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Speaker 1: Parents. Never underestimate the power of listening to your children.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact, dead ass, And don't be that parent.

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Speaker 2: That's just like, it's not my child. When you get

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Speaker 2: advice from others, be diligent about looking into whatever that

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Speaker 2: set issue may be.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 2: Voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 2: I make you need therapy most days.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 2: we are.

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Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 3: li's most taboo topics, things.

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Speaker 2: Most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing about the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: So I remember exactly where I was when I started

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Speaker 1: to wonder, like what exactly was going on?

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Speaker 2: But Dakota specific Dakota Okay.

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Speaker 1: And it was trying to remember the month. I remember

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Speaker 1: exactly when it happened, but it was during Jackson's football

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Speaker 1: practices where I was spending a lot of time with Jackson,

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Speaker 1: and me and Jackson were spending like three or four

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Speaker 1: days together a bunch of hours preparing for football, and

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Speaker 1: the koda. I'll come in the house and Dakota runs

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Speaker 1: up to me, gives me a hug, right, and I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: what's up, buddy? And now at this point, the coda's

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Speaker 1: turning two, right, And I noticed that when he said

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Speaker 1: certain sounds, or try to say certain sounds. I said

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Speaker 1: things to him. He would say like eat, and I

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Speaker 1: would say, hey, what's up, buddy? You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You having a good time? And rather than say yes,

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Speaker 1: he would say eight. So at first I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting because he's not mimicking me. He's not imitating me,

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Speaker 1: he's just making a sound. So at first I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's not that big a deal. You know, he's not

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Speaker 1: even two yet. You know, it is what it is.

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Speaker 1: Then I remember on his second birthday when I was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, he's two now. I remember the boys

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Speaker 1: around there two year old birthdays you know, they can

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Speaker 1: scream out yay, you know what I'm saying, hi, bye bye.

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Speaker 1: And then I remember his second birthday. We were doing like

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Speaker 1: we do with all of them. We have a little

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Speaker 1: cake and we celebrating with him, and I said, yo,

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Speaker 1: your pample needs to be changed. Go get your pampa.

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Speaker 1: I said, your pampa dirty. And then he said and

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Speaker 1: I said, he's two now, he should be saying yes

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Speaker 1: at this point he should. And what threw me off

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Speaker 1: is that he's been saying mama, Dad, Papa, Mimi, and

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Speaker 1: roro since he was like right after one. He's been

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Speaker 1: saying those namesames. But now he's still only saying those

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Speaker 1: words clearly, and he's saying eat. At that moment, I

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Speaker 1: was like, maybe I should look into something. And that's

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Speaker 1: when you took him for his two year old check

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Speaker 1: check up and the doctor said, I want you guys

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Speaker 1: to take Dakota to see a speech pathologist.

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Speaker 2: Speech therapist be evaluated.

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Speaker 1: He should be saying fifty words at this point or

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Speaker 1: more and he was only saying those five. Yep.

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Speaker 2: But the best part about it is that you told

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Speaker 2: him to get his pamper. He brought the pamper, the wipes,

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Speaker 2: and the A and D ointment and then laid on

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Speaker 2: the couch like change me, sir. So it was several

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Speaker 2: things here because he understands what you're saying. He was

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Speaker 2: able to get everything done. But it's like, bro, you

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Speaker 2: should also probably be using the potty now too. Karaoke time.

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Speaker 1: So in honor of Dakota's middle name, his namesake, his name,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to sing this song because I want this

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Speaker 1: song to also resonate not only with him but with

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Speaker 1: other parents. Yes, y'all know the Coolda's middle name is Marley.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact why I say this. But't worry because

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Speaker 2: it's gonna be alright. Yes, saying don't worry about because.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be alright.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact. Everything's gonna be all right, baby, Yes,

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Speaker 2: it's all good. Let's go pay some bills and we're

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Speaker 2: gonna dive into this. This is something that we felt

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Speaker 2: like we wanted to share with you. Guys are dead

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Speaker 2: Ass family because in the spirit of sharing, like we

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Speaker 2: always do, we're very transparent about what's happening in our lives.

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Speaker 2: And since Dead Ass Podcast has kind of evolved into

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Speaker 2: like a chronological order of what we're dealing with at

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Speaker 2: the time. You know, we don't have a ton of

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Speaker 2: guests anymore. We just love to talk to you guys directly.

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Speaker 2: You can hear what's going on with our life, you

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Speaker 2: guys to get at this point, you guys are the

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Speaker 2: guests exactly. So we want to talk to you guys

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Speaker 2: about what we've been diving into when it comes to

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Speaker 2: our baby boy number four, Dakota, So stick around and

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Speaker 2: we'll be back.

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Speaker 1: All right, So let's talk a little bit more about

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Speaker 1: story time because Kadeen and I feel like, first of all,

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Speaker 1: d Coda is fine.

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Speaker 2: Yes, let's start there.

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Speaker 1: They had him tested. We had him tested. We took

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Speaker 1: him to a speech therapist. Yes, and they do a

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Speaker 1: series of tests for children his aims.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Deval and I were able to sit in on

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Speaker 2: that as well to kind of see what the therapist

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Speaker 2: was going to assess him on, you know, just to

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Speaker 2: be of support and to also kind of get some

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Speaker 2: tips and tricks about things we could start to work

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Speaker 2: on with him immediately while we were waiting for the

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Speaker 2: results of the assessment.

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Speaker 1: And the biggest thing I learned from the assessment of

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Speaker 1: there's two types of communication for children. Yes, they work

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Speaker 1: on the receptive yes and then expressive yes, Donora, I

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Speaker 1: mean doora Dakota. When it came to the receptive part

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Speaker 1: of it scored very well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He pointed out over fifty shapes, colors, animals, shoes, bags, birds,

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Speaker 1: things I didn't even know. She was like pointing to

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Speaker 1: your eyes, ears, mouth, chin, hair, elbow, knee. She's like, wow,

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Speaker 1: he knows all of his body parts. He knows all

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Speaker 1: of the objects that someone his age is supposed to

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Speaker 1: know and more.

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Speaker 2: She also gave him some direction like can you go

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Speaker 2: and get the ball? Can you go and get this?

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Speaker 2: So he was doing all of those things so he

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Speaker 2: understood exactly what was happening.

