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Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Podcast Emily mean, yes, are you a masochist?

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Speaker 3: Ooh good question.

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Speaker 4: I'm obviously a masochist because I continuously put myself in painful,

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Speaker 4: painful situations over and over, so like I must be emotionally.

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Speaker 2: I'm asking you because this is like hitting me on

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Speaker 2: a personal level as well. Do you think that is masochism?

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Speaker 2: Emotional or like family trauma that's not dealt with this?

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Speaker 4: The second one, you're right, Wow, you're Are you a

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Speaker 4: little psychic?

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Speaker 3: I think, yeah? Are you?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're very I'm very cures sat out the book

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Speaker 4: you were showing on Instagram. Oh there you go? Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 4: yeah I am. Yes, I'm trying to deal with that

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Speaker 4: because I actually think my lack of control over it

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Speaker 4: is fucking with my life. But yes, I think it

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Speaker 4: is the trauma and the pain being familiar more than it.

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Speaker 4: Maybe that's why I'm zero massacre because I feel like

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Speaker 4: people who are massacrests like maybe they don't didn't have

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Speaker 4: that much pain, and so like pain is exciting and

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Speaker 4: they need to create it For me. I'm like, I

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Speaker 4: don't I have a well of pain just waiting at

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Speaker 4: any given moment, I don't need to like be whatever,

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Speaker 4: hit at whatever, whatever it.

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Speaker 2: Is, right, No, no, no, I agree, I don't. I

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Speaker 2: feel like on from my perspective, for me, it's not

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Speaker 2: as obvious from the outside. Maybe emotional trauma. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it goes back to just the world I

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Speaker 2: was born into more than just like actual from my family,

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Speaker 2: being born in Hollywood and just like that everything focused

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Speaker 2: so hyper focused since I was born, and not having

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Speaker 2: that lack of control of how to even go back

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Speaker 2: and fix that. But you started this business so young,

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Speaker 2: you have that as well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, idea, I wasn't born.

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Speaker 4: The trauma of being born in I imagine is like

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Speaker 4: a whole world that I do not envy as much

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Speaker 4: as people are assholes about it and think it's enviable.

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Speaker 4: I imagine it is more not than it is. Even

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Speaker 4: if there's like perks, I feel like those perks come

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Speaker 4: at a cost.

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Speaker 3: But yes, I.

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Speaker 4: Started young, and I didn't think I started young. I

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Speaker 4: started at eighteen, and I thought I was like, Wow,

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Speaker 4: it's porty too late. Now I'm like, what a.

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Speaker 3: Little baby like you should have waited, you should have

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Speaker 3: protected yourself longer. I thought you started younger. Why did

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Speaker 3: I think you started like twelve thirteen.

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Speaker 4: Everybody thinks, Okay, I did a weird Italian singing contest

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Speaker 4: and that exists on the internet, so people are like, oh,

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Speaker 4: and then I did. I like started modeling at fifteen,

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Speaker 4: and I did one weird indie movie then, and I

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Speaker 4: wanted to like performing our high school. But I didn't

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Speaker 4: like get an agent and start auditioning as an actor until.

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Speaker 3: I was eighteen. Okay, still a baby, tiny baby. I

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Speaker 3: didn't realize at the time, but yes.

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Speaker 2: My oldest child is eighteen and my second oldest is

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Speaker 2: a daughter, so I'm like hyper focused on her because

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, me at eighteen it was

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Speaker 2: just such a different world. But it's like they're such babies,

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Speaker 2: and I never thought of it that way. Like when

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Speaker 2: we were working so young, it was like just.

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Speaker 4: You saw you were an adult, and you know that

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Speaker 4: feeling when you're eighteen amongst adults and you really think

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Speaker 4: you're tricking everyone into thinking you're there.

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Speaker 2: Eight You're like that, yeah, you want so badly to

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Speaker 2: fit in.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my god, I excelted. Yeah, you don't realize that.

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Speaker 3: It's it's when.

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Speaker 4: You're eighteen it's transparent that you're even if you're like

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Speaker 4: the smartest, why is this eighteen year old You simply

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Speaker 4: have not experienced enough life to know certain things.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like you give in to so much

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Speaker 2: more to want to have that acceptance. At least that

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Speaker 2: was my experience just and I mean you've talked a

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Speaker 2: lot about this obviously, and such an advocate for women

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Speaker 2: and on set, but you know, being eighteen and the

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Speaker 2: boys were all joking around, I wanted to be fitting

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Speaker 2: so bad and I was like, you know, and they

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Speaker 2: weren't doing anything wrong, but on a set primarily filled

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Speaker 2: with men back then in the nineties, it was like

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Speaker 2: I just thought my inn.

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Speaker 3: Was always like what was I wearing? How did I look?

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Speaker 2: Was my you know? Oh everyone said my like my

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Speaker 2: waist was so tiny, like oh yay, why didn't they

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Speaker 2: look at my boobs today? Like it was just like

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Speaker 2: over and over. You're so conditioned to think like that's

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Speaker 2: the acceptance and it wasn't. I'm just going back to

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Speaker 2: our eighteen year old self. So sorry, I'm not sweeting

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Speaker 2: on your behat here, but no.

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Speaker 3: No, I agree. It all resonates.

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Speaker 2: I look back now and I'm like, oh, I'm just

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Speaker 2: finding and obviously I'm way older than you, but I'm

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Speaker 2: just learning to be like, wait, I'm actually really smart.

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Speaker 2: There's value there. I'm funny, I'm smart, Like you know,

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Speaker 2: there's the physical, but it's just it's more than that.

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Speaker 2: And I never understood that then that that was useful.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so funny because I was obviously in gearing

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Speaker 4: up for this, I was thinking about you, and I

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Speaker 4: was thinking about like when I met you, how I

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Speaker 4: described you, and I was like, she's actually really funny

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Speaker 4: and smart. I swear to God, and I'm sure you

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Speaker 4: like me. That's not the first assumption about you. For me,

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Speaker 4: it's less. I think people are more surprised that I'm

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Speaker 4: like nice and smart, like I think people think I'm

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Speaker 4: mean and obviously stupid, but stupid in like at and

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Speaker 4: more like an aloof way, like you're more blondes, maybe

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Speaker 4: get more like a great. Mine's more like I don't

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Speaker 4: speak English. But yes, and for me as well, the

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Speaker 4: discovery of that I'm smart but a was a big husband,

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Speaker 4: or that I have value outside of not just beauty

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Speaker 4: but talent, like just as a human being, having nothing

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Speaker 4: to do with that this industry and what I have

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Speaker 4: to offer. It has been important life saving, really.

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Speaker 2: Understood and for the listeners. We met Emily and I

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Speaker 2: met on the set of Mother May Sleep with Danger.

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Speaker 3: Second rendition of it, You've the Champion.

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Speaker 2: Rendition, which the og one was in the nineties, and

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Speaker 2: I played the daughter stocked in college by her lover

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Speaker 2: and like her mom saves her and it was a

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Speaker 2: big Lifetime. It became like a cult classic, and I

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Speaker 2: think primarily because of the title. And then I got

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Speaker 2: the call literally one day. I can't unhear it. It

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Speaker 2: was the craziest call of my life. I was driving

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Speaker 2: to set and I got a call from my agent

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Speaker 2: and she was like, we have an offer for you

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Speaker 2: and Lifetime and James Franco are remaking Mother May Sleep

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Speaker 2: with Danger and he is reimagining it. And I was like, wait,

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Speaker 2: you just said Lifetime. You just said James Franco. And

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Speaker 2: then she's like, and wait, it's going to be a

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Speaker 2: vampire lesbian movie.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, there's just like.

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Speaker 2: A long pause and my brain was trying to like

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Speaker 2: grasp all of the things she just said. And then

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Speaker 2: I was like, okay, I'm in, Like, I mean, you

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Speaker 2: can't turn that down.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's how I felt. I was told to

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Speaker 4: turn it down. But you guys don't get it, clearly

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Speaker 4: don't get it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's interesting because I feel like, at least for me,

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Speaker 2: we never really have talked about that experience. We actually after.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you filmed a lot more than I did,

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Speaker 2: but I just played the mom But I felt like

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Speaker 2: we didn't connect to like the very end. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: then I felt the same way about you. I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I feel like we have the same

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Speaker 2: dark humor. Like I feel like we get each other.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, we.

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Speaker 3: Have to keep in touch.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I probably had the same thing coming onto

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Speaker 2: that set.

