WEBVTT - Forgiveness is Selfish with Oliver Hudson 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:06.279 Hello, Hello, Hello, maybe good good morning, and good afternoon 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:11.000 and good evening. Hi. Hi, I'm getting ready to leave 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:17.120 this country. I'm going to be on vacation for two months. 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.560 I mean, I'm doing some dates in Canada. I have 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.680 my Calgary and Vancouver dates, and then I have a 0:00:22.720 --> 0:00:24.360 ton of new dates in the fall too for Chelsea 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:26.880 Hamdler dot com from my Vaccinated and Horny tour. So 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:30.400 if you live in Tampa, if you live in Colorado Springs, 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:32.120 if you live in a lot of different areas, I'm 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.480 coming your way. You're even going to like Rockford and Rosemont, 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:40.839 illinoisis best people. Those are my best people. Yeah. So 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:45.279 I'm going on like very long winded trip family trips, 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:50.120 friend trips. I have two months of new vacation time. 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.640 Since I am newly single and previously had plans to 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:56.920 spend that with my lover, I have pivoted and now 0:00:57.080 --> 0:01:00.280 made other plans and I'm going to some exciting play siss. 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:02.400 I'm going to Greece. I'm going to Granada in the 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:06.440 British Virgin Islands with some friends wonderful Moana Martha's Vineyard 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:11.119 for my annual family trip. I am going to Vancouver, 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:16.039 Island and British Columbia's hotspots there. And I'm going to 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:19.240 my Orca for the month of September. Amazing, and you 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:21.560 have really talked up my Yorka. I'm like, I think, well, 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:26.160 you guys have to come and visit. Okay, twist my arm. 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:28.760 I'm there the whole month. The first week and the 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:32.479 last week I have openings. So if you're coming, you guys, 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:35.360 come pick that week and we'll get you at bedroom 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.560 and sorted. Okay, that's that's great. We'll record some intrails 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:41.560 and things, then we can do our podcast. Katherine is 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:43.960 sitting here going where you can't record one podcast while 0:01:44.000 --> 0:01:46.199 you're in my Orca. I'm like, Katherine, if you've seen 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:48.760 me try to record anything on my own, you understand 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:53.480 that it's impossible. I will happily fly to My yorka podcast. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:55.800 That's perfect. It's a work trip. That's a tax right off, 0:01:55.800 --> 0:02:00.080 exactly exactly. Now, that's so much fun. Yeah. So I 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:02.320 won't be home for two months, so I my dogs 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:04.440 could be dead by the time I get back. By 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.680 the way, people have sent in a lot of chow rescues, 0:02:07.880 --> 0:02:09.400 so I will have to send all of those to 0:02:09.520 --> 0:02:12.160 you have been so sweet since Joe Coy and I 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:14.840 broke up. It's like they know that I need them. Yeah, 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:16.920 except for he's so restless. I put him in my 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:18.600 bed and he just won't stay there. He just goes 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.079 like this, and if you stop petting him, he needs more, 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:22.760 puts his head back and put his head back and 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:27.040 puts his head back, you know, and you're just like what, yeah, yeah, 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.440 but that's how they give love, right. My dog just 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:31.720 literally yells at me. She'll bark at me and to 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:34.280 give her a treat, which is like why she gets treats. 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:38.120 You know, I shouldn't reinforce her behavior, but yeah, she 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:39.840 just yells at me until we either like play with 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:43.120 her or give her treats or give her whatever she wants. Yeah, yeah, 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.519 I know. I can't wait to have a different don 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:49.200 I can't wait for a new dog to come into 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:51.560 my life. But it's too irresponsible, obviously. Do you know 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.919 when I'm leaving to for two months? To be fair, 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.520 you leave them like with a caretake. Yeah, but I 0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:59.480 mean that's why my bell is like I have to stay. 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:01.760 That's how the rental house. I was like, course, I 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:03.960 don't expect you to bring them. I'm like, bring your 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:07.440 whole family here, live here. Why not? This is the 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.560 moment we're just inviting everybody to live with. There's never 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:11.680 been a bigger waste of money than this rental house 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.480 that I live in, because I'm here like two days 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:18.600 a month, and it is absurdly priced, and of course 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:23.640 I'm have no economical sense, and it's just ridiculous because 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:25.200 your house that we were talking about like a year 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:26.799 and a half ago was still being renning made out. 