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Speaker 1: He also was able to take direction for specific things

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Speaker 1: that were a little bit more advanced. For example, can

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Speaker 1: you take the ball out of the cup and give

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Speaker 1: one ball to Daddy and give one ball to me?

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Speaker 1: So it was like watching him do certain things. There

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Speaker 1: was a moment there where Kadeen and I, you know,

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Speaker 1: got a little emotional because I know I got emotional

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Speaker 1: in part because I felt like we were the problem. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know, as parents want to get into why I

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Speaker 1: felt like we were the problem. But when it came

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Speaker 1: time to him for him to express himself. It was

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Speaker 1: like he was choosing not to speak.

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Speaker 2: And it's hard because it's like, in that moment, we're wondering,

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Speaker 2: is he shy because this is a stranger that he's

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Speaker 2: never met before, so that level of comfort hasn't been established.

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Speaker 2: Is he just being stubborn and just doesn't want to

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Speaker 2: talk or say anything.

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Speaker 1: I was a hearing issue. They wanted to see if

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Speaker 1: it was a hearing issue. But we tested for hearing and.

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Speaker 2: That was fine, fine colors. So me as mom, you know,

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Speaker 2: I start to kind of think about and it's hard

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Speaker 2: because you have three children prior, and I tend to

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Speaker 2: kind of compare, you know, where the other boys were

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Speaker 2: at that phase. So I remember Jackson and Kaz. They

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Speaker 2: spoke very clearly and very eloquently earlier on so meaning

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Speaker 2: like you know a little over a year going into two,

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Speaker 2: they were saying.

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Speaker 1: A lot, but they weren't speaking I guess much. For example,

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Speaker 1: like Kiro Chyro was gibberish.

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Speaker 2: Right, So Cairo, I was gonna say, had like this.

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Speaker 2: We used to joke about it and call it Kyrones

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Speaker 2: like his own language, because he was so animated and

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Speaker 2: he would just be babbling a lot, so we knew

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Speaker 2: that he was trying to express himself. But once he

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Speaker 2: finally caught his command of the English language, then it

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Speaker 2: was like words speaking, full blown singing, I mean everything.

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Speaker 2: So I for a while, when Dakota was approaching to

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Speaker 2: my mom and my sister at two different points, had

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Speaker 2: mentioned like, do you notice like the court doesn't really

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Speaker 2: say as much, he doesn't repeat as much. So I

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Speaker 2: was like, we'll give him a chance. Because every child

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Speaker 2: is different, they developed differently, and just because we're the

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Speaker 2: same two parents having four children, they're all so different

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Speaker 2: and his pace may be different than the others. And

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Speaker 2: let's face it, he's in a household with seven other

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Speaker 2: people who we be talking all the goddamn time. You

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, well six because my dad is

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Speaker 2: very quiet.

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Speaker 1: But I remember that, Yeah, my.

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Speaker 2: Dad is super quiet, so you know, between his brother's

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Speaker 2: running around here, it was just kind of like we

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Speaker 2: figured naturally he would just start talking because everybody else

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Speaker 2: is talk Can we talk to him? We talk with him,

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Speaker 2: you know. So there were things that I necessarily didn't

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Speaker 2: see as a red flag because of that, and in

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Speaker 2: retrospect now, and I think even in this moment when

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Speaker 2: we were at the therapist's office and stuff. I got

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Speaker 2: emotional because I felt like, man, was I doing him

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Speaker 2: a disservice by not being more tuned in Earlier.

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Speaker 1: I would I would say yes, and not you. I

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Speaker 1: would say we as a collective. Yeah, And this is

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Speaker 1: just a PSA for all parents. Typically, when you get

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Speaker 1: to the second, third, fourth child, it's you know, wills

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Speaker 1: are in motion. You know, Jackson got practiced, Kiro got art. No,

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Speaker 1: Kiro has practiced, Kaz has art. We also have a tour,

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Speaker 1: we're both working, and then the fourth child is like, well,

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Speaker 1: he's around his brother, she'll figure it.

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Speaker 2: Out, right, Or here's Mimi and Papa with him. You know,

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Speaker 2: he's in good hands during the day, right.

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Speaker 1: So we figured it out. When when you really look

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Speaker 1: at it, that's not how we raised any of our

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Speaker 1: other children. Jackson had specific time from one to two

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Speaker 1: where he was just with dad at home. Yes, Cairo

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Speaker 1: had specific time between one and two where he was

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Speaker 1: just with dad at home. Jazz had that specific time

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Speaker 1: where he was home with Mimi and we were working

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Speaker 1: and she was focused on doing mem Sorry, But then

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Speaker 1: when I look back at the colder, I said you

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Speaker 1: know the colde is too now, and he's had no

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Speaker 1: specific time with anyone. Pops is not an early childhood educator.

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Speaker 1: Pops is a man of few words. Pops, like most

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Speaker 1: granddads do, will put on whatever it is you want

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Speaker 1: to watch. I'm gonna make sure you're healthy. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: make sure you're not bleeding. I'm gonna make sure and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna show. So Pops would put on Coco melon.

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Speaker 1: We as parents were just like, oh, it's cocomelon.

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Speaker 2: This is good. Like kids, they're singing, they learned songs.

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Speaker 2: He's doing the wheels of the bus. Okay. Cool.

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Speaker 1: So when I go back and think about the two years,

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Speaker 1: the code has been spending a lot of time in

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Speaker 1: this house with a man who does not say much

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Speaker 1: at all. So if you're a young toddler, who are

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Speaker 1: you conversing with? If no one is speaking to you.

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Speaker 1: His brothers go to school every day. When they come home,

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Speaker 1: they go outside and play with each other until five

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Speaker 1: six o'clock. Then they come inside and then it's getting

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Speaker 1: ready to time for bed. No one's really paying specific

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Speaker 1: attention to Dakota, right, And the reason why I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's been the problem is because he's been to

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Speaker 1: speech therapy now for three weeks and now he can repeat,

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Speaker 1: which means all we had to do.

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Speaker 2: Which starts the process of time.

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Speaker 1: That was unfair to him.

