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Speaker 1: My husband called. I said, what's going on? Because you

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Speaker 1: have to get up. Your mother's been shot. What he means,

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Speaker 1: she's been shot? Everything that I had known for fifty

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Speaker 1: three years. I felt that it was just pulled out

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Speaker 1: from underneath filmmaker, activists, and former US ambassador. This is

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Speaker 1: her new book, Nicole he Thank you forgiveness for me?

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Speaker 1: Was I am casting these burdens of anger and shame

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Speaker 1: and doubt and disappointment and fury because I was furious.

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Speaker 1: I hold on to these feelings. I'm going to sink myself.

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Speaker 2: Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite

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Speaker 2: you to join this community to hear more interviews that

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Speaker 2: will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All

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Speaker 2: I want you to do is click on the subscribe button.

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Speaker 2: I love your support. It's incredible to see all your comments,

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Speaker 2: and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go

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Speaker 2: on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing.

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Speaker 2: It means the world to me.

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Speaker 1: The best selling author on the host.

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Speaker 2: The number one health and wellness podcast Purpose with Jay Shetty. Everyone,

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Speaker 2: and welcome back to On Purpose, to number one health

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Speaker 2: podcast in the world thanks to each and every one

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Speaker 2: of you who come back every week to become happier, healthier,

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Speaker 2: and more healed. And I'm so grateful because on this platform,

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Speaker 2: I get to sit down with people with remarkable stories,

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Speaker 2: incredible experiences, people who've been through challenges and hardships that

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Speaker 2: we can all relate to and hopefully extract lessons, principles,

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Speaker 2: blessings and insights from so that we too can help

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Speaker 2: heal our hearts and lives. Today's guest is a dear friend,

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Speaker 2: someone who I have connected with that really special moments

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Speaker 2: and someone that I'm really excited to share her story,

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Speaker 2: her love, her work with you. Today I'm speaking about

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Speaker 2: Ambassador Nicole Avan, who served as the thirteenth US Ambassador

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Speaker 2: to the Bahamas after being nominated by President Obama and

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Speaker 2: unanimously confirmed by the US Senate, becoming the youngest as

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Speaker 2: well as the first African American woman to hold the position. Today,

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Speaker 2: we're talking about her new book that's out called Think

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Speaker 2: You'll Be Happy Moving Through Grief with Grit, Grace and Gratitude.

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Speaker 2: And Nicole kindly allowed my testimonial to be here, so

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Speaker 2: you know how much I endorsed this book. I recommend

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Speaker 2: a lot of books, but this is a book that

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Speaker 2: I've realized I needed more in my life because of

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Speaker 2: how many people I have in my life that are

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Speaker 2: losing people that they love, and I now finally have

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Speaker 2: the book to encourage people to read and receive in

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Speaker 2: their life to know how to honor the people they love.

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Speaker 2: Please welcome to On Purpose, Nicole Evan. Nicole, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for being here. Beautiful introduction. I'm very honored.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: No, it's from the happy to be here now, Nicole.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I mean what I said, and I was

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Speaker 2: just saying it too a few moments ago, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to repeat it for my community. I'm so grateful

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Speaker 2: you wrote this book because honoring the people that we love,

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Speaker 2: remembering what they taught us, what we gained from them,

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Speaker 2: and then passing it on is without a doubt, one

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Speaker 2: of the greatest acts of service that we could possibly

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Speaker 2: ever do, not just to that individual, but to humanity. Yes,

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Speaker 2: and I was so touched not only by you sharing

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Speaker 2: this with me earlier when the writing process was happening,

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Speaker 2: but you trusting me to be a part of this

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Speaker 2: journey with you because it's so deeply important to you

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Speaker 2: and it's so deeply intimate and close to you, and

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Speaker 2: so I couldn't be more thankful and grateful. So thank

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Speaker 2: you so much.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank you for taking the time while you were

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Speaker 1: on your book tour. And I'm sending you first draft,

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Speaker 1: second draft, Jay, what do you think about this? And

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Speaker 1: you took the time to read it. And again, that

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Speaker 1: is a part of showing up for people, which I've

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Speaker 1: been talking about about this book of you know, my

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Speaker 1: mom really her superpower was really showing up. And I

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Speaker 1: think we're all forgetting. I think when we all like

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Speaker 1: things on Instagram and all this, that that's showing up

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Speaker 1: for someone. But that's you know, the icing of showing up,

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Speaker 1: but the cake of showing up, of really taking the

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Speaker 1: time out for somebody, whether you feel like it or not,

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Speaker 1: whether you have time or not. But it's honoring somebody

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Speaker 1: else's soul because not all of us are on the

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Speaker 1: same soul journey, We're not all going through the same

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Speaker 1: thing at the same time. And so I thank you

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Speaker 1: for giving me the encouragement to keep writing and to

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Speaker 1: finally get this book done. Absolutely, and it feels great.

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Speaker 2: I know, I'm so glad that we're finally Yes, I

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Speaker 2: know and Nicole, I want to take a moment before

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Speaker 2: I dive in. I have so many questions I want

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Speaker 2: to ask you today, and so many questions I'm excited

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Speaker 2: to ask you. But I want to say a big

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Speaker 2: thank you, because people show up in our lives in

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Speaker 2: different ways, and towards the early stages of my career,

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Speaker 2: I was wonderfully invited by Jennifer Aniston to a home

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Speaker 2: to give a short presentation and you were in the

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Speaker 2: audience that day. It was only a small group of people,

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Speaker 2: and we instantly connected, and I remember your enthusiasm for

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Speaker 2: my work and your energy for my work was so reassuring.

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Speaker 2: You showed up for me without even knowing it, maybe,

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Speaker 2: but it was so beautiful to have such a real interaction.

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Speaker 2: You know, you can have people say that was wonderful,

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Speaker 2: that was nice, but when you were sharing your thoughts

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Speaker 2: and your feedback and the energy I felt from your

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Speaker 2: words were so deeply encouraging when I probably needed them most.

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Speaker 2: So I just want to thank you for showing up.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to hear that. I remember. I remember sitting

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Speaker 1: where I remember exactly where I was sitting and then standing,

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Speaker 1: and I remember affirming you the whole time, like nodding

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Speaker 1: up and down because that was it was a small group,

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Speaker 1: but it was an intimidating group of people to be

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Speaker 1: in front of. And you were fantastic. And what I

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Speaker 1: thought in that moment was, finally, somebody is really coming

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Speaker 1: out and talking about the human spirit and the soul

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Speaker 1: and our energy and who we really are as people,

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Speaker 1: as just not what we do, but who we are.

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Speaker 1: And I think that conversation has been missing in society.

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Speaker 1: And I was so happy that it was you, and

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Speaker 1: I thought it was perfect. I said, this is exactly

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Speaker 1: what we need. And I was not surprised by everything

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Speaker 1: that has happened for you. I said, of course has happened,

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Speaker 1: you know. And even my husband ted when I told

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Speaker 1: him I was coming on the podcast, he said, isn't

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Speaker 1: it phenomenal? Think about it, how you started this journey

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Speaker 1: with Jay before he even put out anything, and look

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Speaker 1: at him. I mean, you're all over the world. You're

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Speaker 1: helping heal people, You're helping souls repair, which I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of us forget that our souls on our

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Speaker 1: soul journey are going to need to go into repair sometimes,

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Speaker 1: and none of us want to go into repair. But

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Speaker 1: there's no way you're going to be on the earth

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Speaker 1: and not have to go into repair. Sometimes, beautiful we

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Speaker 1: just you know, we just do like and I say

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Speaker 1: to people, how are you doing after this? I'm in repair.

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Speaker 1: I'm in repair. I am allowing my friends to heal me,

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Speaker 1: life to heal me, circumstances to heal me. But I

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Speaker 1: am in repair. We have to make it okay to

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Speaker 1: be able to say and own I'm in repair. I'm

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Speaker 1: still going to show up, but I'm in repair.

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Speaker 2: What a beautifully beautiful way of putting it, Nicole. I

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Speaker 2: want to dive in, and I want to start by

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Speaker 2: asking you, what is your earliest childed memory or your

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Speaker 2: most memorable experience as a child that you think has

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Speaker 2: defined who you are today.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's a couple of things. One, my mom was

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Speaker 1: very open to various scriptures around the world, so it

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Speaker 1: didn't matter if it was a Hindu scripture or a

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Speaker 1: Buddhist scripture, whatever it was Christian scripture. She loved the

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Speaker 1: idea of understanding energy, your thoughts, your words, and everything

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Speaker 1: how it helps create and shape your reality. And I

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Speaker 1: remember specifically there was one time my godfather, Quincy, gave

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Speaker 1: me a book, and it was called creative visualization. Now,

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Speaker 1: granted I was older at this time, I wasn't a child,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just going to this right now. Is that

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Speaker 1: it was everything my mom had said, but I found

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Speaker 1: it on paper and someone was saying no, And then

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Speaker 1: I started doing it. I started saying, oh, Okay, if

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Speaker 1: I really say this all the time, this is going

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Speaker 1: to happen. But I did notice my energy shift and

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Speaker 1: I did start to understand how the universe works. No,

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Speaker 1: we can't control every single situation. We are in control

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Speaker 1: of how we respond to it. But I think one

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Speaker 1: of the earliest things that I learned, the most important

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Speaker 1: life lesson, was that we are all here to share

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Speaker 1: our blessings. I learned that firsthand as a young child

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Speaker 1: who realized with all these people, yes, they might have

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Speaker 1: been very successful and very famous, but the difference with

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Speaker 1: the group that I had was that it was never

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Speaker 1: about them. It was always about how are we going

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Speaker 1: to move people forward. We have this door that has

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Speaker 1: been opened for us, and our job is to make

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Speaker 1: sure we keep the door open for other people. And

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Speaker 1: the power that I got from that was there is

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Speaker 1: such a power in helping people get to where they

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Speaker 1: want to be help them on their soul evolution. And

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Speaker 1: that has to do with being unselfish and aware and

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Speaker 1: focused on progress, moving energy forward and not staying stagnant

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Speaker 1: and not feeling that, oh if Jay gets this or

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Speaker 1: so and so gets this, then I'm going to get nothing. No,

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Speaker 1: it's there was. The lesson I learned was there is

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Speaker 1: enough to go around for everybody, because everybody is on

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Speaker 1: a different soul path and everybody has their own mission.

