Speaker 1: Carola, She's afraid just no caral sound what of you, guys?
Speaker 1: I am so excited I have Jane Kramer on this
Speaker 1: episode of Get Real, Honest, Women, Honest Talk. Janna is
Speaker 1: such a force of nature. She is an actress. She
Speaker 1: was on One Tree Hill. She is a country star.
Speaker 1: She was on Dancing with the Stars and was a finalist.
Speaker 1: Now she has an incredible podcast called Wine Down with
Speaker 1: Janna Kramer, and her husband Mike is on it too.
Speaker 1: She is such just a force to be reckoned with.
Speaker 1: I love Jane so much. We talk about everything under
Speaker 1: the sun. We start this episode with some pretty exciting news,
Speaker 1: so you're gonna want to tune in and hear that,
Speaker 1: and then we just dive into her life, babies, miscarriage,
Speaker 1: the trauma of miscarrying, her marriage, how she and Mike
Speaker 1: have rebuilt it and are thriving, her podcast, her career, everything,
Speaker 1: how she makes it all work. And she's so honest
Speaker 1: and talks about everything just from her soul, so authentic.
Speaker 1: So y'all please welcome Janna Cramer. Hi, Jana Crane, Hi,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Um? Thing out of the what is it?
Speaker 1: The cat out of the cat out of the bag
Speaker 1: more like the dogs or the pen because it sounds
Speaker 1: like there's a racetrackup there's there's a racetracking on upstairs.
Speaker 1: But it's all good. If you guys hear feet all
Speaker 1: over the place, which I don't think you can, it's
Speaker 1: these tiny little york No, they're not Yorkism. I'm in
Speaker 1: town right now, staying at my girlfriend's house and she
Speaker 1: has two Boston Terriers, and I don't think there's very good.
Speaker 1: Um what's that called? And they run, they're like they're running.
Speaker 1: They're running the marathon right now, so they're doing the
Speaker 1: workout for us. But might I'll be able to hear it,
Speaker 1: but if you do, it's not thunder apologies. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: So the cat, the dogs out of the pan, the
Speaker 1: cattlet bag? What is it? Would you like to say
Speaker 1: it to the camera? Yes, let me share it, not
Speaker 1: the camera because it's crooked, but you know every can
Speaker 1: get around here. Okay, great, Um, not that, Caroline. Would
Speaker 1: you like to tell your listeners something if they didn't
Speaker 1: see it on Instagram? Okay, So breaking news, Yes, this
Speaker 1: has just spit announced. Um, Michael and I are pregnant
Speaker 1: with the girl. Oh my god. Yes, a little girl.
Speaker 1: I know. Michael was so cute because he was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh when he found out. He was like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to be the male influence in
Speaker 1: her life. Like you know, girls if they have daddy
Speaker 1: issues is from their dads. He's like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to give her daddy issues. And a hundred every single
Speaker 1: one of my issues came from my dad. Likes like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to be disciplinary and I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: be like her best friend and hang out with her
Speaker 1: all the time. I'm like, Okay, oh my gosh, wait,
Speaker 1: I don't know what did you do the blood work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Then everything came out great because about genetic testing, which
Speaker 1: you and I have talked about this before. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy. I think I
Speaker 1: had two chemical brannancies, but for sure one. So when
Speaker 1: was the last miscarriage was at what week? It was
Speaker 1: like six to eight weeks, like yeah, and so it was.
Speaker 1: I have had so much anxiety around this pregnancy, which
Speaker 1: is so crazy. I was talking to one of my
Speaker 1: good friends who's had two kids now and she had
Speaker 1: a miscarriage in between her Kristen, No, this is my
Speaker 1: friend of Texas, but also Kristin Brush. She yeah about
Speaker 1: this too, but it's just like she was like telling me,
Speaker 1: She's like, you'll never Unfortunately, You're just not going to
Speaker 1: be able to enjoy pregnancy like others might because you
Speaker 1: have this fear. You'll have this fear of miscarrying, and
Speaker 1: once you miscarry, it like it's it's traumatizing. It's hard.
Speaker 1: I mean, I remember when we talked when I did
Speaker 1: find I didn't know you were having a girl, but
Speaker 1: when I found out you're pregnant and you were we
Speaker 1: were talking about that because I've had obviously a couple
Speaker 1: of miscarriages, and I was just like I watched your
Speaker 1: video by the way that you posted your YouTube where
Speaker 1: you were I VF and you had done it, like
Speaker 1: you had gone through it and you had gotten pregnant
Speaker 1: and then it didn't didn't didn't work, and like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I was like crying with you because it
Speaker 1: was so emotional. Yeah, I mean, it was one of
Speaker 1: those things where I was like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I want to share it because it's not like I'm
Speaker 1: trying to I was not trying to get sympathy. I
Speaker 1: was not trying to do anything, even with the first
Speaker 1: one about this. I feel like they're starting to. I
Speaker 1: think they're starting to, but I feel like people, I
Speaker 1: feel like people talk about it after the fact, so
Speaker 1: like after they've been which is the same thing that
Speaker 1: I did with it, So after you know, I had
Speaker 1: the miscarriage, then I got pregnant, and then I finally
Speaker 1: shared Okay, I had a miscarriage before that, but I
Speaker 1: think in that moment, it's so hard to share that
Speaker 1: because you're just and I mean I did with the
Speaker 1: last one or two or four ja's because it was
Speaker 1: just like in that moment, I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know when I'm going to be able to post something
Speaker 1: happy on Instagram again, because this is just what happened.
Speaker 1: So that's when I shared the photo of losing that
Speaker 1: one baby. And then we tried IVF and then it's
Speaker 1: it's just hard and I turn her into a fog,
Speaker 1: like I was in a hole a fog for like
Speaker 1: eight months in the middle of like our pregnancy journey
Speaker 1: when I wasn't wasn't working miscarrying, like couldn't get pregnant
Speaker 1: chemical pregnancies, Like I just got sort of depressed because
Speaker 1: it's super hormonal too, and then just the imbalances that
Speaker 1: you go through. But for me, it was more like
Speaker 1: I go to I don't know how your hubby was,
Speaker 1: but like with Mike, like he was trying to be supportive,
Speaker 1: but I just like I go into a hole where
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is I'm the reason I'm a bad
Speaker 1: wife because I can't carry a baby and I'm a
Speaker 1: bad wife and mother, and like I'm not a good
Speaker 1: woman because I can't carry a child because I keep
Speaker 1: losing it. So like what's wrong with me? So I
Speaker 1: just went like real, like I attacked myself for like
Speaker 1: longest time. Is that what you did too? I that's
Speaker 1: when I started to realize it was actually I learned
Speaker 1: a lot during last year, which was like a just
Speaker 1: like a very hard season. Um. I learned that I
Speaker 1: had terrible self talk because I am so positive for
Speaker 1: everyone else and like I'm so quick you really are
Speaker 1: really positive for everybody. I can really find the great
Speaker 1: things about other people, but like with myself, like I
Speaker 1: did not realize how brutal I was for on myself
Speaker 1: and how hard I was on myself and how especially
Speaker 1: like ugly I talked to myself like I is that
Speaker 1: where you started doing the like basically like owning your
Speaker 1: skin of like how you looked in the classes and stuff.
Speaker 1: Is that I was at the start of I don't
Speaker 1: even know. Well. Actually, Michael Chandler, who owns Training Camp,
Speaker 1: which is an incredible gym, where I did my Fit Females,
Speaker 1: which anyone and naturally wants to get in great shape
Speaker 1: to do this six week program. It's called Fit Females. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think I saw that end of your Instagram. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do it again after I have this baby, because
Speaker 1: it got me the best shape in my life. But
Speaker 1: Michael Chandler is at three time m in, a world
Speaker 1: champion fighter, and so his and his wife Bree is incredible.