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Speaker 3: Well.

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Speaker 2: I was scared of everybody coming onto that set because

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Speaker 2: it was such like I just felt like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: James Franco is making this movie, Like do I even

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Speaker 2: belong here?

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Speaker 3: What does he think of me? What is it?

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Speaker 2: There was so much going on in my head and

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Speaker 2: you and Laila were so great and I and yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was just like trying to fit in. And but

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Speaker 2: I probably was scared of you at first too. I

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Speaker 2: mean you were playing the vampire at last week.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's scared.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like a larger than life. Yeah, I'm sure

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Speaker 4: a lot of people don't even think of you as

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Speaker 4: like a human because you're such an me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like I'm scared to work with you.

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Speaker 3: That's always how it works.

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, of course, Like I would never think

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Speaker 4: that about me. But you're like, not you're a You're

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Speaker 4: you've become beyond human kind of, you're like immortal.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well you're a compliment.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a comment, but I also say it with

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Speaker 4: like empathy for like that's probably horrible, you know, like

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Speaker 4: that people are not fully seeing you as a human,

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Speaker 4: which is why it's so cool to get to connect

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Speaker 4: with someone who's like a symbol at this point sort

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Speaker 4: of and then you're like, oh yeah, the human and

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Speaker 4: that's always really nice. And I think we all need

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Speaker 4: that when people like don't see us fully. I think

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Speaker 4: any actor, any performer is like ultimately, that's why people

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Speaker 4: can like, you know, say discusting things about us to

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Speaker 4: us whatever on the email, because it's like it's not

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Speaker 4: a human, right and we're supposed to just take it

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Speaker 4: and just yeah, I mean people, it's just you're not

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Speaker 4: a human. Like I almost I can separate myself in

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Speaker 4: the way of like you're not seeing me as if

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Speaker 4: I came into your living room.

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Speaker 3: It's I don't you do remember the movie nodding Hill?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and like when Julie they hear like the guys

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Speaker 4: being like.

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Speaker 3: And she goes over. It's like, I bet your.

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Speaker 4: Dicks are tiny, like you know, like that's true like

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Speaker 4: people and they freak out. It's like, yeah, we're one

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Speaker 4: dimensional to people until we're in their presence.

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Speaker 3: Oh my, that's a T shirt. I'm not one dimensional.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no for sure. And so you came on sorry

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Speaker 4: kind of segue.

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Speaker 3: You never know air.

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Speaker 2: No, no, I do. I go every which way. That's

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Speaker 2: how my brain works too, and then I'll come back

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Speaker 2: to where Yeah, that's so inches Sorry okay, So yes,

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Speaker 2: so we met on that movie. Wait, how did that

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Speaker 2: movie come about? Had you already done the Deuce?

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Speaker 4: Yes, it was it was between the first and maybe

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Speaker 4: it's between the pilot and the first season.

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Speaker 3: Because we had that's right, that's what he told me.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, I met James through and I didn't even

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Speaker 4: get a call.

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Speaker 3: I just got anyone.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure many people have emails like this

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Speaker 4: from James Franco of just like in the subject high

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Speaker 4: it's James, and then like one sentence of like this,

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Speaker 4: I want you to be in this movie you play Pearl,

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Speaker 4: Like that's it.

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Speaker 3: Really?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like that, and then I sent it

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Speaker 4: to my like but yes, it was. We had done

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Speaker 4: the pilot of the Juice at that point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so you get that email. How do you

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Speaker 2: say no.

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Speaker 3: Like did you eat? What do you say? Could you

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Speaker 3: even read a script? Or you're like.

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Speaker 4: No, I mean I obviously on paper there was plenty

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Speaker 4: of reasons jes say no.

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Speaker 2: Wait in the email, did he tell you the concept?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it was not like the way he writes

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Speaker 4: these emails are it's very rudimentary. It's like very He's

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Speaker 4: not He's an intelligent per but it's a little bit

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Speaker 4: elementary school level. It's just that it's like this is

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Speaker 4: what I think you know, Like so it was like

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Speaker 4: it's a lesbian vampire. I don't There was no like

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Speaker 4: awareness of like the irony or the subversion of it.

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Speaker 3: It was just like very simple facts. Got it.

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Speaker 4: I've read it, and my agents at the time were like, you,

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Speaker 4: obviously this is a path and I was like, actually

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Speaker 4: to me, yeah, I mean I think that's another thing.

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Speaker 4: That it's different if you're actually in it versus watching it.

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Speaker 4: It's like this industry is so horrifying in so many ways,

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Speaker 4: and there's so much bullshit and all the things people

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Speaker 4: think is art, there's like still so much evil in

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Speaker 4: manipulation behind. So it's like, yeah, I want to do

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Speaker 4: something that's like actively bad, like actively fuck you to

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Speaker 4: like what is supposed to be art and good and

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Speaker 4: like that's a bucket like to be in a lifetime movie.

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Speaker 4: It's so over the top, it's so ridiculous.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, to me, it was a must. To them, it

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Speaker 3: was like are you okay right? Of course no.

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Speaker 2: I I remember my agents were like okay. I'm like

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Speaker 2: obviously it's an end for me, but like I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: say yes. And they're like, well, you know, James just

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Speaker 2: wants to do a call with you and like just

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Speaker 2: talk to you about it.

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Speaker 3: And I was like okay, So I like tried.

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Speaker 2: He was like on set or something I had like

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Speaker 2: and they were like, you know, when he can do it,

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Speaker 2: they were like, he has a free moment. I was

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Speaker 2: like hiding from my kids in my closet. I'm like okay,

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Speaker 2: And I talked to him and I was like such

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Speaker 2: a fan. I was trying to be like super cool,

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Speaker 2: and he was like, you know the Will Ferrell movie,

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Speaker 2: you know, the Lifetime it's supposed to be overtly like

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Speaker 2: and yeah, he gave me like the few senses and

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Speaker 2: I was just like, oh, yeah that sounds It was

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Speaker 2: obviously a yes, but I was like, yeah, that.

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Speaker 3: Sounds really cool.

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Speaker 2: But I was like I got the vision and I

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Speaker 2: got like what it should be. I still don't know

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Speaker 2: if Lifetime viewers got it.

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Speaker 3: I don't imagine did it do well. I'm like, like,

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Speaker 3: I don't feel like.

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Speaker 2: It didn't do well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they were like what is this?

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Speaker 4: Yeah it was I I've never really I've heard like

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Speaker 4: a few, like I've gotten a few messages or whatever

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Speaker 4: about it, but yeah, I don't I don't know if

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Speaker 4: it was clear. It's also I mean, when you watch it,

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Speaker 4: like it could be like fifteen minutes long instead of

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Speaker 4: a full movie, Like it's sort of just like a

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Speaker 4: music video over and over of like vampires Walking, which

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Speaker 4: is funny and great, but like I could want to

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Speaker 4: watch the whole thing necessarily.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like, in my opinion as a fan

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Speaker 2: and viewer, it didn't push it far enough to be

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Speaker 2: that kind of absurdity that you're like, waity, and I

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Speaker 2: think that's part now when you were filming it, at least,

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Speaker 2: this is what they told me, that they were doing

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Speaker 2: two versions, two cuts, because they were going to air it. No, sorry,

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Speaker 2: there was a lifetime version and then a version they

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Speaker 2: were going to put in the theaters.

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Speaker 4: I don't even remember. It's possible they said that, but

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Speaker 4: like I've been lied to so much, like I don't

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Speaker 4: even I'm like, yeah, maybe, I don't remember.

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Speaker 3: So they were doing like a more edgy like they

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Speaker 3: were gonna do.

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Speaker 2: An edgy this is I was like, this is gonna

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Speaker 2: go to theater, okay, but I was like, okay, I'm

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Speaker 2: with you. It's James Franco, Like, you know, you can

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Speaker 2: get a theatrical release obviously. Yeah, it was gonna be

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Speaker 2: edgier and push the limits. And I don't know if

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Speaker 2: that involved dialogue or nudity, Like there was definitely scenes

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Speaker 2: that they I was told they were shooting two versions.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Interesting, maybe, I mean, at no point did we show

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Speaker 4: are like a boobs or anything. I thought the sex

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Speaker 4: scene I remember, because yeah, the sex scene between Leila

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Speaker 4: and I that on lifetime.

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Speaker 3: I thought was like it was like because.