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Speaker 2: For sure, because you know, between Papa and then Mimi

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Speaker 2: being here, I know mimis a lot more vocal and

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Speaker 2: all that, but also too, like, it's not their responsibility

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Speaker 2: per se to make sure that they are you know,

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Speaker 2: being an educator, you know, it's a plus that we

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Speaker 2: do have mom and dad here to assist, but the

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Speaker 2: responsibility is not all on them to be able to

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Speaker 2: do that. And we typically don't start our boys in

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Speaker 2: school until they can speak. Jackson by two and a

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Speaker 2: half was speaking and Cairo was the same thing. Kaz

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Speaker 2: didn't have that opportunity because of the pandemic, but we

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Speaker 2: normally put them in school so that the socialization component

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Speaker 2: also encourages them to speak more their vocabulary expanse, because

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Speaker 2: the teachers are now giving them more like So we

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Speaker 2: also now reassessed when we were going to start Koda

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Speaker 2: in school, thinking, you know what, let's start him immediately,

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Speaker 2: because during those days when the boys are at school,

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Speaker 2: you and I may have work or we're traveling. If

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Speaker 2: he's at least in a school environment or an educational environment,

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Speaker 2: he may be more apt to pick things up. Yes,

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Speaker 2: so those are a couple of things that we have

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Speaker 2: tried to do more recently once we discover that, you

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Speaker 2: know what, he might be behind, like two or three months.

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Speaker 1: And to be honest, when I think about even Cairo

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Speaker 1: and Kaz, Cairo babbled earlier.

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Speaker 2: Aggressed that, like a lot of things, right.

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Speaker 1: Kaz was more articulate, but Kaz also was less vocal

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Speaker 1: up until he was four. Yes, so even if you

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Speaker 1: go back and look at the videos, Kash just did

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Speaker 1: not speak to people. But there was moments where I

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Speaker 1: remember Kaz was two and a half, Yes, mommy, I

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Speaker 1: would like that, thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: So it's like he won't speak, but when he speaks.

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Speaker 2: Yes, he's articulate, professor, He was.

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Speaker 1: Little, little professor, but Cairo was at and then now

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Speaker 1: Cairo doesn't speak as much, but Kaz is super vocal.

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Speaker 1: He has a bunch of questions. So I want to

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Speaker 1: say that too. So also, don't don't put one barometer

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Speaker 1: on all your children. If they're not doing this by

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Speaker 1: this time, something is wrong. They evolved, they learned differently.

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Speaker 1: They choose when they want to communicate and when they

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Speaker 1: don't want to communicate. But this is also important what

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Speaker 1: they watch. Yes, because Coda loved to watch Coco Melon.

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Speaker 2: Which we didn't know is an over stimulant for children.

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Speaker 2: Had no clue, So it's actually a deterrent for babies

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Speaker 2: and children. They shouldn't be watching Coco Melon. In turn,

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Speaker 2: they should be watching things like Miss Rachel, who was

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Speaker 2: a human who's actually speaking to them, and she's words

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Speaker 2: and she's encouraging the mimicking. You know. That's a more

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Speaker 2: educational route when it comes to TV and screen time,

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Speaker 2: which has.

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Speaker 1: Helped him because he's learned, he's learned how to pronounce

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Speaker 1: certain words. I play that Miss Rachel Wheels on the

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Speaker 1: Bus video so much, but now he's wheels on the

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Speaker 1: bus and he's.

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Speaker 2: Doing it in the car today.

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Speaker 1: Actually, just practicing the use of that language while watching

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Speaker 1: a human do it is different than watching a cartoon

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Speaker 1: that looks like the alien with the words underneath and

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Speaker 1: the bouncing ball and music and flashing lights. For young kids,

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Speaker 1: they don't know what they're seeing. And I remember watching

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Speaker 1: Sesame Street and think about how primitive Sesame Street is

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Speaker 1: the letter of the day is A say A and

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Speaker 1: they put that A up there a A and it's like, yo, like,

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Speaker 1: my kid ain't slow. But then when you think it.

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Speaker 2: Was a method to that madness, Yes there was a

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Speaker 2: method to that, which makes sense. So it's like going

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Speaker 2: back to the roots of some things that are just

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Speaker 2: timeless when it comes to early childhood development and education,

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Speaker 2: which we didn't know. So yeah, it's been one of

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Speaker 2: those things where Deval and I kind of struggled a

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Speaker 2: bit with it because you know, naturally his parents would

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Speaker 2: want to be able to give our kid every opportunity

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Speaker 2: to be successful, even at two wherever he should be

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Speaker 2: at two. But I also once I spoke to his

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Speaker 2: doctor at that two year checkup, she didn't seem overly

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Speaker 2: concerned because there were other milestone markers that he met,

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Speaker 2: Like she literally gave me this whole exam that I

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Speaker 2: had to fill out for him. Can he do this?

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Speaker 2: Can he take a ball and put it in a cup?

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Speaker 2: Can he stack blocks?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Can he take direction if you ask him to put

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Speaker 2: something in the garbage? Like there were things that he

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Speaker 2: was doing, so she wasn't overly concerned. And though she

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Speaker 2: made the recommendation to have him evaluated. I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to be that parent that sometime gets yeah, that panics

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Speaker 2: or also gets offended. And she kind of was like

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Speaker 2: treading lightly with when she told me. She's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm just making a recommendation to you and our doctor.

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Speaker 2: I love her to death. She's a sister too, so

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, shoot it straight to this. If it

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Speaker 2: was baby, what would you do? Like, you don't want

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Speaker 2: to tiptoe around me. I'm not a sensitive parent, like

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Speaker 2: say what it is. And she's just like, no, I

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Speaker 2: would recommend just getting him at least evaluated. So I said,

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that, sad because I'm not the parent that's

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Speaker 2: just like, no, my child is fine. You ain't only

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Speaker 2: labeling my child. It wasn't that for me. It was

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Speaker 2: like what do I need to do to set him

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Speaker 2: up for success? Absolutely, And the minute she said that,

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Speaker 2: I found a speech therapist that I really liked in the.

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Speaker 1: Areas day when Kadeen does not play when it comes

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Speaker 1: to education. The next day she's like, the vow, these

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Speaker 1: are the speech therapist. When do you have time? We

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Speaker 1: went together and we made it a point to let

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Speaker 1: the doctors know that he has both of his parents

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Speaker 1: in his life who are going to be here in

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Speaker 1: this process absolutely, because I always also feel like when

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Speaker 1: they see both mom and dad, yes they know that

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Speaker 1: not only the baby is supported, but mom supported. He's

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Speaker 1: not going to be a combative thing. Where now we

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Speaker 1: don't know if we're going to get the child all

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Speaker 1: the time, because sometimes it's like, oh, my son don't

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Speaker 1: need that. You know, you can take them when you want.