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:28.760 Oh I went. I took my friends there this weekend 0:03:28.760 --> 0:03:30.920 to show them and it's nine months away, and I'm like, 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.000 I gotta have to get I go. Maybe I just 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:35.640 give up this rental because in December I'll go to Whistler. 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:37.920 I'll be there for four months. So I why am 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:40.280 I renting a house? The only thing, the only reason 0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:43.000 I continue to do this in my white privilege state, 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:46.440 is because it's a landing pad for everything that is me. 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:48.160 Like if I have to come home for work in 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.480 between that time, I have a place, I have my clothes, 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.200 I've got my stuff. Otherwise I'm coming back to a 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:56.240 hotel and that doesn't sound right. And then you're like 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:59.320 never not living out of a suitcase, right exactly. So 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:02.240 I anyway, you're welcome to stay at my rental house 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:04.960 as well off in Beverly Hills, and you want to 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.360 look at some funky plastic surgery. Driving around those streets, 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:10.280 I've never seen I've never seen so many faces that 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:13.600 look the same. And you're like, are you thirty or sixty? 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.479 No one knows. That's a mystery. I just learned about 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:20.039 the b BL, the Brazilian butt lift. Wow, what do 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.440 you mean? Just everyone has that? I know, I like 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.360 just learned about it. I just like figured that all 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:28.039 the Kardashians look that way. And my friend was like, no, Catherine, 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.359 you know what my doctor did. I just my doctor 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:32.479 took fat out of my not my butt, He took 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:35.080 fat out of like my flank or whatever over here 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:37.839 and put it in my face and put it in 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.960 my cheeks right here around this area. I was like, oh, 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.480 he's like, yeah, that will last you for about ten years. 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:45.560 I was like, last me. And because he goes, you 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:48.640 know how your face, all these pads on your face, 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.960 they start to sink as you get older. So the 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:55.200 idea is to give your own body its own plasma, 0:04:55.320 --> 0:05:00.479 it's own fat to reconstitute that, and then they stay rejecting. Yeah, 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:03.000 it's like your own stuff, so like that. Yeah, so 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:04.839 I have that. So now I have two nice little 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:08.120 indentations on my hips where it looks like I was 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:11.080 turned into some sort of sex robot where you should 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:16.520 have cheeks. I had a family member who did that, say, 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.520 maybe fifteen years ago or so, and she still looks incredible. Actually, 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:22.599 have a couple of extended family members and people that 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:24.640 I know who did the thing of like I just 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:26.680 want to look like myself ten years ago, and they 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.680 all look stunning. Yeah that's good. Yeah, I like to 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.000 start early with those things, get ahead of it before 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:34.200 it becomes too much of an issue. You know. Like 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:36.480 my neck really was bothering me. So I just got 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:40.039 this major which so fucking painful, the thermage and the 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:44.520 opus when I canceled my trip to Hawaii, and I 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:46.159 was like, well, what can I do to my face? 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:48.240 And it was so brutal, like I looked like a 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.400 burn victim. But look how tight my neck looks extremely tight? Right, 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:53.840 So I had that leathery iguana thing going. And now 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:57.200 it's like, by the way, all of these procedures are 0:05:57.240 --> 0:05:59.800 so expensive, So just don't pretend that I'm not pretending 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:02.719 that or not. It's like six thousand dollars or something. 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.240 So I just want to be very honest with everybody. 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:08.400 I feel like anything that makes you feel more like 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.560 yourself and better about yourself and makes you like have 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.120 one less thing that you have to think about every day. 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:16.840 Do it if you can afford it, you feel good 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.119 about it, and you're not doing it because you feel 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:20.880 bad about yourself, or you're not doing it because of 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:25.000 someone else's preference of what you would look like. Do it? Yeah, 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.520 oh yeah, absolutely, I'm all positive. You know. What I 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.720 just don't like is sucking people lying about what they 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.440 do and not admitting it. That's really damaging because like, 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.720 I'm sorry, but obviously you've had plastic surgery, you know 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.039 what I mean. Like, don't pretend that you know these 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.120 girls are looking up to you, like cop to it 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.440 so that girls know that's not an attainable thing unless 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:50.240 you have money or resources or you know, personal trainers 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:53.400 and nutritionists and all these different things and lasers like it. 