WEBVTT - Real & Raw 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.120 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:19.959 and the Black Effects Nice aspect aspect nice And just 0:00:20.120 --> 0:00:22.320 like that, we're back on the Welcome back to another 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.360 Carefully Reckless episode with your girl Dresslers. Today, I got 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.360 one of my good friends, Librea Shannon. I started because 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:33.040 we call a bread but I like her Labreah Like, damn, 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.559 what's up, y'all? What's your famer is line? What's going on? 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:39.159 What's actually? I always say that you don't want to fight, 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:44.360 but yeah, so might we'll fight? We can shut up 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:50.480 today's topic? Today's topic is, uh, it's rather debatable, y'all 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.000 know I always go against the grain to talk about 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:56.040 the ship that will forever be debatable. It's letting go, 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:59.600 letting go of someone, not friendship, not a family member, 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.600 but guys any vice versa. You know, if you let 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:04.800 gold female let go of a guy, it could be 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.600 very hard. And I brought my hurling because she went 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:10.160 through that recently. I've been through it plenty of times, 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.679 and I just want a different person speed that other 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:16.120 than myself and my fans. So yeah, I'm here for 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:19.200 what's up? Man? I'm ready to tell my story. So 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.440 you've been a relationship, a long term relationship. Tell me 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:25.040 about it. How long was it? It It was some years? 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.640 And then ain't in pretty well for me? It didn't 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:30.840 end well for you. What you may, okay and tell 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:34.759 me I was down and stopped. Okay, so he talked. 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.039 He he left you? Yeah, pretty much, he left you. Okay, 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:39.880 what did you do? You know what I'm saying? Why? 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:42.600 Why was it? Why did we leave you? You know? 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:46.760 I feel like I gave too much and it wasn't reciprocated, 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:50.280 and so when it was time to like, um, when 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.480 when stuff started getting shaking rocky, it was like I 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:55.720 was that one. It was always going to be there. Okay, okay, 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:57.720 I get it. So you were convenient for this man 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:00.960 basically pretty much she used up all that you gave. 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:02.520 As long as you were giving, he was using it up. 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.720 And like I said, restiprocity wasn't in place, Like he 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:08.880 was not giving you what you were giving him, which 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:11.400 a lot of times is the case, you know, And 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.160 that's on mad and female side, you know what I mean. 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.360 Like I've been on both ends of that stick, like 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.720 where I give a guy too much and then I 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.839 get almost nothing at all. And then the album gives 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:24.399 me is everything and that's not the one I want, 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:26.440 you know, so it's like we all go through that. 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:29.880 Um how did it get to I feel like at 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:33.040 the moment in my life, I was very vulnerable. You were. 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:36.840 So my vulnerability gave in to some situations that probably 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.560 wasn't for me. And so because I was vulnerable, I 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.360 was I was with it. What were you vulnerable? Was 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:44.919 it where you were coming from a previous relationship where 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:46.920 you want drugs? Like what was going on? How how 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:49.360 were you drugs enough? It just was like you know, 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.440 like life period, like you know, there was a lot 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:56.240 of ship going and he was there. He was your ear, 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:02.360 your my my happy old partner, my my eating partner, 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:07.160 and my I can just tell everything to then stuff. Yeah, 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:09.720 that's how you fall in love. Those are all of 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:14.120 the ingredients too. I'm falling for you, especially when you've 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:18.440 got a happy hour. We got hell, everybody happy from 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:21.720 the hent the you know what was next, But it 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:24.320 was everything was like a heavy rotation, like we was 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:27.519 just vibing and like you know, it was friends first, 0:03:27.520 --> 0:03:28.679 Like I think you didn't get the fan Like we 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:31.560 was friends first, and then you know, things went from 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.120 a to b whatever, whatever, whatever. That's another story from 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:37.040 over day. But yeah, we didn't we didn't cover it. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:40.480 Next week. I'll come back. I'll come back with the street, 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:43.760 I co juice. I gotta take a slow with stuff. 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:46.680 You'll come back with. I'm sorry, guys, an't gonna cheese 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:49.440 from deep deep down to Baltimore. So she said she's 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:51.480 gonna come back with the j the team, the team. 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:56.480 You'll come back with the tea. I'm stand okay, come 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:58.240 over with the tea. I know they want here to 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:03.200 tea anyway. So and he left you, Okay, you use 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:06.640 damn or whatever. Okay, did you ever try to rekindle that? Absolutely? 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:09.320 I wanted to fight for without without love, without even 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.080 though you gave, even though you were the one given everything, 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:13.480 you know what I'm saying, like, and it was not 0:04:13.520 --> 0:04:15.880 even want to say. I mean, my heart definitely was involved. 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:17.960 I'm not gonna say I gave every everything. Because he 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.559 did give some expect of the friendship relationship type of situation. 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:25.800 I was like situation ships. I say, that's a situation ship. 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.240 So he did give some parts. But it was like 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:31.960 when things got rocking and got shaky, you know, you know, 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:35.440 went left I'm like, I thought we was in this together, Like, yeah, 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.160 so did he ever like, let me ask you this, 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:40.960 he ever ad he ever told you straight up we're together? No, 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:46.880 I was going together stuff. No, yeah, definitely understand you. 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:52.000 I asked you that because nowadays, even though this is 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.520 back then, Yahn, the days, that's what you kind of 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:56.840 gotta ask. You know what I'm saying, because gods will 0:04:56.920 --> 0:04:59.400 play that game. They would play that game even we do. 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:01.800 You know we do too, But guys who play that game, 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.240 they will do together, ship with you and then still 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:06.080 be talking about these singles on the truths in facts, 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:08.240 you know what I'm saying, Like, and that hurts. That hurts. 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:11.279 That hurts you as a female because here you're thinking 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.920 it's one thing even because some sometimes some things are 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.280 better left them said, what's what's understood? They've got to 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.560 be So that's what you were saying. I'm spoken, we 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.200 are together. You know, we shouldn't have to still be 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.040 like oh worth that short, but you know what I'm saying. 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:27.080 But as a shame now the days you still have 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:32.479 to So where is he now? I ain't even talking 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:34.600 to him? And in the last time you try to 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:35.960 get back with him. How did you do that? Did 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:39.520 you pop up on them? No? I checked out. I 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.560 definitely chocked out. I've had my crazy days, definitely chilled though. 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:44.960 I mean, this is this is like the this is 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:46.720 like the low this is like the low key me, 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:48.920 like because I'm that one, like you said, I jump 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:50.960 out there, but it's like these plast a couple of years. 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.400 I'm like, all right, like let some stuff ride, but 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:55.600 like and then it didn't hurt me inside. But I'm 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:57.960 trying to because I'm a chowing and I'm I'm trying 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:01.120 to do things differently and that makes an I'm thirty three. 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:05.400 All right, Well look this situation definitely has you know, 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:08.039 revamped you me, bro. I can tell even how you 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.640 even how you speak, how you handle a certain situations, 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:14.039 how we're out. Sometimes you tell me how to handle 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:15.600 a certain situations. You know what I'm saying, Like you're 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.000 my bigg a little friend. You know she's not. She's 0:06:18.000 --> 0:06:21.400 she's three eleven, but she no, I wish your height, 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.680 you know, you fool bad. I had to give it 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:29.400 anyone foot. She four eleven. She got a big personality, 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:31.080 big voice. So a lot of people arender asking me 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:33.240 her but this is one motherfucker's a five cracker when 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:35.680 she take it to that point, you know what I'm saying. 