Speaker 1: Hey, gek, how's it going?
Speaker 2: You know, man, it's going all right. Uh. I think
Speaker 2: I started off this recording session with a lot of
Speaker 2: energy because but it's it's kind of I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm crashing a little bit. Has ever happened to you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I I've been crashing a lot lately. Like
Speaker 1: I I don't know. It was definitely an after college
Speaker 1: type deal where I just I feel pooped a lot
Speaker 1: of the time.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, so tell me what is it you
Speaker 2: wanted to talk about.
Speaker 1: Well, there's a few things, I guess right now, I
Speaker 1: am like pretty I am pretty depressed, I would say,
Speaker 1: but like there are things that I, like I should
Speaker 1: be happy about. I mean, shit, I'm happy to be
Speaker 1: talking to you right now, to be honest. But uh
Speaker 1: also have some O c D that drags me down
Speaker 1: a lot during the day. And it's just like filled
Speaker 1: with a lot of intrusive thoughts, a lot of like
Speaker 1: i'd like it's more like compulsions too to my thoughts,
Speaker 1: because like O c D is like more towards reassurance,
Speaker 1: Like you have to consistently like reassure yourself a lot
Speaker 1: of the time, and it just takes up like hours
Speaker 1: of my day and like I could be doing more too,
Speaker 1: do better about it, but it's just it's been really hard.
Speaker 1: It's been really hard.
Speaker 2: What do you? What do you? What are you attempting to?
Speaker 2: You assure yourself of on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: That I'm a good person. That uh I'm like, uh,
Speaker 1: like I'm a good guy. I know I'm a good guy,
Speaker 1: but it's like a lot of the times it's like
Speaker 1: I'm a good person. And then also this is like
Speaker 1: a weird one because when I was like very young,
Speaker 1: like MYOCD started with like you know, intrusive thoughts, you know,
Speaker 1: just like really weird ones. And then like it also
Speaker 1: it almost became a compulsion to like step on cracks
Speaker 1: on the sidewalk. And now it's like now it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't use my left leg, and it's like, hey, Willhelm,
Speaker 1: you can use your left leg, like you can walk,
Speaker 1: you can use it. And it's starting to get out
Speaker 1: of hand where it's like a compulsion of just like
Speaker 1: not using my left leg. And it sounds like crazy
Speaker 1: because like that's what OCD does to you. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, you just constantly reassure yourself when you feel
Speaker 1: like you're going in in a in a spiral, in
Speaker 1: a cycle, and yeah, so like it's sometimes it's like
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm like balanced, Like I like
Speaker 1: it's like a reassurance of like my body is like balanced.
Speaker 1: But also I think this I think what this really
Speaker 1: stems from is it's like another thing too is uh
Speaker 1: probably I think it stems from like Bobby dysmorphia, to.
Speaker 3: Be honest, Yeah, yeah, well what kind of body.
Speaker 1: I think it's the sense that well, like I was
Speaker 1: like really fit going into college, Like I was a
Speaker 1: pretty sick guy. I went to the gym like very regularly,
Speaker 1: and then I like started smoking more wheat, and I
Speaker 1: think that's when a lot of the anxiety started to
Speaker 1: was around that corner. So it felt like I had
Speaker 1: to go for this perfection. And then this was also
Speaker 1: when COVID started too. This was like around I was
Speaker 1: like a freshman in college, and so there was like
Speaker 1: the built up anxiety of like I need this perfection
Speaker 1: of like my body. And then there's like also like
Speaker 1: I don't know, the anxiety from smoking. And then and
Speaker 1: then on top of that, I got cooped up in
Speaker 1: an apartment you know, with some roommates. There were some
Speaker 1: nice guys, but there's just anxiety from that. And it
Speaker 1: was like a lot, it was a lot of like
Speaker 1: and during all of that, and sorry to cut you off,
Speaker 1: but like during all of that, it was like a
Speaker 1: lot of internalization of like these feelings of anxiety.
Speaker 2: I've been. I don't know if the things I've had
Speaker 2: to say or in any way, shape or form related
Speaker 2: to what you're talking about, but I think i've been.
Speaker 2: I was today, I was thinking about anxiety because I
Speaker 2: have a lot of anxiety. I think my anxiety has
Speaker 2: gotten a lot worse in the past couple of years.
Speaker 2: It's maybe like doubled or you know, maybe like times
Speaker 2: one point five or whatever. But I think I've always
Speaker 2: had a little bit of anxiety, and I've been thinking
Speaker 2: about it a lot, and I I've realized that, well
Speaker 2: a few things. Anxiety is like a is a it's
Speaker 2: like a thirst for control. I think like like like
Speaker 2: there's a weird comfort. There's a weird comfort and anxiety
Speaker 2: and it makes you, uh feel like you're in a way,
Speaker 2: it feels like it guides you. Like I don't know
Speaker 2: if you've ever experienced and I think maybe you alluded
Speaker 2: to this a little bit, that there's like a like
Speaker 2: when you're not being productive or you're not like moving
Speaker 2: your life forward in a meaningful way, Uh, it makes
Speaker 2: you anxious and in that way, and that anxiety, even
Speaker 2: though it's it doesn't make it makes that anxiety is
Speaker 2: weirdly like holding you accountable to do more with your life.
