1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,520
Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,280
Speaker 2: She couldn't.

3
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: She cleaned and cared for her children and the man

4
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,640
Speaker 1: of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

5
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,640
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,640
Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices.

7
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,599
Speaker 3: That shit, we're good Mom's bad choices too, single mom

8
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,480
Speaker 3: who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and.

9
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,639
Speaker 2: Found out they were so bad after all, we're experts.

10
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,240
Speaker 2: Overshares and your new besties. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

11
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:29,320
Speaker 2: I can do it.

12
00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,400
Speaker 4: Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and

13
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:39,440
Speaker 4: I'm Meila. Happy hump Day house, Happy hump Day bitches.

14
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,519
Speaker 2: How you doing, I'm doing good. Got my little bo

15
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,720
Speaker 2: peep skirt. It's so cute today. It looks very fin.

16
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,479
Speaker 2: You know this is my style.

17
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:52,800
Speaker 4: I'm very fem I like leyson poof and pink and cleavage.

18
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:54,960
Speaker 3: If you're not watching us on YouTube, make sure you

19
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,800
Speaker 3: go and subscribe to her YouTube channel so you can

20
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,880
Speaker 3: see all of our outfits. Nila is giving little bo Peep.

21
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,880
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm giving this sexy business. Sexy business.

22
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,840
Speaker 2: I'll still your man, secretary titties are out.

23
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,000
Speaker 4: Why is there always a stigma about secretaries, Like there's

24
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,720
Speaker 4: always there's a spend a lot of time with your husband, okay.

25
00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 2: And they're doing stuff for him, they're taking care of him,

26
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,200
Speaker 2: and they're wearing pencil skirts. Yeah bitches.

27
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're just there, readily accessible to suck his dick

28
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:23,280
Speaker 3: at any moment.

29
00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:24,800
Speaker 4: Do you remember when you're young. I remember young, like,

30
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,600
Speaker 4: I'm gonna let's pretend, let's play secretary. I don't know

31
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,160
Speaker 4: my typing and being the secretary was important. I just

32
00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:31,200
Speaker 4: thought about that because that.

33
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,480
Speaker 2: Woman ever trusted secretaries after Mary J. Blige, actually know

34
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,200
Speaker 2: she was. She was the secretary, wasn't.

35
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:41,119
Speaker 4: She was your lover and your secretary, working every day

36
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,640
Speaker 4: of the week.

37
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,320
Speaker 2: It must be hard to be the secretary. I don't think.

38
00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,280
Speaker 2: I really don't get you don't get no respect. I

39
00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:47,320
Speaker 2: bet she was married.

40
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:47,960
Speaker 1: I think she was.

41
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,240
Speaker 4: I think she was inevitably because she was the wife.

42
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,840
Speaker 4: She was also handling the fucking at Maybe she was

43
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:53,440
Speaker 4: the side bitch.

44
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,120
Speaker 3: I think maybe didn't he had a whole wife and

45
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,120
Speaker 3: she was the secretary.

46
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,080
Speaker 4: I mean to be looking like that, but didn't you

47
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:03,000
Speaker 4: see fucking uh waiting Trixail. She was the main bitch.

48
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,520
Speaker 4: He left her for the White Bitch. That was the

49
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,680
Speaker 4: song in Wedding Trixail. The White Bitch was a secretary

50
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,680
Speaker 4: after she built the business.

51
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,640
Speaker 2: I'm getting that movie or was it working before.

52
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,200
Speaker 4: I don't know, but I always associate them. And my

53
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,480
Speaker 4: mom listened to it maybe four billion times in the car.

54
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,560
Speaker 4: So I just was angry. I just got angry. I

55
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,320
Speaker 4: just channeled my mom's angry energy because we listened to

56
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,440
Speaker 4: that song a million fucking times, and I'm pretty sure

57
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:24,840
Speaker 4: she hated my dad at that time.

58
00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:26,880
Speaker 2: So so I have something to add to that.

59
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,519
Speaker 3: But I want to I want to introduce our guest

60
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,400
Speaker 3: because we have a very special guest today.

61
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,799
Speaker 2: I'm very excited to introduce to the show.

62
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:38,000
Speaker 1: Rachel Lindsay. Thank you guys. It's so happy to be here.

63
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,320
Speaker 2: I know finally, I know.

64
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:39,760
Speaker 1: Right.

65
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,399
Speaker 3: You may have seen Rachel on Hire Learning Podcast, The Bachelorette,

66
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,880
Speaker 3: or just in your on your local television.

67
00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 2: Because you be everywhere, girl, I.

68
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,880
Speaker 1: Try to be, got a hustle underlot.

69
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,640
Speaker 2: Everything gonna be Jamaican in this town.

70
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,840
Speaker 3: Wait, So I want to add to this because yesterday

71
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,600
Speaker 3: I had a very like nineties moment at Juicy Ladies

72
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,800
Speaker 3: near my house. So there's just like usy little spot.

73
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,200
Speaker 3: It's like organic foods and stuff. And I'm sitting there

74
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 3: and I'm like this, this attractive black man walks in

75
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,320
Speaker 3: and he's a little bit older.

76
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,280
Speaker 2: And then I look at him. I'm like, is that

77
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,320
Speaker 2: Eric Benet? And I'm like, oh shit, is Eric what

78
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:14,760
Speaker 2: is he?

79
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:15,320
Speaker 1: Harefoot?

80
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:15,919
Speaker 2: Bare?

81
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,360
Speaker 1: You know he's always barefoot?

82
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,520
Speaker 2: He is that thing. Oh shit.

83
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 3: He was looking like very like like more. I didn't

84
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,480
Speaker 3: I don't know what I was expecting of him, but

85
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,720
Speaker 3: he's looking like Topanga, like hip guns a little like

86
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,400
Speaker 3: he yeah, like he like sits on his patio and

87
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,560
Speaker 3: like takes care of his plants, smokes. I like an

88
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,040
Speaker 3: older man that takes care of good was a little soft,

89
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,120
Speaker 3: like it's not like he's giving, like like I saw

90
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:40,920
Speaker 3: dad body.

91
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, but when I saw him, I was like, damn,

92
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:45,760
Speaker 2: he's just kind of fine. And then I was like no,

93
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,160
Speaker 2: and I was just telling Shakim.

94
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 3: I was like, I feel like every black woman when

95
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,960
Speaker 3: they see Eric Benet, they can't help but think of

96
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,320
Speaker 3: halle Berry and how he played her, and like we

97
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:55,720
Speaker 3: kind of hate him a little bit, but he is

98
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,720
Speaker 3: kind of fine, but we'd never date him because how

99
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,000
Speaker 3: the fuck do you shoot on halle Berry?

100
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,840
Speaker 2: He had a sex and I know, and that's the

101
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,320
Speaker 2: whole other thing. And I was like, did he have.

102
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,640
Speaker 1: Because we haven't heard anything about it since I think

103
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,200
Speaker 1: he's in a relationship and totally happy and totally fine.

104
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,240
Speaker 2: Like literally, that was my thought. I was like, did

105
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,080
Speaker 2: he actually have a sex addiction or did he?

106
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,120
Speaker 3: Was he getting no pussy because Hallie has her own

107
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,360
Speaker 3: traumas and we don't really know the full story, and

108
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,039
Speaker 3: actually he just wanted some pussy like a regular nigger.

109
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,159
Speaker 3: The fact that twenty years later we all still remember

110
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,880
Speaker 3: the same exact narrative. I thought about the same thing,

111
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,880
Speaker 3: barefoot sex addiction. Fine, is he short?

112
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,640
Speaker 2: No, well he's not, but he's kind of like skinny.

113
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,840
Speaker 2: He's like, he's not like skinny dead book. Yeah, it's

114
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,040
Speaker 2: like like soft, little like lower gut type of situation.

115
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,760
Speaker 2: It's kind of like like a like too big, it's soft.

116
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,920
Speaker 2: Like I've done some living like yoga. You know, he

117
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,040
Speaker 2: walks and does yoga, that's it. He doesn't lift weights.

118
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,039
Speaker 2: But when I saw him, I told to Kim, I.

119
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:55,080
Speaker 3: Was like, every black woman knows to not fuck with

120
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,560
Speaker 3: Eric Biney like we might. We might on the side

121
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,560
Speaker 3: because he's so fine, but we also like don't respect

122
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,559
Speaker 3: him because as he cheated on one of our black queens.

123
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,160
Speaker 4: I don't know if I don't respect him, I just

124
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,000
Speaker 4: automatically think, does he have a sex addiction?

125
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:09,240
Speaker 2: Hey, Eric, that's luck, that's lack of respect. I don't

126
00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,400
Speaker 2: believe them, but we don't believe him, like we we

127
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,320
Speaker 2: don't believe him, or we don't believe Holly. I don't know.

128
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,240
Speaker 2: There's a there's too many questions. Eric, you don't trust him.

129
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,320
Speaker 1: I used to write a book.

130
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:19,920
Speaker 2: She does.

131
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,680
Speaker 4: I don't think she seems very private. I just need

132
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,440
Speaker 4: to make an announcement. Hi, Eric hates me.

133
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:25,680
Speaker 1: Hi.

134
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's good moms. Eric has saw you down the street.

135
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,520
Speaker 4: I think you live in Tpanga.

136
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:30,080
Speaker 2: Come on over.

137
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,800
Speaker 4: We're talking a lot of you know, open ended questions.

138
00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:34,200
Speaker 4: But if you're in the valley, just come on over

139
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,039
Speaker 4: and answer him for us.

140
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,000
Speaker 2: Okay, bye, what you want Eric on the show?

141
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:39,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have questions.

142
00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:42,280
Speaker 2: I could source him. I was going to go to

143
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,520
Speaker 2: Jucy Ladies, Okay, so work over there. So then I left.

144
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,240
Speaker 3: So right before I left, I walked by and he

145
00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,360
Speaker 3: smiled at me, and I was like, I was like, oh,

146
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:49,880
Speaker 3: he's cute.

147
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,320
Speaker 2: I was like, no, was it because you have a

148
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,360
Speaker 2: man or because you were confused? Think about it, I

149
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,880
Speaker 2: have a man. It was more so like it was

150
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,680
Speaker 2: more so like you cannot be trusted.

151
00:05:59,839 --> 00:06:01,080
Speaker 3: I And then you know who else I saw and

152
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,680
Speaker 3: the same They were at the same They were there

153
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,120
Speaker 3: at the same exact time, and I was like, wow,

154
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,240
Speaker 3: this is a real nineties moment.

155
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,200
Speaker 2: To Panga was there Danielle from from Morman's World?

156
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,360
Speaker 1: Did she just get in trouble for some for some

157
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,440
Speaker 1: like racist stuff.

158
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 2: I don't know she do.

159
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,880
Speaker 1: I didn't want to cat remember the black girl who

160
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,880
Speaker 1: was on the show that, like to Panga, was traump

161
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,880
Speaker 1: like she was traumatized by the way to Panga used

162
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,760
Speaker 1: to treat her on the show.

163
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,080
Speaker 4: Really, I will say that that black girl is that

164
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,640
Speaker 4: black girl who I used to really love because she's

165
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,680
Speaker 4: the only black girl empoyments world she has.

166
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,960
Speaker 2: I think she's a little bit crazy. Okay, so we

167
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:33,440
Speaker 2: don't believe.

168
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,680
Speaker 1: Okay, so don't hold what I'm saying.

169
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:35,080
Speaker 2: I don't know.

170
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,440
Speaker 1: I don't know that story was out there.

171
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,440
Speaker 2: I was about to Panga. I don't know.

172
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,080
Speaker 4: This is This is a problem with the Internet and

173
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,400
Speaker 4: with rumors, because we just don't know, and then we're

174
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:46,560
Speaker 4: just making ideas in our head.

175
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,760
Speaker 2: I hope to Pang is not a fucking racist, but

176
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,360
Speaker 2: maybe I don't know.

177
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,440
Speaker 1: Maybe in the nineties.

178
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 2: Maybe no, it's the panga looks. It was acceptable in

179
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,760
Speaker 2: the nineties. All I know is the panga looks she does.

180
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,919
Speaker 2: Panga looks exactly the same. Her name is Danielle, her

181
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,200
Speaker 2: her hair, I don't know. I don't know. I don't

182
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,239
Speaker 2: even name my daughter. To peg it was so thick,

183
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:11,080
Speaker 2: just like we remember, like, looks exactly the same. I

184
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 2: feel like this conversation is kind of aging us whatever.

185
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 2: The young butchers are like, who's to Panga? Why is

186
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,720
Speaker 2: she racist? It's my blair.

187
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,040
Speaker 1: We're just well researched.

188
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:26,520
Speaker 2: When we researched, this is trans twenty four, so she

189
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:32,040
Speaker 2: doesn't identify what world Eric there you go. I'll look

190
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,920
Speaker 2: at for some music later. I never heard of him.

191
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,760
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'll send you the link in n

192
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:42,720
Speaker 2: La Chappa. Oh god, wait, that reminds me. This is

193
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:43,360
Speaker 2: totally off topic.

194
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,960
Speaker 4: But I was I think we were going to like

195
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,640
Speaker 4: a Lauren Hill concert, and we were in and out,

196
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,360
Speaker 4: like in the drive and I'm like telling, you know,

197
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,440
Speaker 4: I tell everybody my goodness, like we're going to Lauren Hill.

198
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,600
Speaker 2: And then he was like who, And I was like,

199
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,480
Speaker 2: fuck you, what the fuck are you talking about? And

200
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,920
Speaker 2: I was just like, this is ridiculous.

201
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,720
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's so crazy how you think, Like the

202
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 4: people who are major fucking celebrities and staples in our lives,

203
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,880
Speaker 4: these fucking kids don't know she.

204
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,600
Speaker 2: People don't even know that Beyonce had a girl group.

205
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,720
Speaker 2: They don't even know. That's not culture.

206
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,480
Speaker 1: See to me, that's not even young. You're just not culture.

207
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,640
Speaker 1: You have to know about Destiny's Child. Have you not

208
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,880
Speaker 1: been listening to Beyonce's music? How do you not know

209
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:19,480
Speaker 1: Lauren Hill?

210
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,360
Speaker 2: Because people just start where they find them and they

211
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:21,880
Speaker 2: don't go back.

212
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,000
Speaker 1: They don't need But think about it. We know Motel, true,

213
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:25,840
Speaker 1: that's true.

214
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,560
Speaker 2: We're cultured.

215
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 1: Well, then what's up with these millennial parents?

216
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,680
Speaker 2: It's the parents parent sucked up. Call your kid.

217
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 4: If you have this young adult child in the twenties nineteen,

218
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,320
Speaker 4: if you go and call them and ask them these questions,

219
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,920
Speaker 4: if they don't know who the fuck Lauren Hill is?

220
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,920
Speaker 2: Or I think there's need to be a checklist. There

221
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,920
Speaker 2: needs to be like, am I doing good job? Checklist?

222
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:44,839
Speaker 2: You need to go.

223
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,400
Speaker 4: You need to pull them back in the house and

224
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,200
Speaker 4: replay the music because they need to be a little

225
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,320
Speaker 4: bit traumatized like I am.

226
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:57,960
Speaker 2: When I hear Mary J. Blitz blights right, she's back. God,

227
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,320
Speaker 2: she's switching between ages. It's very confusing.

228
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,800
Speaker 4: I need you to honor my translation or else it's

229
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:05,640
Speaker 4: gonna get confusing.

230
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:08,560
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

231
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:13,520
Speaker 3: Anyway, Rachel k I'm I'm I'm so interested in in

232
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,040
Speaker 3: all things you. I'm gonna be honest. I didn't do

233
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,160
Speaker 3: that much research and I alway so because I was like,

234
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,679
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna ask her here. Great, So tell me

235
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:21,040
Speaker 3: about you.

236
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,120
Speaker 2: Where'd you grow up? Oh?

237
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,160
Speaker 3: Okay, so you're all you childhood Tramas. When did you

238
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:25,840
Speaker 3: lose your virginity?

239
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,760
Speaker 2: What are your three top three signs? Oh?

240
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:28,839
Speaker 1: My?

241
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,000
Speaker 2: Like did I date now? You're your astrological top three?

242
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:32,280
Speaker 5: Oh?

243
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,040
Speaker 2: Oh my, sun?

244
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,680
Speaker 1: We were? I say, okay, okay, okay. Born and raised Dallas, Texas.

