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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, maybe good good morning, and good afternoon

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Speaker 1: and good evening. Hi. Hi, I'm getting ready to leave

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Speaker 1: this country. I'm going to be on vacation for two months.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm doing some dates in Canada. I have

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Speaker 1: my Calgary and Vancouver dates, and then I have a

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Speaker 1: ton of new dates in the fall too for Chelsea

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Speaker 1: Hamdler dot com from my Vaccinated and Horny tour. So

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Speaker 1: if you live in Tampa, if you live in Colorado Springs,

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Speaker 1: if you live in a lot of different areas, I'm

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Speaker 1: coming your way. You're even going to like Rockford and Rosemont,

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Speaker 1: illinoisis best people. Those are my best people. Yeah. So

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Speaker 1: I'm going on like very long winded trip family trips,

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Speaker 1: friend trips. I have two months of new vacation time.

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Speaker 1: Since I am newly single and previously had plans to

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Speaker 1: spend that with my lover, I have pivoted and now

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Speaker 1: made other plans and I'm going to some exciting play siss.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to Greece. I'm going to Granada in the

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Speaker 1: British Virgin Islands with some friends wonderful Moana Martha's Vineyard

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Speaker 1: for my annual family trip. I am going to Vancouver,

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Speaker 1: Island and British Columbia's hotspots there. And I'm going to

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Speaker 1: my Orca for the month of September. Amazing, and you

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Speaker 1: have really talked up my Yorka. I'm like, I think, well,

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Speaker 1: you guys have to come and visit. Okay, twist my arm.

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Speaker 1: I'm there the whole month. The first week and the

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Speaker 1: last week I have openings. So if you're coming, you guys,

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Speaker 1: come pick that week and we'll get you at bedroom

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Speaker 1: and sorted. Okay, that's that's great. We'll record some intrails

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Speaker 1: and things, then we can do our podcast. Katherine is

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Speaker 1: sitting here going where you can't record one podcast while

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Speaker 1: you're in my Orca. I'm like, Katherine, if you've seen

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Speaker 1: me try to record anything on my own, you understand

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Speaker 1: that it's impossible. I will happily fly to My yorka podcast.

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Speaker 1: That's perfect. It's a work trip. That's a tax right off,

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Speaker 1: exactly exactly. Now, that's so much fun. Yeah. So I

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Speaker 1: won't be home for two months, so I my dogs

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Speaker 1: could be dead by the time I get back. By

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Speaker 1: the way, people have sent in a lot of chow rescues,

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Speaker 1: so I will have to send all of those to

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Speaker 1: you have been so sweet since Joe Coy and I

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Speaker 1: broke up. It's like they know that I need them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: except for he's so restless. I put him in my

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Speaker 1: bed and he just won't stay there. He just goes

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Speaker 1: like this, and if you stop petting him, he needs more,

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Speaker 1: puts his head back and put his head back and

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Speaker 1: puts his head back, you know, and you're just like what, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but that's how they give love, right. My dog just

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Speaker 1: literally yells at me. She'll bark at me and to

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Speaker 1: give her a treat, which is like why she gets treats.

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Speaker 1: You know, I shouldn't reinforce her behavior, but yeah, she

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Speaker 1: just yells at me until we either like play with

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Speaker 1: her or give her treats or give her whatever she wants. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know. I can't wait to have a different don

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for a new dog to come into

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Speaker 1: my life. But it's too irresponsible, obviously. Do you know

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Speaker 1: when I'm leaving to for two months? To be fair,

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Speaker 1: you leave them like with a caretake. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 1: mean that's why my bell is like I have to stay.

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Speaker 1: That's how the rental house. I was like, course, I

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Speaker 1: don't expect you to bring them. I'm like, bring your

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Speaker 1: whole family here, live here. Why not? This is the

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Speaker 1: moment we're just inviting everybody to live with. There's never

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Speaker 1: been a bigger waste of money than this rental house

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Speaker 1: that I live in, because I'm here like two days

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Speaker 1: a month, and it is absurdly priced, and of course

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Speaker 1: I'm have no economical sense, and it's just ridiculous because

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Speaker 1: your house that we were talking about like a year

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Speaker 1: and a half ago was still being renning made out.

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Speaker 1: Oh I went. I took my friends there this weekend

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Speaker 1: to show them and it's nine months away, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I gotta have to get I go. Maybe I just

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Speaker 1: give up this rental because in December I'll go to Whistler.

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Speaker 1: I'll be there for four months. So I why am

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Speaker 1: I renting a house? The only thing, the only reason

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Speaker 1: I continue to do this in my white privilege state,

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Speaker 1: is because it's a landing pad for everything that is me.

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Speaker 1: Like if I have to come home for work in

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Speaker 1: between that time, I have a place, I have my clothes,

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Speaker 1: I've got my stuff. Otherwise I'm coming back to a

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Speaker 1: hotel and that doesn't sound right. And then you're like

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Speaker 1: never not living out of a suitcase, right exactly. So

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Speaker 1: I anyway, you're welcome to stay at my rental house

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Speaker 1: as well off in Beverly Hills, and you want to

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Speaker 1: look at some funky plastic surgery. Driving around those streets,

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Speaker 1: I've never seen I've never seen so many faces that

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Speaker 1: look the same. And you're like, are you thirty or sixty?

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Speaker 1: No one knows. That's a mystery. I just learned about

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Speaker 1: the b BL, the Brazilian butt lift. Wow, what do

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Speaker 1: you mean? Just everyone has that? I know, I like

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Speaker 1: just learned about it. I just like figured that all

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Speaker 1: the Kardashians look that way. And my friend was like, no, Catherine,

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Speaker 1: you know what my doctor did. I just my doctor

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Speaker 1: took fat out of my not my butt, He took

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Speaker 1: fat out of like my flank or whatever over here

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Speaker 1: and put it in my face and put it in

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Speaker 1: my cheeks right here around this area. I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, that will last you for about ten years.

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Speaker 1: I was like, last me. And because he goes, you

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Speaker 1: know how your face, all these pads on your face,

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Speaker 1: they start to sink as you get older. So the

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Speaker 1: idea is to give your own body its own plasma,

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Speaker 1: it's own fat to reconstitute that, and then they stay rejecting. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like your own stuff, so like that. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I have that. So now I have two nice little

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Speaker 1: indentations on my hips where it looks like I was

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Speaker 1: turned into some sort of sex robot where you should

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Speaker 1: have cheeks. I had a family member who did that, say,

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Speaker 1: maybe fifteen years ago or so, and she still looks incredible. Actually,

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Speaker 1: have a couple of extended family members and people that

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Speaker 1: I know who did the thing of like I just

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Speaker 1: want to look like myself ten years ago, and they

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Speaker 1: all look stunning. Yeah that's good. Yeah, I like to

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Speaker 1: start early with those things, get ahead of it before

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Speaker 1: it becomes too much of an issue. You know. Like

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Speaker 1: my neck really was bothering me. So I just got

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Speaker 1: this major which so fucking painful, the thermage and the

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Speaker 1: opus when I canceled my trip to Hawaii, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, what can I do to my face?

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Speaker 1: And it was so brutal, like I looked like a

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Speaker 1: burn victim. But look how tight my neck looks extremely tight? Right,

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Speaker 1: So I had that leathery iguana thing going. And now

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Speaker 1: it's like, by the way, all of these procedures are

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Speaker 1: so expensive, So just don't pretend that I'm not pretending

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Speaker 1: that or not. It's like six thousand dollars or something.

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Speaker 1: So I just want to be very honest with everybody.

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Speaker 1: I feel like anything that makes you feel more like

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Speaker 1: yourself and better about yourself and makes you like have

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Speaker 1: one less thing that you have to think about every day.

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Speaker 1: Do it if you can afford it, you feel good

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Speaker 1: about it, and you're not doing it because you feel

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Speaker 1: bad about yourself, or you're not doing it because of

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Speaker 1: someone else's preference of what you would look like. Do it? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, absolutely, I'm all positive. You know. What I

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Speaker 1: just don't like is sucking people lying about what they

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Speaker 1: do and not admitting it. That's really damaging because like,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but obviously you've had plastic surgery, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. Like, don't pretend that you know these

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Speaker 1: girls are looking up to you, like cop to it

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Speaker 1: so that girls know that's not an attainable thing unless

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Speaker 1: you have money or resources or you know, personal trainers

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Speaker 1: and nutritionists and all these different things and lasers like it.

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Speaker 1: There is a whole spectrum of things. It's not just

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Speaker 1: Beyonce did not wake up like this. She did not.

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Speaker 1: We love her, but she didn't. Yeah, right, neither did

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Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian. Right, but we love her too. Apparently we do,

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Speaker 1: because apparently the Kardashians are royalty in this country. Now,

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Speaker 1: you know, I know one was more wrong about the

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Speaker 1: Kardashians than I was. I cannot believe that they are

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Speaker 1: like the royal family of America completely. My favorite is

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Speaker 1: it's always been Chloe, because I've always gotten a long

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Speaker 1: will with Chloe. But Courtney I really like. I like

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Speaker 1: her love story with Travis Parker. And she's real and

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Speaker 1: she doesn't she looks real and she doesn't complain, I mean,

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't really want to be famous. Respect somebody

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Speaker 1: who actively is famous. I respect somebody who has chooses yes.

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Speaker 1: I think the most amazing thing about Kim and what

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Speaker 1: she has done is she not only created a career

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Speaker 1: out of basically people giving a shit about what's happening

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Speaker 1: in your life, because most people nobody gets should what

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Speaker 1: bobble was happening in your life. She created a career

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Speaker 1: for herself often her family out of that. But she also,

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Speaker 1: I think almost singlehandedly created an entire industry around that. Influencers,

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Speaker 1: every influencer ohs Kim Kardashian, like every influencer should send

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Speaker 1: her a dollar. Truly is not necessary. Does she need

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Speaker 1: another dollar? Maybe not, but just like a thank you,

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Speaker 1: why don't you give a dollar to a homeless person

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Speaker 1: if you're an influencer, that's helpful. I guess in a

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Speaker 1: better choice. We are going to take a quick break

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Speaker 1: so you can hear an add and then we'll be

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Speaker 1: right back. Our guest today, you, guys, is a hot mess.

