whether it's some type of working 0:40:38.773 --> 0:40:40.733 on myself, or just trying to, you know, make myself 0:40:40.773 --> 0:40:42.933 the best version of me that I can be. I 0:40:43.013 --> 0:40:44.253 try to do yoga every day. 0:40:45.453 --> 0:40:48.133 How would you say yoga's made you a better dad 0:40:48.173 --> 0:40:48.893 and partner? 0:40:50.173 --> 0:40:53.373 Oh? Patients, easily patients. I am not a patient person. 0:40:54.293 --> 0:40:55.973 So let me be a little more clear. I'm a 0:40:56.013 --> 0:40:59.333 patient person if I'm working on something, if I'm creating something, 0:40:59.653 --> 0:41:02.373 if I'm trying to see like a goal or dream fulfilled. 0:41:02.733 --> 0:41:05.653 But I don't always have the most pay for other people. 0:41:06.573 --> 0:41:09.333 I just don't like when people make bad decisions over 0:41:09.373 --> 0:41:13.133 and over. I don't like certain low vibrational things. I 0:41:13.133 --> 0:41:16.893 don't like people are complaining. And so my tolerance for 0:41:17.373 --> 0:41:20.893 people is not that high. It's not right. And so 0:41:21.373 --> 0:41:24.013 yoga has really taught me that to have compassion for 0:41:24.093 --> 0:41:28.213 other people, to be forgiving, to be understanding, to be 0:41:28.333 --> 0:41:31.573 less critical. I grew up in a critical household, with 0:41:31.693 --> 0:41:33.853 my father being in an army, my mother, she was 0:41:34.173 --> 0:41:38.053 an administrative assistant, and my parents had very high expectations 0:41:38.053 --> 0:41:40.533 of me. And so I grew up in like this 0:41:41.093 --> 0:41:44.853 critical world. And so I wanted to be the type 0:41:44.853 --> 0:41:48.853 of parent where I wasn't critical of every single thing 0:41:48.893 --> 0:41:50.773 that my son does, because I know that that can 0:41:50.853 --> 0:41:53.813 create shame, that can create a lot of insecurities. I 0:41:53.853 --> 0:41:56.453 want to have him feeling empowered. I want to have 0:41:56.533 --> 0:41:59.373 him feeling confident in himself, you know. So for example, 0:42:00.293 --> 0:42:02.933 I won't like hover over him and say, well, you 0:42:02.933 --> 0:42:05.093 messed this up or you messed that up. Sometimes I'll 0:42:05.133 --> 0:42:08.173 just I'll just sit back and let things happen now, 0:42:08.253 --> 0:42:10.893 not to just let him be a menace, like yeah, 0:42:10.933 --> 0:42:14.973 I don't I don't discipline, but yeah I let him know, 0:42:15.133 --> 0:42:18.293 like hey, don't break this, you know, or don't mess 0:42:18.293 --> 0:42:22.693 this up please, you know. But I'm not caught up 0:42:22.813 --> 0:42:26.253 in like trying to micromanage my kid. I want him 0:42:26.293 --> 0:42:30.413 to experience his childhood without that hovering parent over, you know. 0:42:30.533 --> 0:42:34.213 Yoga taught me that patience. It truly did teach me 0:42:34.253 --> 0:42:38.653 more patients. You talked about talking about your son and 0:42:38.813 --> 0:42:42.173 your family. I remember a post that you posted one time. 0:42:42.253 --> 0:42:46.173 You're talking about being mindful of like brushing over like 0:42:46.533 --> 0:42:50.253 victories and blessings that come into your life, and that 0:42:50.293 --> 0:42:54.613 some families didn't know how to celebrate properly, Like how 0:42:54.653 --> 0:42:59.013 do you go about implemating that into your family now 0:42:59.173 --> 0:43:02.293 and keeping a vision for that going forward? Because I 0:43:02.293 --> 0:43:05.653 feel like a lot of families fall into that same 0:43:06.533 --> 0:43:10.613 just that same trap. I guess, great question. The way 0:43:10.653 --> 0:43:12.973 the human brain works, we're always looking for something to 0:43:12.973 --> 0:43:16.773 focus on. So it's so easy to accomplish something and 0:43:16.813 --> 0:43:19.653 then instantly turn to Okay, well what's next, what do 0:43:19.693 --> 0:43:22.813 I gotta do next? It's so easy to do that. 0:43:22.853 --> 0:43:25.173 It's normal. It's a normal thing for us to look 0:43:25.173 --> 0:43:27.773 for the next thing because we need something, you know, 0:43:27.933 --> 0:43:31.773 to focus on. But what can happen is like, for 0:43:31.813 --> 0:43:34.293 the school example, you can be in school for four 0:43:34.373 --> 0:43:38.293 years and never celebrate until graduation. You graduate from high 0:43:38.293 --> 0:43:41.973 school and then you're so happy. You know, your grandmother comes, 0:43:41.973 --> 0:43:44.573 cousins you never see, you're up there, there's cake, there's 0:43:44.573 --> 0:43:47.733 this big celebration, and then it's like, all of a sudden, 0:43:47.773 --> 0:43:49.773 it's like, Okay, well, what are you gonna do next? 0:43:49.973 --> 0:43:53.493 It's like, well, dann, can I celebrate just got my diploma? 0:43:53.653 --> 0:43:56.253 Can I honor this? Can I can I cherish this? 0:43:56.573 --> 0:43:58.493 Can this mean something to me? You guys are talking 0:43:58.493 --> 0:44:00.813 to me about college and my job and what kids 0:44:00.813 --> 0:44:02.613 are gonna happen in the future. I'm eighteen. Let me 0:44:02.653 --> 0:44:06.733 just enjoy this, right, So that's what I think is 0:44:06.813 --> 0:44:10.173 super important man, just to just to like enjoy. You know, 0:44:10.213 --> 0:44:12.813 we can call them small victories, big victories. I'm not 0:44:12.933 --> 0:44:16.733 here to make anybody's else's life minimize. If it's a 0:44:16.733 --> 0:44:20.813 big victory for you celebrated, if it's small celebrated, why not. 0:44:21.653 --> 0:44:24.533 Why not? And it doesn't have to be about social media, 0:44:25.053 --> 0:44:27.133 you know it can it can just be here in 0:44:27.173 --> 0:44:30.333 the home or with your friends, go out to a dinner. Guys, 0:44:30.573 --> 0:44:33.693 I passed the test, I got my driver's license. I 0:44:33.733 --> 0:44:36.053 asked that girl out. She said no, But I'm proud 0:44:36.053 --> 0:44:39.053 of myself because I tried. You know, I just feel 0:44:39.093 --> 0:44:43.493 like making space for celebration just makes it makes life 0:44:43.573 --> 0:44:46.693 so beautiful, man, because we're gonna look for the next thing. 0:44:46.933 --> 0:44:50.293 We are all, all of us, everybody listening already knows. 0:44:50.293 --> 0:44:52.013 When I say what's the next thing, you know it. 0:44:52.213 --> 0:44:54.813 You already know what you have to do, right, So 0:44:54.893 --> 0:44:58.933 why not put celebration in there. Right, it's and psychologically 0:44:59.093 --> 0:45:01.813 it's gonna give you a better wellness. Excuse me, it's 0:45:01.813 --> 0:45:05.373 gonna give you more encouragement. It's gonna give you mental wealth. Right, 0:45:05.373 --> 0:45:07.693 it's gonna give you more of a positive mindset. Why 0:45:07.693 --> 0:45:12.533 wouldn't you start to celebrate yourself also allowing yourself to 0:45:12.533 --> 0:45:14.653 be celebrated because a lot of us will reject it. 0:45:15.093 --> 0:45:17.253 Other people will call us, but hey man, good job, 0:45:17.373 --> 0:45:20.253 or I'm proud of you, and then we have this shame. 