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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beccatelli and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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Speaker 3: Scrub a dub dumb webe a little.

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Speaker 4: Dear Bonia episode that we do. Oh sorry, choking We you.

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Speaker 3: Know how it started with me too?

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Speaker 4: None, it was more like the water down the wrong pipe.

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Speaker 4: But I'll keep you posted on my glossy eyes. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: let's get right to it.

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Speaker 5: Hey, it's from anonymous. Hello Bekatanya, Mark and Easton and

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Speaker 5: the whole gang. I think that's the gang right, the

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Speaker 5: new scrubber here. I've been dealing with an issue. Would

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Speaker 5: love to hear your advice. I'm twenty three. I've never dated.

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Speaker 5: I was fine with that until recently when I noticed

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Speaker 5: all of my peers are getting engaged, in married, or

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Speaker 5: are in relationships unlike me. It's so it's started to

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Speaker 5: bother me. I've tried a couple of online dating apps.

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Speaker 5: Nothing has really come from them. At first, I would

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Speaker 5: back out of the dates at the last minute because

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Speaker 5: of my commitment issues, but I eventually got over that.

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Speaker 5: Kept trying, but nothing it's worked out. Is it normal

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Speaker 5: to have never dated at my age? I would love

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Speaker 5: any advice from you guys on how to proceed. I

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Speaker 5: feel like I've grown emotionally and I'm ready for a relationship.

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Speaker 5: Side note, I'm Ukrainian and I have been living in

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Speaker 5: Poland for five years now. Could a difference in mentality

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Speaker 5: be playing a role? I spent my teenage years in

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Speaker 5: another country? Anyway, I love you all, Thank you so

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Speaker 5: much for the podcast. You guys brighten my day every day.

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Speaker 5: And ps, I'm on season one, so it's fun following

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Speaker 5: you all from the beginning.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's fun.

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Speaker 6: Of the show.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh, we have seasons.

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Speaker 2: No, but I'm sure like from the beginning, I guess

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: But it's funny that she's not going to hear the

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Speaker 5: answer to this until like three four years from now.

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Speaker 3: I wish we did have seasons. That'd be cute.

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Speaker 1: Yes, now in two season three, I love that there's

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Speaker 1: a Ukrainian woman in Poland listening to scrubbing again.

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Speaker 6: That makes me so happy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that's the cool thing.

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Speaker 4: Here's the thing. I did not date anyone until after

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Speaker 4: The Bachelor. Yeah, and I was twenty six twenty seven,

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Speaker 4: so I I personally see nothing wrong with this. I

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Speaker 4: do think that when you're watching all of your peers

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Speaker 4: and your friends going through these things and having relationships

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Speaker 4: and having heartbreak and having these life stages that our

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Speaker 4: society pushes and encourages in terms of like how life

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Speaker 4: should go in terms of timing. I get where the

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Speaker 4: pressure comes from. And also if that's like a desire

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Speaker 4: of your heart to ultimately be married and find your person.

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Speaker 4: But you're so young, and I know that you're hearing

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Speaker 4: this being like, oh, I hate when people say that,

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Speaker 4: But I'm thinking I'm thinking back to when I went

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Speaker 4: on the Bachelor at twenty six, and I was like,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to find my person to get engaged. Maybe

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Speaker 4: how crazy that felt in hindsight. I would have crushes

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Speaker 4: on people. I would chase people, and then as soon

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Speaker 4: as they liked me back. I also had commitment issues.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if that was because I there was

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Speaker 4: something that I felt. I grew up in a very

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Speaker 4: Christian conservative background. I was waiting for marriage. I felt

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Speaker 4: very protective over my space and my emotions and my vulnerability,

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Speaker 4: and I didn't realize that, but I think looking back now,

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Speaker 4: I was scared of anyone getting too close to me,

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Speaker 4: so I would run the other way if they showed

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Speaker 4: interest to me. So I don't think you're behind. I

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Speaker 4: don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're

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Speaker 4: wanting to date and meet someone and have a romantic relationship,

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Speaker 4: sure like put in the effort on dating apps and

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Speaker 4: go out and you know, put yourself out there when

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Speaker 4: you're out in public if you see someone you're interested in.