0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:37.960 Other than that she cool cool is a motherfucking fan, 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.839 real laid back. And that's why that brings me to this, 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:48.200 did he leave you for somebody else? And that we 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.159 want to rewind some stuff? And that's the case because so, 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:53.440 so what happened was how we kind of got together 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.520 with whatever situation she was dealing at the moment, because 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.800 he was una vulnerable state. I was available, I was 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:02.400 around whatever. Um it was going downhill. Okay, So when 0:07:02.400 --> 0:07:05.679 he met you, he was already on the outskirt somebody. Yeah, 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.400 and he was telling you. He was saying yeah, okay, 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:10.480 and he was doing it, was doing some single stuff 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:14.360 like just like he was doing together. Yeah. So yeah, 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.440 there was doing some single stuff. Got to yeah, facts 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:20.760 got gotten. So yeah, and so I mean it was 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.280 it was a thing like yeah, it was like I 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:25.640 can tell it made you feel good fast. He felt 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:27.840 for him. You were vulnerable. He was trying to like 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:30.880 basically you were. I wouldn't make a decision without this man. 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:34.360 It was like thing. So and then they was like 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.720 what SOULTI, let's say yeah, and how long did this 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:40.520 go on for? For years? Four years? I would have 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.880 thought we were married for years time, but you just 0:07:42.880 --> 0:07:44.800 thought he was your your boyfriend. I would have thought 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:49.560 we were engaged like for nobody just situation ship for 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:53.560 four years and so now I can't get pass and 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:57.320 now yo damn yo. Now it just messes up my 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:01.680 relationships with men now okay, because it is like yeah, 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:03.840 effects like I'm I'm a good person being around people. 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:05.360 I feel like, why do you want to be around me? 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:07.640 Like what? Like what is it about me? And look 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:10.480 at you still questioning yourself. You've been like better than 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:13.520 scarred by the relationship because never are you ever supposed 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.400 to question yourself why somebody gonna be around you? When 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:21.160 I met you, I took to you like because out 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.360 of all the bitches in the room and all you 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.440 know whatever, Like you know what I'm saying, Like you're funny, 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:27.960 you have a genuine spirit. And all I do is 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.520 make people laugh. That's my job, that's my career, and 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.839 that's my social obligation. Like you know, I make people 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.200 laugh when I feel like they're saying you made me 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:37.959 like the whole day made me like every time I 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.160 am around you like you play a lot, like you're 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:41.880 really a good friend and you just help me move. 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:43.920 You didn't have to do that, But if you move, 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:49.400 I'm not gonna help you. So that's what you or something, baby, 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:55.079 I bet it call somebody. In all seriousness, you're a 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:58.400 really really good person and you're even better catch. So 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:00.400 don't have a next that thanks. You know what I'm 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.920 saying that nigga just sucked up, that's what. But I'm 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:08.120 just saying like just like my relationships with people men 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.640 more more say, like when I'm trying to date or 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.640 when I'm trying to like go out, like it's just 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.760 to be like little thing just ticking him. Like like 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:18.280 every red flags, I'm red flagging it. So because you 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.240 don't want you're real flagging it because you don't want 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.800 the same thing that happen or red flags don't want 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.160 the same thing happening again. And it's like am I ready, 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:29.040 Like I'm just red flagging everything like yeah they did that. No, No, 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:30.600 you know what I'm saying. I don't want to, like 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:32.680 I don't want my insecurity to jump out of it either, 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:34.800 like I'm trying to. You know, it was very easy 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:38.000 for that to have let you know, because he didn't 0:09:38.000 --> 0:09:41.120 do that. He whoever you're dating now, like he he 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.880 didn't do with yo, did you know what I'm saying, 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:46.080 he's not him, so he can't pay for I'm saying, 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:48.959 he didn't make you know, and and said at the 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.120 same time, you never want to give a guy too much, 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:55.800 because that's the end. So like hurt people. Hurt people, 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.360 that's a thing. That's a real thing people do or people. 