1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:20,119 Speaker 1: Today's tip is that when a friend or relative or 4 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:24,080 Speaker 1: colleague is going through a hard time, you should let 5 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: them know that you care about them without asking anything 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: of them. Make it clear that no response is needed. 7 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: So if you ever personally have been through a really 8 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: rough patch, you know that mustering the energy for even 9 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: basic life maintenance can feel challenging. When you are in crisis, 10 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: you certainly don't have the energy to answer lots of 11 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: questions or coordinate other people's attempts to help you. Now, 12 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: this may seem obvious, and yet when other people are struggling, 13 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: we often result to asking questions that the person might 14 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: feel some obligation to answer. How is your mom doing today? 15 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 1: Have you gotten the results from your biopsy? Who's taking 16 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,319 Speaker 1: care of Rover? Do you want me to bring you dinner? 17 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 1: And if so, what are your favorite comfort foods? Questions 18 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,119 Speaker 1: like these arise from a place of caring, but by 19 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 1: asking questions, you are giving your loved one one more 20 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:33,839 Speaker 1: thing to do. So instead of asking questions, try expressing 21 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: your concern and caring a statements I hope your mom 22 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 1: is feeling better today. I love you and I'm thinking 23 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: of you as you wait for your biopsy results. If 24 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 1: you need help with Rover, he can stay with us. 25 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: Call or text me if you want me to come 26 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 1: get him. I'll drop off a hot lasagna on your 27 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: front doorstep tomorrow at six thirty and text when it's there. 28 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: I'll leave it in a cooler so it stays warm 29 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: if you don't get to it for a while. Statements 30 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: like these let your loved one know that you care 31 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: about them, but the person doesn't have to spend time 32 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: and emotional energy responding to your message. Maybe she'll reply 33 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: with thanks or a tap back heart, but even that 34 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: isn't necessary. You can also explicitly say no response needed 35 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: in your message. This is appropriate if you are expressing 36 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: love and support, so the person can just receive your 37 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,919 Speaker 1: love and support without feeling the need to reply. No 38 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 1: response needed is also appropriate if you offer a specific 39 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: form of help and a planned course of action. If 40 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: the lasagna delivery seems workable, all the person needs to 41 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: do is check the front door around six thirty. If 42 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 1: the person doesn't need you to take Rover, then they 43 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 1: don't need to do anything. If they do want you 44 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: to take the dog, they know to text and say 45 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: please come get Rover this afternoon. By using statements and 46 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: a description of your actions rather than asking lots of questions, 47 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: you can let people know you care about them without 48 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:17,119 Speaker 1: adding one more thing for them to respond to. When 49 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,799 Speaker 1: someone is really struggling, reducing the burden on them can 50 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: be a welcome gift. Do you have strategies for supporting 51 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: friends and family through difficult times. I'd love to hear 52 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: about them. You can reach me at Laura at Laura 53 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: Vanderkam dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks 54 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 1: for listening, and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, 55 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 56 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 57 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, face Book, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. 58 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: That's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D. 59 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast 60 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: podcast at iHeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast is 61 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 1: spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I 62 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a 63 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my 64 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, 65 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.