Speaker 1: They owned this gym together and they just talked to
Speaker 1: the cutest baby last year. Half um. They have so
Speaker 1: much on their plate and they're incredible people. But he
Speaker 1: always posted about self talk, and I said, I was
Speaker 1: like in his gym for six weeks and like I
Speaker 1: was bettering myself, and like he was always talking about
Speaker 1: self talk, and I just started like taking inventory of
Speaker 1: how I was speaking to myself. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just always beat myself up to pulp and like
Speaker 1: if I do anything that I offend someone, I think
Speaker 1: people hate me and I'll like spiral and I have
Speaker 1: to feel like I have to owe them my apologies
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life, like grovel on the floor.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so sorry. I can't get over things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I just feel like I've ruined something if I've
Speaker 1: made a mistake. But it's not even a mistake, it's
Speaker 1: just living. So where in your childhood is that? Like
Speaker 1: how old are you when you when you act that,
Speaker 1: like what happened in your childhood that causes you to
Speaker 1: because part of me thinks, have you done the angiogram?
Speaker 1: What's your number? Um with my ages? When I go
Speaker 1: back to you know, what's your number on the indiogram?
Speaker 1: Oh god, I can't remember. I really can't remember. We
Speaker 1: had a lady come on the podcast and do that,
Speaker 1: so I can't. I honestly can't remember. Okay, Well, I'm
Speaker 1: a four, which is like a romantic feels like it
Speaker 1: feels like they're just so unique that no one understands them,
Speaker 1: and like it's like almost dramatic all the time. So
Speaker 1: they're like fours are really creative, but like really emotional.
Speaker 1: So I think part of me is the way I'm wired,
Speaker 1: Like I'm so emotional like, and I have gotten a
Speaker 1: grip on it through lots of therapy and just growing
Speaker 1: up and understanding the world. But I will just I mean,
Speaker 1: I could spiral into a hole so fast it's easy too.
Speaker 1: But then, how are your hormones now, like being pregnant,
Speaker 1: I've actually I feel I told Michael the other day,
Speaker 1: and knock on wood, I'm like, I haven't been doing
Speaker 1: any self help for like the past like four months,
Speaker 1: which is normally I'm always reading some sort of help
Speaker 1: self help or posting things or like trying trying to
Speaker 1: better myself because I'm so trying to speak it into myself.
Speaker 1: I've been feeling really good. Maybe the hormones have really
Speaker 1: leveled you out. I don't feel lost right now. I
Speaker 1: will tell you what. When I was pregnant, like I
Speaker 1: even then the very beginning, I felt kind of hormonally crazy.
Speaker 1: But in the middle, I was just like, for some reason,
Speaker 1: like I usually have really bad anxiety, and then I
Speaker 1: didn't have any anxiety when I was pregnant. After I
Speaker 1: was pregnant, I got my bad anxiety again. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: But that's just you know, just be careful like after
Speaker 1: the baby, like you're the blues and stuff. So we're okay,
Speaker 1: So talk to me about your journey. When did you
Speaker 1: have you always had in siety or is that like
Speaker 1: after being a mom? Um? I got my anxiety post
Speaker 1: a bad relationship okay early on, Um, I was twenty.
Speaker 1: It was abusive relationship, so I became really like I
Speaker 1: don't want to well, long story short. He was the
Speaker 1: one that I married in Vegas when I was nineteen
Speaker 1: years old. Did a drive through I noon for two weeks.
Speaker 1: Super classic Janet Cramer love story. You know, I love
Speaker 1: that you're just like all in you know. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was a bad one to be all in on um.
Speaker 1: But no, he ended up going to jail for her
Speaker 1: attempted murder on me, and then he had a real
Speaker 1: long story. I tried to murder you? Yeah crazy? Did
Speaker 1: he have any like success? Like did he a woman alive?
Speaker 1: I mean, I know what did he like get? Did
Speaker 1: he really hurt you? And so the problem was where
Speaker 1: he had his Yes, he really did hurt me. He
Speaker 1: broke my ribs and I was black and blue. But god,
Speaker 1: he it's all good. I'm hello I'm good now, I
Speaker 1: know and look um but he um, he verbally said
Speaker 1: he was gonna try to kill me in a text message.
Speaker 1: That's how they got a premeditated attempted murderer. So that's what.
Speaker 1: And then then when he tried to do that, because
Speaker 1: he's like, that's what I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get my gun, I'm gonna it was I mean, let's
Speaker 1: just not go down that whole rabbit hole. But like
Speaker 1: long story short, you know, he went to jail and um,
Speaker 1: but that's where I got my PTSD from. So that's
Speaker 1: where I had a really bad anxiety. Away from him,
Speaker 1: well he passed away. Oh my gosh. He committed suicide
Speaker 1: after he got out a prison. Oh my gosh. I
Speaker 1: was just like because it's just like lightening even wow. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that is a start. So that's where I got
Speaker 1: my anxiety. So any time I ever feel because he
Speaker 1: was like, you know, on top of me, choking me.
Speaker 1: So anytime I feel trapped or I just I go
Speaker 1: into like massive anxiety. And bless my husband, like he
Speaker 1: doesn't understand anxiety, and so he thinks it's all mental
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have any anxiety zero great zero and
Speaker 1: oh my god would have been amazing. What a life,
Speaker 1: I know. But he but he thinks it's mentally. He's like,
Speaker 1: tell you, you're telling yourself you're anxiety and like, no, no,
Speaker 1: you don't understand, like you may think I'm crazy or
Speaker 1: I'm acting crazy. I was like, I wish I could
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I'm just snap out of it. Like
Speaker 1: you can't just snap out of it. But after having
Speaker 1: my son, my anxiety came back really bad because I
Speaker 1: think it was just being out of the house and
Speaker 1: like he's so little, like you'll have that where you
Speaker 1: just like have that like mom pole that mom anxiety,
Speaker 1: or like I just I can't leave the house, but
Speaker 1: you have to just slow. Like my girlfriend's Beth Katherine
Speaker 1: Rachel all came in town and I was sitting at
Speaker 1: dinner and they're like, are you okay? And I was
Speaker 1: like and there's like, no, girls, I'm sorry, like I
Speaker 1: am having a panic attack. I want to go home.
Speaker 1: And they're like, just like, breathe, You're okay, And all
Speaker 1: of them are moms so they could help you through it.
Speaker 1: And I mean I ended up like breathing through it
Speaker 1: and had like down to the bottle of sprite because
Speaker 1: I was like, I think I'm just dizzy and like
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I don't know, I haven't slept in linking
Speaker 1: ages but um but yeah, no, it's just like it's
Speaker 1: you know, you just have to be like just really
Speaker 1: watch your hormones afterwards, because I think what your husbands
Speaker 1: don't realize and what we don't realize is you know,
Speaker 1: when the baby's out, it's like, oh, you're back to normal.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, you're not. Like your hormones are like
Speaker 1: they're still here. It takes a year to get back
Speaker 1: to your normal hormones and now you have a life
Speaker 1: that you're fullers. Yeah, well or so I couldn't even
Speaker 1: a mad baby. You've got a career. I mean you
Speaker 1: can't just like stop what you're doing. I mean we're self,
Speaker 1: we're bosses. Know I'm attempted, you're a boss. We're a boss.
Speaker 1: So it's like we have to you know, we we
Speaker 1: don't get time off. That's the thing. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you don't have a break, and like no, like I
Speaker 1: I have, I can't. So you have two kids, speaking
Speaker 1: of boss, like two kids? Okay, I was actually stalking
Speaker 1: earlier today. I started, you know what, I started watching
Speaker 1: One Tree Hill a little bit you did, because I
Speaker 1: wanted to know what everything is about, Like a wow,
Speaker 1: that's funny. And your character was like what a role.
