Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is that when a friend or relative or
Speaker 1: colleague is going through a hard time, you should let
Speaker 1: them know that you care about them without asking anything
Speaker 1: of them. Make it clear that no response is needed.
Speaker 1: So if you ever personally have been through a really
Speaker 1: rough patch, you know that mustering the energy for even
Speaker 1: basic life maintenance can feel challenging. When you are in crisis,
Speaker 1: you certainly don't have the energy to answer lots of
Speaker 1: questions or coordinate other people's attempts to help you. Now,
Speaker 1: this may seem obvious, and yet when other people are struggling,
Speaker 1: we often result to asking questions that the person might
Speaker 1: feel some obligation to answer. How is your mom doing today?
Speaker 1: Have you gotten the results from your biopsy? Who's taking
Speaker 1: care of Rover? Do you want me to bring you dinner?
Speaker 1: And if so, what are your favorite comfort foods? Questions
Speaker 1: like these arise from a place of caring, but by
Speaker 1: asking questions, you are giving your loved one one more
Speaker 1: thing to do. So instead of asking questions, try expressing
Speaker 1: your concern and caring a statements I hope your mom
Speaker 1: is feeling better today. I love you and I'm thinking
Speaker 1: of you as you wait for your biopsy results. If
Speaker 1: you need help with Rover, he can stay with us.
Speaker 1: Call or text me if you want me to come
Speaker 1: get him. I'll drop off a hot lasagna on your
Speaker 1: front doorstep tomorrow at six thirty and text when it's there.
Speaker 1: I'll leave it in a cooler so it stays warm
Speaker 1: if you don't get to it for a while. Statements
Speaker 1: like these let your loved one know that you care
Speaker 1: about them, but the person doesn't have to spend time
Speaker 1: and emotional energy responding to your message. Maybe she'll reply
Speaker 1: with thanks or a tap back heart, but even that
Speaker 1: isn't necessary. You can also explicitly say no response needed
Speaker 1: in your message. This is appropriate if you are expressing
Speaker 1: love and support, so the person can just receive your
Speaker 1: love and support without feeling the need to reply. No
Speaker 1: response needed is also appropriate if you offer a specific
Speaker 1: form of help and a planned course of action. If
Speaker 1: the lasagna delivery seems workable, all the person needs to
Speaker 1: do is check the front door around six thirty. If
Speaker 1: the person doesn't need you to take Rover, then they
Speaker 1: don't need to do anything. If they do want you
Speaker 1: to take the dog, they know to text and say
Speaker 1: please come get Rover this afternoon. By using statements and
Speaker 1: a description of your actions rather than asking lots of questions,
Speaker 1: you can let people know you care about them without
Speaker 1: adding one more thing for them to respond to. When
Speaker 1: someone is really struggling, reducing the burden on them can
Speaker 1: be a welcome gift. Do you have strategies for supporting
Speaker 1: friends and family through difficult times. I'd love to hear
Speaker 1: about them. You can reach me at Laura at Laura
Speaker 1: Vanderkam dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks
Speaker 1: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, face Book, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.
Speaker 1: That's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at iHeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I
Speaker 1: look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my
Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.