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Speaker 4: It's like embarrassing long and this, and there's like there's

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Speaker 4: something about the detail of me, like moving my hand

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Speaker 4: in a certain way.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, it's so embarrassing. So to me, it was

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Speaker 3: pretty an intent.

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Speaker 4: Different like yeah, and I don't, I don't. We had

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Speaker 4: like the things on our nipples the whole time, like,

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Speaker 4: so I don't. I don't remember shooting it. I just

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Speaker 4: remember shooting it like a sex scene.

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Speaker 3: And then it seemed it's epically long.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's it's really long. Yeah, I wonder

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Speaker 2: if they've changed it since the original airing, if they ever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I probably only saw it that time.

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Speaker 2: And was there an intimacy coach then?

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Speaker 3: No? Right before that was before?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So do you feel like if you had

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Speaker 2: to go back and they obviously everyone gets an intimacy

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Speaker 2: coach now, would you have asked for one on that movie?

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Speaker 3: I would have asked for one. I mean that's why

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Speaker 3: anything we've ever did what.

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Speaker 4: I did with it of making it things, because it's

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Speaker 4: it wasn't until me too, that I even realized how

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Speaker 4: how it has been for all of us. And but

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Speaker 4: so yeah, all of all of my experiences leading up

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Speaker 4: to my position with intimacy coordinators, I should have had

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Speaker 4: an intimacy coordinator. And yeah, my first sex scene before eighteen,

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Speaker 4: when I was modeling I did movie. My first sex

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Speaker 4: ever was at sixteen, and even that it was like

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Speaker 4: the guy just had a sock on his dick, like

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Speaker 4: there was and it was like it was a rape

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Speaker 4: scene too, which is an interesting way to like start.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I I've had sex scenes that weren't like

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Speaker 4: nothing bad happened, but I think there should have a Yeah,

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Speaker 4: there was, there were ones where bad things happened, and

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Speaker 4: just in general, like there was nothing bad in the

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Speaker 4: Leyla and I seem per se, but it was It's

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Speaker 4: still like a lot and you can't objectively see, you

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Speaker 4: can't objectively really make decisions while you're in that space.

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Speaker 2: I haven't done a sex scene in so long, I

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Speaker 2: don't even remember.

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Speaker 3: Do you wish you had had intimacy coordinators? No?

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Well, a lot of women are pretty mad about it.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people think I have a title tale.

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Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, no, yeah, yeah, I mean I don't feel

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Speaker 2: like any in my experience alone, anything has gone too far.

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Speaker 3: There was some.

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Speaker 2: I was more comfortable with certain people than others, and

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Speaker 2: I guess for that reason, yeah, I'd want.

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Speaker 3: It to be less.

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Speaker 2: Do you ever feel now that, I mean, you've spoken

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Speaker 2: up so much about it and I have been such

364
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Speaker 2: an advocate. Now moving forward with your career, does it

365
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,720
Speaker 2: somehow take you out of the scene when you're in

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Speaker 2: it having someone there or do.

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Speaker 3: You feel well?

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Speaker 4: The fucked up part is I think it fucked with

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Speaker 4: my career to the point I have not worked with

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Speaker 4: an intimacy coordinator since.

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Speaker 2: Really, yeah, yeah, I definitely.

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Speaker 3: Think it did. It did some damage.

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Speaker 4: I don't regret it, but it's I've worked the least

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Speaker 4: I have in my entire career since that, to the

375
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,919
Speaker 4: point that I have not. I have not worked with

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Speaker 4: an intimacy coordinator since creating co Create whatever the intimacy coordinator.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know. I don't know what it would

378
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 3: be like. I know that's not true.

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Speaker 4: Alicia Rhodis, who was the first ever intimacy coordinator who

380
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 4: we worked with on The Juice, I did work with

381
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Speaker 4: her one more time recently on the Penguin because I

382
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,119
Speaker 4: was the mother and there was kids and I'm like

383
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Speaker 4: cuddling them and like, right, so I was.

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Speaker 3: I was.

385
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Speaker 2: One they were watching.

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Speaker 4: Exactly so that but that didn't really count because it

387
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 4: was not a sexual scene. And obviously when she asked

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00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,239
Speaker 4: them if they were comfortable, they were twelve year old,

389
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 4: but they were like yeah, it wasn't really a complicated situation.

390
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Speaker 4: Although I still am always afraid of like accidentally traumatizing

391
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 4: a child, but it was pretty it was pretty changing

392
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Speaker 4: the cuddles.

393
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Speaker 2: Any child in this business is going to be traumatized.

394
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Speaker 3: Sure, Yeah, I just don't want to be a part

395
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,640
Speaker 3: of I don't want to be abide him. Yeah.

396
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 2: I am a huge fan of your Instagram, which sounds

397
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 2: creepy but it's not. And I often find myself thinking like, well,

398
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 2: if I didn't know her personally, like would I be

399
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 2: as engrossed with your Instagram? And the answer is yes,

400
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 2: a thousand percent like I And I mean, I know

401
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 2: it's not all like rainbows and unicorns, like I feel

402
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 2: like you're very raw and vulnerable in your Instagram. I'm

403
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 2: sure you get you right. The haters like you know,

404
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:42,959
Speaker 2: I understand, but from my perspective, I appreciate it. I

405
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 2: think I just really like and get your personality. So

406
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 2: I'm there for the highs and the lows and not

407
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: in a bad way, just like appreciating it. But okay,

408
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 2: speaking of your Instagram, so I want to talk about

409
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 2: your psychic ability because that really grabbed me.

410
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're definitely psychic. I could already tell, but I intuitive,

411
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 3: what's the difference. I don't think there is a difference. Okay,

412
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 3: it's yeah.

413
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,959
Speaker 4: I think it's I mean, reading that book and the

414
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:14,679
Speaker 4: more you explore, because I mean, I've always felt like

415
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 4: that to some degree, but you obviously don't know what

416
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 4: that means. I mean, I remember when I was like

417
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,800
Speaker 4: five or something like, preparing to like essentially, it felt

418
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 4: like I was like coming out to my muster as like, Mom,

419
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 4: I have to tell you something like I think I'm magic,

420
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 4: like I don't. I don't think I'm a human. I

421
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 4: think I'm magic, and I don't. She didn't like to

422
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 4: send me a Harry Potter's Glory, saying it was very

423
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 4: like I think I expected a much bigger reaction of like, Okay,

424
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 4: we're gonna have to do something about this. But so

425
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 4: my whole life I kind of had that feeling and

426
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 4: then it gets really like bastardized and turns into just

427
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 4: being like sensitive and overwhelmed by everything, but looking into

428
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 4: it more and well, yeah, how it kind of came

429
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 4: back to me is like I'm obsessed with any sort

430
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 4: of occult magic and I've gone to several psychics and

431
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 4: all that, and they always and they're always like, you

432
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 4: are very psychic and you need psychic protection. But I've

433
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 4: been told that I'm like covered in foreign energy, Like

434
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,400
Speaker 4: I'm constantly taking on things and i don't know how

435
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 4: to like separate it. If you're an EmPATH, yes, which

436
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 4: is is like from what you're what I'm reading about

437
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 4: being a psychic is it's it's all the same spectrum.

438
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,679
Speaker 4: It's kind of like just how much you are and

439
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 4: then you can kind of like you know, there's it's

440
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 4: intuitive like somewhat psychic media like medium psychic, and then

441
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 4: like very sick. I'd say I'm like more in the

442
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 4: medium with like some of the very, but like the

443
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 4: very is like you can't really function in society basically,

444
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 4: But I'm learned like EmPATH and psychic they are ultimately

445
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 4: the same thing because all you're doing is like picking

446
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 4: up on energies and some of those are can be

447
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 4: like future, but it's it's just how much you're actually

448
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 4: focusing it. But yes, when I was a kid, like

449
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 4: I couldn't even go on the subway because I or

450
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,400
Speaker 4: I did, I had to, but I'd be crying because

451
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 4: I'd be like that man, sad like I was so

452
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 4: overwhelmed by people's feelings and that's ultimately psychic.

453
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:16,719
Speaker 3: Miss from what I'm reading.

454
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I have to put you onto these

455
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,479
Speaker 2: leggings I am totally obsessed with right now. They are

456
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: from this brand called Tona, And here's a fun fact.