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Speaker 1: No one can take it away from any of us.

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Speaker 1: No one They can try to come in and steer

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Speaker 1: you off course. But Jay Shetty is Jay Shetty in

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Speaker 1: this lifetime. There is no other Jay Shetty. There is

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Speaker 1: no other Nicole Amant. There's one of all of us.

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Speaker 1: And we get to do what we choose to do,

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Speaker 1: and who we want to be is even more important

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Speaker 1: than what we do. But who we want to be

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Speaker 1: on this planet? Who? What do we want people to say?

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Speaker 1: Because believe me that Another thing I've learned now after

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Speaker 1: my parents have gone is you know, everyone says, you know,

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Speaker 1: you don't take anything with you. We know that technically,

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Speaker 1: but when you really see it, I have everything. Everything's

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Speaker 1: still there. My parents didn't take one possession with them.

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Speaker 1: But the beauty is is that everybody they left their character,

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Speaker 1: they left their stamp on humanity. People smile when they

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Speaker 1: hear their names, people say thank you, People write me

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Speaker 1: letters about how they change their lives. So all of

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Speaker 1: this comes into the lesson that I learned is that

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Speaker 1: everyone's significant and everyone's energy can help each other move

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Speaker 1: to where we.

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Speaker 2: Need to be.

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Speaker 1: Mm.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, those famous words again, which we've heard many times,

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Speaker 2: but you've experienced this and you feel it. And I

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Speaker 2: want to talk about some of the honorings that you

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Speaker 2: received for your parents. But Maya Angelou who said that

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Speaker 2: people will forget what you did, people will forget what

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Speaker 2: you said, but people will never forget how you made

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Speaker 2: them feel. And we say this, we repeat it, you

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Speaker 2: see it on Instagram. But then you've probably experienced that

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Speaker 2: very deeply, that people have not forgotten how your parents

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Speaker 2: made them feel.

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Speaker 1: That's exactly it, how they made them feel, and it's

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Speaker 1: through the small actions. It's the note, it's the phone call,

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Speaker 1: it's the text, it's the email. I'm checking in on you.

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Speaker 1: I want you to know I love you, I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about you. These are all things that I've had

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Speaker 1: to relearn of, oh, this is important. It's not just

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Speaker 1: about me and my feelings and what I'm going through.

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Speaker 1: People that i'm on my journey with that need check ins,

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Speaker 1: that I need to say, Hey, I'm just thinking about you.

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Speaker 1: I know you're you're traveling, and I know you you

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Speaker 1: know things are going well in your life, but I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know I'm thinking about you. Those

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Speaker 1: little things mean everything. They mean everything because you're not alone,

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Speaker 1: and you want to feel as if you are important

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Speaker 1: to somebody. You want to feel that you're significant. You

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Speaker 1: want to feel that you're seen. You know, you want

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Speaker 1: to feel that someone. You want to That feeling of

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Speaker 1: being loved changes everything.

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Speaker 2: That's what we're yearning for, all of us. For everyone

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Speaker 2: who doesn't know, I'd love to give them the background

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Speaker 2: so we can really go deep into this conversation. You

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Speaker 2: start this book by and I'm reading from the book.

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Speaker 2: You receive this news love, You've got to get up,

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Speaker 2: get dressed, and get deceit as your mom's been shot.

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Speaker 2: I mean, every time I read that line as someone

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Speaker 2: who didn't know your family, every time I read that line,

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Speaker 2: and I just only could put myself in those shoes

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Speaker 2: to even try to imagine what that would feel like

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Speaker 2: to hear don't have You can't. You can't. It's something

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Speaker 2: that you've either been through you haven't, and so you

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Speaker 2: can't fully empathize, you can't fully understand. You can't no

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Speaker 2: matter how hard you try. I cannot imagine how difficult

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Speaker 2: that is. Walk us through that moment so that our

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Speaker 2: audience can come with you on this journey, as we

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Speaker 2: extrapolated after it.

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Speaker 1: So, my husband had called me. It was early in

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Speaker 1: the morning, round two thirty, and my phone had been

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Speaker 1: ringing and I didn't hear it. My brother had been

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Speaker 1: calling and I and then you know how your intuition

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Speaker 1: gets you up. Something told me to get up, and

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Speaker 1: I just happened to roll over. I looked at my phone.

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Speaker 1: I see all these miscalls from Alex and thank god

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Speaker 1: I was looking at my phone because my husband called

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Speaker 1: again and Teddy said those words love. I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: You have to get up. I said, what's going on?

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Speaker 1: He goes, you have to get up. Your mother's been shot.

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Speaker 1: You have to get to What do you mean she's

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Speaker 1: been shot? What are you talking about? So then I'm thinking, oh,

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Speaker 1: it must be eight o'clock at night. I was so

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Speaker 1: from that moment, I went into a whole different spear almost.

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Speaker 1: I just don't know where I was. And I said,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Where was she? And I

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Speaker 1: was asking Teddy all these questions, and he said, Nicole,

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Speaker 1: you have to get to the hospital. I don't have

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Speaker 1: any answers. I just got this call. I'll meet you there.

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Speaker 1: And thank god, he was in Los Angeles. He was

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Speaker 1: on a work retreat, but he wasn't far Jay. I froze,

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Speaker 1: my knees buckled a little bit, and then my heart

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Speaker 1: rate just starts going, and I'm thinking, wait, what, And

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Speaker 1: I remember, you know, our dogs sleep in the room,

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Speaker 1: and I'm looking at these two sweet souls, and you know,

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Speaker 1: dogs pick up on everything, so they immediately jump on me,

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Speaker 1: kissing me, looking at me. And I just remember getting

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Speaker 1: dressed quickly, getting dog food out, feeding the dogs, leaving

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Speaker 1: the door open for them going out the back. My

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Speaker 1: life changed. Whatever the outcome was at the hospital, that

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Speaker 1: my life had changed forever. That if my mom survived this,

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Speaker 1: which I was praying for, that she was eighty one

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Speaker 1: when this happened, that okay, this is so traumatic that

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she's going to be able to

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Speaker 1: function emotionally after this or anything. So I'm driving and

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Speaker 1: I'm on my way to the hospital, and you know,

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Speaker 1: everything's energy to me, and I have all green lights,

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Speaker 1: and the last one I remember, I was turning right

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Speaker 1: on San Facente and it started flickering and I just

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Speaker 1: started for myself. I just started talking. I said, Mom, Mom,

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Speaker 1: if you can hear me, I don't know what's happened.

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Speaker 1: I know you've been shot. I don't know by whom,

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Speaker 1: I don't know where, I don't know anything. But I'm

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Speaker 1: on my way and I don't know how hard you're

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Speaker 1: fighting or what happened. But you don't have to come

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Speaker 1: back if you can't, you know. I just all these

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Speaker 1: thoughts just and I and I remember saying, I'll take

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Speaker 1: I'll take care of dad, I'll take care of everything.

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Speaker 1: I think I was saying that Jabe because she always

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Speaker 1: did that for everybody else. And so there was just

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Speaker 1: this new energy flowing through me. And I don't even

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Speaker 1: know what I was talking about, but it was keeping

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Speaker 1: me sane because I had to. You know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: know where to park. I was in the wrong building.

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Speaker 1: I was so discombobulated. I didn't know what was happening.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, I got to the hospital and

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Speaker 1: I was with my family and we waited, and unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: I mean, God bless her. She was eighty one, you know,

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Speaker 1: somebody had broken into her house and she happened to

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Speaker 1: be up, so she they encountered each other completely, opposite souls, completely,

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Speaker 1: but she made it to the hospital, which I love

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Speaker 1: about my mother. Of course, she did shot in the back,

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Speaker 1: you know, with a rifle, and she made eighty one

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Speaker 1: and makes it to the hospital, and she just didn't

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Speaker 1: make it through surgery. Everything that I had known for

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Speaker 1: fifty three years was just I felt that it was

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Speaker 1: just pulled out from under me. But then I became her.

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Speaker 1: I decided, okay, I'm what would Jackie do? You know?

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Speaker 1: And I started delegating. That's how I went into that mode.

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Speaker 1: But the shock and the trauma and the stress and

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Speaker 1: the fear, I mean, I have there were veins I

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Speaker 1: didn't even know I had because they were all It's

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Speaker 1: just it's amazing with the body how it responds to trauma.