Speaker 1: She was a hot mess. But I mean so many
Speaker 1: think she attempted suicide and heard the bats. He felt
Speaker 1: so sad. You know, I felt bad for her, But
Speaker 1: she's she's awesome. She was a character. She was fun
Speaker 1: because she was complex, Like she came in. Everyone hated her,
Speaker 1: but then like she yeah, yeah, so she came in
Speaker 1: and she shook the town. She just came in like
Speaker 1: just being like this real alcoholic drug addict in which
Speaker 1: I've never been drunk before. I've never touched a drug.
Speaker 1: So it's very like you've never been drunk before. And
Speaker 1: has started laughing in the other room. But I swear
Speaker 1: to you, I've never have yourn tipsy. So like just
Speaker 1: I'm like that he was laughing at me. I'm like
Speaker 1: described tipsy. Okay, I never had the spins. Okay. Um,
Speaker 1: tipsy to me is like I can wind like I'm
Speaker 1: wine happy right now. Okay, So like tipsy to me
Speaker 1: is where I'm not really a good drinker because I
Speaker 1: literally will get like how though you're on a bus
Speaker 1: with like a bunch of dudes, still travel with the
Speaker 1: boys and stuff. Yeah yeah, I mean I've just never
Speaker 1: really been a great drinker. So like if I um,
Speaker 1: I kind of usually missed the tipsy face and then
Speaker 1: I'll end up drunk and then I'm like asleep or
Speaker 1: crying or yeah, so like I don't know, like tipsy,
Speaker 1: I never get to that like happy place because like
Speaker 1: if I feel like I have to, like everyone's drinking,
Speaker 1: I feel like pressure to drink. Then I feel like
Speaker 1: I can't do it. It's like too much pressure, like
Speaker 1: game time pressure, Like I just like croak. I need
Speaker 1: to be like at a restaurant with friends having Martini's
Speaker 1: and having some wine and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I'll just be drinking drink and drink and then I
Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm dancing and laughing. But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like you've always been like a very happy, happy,
Speaker 1: happy drinker. Me or all of my emotions come out
Speaker 1: and it's like a whirlpool. But I, however, your emotion
Speaker 1: has been there with the baby like good really, so
Speaker 1: I think you've truly evened out. Yes, I do think so,
Speaker 1: because I don't. I really like the self help has
Speaker 1: not been when you told me that. Have you interviewed
Speaker 1: Sarah Bryce Lee Bryce's wife. Okay, she's amazing. She's one
Speaker 1: of my dear friends. And she told me too, she's
Speaker 1: like her anxiety, her emotions like leveled out during pregnancy.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what it is sometimes like And
Speaker 1: for me to like it helped with the hormones, isn't
Speaker 1: that crazy? Because like I would look at you and
Speaker 1: you think, like, how could you possibly have anxiety? Because
Speaker 1: like all the things you're eight, you're stunning, dropped in
Speaker 1: Gordon's probably one of the most beautiful people up and
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, well that's just the truth. And so
Speaker 1: but then you have a great husband who y'all have
Speaker 1: like really like Workshall's marriage out, Like I have loved
Speaker 1: watching your journey, like y'all's evolution and y'all's like fight
Speaker 1: for your marriage and how beautiful it is is amazing,
Speaker 1: two beautiful kids. You were like fourth place on Dancing
Speaker 1: with This Are you have a great music career? Oh?
Speaker 1: Come on, you have like you won and Best News
Speaker 1: and then from a record label. That's how the music
Speaker 1: industry works, you know, But then like and then what
Speaker 1: then you're not in the charts? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like even you're down, does that affect you when like
Speaker 1: you win Best New Female, you have like a smash,
Speaker 1: like Why you Wanted that was like the biggest song
Speaker 1: ever we Got the Boy? Like and god, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I Got the Boy was They were both top three,
Speaker 1: They're both platinum selling singles. And then how does that
Speaker 1: go from being like the hottest thing to hit country
Speaker 1: music to getting dropped? Like how does that happen? Because
Speaker 1: two singles later, so after Got the Boy, the last
Speaker 1: two singles didn't chart well, and then they're like moving on,
Speaker 1: but yet, but yet Warner, Sorry, but yet my label,
Speaker 1: but last label has kept the four guys that have
Speaker 1: not even come close to charting the same that I charted,
Speaker 1: have come close to selling the records that I sold
Speaker 1: to have come close to any of the sponsors. Like, so,
Speaker 1: I'm like, but yet you keep yet they're still on
Speaker 1: the roster and they haven't charted. So I'm like, but yeah,
Speaker 1: you dropped me after I failed. No, I didn't fail.
Speaker 1: I did my part, you know what I mean? So,
Speaker 1: but so I'm like okay, but yet you keep them
Speaker 1: and you don't give me the opportunities. So that's it's frustrating.
Speaker 1: That is like a big question in Nashville. It's like
Speaker 1: you can be the biggest thing, have these huge hits,
Speaker 1: and then like, oh, well, I mean you're I mean
Speaker 1: your husband right, their bands are they are they resigned
Speaker 1: there in the middle of working okay, yeah, and so
Speaker 1: they just made a new album with davidov and it's
Speaker 1: all great, but it's like you have to keep going hardcore,
Speaker 1: you know, and that's the thing that you like, here's
Speaker 1: the thing like with the with kind of country music,
Speaker 1: they were always like you have to be in one thing.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to just be in one box.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not just a one box artist. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I'm just like I want to do like so many
Speaker 1: different things. So it's like that's why like I'm rooting
Speaker 1: for like Lindsay Owl and those girls because I'm like
Speaker 1: those like she's the definition of like working her ass off.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's been working ass off forever forever, And
Speaker 1: I'm like and I'm like, you know what, Like that's
Speaker 1: why she'll win and why I won't. At the end,
Speaker 1: of the day win and cut your radio because I
Speaker 1: just was like, I I can't do it anymore, like
Speaker 1: come and like when she's like I have nothing else
Speaker 1: but this, and like this is what I'm like, and
Speaker 1: she's on my amazing like and that's and that's and
Speaker 1: that's where like my downfall is because I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm just gonna go do something else, so that
Speaker 1: that's not really great like if I sometimes I think
Speaker 1: about them, like, Okay, maybe it's not good to have
Speaker 1: your eggs in like different baskets because then it's like
Speaker 1: you're not really putting percent into it. But I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm like, how many more free shows at radio play?
Speaker 1: How many more free like until I'm just like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not charting, Like what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 1: To see? I don't think that it's wrong to put
Speaker 1: your eggs in different baskets if you have other baskets
Speaker 1: that you're really good at, because like, honestly, look at
Speaker 1: Mandy Moore. To me, she's like one of the most
Speaker 1: amazing examples of having a great career in music and
Speaker 1: then stalling out like forever where does she go to music?
Speaker 1: Who knows? And then she comes out and this is
Speaker 1: us what she still like works for music and singing
Speaker 1: into that career. Yeah, you know, I just feel like
Speaker 1: if you have the ability to be an actress, if
Speaker 1: you have the ability to use your voice like you
Speaker 1: do in a podcast, like if you're really talented in
Speaker 1: other areas, I think they'll all come together as long
Speaker 1: as you're still working, you know, like in hustling and
Speaker 1: trying hard. I think it's when you just throw in
Speaker 1: the towel and everything. It's like that's when it's probably
Speaker 1: not gonna happen. But you have not thrown in the towel.