457
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 2: The designer behind them also created Lulu Lemon, so yeah,

458
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 2: you know they're legit. These leggings are next level buttery, saft,

459
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 2: super flattering, and seriously comfortable. They give you just the

460
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 2: right amount of support where you needed as well. So

461
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,400
Speaker 2: I started off wearing mine for casual days out, but honestly,

462
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 2: now I basically live in them and I'm not mad

463
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 2: at it. And here's what makes them even better. Every

464
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,439
Speaker 2: pair you buy helps fund mental health counseling sets for

465
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 2: teens in need. Tona is on a mission to and

466
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,159
Speaker 2: teen suicide and self harm, which is such an important cause.

467
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 2: I have partnered with Tona to give you twenty percent

468
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 2: off your order plus free shipping. Just head to tonaactive

469
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 2: dot com and use code iHeart at checkout.

470
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,719
Speaker 3: Okay, so many questions.

471
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 2: Okay, but I feel like the word psychic were literally

472
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: especially women crucified for it. No pun intended.

473
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, psychic, so you're witchy and you're like

474
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 3: into all culton.

475
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, and it is more about feelings and

476
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 2: emotions and yeah, I have the same thing, and it's

477
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 2: a really challenge. I don't know, it's not the chickery

478
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 2: of yours, probably, but look at me. That's me apologizing

479
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I said something about myself and it's

480
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 2: like I'm not worthy, so I had to like deflect

481
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 2: and be like it's not as good as yours.

482
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,199
Speaker 4: It's also to feminie it's like not being in the

483
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,919
Speaker 4: boy Like you can't say you're a psychic in the

484
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 4: boys club.

485
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 3: That's like they're gonna like it's so on. Yeah.

486
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I have a really hard time letting go

487
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 2: of other people's energy to the point like it's it

488
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: affects everything because immediately and it's not like when we

489
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 2: talk about this to people, we're not saying like or

490
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 2: maybe you do. I don't know you can look at

491
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 2: someone feel something and know what's going on with their life.

492
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 3: I don't know that, but I.

493
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 2: Totally know if they're sad, if there something's going on

494
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,959
Speaker 2: that they're like no, how did you know?

495
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 3: And it's like, oh, terrible, I can't get rid of

496
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 3: the energy.

497
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, really bad when you're in a relationship with an

498
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 4: avoidant and you can feel their feelings and they're denying

499
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 4: them and they don't like it when you say I

500
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 4: feel this that that's where it's the worst. But yes,

501
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 4: in general, it's it's really really hard for me to

502
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 4: function sometimes because of that. Yes, or even like I

503
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 4: don't know if you've found this, but I learned for myself,

504
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 4: like relationship, like when I'm close with people, but then

505
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 4: like days where I like where it's like a lot

506
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 4: of extra background actors on a seat. I didn't understand

507
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 4: until very recently why like I would want to go

508
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 4: home and like cry and feet like it would fuck

509
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 4: me up so much, And it's like yeah, because you're

510
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 4: surrounded by sometimes hundreds of people and they all have

511
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: their own stuff, and also often it is like a

512
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 4: sort of eager or like there can be like an

513
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 4: energy to that that's a little, can be sad, can

514
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 4: be intense. Like the reason people are showing up there

515
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 4: is like because they're chasing a dream and it's usually

516
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 4: it's not like a chill energy like intense energy. So

517
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 4: things like that are or even just like going a set,

518
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 4: there's so much socializing too. There's so much like you're

519
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: having to talk to people all day and like you

520
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 4: don't really have much control when people are coming and

521
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,719
Speaker 4: they're touching you in there and you're constantly like getting

522
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 4: their energy.

523
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 3: It's like my daily trips target. Yeah, oh god, yeah,

524
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 3: Although I do like Target I too.

525
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,360
Speaker 4: I like it because I can leave, like when you're

526
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 4: on a set, you don't have the ability to leave,

527
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 4: Like I like airports. I like I like places with

528
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 4: like a lot of different types of people.

529
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 3: But so do you think you like humans? I think

530
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 3: I do.

531
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 4: I think I think I'm definitely fascinated by humans, and

532
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 4: I think like it's interesting because I always, you know,

533
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 4: I feel like being judgmental is like a big conversation

534
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 4: with people of like, you know, the people who are

535
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 4: like I'm not judgmental, and to me, I'm always like

536
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 4: those are the ones that are more judgment because to me,

537
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 4: it's like, yeah, I am judgmental, Like I look at

538
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 4: things and I judge it and I use critical thinking.

539
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 4: But that's because like beneath that, I can have love

540
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 4: and forgiveness for like everything and everyone, but I need

541
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 4: in order to have that, I need to like really

542
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 4: look at it. And so to me, I'm always driven

543
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 4: crazy by people who are like.

544
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I don't know who knows what their life

545
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 3: is like, I don't judge. I'm like, it's mine trying

546
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 3: so hard with that motto. It's so difficult. I don't see.

547
00:27:59,640 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 2: I don't.

548
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's okay to think about it and to

549
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 4: like have feelings about and have opinions about it, as

550
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 4: long as what you come through to on the other

551
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,360
Speaker 4: end is like and they're human and they're they were

552
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 4: once a little baby who got her or whatever, and

553
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 4: like it's okay that they're evil or whatever.

554
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: No one's I don't. I think there's very few people

555
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: that are either are actually evil.

556
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 2: Do you believe in karma them?

557
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,199
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I do do.

558
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: I do.

559
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 3: I just I don't think it's like one to one.

560
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 2: I feel like in our industry. I've seen a lot

561
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 2: of yeah things that I'm like, how are those people?

562
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: And I gotta tell you, I used to think it

563
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 2: was more like, oh, the male driven ones that I

564
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 2: was like, oh, how are they still working? They're not great?

565
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:48,719
Speaker 2: But now as I'm getting older, I'm looking back through

566
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: and I'm like, it's the females a lot of the time,

567
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 2: which is we're always taught sisterhood and women have each

568
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 2: other's backs. I don't know if I believe that anymore.

569
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 2: I think we can, but you know what, women and

570
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: men can.

571
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 3: Have each other's backs.

572
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 2: It's just it's I don't know. I think I've been

573
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 2: screwed over more by women than men at this point.

574
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 3: Me too.

575
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 4: I mean I've been screwed over on more interpersonal levels.

576
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 4: But obviously we've been all been broken and over and

577
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 4: over and over.

578
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 3: Yah.

579
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 4: But yes, i'd say as far as like my betrayals

580
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 4: in this industry, it's been women and always women who

581
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 4: are now currently thriving.

582
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

583
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 4: My empathy I come down to for that is like, well, yeah,

584
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 4: we're all bred in this way of like we're all

585
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 4: fighting for the last crumb as women, and like we're

586
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 4: all like so it's really hard to have a sisterhood

587
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 4: everyone because it's like you kind of can't.

588
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 3: They're not room for enough. There's not room for all

589
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 3: of us.

590
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 4: So like innately, there's like a competitive like let me

591
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 4: be the one to get there, and it's not okay,

592
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 4: And I don't do it, and that's probably why I'm

593
00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 4: not a movie star because I don't have the to

594
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: do that. But like the people that do, I'm sure

595
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 4: I hate some of them and I think they're nasty people,

596
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 4: but I'm like they were whatever. They were raised in

597
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 4: a world where they felt like they had to fight

598
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 4: for like the last seat in the room and do

599
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 4: whatever they had to do to do it. I don't appreciate.

600
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 4: I think that is very low energy and like low vibration.

601
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, is that alpha energy?

602
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: Like what is that?

603
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 2: Like it's not innately, it's like it's not our DNA.

604
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 2: I don't think to have that.

605
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 3: I think it's this.

606
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 4: I mean, I could go a million places because there's

607
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 4: something I talked about a lot. I've talked about a

608
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 4: lot in therapy with alpha and beta. Yeah, I think

609
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 4: that's beta. I think like you would read to me

610
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 4: as an alpha, and I think I'm an alpha. But

611
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 4: I was so quickly beta myself to someone because yes,

612
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 4: I'm afraid that if I alpha, then I won't have

613
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 4: any friends, like I don't have anybody or like with men. Actually,

614
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 4: like if I if I'm fully in my power an alpha,

615
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 4: like forget, I'll be on an island.

616
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 3: I feel like.

617
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,040
Speaker 4: So I'm so quick to like act like a sub

618
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 4: and be like what did here and bait? Yes, And

619
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 4: it's the betas I think, who like they don't have that.