245
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,120
Speaker 1: I grew up and I'm a proud Texan, Like I

246
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,640
Speaker 1: don't know if I could go back there because of

247
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,319
Speaker 1: everything that's going on. But I do love that I'm

248
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,560
Speaker 1: from Texas and I love the culture and everything it represents.

249
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,880
Speaker 1: Families from Louisiana, the country of Louisiana. So I've got

250
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,160
Speaker 1: like the country trail ride horse side. And then my

251
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 1: mom grew up inner City, Houston, Fitzward, South Park, so

252
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,720
Speaker 1: like the best of both worlds. My dad grew up

253
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,160
Speaker 1: on a farm, very religious family.

254
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,920
Speaker 2: Not a dive into that, you know.

255
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:12,240
Speaker 1: I love that religious, pragmatic Jack and Jiller. Yeah, I

256
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,040
Speaker 1: grew up like that.

257
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,000
Speaker 2: So I my dad.

258
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,280
Speaker 1: My dad is a first in a lot of ways.

259
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,679
Speaker 1: My dad was city attorney of Dallas. My dad was

260
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,760
Speaker 1: first federal judge in his district. So I grew up

261
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:29,920
Speaker 1: like thinking we were like the Cosby Show, Slash Fresh

262
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,839
Speaker 1: Prince Slash. I didn't live in a mansion or anything

263
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,360
Speaker 1: like that. I'm just saying like that I could relate

264
00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,120
Speaker 1: to those those type of shows. And I was always

265
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,360
Speaker 1: like the girl. I'm a middle child. I think that

266
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:45,760
Speaker 1: means something. Three sisters, I'm the middle, No, no brothers.

267
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:50,400
Speaker 1: I'm very tomboy. Grew up a big sports fan, big

268
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,760
Speaker 1: Dallas Cowboys fan. From a young age, I was like,

269
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a lawyer. I'm gonna be just like

270
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 1: my dad. I admired my dad, like my eyes. My

271
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:02,160
Speaker 1: dad was like Martin Luther King, and my mom is

272
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:07,120
Speaker 1: just like this beautiful angel, like like the sweetest person

273
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:11,760
Speaker 1: on earth. So like I grew up, you know, a

274
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,280
Speaker 1: really fun, good life, but also in a bubble and

275
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,839
Speaker 1: in a box. And so I was very much so like,

276
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do exactly what I'm told. I'm gonna be

277
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,080
Speaker 1: a lawyer, just like my dad. I'm gonna go to school,

278
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,480
Speaker 1: go to law school, and then I'm gonna have everything

279
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,880
Speaker 1: that I want and I'm gonna be happy. I'm gonna

280
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,240
Speaker 1: get married. I'm from the South, I get married young.

281
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:33,079
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a virgin until marriage. I'm gonna have

282
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,559
Speaker 1: kids by this age. I'm gonna make partner like I

283
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,040
Speaker 1: had it all planned out. And then I got to college.

284
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:40,880
Speaker 1: And then I got to.

285
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,240
Speaker 2: College, and then what well is open?

286
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,760
Speaker 1: I went to the University of Texas, which, yes, still

287
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,760
Speaker 1: in Texas, but Austin, very liberal. It opened my mind

288
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:51,800
Speaker 1: to so much stuff.

289
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:52,960
Speaker 2: I room at.

290
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,839
Speaker 1: My roommate was my first cousin, who's like my best friend.

291
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,079
Speaker 1: And I'll say she's wild.

292
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,880
Speaker 2: Didn't parents were like, yes, okay, but but.

293
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,679
Speaker 1: They were happy that we had each other. But she

294
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,839
Speaker 1: taught me so much and she opened my eyes and

295
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,400
Speaker 1: she questioned things that for me it was like, no,

296
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 1: this is this, you know, this is this with religion,

297
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,640
Speaker 1: this is how you're supposed to wait till marriage. This

298
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,719
Speaker 1: is like everything I had. I was what I was

299
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,199
Speaker 1: told I did. And my cousin questioned me in a

300
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,319
Speaker 1: way where I didn't really have the answers to, and

301
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,679
Speaker 1: I started thinking about things totally different. I didn't tell

302
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:29,240
Speaker 1: my parents this, you know, like I still wanted to

303
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,120
Speaker 1: live a certain life.

304
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,960
Speaker 2: Cousin turned me out, psychologically.

305
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,880
Speaker 1: Turned me out. Shout out to my cousin, Andrea.

306
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:35,920
Speaker 2: Andrea.

307
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,839
Speaker 1: And then I had a boyfriend pledged.

308
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,520
Speaker 2: And so this I was gonna ask her, did you pledge?

309
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,959
Speaker 1: I pledged Delta. But this gets to the virginity story. Okay,

310
00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:52,679
Speaker 1: So I was a virgin until I was twenty and

311
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,719
Speaker 1: I was dating this guy. I thought, this is it.

312
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 1: I found my guy, just like my mom found her

313
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000
Speaker 1: guy in college. I'm really trying to emulate my parents' life.

314
00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:04,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, we're gonna get married, We're gonna

315
00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:06,440
Speaker 1: live happily ever after, this is going to be great.

316
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,080
Speaker 1: And then I'm still a virgin. When I was pledging,

317
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,319
Speaker 1: big sister pulled me over and was like, you're not

318
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,000
Speaker 1: supposed to know. Maybe I shouldn't say this, but you're

319
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:16,679
Speaker 1: not supposed.

320
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,480
Speaker 4: To men when you're pledging, right, your sisterhood, you're not

321
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 4: supposed to know men.

322
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,400
Speaker 1: Now it's all about the girls, like suddenly or like

323
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,360
Speaker 1: you can't talk to them. Oh yeah, you're not supposed

324
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,439
Speaker 1: to do any of that. It's about the sisterhood. It's

325
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,520
Speaker 1: about like all of that right, focused on that. And

326
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,960
Speaker 1: so she pulled me over and she was like, I'm

327
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,240
Speaker 1: hearing that your guy is not faithful. And I'm like,

328
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,599
Speaker 1: oh no, not my guy, Like he would never. I

329
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,760
Speaker 1: always thought it would be me because as much as

330
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,800
Speaker 1: I was, you know, a virgin and religious, I was

331
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:48,040
Speaker 1: a big partier. I might still be a little. I've

332
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,680
Speaker 1: tapered off a bit. I love to be on the scene,

333
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,559
Speaker 1: like I'm talking dancing on couches, tables, like I'm like, hey, everybody,

334
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,880
Speaker 1: look at me. That was my energy, right, that was

335
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:02,480
Speaker 1: my energy and college for sure and after and so

336
00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,439
Speaker 1: I was like, no, it would be me. She's like

337
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 1: this is what I'm hearing. I get offline. He starts

338
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,240
Speaker 1: to act weird. I go the first time I went

339
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,760
Speaker 1: through a guy's phone, maybe the last time. Actually, I

340
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,559
Speaker 1: went through his phone, saw like the number was saved

341
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,960
Speaker 1: under frat and it should have been. But I called

342
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 1: it because I was like, this is suspicious, and I'm

343
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,840
Speaker 1: looking at these text messages. It was a girl. Of course,

344
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 1: I confront him. He tells me he was unfaithful, and

345
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 1: I was like, man, it just it was another thing

346
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 1: that burst my bubble. Oh wow, people cheat, You cheated

347
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,000
Speaker 1: on me my perfect world. My perfect reception was that

348
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:43,400
Speaker 1: your first boyfriend college. Okay, I mean my high school

349
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,280
Speaker 1: boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex

350
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,400
Speaker 1: prom night and he and he went with another girl

351
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:53,200
Speaker 1: to prom my same night. Because yes, this is a

352
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 1: these are crazy stories all over the place. He did

353
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,480
Speaker 1: not take me. He didn't tell me the reason, but

354
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,720
Speaker 1: he was just like, oh, our proms are the same night,

355
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,040
Speaker 1: went to a different school. His friend showed up at

356
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,840
Speaker 1: my prom and was like, I'm gonna be with you

357
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,680
Speaker 1: because he didn't take you because he wanted to have

358
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,840
Speaker 1: sex and he knew this girl would have sex with him,

359
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:13,960
Speaker 1: and you won't.

360
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 2: So he sent his friend to be her date.

361
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,000
Speaker 1: Send his friend his friend just came.

362
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:18,640
Speaker 2: Did you have a date?

363
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 1: You?

364
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,840
Speaker 2: I didn't, so you didn't know he was He didn't

365
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:22,400
Speaker 2: know the friend was.

366
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 1: Coming, didn't know the friend was coming.

367
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,840
Speaker 3: But the friend didn't tell you to deliver this message

368
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 3: and stayed and was like my date, emotional support, emotional support.

369
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,240
Speaker 1: And I didn't even date the friend after. It wasn't

370
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:36,280
Speaker 1: even like that, just like, yeah, was really bad for me.

371
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 1: And anyways, so fast forward to this, I'm still a virgin,

372
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 1: and I'm like, man, if this guy that I thought

373
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 1: was so right for me and checked every box and

374
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,000
Speaker 1: it's perfect, can cheat on me?

375
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:50,720
Speaker 2: Like what is this?

376
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,080
Speaker 1: What am I holding on to? What am I waiting for?

377
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 1: I really got into a like who gives a fuck?

378
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:55,920
Speaker 2: Who cares?

379
00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,200
Speaker 1: Mentality? And what did I do at twenty when he

380
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 1: kept coming back into my life? Not only do I

381
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,040
Speaker 1: let him come back in, I gave my virginity to him.

382
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,880
Speaker 1: The problem, you know, the guy who cheated on me

383
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 1: in college because it didn't mean what it meant to

384
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 1: me and anyway, it didn't have its value, and I

385
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,560
Speaker 1: was just like whatever, let.

386
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 2: Me get out the way that set me on a path.

387
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 4: What path was that since I was and Andrea, we

388
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,880
Speaker 4: were outside Andrew's like finally we were out.

389
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 1: I just I just didn't look at sex the same way.

390
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 1: I didn't romanticize it, fantasize it about it. And when

391
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: I I wrote two books, and one is fiction and

392
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: one's nonfiction, I wrote a book of essays and I

393
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 1: wrote about the danger of purity culture because when the

394
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,960
Speaker 1: bubble burst and it's not what you think it's going

395
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:50,160
Speaker 1: to be, then you just your whole world collapses. And

396
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 1: for me, there was shame.

397
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 2: It was a lot of shame already.

398
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 1: And who was I going to talk to? I mean, yes, Andrea,

399
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,040
Speaker 1: but like I could talk to my parents, I was

400
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,800
Speaker 1: scared to talk to my sisters. My friends from high

401
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,680
Speaker 1: school all grew up in the same culture, and I

402
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,680
Speaker 1: just held on to it in a way where I

403
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,159
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do with it other than like,

404
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,680
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep doing it. So I think that

405
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 1: mentality and I wrote about it, is very dangerous because

406
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 1: it's not the movies, it's not the fairy tale. And

407
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 1: it's why I have friends from high school who are

408
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 1: on their second and third marriage is because they rush

409
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: to get married and then it's awful and it's terrible

410
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,920
Speaker 1: and it's and the relationship is and what it should

411
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 1: be and it's a disaster and they're still trying to

412
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,680
Speaker 1: figure it out, you know, at this big age or whatever. Okay,

413
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,720
Speaker 1: so where are we? We're virgin lost it outside to

414
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 1: law school majored in sports management. In college, studied sports law.

415
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to be an agent. Started

416
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 1: dealing with athletes and I was like, I don't want

417
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,640
Speaker 1: to babysit them. I just want to do them.

418
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:55,120
Speaker 2: I just want to have a Yeah.

419
00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 4: I thought I wanted to. I thought I wanted you

420
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,440
Speaker 4: to be my client. But I've shifted a little, So

421
00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,240
Speaker 4: just get in my back.

422
00:17:59,400 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

423
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 1: So twenties was my athlete phase. And what'd you learn?

424
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 2: What did what do you think you've learned from? What

425
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 2: did you learn about dating athletes?

426
00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:11,400
Speaker 1: They are very used to being catered to like men are, period,

427
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 1: but an athlete in a totally different way. Their princesses

428
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,000
Speaker 1: because they've been especially like the good, like the really

429
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,879
Speaker 1: good ones. They've been. They've been in that little league,

430
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,280
Speaker 1: they've been in Pop Warner football, whatever it maybe high school, college,

431
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 1: they're superstars. Everybody's been taking care of them. So why

432
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,200
Speaker 1: quite naturally, why would they not expect their women to

433
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,040
Speaker 1: or they wanted you to not settle but accept certain

434
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,960
Speaker 1: things because you're lucky enough to be with me and

435
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,280
Speaker 1: you get this lifestyle and in return, these are some

436
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 1: of the things that came with it.

437
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 2: That's not me.

438
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 1: I'm not that type of girl. Also, wasn't down for

439
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 1: the chase, Like I wasn't the girl because I had

440
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 1: these friends who would like know where the athletes were

441
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,920
Speaker 1: saying when they came in town, hide I hide out

442
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 1: in the bathroom, hide out at the REarth.

443
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 2: Not high out. Yes, they like they would, literally they would,

444
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 2: and this was not me.

445
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,000
Speaker 1: I just want to be very clear.

446
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 2: I just know I know those girls or.

447
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 1: Just would like camp out at the bar, and it's

448
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: like is it worth it? Like to me, it just

449
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't about that kind of chase. I'm not saying

450
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,600
Speaker 1: all athletes are, but majority you know, that's the type

451
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 1: of woman. Remember that line in Love in Basketball where

452
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 1: the dad is trying to explain why he cheated on

453
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 1: Omar Eps's mom. I can't think of his character's name

454
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,719
Speaker 1: right now, and he says He's like, you don't understand

455
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,399
Speaker 1: how hard it is. This woman does this, and then

456
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 1: the boldest woman gets on your floor, and the next

457
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 1: one is in your room already waiting for you.

458
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,680
Speaker 2: Remember doing that.

459
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 1: I'm not signing up for that, so I let that go.

460
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 1: But I was saying all this to say I was

461
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: doing what I thought. Every time I was doing what

462
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,920
Speaker 1: I thought I would do, something would happen where I

463
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 1: was like, it does That's that's not how life is.

464
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 1: You can't stay in a box. I mean you can,

465
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: but you're probably not going to be happy. But every

466
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 1: time I would veer off the beaten path, it was

467
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 1: much more exciting. When I was doing maybe what I

468
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: wasn't taught or supposed to do. I was learning so

469
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 1: much more about life and myself. So the same thing happened.

470
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 1: Career wise. I did everything I said I was gonna do.

471
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 1: I became a lawyer, and I was so not fulfilled.

472
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: I just was like I was going through the motions.

473
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 1: It was cool to say I passed the bar and

474
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,320
Speaker 1: I was a lawyer, but I was bored, to be

475
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 1: very honest with you, and I was searching for things

476
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 1: to fulfill me in ways, whether it was in a man,

477
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 1: whether it was in friendship, whether it was being outside

478
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,879
Speaker 1: something to fill that void. And then one day two

479
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 1: of my coworkers knocked on my door and they were like, hey,

480
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 1: the batter tryouts are down the street in two weeks.

481
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 1: We think you'd be great. And I literally go, I

482
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,400
Speaker 1: don't watch that show. All I know is black people

483
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 1: don't go far. And they said, if you do it,

484
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: you will and it was one of those moments where

485
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 1: I felt so pulled. I cannot explain the feeling really

486
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 1: that something was like you will regret it if you

487
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: don't do this. It was a deep, deep feeling. And

488
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,119
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a very intuitive person. I so like,

489
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 1: if I'm looking at my all my full chart, my

490
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 1: first and last house are in Scorpio and my rising

491
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: is Scorpio, and I'm just and my astrologist said, you're

492
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 1: more Scorpio than you are anything, and she particularly was

493
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 1: like it being in your last house, if you are

494
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 1: open to it, you can be very tapped in intuitively spiritually,

495
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:31,920
Speaker 1: and like, I'm a deep dreamer and I'm very and

496
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: this goes into like recently, I guess my divorce. I'm

497
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,200
Speaker 1: very in tune to when when I ignore the voice,

498
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,920
Speaker 1: I know what you're doing. I do it anyway because

499
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: I'm a tourist and I'm stubborn. I'm super stubborn. But anyways,

500
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 1: I felt very pull to it. I did it when

501
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 1: on the Bacheler eventually became the Bachelorette, and it changed

502
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 1: my entire life and it's opened me up to so

503
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 1: many things that I never even thought were possible, that

504
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: I had wanted or dreamed about. But literally everything from

505
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do, to who I wanted to meet,

506
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: to a show I wanted to be on came true

507
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: through this opportunity. So it was like a roundabout way

508
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: of getting the things that I wanted.