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Speaker 1: And then I just decided that day, okay, I have

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Speaker 1: to decide who I want to be in this moment

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Speaker 1: versus what I want to do, because I kept saying, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do this, I have to do this,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do this. And then I looked at

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Speaker 1: myself in the mirror when I got home from the hospital,

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Speaker 1: and I said, no, no, no, Nicole, who do you want

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Speaker 1: to be in this time, in this trial, Because now

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Speaker 1: here's a trial, and this trial is here, who do

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Speaker 1: you want to be? And I just looked at myself

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Speaker 1: and I said, Okay, I want to be as courageous

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Speaker 1: as possible. I want to be as peaceful as possible,

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Speaker 1: and I want to be as helpful as possible. And

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Speaker 1: I just went downstairs as that woman tended to my

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Speaker 1: father to you know, the police officers are at the house,

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Speaker 1: detectives areout the house. I I it was like out

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Speaker 1: of like a CSI, you know TV show. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my goodness. You know how we all say one

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Speaker 1: day at a time. I tried that. I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is not one day at a time, this is

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Speaker 1: one minute at a time. This is okay, Nicole, every

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Speaker 1: five minutes, you're going to check in on yourself. Let's

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Speaker 1: just And so I knew I can get through one

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Speaker 1: minute at a time or five minutes at a time.

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Speaker 1: But when I said tomorrow, I'll be better, my whole

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Speaker 1: body was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: We can't live till tomorrow. Wow that's how heavy the

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Speaker 1: pain was. Wow, it was too much shock. It was

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Speaker 1: an energy that I had never experienced before, because it

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Speaker 1: was such a cruel energy on such a deep level

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Speaker 1: and a violent energy that I had never experienced it.

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Speaker 1: So I found myself in new territory.

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Speaker 2: I've never heard it put that well in terms of

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Speaker 2: how heavy it can be. And this idea that we

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Speaker 2: say one day at a time, I really hope that

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Speaker 2: anyone and everyone who's listening right now, who is going

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Speaker 2: through their own version, their own path of this sort

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Speaker 2: of pain, is able to simplify it to one minute

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Speaker 2: at a time, one moment at a time. So I

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Speaker 2: already deeply appreciate that. How do you think you had

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Speaker 2: this ability? And I'm I'm assuming or guessing that it

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Speaker 2: also came from your mom that you could go upstairs

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Speaker 2: and say, I'm going to be courageous, I want to

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Speaker 2: be peaceful, I want to be helpful. Like those three

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Speaker 2: words are not accidental. They are very intentional powerful special

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Speaker 2: words courageous, peaceful, and helpful. How did you find that

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Speaker 2: clarity so quickly which could have taken months or even years.

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Speaker 1: Thank god it was my mom. She My mom was

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Speaker 1: a big believer in vibration, and she'd always used to say,

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Speaker 1: you know, your your soul emits energy, and you you

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Speaker 1: have to think of yourself as a radio tower, and

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Speaker 1: you have to think of yourself as a you know,

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Speaker 1: as a station on the channel on the TV, because

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Speaker 1: you know, as long as you change the channels, you'll

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Speaker 1: get different vibrations. We all see that. So what are

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Speaker 1: you tuning into? She'd always say to me, what are

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Speaker 1: you tuning into? In your mind? What are you tuning into?

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Speaker 1: But she thought those three words are from her. She

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Speaker 1: always wanted to be courageous and helpful and kind, and

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Speaker 1: those were always her intentions of how she was going

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Speaker 1: to show up in the world. And it's interesting because

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Speaker 1: she used to say to me, courage isn't not being afraid,

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Speaker 1: it's being afraid. And you do it anyway, You do

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Speaker 1: it anyway. You do the thing you're afraid of while

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Speaker 1: you're afraid, and that's when you're courageous. And it's so true.

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Speaker 1: So I just decided, Okay, I have no idea what's happening,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very afraid, but I'm not going to turn

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Speaker 1: my back to it. I'm going to go through it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to have necessarily get through this. I

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Speaker 1: never put that pressure. But I am going to walk

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Speaker 1: through this season. I am going to walk through this

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Speaker 1: challenge with as much grace as possible.

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Speaker 2: To the best of your ability. And thank you so

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Speaker 2: much for recounting that for our audience, And of course,

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Speaker 2: as I've said to everyone, I highly recommend you get

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Speaker 2: this book because not only is it, of course in

396
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 2: a cold story, I feel what Nicole does exceptionally well

397
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Speaker 2: is through and you can tell already from the way

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Speaker 2: she speaks. And for those of you are listening and watching, Nicole,

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Speaker 2: you have this way of bringing us on this journey

400
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 2: with you, but also giving us these steps and insights

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Speaker 2: along the way of how to honor people that we love,

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Speaker 2: how to learn from them, how to just what you

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Speaker 2: just said. Now, I think this idea of becoming and

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00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 2: being the people we lose is the most beautiful way

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Speaker 2: for them to continue to live with us and through

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Speaker 2: us and live on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I listened to. Part of another healing step for

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Speaker 1: me was listening to her favorite music every day. I thought, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what did mom love? What music did she love? What

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Speaker 1: flowers did she love? Anything that she loved? I put

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Speaker 1: around me if I could so, the orchids that she loved,

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Speaker 1: the certain color that she loved. I ordered them and

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Speaker 1: made sure I looked at them every day because when

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Speaker 1: I looked at them, it reminded me of her, and

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Speaker 1: I smiled, and it helped heal my heart, you know.

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Speaker 1: And listening to the music, because music was so healing

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Speaker 1: and it is so healing, and so I listened to

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Speaker 1: all her you know. She loved Johnny Mathis, and she

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Speaker 1: loved the Commodores and the Beeges, and she loved really

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Speaker 1: eat like Gordon Lightfoot. She loved really easy kind music,

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Speaker 1: and it did help me become more of her. It

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Speaker 1: was really helpful. And a lot of rituals, you know.

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Speaker 1: She loved taking baths. My mom loved that. And my

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Speaker 1: mom was always get the magnesium, get the salt, and

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Speaker 1: get whatever. It doesn't have to be fancy, get in

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Speaker 1: the water. You know. She was such a pisies and

427
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Speaker 1: I'm born on her birthday, so she was always you know,

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Speaker 1: take a bath, soak it out, you know, talking, and

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Speaker 1: I I started doing those things. So at night, I

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Speaker 1: would take a bath, and I started to talk to

431
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: her as if she was there, as if I could

432
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: hear her, even if I couldn't. I didn't need to

433
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: hear anything. And it wasn't even about so much feeling anything,

434
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 1: but I needed to express myself. And it was very

435
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 1: healing for me to act as if she was listening

436
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,239
Speaker 1: and that she could hear me. Whether she could or not,

437
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: it was the act of doing it for myself, which

438
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: was very healing.

439
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 2: That's so reassuring to hear. I was speaking to a

440
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 2: friend the other day about their loss and they lost

441
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 2: a parent very recently, and I recommended your book because

442
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 2: I really really do believe that it's my go to

443
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 2: recommendation when people have this experience. And they were talking

444
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 2: to me, they said, you know, if my mom was

445
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: here right now, she'd laugh at this and she'd do this,

446
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 2: and I was like, that's it. I was like, you know,

447
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 2: and it's wonderful hearing from you. I was like that,

448
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 2: like you know how your mom respond to what you

449
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 2: would say, Like you know that when you love someone

450
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,919
Speaker 2: so deeply, and so that doesn't have to disappear. It

451
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:12,959
Speaker 2: doesn't have to stop.

452
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: No, it does not. That's a really good point. It

453
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 1: does not have to stop. It changes form, the energy

454
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: changes form, but the energy is there. You know, we're

455
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: spirits in the material world, So for spirits in the

456
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: material world, and everything is everlasting and the soul never dies,

457
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: and we all know that. If you believe that, then yeah,

458
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: she's in a different form, but she's still around and

459
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,600
Speaker 1: her energy is with me. I feel her now stronger

460
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: than I ever did before. I really do. I really

461
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,200
Speaker 1: feel her presence much stronger, and even writing the book,

462
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: because you know, she wanted to be a book editor,

463
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,679
Speaker 1: and there were certain drafts I was doing and I

464
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: just put the pen down there. And there was one

465
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 1: night and I had a dream and it was I

466
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,320
Speaker 1: just saw her red nails typing on the typewriter. And

467
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 1: I had asked myself before I went to sleep, I

468
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: wonder if I should change that paragraph, rewrite it and

469
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 1: move it up. And I took it as a sign,

470
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: which I did, and I did move the paragraph. But

471
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 1: as soon as I saw her nails, her fingernails on

472
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: the keypad. But thank you, Mom, I'm going to move that.

473
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 1: Thank you for editing. You're still editing in my life.

474
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: You are still working, and it's just a different form

475
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 1: of energy. And my girlfriend wrote me a beautiful letter

476
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 1: and she said, remember, the best way to honor anyone

477
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 1: you've loved, but especially your parents, is to live a full,

478
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 1: significant life. You owe them a life that that's the

479
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: only thing you owe them is to live, because that

480
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: is the best way to honor them. Is if they've

481
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 1: taught you great things and given you great lessons and

482
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 1: given you tools, go on and carry the baton. And

483
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 1: even for the ones who don't. Let's say you don't

484
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: have parents that were good to you. Because that happens,

485
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: and you don't have parents that show up for you,

486
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: you can choose to be different than they were and

487
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,720
Speaker 1: show up as a completely different type of human being

488
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: in the world. I've seen it, you've seen it. I've

489
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: heard about I've heard horrific stories about abuse and trauma

490
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: and neglect, and these young people have chosen to be

491
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: very different from what they receive from their parents. And

492
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: I have such respect for that, because that's hard. It's

493
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 1: hard to carry on a memory if your memories are

494
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,919
Speaker 1: terrible and when that happens, then your job now is

495
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: to I have to create new memories.

496
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, people by their actions are either showing us

497
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 2: how to live or how not to.

498
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: Live, or how not to live.

