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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: But you got to slow down, You got to recognize,

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Speaker 2: you got to check in with your body. The biggest

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Speaker 2: thing that most Black women and most black people and

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Speaker 2: people don't get is it's easy to get to a

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Speaker 2: ten on the anger scale, on the sadness scale, on

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Speaker 2: the frustration scale when you're waking up at an eight

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Speaker 2: every day. And so many people are waking up at

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Speaker 2: an eight every single day and they don't even know

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Speaker 2: it because they're like hustlering and bustling.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just

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Speaker 3: doesn't get you?

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Speaker 4: Well, we do.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: and empowering women like you.

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Speaker 3: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.

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Speaker 3: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

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Speaker 3: women to just b.

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Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow

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Speaker 1: button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady,

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Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support

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Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you.

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Speaker 3: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 5: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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Speaker 5: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

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Speaker 5: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

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Speaker 5: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 5: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 5: U E b R O U ss ar D dot

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Speaker 5: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 5: forward to hearing from you, lady.

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Speaker 1: Today we have a very special guest today, we have

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Speaker 1: doctor Hell Martin on the podcast Okay. She is a

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Speaker 1: dynamic force in black mental health and liberation psychology. Standing

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Speaker 1: at the intersection of clinical psychology and social advocacy. Doctor

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Speaker 1: Martin has a reputation as a pioneering thought leader. Her

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Speaker 1: presentations don't just inform, they ignite, sparking deeper thought and

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Speaker 1: broader conversations. Her work shines through initiatives like Burn the Cake,

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Speaker 1: a ten week support group she created to help participants

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Speaker 1: unlearn the toxic belief that strength means silence. Wood Child,

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Speaker 1: We need that, okay, root it in her research back

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Speaker 1: to curriculum, the program tackles burnout self advocacy, identity, and

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Speaker 1: compassion while centering culture and community. Now, there is so

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Speaker 1: much more that we could say about doctor Martin. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you have to go check out her instagram because it's lit.

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Speaker 1: There's so much more we can say, but we rather

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Speaker 1: hear we rather you hear it in her words. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we're gonna go ahead and get her on the mike,

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Speaker 1: Doctor Roquel Martin, welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me.

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Speaker 1: Of course, just so welcome.

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Speaker 3: We are so looking forward to this conversation, and so

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Speaker 3: we will start with our quote of the day. Now,

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Speaker 3: doctor Martin, these are these are your words? Oh well, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: all right.

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Speaker 4: I'm so interested to hear what I said. Because I

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Speaker 4: talk so fast, I don't remember have to stuff say anyway,

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Speaker 4: So okay these yes to me as well.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so our quote of the day from

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Speaker 2: doctor Roquel Martin. You deserve rest that actually restores you,

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Speaker 2: not just pauses you.

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Speaker 3: Now, I'm gonna say that one more time for the

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Speaker 3: folks in the back to make sure you caught that

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Speaker 3: you deserve rest that actually restores you, not just pauses you.

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Speaker 4: When did I was that recent? Was that a recent quote? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that was a recent quote from this year. Yes, ma'am. Okay,

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Speaker 2: embarrassed me. When did I say this? Oh, it hasn't

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Speaker 2: been a couple of months ago. We were deep down

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Speaker 2: on Instagram and it was Yes, it was within the

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Speaker 2: last couple of months. Yes, okay, I just I just

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Speaker 2: did a post about different types of rests. So I'm like, please,

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Speaker 2: don't like to speak from the post I did a

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Speaker 2: couple of days ago, because that would be crazy if

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Speaker 2: I forgot that. But I forget stuff like that all

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Speaker 2: the time, honestly, because you know that I post regularly.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know if I say stuff when I

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Speaker 2: post her if it was when I was teaching, or

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Speaker 2: if I said it in session. Like there's so many

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Speaker 2: different gyms that I'm like, who knows where I said that.

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Speaker 2: I might had just been saying it in my head

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Speaker 2: and thought I said it out loud, you know, like, yeah.

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Speaker 3: But you dropping gyms, so that's what That's what matters,

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Speaker 3: is that you were dropping lots of gems in all

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Speaker 3: the spaces you're in.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I feel like when it comes to rest a lot

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Speaker 2: of times people I think when it comes to most people,

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Speaker 2: but especially the black community. We're just always entrenched in

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Speaker 2: this type of performance and whether it's performing health or

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Speaker 2: performing you know, wellness, and most of it is because

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Speaker 2: you know, being here, we kind of only survive through

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Speaker 2: the ultimate performance. Like we have to mask could switcher masks.

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Speaker 2: Cold switching is language switching, but masking is like creating

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Speaker 2: whole avatars. We have to perform comfort and a realm

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Speaker 2: and an environment that was never created for us. We

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Speaker 2: have to act like people have not lost their freaking

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Speaker 2: minds half the time with the way they talk to

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Speaker 2: and treat us.

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Speaker 4: Like there's so much of a performance.

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Speaker 2: So I find that it's so hard to get to

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Speaker 2: a place where our rest is actually restorative. In addition

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Speaker 2: to the fact that there are so many different kinds

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Speaker 2: of rest, and a lot of times people think arrest

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Speaker 2: is just sleeping, and that's like the physical aspect of it.

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Speaker 2: But there's mental rest, there's social rest, there's environmental rest,

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Speaker 2: of spiritual rest, and I think that it's very hard

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Speaker 2: to tease out all of them when you're truly just

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Speaker 2: trying to surm survive this ultimate performance in this fascist,

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Speaker 2: capitalistic society, racist.

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Speaker 4: Society, like it's insane.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I try to talk about rest is restorative

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Speaker 2: a lot, and kind of like breaking it down on

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Speaker 2: what that looks like.

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Speaker 1: In the first place, I'm just gonna mic drop. So

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Speaker 1: you're starting the conversation I've preaching. Basically, I am already

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Speaker 1: taking notes. So if you see my eyes wandering, just

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Speaker 1: know I'm taking notes on what you're sharing. I'm already

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Speaker 1: taking notes and we're not even five minutes in. So

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Speaker 1: let's start at the beginning. Okay, you're doing in psychology

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Speaker 1: and advocacy is powerful. What is your origin story? How

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Speaker 1: did you become the doctor Raquel mar O wec today?

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Speaker 4: So I went.

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Speaker 2: I always say, if I didn't attend to HBC for

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Speaker 2: my bachelor's I probably wouldn't have been a psychologist. I

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Speaker 2: think most intro to psych classes are the pretty boring courses.

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Speaker 2: You learn about all like the European American creeps and

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Speaker 2: all the men, and you never actually get to see

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Speaker 2: yourself in the psychology. But being out a HBCU, I

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Speaker 2: got to learn about African sented psychology, and I got

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Speaker 2: to learn about therapy not only as psychology, not only

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Speaker 2: as a tool with therapy, but also as a resource

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Speaker 2: to drive change with like translational science and advocacy Brown

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Speaker 2: versus Board of Education. One of the research search studies

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Speaker 2: cited were by Kenneth and Mamie Phipps Clark, who were

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Speaker 2: two black psychologists who did the famous Doll study about

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Speaker 2: representation in different realms. So I don't think I would

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Speaker 2: have been a psychologists if I decided to do that

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Speaker 2: role if I didn't go to FISK.

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Speaker 4: I actually was potentially.

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Speaker 2: I think I was going for nursing or med school,

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Speaker 2: but the classes were so they were just so boring,

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Speaker 2: like I just did not enjoy them. And the only

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Speaker 2: classes that did not bore me were in Black history.

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Speaker 2: So I kind of just combined the two. I will

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Speaker 2: say that as someone who states that they specialize in

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Speaker 2: Black health and well being, I was definitely told that

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Speaker 2: I could not specialize in Black health and well being,

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Speaker 2: like and not being a specialty during my doctoral program.

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Speaker 4: So just the.

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Speaker 2: Typical like you know, ridiculous environment, but just being like

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Speaker 2: I'll show you and being who I am today in

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Speaker 2: addition to career as well as just like my personality

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Speaker 2: and style. I'm a Philly like I'm a Philly John

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Speaker 2: all day like I'm for Philly. I'm from Nicetown, So

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Speaker 2: my demeanor is very much that, like it's I.

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Speaker 4: Am my mother.

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Speaker 2: I'm the same person as my mom, like you know,

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Speaker 2: like so very fully oriented. But a lot of times

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Speaker 2: people will ask me, I'll get the comment that I

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Speaker 2: seem like just very direct and very unapologetic or whatever.