509
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 2: So that's me, guys, smart, I thank you.

510
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: I'm a podcaster.

511
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now we love it. We're here for it.

512
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 4: I actually your season of The Bachelorette or The Bachelor

513
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 4: or any of them is the only when I watched

514
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 4: because I was in New Jersey with this girl who

515
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 4: watched a lot of TV and she just continued to

516
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 4: turn it on and then I was invested and I

517
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 4: was like the first black one. She's like yeah, and

518
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 4: I was like, Okay, let's watch it. And I was

519
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,920
Speaker 4: rooting for you, and I was like really into the

520
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 4: Bachelor for that one season. So it's really nice to

521
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 4: have you here and like, you know, sit with you

522
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 4: and talk to you because I had a lot of

523
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 4: commentary that was a long time ago, though, like it.

524
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 1: Was eight years eight years ago, crazy to think about.

525
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it felt like time honestly is always

526
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 4: like moving so quickly. But did you feel like, because

527
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 4: The Bachelor and the Bachelorette is obviously a very white

528
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 4: franchise when you went on that show, did you feel

529
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 4: like you kind of got pulled back into those like, uh,

530
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 4: respectability politics in ways?

531
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: I knew that's why they chose me.

532
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 2: Okay, you went that, you went, you went that side

533
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: so that they could you would be well I was.

534
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: I didn't. I was so green. I didn't realize at

535
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,600
Speaker 1: the moment they met me during Bachelor auditions, they were like,

536
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 1: if she's not cuckoo, she could be our first black lead.

537
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 1: Because I checked their boxes because I was easy for

538
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 1: a white audience to digest.

539
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 2: Ye one are the boxes that they had a job which.

540
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: You look at other white and it's not every white

541
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: bachelorette that came before me, but a lot of them

542
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: like lived at home, didn't have jobs. But do you

543
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: think like a first person, whether it's black, Latina, Asian,

544
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 1: could do that now, Like I had to for that audience.

545
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 1: They had to be like, Okay, I get it.

546
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 4: She's a cheam, she's a lawyer, like one of one

547
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:58,879
Speaker 4: of those intelligent which we always do, we do.

548
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 1: Oh, her dad is a judge. Oh my gosh. And

549
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,920
Speaker 1: they you know, it's like, oh, she'll behave she's a

550
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: full time job. She's not gonna want to do anything

551
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 1: to lose her job because I still had my job

552
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: the entire time I was in the show. She's like,

553
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: shout out to Cooper and Scullies. They were they paid

554
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: me still while I was on the show. They let

555
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 1: me keep my job. They saw the benefit of hey,

556
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,200
Speaker 1: this is our attorney and this is what she's doing.

557
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess though that's what I mean those blocks,

558
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't ruffle any feathers. I knew how to

559
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 1: act right for that audience because I was told later, well,

560
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: it couldn't be a man because America literally, a producer

561
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 1: said this to me. America is not ready to wake

562
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 1: up to see a fantasy suite with a black man

563
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 1: waking up with a white woman. And if you watch

564
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: James's season compared to other seasons, you don't see him

565
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,960
Speaker 1: in the bed with the white girl. So when I

566
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: wake up in the you see me in the room

567
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: getting ready. Sometimes you saw me in the eating breakfast.

568
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 1: They didn't do that.

569
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 2: They did that with the not I.

570
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 1: Mean with the non white girls, but not the white woman.

571
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: So like they understand their audience. So for me, I

572
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,440
Speaker 1: was like, all right, I'm gonna play this game while

573
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 1: I'm under contract, and then the moment I can, I'm

574
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: going to speak out about the lack of diversity because

575
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: I knew I could.

576
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,160
Speaker 2: So you knew you had a plan for me. I knew.

577
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 1: I didn't go in thinking that.

578
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 2: As things were happening, you're like, oh hey no.

579
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 1: And I knew that there wasn't much that they could

580
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: do because I was the first, and they were so

581
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 1: afraid to do something, you know, like, this is our

582
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: first one. We don't want to do anything where it

583
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: can look really bad, because we already looked bad because

584
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: for fifteen years we have had no lead of color.

585
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: I'm fifty thirteenth season of the Bacherette, and there were

586
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: twenty one seasons of the Bachelor before not one lead

587
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 1: of color.

588
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 2: The Bachelor's never been black.

589
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: Matt James was after me three years after that.

590
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay during.

591
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty, you know they had they had Little Larryes

592
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, they they had to, and so or

593
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 1: they thought they had to. So yeah, I just I

594
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: started calling it out for what it was. I felt

595
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: like I could make a space for other leads of color,

596
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: and even when people are like, I mean, it is

597
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: a silly dating show, and I'm like, it is, but

598
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 1: so I didn't watch it, but I have talked to

599
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: moms or young girls who watched the show and they

600
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 1: see me, and they're like, oh, I can be desired.

601
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 2: I can.

602
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: So Yeah, it might be a silly show, but for

603
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: a young girl who wants to see someone like looks

604
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 1: like that's the most eligible bachelorette or eligible woman and

605
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: she can look like me and I can find love

606
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: or I can have a fairytale story. I wanted them

607
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 1: to see that, and other people should be able to

608
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: see that too, whether it's size, age, because I was

609
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: the oldest at the time too, I was thirty one.

610
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 1: You're the oldest and I was the oldest bachelorette. So

611
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: it's like there was so much that they needed to

612
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 1: do and I felt like I could call I could

613
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: one represent myself as a black woman well, and I

614
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: could call it out in the ways that it needed

615
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:01,679
Speaker 1: to be.

616
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 2: And you did a great job.

617
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 4: I watched the whole thing and I was like, Wow,

618
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:07,200
Speaker 4: she's really not she And I was like, think, she's

619
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 4: really staying within the parameters and really like speaking her

620
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 4: mind but doing it eloquently. And that's difficult when I'm

621
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 4: sure a lot of the world is like waiting for

622
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 4: you to do something ghetto or do something black or like,

623
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 4: because that show is predominantly even the viewers are white. Yeah,

624
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 4: it's like very white. And I you know what it

625
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 4: isn't like a silly dating show. But I'd never until

626
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 4: you said it right now, like the black women seeing

627
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 4: themselves have the fairy tale ending is it's like a

628
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 4: very important representation that we need to see that we

629
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 4: don't necessarily see and like so we don't place ourselves there,

630
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 4: and like it's like, oh, seeing you as a bachelorette,

631
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 4: seeing you leave with someone, seeing you choose that's part. Yeah,

632
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 4: you get to choose, No one's choosing you and you're hoping.

633
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 4: It's like I'm doing the choosing and I'm getting married

634
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 4: and I'm you know, doing all the things. I'm on

635
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 4: vacation in the fucking suite. So that is important for

636
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 4: like other women to like, oh, yeah, I'm worthy, I'm

637
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 4: just I can be a wife, even though every other

638
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 4: fucking movie, unless it's Tyler fucking Perry or whatever, casts

639
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 4: me differently.

640
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 2: Like that that was important and now I understand that. Yeah,

641
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 2: how do you feel about the representation since then? In

642
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 2: reality TV?

643
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 3: I mean there's there's so many different I guess dating

644
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 3: shows now too, Like do you think that there is,

645
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 3: in your opinion, an improvement or is it pretty much

646
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 3: kind of the same.

647
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: I mean with The Bachelor, not really. I just think

648
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 1: they just don't get it. You have to have people

649
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 1: of color behind the camera if you want to get

650
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 1: it right. You know, you just can't just be like, oh,

651
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna prop up this person in a couple of years.

652
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 1: You have to under there's no understanding of it. So

653
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: I think they try, and I'm using air quotes for

654
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: people who are just listening, but they get it wrong

655
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: because they really aren't trying to understand. But I don't

656
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 1: really watch other dating shows. You I it's too much.

657
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 1: It's every day. I can't get into it every day.

658
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: And the crazy thing is it is so popular right now.

659
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: I'm know who the people are just because it's in

660
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 1: my soul, like my algorithm. I know everybody that's in it,

661
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 1: but I can't watch it. But when I see it,

662
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, Wow, there's a lot of diversity. I was

663
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 1: surprised by that Love Island there seems to be even

664
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: last season. I'm looking at the couples who won last season.

665
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: I'm looking at this season also, like mixed couples. That

666
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: seems to be a thing there. This Bachelor is started

667
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 1: in two thousand. It is still and it's still holding

668
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: on to that format. What I do see in the

669
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: new shows is they are not whether it's fuck Boy

670
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 1: Island with the guy who created that came from the Bachelor,

671
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: or it's Love is Blind.

672
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 4: I've watched a couple of Boy Island as an actual show.

673
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's called it's not Temptation Island. It's called it's called.

674
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: It was on HBO Max. I think I know what

675
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 1: they did it like f Boy Island, but I think

676
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: I just saw that the unedited version, so now you

677
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 1: actually can't say fuck boy Island is out somewhere. But

678
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: I had like two or three seasons, and it was

679
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: about finding the fuck boy amongst amongst the good boys,

680
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 1: because that's the that's real life. So I feel like

681
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: these real show, these new shows are trying to reflect

682
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 1: the reality in some ways. Of dating. Of course, you

683
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: have the drama. Of course you have you know, like

684
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: all like the foolery, fuckery of it all, but the

685
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: Bachelor does not Nothing about that is real life.

686
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 2: Had you dated interracially prior to that show?

687
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: Not seriously?

688
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: Okay, so that was your first and then you left me?

689
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, My first was when I was on the Bachelor

690
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: and I was dating Nick. My mom even said it.

691
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: My mom was like, you know, she's never brought anybody

692
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: home that wasn't black, But people forgot that. People met

693
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: me dating on a on a white show, a white man,

694
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 1: and then I go on the Bachelorette and I pick white.

695
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: He's Columbian but white whatever, and so everyone's like, oh,

696
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: that's she's one of those. You know, I get that

697
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: a lot, and anybody who knows me knows I that

698
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: is so not me, but I really when I went

699
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: on The Bachelor, I knew that time a black man

700
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: id eate.

701
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 2: Is never coming on this show.

702
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: They're a little bit more private, they do their own thing.

703
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: They're not that's they're not going to be on a

704
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: reality show. And that's no shade to the black men

705
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 1: who go on it. Just the type of guys I'm

706
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: interested in black men wouldn't so I was very aware

707
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: of that. But at the same time, I don't know,

708
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: I just yeah.

709
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 3: Do you think that you're do you think that your

710
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: I guess when you were saying how this this, how

711
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 3: dangerous it is for this purity culture and like kind

712
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 3: of not looking at sex as this like I don't

713
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 3: want to say sacred thing, but maybe not for a while.

714
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:37,959
Speaker 3: And I don't know where you stand on that now,

715
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: But do you think that that also kind of encouraged

716
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 3: you to go on the Bachelor? Because like, did you

717
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 3: think you were gonna leave marriage? Like were you like

718
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 3: I could get married or like maybe marriage also kind

719
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 3: of didn't have the same uh, I guess value after everything.

720
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: No, it did actually okay, but I did not think

721
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: I was going to find someone I would like. I

722
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: went on because I thought I could represent myself as

723
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: a black woman well, and I thought, like the young

724
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: girl who watches it needs to see me in this way.

725
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: I left and not till my parents was like, don't worry,

726
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: I'm not picking any of these men. And then the

727
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 1: first night you do get caught up in the fairy

728
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: tale of it all. You know, you have no phone,

729
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: no TV, no access to the outside, and men are.

730
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 2: Pining after you, literally just putting their best and you're like, oh.

731
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: My god, maybe maybe he is out here. And you're

732
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: doing all these interviews where they're like, did you see

733
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: the way he looked at you? And they're bringing you

734
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: gifts and it's so romantic and the most skeptical person

735
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: it is people everyone, Yeah, it's how not today. And

736
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 1: the men are even more competitive, so it's like, am

737
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: I trusting what their motives are or do they just

738
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: want to win? So it's I never thought that I would,

739
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: but then shortly after I was like, oh, there are

740
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 1: a couple of guys that there's potential for. So even

741
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: when I left the show, my parents were like, wait,

742
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 1: the cameras are done.

743
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: This is for real actually married.

744
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: It took a long time to convince my parents that

745
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 1: this engagement is a real thing.

746
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 2: Do you leave the show married or engaged?

747
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 3: But now people don't even really leave it now then

748
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 3: the US weekly promotes the wedding, okay, and they get

749
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 3: them on the cover, and then the whole wedding is

750
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 3: paid for.

751
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: No, not anymore. I didn't do a pay our wedding.

752
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: Everything was separate because they realized, like nobody really watches

753
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: the weddings. They don't make they lose money instead of

754
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: making money. So I got some things, but just like

755
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: being an influencer, but it was not filmed. It was

756
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 1: not nothing. This show had nothing to do with our wenning.

757
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 2: How long after the engagement after you left the show, did.

758
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: You two and a half years, So like really took

759
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: the time to do it. But to answer your question,

760
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: marriage And that's part of the mistakes that I made

761
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: and not listening to my gut, I still held like

762
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: really high and I and and it was controversial on

763
00:33:58,200 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: my show because when it came down to my last

764
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: one guy did not want to get engaged and the

765
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: other guy who I ended up picking did and I

766
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't put myself through this. I was

767
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: in a five year relationship before the guy never wanted

768
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: to take it to the next level. Why would I

769
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: go back to show the boyfriend? And I did also

770
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: not feel he was the one, but that was a

771
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 1: big deal for me. I'm like, you what you come

772
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:21,800
Speaker 1: on the show for. If you don't see it with me,

773
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 1: this isn't it. And so part of that was societal

774
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 1: pressure of being the first black bachelorette, being the age

775
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: that I was, so I was thirty two by the

776
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: time the show in and now that that's old or anything,

777
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 1: but just I was ready for it. I thought, Okay,

778
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: here's a good man. Let me just play this out.

779
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: I just was like, I'm ready to get married, I'm

780
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 1: ready to have kids. That is still my traditional upbringing,

781
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 1: religious upbringing, that was still in me at that time

782
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: where I valued it in such a way. So it

783
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 1: became very important to me to pick somebody who it

784
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 1: could lead to marriage. And then I became even more

785
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 1: dedicated to that, ignoring red flags, ignoring my inner voice,

786
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: because I was like, I just do I want to

787
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 1: be out here in this jungle or do I just

788
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: pick the good man who I thought was good was not?

789
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 2: But how long is how long do they shoot the

790
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: Bachelor ten weeks. Oh so it's time. So it's like

791
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 2: three months, two and a half months.

792
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

793
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm curious, Like, because you had this foresight around

794
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 3: going on to the show, like you went in with

795
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 3: I guess somewhat of an intention. What advice would you

796
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 3: give to reality like the women on Reality now that

797
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,280
Speaker 3: have this moment right now and it seems like Love Island,

798
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 3: Like I see a lot of like like brand partnership

799
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 3: deals happening and all these things, But like if you

800
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 3: could give some advice to like these women or maybe

801
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 3: even men that are on these shows and like how

802
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 3: to like continue on with their career and keep it going.

803
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say it's so easy to take the

804
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 1: low hanging fruit when you come off the show, because

805
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: I was on the boucher during its height. Like, now

806
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: you go on, it's not what it is. It's all

807
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: about Love Island if you and so many people are like, well,

808
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 1: how did you get into media? And I'm like, because

809
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: I said no to every reality show that asked me

810
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 1: to come on after I was like, I don't want

811
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 1: to be known as a reality TV star. I want

812
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: to move towards being a media personality. I didn't move

813
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: to LA. I stayed in Dallas. I stayed practicing law.

814
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: When I had free moments, then I would hustle, come

815
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 1: to LA, go to New York, use my degree, use

816
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 1: my expertise. I would say yes to every opportunity that

817
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 1: fit that more than I did of I'm going to

818
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: go on the show. I did brand deals, but only

819
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 1: did brand deals that aligned with stuff I actually really

820
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: liked because I was trying to build an audience that

821
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: showed that I was authentic, and I think that really

822
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 1: helped me. I would speak my mind a lot. I

823
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: would say things that maybe people were afraid to say

824
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 1: because I was going into media. That helped me too.