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Speaker 4: But that also takes practice letting yourself be open to that.

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Speaker 1: In my opinion, I feel like I want to focus

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Speaker 1: on that, is it normal to have never done all

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Speaker 1: that in my age? Because I feel like normal is

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Speaker 1: out the door now, you know what I mean. Like

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Speaker 1: it's no one's doing things that are normal anymore. I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's just we're so far past that. And

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Speaker 1: I just want you to get that out of your

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Speaker 1: head because I feel like you feeling like you're not

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Speaker 1: normal is gonna hinder you in your dating life and

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Speaker 1: it shouldn't. You should not treat that as like any

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Speaker 1: sort of insecurity because I don't think it's weird, and

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Speaker 1: it's all in your approach. If you start dating people

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Speaker 1: and you're like, I've never dated before, and you like

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Speaker 1: approach it with that type of insecure attitude. It's gonna

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Speaker 1: show where. I don't even think you need to. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't even to be an issue. You're just dating, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: just dating.

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Speaker 4: You're open to whatever, open to whatever, wherever, if it's

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Speaker 4: when it's happened. Even think about, honestly, think about the

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Speaker 4: people that you know or that you've heard about who

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Speaker 4: have gone through a breakup and they're having to put

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Speaker 4: themselves back out there. There's still a everyone goes through

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Speaker 4: this feeling of like, oh, I'm putting myself out there,

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Speaker 4: I'm opening myself up to rejection or someone getting to

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Speaker 4: know me. Like even if it's even if you've been

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Speaker 4: in a relationship, this is a this is a very

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Speaker 4: human feeling that you're experiencing.

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Speaker 2: So go into it with confidence.

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Speaker 4: Of like I'm ready to go, Like, let's see who

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Speaker 4: number one is going to be.

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Speaker 6: I agree, nice, I like that.

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Speaker 5: I tell my daughters that there is no such thing

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Speaker 5: as normal. Ye stop that, because everybody's got their stuff.

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Speaker 3: Everybody, many people you think are normal are so notice that.

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Speaker 6: They're working on stuff.

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Speaker 5: They deal with all of it. Anonymous, I've liked the

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Speaker 5: same person for a year and a half. It's troublesome

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Speaker 5: because she's my boss, and she's married. We interact closely

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Speaker 5: every day because of the nature of our job, and

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Speaker 5: I've overanalyzed every interaction. Our hands have brushed a couple

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Speaker 5: of times longer than normal eye contact. She calls me nicknames.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes we have one on one lunches when no one

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Speaker 5: else does. I've traveled together for work, I've gone close

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Speaker 5: to her. My feelings have grown stronger. I thought after

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Speaker 5: a year the crush would fade, but I've never been

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Speaker 5: so attracted to someone or cared to spend so much

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Speaker 5: time with someone and learn as much as I quit

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Speaker 5: about their past and present life. I've thought about writing

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Speaker 5: too many times, but I feel embarrassed in like a

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Speaker 5: horrible person, because I know holding onto feelings for a

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Speaker 5: married person is wrong and out of bounds. I justify

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Speaker 5: to myself because I never have feelings for anyone and

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Speaker 5: I want to hold on.

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Speaker 6: Too finally liking someone.

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Speaker 5: Do you think it's wrong to stay in my position

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Speaker 5: with the feelings I have for my boss? Should I

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Speaker 5: quit my job, switch departments see if the feelings fade.

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Speaker 5: I feel I'm too comfortable around her in my reactions

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Speaker 5: and interactions, too informal, and I'm afraid one day I'll

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Speaker 5: cross the line of unprofessionalism because I have these feelings

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Speaker 5: for her. At any point, is it appropriate to tell

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Speaker 5: a married person you have feelings for them and that's

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Speaker 5: why you're leaving a job. For context, I'm a woman

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Speaker 5: in my early thirties, old enough to know better. That's

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Speaker 5: her words, not mine. Thank you for the podcast each week.

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Speaker 5: Hope you won't think too lowly of me. We don't

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Speaker 5: think lowly of you.

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Speaker 4: First, Yeah, we don't think this is you know, you're

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Speaker 4: sometimes are.

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Speaker 2: Human.

