WEBVTT - I Want It That Way with Backstreet Boys’ AJ McLean 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.760 Well, welcome everyone to Amy and TJ. And yes, I'm 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:12.560 starting the podcast, probably because it's by default. It's not 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:16.120 because I wanted to. It's because I had an idea, 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.279 and so we're gonna I'm gonna do it again. I 0:00:18.280 --> 0:00:18.880 guess horrible. 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:23.320 No, we're keeping it. No, no, no, you're right Andy, 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:25.639 this was gonna be one of the best intros ever 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:26.480 we do this. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:30.720 Ever, I get time, I get all why, I don't know. 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:32.400 I'm just not I don't want to start. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.440 Okay, hey pot, Yes TJ. If you didn't know TJ 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:36.080 is here as well. 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:39.760 Yeah, I started to spiral and I needed to stop 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:40.440 every day. 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:42.960 She looks at me. I mean seconds before we start, 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:44.480 you start, you start, you start, you start, you start. 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.239 She doesn't want to start. We used to do this 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.600 on our show on television of gm A three. Yes, 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.920 we're right there sitting on set and they're counting us down. 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:55.480 Anybody got anything, anybody got in it, and you would 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:57.520 never speak and I had to start. So we that's 0:00:57.520 --> 0:00:58.200 what we're doing. 0:00:58.680 --> 0:00:59.960 Yeah, I don't know. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:01.760 I mean if I were by myself, obviously I would 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:06.199 have to. But somehow I just no, I don't clearly. 0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:11.360 Do not want to be by my Maybe you could 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:13.240 use some some alone time. 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:16.000 Yeah, do you need to say something to me? 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:18.319 No, No, we have spent a lot of time together, 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:19.679 especially this week. 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:21.080 It's been NonStop. 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.959 Were always talking about this week, last week, the week before. 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:26.240 It's pretty much the same. 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:28.200 We have fresh bag though, what you're saying. We had 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:30.120 a great trip to went out to LA for the 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:34.440 I Heart Radio wards. Right. It was an absolute blast. 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:38.880 We had a blast, yes, and just got back late. 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:40.759 Actually yes, like. 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:44.320 In the wee hours of the morning, so little, little punchy. 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:46.920 But we didn't go to bed though, didn't go to sleep. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:49.880 We really really didn't sleep. What were we watching? 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:52.200 A lot of stuff was on last night, like not 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.560 horror though we were in a we weren't in a horror. 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.920 Mood, which is unusual. Yeah, it was like one o'clock 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:57.400 in the morning. 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:57.880 What was on? 0:01:57.960 --> 0:01:59.320 I put on a new I don't even know. I 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:00.880 started to move one. 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:03.200 And I knew it and then I don't think I 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.320 slept at all. But anyway, it was all worth it because. 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:07.960 We nobody can tell you're punching. 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:11.600 We packed in a bunch of stuff. 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:14.520 It was beautiful weather, it was wonderful and we got 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:17.920 to meet a lot of amazing people, and especially a 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:20.800 particular person who particularly Yes. 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:21.799 What about the rest of the people are going to 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:22.200 feel bad? 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:25.679 Well, everybody was great, but we actually have to sit 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:30.400 down and go in depth with one of the most 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:33.400 iconic bands, or at least one of the members of 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.400 one of the most iconic bands, at least from me 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:38.840 in the nineties. We're talking about the Backstreet Boys, and 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.840 that was pretty cool because I'd never met AJ McLean before. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:42.920 Alexander James. 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.360 Yes, that is who he is, and that is I 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:51.519 guess his more recent persona, right He says, well, yes, yes, 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.000 but you know what, Okay, but when you call yourself 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.359 something AJ, that's how he's been known. Obviously, his name 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:00.840 is also alex James, Alexander James, but. 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:03.239 He goes by AJ. So he said that that's his persona. 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:06.160 He said, the AJ is his persona, right, but alex 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.440 is who he really is. Okay, So I'm gonna get 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:12.160 rid of TJ. I'm gonna be Lutillius from now on, 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:13.639 Utilius Liutillius. 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.880 Do you think that that's a persona for you? TJ? 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:18.200 Is that your is that your TV persona? And then 0:03:18.280 --> 0:03:19.280 Utilius is who you are? 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:22.600 It kinda is I've yeah, I've kind of said I've 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.000 no no by my family. I didn't grow up being TJ. 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.560 I was T Junior. It was close to my family name, 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.400 but the TJ was strictly for something that was easily 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:32.560 easy to do on television. 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:36.600 Absolutely, But it's funny because I can't. I don't know. 