825
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 1: So I think the mistake people make is it is

826
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 1: so easy to be back in a bubble and to

827
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: take all the good and say like I'm this, I'm this,

828
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 1: it's going to last forever. They are already casting for

829
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 1: the next season. Your time is short. I don't know

830
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: how often Love Island films before the Bachelor, it is

831
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 1: six months. You have six months to make a difference,

832
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,840
Speaker 1: to build your audience, to create that foundation, to network,

833
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 1: make connections, and not just rest in all this money

834
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: is coming at me at once, like, you have to

835
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: have a plan if it is to be a content creator, great,

836
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 1: figure out what kind of audience you want to cultivate.

837
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 1: But you just have to be very focused and keep

838
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: your eye on the prize because it's so easy to

839
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: take all the money and opportunities that are throwing at you.

840
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 2: All Right, that's what I imagine I'm seeing.

841
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 3: I don't even I watched two episodes of Love Island,

842
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 3: and now the whole cast is totally different. I keep

843
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 3: seeing like a Maya Papaya or some shit. There's all

844
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 3: these other girls that I never even saw before because

845
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 3: I only watched a episode because my brain was melting

846
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 3: watching it, and I was like, how the fuck are

847
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 3: people investing all the time?

848
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 2: Like my brain can't handle it.

849
00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: It's like for high school students, there's so many like

850
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: no grown watch, celebrity watch the show. Like people are

851
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 1: obsessed with these characters, and I'm so curious. I'm like,

852
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: should I get in?

853
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 2: And then I'm like, don't do it.

854
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: I can't commit to every day.

855
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 4: After like two episodes, you're gonna it's just crying and

856
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 4: making out, making out, crying, crying.

857
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 2: I mean when I watched the intro I was like,

858
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,919
Speaker 2: this is a TikTok intro. When I saw the intro,

859
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 2: I was like, they have funding. This is a lot.

860
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 2: They have a lot of better dancing. They're doing TikTok dances.

861
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 2: There's a choreography. Yeah, and hired. Yeah, like it's a

862
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 2: The intro says, we got money and.

863
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,879
Speaker 1: The audience is involved, right, Yeah.

864
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 4: The audience votes on who can leave some weeks, and

865
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 4: I think that is also a thing.

866
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 2: People feel like they're involved in the decision.

867
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 1: That's genius.

868
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 4: That's like it's like American Idol plus like spring Break

869
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,360
Speaker 4: in two thousand and six plus like the dating love element.

870
00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 4: So yeah, it's it's it's ridiculously silly. And I also

871
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,879
Speaker 4: realized the cast really young, so that the people could

872
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 4: be kind of emotionally immature, and THEMB because you can't

873
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 4: cast a bunch of fucking thirty five year old bitches,

874
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 4: would be like that's a red flag and like it's

875
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 4: just too real, you know, like these bitches are just

876
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 4: like making out and making out and swapping and making out.

877
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 2: It's really gross.

878
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've read something about cold Source.

879
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 3: Yeah I saw oh no, yeah, girl, what's that guy's name?

880
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 3: The one who's the pool boy Austin. There was a yeah,

881
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 3: thanks Orlando. There was a video of him. Someone posted

882
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 3: some girl I follow and they zoomed in on his

883
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 3: face and he had all these red bumps, all red

884
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 3: right here, and it was from like they were like

885
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 3: they were saying us from all the fucking making out

886
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 3: he'd been.

887
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 2: Doing with all these differ that's not nice have that.

888
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 1: On the Bachelor, we made out, but not like that.

889
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 4: Well, you are making out with them and they're locked.

890
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 4: It's like a close container. It's just I'm a bitch.

891
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 4: I'm making out with everybody.

892
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 2: I have all the men.

893
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 4: These motherfuckers are putting new people in blindfolding them. You

894
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: could be blindfolded and make out with people you haven't

895
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 4: even met, and then you and then make up, Like.

896
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 2: Who the fuck are you introduce new cast members when

897
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 2: you're blind for Yeah, so I don't know what the

898
00:39:58,600 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 2: contract is.

899
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 4: It's like you must make out, but those bitches are

900
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 4: making out but so it's hard. Yeah, it's an interesting

901
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 4: dynamic because they like at the beginning, you could see

902
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,720
Speaker 4: some of the girls are trying to have like respectability politics,

903
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 4: Like I just did not like that. But then like

904
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 4: by this third episode, like we're gonna get voted off.

905
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 4: They're just fucking making out with everybody, so you see

906
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 4: the ship real quick.

907
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm not there yet. I'll stick to my

908
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: Bravo war.

909
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 2: Would you ever do reality TV again?

910
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: I think I would do not my personal life, like

911
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 1: I it would have to be about career. It would

912
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,279
Speaker 1: not be Housewives. I watched too much so I know

913
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 1: too much. I could do that, But I maybe like

914
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: a competition show like Traders okay or something like that.

915
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: I could do, but I just couldn't. I want to

916
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: date again, and I don't want people to be afraid

917
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: of I mean, I am dating, but I don't want

918
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,840
Speaker 1: people to be afraid of Oh my gosh, is she

919
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,280
Speaker 1: gonna have a camera out? Is she gonna tell this story?

920
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

921
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 2: Is that something that you even countered?

922
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 3: Like because I mean, because I mean, I know, for

923
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 3: even us as podcaster, as we talk about I mean,

924
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 3: for our show, we talk a lot about our personal lives. Sure,

925
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 3: that's been the thing for men wondering like are you

926
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 3: gonna talk about me.

927
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 2: On my on your show?

928
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: Or you don't say names never?

929
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 4: But people are still either they really want you to

930
00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 4: and they're like, well, why didn't you talk about this?

931
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 4: Or yeah, they expect you to and it's like, you're

932
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,840
Speaker 4: not that important. And I don't say anybody's name anyway

933
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 4: because I'm not scared of that.

934
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 1: So I am in dating now. I get really nervous

935
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:27,760
Speaker 1: having to tell say that I was on the Bachelor

936
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: and then I married the guy from the Bachelor. It

937
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:31,280
Speaker 1: gives me anxiety.

938
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: Is it a b or is it a more? Is

939
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 2: it because you think people are gonna judge you and

940
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 2: be like well, what, like how did this happen? Like

941
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 2: what what is the what is the insecurity about it?

942
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: That I have to tell the story? And I like

943
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,719
Speaker 1: this is this is like girl chat. We're talking now,

944
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 1: We're getting to know each other in a different level.

945
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,960
Speaker 1: It's a deeper conversation. But I can see that their

946
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: eyes widen like wait what wait you did? Because anybody

947
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,760
Speaker 1: I've been on a date with doesn't why my season

948
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: like that? So then I have to tell the story,

949
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,279
Speaker 1: and I feel like they become more fascinated and I

950
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 1: almost become this character to them more than I am

951
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,360
Speaker 1: of this woman that maybe they were attracted to, and

952
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: they get to know and I'm realizing, Oh my god,

953
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,880
Speaker 1: I'm having I'm starting to have anxiety about that. I

954
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 1: don't like I mean, I have to write. That's why

955
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 1: I haven't been on apps. I'm not on a dating app.

956
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 1: I've never been on a dating app in my life.

957
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 4: Because you're afraid you were going to see you and

958
00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 4: then like make a story in their head about oh,

959
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 4: if you've done The Bachelor, this is who you are

960
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 4: and blah blah blah blah blah, or.

961
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,839
Speaker 1: Google me right because I'm going to google somebody. They're

962
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: going to google me. They're going to see The Bachelor,

963
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 1: They're going to see my divorce, They're going to see

964
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 1: how much money I had to give out in my divorce.

965
00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: And I just am like, what am I?

966
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 2: What is that going to do to you?

967
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 5: What?

968
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 1: I just don't know?

969
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 4: You need a date by like RL. You're like, oh,

970
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 4: I'm r L. What mean Rachel lindsay like, don't say.

971
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm like you are L real life, like rebrand yourself.

972
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 2: You know, people give themselves nay ray and then.

973
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 1: They find out and they're like, wait a minute.

974
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 4: I needed you not to know for the first six

975
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 4: months because I didn't need any now you know me.

976
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 2: So surprised I did this thing.

977
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 3: It's kind of like celibacy, but withholding of information hard.

978
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 1: I got to figure out how to do it. What

979
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:18,760
Speaker 1: I have found is better for me is younger because.

980
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 4: They don't even know nothing about the Bachelor, you know, like,

981
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: what's that? It's like the twenty four year olds who

982
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 4: don't know who Lauren Hill is.

983
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 2: Oh my god? How much younger? How much younger are

984
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: we talking?

985
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: The youngest I've done is ten ten years, ten years.

986
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: I do think younger my thirties, thirties, okay, Yeah, thirty

987
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 1: is okay for me because I don't feel forty. I

988
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 1: really even like ages of social media, you could.

989
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 2: Be transaged to Rachel. What's your trans age? Rachel? How

990
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 2: do you identify?

991
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm probably twenty nine. I'm definitely not in my thirties.

992
00:43:57,280 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 2: Have a cross that hump you.

993
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: I have a friend who invited me to an anti

994
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 1: party and I was and I told her, do you

995
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: wear a momo and a body? I didn't get that far.

996
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 1: All I saw was that it was an auntie party

997
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 1: and I don't identify that. And I'm older than she is,

998
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't I don't identify as that

999
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 1: I am. I feel more myself post divorce. Dating is

1000
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: still I'm still a little scared in some ways, but

1001
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: I'm over the anxiety of oh my god, somebody's about

1002
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: to look at my body. That was a whole thing too,

1003
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: Like what like post divorce, I was so afraid to

1004
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: have sex with someone really that first time. I'm like,

1005
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 1: the same man has been looking at my body for

1006
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: almost seven years, and and you know, like towards the

1007
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: end of a relationship, sex is not great. So then

1008
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I periman apostle? Am I am? I?

1009
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 5: Not?

1010
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 2: Because?

1011
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 1: Not horny, not wet, not like nothing, And so I

1012
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: really was like, how am I going to be sexually?

1013
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 1: I was very nervous to have sex the first time,

1014
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 1: and only in my fine I'm like, oh my god,

1015
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 1: I'm like so aware of exactly what I want, how

1016
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 1: I want it, what I like.

1017
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, how long did it take you after divorce

1018
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 3: to even consider to start dating?

1019
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: Dating?

1020
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,359
Speaker 1: Well, they say when a woman is done, she's been

1021
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: done for at least a year, So I try to

1022
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: explain that to people. But like an actual date, I

1023
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: always knew the first person I would be intimate with

1024
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: is somebody I knew from before, okay, because that was

1025
00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: that was a nice segue, felt like safety.

1026
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you're planning strategically. As soon as this shit

1027
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 2: is over, I'm about to call it. I thought.

1028
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: I was like, if I do it, I think it's

1029
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: going to need to be somebody that knows me. Even

1030
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 1: though I had never done it with that person before.

1031
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 1: I just was like, that makes me feel comfortable, and

1032
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:56,439
Speaker 1: it made me feel confident in myself. That gets taken

1033
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:59,320
Speaker 1: away from you in a divorce, like it can't, especially

1034
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 1: if it's message it's messy. A date date I got

1035
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: my divorce was announced first January. I went on a

1036
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 1: date in May.

1037
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 2: Okay, that that aligns with the statistics that I looked at.

1038
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 2: I was looking at.

1039
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,760
Speaker 3: I was so curious about, like women dating after divorce

1040
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 3: and like how quickly they jump back in versus men

1041
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 3: and men and women are generally like around the same.

1042
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 3: It's like three to four months and that I think

1043
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 3: a lot of people might be shocked by that. But

1044
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 3: to what your point is, Like women you're usually done

1045
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 3: like while you're still.

1046
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: Married, but you have kids, Like it's it. The divorce

1047
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: was messy, but it shouldn't have been right, So it's

1048
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: like I don't have if there were kids, I think

1049
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 1: maybe it would have been a little longer for me.

1050
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: I definitely had sex before I went on a date,

1051
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 1: but the date, I would say.

1052
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 3: And then okay, so after, because I know for me,

1053
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 3: after I wasn't I wasn't married, but I was in

1054
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 3: a very long term relationship with my child's father, and

1055
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 3: I remember like my first sexual encounter A was that

1056
00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 3: like I was like, oh, bitch, I still got it.

1057
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 2: Wait, I am horny, what the fuck?

1058
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1059
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 3: But I also had a really hard time with cuddling

1060
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 3: afterwards and allowing and spending the night, Like I could

1061
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 3: not even fathom spending the night and waking up to

1062
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:15,719
Speaker 3: someone because I was so used to waking up to

1063
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:18,359
Speaker 3: this other person and still not that I didn't even

1064
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 3: want to wake up to that person other person anymore,

1065
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: but it was just like it was too foreign, it

1066
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 3: was too weird, it felt too serious.

1067
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: I was the opposite. Okay, Well, when I did actually

1068
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: sex the first time after my divorce, I was not

1069
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 1: in La so that was I didn't have to do

1070
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 1: that and they don't live here, and that was also

1071
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,319
Speaker 1: my thing. I don't want anybody who lives here.

1072
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 2: I want to see you.

1073
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: That's my night. Like I like the distances.

1074
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 2: Maybe it's a tip for newly divorced. Yeah, women, I.

1075
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: Really want to write a book on this because it's

1076
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 1: just weird to navigate. The more I talk about it,

1077
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 1: the more I feel like women are like I needed

1078
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:54,480
Speaker 1: to hear that, or thank you for being comfortable enough

1079
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 1: to say that. But I'm the opposite in you in

1080
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 1: the sense that when I did starting somebody into my house,

1081
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 1: I realized I missed the security. Not that my ex

1082
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: made me feel safe in any way, because he actually

1083
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: did not, but I just the having a body there,

1084
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: living by myself in my house. It was was really

1085
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 1: unnerving for me at times. No mind you, we'd have

1086
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: to go back to this. I love how I was like,

1087
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 1: and I told you this was gonna happen. I was like,

1088
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 1: I don't really gonna talk about the divorce, but it's

1089
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 1: naturally gonna come out. My ex lived with me for

1090
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: seven months after the filing of the divorce because he

1091
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: would not get out the house, so I couldn't really

1092
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,359
Speaker 1: bring somebody to the house because he was still there

1093
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: because he wouldn't get out.

1094
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 2: Didn't he file He filed, So why won't he get out?

1095
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 1: Because California is so fucked up? Don't ever?

1096
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 2: So, so you were pulling up to the crib every

1097
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: night and he'd be sitting on the couch.

1098
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,320
Speaker 1: And he was there. He would go to a separate

1099
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,760
Speaker 1: room because I had turned off because I paid for everything,

1100
00:48:57,880 --> 00:48:59,959
Speaker 1: so I had changed the password to the wife.

1101
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 2: Five. Do you want to stay here? I'll make this shit.

1102
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: Exactly. I'll do what I can do. I couldn't kick

1103
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: him out. I had to in California once he filed,

1104
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 1: I could not kick him out. I either had to

1105
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: pay for him to go somewhere else. But you have

1106
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 1: to give them the same standard of living. This is

1107
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 1: where spousal support comes from. What or they just have

1108
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 1: to stay there until that court hearing comes. So that

1109
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 1: our court hearing was in July.

1110
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 2: You don't have a prince, so it.

1111
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 1: Was seven months. I did not have a pren o,

1112
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: I didn't have the money I had I made. It's

1113
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 1: a perfect storm. I made all my money after But

1114
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 1: and I've never told the story before. See this is

1115
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,760
Speaker 1: why I don't look at stuff before, because the stories

1116
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: come out. I so your point about staying so nobody

1117
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 1: ever stayed with me because he was there until July,

1118
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,280
Speaker 1: so I never so even though we weren't talking and separate,

1119
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: there was still a person there, so it was like

1120
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 1: a roommate. But one time I brought somebody to the

1121
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: house and we didn't do anything, but we fell asleep

1122
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 1: on the couch and like God must have been watching

1123
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 1: over me, because he did not come home that n

1124
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: night and it was like maybe there were three nights

1125
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 1: or something like that he didn't come home, and I thought,

1126
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,959
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's gonna How did he not see

1127
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 1: or how I don't know what made him not come home,

1128
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 1: but he would have walked in the house, and he.

1129
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 2: Was like he maybe would have got the fuck out soon.

1130
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: I was right there at the front.

1131
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 3: Needed to bring some niggas oversusand are like, okay, well

1132
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 3: maybe a little loud, just tell the music out.

