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Speaker 1: You don't hear me confession. I can't take back O

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Speaker 1: arm Mouse Speak.

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Speaker 2: Texas seventy five nine, T who says, my family thinks

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Speaker 2: my therapy sessions are two hours long, but it's actually

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Speaker 2: only one. The other hour is me going out to

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Speaker 2: the woods and playing with fire. Oh, after you talked

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Speaker 2: to the therapist, do we hang on to this text

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Speaker 2: and pass it to the authorities?

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Speaker 3: We get safe hobby, Yeah, you know, like you're gonna

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Speaker 3: start a wildfire, Buddy, get out of the theist.

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Speaker 2: I just deleted that text.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 2: The whole point is we're supposed to make this a

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Speaker 2: safe space. Unlike the forest where that.

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Speaker 3: Guy plays evidence.

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Speaker 2: We have another dude on the phone who's ready to

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Speaker 2: enter our safe space. He's chosen to go by Derek.

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Speaker 2: Don't read into that, so sorry, I can't help it.

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Speaker 3: If people could see your face too, doesn't help the situation.

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Speaker 2: It's a very sexy thing, Derek.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 3: The only excitement Jeff gets all week, So this better

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Speaker 3: be good day.

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Speaker 2: I am ready. The voice changer is, Derek. You're the

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Speaker 2: mass speaker. Now, whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.

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Speaker 1: All right, So this was years ago when I first

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Speaker 1: started dating my wife.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, does she know this story or does she not?

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Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, no no.

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Speaker 3: Okay that makes me so much more interesting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she does tell us about your wife early on

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Speaker 2: in the relationship.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so she had two kids already.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, really.

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Speaker 1: Really buttoned up an extremely like professional woman, like very

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Speaker 1: intimating girl.

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Speaker 3: And uh she's a mother Okay, yes, I mean we

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Speaker 3: throw it out hands hands mother mom again, we know

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Speaker 3: how to do it all right.

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Speaker 2: That can be intimidating to enter into a relationship with

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Speaker 2: like a fully established mom.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and kind of plugging myself into the same you know,

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Speaker 1: I wanted to show where I was the right guy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 1: So part of that is taking care of the kiddos.

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Speaker 1: So I had spent the night there one night, and

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Speaker 1: I want to do something really nice. So I woke

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Speaker 1: up like an hour and a half before she gets

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Speaker 1: up and make them breakfast before school.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's so cute.

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Speaker 3: What a special tree?

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Speaker 2: What'd you make?

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Speaker 1: I found pancake nicks a batch like. I made him

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Speaker 1: like a nice tall stat I even cut him into

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Speaker 1: like little mickey mouse heads.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, please tell me you clean the kitchen up

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Speaker 3: afterwards to actually make it a special date for her

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Speaker 3: as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I didn't leave her with a mess. But okay, anyway,

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Speaker 1: they came, they saw their plates, they were so happy.

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Speaker 1: I was looking at these pancakes. I'm wanting something for myself.

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Speaker 1: So I go back in the kitchen to make daddy

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Speaker 1: a nice little stacks.

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Speaker 2: Call yourself daddy there some of us call her sells

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Speaker 2: different names, Daddy, not in front of the children.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's true.

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Speaker 2: Like, Daddy's gonna time to make your pancakes now.

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Speaker 1: So as I'm mixing, I'm like, huh, there's something weird,

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Speaker 1: kind of clumpy lumpy in the pancake mix. And I

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Speaker 1: look closely. I start stirring through them, and I take

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Speaker 1: a fork. They were maggots.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't want to hear anything else.

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Speaker 2: And you've already served it up to the kids.

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Speaker 1: I'm panicking.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, Well the bug's dead by then, so

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Speaker 3: it's not like it's moving like the these pancakes.

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Speaker 2: Crunchy, dude, what do you do.

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Speaker 1: I go in the dining room where they're sitting and

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Speaker 1: they're almost done.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, dude, whatever you do, please tell me

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Speaker 3: that you're girlfriend then now wife didn't come down and

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Speaker 3: ask for her survey.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, But you know what was funny The

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Speaker 1: kids would not shut up about how good the pancakes were.

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Speaker 2: Ohttle slattery, sirrup and butter. You probably can't taste it.

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Speaker 1: Well I think they could taste it because they were

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Speaker 1: answering me, Hey, did you do something different mom us

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Speaker 1: there and make it like that?

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Speaker 2: There was like an aftertaste.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what they thought I put in there?

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Speaker 1: What they're like, did you put almonds in or something? Oh?

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Speaker 1: It almond pancakes?

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Speaker 3: How old are the kids now? Do they know?

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Speaker 1: Let's see, they were seven and five, so I guess

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Speaker 1: they're twelve and ten now. And no, no, one don't.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, when are you going to tell them?

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Speaker 3: Is it going to be like at the wedding speeches?

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Speaker 3: Are you going to do it?

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Speaker 2: Is it just send this to them because he baked

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Speaker 2: the cake and there's maggots in the cake now too?

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Speaker 1: A full circle?

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Speaker 2: Oh man, yeah, I would never tell that.

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Speaker 1: God.

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Speaker 3: Have they been asking for your special pancakes ever since

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Speaker 3: the first.

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Speaker 1: Time I made pancakes? After that time they asked for

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Speaker 1: almonds in it? Again almonds in it, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't taste like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the magic touch, Oh, the maggot touch.

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Speaker 1: There it is.

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Speaker 3: You know what, For the first time ever, I'm not

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Speaker 3: hungry in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Usually when we get a food confession, we're all like

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Speaker 2: dying to order something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, not today, skip breakfast this morning.

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Speaker 2: Well, Derek, thanks for the call. We appreciate it. I'm

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Speaker 2: never gonna look at pancake mixed the same.

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Speaker 1: Ever.

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Speaker 2: After this, we are getting more text confessions into seven

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Speaker 2: eighty five nine two about wives and marriages. This one says,

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Speaker 2: my lovely wife is incapable of losing at monopoly. She's really,

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Speaker 2: really good. She cannot lose on family Christmases. She doesn't

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Speaker 2: even realize. The rest of the family tries to gang

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Speaker 2: up on her, and she still smashes us every time.

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Speaker 1: Oh my die, dude, that's crazy. What's the strap?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. But she should be in real estate, like.

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Speaker 2: Do you buy everything or do you put everything up

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Speaker 2: for auction?

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Speaker 1: Right? Will you land on it?

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Speaker 2: But keep your tact coming at seven eight five nine two.

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Speaker 2: If you have a confession you've been holding on to,

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Speaker 2: we can hide your identity, mask your voice and make

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Speaker 2: you our next mass speaker. Your phone TAP's coming up

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Speaker 2: right after

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Speaker 1: This, brooking Jeffrey in the morning