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.600 There is a whole spectrum of things. It's not just 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.800 Beyonce did not wake up like this. She did not. 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:03.000 We love her, but she didn't. Yeah, right, neither did 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:07.520 Kim Kardashian. Right, but we love her too. Apparently we do, 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:11.040 because apparently the Kardashians are royalty in this country. Now, 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.680 you know, I know one was more wrong about the 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:18.000 Kardashians than I was. I cannot believe that they are 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:21.280 like the royal family of America completely. My favorite is 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.320 it's always been Chloe, because I've always gotten a long 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:25.920 will with Chloe. But Courtney I really like. I like 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.040 her love story with Travis Parker. And she's real and 0:07:29.080 --> 0:07:32.600 she doesn't she looks real and she doesn't complain, I mean, 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:39.720 and she doesn't really want to be famous. Respect somebody 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:43.880 who actively is famous. I respect somebody who has chooses yes. 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:47.480 I think the most amazing thing about Kim and what 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:51.400 she has done is she not only created a career 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.600 out of basically people giving a shit about what's happening 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:57.320 in your life, because most people nobody gets should what 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.560 bobble was happening in your life. She created a career 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.480 for herself often her family out of that. But she also, 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:10.240 I think almost singlehandedly created an entire industry around that. Influencers, 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:14.000 every influencer ohs Kim Kardashian, like every influencer should send 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:17.000 her a dollar. Truly is not necessary. Does she need 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:19.560 another dollar? Maybe not, but just like a thank you, 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:21.520 why don't you give a dollar to a homeless person 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:24.040 if you're an influencer, that's helpful. I guess in a 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:27.440 better choice. We are going to take a quick break 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:29.440 so you can hear an add and then we'll be 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:36.439 right back. Our guest today, you, guys, is a hot mess. 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.080 He is a really really something. He's a real piece 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:44.360 of work. He's from the Hawn Hudson clan, which means 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:48.640 he is Goldie Hawn's son and Kate Hudson's brother, which 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.560 is family should be introduced at all times. We have 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:55.280 Oliver Hudson here today because he has a new podcast 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.480 that he's promoting and texted me and said, Chelse, you 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.160 don't have to say yes, but can I please come 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:03.160 on your podcast to promote my new podcast? And I said, 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.560 of course, of course, Oliver, I mean you don't have 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:09.320 to say yes. Comes from such a place of well, 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:13.480 let's talk about your insecurity. Welcome to Oliver Hudson. Hi, honey, 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:16.320 how are you. I'm good? I'm so happy to see you. 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.000 I haven't seen you in months. It's been a long 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.200 long time. Yeah, I've seen your sister and your mother 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.560 more recently, but that's been a long time. I know. 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:26.080 We have an interesting relationship. It's it's it's digital, you know, 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:29.080 and then we sort of bump into each other and 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:33.160 realized that we could be more. Yeah, right, right, that's 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:35.600 exactly what we're realizing. Yeah, but I think that the 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:38.760 distance is what has kept us friends, has kept us close, 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.960 is like many relationships exactly. So I know you have 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:44.960 a lot going on, and I'm really excited about your 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:49.040 new podcast, which is called Unconsciously Coupled. Gwyneth gave us 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:51.000 that we just spun it a little bit. Yeah, I 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:53.720 didn't pick up on that yet. Who knew what Gwyneth 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.920 Paltrow was going to be coining a phrase for everybody 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:57.400 to live by for the rest of their lives. And 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:59.760 I know, and you got so much shipped for it too, 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.080 Kate when she started it. Now, of course it's like 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:05.679 a mainstream you know, right, the way to break up 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:10.880 is on couple and now it's well, you did a 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:15.439 nice play