499
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 2: And oh yeah, I can definitely identify with that. With

500
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 2: the home I grew up in, I was just taking

501
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 2: notes to my whole life of how not to be

502
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 2: a dad, to be a husband, how not to be

503
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 2: a person in the workplace, how not to be a

504
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 2: family member.

505
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,439
Speaker 1: Especially in the workplace. I mean, yeah, I had people

506
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 1: around me all the time where I would say, okay,

507
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: so when I when I'm older and I'm working and

508
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: i have this position, I'm definitely not going to be

509
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: like that. And then there were certain people where I'd

510
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: take notes and I'd say, I want to be just

511
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,880
Speaker 1: like Carol. She's great, she's so helpful, she's so patient's

512
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: you know, and then serving, I mean I was a

513
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: waitress for a long time. My parents had me work,

514
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 1: you know, since I was ten and thirteen, and just

515
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 1: on and on and on. I sold shoes, I worked

516
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 1: at a dry cleaner, I did My mom would say,

517
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: I'm throwing you into these experiences because to your point,

518
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: people will show you who they are, and you can

519
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 1: learn how you want to be. But the only way

520
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: you do that is when you're in interaction with others,

521
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:56,479
Speaker 1: and gosh, especially serving people. You see, I saw the

522
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,119
Speaker 1: best of people, and I saw the worst of people.

523
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 1: I was either completely just non existent, or somebody took

524
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: the time to be really kind and smile at me

525
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 1: and ask me how I was. And so you become

526
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 1: very sensitive to it.

527
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

528
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,000
Speaker 1: And Tony and Sarah. You know my stepkids with Ted,

529
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,959
Speaker 1: they they're the same. Sarah. I threw her into waitressing

530
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: and she said, my gosh, some people don't even see me.

531
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: I'm nobody to them. And I said, now you know,

532
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: And now she's very sensitive as a young adult when

533
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: we go to restaurants. Did you make sure you tip this?

534
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,119
Speaker 1: Did you make sure she looks at the waitress and

535
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: waiters all the time? She looks at every server. How

536
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: are you? How was your day? How are you? I mean,

537
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 1: she's so engaged, but to your point, because she's experienced

538
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 1: the opposite, and she took notes. I don't want to

539
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: be like that.

540
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, so beautiful. I was reminded as you were talking

541
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 2: about you said this beautiful statement of you know, we're

542
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 2: spirits in the material world having this experience, and therefore

543
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 2: energy lives on and there's this beautiful mess that you receive.

544
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 2: You say, I'm reading from your book if you don't mind,

545
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 2: if that's okay, So this is page fifty three for

546
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 2: those who are reading along with us and think you'll

547
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 2: be happy. And you say, a few days after my

548
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 2: mother died, Pharrell Williams called. He's like a brother to me,

549
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 2: he's family, and he says, we're going to celebrate your mom.

550
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 2: He said, we're going to celebrate her legacy. She's a

551
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 2: big deal and we're not going to let anyone forget her.

552
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 2: She created a life worth talking about. Do you realize

553
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 2: that hundreds of thousands of babies were born around the

554
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: world the day she passed over. There are one hundred

555
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: and forty million a year all around the world. Life

556
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 2: is always continuing, Nicole, and you must continue her life

557
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 2: by living yours to the fullest. And he concluded, God

558
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 2: is still the greatest. And you said that for our

559
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 2: says this all the time, through good or bad times,

560
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 2: and he's right, God is still the greatest. What I

561
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: find really unique about your journey, Nicole, as well, is

562
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 2: that you are able to keep and strengthen your faith

563
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: in your own spirituality in the way you practice it

564
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: at a time when it's very natural. And I would

565
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: never judge anyone if it would actually veer their way.

566
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: Right and just say no, no, exactly, Yeah, what do

567
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: you mean? Yeah, I've been so good and I've had

568
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: so much faith, and how can this happen?

569
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 2: You know?

570
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: And as I say in the book, it's like why

571
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 1: not us? It tragedies and trials and everything it happens to,

572
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: you know, as it says in scripture, it rains on

573
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: the just, and it rains on the unjust. It's everyone

574
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: kind of gets hammered. But it goes to the power

575
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: of choice. For me, and the reason that I grew

576
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: stronger in my faith as opposed to leaving it is

577
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: because I really do believe that the universe has kind

578
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: of laid it all out. Life has laid it out

579
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: various scripture, you know, your Buddhist script everything is laid

580
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: it out, which says here it is, you're on this earth,

581
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: and it kind of here, here's how you play this game.

582
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: But these things were not gonna lie. These things will

583
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: show up. But the power of free will, which my

584
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: mom always reminded me about of is that. You know, listen,

585
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: we as human beings do have free will. We have

586
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: the freedom to choose how we're going to live, choose

587
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: how we're going to think, as opposed to any other animal,

588
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: you know, they don't have the power of imagination and choice.

589
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: We do. So to blame the creator for the choices

590
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: that people make is not something that I wanted to

591
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: subscribe to. And I was like, I'm not even going there.

592
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 1: People make choices all the time. I see it every day.

593
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: We all do. People who've had the worst childhoods make

594
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: great choices, have great lives. I've seen people who I

595
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: grew up with in a very affluent neighborhood make the

596
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: worst choices and had nothing to do with their environment.

597
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: It was their choice. So I wanted to stay my faith.

598
00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:00,080
Speaker 1: For me really was believing in something that is so

599
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: much bigger and greater than me that you know swing.

600
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 1: You know, the stars come out at night, I'm not

601
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: in control of that. The earth is spinning, that's not

602
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: my power. You know, the birds wake up every morning,

603
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: the sun is up, the sun goes down. That's a

604
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: power that is Yes, I'm a part of that and

605
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 1: I'm connected to it, but I did I'm not the creator,

606
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: and so I just decided to lean in more with

607
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: that power and just say, Okay, I accept this. I

608
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: don't understand it. I may never understand it, but I

609
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 1: still do love life, and I still do believe in

610
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: life and the goodness of people and the goodness of life.

611
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: And I don't want to get bitter. That was my

612
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,479
Speaker 1: mate ja. I was so afraid of becoming a bitter person.

613
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 1: And I could feel the root. I could feel, I

614
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: could feel it starting, and I was like, no, no, no, no,

615
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: I got to get rid of this. I And that's

616
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 1: where I just went into the forgiveness of not condoning

617
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 1: the behavior, not saying oh, it's okay that this happened,

618
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 1: and making an excuse forgiveness for me, was I am

619
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 1: casting this burden or these burdens of anger and shame

620
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: and doubt and disappointment and frustration and fury, because I

621
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 1: was furious, and I thought, but if I hold on

622
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 1: to these feelings, I'm going to sink myself. And I'm

623
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 1: not giving anyone the power to take me out.

624
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 2: Now.

625
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. So I'm going to stand in

626
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 1: my faith. I'm going to believe in what I believe in,

627
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,440
Speaker 1: and I'm going to believe in life, and I am

628
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: going to I choose to believe that things will get better.

629
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 1: I don't know when, and I don't know how. I

630
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: didn't care, but I knew that they would, and I believe.

631
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 1: And I'm a big believer in tomorrow. I love tomorrow.

632
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: I do, I really do. I'm always saying okay, because

633
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: if I don't get it rid, I'm like, oh, there's

634
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: always tomorrow, and it keeps me hopeful. Tomorrow keeps me hopeful.

635
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 1: I don't try to out of the present, but I

636
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 1: do look forward. You know. My mom always just to

637
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: say you have to have something to look forward to,

638
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: because otherwise you if you don't train your mind to

639
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: And I'd say, well, I have nothing coming up that

640
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to. And she used to say, make

641
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 1: it up, make it up. Pretend you have some partner,

642
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: Pretend you have some whatever it is, that something that's

643
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 1: going to make your heart smile, because we can all

644
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,720
Speaker 1: fall into despair very quickly.

645
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,120
Speaker 2: I love that. That just brought a massive smile to

646
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 2: my It's so beautiful. How how someone's energy and spurke

647
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,760
Speaker 2: can be so big that it can, you know, truly

648
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: live on and and truly truly be fought and shared.

649
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 2: It's Yeah, there's this beautiful line that you share from

650
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 2: your friend Penny who says, grief is the receipt from

651
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 2: the universe showing that you loved someone or something and

652
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:50,760
Speaker 2: loved them very deeply.

653
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: It's not the best. When she reminded me of that,

654
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: I said, okay, wait, say it again. I have to

655
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 1: write this down. Say it again. That is so good.

656
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 1: But she said, baby, that's that's what it is. It's

657
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 1: a receipt. And it could be a mother, a father,

658
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 1: a sister, a brother, a dog, cat, whatever, something that

659
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: you love that is no longer there, that has changed form.

660
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 1: Even if it's the most peaceful transition, the grief is

661
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:20,959
Speaker 1: proof that you loved. You know, the grief is most

662
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: of the time, and there's a lot of brief also

663
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: where there's regrets and all that. I understand that and

664
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 1: I respect all forms of grief, but it is it's

665
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,440
Speaker 1: a receipt.

666
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, a receipt that you loved and you were loved

667
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 2: and I was loved deeply deeply. This one line in

668
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 2: the book. You really I just felt it was perspective

669
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 2: shifting in a way that oh, I just I just

670
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 2: feel like that statement, just like you know, you just

671
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 2: embodied and captured everything. And you said that even though

672
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 2: your mother's death was shocking, her life was beautiful. So

673
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: imagine even though the end was so terrible, her life

674
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 2: was beautiful. And that's what you're celebrating. That's what you're

675
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: putting emphasis and focus and your light on. And I

676
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 2: find that's very difficult because when we lose someone, it's

677
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 2: so easy and natural again and normal. And that's when

678
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 2: it's normal for us to obsess over how we lost

679
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 2: someone and how we left them, which is the shortest

680
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 2: amount of time we actually experienced them most mostly, but

681
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: we have all of this time. But the brain and

682
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 2: our memory and our mind is so good at just

683
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 2: fixating on the end.