Speaker 1: You're kicking ass. No, I mean, I'm still like and
Speaker 1: you know, I've just released a single and so like
Speaker 1: I'm doing like I'm still doing things that I love,
Speaker 1: Like I still love music. I still but I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I know, I know I can be like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: never going to chart again because that's just not like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm never gonna get signed again. I'm thirty five
Speaker 1: years old, thirty five year old female. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to get signed again. Like it's you know, and it
Speaker 1: is what it is. But I know that I've made
Speaker 1: some great fans along the way, and I'm I'm excited,
Speaker 1: you know, for to be able to do like different
Speaker 1: things on my journey and what I'm doing now with
Speaker 1: my husband and like what we're creating. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: about that. Talk to me about that. Tell to me
Speaker 1: how the podcast came about. Well, the podcast is so
Speaker 1: much fun. I wind the child wind down, yes, um,
Speaker 1: and my husband's not my co host. And it started
Speaker 1: off just me and another girl, and when Michael would
Speaker 1: come on the show, it was like the show would
Speaker 1: do good. It was good. But then like when Mike
Speaker 1: came out, like guy, girls really want to hear a
Speaker 1: guy's perspective, and he's got such a cool, chill, laid
Speaker 1: back personality and so happy it seems all the time.
Speaker 1: I mean, but he'll like, yeah, no, totally him Like
Speaker 1: I mean, not like all the time, but um no,
Speaker 1: but he's just he's great, Like he's a good balance.
Speaker 1: And then I bring my friend Sarah um becoustic on
Speaker 1: the show sometimes too, and so it's it's good, like
Speaker 1: it's a good blend and we have a like it's
Speaker 1: been therapy for us talking about Yeah, well, I mean
Speaker 1: we've gotten into it a couple of times on the
Speaker 1: show one time you wrote an apology to him. Liked
Speaker 1: because you well, because sometimes I'm sometimes I'm too sarcastic sometimes. Okay,
Speaker 1: now I'll say this, I'm sarcastic, and some people don't
Speaker 1: know that. I'm like kidding. So then they're like, you're
Speaker 1: always so hard in your husband, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: that's just like how I talk. But then sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: passive too, and it's not okay to be passive when
Speaker 1: I actually have something underlying, underlying meanings, there's like a truth,
Speaker 1: a little truth. So sometimes then the perfect storm is
Speaker 1: I'm passive and I'm sarcastic, and that's just not nice. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that was nice of you to call yourself out.
Speaker 1: Thanks what had um? I basically he were you don't
Speaker 1: have to relive any of it. No, it's okay. It
Speaker 1: was we had a what are those things called? Uh?
Speaker 1: Were they marry different wives? Sister wife, sister wife? So
Speaker 1: we had a sister wife couple on the show um
Speaker 1: and he basically said that he believes in monogamy, and
Speaker 1: I was like, do you and so is not very nice,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And so it was just
Speaker 1: like he's just like yes, I do. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: how can you say that when like, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean so and y'all like you said you have
Speaker 1: done so much work on your marriage, like you don't
Speaker 1: want to. I was like, I didn't need to say that.
Speaker 1: I know, you know, I think I was being joking,
Speaker 1: But then really I was like, no, actually I wasn't
Speaker 1: joking because it was like I got triggered with them,
Speaker 1: like well then if you believe that, then why did
Speaker 1: you do this? So it was just one of those
Speaker 1: where I was like, that was rude of me and
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said it
Speaker 1: like that. And then people are like, well, why would
Speaker 1: you apologize if he did this? I was like, because
Speaker 1: I still have a partner too, Like he's doing his part,
Speaker 1: like I have to do my part too, not to
Speaker 1: like drag him through them on every like two seconds.
Speaker 1: I was freaking love that and respect that, and I
Speaker 1: think that that's so awesome and a mature relationship because
Speaker 1: something I've learned about marriage after being married. We're gonna
Speaker 1: be married five years and and we're going together like
Speaker 1: eleven years, almost ten years, and we've grown so much,
Speaker 1: like from being immature kids, to breaking up to all
Speaker 1: sorts of things, and I've just realized, like you really
Speaker 1: have to assume the best in your partner, let them grow,
Speaker 1: and let yourself grow and not go backwards. What is
Speaker 1: y'all's biggest issue? You think, I mean, knock on wood again,
Speaker 1: like you not fight to a good place. But we've
Speaker 1: been together for ten years, so you guys had your
Speaker 1: like that you confide about, Oh my god, thought about
Speaker 1: we've broken up about like I moved to Austin for
Speaker 1: a year. We dated tons of other people. I used
Speaker 1: to be a hot mess, Like I used to be
Speaker 1: so worried about dating like a musician and not having
Speaker 1: security and not think. I remember having that conversation with
Speaker 1: you because I was dating someone else and y'all were
Speaker 1: at our house, remember, and you're like, I think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get back together with them, but I don't know,
Speaker 1: Like I was so worried about this, like the insecure lifestyle.
Speaker 1: And then I thought he partied too hard and I
Speaker 1: just was always trying to make him into something that
Speaker 1: I thought was like more stable. When so then I
Speaker 1: like we broke up and I started dating some people
Speaker 1: that I thought were more stable and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is torture for me. I would rather live this
Speaker 1: creative lifestyle, trust in our talents and our drive and
Speaker 1: just like believing in each other and just like let
Speaker 1: the wave ride and now look at you, guys, I
Speaker 1: will say, like we have really gotten to a great place.
Speaker 1: And like the first year marriage is really hard. Like
Speaker 1: I had a really hard time with the first year
Speaker 1: of marriage just adjusting. And he was on the road
Speaker 1: all the time. He had three gorgeous backup singers that
Speaker 1: were living with them, and I was like kind of
Speaker 1: insecure because we eloped we'd been married four months, and
Speaker 1: then he was like on the road. They had a
Speaker 1: huge number one hit. He had three gorgeous backups who
Speaker 1: were great friends of mine. But I just was like
Speaker 1: coming off of the dating scene and I had like
Speaker 1: just insecurities. So that was hard for me to just
Speaker 1: get comfortable with. But then you get used to it
Speaker 1: all on your It's like girls travel with guys in
Speaker 1: their band, right. But I just had to get my
Speaker 1: trust back and I had to trust that we were
Speaker 1: really I mean just I don't know, doing this forever.
Speaker 1: Doing something forever is like legit. Well yeah, and then
Speaker 1: I mean gos should think about like even the next
Speaker 1: ten year. It's like you're going to grow so much more,
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn so much more, and now you're gonna
Speaker 1: have kids along the way. How many kids do you want?
Speaker 1: I mean definitely one, definitely one. Um, two would be
Speaker 1: the two. I don't know, what are you most scared
Speaker 1: about being a mom? Um m hmm. I am scared
Speaker 1: about some of them getting hurt, hurt physically emotionally, not
Speaker 1: as much emotionally because I feel like, Okay, I feel
Speaker 1: like I've been through so much stuff in my own
Speaker 1: head that like I'm gonna hope in my mind, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be so ready to talk everything out
Speaker 1: with my daughter where I'm like here for her, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have ence. But I know when I get there,
Speaker 1: I'm sure they're a totally different story the same thing.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm like I've lived it, and like now
Speaker 1: I have this like plethora of information to help her
Speaker 1: become her she wants to be. See, I know, like
Speaker 1: here at who Then she becomes like a three nager
Speaker 1: and you're just like, just what is it like having
Speaker 1: a three nager? She's tough? Man? Yeah, she's even just
Speaker 1: like even in the car, like Michael and I were saying,
Speaker 1: she's like Mama, no step And I was just like,
Speaker 1: who are you? Like I birthed you, be nice to me,
Speaker 1: Like be nice? What is your biggest fear as a parent? Um? Like,
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna mess them up. I already know that.
Speaker 1: Like I know they're going to have to go to
Speaker 1: therapy at some point because I did something. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're going to be too loving, not loving and not
Speaker 1: I'll never not be loving enough. I mean they're gonna
Speaker 1: be too overbearing to um strict one something that messes
Speaker 1: them up from this, Like, you know, I even't made
Speaker 1: a mistake. The other day like, um, I was talking
Speaker 1: to this nutritionalist who came on our podcast and I said,
Speaker 1: you know I occasionally, not occasionally, I I've created this
Speaker 1: bad habit of weighing myself. And no, You're like, I'm
Speaker 1: a fact. Well no, it's just it's a long story,
Speaker 1: but it's it was something that like I could control.