onwards. Your podcast with Kate is called Sibling 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:17.920 and you're still doing that, still doing that. So that's 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.440 how this whole thing even came about because Kate was working, 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.640 she was in Europe last year doing her things. So 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.920 Aaron and I took over the Sibling Revelry feed and 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.920 we were just talking about our life. In the first episode, 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:32.360 was very detailed about sort of my infidelity when we 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.280 were engaged, and it was very open and raw and honest, 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:38.360 and she was Aaron was amazing in the way that 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:40.559 she dealt with that, in the way that she articulated 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:43.280 it on the show. And then we just kept doing 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:45.719 We did eight of them, and the response was so 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:49.400 great and we had so much fun that a year later, 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:51.240 now it's been a year, we said, well, let's just 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.199 let's do this, you know, just honestly, because we love 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.600 it and and you are in a very professional set 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.960 up here. We are literally in bed with with Nate, 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:02.520 you with a joint and a bottle of wine and 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.080 just riffing on our life in relationship and kids, and 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.480 it's it's really it's fun. Yeah, you guys have had 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:12.120 a long relationship with ups and downs. Oh my god, 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.920 sixteen Mary just had our sixteen year anniversary twenty one 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.920 together and what did you guys do for your sixteenth anniversary. 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:23.040 We actually don't really do much normally, but we went 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.520 to Surf Rider Motel, which is a motel in Malibu. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.280 It was it was refurbished about five years ago from 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.720 like a ship Bag Motels, something really nice and we 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:35.840 just had, you know, we had the moment. You know, no, 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:40.040 it's been that. That was a special, Like the silver 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.600 anniversary is twenty five and sixteen is anal you know, 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:51.600 we actually have an anniversary and it was in Paris 0:11:52.000 --> 0:11:55.040 like a while ago, and something happened. Yeah. Well, Paris 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:58.679 is super romantic, very anally there. That's what happens when 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.240 you go to places like that. Once you see the louver, 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:05.120 it's all over. But it was fun, it was good. 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:09.600 I mean, we always try to get away from the kids, 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.240 you know what I mean. It's important, I think to 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.040 make time for yourself and your relationship and and then 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:16.960 and the kids are good, you know, they're good. Yeah. Well, 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.320 I would say Ali that you're somebody who's very in 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:21.800 touch with the emotional side of things for a straight 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:25.160 white male, right, You're very in touch with yourself. You 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:27.839 like to talk about your emotions. I know, you're very 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:30.880 open about going to therapy and everything you've learned about 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:34.160 being in a relationship, even your your family dynamics between 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.319 your brothers, your sister, your mom, you know, your dad. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.319 So where do you feel like you've had the most 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:44.640 growth in your life with regard to spirituality therapy because 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:47.000 you guys are all very spiritual as well. Well. Therapy 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:48.920 has been around and have been in my life for 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:50.280 a long time. My mom trying to put me into 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.680 therapy when I was sixteen years old. The doctor was 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.480 just talking to me about golf the whole time, and 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.760 I was like, this is not working. You know, gotten 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:02.240 to therapy in my early twenties, and I think probably honestly, 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:05.679 going to this Hoffman Institute, Oh god, you got to 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:08.520 talk about four years ago, four years ago, almost four 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:12.080 years ago. Now it changed my whole perspective. I have 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.920 never heard one bad review of the Hoffman I haven't either. 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:18.280 I haven't either. I know Justin Bieber came right after me, 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:20.679 and I think he left after four days. Well, so 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:23.360 that's what That's what a lot of people try to do, right, 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:27.240 And if you're Justin Bieber, you can leave after four days. Yeah, right, 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.160 I don't think he was like and then bailed. But Katherine, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.040 who was who do we have on? That was Katie 0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:35.199 Perry about it? Well, this is how I even heard 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.600 about it all because it just filtered down. It was 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:40.719 a Katie Perry, then Jamie ms Rocky and you know, 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:45.200 it's an amazing place and it's becoming very popular now, 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.760 which I guess is good. But at the same time, 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:51.600 you could see Katy Perry or Justin Bieber there. Yeah, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:53.520 you know, I mean everyone is going because it is 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:57.199 really a if you, if you commit to the experience 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.480 and let go of your ego, it can do amazing things. 