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Speaker 1: He is a really really something. He's a real piece

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Speaker 1: of work. He's from the Hawn Hudson clan, which means

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Speaker 1: he is Goldie Hawn's son and Kate Hudson's brother, which

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Speaker 1: is family should be introduced at all times. We have

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Speaker 1: Oliver Hudson here today because he has a new podcast

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Speaker 1: that he's promoting and texted me and said, Chelse, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to say yes, but can I please come

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Speaker 1: on your podcast to promote my new podcast? And I said,

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Speaker 1: of course, of course, Oliver, I mean you don't have

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Speaker 1: to say yes. Comes from such a place of well,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about your insecurity. Welcome to Oliver Hudson. Hi, honey,

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Speaker 1: how are you. I'm good? I'm so happy to see you.

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Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in months. It's been a long

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Speaker 1: long time. Yeah, I've seen your sister and your mother

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Speaker 1: more recently, but that's been a long time. I know.

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Speaker 1: We have an interesting relationship. It's it's it's digital, you know,

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Speaker 1: and then we sort of bump into each other and

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Speaker 1: realized that we could be more. Yeah, right, right, that's

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Speaker 1: exactly what we're realizing. Yeah, but I think that the

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Speaker 1: distance is what has kept us friends, has kept us close,

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Speaker 1: is like many relationships exactly. So I know you have

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Speaker 1: a lot going on, and I'm really excited about your

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Speaker 1: new podcast, which is called Unconsciously Coupled. Gwyneth gave us

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Speaker 1: that we just spun it a little bit. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: didn't pick up on that yet. Who knew what Gwyneth

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Speaker 1: Paltrow was going to be coining a phrase for everybody

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Speaker 1: to live by for the rest of their lives. And

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Speaker 1: I know, and you got so much shipped for it too,

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Speaker 1: Kate when she started it. Now, of course it's like

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Speaker 1: a mainstream you know, right, the way to break up

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Speaker 1: is on couple and now it's well, you did a

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Speaker 1: nice play onwards. Your podcast with Kate is called Sibling

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Speaker 1: and you're still doing that, still doing that. So that's

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Speaker 1: how this whole thing even came about because Kate was working,

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Speaker 1: she was in Europe last year doing her things. So

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Speaker 1: Aaron and I took over the Sibling Revelry feed and

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Speaker 1: we were just talking about our life. In the first episode,

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Speaker 1: was very detailed about sort of my infidelity when we

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Speaker 1: were engaged, and it was very open and raw and honest,

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Speaker 1: and she was Aaron was amazing in the way that

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Speaker 1: she dealt with that, in the way that she articulated

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Speaker 1: it on the show. And then we just kept doing

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Speaker 1: We did eight of them, and the response was so

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Speaker 1: great and we had so much fun that a year later,

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Speaker 1: now it's been a year, we said, well, let's just

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Speaker 1: let's do this, you know, just honestly, because we love

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Speaker 1: it and and you are in a very professional set

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Speaker 1: up here. We are literally in bed with with Nate,

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Speaker 1: you with a joint and a bottle of wine and

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Speaker 1: just riffing on our life in relationship and kids, and

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Speaker 1: it's it's really it's fun. Yeah, you guys have had

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Speaker 1: a long relationship with ups and downs. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: sixteen Mary just had our sixteen year anniversary twenty one

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Speaker 1: together and what did you guys do for your sixteenth anniversary.

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Speaker 1: We actually don't really do much normally, but we went

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Speaker 1: to Surf Rider Motel, which is a motel in Malibu.

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Speaker 1: It was it was refurbished about five years ago from

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Speaker 1: like a ship Bag Motels, something really nice and we

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Speaker 1: just had, you know, we had the moment. You know, no,

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Speaker 1: it's been that. That was a special, Like the silver

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Speaker 1: anniversary is twenty five and sixteen is anal you know,

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Speaker 1: we actually have an anniversary and it was in Paris

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Speaker 1: like a while ago, and something happened. Yeah. Well, Paris

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Speaker 1: is super romantic, very anally there. That's what happens when

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Speaker 1: you go to places like that. Once you see the louver,

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Speaker 1: it's all over. But it was fun, it was good.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we always try to get away from the kids,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's important, I think to

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Speaker 1: make time for yourself and your relationship and and then

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Speaker 1: and the kids are good, you know, they're good. Yeah. Well,

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Speaker 1: I would say Ali that you're somebody who's very in

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Speaker 1: touch with the emotional side of things for a straight

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Speaker 1: white male, right, You're very in touch with yourself. You

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Speaker 1: like to talk about your emotions. I know, you're very

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Speaker 1: open about going to therapy and everything you've learned about

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Speaker 1: being in a relationship, even your your family dynamics between

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Speaker 1: your brothers, your sister, your mom, you know, your dad.

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Speaker 1: So where do you feel like you've had the most

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Speaker 1: growth in your life with regard to spirituality therapy because

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Speaker 1: you guys are all very spiritual as well. Well. Therapy

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Speaker 1: has been around and have been in my life for

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Speaker 1: a long time. My mom trying to put me into

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Speaker 1: therapy when I was sixteen years old. The doctor was

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Speaker 1: just talking to me about golf the whole time, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, this is not working. You know, gotten

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Speaker 1: to therapy in my early twenties, and I think probably honestly,

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Speaker 1: going to this Hoffman Institute, Oh god, you got to

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Speaker 1: talk about four years ago, four years ago, almost four

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Speaker 1: years ago. Now it changed my whole perspective. I have

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Speaker 1: never heard one bad review of the Hoffman I haven't either.

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Speaker 1: I haven't either. I know Justin Bieber came right after me,

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Speaker 1: and I think he left after four days. Well, so

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Speaker 1: that's what That's what a lot of people try to do, right,

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Speaker 1: And if you're Justin Bieber, you can leave after four days. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: I don't think he was like and then bailed. But Katherine,

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Speaker 1: who was who do we have on? That was Katie

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Speaker 1: Perry about it? Well, this is how I even heard

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Speaker 1: about it all because it just filtered down. It was

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Speaker 1: a Katie Perry, then Jamie ms Rocky and you know,

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Speaker 1: it's an amazing place and it's becoming very popular now,

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Speaker 1: which I guess is good. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: you could see Katy Perry or Justin Bieber there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean everyone is going because it is

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Speaker 1: really a if you, if you commit to the experience

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Speaker 1: and let go of your ego, it can do amazing things.

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Speaker 1: You know, because me personally went there and I was

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Speaker 1: just tight. You know, you see what you have to

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Speaker 1: do and you feel stupid, you know, you feel like

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Speaker 1: an asshole. You're you know, beating a pillow with a

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Speaker 1: whiffball bat and screaming mommy or whatever the hell it

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Speaker 1: is you do, and you're like, what the funk is this?

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Speaker 1: And I it took me two days to finally sort

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Speaker 1: of surrender to it, and then once I did, it

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Speaker 1: opened me up to be able to take it in

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Speaker 1: and not feel so self conscious. And for me, the

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Speaker 1: breakthrough was I just couldn't. It was specifically with this exercise,

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't go there because I felt people were

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Speaker 1: watching me. And by the way, it brought out the

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Speaker 1: root of all my ship, which is I don't want

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Speaker 1: to look stupid. I don't want people to dislike me,

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Speaker 1: you know. And as an actor, it's a hard place

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Speaker 1: to be because you're constantly trying to please rather than saying,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I don't give a funk what people

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Speaker 1: think about me. But I did so much so that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't even able to partake in this this process

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Speaker 1: until finally everyone's beating the ship out of this and

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Speaker 1: crying and it's it's like a crazy it's crazy, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting there and I just stopped and I say,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this my way. And this specifically was

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Speaker 1: about my mother, this one exercise, who is the most

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Speaker 1: amazing human being in my life. And you would think

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Speaker 1: I would go there for my dad and for Kurt,

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Speaker 1: who's my stepdad. My mom has always been the constant.

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Speaker 1: Interestingly enough, she was the one who came through the

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Speaker 1: most because she was my primary caregiver and when she

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Speaker 1: wasn't there, it hurt a lot more. You know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, which is a whole other podcast we can

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Speaker 1: get into. But I just got quiet. I went to

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Speaker 1: do a more of a meditative state, and I stopped

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Speaker 1: hitting anything, and I just really went back and went

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Speaker 1: internal and thought about my life and thought about my

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Speaker 1: mom and tried to find that whatever anger that was,

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Speaker 1: and it started to bubble up, you know, and then

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Speaker 1: I took it from there and then you know, went

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Speaker 1: nuts on the on the so Okay, Yeah, I hear

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Speaker 1: this a lot because some people say, you're not allowed

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Speaker 1: to talk about Are you allowed to talk about the

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Speaker 1: Hoffman Institute? Yeah? You are, I mean just not allowed

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Speaker 1: to tell other people's personal stories, right, yes, yes, because

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Speaker 1: you go in there and you go anonymously, right and

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Speaker 1: you don't say your name, you don't you don't talk

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Speaker 1: about what you do for a living. And at the end,

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Speaker 1: you know there's a moment there where things might get revealed.

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Speaker 1: But you go there anonymously, even though you might know people,

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Speaker 1: which happens. How big is the group of people, it's

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Speaker 1: like forty Then you splinter off in the little small groups.

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Speaker 1: And it's really about just having compassion and forgiveness for

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Speaker 1: your parents, because when you really get down to it.

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Speaker 1: And this is what I got to with my father,

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Speaker 1: especially whose dad bailed on him when he was five.

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Speaker 1: He didn't have much of a shot, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, especially in the sixties where therapy wasn't the

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Speaker 1: norm and you weren't really looking out for your mental health.