0:45:20.333 --> 0:45:22.173 So we're like, oh no, no, no, let me reject that 0:45:22.333 --> 0:45:24.813 like or or let me know. I need to do 0:45:24.853 --> 0:45:27.773 some other things before I can get your celebration and praise. 0:45:28.053 --> 0:45:31.053 That's not true. Love is love. Let the love in, 0:45:31.813 --> 0:45:34.053 Let the love in. The more love in your life, 0:45:34.373 --> 0:45:37.853 the better. Open yourself up to the vibration of receiving love. 0:45:38.213 --> 0:45:41.253 Open yourself up to the vibration of receiving a pat 0:45:41.333 --> 0:45:44.093 on the back of a hug from yourself. And from others, Hey, 0:45:44.413 --> 0:45:47.773 you did a good job. Cool, I receive that. Right. 0:45:47.893 --> 0:45:50.413 If you're the type of person that maybe you're not 0:45:50.493 --> 0:45:53.413 open to receiving love, just literally say it when it 0:45:53.453 --> 0:45:55.533 comes to you. I receive this. I am open to 0:45:55.573 --> 0:45:59.053 receiving this. Thank you, whether it's coming from self or externally. 0:46:00.373 --> 0:46:04.453 Man, we've got to talk about well, the practice of acknowledgement. 0:46:04.613 --> 0:46:07.173 I think a lot of this ties into acknowledgment, stopping 0:46:07.253 --> 0:46:10.413 and taking a moment to acknowledge if you've done good work, 0:46:10.493 --> 0:46:15.133 or stopping and smelling the roses. But I've told this story, 0:46:15.213 --> 0:46:19.093 your story about the old lady in Sprouts when you 0:46:19.133 --> 0:46:21.573 were all dressed up in the suit, So maybe you 0:46:21.573 --> 0:46:24.133 can share that for those that didn't hear your episode one, 0:46:24.173 --> 0:46:27.133 because I share this all the time and the importance 0:46:27.173 --> 0:46:28.573 of receiving acknowledgment. 0:46:29.813 --> 0:46:33.413 Yeah. So my grandmother, she passed in twenty twelve. She 0:46:33.613 --> 0:46:37.013 was one of my best friends, one of the most loving, 0:46:37.373 --> 0:46:40.573 encouraging people you know that I ever met. And I 0:46:40.613 --> 0:46:43.013 think for any of us who you know had that 0:46:43.133 --> 0:46:46.053 soft spot for you know, grandmother who helped raise us 0:46:46.053 --> 0:46:47.933 and help be a part of our lives. It's just 0:46:47.933 --> 0:46:50.693 an energy that you really you never feel that energy 0:46:50.693 --> 0:46:54.173 again in your life, like the energy of a loving 0:46:54.333 --> 0:46:58.693 present grandmother. And so I was in La, I was 0:46:58.693 --> 0:47:01.893 doing some work. Had just flew back to Arizona where 0:47:01.893 --> 0:47:05.093 I live, and I will walk to Sprouts grocery store. 0:47:05.093 --> 0:47:06.933 I will walk there pretty much every day. I will 0:47:06.933 --> 0:47:09.333 walk there. And I had just got off the plane. 0:47:10.093 --> 0:47:12.213 I go to my go to my house, do my 0:47:12.413 --> 0:47:16.653 daily walk to Sprouts to get my food for the day. 0:47:17.173 --> 0:47:21.453 And as I'm going in, this old lady is coming out, 0:47:21.853 --> 0:47:26.613 and man, she just she changed my life because she's like, sir, sir. 0:47:26.853 --> 0:47:29.333 And again I already told you guys, I don't really 0:47:29.373 --> 0:47:32.253 like people. I'm not super tolerant. I like to just 0:47:32.333 --> 0:47:35.533 mind my business. You know, I'm historically an introvert. I 0:47:35.613 --> 0:47:38.813 won't really talk to to most people unless you know, 0:47:38.933 --> 0:47:41.133 I have to. That's kind of how I've been. And 0:47:41.333 --> 0:47:43.013 you know, I was very reserved