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.880 You know, because me personally went there and I was 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:06.600 just tight. You know, you see what you have to 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.040 do and you feel stupid, you know, you feel like 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.480 an asshole. You're you know, beating a pillow with a 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:14.120 whiffball bat and screaming mommy or whatever the hell it 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:15.800 is you do, and you're like, what the funk is this? 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.000 And I it took me two days to finally sort 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:23.760 of surrender to it, and then once I did, it 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:26.160 opened me up to be able to take it in 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:30.120 and not feel so self conscious. And for me, the 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:34.359 breakthrough was I just couldn't. It was specifically with this exercise, 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.800 and I couldn't go there because I felt people were 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.120 watching me. And by the way, it brought out the 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:41.680 root of all my ship, which is I don't want 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:44.520 to look stupid. I don't want people to dislike me, 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.080 you know. And as an actor, it's a hard place 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:50.000 to be because you're constantly trying to please rather than saying, 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:51.160 you know what, I don't give a funk what people 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:54.760 think about me. But I did so much so that 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:58.720 I wasn't even able to partake in this this process 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:02.600 until finally everyone's beating the ship out of this and 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.160 crying and it's it's like a crazy it's crazy, and 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.120 I'm sitting there and I just stopped and I say, 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.960 I'm gonna do this my way. And this specifically was 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.920 about my mother, this one exercise, who is the most 0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.200 amazing human being in my life. And you would think 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.000 I would go there for my dad and for Kurt, 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.840 who's my stepdad. My mom has always been the constant. 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.560 Interestingly enough, she was the one who came through the 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.760 most because she was my primary caregiver and when she 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.600 wasn't there, it hurt a lot more. You know what 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.240 I mean, which is a whole other podcast we can 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.720 get into. But I just got quiet. I went to 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:37.960 do a more of a meditative state, and I stopped 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:40.280 hitting anything, and I just really went back and went 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.440 internal and thought about my life and thought about my 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:45.280 mom and tried to find that whatever anger that was, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.280 and it started to bubble up, you know, and then 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.760 I took it from there and then you know, went 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:57.600 nuts on the on the so Okay, Yeah, I hear 0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:59.720 this a lot because some people say, you're not allowed 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:01.120 to talk about Are you allowed to talk about the 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:04.560 Hoffman Institute? Yeah? You are, I mean just not allowed 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:08.320 to tell other people's personal stories, right, yes, yes, because 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:10.920 you go in there and you go anonymously, right and 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:13.440 you don't say your name, you don't you don't talk 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.200 about what you do for a living. And at the end, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:19.160 you know there's a moment there where things might get revealed. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:22.160 But you go there anonymously, even though you might know people, 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.600 which happens. How big is the group of people, it's 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:29.000 like forty Then you splinter off in the little small groups. 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:33.680 And it's really about just having compassion and forgiveness for 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:36.800 your parents, because when you really get down to it. 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:38.640 And this is what I got to with my father, 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:42.200 especially whose dad bailed on him when he was five. 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:44.760 He didn't have much of a shot, you know what 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:48.080 I mean, especially in the sixties where therapy wasn't the 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:50.840 norm and you weren't really looking out for your mental health. 