Speaker 2: But it's a weird paradoxical thing because on one hand,
Speaker 2: you could say that you're anxiety is helping to light
Speaker 2: a fire under your ass to keep moving your life
Speaker 2: forward productively, but it all but it also is making
Speaker 2: the version of your life that you're currently living worse
Speaker 2: because you're uncomfortable all the time. And so I don't know,
Speaker 2: but I don't I'm not gonna say if these are
Speaker 2: good things or bad things. I'm trying to let my
Speaker 2: anxiety go because after a while I do feel like, oh,
Speaker 2: if I'm like I use my anxiety to protect myself,
Speaker 2: you know, like like if I'm if I'm always anxious
Speaker 2: that something really bad is going to happen to me
Speaker 2: in some weird form, I think subconsciously, I feel like
Speaker 2: my anxiety that something really bad is going to happen
Speaker 2: to me is protecting me from the bad thing, because
Speaker 2: if I let my guard down for just a second
Speaker 2: and if I throw my anxiety away, if I put
Speaker 2: it away, that's when the bad thing is going to strike,
Speaker 2: and my guard is gonna be down. I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: be protected but U And so I've been thinking about
Speaker 2: that a lot because I would love to be less anxious.
Speaker 2: It would make my life better. And I think I'm
Speaker 2: slowly starting to arrive at a point where I'm gonna
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try one of my Like I know this
Speaker 2: is thinking very far ahead, but one of my twenty
Speaker 2: twenty five goals is to like let go of my
Speaker 2: anxiety and just like see what life is like if
Speaker 2: I let my guard down and just accept the circumstances
Speaker 2: of life instead of always trying to be on a defensive.
Speaker 2: And I'm really excited for that. I don't know why
Speaker 2: I've I don't know. I don't know why I've chosen
Speaker 2: twenty twenty five to do that. I don't know why
Speaker 2: I can't just do that right fucking now. It's because
Speaker 2: I'm just procrastinating because I'm scared. But it's weird, I
Speaker 2: think anxiety. I think I I could definitely write a
Speaker 2: long list of ways in which my anxiety has helped me.
Speaker 2: But I could write a really long wait list of
Speaker 2: ways in which anxiety has just made my life uh suck.
Speaker 2: And I know and by the way I know anxiety,
Speaker 2: I know that that what I'm talking about is very
Speaker 2: differently from like O c D. Specifically, I know OCD
Speaker 2: is a very specific kind of anxiety. But I I
Speaker 2: I'm not a fucking I'm a dude in a gecko
Speaker 2: costume who's just who's experienced anxiety. And I'm anecdotally making
Speaker 2: these conclusions. But for me, if it's it's definitely a
Speaker 2: control thing. It's definitely a control thing. And if I'm
Speaker 2: letting go of that control, I'm what else do I have.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm naked, I'm bare, my supple body is exposed
Speaker 2: to the to the world.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if thats.
Speaker 1: No, it does because like I I agree on, I
Speaker 1: agree on like the seeking of control because like you know,
Speaker 1: when like I, so, here's crazy thing Like when I
Speaker 1: was little, I told you about the cracks, right, and
Speaker 1: this was like I don't know, probably like early middle school,
Speaker 1: and this, uh, this had gone on for a summer,
Speaker 1: like I would I would have to touch this crack.
Speaker 1: I felt like I had to touch this crack or
Speaker 1: you know if I even man. It was hard waking
Speaker 1: up in the morning because I had like blue carpet
Speaker 1: in my room, and the blue carpet would change to
Speaker 1: a blonde carpet into the hallway. So there's like that
Speaker 1: line that crack between the door leaning to the hallway
Speaker 1: in my room, and I'd have to touch it every day,
Speaker 1: and and it was a constant spiral of like I
Speaker 1: need to, I need to, I need touch that because
Speaker 1: I have to remind myself that that I don't have
Speaker 1: to do that, so I need to show an example
Speaker 1: of you know me, you know, being able to walk
Speaker 1: through and like, you know, if I touch it, it'll
Speaker 1: keep me safe. And you know, it went on for
Speaker 1: three months, and you know, I didn't I didn't seek help,
Speaker 1: which I should have, but I woke up one day
Speaker 1: in my little tights car bed and I said, fuck this,
Speaker 1: and I walked past the crack and it felt like
Speaker 1: a lot. I felt like a lot of anxiety at first,
Speaker 1: but like as the days went on, it did like decrease,
Speaker 1: and I eventually like escaped it, and I like, I
Speaker 1: think that's what, like, you know, could happen again. I
Speaker 1: know that's what can happen again if I, you know,
Speaker 1: oppose my compole shouldn't and my and my thoughts and
Speaker 1: my anxiety is that if I push through and not,
Speaker 1: like you said, let us you know, be be naked
Speaker 1: to the world. I think, you know, in a in
Speaker 1: a I don't know, analogy type way, we'll be able
Speaker 1: to find our clothes again.