684
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: The end, and not the life. Yeah was yeah, and

685
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,000
Speaker 1: not the life. And I had to get to the end.

686
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,879
Speaker 1: So I used to say, but, but, but, and then

687
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,800
Speaker 1: I realized, wait, I can have both. This is shocking

688
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: and terrible and hurtful, and I'm going to celebrate her

689
00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 1: life and I'm going to think of the good times

690
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: and I'm going to try and think of all the

691
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 1: great memories that will bring a smile to my face.

692
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: So it was no longer a butt. And once I

693
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 1: changed but to and I didn't have to choose which one.

694
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 1: I was going to do both and move through life

695
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 1: with the shock and the trauma and the stress and

696
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: the beauty of her life, the beauty of how she lived,

697
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: the energy of what she gave. So I was I

698
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 1: was moving with all energies and it was only until

699
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 1: I shifted, because I was definitely in that. But this happened,

700
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,800
Speaker 1: So I don't know how I could ever smile again.

701
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: But this happened, and it was so tragic. And then

702
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 1: as soon as I said, this happened and it's tragic,

703
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: and I'm going to think positively, I'm going to think constructively.

704
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 2: You know.

705
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: My dad always used to say to me, girl, keep

706
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,720
Speaker 1: your mind right, keep your mind right, crucify your mind

707
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,439
Speaker 1: every day. You got to keep your mind right. And

708
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: so that really helped me, you know. And that my

709
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: friend TD Jake's had called me and he said, I

710
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,760
Speaker 1: understand you're angry. Of course, it's normal to be angry

711
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 1: and all the things you're feeling, but I have a

712
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,560
Speaker 1: question for you, do you want your focus to be

713
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: on her last five minutes or are you going to

714
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: focus on the eighty one years that she lived? And

715
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 1: it's your choice, and you have to choose every day

716
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: which one are you going to focus on? You're going

717
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: to give him five minutes, the five minutes and the trauma,

718
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,359
Speaker 1: or are you going to focus on the eighty one years?

719
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,320
Speaker 1: And I remember it through all my tears on eighty

720
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: one years, eighty one years, and it was but it

721
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: was beautiful because he helped me shift and I had to

722
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,439
Speaker 1: go to that every day. It wasn't like he'd said

723
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: it one day and then, but every day and every

724
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: time it was very challenging for me, Jay, and every

725
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: time I did want to quit. And there were days

726
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: where I didn't stop all the time. But you know,

727
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to push pause in life. And there

728
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 1: were days where I would lay in the bed and

729
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: just lay there and be still and think or not

730
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:57,720
Speaker 1: think and just lay there and I but I still

731
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 1: decided to focus on her eighty one years and to

732
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 1: focus on what I loved about her, and to focus

733
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,800
Speaker 1: on her contributions to life and society and other people

734
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,320
Speaker 1: and how she made people feel so powerful.

735
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 2: That shift for me was you know, I was like that,

736
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 2: I can That's something I'd like to remind myself every

737
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 2: day with the people that I've lost. Like that, that

738
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 2: really felt like a real gift, that that gem of

739
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 2: advice and insight. Think you you know again, another natural

740
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,160
Speaker 2: thing is, especially in a circumstance like this, is to

741
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 2: focus on how to get justice on you know, how

742
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,280
Speaker 2: to make sure that the perpetrator and the person gets

743
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 2: what they deserve. And I found and like the and

744
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 2: that that again is a very normal reaction. It makes sense.

745
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 2: How did you navigate that at the same time as

746
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 2: navigating grief, like, walk me through that, because sometimes we

747
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 2: lose people naturally. This wasn't that. This was rare, So

748
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 2: it's an additional kind of energy direction because here you

749
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: are dealing with loss, but then you're also dealing with

750
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 2: an individual who's you know, acted so recklessly.

751
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: Yes, And I thought, oh my god, and my father

752
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: it broke my heart one day because he said, oh boy,

753
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 1: because they hadn't caught him yet, and he said, and

754
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: then he was curious about that obviously, and like wondering,

755
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: oh my god, this person is still around. And my

756
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: dad immediately went to other people. He wasn't just focused

757
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,879
Speaker 1: on my mom. He immediately went to Oh my gosh,

758
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: I hope this person is not hurting somebody else, because

759
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 1: he's obviously shown he can do this. He does this.

760
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 1: But I still I had to present on behalf of

761
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: my mom and the family to the judge. You know

762
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: what my intention was, and it really was, listen, you know,

763
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 1: whatever the divine justice is going to be in this.

764
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,360
Speaker 1: I'm not the divine justice here, but I will say

765
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 1: that my intention was, I want to make sure that

766
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: this doesn't happen to another family. I don't want this

767
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,919
Speaker 1: to happen to anyone else. I don't want other people

768
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: to feel that. So if I had any little way

769
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: of just stating that and making a difference, that gave

770
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: me something to live for. Actually, can I try in

771
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: my little square? Can I hopefully stop this from happening

772
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 1: to other people? And thank God that that he's not

773
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: on the streets, you know, because there's a lot of

774
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 1: reckless people on the streets and a lot of violence

775
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 1: today in various different forms, and it's really heavy, and

776
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: it's so unnecessary, and it's cruel and unkind, and but

777
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 1: I like it. It's reckless.

778
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I mean, it's horrific.

779
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:39,240
Speaker 1: It's horrific.

780
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 2: It's reckless.

781
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: But it happens to so many people in so many

782
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: different ways, and I don't think people realize, you know,

783
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: what we see the science of what it does to

784
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: families when there's a tragedy. It could be a child

785
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:58,320
Speaker 1: drowning or a car accident or anything, and families sometimes

786
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: fall apart. And I understand why. And Ted and I

787
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: had to look at each other. And I sat with

788
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 1: my dad and I said, listen, you're going to come

789
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 1: live with me. I'm never leaving you. We're going to

790
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: be Lockstep. You're gonna be my road dog wherever I go.

791
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: You're in the car with me, whatever my life is.

792
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: We're just going to merge. But I had to sit

793
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 1: with Ted and I had to say to him. We

794
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: had to look at each other in the eyes. I said, listen,

795
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,359
Speaker 1: this is horrible, and both of us are grieving in

796
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 1: very different ways, but we have to make a decision

797
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: and look at each other in the eyes right now

798
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 1: and make a commitment to each other that we're going

799
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: to walk through this and no matter how hard this gets,

800
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: and no matter if any each of us want to bail,

801
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: i'd understand, but we're not going to. We're going to

802
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: stick this out. I've got your back, You've got my back.

803
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 1: We're going to be here take care of my father.

804
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 1: And my intention was we're going to give him a

805
00:42:55,480 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 1: space where he feels loved and honored and safe and scene.

806
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 1: And if we can do that, then we've done our job.

807
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 1: But we have to have a commitment because the pain

808
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: is so deep, Jay, and I see it now. I

809
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 1: used to read articles like why would they they had

810
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 1: a baby, and I understand this strategy, but why would

811
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 1: they divorce them that? Why would they? Oh? I get

812
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 1: it until you go through it, I get it because

813
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: the shock is so insane. It's your brain isn't the same,

814
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: Your heart's not the same, your brain's not the same.

815
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's another reminder to us all where it's like,

816
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 2: if we haven't been through a experience, how not to judge,

817
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: how to take a step back, how to be compassionate.

818
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 2: But when I hear you being able to take a

819
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 2: step back to the point of view of saying I

820
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 2: want to look at this from the point of view

821
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,919
Speaker 2: of how this will not happen to someone else. That's

822
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 2: like model behavior. I mean that is that is such

823
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:59,360
Speaker 2: an elevated spiritual space to come from that you're not going.

824
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 2: I think this person deserves this because of what happened

825
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 2: to this, which would be fair, Like that would be

826
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,799
Speaker 2: totally fair. There'd be nothing wrong if you fell that way.

827
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,720
Speaker 2: But the fact that you could come from a place

828
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 2: to say, actually, I just want to make sure it

829
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 2: doesn't happen to anyone else again. And I believe actually

830
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 2: after the unfortunate event at your home, like he went

831
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 2: off and did more that same day, right after, you

832
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 2: were very right to actually, yeah, have that feeling.

833
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:28,840
Speaker 1: Yes, that news was crazy.

834
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

835
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,799
Speaker 1: And so one of my friends, Amy, who's in the book,

836
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: she's the one who went to the house and got

837
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: my mom's things for me and got the Bible and

838
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: found the Christmas card, all these things. Amy shows up

839
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,879
Speaker 1: at the house that afternoon and she says, I am

840
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,320
Speaker 1: so sorry, I'm late. I heard about your mom this morning.

841
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: But we were woken up last night by helicopters and sirens.

842
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: Right next door to my house. There was a home

843
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:56,240
Speaker 1: invasion and it was craziness, and the guy shot himself

844
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: and there was madness and blah blah blah, and we

845
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: were all out in the streets. She's going on and

846
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: I said, really, She goes, can you believe in the

847
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 1: same night it happened to your mom? She comes over

848
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,720
Speaker 1: twenty four hours later. Why does a ghost eyes wide open?