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:54.120 He was just okay, you know, your dad left and 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:56.560 now you're off into the world. And so when it 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.440 got tough for him, he just bailed and he has 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.960 his own door. But through this experience, through Hoffman, I 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:08.480 just found incredible forgiveness and compassion for my father because 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:10.560 he didn't have much of a shot, you know what 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:12.800 I mean. It was amazing. The whole thing, the whole 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:16.000 experience was really incredible, and is end always to forgive 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.480 your parents for what they have done. Well, like I'm 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:22.880 thinking of the staircase, to show the staircase with those 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:26.360 fucking kids and then believing their father. But also I 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:29.359 was just so upset for the woman who had died 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.560 that these kids still believe this guy when he's so 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.520 obviously guilty. Like you have to be able to see 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.320 your parents clearly at some point, yes, and then maybe 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:41.520 forgive them, but not until they've come clean. In a sense. 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:43.960 I don't know. I guess I think it's personal. You 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:47.800 know what I mean. Forgiveness is selfish in a sense 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.119 because it really takes weight off of you. It's not 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:54.080 about other individual. It's a very selfish thing. I forgive 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.840 you so I feel better essentially. So if that's what 0:17:56.920 --> 0:17:59.600 you need, and you can truly feel that even given 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.800 whatever circumstance you know that parent had put you in, 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.000 then if that's what's gonna do it, that's what's gonna 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.800 do it. I just watched this documentary called Active Shooter 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:09.679 last night, like they had all the different and it 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:13.919 was just unbelievable to see. And there was one specific 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:17.880 in Charleston at the church, and the forgiveness that these 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.840 people had for this killer was just so inspiring in 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.440 a way, and it wasn't fake. It was just coming 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:27.919 from a real place of faith for them and that 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:31.399 they were able to let go and to continue on 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:34.640 with their lives, you know, because of that. And that's 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:37.240 great for them, But then there's some other people who 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:39.040 just can't. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm a 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:42.080 I do forgive, but with the big things, I mean, 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:43.320 I don't I don't know if I'd be able to 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.919 do that. Yeah, I mean, because forgiveness seems active for 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:49.480 a while, right, you have to actively forgive somebody and 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:52.000 actively say, you know, I want the best for you, 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.280 I want you to thrive and I want and then 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:56.439 if somebody's really wronged you, it's kind of hard to 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:58.600 get there in an active way. You can have moments 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.439 of forgiveness, but to be steady and constantly forgive is 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.960 another story, which is more applicable to like a primary 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.240 caregiver and attachment figure, like you're talking about, well, I'm 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.280 glad you're off of the When did you go to 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.600 the Huffman's almost four years ago? Four years ago? And 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:17.359 there's a honeymoon phase to it all. And then of course, 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:19.520 you know, life sucking happens and you close up, and 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.080 you know, you fall back in your patterns and and 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:23.720 the great thing is they tell you that, like, don't 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.840 don't leave here thinking you're just cured. We're giving you 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.000 tools now to deal with your life. It's it's it's 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:32.960 gonna get rough. It's life, you know. But that honeymoon 0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:36.560 phase is pretty cool. Yeah, I think that applies to 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:38.879 any sort of therapy that you go to two. It's like, 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:40.840 you know, you feel like you're cured and you're like, 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:43.440 I've got you know, my toolbox now, and it's never 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:45.160 going to be sucked up again. And the whole point 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:47.679 of life is like it's never just gonna be like 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:50.159 smooth sailing for here on end. Like that's never going 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:52.720 to be the plan for anybody. And if it is, 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:55.600 I mean, you're really lucky. But I wouldn't even say 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:58.760 you're lucky because without you know, rough waters, you don't 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:02.240 have growth, and you in order to really grow and evolve, 0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:05.200 we do have to go through difficult times and internalize 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:09.000 things and become self conscious and become like worried about 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:11.120