Speaker 2: Well you ever, you ever, bro, you ever meet you ever?
Speaker 2: You ever meet someone who has no anxiety? You know
Speaker 2: you ever meet a person like that?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yes, And you're just like, and I'm I'm always amazed
Speaker 2: by that. I'm always like, I don't know, I I like,
Speaker 2: it's like meeting a It's like a unicorn or something.
Speaker 2: It's like, this is a magical being and look at that.
Speaker 2: They're still alive and we were I think people would like
Speaker 2: And it's a weird thing, right because I think, Okay,
Speaker 2: like I'll just go back to like whatever anxiety of
Speaker 2: not being productive or of not moving your life forward,
Speaker 2: there's a weird paradox where like you're anxious that if
Speaker 2: you don't move your life forward, you're not gonna be happy,
Speaker 2: so you make yourself unhappy so that you can move
Speaker 2: your life forward so that you can be happy. Like
Speaker 2: it's a weird paradox, Whereas when you meet someone with
Speaker 2: no anxiety, they're just naturally okay and happy because they're
Speaker 2: fucking because they're living in the moment. That's what makes
Speaker 2: people happy. I think it's naturally okay. And every time
Speaker 2: I see that, I'm like, I had to fag you
Speaker 2: get there, And I don't know, I really I wonder
Speaker 2: this a lot. Is like people who are like that,
Speaker 2: did they Was there a process they underwent in which
Speaker 2: they consciously decided to, through various repetitions, throw their anxiety
Speaker 2: to the curb so that that became the natural mode
Speaker 2: of thinking. Or were they just born that way? Most
Speaker 2: of them are probably just born that way. Probably, But
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that one cannot, through repetitions, become a
Speaker 2: less anxious person. And then also and not by the way,
Speaker 2: that's the internal side of it. There's also the external
Speaker 2: side of it. If you, I think, if you've experienced,
Speaker 2: if things are going well in your external life, it
Speaker 2: is easier to be less anxious, And then the inverse
Speaker 2: is true.
Speaker 1: Do you think like your ego gets in the way
Speaker 1: of like I don't know if it's like an ego
Speaker 1: of like, you know, like for me, it's definitely not
Speaker 1: an ego of like not seeking help. It's like I
Speaker 1: can do this, like I can get through it. And
Speaker 1: then it's like I get anxious and then I get
Speaker 1: lost in spiraling thoughts and compulsion and like I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's like like a like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I guess, like for me, like you mentioned you
Speaker 1: know that person who you know used to be happy,
Speaker 1: or you mentioned a person who is a happy, go
Speaker 1: lucky person and you know they live like in the
Speaker 1: moments and you're like, holy shit, like how did that happen?
Speaker 1: And it's like for me, it's like I used to
Speaker 1: like be that person.
Speaker 2: And sorry, I don't want to cut you. I don't
Speaker 2: want to cut you. I don't sorry, I don't want
Speaker 2: to cut you off. But your phone is being shitty?
Speaker 2: Is there anything that you can do to make it not?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Here in one second, Okay, we don't We don't have
Speaker 2: to cut this part out of the podcast. We can
Speaker 2: keep this, we can keep this in. Let's keep this technically, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: go I don't know why I want to keep it in,
Speaker 2: but I just it's something about it feels nice. Let's
Speaker 2: keep this particular tech glare. Okay, you were saying you
Speaker 2: were talking about the idea of a happy, go lucky person.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah, and like I used to be that person,
Speaker 1: like growing up.
Speaker 2: Oh so you went the other way around?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I went the other way around here. One second, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I went the other way around, and like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was very happy, go lucky. And part of my I
Speaker 1: think OCD or anxiety is like I want that back,
Speaker 1: Like I'm trying to reassure myself, like hey, like if
Speaker 1: you just do this, I'll get this back. And then
Speaker 1: it's like one little small mistake and it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, it's it's it's over or it's not over.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, so why did it hold on? Well, so
Speaker 2: you say you used to be okay, you used to
Speaker 2: be a person who had less anxiety, and now your
Speaker 2: person has more anxiety, and you you're correct pining and
Speaker 2: now you're pining for the past where you had less anxiety.
Speaker 2: Why do you think you have more anxiety?
Speaker 1: Now? That is a good question, I think, uh m
Speaker 1: hm uh it might be a speaking of control because
Speaker 1: I feel like this is like a consistent theme with
Speaker 1: like you know, going after that that past of like
Speaker 1: the happy go lucky self, going after this perfection. I
Speaker 1: actually lose what I had by going after it, and
Speaker 1: I you know, I don't know. I think, well, i'll
Speaker 1: tell you what my my is that because of my
Speaker 1: you know, when this started about you know, going after
Speaker 1: this this body, this perfect type or not even perfect type,
Speaker 1: just like a very lean body, because I want to
Speaker 1: be an actor and I want to, you know, go
Speaker 1: into movies. And you know, I got caught up with
Speaker 1: you know, looking a certain way and going after this
Speaker 1: you know, this this body type. And you know, I
Speaker 1: I think it was I think partially it was that's
Speaker 1: going after something that's on it, Like you know this
Speaker 1: thing that you see through this the screen, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's unattainable.