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Speaker 2: And I remember going to a church service and they

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Speaker 2: stated that you have to be broken in order to

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Speaker 2: get certain blessings, which I do not align with. Like

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of times I'm in church and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you know, but when people ask who I am the

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Speaker 2: way I am when it comes to advocating and being

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Speaker 2: direct and stuff like that, it's because I have been

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Speaker 2: tried my entire life, like my entire life in so

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Speaker 2: many different realms, Like I have seen as many racists

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Speaker 2: in the boardroom as I have at the bus stop,

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Speaker 2: as many people trying to like shrink me, and just

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Speaker 2: even starting with like you can't specialize in black health

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Speaker 2: and well being, ridiculous expectations from my colleagues, from my peers,

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Speaker 2: Like I've always always the realm of my mom always says,

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Speaker 2: I've been called worse by better and because of that,

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Speaker 2: I think it was very easy to be clear on

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Speaker 2: my vision, but it was also very easy to advocate

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Speaker 2: for myself because I had a lot of practice with

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Speaker 2: a lot of people trying me. That's why most of

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Speaker 2: the time people are like, oh, it's so I would

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Speaker 2: love to have your style, and I'm like, listen, this

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Speaker 2: came hard. This came from crying in the car and

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Speaker 2: trying not to snap in meetings. This came from being

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Speaker 2: called aggressive. This came from you know, emails that I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't have been c seed on talking about me like

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Speaker 2: this came tough, and that was by a professional that

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Speaker 2: was like a psychologist who was supposed to be my supervisor,

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Speaker 2: and it was ridiculous. So whenever people are like, oh,

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Speaker 2: how do I get your style, I'm like, I wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't wish my trenches on anyone. So maybe just

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Speaker 2: maybe learn visually from me and try to apply it.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, very much psychologists, because fiscus is where I

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Speaker 2: started off hbcure here in Nashville, Tennessee, very direct and stuff,

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Speaker 2: because like it's just very philly. Honestly, I live in Nashville,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not from here. My husband's from here, and

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Speaker 2: just being challenged and like tried all the time.

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Speaker 4: And also like most.

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Speaker 2: People think I'm younger than I am back in the day,

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Speaker 2: Like I always wear braids, and you know how bredes

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Speaker 2: make you like you twelve and we black. So can't

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Speaker 2: nobody tell times where people would assume that my intern

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Speaker 2: was the doctor in the world, like it's it's and

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Speaker 2: so many times I'd just be like or even just

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Speaker 2: the fact that, like I don't use a twenty dollars

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Speaker 2: word when a five dollars war will do. So most

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Speaker 2: people won't assume that I have a bachelor's, two master's,

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Speaker 2: a doctor at POSTOCN, intern training at Hopkins Publications journals,

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Speaker 2: Like people don't assume that just because I'm sitting here

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Speaker 2: teaching in a Wou Tang shirt don't mean I don't

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Speaker 2: know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: I know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 2: I just happened to love Wu Tang like Wu Tang

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Speaker 2: is forever, you know. So like I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of people about demeanor like throws them because I'm just like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I actually have the highest degrees and most expertis is

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Speaker 2: in the room. I mean I can explain it with

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Speaker 2: a journal article. I can also explain it with a

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Speaker 2: like you know, a most deaf lyric. Either way, I'm

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Speaker 2: right and you knew what I meant. So let's just

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Speaker 2: focus because I'm the captain now, you know, like focus.

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Speaker 4: Guys have some loves.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that very much made maybe who I am, Philip.

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Speaker 2: I will say, Philly John through and through. I gotta

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Speaker 2: shirt this as doctor John, Like it's very we are

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Speaker 2: our people are people, most of us. I haven't met

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Speaker 2: a Philly person who's not pretty similar, says to me.

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Speaker 2: I actually am way more chilled than most Philly people,

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Speaker 2: probably because I live down south. For a minute, like

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Speaker 2: when I go home, I'd be like, dang, this is

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Speaker 2: how I used to talk to people too.

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Speaker 1: This is crazy.

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Speaker 4: This is wild.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I yes, this is you know, as

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Speaker 3: you were sharing your story, I think the thing that

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Speaker 3: resonated with me that came up was that some of

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Speaker 3: your experiences are so similar to a lot of professional

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Speaker 3: black women. Yeah right, you know, the colde switching, the masking,

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Speaker 3: the being the smartest person in the room or the

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Speaker 3: most degreed person in the room, but being treated as

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Speaker 3: if you're the least qualified in that space. Yeah, and

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Speaker 3: so when you reflect back on on your journey where

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Speaker 3: you are at this point in your journey, and you

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Speaker 3: mentioned that you wanted to specialize in in black mental health.

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Speaker 4: What does that mean exactly? What does that look like?

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Speaker 4: That means?

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Speaker 2: Like, so we get a wealth of training when we're

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Speaker 2: going through our programs and stuff like that. And to me,

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Speaker 2: you get it in your you get the most training

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Speaker 2: in your specialty. Right, Like if you have a pediatrician, yes,

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Speaker 2: they're going to learn the adult body, but like I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna need you to know like the way a

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Speaker 2: moniscus and a patella looks on a chat or how

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Speaker 2: it's different from like a fifty year old, right, So

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Speaker 2: from everything from like my research with my dissertation, which

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Speaker 2: is are like the apex of their doctoral program which

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Speaker 2: focused on health disparities within black individuals, From the research

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Speaker 2: I publish now, in the work I do now, like

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Speaker 2: as a scientist, I'm currently working on creating a new

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Speaker 2: model black identity development for youth. When it comes to

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Speaker 2: my clientele, the majority of the individuals that I work

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Speaker 2: with are black, not all of them, but the majority

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Speaker 2: of them are. When it comes to my courses that

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Speaker 2: I teach, because I'm also a professor. I'm not teaching

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Speaker 2: this semester because I'm only doing data collection. But the

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Speaker 2: courses I teach our psychology, the Black experience, decolonizing research methods,

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Speaker 2: and mental health, hip hop and activism.

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Speaker 4: Right when it comes to the.

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Speaker 2: I also train clinicians, like we have to take courses

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Speaker 2: continued education courses in order to keep our licenses. The

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Speaker 2: continued education courses I teach are anti racists and anti

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Speaker 2: oppressive care as well as integrating Black identity development into

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Speaker 2: clinical treatment.

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Speaker 4: And I'm actually teaching a free course.

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Speaker 2: I can think it's next week actually for ethical documentation

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Speaker 2: for clients, because I found that, like newer clinicians tend

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Speaker 2: to overdocument and we're getting into a time where we

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Speaker 2: don't really know who's going to have access to records,

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Speaker 2: like that documentation is sound, but we're getting into a

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Speaker 2: place where people have just been tripping when it comes

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Speaker 2: to rules and regulation. So it's always important to protect

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Speaker 2: your clients when it comes to documentation. So I thought

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Speaker 2: it'd be important to do a refresher course for individuals

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Speaker 2: who are working with undocumented clients or trans clients or

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Speaker 2: clients that may be considering abortion, Like you need to

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Speaker 2: I don't even think you need to be talking about

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Speaker 2: the fact that a client is pregnant. I would just

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Speaker 2: state that the client is having a medical event. Like

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Speaker 2: that's a perfect example of like, oh they're having a

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Speaker 2: medical event. That's it, because you know, like documentations are sound,

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Speaker 2: but you never know who's going to have access, so

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Speaker 2: when it comes to that, and even of course my

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Speaker 2: content creation, right, like my goal is also with social media,

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Speaker 2: is to create free game, to have free resources, because

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Speaker 2: I don't think anyone has enough access to licensed mental

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Speaker 2: health professionals, like educated professionals. Only five percent of the

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Speaker 2: psychologists in the US are black, and that includes men

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Speaker 2: and women. Right There's literally only thousands of us in

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Speaker 2: the entire United States, and it's very hard to get

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Speaker 2: access to us because most of the time our caseloads

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Speaker 2: are full or have resources that are geared towards us

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Speaker 2: as black peace people. So my goal, even with my

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Speaker 2: platform and creating resources and mental health guides and mental

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Speaker 2: health communities and initiatives, focuses on black people and trying

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Speaker 2: to make sure I educate people on working with our

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Speaker 2: population as well. So everything I do, beginning to end,

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Speaker 2: specializes in that realm. Of from science to policy to everything,

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Speaker 2: and making sure that I advocate for this community and

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Speaker 2: provide people with resources to work with us as well,

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Speaker 2: because the way that we're educated, honestly, I would say

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Speaker 2: most licensed mental health professional psychologists, licensed professional counselor social worker,

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Speaker 2: it's with a European American Westernized perspective and that is

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Speaker 2: not us, right, Like, I'm a clinical psychologist, but I'm

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Speaker 2: also a liberation psychologist, right, So like it's the epitome

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Speaker 2: of treating within context. My goal is to help you

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Speaker 2: work from the outside in and the inside out, because

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Speaker 2: you can't outthink racism and you can't outthink oppression. You

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Speaker 2: have to fight it, right, So my goal is also

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Speaker 2: to equip clinicians with the tools to help their clients

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Speaker 2: understand that and to fight the oppression, fight racism, because

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Speaker 2: there's no amount of thought catalog that's going to help

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Speaker 2: you deal with that oppressive environment. You have to figure

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Speaker 2: out how you're going to attack that from the outside

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Speaker 2: in as well, and a lot of people aren't trying

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Speaker 2: to do that. So that's always going to be ultimately

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Speaker 2: my goal to advocate for that in any way, shape

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Speaker 2: or form. Therapy. The mental health initiatives I have. I

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Speaker 2: just started a new mental health group for black women

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Speaker 2: to Burn the Cape. It's called the Sanctuary. Well, we

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Speaker 2: have three thousand members. It's free. We have three thousand

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Speaker 2: members and it's only been open for nine days, So

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Speaker 2: I do think my goal is to hit ten thousand

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Speaker 2: by our one year anniversary. But I think we'll hit

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Speaker 2: it by the end of this year. And that's just

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Speaker 2: solely because we have the Burn the Cape group that

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Speaker 2: I have, but it just fills up so quickly in

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Speaker 2: its donation base. So I wanted to provide a space

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Speaker 2: that was free for black women who could get access

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Speaker 2: to me. We do a live book club every single month.