0:09:58.400 --> 0:10:00.600 You know, You're definitely right. That comes with only friends 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:04.880 and whoever guys they do it, and they do it subconsciously, 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.400 like he don't even know. We're so busy trying to 0:10:07.400 --> 0:10:10.120 get over the girl that he was with that he 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.960 made you fall in love and then ended up going 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.280 back retracking. That's what he did, so we ended up 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:21.079 going back. Okay, they're together, Karen, to my knowledge, chance 0:10:21.160 --> 0:10:23.400 you know that. So you're still checking. I ain't checking, 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.120 aver course, maybe I ain't checking out of things. To 0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:29.480 my knowledge, I don't go I don't checking about the thing. Baby. 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:33.200 I promise you ain't checking. I promise you might have checking. 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:36.000 I'm promise trying to check it. Let's stop the breaking. 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:41.439 I promise you like ain't checking about it. So look 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:43.800 when you were trying to rekindle it, when you were 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:45.959 trying to get real quainting, just you know, how was 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:47.840 he you know how we you know how we as 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.319 women do we want that extra closure, like you know, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.360 was this what it is like? Like? But he didn't 0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:55.199 give me, Like he didn't give me what I was 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.319 choking for. Just say that it's over, like, just say 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:02.400 it's He wouldn't say he because he still wanted to 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.520 have you for a reserve, just in case shorty fund 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:06.320 up again, just the case he funked up again, because 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:07.920 he could have sunked up and she got tired of it, 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:10.240 you know what I'm saying. So it could have been 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.320 any type of situation. It could have been on her, 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.439 it could have been on him. But I'm glad that 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.160 he didn't because he would have kept stringing along. He 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.079 would have been playing the games and not saying that 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:21.920 he never liked you, never loved you whatever, because you 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.360 too you too likable for somebody not to like you. 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:29.920 You're too like No, you just you're like everything type person. 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.120 So it's not saying that he didn't, but he was 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:34.360 just in something else that he thought that he could 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:38.600 get over. So exactly, I'm glad did that happened because 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.120 I taught you something and it taught him something to 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:42.520 you know what I mean? So, is there anybody in 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.319 the picture now, because you said it affects your dating? 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:49.920 Is there anybody in the picture or you just you know, Yeah, 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:54.120 but they don't know, they don't know, like I don't know. 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:58.320 I mean, I mean he's talked to some mond. You mean, 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:01.920 I mean you're talking to some mone some guys. That 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:05.000 means somebody. I'm just you know, I mean, it's your 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:08.320 deep deep Baltimore, this sea thing out of you. So yeah, um, 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:12.079 she talked to some miney, she talks to one. So 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.560 you're talk going first, chess, what's going on? I mean, 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.240 all you think is gonna be listening to started like 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.320 you might will just come out and be like I'm sucking. 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:31.120 So I'm talking to you, did not love to I 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:34.240 ain't sharing this, y'all. Oh no, you got this, but 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:39.240 I'm sharing it's going up black effect. But yeah, I 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:43.520 mean I'm talking to somebody, Okay, all right? And how 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:48.000 is your past relationship affecting that? Because very much affected 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.640 a lot that us. How let me know because like 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.160 the person that gives I mean, they'll meet me when 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.760 I'm at but it's like I get scared, I'll beck away, 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:59.160 like so you'll you'll go in and then you get 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.640 so sick I'm going and then not yeah, you won't 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:06.240 jump m And I said, it's going to take to 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:08.920 scare you forbid yourself to be hurt. You refused to 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.280 get hurt against if you just it's like I'm always 0:13:11.320 --> 0:13:14.280 It's like it's like some people like you're the whole nigga. 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:19.480 I'm like, what what like you're not like these tendencies 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:22.599 just like men playable women or men lead women and 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.400 not even noticing in the houtsight, you're kind of doing 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.160 the same thing that you'll did to you you won't go. 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:30.640 How long have you been talking to this person dating 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.280 this person outside? Because talking to this trash, I mean 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:35.680 it's been a little minute now, it's been a little minute. 