Speaker 2: So you're you're part of part of your anxiety has
Speaker 2: increased because well let me ask you that, how old
Speaker 2: are you?
Speaker 1: Uh, I'm twenty three.
Speaker 2: Okay, And this time period that this narrative that you
Speaker 2: were less, that you were a happy, go lucky person,
Speaker 2: now you're not. When were you this so called happy,
Speaker 2: go lucky person.
Speaker 1: I'd say the last time was probably senior year of
Speaker 1: high school, freshman year of college.
Speaker 2: Okay, so few, yeah, okay, because part of me feels yeah,
Speaker 2: go ahead, or.
Speaker 1: I just want to give you more of a time frame.
Speaker 1: The my first semester of college, no going into the
Speaker 1: spring break of my second semester of my freshman year
Speaker 1: of college is when COVID hit. But that's just I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know why I need to mention that,
Speaker 1: but there's some time frame for you, I guess.
Speaker 3: Anyways, what were you Yeah, okay, so well I was
Speaker 3: going to Okay, I actually take back what I was
Speaker 3: going to say that.
Speaker 2: I think just growing up gives you a little bit more,
Speaker 2: just gives you more anxiety. There's more responsibilities I was
Speaker 2: talking about. My mom told me that because I told
Speaker 2: her I was anxious, and she she was like, well,
Speaker 2: I think part of it is just yeah, when you
Speaker 2: become an adult, you just have more shit you got
Speaker 2: to deal with, though not inherently, I mean maybe inherently.
Speaker 2: I mean you got to figure out a way to eat,
Speaker 2: and you gotta figure out a way to not You
Speaker 2: just gotta figure out and not die. That's the and
Speaker 2: not dying gets a little bit harder when you become
Speaker 2: an adult because for most of your life other there's
Speaker 2: a lot of other people around you making sure that
Speaker 2: you don't die. And then as you get older, less
Speaker 2: and less people try to make sure that you don't die.
Speaker 2: And then you get really old, and then you and
Speaker 2: then you go into a hospital and then again, and
Speaker 2: then you're again there's other people making sure you don't die,
Speaker 2: but then you're more likely to actually die. I don't
Speaker 2: know if that makes you.
Speaker 1: Feel like it yeah, it's like a maybe it's sorry. Well,
Speaker 1: maybe it's like losing. I don't know that it wasn't like,
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't a crazy kid.
Speaker 4: It was like I'm invincible. I can withstand fire and
Speaker 4: cars and whatever. But you know, there's that type of
Speaker 4: like feeling. I don't know, at least for me when
Speaker 4: I was a kid, where I was like, oh, wow,
Speaker 4: it's gonna be a great day, Like it's gonna I
Speaker 4: can't wait.
Speaker 1: So what happens today?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, let's talk about that. So when you were
Speaker 2: a kid, you had a feeling that it was a
Speaker 2: great that you woke up and you were like Oh,
Speaker 2: it's a great day. I can't wait to see what
Speaker 2: happens today.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, dude, I really want to be able to
Speaker 2: describe this feel. I had this feeling last night. I
Speaker 2: had this feeling last night that like everything was gonna
Speaker 2: be okay. And I think I had been searching for
Speaker 2: that feeling externally, and that feeling is not permanent. It's
Speaker 2: gonna fade and I'm gonna go and say tomorrow, But
Speaker 2: I just like I had that feel. I had that feeling,
Speaker 2: and I really I felt it deep. I felt calm,
Speaker 2: and I was like, epiphanies aren't permanent. They that you
Speaker 2: have to have them multiple times over and over again.
Speaker 2: But I had this little epiphany where I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I really do think that all of this is perspective.
Speaker 2: I have nothing to envy about anyone else. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be alright in and of myself.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: I just I don't know. I just adopted this perspective
Speaker 2: that I don't need to be fucking anxious all the time.
Speaker 2: And I just felt it. I felt it, and I
Speaker 2: felt like I could get there it just in my
Speaker 2: own brain. And so when you say when I was
Speaker 2: a child, I woke up and life was exciting and
Speaker 2: I was looking forward to things. I do believe that
Speaker 2: that feeling that you're envious of your childhood's self about
Speaker 2: is yeah, is accessible to you, and you can just
Speaker 2: kind of I know, I understand the the inkling to
Speaker 2: believe that this is total bullshit, because some days I
Speaker 2: do believe in it and some days I don't. But
Speaker 2: I kind of do believe that anytime you want, you
Speaker 2: can just decide to feel that way. M Yeah, some
Speaker 2: days it's going to be more difficult to make that decision,
Speaker 2: and other days it'll come a bit more easy to you.
Speaker 2: But I do fundamentally believe that life.
Speaker 1: Is uh.