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Speaker 2: The book this month is Sisters of the Am by

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Speaker 2: Bell Hooks. We do a live mental health topic discussion

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Speaker 2: for this month. The topic is the Obligation. We're focusing

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Speaker 2: on the obligation to present strength for black women, journal

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Speaker 2: prompts and all that. And it's going to be free

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Speaker 2: as long as I can keep it free, which will

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Speaker 2: be which is easily possible. Right Like, every time I

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Speaker 2: mentioned the group, people are like, why are you making

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Speaker 2: it free? And I was like, because I can, because

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Speaker 2: I can afford to, I can afford to you know,

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Speaker 2: like thinking about like you know, there are always been

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Speaker 2: people who had more. If you have more, you can

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Speaker 2: give more, right And I canna afford to keep this

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Speaker 2: community free. I can afford afford the time and emotional

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Speaker 2: investment to like make sure we're doing these things and

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Speaker 2: checking in. I can afford it.

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Speaker 1: I'm on abundance mindset. You said so much money. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I could just sit back and I don't

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Speaker 1: really need to ask. I feel like I'm talking much. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I have quite keep it going of it. I do

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Speaker 1: have a question for you. But the first question I

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Speaker 1: want to ask is how can they learn about the sanctuary?

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Speaker 1: Because that sounds like an incredible resource for listeners.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so it's not on my website yet because

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Speaker 2: I have to you know, you got to make yes.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm on WIS and I know it's it's

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Speaker 2: very user friendly. It's very user friendly. I just don't

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Speaker 2: feel like it, you know what I'm saying, Like it's

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Speaker 2: not it's very user friendly. So right now you can

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Speaker 2: just go to my Instagram or my TikTok. It's just

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Speaker 2: the link in the bio. And also for my last

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Speaker 2: like four posts, I made this like automation.

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Speaker 4: I'm learning all of this technology.

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Speaker 2: You would think, let me say something as much as

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Speaker 2: I create contents. All I know when it comes to

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Speaker 2: technology is when I hit the on button, it should

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Speaker 2: turn on and if it doesn't, something's wrong. Put it

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Speaker 2: in rice. That's all I know. That's it. You know

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Speaker 2: you can't even put a lap top in rice. I

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Speaker 2: don't know, you know what I'm mean. But now the

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Speaker 2: last couple of posts, I set this setting where if

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Speaker 2: you put burn the cape on the posts and you'll

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Speaker 2: get an EAT. You'll get a DM to sign up

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Speaker 2: for the community too. Yeah, so I'm trying to do

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Speaker 2: better with that. But yeah, free community. We have like

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Speaker 2: different chat pages. We got the Cape Free Mama's page,

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Speaker 2: we got the rest winds pay little chat page. We

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Speaker 2: have different local based pages too because there's three thousand

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Speaker 2: of us and including individuals in Canada and stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: So for people who want to get together locally. We

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Speaker 2: just had our first meet and greet today because the

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Speaker 2: group has been open for like a week, so I

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Speaker 2: wanted to make sure I met with people. And our

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Speaker 2: book club meeting is the first one is September seventeenth,

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Speaker 2: I believe, so you still have time. Like the Bell

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Speaker 2: Books book, it's only I mean as I say only,

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Speaker 2: but apparently I have a weird barometer.

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Speaker 4: It's only like two hundred and fifty pages.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: You could read that like a week.

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Speaker 2: You know. So, like somebody acts today like do you

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Speaker 2: have to have read the full book to engage, I'm like, no,

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Speaker 2: you don't have to read the full book to engage.

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Speaker 2: Like we're in a group full of a bunch of people.

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Speaker 2: You may get something just from them discussing it. You know,

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Speaker 2: you may decide to read it later. I buy books

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Speaker 2: not only to read all the books, but also to

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Speaker 2: support the individuals. And like I love the fact that, like,

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Speaker 2: depending on the vibe, I'm Matt, I can just grab

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Speaker 2: a book, like I don't always have to like go

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Speaker 2: to the library. I do still go to the library

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Speaker 2: twice a week with my son, but still like, so, yeah,

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Speaker 2: just go to my page rock elmren PhD. It's right

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Speaker 2: in the bio. It's also yeah, it's right in the bio.

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Speaker 2: I was about to say it's somewhere else.

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Speaker 4: Probably not.

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Speaker 2: Let me not get to lie. Just go to the

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Speaker 2: bio and just go to the bio and you can

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Speaker 2: sign up. But yeah, we host the community on Circle.

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Speaker 2: It's very it's very is very very active in I

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Speaker 2: mean it's three thousand black women, you know, like, wow,

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Speaker 2: let me just speak.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that sounds like a time. That sounds like a

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Speaker 4: time to say it.

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Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about decolonizing mental health

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Speaker 1: because but I feel like what you just described is

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Speaker 1: an example of that. But maybe for people who don't

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Speaker 1: fully understand what that means. Can you break that down?

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Speaker 1: What does it mean to decolonize mental health and why

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Speaker 1: do you believe that's especially important for black women?

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Speaker 2: So so, like if we think about the aspect of

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Speaker 2: I would say, like the colonial mindset and an amazing

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Speaker 2: book on this is I'm actually pretty sure it's called

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Speaker 2: Decolonized by doctor Jennifer Mulan. It's over here somewhere. I

435
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 2: also camp on my glasses because my children move them

436
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 2: to be helpful. I lay on them a lot, so

437
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 2: they're already these boys are already knowing how to accommodate

438
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 2: someone in the house, so they move them. I get

439
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 2: like hot flashes at times and they'll be like, do

440
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,679
Speaker 2: you need your fan needs her fail? Oh my god,

441
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 2: that is so precious, like it's really to be helpful.

442
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 2: But then they you know, it's bedtime, so typically I

443
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 2: can just ask them, but they knocked out. I don't

444
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 2: know where they put these jobs, but yeah, so and

445
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 2: there is nothing alive that would.

446
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 4: Make me wake these children.

447
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, parenting after a PM is insane. But doctor

448
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 2: Jeff from Ulan, when you think about the way most

449
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 2: of us are educated, and this individualistic westernized colonial mindset,

450
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 2: and the colonial mindset is violent, It's it's abrasive, it

451
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 2: denounces individuality, it doesn't acknowledge historical and current harms. It's patriarchal,

452
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 2: it's degrading for anyone that's not the typical European American man. Like,

453
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 2: that's not the kind of education system you want to

454
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,359
Speaker 2: learn of when you're trying to do deal with therapy.

455
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 2: And but that's how we're educated, right like. Liberation psychology

456
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,919
Speaker 2: is the psychology of the people. It is meant to

457
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 2: advocate for and help the historically excluded and marginalized population.

458
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,239
Speaker 2: I did not learn about liberation psychology until I had

459
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 2: graduated from my doctoral program. The fact that we primarily

460
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,320
Speaker 2: learn about men male perspectives, the fact that most of

461
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 2: the diagnostic criteria that we use. The book that we

462
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:16,400
Speaker 2: use to diagnose is incredibly short sighted. It hasible, it's

463
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 2: myopic views on the ways that different different symptoms present themselves,

464
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 2: and it's not doesn't have any aspect of cultural humility.