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Speaker 4: Feelings are out of our control, but what is in

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Speaker 4: our control is how we navigate them and act on them.

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Speaker 2: And I think that you need.

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Speaker 4: To stay far away from acting on your feelings with

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Speaker 4: this one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like telling a married person that you

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Speaker 1: have feelings for them is so disrespectful.

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Speaker 3: I don't, but then again, it's like your feelings and you.

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Speaker 6: Can you can see it in her head right.

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Speaker 5: She says, Look, I have to leave this job because

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Speaker 5: I'm in love with you, and then the boss says, wait.

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Speaker 2: But even that is messy.

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Speaker 4: It is even if it goes the way you want

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Speaker 4: it to go, it's messy, and it's going to put

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Speaker 4: you in a bad position.

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Speaker 2: I think you know that. Well, I don't know if

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Speaker 2: this is a if anonymous is a man or woman,

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Speaker 2: So I don't know if this.

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Speaker 5: Is a anonymous. Oh do you know that second to

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Speaker 5: last sentence for context, I'm a.

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Speaker 3: Woman, Okay, okay.

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Speaker 4: I think maybe you try and date women because maybe

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Speaker 4: it's I don't know the situation. If it's the first

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Speaker 4: woman you've had feelings for, so it feels like really

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Speaker 4: deep and really big. You're spending most of your time

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Speaker 4: with this person. This is probably the most like connection

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Speaker 4: you have with another person in an intimate, in like

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Speaker 4: a close way. I think that maybe you start putting

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Speaker 4: yourself out there to date other people, and I personally

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Speaker 4: think that the way that it's leading you should potentially look.

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Speaker 2: For another job.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like there's something about the forbidden fruit,

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Speaker 1: like for me, even when I'm single, Like seeing a

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Speaker 1: guy with a wedding ring on, I was like, that's

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Speaker 1: so sexy and hot, you know, so like there might

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Speaker 1: be some of that going on with your boss, like

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Speaker 1: she's married and like or you know, she's married and

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Speaker 1: like I can't have her, and.

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Speaker 3: Like there's something to it.

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Speaker 1: So that also might be playing into like your like

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Speaker 1: fixation on this fairy tale.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's a no for me.

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Speaker 4: I just think if you're if you are already anticipating

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Speaker 4: that you might cross the line and the interactions are

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Speaker 4: getting more informal, I just think it might save yourself

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Speaker 4: so many things, either rejection, either getting yourself into this mess,

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Speaker 4: or or just making a huge mistake career wise. I

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Speaker 4: think that it might be best to find another place

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Speaker 4: of employment.

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Speaker 3: Let me tell you, because here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: Robbie came home to me and said, yeah, my secretary

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Speaker 1: said she has feelings for me. You best believe I

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Speaker 1: would not be bejeweled that woman would be halfway across

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Speaker 1: the four or five okay, knowing he's married.

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Speaker 5: No, you know what I mean, Like thatocating right, change jobs.

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Speaker 4: I don't think to say why she's changing jobs that.

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Speaker 4: I think you need to remove yourself from the temptation

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Speaker 4: because I agree. I think forbidden fruit and like the

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Speaker 4: chase of something that's unavailable is very innate in us

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Speaker 4: as humans.

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Speaker 1: I think, and look, keep looking her up on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: keep a tab on her, just to see what's going on.

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Speaker 3: Maybe one day she gets divorced, and then you.

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Speaker 2: Can do not listen to that cool advice.

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Speaker 4: I think if she gets to if she is in

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Speaker 4: a position where she's not happy in her marriage and

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Speaker 4: the feelings are reciprocated, she needs to deal with that

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Speaker 4: on her side before you're at all involved.

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Speaker 3: And she no, I know, I know, but I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: I don't need to keep tabs on her.

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Speaker 5: Secretary keeping tabs on Robbie, just in case you guys

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Speaker 5: get divorced.

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Speaker 1: Guess what she can she she'd be waiting for a

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Speaker 1: long time, locking his photos, engaging with him, responding to

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Speaker 1: his messages.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no no, it's engage. I just to

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Speaker 3: keep an eye. No liking, no, stay away.

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Speaker 5: I think your best bet is to find somebody else.