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Speaker 1: My son don't need that. Then when Dad's turn to

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Speaker 1: take them, he's not taking them right right. No, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be very clear that they knew that Dakoda

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Speaker 1: was supported by both of us for sure.

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Speaker 2: For sure, and so far, I mean, he hasn't been

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Speaker 2: exposed to the school environment yet. So the first visit

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Speaker 2: was a little bit kind of you know, he was apprehensive.

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Speaker 2: He was just like, where are we going? Where I'm

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Speaker 2: going with this.

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Speaker 1: Lady came to his first one?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone tour. Now it's funny, like it's good that

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Speaker 2: you mentioned me because this jogged idea or you know

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Speaker 2: something I wanted to say before. But Mimi is grandma. Okay,

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Speaker 2: Mimi is Grandma. She's fabulous, and all we know that

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Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, she is grandma,

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Speaker 2: and those boys know that Mimi has a weakness for them. Yes,

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Speaker 2: and Mimi is going to do whatever it is they

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Speaker 2: want her to do and pop up. But I say

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Speaker 2: Mimi specifically because when Mimi took him to his visit,

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Speaker 2: he was like, eh, I don't want to, Like he

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Speaker 2: was sticking in clinging to Mimi and did not want

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Speaker 2: to go with the speech therapist because he knows with Mimi. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So even to say if Mimi sits down with him

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Speaker 2: and she's doing flash cars or colors, he's not engaging

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Speaker 2: with her in that capacity, Nope, because Mimi is fun

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Speaker 2: as she should be, you know. So that's when Deval

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Speaker 2: and I had to step back and say, you know what,

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Speaker 2: that's not Mimi's sole responsibility to have to do that.

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Speaker 2: Do we encourage it during the day when she has

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Speaker 2: time with him, Absolutely, But the boys know that Mimi

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Speaker 2: and Papa will always try to bail them out of

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Speaker 2: a situation. Absolutely, you know. And that's the particularly difficult

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Speaker 2: thing about having my parents living full time. Sometimes the

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Speaker 2: lines get blurred when it comes to boundaries and parameters

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Speaker 2: and things that they have permission to do. So it's

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Speaker 2: funny to see how Dakota acted differently when Mimi took

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Speaker 2: him into therapy versus when you and I took him.

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Speaker 1: That's a great point because that also puts us on

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Speaker 1: notice of how important it is for us to not

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Speaker 1: put off all of our responsibilities on your parents, right,

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Speaker 1: because a lot of our parents do that.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: It was just like, oh, well, my parents got him,

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Speaker 1: so that's that's cool. There is a dynamic there between

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Speaker 1: grandparents and grandchildren that is unspoken, but everyone knows what

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Speaker 1: it is. And that dynamic is this, my grandparents love

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Speaker 1: me so much more than they love my parents, and

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Speaker 1: I can get away with not doing what my parents

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Speaker 1: say with my grandparents absolutely. Now there's also a different

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Speaker 1: dynamic between mom and dad. For example, me and Kay

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Speaker 1: took Kolder to a second one. The minute we get there,

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Speaker 1: he looks at me, he looks at Kay, he separates

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Speaker 1: from us because it's almost as if he knows, like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I can't do the Mimi thing. This is going to

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Speaker 1: do what they want me to do. Right. We get

400
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Speaker 1: down there and the doctor says, you know, when he

401
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: came the last time, he didn't repeat any words. I

402
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 1: can't write down what Mimi says that he says at home.

403
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Speaker 1: I have to hear it. So then I go say, Mama, Mama,

404
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: say Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, who's Dakota me? And she's like,

405
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,120
Speaker 1: oh wow. I said yes, because there's a different disciplinary action.

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Speaker 1: Mom is sitting there at me and Kase sitting there.

407
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Speaker 1: I said, he has to learn how to do these

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Speaker 1: things when we're not here. I said, Yo, Dakota, we're

409
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Speaker 1: going to leave. We're not sneaking out. We don't do

410
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Speaker 1: the sneak out thing. We're going outside. We will be

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Speaker 1: right back, buddy. Okay. He looked at us and he

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Speaker 1: kind of was walking towards the door, and in Case

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Speaker 1: said no, baby, you have to wait. You have to stay.

414
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Speaker 1: And at that moment it was like okay, Dad said

415
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Speaker 1: have to stay. Mom gave me reassurance I'll be fine.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: We walked out, closed the door, we listened to see

418
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Speaker 1: if we was going to hear the cry, and then

419
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Speaker 1: we just kept it go on. And that to me

420
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Speaker 1: was also important because I had my mom and my

421
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Speaker 1: dad here. They're both telling me that they're going to

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Speaker 1: be back. Yes, Dad always is the disciplinarian, but Mom

423
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Speaker 1: takes care of me. So it seems like in his

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Speaker 1: heart he like, they won't let me. Nothing happen to me.

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Speaker 2: I'll be fine, right, And then when he came.

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Speaker 1: Back in the doctor was just like night and day.

427
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Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. And I'm like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, She's like yeah, he was great. He was great.

429
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Speaker 2: So then here we are this morning was his fourth visit.

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Speaker 2: I believe four visits now, God so slowly, little by little.

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Speaker 2: On that second visit, well, first visit with me me

432
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 2: because we were on tour. Yes, he didn't want to

433
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 2: leave me me's side. Second visit with mom and dad.