620
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 4: It's just like let me go go go like fuck everybody,

621
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 4: whereas I think when you have the ability, like when

622
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 4: you know your power, you're more careful with it. And

623
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 4: then the people don't have as much power. Oh we

624
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 4: let them overpower us.

625
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 3: So how are you going to find your power? I'm

626
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 3: trying to do it now.

627
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 2: It's really challenging.

628
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:39,120
Speaker 3: I know, I know.

629
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: And if I hear one more time someone say get

630
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 2: back to therapy, keep up with your therapy, you know,

631
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, I'm unworking for me, Yeah, fifty two

632
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 2: years and then who knows what passing?

633
00:31:54,880 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 3: I don't even know. Yeah it's yeah, I know, I

634
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 3: mean it.

635
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 2: Doesn't happen that fast, and I mean it's great to

636
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: work on stuff.

637
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 4: But it's like I know, no, I mean, I'm lifetime

638
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 4: it's oh yeah.

639
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 3: Lifetime movie.

640
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 2: No, I didn't even think of that. Yes, yeah, it

641
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 2: is like probably lifetimes.

642
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 3: No, I think it is. I think it is a

643
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: lifetime movie. Yes, yeah, and I think it is more.

644
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 2: Wait, do we have something here? Create some lifetime movies.

645
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:31,200
Speaker 4: I'm sure we have many, There's so much here, but yes,

646
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 4: I think it's like, I mean, I'm obsessed with there.

647
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 4: I do all the things possible, and when I run

648
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 4: out of steam and get angry is when I'm like,

649
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 4: I'm doing all the fucking things possible. How do I

650
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: still not have any of like the things that I want?

651
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 3: And I don't know.

652
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 4: All I can think is that I it's like it

653
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 4: takes longer to build Rome wasn't built in day.

654
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 3: I don't know.

655
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 4: It's like it's just I don't know or so like

656
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 4: I think, no matter what, I have found peace or

657
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 4: joy in wait. Like my therapist said to me recently

658
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 4: after my most recent breakup, of like, she's like, you're

659
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 4: essentially a raw nerve. She's like, so, yes, you feel

660
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 4: a lot more pain and hurt than other people, but

661
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 4: you also feel a lot more joy, and so like

662
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 4: that's the trade off, and it's true, like I've seen

663
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 4: in like I'm someone who can cry hysterically and you'd

664
00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 4: so hurt and angry and then be like hysterically laughing

665
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 4: that night and like so deeply appreciating the joy of that.

666
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 3: It's a wild ride.

667
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 4: But like a lot of like when I look at

668
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 4: the people who are thriving, like I don't think they're

669
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 4: necessarily having that much joy.

670
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 3: I don't know.

671
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 4: It doesn't look like it, it doesn't feel like it.

672
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 4: And there's certainly I can't imagine they're having peace, which

673
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 4: are things I value more the older.

674
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: I get peace.

675
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:57,240
Speaker 2: I don't know that words.

676
00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: So you don't have it.

677
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 4: You don't. You don't feel any sense of peace, not

678
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 4: like quiet necessarily. It's just like internally, you know what

679
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 4: you have? You need a psychic book.

680
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 2: Maybe I should start the book you were reading. Sorry,

681
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 2: what was the title of it, managing managg Man.

682
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 4: I like that word psychic, Yeah, well, because that's it's

683
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 4: not having like yeah, the book really shit talks people

684
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 4: who are like teaching people to be psychic because they're

685
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 4: like only it's the same with like the masochist thing.

686
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 4: They're like only people who aren't psychic like want to

687
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 4: learn how to be psychic. Like it's about controlling it,

688
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 4: not about it's about like keeping it at bay.

689
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 3: Not getting more of it. Who wants more of it?

690
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 2: When you put that book on Instagram, were people just

691
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 2: like crazy bad shit?

692
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 3: Not even I mean it's really yeah, I mean I.

693
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,800
Speaker 2: I was psyched when you did it, but yeah, no, it's.

694
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 3: I don't know.

695
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 4: I will say, like, I've definitely gotten haters and nasty things.

696
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 4: But for the amount of sort of like provocative things

697
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 4: I say doc that I don't get, I don't know.

698
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 4: I think people do respond well to honesty for the

699
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:18,320
Speaker 4: most part. So like sometimes I'll say something that I'm like, oh,

700
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 4: and then people are like, so glad you said that,

701
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 4: it's really are I'm like, and of course there's it's

702
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 4: but it's really more occasional that I get the anger.

703
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 4: So the psychic thing, no, people either yeah, there's always

704
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 4: gonna be like nasty, like sexual things.

705
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 3: Or like.

706
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 4: Or often people just don't get when I'm being like

707
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 4: ironic or funny or whatever, you're being cheeky, cheeky, yes,

708
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 4: because I'm like i'd be embarrassed to post this, and

709
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 4: people like no, girl, like, don't be a pair of

710
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, no, I'm posting it right, But no

711
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 4: people are. Maybe it's because I'm like, I am not

712
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 4: and I've gone to every second.

713
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 3: I am not bipolar.

714
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 4: I don't have any diagnosis, but I once had a

715
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 4: person like being like I appreciate her Instagram so much.

716
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 3: I'm bipolar too.

717
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 4: I think there's something about whatever, like vulnerability or something

718
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 4: that it like disarms people and they're more accepting of

719
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 4: whatever weird things I say.

720
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 3: I don't know, but no no one said anything mean right,

721
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:26,280
Speaker 3: you're weird. I'm weird. Yeah.

722
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 2: I used to be so scared of the word weird,

723
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 2: and now it just really defines so many beautiful things

724
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 2: about somebody. It makes them so eclectic and well rounded

725
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 2: in a way. Do you feel like your social honesty

726
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:48,520
Speaker 2: social meaning social online, not socially, but as that scare

727
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: the industry away at all?

728
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 4: Do you think, yes, that's the part I think it

729
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 4: like as far as like the fans or people, I

730
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 4: think it means a lot. But I think between yeah,

731
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 4: my work with the intimacy coordinator, my I think the

732
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 4: industry has never known what to do with me, like ever,

733
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 4: and I think in the beginning of my career they

734
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 4: were trying to like make me an age of new

735
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 4: and I like was not good at that, but then

736
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 4: I was like convinced that's what I should do. So

737
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 4: then it felt like a failure not really doing that

738
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 4: even though it's.

739
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 3: Never what I actually wanted.

740
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 4: And then the more like as time is gone, like

741
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 4: I've always had a good reputatione like, people think I'm

742
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 4: a good actress. People it's never that, but I just

743
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 4: don't think they know what to do. And then everything

744
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 4: with the intimacy coordinator, I think I then I became

745
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 4: this like goody two shoe tattletale, unfuckable person, and then

746
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 4: that didn't fucking help anything. And then yeah, my manager

747
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 4: has said since the beginning, like you're too smart to

748
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 4: be an actor, Like just even the questions that I

749
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 4: ask or the opinions I had, not saying actors are stupid,

750
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 4: but they want actors to be stupid.

751
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: Right, but you're too good not to be an actor.

752
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,680
Speaker 2: You're so fucking talented that it was I think you're

753
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 2: too good to be just an actor that is just

754
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 2: cast into something that's my opinion, thank you, you're too talented.

755
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 3: You need to be creating your own stuff. Yeah, think.

756
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 4: I mean that's what people have said for a long time,

757
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 4: and I've was always so resistant.

758
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 3: I did.

759
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 4: I have a me and my friend wrote a script

760
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 4: recently kind of about like it's you know, very personal

761
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 4: and meta and about this place in the industry of

762
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 4: like having had some amount of success but then also

763
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 4: like not being able to pay rent or whatever it

764
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 4: is because of and kind of trying to do something

765
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 4: help like because it almost feels like the healthier I've gotten,

766
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 4: the less.

767
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 3: I work, which is really sad and dark.

768
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:48,399
Speaker 4: But when I was a more like tormented thing, that

769
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 4: was you know, I played those parts.

770
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 3: And now that I'm like a kind of stronger, fuller person.

771
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:57,120
Speaker 4: I work well us I will and I've only worked

772
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 4: as mothers since as soon as I turned thirty five,

773
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 4: like literally literally only auditions from others, which I mean, whatever,

774
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 4: but that's crazy, I know, I know, I feel crazy

775
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,280
Speaker 4: because I'm like, I don't like, I feel like I

776
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 4: still have a youth. I don't know, I don't know.

777
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 4: We'll see how it goes.