849
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: And I said, what's going on? She said, uh, remember

850
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: I told you that there was a home invasion next

851
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 1: door to me And I said yes. She said that

852
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: was the same person. That was the same person that

853
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: left your mom and showed up right next door to

854
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 1: a best friend. Just that out of all places, LA

855
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 1: is pretty big. Out of all things, but the energy

856
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,280
Speaker 1: and the connection and interesting enough, I had this huge

857
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,839
Speaker 1: crystal that I bought from myself and I couldn't figure

858
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: out the right place to put it. And it happened

859
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 1: to be Amy's birthday coming up, and I was on

860
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 1: the phone with my mom. This was months before she died,

861
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 1: maybe six months before she died, and I said, I

862
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with this crystal, so gorgeous,

863
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 1: but I don't have the right room. And Ted's like,

864
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 1: what are you doing with that big thing? And she said, well,

865
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 1: didn't you say you didn't know what to get Amy

866
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 1: for her? They why don't you give that to Amy?

867
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 1: I said, oh, I absolutely will, And of course she

868
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 1: had put it right in her backyard on the fence

869
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 1: line of where all this Amy just fell, my mom everywhere.

870
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 1: It's just but again of how we're all connected, and

871
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 1: you don't even realize that out of all places. But yeah,

872
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 1: he did this as someone else, and that family was traumatized.

873
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 1: There was a young girl in the house, So I

874
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 1: think that also helped me knowing that story, knowing that

875
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: there was a teenage girl in the house and she

876
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: was petrified and all this and thank god nothing happened

877
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: to them, but that it is about other people too,

878
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,640
Speaker 1: that this didn't just happen to us. That's why I

879
00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:44,839
Speaker 1: went to the place of Okay, there's so much trauma here.

880
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 1: My prayer is that it doesn't go any further.

881
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 2: You know, I'm listening to you, and obviously I read

882
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 2: the book and I'm hearing just it's almost like your mind.

883
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 2: You allowed your mind to naturally go to all of

884
00:46:55,640 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 2: the the butts, but then you've found like that tiny

885
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: crack of light and that breakthrough, and you've kind of

886
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 2: found your way there. And for everyone who's listening, I

887
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 2: can see Nicole nodding, and it's like that that feeling

888
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 2: that we often have is like the amount of light

889
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 2: that shining through is so small, like the teeny right,

890
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,439
Speaker 2: like the tiniest yeah liad of oh yeah, yeah, it's

891
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 2: not because it just looks dark. And you know, one

892
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: of the biggest ones that I think a lot of

893
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 2: people again naturally feel, are why me, I could have

894
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 2: done this, I should have been there like that can

895
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 2: just you know, I've heard that like destroy people inside.

896
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 1: It's just going to use that word. It will destroy you. Yeah,

897
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: it will destroy you. And I felt it, you could

898
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 1: feel the destruction in What did you do with that emotion?

899
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:44,839
Speaker 1: I immediately said, you know, why not me? First? I

900
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we're human, We're in a human experience,

901
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 1: and bad things happen around the world to really good

902
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,759
Speaker 1: people all the time. Bad things happen to bad it

903
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,400
Speaker 1: it's everybody, right, you know, It's funny. My mom used

904
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 1: to she loved the theater, she loved stories, she loved

905
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: television and song. Also, because her point was each of

906
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 1: these mediums, most of them, especially film, intelligence is showing

907
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 1: you the hero's journey. You are the hero of your story,

908
00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: but you don't go to the movie because you know

909
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: the ending. We all go and we pretty much know

910
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,839
Speaker 1: the ending and the trailer, but we go because we

911
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 1: want to see the middle, which is the challenge, which

912
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 1: is the butt, which is what do I do? Am

913
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 1: I going to survive? The decision, the turning point, the pivot.

914
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: So the pivot for me was everything because I thought, right,

915
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: Mom told me this, like things happen. People make decisions

916
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: every day. You know, you've got laws on the books now,

917
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 1: you know mothers against drunk driving, all these things. But

918
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 1: that happened. Those good things came from a very tragic place.

919
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: And it is looking for the light at the end

920
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: of the tunnel. It's really grasping for that light, looking

921
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 1: even if it's I was looking around like it's got

922
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: to be there somewhere. And some days I didn't see

923
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: any light. I have to be honest. There were some

924
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: days there was no light. I felt it, but I

925
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 1: didn't see it. But there were some days where I

926
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 1: just was sitting in darkness, and sitting I felt like

927
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: I was sitting in mud and just or quicksand and

928
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 1: it just was heavy. And those were the days that

929
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, I've got to now purposely look for

930
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 1: a little light. And I would go outside and I'd

931
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 1: sit in my yard and I would stare at the flower.

932
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:32,319
Speaker 1: I would sit in nature and I would look at

933
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: the trees, and I would watch the birds, and I

934
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: would watch life. I would watch the sunsets every day.

935
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,280
Speaker 1: I never looked at him every day. I took advantage.

936
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 1: I took that for granted. Oh there's a sunset, you know,

937
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 1: a couple times a year. Oh, every day since my mom,

938
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 1: I would watch the sun go down. I would make

939
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 1: sure to watch that sun go down because it reminded

940
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 1: you there is a cycle of life, and the Sun's

941
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: going to rise again. And if I knew the sun

942
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 1: was going to rise again, then I knew I was

943
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 1: going to rise again.

944
00:49:57,960 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: You know, the more disconnected we've be come from Nate

945
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:04,840
Speaker 2: to the harder it is to acknowledge the natural transitions

946
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 2: and the natural seasons, the juvenations, the seasons, the the

947
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: ability for things to wither and then yeah.

948
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: And then come back, come back. And my mom died,

949
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,359
Speaker 1: you know, in the it was winter. It was December first,

950
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: and I remember I just trimmed back everything and pruned everything,

951
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 1: and everything was barren and then I remember in April

952
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 1: everything that I had cut back, everything was reblooming, showing

953
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: up again, gorgeous, and it had pushed through that. It

954
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 1: was that harvest time. You know, there's seed time and

955
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 1: there's harvest, and there's this growing time. And I understood

956
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: growing pains. That's what I was like, Oh, this is

957
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:48,320
Speaker 1: what growing pain. Oh this is what this means. Okay.

958
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: But nature helped because the seasons helped me because, like

959
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 1: I said, it was rainy and it was dark when

960
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 1: she passed, and then a few months later the sun

961
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: was coming out, the the weather changed, the flowers were out,

962
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 1: the hummingbirds were around, and it was a reminder of

963
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 1: this too, Shell pat like, things will continue and you

964
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: have to go on with life.

965
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 2: And of course while you were writing this book, I

966
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 2: believe it was when it went to print. You also

967
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 2: lost to your father at that time, and he knew

968
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: you were writing the book.

969
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,880
Speaker 1: Yad was he Yes, he was into it. He was great.

970
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 1: He was pushing me to write because he knew it

971
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 1: would be cathartic for me. And I said, Daddy, I've

972
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 1: been writing this book, but mommy's died, so I'm going

973
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: to put this away. He goes no, no, no, I

974
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 1: want you to write about Jackie. I want you to

975
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 1: write about life. I want you to write Nicole. And

976
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 1: he was so I was so happy to have his

977
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: presence in my home because yes, I was taking care

978
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: of him, but he was really taking care of me too.

979
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 1: And Ted, like you would just acknowledge he had just

980
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 1: lost his father, so to have a patriarch back in

981
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: the house when Ted is grieving the loss of his

982
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 1: own father, to have my father's energy was great. And

983
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: my dad was a real doer. I mean he was

984
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:03,439
Speaker 1: always moving and shaking and getting things done. He never

985
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 1: really sat down, never really relaxed. And he said to me,

986
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: you have things to say in this book, and you'll

987
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,920
Speaker 1: help people, hopefully, you know. And what I loved, He's like,

988
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 1: this book is about being an offering. It's not about

989
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 1: business right now. This is an offering, Nicole, write your book,

990
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: Finish your book. Your mother would want you to finish

991
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 1: the book. And I said, I know, but I don't

992
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:27,839
Speaker 1: know how to pivot this. Hecause, you'll figure it out.

993
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 1: You could throw Jackie in there. But he did read it,

994
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:34,319
Speaker 1: and he read five chapters for sure, and then he

995
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 1: said he flipped through a lot, but he was so

996
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: proud Jay because he knew his legacy and my mom's

997
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: legacy were not going to be lost. And he was

998
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: a big believer in history and legacy, and he said,

999
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 1: every generation has the responsibility to honor the generation before them,

1000
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: of all races, of all religions, everybody who sacrificed. The

1001
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: greatest way to say thank you to the people that

1002
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 1: you will never have met you can't say thank you to,

1003
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 1: is to honor them by taking the baton that they've

1004
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: given you and live your life. That's why my dad's

1005
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:15,919
Speaker 1: big thing to me growing up was you better use

1006
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 1: your freedom wisely. I didn't have the freedom that you have.

1007
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 1: We're living in the same lifetime right now. I didn't

1008
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:24,800
Speaker 1: have what you have. I couldn't go to the school

1009
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 1: I wanted to go to, and then go the hospitals

1010
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 1: I wanted to go to, couldn't get the healthcare nothing.

1011
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 1: I didn't have your rights. But I did not stop

1012
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: because you are the promise, and you j are the promise,

1013
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: like all our generation, everybody is the promise. You think

1014
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:41,359
Speaker 1: of all these wars that have been fought and all

1015
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 1: around the world, and it's for a freedom that the

1016
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:48,279
Speaker 1: Western world has. And war is not pretty, it's ugly,

1017
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 1: it's unfair, all of it. It's all nothing great. But

1018
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: the truth is that it has happened from the beginning

1019
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: of time. So I think I love that my father

1020
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: reminded me use your freedom wisely, and remember your ancestry,

1021
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 1: remember the people who came before you, and remember that

1022
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: you are the promise. You are the promise, So show up.