434
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: Ten minutes in we left the room, little tentative, but

435
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,960
Speaker 2: he stayed, but he stayed. Third visit, we made it

436
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: into the waiting area. Then the therapist came out, Hey, Dakota,

437
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 2: do you want to go play with the bubbles? Do

438
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 2: you want to play with the pig? There's this one

439
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 2: tour that he likes this pig. So he was like,

440
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 2: oh yeah, like he knew, gone walked in with her

441
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,719
Speaker 2: today when I went today. Dival didn't go today, but

442
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 2: I went today to take him. And as soon as

443
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,479
Speaker 2: she saw my car pull up, she was outside and

444
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,879
Speaker 2: she took him out of the car. See and she

445
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,439
Speaker 2: was like, hey, Coda, good to see you today. Are

446
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 2: we going to go talk? And he went and walked

447
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: right in with her. Now he did look back about

448
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 2: three four times. Yo, you go no hot tail it

449
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 2: out of here. So I was like, mommy's gonna go

450
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,959
Speaker 2: get some gas and come back. Okay, you're gonna go

451
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 2: with miss and I said her name and he just

452
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 2: kind of nodded, and I said, you're gonna say yes,

453
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 2: and he said yes, and then he went inside. And

454
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 2: she text me a couple of minutes in and she's like,

455
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:21,880
Speaker 2: he's great.

456
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: That's that's progress.

457
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 2: That's progress already. And then I come out of the visit.

458
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 2: Now she sees my car pulled back up and she

459
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 2: brings him out back to the car and she was

460
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 2: like wow. She said, you guys have really been working

461
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 2: with him, haven't you. And I said, I said, listen, girl,

462
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 2: I said, we don't play games over here. You tell

463
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 2: us what we have to do, we're gonna do it.

464
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 2: And then some she said, I can tell. She said

465
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 2: he's doing way more mimicking. He's repeating, he was saying

466
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 2: help me, he said please. He just so many things

467
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 2: that he's just he.

468
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: Said please, said he said please, because Dakota also been

469
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: watching Miss Rachel. So there's two things I know that

470
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: he likes to sign, well three things. He will sign

471
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,119
Speaker 1: thank you, he will sign please, he will sign more yes.

472
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 1: But she said to work on saying more and sign

473
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: it and saying please.

474
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 2: So he actually please today to her. So she was

475
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 2: trying to get him to do help me please, but

476
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 2: she said that's a little ambitious, just three words together.

477
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,720
Speaker 2: But he does help me. And then he did please separately,

478
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: which was great because he was reliant a lot on

479
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 2: the sign language too, which in the very beginning when

480
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 2: you're teaching children sign language, it's just an easier way

481
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 2: for you to communicate with them when they're super young, right, absolutely.

482
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 2: But I didn't realize because he's the first child that

483
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 2: we really did sign language with, and I didn't realize

484
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 2: how much of a reliance he had on the sign language,

485
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 2: and I didn't know if that was also interfering with

486
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 2: his actual verbal as well.

487
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 1: I did think about that because Solving's children slicks children

488
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 1: remember they speak multiple language, and I remember Rema because

489
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: she's also big on neurological movement in early child education.

490
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 1: Children who learned multiple languages and sign language typically don't

491
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: speak as early as someone who learns one good point,

492
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: so they typically they're trying to figure out which word

493
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: and which language do I use in this moment, So

494
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,680
Speaker 1: at times it could be confusing, yes, and then once

495
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: they hit the ground, it's boomed. So at times I thought, well,

496
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,239
Speaker 1: maybe the sign language is throwing him off, but it

497
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,760
Speaker 1: wasn't that. It was really just us in lack of

498
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: lack of repetition. But we also have a really good

499
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: village because once we told Papa and Mimi no cocomelon.

500
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 1: Papa and Mimi does not put cocomelon on that television.

501
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 1: His brothers are very diligent because we made it a

502
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: family thing. We said, hey, guys, your brother's not speaking

503
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 1: where we want him to speak yet, so we have

504
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 1: to do a better job of not giving him the

505
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 1: things he wants until he repeats. So if he's saying,

506
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: you know, juice, don't just go because that's what you know,

507
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: big brothers do. He would grab Kiro's hand, Ro Ro

508
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: Ro Ro walk Cairo all the way to the fridge,

509
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: right open it and point and Kiro would just get it,

510
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: open it and give it to him. So now I'm like, Kyro,

511
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 1: you can't do that. You got to make him say juice.

512
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: And then Kiro was gonna frustrat. He's like, Dad, he

513
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: won't repeat us. I said, start with you just jeah.

514
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 1: So I'm watching him now he's pulling him. He's just

515
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: like because Kiro wouldn't give it to him. So I'm like,

516
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 1: these are the things we have to do as a

517
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 1: family to help him get into that repetition of saying

518
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:22,959
Speaker 1: what he wants, not just pointing.

519
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 2: Listen, y'all, it'd be celebrations up in here several times

520
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 2: a day, okay, Like it's over the top, and like

521
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 2: you said, we do have a great village. Mom and

522
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 2: Dad have now been making sure that they're compliant with

523
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 2: everything that we want to enforce. And just even like

524
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 2: friends and family who come by, like my sister's in

525
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: town and she's just like, you have to say cup

526
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 2: cup yep. You know, Uncle Matt is just like, no,

527
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 2: say say this word, say that word.

528
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,959
Speaker 1: Like, I'm glad you brought that up. It was never

529
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: an embarrassment thing for us. You know how some parents

530
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 1: get embarrassed and said, oh my child is speech to lake,

531
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,360
Speaker 1: don't tell anyone.

532
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 2: Because we quite frankly didn't even have to do an

533
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,239
Speaker 2: episode on this. We could have just been like, all right,

534
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,360
Speaker 2: we'll just let it rock. But but why we.

535
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: Have to stop shaming people who learn differently. We're shaming

536
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: children who don't do everything on par with the rest

537
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: of our children. How about we rally around them. You

538
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,159
Speaker 1: can't have the village rally around them if you're too

539
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: ashamed to tell people. My child may be a little

540
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 1: delayed because of something I did, or maybe something that's.

541
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,919
Speaker 2: Wrong with he didn't do it, well, I didn't do right.

542
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,000
Speaker 1: You don't know. But our village, all of our friends.

543
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 1: The first thing we tell him, hey, we're dealing with

544
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 1: a speech delayed with the coda. So if he points

545
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,479
Speaker 1: to something, if he tells me, try to get him

546
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: to repeat. You know, he has all his uncles. Here

547
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: is Josh here, Matt here, Uncle Chris comes with my brother.

548
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: Were telling everybody in our family, Hey, this is what

549
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 1: we're dealing with. We need you'all to rally around it.

550
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,160
Speaker 1: So we implore anyone who's going through this with a child,

551
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: don't be ashamed. No, you don't have to feel like

552
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: something is wrong and most of the time speech delays

553
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: are not permanent. No speach delays or something early. You

554
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: can boom and they'll be like I never would have

555
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: thought that he was.