465
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 2: And that's what we're getting trained in. And then we're

466
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: being expected to be able to apply this one view

467
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 2: to everyone we work with. And then when it doesn't work,

468
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,720
Speaker 2: or then when they don't show up for these busted

469
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 2: sessions where they don't feel seen, then we talk about, ooh,

470
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: they're being resistant. No, your therapy is trash, okay, you know,

471
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,360
Speaker 2: Like I have had clients transferred to me who were

472
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,439
Speaker 2: literally told that maybe they're taking racism too seriously and

473
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 2: maybe they need to stop focusing on that so much

474
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 2: if they want to live a better life, to be

475
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 2: more at peace. I've had individuals who have been told

476
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,239
Speaker 2: that they're in mesh with their family because they live

477
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 2: in the same house as their family and share this

478
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 2: and share their you know, income with their family. Yes,

479
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 2: so like it's it's insane. So when when you think

480
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 2: about decolonizing it, it's about taking information in from different

481
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 2: perspectives of individuals who I would say, typically don't look

482
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,199
Speaker 2: like you when it comes to like European Americans, but

483
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: like when it's us taking perspectives of people who do

484
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 2: look like us, right when it comes to learning Native

485
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 2: reading about Native and Indigenous like healers, and integrating that

486
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 2: when it comes to making sure that you're taking a

487
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 2: narrative from individuals that also don't look like you. Like

488
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: I'm a cis gender heterosexual woman. If I only read

489
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,160
Speaker 2: about healing and helping sis gender heterosexual women, I wouldn't

490
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 2: be any better than the colonizers. I mean, honestly, I'll

491
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 2: always be better than the colonizers. They're trash, but like

492
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: you know, like I wouldn't you know, I wouldn't be

493
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 2: as much better than them as I prefer to be,

494
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 2: you know, So making sure you're taking in education, but

495
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 2: also making sure you're looking into the way that data

496
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 2: is often in the way the practices that we look

497
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,479
Speaker 2: at most of the time people are doing I don't know,

498
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,679
Speaker 2: like checklists to check the symptoms, but I prefer to

499
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 2: actually incorporate the perspective of the clinician. We call it

500
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 2: like qualitative analysis, like quantitative is numbers. Qualitative is like

501
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 2: focus groups, and interviewers and honoring the narratives of the

502
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 2: people sharing the information, which is so important to me

503
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 2: as someone who specializes in a black health and well being,

504
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 2: because when I'm creating research studies, I'm doing focus groups

505
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 2: and I'm doing interviews and I'm looking at that data.

506
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 2: I'm not just doing a checklist, because i want to

507
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 2: hear the narratives of people whose voices were historically stomped out,

508
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 2: and it takes longer, and historically people, you know, the

509
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 2: scientists prefer like the qualitative. They want to get the

510
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 2: information quicker, but it doesn't actually apply to us. So

511
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 2: it's also about not only looking into the answers that

512
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 2: you're getting, but also who's asking the questions, like are

513
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,639
Speaker 2: you acknowledging the privilege in the room? Are you acknowledging

514
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 2: the intersectional identity? Like everything, any any aspect of individualistic

515
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 2: care that acknowledges the harm and the oppression and stuff

516
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: that's more decol versus the The colonized perspective is more

517
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: so wanting one specific view, one perspective, and if you

518
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: don't align with who they consider the apex, which is

519
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 2: European American men, then there's something has like significantly wrong

520
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 2: with you instead of looking at the context of what's

521
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 2: getting in, you know, what's contributing to the issues. And

522
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 2: that's what everyone needs to do, like you know, like

523
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 2: it's it's it's it's necessary, it's important, and to make

524
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 2: sure we provide the care that is so deserved. And

525
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 2: I also say it's more collective oriented. I like, one

526
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 2: day I need to get it to ted Tuck or

527
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 2: something like another one. But like I don't think there's

528
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 2: any such thing as individual wellness. I think everyone's been

529
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 2: sold a lie. But it's collective, like it's collective healing,

530
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 2: collective identity because we all we operate in systems like right,

531
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 2: like the way I wake up in my body is

532
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 2: going to impact the way I gauge with my children,

533
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 2: the way I engage with my husband, the way I

534
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 2: engage with my students, my co workers, shoot the person

535
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 2: who cut me off. It is going to decide whether

536
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 2: or not I think it's worth it today, whether you

537
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 2: found the right one and the wrong what at the

538
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 2: same time, or whether I just take a breath and

539
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 2: be an adult because I got a session in an hour.

540
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 4: You know, like all of that.

541
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 2: Will depend on everything, right, Like So it's also thinking

542
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 2: about like the collective, like family of origin and family

543
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 2: of choice, and the fact that we are very much

544
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 2: a community oriented people. Like historically and currently we were

545
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 2: forced into a westernized, individualistic society, but that's not us

546
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 2: and that's not where you know, healing will thrive. So

547
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 2: it's also focusing on the community factors that can contribute

548
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 2: to you doing well and thinking of different aspects of healing,

549
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 2: because therapy doesn't have a monopoly on healing, right, no

550
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,479
Speaker 2: matter what path you take to healing, whether it is

551
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 2: therapy or activism or spirituality, it's going to be paid

552
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,920
Speaker 2: with community. And bringing that in the room is really important.

553
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: But like the individualistic people, they all do that. It's awful.

554
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 2: What it's like, they just offer themselves and that's you know,

555
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,120
Speaker 2: that's not We've always had to lean on each other.

556
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 2: So I think community has always been important to us

557
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 2: and necessary. Oh so I'm gonna do listen, y'all, next

558
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 2: five questions. I'm gonna do very good.

559
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: We love this.

560
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,160
Speaker 4: Great listen.

561
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 3: We are here for this. We yes, you have our attention.

562
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 3: We are here for this. You're listening. And so when

563
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 3: as I was listening to you, the thing that kept

564
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 3: coming up for me as you were talking about community.

565
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 3: I kept thinking about black women and how we are

566
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,880
Speaker 3: often the backbone of the community, right, that we are

567
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 3: the reason that the community is together, that the community

568
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 3: is working and functioning the way that it is, and

569
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 3: oftentimes we are making these communities function to our own detriment, right,

570
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 3: and so we are in that space of taking care

571
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 3: of everybody else in the community and not taking care

572
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:11,479
Speaker 3: of ourselves. And so how can black women start to

573
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 3: identify when they are when they have shifted into this

574
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: space of ignoring themselves or suppressing their their needs under

575
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 3: the guise of strength, like I'm being I'm being strong

576
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,119
Speaker 3: for everyone else.

577
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 4: Yeah.

578
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: The biggest thing is they're going to have to do you,

579
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 2: like some introspection. I always state that you should be

580
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 2: the inspector gadget of you, and like even saying inspector

581
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 2: gadget ages me. One of these days, I'm gonna have

582
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 2: to find like a gen Z I don't know, TV

583
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 2: show with an inspector.

584
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know who is it, like.

585
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 2: A Olivia Benson maybe, like is Olivia Benson transgenerational?

586
00:28:59,280 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: You know?

587
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 4: Like you Yeah, they know, Okay, Okay.

588
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 2: They know okay because I said inspector, gadget I've been

589
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: I use the same analogies a lot. And then when

590
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 2: I first started teaching, some of them got it my youth.

591
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 2: But now they're just like, right, freak.

592
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 4: Is she talking about Okay?

593
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 2: Okay, and be like you know she oh, y'all, well

594
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 2: we'll look it up later, like doctor Martin is Glitchen.

595
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

596
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 2: I always say that she could. You should try to

597
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: be an expert on you, like you should really try

598
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: to be a expert on you for But for black people,

599
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 2: black men, black women, non binary black folk, that's incredibly

600
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 2: hard because we have been trained to like silence our.

601
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 4: Ourselves, right like we have been.

602
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 2: People always say like stress as a silent killer, but

603
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: it's not silent. We have just been taught to be louder.

604
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: We're really adaptable creatures, right like we have to be.

605
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 2: We had to adapt to survive, so we had to

606
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 2: silence and numb the part of ourselves that let's us

607
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: know when something is hurtful, when something is painful, when

608
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 2: we can't manage, when something guts us, because we still

609
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 2: have the function in the society that is trying to

610
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 2: stop us down every single second of the day, so

611
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: we have learned to silence it. Right. So, in order

612
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 2: to get to the aspect of dealing with your the

613
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: fact that you were forced into a position to maintain

614
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 2: this constant presence of strength, you kind of have to

615
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 2: slow down and acknowledge the fact that this happened in

616
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 2: the first place, right, Like, you can't address what you

617
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 2: don't acknowledge. You can't acknowledge that you don't recognize, and you

618
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 2: can't recognize what you haven't been educated to see.

619
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 4: But it starts with the education.

620
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 2: It starts with acknowledging that we are very much in

621
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 2: a system that has always benefitted from our pain in

622
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 2: our bodies and our work, and how they benefit from

623
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: us not being keyed into our bodies. It's so funny

624
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 2: that so many people mentioned when I was first starting that, oh,

625
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: therapy isn't for black people.

626
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 4: Why would we need therapy? Who needs therapy?

627
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 3: More?

628
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 4: What are you talking about?

629
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 6: Oh?

630
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 4: I would always be like, what what what? What?

631
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 2: What you think the the people? So the oppressors get

632
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 2: to have the therapy, but the oppressed don't. You've lost

633
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 2: your mind. That doesn't make any sense, you know. So

634
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 2: it's very much like we've learned to be numb to

635
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 2: our bodies. So I would state that it first starts

636
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 2: with the education of understanding that society very much benefits

637
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 2: from us not being keyed into our body to understand

638
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 2: that like a lot of times people will say it's

639
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 2: internalized oppression, but it's injected oppression, right, like the limiting

640
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 2: thoughts and the limiting beliefs have been forced on us

641
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 2: for so long. So many times people like to think

642
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 2: about biases like or oppression is like a chink in

643
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 2: the armor, but it is an issue in the system.