Speaker 1: So it was like, do you have body dysmorphia? No, okay,
Speaker 1: I have a number dysmorphia, Like you needed to be
Speaker 1: a certain number of a bad day terrible, Like the
Speaker 1: number will what if it's like half a pound or
Speaker 1: pound off, doesn't matter, it will ruin my dad, And
Speaker 1: you keep putting yourself through this. Well, so I'm slowly
Speaker 1: getting out of it now. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm getting
Speaker 1: out of or now. But I used to have that too,
Speaker 1: and I used to think to diet pills and have
Speaker 1: all also see that's the thing, like I wouldn't like
Speaker 1: I'm not a diet no, Like it's just it's just
Speaker 1: the you need the number because that means that what
Speaker 1: does that mean to you? But I'm good enough. I
Speaker 1: get that. So is your biggest struggle? But then you're
Speaker 1: not enough always? Where did that come from? Dad? Dad? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Always dad, Dad. We're good now though, okay yeah, but
Speaker 1: nutritionist came on. So she came on and it was
Speaker 1: just like, for example, I never would have thought this,
Speaker 1: but like she had saw me weighing myself in time,
Speaker 1: She's like my turn. I was like, yeah, go ahead,
Speaker 1: But just that moment her getting on there, it was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I just taught her to get on
Speaker 1: the scale, like even though I didn't tell her too,
Speaker 1: but she saw me doing it, and now I was
Speaker 1: going to be like wants to do it even though
Speaker 1: she just has no idea what it is and things
Speaker 1: it's like pretty and like a little lights going on
Speaker 1: or whatever. But like then now she's gonna like associated
Speaker 1: scale and it's like so I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: Like so I'm like, somehow I will mess her up.
Speaker 1: So I think of my biggest fear is where is
Speaker 1: it going to like mess her up that she's gonna
Speaker 1: have to? Like do you ever worry that she's going
Speaker 1: to feel like she's in your shadow? Because you're such
Speaker 1: an exceptional persons, think an exceptional female. I think I
Speaker 1: think I'm praying she'll be like excited to be like
Speaker 1: independent and like work for everything that you know she's
Speaker 1: what if it's hard for because you're so beautiful, you're
Speaker 1: so talented. I mean she's going to be ten million,
Speaker 1: goodzillion times more beautiful, which is beauty and pretty in
Speaker 1: a French French? Yeah, I know. Do you know your
Speaker 1: girl's name? No, we're still trying to, okay, narrow it down.
Speaker 1: Did you know before you had your babies you did?
Speaker 1: How did you come up with them? Um? Jolie was
Speaker 1: a name that I always loved and then Jason actually
Speaker 1: came from my friend Sarah Bryce. Again. She has her
Speaker 1: kid's names are always like the Ryker in Dakota, like
Speaker 1: really cool, like different names, and she's she sent me
Speaker 1: a list of names and she goes then she says, Jace.
Speaker 1: It means healing. And the timing of when Michael and
Speaker 1: I were going through our stuff, I was just like
Speaker 1: and then with the miscarriages and then again we you know,
Speaker 1: kind of our journey. I was like, this is our,
Speaker 1: this is our, this is the name. Like he's he's
Speaker 1: healed us. You feel the relationship and everything, so has
Speaker 1: it has he really has a million percent. It's really healed.
Speaker 1: And he's like the love of my life, a little boy,
Speaker 1: Like I at first was very upset to have a boy,
Speaker 1: and then I found out was it was. I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, because I love jo, Like
Speaker 1: girls are so much fun. You're gonna have so much fun?
Speaker 1: Is that first so fun? Hard though? Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: great though, Like now, like because I know it's the
Speaker 1: last time I'm holding onto every second, I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't care that he's up and it's four hours, Like
Speaker 1: I love it, Like he's the best. He's like it
Speaker 1: was just like just hold onto them because they grew
Speaker 1: up so fast. So I'm literally soaking in. Like Michael's like, wait,
Speaker 1: you just yelled at me for not putting Jays down.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I know, but it's like the
Speaker 1: last one. I want to hold them, like he's might
Speaker 1: be my boy, Like let me hold them a little
Speaker 1: bit longer. Oh my gosh, I love him. So when
Speaker 1: did you and Michael make the decision that you guys
Speaker 1: are going to fight to heal your your marriage and everything,
Speaker 1: because you fably have gone either way at one point
Speaker 1: right well, when he went away for a couple of months, Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. I was only doing it for Jolie,
Speaker 1: like just like to stay to say that, like I
Speaker 1: gave it my all. And then a therapist basically said
Speaker 1: give it a year, and I was like, oh year,
Speaker 1: Like no, and they're like no, Like when trauma happens
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you should give it a year because
Speaker 1: the gut instinct just like peace out, see you later.
Speaker 1: But if you give it a year, like you can
Speaker 1: see maybe growth and you can see maybe the person
Speaker 1: trying or not trying. And I said, fine, like I'll
Speaker 1: give it a year, and he's like, and then after
Speaker 1: that year, then give it like a month or whatever
Speaker 1: you want it to be. So it's like you give
Speaker 1: it a year and then you look at a year
Speaker 1: and you say, Okay, I'm gonna give you two more months,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna keep seeing. And we had like a
Speaker 1: bunch of ups and downs. But what I continuous when
Speaker 1: what I kept seeing was like he was putting like
Speaker 1: the building blocks up, and yeah, I had some would
Speaker 1: come down and some stuff would happen, but I would
Speaker 1: I saw growth and I saw someone willing to work.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I was just doing the work and
Speaker 1: he wasn't. Like we were both putting in the work.
Speaker 1: And I think that's what made me want to fight
Speaker 1: for it instead. How did you see yourself changing? I
Speaker 1: change because I'm the kind of person and when something happens,
Speaker 1: I'm a piece out immediately. That's sort of my natural tendency.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, piece out. I will find someone else,
Speaker 1: I'll you know, and they'll be Shye're not gonna hurt prettier,
Speaker 1: Yeah you will. You will not hurt me, And I'm
Speaker 1: gonna find someone way shinier, way prettier. But then they're
Speaker 1: going to have the same issues because I still have
Speaker 1: the issues that I haven't worked out on myself too,
Speaker 1: So like through all that stuff, I've been able to
Speaker 1: work on my stuff and worthy, Yeah, dessert. It's hard though,
Speaker 1: you know, it's you know, and we constantly get triggered
Speaker 1: like something just happened the other day where it's like
Speaker 1: I don't feel enough or I don't feel appreciated. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't feel enough when you said this, So it
Speaker 1: all comes back to the root. It's just about how
Speaker 1: you communicate on the way out. So have you really
Speaker 1: worked on your communication skills? That is everything, isn't it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And not reacting well, the thing is is what communicating
Speaker 1: with empathy. So it's like when you say something, it's
Speaker 1: like they're not saying you did something wrong, but say
Speaker 1: like how you made you feel like I feel like this,
Speaker 1: I feel about you doing that it made me feel
Speaker 1: this way, or I feel I feel sad when blah
Speaker 1: blah blah. And instead of being like, well I didn't
Speaker 1: do like that way, it's like I'm so sorry you
Speaker 1: feel that way, right, So touching and be like can
Speaker 1: I help you understand why did this? You know, coming
Speaker 1: out with love yes, instead of like because my That's
Speaker 1: how I used to be. Like the first half of
Speaker 1: my relationship with Michael before we broke up, I would
Speaker 1: just react and get angry and also piece out like
Speaker 1: by see you later, yeah yeah, And then it's like okays,
Speaker 1: so easy to go it is. But then you then
Speaker 1: you have kids, you know what I mean, It's like
Speaker 1: you have kids, like I don't want to, like I
Speaker 1: don't want to. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it alone. I mean I
Speaker 1: know I could, but also there's really no one. There's
Speaker 1: no perfect person out there. That's what I realized. And
Speaker 1: I dated people for two years and Mike and I
Speaker 1: were broken up, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: get this perfect life put together, white picket fist fins.