at this point in 0:47:43.053 --> 0:47:46.093 my life. So I'm trying to ignore her. She's like sir, sir, 0:47:46.333 --> 0:47:47.613 and I'm like, no, no, I don't hear her. I 0:47:47.613 --> 0:47:49.573 don't hear I'm trying to just walk past her. And 0:47:49.613 --> 0:47:52.333 then finally she was like sir, and I was like, okay, 0:47:52.373 --> 0:47:54.373 I can't ignore her. At this part. She's like screaming 0:47:54.413 --> 0:47:57.293 at me essentially, and I was like, yes, ma'am, Yes, ma'am. 0:47:57.493 --> 0:47:59.453 And she's like, I just want to say, you know 0:47:59.573 --> 0:48:02.493 that outfit you have on and those boots are amazing. 0:48:02.533 --> 0:48:05.933 She was really complimenting the boots. And the first thing 0:48:05.973 --> 0:48:08.293 I tried to do was, oh, well, these are just 0:48:08.333 --> 0:48:11.733 some moots from Levi's. They're only like twenty five thirty bucks. 0:48:12.013 --> 0:48:16.653 Like I'm trying to justify or talk about the love 0:48:16.693 --> 0:48:19.093 that she was giving me, and she just looked at 0:48:19.133 --> 0:48:21.813 me and she was like, shut up. I didn't ask 0:48:21.853 --> 0:48:26.373 you any of that. I'm giving you a compliment, Receive it. 0:48:26.933 --> 0:48:29.533 I'm giving you love, receive it. I'm giving you acknowledge it. 0:48:29.653 --> 0:48:32.853 Receive it. And there was just this moment where I 0:48:32.893 --> 0:48:35.453 just felt the rush of my grandmother's energy just take 0:48:35.893 --> 0:48:38.573 me over. You know. It's like she had passed at 0:48:38.573 --> 0:48:40.813 this point, so I'm like I just felt her energy. 0:48:40.893 --> 0:48:43.933 I'm like man, and I just had a smile on 0:48:43.973 --> 0:48:47.173 my face and I said, okay, thank you, you know, 0:48:47.253 --> 0:48:50.533 And since that day, I have never done that. If 0:48:50.573 --> 0:48:54.573 someone's like, hey, you I like you, I'm like hey, thanks, Yeah, 0:48:54.653 --> 0:48:57.213 you did something good for me. Okay, thanks. I appreciate 0:48:57.213 --> 0:49:00.573 that I received that. I acknowledge it now, whereas previously 0:49:01.213 --> 0:49:04.733 I was taught to be humble, to reject it, to 0:49:04.773 --> 0:49:07.813 push it aside, to play it off, to be nonchalant, 0:49:07.853 --> 0:49:09.613 to act like, oh, it's no big deal. This is 0:49:09.653 --> 0:49:13.373 what I do. Now I receive it and I say 0:49:13.413 --> 0:49:16.173 those words. Now I receive this, thank you. I'm open 0:49:16.173 --> 0:49:18.573 to this thank you, and I do it when it's 0:49:18.573 --> 0:49:21.893 simple things. Now, simple things people will text me and 0:49:21.933 --> 0:49:23.373 I say, hey, thank you for I'll say thank you 0:49:23.413 --> 0:49:26.973 for this genuinely. And I feel like what this does 0:49:27.053 --> 0:49:29.933 for us is it puts us into emotion of gratitude. 0:49:30.693 --> 0:49:32.853 Right one of the most studied emotions that we experience 0:49:32.933 --> 0:49:37.693 is gratitude and choosing that grateful reaction, stopping and just 0:49:37.733 --> 0:49:42.293 saying I receive this, tan next your life right there. 