Speaker 2: I don't always feel this way. I'm feeling this way
Speaker 2: in this moment right now as I'm talking about all
Speaker 2: this stuff to you, But at my best, I'm operating
Speaker 2: from a place that life is just about perspective, and
Speaker 2: I think you can decide, you can just decide. I
Speaker 2: know this is I get where, but I think I
Speaker 2: can just decide for me personally. I feel like on
Speaker 2: there are certain days I can just decide to not
Speaker 2: be anxious, and I can decide I'm going to enjoy life,
Speaker 2: and I can decide to be optimistic, and I kind
Speaker 2: of have that. I have that choice every day, and again,
Speaker 2: sometimes it's easier to make sometimes it's not, depending on
Speaker 2: what's going on around me. But I kind I really
Speaker 2: just think that every day of the choice is here.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that means anything.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, yeah, yeah, that's that's pretty helpful. I
Speaker 1: I agree, because like, you know, uh, this childhood self
Speaker 1: of mine, like I I didn't care well like you know,
Speaker 1: if you know, I I didn't care if like someone
Speaker 1: called me names at school, or if kids tease me,
Speaker 1: or you know, if I you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: uh did bad for an audition or I embarrassed myself,
Speaker 1: like I mean, of course I'm human. Like I felt,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe embarrassed in the moment or like I
Speaker 1: was like, oh man, that was kind of mean, you
Speaker 1: know whatever, But then I was like, oh, oh, well,
Speaker 1: like you know, like hey, let's let's go over here
Speaker 1: and see what happens and you know, have some fun.
Speaker 1: And I think also, I think a reason I had
Speaker 1: this personerspective when I was young is my parents are
Speaker 1: much older. When when I was a little kid, I
Speaker 1: kind of just like I thought to myself, like oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, like when I'm this age, like my parents
Speaker 1: might be gone.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 1: Like you know, my my I told that to my
Speaker 1: parents and they comforted me and you know, and I
Speaker 1: don't know why, but like I think there's like something
Speaker 1: from that when I was a kid where I was
Speaker 1: just like I I'm going to have this perspective of
Speaker 1: just enjoying the day and then enjoying life. I mean,
Speaker 1: it could have been like a kid thing, you know,
Speaker 1: type deal, you know, a kid perspective also like I did,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: But it's not. Yeah, but it's not that is ah.
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, fuck, man, you can yeah, if
Speaker 2: you really want Yeah, if you really want to, you
Speaker 2: totally if you bro, if you really want to, you
Speaker 2: totally can just sit in a room and go, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm gonna die and my parents are gonna
Speaker 2: die and all these bad things are gonna If you
Speaker 2: really want to, yeah, you can. If you it's you
Speaker 2: can totally choose to marinate in the all the misery
Speaker 2: that there is to soak up at the temporary nature
Speaker 2: of life. Uh, and you'd be right, and every single
Speaker 2: marination would be correct, every single negative thought that you
Speaker 2: had about how life is suffering and you're gonna die
Speaker 2: and everyone ever you'd be so correct and all of them,
Speaker 2: but it'd be a bad way to live, you know,
Speaker 2: it'd be a bad It wouldn't be a good life
Speaker 2: to live.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's comforting to you, but if
Speaker 2: it's cot, we are we all are doing this, yes, sir.
Speaker 2: Some of us live in slums and others live in mansions,
Speaker 2: but we're all going in the same fucking place. And
Speaker 2: that's I kind of that's comforting to me.
Speaker 1: Oh the oh you mean like, oh, oh, like we're
Speaker 1: all going to this like same destination, like as in
Speaker 1: death in the end.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, we're all going We're all we're all going
Speaker 2: to hell because we failed to accept Jesus Christ as
Speaker 2: our Lord and savior. We're all going to hell. And
Speaker 2: that makes me feel better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Well was this was this was helpful to you in
Speaker 2: any way, shape or form?
Speaker 1: This was? Uh yeah, I'd say this was pretty helpful.
Speaker 1: You know. I I should journal more. I definitely should.
Speaker 1: It's just like I don't know, it's definitely a perfectionist
Speaker 1: part of me that I need to accept that I
Speaker 1: am a damn perfectionist and I need to accept that
Speaker 1: there is there's just all in perfection in the world,
Speaker 1: and I just need to journal. But I think the
Speaker 1: reason I hold that off is because I you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm journaling this to myself. I'm journaling
Speaker 1: what I already know to myself, and you know, it's
Speaker 1: it's nice to be able to talk to someone and
Speaker 1: like really like flesh out like your thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really helpful. Good, Now, this was helpful for
Speaker 2: me too. This was not a lot of the One
Speaker 2: of the fun things about doing this show is like
Speaker 2: I feel like I get to work out my thoughts.
Speaker 2: I feel like I get to work out and express
Speaker 2: my thoughts on things, and I kind of leave being
Speaker 2: like because here's what's here's what I just before we go,
Speaker 2: Here's what's going to happen. Is like I went on
Speaker 2: a I went on a whole big speech about how
Speaker 2: life is all and like that's great, and I met
Speaker 2: and I meant every word of what I said in
Speaker 2: the moment that I was saying it. But like tomorrow,
Speaker 2: the line is going to be too long at the
Speaker 2: fucking post office, and I'm gonna get pissed off, you know,
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna like like an actual fucking life, and
Speaker 2: then I'll be able to remind myself. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: you just you went on that you know, big dumb rant.
