WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Ride That Pony 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:05.000 Scrubbing In with Beccatelli and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:11.360 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:14.760 Scrub a dub dumb webe a little. 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:21.599 Dear Bonia episode that we do. Oh sorry, choking We you. 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:23.840 Know how it started with me too? 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:28.320 None, it was more like the water down the wrong pipe. 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:32.080 But I'll keep you posted on my glossy eyes. Yeah, 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:33.519 let's get right to it. 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:37.280 Hey, it's from anonymous. Hello Bekatanya, Mark and Easton and 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.360 the whole gang. I think that's the gang right, the 0:00:40.320 --> 0:00:42.800 new scrubber here. I've been dealing with an issue. Would 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:45.479 love to hear your advice. I'm twenty three. I've never dated. 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:47.440 I was fine with that until recently when I noticed 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:49.360 all of my peers are getting engaged, in married, or 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.560 are in relationships unlike me. It's so it's started to 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:54.560 bother me. I've tried a couple of online dating apps. 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.280 Nothing has really come from them. At first, I would 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:58.120 back out of the dates at the last minute because 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:00.960 of my commitment issues, but I eventually got over that. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.680 Kept trying, but nothing it's worked out. Is it normal 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.080 to have never dated at my age? I would love 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:07.800 any advice from you guys on how to proceed. I 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:10.480 feel like I've grown emotionally and I'm ready for a relationship. 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.360 Side note, I'm Ukrainian and I have been living in 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:16.679 Poland for five years now. Could a difference in mentality 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.480 be playing a role? I spent my teenage years in 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:20.600 another country? Anyway, I love you all, Thank you so 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:23.280 much for the podcast. You guys brighten my day every day. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.679 And ps, I'm on season one, so it's fun following 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:27.720 you all from the beginning. 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:29.200 Oh that's fun. 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:31.559 Of the show. 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:32.960 Yeah, yeah, oh, we have seasons. 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:36.440 No, but I'm sure like from the beginning, I guess 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:37.000 I don't know. 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:38.520 But it's funny that she's not going to hear the 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.760 answer to this until like three four years from now. 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:43.520 I wish we did have seasons. That'd be cute. 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:48.400 Yes, now in two season three, I love that there's 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.880 a Ukrainian woman in Poland listening to scrubbing again. 0:01:50.920 --> 0:01:51.920 That makes me so happy. 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:53.800 Yeah, I love that's the cool thing. 0:01:55.320 --> 0:02:02.160 Here's the thing. I did not date anyone until after 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:06.440 The Bachelor. Yeah, and I was twenty six twenty seven, 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:10.919 so I I personally see nothing wrong with this. I 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:13.760 do think that when you're watching all of your peers 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:16.800 and your friends going through these things and having relationships 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:21.240 and having heartbreak and having these life stages that our 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:25.800 society pushes and encourages in terms of like how life 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:28.760 should go in terms of timing. I get where the 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:31.680 pressure comes from. And also if that's like a desire 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:35.440 of your heart to ultimately be married and find your person. 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:38.760 But you're so young, and I know that you're hearing 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:40.320 this being like, oh, I hate when people say that, 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:42.520 But I'm thinking I'm thinking back to when I went 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.480 on the Bachelor at twenty six, and I was like, 0:02:44.720 --> 0:02:47.880 I'm going to find my person to get engaged. Maybe 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:53.919 how crazy that felt in hindsight. I would have crushes 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.639 on people. I would chase people, and then as soon 0:02:56.639 --> 0:02:59.520 as they liked me back. I also had commitment issues. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.920 I don't know if that was because I there was 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.079 something that I felt. I grew up in a very 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:10.000 Christian conservative background. I was waiting for marriage. I felt 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:15.800 very protective over my space and my emotions and my vulnerability, 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.320 and I didn't realize that, but I think looking back now, 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:21.520 I was scared of anyone getting too close to me, 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:23.519 so I would run the other way if they showed 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.120 interest to me. So I don't think you're behind. I 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:28.839 don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.359 wanting to date and meet someone and have a romantic relationship, 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.560 sure like put in the effort on dating apps and 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.800 go out and you know, put yourself out there when 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:41.400 you're out in public if you see someone you're interested in. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:45.200 But that also takes practice letting yourself be open to that. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.800 In my opinion, I feel like I want to focus 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.080 on that, is it normal to have never done all 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.320 that in my age? Because I feel like normal is 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.400 out the door now, you know what I mean. Like 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.920 it's no one's doing things that are normal anymore. I 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:00.720 feel like it's just we're so far past that. And 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:02.680 I just want you to get that out of your 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.400 head because I feel like you feeling like you're not 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:10.040 normal is gonna hinder you in your dating life and 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:14.040 it shouldn't. You should not treat that as like any 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:17.400 sort of insecurity because I don't think it's weird, and 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:19.640 it's all in your approach. If you start dating people 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:21.960 and you're like, I've never dated before, and you like 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.920 approach it with that type of insecure attitude. It's gonna 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:28.520 show where. I don't even think you need to. It 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:31.760 doesn't even to be an issue. You're just dating, Yeah, 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:32.320 just dating. 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.280 You're open to whatever, open to whatever, wherever, if it's 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:39.159 when it's happened. Even think about, honestly, think about the 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.800 people that you know or that you've heard about who 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:44.240 have gone through a breakup and they're having to put 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:49.120 themselves back out there. There's still a everyone goes through 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:51.600 this feeling of like, oh, I'm putting myself out there, 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:56.479 I'm opening myself up to rejection or someone getting to 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.640 know me. Like even if it's even if you've been 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.960 in a relationship, this is a this is a very 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:02.800 human feeling that you're experiencing. 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:04.840 So go into it with confidence. 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:07.320 Of like I'm ready to go, Like, let's see who 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:08.520 number one is going to be. 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.480 I agree, nice, I like that. 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:13.880 I tell my daughters that there is no such thing 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:17.440 as normal. Ye stop that, because everybody's got their stuff. 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.960 Everybody, many people you think are normal are so notice that. 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.000 They're working on stuff. 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.719 They deal with all of it. Anonymous, I've liked the 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:27.720 same person for a year and a half. It's troublesome 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:31.440 because she's my boss, and she's married. We interact closely 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:33.039 every day because of the nature of our job, and 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:36.960 I've overanalyzed every interaction. Our hands have brushed a couple 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:40.360 of times longer than normal eye contact. She calls me nicknames. 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:42.840 Sometimes we have one on one lunches when no one 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.719 else does. I've traveled together for work, I've gone close 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:48.279 to her. My feelings have grown stronger. I thought after 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.920 a year the crush would fade, but I've never been 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:53.080 so attracted to someone or cared to spend so much 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:54.720 time with someone and learn as much as I quit 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.719 about their past and present life. I've thought about writing 0:05:57.720 --> 0:05:59.560 too many times, but I feel embarrassed in like a 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:02.159 horrible person, because I know holding onto feelings for a 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:05.200 married person is wrong and out of bounds. I justify 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.320 to myself because I never have feelings for anyone and 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:08.040 I want to hold on. 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:09.239 Too finally liking someone. 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:11.800 Do you think it's wrong to stay in my position 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.240 with the feelings I have for my boss? Should I 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.320 quit my job, switch departments see if the feelings fade. 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.040 I feel I'm too comfortable around her in my reactions 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.520 and interactions, too informal, and I'm afraid one day I'll 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.599 cross the line of unprofessionalism because I have these feelings 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.400 for her. At any point, is it appropriate to tell 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:30.400 a married person you have feelings for them and that's 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:33.000 why you're leaving a job. For context, I'm a woman 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:36.039 in my early thirties, old enough to know better. That's 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:38.960 her words, not mine. Thank you for the podcast each week. 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:44.000 Hope you won't think too lowly of me. We don't 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:44.719 think lowly of you. 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:46.920 First, Yeah, we don't think this is you know, you're 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:48.600 sometimes are. 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:50.520 Human. 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.040 Feelings are out of our control, but what is in 0:06:54.080 --> 0:06:58.240 our control is how we navigate them and act on them. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:06:59.760 And I think that you need. 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:03.800 To stay far away from acting on your feelings with 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:04.280 this one. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.479 Yeah, I feel like telling a married person that you 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:11.280 have feelings for them is so disrespectful. 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:16.520 I don't, but then again, it's like your feelings and you. 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:18.000 Can you can see it in her head right. 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:19.840 She says, Look, I have to leave this job because 0:07:19.880 --> 0:07:22.760 I'm in love with you, and then the boss says, wait. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:27.040 But even that is messy. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:28.760 It is even if it goes the way you want 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:31.080 it to go, it's messy, and it's going to put 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:32.200 you in a bad position. 