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Speaker 1: He was just okay, you know, your dad left and

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Speaker 1: now you're off into the world. And so when it

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Speaker 1: got tough for him, he just bailed and he has

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Speaker 1: his own door. But through this experience, through Hoffman, I

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Speaker 1: just found incredible forgiveness and compassion for my father because

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Speaker 1: he didn't have much of a shot, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. It was amazing. The whole thing, the whole

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Speaker 1: experience was really incredible, and is end always to forgive

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Speaker 1: your parents for what they have done. Well, like I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking of the staircase, to show the staircase with those

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Speaker 1: fucking kids and then believing their father. But also I

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Speaker 1: was just so upset for the woman who had died

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Speaker 1: that these kids still believe this guy when he's so

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Speaker 1: obviously guilty. Like you have to be able to see

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Speaker 1: your parents clearly at some point, yes, and then maybe

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Speaker 1: forgive them, but not until they've come clean. In a sense.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess I think it's personal. You

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Forgiveness is selfish in a sense

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Speaker 1: because it really takes weight off of you. It's not

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Speaker 1: about other individual. It's a very selfish thing. I forgive

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Speaker 1: you so I feel better essentially. So if that's what

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Speaker 1: you need, and you can truly feel that even given

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Speaker 1: whatever circumstance you know that parent had put you in,

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Speaker 1: then if that's what's gonna do it, that's what's gonna

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Speaker 1: do it. I just watched this documentary called Active Shooter

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Speaker 1: last night, like they had all the different and it

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Speaker 1: was just unbelievable to see. And there was one specific

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Speaker 1: in Charleston at the church, and the forgiveness that these

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Speaker 1: people had for this killer was just so inspiring in

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Speaker 1: a way, and it wasn't fake. It was just coming

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Speaker 1: from a real place of faith for them and that

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Speaker 1: they were able to let go and to continue on

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Speaker 1: with their lives, you know, because of that. And that's

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Speaker 1: great for them, But then there's some other people who

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Speaker 1: just can't. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm a

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Speaker 1: I do forgive, but with the big things, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if I'd be able to

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Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, I mean, because forgiveness seems active for

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Speaker 1: a while, right, you have to actively forgive somebody and

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Speaker 1: actively say, you know, I want the best for you,

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Speaker 1: I want you to thrive and I want and then

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Speaker 1: if somebody's really wronged you, it's kind of hard to

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Speaker 1: get there in an active way. You can have moments

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Speaker 1: of forgiveness, but to be steady and constantly forgive is

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Speaker 1: another story, which is more applicable to like a primary

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Speaker 1: caregiver and attachment figure, like you're talking about, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad you're off of the When did you go to

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Speaker 1: the Huffman's almost four years ago? Four years ago? And

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Speaker 1: there's a honeymoon phase to it all. And then of course,

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Speaker 1: you know, life sucking happens and you close up, and

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Speaker 1: you know, you fall back in your patterns and and

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Speaker 1: the great thing is they tell you that, like, don't

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Speaker 1: don't leave here thinking you're just cured. We're giving you

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Speaker 1: tools now to deal with your life. It's it's it's

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Speaker 1: gonna get rough. It's life, you know. But that honeymoon

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Speaker 1: phase is pretty cool. Yeah, I think that applies to

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Speaker 1: any sort of therapy that you go to two. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you feel like you're cured and you're like,

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Speaker 1: I've got you know, my toolbox now, and it's never

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Speaker 1: going to be sucked up again. And the whole point

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Speaker 1: of life is like it's never just gonna be like

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Speaker 1: smooth sailing for here on end. Like that's never going

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Speaker 1: to be the plan for anybody. And if it is,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're really lucky. But I wouldn't even say

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Speaker 1: you're lucky because without you know, rough waters, you don't

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Speaker 1: have growth, and you in order to really grow and evolve,

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Speaker 1: we do have to go through difficult times and internalize

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Speaker 1: things and become self conscious and become like worried about

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Speaker 1: what other people are thinking. You know. I went through

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Speaker 1: that period of time when I went to therapy because

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Speaker 1: I had never gone before, and I was so confident,

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Speaker 1: like almost you know, arrogant, well not almost arrogant, but

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Speaker 1: and misplaced confidence where I just was like believed everything

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Speaker 1: I did was great and right. And then you start

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Speaker 1: to question, you know, you get a little bit of

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Speaker 1: self awareness and you start to think about everything, and

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Speaker 1: then you start to wonder what other people are thinking

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Speaker 1: about you, and then you're like, oh, this is ugly

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Speaker 1: I don't like that at all, you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: like feeling self conscious, but it's part of being a

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Speaker 1: whole person. Yeah yeah. And then and then even with

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Speaker 1: with a partner or even a friend. You know, again,

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Speaker 1: it's important understand that we all do have our afflictions,

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Speaker 1: and we're all dealing with our own ship. And I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes we're easy to just say funk off and

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Speaker 1: we're done with that relationship, because if one little thing

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Speaker 1: has happened that may trigger you and now, oh I'm done,

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Speaker 1: whether it be cheating or drinking or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: If there's some death to that relationship and it's really

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Speaker 1: you're looking at the big picture and the person as

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Speaker 1: a whole rather than the action, then there's a chance,

424
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,280
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And that's what Aaron did

425
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 1: for me. Honestly, she could have easily been like, oh,

426
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,080
Speaker 1: you're gone, but she knew I was a good human being.

427
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 1: I just had an issue, you know, And with the

428
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 1: help of my mother and Aaron, she was able to

429
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,439
Speaker 1: sort of understand that, see that and stick around. And

430
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: I remember saying to Aaron when I went through all

431
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: of this, and by the way, I never got caught cheating.

432
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 1: I told her everything because I couldn't hold on to

433
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,200
Speaker 1: this guilt and have a family and have a life.

434
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,880
Speaker 1: So I had to put it on the line there

435
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,159
Speaker 1: and tell her everything. Did you tell you? Didn't you

436
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 1: tell Goldie? First? No? No, my mom did know of

437
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,280
Speaker 1: a certain certain couple of situations, you know what I mean.

438
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: And my mom's reaction to it was so funny because

439
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 1: she's laughing about it. You know, she's like a product

440
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,719
Speaker 1: of the sixties, and she's like, that's funny. I'm like, funny,

441
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 1: I want to tell you. I'm in pain now and

442
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: there's this strange woman in my tell room and I'm

443
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 1: crying and don't know what to do with myself. She's like,

444
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: that's classic of Oh my god, I love it, but

445
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: I know it is. But I told Aaron, I told

446
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 1: her everything, and I think that's what saved it to

447
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't get caught. I can't deal with

448
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,640
Speaker 1: this ship. And she was able to see me is

449
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 1: who I was in in the bigger in the bigger context,

450
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: and and we worked through it, you know, and I

451
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: said to I said, look, I hope you stay because

452
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get better, not just not for you. I

453
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: can't live like I can't be this person in a relationship,

454
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: whether it's you or whoever it is next, Like I

455
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 1: need to fix this, you know. Yeah, good for you. Yeah, Well,

456
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: we're gonna apply all of your therapy and self help

457
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 1: to our callers today. We have Yeah, we have a

458
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,199
Speaker 1: lot store in store for you today, Catherine. What do

459
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 1: we have going on? Oh? I actually picked some really

460
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 1: juicy ones for you, Oliver. I wish we had a

461
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 1: lot of straight mail callers today and for Oliver, but

462
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: I don't think we ever have a lot of straight mail.

463
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 1: I think we've only had one whatever. Yes, we've got

464
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: medicated since four years old. Mystery half sisters, mystery half sibling.

465
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: Oh god, I have one of those. Oh excellent. Yeah,

466
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: have like a note slipped under my door? Have one?

467
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I want to hear that. We'll take a

468
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back with Oliver and

469
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: Chelsea and Oliver and I are done with our bubble bath.

470
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 1: We're back. Thank you for the back scrub. Well. Our

471
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: first email comes from John. John says, Dear Chelsea. A

472
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,639
Speaker 1: little over a year ago, I started a business with

473
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: a good friend when we were both unemployed and realized

474
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: if we couldn't find jobs we wanted, we should create

475
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,639
Speaker 1: them for ourselves. At the time, it was pre vaccines

476
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: and we both worked remotely trying to find clients and

477
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 1: build our business, so the fact that my partner was

478
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 1: a mom of two small children wasn't really an issue.

479
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: Cut to now, our business is thriving and growing quickly.

480
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: We're about to get an office space and hire our

481
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: first employees, but my business partner still has to do

482
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: pick up, drop off, dance lessons, making lunch, etcetera. For

483
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 1: her kids. I'm a single, gay man, so I don't

484
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: have any of these extra burdens, which I know are

485
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 1: extremely stressful, but I can't help but feeling like I'm

486
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,360
Speaker 1: taking advantage of since I work full time on our business,

487
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 1: and there are whole chunks of days, if not entire days,

488
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 1: where she isn't able to work because of family responsibilities

489
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 1: or a sick child, etcetera. Pre COVID when she worked

490
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,119
Speaker 1: full time at another office, the family had a nanny

491
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: that they let go of when the pandemic hit, and

492
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: they haven't tired a new one. They have, however, bought

493
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,479
Speaker 1: a second home and a new tesla, and my partner

494
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 1: is always buying a new Chanelle bag or something else extravagant.

495
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 1: At the end of last year, we even had to

496
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: hire a freelancer for a couple of months to help us,

497
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: which I don't think would have been necessary if my

498
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 1: partner worked full time, but we shared the expense of

499
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 1: this person. I'm concerned about our business growing any larger

500
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 1: without her full commitment. I'd love to know what your

501
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 1: thoughts are on how I can be sensitive to her

502
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 1: being a mom and the difficulty that comes with that,

503
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 1: as well as starting a business while still making sure

504
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 1: their workload is equitable. Since we split all of the

505
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: business income fifty fifty, thank you, John Well. I think

506
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: that's pretty standard, like everything should be split fifty fifty.

507
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 1: I think the way you just laid it out is

508
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: actually perfect because it's fair, Like everything's fifty fifty, and

509
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 1: if you have to bring on somebody to cover her time,

510
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: that should be split fifty fifty as well between both

511
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 1: of you. It's just fair. You know, she has her responsibilities,

512
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 1: and obviously being a parent and having all of that

513
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: are added responsibilities, but bringing on another person to supplement

514
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 1: her shouldn't be her responsibility alone. It should be a

515
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: shared responsibility between the two of you. Yes, right, because

516
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 1: if the business is and it was from its inception,

517
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: you can definitely relay your misgivings about moving forward and

518
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: growing bigger, but make sure you get this out of

519
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: the way sooner than later and talk about you know

520
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 1: that this relationship or in this company is equal to

521
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 1: both of you, and so if somebody has to come

522
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: in and fill in the gaps for her, that's not

523
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: on you and your free time. That's somebody that you're

524
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: hiring together and splitting down the middle. But again, I

525
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: guess the question though, then is if she was able

526
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: to take more time and be a part of the business,

527
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 1: than you wouldn't have to hire this person, right, So

528
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: is he now sort of taking on her if they're

529
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: only going fifty fifty you know what I mean? I

530
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 1: think in good faith, in the pure yeah, in good

531
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: faith in a partnership. I think the most generous and

532
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: reasonable thing to do that's fair to both of you

533
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: is to say, hey, I'm not going to punish you

534
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: for having a family. Obviously, that's your life and that's

535
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: your number one priority. But at the same time, this

536
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: is my business and I want to be treated fairly

537
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,479
Speaker 1: and equally to you. So I'm going to go ahead

538
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,719
Speaker 1: and say, yes, we need the extra help. But I

539
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,679
Speaker 1: don't think, you know, I do think it's fair for

540
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: them to split it. Do you think that he she

541
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: should just be covering her? Well maybe I don't know.