644
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 2: But it is the system, you know, It's not the shark,

645
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 2: it's the water. Right, So we also have to understand that,

646
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: like whether we know it or not, we have been

647
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 2: forced to have this education through media, through books, through conversation,

648
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 2: through all this other stuff that we are not worthy of,

649
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 2: like acknowledging our emotions to being worthy at all of

650
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 2: doing anything but working and working to support them, to

651
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 2: support the machine, and knowing that these are all lies.

652
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 4: Violence done against us.

653
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 2: That starts with the education, and then we can recognize

654
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,719
Speaker 2: the way it comes out. We recognize the way that

655
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 2: it comes out in us not realizing that we are

656
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: smiling when we're in pain and saying we're fine when

657
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 2: we're exhausted, because we don't think anyone's going to show up,

658
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 2: and the system has been driven so that we don't

659
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 2: show up. We overwork to avoid feeling different things like

660
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 2: sadness or anger or grief. We are taking care of

661
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 2: everyone but ignoring our own signals because we don't even

662
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: know what it's like to be in our body emotionally.

663
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 2: We also taking care of everyone else because systemically we

664
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: have less resources and things like that, and knowing that

665
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 2: that's a cause of the symptoms, so we can recognize it,

666
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: so we'll check in with our body more before we

667
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 2: wake up. We don't reach right for the phone, right,

668
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 2: We don't reach for obligation. We can have specific routines

669
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 2: and limits that are protected, right, Like, certain thing that

670
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: I do is one meal a day. It's likely lunch

671
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: when I'm in the house alone, I'm not doing anything else,

672
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 2: been eating right now the other meals because you know

673
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 2: a lot of times people will say stuff that's like

674
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 2: just totally unreasonable with different parts of life, right like, oh,

675
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,720
Speaker 2: have all three meals and make sure you're mindful during

676
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: all of them. Absolutely not during one meal I'm standalistic.

677
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 2: I'm standing and handing my children food. During the other meal,

678
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 2: I'm in the car dropping.

679
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: The child off. But one meal a day, I can

680
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 4: give you one meal a day.

681
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 2: I can give you one meal a day where I'm

682
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 2: just focusing on my meal, you know, But don't get crazy,

683
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying Like this is, you know,

684
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 2: so like being mindful of that to walk, waking up

685
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 2: and checking it on your body and realizing how you've

686
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 2: been feeling. If you're feeling exhausted and you want to

687
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: sleep exhausted, that's when we talk about the different kinds

688
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 2: of rest. But before we even get to trying to,

689
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 2: you know, address stuff, we have to recognize how it

690
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: comes out in us. So I mentioned like waking up

691
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 2: and trying to like sitting in our body, not reaching

692
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,959
Speaker 2: for obligation. I like the idea of being more mindful

693
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 2: with maybe just one meal or having a walk. And

694
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 2: I'm not saying fifty seventy minutes. It could just be ten.

695
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 2: It literally could just be ten outside. And then you

696
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 2: get used to your baseline, so you know when you

697
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 2: get knocked off your baseline. I also like just the

698
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: basic idea of visual validation, Like I have a mirror

699
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 2: in my shower because that is when like I'm well one,

700
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: it's for twist outs clearly, you know, Like I just

701
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 2: realized that, like my hair is actually never it's never

702
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 2: wet enough. That's why most of my styles don't come

703
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 2: out right. Just in case anyone else, apparently my hair

704
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 2: has never been wet enough. It's supposed to be. I'm

705
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 2: supposed to wed it for like three minutes, So there's that.

706
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 2: But also it's very hard to lie to the mirror.

707
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,720
Speaker 2: So when I'm waking up and telling everyone I'm fine,

708
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 2: and then I look at my face and I'm like,

709
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 2: oh my god, what's happening. I haven't seen my clabical

710
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 2: in ages because I eat my feelings.

711
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,439
Speaker 4: My eyes look like who did it? And why?

712
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 2: I look like I'm on the Walking Dead, and I

713
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 2: actually just look miserable. And even if it's not visual,

714
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,720
Speaker 2: I'll tell people to voice the all themselves, like throughout

715
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 2: the week or do like you know, you don't have

716
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:56,920
Speaker 2: to post everything but record stuff. And I'm like, you know,

717
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 2: when you said you were fine a week ago, and

718
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 2: I ask you to record it video like once a day.

719
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 2: I want to see that video. This is what I

720
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 2: would say my clients, And I'm like, Okay, does that

721
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 2: look fun to you? You look permanently shocked. It's so hard.

722
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 2: It's easier to lie to yourself until you see it.

723
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: So now we're at the point of recognizing it, and

724
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 2: then we're trying to and the next we try to

725
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 2: figure out what we can do to make little incremental

726
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 2: changes to improve it. If I'm working with my clients,

727
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to give you like a bunch of

728
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 2: a million things to do in one point in time.

729
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 2: If we are doing one shift to your routine, one

730
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 2: shift to your thought process, one shift like in homework,

731
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 2: I'm actually not going to incorporate anything else for at

732
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 2: least like two weeks, because I want you to give

733
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 2: it time to work or not work, because it might

734
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 2: not work, and then we know why and we adjust it.

735
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 2: But I'm also not going to overwhelm you with the

736
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 2: fact that you already freaking overwhelmed.

737
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 4: Why would I give you five pieces of.

738
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 2: Homework when you're already exhausted, Like now I'm the ops,

739
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,760
Speaker 2: I'm the problem. Like oh so I came to therapy

740
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,840
Speaker 2: to get healed, but now you don't stress me out too. Okay,

741
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 2: don't be prepared to see me next week. Girl, The

742
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 2: check will not clear because you pissed me. You know,

743
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 2: it's not happening, you know. So like those incremental steps

744
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 2: and it's slow going, and like the best thing about

745
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 2: therapy is you have someone walking you through it. But

746
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 2: like also, anybody listens to this podcast, you can do

747
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 2: that yourself.

748
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 4: You know.

749
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 2: Like therapy is fantastic, but once again, it does not

750
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 2: have a monopoly on healing. That's why I create the resources,

751
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 2: and that's why I create the community because I really

752
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 2: just want you to have more access to be like

753
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: this is in therapy, this is psycho education, but this

754
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 2: is how something that may help you. And if it

755
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,280
Speaker 2: still doesn't help you and there's limits, of course, continue

756
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 2: to look for a clinician. But I like being able

757
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 2: to kind of be like a band aid or a

758
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 2: bridge until someone finds who they need. But you got

759
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 2: to slow down, You got to recognize, you got to

760
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 2: check in with your body. The biggest thing that most

761
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,399
Speaker 2: black women and most black people and people don't get

762
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 2: is it's easy to get to a ten on the

763
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 2: anger scale, on the sadness scale, on the frustration scale

764
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,400
Speaker 2: when you're waking up at an eight every day, and

765
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 2: so many people are waking up at an eight every

766
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 2: single day and they don't even know it because they're

767
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 2: like hustling and bustling. And it's tough because we're suppressing

768
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 2: our emotions. And so many of us are like high

769
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,160
Speaker 2: achieving individuals. So you are going to have to slow

770
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,439
Speaker 2: You aren't gonna have to slow down. And I don't

771
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 2: think it takes a ridiculous amount of time. You can

772
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 2: take fifteen minutes, you can take fifteen minutes. You don't

773
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 2: scroll for fifteen minutes, you know, like you could take

774
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 2: fifteen minutes. There's no way you don't have fifteen minutes.

775
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: Anytime someone has told me that, I'm like, right, we're

776
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:16,919
Speaker 2: gonna go through your day right now.

777
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 4: For that's that's what session is.

778
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 2: That's what session is, because I'm gonna fine fifteen minutes,

779
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 2: you sit in your car before you walk in the

780
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 2: house for fifteen minutes, you scroll online for twenty five

781
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 2: I totally get it. Some of the best series and

782
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 2: content out there is honestly on Instagram. I like Instagram

783
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 2: more than I watch TV, you know, So it's like

784
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 2: you got fifteen minutes.

785
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 4: You're not gonna lie to me you pay it, you won't.

786
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 2: I mean, if you want to pay me a lot

787
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 2: of me, fine, you can lie to yourself for free, okay,

788
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 2: you you don't have to come in here and do that.

789
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 2: Like either way, we got sixty minutes. So I mean,

790
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 2: you want to do this or you wanna what you're

791
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 2: trying to do, you know so and working with them

792
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,919
Speaker 2: to do that right. And it's one of the reasons

793
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 2: why I have so many free mental health guides on

794
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,640
Speaker 2: my website because I want to provide the tools for

795
00:37:58,680 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 2: you to be able to do that.

796
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 4: Because my case, Lodi is fol like, I.