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Speaker 5: If you guys start dating somebody else and put these

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Speaker 5: kind of this kind of energy into her, that would

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Speaker 5: be ideal and then you could move on. But if

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Speaker 5: that's not feasible, I think, yeah, you're gonna have to

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Speaker 5: go somewhere else to work.

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Speaker 6: I just think she doesn't want to do that though.

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Speaker 6: That's the drag. She does not want to chase jobs something.

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Speaker 5: She's got a great relationship with the loss, just in

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Speaker 5: terms of one on one the relationship seems cool aside.

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Speaker 4: If you're going to stay at the job and you're

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Speaker 4: going to have these interactions, I think you need to

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Speaker 4: set boundaries and make the interactions more professional, less less informal,

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Speaker 4: so that you are setting a boundary for yourself and

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Speaker 4: for your boss. And if you can't do that, if

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Speaker 4: you think you're going to cross the line, I think

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Speaker 4: you remove yourself from the situation.

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Speaker 2: That's my advice.

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Speaker 4: And I also think you put yourself out there and

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Speaker 4: start dating, because maybe you're seeking a relationship and intimacy,

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Speaker 4: but you're getting enough of it, of a tease of

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Speaker 4: it at work, so you have stopped putting in the

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Speaker 4: effort outside of work. I don't know if that's the case,

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Speaker 4: but we don't think lowly of you. I think you're

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Speaker 4: having a very human experience. But I don't want you

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Speaker 4: to get hurt and put yourself in a position of

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Speaker 4: messiness of someone else's marriage.

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Speaker 6: Coming up next, we're talking age gaps.

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Speaker 3: Love it.

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Speaker 2: All right, we are back with an age gap question.

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Speaker 5: Hi, Bega, Tanya, Marc and easton day one Scrubber Here,

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Speaker 5: I'm needing some advice. What do you think is an

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Speaker 5: appropriate age gap to be dating someone? I'm thirty four

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Speaker 5: years old. I'm starting to develop a crush on someone

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Speaker 5: who's twenty five. Is that crazy? I know we're at

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Speaker 5: different stages in our lives, but he is very mature

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Speaker 5: for his age and has a good job.

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Speaker 6: I know.

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Speaker 5: If roles were reversed and this is a thirty four

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Speaker 5: year old man dating a twenty five year old woman,

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Speaker 5: it wouldn't be that weird. Am I overthinking this? Should

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Speaker 5: I just go for it and have fun? Or is

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Speaker 5: this age gap too much? Thanks for any and all advice.

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Speaker 2: I say go for it and have fun.

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Speaker 5: I don't love it, and I'll tell you why. That

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Speaker 5: twenty five year old guy, he is not fully formed.

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Speaker 5: I have a low opinion of young men. I'm sorry

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Speaker 5: I do because I was one teenage boys are the worst.

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Speaker 5: Doesn't get a lot better by twenty five. Thirty three great,

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Speaker 5: twenty five not awesome. So my concern is that men.

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Speaker 5: I mean, you say he's mature, I don't know in

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Speaker 5: terms of maturity. To me, this is like twenty five

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Speaker 5: to thirty four in this situation is like nineteen to

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Speaker 5: forty five. Right, you are fully formed. You are an

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Speaker 5: adult woman who knows what she wants. And is not

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Speaker 5: going to take any nonsense. He's all nonsense at twenty five.

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Speaker 5: I could be wrong. But if you're just looking to

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Speaker 5: have fun, great, go have fun. But if you're thinking

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Speaker 5: of this as a long term commitment, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I say have fun. I say you are aware of

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Speaker 4: what could happen with a twenty five year old because

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Speaker 4: you're writing and asking about it, so you know all

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Speaker 4: the you know what could happen, the possibilities.

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Speaker 1: I love an age gap. I am in an age gap,

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Speaker 1: and I'm all for it.

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Speaker 3: Let's go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, But I guess age gap.

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Speaker 4: Y'all are both at an age where the age gap

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Speaker 4: isn't as like A isn't as prominent in terms of

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Speaker 4: like maturity and goal setting.

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Speaker 3: Who's to say I feel confident about that?

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Speaker 5: You do?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Based on Robbie at twenty five.