556
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: And all it took was a little refocusing on our side,

557
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 2: right because like we said when we talked about even

558
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 2: just like this being our last tour and us just

559
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 2: not having like the capacity to be able to do

560
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: it between work and family and stuff. These are the

561
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 2: things that we are taking into consideration, like having to

562
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: spend more time physically in the house with our children

563
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 2: because they're all dealing with something different and it's four

564
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 2: different things that one time we have coded with the

565
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 2: speech delay. You know, Jackson had a low moment last night.

566
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 2: We had to talk to him about some stuff like

567
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 2: there's always something that somebody is dealing with and there's

568
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: no more power than being here physically to deal with

569
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 2: it head on.

570
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: And not for nothing, Jackson wasn't speech delayed, but Jackson

571
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 1: dealt with a stuttering issue.

572
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 2: I forgot. Yeah, Jackson was stuttering, which is part.

573
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: Of the reason why we were so adamant about putting

574
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: him in debate, because with Jackson, his issue was thinking

575
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: fast and trying to get the words out without saying, hey,

576
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: let the words come. And Jackson be thinking and thinking

577
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 1: and he's very I forgot the exact word, but he's

578
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: almost like a computer when we.

579
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 2: Take downloading and he's trying to say it while it's downloading,

580
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: and it's buffering.

581
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: Buffering, That's what it was like. He was buffering, and

582
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, so you don't have to rush and

583
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: get it out. And then the practice, the constant practice

584
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: is staying on him and say the end of the

585
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: words and working on different exercises.

586
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 2: It was a concern for me early on, only because

587
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 2: I'm stuttering runs in my family on my mom's side.

588
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: Remember my grandfather. My grandfather studied his entire life. I

589
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 2: have an aunt who's still to this day studies. She's

590
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 2: a lot better now. She's actually an ELA teacher, which

591
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 2: is amazing that I'm proud of her because she's overcome

592
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 2: so much of it. She does still have it every

593
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: now and again, but she's overcome a lot of it.

594
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 2: And then another aunt of mine stuttered as well too,

595
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 2: So when Jackson was stuttering early on, I'm like, oh

596
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 2: my god, this this is just like a genetic thing

597
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 2: that he couldn't overcome. But I'm thinking about back then,

598
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 2: my grandfather didn't have the resources within his community developmentally

599
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 2: to get any kind of therapy if that was necessary.

600
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: But with us, we did speak to his pediatrician about

601
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 2: it at the time Jackson, and he too didn't seem

602
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: too concerned, but he did say, that's probably what it is,

603
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: just practicing. So between debate and then seeing Jackson on

604
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 2: stage age at the Apollo introducing you and delivering this

605
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 2: whole speech that he wrote, it was just a proud

606
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: moment for us too, because he's come a long way

607
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 2: with that. Well.

608
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: For the past couple of years, he has exercise that

609
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: he and I do right, And when I feel like

610
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: sometimes he's getting ahead of himself, I say, slow down, Yeah,

611
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: say red Rover, red Rover, Win is just really over

612
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 1: and you'll say it, say who, what, where? When? Why? How?

613
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: Say she sells by the sea shore And it teaches

614
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: him to slow down, say the beginning and the end

615
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: of every word, and just those constant practices became muscle

616
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: memory because he used to he used to struggle with

617
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: the s's, the w's in the rs and it was

618
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: like the minute we get to ess and I'm like hey, hey,

619
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,440
Speaker 1: and it was like not shaming him, No, definitely, you know,

620
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: not doing things like I hear some some parents when

621
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: I was in Prototype, had a couple kids who used

622
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: to stutter with stammer and they would be stuttering, and

623
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: you would hear mothers yo get on stammer and stammering

624
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: and screaming, and then their kids would be shocked and

625
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: they would be stopping.

626
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 2: I'd be like yo, yo, like right because for them,

627
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 2: of course, it can be embarrassing.

628
00:29:58,320 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: Of course, and we're talking about kids who were eight

629
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 1: nine years old. We're still in that development phase, like

630
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: their brains haven't really fully developed in so they don't

631
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: know what's going on. And we do a lot more

632
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: harm to our children by ignoring their issues and then

633
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: shaming them in front of other people for not self

634
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: correcting their own issues that they don't know that they have.

635
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 2: Absolute they're not even equipped to be able to do that.

636
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 2: So we have some facts and stats that I want

637
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: to jump into just some overall general things that Triple

638
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 2: has come up with for you guys. When we're talking

639
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 2: about developmental potential delays with children, Timely identification of delay

640
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 2: by primary care physicians can allow for early intervention and

641
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 2: reduce disability.

642
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 1: So, like we said, going through two year old checkup.

643
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,719
Speaker 2: Two year old check and those milestone marker checkups are

644
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: super important to make sure that you're on One out

645
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 2: of five children will learn to talk or use words

646
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,520
Speaker 2: later than other children their age. Some children will also

647
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 2: show behavioral problems because they are frustrated when they can't

648
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 2: express what they want or need.

649
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: Now think about that, you said one in five have

650
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: four boys, right, right, So it means that if you

651
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: know one of them.

652
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: Probability one of them may.

653
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 1: They might not all of them or all of them.

654
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 1: But we knew we were going to get one.

655
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 2: Right, and we got one. Yeah, exactly, And it's funny.

656
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: I do notice sometimes the CODA gets annoyed or frustrated

657
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 2: if he's trying to express what something that he wants

658
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: and he can't say the words yet, but he'll get upset,

659
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: so he'll just either motion for or sign something that

660
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 2: he wants. Simple speech delays are sometimes temporary. They may

661
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: resolve on their own or with a little extra help

662
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 2: from family. It's important to encourage your child to talk

663
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: to you with gestures or sounds, and for you to

664
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: spend lots of time playing with them, reading to them,

665
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 2: talking with your infant or toddler, and in some cases

666
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 2: your child will need more help from a trained professional,

667
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 2: a speech and language therapists to learn to communicate. One thing,

668
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 2: I also realized that we weren't doing with Coda as

669
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 2: much that we did with the younger boys. For example,

670
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 2: he's in this house a lot. Yes, he's not out,

671
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 2: he's not exploring. You know, Dad will take him on

672
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 2: walks and stuff during the day to get some fresh air.