1133
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,399
Speaker 1: I brought friends over one night and he literally came

1134
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,160
Speaker 1: out and just was like in the kitchen, just taking

1135
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:38,920
Speaker 1: his time, like he like, you, well, yeah, he was

1136
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: fucking with me, like he knew I would have an

1137
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 1: issue with it, so he just like kind of was

1138
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: just like taking his time, kind of like yeah, I'm here,

1139
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 1: what you're going to do about it now. I never

1140
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 1: did that. I I think I was just nervous of

1141
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 1: I wanted him out and I wasn't trying to do

1142
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 1: anything to instigate, just like get along. That's why we

1143
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:59,760
Speaker 1: ended up just folding over. And it was like, whatever

1144
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: you want to, just take it. You're still in my peace.

1145
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 1: It's money, I'll get back. It hurts, It still hurts,

1146
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 1: like if I really think about it, that stuff really

1147
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: bothers me. But I have my peace. The divorce is done.

1148
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: You can't keep coming at me with because for you

1149
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: it means something. I'm moving on. Like, It's just we're

1150
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 1: in two totally different places than I told him. I

1151
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: was like, you will always be tethered to.

1152
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 2: Me, honest.

1153
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 3: And I don't know when I hear about men taking

1154
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 3: like alimony from their wives or just like overstaying their welcome.

1155
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 3: And so I have another friend who's very successful as well,

1156
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 3: and she has to pay her ex husband spousal support

1157
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 3: and to.

1158
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 2: Me, I don't know, call me old school, but what

1159
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 2: the fuck are you talking about? Man?

1160
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 3: Like, how are you looking at yourself in the mirror

1161
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:51,239
Speaker 3: every day? I mean and saying, yeah, my wife pays.

1162
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 2: Me or she's she better pay my note or I'm

1163
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 2: saying in my my ex.

1164
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:57,960
Speaker 3: My my soon to be ex wife's house and I'm

1165
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 3: not leaving because like I just don't. It's there's a

1166
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 3: level of bitch ass that has to exist.

1167
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 2: For you to go back to me.

1168
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 3: For men that are proud to do that, and like,

1169
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 3: of course they'll stay on the other side of that,

1170
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 3: will women do it?

1171
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 1: They and that I get a lot of that. Yeah,

1172
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 1: Like I get a lot of the city boys.

1173
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 2: If a nigga has to say, well, women do it, well,

1174
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 2: then you're.

1175
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 4: Exactly okay, Well as long as you I understand that

1176
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 4: the woman in the relationship, okay, it's it.

1177
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 1: Is why I'm against it. If you if you can

1178
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 1: provide for yourself. I am against spousal support. I'm for

1179
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 1: like I was always willing to be like, all right,

1180
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: I know I made significantly more than you. You were

1181
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 1: starting up a business. I will give you some money,

1182
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: but the support kind of you and I really because

1183
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't want to fight it.

1184
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 1: I don't want all the legal fees because that's also

1185
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 1: what will bring you down. That's also why you have

1186
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: to settle. But the idea of just like there's a

1187
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: level of delusion in addition to the bitch asseness of it,

1188
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: because there was this way he convinced himself that well

1189
00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 1: it's ours not you didn't do one fucking set it

1190
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 1: in court. She wouldn't have her success without me. I'm sorry,

1191
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 1: then why aren't you successful? Like that's what he said

1192
00:53:07,239 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: in courts the turn said he would not, she would

1193
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: not have Even the judge goes, what, I think, that

1194
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense. But I at that point I

1195
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 1: knew his mind.

1196
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 2: So he was like, it is this is our house,

1197
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 2: our money.

1198
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 1: This is our money because it's community property money, so

1199
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 1: legally it's our money. But was literally like, well why

1200
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: should I leave? This is our house. This is our

1201
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:32,760
Speaker 1: That's the crazy part of it. So she's not paying

1202
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: the spousals, she's just giving me my money. But that's

1203
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: why I say there's a difference. It's one thing where

1204
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 1: you split assets in half. It's a whole other thing

1205
00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 1: where I am giving you a monthly allowance to support you.

1206
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: Now I settled, so I paid two lump sums. But

1207
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 1: I don't have to do that.

1208
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 4: Because that would piss me off every month seeing that

1209
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,200
Speaker 4: fucking that come that come out of my account and

1210
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 4: still having to think about this motherfucker here you go,

1211
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,279
Speaker 4: get the fuck about my face, and good riddan's good luck.

1212
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,400
Speaker 1: And that's what he he did me so and like

1213
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: a lot of the stuff I'm giving like a little

1214
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 1: bit more details to it, but it's public. But the

1215
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 1: first payment I gave to him, I titled it temporary

1216
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: leech money. And because you know when you sit in

1217
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: the bank, he filed emotion and wanted me sanctioned and

1218
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: wanted me to pay. We're saying that, and I'm like,

1219
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,600
Speaker 1: you get your money? Did you not get it on time?

1220
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:23,800
Speaker 5: No?

1221
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: He did, And nobody would have known that I did

1222
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 1: that if he had not publicly filed that. And I

1223
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you really want people to hate me,

1224
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 1: You want people to dislike me, and you thought that

1225
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: would happen.

1226
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, they call him leech. This is this

1227
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 2: is not making you look good. This could have been personally.

1228
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:47,960
Speaker 4: I was telling you personally that you're fucking le like

1229
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 4: I've told you in the past, but now you told everybody.

1230
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 2: Now everybody knows your lead. I know and you know.

1231
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 1: And I'm wondering, like when you go through a breakup,

1232
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 1: because back to something you said before of like how

1233
00:54:58,080 --> 00:54:59,720
Speaker 1: I look at marriage Like now I look at marriage

1234
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,960
Speaker 1: totally different. I don't know if I would ever get married.

1235
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 1: Every time I say that, my mom's like, please don't

1236
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: say that. And maybe I could with the right person,

1237
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: But I don't look at marriage what I have to

1238
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 1: the things that I want out of a significant other.

1239
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: To me, marriage doesn't have to be a part of that.

1240
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,959
Speaker 1: I want companionship, I want a partner, I want a friend.

1241
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 1: I want to make memories, I want to have experiences.

1242
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:26,680
Speaker 1: I don't need a marriage certificate for those things because

1243
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,759
Speaker 1: I had that and I had none of those things.

1244
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 1: But what was I gonna say when you guys come

1245
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: from a breakup? Because I'm find myself with doing this

1246
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:40,320
Speaker 1: to myself. All the stories that I'm telling you I

1247
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: can laugh about, but at the same time, I'm very

1248
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 1: hard on myself because I'm like, you chose that? Do

1249
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: you ever think about that? I have a lot of

1250
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: shame and I chose I didn't see it. I chose

1251
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:54,480
Speaker 1: somebody like that.

1252
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 4: I feel like, initially, yeah, I think it's healthy. I

1253
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:01,359
Speaker 4: think it's healthy self awareness. We're going to fuck up,

1254
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 4: We're going to make bad decisions. We're going to ignore

1255
00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 4: red flags at some point. But I think the opposite

1256
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 4: on the other end of that is, yes, you chose this,

1257
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 4: but in hindsight you have the awareness be like, this

1258
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 4: is where I fucked up, This is where I knew

1259
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:15,719
Speaker 4: that better, this is where I should have made a

1260
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 4: left turn, and now take that. Yes, but people fuck

1261
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 4: up and make choices, and you have to also, like

1262
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 4: you said, like there's so much programming for women, specifically

1263
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 4: about the expectations about marriage and what it's supposed to

1264
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 4: look like, and.

1265
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 2: Be like, Okay, well this is safe.

1266
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 4: This is a good guy, even though you're like, maybe

1267
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 4: I'm not hot in the pants for him, but like

1268
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 4: he's safe, and this is checking off on paper, and

1269
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 4: you know there's and not to mention everybody in America

1270
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:38,959
Speaker 4: is telling you do this shit.

1271
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 2: You know, it's probably a couple of perks over there too.

1272
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 2: But also give yourself grace. And this is for me too.

1273
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 2: I've fucked and been with a lot of Tomassenius.

1274
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 4: You know, I've done a lot of super shit and

1275
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,879
Speaker 4: I used to feel bad, but I think that I've

1276
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 4: given myself grace to be like, but look at what

1277
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 4: those relationships have led you to I am this version

1278
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 4: of myself now because I may I've allowed myself to

1279
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 4: make stupid decisions, probably based on my pussy, and now

1280
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 4: I can look at my partner and be like, you're

1281
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,920
Speaker 4: this relationship is a reflection of the mistakes I've made

1282
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:13,320
Speaker 4: and the lessons that I've learned, and I respect and

1283
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 4: love where I'm at, and I can see the growth.

1284
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 2: I can see the growth and the.

1285
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 4: Partner that I'm choosing now, and wow, that's great to

1286
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 4: look back and be like, you would have to drug

1287
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 4: me to fucking lay up with this other nigga, now

1288
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? So I can be like,

1289
00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 4: I can laugh at it and be like, yeah, it

1290
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 4: was a dumb bitch. And I also feel like there's

1291
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 4: a lot of dumb bitches who won't even who are

1292
00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 4: not even aware they're being dumb bitches, and they'll go

1293
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 4: choose the same nigga in a different skin suit.

1294
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:43,240
Speaker 3: I mean, but I also think, like those women, I've

1295
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 3: been that woman, even after having a horrible breakup and

1296
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 3: saying how did I Oh my god, these are all

1297
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 3: the red flags ignored for years, and then somehow I

1298
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 3: still choose a man that has similar qualities, and I've

1299
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 3: done that continuously since that first I guess like you

1300
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,280
Speaker 3: could say that marker that one person your yours is

1301
00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:03,880
Speaker 3: your marriage, mine is my baby daddy. And I think

1302
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 3: as maybe a married woman or someone that's been in

1303
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:09,479
Speaker 3: a relationship for a long time, we think that Okay,

1304
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 3: I've learned my lesson and I'm never gonna do that again.

1305
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 2: You will, I'm here to tell you you will. No,

1306
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 2: there's test. I think. I think those men are tests

1307
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 2: because there are the God.

1308
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 4: You'll do the work, you'll make some you'll do some healing.

1309
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 4: You'll be self aware. You'll be like you look back

1310
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 4: and be like I did this wrong.

1311
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 2: I did this wrong.

1312
00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:29,160
Speaker 4: But then there will always be someone that will come

1313
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 4: and test you, and God will be like, did you learn?

1314
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 4: And then you'll have the awareness because even those times

1315
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 4: I was like, I know I'm being a dumb bitch

1316
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:35,840
Speaker 4: right now.

1317
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 2: This is not my naked but I want to do

1318
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 2: this because it because it feels good. I feel like

1319
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 2: if you're actively.

1320
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 4: Being a dumb bitch and you're like, I know, I'm

1321
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 4: being a dumb bitch. This is a temporary thing. You're

1322
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:48,280
Speaker 4: doing it with the awareness of doing it.

1323
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

1324
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 4: It's like it's it's something to be said when you're

1325
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 4: like completely unaware and you're like in denial and you're like,

1326
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 4: he's gonna.

1327
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 2: Change, It's gonna be great.

1328
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 3: I think, like what I was gonna get to is

1329
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,320
Speaker 3: that I think that the lessons get shorter, you know,

1330
00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 3: like the like they do, they will, especially if it's

1331
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,160
Speaker 3: been traumatic, which it sounds like it has been, you

1332
00:59:07,320 --> 00:59:09,480
Speaker 3: might still choose similar men and like, I don't know,

1333
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've felt that way on your

1334
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 3: journey in dating, like where you've dated men and you're like, damn,

1335
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:15,480
Speaker 3: that was a red flag, but I still like went

1336
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:19,520
Speaker 3: for it, because fuck it, I'm consciously I'm consciously choosing

1337
00:59:19,600 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 3: it now because at least that is that is a

1338
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,360
Speaker 3: level of awareness that maybe you didn't have before, So

1339
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,000
Speaker 3: there is growth there even when you're being a stupid pitch.

1340
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 2: But I think that the lessons, they do get shorter.

1341
00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 3: But I think that it's a myth to think that

1342
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 3: after a divorce or after a serious relationship that suddenly

1343
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 3: you just start choosing the right one automatically. No, you

1344
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 3: have to you're now you're in the lesson. Now you're

1345
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 3: in the lesson and now you're a student of Okay,

1346
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 3: I now need to understand these red flags and understanding

1347
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 3: why I'm choosing them. What does that say about myself?

1348
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 3: What is this mirror that I'm seeing in these men

1349
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 3: that I'm.

1350
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 2: Choosing the cheater?

1351
00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 3: What is it because I don't like, I don't believe

1352
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 3: that a man can be like, can can value me

1353
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 3: in that way?

1354
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 2: Is it because like, actually.

1355
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:05,800
Speaker 3: My I have other needs that are not being like

1356
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,840
Speaker 3: you start seeing like the mirrors and in your choices,

1357
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 3: and you have to also take accountability.

1358
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: You know, I know, I know I'm running from it. Now.

1359
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that my therapist said to me right

1360
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 1: before I went to Europe, so a month ago, he said,

1361
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 1: I want to talk about your relationship to men. And

1362
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 1: I was like, I'll see you in twenty twenty six.

1363
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 2: I just now he's bringing up to you, and you said, no,

1364
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:26,080
Speaker 2: thank you. He said it now.

1365
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 1: He told me you have broken wings syndrome, and I like,

1366
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 1: you like broken men, you want to fix them. I

1367
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 1: want to fix I mean, I'm a Taurus. It is

1368
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,439
Speaker 1: women is just within this period black women even more.

1369
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:42,000
Speaker 1: And then I'm a Taurus. A Taurus as well, I'm

1370
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 1: a double tourist scorpioizing and a Scorpio rising, and I

1371
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 1: also am drawing a little bit of chaos like turists

1372
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:52,920
Speaker 1: and Scorpio was like, I have a lot of Scorpion

1373
01:00:52,920 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 1: on my chart. They're complete opposite and that's astrology.

1374
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 2: Just like you.

1375
01:00:56,680 --> 01:01:02,960
Speaker 1: You present calm, but you're very chaotic. And I cried

1376
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:05,640
Speaker 1: when she said it because I felt so seen, like

1377
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 1: I don't say that out loud because there's a perception

1378
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:12,479
Speaker 1: that people have and I and I just was like, wow,

1379
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 1: you just in two seconds cut me to my core

1380
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 1: because that's very true. So I'm drawn to some of

1381
01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 1: the chaos that is within a broken wing because it

1382
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 1: allows me, I guess, to feel connected and connected because

1383
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 1: that's what I feel internally. And I'm like, I don't yeah,

1384
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 1: And that's when he was like.

1385
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 4: We need to talk, and I was like, no, no,

1386
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:34,960
Speaker 4: we'll talk at twenty twenty six, not even when you

1387
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 4: come back. You said twenty twenty six, you said you

1388
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 4: try to have a hot girl summer.

1389
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 1: Let me be I'm having a good summer.

1390
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 3: Traveling is the best type of hot girl activities.

1391
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 4: You might consider getting on a dating app while you

1392
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 4: travel in Europe with the name Ray.

1393
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 1: I had full ray. I have full anxiety about getting

1394
01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 1: on a dating app a full first time I went

1395
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:59,880
Speaker 1: out out out post of Force, I had full anxiety

1396
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 1: because the ring is almost like it's like protection, and

1397
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 1: I didn't.

1398
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 2: Have my ring on.

1399
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 1: And it was like this rooftop party and it was

1400
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: like an all black party, which is also rare. I

1401
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 1: feel like in La and I remember I was like,

1402
01:02:16,120 --> 01:02:19,160
Speaker 1: oh my god, people can talk to me and I

1403
01:02:19,240 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 1: can't say I'm married, and I don't I don't want

1404
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: to say I have a boyfriend. And I just I

1405
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,760
Speaker 1: really just like sat down by myself when there there

1406
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 1: was no standing on top of the couch nothing. I

1407
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: just sat down and I was like, I'm scared that

1408
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 1: people are going to try to talk to me. I'm

1409
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:40,200
Speaker 1: past that now, but I just the apps, big crowds.

1410
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 1: I'm still like not fully there yet. Organically meeting somebody

1411
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: is the best way for me.

1412
01:02:46,440 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, was there any time in your relationship when you

1413
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 4: were at the all black party with your non black

1414
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 4: husband and like, damn, he.

1415
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:58,040
Speaker 1: Always pulled me in tighter, always like when there's.

1416
01:02:57,960 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 2: When there was when there was a lot of black

1417
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 2: men around, like com here this.

1418
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 1: Is my bit always like I could feel it because

1419
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,720
Speaker 1: the insecurity, and I felt sad for him because he

1420
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 1: also knew that I've only dated black ben and so

1421
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 1: in his mind it was like, well this is and

1422
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 1: he's He would say that to me a couple of times.