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.559 What's the little man? Like, what's the bottom moment? What 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.760 the women? It could be anything, it's examplicandplican. It can 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:45.240 literally be one minute, it can be a year. I'll 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:48.360 just give it us a minute. So what a minute? 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:55.439 A minute? Okay, so almost two minutes. Very cool, And 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.880 do you feel yourself holding back? Absolutely? Okay? And what ways? 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.000 I mean, I'm guard it, like my how does god? Mom? 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.800 Does he feel that? Does he see that? I don't. 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.480 They never put it to my attention. I just know 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.719 where I'm at. See, you're selfish, You're very selfish. You've 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:16.640 been dealing with this guy for bottomore minute and a 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:23.480 half and you really really are doing him like Ted 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:25.080 was doing you. I'm just gonna give him a name. 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.320 I don't want him saying Yo, I'm gonna say Ted. 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:31.600 I'm really not though, because you are. I'm not. I'm not. 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.400 You're not giving him You're all and he's what's my own? What? 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:38.640 What's what's my own? And he was like like, I mean, 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:40.400 I'm just still got it after the day, though, like 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:45.520 give it all? Long ago? Was this? What depend the 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:49.600 first guy that the breakup? I spent a minute to no, No, 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:52.000 what's how long has it been? And we're not gonna 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.880 keep doing that? How long? Like three minutes? So like 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.240 three years? Alright? Cool, So it's been three years and 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:01.160 you still won't get over that ship. Oh no, it ain't. No, 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.480 it ain't been three years. But it feels like, yeah, 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:08.880 it feels yeah, Okay, I get it, I get it. Well, 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.560 let's put it like this, how long do you expect 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:16.560 for him to continue to give his own and you're not. 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:19.840 I don't even think he's giving his own. I think 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:25.520 i'm any what you talking of? Bitches? Absolutely the DMC jumping. 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:27.880 What does do? Should you be in his d ms? 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:30.960 I don't be in them, but they'd be in them. Oh, 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:32.520 they've be in them. You don't be in them. But 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:36.920 it's funny how you keep knowing I met him through 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:39.120 the d you met him in the d M. Okay, 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.160 so you can't even argue I can't argue with that. 0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.440 But you didn't even same upset about it. You seem 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:45.440 like you're okay with the d M business. I mean 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.400 because I'm you know what you're given at the end 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:49.800 of the day, and you know that he still has 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.240 to be compensated for what you're lacking. That's a plus, 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:58.760 It's true. Okay, So do you ever see yourself getting 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.400 back with the ass like if Dennig it was to 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:04.200 drop that bitch right now and be like, look, I'm sorry, 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:06.680 I'm giving myself to you. Like honestly, I know I 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:08.880 did you wrong, but I went back just to see 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:12.360 if it were worka Sometimes it was like that um 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:16.040 prime example. Just listen, I'm gonna bring it back. I 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:20.200 was with Ashton's father. I was in love with one 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:23.280 guy other than Ashton's father. In love, I didn't say 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.960 I only loved when I was in love with one guy, right. 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:30.320 That was my ax. Now he was he came right 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.960 after wrong. Now. I left him to go back to 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.240 Rome to see if that's what I really wanted because 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:39.880 my baby was so young, and I didn't want Ashton 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.240 to grow up without the family dynamic. And then my 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:44.840 parents were married and then all that, like I wanted 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:46.160 him to grow up like I grew up. And then 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.440 with Rome, his mom died at ten, and then his dad, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.080 you know, being here with me and there at the 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:53.960 same time, and stepmother's grandmother's reason that everybody I didn't 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:56.320 want as to have that, you know, not realizing that 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.160 he doesn't have to have that. It could be a 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:02.200 healthy co parents and relationship. I went back a double back, 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:06.600 and I tried it, and I went back to him, 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:08.639 and the nigger cheated on me