542
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: I mean, look when when when she's when she's buying

543
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: tesla's and second homes, and but I don't think you can't.

544
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: You can't, you can't. But then it sort of gets

545
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: to you like, well, if you have a nanny, which

546
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: you don't anymore, then we could be doing this instead

547
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: of a tesla, Like why don't you bring someone on

548
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 1: to help? But again, we don't know the personal lives

549
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 1: of and I don't think you can go in and

550
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: be like, hey, you just I will say this, having

551
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 1: three kids and knowing how hard that is and how

552
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: time consuming that can be. Beware of the child excuse,

553
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: because I use it all the time, parents use it

554
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: all the time, oh my kids, and you can't question

555
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: that excuse. And sometimes it is just that an excuse,

556
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: it is not a reality. So I would say beware.

557
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that she is doing that in any way,

558
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 1: but I'm telling you from personal experience, I have used

559
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 1: my children to be lazy because if I don't want

560
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: to do something, I'm like, I can't got my kids.

561
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: Wilder's got this thing, and I'm sorry, it's nuts. It's

562
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: just nuts. You use a few buzzwords and then throw

563
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: kids in there and then you're off the hall. Yeah. See,

564
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: now what you're saying is and now that I'm thinking

565
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: about what you said previously, you're right, like it is

566
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: kind of her responsibility to clean up her side of

567
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: the streets. So if there is a system being hired,

568
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 1: I can see how it would be how it would

569
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: make sense for her to actually cover that cost, like

570
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: that person is covering her work. So but I would

571
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: still say, in good will, like you have a burgeoning

572
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 1: business that's doing well, and in good will to extend

573
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: this relationship and make it as healthy as possible, I

574
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 1: would offer up to split that expenditure that it is

575
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: hiring a third person or I know you already have

576
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: done that, you already have hired another person. But if

577
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,560
Speaker 1: there's somebody that we have to hire to compensate for

578
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: her lack of time, I would say still split it,

579
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: just more in good faith, and then that's it, you know,

580
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,040
Speaker 1: more taking you know, don't let yourself be taking advantage

581
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: of beyond that, because then you've put one good foot

582
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: forward and then she can meet you there. But I

583
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: hear what you're saying, Ali, and I know a lot

584
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,520
Speaker 1: of people do do that to get primarily to get

585
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: out of social engagements they don't want to go to.

586
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I've said I can't go because

587
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 1: I have kids before, and people on how much do

588
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: you know? I'm like my nieces and nephews are in town.

589
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: You know, I say ship like that all the time.

590
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,840
Speaker 1: So it's good to know that people are having children

591
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: to get out of socializing. It's one of the perks.

592
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: You could have started smoking cigarettes. Well you did that too,

593
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: but you've quit. Haven't you tried. Haven't you gone to

594
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: carry Gainer? No? I know I have the books and

595
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: the thing. No carry Gainer in Santa Monica. You go

596
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 1: three times. He's a hypnotist, not Alan Carr Carr. Harry

597
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: Gainer is. Yeah, I'll send you to contact everyone who

598
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: goes to him. Quit. Yeah, good. I have. I have

599
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: an issue with smoking when I'm working, Like it's Pavlovian,

600
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: Like I go to work and I'm on set and boom,

601
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: go home after a day and I drink and I smoke.

602
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: You know, I'm a vice guys. You know it's tough.

603
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I smoked my weed, but I don't know,

604
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 1: like I don't know who I am without sort of advice.

605
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: It's kind of sad. Yeah, well maybe you'll get that

606
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: sorted out. Yeah, if you really want to quit smoking,

607
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: I mean you have to want to quit, but this

608
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: will work for you. My driver's wife, Caroline went. She

609
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: smoked for twenty six years and she never smoked again.

610
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,479
Speaker 1: And the last session he said to me, he goes,

611
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: you're gonna go out tonight, and I said to I

612
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: have to stay away from my smoking friends because it's

613
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: three sessions in three weeks. So on the third session,

614
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 1: you quit forever. And he says, I said, can I

615
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: go out with my girlfriend's who smoke? And he said, yeah,

616
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: I go out with anybody. He goes, it's going to

617
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: be a foreign substance to you. And I never smoked again,

618
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: really yeah, And I even tried one like six years later.

619
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 1: We're in my worka and everyone's smoking. I go, let

620
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: me try that. And I took one hit of it

621
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: and I was like so yeah, if you want to

622
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 1: quit where I mean, you have to deal with the

623
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 1: way he looks, and that's tricky. It's like going on

624
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: the set of three Company with Mr Furley. Um, but

625
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: you know you can get past that. Well, John, let

626
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: us know how it goes. I think a lot of

627
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: these issues are gonna kind of fall away once they

628
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: build the support staff. But my my dad was a

629
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: successful businessman, always says partnerships are like lobster traps. It's

630
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: very easy to get into them and very hard to

631
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: get out without losing a limb or your life. So

632
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: this might be the time to also think about buying

633
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 1: her out, if that's an option. Okay, well then that's

634
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: a third opinion. Yeah, I think that you've got a

635
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: spectrum of opinions here, So just pick one, pick one,

636
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 1: and let us know which one you chose, and let

637
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: her have her handbags. Yeah. I was about to say

638
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: that too. Don't get petty with that stuff that will

639
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: ruin everything. This business is really good. Let's keep it.

640
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: Let's keep it at bay a little bit. Don't start

641
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: to bring up the tesla in the handbags, because that

642
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: will throw it into an entire into a tailspin. Immediately defensive. Yeah.

643
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 1: I was had a girlfriend who I had loaned I

644
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 1: don't know, probably like over too and she bought a

645
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: Tesla and I was like, are you fucking kidding me?

646
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,479
Speaker 1: I just could never speak to her again, you know,

647
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 1: And do you believe that? I mean twenty thousand dollars

648
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 1: over years and years, but just a constant fun up,

649
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: always needing money, always needing help, support, blah blah blah.

650
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: And you know I was her only friend that could

651
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: help her with that. And then when she's when my

652
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: friend goes, guess who just bought a Tesla, I was like, Okay,

653
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 1: I'm done. I'm done now. Well, our first caller today

654
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: is ev. The subject line of his email is medicated

655
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: from four years old, proudly gay, undeniably resentful, and unable

656
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: to tell the truth about it, Dear Chelsea. I was

657
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 1: heavily medicated from the age of four until my mid twenties.

658
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 1: My parents believed I had a plethora of learning disabilities

659
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: a d h D, bipolar disordered depression, et cetera. As

660
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: I got older, I started to taper off the medication

661
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 1: without telling them, because I know it gives my mother

662
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: a sense of security to know that I'm taking my meds.

663
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: I no longer drink alcohol, take drugs or medications of

664
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: any kind. I enjoy my life. I love my husband,

665
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: and I love what I do. Is telling my parents

666
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: that I don't take any meds now that I'm thirty

667
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 1: one the right thing to do. And should I be

668
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 1: upset with them for medicating me for so long? Yours truly?

669
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 1: Ev Hi ev doing? Oh we're doing well? This is

670
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: Ali Hudson. He's our special guest. Hey, how you doing good?

671
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 1: How are you good? I've never heard anyone called ev.

672
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 1: It was a nickname when I was a kid. It

673
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: just kind of it kind of stuck with me. I

674
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: don't know, I like it. Yeah, it's cute, but I

675
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: was telling your producer, it's always something whenever I'm in

676
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 1: a like a situation where I'm nervous, I'll always say, hey,

677
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: you can call me V. It's like, I don't know,

678
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: it's a bit disarming. I guess, Okay, that's cute. I

679
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be sure for Evelyn. That's

680
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: why I was surprised to hear that it was a man. Okay,

681
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 1: we've got that clarified now, ev Well, it's really nice

682
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: to meet you, and I'm so sorry that you were

683
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: medicated at four years old. What that's a bit of

684
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: a ship show. Yeah, I kind of. I don't I've

685
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 1: grappled with it for a long time. I'm it's not

686
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: something that I feel ruined my life in anyway. I

687
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 1: do wonder developmentally what would have been different if I

688
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:12,919
Speaker 1: didn't have antidepressants like ib blew of other medications at

689
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,879
Speaker 1: that age. One thing I've tried to tell myself again

690
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 1: and again is my parents did this because this is

691
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: what they knew. So it's kind of that I'm not

692
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 1: upset with my parents. I just wonder, I don't know.

693
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: I wonder why and kind of why there were systems

694
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,879
Speaker 1: in place to support that. So I don't know. It's

695
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: something in my life that my husband two has been

696
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 1: very supportive. He's kind of been the one that's like,

697
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 1: you know what, now is not the time to talk

698
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: to your mom about it. Let's just let's push this.

699
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: We don't need to do this right now. So I

700
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 1: just I kind of wanted your advice. I love the podcast.

701
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan. I just wanted to hear from

702
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: you what your what your take was. I would just

703
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 1: say right off the bat, like, there's really no point

704
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: in going back, you know what I mean, your parents

705
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: did what they did. There's nothing you can do to

706
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 1: change it, and any energy towards that or any resentment,

707
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 1: you know, you really want to try and work actively

708
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: to let go of because there is nothing you can do.

709
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: And when there's nothing you can do, the best thing

710
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 1: you can do is move forward and just try to

711
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: forgive them that. You know, they I'm sure they weren't

712
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 1: trying to hurt you. They were doing the best that

713
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:14,840
Speaker 1: they could in that moment, and they weren't as informed

714
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: as maybe they could have been. And that's really, you know,

715
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: not their fault either. So Ali, do you want to

716
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 1: speak a little bit about Yeah, no, I I completely

717
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: agree when you were speaking, that's exactly what I was thinking.