778
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: If you look like you're in your twenties, I mean

779
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: it's yeah, it's there's something.

780
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,600
Speaker 3: It's really weird. I don't know, there's something about it.

781
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: Then look what happened with Nicole Kinman's career.

782
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 4: I know, yeah, which if I can financially hold out,

783
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 4: then I will.

784
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 2: I just like climbing that mountain going back down. And

785
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 2: I mean, you have a way bigger career than me.

786
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 2: But I'm just as an actor. As an actor, you're like,

787
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,240
Speaker 2: there were actively that maybe not even though lately, but sure, okay,

788
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 2: start doing reality TV like me.

789
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 3: I mean, there you go. Maybe, but I don't know.

790
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 1: Almost thirty years together for kids and some of reality

791
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: TV's most unforgettable moments, we know a thing or two

792
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: about living life out loud.

793
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 2: We're taking you behind the scenes in.

794
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,920
Speaker 1: Our new podcast between Us with Me Heather de Brow and.

795
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 5: Me Terry Debreu. Between Us isn't about perfect lighting or

796
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 5: curated Instagram grids.

797
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 1: It's the unfiltered, behind closed doors conversations you wish you

798
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 1: could eavesdrop on equal parts smart, funny, and a little

799
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 1: bit scandalous.

800
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 5: Every week, Heather, We'll bring you an unapologetic take on

801
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 5: the headlines, the trends, and the cultural moments.

802
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 2: Everyone's texting about.

803
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 1: And Terry will deliver insider beauty, health and wellness insights

804
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: you won't find on TikTok.

805
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 5: Together, we'll tell the stories, spill the secrets, and share

806
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 5: the hacks that keep life, marriage, and everything in between

807
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 5: feeling fresh and fun.

808
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,959
Speaker 1: We may live in a gated community, but there's zero

809
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,240
Speaker 1: gatekeeping here.

810
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 5: And plenty of did they just say that moments.

811
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: Listen to between us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts

812
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.

813
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 2: I literally, you know, people all the time are like,

814
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, should do this TV show and this,

815
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 2: and and like I don't think I've had no other

816
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 2: self tapes or do they go back into the rooms now.

817
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 2: I don't know. I sed to be terrified of auditioning

818
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,879
Speaker 2: in rooms, but I actually thrived in it. Like that's

819
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 2: when like I did the best.

820
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 3: Oh I need the respond Yeah, the.

821
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 4: Feedback is a former. We're all doing this because we

822
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 4: want attention and love. Like I just do it with that,

823
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 4: Like you need that like nod or that smile or

824
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 4: whatever to be like, oh I'm doing good.

825
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,439
Speaker 3: Self tapes have ruined me.

826
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 2: And here's the thing. I mean, I don't think i've had.

827
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 2: I've had like one audition in the last like two years.

828
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 2: But if it's a self tape, somehow, I will be like, oh,

829
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 2: I'll get to it, I'll do it now, I'll do

830
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,720
Speaker 2: it then, and then I'll run out of time. Yeah,

831
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 2: it's like, but if I have to show up and

832
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 2: be in someone's office and like walk in and do it,

833
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 2: I'm there, Like, so it's leaving more safe space?

834
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,399
Speaker 3: Is creative mine? I feel like I don't.

835
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 4: I mean, I have friends who I think are talented

836
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 4: who like self tapes, so maybe that's shamee, But to me,

837
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's a different skit, Like it's an entirely

838
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 4: different skill set.

839
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 3: And if you're a true like creative, like you can't.

840
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 4: Be held responsible from like we're children and you have

841
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 4: to be like told like do this at this time

842
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 4: in this spot.

843
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 3: I can't. I can't even wash my dishes.

844
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,439
Speaker 4: I want me to put together a self I do it,

845
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 4: but it's really hard for me, really.

846
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 2: Hard when you must have active auditions all the time.

847
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 3: It's been it's crazy.

848
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 4: I mean, these past five years it goes like that,

849
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 4: like this again, it's the least I've worked, and it's

850
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 4: the least I've auditioned. Granted I'm auditioning for less thing.

851
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 4: Like you're young, you're auditioning for everything, and then people

852
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:52,840
Speaker 4: start to decide if you're right or wrong way earlier

853
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 4: in the process. But no, it's I've gone like this

854
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 4: year total, I don't have maybe auditioned like ten times,

855
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 4: which for some.

856
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 2: People, right, I'm like that sounds great, but no, I know,

857
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 2: but like you know, I know what you're saying.

858
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I used to audition, like I was just in

859
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,280
Speaker 4: LA for three months, and obviously there's no in person,

860
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 4: Like I used to go to LA and I'd be

861
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 4: like in an uber because I don't have a driver's license,

862
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 4: and I'd be like going from Saraonica you live in

863
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 4: Europe area. Yeah, but it's still I'm thirty six, I

864
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 4: need a driver license. But yeah, I'd be like in

865
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 4: traffic all day going like changing my clothes and the

866
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 4: uber going from auditional audition. Now it'll be months without anything,

867
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 4: and this is my only source of income, like it's

868
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,800
Speaker 4: my job. Yeah, and then it's self tape, so you

869
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 4: don't even get feedback half the time or seventy five

870
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 4: percent of the time. So it's it's like It's it's

871
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 4: kind of the coolest thing you can do in an actor,

872
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 4: just like have them perform in a vacuum and then

873
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 4: just be like ignot pretend that they didn't even exist.

874
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 3: It's so true.

875
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 2: Wait what so like, what are your side hustles?

876
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: Don't have a side hustle, which is crazy? Could we

877
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:04,040
Speaker 3: create one for you?

878
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 4: I would like, I mean, I've been trying to figure

879
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:09,280
Speaker 4: that out for years. That's the thing that's like magic

880
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 4: about my life because I don't come from money I've met.

881
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 4: I mean, I've never once in my life had anybody, family, lovers,

882
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 4: anybody like helped me financially in any way. And like,

883
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,040
Speaker 4: I've spent so much of my adult life being on

884
00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 4: the verge of poverty, and yet I've like always managed

885
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:32,240
Speaker 4: always been okay, Like I was evicted once but not since,

886
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 4: and I haven't like I haven't been financially secure in

887
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 4: quite a while, but I also haven't been like eating

888
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 4: wrong and noodles for every meal in quite a while.

889
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 4: Like I don't know how I've managed to like not

890
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:47,319
Speaker 4: be working, not have money, but I still like can

891
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,680
Speaker 4: buy nice face cream, and I'm like and then I

892
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 4: just somehow I get saved at the last minute, like

893
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 4: by at least one job or whatever it is. But

894
00:44:56,719 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 4: it'd be nice to, yeah, to not need that and

895
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 4: to feel more secure in that, just like I don't

896
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 4: I'm not relying on that, but yeah, I don't know

897
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 4: how I'm somehow protected, but like i'd like to be protected.

898
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 4: I'd like to be thriving, thriving, so.

899
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 2: You don't have to worry, Like that shouldn't have to

900
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 2: be a worry. I understand from you know, we're all

901
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 2: in different situations, but it's do you do you feel

902
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 2: like you're I feel like you're I feel like you're

903
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 2: keeping yourself small.

904
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:32,280
Speaker 3: I feel like if if you were doing you're like, no,

905
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 3: I don't want to know. I mean, I don't want that. Yeah, yeah,

906
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 3: But there's.

907
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: Something in the chaos of like I'm just saying this

908
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 2: out loud because this is I feel ingrained in me

909
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 2: as well, and I don't know how to get out

910
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 2: of it. There's something about that chaotic cycle that almost

911
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 2: keeps us thriving when we're like no, no, no, we don't

912
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 2: want that. We want this like great thriving so we

913
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 2: can be more creative and not worry about.

914
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 3: The stuff that we should be.

915
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh no, no I don't yeah, I

916
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 4: do not want to be in that, And so much

917
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 4: of it is like, yeah, I guess breaking internal belief.

918
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 4: Like one of the many psychics and healers I went

919
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 4: to a few years ago was like, do you feel

920
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 4: like you don't think you deserve to be right? And

921
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I like I have a I'm like

922
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 4: that's such an ugly thing to want, you know, and

923
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 4: like there's people starving and blah blah blah, and I can't.

924
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 4: And only recently am I starting to try to be

925
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 4: like why the fuck not like yeah, whatever, yes, I

926
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 4: do want like like I'm not helping anybody by not

927
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 4: wanting to have a fabulous life. And if I do

928
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 4: get to a point where I have more, I will

929
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 4: always want to share that and like use it to

930
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 4: help always.