1423
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 1: Is this what you really want?

1424
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 3: Did you have to do to overcompensate when you were

1425
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 3: in those spaces, like to like make sure he felt secure?

1426
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 1: No, I didn't do that.

1427
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 2: But had he ever dated any black woman? Yeah? Okay,

1428
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 2: See that was important for me.

1429
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be his first black woman, but

1430
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 1: he for me seriously right, Like I might have gone

1431
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 1: on the date, but then I'd be like, nah, this is.

1432
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 2: For me at all.

1433
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:43,200
Speaker 4: You learn, baby, And you know what I also think

1434
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 4: about you going on the Bachelor at thirty one and

1435
01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:48,520
Speaker 4: getting out, you know, and going into a marriage right

1436
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,520
Speaker 4: after that thirty one, like twenty nine to thirty one

1437
01:03:51,720 --> 01:03:54,920
Speaker 4: is when you like you, there's a huge transition that

1438
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 4: happens in your womanhood. You become deeply like ten tones down,

1439
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 4: like ten toes down, and like secure in who you are.

1440
01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 4: I think your sexuality shifts and you become like sexually

1441
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 4: like activated in ways like I feel when I got

1442
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:10,600
Speaker 4: into my thirties, thirty one was like, oh oh here

1443
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:10,920
Speaker 4: I am.

1444
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 2: I felt so confident.

1445
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:13,680
Speaker 4: I mean I was also coming out of a breakup

1446
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:16,000
Speaker 4: I mean from my child's father at that time, and

1447
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:18,120
Speaker 4: like back in the streets and like owning that and

1448
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:20,840
Speaker 4: it felt really good. But I felt like finally, like

1449
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 4: the wisdom and like all the things click into place,

1450
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 4: so for you to be coming in like taking that

1451
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:30,800
Speaker 4: specifically that time and then getting married and now you're

1452
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 4: coming in on this side. Yeah, girl, I feel like

1453
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:35,320
Speaker 4: you don't have a real couple hot girl summers because

1454
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:39,200
Speaker 4: you're still like, you know, like thirty one.

1455
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 2: You know, you're coming back to the place you.

1456
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 4: Left off, and I think that's a really beautiful thing

1457
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,560
Speaker 4: and you should feel fucking activated.

1458
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 1: It's I feel really good. And then I'm like, should

1459
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: I be feeling this good? Yeah?

1460
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:51,600
Speaker 2: But I the right decision.

1461
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm more confused than I was before. Like I'm a

1462
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 1: person who likes to know exactly what I'm doing where

1463
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 1: I'm going. I have no idea what's gonna turn upside

1464
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:04,960
Speaker 1: down financially because of the divorce. I you know, with

1465
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 1: the divorce or even if it's not marriage, just long term.

1466
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:10,920
Speaker 1: You have planned your life out like this is what

1467
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:14,240
Speaker 1: it's gonna be, this is how with this person, this

1468
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 1: is where we're gonna live, We're gonna grow a family

1469
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:17,560
Speaker 1: in this way, and then all of that is taken

1470
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,880
Speaker 1: away from you. So you start over. So I've and

1471
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, at the beginning, I was confused and

1472
01:05:22,840 --> 01:05:25,959
Speaker 1: all of that, but now I'm like step excited about

1473
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 1: the unknown. And that's new for me because I like

1474
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:31,040
Speaker 1: to control so much.

1475
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:33,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, lean into that, lean into the unknown. I think

1476
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:35,400
Speaker 4: that's where like the magic happens.

1477
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:39,240
Speaker 3: Speaking of being in a good place and leaning into

1478
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 3: the unknown. We have a segramore time. It really a segment.

1479
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 3: We ask our guests to share an affirmation. Do you

1480
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 3: have an affirmation that maybe you can share with our audience.

1481
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: So it's changed recently. I went to a retreat. I'm like,

1482
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:56,040
Speaker 1: you just started searching for answers everywhere. So I'll go

1483
01:05:56,120 --> 01:05:59,080
Speaker 1: to this retreat, not retreat, but two bunch of palms,

1484
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:02,280
Speaker 1: and I love it there and they have the angel readings.

1485
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 1: And I've been before, but I had never done the

1486
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 1: angel reading. So I do the angel reading cards laid

1487
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 1: out and I pick two cards and The first card

1488
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 1: is Healing, and I look at my friend and she's like,

1489
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, I'm gonna cry because

1490
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 1: I was and this was a couple of months. This

1491
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,680
Speaker 1: is May, because I was just in this place where

1492
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm like, ah, do I let go of this?

1493
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:31,040
Speaker 1: Do I keep going? Like I just was feeling really

1494
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:35,160
Speaker 1: sad for someone, and I just and I kept everything,

1495
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:37,360
Speaker 1: kept saying, you need to start prioritizing yourself. I am

1496
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:41,960
Speaker 1: so quick to put everybody else. It feels very unnatural

1497
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 1: and selfish for me, and I need to be more

1498
01:06:43,960 --> 01:06:46,400
Speaker 1: selfish to put myself first. I'm like, how can I

1499
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:50,760
Speaker 1: help this person? As I get healing, and then the

1500
01:06:50,880 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: next one I get is Blessings, and the woman goes,

1501
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:58,360
Speaker 1: she looks at me and she goes, wow, you've really

1502
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 1: been going through it. If you can tell I loved

1503
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:04,640
Speaker 1: I cry once I started therapy. It's like I cry

1504
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 1: and I started crying. She was like, she goes, in

1505
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 1: an angel reading, there are angels that govern the cards.

1506
01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 1: There are only two cards that are under the angel Raphael,

1507
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:18,320
Speaker 1: and they are Healing and Blessings, and she goes, I

1508
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:22,000
Speaker 1: rarely have ever seen somebody pull both those cards in

1509
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 1: a reading. So she was like, I can tell you've

1510
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 1: been going through it, but I can tell whatever you're

1511
01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 1: going through, you're on the other side of it. It's

1512
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 1: like pushing a rock up a hill, a mountain, you're

1513
01:07:31,560 --> 01:07:34,200
Speaker 1: pushing it down. She goes, you need to prioritize yourself,

1514
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 1: and she said, there's a saying that is I am,

1515
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:41,240
Speaker 1: I am, and you need to start telling yourself that

1516
01:07:41,400 --> 01:07:45,680
Speaker 1: every day, every morning, praying to this angel and realizing

1517
01:07:45,760 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 1: the power that you have within yourself. You're gonna be okay.

1518
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:52,640
Speaker 1: You need to heal, you need to stop running away

1519
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:54,720
Speaker 1: from your sol I'm also a person who keeps himself

1520
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 1: busy because I don't want to be with my thoughts

1521
01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:00,240
Speaker 1: all the time. And I know that about myself. So

1522
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: all that to say it is I am, I Am,

1523
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:06,720
Speaker 1: I Am, I Am, I Am, I am.

1524
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 2: I love that. That's beautiful.

1525
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 3: Well, speaking of cards, I think it's terror tyme, let

1526
01:08:13,080 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 3: me pick a card for for us.

1527
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 2: Okay, the four of ones.

1528
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:29,599
Speaker 1: Okay, fo the magical number.

1529
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:33,639
Speaker 2: Look at the card that looks like very happily ever after.

1530
01:08:34,439 --> 01:08:38,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's two people black, I ad okay for anybody

1531
01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:45,040
Speaker 1: who doubts me in the future. Yeah, they look like

1532
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:47,280
Speaker 1: they're in front of a castle. They have to face

1533
01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:47,719
Speaker 1: the camera.

1534
01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 2: Beautiful, Okay, I'm ready to read it. Okay.

1535
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 4: The four of Wands is a card of joyful celebration,

1536
01:08:56,680 --> 01:09:00,160
Speaker 4: blissful happiness, and appreciation for good things in life. When

1537
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,120
Speaker 4: this court appeared in a tarot reading, it is the

1538
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:05,360
Speaker 4: perfect time to celebrate with those you love most. You

1539
01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:12,600
Speaker 4: may commemorate a significant event or milestone such as wedding, birthday, homecoming, reunion.

1540
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:12,759
Speaker 2: Or divorce.

1541
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:17,479
Speaker 4: Or you may invite a few of your favorite friends

1542
01:09:17,560 --> 01:09:20,080
Speaker 4: over for an intimate dinner for no particular reason. Expect

1543
01:09:20,120 --> 01:09:22,479
Speaker 4: to reveal in each other's company, Revel in each other's company,

1544
01:09:22,960 --> 01:09:26,000
Speaker 4: Relax and let your hair down. Enjoy this special time together.

1545
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:28,120
Speaker 4: The four A Wands can show you that you are

1546
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,880
Speaker 4: returning home or to the people in places familiar to you.

1547
01:09:31,479 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 2: Go a homegirl.

1548
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 4: You feel supported and secure knowing you are with those

1549
01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,400
Speaker 4: who love you and care about you. Because the for

1550
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:40,479
Speaker 4: e wants associates so closely with home environment, you may

1551
01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:43,360
Speaker 4: work on improving or renovating your house or close to

1552
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:46,280
Speaker 4: finding a new one. Perhaps you're recently purchased a home

1553
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:48,639
Speaker 4: and are getting ready to settle down in your new habitat.

1554
01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:51,000
Speaker 4: It tells you that after a period of rapid growth

1555
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:53,760
Speaker 4: and expansion the energy of the three of Wand's, it's

1556
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:54,920
Speaker 4: now time to pause and.

1557
01:09:54,960 --> 01:09:56,639
Speaker 2: Celebrate what you have achieved so far.

1558
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:59,000
Speaker 4: Step back for a moment and enjoy the fruits of

1559
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:02,040
Speaker 4: your labor, knowledge, your hard work, and give yourself permission

1560
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,519
Speaker 4: to take a small break before embarking on the next

1561
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:07,720
Speaker 4: phase of your journey. Oh, it's essential you observe these

1562
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 4: small milestones.

1563
01:10:10,080 --> 01:10:13,559
Speaker 1: Okay, the latter part is on point, the latter part

1564
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:15,960
Speaker 1: because I think you know all the stuff we've been

1565
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:19,679
Speaker 1: saying there. I mean when I talk about my divorce,

1566
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:23,000
Speaker 1: like there's negative but parts to it, but I have

1567
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:27,360
Speaker 1: seen the beauty in it, Like how I survived it

1568
01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 1: was family, friends, and just like community at the end

1569
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,040
Speaker 1: of the day, and people looking out for me. But

1570
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:38,160
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm so focused on trying to restore what I

1571
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 1: lost that I don't take time to focus on the

1572
01:10:41,520 --> 01:10:44,080
Speaker 1: little small things, Like I just got back from Europe,

1573
01:10:44,560 --> 01:10:46,320
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I'm talking about being

1574
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:49,240
Speaker 1: financially upside down, but I got to spend two weeks

1575
01:10:49,280 --> 01:10:51,720
Speaker 1: in Europe, and that's something that you know, we were

1576
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:54,280
Speaker 1: talking about before I manifested, I was able to go

1577
01:10:54,439 --> 01:10:58,160
Speaker 1: vir work. Everything was taken care of for me. I

1578
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:00,280
Speaker 1: had friends out there, I was able to stay for free.

1579
01:11:00,760 --> 01:11:03,800
Speaker 1: It was a very inexpensive trip, you know, and I

1580
01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:05,519
Speaker 1: feel like I came out a little bit on top

1581
01:11:05,560 --> 01:11:07,240
Speaker 1: of it and like that's a big thing for me,

1582
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 1: and I was able to network and grow and certain

1583
01:11:10,040 --> 01:11:12,080
Speaker 1: things that I think going to Europe is very healing,

1584
01:11:12,240 --> 01:11:13,800
Speaker 1: especially when you get in the water. I'm a big

1585
01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:17,400
Speaker 1: water scorpio water person, where I like just came back

1586
01:11:17,439 --> 01:11:21,080
Speaker 1: from Cabo, made new friends, a new place in Cabo

1587
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:24,320
Speaker 1: that I went, beautiful girl time experience. So I need

1588
01:11:24,400 --> 01:11:28,400
Speaker 1: to focus on those little things and stop maybe getting

1589
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:31,840
Speaker 1: anxious on what's ahead and what I've lost. So I've

1590
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:33,280
Speaker 1: I've I received that.

1591
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:35,880
Speaker 2: I haven't gratitude being present.

1592
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:37,719
Speaker 1: I am a yeah present.

1593
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:41,000
Speaker 4: It's hard, especially in this you know, this society. It's

1594
01:11:41,000 --> 01:11:42,680
Speaker 4: always like what's next? Is it a good enough or

1595
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:43,760
Speaker 4: good enough? For you're doing enough?

1596
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:45,720
Speaker 3: I think it's the society, and I think it's also

1597
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:48,519
Speaker 3: the work that we do in like this industry, working

1598
01:11:48,560 --> 01:11:50,680
Speaker 3: in entertainment, it's always like what's next, What's next?

1599
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 2: What's text?

1600
01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:52,519
Speaker 3: What are we talking about next we How are we

1601
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:53,960
Speaker 3: gonna stay relevant? How are we gonna stay on top?

1602
01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:55,040
Speaker 3: How are wenna make money next week?

1603
01:11:56,320 --> 01:11:59,000
Speaker 1: For sure? And everybody ask you, so, what's next? What

1604
01:11:59,040 --> 01:11:59,479
Speaker 1: do you have going on?

1605
01:12:00,160 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 3: And everyone has the perception of you too while you're

1606
01:12:02,479 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 3: doing so great, everything's so good.

1607
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:09,040
Speaker 2: Wow, you're really killing it, and you're like, Rachel, do

1608
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:09,599
Speaker 2: you want kids?

1609
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:14,400
Speaker 1: I do? I do, and it's it's I shouldn't even

1610
01:12:14,400 --> 01:12:16,800
Speaker 1: hesitate saying that I want kids, and I've always wanted kids.

1611
01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:19,320
Speaker 1: And when I hear a baby voice or I'm eating

1612
01:12:19,320 --> 01:12:21,320
Speaker 1: my nephews who are seven and ten, now I'm like,

1613
01:12:21,479 --> 01:12:25,639
Speaker 1: I want kids, but I don't know how I would

1614
01:12:25,680 --> 01:12:30,040
Speaker 1: go about it. I haven't really talked about what was

1615
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:32,600
Speaker 1: going on in my marriage with that because it was

1616
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:35,880
Speaker 1: so personal. But like people are like, oh, she wasn't trying,

1617
01:12:35,920 --> 01:12:38,080
Speaker 1: she's always partying, she was out. No, I actually was,

1618
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 1: but I now I'm forty. I froze my eggs right

1619
01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:46,240
Speaker 1: before the divorce, which I also should have been telling

1620
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:51,680
Speaker 1: not embryos. I only froze eggs, and he knew, oh right, like,

1621
01:12:51,760 --> 01:12:54,120
Speaker 1: oh your shit, Yeah, I didn't doctors like you want

1622
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:57,040
Speaker 1: to do embryos like no eggs, and there's a particular

1623
01:12:57,120 --> 01:13:01,360
Speaker 1: reason why I decided to do that, But I don't know.

1624
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:03,160
Speaker 1: I have a friend who just did it all by herself,

1625
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 1: which I so inspired. She chose, like went to a

1626
01:13:08,160 --> 01:13:08,720
Speaker 1: sperm bank.

1627
01:13:08,840 --> 01:13:10,719
Speaker 3: No, I know, I'm just I always wonder like women

1628
01:13:10,760 --> 01:13:12,880
Speaker 3: that choose. I get that, I get that you've chosen,

1629
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,400
Speaker 3: but it's a different thing once you have the kid.

1630
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:17,400
Speaker 3: You'd be like, because I've seen other women that have

1631
01:13:17,520 --> 01:13:19,200
Speaker 3: done that, I've been like, Fuck.

1632
01:13:19,360 --> 01:13:20,640
Speaker 1: That's what I think that would be me if I

1633
01:13:20,680 --> 01:13:24,080
Speaker 1: did that. Right, she did it, she her family, She's

1634
01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:27,200
Speaker 1: got plenty of family around, and so yes, for me,

1635
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:29,280
Speaker 1: I don't have family out here like that, So it

1636
01:13:29,320 --> 01:13:33,000
Speaker 1: would be a totally different experience to do it. But

1637
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:34,600
Speaker 1: I don't know what it looks like. But I do

1638
01:13:35,439 --> 01:13:39,800
Speaker 1: want kids, but I'm open to it being different. You know,

1639
01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm totally into dating somebody with children that I've been

1640
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:47,800
Speaker 1: dating somebody with kids since I was twenty five. I'm

1641
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:52,120
Speaker 1: into adopting if necessary. I'm into you know, maybe doing

1642
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:55,360
Speaker 1: it by myself whatever it maybe naturally, but yeah, I

1643
01:13:55,439 --> 01:13:56,080
Speaker 1: do want kids.