0:49:44.733 --> 0:49:49.213 Well, the practice of acknowledgement, it feeds both parties because 0:49:49.213 --> 0:49:52.533 it feels good to acknowledge somebody else, So the person 0:49:52.653 --> 0:49:56.213 doing the acknowledging is filled up, but then also the 0:49:56.253 --> 0:49:59.413 person that's receiving it. So it's it's a practice that 0:49:59.453 --> 0:50:01.613 I don't think us as humans are very good at 0:50:01.813 --> 0:50:06.733 especially acknowledging ourselves for the good work, taking a step 0:50:06.813 --> 0:50:09.733 back and you know, stopping and smelling the roses, but 0:50:09.853 --> 0:50:14.333 also just acknowledging other people simply just starting a conversation 0:50:14.413 --> 0:50:16.933 out and saying, I want to acknowledge you for the 0:50:16.973 --> 0:50:19.613 amazing friends you've been. It's just, you know, I think 0:50:19.813 --> 0:50:23.013 we as humans could get better at that, and ultimately, 0:50:23.173 --> 0:50:26.493 like you know, I know for me, receiving compliments can 0:50:26.493 --> 0:50:29.053 be tricky and it's all rooted in like childhood stuff 0:50:29.053 --> 0:50:32.493 and wanting to dim my light. But yeah, I think 0:50:33.613 --> 0:50:35.373 you know they what do they say? It's not love 0:50:35.453 --> 0:50:37.773 unless you give it away. But the only way that 0:50:37.853 --> 0:50:40.173 you can really have a full cup is you have 0:50:40.253 --> 0:50:42.813 to receive. You have to be able to receive certain 0:50:42.813 --> 0:50:45.493 things and receive compliments, and then ultimately, as your cup 0:50:45.533 --> 0:50:49.133 is full, everybody else gets the overflow. So it's it's 0:50:50.173 --> 0:50:52.813 it's a powerful practice, man. But that story I share 0:50:52.813 --> 0:50:56.493 it with all my coaching clients. I if there's boundaries issues, 0:50:56.533 --> 0:50:59.093 I do a session on boundaries with my coaching clients. 0:50:59.373 --> 0:51:02.973 But if there's some some shit there, like I push 0:51:02.973 --> 0:51:05.173 them to your course, you know. So it's just so 0:51:05.293 --> 0:51:07.973 cool to have you on here and really feel like 0:51:08.053 --> 0:51:10.453 I'm being coached in many aspects with some of the 0:51:10.533 --> 0:51:13.813 questions that I'm asking. So it's just cool to have 0:51:13.853 --> 0:51:15.693 you on the show for round two, to have you 0:51:16.253 --> 0:51:18.493 in my life and consider you a friend, and to 0:51:18.493 --> 0:51:21.213 be out here in San Diego with you, and it 0:51:21.253 --> 0:51:23.613 was it's been some special moments, man, So thank you. 0:51:25.573 --> 0:51:26.213 Thank you, sir. 0:51:27.173 --> 0:51:28.813 Yes, sir, man, I want to I want to say 0:51:28.813 --> 0:51:31.533 thank you as well, you know, for both the times 0:51:31.533 --> 0:51:33.653 you call on the show, for the time that I've 0:51:33.653 --> 0:51:35.973 been able to sit down with you face to face. 0:51:36.973 --> 0:51:39.413 You know, I just for all that you overcome, the 0:51:39.853 --> 0:51:42.693 energy and everything that you put out into the world. 0:51:42.853 --> 0:51:44.853 It's impacted me, it's impacting a lot of people, and 0:51:44.853 --> 0:51:48.653 it's impacting people that are listening right now. And just 0:51:48.693 --> 0:51:51.253 grateful for another opportunity to get to sit with you. 0:51:51.333 --> 0:51:54.613 Man. Thank you, sir, Thank you, sir. 0:51:55.213 --> 0:51:57.893 Appreciate you all joined us for another episode come Back Stories. 0:51:58.013 --> 0:52:00.373 Check us out wherever you get your podcast check us 0:52:00.373 --> 0:52:04.053 out and Inflection Network on YouTube as well. Love you 0:52:04.093 --> 0:52:05.653 all and see y'all next week. 0:52:14.133 --> 0:52:18.053 Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. 0:52:18.373 --> 0:52:23.013 For more podcasts, from iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 0:52:23.133 --> 0:52:24.733 or wherever you get your podcasts.