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Speaker 1: Robbi did not know him at twenty five. But I

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Speaker 1: feel like Robby at twenty five was probably excellent.

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Speaker 2: That's very sure he was. But I'm saying you.

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Speaker 3: You at twenty five, that's another story. So that's another story.

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Speaker 3: Me at twenty five, she was, she was, she was lost.

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Speaker 2: Listen, I think do your thing.

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Speaker 4: I just watched Bridget Jones diary The New Wow.

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Speaker 2: It's so emotional.

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Speaker 3: I've never seen a single Bridget Jones diary.

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Speaker 6: You never want not one.

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Speaker 2: Oh my, you should do a binge weekend.

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Speaker 4: So anyways, she has a relationship with a much younger guy,

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Speaker 4: Leo Woodall oh yeah, yeah, yeah, love love and there

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Speaker 4: you know, they they explore all these things. And I

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Speaker 4: just thought it was so cute because he spoiler alert,

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Speaker 4: but he kind of gets her back on her feet,

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Speaker 4: you know, and and I think back in the saddle

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Speaker 4: to ride the stallion and and have fun, and just

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Speaker 4: just know that there could be a moment where he

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Speaker 4: isn't aligned in what y'all are looking for long term.

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Speaker 3: Jump one it, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: Ride it my twenty five year old old, I say,

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Speaker 1: get on it.

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Speaker 6: From a day one scrubber.

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Speaker 5: Hey everyone, I'm twenty nine and finally at the chapter

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Speaker 5: in my life where me and my husband are trying

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Speaker 5: to have kids. With that I struggle every day with

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Speaker 5: imposter syndrome. I can't help it feel bad for any

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Speaker 5: of my future kids that might get stuck with me

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Speaker 5: as a mom. Is it normal to feel this way?

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Speaker 5: It makes me question if I want kids or if

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Speaker 5: I'm completely going to mess them up.

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Speaker 6: Love you all.

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Speaker 5: You put a smile on my face anytime I open

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Speaker 5: my phone to a new podcast episode.

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Speaker 2: Mark, you're the only one who can truly speak to

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Speaker 2: this as a parent.

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Speaker 6: One at a time. Here, I think it's very common.

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Speaker 5: I remember when my youngest was born in the spring,

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Speaker 5: about six and they gave her to us, really.

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Speaker 3: Mean your oldest. Huh what I say, youngest?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 5: Sorry, my oldest is born. And I said, what are

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Speaker 5: you doing? You're just gonna give this child to us.

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Speaker 5: We have no idea what's supposed to happen here. And

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Speaker 5: you go home and you're like, we don't know what

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Speaker 5: we're doing. We're just morons. And there's a baby here

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Speaker 5: and holy crap, well now she's in college. So you

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Speaker 5: figure it out, and also feelings come in to you.

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Speaker 5: The quote I always use is you think right now

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Speaker 5: that you know what love is and what love feels like,

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Speaker 5: but you have no idea. When you see that baby

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Speaker 5: laying there helpless in the whatever the cradle, you realize.

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Speaker 6: Oh, this is love.

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Speaker 5: This is a whole you unlocked the whole other level,

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Speaker 5: and so that's gonna happen naturally. I guarantee it. I

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Speaker 5: think my wife wondered if she would be a good mom.

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Speaker 5: She's a spectacular mom so much, and now it's she's

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Speaker 5: all mom. She's one hundred percent mom. She's such a mom,

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Speaker 5: even the one in college. They're always talking. It's always

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Speaker 5: the mothering never stops. And boy, that came out strong.

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Speaker 5: Your natural maternal instincts are going to kick in and

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Speaker 5: you're gonna be amazed at how well you do with this.

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Speaker 5: And also, so you are going to mess them up,

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Speaker 5: because that's what every.

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Speaker 6: Parent does to their children.

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Speaker 5: As committed as you are to not messing them up,

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Speaker 5: you will in some ways. They will be in therapy

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Speaker 5: one day talking about something that you did as a parent,

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Speaker 5: and it's all You're going to do the best you

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Speaker 5: can and there's nothing you can do about that. But

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Speaker 5: that's okay. They're going to love you no matter what.