Speaker 1: I dated so many people you don't even want to know.
Speaker 1: I was like a tornado. My friends and I moved awesome.
Speaker 1: My friends were like, you're a tornado. You need to
Speaker 1: rain in your tornado. Because I would go out every
Speaker 1: single night like looking for dudes like to date. I totally,
Speaker 1: I totally hear you, and I would not want to
Speaker 1: have like a rocket my like I'm like, yeah, no, no, totally,
Speaker 1: Like but I would go on dates like everyone from
Speaker 1: like businessmen to lawyers too, I mean name them all
Speaker 1: over the place, like everyone who I thought I had
Speaker 1: their ship together, and I would be so unimpressed board
Speaker 1: board or just like hate the way their mouth looked,
Speaker 1: or the way they talked, or the way they like,
Speaker 1: I mean, the weirdest things would trigger me and I
Speaker 1: would just be like, I can't do this with this person.
Speaker 1: And finally I realized that there is no perfect person.
Speaker 1: You have to just love, you know, when you love
Speaker 1: someone and love all of their imperfections and then learn
Speaker 1: to love those and then that you don't even see
Speaker 1: them like you used to because I know I have
Speaker 1: a ton of imperfections. Oh, I mean same. So I
Speaker 1: mean it's you know, but we're It's as long as
Speaker 1: you can look in the mirror and you can do
Speaker 1: your work. I think that's the most important thing. And
Speaker 1: I have something about marriage that has like game changed
Speaker 1: for me is knowing that I'm in it for the
Speaker 1: long haul with Michael. It is like that thought of
Speaker 1: something else like went away, and so it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is where I am, So let me make this great,
Speaker 1: and so like from there's no other option for my
Speaker 1: own self. I want to have a happy life, and
Speaker 1: so for me to be happy, I need to be
Speaker 1: happy with him. Because your spouse determined so much of
Speaker 1: your happiness. You're with him all the time. So it's
Speaker 1: really like, Okay, let me water where I am because
Speaker 1: this is the rest of my life. So let me
Speaker 1: make this great. And then you end up building each
Speaker 1: other up. But like you have to train yourself how
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, it's hard. Well, it comes with it.
Speaker 1: I think we're a little like we're wiser now, that's right,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like god the twenty mid twenties Joanna
Speaker 1: would never talk to you about mid twenty n Jannah.
Speaker 1: What was she like? Just a love addict at the core,
Speaker 1: just going from like guy to guy. I mean, like
Speaker 1: love me and they're like I love you, Like all right, bye?
Speaker 1: Did you want to get everyone to love you? Because
Speaker 1: then if you got everyone to love you, you'd feel
Speaker 1: like you were totally lovable because you proved yourself that
Speaker 1: I just I was, that I would then then I
Speaker 1: would be enough. It was bad. It was just real bad.
Speaker 1: I was real bad. I I apologized to every single person.
Speaker 1: I did that too, but we're all a ship showing
Speaker 1: our twenties bad. Okay, So how did you break the
Speaker 1: love addict? Janna? Oh, you know, I met my husband
Speaker 1: and then had to go through that struggle. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm just like because then you realize like what's underneath
Speaker 1: that and like why you do that and where's yourself worth?
Speaker 1: M hmm. Yeah, So it's tough, but you know it's good.
Speaker 1: Thirties is my best okay, So what's thirty thirties is? Um,
Speaker 1: I still want people to like me, but in a
Speaker 1: way where I'm going to be authentic. So I'm I
Speaker 1: love being authentic. I still get hurt when people say
Speaker 1: mean things, but it doesn't affect me as much as
Speaker 1: it would affect twenty. And I don't react the way
Speaker 1: that I would usually react, which is like, well, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry that they're unhappy with their lives or I'm sorry
Speaker 1: they're going through something that they feel like they have
Speaker 1: to mean to me. But thirty is going to like thirties.
Speaker 1: Thirties Janna is like, all right, I'm I'm I'm focused
Speaker 1: on me, my family and building my life. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: building my life, not building like not trying to make
Speaker 1: other people happy. That's a breakthrough. Yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: we go and we it's like it's like ups and
Speaker 1: downs like flows. You know, I have that. I have
Speaker 1: like the people pleasing things so much, but I feel
Speaker 1: like I've really gotten over it more not over it.
Speaker 1: I'll always have it. It's like my true thing, my thing.
Speaker 1: What's your sign leo? What's your love language? Uh? Words
Speaker 1: of affirmation, afformation? Okay, what about your touch? Really touch me?
Speaker 1: Like awkward? Isn't really like I'm so touching with your
Speaker 1: least with my girlfriend's. Like if my girlfriend's like hug
Speaker 1: me or want to snuggle or something, I have to
Speaker 1: make myself do it. Well I'm not like now like
Speaker 1: but like yeah, with Mike come out, was just that's
Speaker 1: my number one and that's like his last one. So
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, what's his His is um access service
Speaker 1: And I could give like two shirts about the Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. I appreciate when people do access service, though,
Speaker 1: does he do access service for you? Yeah? But that's
Speaker 1: not my love language so I couldn't care less. But
Speaker 1: he probably gets a lot of stuff done. Um no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: we I would say we're very equal, like with with
Speaker 1: chores and work and stuff like that. Okay, I have
Speaker 1: a better timeline, but it's still equal because you're super competitive. Competitive.
Speaker 1: But then also like I want things done like yesterday, No,
Speaker 1: actually like weeks ago. Yeah, okay, what's your sign um sagittarius?
Speaker 1: What does that mean? It's very fiery, were noncommittal. We like,
Speaker 1: if you really, let's go a s hand for it
Speaker 1: right now, I'd be like, let's go, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Totally super spontaneous, awesome love. We love to love. We're
Speaker 1: hard to commit though, So look at you, just like
Speaker 1: breaking some of those stereotypes some of them, yeah, but
Speaker 1: it's on them. So what's your greatest fear and what's
Speaker 1: your greatest joy in life? Or is a mother or career? Okay,
Speaker 1: let's do let's do mother, career, life, jesus. My biggest
Speaker 1: fear as a mother is um, well, Jesus, I mean
Speaker 1: this goes real dark. But my my biggest fear of
Speaker 1: something happening to my children. Yes, well I think that's normal. Oh.
Speaker 1: My biggest fear as a mother, like me messing them up,
Speaker 1: would be like, um, you know that they're not nice?
Speaker 1: I would I would hate to find out that when
Speaker 1: my kids is a bully. That would make me really sad.
Speaker 1: What's your great success as a mother? Oh, they're the
Speaker 1: night like the teachers are. Just say that they're the
Speaker 1: nicest kids, and they're lovable and warm and smart and
Speaker 1: independent like just all things. That's just like everything. I
Speaker 1: would love that that would be the speed, the best.
Speaker 1: Um uh. And then my biggest fear as an artist
Speaker 1: or workwise is that people just stop caring. I guess
Speaker 1: that would suck mm hmm um. Yeah. Sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm just going to fade away. Like especially I
Speaker 1: think that every single day, I'm like, why is anyone,
Speaker 1: Like even with my podcasts and stuff, I'm like, because
Speaker 1: I've been doing it all by myself. I don't really
Speaker 1: have a team or anything. I'm like, does anyone even
Speaker 1: listen to this? They do, but I'm like, why am
Speaker 1: I even doing it? Like what am I doing this for?
Speaker 1: Do you ever feel that way? Every single day? Like
Speaker 1: sometimes all even like do a story and like why
Speaker 1: am I doing? Like who cares to? And I'm like
Speaker 1: I'm the only one watching and I'll see that people
Speaker 1: watch it, but I'm like those aren't people like that's
Speaker 1: not those aren't really like and Catherine and like bad.
Speaker 1: I'm like, didn't really care what I'm saying. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like real people. And I know why
Speaker 1: is that? I don't know. I think we don't give
Speaker 1: us I don't. I don't think we have enough self forth.
Speaker 1: It's always the core self love and self forth. But
Speaker 1: now I think that's my biggest fear is I'm terrified
Speaker 1: it's going to go wait any second and other people
Speaker 1: just won't care anymore. That's never gonna come. Well now,
Speaker 1: I mean, you know what I was um and then
Speaker 1: what was the other one? Maybe in life? In life?
Speaker 1: Oh man, that I don't that I die, and then
Speaker 1: I don't get to see my kids grow up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they could be like, oh she was such a
Speaker 1: good mom, but I wish I would have had more
Speaker 1: time with her. Life becomes very real, are it doesn't
Speaker 1: very scary every time I get in a plane and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, dear god, I could have been such
Speaker 1: a great I was. I would have been the best,
Speaker 1: Like I do. I know, I do my own like
Speaker 1: eulogy in my head. I'm like she was going to
Speaker 1: be a great, Like she would have been great. Oh
Speaker 1: I wish I would have known her, Like, yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I had literally go through that in my head. It's
Speaker 1: real messed up. Did you ever have life and death
Speaker 1: fears before you had kids? Like that? I always said
Speaker 1: I was gonna die young. So I'm glad that I've
Speaker 1: surpassed that. Yeah, because I thought I was gonna die
Speaker 1: in my twenties. I don't know, I just always had
Speaker 1: that like got in my head. But there's you know,
Speaker 1: it's hard to stay alive all the way people can die.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. It's happening all over the world. It's a
Speaker 1: damn miracle. Okay, I'm not talking about like, oh God, no,
Speaker 1: So what gives you strength? My kids, man, I like,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with them, I really truly like, I love
Speaker 1: being a mom. I love doing what I love you know,
Speaker 1: the podcast I love doing. You know, my husband and
Speaker 1: I are working on something super exciting right now. I
Speaker 1: can't wait to share with everyone. Um, Like, I love
Speaker 1: doing that stuff and I love even though I get
Speaker 1: rejected seven. I do love auditioning, and I love acting
Speaker 1: and singing, but I love being a mom and I've
Speaker 1: I've always walked out of audition rooms not feeling like
Speaker 1: I did good enough. I've always walked out of a
Speaker 1: studio and like I really suck and I don't have
Speaker 1: as good as a voice as like make a guy
Speaker 1: in or you know, and I love her and like
Speaker 1: or you know, freaking carry Underwood. I I know that,
Speaker 1: but I always am like, but I'm like I don't
Speaker 1: have a good voice or I don't have I'm not
Speaker 1: a good enough influence or good enough for this person.
Speaker 1: But like I know I can walk away that even
Speaker 1: even I know I can walk away saying I'm a
Speaker 1: great mom. So like that just like fills me up
Speaker 1: so much, even though sometimes I feel like I'm failing
Speaker 1: as a mom, but I still know at the end
Speaker 1: of the day that I'm a great mom. That's so
Speaker 1: awesome and that's like my favorite favorite thing. Can you
Speaker 1: give you some tips on my via new mom just
Speaker 1: like just like just learned together, you know, and just
Speaker 1: and sometimes something I said enjoy the other day, I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm sorry, baby, mommy messed it up. Like
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't mean to, like I might have
Speaker 1: snapped it like just like own up to your stuff.
Speaker 1: Don't like don't be like like just like for me,
Speaker 1: it's like just be their friend too, and like but
Speaker 1: be their parents at the same time, protect them but
Speaker 1: love them and be there for them, and you will
Speaker 1: feel like you're failing and it's going to be really hard.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I like the other day, I was like,
Speaker 1: why did I want this? Like, you know, because I'm
Speaker 1: like for then the second I mean, she's upstairs sleeping
Speaker 1: right now, I'm like, I cannot wait until this is
Speaker 1: over so that I can go in her room and
Speaker 1: kiss her and cuddle with her, like just to give
Speaker 1: her like one like his last kiss good night. But
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait to put her down. So like that's
Speaker 1: like the like, that's the crazy thing. I loved how
Speaker 1: today you said you had a big MOVIEY felt because
Speaker 1: you totally forgot her bag. We're at the airport and
Speaker 1: we're like, oh my, for how long are you all here?
Speaker 1: Three days? But still like this three days, I'm like,
Speaker 1: we forgot her suitcase. So I had to go over
Speaker 1: my friend's house and get closed. I'm like, what a
Speaker 1: freaking failure, Like what a freaking mom veil no, no,
Speaker 1: But she's happily chucked up and she didn't even know
Speaker 1: friend closes. Yeah, she's like my bag, my bag, And
Speaker 1: I was like, I forgot clothes are in my bag,
Speaker 1: baby girl, Like I packed it together. Oh my gosh. Okay,
Speaker 1: So if you could have laid out what would you
Speaker 1: connect five years to look like? Oh my goodness. Well,
Speaker 1: we're moving back to Nashville, which I've never been more excited.
Speaker 1: How is looking? In l A. It was the best
Speaker 1: thing for Mike and I to start fresh and to
Speaker 1: have no reminders of anything, no triggers of anything like
Speaker 1: fresh like yeah, like we literally pressed power off, power on,
Speaker 1: like and that's just like we we just restarted there
Speaker 1: and we you know, we had another baby there and
Speaker 1: so like, I I will miss l A because A
Speaker 1: I love the weather, but also I'll miss just kind
Speaker 1: of like what we started there. And but I'm excited
Speaker 1: to start the new chapter back again here. Do you
Speaker 1: think the new chapter is gonna be? Like here? I
Speaker 1: think it's gonna be It's gonna be exciting, But I'm
Speaker 1: also scared because there's so many things kind of in
Speaker 1: the works that I'm like, it's either going to be
Speaker 1: a massive success or a massive failure. You know what,
Speaker 1: I don't think any of it is a success or failure.
Speaker 1: Because it all keeps you going. Yes, I know, but
Speaker 1: it's interesting, you know, the entertainment industry though, Like so,
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like every like any percent of
Speaker 1: what I've done has not panned out to anything, but
Speaker 1: it's still looking back, I'm like, it's still helpful. I know. Well,
Speaker 1: and even like I look at I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: one of the biggest failures that people might think is, okay,
Speaker 1: what happened with my husband and I, But honestly, if
Speaker 1: you look at it them like, it's been actually the
Speaker 1: biggest blessing and the biggest success is because now we
Speaker 1: have a successful podcast because of what happened, because we
Speaker 1: talked about it now in other things that we're doing together.
Speaker 1: Because of that, it would have never happened. So like
Speaker 1: making other people feel okay to talk about their problems
Speaker 1: and work through them and be honest, you know, because
Speaker 1: a lot of people have a hard time being honest
Speaker 1: about stuff. So if you and micro up there like
Speaker 1: being honest with your relationship, well that's what I love
Speaker 1: about you too, though, is because like everyone, especially in
Speaker 1: the influencing world two is they you know, they post
Speaker 1: the real pretty pictures of them, and I just I
Speaker 1: can't do that. I'm like, this is my house right now,
Speaker 1: and it's like I haven't picked up laundering like five days,
Speaker 1: like and this is and this is no hate to
Speaker 1: break to You You always look like a dream, No, but
Speaker 1: I mean, like sertainly we're just like I like, I
Speaker 1: don't feel great or whatever, Like it's just you keep
Speaker 1: it real and I think that's what I think, that's
Speaker 1: what will win at the end of the day. Oh,
Speaker 1: so much of my life is like a hot mess.
Speaker 1: Like I look at my face, I look like a pug.
Speaker 1: I told Michael, you are pregnant with a beautiful baby.
Speaker 1: But I didn't know how much I love botox and
Speaker 1: I like have like I didn't know, but I don't
Speaker 1: have like big lines. I have like a hundred little
Speaker 1: I mean, but the rest your face. No, I'm about
Speaker 1: to cut banks. You're fine, but you only have a
Speaker 1: couple of more months left. People. Stop doing that. You're
Speaker 1: making it worse. Look at how many I told Michael,
Speaker 1: and it's just like tape it. I was like, you're
Speaker 1: married to a pug dog, I mean a pug dogs.
Speaker 1: He was so funny. He's going to kill me that
Speaker 1: the second that you have the baby out, you can
Speaker 1: do it. What about breastfeeding? Oh I didn't breastfeed. Oh
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try here, gonna try. Michael's gonna kill me
Speaker 1: that I said this. Okay, So, like I got my
Speaker 1: hair because I was too scared to get my hair
Speaker 1: highlight the first trimester because I don't know anything carriage.
Speaker 1: I was just like I was so anxious of having
Speaker 1: another miscarriage. And we did. We talked about that all
Speaker 1: right on here, like how it's just like so nerve racking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I told you. I was like I was
Speaker 1: wiping in thirty seven weeks and still going like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, is it red? I'm terrified? Same, I mean
Speaker 1: it's not t m I guess because it's a real thing.
Speaker 1: Like the first for tween weeks, I was checking for
Speaker 1: blood every single day because you're just so and like
Speaker 1: anytime you get a little cramp, oh really that's it,
Speaker 1: It's like it's happening. And so did you get the
Speaker 1: heart heart thing? No, I don't have. You gotta get
Speaker 1: up so you can check it on your own heartbeat.
Speaker 1: What did you say to Mike? So I finally got
Speaker 1: my hair highlighted. It's like and it's still not even
Speaker 1: that much. I gotta go bonder because it's not blond enough.
Speaker 1: But he was like, oh my god, you're getting all
Speaker 1: your stuff done. He's like, so you're back and like
Speaker 1: just getting all your things now because you're for the
Speaker 1: first trimesters like so, I guess um. The only thing
Speaker 1: you can't do is like that your face procedure. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, my botox. It's like, oh, are you
Speaker 1: noticing that? He's gonna kill me. He didn't mean like that.
Speaker 1: He was just saying, like, you can't hear you. And
Speaker 1: I was like, but it's okay. I know I'm a pug.
Speaker 1: It's fine, Like you can just rub my belly. He
Speaker 1: was like, no, I mean like that. It's just so
Speaker 1: you can't get botox for pregnant. I was like, it's fine,
Speaker 1: I know it's there. Seriously, I want to tell Michael,
Speaker 1: I'm not calling you out. He was really not trying
Speaker 1: to be, but I just thought I died laughing so hard.
Speaker 1: That's because I mean, I've just never felt more wrinkly.
Speaker 1: But you look amazing. They all connect to my forehead,
Speaker 1: connects to my eyes, connect to my cheeks. You know,
Speaker 1: but your mama it's like a giant rainbow. You're you're beautiful.
Speaker 1: You know you're beautiful. Seriously, you don't even I'm not
Speaker 1: finding it's just a notice. I've just noticed it. You
Speaker 1: look amazing. I promise. Yeah, you're gonna be okay, You're
Speaker 1: gonna a beautiful baby girl, and everything's gonna be amazing.
Speaker 1: And I'll help you pick out you know, what you
Speaker 1: need for your registry, what you need and what you
Speaker 1: don't need, because there's a lot of things that you need,
Speaker 1: a lot of things you don't need. I need all
Speaker 1: the list. Yeah, I'll get you. I'll get you all
Speaker 1: of it. Okay, So I leave, I like trap all
Speaker 1: my podcast with the same question, only your light. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so just leave some inspiration everything that you've gone through.
Speaker 1: And I have to say again, Michael was not calling
Speaker 1: you out. I thought it was funny. He's gonna be like,
Speaker 1: why did you say that. I didn't mean it in
Speaker 1: a bad way to podcast. No, but if you heard
Speaker 1: that I said that, he would be like, I didn't
Speaker 1: mean it like that, So he's off the hook. I
Speaker 1: just thought it was funny. Um, because to leave your life, um,
Speaker 1: how I have everything you've gone through all your life experiences, everything,
Speaker 1: Like what kind of wisdom do you want to pass
Speaker 1: on to someone who's listening to you, maybe looking up
Speaker 1: to you, Like, what do you want to tell someone
Speaker 1: listening to you. Well, it's funny that you say leave
Speaker 1: your life, because one of the things that I've always said,
Speaker 1: um is what I've always told someone about intellgrale is
Speaker 1: never let anyone take your light. So because I think
Speaker 1: that's I've had people take it, and I've taken it
Speaker 1: from myself at times. And your light, your or your
Speaker 1: presence is the number one thing that you can bring
Speaker 1: to a room, to a relationship, to life too, I
Speaker 1: mean everything. It's like your warmth when you walk into conversations, relationships, meetings.
Speaker 1: I mean that's like to friendship, like that is your
Speaker 1: Like I just don't at anyone ever dim that because
Speaker 1: you should feel beautiful, you should walk into a place
Speaker 1: you should feel loved and cared about. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I think when someone tries to take that from you,
Speaker 1: it's just it just doesn't make you feel good. It's
Speaker 1: not it's not a good place to be in. So
Speaker 1: how do you keep your light? Here's the thing is
Speaker 1: I think you have to go through the ups and
Speaker 1: downs to go through it. And that's the thing. It's
Speaker 1: like you're going to have the heartbreaks, You're going to
Speaker 1: have the people that try, but it's it's always bouncing
Speaker 1: back to who you know, who you are, And I
Speaker 1: think that just that just takes growing. And I'm excited,
Speaker 1: like I want, like as much as I want to
Speaker 1: keep Jolly and my kids in a bubble wrap, I
Speaker 1: want them to also experience the highs and lows. And
Speaker 1: it's going to be painful as the parent to watch.
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's hard for me to watch myself go
Speaker 1: through the failures and like why didn't I get that
Speaker 1: part in I'm bullying my eyes out? Or why is
Speaker 1: this person mean? Because I'm so upset. But when you
Speaker 1: can be on the opposite side, I think is if
Speaker 1: you when you if you can reflect, that's how you
Speaker 1: can keep making your light brighter. I love that. And
Speaker 1: you sure do the work too. You have to do
Speaker 1: the work. You do it. You do all the work,
Speaker 1: So do you, Ben. We're gonna growing a little baby,
Speaker 1: and it takes a lot of energy to do the work,
Speaker 1: but it's worth it. It It is because if you don't,
Speaker 1: then you just carry your problems with you for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life and it's just not fun. And
Speaker 1: then you're blaming other people and it's like, yeah, we
Speaker 1: could walk around and be like I have daddy your shoes,
Speaker 1: like yeah, great, okay, next, like let's fix it. There
Speaker 1: comes a point where it's like, yes, you have really
Speaker 1: awful things that happened, and like I hate it for
Speaker 1: everyone here has ship, but it's like and we all
Speaker 1: have got to have it. Own it at some point.
Speaker 1: Own it, embrace it, learn from it, grow from it
Speaker 1: by yes, and then you don't have to carry it yet.
Speaker 1: Then you can release that. Yeah, it's amazing. You're like hilarious, girl,
Speaker 1: I love you. Thanks for coming on and talking to me.
Speaker 1: When the baby's out, we're gonna have so much fine right,
Speaker 1: and we won't be living here. We won't get drunk.
Speaker 1: Okay bye m hm