931
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 3: And I think when I was a kid, that's I

932
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 3: was like always like.

933
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:49,880
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be fucking rich and I'm gonna live in

934
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 4: a Brownstone and I'm gonna adopt twenty kids, I'm gonna

935
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 4: stay before Angela and Julie, and I'm gonna like use

936
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 4: my money to save the world. And so I didn't

937
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,479
Speaker 4: feel guilty about the idea of wanting it, and I don't.

938
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 4: Somewhere along the way, like I felt less deserving and

939
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 4: and got more confused and made choices like away. Oh,

940
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 4: I've made so many choices away from money, usually because

941
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 4: it feels like sacrificing integrity.

942
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 3: But I don't know.

943
00:47:18,400 --> 00:47:19,839
Speaker 4: Now, I'm like, I should have just taken the money

944
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 4: and run for half of those things.

945
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't know.

946
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 2: Is there one you can pinpoint that was You're like

947
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 2: many now looking back at like when I was what

948
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 2: did you turn down that you would have now made

949
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 2: a different choice.

950
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 4: About, probably like when I first started acting. But also no,

951
00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 4: because like when I first started acting, I was like

952
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 4: being offered like all the CW you know, like any

953
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 4: like like hot, like girl on a CW show, you know.

954
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 4: But I'm like, if you know whatever, people like I

955
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 4: because I grew up in the nineties where it was

956
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 4: like TV or film or like you don't you didn't, Yeah,

957
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 4: I didn't know. So then I was like, no, no, no,

958
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 4: I can't be a CW person. I can't do that

959
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 4: because I want to be a real actor now and

960
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,680
Speaker 4: like it doesn't fucking you can be from TikTok.

961
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 3: But all that being said, like I would have run

962
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 3: out of that money.

963
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 4: I didn't know how to use money, Like what, I

964
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 4: there's this one that's not even a TV show. It

965
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 4: was like it wouldn't have been that much money. But

966
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 4: there was like an indie movie that basically I was,

967
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 4: you know, there's a lot of interest in me for it.

968
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 4: And I chose not to go into the city for

969
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 4: the audition because I was currently doing reshoots with my

970
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 4: on again, off again boyfriend at the time, and I

971
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:37,800
Speaker 4: didn't want to leave the hotel because I was afraid

972
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 4: that he would break up with me. So I like

973
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 4: skimmed through the script and I was like boring, like

974
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 4: no things, didn't do it. And I was already supposed

975
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 4: to be in this other movie at the time that

976
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 4: was supposed to be like a thing and it's a

977
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 4: two percent Rotten Tomatoes. It was not a scename, but

978
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 4: there was another girl in it. It was just the

979
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 4: two of us cast, and then she wound up dropping

980
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 4: out to do this other movie that I didn't do,

981
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 4: and she went an offer for it and became a fucking.

982
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 3: Huge movie story. Wait what movie Winter's Bone? Shut up?

983
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 3: But and who knows.

984
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 4: I don't know for sure I would have it was,

985
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 4: but at the time I was hot to trot, I

986
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,240
Speaker 4: had whatever. But how I see that is like, Okay,

987
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 4: my demons and my you know, addictions and my stuff

988
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 4: with men and all that like stop me from doing that.

989
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 4: But in a weird subconscious way, I was also protecting

990
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 4: myself because I was so unhealed and so unwell that

991
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 4: if I had become famous at that point, I would

992
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 4: have probably died. Like I couldn't have handled that. So

993
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 4: it was like the thing that stop blocked me from

994
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 4: it is the same thing that I.

995
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,960
Speaker 3: Needed to work through. Yea that even handled like I

996
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:47,919
Speaker 3: really would have died.

997
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 4: I could if at that point, at twenty years old,

998
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 4: I was so I had so many demons to work

999
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 4: through and like I was so vulnerable, and I would

1000
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 4: not have been okay.

1001
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: And I as much.

1002
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 4: As I wish my career or I've wanted my career

1003
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,719
Speaker 4: to be bigger already than it's been, like I'm so

1004
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 4: grateful I've had privacy to work through a lot of

1005
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 4: this stuff and now I feel like I could actually

1006
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: enjoy it and show up for it because I've like

1007
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 4: created I didn't have the support systems I had.

1008
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 3: Then I didn't have the tools I would Oh, I

1009
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 3: would have died. I would not have been good.

1010
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 2: Okay, so we're putting it out there. You're ready for

1011
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 2: it at all?

1012
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm ready.

1013
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: I'm still date avoidance most recently. Yes, I just learned

1014
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 2: that word.

1015
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 3: By the way. Yeah, it's it's like it's.

1016
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 2: Kind of like a topical word now right now. And

1017
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 2: before that it was narcissist, you know. Now it's it's

1018
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 2: I did it all.

1019
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 4: I did all those types and we all have like

1020
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 4: you know, cross skill. But yes, yes, I My most

1021
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 4: recent relationship I would say, was with an avoidant and

1022
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 4: it was very painful and all this stuff. But I'm

1023
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 4: currently like really trying to get to the bar like

1024
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 4: fetal position, crying, like trying to like get to the

1025
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 4: deeper trauma that is like because at this like there

1026
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 4: was a time where I didn't feel like I was

1027
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 4: a good partner. I think I'm a fucking I think

1028
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 4: I am a really good partner. But it's like like

1029
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 4: as if I'm like a really good trained like Olympian swimmer,

1030
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 4: but I'm like just showing I'm like take me to

1031
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 4: the Olympics and then I go to like the fucking

1032
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 4: pole vultle thing.

1033
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 3: And I'm like trying. I'm like and I'm like, why isn't.

1034
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 4: This working, Like it's like, oh, you have to be

1035
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 4: you can't just go to the Olympics.

1036
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 3: You have to find the specific you have to train.

1037
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, same relationships. Wow.

1038
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So I feel I feel prepared to be

1039
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 4: a really fucking good partner. But the problem is I

1040
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:51,800
Speaker 4: need another really good partner, like they need to be

1041
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 4: a good partner. And I don't know what fucking men are.

1042
00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 2: But right, but I'm sure you've been told this because

1043
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 2: I'm similar that you're drawing those people in of course. Okay, yeah, no,

1044
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,960
Speaker 2: because I could meet like my friend always says, like,

1045
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 2: you could be like in a stadium a huge sporting event,

1046
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 2: which I can't even get the words out because I

1047
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:17,280
Speaker 2: don't get to sporting events. I don't like sports.

1048
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 3: So but and out of like thousands.

1049
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:22,439
Speaker 2: Of men there, it's like, you'll pick the one red

1050
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 2: flag And I'm like.

1051
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 4: But I don't know it, but do you not, because

1052
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 4: I fucking do and I do it anyway.

1053
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, as soon as I see the signs, I'm.

1054
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 3: Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, exactly by that, and.

1055
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 2: I just now everyone's like pick the green flag. I'm like,

1056
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 2: oh whatever, but I don't even know what that.

1057
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 3: I don't even know.

1058
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 4: Especially I feel like in your third I don't know

1059
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 4: what your experience was were you were you married when.

1060
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 3: I was married for eighteen years, So it's like.

1061
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 4: I got no I know, I know, I know reality.

1062
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:55,920
Speaker 4: I know that was a painting. You know, there was

1063
00:52:55,960 --> 00:53:00,399
Speaker 4: a lot of pain there. But in your thirties, all

1064
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 4: the decent men are fucking married.

1065
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 3: They're partnered.

1066
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 4: Like if there's to me, if there's a guy over

1067
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 4: thirty five who's never like fully committed or there's something wrong.

1068
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 2: I agree with that.

1069
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 3: So what I need to wait for the divorces? No,

1070
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1071
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:24,839
Speaker 2: Now I've now been, you know, semi single. I had

1072
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 2: one relationship I was in since my husband but for

1073
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 2: two years now, over two years, and I don't know.

1074
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 2: The divorce ones are messed up too, So it's.

1075
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 3: That they have the baggage. I don't know. I don't know.

1076
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 3: I really don't know.