673
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 2: But Jackson, Cairo and Kads were literally intransit with us

674
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 2: all the time. So when we're in the car and

675
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 2: we're driving around Brooklyn, you point out the building, the car,

676
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 2: the truck, this, the dog. And there was a lot

677
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: more of that happening with our three younger boys, whereas

678
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 2: with Coda just be like fresh Prince of fresh Prince

679
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 2: of atl children in the house all day that Now

680
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I'm going to be more deliberate. The

681
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 2: weather's getting nicer, yep, I'm going to take him to

682
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 2: the park more. We're going to have moments where he

683
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 2: can go shopping with me, we can point things out

684
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 2: like That's one thing I realized that we weren't doing

685
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 2: with the Coda that we did with the other three.

686
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: And research suggests that the first six months of life

687
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 2: are the most crucial for the child's development of language skills.

688
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 2: For a person to become fully competent in any language,

689
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 2: exposure must begin as early as possible, preferably before school age.

690
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: I would have to definitely agree with this. When you

691
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: have your first child, you put all your energy into

692
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: the first. Then you have the second, you have to

693
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 1: split time you have the third. It's impossible to split

694
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: time between two and your career. So it's typically the

695
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: third child is the one who gets the least amount

696
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: of love. I saw it with my family, my sister

697
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: Tori with Sakari.

698
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 2: Not the least amount of love.

699
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: But you're not love. They don't get the least amount

700
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: of love. But I mean, I mean, I will, I

701
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 1: would say love even you know, my parents probably hugged

702
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: up and kissed up on us more than they did

703
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 1: my sister, because you know they did you. Yeah, there's

704
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: just so much going on and that affection component. When

705
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: I watched the speech therapists with Dakota, all they're doing

706
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: is playing. And when I mean love that's the type

707
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: of love.

708
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 2: And positive reinforcements, of course.

709
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: But but with Jackson, I took time with love to

710
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: let's play with the blocks. With Dakota, I'm not gonna lie.

711
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: There were times like, yo, go find your brothers because

712
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 1: I figured he has someone who's gonna play with it.

713
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: But these little dudes is on the video game playing

714
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: roadblocks and they don't got time for a toddler. It's

715
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 1: unfair as parents if you're going to continue to have

716
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: children to not say I'm going to give the same

717
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: amount of love, attention and discipline to the fourth as

718
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: I did to the first. And I know I'm guilty

719
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: of that, absolutely, That's what I feel like it's going

720
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 1: to change. That's like you see huge wake up call

721
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 1: for why are we not going on tour as much?

722
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 1: Why are we not doing as much. It's also just

723
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: more imperative that we spend time with them because they

724
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: talk about early childhood development the first six months. But

725
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: now Jackson is in that middle school age. He needs

726
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:31,359
Speaker 1: still needs dad's attention.

727
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 2: Oh for sure.

728
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: Cayrol and kas are in elementary school, so they need

729
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: our attention. So we're at a point now where it's

730
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: like The most important thing is our children and how

731
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 1: they develop, for sure.

732
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 2: And I think you and I can do a good

733
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 2: job once we put the time and effort into it

734
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 2: by dividing and conquering. So maybe you designating a day

735
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,760
Speaker 2: where you're like, yo, I'm rocking with Cairo today, babe, Okay,

736
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 2: I'm doing something with him. And then I'm like, all right, cool,

737
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 2: I got colder, Like I pull out a ton of

738
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 2: books already, Like I've been rearranging the play area just

739
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 2: to make sure that I'm doing those things with him deliberately.

740
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 1: What you said is something that I noticed too. You've

741
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 1: given them now a designated learning area. Yeah, they had

742
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: that when we were in Calabasis. Yes, they had that.

743
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: When we got here, we never had a designated learning area.

744
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: Whereas this is the time where we're going to sit down,

745
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 1: and yes, and Dakota needs that. That's the regiment they

746
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: need sometimes while you get a speech therapist because they

747
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 1: know what this time on these days, I'm going.

748
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 2: To learn for sure. For sure, children three and younger

749
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 2: showing signs of speech, language, or developmental delays maybe referred

750
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 2: to an early intervention specialist. Early intervention is a federal

751
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 2: and state funded program that helps children and their families,

752
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 2: which is awesome for families if you have insurance. That

753
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 2: was one of the things that Deval and I were

754
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 2: able to look into where pretty much all of his

755
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 2: visits will be covered by insurance because they're in support

756
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:54,680
Speaker 2: of making sure that children have what they need, particularly

757
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 2: when it comes to early intervention specialties and stuff like that.

758
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: And that's important because so many families feel like I

759
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: can't afford this service.

760
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 2: So that you just may shy away from me.

761
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: Shy away from minute. All you have to do is

762
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: do to research to find out what you qualify.

763
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 2: For advocate for your child. And I have another friend

764
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 2: of ours who her son is on the spectrum and

765
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 2: she's realizing he had a hearing issue. There's a couple

766
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: of things happening and baby. She went to town trying

767
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 2: to find every resource, every grant, every doctor who was

768
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 2: within whatever network to make sure that her son got

769
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 2: every opportunity. I mean, there's some really really high end

770
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 2: schools that are specialized in early intervention specialties. So yeah,

771
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 2: you have to do your research as the parent and

772
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 2: see what's available to you at little to no costs,

773
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 2: you know, So all right, y'all, So stick around. We

774
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 2: are going to come back with listener letters. Hope that

775
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 2: with some helpful information for you all. And of course

776
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 2: we always want to encourage parents to you know, when

777
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: the parent guilt kicks in, try to reel that back

778
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 2: in and just say, you know what, instead of making

779
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 2: this about me, how can I spend the energy being

780
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,919
Speaker 2: positive and proactive about helping my child? So stick around.

781
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 2: We're going to pay some bills and we'll be back

782
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 2: with listener letters.

783
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we're back. So we are back with

784
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: Kadeen's favorite part because I'm gonna go first today. Hey, y'all,

785
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 1: I need a little advice. So I'm thirty with a

786
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: nine year old son and my boyfriend is thirty three

787
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 1: with no kids. We have officially been together for two years.