1644
01:13:56,400 --> 01:13:59,400
Speaker 4: Nice nice you should come on a retreat and I

1645
01:13:59,479 --> 01:14:01,320
Speaker 4: needed to Springs Retreat. But you should come onto the

1646
01:14:01,320 --> 01:14:02,280
Speaker 4: good vibe or treat with us.

1647
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:05,200
Speaker 2: I love it. Where do y'all do it? Costa Rica?

1648
01:14:05,320 --> 01:14:06,240
Speaker 2: The black side per too?

1649
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:09,240
Speaker 1: Vieho the black you mean like the black sand side

1650
01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:10,520
Speaker 1: or like the black people's.

1651
01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,320
Speaker 2: Both black sand and black people.

1652
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:15,280
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think that's the side that I went to.

1653
01:14:15,560 --> 01:14:18,800
Speaker 1: When I went, I don't know, I don't know where

1654
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:21,000
Speaker 1: else you would did you see black people? We were

1655
01:14:21,080 --> 01:14:23,960
Speaker 1: off We were at the what it was it was

1656
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:27,840
Speaker 1: literally my bachelorette party. We were on the side that

1657
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 1: nobody was there, like there was I can't even think

1658
01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:33,920
Speaker 1: of the hotel's name, but it was they We got

1659
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:37,080
Speaker 1: a discount because they were trying to they were trying

1660
01:14:37,120 --> 01:14:40,120
Speaker 1: people promote it, but nobody was around. We just were

1661
01:14:40,200 --> 01:14:41,920
Speaker 1: at the resort and we would leave.

1662
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:44,719
Speaker 2: It's like small town.

1663
01:14:46,479 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 1: Nothing was there, but we were on the black sand.

1664
01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:49,720
Speaker 1: I do know that.

1665
01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:52,560
Speaker 2: Okay, well you need to come with us, come on,

1666
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:55,640
Speaker 2: pack your bags, it's time ago. No. I think you

1667
01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:56,240
Speaker 2: would enjoy it.

1668
01:14:56,280 --> 01:14:57,760
Speaker 4: And I think this is like a pivotal time in

1669
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:00,040
Speaker 4: your life, you know, like just you know one I

1670
01:15:00,040 --> 01:15:01,160
Speaker 4: think about American eyes.

1671
01:15:01,200 --> 01:15:05,400
Speaker 2: We're good at uh ushering our friends to get out there.

1672
01:15:05,560 --> 01:15:07,000
Speaker 4: You know, we've this is what a lot of our

1673
01:15:07,040 --> 01:15:08,880
Speaker 4: show has been built on, Like we found each other

1674
01:15:08,960 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 4: at a pivotal moment in our lives, like not getting

1675
01:15:11,280 --> 01:15:13,080
Speaker 4: out of a marriage, but even getting out of relationship

1676
01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:14,800
Speaker 4: with their baby daddy, which if you think is a marriage,

1677
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:16,839
Speaker 4: because you're like this is We're gonna be a fucking unity.

1678
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,760
Speaker 4: We're gonna be a unit, We're gonna be a black

1679
01:15:18,840 --> 01:15:19,439
Speaker 4: love family.

1680
01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:20,599
Speaker 2: And it doesn't work out that way.

1681
01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:23,479
Speaker 4: And there's like a bit of like it's hesitation, it's fear,

1682
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:26,400
Speaker 4: it's stereotype, it's a bunch of shit, and there's a

1683
01:15:26,439 --> 01:15:28,400
Speaker 4: lot of you know, society tells you so much, but

1684
01:15:28,600 --> 01:15:31,960
Speaker 4: like it's such an empowering time to like be solo

1685
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:34,120
Speaker 4: and date and to make your own decisions and to

1686
01:15:34,240 --> 01:15:37,280
Speaker 4: heal and to do it intentionally, Like it's like being

1687
01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:40,559
Speaker 4: in your twenties with intention and wisdom.

1688
01:15:41,320 --> 01:15:44,960
Speaker 2: So it's like money and most importantly money, you know.

1689
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:48,040
Speaker 4: So I just think, like I'm just proud of you,

1690
01:15:48,160 --> 01:15:49,920
Speaker 4: and I think this is like just talk about it,

1691
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:53,360
Speaker 4: to be real about it. A lot of people always

1692
01:15:53,400 --> 01:15:57,479
Speaker 4: try to maintain like these perfected, perfect images, and it's

1693
01:15:57,560 --> 01:15:59,920
Speaker 4: just not real. It's just not relatable. It's not real beca.

1694
01:16:00,160 --> 01:16:03,240
Speaker 4: Everybody's going through some ship. It's the human experience. And

1695
01:16:03,520 --> 01:16:05,840
Speaker 4: I just think this is like a really beautiful time

1696
01:16:06,000 --> 01:16:08,120
Speaker 4: like that you're going to blossom and shift and figure

1697
01:16:08,160 --> 01:16:10,160
Speaker 4: all the shit out. It's going to land in place

1698
01:16:10,240 --> 01:16:12,240
Speaker 4: exactly how it's supposed to land. And I think like

1699
01:16:12,520 --> 01:16:15,960
Speaker 4: the retreat really helps, like just let you be free

1700
01:16:16,040 --> 01:16:18,960
Speaker 4: and a container that you could just like everything's okay,

1701
01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:20,439
Speaker 4: even if I don't know what's next.

1702
01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:24,439
Speaker 1: I love where's the retreat. It's the summer thirty first, Yeah,

1703
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:27,360
Speaker 1: two weeks, come on, Oh, I have family reunion.

1704
01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:30,360
Speaker 2: Another one, this one after that? Okay, there will send you.

1705
01:16:30,479 --> 01:16:33,240
Speaker 2: We'll send you there. Yes, keep you, I'll keep you abreast.

1706
01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:35,920
Speaker 2: Wait so before we get out of here, because then

1707
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:37,679
Speaker 2: we gotta get out of here. Just have a question

1708
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:41,599
Speaker 2: because now you're outside like Cardi B. Oh my god,

1709
01:16:41,600 --> 01:16:43,479
Speaker 2: I was listening to Cardi B's song today. Have you

1710
01:16:43,560 --> 01:16:44,519
Speaker 2: heard her song outside?

1711
01:16:45,479 --> 01:16:45,519
Speaker 1: It?

1712
01:16:45,680 --> 01:16:46,880
Speaker 2: Really? It really gets me going.

1713
01:16:47,040 --> 01:16:50,120
Speaker 1: She performed it in can it really she did a

1714
01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:50,880
Speaker 1: second before.

1715
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:52,320
Speaker 2: Let me let me just play it real quick. I

1716
01:16:52,360 --> 01:16:54,240
Speaker 2: don't think you're allowed to do that, Okay, don't do that.

1717
01:16:54,439 --> 01:16:54,639
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1718
01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:57,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I tell you that these niggas ain't shit,

1719
01:16:57,760 --> 01:17:01,560
Speaker 3: please believe me. Oh yeah I did outside them outside.

1720
01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:08,000
Speaker 2: Outside. Yeah, it's really getting me going. I love it.

1721
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:15,160
Speaker 3: I'm not single, but I will be outside. Okay, So

1722
01:17:15,240 --> 01:17:17,400
Speaker 3: since you're outside and you're dating, do you have any

1723
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:21,519
Speaker 3: horror stories that you can share, Any any exciting maybe

1724
01:17:22,080 --> 01:17:23,559
Speaker 3: European hotels that.

1725
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:26,040
Speaker 1: Are just horror stories.

1726
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:29,400
Speaker 3: I mean, horror is relative, but just some sexy tales,

1727
01:17:29,479 --> 01:17:32,719
Speaker 3: some sex tales, some sexy stories, some funny sex stories,

1728
01:17:33,360 --> 01:17:36,960
Speaker 3: anything that's happened in your newly single, post divorce life

1729
01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:43,599
Speaker 3: that maybe you feel my pro Oh, it's.

1730
01:17:43,479 --> 01:17:46,840
Speaker 1: Not that I don't feel like sharing. I don't have

1731
01:17:47,160 --> 01:17:50,280
Speaker 1: any crazy because because here's here's the thing with me,

1732
01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:55,800
Speaker 1: I'm a Taurus. So when I connect with you, I

1733
01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:58,880
Speaker 1: connect with you and it's very hard, and then I'm loyal.

1734
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:04,640
Speaker 1: I'm super loyal, so it's hard for me to like

1735
01:18:04,800 --> 01:18:07,120
Speaker 1: have multiple people, you know what I mean. Like and

1736
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:12,840
Speaker 1: maybe this age too. I don't know, but I'm trying

1737
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,640
Speaker 1: to think. Not a horror, I.

1738
01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:18,479
Speaker 3: Mean, horror is relative. My horror story last week was

1739
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:21,000
Speaker 3: me making love to my boyfriend and outside in the

1740
01:18:21,080 --> 01:18:24,200
Speaker 3: jungle and the birds, cooking and cock cok.

1741
01:18:24,400 --> 01:18:28,400
Speaker 2: You know, like horror's relative, it's just mostly empowering women

1742
01:18:28,479 --> 01:18:32,040
Speaker 2: to share, you know, stories around their pleasure, where they

1743
01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:35,519
Speaker 2: felt desirable, where they felt beautiful, where they felt like

1744
01:18:35,640 --> 01:18:36,120
Speaker 2: maybe they.

1745
01:18:36,040 --> 01:18:41,160
Speaker 4: Were sexually activated sexual maybe did some ship someone told

1746
01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:42,200
Speaker 4: you not to do and then you did it and

1747
01:18:42,280 --> 01:18:43,200
Speaker 4: you're like, oh, I love it here.

1748
01:18:44,520 --> 01:18:49,519
Speaker 1: I didn't do that, but I will say, well, if

1749
01:18:49,560 --> 01:18:52,800
Speaker 1: I had a horror, it is going on a date

1750
01:18:53,400 --> 01:18:58,000
Speaker 1: and then having to talk about the Bachelor, and then

1751
01:18:58,040 --> 01:19:00,880
Speaker 1: it came out, see the interest, and then the it's

1752
01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:03,320
Speaker 1: it's it's almost like you're being interviewed rather than on

1753
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:07,160
Speaker 1: a date, which is like my biggest fear. No, no,

1754
01:19:07,439 --> 01:19:12,120
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I hope not a beautiful like experience. Okay,

1755
01:19:12,200 --> 01:19:15,960
Speaker 1: So post divorce, all this supposed divorce, like I feel

1756
01:19:15,960 --> 01:19:21,320
Speaker 1: like when you said the twenties thing, I'm like, yes,

1757
01:19:21,560 --> 01:19:25,800
Speaker 1: that is me. But I wanted to find something that

1758
01:19:26,120 --> 01:19:30,040
Speaker 1: is totally separate from that life before and something new

1759
01:19:30,200 --> 01:19:31,680
Speaker 1: and that became skiing for me.

1760
01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:38,559
Speaker 2: I was, oh my god, I'm a sad diamond, black

1761
01:19:40,479 --> 01:19:41,200
Speaker 2: green circle.

1762
01:19:41,360 --> 01:19:44,240
Speaker 1: Well I'm new Okay, So I see for the first

1763
01:19:44,360 --> 01:19:46,960
Speaker 1: time in January and I fell in love with it.

1764
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:47,479
Speaker 2: It's amazing.

1765
01:19:47,479 --> 01:19:50,080
Speaker 1: And I was like, weirdly because my trainer kept saying,

1766
01:19:50,320 --> 01:19:52,920
Speaker 1: my instructor kept saying, it's harder for adults because you

1767
01:19:53,080 --> 01:19:56,080
Speaker 1: question every fear. But I'm I'm post divorce. I'm like

1768
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:58,120
Speaker 1: throwing myself off the mountain.

1769
01:19:58,960 --> 01:19:59,639
Speaker 2: You know what I've been through.

1770
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:02,800
Speaker 1: My instructor was like, so when we go to the top,

1771
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:04,160
Speaker 1: do you want to drink? And I go, are you

1772
01:20:04,320 --> 01:20:07,560
Speaker 1: fucking kidding me? And I'm like, I can drink and

1773
01:20:07,680 --> 01:20:09,679
Speaker 1: I do this shot girl.

1774
01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:11,120
Speaker 2: So I was like, yeah, let's.

1775
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:12,920
Speaker 1: Take a shot first thing in the morning, take a

1776
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:17,120
Speaker 1: shot shroom. I was like, are you kidding me?

1777
01:20:17,320 --> 01:20:18,880
Speaker 2: This is this is my sport.

1778
01:20:19,400 --> 01:20:23,360
Speaker 1: So I was. I became obsessed, like it is my thing,

1779
01:20:24,240 --> 01:20:28,120
Speaker 1: and I went like maybe five. I skied five times

1780
01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:33,479
Speaker 1: that last year, and this year I was like three times,

1781
01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:36,639
Speaker 1: five or six days. And then this year I went.

1782
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:40,280
Speaker 1: I spent a week in Aspen and I did a

1783
01:20:40,360 --> 01:20:42,720
Speaker 1: blue for the first time, it blues by myself because

1784
01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:45,599
Speaker 1: the weather was harder. He had me do a black

1785
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:47,600
Speaker 1: at the top and I was like, but I'm not

1786
01:20:47,640 --> 01:20:50,240
Speaker 1: afraid to fall and get back up. But he was like,

1787
01:20:50,320 --> 01:20:52,040
Speaker 1: what's your goal, and I was like, I'm just trying

1788
01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:55,559
Speaker 1: to get to Cloud nine and like ski with my friend.

1789
01:20:55,640 --> 01:20:56,120
Speaker 2: Like that's it.

1790
01:20:56,400 --> 01:20:58,160
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be I leisurely. I'm not trying to

1791
01:20:58,240 --> 01:21:00,840
Speaker 1: do the most and challenge myself. I'm not anywhere near there.

1792
01:21:01,320 --> 01:21:06,240
Speaker 1: But Aspen has become my happy place. So when I

1793
01:21:06,360 --> 01:21:08,040
Speaker 1: got to go, I went for like a week with

1794
01:21:08,160 --> 01:21:11,439
Speaker 1: the girls whatever. It's fun, always fun. I ended up

1795
01:21:11,479 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 1: going back. Surprisingly I did not know that, so to

1796
01:21:14,600 --> 01:21:17,280
Speaker 1: go back with a man. It's always a girl strip

1797
01:21:17,400 --> 01:21:19,960
Speaker 1: to go back with a man in my happy place.

1798
01:21:20,720 --> 01:21:24,000
Speaker 1: And like we didn't ski, but just like had like

1799
01:21:24,160 --> 01:21:29,520
Speaker 1: a couple of days and the cold and the mountains

1800
01:21:29,760 --> 01:21:31,519
Speaker 1: and then like I got to show you some of

1801
01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:35,880
Speaker 1: my favorite restaurants and eating places and Aspen and just

1802
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:39,800
Speaker 1: like taking hot baths together and just it was just

1803
01:21:39,880 --> 01:21:44,080
Speaker 1: like very romantic and just beautiful. And it was like

1804
01:21:44,880 --> 01:21:48,439
Speaker 1: my place post divorce, you know, not a cobble where

1805
01:21:48,479 --> 01:21:50,320
Speaker 1: I've been or even a year. It was like Aspen

1806
01:21:50,640 --> 01:21:53,800
Speaker 1: is my post divorce and I'm bringing this lovely man

1807
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:55,679
Speaker 1: here and we're having this amazing time together.

1808
01:21:56,160 --> 01:21:58,960
Speaker 4: I love that fucking in the snow is top notch.

1809
01:21:59,040 --> 01:22:02,160
Speaker 4: Make sure like Mariah and like hot tup time Machine.

1810
01:22:02,200 --> 01:22:05,320
Speaker 4: It's just like it's like Christmas, but it's Christmas unless

1811
01:22:05,360 --> 01:22:06,759
Speaker 4: you you unwrap those boxers.

1812
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:11,240
Speaker 1: Baby, it was a good time.