Speaker 2: So you know, maybe maybe try to be more like
Speaker 2: the thing that you're ranting about on your dumb podcast.
Speaker 2: So so thanks for giving me the opportunity to make
Speaker 2: that that dumb rant. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Dude. I'm awesome. I'm glad I could help you too.
Speaker 2: Is is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 1: You can accomplish anything you set your mind to and
Speaker 1: hard to. And I wish everyone the best in their life.
Speaker 1: And you know, yeah, I just wish everyone the best
Speaker 1: in their life. And I hope everyone has a prosperous
Speaker 1: and fulfilling life whatever it means to them. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope they have a good night too.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Wilheim, Good luck, sir, have a good rest
Speaker 2: of the night.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you. Thank you bye.
Speaker 2: I like that guy who was nice, He was a
Speaker 2: good guy. His name Willheim, famous for the Wilheim scream. Brandon,
Speaker 2: can we put a Wilheim scream in the like right,
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna at the end of me saying this,
Speaker 2: We'll put a little moment here and can you just
Speaker 2: put a Willheim scream right there? Thank you? Brandon. Shout up, Brandon, Brandon,
Speaker 2: the producer of Therapy, getto the Wilheim scream. It's this.
Speaker 2: You guys have probably heard that scream before, right, It's
Speaker 2: like a It's like in a bunch of movies. You
Speaker 2: guys know that scream. I would play. There's a live
Speaker 2: stream watching this right now. I can't play it for
Speaker 2: them because I don't have I'm not good at soundboards.
Speaker 2: But well, we'll put it in the podcast.
Speaker 5: Hello, hey man, how you doing.
Speaker 2: I'm doing I'm doing all right today. I'm doing all right.
Speaker 2: I'm not doing as well as I was doing yesterday,
Speaker 2: but I'm keeping it together.
Speaker 5: What you did sound really really like happy yesterday.
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 5: I just got off work, just at home chilling.
Speaker 2: Interesting, I said, do I sound significantly less happy today
Speaker 2: than I did yesterday?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 5: No, not really. I think you sound pretty fine. But
Speaker 5: I mean that's I'm not I'm certainly not an expert.
Speaker 2: It's weird. It's kind of interesting. Having I feel like
Speaker 2: a fish and a tank sometimes and my behavior is
Speaker 2: being analyzed. I don't really mind, though, I don't I
Speaker 2: think so. You know how a lot of people I
Speaker 2: may have gone on this rant before, but I'll do
Speaker 2: it again. You know a lot of people they had
Speaker 2: that kind of they have the kind of fear of
Speaker 2: like being perceived. Oh god, yeah, sometimes and I'm I
Speaker 2: feel I mean, you know, I do a show and
Speaker 2: people listen to my voice and stuff, and I know,
Speaker 2: I know empirically that I am being perceived heavily, but
Speaker 2: I don't feel that way. Or actually, I mean I
Speaker 2: feel that way sometimes, But at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: like what like in my maybe in my head and
Speaker 2: my anxiety, I feel perceived, but in my body and
Speaker 2: then when I'm in the present, I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm just uh, eating and going on the computer. Anyway. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I don't care. I don't. I don't, I don't. I
Speaker 2: don't care. What's up with you? Tell me about your life,
Speaker 2: Tell me why you called in.
Speaker 5: Uh So, I was calling in today to talk about
Speaker 5: a stinky coworker that.
Speaker 2: I have, Like he smells bad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he smells not good almost all the time.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh no, okay, what do you do? What
Speaker 2: do you work as?
Speaker 1: Are you?
Speaker 2: Are you in a truck with him and you're close quarters?
Speaker 5: No, I mean I I don't know if I want
Speaker 5: to say, like where I work, but we are in
Speaker 5: close quarters like quite a bit.
Speaker 2: What's the industry? U?
Speaker 5: Military?
Speaker 2: Okay, you're both in the military, right, are you in
Speaker 2: like the killing people in military? Or the building ships military?
Speaker 2: Which military?
Speaker 5: The ship's military?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 5: Definitely not the killing definitely not the killing people.
Speaker 2: Okay. I used to I might have said this on
Speaker 2: the podcast right about say it again. I used to
Speaker 2: think everyone in the army, I just think that that's
Speaker 2: I used to think that's what the army was, is
Speaker 2: like it's call of duty. You like, if someone says
Speaker 2: they're in the army, that means that they're like in
Speaker 2: a war zone with a gun shooting at people. And
Speaker 2: then I realized, oh, most of the most of the time,
Speaker 2: when someone says they're in the army, it's like they're
Speaker 2: like on the computer.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's mostly like most of the military at large
Speaker 5: is just like with just stickle stuff.
Speaker 2: Anyway. Uh, okay, So you have a coworker who smells
Speaker 2: bad how long has he smelled that I do.
Speaker 5: So I've only been working at this place for like
Speaker 5: a few weeks now, and uh, pretty much like the
Speaker 5: whole time I have been there. There's been like a
Speaker 5: couple of days where I think maybe he's taken a shower,
Speaker 5: But like talking to some of my other new coworkers,
Speaker 5: apparently this has been an issue with him for like
Speaker 5: a year and a half. Oh it's been like yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, and you're in the and you're the new guy.