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:38.520 It would be weird for me to call you Lou 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:39.520 or Loutillius. 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:41.480 It would be weird for anybody to call me Luke. 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.520 Nobody calls me lou. How did we get there? 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:49.360 Well, Lutilius doesn't exactly roll off the top actually does 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:50.800 all together. 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:54.480 Now Lutilius it does, Oh my goodness. 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:55.800 All right, Well, let me know if you want to 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:58.680 make a name change in terms of what as how 0:03:58.720 --> 0:03:59.240 you're referred. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.560 The reason I I didn't yeah this is that's a 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:03.640 true story. And I'm sure you dealt with this as well. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:05.360 When you start your career, they want you to have 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.560 something that's that can easily be said on television because 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.640 an anchor from another market or you're doing national news, 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.000 they wouldn't might mess up your name. So my first 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:17.320 three pieces I ever did in my professional career. The 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:21.039 first one I signed off as Liutilius Holmes, the second 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:24.080 one I signed off as Lou Holmes. The third one 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.800 I signed off as TJ Holmes and stuck with TJ. 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.599 A true story. My first three pieces, I was three 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:30.320 different guys. 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.640 That's funny. I didn't know that, and then TJ stuck. 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.920 But when you get an uber, you're Lou. Yeah, well, 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:37.840 he says here for Lou. 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.159 I think I think there might be as moby as 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.840 reasons why here for Lou. I don't open the door 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:46.400 and say Heylutillius right huh? Here for Liutillius right who? 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:49.360 That's probably what I get Los. 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:49.960 Yeah. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.360 TJ's even easier, though, I have you get ubers a 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.000 lot because it's easy here for Amy. 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:56.640 Yes, Amy's a little bit easier, although you have a 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.640 hard time saying Amy, like you actually stumble. I hate 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.640 anytime we were on the set and you'd have to 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:06.520 transition as an anchor, they're like, you know, TJ or whoever. 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:08.279 He if it said Amy and he had to say 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.920 my name, he would stumble. You never stumble, but you 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:14.680 would absolutely mess up because you had to say Amy. 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.440 So weird. I'm just so I'm not used to calling 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.880 you that. And yeah, well again, I can't believe we 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:21.839 get into names here. Now we were talking about AJ. 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:26.680 But you have to ask this question, Backstreet Boys or 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:27.160 en Sync. 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.840 I know more Backstreet Boy songs. I mean, I love 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:35.680 some JT like I love, but I know the Backstreet 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.320 Boys music better and so I think I danced to 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:39.720 it more. But they're both great. 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:42.839 Obviously, see that. That's the answer people often do if 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.119 they want to be very diplomatic, right right, you didn't 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:47.200 really give me an answer. 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:49.479 Well, so if I had to pick, I'd pick Backstreet Boys. 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:52.200 Okay. This is one of the debates that continue to 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:55.000 this day. It's like, Okay, Michael Jordan. 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.800 Or Lebron I don't really I can't wait on those. 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:00.320 Yankees arrests. 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:05.360 Definitely Yankees. Oh wah wah, sheets, I don't even know 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:05.800 what you're saying. 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.800 Okay, all of the people in Pennsylvania get. 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:13.080 That shut out of Pennsylvania. Wow, we're going there. 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:13.279 Now. 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:14.920 This is a really weird. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.960 Weird industro. This is why we don't let her start 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:18.600 the po I. 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.560 Started it and now it's all unrapp up. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.320 But the point here this month is the actual thirty 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:27.599 one year anniversary of the Backstreet Boys actually getting together. 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:29.640 They got together the first time they were founded in 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:33.560 April of nineteen ninety three and they continue to this day, 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:37.359 and that is remarkable. And now AJ McLain, yes he 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:40.920 is out on tour with a member of an Sync, Yes, 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.320 Joey Fatone. They have a whole thing they are doing 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:46.520 out there together. But it's remarkable that they have been 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:49.040 able Backstreet Boys to stick around as long as they 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:53.000 have and have generations of fans. I have an eleven 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.400 year old daughter singing Backstreet Boy songs like how do 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:57.640 you even know these songs? 0:06:58.080 --> 0:06:59.320 I want it that way? Right? 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:02.120 Was the music? As soon as I mentioned we were 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:03.200 interviewing the back people. 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:05.760 That's very exciting. 