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:35.520 I think you know that. Well, I don't know if 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:38.040 this is a if anonymous is a man or woman, 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:38.840 So I don't know if this. 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:43.720 Is a anonymous. Oh do you know that second to 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:45.240 last sentence for context, I'm a. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.680 Woman, Okay, okay. 0:07:49.320 --> 0:07:53.240 I think maybe you try and date women because maybe 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.480 it's I don't know the situation. If it's the first 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:58.760 woman you've had feelings for, so it feels like really 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:02.679 deep and really big. You're spending most of your time 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:05.120 with this person. This is probably the most like connection 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:08.440 you have with another person in an intimate, in like 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:12.440 a close way. I think that maybe you start putting 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:16.600 yourself out there to date other people, and I personally 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:21.240 think that the way that it's leading you should potentially look. 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:21.800 For another job. 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.880 I just feel like there's something about the forbidden fruit, 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:27.200 like for me, even when I'm single, Like seeing a 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:29.480 guy with a wedding ring on, I was like, that's 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:31.600 so sexy and hot, you know, so like there might 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.240 be some of that going on with your boss, like 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:37.520 she's married and like or you know, she's married and 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:38.960 like I can't have her, and. 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:40.080 Like there's something to it. 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:43.480 So that also might be playing into like your like 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:45.400 fixation on this fairy tale. 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:48.680 Yeah, it's it's a no for me. 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.520 I just think if you're if you are already anticipating 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:55.319 that you might cross the line and the interactions are 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:59.080 getting more informal, I just think it might save yourself 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:05.559 so many things, either rejection, either getting yourself into this mess, 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:11.520 or or just making a huge mistake career wise. I 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:15.440 think that it might be best to find another place 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:16.840 of employment. 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:19.920 Let me tell you, because here's the thing. 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:23.400 Robbie came home to me and said, yeah, my secretary 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:27.200 said she has feelings for me. You best believe I 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.079 would not be bejeweled that woman would be halfway across 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:34.560 the four or five okay, knowing he's married. 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:39.640 No, you know what I mean, Like thatocating right, change jobs. 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:44.120 I don't think to say why she's changing jobs that. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:47.120 I think you need to remove yourself from the temptation 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:50.400 because I agree. I think forbidden fruit and like the 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.880 chase of something that's unavailable is very innate in us 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:54.520 as humans. 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.360 I think, and look, keep looking her up on Instagram, 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.640 keep a tab on her, just to see what's going on. 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:01.640 Maybe one day she gets divorced, and then you. 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:05.880 Can do not listen to that cool advice. 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:09.080 I think if she gets to if she is in 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:11.360 a position where she's not happy in her marriage and 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.520 the feelings are reciprocated, she needs to deal with that 0:10:14.800 --> 0:10:17.760 on her side before you're at all involved. 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:19.959 And she no, I know, I know, but I'm saying. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.360 I don't need to keep tabs on her. 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.840 Secretary keeping tabs on Robbie, just in case you guys 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:25.400 get divorced. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.360 Guess what she can she she'd be waiting for a 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:31.440 long time, locking his photos, engaging with him, responding to 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:32.199 his messages. 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.120 No, no, no, no no no, it's engage. I just to 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:37.040 keep an eye. No liking, no, stay away. 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.320 I think your best bet is to find somebody else. 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.920 If you guys start dating somebody else and put these 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:43.440 kind of this kind of energy into her, that would 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:47.120 be ideal and then you could move on. But if 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:49.320 that's not feasible, I think, yeah, you're gonna have to 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:50.440 go somewhere else to work. 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:52.719 I just think she doesn't want to do that though. 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.280 That's the drag. She does not want to chase jobs something. 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:56.920 She's got a great relationship with the loss, just in 0:10:57.000 --> 0:11:00.640 terms of one on one the relationship seems cool aside. 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:02.719 If you're going to stay at the job and you're 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:04.640 going to have these interactions, I think you need to 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:10.720 set boundaries and make the interactions more professional, less less informal, 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:14.360 so that you are setting a boundary for yourself and 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:18.000 for your boss. And if you can't do that, if 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:19.640 you think you're going to cross the line, I think 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:21.200 you remove yourself from the situation. 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:22.240 That's my advice. 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:23.720 And I also think you put yourself out there and 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:28.240 start dating, because maybe you're seeking a relationship and intimacy, 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:31.680 but you're getting enough of it, of a tease of 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.400 it at work, so you have stopped putting in the 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:36.720 effort outside of work. I don't know if that's the case, 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:40.040 but we don't think lowly of you. I think you're 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.960 having a very human experience. But I don't want you 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.240 to get hurt and put yourself in a position of 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.920 messiness of someone else's marriage. 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:51.280 Coming up next, we're talking age gaps. 0:11:51.360 --> 0:12:08.120 Love it. 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:09.959 All right, we are back with an age gap question. 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.080 Hi, Bega, Tanya, Marc and easton day one Scrubber Here, 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.080 I'm needing some advice. What do you think is an 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:18.000 appropriate age gap to be dating someone? I'm thirty four 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.160 years old. I'm starting to develop a crush on someone 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.360 who's twenty five. Is that crazy? I know we're at 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.720 different stages in our lives, but he is very mature 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.199 for his age and has a good job. 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:27.719 I know. 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:29.719 If roles were reversed and this is a thirty four 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:31.720 year old man dating a twenty five year old woman, 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.280 it wouldn't be that weird. Am I overthinking this? Should 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:35.760 I just go for it and have fun? Or is 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:38.400 this age gap too much? Thanks for any and all advice. 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:40.760 I say go for it and have fun. 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.760 I don't love it, and I'll tell you why. That 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:46.560 twenty five year old guy, he is not fully formed. 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.160 I have a low opinion of young men. I'm sorry 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.760 I do because I was one teenage boys are the worst. 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.600 Doesn't get a lot better by twenty five. Thirty three great, 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.880 twenty five not awesome. So my concern is that men. 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:00.800 I mean, you say he's mature, I don't know in 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.200 terms of maturity. To me, this is like twenty five 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:05.439 to thirty four in this situation is like nineteen to 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:09.560 forty five. Right, you are fully formed. You are an 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:11.719 adult woman who knows what she wants. And is not 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:15.080 going to take any nonsense. He's all nonsense at twenty five. 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.960 I could be wrong. But if you're just looking to 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.000 have fun, great, go have fun. But if you're thinking 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.280 of this as a long term commitment, I don't know. 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:26.360 I say have fun. I say you are aware of 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:28.360 what could happen with a twenty five year old because 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.480 you're writing and asking about it, so you know all 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:35.160 the you know what could happen, the possibilities. 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.240 I love an age gap. I am in an age gap, 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:40.760 and I'm all for it. 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:42.320 Let's go. 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:44.680 Yeah, But I guess age gap. 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.280 Y'all are both at an age where the age gap 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.160 isn't as like A isn't as prominent in terms of 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.480 like maturity and goal setting. 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:54.920 Who's to say I feel confident about that? 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:55.240 You do? 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:56.440 Yeah? 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.960 Based on Robbie at twenty five. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.360 Robbi did not know him at twenty five. But I 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:05.320 feel like Robby at twenty five was probably excellent. 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:10.599 That's very sure he was. But I'm saying you. 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:14.120 You at twenty five, that's another story. So that's another story. 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.480 Me at twenty five, she was, she was, she was lost. 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:20.000 Listen, I think do your thing. 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:24.840 I just watched Bridget Jones diary The New Wow. 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:26.880 It's so emotional. 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.040 I've never seen a single Bridget Jones diary. 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.920 You never want not one. 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:34.080 Oh my, you should do a binge weekend. 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:38.760 So anyways, she has a relationship with a much younger guy, 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:44.520 Leo Woodall oh yeah, yeah, yeah, love love and there 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.920 you know, they they explore all these things. And I 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:51.160 just thought it was so cute because he spoiler alert, 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:53.000 but he kind of gets her back on her feet, 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.200 you know, and and I think back in the saddle 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:01.800 to ride the stallion and and have fun, and just 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:03.840 just know that there could be a moment where he 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.400 isn't aligned in what y'all are looking for long term. 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:11.360 Jump one it, let's do it. 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:17.280 Ride it my twenty five year old old, I say, 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:18.040 get on it. 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:20.000 From a day one scrubber. 