797
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 2: Don't have anything more to give with that, but I

798
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 2: can give you the resources I can make the mental

799
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 2: health community. I can do all that, and I can

800
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 2: also point you in the right direction to someone who

801
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 2: may be able to help you. One of the biggest

802
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:13,319
Speaker 2: things that I try to do when it comes to

803
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 2: mental health in our community is like foster autonomy, make

804
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 2: you understand that you have agency and you can take

805
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 2: control over the way this manifests you in the first place,

806
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: because that's one of the main things that have been

807
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 2: taken away from us as Black people right agency, the

808
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 2: ability to know that we're the experts in our own body,

809
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 2: like we're constantly being told something and something doesn't apply

810
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 2: to us.

811
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 4: I provide resources because I also want you to know that.

812
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 2: You know, I'm the expert in the room when it

813
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 2: comes to psychology and therapy, but you're the expert in

814
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 2: the room when it comes to you. So if you

815
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 2: tell me we don't work it on work, if you

816
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 2: need another resource, you need another resource. If we don't

817
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 2: like that skill, we don't like that skill. But I

818
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 2: really want you to get used to being able to

819
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 2: advocate for yourself in that room too, which is why

820
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 2: I get people like it here.

821
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 4: You go do what yourself.

822
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 2: You got this, I believe it. You reach out if

823
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 2: you don't, but like I think you're good, doctor Mark,

824
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 2: And okay, there is So that was the Ted talk.

825
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 2: I think that was it right there, because that was

826
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: so amazing. First, it was so empowering.

827
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: I love your empowering perspective where you're not making the

828
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: clients dependent upon you, but you're giving them the autonomy

829
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 1: the resources. I love how practical these are, like you

830
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: can easily choose. Okay, I'm gonna deep take some deep

831
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:21,920
Speaker 1: breaths when I wake up and think about what I'm

832
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 1: grateful for versus grabbing my phone right like off the

833
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 1: practical tips you share, so I know people are going

834
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 1: to be rewinding that part for sure. There's so much

835
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,280
Speaker 1: that you said, so many gems drop. Oh my goodness.

836
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about trauma though. So

837
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: we know that trauma doesn't start with us, right, It

838
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: can pass down a lot of times. What are some

839
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,239
Speaker 1: of the ways that intergenerational trauma shows up in our

840
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:45,280
Speaker 1: daily lives and how can we begin to break those cycles?

841
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 2: I would say one of the biggest things is kind

842
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 2: of what doctor Domin mentioned earlier with the question of

843
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 2: like how do we spot suppressed emotions? We were taught

844
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 2: to suppress emotions a lot of times. Why the people

845
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 2: around us, who you know, made it seem that those

846
00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,399
Speaker 2: emotions were an issue. The only emotion we were able

847
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 2: to have is gratefulness, which isn't even an emotion like

848
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 2: you need to be happy to be here, that I

849
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 2: even brought you here, and you know, so we learned

850
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 2: that from the people around us, and then we also

851
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 2: learn that from society of making it that there's no

852
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: safe emotion to express as black people, like, can't be

853
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 2: angry because then they'll think you're a danger. Can't be

854
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 2: too happy because then they going to be like, which

855
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: you so happy for let me take it away from you.

856
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 4: Right, So there's that.

857
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 2: I would say one of the biggest things is through parenting,

858
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 2: Like a lot of individuals are parenting out of obedience

859
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 2: based parenting, fear based parenting, instead of respect based parenting.

860
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,240
Speaker 2: Like there's so many different concepts of like gentle parenting

861
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 2: or conscious parenting. I trut my children like human beings, right,

862
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,479
Speaker 2: but the obedience based parenting makes sense.

863
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 4: Well, the fact that like parents had to protect us.

864
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 2: And we could only listen to something once because it

865
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 2: was literally life or death. Right, But we've also evolved

866
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 2: past that, and a lot of us are parenting out

867
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: of racism related fear. Right, Like we don't want we

868
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,400
Speaker 2: want our children to be able to make mistakes, but

869
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 2: we also understand that there's a fear that it may

870
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 2: be the only mistake that they're allowed to make.

871
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 4: They're not granted certain freedoms.

872
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 2: So a lot of times we parent out of fear,

873
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 2: and then we're overstrict and we say you only have

874
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 2: one time to understand this because it could be the

875
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: last time which leads to screaming and snapping and stuff.

876
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 2: And I can understand where it comes from, where it

877
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 2: stems from, But you're really just severing your relationship with

878
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 2: your children and then all their other relationships. The parent

879
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 2: child relationships is the most sailing relationship that's going to

880
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 2: impact the way that they engage with their partners, with

881
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 2: their friends, with their colleagues, everything, right, So that's very generational.

882
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: And I would also say, like the whole I don't

883
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 2: know house business says in the house thing is something

884
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 2: incredibly difficult because we didn't have any trusted advisors and

885
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 2: we did have people using stuff against us and trying

886
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 2: to incarcerate us and hospitalize us and stuff like that.

887
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 4: So once again I get the roots of it.

888
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 2: This is also what I mean when I say that

889
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,759
Speaker 2: I specialize in black health and well being. It would

890
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 2: be the epinion of you know, like I find a

891
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,160
Speaker 2: lot of clinicians with black people will do like root,

892
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 2: we'll do branch work, like I'll do the thought quite

893
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 2: along and do the journal. But it's like, okay, so

894
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 2: where's the roots of that hypervigilance around police officers where's

895
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 2: the root of them feeling like they can't trust anyone?

896
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: Where's the root of them overworking because of scarcity trauma?

897
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 2: You know, Like where does it come from? Racism and oppression?

898
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 2: Like if you don't get to the root, you know

899
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,879
Speaker 2: it's going to be the fruits are going to keep spouting, right,

900
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 2: So that's where it comes out. And the only way

901
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 2: that we can really break it down is to challenge it,

902
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,359
Speaker 2: to acknowledge it, to take little steps. I don't think

903
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 2: it's going to happen overnight, but to advocate for yourself

904
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 2: in different realms. Right where it comes to people stating maybe, oh,

905
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 2: we don't express ourselves and we keep secrets, let me

906
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 2: tell you something.

907
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 4: I'm I don't keep secrets.

908
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,320
Speaker 2: So if it's something let's say, like in family dynamic,

909
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:29,880
Speaker 2: and I don't mean like secrets in terms of like

910
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 2: surprise birthday, I mean and like a lot of times

911
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,400
Speaker 2: people will just be like, I'm not going to acknowledge

912
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 2: what's happening in the room. I'm going to allow someone

913
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 2: to treat me terribly. I've always been talked to you

914
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 2: this way, like they've always talked to me crazy, So

915
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 2: it's okay, they're too old to change you if you you've.

916
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 4: Been on this earth long enough to know, you know,

917
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 4: run up, get done up?

918
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 2: Amen? Okay, come, oh you know like so it's like

919
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: you so if you're Whenever people say things like I'm

920
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 2: too old to change, what they're really saying is I've

921
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: decided that my comfort is more important than our relationship,

922
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:03,919
Speaker 2: right because change is difficult and change is uncomfortable. Right.

923
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,960
Speaker 2: So then it also breaking generational cycles is one I'm

924
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:09,399
Speaker 2: very big on modeling, showing the way that things need

925
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 2: to happen, because generations are your children too. So letting

926
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 2: your children see how you handle conflict and not it

927
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:19,400
Speaker 2: being having to degrade them, having them see you advocate

928
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 2: for them, and having them see you advocate for yourself.

929
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 2: Oh well, I can't deal with you disrespecting me in

930
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 2: this environment. So although the mac and cheese is fantastic, okay,

931
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 2: I'm leaving and you don't get to treat people like this.

932
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 2: Oh maybe my child happens to be overweight and then

933
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 2: someone likes to comment on that. We don't comment on

934
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,879
Speaker 2: anyone's bodies, and you're not going to disrespect my child

935
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 2: like that, because my child is deserving of respect to

936
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 2: or even advocating for yourself in that realm, right, breaking

937
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,360
Speaker 2: the cycle when it comes to even just acknowledging the

938
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 2: fact that you need help. There's so many GENERATIONALI spears

939
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 2: thinking you need to do it all on your own,

940
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 2: just stating that, Like, and I like to call it

941
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 2: not just breaking generational curses, but building generational bonds, because

942
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 2: that's the next step, right, Like you break something down

943
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,479
Speaker 2: and then as a result, you're going to build something else.

944
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 2: And it's all in the language like I really just

945
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,919
Speaker 2: having the affirming language of I just hate the word curse,

946
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 2: Like I get it because it is a curse, you

947
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like, it's but they can be broken,

948
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 2: and we can think about how we're building the generational

949
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 2: bonds as well and thinking about what you want to

950
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 2: do next. Right, it starts with you. I think it's

951
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 2: building a generational bond to acknowledge the fact that you

952
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 2: are worthy and acknowledge the fact that you were deserving

953
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 2: a rest and thriving in a world that never expected

954
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,200
Speaker 2: you to survive, let alone thrive. Right, So I don't

955
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 2: think it has to always be the big like to

956
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 2: do conversation in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner, I am

957
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 2: setting a boundary. It can also just be like I'm

958
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 2: out and I'm about to make my own turkey sandwich

959
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 2: and watch a living single marathon and that's going to

960
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 2: be my new Thanksgiving tradition, right, because like, no one's

961
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:58,720
Speaker 2: too old to change. People just decide that their comfort

962
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 2: is more important than your relationship with them. Everything is data.