718
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 1: I mean, how's your relationship with your parents now? Is

719
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 1: it good? Yeah? It's actually the best that's ever been. Right,

720
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 1: So this is the reality we live in right now,

721
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 1: what they did in the past, Chelsea's right. I mean,

722
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 1: they were probably trying to figure it out themselves. How

723
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: do we make our kid better and how do we

724
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,879
Speaker 1: make ourselves feel better? Because when your kid is out

725
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,359
Speaker 1: of control, you feel out of control. So I think

726
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: it was just as much for them and as it

727
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: was for you in a way. But now your parents

728
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: it's an amazing relationship. So you know what, funk it?

729
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 1: It's gone. They did it, you know. Yeah, there is one.

730
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: There's one part of that though that I don't that

731
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 1: I'm a little weirry about. They don't know that I'm unmedicated.

732
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 1: That's that's really what You're a grown man. I know,

733
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: I know, And it's part of me is like, you

734
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: know what, it's not their business. You You're living your life.

735
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: You've been in HR for ten years, which is not

736
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: something you can do if you don't have, you know,

737
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: your ship together. So I don't know, I just some

738
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 1: part of me feels bad about not being honest. I

739
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,879
Speaker 1: think great relationships in your life, whatever they are, they're

740
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: always they come from a place of trust. So I

741
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: worry that if I'm not bringing trust to the table,

742
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: how good really is the relationship. That's kind of where

743
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 1: I am. Oh okay, well, I mean no, I think

744
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: that's valid to bring up, Like why, I mean, what's

745
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: preventing you from telling them that you're not medicating? Right?

746
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: I think that's but that's what's in my head. What

747
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: is the worst that could happen? Are they going to

748
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 1: get upset about it? Are they gonna not talk to

749
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 1: me for a while. I don't think that they're that

750
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: kind of people, that they really have been great parents

751
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 1: growing up. I think it's just I'm in my head

752
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 1: about it, and I don't know what the worst consequence

753
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: would be. I just don't want to make waves, and

754
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: I find myself making excuses. I truely, I truly don't.

755
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: I don't know what the worst could be. How long

756
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: have you been unmedicated for? Uh? It will be well,

757
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: twelve twelve years? Oh well, okay, yeah, I think you

758
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: should tell your parents. I think he's weighing on you

759
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: and you should have been lying for that. Well that's okay,

760
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's okay. You were just like trying to

761
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: almost protecting them in a sense, you know what I mean.

762
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 1: You didn't want to stress them out. You can always

763
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 1: explain that to them in that way. But if it's

764
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: weighing heavily on you being honest, which is really admirable,

765
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: go and tell them and just say, hey, I just

766
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:44,960
Speaker 1: want to let you guys know this has been bothering

767
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: me for some time because I haven't been forthright, but

768
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,720
Speaker 1: I haven't been medicated and it's been about twelve years.

769
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: I feel great. My life is going well. I just

770
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: didn't want to burden you with this, but I feel like,

771
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: you know, just what you just told us. It was beautiful,

772
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: like in you know, in the hopes of having a real,

773
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: a fruitful, meaningful, deep relationship. Honesty is one of the

774
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: most important facets of that. Plus, you're a living example

775
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: now of just what it's like to live a beautiful

776
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: life without medication. So it's not like you're telling your

777
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: parents when you're all jacked up and you're not feeling good.

778
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,320
Speaker 1: You're looking good, you feel good, you got your man,

779
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: you're successful, you know all of those things. So you know,

780
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: how can they even deny where you're at because you are.

781
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 1: This is this beautiful place, you know, that's kind of

782
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I thought in my head, and that's

783
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: what my husband told me. He's like, why don't you

784
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: come to them when you or it's just undeniable. You've

785
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 1: been doing this for ten years. You you look great.

786
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 1: If you know everything is together, your career isn't an

787
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: upward trajectory wait until that point. So and I appreciate that.

788
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what I'm hearing from you guys

789
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: do but I think I appreciate it. Thank you. I'm jealous.

790
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: I'm still on medication, like I gotta. I tried to

791
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: get off last year and then I had to prescribe

792
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: because I lost my ship. I had the worst summer

793
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 1: of my life with in such intense anxiety. It was

794
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: so gnarly for me, and it wasn't I had experienced

795
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: it before in my twenties, but it was so rough

796
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 1: trying to raise three kids. And I had to go

797
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: back on Alexa pro just because I needed it even

798
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 1: out again. I I just I just lost, you know,

799
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 1: and I'm on it now. No. The other thing, I

800
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 1: was writing the email and I was like, God, this

801
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: sounds so judgy. I was like, I don't drink, I

802
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,920
Speaker 1: don't do drug or any of that anymore. And I

803
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 1: was like, God, I hope Chelsea doesn't think that I'm

804
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: like judging up people that take medication, because I'm not.

805
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: I think it's a beautiful thing if that's what you

806
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: need and that's your path. I was just speaking personally,

807
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: so like, you know, what I mean. Everyone kind of

808
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: has to come at it at their own point of

809
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: viewer advantage point. I got, what medication were you on?

810
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 1: Or medications? Oh my god, uh michel riddling um alexa

811
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: pro is one of them. I forget the names because

812
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 1: they were so it was the generic, but if they were,

813
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: it was a mixture of antidepressants, mood elevators, and the

814
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 1: riddle one was for focus. But it was like a

815
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: lot of It's a big cocktail, just like so, And

816
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: how was it for you to transition off of them?

817
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to say it was a moment. It

818
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,839
Speaker 1: happened very I just it was kind of like a

819
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,760
Speaker 1: domino effect. One happened, then the other. I stopped taking

820
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: the other, and I was like, well, this is I

821
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: think a lot of the drama in my life was

822
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: created by the medication. This is normal. It seems like

823
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: we should have been doing this a long time ago. God,

824
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 1: get off this. Yeah. Yeah, Well that's a lot of

825
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: medications to be taking for a young kid anyway, starting young.

826
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: You know, when you're that young and you're taking them

827
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: for so long, you must be having to change them

828
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: all the time. Well that's that's the thing is that

829
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: dose has just kept increasing and increasing because you do

830
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: build a tolerance over time, and it's like they would

831
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: interact with each other. So you had to make sure,

832
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: like you couldn't drink. And how hard is it to

833
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: tell someone who is in college in New York City, Hey,

834
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,760
Speaker 1: don't drink when it's like, what is not happening? Again,

835
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 1: I don't condone that for other people, but that's just

836
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: that's my own situation, and we should make sure that

837
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 1: we say here, like, if you are out there listening

838
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 1: and you're planning on tape bringing down any medications or

839
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,240
Speaker 1: coming off of medications, please do talk to your doctor first,

840
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: because coming off of some medications can cause things like

841
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: suicidal ideation to increase and depression or maybe just aren't

842
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 1: good for you to go off of all at once,

843
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: So always talk to your doctor. But of course here

844
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: at this podcast, we believe if you can't make your

845
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 1: own serotonin store bought is fine. Yeah, well, I think

846
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 1: you're doing great. You seem like you've got your ship together.

847
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: I mean, look at you. So yeah, Ali wishes he

848
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 1: Alli wishes he were anyone but himself. Thanks Ev, thanks

849
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: for calling in, and good luck with everything, and let

850
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: us know how it goes when you do tell your parents,

851
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 1: will do well, do, thank you, Okay, report back? I

852
00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: will by by what a gentle what a gentle giant

853
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: set for a non problem problem, you know, like he

854
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 1: didn't really have a problem, he just wanted to talk. Well,

855
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: you could tell he's self aware of sort of how

856
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: he makes people feel all the time, like I know,

857
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to condone this or I'm sorry about this.

858
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: He's very apologetic, which probably lends itself to not being

859
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: able to tell his parents because of fear of judging

860
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 1: that was good enough therapy. I could be a therapist. Well.

861
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: Our next caller is Michelle. She says, Dear Chelsea, my

862
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: wife and I each made a New Year's resolution to

863
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: find a therapist separately. Neither of us have even attempted

864
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 1: finding one. I lost my dad a couple of years

865
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: ago to suicide, and my wife thinks that I need

866
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: to talk to a professional about it. I feel as

867
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: if I'm at peace with the situation. Obviously, I miss

868
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 1: him dearly and I think about him a lot, but

869
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: I don't feel I have an urge to talk to

870
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: someone about it. Most of my friends have therapists, and

871
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: love going, and I'm so supportive of therapy and love

872
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 1: the idea, but I'm inherently lazy, and any free time

873
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: I have to look up therapists, I end up being

874
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:19,439
Speaker 1: lazy and turning on the TV or consume my time

875
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 1: with something else. Maybe that's something I need to talk

876
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: to a therapist about. I feel like it might help

877
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 1: to just get a push from somebody on the outside. Michelle. Hi, Michelle, Hi, Hi,

878
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 1: This is Oliver Hudson, our special guest today. Hi. However,

879
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: we both have our master's degrees in therapy, psychology. Just therapy, Yeah,

880
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 1: just therapy. So I mean, listen, getting a therapist. You're

881
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: not going to come out worse for that. Even if

882
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 1: you go to one or two sessions and decide this

883
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: isn't for me, like, at least then you you you

884
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: will have tried, and you will have made an effort

885
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 1: in that direction. Your father committing suicide is going to

886
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 1: have an impact on you, whether you realize it or not,

887
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 1: whether it's now or bubbles up in ten years. I

888
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: would always advocate to get ahead of that, to get

889
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: ahead of grief that you don't feel yet, because there

890
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: is something called delayed grief. And that happens to a

891
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 1: lot of people. So you could be at peace with

892
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: it now, and I believe that you feel that way,

893
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 1: but you don't know what's around the corner. And a

894
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,720
Speaker 1: life event like that doesn't just go like it tangles

895
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: you up at some point. And as far as your

896
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: wife is she going or has she made in roads

897
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: to do that, well, then I guess that that's even

898
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: more of an impetus. Set an example. You do it,

899
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and show her like, yeah,

900
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: I did it, I did what we agreed we're gonna do.

901
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 1: Sitting back and watching TV, listen, we can all relate

902
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,800
Speaker 1: to that, like I did that last night. I was

903
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 1: supposed to write something and I was like, oh funk it,

904
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna watch, you know, brain dead television. And

905
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: it never makes you feel good about yourself to not

906
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 1: do the thing you're supposed to do. It just makes

907
00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 1: you feel like ship the next day. So when you

908
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,879
Speaker 1: can get ahead of something in your life, you're doing

909
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: yourself a favor, and you're doing all the people around

910
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 1: you who love you a favorite too. Yeah that makes sense.