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.160 Hey everyone, I'm twenty nine and finally at the chapter 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:23.840 in my life where me and my husband are trying 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:26.440 to have kids. With that I struggle every day with 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:29.000 imposter syndrome. I can't help it feel bad for any 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.240 of my future kids that might get stuck with me 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.120 as a mom. Is it normal to feel this way? 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.120 It makes me question if I want kids or if 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.720 I'm completely going to mess them up. 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:38.520 Love you all. 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:40.520 You put a smile on my face anytime I open 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:43.080 my phone to a new podcast episode. 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:45.880 Mark, you're the only one who can truly speak to 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:47.479 this as a parent. 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.840 One at a time. Here, I think it's very common. 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:53.120 I remember when my youngest was born in the spring, 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:56.280 about six and they gave her to us, really. 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.360 Mean your oldest. Huh what I say, youngest? 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:58.520 Oh? 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:00.800 Sorry, my oldest is born. And I said, what are 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:03.560 you doing? You're just gonna give this child to us. 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.920 We have no idea what's supposed to happen here. And 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:08.520 you go home and you're like, we don't know what 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.560 we're doing. We're just morons. And there's a baby here 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:14.240 and holy crap, well now she's in college. So you 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:17.080 figure it out, and also feelings come in to you. 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.000 The quote I always use is you think right now 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.400 that you know what love is and what love feels like, 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.400 but you have no idea. When you see that baby 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:30.080 laying there helpless in the whatever the cradle, you realize. 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:30.800 Oh, this is love. 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:34.120 This is a whole you unlocked the whole other level, 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:37.720 and so that's gonna happen naturally. I guarantee it. I 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:39.720 think my wife wondered if she would be a good mom. 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.680 She's a spectacular mom so much, and now it's she's 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:47.760 all mom. She's one hundred percent mom. She's such a mom, 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.080 even the one in college. They're always talking. It's always 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:54.200 the mothering never stops. And boy, that came out strong. 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:57.200 Your natural maternal instincts are going to kick in and 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.480 you're gonna be amazed at how well you do with this. 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:01.720 And also, so you are going to mess them up, 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:03.479 because that's what every. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:04.359 Parent does to their children. 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.680 As committed as you are to not messing them up, 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:09.240 you will in some ways. They will be in therapy 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.879 one day talking about something that you did as a parent, 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:14.800 and it's all You're going to do the best you 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.080 can and there's nothing you can do about that. But 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.480 that's okay. They're going to love you no matter what. 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:21.560 So I think you're gonna be great. Yeah. 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:22.960 I think you're going to be great too. And I 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.680 think that you're even aware of this. And I also 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:28.240 think if you're not already in therapy working on things 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:32.200 that you feel impacted you as a child, that your 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:34.600 parents did, like working on things that you've carried that 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.640 you're scared to mess and putting quotes up, mess them up. 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.320 Start working on that so that when you have a baby, 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:44.159 you feel like you're at least working and healing on 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.159 something that you are afraid of. 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:49.440 Yeah, And I think everybody has these feelings. 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:49.840 Yeah. 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:50.400 I was Ali. 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:52.560 I was with Ali last night, who's pregnant, and we 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:54.359 were talking about She was like, I feel like you're 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:59.000 so maternal, Like there's this natural like maternal energy that 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:01.960 you have talking to me, and I was I was like, yeah, 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:04.600 but I don't think that that makes a difference of 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.000 how you're going to be as a mom. I think 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:08.800 some people have a natural urge towards kids or I 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:11.159 was surrounded by kids my whole life. It was like 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:14.159 very innate in me. But I also think it doesn't 0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:17.199 mean that you're going to be not like not a 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.040 good mom, or the maternal instinct isn't going to kick in. 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.760 Yeah, Like I often think about when I think about 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:24.240 being a mom, Like I think about the like the 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.760 years from like five on, Like the thought of having 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.560 a newborn baby that you have to like like we 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:33.000 were saying take home not like that freaks me out. 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.440 Yeah, Like totally freaks me out. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:36.520 That's what I got favorite. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:38.919 You know, those dumb baby on board stickers people on 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:40.480 the car and I always hated those and always make 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:42.720