963
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 2: Everything is data, like everything is information. So it's like, right, okay,

964
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 2: so I'm supposed to change to your comfort, but you're

965
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 2: not supposed to acknowledge or respect me.

966
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 3: Wow.

967
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: Well, on a totally unrelated note, I'm probably not going

968
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 2: to see you again. It's been real, but it has

969
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: not been real fun, don't you know. Don't ask my

970
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,279
Speaker 2: mom where I'm at. Don't ask my brother where I'm at.

971
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 2: They know where i'm at. You know, don't ask if

972
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 2: you're blocked the answer is yes, yeah, just assume you are. Yeah,

973
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 2: I'm out, you know. But yeah, I would say acknowledging it.

974
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 2: Acknowledging the ways that comes out in your life, seeing

975
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,360
Speaker 2: how you want to move forward, going next, how you

976
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 2: want to build those bonds with yourself, with your family,

977
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 2: family of origin, and family of choice. Because once again,

978
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,320
Speaker 2: we're in communities, so you can decide that you maybe

979
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 2: you don't have your own children, but maybe you have

980
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 2: nieces and nephews, maybe you have a partner that you

981
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 2: also want to pour into them to make sure that

982
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 2: they are being respected in a way, and that's going

983
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 2: to trickle out into our community as well.

984
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 4: I love that.

985
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 3: I love your responses, and I'm sitting with that and

986
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 3: I'm listening and I'm like, yup, I've told my clients that,

987
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 3: I've told my clients that I know that, and yet

988
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 3: I also know that even as a therapist, even though

989
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,799
Speaker 3: I know these things, that there are times when it

990
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 3: really is hard to do this ourselves.

991
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 1: Right.

992
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 4: Oh it's always hard.

993
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:30,959
Speaker 2: Let me say something. This stuff is not fun half

994
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 2: the time, Okay, you know, like half the time people

995
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 2: will be like, oh, I want to do the journal.

996
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 2: Oh the journals is not I mean, that'll help, but

997
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 2: you know what you're gonna have to do.

998
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 4: You're gonna have to uproot one hell of a tree.

999
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 2: Uh, and it's gonna take a minute, and it's not

1000
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: gonna be fun.

1001
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 4: Taking care of yourself is not fun.

1002
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 2: A lot of times people will be like, oh, I

1003
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 2: want to do self care and self care is not sexy. Okay,

1004
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 2: it is not Robin Rihanna fency. It is tube socks

1005
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 2: and high cut briefs. It's just support. Half the time,

1006
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 2: you're not even gonna want to do it. Half of

1007
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 2: my self care is budgeting. I can't stay and having

1008
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 2: to apologize when I'm wrong, trash, you know, like going

1009
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 2: for a walk when I just want to stay in

1010
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:08,280
Speaker 2: the house and eat cookies.

1011
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, yeah, vomit.

1012
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 4: But it makes me a better human, so I'm gonna

1013
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 4: do it.

1014
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 2: You know. The reason why I slowed the reason why

1015
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 2: I slowed down so much and make sure I'm getting

1016
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 2: stuff right, is because when I'm wrong, I have to apologize,

1017
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 2: and I hate.

1018
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 4: Apologizing, so I would rather just stop being wrong. I

1019
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,959
Speaker 4: would rather just slow down because I have to apologize.

1020
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 4: You have to, Rachard, you have to. You know, you

1021
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 4: think it's easy to raise children out of respect. It's not.

1022
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 2: I get while children were seen and not heard, they

1023
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 2: always got something to say. They're always hungry, they always

1024
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 2: got something to say. This is awful, But I also

1025
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 2: not hitting my children. It's easy to make children fear you.

1026
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 2: They're smaller than you. They depend on you for everything.

1027
00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 2: It's easy to cut down their self worth and self esteem.

1028
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 2: They need to be able to you know, we're building

1029
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 2: a little alarm systems for them. They need to know

1030
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: be so steeped in respect and compassion that any environment

1031
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 2: they go in that isn't that their alarm goes off.

1032
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 2: But is it fun? No, it sounds a lot of

1033
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 2: people are sure, you're why are you asking me why

1034
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,480
Speaker 2: the sky is blue at nine o'clock and your bed,

1035
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 2: Thomas d.

1036
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: Walk you already?

1037
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 4: Come on?

1038
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 1: What is happening?

1039
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:20,360
Speaker 4: Are you okay? I'm not okay, go to sleep.

1040
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 2: But I'm like, hey, you know then what I'm saying like,

1041
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 2: it's not it's not easy. Oh my gosh, I have

1042
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 2: a psychologist too, thank God bless them.

1043
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:30,760
Speaker 4: Yes, no, it's not easy.

1044
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:32,520
Speaker 2: I think that's the biggest thing people think, like, oh,

1045
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: you know therapy, I just think my thoughts. No, you

1046
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,839
Speaker 2: think your thoughts and then you put action behind them.

1047
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 4: Sucks.

1048
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 2: It is gonna be tough. What do you want? Like,

1049
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 2: relationships are tough for ciprocal relationships are tough. So many

1050
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,480
Speaker 2: times people will be like, oh, well, you know, I

1051
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 2: didn't think it would cost that much work. It's a

1052
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 2: lot of work for you to be in a relationship

1053
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 2: with yourself. Yeah, you think it's gonna be easy to

1054
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,200
Speaker 2: be in a relationship with somebody else who's body you

1055
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 2: ain't been in your whole life. You've been building these

1056
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 2: terrible I mean, these people have been innundating you with

1057
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,720
Speaker 2: terrible thoughts and limiting beliefs for like twenty five years,

1058
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 2: and you expect to be able to get rid of

1059
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: them in six weeks fifty minute sessions.

1060
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 4: You don't even do your homework?

1061
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 2: Are you insane? Are you okay? Do I have to

1062
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 2: make you twice a week because you're you've lost Slice

1063
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:25,000
Speaker 2: of Week doc? You know, Like, but it's just it's

1064
00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 2: very Yeah, I get it.

1065
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 4: It's hard.

1066
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 2: It is hard. It's but you know what the alternate

1067
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 2: is worse. Walking around miserable is worse. Having my children

1068
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:35,360
Speaker 2: and walk around not being whole functioning people is worse.

1069
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 2: Not having the amazing community that I have because I

1070
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 2: pour into them the same way they pour into me

1071
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 2: is worse. And just feeling like trash and like thinking

1072
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:44,280
Speaker 2: that that's the way I'm supposed to be is worse.

1073
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,759
Speaker 2: Like it's work, but it's worth it. Say the same

1074
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 2: thing about marriage, Like, yeah, it's work, but it's worth

1075
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 2: it. It's not like work in terms of pulling teeth. It's

1076
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 2: work in terms of like I mean, I hate the

1077
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 2: color of cabinets you picked, but I guess I won't

1078
00:49:55,160 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 2: leave you over it, you know, like fine whatever, like

1079
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,960
Speaker 2: that kind of work, not like soul crushing I can't

1080
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 2: stand your face work Like that's right. These are different.

1081
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 4: Those are totally different. Those are totally different.

1082
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 2: Sometimes people make marriage be like oh, it's so much work,

1083
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yeah, I mean but like, I mean,

1084
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 2: my my, what do you mean? Like you mean like

1085
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: you're miserable, because I'm not miserable now, Like we're not

1086
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: in the same I just mean work. Like you know,

1087
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 2: sometimes I just don't want to talk all day, and

1088
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 2: you kind of got to be sometimes I just don't

1089
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 2: want to be an adult and you kind of have

1090
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:36,439
Speaker 2: to not in terms of like if this man ain't

1091
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,720
Speaker 2: come home, I'd be okay, Like I ain't saying okay, okay,

1092
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 2: a different conversation.

1093
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 4: We're not doing the same work.

1094
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,399
Speaker 2: I just really just I just I just don't want

1095
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 2: to I don't know, I don't want to share a

1096
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 2: bedroom with anyone now because I don't love you just

1097
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:51,959
Speaker 2: because like.

1098
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 3: Today.

1099
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I shared my body with two kids.

1100
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 2: I should be able to have a whole floor to myself.

1101
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:00,840
Speaker 2: You know, I don't make I don't make the rules.

1102
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 2: These are just the rules. I wholeheartedly think. You know,

1103
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 2: you hit thirty, you shouldn't have to share one with anybody.

1104
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:11,439
Speaker 2: M h. I love that part, you know, but yeah,

1105
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,959
Speaker 2: once again, you know I also like looking at your face,

1106
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 2: so it's it's weird. Gotta balance it out, you gotta

1107
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 2: balance it out. Guys, don't don't leave them over the

1108
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 2: ugly cabinets. Now, if he makes a mistake twice, maybe

1109
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:30,320
Speaker 2: leave them, but you know, hopefully that'll make his wife.