1023
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 2: Your parents are phenomena. Yeah, they're just.

1024
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 1: They're so it's so funny because they were so opposite.

1025
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 1: I was, I told somebody today my dad was Archie

1026
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:22,440
Speaker 1: Bunker from all the family, and my mom was Queen Cleopatra,

1027
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: and they but their energies got together and they made magic,

1028
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 1: and they were complete opposites.

1029
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:32,320
Speaker 2: But I just love how clear they were in their

1030
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:38,320
Speaker 2: communication with you, that today their ideas are so clear

1031
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,640
Speaker 2: for you, and they're so coherent for you, not just

1032
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,480
Speaker 2: that you can repeat them. You know, when children can

1033
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:50,240
Speaker 2: repeat smart things, we get impressed, But when we become adults,

1034
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 2: we don't get impressed by repetition. We get impressed if

1035
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 2: someone can actually live and apply the idea, apply the

1036
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 2: d and to be living and applying the idea is

1037
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 2: in this much at a time of such horrendous pain,

1038
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 2: that speaks volumes to just how deeply your parents taught

1039
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 2: you these incredible.

1040
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, they really wanted to make sure I never forgot,

1041
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:19,439
Speaker 1: and it took advantage or took for granted what I had,

1042
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 1: you know, and the blessings that I had.

1043
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:23,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was one line in here about the blessings

1044
00:55:23,880 --> 00:55:25,840
Speaker 2: that I loved, because you have an area called the

1045
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 2: blessings of our ancestors. The No, actually there was this.

1046
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 2: It is this that I wanted to pick out. This

1047
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:33,279
Speaker 2: is for anyone who's going to be reading the book

1048
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 2: as well. This is on page ninety nine. I know

1049
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 2: now that my parents, my mother especially truly were preparing

1050
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,919
Speaker 2: me for a terrible day like this. The lesson was this.

1051
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 2: It's not about the loss and the death. It's about

1052
00:55:49,719 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 2: the life, the dash between the dates. As my dad

1053
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:57,080
Speaker 2: would say, that there is truly the art of living. YEA.

1054
00:55:57,600 --> 00:56:00,240
Speaker 2: The fact that you believe that your parents were preparing

1055
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:04,320
Speaker 2: you for something hard and different.

1056
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 1: It was a subconscious knowing. But I would always say

1057
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: to them, does everything have to be a lesson to

1058
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,120
Speaker 1: a lesson? It felt like every day I came home

1059
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: I got it. Can we just can I just go

1060
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:16,920
Speaker 1: to soccer practice and come home and eat dinner and

1061
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 1: go to bed. And there was always a lesson. But

1062
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,799
Speaker 1: my dad would say, you come with a number and

1063
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 1: you end with a number. What are you going to

1064
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: do with your dash? And it was all the time.

1065
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:32,520
Speaker 1: And because they had seen so much tragedy. And my dad,

1066
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:35,240
Speaker 1: I mean, he's born in nineteen thirty one, segregated America.

1067
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: He has seen his fair share of tragedy. So he

1068
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 1: didn't want me to be ignorant to the ills of people.

1069
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 1: He had already grown up with it. He had seen it.

1070
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,959
Speaker 1: He was taught do not look up in the sky

1071
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: because you might see someone that you know who's lynched.

1072
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 1: That was the world he grew up in. But the

1073
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:54,399
Speaker 1: beauty of him is that he still found a way

1074
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: to look at the great things of life. He still

1075
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 1: felt I have something to do in this life. He

1076
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 1: still felt I'm sick, eificant. He still felt that I'm

1077
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: going to go out and fight for my rights and

1078
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: fight for the rights of other people. And so he

1079
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:11,359
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure that I didn't become complacent. And

1080
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 1: so I think a lot of their lessons of reminded

1081
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,759
Speaker 1: me of my history. There was so much pain or

1082
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:19,120
Speaker 1: history in general, of all people, of all races. Because

1083
00:57:19,120 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: my mother loved you know, you know we all say

1084
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:26,440
Speaker 1: now like cultural appropriation, She's like, it's appreciation. It's appreciation

1085
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 1: because she believed that you have brothers and sisters all

1086
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 1: around the world, that you're connected energetically. They're going to

1087
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 1: be different races, different religions, different genders, doesn't matter. You're

1088
00:57:39,440 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 1: still connected. And they were really big on that, which

1089
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 1: I love. But with that came the history of a

1090
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 1: lot of people. And so that's why I think they

1091
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 1: were preparing me, because I saw with all the great

1092
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 1: history of every culture, there is also so much pain

1093
00:57:57,480 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 1: and trauma that got them to the prom yes, And

1094
00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 1: so my mom, that's what I meant by that, that

1095
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:06,880
Speaker 1: they had prepared me because they gave me this appreciation

1096
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 1: of every culture that has been through something horrific and

1097
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: yet they still chose to live, and they chose to

1098
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:19,320
Speaker 1: to still be good. And my mom's prescription always was

1099
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 1: be good, do good, Be good, do good. That's that's

1100
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: a start there. She'd always say, I'm going to start there.

1101
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: What do I do with this? Be good and do good?

1102
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 1: And even Right after she passed away, I went to

1103
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 1: a restaurant and the hostess was really rude and I

1104
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,800
Speaker 1: was still fresh in my trauma, and she said something

1105
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 1: to somebody, and I remember I pointed my finger at her.

1106
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:43,520
Speaker 1: I go, no, hey, wait, stop that, and she said, oh,

1107
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But even though I

1108
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,120
Speaker 1: was quote in the right, I walked in and I

1109
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 1: could feel my mother inside me saying, you don't ever

1110
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 1: put your finger in somebody's face. Now, don't you ever

1111
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 1: put your finger in someone's face. So I remember walking

1112
00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 1: over to the owner of the restaurant. I said, I'm

1113
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 1: really sorry. I just want to take ownership of this.

1114
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 1: I did do this. I am very sorry. I have

1115
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: apologized to her. It was rude and it doesn't matter

1116
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 1: that just I just want to own this. And he thought,

1117
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: you don't have to you really, I go, no, I

1118
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 1: really do, because I can feel my mother and I

1119
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,120
Speaker 1: do not want to be haunted by her. But I

1120
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:25,440
Speaker 1: could just hear her saying, doesn't matter how if something

1121
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,560
Speaker 1: an eye for an eye doesn't work. So just because

1122
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 1: she was rude, doesn't mean that you have to go

1123
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 1: and be rude, you know, And that's what I had done.

1124
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 1: She was rude, so I said, I'm going to get

1125
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: you back, and I'm waving my finger and I could.

1126
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 1: My mom used to say, an eye for an eye

1127
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 1: does not work. We all know that. It's proof. It

1128
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 1: doesn't work. The karma doesn't settle. You just create more karma.

1129
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:48,240
Speaker 1: You just create more karma. Yeah, so it doesn't work,

1130
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:50,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't cancel it out. We think it's going to

1131
00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 1: cancel the karma, and all it does is make more

1132
00:59:52,400 --> 00:59:53,600
Speaker 1: karma to get over.

1133
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really fascinating. How I'm so glad you went there.

1134
00:59:56,840 --> 01:00:00,600
Speaker 2: I feel like we were so convinced that if someone

1135
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:04,560
Speaker 2: does something bad, then we can react however we want.

1136
01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 2: We're justified, but not realizing that it just creates more

1137
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 2: negative energy. It doesn't perpetuate. Yeah, it creates more chaos.

1138
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's nothing positive that comes out of an eye

1139
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 1: for an eye. We think that there is, but it doesn't.

1140
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,400
Speaker 2: At the start of this interview, Nicole, you said you're

1141
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 2: in repair. I love that word. I think we're all

1142
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 2: at the workshop. Yeah.

1143
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 1: I like that we are.

1144
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 2: Getting repair done and you know, being renewed and refueled

1145
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 2: in so many different ways. And I do you still cry?

1146
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 1: Yes, a lot. Just the other day, I saw something

1147
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 1: and it reminded me just right there. It was this

1148
01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 1: dragon all a bunch of dragonflies. It was like a beehive,

1149
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 1: and I've never seen that before, and my mom loved dragonflies.

1150
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:54,120
Speaker 1: And I when I tell you, I burst into tears,

1151
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:57,919
Speaker 1: but deep cry, like belly cry, and I do cry

1152
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 1: a lot, but it's helpful for me because I've noticed

1153
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:02,840
Speaker 1: the times where I want to stop crying, like, oh, Nicole,

1154
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: it's been twenty months, stop crying. No, it's and it

1155
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 1: does release. It's a release. And that's why I think

1156
01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 1: that the creator gave us the ability to cry, to

1157
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,720
Speaker 1: move that emotion, to get that emotion out, and to

1158
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 1: honor the emotion, to look at it for what it is.

1159
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,880
Speaker 1: Because until I cry, I don't really know how I

1160
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: feel about things. Until I do cry, and then I realize, oh,

1161
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 1: that really did make me feel this way, or it

1162
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: did hurt me. I didn't realize how much that hurt

1163
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 1: me until the tears come.

1164
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 2: I'm so so yeah.

1165
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:37,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, the crying is important. And I actually will play

1166
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 1: music sometimes that I know will make me cry if

1167
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm feeling stuck. And I know that as soon as

1168
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 1: I get this out, it's going to create a space

1169
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 1: for new energy to come in. But you know it's

1170
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 1: once you have that hard, stagnant energy, and if you

1171
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,560
Speaker 1: don't move it, new energy doesn't get to come in.