1813
01:22:11,320 --> 01:22:12,920
Speaker 4: Okay, Well we're also we're gonna put that on the

1814
01:22:12,920 --> 01:22:16,760
Speaker 4: schedule of retreat plus skiing and and you know what,

1815
01:22:16,880 --> 01:22:18,880
Speaker 4: if I always tell people, you're lucky that you got

1816
01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:21,320
Speaker 4: to go multiple times, like five days, that's what you

1817
01:22:21,439 --> 01:22:22,640
Speaker 4: need to do. If you go on a trip and

1818
01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:24,880
Speaker 4: you can ski like three times, you get good. That's

1819
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 4: how you get good, Like you go on five day stunts.

1820
01:22:27,960 --> 01:22:30,840
Speaker 4: You take one little fucking class and then you're gonna

1821
01:22:30,840 --> 01:22:31,880
Speaker 4: be black time in by no time.

1822
01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:33,880
Speaker 1: What I really want to do is get a group

1823
01:22:33,920 --> 01:22:37,840
Speaker 1: of people black people prefer yes together and get a

1824
01:22:37,920 --> 01:22:40,240
Speaker 1: place I love asthmen. It doesn't have to be I've.

1825
01:22:40,080 --> 01:22:41,160
Speaker 2: Never skied, I've never been.

1826
01:22:41,479 --> 01:22:44,240
Speaker 1: I love. Yeah, I've only been. I've done like Beaver

1827
01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:48,040
Speaker 1: Creek and Veil, But Aspen is it for me. Get

1828
01:22:48,080 --> 01:22:50,560
Speaker 1: a place. We rent it for like a month and

1829
01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:52,880
Speaker 1: it's so easy to go in and out and just

1830
01:22:52,960 --> 01:22:54,920
Speaker 1: go out and like we all go in on it,

1831
01:22:55,040 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I think that's what

1832
01:22:57,840 --> 01:22:59,800
Speaker 1: I would love to do so I can get sign me.

1833
01:23:00,240 --> 01:23:04,200
Speaker 1: You got too, volunteers, I'm ready to this point.

1834
01:23:05,120 --> 01:23:07,040
Speaker 2: This is mostly this is very important that we've discovered

1835
01:23:07,040 --> 01:23:07,320
Speaker 2: that you want.

1836
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:09,679
Speaker 3: It's also forced our kids to learn how to ski. Yeah,

1837
01:23:10,160 --> 01:23:11,680
Speaker 3: pushing them down mountains.

1838
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:13,599
Speaker 2: Maybe cursing them out. Can I take on their balance?

1839
01:23:13,640 --> 01:23:13,760
Speaker 4: I know.

1840
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:14,479
Speaker 2: I told my daughter.

1841
01:23:14,479 --> 01:23:15,840
Speaker 3: I was like, if you don't learn how to ski,

1842
01:23:15,880 --> 01:23:17,720
Speaker 3: you're out of this family. Like I don't know, Like

1843
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:20,559
Speaker 3: we're all skiers, my mom, me, my brother, like everyone

1844
01:23:20,640 --> 01:23:21,000
Speaker 3: we ski.

1845
01:23:21,240 --> 01:23:23,479
Speaker 1: That's so good though, I see these kids and they

1846
01:23:23,520 --> 01:23:25,600
Speaker 1: don't look like us when I love it.

1847
01:23:25,720 --> 01:23:27,479
Speaker 3: I love when I'm down on the slopes and if

1848
01:23:27,520 --> 01:23:30,000
Speaker 3: I could see if it's not too cold and everyone's covered,

1849
01:23:30,040 --> 01:23:30,200
Speaker 3: but you.

1850
01:23:30,280 --> 01:23:33,000
Speaker 4: See like one of us, and we'd be like mm hmmm.

1851
01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:37,120
Speaker 4: That it's also very Also, skiing is very expensive sport. Yeah,

1852
01:23:37,240 --> 01:23:39,680
Speaker 4: and it requires a lot of Like you got to

1853
01:23:39,760 --> 01:23:41,559
Speaker 4: carry your ship and stuff is heavy.

1854
01:23:41,920 --> 01:23:44,000
Speaker 3: So that's when you need a fucking jacuzzi after a

1855
01:23:44,040 --> 01:23:47,280
Speaker 3: long Yeah, those heavy ass boot whole culture.

1856
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:50,519
Speaker 1: But I like the culture of Like I would leave

1857
01:23:50,600 --> 01:23:52,599
Speaker 1: my friends, I would get on the bus, I would

1858
01:23:52,640 --> 01:23:54,760
Speaker 1: go to the mountain. I have my skis and have

1859
01:23:54,920 --> 01:23:55,559
Speaker 1: my boots.

1860
01:23:55,680 --> 01:23:57,160
Speaker 2: I like own little solos.

1861
01:23:57,560 --> 01:23:59,639
Speaker 4: Like it's so it's a solo sport because you can't

1862
01:23:59,640 --> 01:24:00,680
Speaker 4: really get go next to each other.

1863
01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:02,320
Speaker 2: We're gonna lose. You can't really talk and I don't

1864
01:24:02,320 --> 01:24:05,160
Speaker 2: want to wait for you and you just only take.

1865
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:07,240
Speaker 4: The shots together, which I did. You also notice you're

1866
01:24:07,240 --> 01:24:08,919
Speaker 4: getting really drunk because you're elevated.

1867
01:24:09,160 --> 01:24:09,439
Speaker 2: I did.

1868
01:24:09,840 --> 01:24:12,760
Speaker 1: It didn't hit me that like that. That doesn't hit

1869
01:24:12,880 --> 01:24:15,160
Speaker 1: me like that at all. Like I'm not bothered by

1870
01:24:15,720 --> 01:24:16,320
Speaker 1: the elevation.

1871
01:24:16,600 --> 01:24:18,479
Speaker 2: Okay, well, because it's the elevation will make you get

1872
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:19,080
Speaker 2: drunk fast.

1873
01:24:19,160 --> 01:24:22,360
Speaker 1: I did not. I probably it's a lot of stuff

1874
01:24:22,400 --> 01:24:25,759
Speaker 1: in Aspen and it doesn't bother me. Okay, it doesn't

1875
01:24:25,840 --> 01:24:26,639
Speaker 1: bother me at all.

1876
01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:29,639
Speaker 2: Well, shout out to the black women. That's ski. Actually,

1877
01:24:29,720 --> 01:24:31,439
Speaker 2: we had like made a we had made like a

1878
01:24:32,040 --> 01:24:34,320
Speaker 2: type form of it because we wanted to do a

1879
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:36,920
Speaker 2: ski retrieve and like, how many people can ski? Is

1880
01:24:37,000 --> 01:24:39,760
Speaker 2: it just as five of us? And we had a

1881
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:40,280
Speaker 2: lot of people.

1882
01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:43,360
Speaker 3: It was like some people were like I'll be waiting

1883
01:24:43,439 --> 01:24:45,200
Speaker 3: at like the ski lodge for you, sis, and the

1884
01:24:45,280 --> 01:24:46,720
Speaker 3: other one's like bit choppy on the mountain with you,

1885
01:24:47,600 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 3: And that's fine.

1886
01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:48,960
Speaker 2: We need we need both.

1887
01:24:49,479 --> 01:24:52,639
Speaker 1: People like, fine, grab the table so we can operate later.

1888
01:24:52,880 --> 01:24:54,040
Speaker 1: But I think you should.

1889
01:24:54,640 --> 01:24:57,040
Speaker 4: You know, we need Okay, this is another PSA announcement.

1890
01:24:57,240 --> 01:25:02,120
Speaker 4: We need a thin point black back Street street ski

1891
01:25:02,240 --> 01:25:04,760
Speaker 4: instructor to come with us to teach the girls so

1892
01:25:04,840 --> 01:25:06,680
Speaker 4: we could look at you and you can carry some

1893
01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:08,240
Speaker 4: stuff and also we can look at you.

1894
01:25:08,560 --> 01:25:09,800
Speaker 2: And that's what we need.

1895
01:25:09,960 --> 01:25:14,720
Speaker 1: I'll bring our I'm so serious about this. I I

1896
01:25:14,880 --> 01:25:16,599
Speaker 1: work out at Aloe and I was like, do y'all

1897
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:17,960
Speaker 1: do ski stuff? And I was like yes, And I

1898
01:25:18,040 --> 01:25:21,439
Speaker 1: was like, you should actually sponsor like a Black Girls

1899
01:25:21,520 --> 01:25:22,000
Speaker 1: ski tree.

1900
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:24,160
Speaker 2: That would be so good.

1901
01:25:24,320 --> 01:25:26,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, really want let's do it.

1902
01:25:27,280 --> 01:25:30,519
Speaker 2: And I take our tits out at the top. I

1903
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:35,080
Speaker 2: want to do a smoke a joints. I don't know

1904
01:25:35,080 --> 01:25:38,160
Speaker 2: about the dog so much. Every time I see her

1905
01:25:38,200 --> 01:25:40,559
Speaker 2: skiing videos, I'm like, why am I? Why are mys

1906
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:42,479
Speaker 2: on the top of the mountain? See those are goals.

1907
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm aspiring to be that good.

1908
01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:46,880
Speaker 2: Okay, no poles, you know what I mean. Like it's happening.

1909
01:25:47,000 --> 01:25:47,679
Speaker 2: It's already happening.

1910
01:25:47,720 --> 01:25:50,360
Speaker 3: Okay, So this winter when you see Rachelmila and I

1911
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:52,200
Speaker 3: on the top of the mountain.

1912
01:25:51,960 --> 01:25:55,240
Speaker 2: Topless with our joints. Don't don't see me, didn't warn you?

1913
01:25:58,040 --> 01:25:59,759
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Well, thank you so much for joining

1914
01:25:59,880 --> 01:26:02,840
Speaker 2: us coming on the show. Okay, where can our people

1915
01:26:02,880 --> 01:26:03,160
Speaker 2: find you?

1916
01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:08,000
Speaker 1: On all social media platforms at the t h e

1917
01:26:08,280 --> 01:26:12,240
Speaker 1: rach lindsay, I don't do anything on Twitter. I'm terrible

1918
01:26:12,280 --> 01:26:15,240
Speaker 1: at that. TikTok, I'm bad.

1919
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:15,479
Speaker 2: At that too.

1920
01:26:15,880 --> 01:26:20,240
Speaker 1: Instagram also Higher Learning. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday,

1921
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:23,920
Speaker 1: and then morally corrupt for all your Bravo NBC UNI things.

1922
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:26,599
Speaker 1: Those episodes drop on Tuesday and Fridays too.

1923
01:26:27,400 --> 01:26:29,880
Speaker 4: Shout out to our friend Van. Hey, Van, thanks for

1924
01:26:29,960 --> 01:26:32,599
Speaker 4: connecting it. One thing about Van is we're gonna ask

1925
01:26:32,680 --> 01:26:35,040
Speaker 4: him for a favor. Hey can you give a sign December?

1926
01:26:35,120 --> 01:26:35,720
Speaker 2: Hey, can you do this?

1927
01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:37,400
Speaker 1: He's so happy to do with them.

1928
01:26:37,479 --> 01:26:39,439
Speaker 3: He's so helpful, he's been so he's been so kind

1929
01:26:39,479 --> 01:26:41,200
Speaker 3: to us throughout our journey. He was like one of

1930
01:26:41,240 --> 01:26:43,439
Speaker 3: our first guests on the show and we like literally

1931
01:26:43,520 --> 01:26:45,080
Speaker 3: just send him a picture of us in our bras

1932
01:26:45,120 --> 01:26:45,479
Speaker 3: and we're like.

1933
01:26:45,760 --> 01:26:47,360
Speaker 2: Come on our show. And he was like, he's like,

1934
01:26:47,560 --> 01:26:49,240
Speaker 2: you think I want to come on here? This is

1935
01:26:49,400 --> 01:26:51,439
Speaker 2: He was like, do you me? This picture was kidding,

1936
01:26:51,479 --> 01:26:51,840
Speaker 2: but he was.

1937
01:26:53,320 --> 01:26:54,639
Speaker 3: And we were like, we were like, oh my god,

1938
01:26:54,840 --> 01:26:56,479
Speaker 3: we do too much fuck and he's like just kidding

1939
01:26:56,479 --> 01:26:58,160
Speaker 3: when we want me bare Okay.

1940
01:26:58,320 --> 01:27:00,000
Speaker 2: Came to the living room. We're like in the dining room.

1941
01:27:00,080 --> 01:27:01,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is one I was recording at my house,

1942
01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:03,800
Speaker 3: Like it came to my home. Like we're like maybe,

1943
01:27:03,840 --> 01:27:06,800
Speaker 3: like I don't know, twenty episodes into our show, Like yeah, so.

1944
01:27:06,920 --> 01:27:08,760
Speaker 1: He speaks so highly of you guys, so you come

1945
01:27:08,800 --> 01:27:10,360
Speaker 1: on our podcast and we love that.

1946
01:27:10,560 --> 01:27:12,400
Speaker 2: So yeah, we'd love to come back in for sure,

1947
01:27:12,600 --> 01:27:13,840
Speaker 2: we do. We'll go in person this time.

1948
01:27:14,040 --> 01:27:16,760
Speaker 3: Yes, Well, guys, hopefully you know where to find us.

1949
01:27:16,800 --> 01:27:19,200
Speaker 3: If you haven't downloaded this episode, download it please and

1950
01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:22,120
Speaker 3: also leave a comment or not a comment a review

1951
01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:25,120
Speaker 3: of our podcast if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

1952
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:28,000
Speaker 3: If you're not part of our YouTube tribe, make sure

1953
01:27:28,040 --> 01:27:30,519
Speaker 3: you go subscribe to us on YouTube. Check out The

1954
01:27:30,560 --> 01:27:33,240
Speaker 3: Good Vibe Retreat. We're going to Costa Rica July thirty

1955
01:27:33,280 --> 01:27:36,000
Speaker 3: first through August fifth, and August eighth through the thirteenth.

1956
01:27:36,280 --> 01:27:39,080
Speaker 3: We are releasing our twenty twenty sixth states soon, so

1957
01:27:39,280 --> 01:27:41,439
Speaker 3: make sure you join our newsletter be the first to

1958
01:27:41,479 --> 01:27:44,400
Speaker 3: find out because we always release our retreats to our

1959
01:27:44,439 --> 01:27:46,559
Speaker 3: newsletter first and maybe selling out there.

1960
01:27:48,800 --> 01:27:51,519
Speaker 2: And I love you, I love you, I love you,

1961
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:54,719
Speaker 2: I love you all right, love you guys, Thank you bye?

1962
01:27:55,880 --> 01:27:56,120
Speaker 1: Please?

1963
01:27:56,920 --> 01:27:59,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, been so good, can't you? Sale?

1964
01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:02,080
Speaker 5: And through a drought. That's until I found out, well

1965
01:28:02,200 --> 01:28:04,360
Speaker 5: maym have been known Earth that used to be broken.

1966
01:28:04,520 --> 01:28:07,280
Speaker 5: Taille now got the blues in to like Beyonce Jasell

1967
01:28:07,640 --> 01:28:09,160
Speaker 5: throat shot or pop in his cow.

1968
01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:10,080
Speaker 2: We're in our voices.

1969
01:28:10,240 --> 01:28:13,160
Speaker 5: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploit this. Women

1970
01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:15,240
Speaker 5: put the pee in power, so it's pointings.

1971
01:28:15,360 --> 01:28:17,960
Speaker 1: They want me to be good, so I make bad choices.

1972
01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:20,599
Speaker 2: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.

1973
01:28:20,720 --> 01:28:22,760
Speaker 2: It he's in on the cannabis in her.

1974
01:28:22,720 --> 01:28:25,880
Speaker 5: Bathbone walked in Bosts cap and I blew his cat balls.

1975
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:26,479
Speaker 2: Hot dog.

1976
01:28:26,640 --> 01:28:28,800
Speaker 1: Now I'm immune to the cat called her.

1977
01:28:28,760 --> 01:28:31,360
Speaker 5: Being a waisted straight to it like a dollar sign, mother,

1978
01:28:31,439 --> 01:28:31,960
Speaker 5: rent the lover.

1979
01:28:32,080 --> 01:28:34,200
Speaker 2: When to it is like a water sign where you're.

1980
01:28:34,080 --> 01:28:36,680
Speaker 5: Rent the winter essential will when the summertime. I do

1981
01:28:36,800 --> 01:28:38,800
Speaker 5: it all ain't know when that needs a running by