1110
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 3: Well in factor Martin, this has been so much fun.

1111
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 2: I did not think I was gonna have this kind

1112
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 2: of energy at ten o'clock and not.

1113
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, we do appreciate you.

1114
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:55,320
Speaker 3: Yes, And so one final question our listeners.

1115
00:51:55,400 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 2: We know that they have been enjoying this conversation, and

1116
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: if they're not already following you on social media, like

1117
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 2: what are they doing?

1118
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 3: Where have they been? But for those that aren't familiar,

1119
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:14,479
Speaker 3: tell them where to find you, and then remind them

1120
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 3: again about all of your free resources that they'll be

1121
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 3: able to access.

1122
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 2: Yes, So you can find me at Raquel Martin, PhD,

1123
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:26,879
Speaker 2: r a q u E L Martin, PhD. On Instagram,

1124
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:31,320
Speaker 2: on threads, on LinkedIn, It's just doctor Rachel Martin. On Facebook.

1125
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 2: I probably post like once a day. There's also my

1126
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 2: podcast The Mind You, a mental podcast. We're going into

1127
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 2: season four. Season four starts September ninth, so that's going

1128
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: to be fantastic.

1129
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,359
Speaker 4: It's the first season in a while without guests.

1130
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 2: I realize I have so much to say, and it's

1131
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 2: just like the good thing about a good host. You

1132
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 2: guys are good hosts. You're supposed to listen, and I'm like,

1133
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 2: I don't think I'm r in a space to listen anybody.

1134
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 4: So I kind of think I just need to have it.

1135
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 2: With just me for the season because I just be like, oh,

1136
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 2: you got so much to say. So we'll probably go

1137
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 2: back to guests next season. But you know, you know,

1138
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 2: good hosts be listening. And that's why some of these

1139
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,440
Speaker 2: people a good hosts, because I'd be like, I know

1140
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 2: it's your show, but like there's a guest here, Can

1141
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 2: I even talk?

1142
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 4: Can I hear the guests?

1143
00:53:09,480 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 3: You know?

1144
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: Okay.

1145
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 2: This is a good thing about knowing yourself, because when

1146
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 2: I was writing the topics, I was like, yeah, I'm

1147
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:16,720
Speaker 2: probably gonna be a terrible host if I have a guest,

1148
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 2: so I'm just gonna make it me.

1149
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,359
Speaker 4: Let's just take that with the other seasons. The other

1150
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 4: seasons have guests.

1151
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:25,840
Speaker 2: So I have the podcast and then my website rackelmartinphd

1152
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 2: dot com. If you go to I think it's mental

1153
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:30,360
Speaker 2: health Guides or mental health resources, you create an account,

1154
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,799
Speaker 2: free account, but as soon as you log in, all

1155
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 2: of the resources are there and you just have to

1156
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 2: download them as well, so that's very easy. And then

1157
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,920
Speaker 2: I have two mental health initiatives. They're both under Burn

1158
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 2: the Cape, but the Sanctuary is the free mental health

1159
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,399
Speaker 2: community that I mentioned we hosted on Circle. You could

1160
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,319
Speaker 2: just go to my Instagram and be able to click

1161
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 2: the link in my bio and then I have to

1162
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 2: burn the Cape Support Group, and the burn the Cape

1163
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,359
Speaker 2: Support Group ten weeks of free support group session. It's

1164
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,919
Speaker 2: solely donation based because we do pay the licensed mental

1165
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 2: health professionals to run the group. It's ten weeks, ninety

1166
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 2: minutes each week, and you only it used to be

1167
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,280
Speaker 2: that we could keep it primarily free, but I also

1168
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 2: have to pay the licen mental professionals in addition to

1169
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 2: the donation. So it's fifty dollars flat fee, ten weeks

1170
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 2: ninety ninety minute sessions with licensed mental health professional support group.

1171
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 2: You get a journal, you get a care package, you

1172
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 2: get I think the new cohort we're gonna actually have

1173
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 2: a coloring book, and then you get to work with them.

1174
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 4: But not fifty dollars a week.

1175
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,880
Speaker 2: Fifty dollars flat fee, ten weeks ninety minute sessions, and

1176
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:31,360
Speaker 2: we kind of just we do that work too. I

1177
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,240
Speaker 2: love it because I get to pour into the Black community,

1178
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,200
Speaker 2: not only with the participants we typically have. The next

1179
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 2: cohort will be three hundred members, the last cohort one

1180
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 2: hundred and seventy five, but I also get to pour

1181
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 2: into the black women because they are getting paid to

1182
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,480
Speaker 2: be the facilitators. And then I also get to play

1183
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 2: to pour into the black community. Everyone gets a care package,

1184
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 2: and they're always black owned businesses, and we pay for everything.

1185
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 2: It's not like, you know, oh, can you donate three

1186
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 2: hundred soaps? No, I'm paying for to three hundred soaps

1187
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 2: and the stuff like that. So it's very many, many

1188
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 2: layers of being able to pour into the black community therapeutically, financially,

1189
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 2: which is really really important. But yeah, post like once

1190
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:09,040
Speaker 2: a day and hopefully I'll have a book coming out

1191
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 2: soon soon meeting probably like two years.

1192
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 4: But like, yeah, so I'm out there, guys.

1193
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 1: Listen, you are out here doing the Lord's work. We

1194
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,280
Speaker 1: appreciate you. Thank you so much. When you were speaking

1195
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 1: like how can we use technology to like clone her

1196
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 1: and make other doctor Rockel Martin so we can have

1197
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 1: them all over the world. I mean, you're just doing that.

1198
00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 2: That's what the burn in the cape is, right, Like

1199
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 2: eventually the goal is actually just going to schools and

1200
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 2: be like okay, so like these closices are going to

1201
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,359
Speaker 2: be certified in this model. We also are working on

1202
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 2: myself and two colleagues working on a break the Hammer

1203
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:43,439
Speaker 2: group for black men. Anytime I talk about the group

1204
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 2: of black women, then I'll be hearing like, man, what

1205
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 2: about us though, And I'm like, I'm working on it, okay,

1206
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 2: But like the women came to be first, so okay,

1207
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 2: they got the group earlier. Yeah, you know, like that's

1208
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:57,400
Speaker 2: just what it is. So there's going to be a

1209
00:55:57,440 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 2: group for black men as well. But the goal is

1210
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:00,880
Speaker 2: to actually make it a train any modules so that

1211
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 2: we can educate the people, because I'm gonna listen. Once

1212
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 2: my boys get to middle school, and I mean I'm

1213
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 2: doing pta, it's like on the field trips, it's only

1214
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:12,839
Speaker 2: so much. I gotta watch these little babies grow because

1215
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 2: they yeah, so like every pretty much everything's gonna take

1216
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 2: a backseat to the boys pretty soon. So I'm trying

1217
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 2: to do as much as I can because once we

1218
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:25,320
Speaker 2: get into all this other stuff, I'm gonna be at everything.

1219
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:27,919
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be on the sideline screaming at a debate club.

1220
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be at I'm bringing everything, Like I want

1221
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 2: to see this doctor, mar We appreciate you so much.

1222
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 2: I have a feeling that we're gonna have more conversations.

1223
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 2: I feel like this is we could. We could have

1224
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:44,480
Speaker 2: still talked for hours, So we're gonna have to have

1225
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,319
Speaker 2: to get up early though, because this is we got

1226
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 2: to we can.

1227
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 1: We can were flexible. We got the reply.

1228
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 6: I was like, god damn I said that, but like

1229
00:56:56,920 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 6: my gods, wana, okay, where we got you?

1230
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 2: Next time we will have it morning. Yeah, I would

1231
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:08,799
Speaker 2: love to continue the conversation. I really appreciate y'all having

1232
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 2: me in the first place. This is fantastic.

1233
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, so welcome. Thank you so much, lady.

1234
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 4: Thank you.

1235
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 1: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,

1236
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Speaker 1: this is for you. Hey, Lady, is Tea here and

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Speaker 1: I just want to invite you to my free goal map,

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Speaker 1: like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the five

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Speaker 1: proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals. Whether

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Speaker 1: her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map

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Speaker 1: like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance

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Speaker 1: you up for success. I hope to see you there.

1248
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 3: Thanks for tuning into Cultivating her Space. Remember that while

1249
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 3: this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's

1250
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 3: not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you

1251
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 3: know need support, check out resources like therapy for Black

1252
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 3: Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do

1253
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 3: us a favor and share it with a friend who

1254
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 3: needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review.

1255
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 3: Your support means the world to us and helps keep

1256
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:34,360
Speaker 3: this space thriving.

1257
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:39,440
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. I honor

1258
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:45,040
Speaker 1: my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals.

1259
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: Cheep Thriving Lady, and tune in next Friday for more

1260
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 1: inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure

1261
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast.