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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so motherfucking mini year. So yep, yep, yep,

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Speaker 1: there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to another phenomenal episode of My Mama told Me the

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Speaker 1: podcast would. We died deep into the pockets of black

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Speaker 1: conspiracy theory and we finally worked to prove the theories

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Speaker 1: that you the listener have at home. It's a motherfucking

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Speaker 1: mini episode, baby, you know the deal. But but but

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Speaker 1: is the correct response. It's a chance for you idiots

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Speaker 1: to tell us your stupid thoughts and then we share

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Speaker 1: our completely unthoughtful opinions on them. We don't think about

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Speaker 1: it at all. Yeah, it's David, and I'm sure you

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Speaker 1: can you can affirm this. You've never we've never gotten

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Speaker 1: on and had like a strategy meeting about how to

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Speaker 1: approach the emails. No, I come in hot. I was

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Speaker 1: watching Milli Vanilli not four minutes ago you were. You

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Speaker 1: were watching Milli Vanilli and we had a pretty lengthy

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Speaker 1: conversation about about their history there, their lineage there. You know,

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Speaker 1: I just want to say, r I Peter Vanilli, yea,

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Speaker 1: we missed you Vanilly. We the way you pretended to

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Speaker 1: sing those songs was almost unmatched. Were it not for Millie. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: chout to Milly. Though, shout out to Milly, he'd be

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Speaker 1: doing it. And he's still doing it. He never gave up.

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Speaker 1: All right, we can't bullshit because we have an an

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Speaker 1: email and this is an exciting email. Uh and the

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Speaker 1: the sound of my daughter's bath is running in the background,

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Speaker 1: which only punctuates the email even more. It just makes

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Speaker 1: it all very romantic in a certain way. I don't

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Speaker 1: know why a baby's bathwater makes it romantic. I decided

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Speaker 1: I didn't like the way I phrased uh that sentence

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Speaker 1: and regretted immediately. Yeah, I'm on your side for most things.

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Speaker 1: But that was not great. No, it was real bad.

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Speaker 1: And I just want to apologize to the listeners and

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Speaker 1: my baby, everybody hurt by what I said. Uh me

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Speaker 1: so sorry, but you, the listeners as well. A grown

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Speaker 1: woman's bathwater all for it. Nothing wrong with that. You

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Speaker 1: say what you want about a baby's bathwater, but give

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Speaker 1: me that goddamn grown ladies. I'll get in it after you,

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Speaker 1: girl tub What are we talking about? Why are you

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Speaker 1: getting in after? I don't know. It's like a weird

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Speaker 1: sexual thing. If It's like like, you know, when Charlotte

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Speaker 1: Magne the God sniffed Jennifer Lopez's seat. Yeah, no, I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget it. Absolutely no shot heard around the world.

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Speaker 1: I remember that. But it's like a similar thing. I

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Speaker 1: laying her laying her dirt a little bit. We gotta

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Speaker 1: we got an email from a person named Chelsea. Chelsea

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Speaker 1: sent us an email with the subject line, my mama

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Speaker 1: told me gas prices and she says high Linkston and

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Speaker 1: David loved the podcast. My boyfriend and I recently moved

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Speaker 1: from one suburb to a slightly nicer suburb. Yesterday, he

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Speaker 1: commented that gas was much more expensive near our new

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Speaker 1: house more and reflexively said, yet, gas is always cheaper

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Speaker 1: in the hood. Now, I don't know if this is

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Speaker 1: something my mama actually told me. I heard it somewhere

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Speaker 1: and have generally found it to be true, so I

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Speaker 1: just took it as fact. Is gas cheaper in the hood?

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Speaker 1: Is the question? Chelsea is asked game. This is a

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Speaker 1: tough question, because, like, I'm not gonna sit here and

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Speaker 1: lie to you guys. They popped me for drunk driving

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Speaker 1: in two thousand nine. I have not had a driver's

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Speaker 1: license since I don't know how much the fun gas costs.

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Speaker 1: People are always crying about it. I don't what's the

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Speaker 1: ten dollars? I don't fucking no. Wait, they got you

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Speaker 1: in two thousand nine and you've never gone back. I

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Speaker 1: never they got me and they Is it because you

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Speaker 1: can't go back? Or is it like, no, you got me,

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Speaker 1: I'm retiring from the game type. Yeah, I didn't like

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Speaker 1: driving anyways, to be completely honest, or that's why you

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Speaker 1: would get drunk before you do it. Yeah. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: the same way it felt about high school, tough interactions

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Speaker 1: with friends. I gotta take the edge of Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: is good, I gotta drive home. I'm gonna need to

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Speaker 1: get at least the point oh nine. This ain't gonna yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll say we'll go with that. We'll go with point

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Speaker 1: o nine is what I got before that. I never

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Speaker 1: drove again. So I don't I don't know. I mean

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Speaker 1: I thought that like stuff was supposed to be like

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Speaker 1: more expensive, like via food desert. It would be crazy

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Speaker 1: if oil prices trickled down cheaper to black people. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what what makes if if we're comparing it

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Speaker 1: to the food of it all, what would be even

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Speaker 1: crazier is if we do, in fact have cheaper gas

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Speaker 1: prices in the hood, but also it's like worse gas.

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Speaker 1: It's like just gas as bad for your car and

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Speaker 1: like makes your cars foot get cut off and ship,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I could see them giving

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Speaker 1: us diabetes gays that there's diabetes gas like and then

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Speaker 1: we find out It's like it's like when you find

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Speaker 1: out find out mentals are worse for you, right, It's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: there's glass in these, Why do you play glass in these?

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Speaker 1: And why do you make them taste minty fresh? You know?

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Speaker 1: I like minty fresh. You know my favorite color is

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Speaker 1: green sprite Newports going. I was hoping there with more

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Speaker 1: bright new cools. Listening cigarettes at this point, paulmall greens

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Speaker 1: Junior mints. Those are pretty much white with like a dash.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of green on the box Nerd rope.

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Speaker 1: The candy Nerd rope has a lot of green. Mountain dew.

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Speaker 1: You love mountain dew. I don't love mountain dewey, don't.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about that split. I'm glad you overcame it.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, just because you're an ex crackhead doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean you don't still like crack. I'm not a due

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Speaker 1: head anymore. I don't like steps. No, I don't like

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Speaker 1: you die in your dw roots. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be a dude daddy no more. But to speak, to

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Speaker 1: speak to the gas thing, I don't. I don't have

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Speaker 1: you found that true? You drive, right? I do drive.

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Speaker 1: I will say that it's it's one of those things

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Speaker 1: where like, yeah, I guess technically it's true, but it's

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Speaker 1: not a thing that necessarily is like such a massive

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Speaker 1: difference that I feel like, oh, man, I gotta drive

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Speaker 1: our you know, fucking like twenty miles out of my

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Speaker 1: way to go benefit from those cheap gas prices in

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Speaker 1: the hood. I also wonder about it because I won't

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Speaker 1: speak to everyone. But as far as for me and minds,

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Speaker 1: I think I filled up my entire gas tank maybe

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Speaker 1: three times in my whole driving career, So I don't

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Speaker 1: know what those Oh don't be like, don't do that

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Speaker 1: to me. Come on, man, I feel my my ship up,

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Speaker 1: but I always I take it to the edge though.

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Speaker 1: I'll take you yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Where it's like

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Speaker 1: when it's like when you're driving it, you can feel

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Speaker 1: like the gas going out. Yeah, me and my wife

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Speaker 1: we've gotten in a fair amount of arguments because she

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Speaker 1: believes that, like after a quarter is left, you're meant

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Speaker 1: to fill it back up like that. And that's a

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Speaker 1: hundred percent my pointing. You're a reasonable man, and that's

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Speaker 1: why I enjoy doing this with you. A quarter is

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Speaker 1: so much a quarter? Is it exactly that? That's literally

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Speaker 1: what I said, Like, if it's a hundred miles, I'm

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Speaker 1: going miles, it's stop. Yeah, and I'm I'm going ninety

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Speaker 1: nine more miles, is my stance. But I hear you

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Speaker 1: on the is a crazy place to stop? Yeah, a

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Speaker 1: cell phone battery. The thing is, she believes this, but

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Speaker 1: she doesn't even like live by the ship, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. It's like one of those things where

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Speaker 1: like she implemented that for me on some like husbandly

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Speaker 1: duties type ship. But like you gotta rind around, you

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Speaker 1: gotta fill it up when it gets to a quarter.

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Speaker 1: But if she's riding on you, it's not a problem. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's an emergency. I had to get home really fast. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: you know you ain't got nothing to do. Go ahead,

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Speaker 1: fill up the gas thing, do you do it? Though? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I mean what am I gonna do? Stop getting pussy?

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Speaker 1: I I here, I am. You know. That's uh the

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Speaker 1: strangest way I've ever heard someone contextualized marriage. What am

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Speaker 1: I gonna do? Stop? What am I gonna do? Stop

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Speaker 1: getting pussy? She's my wife, She's my everything? Give up

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Speaker 1: all that? No, no, no, I'll fill up the gas thing.

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Speaker 1: What do you say, I don't know why it would

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Speaker 1: be cheaper in the hood. Well, I think I think

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Speaker 1: it led me to sort of look this up right

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Speaker 1: in one of the things, or at least I attempted

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Speaker 1: to look up. And it gets pretty ugly because when

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Speaker 1: you look up why is gas cheaper in the hood.

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Speaker 1: The first thing that popped up was a Reddit threat

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Speaker 1: where says, but they said something about Jewish people. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wish it actually is. It's it's almost more painful

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Speaker 1: because somebody says, why is gas usually cheaper in the ghetto,

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Speaker 1: which already you know is coming from a hateful place.

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Speaker 1: It comes from a bad place where nobody in two

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Speaker 1: is calling the hood the ghetto? And and not like

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Speaker 1: having bad wishes for the people that lived there. No,

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Speaker 1: she doesn't come in peace, No, not at all. And

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Speaker 1: the answer I think I felt more painful to me somehow,

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Speaker 1: because I'm not even sure. I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: respond to it. But they the the one answer that's

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Speaker 1: here says, less people own cars in the ghetto, therefore

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Speaker 1: the demand for gases less price goes down to comply, No,

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Speaker 1: that's not people have cars. That's like they really think

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Speaker 1: we just like black people, just don't have we have

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Speaker 1: the things that they have. You know what, I thought

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Speaker 1: it was gonna say, because they're big Cadillac, the big

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Speaker 1: Cadillac clips to guzzle up all the gas, we gotta

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Speaker 1: make it scarce. I thought it was gonna be something

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Speaker 1: about the size of the vehicles, big old Lincoln Navigator monkeys.

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Speaker 1: It's it didn't feel good, And I don't know that

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Speaker 1: there's a definitive answer for this thing, but I do think,

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Speaker 1: just based off of my own sort of like not

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Speaker 1: careful but sometimes effective analysis, it does seem like the

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Speaker 1: gas is a little cheaper. But that also seems like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's the reason they sell fucking Arizona iced

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Speaker 1: teas and you know, fucking corner stores and ship It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's where motherfucker's can buy it, and they're they're get

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Speaker 1: the most sailed that way, so you make it affordable

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Speaker 1: enough that you can can activate the sales, right, because

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Speaker 1: that is the thing is like, Man, if we're just

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Speaker 1: and once again, I don't want to blank it any

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Speaker 1: but everybody we're just talking about, like me and me

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Speaker 1: and mine, I come from people who will buy is

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Speaker 1: a little bit of gas possible exactly? Yeah, Like I'll

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Speaker 1: put one on two and then maybe maybe maybe get

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Speaker 1: twelve out of the take a penny, leave a penny,

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Speaker 1: and just go on and bump it up and make

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Speaker 1: it two onto. Like, oh, so you're getting a third

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Speaker 1: of a gallon of gas to be able to like

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Speaker 1: keep moving at this point. I mean, but this isn't

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Speaker 1: nine prices, okay, So you were getting twelve gallons of

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Speaker 1: gas for two dollars. You're filling up your tank on

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Speaker 1: two dollars and moving on. I'm willing. I'm willing. I'm

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Speaker 1: like I said, I was not a big fill up

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Speaker 1: the whole time, because fill up the tank. What am

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Speaker 1: I'm driving to fucking Detroit? I gotta fill up this tank.

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Speaker 1: That's insane to me. How far do you think you

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Speaker 1: can get on a full tank? I guess, man, don't

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Speaker 1: make me where are you at what? What do you think?

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Speaker 1: How far in the country do you think you can get?

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Speaker 1: You're in, You're in Denver. Where where do you think

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Speaker 1: you can reach? What kind of car am I in?

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Speaker 1: Let's say it's it's a Honda Civic. It gets good miles,

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Speaker 1: let's go that way. This is a a factory made Honda,

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Speaker 1: no fast, no furious, a full tank of gas. I

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Speaker 1: would assume from Denver, Colorado, I feel like I could

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Speaker 1: get halfway through Wyoming. Okay, See that required me to

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Speaker 1: know American geography better than I do. But that sounds wrong.

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Speaker 1: Wyoming is a pretty big state. It's a pretty man

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Speaker 1: was from Wyoming here though, you're two hours from Wyoming. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: to like the because that's to get fireworks, okay, and

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Speaker 1: then and then you think you can go another half

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Speaker 1: a state of driving before that tank runs out? Is

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Speaker 1: that not how many? Is that not correct? I don't

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Speaker 1: think so. I think a Honda is getting like three

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Speaker 1: miles per gallon, and or per that that that can't

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Speaker 1: pert per tank, not gallon Honda. So I don't think

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Speaker 1: you're getting as far as you've imagined. I think you're

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Speaker 1: playing me out because I told you that I haven't

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Speaker 1: driven in, you know, over a decade now. I presume

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Speaker 1: you still know where the gas pedal and the break are.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I could. I could drive like I'm not

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Speaker 1: like like if it went down today, I'm can get in.

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Speaker 1: I can drive a stick. Most people can't do that.

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Speaker 1: I can't drive a stick. Exactly? What is that? What

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Speaker 1: are you proving? I got lost in the sauce? Twelve

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Speaker 1: point four gallons? So how many? How many gallons? How

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Speaker 1: many miles per gallon? You think? Uh? On some like

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Speaker 1: highway ship. I think you'll probably get like with the

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Speaker 1: Honda Civic, like thirty Okay, hold on, so let's let's

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Speaker 1: do this math here. I'll make it easy for you.

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Speaker 1: It's thirty times ten plus sixty, so it's it's about

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Speaker 1: three sixty. Is that new math? Okay? How long is Wyoming? Two? So?

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Speaker 1: I love that we can hear how you type in

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Speaker 1: real time. I hate that I shouldn't have said anything.

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said any I feel like you guys

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Speaker 1: would have thought I was a hacker. Yo, Wyoming is

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Speaker 1: only three miles long and two wide? Okay, I mean

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Speaker 1: I still think your numbers are a little off of

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe make your smag dab in the middle with

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Speaker 1: with your gas tanks. Three sixty eight so one eighty

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Speaker 1: plus two hours to get out of Denver. So we

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Speaker 1: figure I'm going sixty hundred twenty miles, so one twenty

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Speaker 1: plus one eighty that's like three hundred. That's like exactly right.

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Speaker 1: I was exactly right. I was exactly right. I don't

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Speaker 1: know that I'm buying it, but maybe play with any

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Speaker 1: listeners who check my math email. Don't tweet I don't

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Speaker 1: have one. Don't tweet at him he doesn't have one.

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Speaker 1: In frankly, I'm not reporting the tweets. Houston, I think

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Speaker 1: I got it, bro I think I got it. Listeners,

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Speaker 1: tell me if I didn't get it from Denver, Colorado

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Speaker 1: to the middle of Wyoming on one tank and let's

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Speaker 1: be honest, a two thousand one to two thousand six

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Speaker 1: Honda Civic. I think I think I was perfect. If

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Speaker 1: if true, I'm devastated, and I will I will spend

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Speaker 1: our next mini episode submitting a formal apology. G you

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Speaker 1: and everyone involved taste so good. Well until then, I

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Speaker 1: think we covered this, I Chelsea, I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: know that we have a clear definitive answer on your thing,

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Speaker 1: but it seems likely. It seems likely that the ghetto

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Speaker 1: has the ghetto has a little less expensive gas than

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Speaker 1: than their suburban counterpart. She also, uh, this will be

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Speaker 1: this can be our big dismount. She also said, unrelated,

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Speaker 1: I am also mixed black mom and white dad, and

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Speaker 1: I completely agree with your white mom theory. For those

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Speaker 1: of you that don't remember, I believe that mixed kids

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Speaker 1: with white moms end up weird at fuck, and uh,

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Speaker 1: mixed kids with black moms are pretty cool anyway. White

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Speaker 1: mom syndrome is what I call it. I grew up

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Speaker 1: in central Illinois, where there were not many black people,

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Speaker 1: and even if you were mixed people, there were four

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Speaker 1: of us in town. We called ourselves a biracial coalition.

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Speaker 1: Don't love that, child, oh, Chelsea, that like that at all?

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Speaker 1: Not a lot of not a lot of sauce on that. No,

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Speaker 1: not at all. She said. Two had black moms and

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Speaker 1: two had white moms. The ones with white moms were

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Speaker 1: weird as hell and seemed to struggle with their identity

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Speaker 1: at less, at least more than I did. My mama

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Speaker 1: showed me imitation of life when I was six years old.

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Speaker 1: And said things like, see, that's why you should never

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Speaker 1: try to pass anyway. Thanks for all the last by

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Speaker 1: bitch Chelsea. Thank you, Chelsea. I think that that and

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Speaker 1: not and this sounds crazy, I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: that probably comes down to grooming mm hmm, like like

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Speaker 1: literal physical grooming hair and stuff like that. I think

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Speaker 1: that it's I think that with a white mother it

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Speaker 1: would be harder to figure out you're like, I mean

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Speaker 1: not as much for boys, because you could just get

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Speaker 1: a barber cut, but like if you're she doesn't know

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Speaker 1: how to relax hair, she doesn't know you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean that. Yeah, I feel like that would be

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Speaker 1: very and that that is the thing that could keep

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Speaker 1: you on the outside. Yeah. No, if you have an

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Speaker 1: awkward morning every morning with your mom and your hair,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be a little bit of a weirdo when

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Speaker 1: you get to school that day. You know, right, exactly exactly,

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Speaker 1: And your dad's not gonna know how to do it either.

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Speaker 1: Now he's in there smoking menthos and wondering why they

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Speaker 1: taste so good. Now, if you grew up with a

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Speaker 1: bunch of black women like I did, I can I

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Speaker 1: can relax all your hair ladies. Hey, and he'll get

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Speaker 1: in that bathtub when you do. Come on, all right,

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Speaker 1: we did it. Could you tell the people at home

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Speaker 1: where they can find you what cool ship you have

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Speaker 1: going on? You can find me a cool guy jokes

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Speaker 1: eighties seven on Instagram. Come see me at the Allegian

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Speaker 1: in Los Angeles on September. Then come see Langston Kerman

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Speaker 1: in Denver for Faded Comedy Denver at the Skylark Lounge

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Speaker 1: in Denver, Colorado, bringing you the best black and around

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Speaker 1: brown headliners from around the country and locally. Hell we do.

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Speaker 1: I do host it with the white guy because we

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Speaker 1: had the trojan. It is color Otto, but trust me,

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Speaker 1: he doesn't get to talk much. Great. I love as

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Speaker 1: long as he's pretty much silent. I'm cool with this

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Speaker 1: as always. You can follow me at Langston Kerman and

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Speaker 1: you can come see me. If you're in Los Angeles

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Speaker 1: competing on that same day, nine fifteen, I'll be at

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Speaker 1: the Lyric Hyperion doing my hour. Go see David, go

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Speaker 1: see me. You make the choice. Remember you've burned a bridge.

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Speaker 1: If you choose the wrong one. Uh light skin politics man,

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Speaker 1: Then come see me at Faded the next day in

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Speaker 1: Denver Travel with you deserve it. And then finally, if

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Speaker 1: you're in New York, I'll be at City Winery The

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Speaker 1: Loft on September nineteenth. I would love to see you

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Speaker 1: out in New York. So I got some shows coming up.

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Speaker 1: And as always, if you want to send us your

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Speaker 1: own conspiracy theories, your own drops, your own bullshit about

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Speaker 1: gas prices, send it to my Mama pod at gmail

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Speaker 1: dot com. We would love to hear from you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's it. Bye, bitch well funded many years, so many

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Speaker 1: years so Mother Funny, many ears, so mother fucking Mini years,

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Speaker 1: so many episode Mother Funny, many years so