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Speaker 5: So I think you're gonna be great. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I think you're going to be great too. And I

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Speaker 4: think that you're even aware of this. And I also

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Speaker 4: think if you're not already in therapy working on things

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Speaker 4: that you feel impacted you as a child, that your

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Speaker 4: parents did, like working on things that you've carried that

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Speaker 4: you're scared to mess and putting quotes up, mess them up.

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Speaker 4: Start working on that so that when you have a baby,

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Speaker 4: you feel like you're at least working and healing on

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Speaker 4: something that you are afraid of.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think everybody has these feelings.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I was Ali.

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Speaker 4: I was with Ali last night, who's pregnant, and we

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Speaker 4: were talking about She was like, I feel like you're

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Speaker 4: so maternal, Like there's this natural like maternal energy that

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Speaker 4: you have talking to me, and I was I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: but I don't think that that makes a difference of

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Speaker 4: how you're going to be as a mom. I think

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Speaker 4: some people have a natural urge towards kids or I

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Speaker 4: was surrounded by kids my whole life. It was like

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Speaker 4: very innate in me. But I also think it doesn't

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Speaker 4: mean that you're going to be not like not a

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Speaker 4: good mom, or the maternal instinct isn't going to kick in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I often think about when I think about

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Speaker 1: being a mom, Like I think about the like the

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Speaker 1: years from like five on, Like the thought of having

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Speaker 1: a newborn baby that you have to like like we

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Speaker 1: were saying take home not like that freaks me out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like totally freaks me out.

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Speaker 2: That's what I got favorite.

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Speaker 5: You know, those dumb baby on board stickers people on

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Speaker 5: the car and I always hated those and always make

401
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Speaker 5: fun of them. As I was driving home from the

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Speaker 5: hospital that day with Ali in the back seat, I

403
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Speaker 5: remember thinking to myself, these people would not be driving

404
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Speaker 5: so crazily if they knew I had a newborn baby

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Speaker 5: in this car.

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Speaker 6: And I'm like, Oh, those are those damn spines. That's

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Speaker 6: why they put those up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that that is what that's that freaks me out.

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Speaker 5: I was gripping that wheel of ten and two. I

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Speaker 5: was so scared for the first time.

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Speaker 1: It's scared driving like my step kids and they're fully grown,

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Speaker 1: Like I cannot imagine fully grown well you.

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Speaker 3: Know what I mean, not babies.

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Speaker 1: I could not imagine driving a newborn baby and a

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Speaker 1: like a motorized vehicle on the freeways here in Los Angeles.

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Speaker 6: Don't feel bad for your future kids.

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Speaker 2: You're going to be amazing, amazing, so.

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Speaker 5: Lucky to have you as a mom, and they're going

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Speaker 5: to love you so much. And just the fact that

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Speaker 5: you're asking these questions is the indicator that you're going

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Speaker 5: to be spectacular. I think we should take another break.

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Speaker 2: All right, we are back, and I think we have one.

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Speaker 6: She actually gave a name on this one.

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Speaker 5: Everything is anonymous except for this one from single Sierra

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Speaker 5: him My sweet Friends.

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Speaker 6: Huh.

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Speaker 5: I've been a listener since the very first episode. It's

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Speaker 5: crazy to reflect and see how many lives I've lived

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Speaker 5: and how many monumental moments you guys have unknowingly experienced

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Speaker 5: with me.

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Speaker 6: That's really nice.

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Speaker 5: I've gone through a long term relationship in that time,

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Speaker 5: I was single for two years. I just got out

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Speaker 5: of a six month relationship. I'm twenty six, and while

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00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,520
Speaker 5: that's obviously still young, it's hard to not be bummed

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Speaker 5: at the thought of starting over yet again. But nothing

437
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,399
Speaker 5: scares me more than being with the wrong guy and

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Speaker 5: starting over even later in life. Just because I'm scared now, Tanya,

439
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Speaker 5: you've helped me in more ways than you know in

440
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Speaker 5: not settling, waiting for mister Wright, and to not fear

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Speaker 5: that I'll be too much for anyone as I too

442
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 5: lead with my heart and dive all in. With all

443
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 5: that being said, recently getting out of this relationship, how

444
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,959
Speaker 5: long do I wait before getting back on the saddle,

445
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,200
Speaker 5: and not necessarily the inappropriate saddle, Tony, it's probably thinking

446
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 5: of right now. I'm doing fine because i've after he

447
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 5: wasn't my person and it was my decision to end things.