1172
01:01:56,840 --> 01:02:00,360
Speaker 2: And Nicole, you've been so generous by sharing your journey

1173
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 2: with us today, and I'm really just appreciate how you've

1174
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 2: been down every normal natural path that anyone would mentally

1175
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:15,120
Speaker 2: and emotionally and spiritually after this and you've found the

1176
01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 2: and at the end of every path. You know, when

1177
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:20,600
Speaker 2: we get to the end of every path and it

1178
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 2: feels like there's nothing beyond it, and then you've found

1179
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 2: the and which is that extension that we all need

1180
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:31,160
Speaker 2: to find? And I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely believe that if

1181
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: anyone has someone they love, this book is a toolkit.

1182
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 2: It's a guy to give someone the transformation that we

1183
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 2: know is possible. But I am in awe of how

1184
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:46,520
Speaker 2: you've responded and been able to channel your parents in

1185
01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 2: this very difficult time. It's so easy to say it

1186
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:54,280
Speaker 2: and share it, but to use it at this time

1187
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 2: is beautiful. And I pray and I meditate that anyone

1188
01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 2: who reads this book receives the the courage that you have,

1189
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:06,200
Speaker 2: the piece that you have gained, and the helpfulness for

1190
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 2: others to pass on what they've gained as well. Thank you.

1191
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:13,160
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, Nicole. We end every on Purpose episode

1192
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,760
Speaker 2: with a final five. These are questions that have to

1193
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:19,880
Speaker 2: be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay,

1194
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 2: And I believe it will be a really useful exercise

1195
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 2: because I think we'll even discover further. So, Nicole Evan,

1196
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 2: these are your final five. Oh boy. The first is

1197
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 2: what is the best grief or advice you've received during grief?

1198
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:41,120
Speaker 1: Love? Love matters that game changer for greed healing bomb.

1199
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 2: And what would you say is the worst grief advice

1200
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 2: or words to hear during times of grief.

1201
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 1: I know how you feel. I've said it so many

1202
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 1: times to people. I mean, I had to learn I

1203
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 1: was going through my own thing, going oh my god,

1204
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:56,360
Speaker 1: I've said all the wrong things and done all the

1205
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 1: wrong things. But it's just a reaction that we all say.

1206
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's because when we say we know, we actually

1207
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 2: limit the other person's ability to share.

1208
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 1: Then share, yeah, so it's over. I know how you feel, like,

1209
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 1: oh well, I can't even tell you how I feel

1210
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 1: I can't even call on you to come and sit

1211
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,640
Speaker 1: and talk with you and talk this out because you're

1212
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 1: already know.

1213
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. There's no chance for me to feel understood or

1214
01:04:21,360 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 2: seen scene yes, or loved because.

1215
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,760
Speaker 1: Heard any of it. Yeah, because you already know.

1216
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 2: Thank you. That's really beautiful. I wanted to ask you

1217
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:32,360
Speaker 2: these three words you so eloquently chose. Third question for

1218
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:36,320
Speaker 2: you is walk me through when you needed grit, when

1219
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 2: you required grace, and when you chose gratitude. You can

1220
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 2: give me one for each.

1221
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:45,600
Speaker 1: So the grit showed up for me on this journey

1222
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:49,440
Speaker 1: right when I got the news. I had to pivot

1223
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:52,640
Speaker 1: and I had to Your grit for me is a hustle,

1224
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:56,000
Speaker 1: it's a pivot, it's an action. And I had to

1225
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 1: have grit to move through these terrible times where I

1226
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 1: just want sit down and do nothing, and I had

1227
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 1: to be present and on and figure this out. The

1228
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:15,120
Speaker 1: grace was choosing to forgive, choosing to give up the

1229
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 1: anger and the frustration and the pain and giving it

1230
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,280
Speaker 1: up to a higher power and not letting it poison me.

1231
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:24,920
Speaker 1: So that was the grace, and the gratitude was being

1232
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 1: so grateful that I had two parents who paid attention

1233
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:36,720
Speaker 1: to me and supported me throughout my life. And I

1234
01:05:36,720 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 1: didn't understand a lot of things when I was younger.

1235
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 1: You know, they were a little more strict than the

1236
01:05:40,080 --> 01:05:42,200
Speaker 1: parents and a little more disciplined in all this. But

1237
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 1: thank God that I had parents who did show up

1238
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:53,000
Speaker 1: for me, even in disagreements, even in hard times. I

1239
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:55,520
Speaker 1: never once thought they weren't going to be there for me.

1240
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 1: And that's what I was the most grateful for that

1241
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:03,400
Speaker 1: I had, that I had them and my friends and

1242
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:05,720
Speaker 1: my friends that showed up for me. I'm grateful that.

1243
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 1: That's when I went into the gratitude of my gosh,

1244
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 1: people are showing up for me, and people are taking

1245
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:12,160
Speaker 1: care of me.

1246
01:06:12,800 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 2: Thank you so beautiful. Question number four too left, Question

1247
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 2: number four, what was your most frequented prayer?

1248
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:25,680
Speaker 1: I would say over and over again, my grand It

1249
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:28,720
Speaker 1: was my grandmother's prayer, which is today is the day

1250
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 1: the Lord has made, and I choose to be glad

1251
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:34,439
Speaker 1: and rejoiceful. And I just I choose to be glad

1252
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 1: and rejoice in it. Sorry, that's it. And I'd look

1253
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:40,320
Speaker 1: at her like, okay, grandma whatever, she uses to sing

1254
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,960
Speaker 1: the song, and she'd be cooking her food but I

1255
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:47,320
Speaker 1: found that because it was repeated over and over again

1256
01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 1: and I overheard her when I spent time with her,

1257
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:53,760
Speaker 1: and it was that word choice, and I choose to

1258
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:57,200
Speaker 1: be glad and rejoice in it. So I just thought, Okay,

1259
01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,480
Speaker 1: I can do that too. I don't feel like it

1260
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:04,120
Speaker 1: and nothing is showing me that I should be joyful

1261
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:07,640
Speaker 1: or glad, but I choose to rejoice in and choose

1262
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,720
Speaker 1: to be glad, and then I found things to be

1263
01:07:09,760 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 1: glad about.

1264
01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:13,280
Speaker 2: That's how you found Yeah, that's how That's how.

1265
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 1: I That's how I found it. I really was. And

1266
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 1: then my big monitor was, you know, I'm just standing

1267
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:19,840
Speaker 1: in my faith. I'm standing in my faith. I would

1268
01:07:19,880 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 1: say that over and over and over again, even though

1269
01:07:23,160 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 1: I didn't really believe that I was. I just said

1270
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: it over and over again because I needed to create

1271
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 1: some solid platform under me, otherwise it felt like Quicksand.

1272
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:37,200
Speaker 2: Fifth and final question, Nicole. We asked this every guest

1273
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 2: who's ever been on the show. If you could create

1274
01:07:40,200 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 2: one law that everyone in the world had to follow,

1275
01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:44,200
Speaker 2: what would it be?

1276
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: The Golden Rule?

1277
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 2: Nicole, Again, so grateful to you for coming on on purpose,

1278
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 2: for everyone who's been listening or watching. The book is

1279
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 2: called Think You'll Be Happy. I want you to find

1280
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 2: out why it's called out when you read the book.

1281
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:58,920
Speaker 2: That's why I did not ask the question. It's it's

1282
01:07:58,960 --> 01:08:02,120
Speaker 2: a beautiful reason why called think You'll be Happy. The

1283
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:06,520
Speaker 2: book is full of so many more stories, deep texture

1284
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:09,280
Speaker 2: of explanations behind things and call shared with us today.

1285
01:08:10,600 --> 01:08:13,080
Speaker 2: Please go and grab a copy, Share it with a

1286
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 2: loved one, Share it with someone who's lost one when

1287
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:16,920
Speaker 2: you don't know the right thing to say or the

1288
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:20,080
Speaker 2: right thing to text. If you feel the person who's

1289
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:22,479
Speaker 2: ready to offer this to them, like I said, I'll

1290
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 2: be offering it and have already been offering it to friends.

1291
01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:29,799
Speaker 2: I wrote here as part of my testimonial, this book

1292
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:34,599
Speaker 2: should be required reading for anyone wanting to understand how

1293
01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:37,920
Speaker 2: to trust in the light, even at the darkest times.

1294
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:40,639
Speaker 2: And I truly mean that. The book by Nicole Evan. Please,

1295
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 2: of course, clip and cut as you always do. TikTok's

1296
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 2: Instagram reels that resonate with you, that connect with you,

1297
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:51,040
Speaker 2: Share them across, spread them because I hope you felt

1298
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 2: the energy that I felt by sitting here. I want

1299
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:54,640
Speaker 2: you all to feel it, and I want you all

1300
01:08:54,680 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 2: to share it because even if we're not going through

1301
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:59,240
Speaker 2: something like this right now, I know this energy will

1302
01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:02,080
Speaker 2: be extremely he for those who are, so please pass

1303
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:03,880
Speaker 2: it on and call them so grateful to.

1304
01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:06,120
Speaker 1: Thank thank you, so grateful, to you, Thank.

1305
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 2: You so much, thank you, thank you. If you love

1306
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:12,080
Speaker 2: this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr Gabor Matte

1307
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 2: on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds

1308
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:20,000
Speaker 2: to start moving on from the past. Everything in nature

1309
01:09:20,040 --> 01:09:22,800
Speaker 2: grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't go

1310
01:09:22,920 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 2: overhere it's hard and thick, does it. It goes where

1311
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:26,760
Speaker 2: it's soft and green and vulnerable.