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:09.760 Oh wow, okay, folks, I'm I'm gonna let her you know, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.440 we're gonna we're gonna wrap this so she can go 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.120 get some rest. But it was we were out in 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:15.720 the late for the Heart Awards. We did get a 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.320 chance to sit down with Aj, who had a lot 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.880 to say about the new music but also his struggle, 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.640 his background. Where he is now, which he says is 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:27.040 one of the best places physically and mentally that he 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:39.239 has ever been in his life. We are joined now 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:44.400 by mister Alexander James McClay. Come on, AJ, come on, 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:47.360 how should we introduce you? Now? What should we call you? 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:48.320 What are we doing? 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:51.120 Well? Look, so it's just me, So the rest of 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.880 the boys are not here. So Alexander James or alex 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:59.280 for short, alex uh. Yeah, you know, I uh, I've 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.440 been on this journey of self discovery for quite some 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:05.200 time now. It started back in the summer of last 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:08.080 year when we wrapped up the DNA World Tour in 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.239 May of twenty twenty three in Cape Town, South Africa, 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:17.160 came home for literally three days, hopped in my truck, 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:21.480 drove to Scottsdale, Arizona, and at it admitted myself into 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:26.800 a IOP intensive outpatient program for mental health, depression, anxiety, trauma, 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:32.720 the works to really get to the root of everything 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.280 that I've been through in the past twenty five years. 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:36.319 My sobriety's on lock of two and a half years sober, 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:41.600 going strong, congratulation, thank you, that isn't going anywhere. But 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:42.960 I wanted to get to the root of it and 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.400 really kind of figure out what because you know, people 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.679 that are in recovery realized that the drinking and the 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:52.280 drugs is all symptomatic. That's not the actual problem. There's 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:57.600 something bigger and more seed internally that's causing that effect. 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:01.520 So for me, it was low self esteem. I don't 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:01.880 know if I. 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:03.480 Could swear, but you can swear. 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.520 My sponsor calls it piece of shitism, which is what 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:11.360 I suffered from. And so the biggest thing for me 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.800 that I took out of this amazing ten weeks was 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:20.439 authenticity and learning that AJ is a persona. It doesn't 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:23.400 define who I am. It is it is a job. 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:26.200 I used to kind of make fun of some of 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.000 my boys, you know, when they would say, okay, we're 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:31.160 going back on the road, time to clock in. I 0:09:31.200 --> 0:09:34.640 never looked at it that way. Now I see what 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.160 they meant. You know, I'm on the first flight back 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:40.560 home to my family, first flight or before I would linger, 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.840 you know, hang out in whatever city I'm in. But 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:49.120 my whole perception on what is work and what is 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:54.080 personal boundaries another word I never really knew much about, 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.880 but authenticity. So knowing that, you know, throughout the last 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.880 almost thirty one years, AJ's kind of dominated, Alex just 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:06.960 kind of got stifled a little bit so everything with 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:10.360 my solo music, with my solo album, with everything moving 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.599 forward outside of the band, I want to introduce the 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:15.400 world to Alexander James. 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:18.560 Alexander James, I think it's it's first of all, it's 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:21.439 amazing that you went on that journey because most people 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:24.400 never get to that point. But I think a lot 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:28.800 of people, and especially your diehard fans, would be shocked 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:32.680 to hear that aj McLean has low self esteem. 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:36.800 I know. I mean, I've been sharing it. I just 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:39.240 got off the road with my buddy Joey Fatone. We've 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:41.240 been on the Legendary Night Tour. We just kicked it 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:44.600 off our first nine shows. We're kicking back off again 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:48.880 in May for another twenty dates. We keep adding dates 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.480 because the fans want to keep seeing it. It's a 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:55.800 hell of a show. It's fun and there is three 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.120 different songs from my upcoming solo record that I do 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.240 in the show, one of which is a song called Arizona, 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:04.960 which was inspired by this trip, and I prefaced the 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:11.280 song by telling the same exact story. And the response 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:15.400 I've gotten has been overwhelming. So many people, whether they're 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:20.120 fans of Backstreet or not, or fans of mine can 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.560 relate immediately. They're like, oh my God, Like I never 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.360 thought there was an outlet for what I'm feeling, but 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.640 now I know that there is. You know, when I 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.120 was out in Arizona, one of the sessions that I had, 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:37.080 we watched a little short, eight ten minute video. It 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.679 was one of these Ted talks, and it was this 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.040 woman who I'm now obsessed with, And whenever she comes 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:45.880 back on the road, I need to see her and 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.719 meet her. I feel like she's my mom from a 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.280 different life. Brene Brown. 