in seventy two hours, 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.560 so I lost the only guy who I felt like 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.000 would give me his all, but I've ever had in 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:19.320 my life, you know, and and and then now like 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.639 and there was I went back and then theyga cheated 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:25.399 on me with somebody that he worked with Rome. So 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:27.120 it's just like yo, when I say Rome, it's taking 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:28.920 me through a lot, Like now he's my brother, but 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:30.560 like he's taken me through a lot, you know what 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.400 I mean. But sometimes people go back just to see 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:36.400 that last what if he was to do that? Would 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:40.080 you believe that? Would you? Would you drop everything? I 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:42.720 would not. I gave him way too much power the 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:46.359 first over year, way too much. And like when when 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.480 it was over, I felt the power. I didn't have 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:54.280 no power because I gave it all. So at the rebuild, 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:56.920 like rebuilding, like you gotta go through that stage of 0:17:57.000 --> 0:18:01.200 rebuilding by by yourself, and then you trying to date 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.200 other people or trying to talk to other people, see 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:09.240 other people. That ain't a good That's why sometimes I 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:10.560 don't want to come out. I don't even want to 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:13.080 go with people like you know what I'm I'm always good, 0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:16.840 You're gonna happ but it's like then, yeah, I won't 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:18.360 go home with that, Like I don't want to really 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.560 be around people like that, especially when it comes to guys, 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.520 because I mean, I'm just feel like I'm walking on 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.560 pins and needles, if that makes sense, And I mean 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:28.280 nobody shouldn't be feel that kind of way, will be 0:18:28.359 --> 0:18:29.760 that kind of way, and not every guy is the saying, 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:33.159 let's be very clear. But because I'm in my rebuilding stage, 0:18:33.280 --> 0:18:36.000 in my rebuilding process, it's gonna it takes time. I 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:37.760 don't want to jump out of one thing and didn't 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:39.640 jump into another thing because of the day, I'm still 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:41.680 not gonna be satisfied because at the day, I still 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.840 to love myself, and so can I checked out of 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:46.600 one thing and getting into another thing. When am I 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:48.840 gonna have time for me to see the things that 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.639 I like. I don't like, you know, I like going 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:53.440 on by myself. I wan't around with that. I'll go 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.280 anywhere in this world by myself. I already traveled by myself. 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:58.240 Like I'll get on the plane any day. People like 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.480 you're going, yeah, I'm going by myself. Who you girl? 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:02.159 When he was like I want to this and I 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:07.000 was like, who do you do out there? And so 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.399 I mean that's that's a part of me getting to 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:11.440 know who I am, what I like, what I don't like, 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.600 rebuilding my style because I was never always this way. 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.520 So coming out of that relationship, with that situation ship, 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.800 it took something from me, like it took it took something, 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:24.240 and so I had to pull back into myself. And 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.760 I never grew up with a family like mother and 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:29.520 father in the same house and all that stuff. So 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:33.240 it's like I had to teach myself how to um, 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:35.680 to be in a relationship or to deal with somebody 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:36.800 because I had to do it with a lot of 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:38.840 trial and error. So I feel like my last situation 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:40.920 was a trial and it was an error to get 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:43.760 me ready for something else, but something I'll be able 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:46.240 to trust, not question and not you know, I don't 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:50.920 wanted to question nobody and being secure because in fact, 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:52.840 so I don't want to go through that. So I 0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:55.119 just take these more. I mean, like I said, I 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:56.920 talked to somebody. At the end of the day, I'm 0:19:56.920 --> 0:20:00.359 still rebuilding Bria who Brill is like, yeah, and I 0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.920 can't put no time limit on that. When you know, 0:20:03.960 --> 0:20:05.719 I can't do that like when I'm whole, because I'm 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:08.160 not whole. So when I'm whole, and I can't really 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:12.040 like give myself to somebody, you know, completely, because I 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.400 cannot give because it's gonna be half and half and half. 0:20:14.400 --> 0:20:16.199