448
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,239
Speaker 5: But the thought of talking to guys again in this

449
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,440
Speaker 5: moment feels icky. But at the same time, I want

450
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,760
Speaker 5: to find my person. I'd love your thoughts on this.

451
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 5: Thank you for being my people all these years. Never

452
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 5: stop the pod or I'll have to replay old episodes

453
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 5: like I do with my friends daily.

454
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,400
Speaker 6: Single Sierra, she.

455
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 3: Knows me too well, this Sierra, she does.

456
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 4: She called you out before you could even have the

457
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 4: thought actually get back on that side.

458
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:31,240
Speaker 2: She was about to go back and uncomfortable.

459
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 3: Rat it his pony. But that's not what she's.

460
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 2: That's not what she was wanting from us.

461
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 3: I say, start now, but now it's not now.

462
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 5: When?

463
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 2: If not you, who? If not here, where?

464
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 3: What are we waiting for?

465
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: What are you waiting anyway? Love me like you do,

466
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: love me like you do?

467
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 1: Who?

468
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,479
Speaker 3: Here's the thing, Sierrah.

469
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 1: Tell her get back on the saddle immediately, because here's

470
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 1: the thing. Even if you if it's too soon, you

471
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,440
Speaker 1: don't want like I remember, I went on a zoom

472
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 1: date with somebody when Robin and I were broken up,

473
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: and I ended up talking about Robbie the whole date,

474
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,200
Speaker 1: and it's like who cares no harm, no fouls, do

475
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?

476
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 4: Like, yeah, he wasn't your guy, so it's like follow

477
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 4: that guy way.

478
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's married with a baby now.

479
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: Actually this is the crazy Maybe we should get the

480
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 1: guy on the podcast because I was talking about Robbie

481
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: the whole date, and he was talking about his ex

482
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 1: the whole date, and then he got back with his

483
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,679
Speaker 1: ex and is married to her now with the baby,

484
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 1: And I'm back with Robbie about to get married hopefully

485
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 1: soon have a baby.

486
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 6: That's the best booking I can imagine.

487
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy?

488
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 5: Yeah?

489
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I still follow him, but but yeah, that's what

490
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, I went on this date obviously was

491
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 1: too soon.

492
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 3: I was still obsessed with Robbie, but it is what

493
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 3: it is.

494
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: What was the timeframe of that, I don't know. I

495
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 1: want to say it's maybe like a month after it

496
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: broke up. It wasn't like right away, yeah, but it

497
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: was like a definitely a month.

498
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 4: I think if you are even thinking about wanting to

499
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 4: go out and date and meet other people, I say,

500
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 4: do it like whatever you have drinks, you meet people,

501
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,200
Speaker 4: you'll be like. You might be like, okay, well I'm

502
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 4: not ready for this. Or you might be like that

503
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 4: didn't feel terrible. Yeah, let's do it again, right, get

504
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 4: a free meal, free drin.

505
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 6: Now, nothing wrong with people?

506
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 2: No, no, there's not.

507
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 4: And maybe you go maybe go on a date with

508
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 4: someone you're like, that's not my person, but maybe you

509
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 4: become friends and then they have a friend or do

510
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 4: you feel like the.

511
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 1: Most horrible dates that I went on and like my

512
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 1: worst experiences are still like funny stories and like memory

513
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 1: the plot, it's part.

514
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 3: Of the plot.

515
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, for the plot.

516
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 2: Do it for the plot.

517
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 4: Single Sierra, time to get back in the saddle, jump on.

518
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 2: We say, if not now when?

519
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 3: If not you who.

520
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:02,239
Speaker 2: We did have?

521
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:02,399
Speaker 5: Like?

522
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: Is this an update this story?

523
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 5: She hasked for us that she thought you'd be sure

524
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 5: a story story from Aaron Hi easton Mark, Oh, easton Mark,

525
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 5: Tanya and Becca look at that.

526
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 2: Billing at me on the docket.