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:50.760 Oh, I love Brown. 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:53.400 Obsessed I am too. 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:54.960 I've read so many of her books. 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:55.760 She's phenomenal. 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:57.040 She talks about shame yep. 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.520 And she has a mantra that I got tattooed on 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:07.760 my arm called braving, which stands for boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.840 non judgment, and gratitude. So I try to live my 0:12:10.880 --> 0:12:13.559 life by that each and every day as best I can, 0:12:14.160 --> 0:12:15.160 progress not perfection. 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.840 Would you have been willing do you think it would 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:20.320 have been? It would have taken you longer to figure 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.680 out the self esteem part? What do they call it? 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:27.600 The piece of shit? If you hadn't gone through already 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:30.640 the sobriety journey. Were those two things connected and. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.600 They are one hundred percent connected because you know a 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.559 lot of the things that I some of my actions 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.360 when I was not sober. You know, I have no regrets. 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:43.920 Let's just start by saying that everything happened exactly, how 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:45.760 was it was. It was all meant to be. And 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.920 I have learned a little bit more each time that 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:51.520 I've fallen off the wagon or that I've gone backwards. 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:56.600 But but having this length of sobriety under my belt, 0:12:56.600 --> 0:13:02.319 I think really helped me take in what I needed 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:05.280 to actually take in. Where before, you know, when I 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:09.200 put together two years here, three years there, I was 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:10.800 what we call it dry drunk. I was just white 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:12.880 knuckling it. I wasn't going to meetings. I wasn't taking 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:16.360 it as seriously as I am today. And I owe 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:19.480 it all to my youngest daughter. She is the reason 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.880 why this time was different. I flew back from doing 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:27.880 a radio show in Miami two and a half years ago. 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:32.360 On September twenty fifth, I flew back home. I went 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.199 hard the night before, real hard. Smelled like a bar. 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:39.040 When I got home, I didn't feel like I did, 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:41.439 But you know, I tried to drink a bunch of coffee, 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:44.400 kind of you know, dead in the odor. But again, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.600 it's it's kind of like smokers. I hate to say it, 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.240 but I smoke. It's the only advice I have left. 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:51.520 But we don't smell the smoke on us, but everyone 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.760 else does. It's like, oh God, were you so sme? 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:58.080 Like an ashtray? Do I really? But I went to 0:13:58.080 --> 0:13:59.880 give her a hug and she backed away from me, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:02.080 and I was like, what's wrong? And she's like, you 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:06.440 don't smell like my daddy. That was like rip my 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:09.439 heart out, stab it set it on fire. 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:10.559 How old was she? Right? 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.480 And she's seven now, so she was like four. 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:14.840 Wow. 0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:19.000 Yeah, and she's she's super smart, sharp as at. 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:21.280 And aren't they so honest when they're young? Right? 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:22.880 They say exactly what they're thinking. 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:27.320 More ways that I like, you know, like you kils, 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:31.600 kids are mean, kids are mean, like you know, like 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.600 I've I've had to deal with these, you know, these 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:39.160 these difficult conversations with both my girls about bulliese you know, 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:42.720 because you know, kids are kids are mean and being 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.000 a girl dad, you know, having to deal with boys 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:49.160 being boys. You know, I wasn't that kind of a boy. 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:50.880 But I know that there are boys out there that 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:57.160 are just mean generally because they like you, right tell me. 0:14:57.240 --> 0:15:01.880 But there's a couple of boys that are particularly mean 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.480 to my youngest. But as much as I want to 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.240 bring you their little necks, I know it's because they 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.160 like her, because she's so likable. Both my girls are 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:15.160 and they're people people, you know, so but but yeah, man, 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.480 my kids can can really kick you when you're down 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.200 sometimes and just be so brutally honest you're like, oh 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:22.080 my god, that hurts. 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:23.320 They keep you grounded, that's so. 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.640 Oh they do, they really do. They are very, very humbling, 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.000 and they exercise humility always. 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.240 How does she feel about that story, knowing that I 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.720 assume you shared it, that that was a turning point 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:34.040 for you. 