Speaker 5: I am the new guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah okay, so you're trying. Okay. So it's been established
Speaker 2: in this group that this guy has smelled bad for
Speaker 2: a while, nobody has had the heart to tell him.
Speaker 2: And you come in and you come in and you're like, hey,
Speaker 2: this guy smells bad. Uh, and then everyone's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we just deal with it. And you're like, oh no,
Speaker 2: I need to be the you. And you're like I
Speaker 2: need to be the change from within.
Speaker 5: Go ahead, that's okay. So you're you're kind of half
Speaker 5: right there. So our supervisors have told him like over
Speaker 5: time to like, hey, please like wash your uniform and
Speaker 5: like take a shower. Oh, I guess the guy he's
Speaker 5: been told Yeah, like several times from what I understand, Okay,
Speaker 5: so yeah, but yeah, I mean he's he's been told,
Speaker 5: and you know, I guess it's like sometimes he'll get
Speaker 5: better about it and then he'll just like fall back
Speaker 5: into being thinky again. So I mean it's I mean,
Speaker 5: he's not a bad guy either, Like he's he's pretty cool,
Speaker 5: he's pretty nice. He just doesn't shower or wash his
Speaker 5: uniform as much as he should. And like being the
Speaker 5: new guy, like I want to get there and like
Speaker 5: see things that might be wrong and like try to
Speaker 5: like improve things and like make everybody happy and stuff
Speaker 5: like that. But I it's just a weird thing to approach,
Speaker 5: like telling a grown ass man like, hey, you smell bad,
Speaker 5: please take a shower in like a nice.
Speaker 2: I don't know what the culture is because I've only
Speaker 2: what's that move? What's the Stanley Kubrick movie Full Metal Jacket? Yeah,
Speaker 2: where like that's that's the only thing I know about
Speaker 2: the military is from that movie. Uh. And so it's
Speaker 2: it's interesting because I would think that that ship is
Speaker 2: like I view the military as a universe where a
Speaker 2: ship don't fly, you know what I mean, Like people
Speaker 2: are yelling at you and I'm like, how has this
Speaker 2: guy been able to go this long without just getting
Speaker 2: his ass reamed out by his superior? That's kind of
Speaker 2: what happens. Is that not what happened?
Speaker 5: I mean, it's it's usually not like a screaming at somebody,
Speaker 5: but it's like, hey man, you're fucked up, like fix
Speaker 5: yourself kind.
Speaker 2: Of thing, and and they're superiors told multiple times that
Speaker 2: he's got to.
Speaker 5: Wash up, right, yeah, like he like they had to
Speaker 5: like watch this guy take a shower just to make
Speaker 5: sure that he was actually clean kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Like.
Speaker 5: It's it's it has gotten that bad from.
Speaker 6: What I've heard, bro, I think you just got to
Speaker 6: tell him because if this guy he's the If this
Speaker 6: guy is a nice guy, two things.
Speaker 2: One one is, if this guy is truly is a
Speaker 2: nice dude, he would not want to make the life
Speaker 2: of the people working with him more difficult by smelling
Speaker 2: like shit if he truly is a nice man. And
Speaker 2: then two yeah, and then two and then two is
Speaker 2: well I was going to say this, and then I
Speaker 2: realized that he's been told before. But if I smelled
Speaker 2: like shit, I'd.
Speaker 5: Want to know, you know, yea, you know, if I'm
Speaker 5: exactly same if I have a booger hanging out of
Speaker 5: my nose, like, please tell.
Speaker 2: Me, yeah one time. If I have a booger hanging
Speaker 2: on my nose and you tell me, I'll probably like,
Speaker 2: I'll probably eat it with my tongue.
Speaker 5: No, I mean yeah, just like real. I mean, you're
Speaker 5: a lizard, So yeah, Pat lizard.
Speaker 1: Shit.
Speaker 2: Uh, why don't you tell you you're gonn tell him?
Speaker 2: You're gonna tell this guy that he sinks.
Speaker 5: I would like to. I think it's just like I've like,
Speaker 5: like I said, like, it's it's telling a grown ass
Speaker 5: man like, hey, you smell bad. I've never had to
Speaker 5: do that before. Thankfully hopefully I'll never have to do
Speaker 5: it again. But it's just like, how do I do
Speaker 5: this in a way where I'm not an asshole because
Speaker 5: I don't believe in that ship like, hey, you're fucked up,
Speaker 5: fix yourself types, Like I just want to like be
Speaker 5: constructive about it.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think that you're trying. I don't think
Speaker 2: you're out here trying to police this man's life for power.
Speaker 2: You're just trying to get through the day without wanting
Speaker 2: to throw up pretty much. Yeah, So I think that's reasonable.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's being an asshole.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's good. I think it's just how how do
Speaker 5: I say that in a.
Speaker 1: In a nice way?