911
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 1: I think I have a concern and I was talking

912
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 1: to a friend about this that like, I'm gonna olive

913
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,320
Speaker 1: her just threw up? Are you okay? Okay? Sorry, you

914
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 1: just had a big breakfast. It was Captain crunch everywhere.

915
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find somebody like, make an appointment, go and

916
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 1: then I'm not gonna like what they have to say

917
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: to me or be annoyed was what they have to

918
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: say to me, and then never go again. And that's

919
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 1: going to be it. And I put effort into it,

920
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 1: and it's I know, it's not a one size fits

921
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 1: all situation. You've got to shop around for you know,

922
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: lack of a better term. But that's also just something

923
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,080
Speaker 1: that I don't look forward to do it. But you're

924
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 1: projecting all of that, right, You're creating a non reality,

925
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, a narrative that hasn't even existed.

926
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 1: You've already in your mind gone to the therapist, had

927
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 1: a horrible time, said fuck you, you're terrible. I'll never

928
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: find one again. Then you're back on the couch when

929
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 1: really you haven't even done. I mean, you've just created that,

930
00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, which is what's preventing you

931
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: from actually experiencing it. And you may be very pleasantly

932
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 1: surprised absolutely what is preventing you from doing it? Just that,

933
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: I mean basically just saying it's not going to work.

934
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: That's probably the main cause. And then also just feeling

935
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 1: like so I talked to a medium and I thought

936
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 1: that that was just the coolest thing ever and that

937
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: was exactly what I needed for healing and just hearing

938
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: what she had to say, and I just thought that

939
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 1: that was kind of the closure I needed, I suppose.

940
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: So the nice thing about seeing a therapist is that

941
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 1: if you don't have a lot to work on, they

942
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: will usually tell you that too, So you might go

943
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: for a few sessions and they might, you know, kind

944
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:40,839
Speaker 1: of essentially give you a clean bill of health and say,

945
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:42,759
Speaker 1: you know, if you need to talk again about work

946
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: or anything else, let me know. But yeah, they'll give

947
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 1: you well in therapy. Is great because my best sessions

948
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: in therapy are the ones that I just do not

949
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: want to go to them. I'm fine, I don't want

950
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 1: to do this, I want to go play golf, I

951
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 1: want to do something, but I'm going to commit stick

952
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: to my commitment, and then ten minutes in, I'm like,

953
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: oh my god, whoa, this is happening right now? You know, Yeah,

954
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 1: and you don't have to, Like, if it's not for you,

955
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:10,400
Speaker 1: you don't have to stick with it. It's just like

956
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 1: making an effort to do something out of your comfort

957
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:14,919
Speaker 1: zone is really important as a life skill. I think

958
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: I like to always challenge myself, like I dread half

959
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: the ship I do because I'm like, how did I

960
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: get myself into this situation? Again? That's what makes you strong,

961
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 1: and it makes you tough, and it makes you knowledgeable,

962
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: and then you become like a fuller rounder I mean

963
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 1: in essence, you know, not like physically rapture physically, but

964
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like it's a good exercise,

965
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,920
Speaker 1: so just try and figure it out and go through

966
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 1: with it. But if it's not where you belong, then

967
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,359
Speaker 1: that's okay too. The other thing, too, is what about

968
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,920
Speaker 1: your wife? Maybe, so why don't you come with me?

969
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 1: Why don't you guys do a couple of session together?

970
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, that's something we definitely have talked about too.

971
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 1: So I might also just be helpful to have you know,

972
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: someone that I trust sitting there with me too, or

973
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 1: you could go alone, come back and tell your wife

974
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,560
Speaker 1: that your therapist told you to start swinging and see

975
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 1: that that that's where that landed you, So go yourself.

976
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: And then she's like, do not go to therapy ever again?

977
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: Thank you. I don't know a lot of people are

978
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: into swinging these days. All you don't know what the

979
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 1: reaction is going to be. Everybody. I know, it keeps

980
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: coming up in conversations, and I don't know if people

981
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 1: are joking. I'm joking, but I don't know if other

982
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: people are joking about swinging because it seems very prevalent

983
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: right now. No, I know. I know I'm more of

984
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 1: a one sided swing. Like I couldn't want to up

985
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: with the girl, right, I don't want to swing to

986
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: go backward. I also don't want to hook up with

987
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: a guy. I would rather hook up with a girl

988
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend than have sex with two men. That

989
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right to me at all. It seems like

990
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 1: too much work. Yeah, well, you're a lesbian, so it

991
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: definitely feels like too much work for you. Right, So

992
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: there you go. Well, thank you Michelle for calling in.

993
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you all. Thank you. Let us know

994
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:59,799
Speaker 1: how it goes, yeah, keep us posted. Okay, okay, thank

995
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: you you. You have a good day, you too. M Well,

996
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 1: this next one is a doozy. This is from Ari L.

997
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: Subject line was am I the asshole? Dear Chelsea. About

998
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: three years ago, I received a suspect Facebook message from

999
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: a woman who claimed to be my half sister, saying

1000
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 1: that we shared the same dad. I was baffled and

1001
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to think. After days of questioning her,

1002
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 1: it turned out she is my half sister, but doesn't

1003
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 1: have a relationship with our dad. Our dad's name was

1004
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 1: on her birth certificate, and the story she told me

1005
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 1: about how he met her mom lined up a past

1006
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 1: place they worked. The problem. She's between the age of

1007
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: me and my older sister, which means my dad cheated

1008
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:43,879
Speaker 1: on my mom when they were still together. This half

1009
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 1: sister got in touch with me because she was curious

1010
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: about family health history and just wanted to know what

1011
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,640
Speaker 1: me and my older sister were like. She actually lives

1012
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: in the same city as me, so we met up

1013
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:55,360
Speaker 1: and got drinks. We get along well, But then I

1014
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 1: made what might have been a huge mistake. Right before

1015
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 1: the pandemic, our dad died. He was sick for five

1016
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,919
Speaker 1: months before he died, and I never told my half

1017
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 1: sister that he was sick. But the thing is I

1018
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:08,800
Speaker 1: didn't know he was dying. When I told her that

1019
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,720
Speaker 1: he died, she was upset and asked for funeral details.

1020
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 1: My mom knows about this half sister, but doesn't know

1021
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: that I know about this half sister, so I felt

1022
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: inviting her would stir up drama at the funeral. I

1023
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 1: was worried about people asking why she was there and

1024
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 1: who she was. Me and my older sister told her

1025
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,840
Speaker 1: that she couldn't come, and this made her furious, understandably,

1026
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:31,920
Speaker 1: so I tried to reconcile with her and sent her

1027
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 1: an apologetic message, but she read it and didn't respond.

1028
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,600
Speaker 1: I still feel bad for not letting her come to

1029
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: the funeral, but was it right to do so in

1030
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 1: order to protect my mother and family who didn't know

1031
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 1: about her. I could write another email about how my

1032
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 1: dad lived a whole double life and we didn't find

1033
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 1: out until after he died, but I need help moving

1034
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 1: on from this one. Am I the asshole for not

1035
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 1: letting her come to our dad's funeral? Thank you? Ariel?

1036
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 1: What do you think, Ali? I don't think you're an asshole.

1037
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: I mean I think because it's coming from a compassionate

1038
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,320
Speaker 1: place of just trying to protect everybody not knowing what

1039
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 1: to do, and this was your instinct was to do this. Now,

1040
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:12,439
Speaker 1: in hindsight, may have a different choice, have been better,

1041
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: like maybe, but I wouldn't call it an asshole. I mean,

1042
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: there's a lot going on here, discovering your dad had

1043
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:23,280
Speaker 1: an affair. You know, there's this sort of half sister involved.

1044
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 1: The family doesn't know. I mean, there's so much going on.

1045
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:31,480
Speaker 1: It's hard to navigate something like that. And she had

1046
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: to make a decision, and the decision was hers. I

1047
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 1: was coming from a good place, not a bad place necessarily,

1048
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: And now you've got to clean it up a little bit,

1049
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 1: you know, But that's yeah, you're definitely not an asshole.

1050
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 1: You were considering your mother's feelings, and you were considering

1051
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: everybody's feelings. She can't have time to either understand that,

1052
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: you know, and digest it and maybe come back around.

1053
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 1: But you're definitely not an asshole. You didn't do it

1054
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 1: out of like ill will or to be to be

1055
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 1: a jerk. You were weighing all of the benefits and

1056
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: like pros and cons of it, and it just seemed

1057
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: like an imprudent thing to do at that time. And

1058
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 1: I think that's totally understandable, So I would definitely not

1059
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 1: keep beating yourself up about this. You can maybe reach

1060
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: out to her again with another email, maybe explaining further

1061
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: if you feel like you want to develop more of

1062
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: a relationship with her, get to know her. If that's

1063
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: true for you, then you should send her another email,

1064
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 1: you know, when you think enough time has passed where

1065
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,160
Speaker 1: she can receive it in a different way, maybe and

1066
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: explain yourself a little bit more about why it was

1067
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,160
Speaker 1: important for you to make that decision and how it

1068
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: wasn't a reflection of you know, how you feel about her,

1069
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 1: but it was about considering everybody else's feelings and how

1070
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: uncomfortable it would have made the funeral, etcetera. But you

1071
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,400
Speaker 1: can't control how someone's going to react to your decision,

1072
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: you know, and your loyalty and your familial responsibility is

1073
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: to those people that you've grown up with and to

1074
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 1: your mom. So yeah, I would mean she almost made

1075
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:54,280
Speaker 1: the right decision in a way. I mean, I imagine

1076
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,360
Speaker 1: if this person shows up at the funeral, It's like

1077
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 1: who is this? And now all of a sudden, oh,

1078
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 1: this is a seneral legitimate sister, And I'm like, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa.

1079
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:05,080
Speaker 1: Now it blows up. And even if like no one

1080
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:08,120
Speaker 1: else ever figures that out, the mom still has to

1081
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 1: go through that day grieving the husband that she's just

1082
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: lost with the presence of this person who's like the

1083
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:17,799
Speaker 1: mark of infidelity on her relationship. Like, that's really hard

1084
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 1: for that mom. Yeah, exactly. I would never put my

1085
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: mother through that ever. Yeah, I mean, the best case

1086
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: scenario might be just to have a big family meeting,

1087
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: be like, hey, throw it out a lot on the table,

1088
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: let's get after it now, and then we'll leave here

1089
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 1: holding hands. You know. It's like, all right, here's what happened. Now,

1090
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:35,919
Speaker 1: we're all in it. Now, we all know. Now there's

1091
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: no secrets, and now we can either you know, men

1092
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: fences or have a relationship or not. But at least

1093
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: you know, it's all out there. Not not to make

1094
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 1: this about me, but I've my father and his brothers

1095
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:49,840
Speaker 1: don't talk, and my whole Hudson side of the family

1096
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,359
Speaker 1: is like just fractured, and it's starting to get together

1097
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:55,280
Speaker 1: a little bit now. But I made I texted everyone.