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:36.320 I mean, both my girls are old enough now, I 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:40.240 think to really understand. Like I was on FaceTime maybe 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:45.440 two weeks ago, and uh, I was drinking a what's 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:47.240 the I can't you think of the brand? It's one 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.560 of my favorite ginger ales. But it's in a green bottle, 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.840 looks like a beer bottle, and but it clearly says 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:57.320 ginger Ale. But it was turned around and I grabbed 0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.760 it while I was on FaceTime and they both were 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:01.960 like that better not be alcohol dad. I'm like, oh 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.840 my god, no, look no ginger el gender eil. I said, 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:08.480 let me just be honest with you girls. Number one 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.240 Daddy wouldn't be facetiming you if I was drinking, and 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.720 number two Daddy wouldn't be facetiming you if I was drinking. 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:19.520 So uh, you know. But they are very very protective 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.440 of me, which I love. They're like my little security. 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:24.320 When we go out and have our little daddy daughter dates. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:26.680 If somebody asked for like a picture or whatever, they 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:30.920 get really territorial or they want to be in the photo, 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.600 then it's okay for Daddy to stop and take pictures. 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:35.160 As long as we get to be in the picture too, 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:35.720 it's okay. 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:38.000 I'm like, all right, how hard is it? 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:40.720 You know, this has been a journey you've been on 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.080 and you I think it's really important to you point 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.440 out that your alcoholism or your relationship with it was 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:48.680 just a symptom of a larger problem. But when you're 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:52.560 out on tour and you're in that environment, how hard 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:53.960 is it? I mean, do you not find it hard 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.480 at all? Now that You've got the tools in place. 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.040 No. I mean, look, well, yes, I do have the 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:02.760 tools in place. I have you know, X amount of 0:17:02.760 --> 0:17:07.520 people on speed dial, my sponsor, my best friend, my publicist. 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:09.720 I have people that look out for me, that are 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:12.359 that love me, that have been in my circle for 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:16.760 a very long time. And but you know, again, if 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:19.760 I'm in a weird mindset, or I'm out with friends, 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.000 or I'm out at dinner and people are drinking, if 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.040 I get uncomfortable, I just excuse myself and leave. You know, 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.719 why put myself through that added pressure. I don't need to. 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.960 You know, no is a complete sentence. You know, didn't 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:35.800 really understand that either until this last little stint in Scottsdale. 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:38.680 You know, I learned a lot. I also learned how 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:42.240 hot Scottsdale really can get. Didn't keep me off the 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.960 golf course though I played in one hundred and twenty degrees. Wow. 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:49.560 Wow, that's dedication. Oh yeah, what prompted the Scottsdale visit? 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:54.120 You know? I so I knew that the tour was over, 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:59.720 and and I've got a weekly therapist that I was 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:03.359 you know, talking to, and and he was like, you know, 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:07.840 I'm just gonna put this out there. There's this amazing 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:11.359 place if you really want to dive deeper into this, 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:16.560 this and this. You know, there's so the facilities called 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:19.240 the Meadows. They're all over the US. There is one 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.400 in Malibu, but it's a seven day program. And I'm like, well, 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:25.720 that ain't gonna do shit. I seven days. If I 0:18:25.720 --> 0:18:27.440 could have figured all this out that I know today 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.600 in seven days, I would have done it seven years ago. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:35.480 He's like, but this one is is eight weeks, and 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:39.159 I was like, well, I really want to do this 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.760 right so and then I extended it for two more weeks, 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.280 not intentionally, I didn't realize. So in the middle of it, 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:51.159 they send you away about about an hour north to 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:53.480 I can't remember the name of the city, but when 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:55.040 I tell you, it was in the middle of nowhere, 0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:58.040 middle of nowhere. It's an extension of the same program, 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:01.840 but they call it Trauma Week. So what you're dealing 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:05.560 with is from birth to seventeen. Now if you come 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:07.960 back for trauma track two, which I do want to 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:12.560 go back, is from seventeen to present day. So like 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:17.320 really talking to my inner child, dealing with my abandonment 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:20.719 issues when my dad left you know all of that stuff, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:24.720 and it was just me and two other guys with 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:30.480 this one therapist, and it was pretty It was pretty intense, 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:34.800 you know. It was five days of tears of joy, 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:39.600 tiers of pain, but like just lots of writing. A 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:42.200 very similar scenario happened that I did when I first 0:19:42.280 --> 0:19:46.160 went to rehab back in two thousand and one. They 0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:49.880 have this thing called the bataka, which essentially is a 0:19:49.920 --> 0:19:52.840 piece of PVC pipe with a foam pad on the 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:56.200 end of it looks like a giant lollipop. And you're 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:59.639