527
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 5: But of whatever I'm writing to you specifically because of

528
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 5: something Tanya said a while back that stuck with me.

529
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 5: I don't remember when, but Tania spoke about her belief

530
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 5: that God always fulfills the desires he puts.

531
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 6: On your heart.

532
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 5: Don't want to share my story to preface. I was

533
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 5: so I am so fortunate to have all of my children.

534
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 5: I do not want this to come up as insensitive

535
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 5: to people struggling with infertility or people whose outcome wasn't

536
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,679
Speaker 5: the same as mine. I've always pictured having a daughter,

537
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 5: to the point that I started a baby girl clothing

538
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 5: box before I even became pregnant with my first. Fast

539
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 5: forward to twenty twenty four. We have two boys, the

540
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 5: lights of my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything,

541
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 5: but this was the year to have our third and

542
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 5: final child. We got pregnant, I prayed every single day

543
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 5: for a girl. I took a blood test it was

544
00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 5: another boy. I am ashamed to say. I cried for weeks.

545
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 5: I knew I'd love this baby like my others, but

546
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 5: I couldn't understand why God would put this yearning on

547
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 5: my heart and not fulfill it. I confided in a

548
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 5: friend and explain to her that Tanya's words struck stuck

549
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 5: with me and gave me hope for a daughter, and

550
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 5: I was so mad that it was wrong. My friend

551
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 5: told me stop praying for that baby girl and start

552
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 5: praying for understanding and belief in God's plan. So I

553
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 5: did this, I became happy with the outcome. I bought

554
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 5: the perfect blue paint, started designing a new nursery. I'm

555
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 5: here to tell you with tears in my eyes, I'm

556
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 5: currently holding my three month old baby girl aided James.

557
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 5: I went in from my ultrasound and she told me

558
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 5: I was not.

559
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 6: Having a boy. I was having a girl.

560
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 5: I made three ultrasound texts confirm it, and I did

561
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 5: another blood test to be sure. God works in mysterious ways.

562
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 5: I think the blood test being wrong was God's way

563
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 5: of testing my faith. And with faith, God really does

564
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 5: fulfill what he puts on your heart. It may not

565
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 5: be how you envisioned it, but he does. Hope my

566
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,159
Speaker 5: story makes you smile. Thanks for being a highlight of

567
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,359
Speaker 5: my day twice a week. Love you, guys. And she

568
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,239
Speaker 5: has attached a picture of her beautiful fan. Look at

569
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 5: those two young guys in the middle swaddled up here.

570
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 3: That's such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing that.

571
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 1: It's so true though, it's so interesting because like I do,

572
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: I do fully believe that that He fulfills the desires

573
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 1: of your heart. They're put there for a reason. But

574
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 1: you're so right that like it might not be. You

575
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: just have to trust in the you know what I mean.

576
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: Even if you didn't end up with your girl, there

577
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 1: there was a reason for that, you know.

578
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 3: But that's beautiful. I'm so happy that you got your daughter.

579
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. We love hearing from me all. We love stories

580
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 2: like this.

581
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 4: And if you have questions that you need advice on

582
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 4: or sharing stories updates, whatever it is, dms on Instagram

583
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,919
Speaker 4: at scrubbing in pot or email us at scrubbing in

584
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 4: at iHeartMedia dot com. That's all for today, folks, All

585
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 4: for today. Another week of scrubbing in.

586
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 3: Next week we're back and I test my ovulation.

587
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 4: Oh my god, stay tuned, Stay tuned, everybody. You know.

588
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: I'm excited because last month I was on day twelve

589
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: after do the math, it was day twelve.

590
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,959
Speaker 2: No, say this, save this for the pod. This is

591
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: what you mean. Save this for the next week. Give

592
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 2: the scrubbers something to look forward.

593
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 3: I feel like you're making fun of me.

594
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it.

595
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 3: Don't make it feels making fun.

596
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 4: Don't give it all the way right now, Wait till

597
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 4: we can talk about it in depth and have an

598
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 4: update on Monday.

599
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 3: I feel she'd make it fun of me.

600
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,360
Speaker 6: No, I don't get that at all.

601
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 4: Secret will never tell you know you love me, xoxo,

602
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 4: gossip Girl