1098
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's just rent out a restaurant and everyone

1099
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 1: go and you can fight. You can laugh whatever, but

1100
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: at least everyone's in the room and getting it all out,

1101
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,800
Speaker 1: and then we'll see what happens from there and what

1102
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: was the response for that. People are willing, it's just

1103
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 1: getting it done, it's actually making it happen. You'll just

1104
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: find a local cheesecake factory that's the right place for that. Well, Ari,

1105
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 1: I'll let us know if she gets back to you

1106
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 1: or if you don't hear back, and if you reach out,

1107
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 1: of course. Our last email today comes from Sarah. Sarah says,

1108
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to refer advice on an ongoing

1109
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: issue I've been having with my boyfriend's family. To zoom

1110
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,400
Speaker 1: out a little, i just don't have time for people

1111
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 1: in situations that drain my cup without ever putting a

1112
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: drop back in. If spending time with someone doesn't make

1113
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:46,360
Speaker 1: me feel good, I'm out, been there, done that. Life's

1114
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:49,880
Speaker 1: too short. Enter my boyfriend's family. He and I have

1115
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 1: been in a healthy relationship for four years and we

1116
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:55,399
Speaker 1: plan on getting married and starting a family together. He's

1117
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 1: my guy. I absolutely adore him. He's incredibly close with

1118
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 1: his family and I'm in predibly close to with mine.

1119
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 1: We both agree that family is super important. He adores

1120
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: his mom, which is great. His father passed away pretty

1121
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:10,040
Speaker 1: suddenly about five years ago, so he and his brother

1122
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: tried to fill the space that was left for their mom,

1123
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: which is amazing and makes me so happy to see.

1124
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,399
Speaker 1: But his mom drives me crazy. She's a really nice lady,

1125
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 1: but she's a ball of nerves. Her family affectionately calls

1126
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 1: her nervous Nellie, but it's more like incredibly anxious and

1127
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,320
Speaker 1: overbearing Nelly. She drives around with snow tires in a

1128
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,919
Speaker 1: city where it snows once twice a year for six

1129
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,600
Speaker 1: months because she's scared. She'll always ask a million times

1130
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 1: if we liked the gifts she bought so annoying, or

1131
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 1: if what she said of the family gathering was okay.

1132
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: She recently freaked out about a light in our place

1133
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 1: flickering because she thinks it will cause an electrical fire.

1134
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,720
Speaker 1: The list goes on and on. When we hang out together,

1135
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: the boys go off and do their own thing, and

1136
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm stuck with Mom. I do my absolute best to

1137
00:55:57,680 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: be kind in these situations because I know it's important

1138
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 1: for his family to be together, and I want to

1139
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,600
Speaker 1: be a part of it. Being around her exhausts me

1140
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 1: emotionally and mentally. If we have plans on a day

1141
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 1: where I'm not at my best, I just can't handle them,

1142
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 1: and I find myself being snippy and brash. My boyfriend

1143
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 1: amazingly does realize how anxious his mom is, and we

1144
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:18,320
Speaker 1: can talk about it. But I can tell if I

1145
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,880
Speaker 1: go too far, he starts to get defensive, so I

1146
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 1: really have to watch how I decompressed to him. I

1147
00:56:23,800 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 1: worry about how these things will play out in the

1148
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 1: future when we have kids and I want to have

1149
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:29,799
Speaker 1: a natural home birth. Is mom going to lose her mind?

1150
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,800
Speaker 1: Et cetera. Do you have any advice on building this

1151
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,839
Speaker 1: relationship even though it doesn't make me feel good? How

1152
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,920
Speaker 1: can I prepare for and handle these situations with kindness

1153
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 1: and grace? Sarah already sounds like you are handling it

1154
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,680
Speaker 1: with kindness and grace. I mean, I would not be

1155
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,839
Speaker 1: left alone with her because I I you know. I mean,

1156
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:49,720
Speaker 1: first of all, yeah, you can handle it with kindness

1157
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 1: and grace. You can do all the meditation you want

1158
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: before every time you meet with her, But like she's

1159
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: a live wire, it's all over the shop. It sounds

1160
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 1: like with her, I don't think you should worry about future,

1161
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 1: like projecting the future, or if you want to have

1162
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 1: a home birth, you're gonna have a home birth, period, Like,

1163
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,479
Speaker 1: she can't interfere with what you're gonna do with your body.

1164
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 1: She's not a Republican, or maybe she is. But I

1165
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 1: think you should also have like an honest conversation with

1166
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 1: your boyfriend about how much time you have to spend

1167
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 1: with her, because that's not a fair ask. I don't

1168
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: think you know, it's one thing to have to deal

1169
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: with an in law or of any kind, whether it's

1170
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 1: parents or siblings, but like it's not cool to have

1171
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 1: to be that they go out and leave you alone

1172
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:29,439
Speaker 1: with her when she's like that, and they know she's

1173
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 1: like that, and he can get as defensive as he wants,

1174
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:33,920
Speaker 1: but you need to lay some like heartfelt ground rules

1175
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:35,840
Speaker 1: about the amount of time that you're willing to spend

1176
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 1: under those conditions because it really wears thin on you.

1177
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 1: And I don't think that's unreasonable at all. I think

1178
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: that just has to have like an honest even conversation

1179
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: with your boyfriend, you know, and if he gets defensive,

1180
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: you have to put a pin on it and wait

1181
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:51,560
Speaker 1: till he's not in a state of reactivity and be like, listen,

1182
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:54,760
Speaker 1: I'm not accusing you of anything. I've done this work,

1183
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: I've tried it, and I just need to have a

1184
00:57:56,800 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 1: fair set of ground rules. Love it because nothing's going

1185
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: to change. The mother in laws is not getting better.

1186
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: It's nothing's going to shift. That's just what you have

1187
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: to deal with. So then it's about making the best

1188
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 1: of that. And if that means your husband being more

1189
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: or fiance being in tune to how you're feeling, then

1190
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 1: you're limiting the time, you know what I mean, you

1191
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: just start. But in laws are in laws can break

1192
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: up relationships. I mean I've known people who have broken

1193
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:29,520
Speaker 1: up or very close to because of in laws, you know,

1194
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: because you do get defensive. My mom always says, you

1195
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: marry the family. I got so lucky. My in laws

1196
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: are amazing. Oh yeah you are lucky. Yeah your family,

1197
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 1: I mean lucky. Yeah, yeah, your family's the most want

1198
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 1: to hang out plenty of friends who it's just like,

1199
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: oh I can't I can't deal with that. I mean,

1200
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 1: I just can't deal with it. So you have to

1201
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 1: avoid it when you can't. Yeah, I would also say,

1202
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 1: you know, when you do have to spend time with

1203
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: her and you know they're going to go in the

1204
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 1: other room or go you know, do their own thing.

1205
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:03,200
Speaker 1: Maybe get yourself an activity that you guys can do together.

1206
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 1: So whether that's playing a game or watching a show

1207
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 1: together or whatever, it is something that is like outside

1208
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: of just talking about yourselves. I know in some of

1209
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 1: my sort of more stressful in law relationships, being able

1210
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: to have like a third thing that you're doing and

1211
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:18,680
Speaker 1: rather than just like talking about everyone in the family,

1212
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 1: are talking about what's going wrong really, or you build

1213
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 1: up credit, make a game out of it. Right, so

1214
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 1: every hour you spend with my mom, you get a

1215
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 1: day at a hotel. That sounds like a real affair

1216
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 1: exchange like that will go well or it's just start. Yeah,

1217
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:34,680
Speaker 1: I like that. I think Catherine, that's a great idea

1218
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 1: to have activities lined up so that it's not you know,

1219
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 1: activities not like lawn bowling or something she's going to

1220
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 1: freak out about, but board games like shoots and ladders.

1221
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: Actually that might be scary for her too. It sounds like,

1222
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:48,720
Speaker 1: so maybe something a little bit more, maybe monopoly. Just

1223
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: keep it basic, right, unless she's got financial anxiety. Yeah,

1224
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 1: now we have to find out Hubert, what about Cubert?

1225
00:59:56,160 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: Now that cause anxiety to cards? Cards? But yeah, yeah,

1226
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 1: I think that's sweet. You've tried, and you sound very sweet,

1227
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 1: and you've made a good effort. But again, you are

1228
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 1: not responsible for her well being or her sanity. You're

1229
01:00:13,000 --> 01:00:17,320
Speaker 1: responsible for your own sanity. Yeah. Well, Sarah, thank you

1230
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 1: for emailing in, and we'll take a quick break right

1231
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: now and we'll be right back. Okay, and we're back

1232
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 1: from our LUFA scrub with Olifa Hudson Oliver Well, actually

1233
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 1: it was Olive. Now it's with an f And based

1234
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: on Oliver's advice that he gave today, I would say

1235
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: that his podcast is very worth listening to. It's called

1236
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 1: Unconsciously Coupled with his wife Aaron not not to be

1237
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:52,440
Speaker 1: confused with the other eron this is Aaron Hudson Aaron Foster,

1238
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 1: and I'm sure she loves that. But yeah, he has

1239
01:00:56,400 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 1: got a great part. He also has a podcast, Sibling Revelree,

1240
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 1: that he does with his sister. But yeah, he's had

1241
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:03,240
Speaker 1: a lot of experience in this realm, so it's very

1242
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 1: good to get a straight man's perspective on things. Yeah,

1243
01:01:07,160 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: why not? Yeah, and especially if you're on a marriage,

1244
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 1: which many people are, and everyone who's in a marriage

1245
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 1: definitely hits a point in that marriage where they encounter friction.