Speaker 2: I guess, well, I feel like a lot of people
Speaker 2: in the military, they're like, I mean, they're like killing people, right.
Speaker 5: Uh, I guess I haven't met anybody personally now, but okay.
Speaker 2: So I mean general, that's I guess that's kind of
Speaker 2: my bar for being an asshole. I suppose, Yeah, if
Speaker 2: you're in the military, if you're killing people, and so
Speaker 2: I think if you, like, if you were if you
Speaker 2: said to me, this guy smells bad, I want to
Speaker 2: kill him, I'd be like, I would say to you, what's.
Speaker 5: Your name, Brandon?
Speaker 2: I'd say, Brandon. That's kind of an asshole thing to do,
Speaker 2: to kill a guy for smelling bad. But if you so, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's the situation where I would think you were an asshole.
Speaker 2: But if you said to me, I want to how
Speaker 2: this guy smells bad because it's making everyone else uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: I would be like, yeah, it sounds reasonable. So I
Speaker 2: don't think you're being an asshole if you're not. If
Speaker 2: you're doing that, yeah, is there anything else you want
Speaker 2: to say to the people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 5: I guess take showers and wash your clothes if you
Speaker 5: don't already do it, you know, I don't know. I
Speaker 5: think that's about it. I appreciate you taking the time.
Speaker 5: Like I said, I've first time calling in, so this
Speaker 5: really nice time to talk to you, and hopefully I'll
Speaker 5: be able to see one of your lives show. Are
Speaker 5: you come into Southern California at any point.
Speaker 2: Soonersh, Yeah, I'm coming to I'm coming to Los Angeles
Speaker 2: the Masonic Lodge November eighth and ninth. November eighth is
Speaker 2: sold out. November ninth has like a few tickets left
Speaker 2: if you want to jog from that.
Speaker 5: Okay, that is a bit far for me, but I'm
Speaker 5: going to think about it.
Speaker 2: But I mean, if you come, he said, So you
Speaker 2: said you said southern California.
Speaker 5: I guess I should have said San Diego specifically. If
Speaker 5: you ever come down here, will most definitely be there.
Speaker 2: Well, I did a show in San Diego a couple
Speaker 2: of years ago and it bombed really hard, and so
Speaker 2: I'm afraid to go.
Speaker 1: But happened.
Speaker 2: I just was I just wasn't funny. I just was
Speaker 2: not good.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean there's probably go maybe the people being kicked.
Speaker 2: No, I yeah something yeah, no, I think. I think.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you just gotta know. Sometimes you gotta take the
Speaker 2: l Sometimes you gotta be I think, if you like if,
Speaker 2: sometimes you gotta be like, I sucked, I was not
Speaker 2: I was not good because what the alternative is the
Speaker 2: alternative to be like if if the alternative is genuine psychopathy,
Speaker 2: to be like, the only reason one of my the
Speaker 2: only reason one of my endeavors would not go well
Speaker 2: is has to be because of other people. You're probably
Speaker 2: a complete psychopath. So so sometimes you're gonna suck. Sometimes
Speaker 2: you're gonna suck in life. Sometimes in life you're gonna suck.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you're gonna suck. You're gonna be annoying. People are
Speaker 2: not gonna like you. You're gonna be really bad and
Speaker 2: not you're gonna smell bad. But and that's so you
Speaker 2: have to accept that you're, you know, imperfect, and you suck.
Speaker 2: Sometimes if it's always someone else's fault, then you know,
Speaker 2: I don't know. Maybe sometimes sometimes I do. Sometimes it
Speaker 2: is sometimes it is, I don't know. Don't never don't
Speaker 2: quote me on anything I ever say. Somebody on the
Speaker 2: somebody in the YouTube comments quoted me. They like, I
Speaker 2: remember hearing that, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh did I say
Speaker 2: that already?
Speaker 5: I think I think you mentioned it. I either heard
Speaker 5: it in the podcast or on a street a while back.
Speaker 2: Someone that quoted somebody had quoted you. Someone quoted something
Speaker 2: I said, and I'm like, maybe uncomfortable. I'm like, don't
Speaker 2: don't quote me on anything. I'm just I'm just talking.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm just I wish. I wish all
Speaker 2: these podcasts like someone can listen to them once and
Speaker 2: then they disappear after everyone who's ever going to listen
Speaker 2: to them listens to them. Because I don't know, don't
Speaker 2: quote me on anything. I'm insane. Anyway, I'm sorry I
Speaker 2: dragged this out for too long. And you know what,
Speaker 2: that's not your fault. That's mine. That's not your fault,
Speaker 2: that's mine. What's here? What's your name again?
Speaker 5: Brandon?
Speaker 2: Thank you for calling Brandon? Is there anything else you
Speaker 2: want to say to you already said? We already did
Speaker 2: that part. We already did that part.
Speaker 5: I think what Yeah, I think doing it twice might
Speaker 5: be a bit too much. Thanks, Lyle.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you.
Speaker 2: I love you. I love you.
Speaker 5: Too, see you later Bye.
Speaker 2: Goes on the line.
Speaker 1: Every night.
Speaker 2: Everything teaching expert