1077
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,239
Speaker 4: But I feel like I used to have a rule

1078
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:49,759
Speaker 4: that I completely ignored recently, but of to like if

1079
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 4: a guy by thirty five hasn't like started the journey

1080
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 4: of changing people never, if anything, they'll just like keep

1081
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 4: going backwards and get more and more immature. And I

1082
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 4: think I have seeing proof of that over and over

1083
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 4: and over again. But yeah, the one so right now,

1084
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,879
Speaker 4: I'm thirty six. So it's like the ones who where

1085
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 4: they could say that about you then yep, sure no,

1086
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 4: but it's different men.

1087
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 3: I do think it's different. It's different, I really do.

1088
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 4: Uh, But they also could say that about I mean, yeah,

1089
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 4: but I'm also working with a lot of fucking shit. Yeah,

1090
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 4: it's been a fucking journey to become like a good

1091
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:25,360
Speaker 4: but that's the thing I started the journey before. So

1092
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 4: it's not like all men over thirty five are off limits,

1093
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 4: but they have to have like really started the journey

1094
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 4: of work and not just therapy, because every guy I've

1095
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 4: ever fucking dated has been in therapy, and like your

1096
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 4: therapist only pushes you as far as you're willing to

1097
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:42,240
Speaker 4: be pushed, so like that's not enough.

1098
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 2: Or what you tell them.

1099
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:48,120
Speaker 4: Like, So, like I saw some like video on Instagram

1100
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 4: recently of a guy being like it's like the guy

1101
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 4: who's like done just enough there to be therapy to

1102
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:56,359
Speaker 4: be an asshole, but like they have the words of

1103
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 4: like what to accuse you of?

1104
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, yeah, it's it's yeah.

1105
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 4: But they need to have been like really soul searching

1106
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:08,360
Speaker 4: already by thirty five. It doesn't mean they have to

1107
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 4: be like not, They don't have to have been married,

1108
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 4: they just have to been like, I want to better

1109
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 4: who I am.

1110
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:17,280
Speaker 2: Do you still want kids?

1111
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 3: Yeah? Very much, I do. Yeah.

1112
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 2: I mean I had my last one naturally at forty four,

1113
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: really naturally. He didn't come out naturally, but he conceived

1114
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 2: nat Like, yeah, when did you have your first?

1115
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 3: Thirty two? Okay? Yeah, no, thirty four? All right, yeah no,

1116
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 3: I mean recently.

1117
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 4: I've just been trying to comfort myself by like, if

1118
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 4: I have to do it on my own, I will

1119
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 4: like I don't want that to make me. I don't

1120
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:50,920
Speaker 4: want to be like leaning on desperation for a man

1121
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 4: for that, because that's fucks with me. But it'd be

1122
00:55:56,719 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 4: nice to just it'd be of course. Yeah, it's I

1123
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:01,399
Speaker 4: will tell you this.

1124
00:56:01,680 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 2: I feel like, now that I've been through it, I

1125
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:10,239
Speaker 2: wouldn't ever change anything. And I love my kids, and

1126
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 2: I love and respect my husband, my ex husband. But

1127
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 2: it's I'm not sure I believe that the human you

1128
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 2: have kids with is the human.

1129
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 3: You stay with forever.

1130
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it really like you can't know or I

1131
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 2: would say to people, really discuss that journey of what

1132
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 2: their childhood looks like, what type of parent they want

1133
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 2: to be, which isn't sexy, Like you don't want to

1134
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:34,759
Speaker 2: be dating someone and be that.

1135
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,760
Speaker 3: Girl, like I am that girl?

1136
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 2: What kind of dad are you going to be?

1137
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: What?

1138
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 3: I feel like they'll tell you whatever you.

1139
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:44,880
Speaker 2: Want to hear, and it's I have a question for

1140
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 2: you because I have a feeling you're the type. Are

1141
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 2: you able to, without even knowing knowing you're doing it,

1142
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:54,280
Speaker 2: assess someone so fast and know exactly what they want

1143
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,399
Speaker 2: and it's almost like you can be that human for them.

1144
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 2: And it's like it's so scary to me when I

1145
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 2: do it because I'm.

1146
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 3: Like, oh my gosh, this person is just like me.

1147
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 2: And then once I'm out of it, I'm like, wait,

1148
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 2: I'm just that I can know what feelings and stuff

1149
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,960
Speaker 2: to kind of make myself into what they want.

1150
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 4: Really confusing because I've thought about that a lot recently,

1151
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 4: and I because I think of my I think of

1152
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 4: myself as someone with a very strong sense of self,

1153
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 4: almost as fault.

1154
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 3: But I do think.

1155
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 4: There's pieces of that because especially if you're an actor

1156
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 4: or like, like not that I'm acting, but I do.

1157
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 4: I feel like I have many pieces of me that

1158
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:35,280
Speaker 4: I can kind of like lean into, Like I don't know,

1159
00:57:36,440 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 4: I don't have any clear idea like what the right

1160
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 4: partner for me would because I could go and sew,

1161
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 4: I could lean into the intelligence, I could lean into

1162
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 4: the humor, I could lean into the hotness, whatever it is, Like,

1163
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 4: there's so many I can reserve all of.

1164
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 3: That, by the way, I want all of it, don't

1165
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 3: get fucking wrong.

1166
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 4: But I'm like when it's like, you know, because obviously

1167
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 4: at this point being single, people like you just need

1168
00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 4: dot dot and I'm like, I've done a lot of

1169
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 4: different things. It's not so I I do feel like

1170
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 4: I'm pretty clear on who I am, and I don't

1171
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 4: I definitely don't change what I say, but like, energetically,

1172
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:14,280
Speaker 4: I can feel maybe that there's like a lean into

1173
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 4: different parts of me, and therefore I'm like ignoring other

1174
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 4: parts and then they come or I'll play dumb a little,

1175
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 4: I think sometimes or like yeah, I'll be a little

1176
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 4: softer about the red flags at first, and then when

1177
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, so you can't treat me badly in this.

1178
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 3: Way, they're like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why so much

1179
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:39,520
Speaker 3: conflict because you just were like going with it?

1180
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, and not fully, but I think it's right. More

1181
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:47,800
Speaker 4: like I'll always be pretty honest. But it gets like

1182
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:50,760
Speaker 4: I think i'll I think I believe people when I

1183
00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,600
Speaker 4: like say, like this shorts my feelings?

1184
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:54,240
Speaker 3: Could you not do it?

1185
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 4: And they're like, yeah, I'm gonna work on that, And

1186
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 4: then like I just think that that's true, Like if

1187
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 4: they're like because to me, if somebody gives me a note,

1188
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 4: I'm like, all right, I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna

1189
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 4: do it, and I didn't. It's hard for me to

1190
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 4: understand that people like don't want to get better always

1191
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 4: even if they.

1192
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 2: Say they do, they don't even know.

1193
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 3: Well, I certainly tell them.

1194
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 2: Do you think you could be with a partner that

1195
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 2: doesn't do karaoke?

1196
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 3: Oh? Good question.

1197
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 4: As long as they are like enjoy being they can

1198
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 4: like get a kick out of it.

1199
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 3: They don't have to sing it. But if they were like.

1200
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 4: No, I don't have anti carryo, they were like up

1201
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 4: I couldn't be with someone who's like up tight, right.

1202
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 3: So they wouldn't.

1203
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 4: If anything, I maybe need to move away from the

1204
00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 4: people who want to be the one singing but like

1205
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 4: they don't necessarily have to sing, but they have to

1206
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 4: like be down for the adventure of life.

1207
00:59:57,040 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 3: And so is that a deal breaker?

1208
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 4: Maybe I had thought of that one. By what about

1209
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:08,840
Speaker 4: for you it's sushi? Well, I did some people who

1210
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:10,880
Speaker 4: don't like sushi, and you're right, it does show a

1211
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 4: lot of fear and uptightist.

1212
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh that's a.

1213
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 2: Whole different conversation. Yeah, well, thank you for doing this.

1214
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:24,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. This has been so fun.

1215
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:27,320
Speaker 2: I'm so great to like get time with you.

1216
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 3: I knew we'd have more.

1217
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 2: It's just like we met on such a tiny, little,

1218
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 2: you know, moment, and I always think, like when I

1219
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 2: watch your Instagram, like, oh my gosh, I want to

1220
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 2: talk to her about this and that and that, and

1221
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 2: I just.

1222
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 3: Feel like we would have a lot in common.

1223
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we would never have known. And I think

1224
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 2: you're literally one of the most talented humans and make

1225
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:57,720
Speaker 2: me cry. I want you to be happy and thriving

1226
01:00:58,440 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 2: because you deserve it.

1227
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 3: Thank you.