1246
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 1: There's always friction. I just love it. I honestly love

1247
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:23,920
Speaker 1: doing something with my wife, you know, because we we

1248
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 1: haven't done anything in the in the work world together,

1249
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: and it's just it's a blast. And I think it's

1250
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: reflective in the show because it's not about trying to

1251
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 1: sort of make a money grab of any kind, because

1252
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 1: we're not making any money yet. It's just more about

1253
01:01:37,120 --> 01:01:40,640
Speaker 1: just being together and having these conversations together and honestly

1254
01:01:40,680 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 1: open stuff up with us. When she tells me that

1255
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 1: she's not liking the next day, I'm conscious of that

1256
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 1: and now I'm like, okay, you know. So we're learning

1257
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:52,440
Speaker 1: as we're talking, you know, which is which is fun.

1258
01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 1: It's nice to get to know somebody more deeply, you know,

1259
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 1: because I think in relationships also, you can kind of

1260
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 1: hit a breaking point where it's like, in certain relationships

1261
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 1: you're going deep as you can go, and then you know,

1262
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:04,360
Speaker 1: if you stick it out and get through those phases

1263
01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 1: where you feel like it's not going to get any deeper,

1264
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 1: and that's exactly when it gets deeper. You know. It's

1265
01:02:09,080 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 1: that quote that they say, you know, in order to

1266
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 1: change the world, you have to change yourself. And it's true,

1267
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:16,840
Speaker 1: like when you change, you affect change in other people

1268
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 1: just by your vibration, just by your energy and your

1269
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 1: open mindedness. It hasn't direct impact on the people closest

1270
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 1: to you. So sometimes when you're doing the work, you

1271
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 1: have to remember you're not only doing it for yourself,

1272
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 1: You're doing it for you know, your spouse, children. Ye, yeah,

1273
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,560
Speaker 1: well Oliver. At this point in the show, we like

1274
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 1: to ask if our guest has any advice that like

1275
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:40,720
Speaker 1: from Chelsea would you like to ask her for Do

1276
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 1: you want me to teach you how to give a

1277
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 1: blow job? Yeah? I've never I've never given one. Okay, Katherine,

1278
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 1: do you have a banana? I do? I do. Here's

1279
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:52,960
Speaker 1: because we we've talked a lot. Okay, this is a

1280
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:56,320
Speaker 1: career question because you you know how to work, but

1281
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 1: you also know how to play. Like you you balance

1282
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 1: it very well, it seems, but you work hard, but

1283
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,360
Speaker 1: you also play hard. I play hard and don't work

1284
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 1: hard enough. I love the fun of life. I feel

1285
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 1: like I have a lot of potential in my career

1286
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 1: as a director, actor in this business, and I have

1287
01:03:17,240 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 1: yet to really scratch the surface of what that potential is.

1288
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,400
Speaker 1: But I don't have the greatest work ethic. The question

1289
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:27,560
Speaker 1: I guess is do I just remain content or do

1290
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 1: I try to shift myself to where, Okay, it's time

1291
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:35,600
Speaker 1: to sort of realize your potential even though if even

1292
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:39,560
Speaker 1: though it's not something that is just driving me, we're

1293
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 1: always working. Why do you think you don't work hard? Well?

1294
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 1: Because I think it's relative to what I feel. I'm

1295
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 1: going through the motions. I do my press for the show,

1296
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: and I do love my podcast, but just creating for myself,

1297
01:03:50,120 --> 01:03:52,800
Speaker 1: I I do stuff that comes to me rather than

1298
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 1: going out there and really pursuing some of these ideas

1299
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 1: that I have that I know can be great if

1300
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 1: I just put the time in. Yeah, well, I think

1301
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 1: then you've answered your own question. I mean, generating your

1302
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,000
Speaker 1: own work is a great source of like you're going

1303
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 1: to find the joy that you find in your personal

1304
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 1: life play life. And if you've already feel like there's

1305
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:14,280
Speaker 1: an imbalance between play and work and you make that adjustment,

1306
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:16,360
Speaker 1: the joy that you get from your play life will

1307
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:17,960
Speaker 1: go over to the joy that you get from your

1308
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 1: work life. It's hard to break through, you know what

1309
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 1: I mean. Like if I sit down at the computer,

1310
01:04:22,360 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 1: immediately I'm gone. It's like you the other night when

1311
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:25,439
Speaker 1: you said you want to write and you're just watching

1312
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:29,440
Speaker 1: mindless TV. That mindless TV is more prevalent in my

1313
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:32,040
Speaker 1: life than it is than the work. You know, when

1314
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:34,760
Speaker 1: I know that the work would make me happy if

1315
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 1: I can just get through it, but I get discouraged.

1316
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,120
Speaker 1: So how do you I think you just have to

1317
01:04:39,320 --> 01:04:41,280
Speaker 1: create a new habit, you know, like you have to

1318
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 1: give yourself, Like starting today tonight, you're gonna give yourself

1319
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 1: one hour. Don't make it something that's not going to

1320
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:49,400
Speaker 1: be able to be fulfilled. Give yourself at thirty minutes

1321
01:04:49,520 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 1: or one hour where you go sit down and you write,

1322
01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 1: Like what are you It doesn't even have to be

1323
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:55,240
Speaker 1: writing a script or writing an idea. It's like, right,

1324
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,240
Speaker 1: what you want to get accomplished in this hour? In

1325
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:59,440
Speaker 1: the next three months? Do you ever sit down and

1326
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 1: not do it? Meaning like you say, this is my

1327
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,280
Speaker 1: time to work, and I'm like, I got nothing, but

1328
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:05,360
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here and I'm trying. Yeah, yeah, I do

1329
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 1: that a lot sometimes sometimes Yeah, like I just always

1330
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 1: if I have twenty minutes on a plane or even like,

1331
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:12,880
Speaker 1: you know, two hours on a plane, I make sure

1332
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:16,960
Speaker 1: that a reading for me is always a spark of creativity.

1333
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,520
Speaker 1: If I read a book, which I always do, but

1334
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:21,760
Speaker 1: I now I'm like, Okay, you can read, but you

1335
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:24,160
Speaker 1: can't read for two hours anymore because I have to

1336
01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:26,480
Speaker 1: write a book right now. So I'll read for like

1337
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 1: thirty minutes and then I write for an hour and

1338
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 1: a half. I'll be like, you have this time amount

1339
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:33,240
Speaker 1: on a plane ride. But for somebody who's just trying

1340
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 1: to shift that narrative in your mind, I think psychologically,

1341
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,320
Speaker 1: if it's too big of a responsibility, it will be

1342
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 1: hard for you to fulfill. So I think you just

1343
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 1: have to say to yourself, like, starting tonight or whatever

1344
01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 1: time in the morning you have, if it's in the morning,

1345
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 1: if it's at night, whatever, pick thirty minutes, forty five minutes,

1346
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,960
Speaker 1: and then slowly, as time goes by, you're gonna go

1347
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:53,880
Speaker 1: sit down at your computer and write what you want

1348
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,560
Speaker 1: to accomplish during this time, or start writing a script,

1349
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:58,919
Speaker 1: or start writing ideas that you want to generate into

1350
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 1: becoming more of a reality. And then over time you're

1351
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,480
Speaker 1: gonna be drawn to that, you know what I mean,

1352
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:07,360
Speaker 1: you just have to create the habit. And I fall

1353
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:09,040
Speaker 1: in and out of habits all the time, but I

1354
01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 1: definitely am good at creating new ones and getting myself motivated.

1355
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:14,960
Speaker 1: And so you just have to light that fire. And

1356
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:17,240
Speaker 1: once you light it and just say, like you go

1357
01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:19,160
Speaker 1: for five nights in a row of an hour a

1358
01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:21,400
Speaker 1: night where you're just sitting at your computer, even if

1359
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:23,920
Speaker 1: nothing comes out, you're just like fucking around with ideas.

1360
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:25,880
Speaker 1: On the sixth night, you're gonna want to go to

1361
01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:28,880
Speaker 1: theater because you're like, wait, I gotta go do this,

1362
01:06:29,160 --> 01:06:31,200
Speaker 1: you know. And I think that's a good creative Now

1363
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:32,720
Speaker 1: it's true, and it's I think you're right. It's not

1364
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: about it's the time that you create in the beginning

1365
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:37,720
Speaker 1: is not overwhelming, like two and a half hours. I mean,

1366
01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 1: just give yourself a small amount of time. And yeah,

1367
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 1: there's a great book called Daily Rituals, which it just

1368
01:06:42,160 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 1: gives you kind of every artist what they do and

1369
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:46,680
Speaker 1: they're creative time. Like some people are more creative in

1370
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 1: the morning. I know. I am, like I'm more clear,

1371
01:06:49,040 --> 01:06:50,480
Speaker 1: Like I like to look at a script first thing

1372
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 1: in the morning. If i'm writing something or a book,

1373
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,320
Speaker 1: because that's when I have the most clarity and I

1374
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 1: haven't fogged up my brain by then, you know. But

1375
01:06:56,560 --> 01:06:58,240
Speaker 1: some people it's late at night, you know, and some

1376
01:06:58,360 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 1: people it's mid afternoons. You have to just find out

1377
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:02,760
Speaker 1: what time your zone is and try them out at

1378
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 1: different times and see when you feel like the most

1379
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 1: kind of productive daily rituals. Yeah, it's just a it's

1380
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:11,959
Speaker 1: a little it's not like a bookbook. It's just gives

1381
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 1: you like all these artists, philosophers, painters and when they

1382
01:07:16,440 --> 01:07:18,480
Speaker 1: worked and how they worked like that. I'm going to

1383
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 1: get that because you don't want to overdo it. Yeah,

1384
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:22,720
Speaker 1: it's I've been trying to figure out for a long

1385
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,840
Speaker 1: long time. Yeah, I know that because we've had this

1386
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:29,080
Speaker 1: conversation before. So you should just bite it and chew

1387
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 1: it and start, i know, I know, breaking the habit

1388
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,480
Speaker 1: and then follow up with us and let us know

1389
01:07:34,560 --> 01:07:36,520
Speaker 1: how that advice goes. Okay, I'm going to check it

1390
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:42,400
Speaker 1: with you in two months. Okay, good, it's been accomplished.

1391
01:07:42,680 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 1: Oliver Hudson. You are it's a light. This was so

1392
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 1: fun that I know. Well, now you have your own

1393
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,320
Speaker 1: podcast to do it. All the time. I love the

1394
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 1: psychological aspects. Great. Yeah, thank you. So. If you'd like

1395
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:02,560
Speaker 1: to ask THEE a question, email us at their Chelsea

1396
01:08:02,680 --> 01:08:04,320
Speaker 1: Project at gmail dot com.