788
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: We have been living together for a year and a

789
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: few months now. A couple months into moving in, I

790
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:36,879
Speaker 1: noticed that he didn't want to have sex as much,

791
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 1: and since then we have only been having sex once

792
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: or twice a month now. Beforehand, our sex life was

793
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: filled with so much passion intimacy, so I knew that

794
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: something was wrong. He mentioned a few things when I

795
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 1: brought it up. He said that stepping into a stepdad

796
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,280
Speaker 1: role was a lot in him just not being happy

797
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: about the area that we lived in. But something was

798
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 1: just not adding up, because what does that have to

799
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 1: do with sex. It would be times that my son

800
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: isn't home and he still wouldn't touch me. Then eventually,

801
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 1: after a few conversations, he tells me that my weight

802
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,919
Speaker 1: is alarming for him, and I understood because I knew

803
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: I was gaining weight and I felt uncomfortable myself. I

804
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 1: am one hundred and sixty five pounds and I'm four eleven.

805
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:19,359
Speaker 1: Definitely a thick girl, but I'm not obese. I put

806
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 1: on about thirty pounds since we met. Thirty pounds on

807
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 1: a four foot eleven frame is a lot of weight

808
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: I noticed as a trainer. I'm not judging you missed,

809
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: but thirty pounds on a four to eleven frame, I'm

810
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: speaking as an athlete when we talk about weight for years,

811
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: you know, especially dealing with women. So yeah, now I

812
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: know he says it's alarming, but he didn't tell me

813
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: how serious it actually was for him. So once we

814
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: made two years, I sat him down and told him

815
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 1: I couldn't take it anymore. And I am sexually frustrated,

816
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 1: which is good. You should tell him that. Then he

817
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 1: started telling me how he feels about my weight again.

818
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: He's now in the habit of just relieving himself. He

819
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: sometimes puts a pillow over his face. What He sometimes

820
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:58,879
Speaker 1: puts a pillow over his face when we have sex

821
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: and does not try to please me anymore. And it

822
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 1: dawned on me he really can't stomach the thought of

823
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: having sex with me at all, and that fucked with

824
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 1: me heavy. He would still show me affection like kisses

825
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: and hugs on a daily basis, So in my head

826
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,800
Speaker 1: I was thinking that he still found me somewhat attractive,

827
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: but I guess when it comes to sex, he just

828
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: can't look past it. I know I'm going to get

829
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,160
Speaker 1: fit and slim down just because I want it for myself.

830
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,320
Speaker 1: But my question is should I even stay with someone

831
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: who can't handle the fluff because it sounds like being

832
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 1: slim is necessity for him, and I don't want to

833
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 1: feel like I have to constantly look a certain way

834
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: for him to accept me. Thank you for reading love y'all.

835
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 2: Who that was a lot. That was a lot. I

836
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 2: will say, first of all, you getting into whatever shape

837
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 2: that you feel most comfortable with. Has to start with

838
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: doing it for you. Yes, that's first and foremost. Nobody

839
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 2: can tell you make you feel you want to have

840
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 2: to do this because you're the one that has to

841
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 2: physically put in the work. Yes, put in the time,

842
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 2: changed diet. There's been many times when devo and it's

843
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 2: only I'm saying I'm using this as a reference only

844
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 2: because it's what I wanted where I would be like, man,

845
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get back after this baby, or you know,

846
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: I have something that I want to do or trip

847
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 2: coming up, and I want to fit into a certain outfit.

848
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 2: And he was holding me accountable because I said I

849
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 2: wanted to look a certain kind of way.

850
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: That's fair, but I also wanted you to look a

851
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: certain way. I don't want that to be to go.

852
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. I was going to give your chance to

853
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 2: say that too, because that's also very necessary. But I

854
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 2: wanted to be able to feel comfortable with myself. But

855
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 2: I had to be the one that was ready to

856
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 2: do the work. That being said, sis, I think it's

857
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 2: unfair if your guy met you a certain kind of

858
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 2: way for you to then let yourself go that far

859
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 2: and then not take into consideration that how that might

860
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 2: affect him. And that's just me being completely honest. I

861
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 2: like I in my circumstance with Devo, for example, I

862
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 2: know that Deval likes when I'm in shape, he likes

863
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 2: when I'm fit, and I felt like I wanted to

864
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 2: get back to a space where this is when Deval

865
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 2: met me, I looked like this. I want to be

866
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 2: back there for him as well too. Now does it

867
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,160
Speaker 2: mean that he's no longer going to love you if

868
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 2: you gained thirty pounds, Now that's a problem.

869
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: That is because Cadeen gained forty pounds with Jackson and

870
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: I still loved her. Yeah, and I mean I still

871
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 1: loved her like the fluff and forty pounds on a

872
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 1: five foot five frame is still a lot of weight,

873
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: but it was distributed nicely. So again, in my in

874
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 1: my defense, I was still in love with how she

875
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 1: looked even before she gained weight. But I also knew

876
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: that that was temporary. I knew that there was going

877
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,319
Speaker 1: to be a process. I also want to add this

878
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 1: that doesn't only go one way, right My group friend

879
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: my friend group, especially my fellas, we talk about how

880
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: we look for our wives and we will clown each other. Like, dude,

881
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: you were a professional athlete or a collegiate athlete, and

882
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 1: that woman met you with a six pack, she was

883
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,560
Speaker 1: tall and strapping. And now you're retired and you let

884
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: yourself go, and you still expect that woman to be

885
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,880
Speaker 1: ready for what you want sexually. That's not fair to her.

886
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I will die on this hill. Okay,

887
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: I would die on this hill. Women will tell you

888
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 1: and the heartbeat, I want a man who's six footing up.

889
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: Men can't control their height at all, but women are

890
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 1: fine saying he got to be six foot, he got it, okay.

891
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: So when a man says she gotta be twenty eight

892
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 1: inch waist, you can't then say that's unfair, right the

893
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: same way you'll say, well, there's some women who can't

894
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: control their weight, that's true, but no man can control

895
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: his height, and women don't have a problem saying that.

896
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 1: So if we all have standards, which you have to

897
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 1: do is find someone who has the same standard that

898
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: you have. Don't lower your standards, but also don't ask

899
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: someone to lower their standard. If you have a standard

900
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 1: that you expect your partner to uphold. And I would

901
00:42:55,040 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: die on this hill. I love to be okay, I

902
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: hate the beard. I say this all the time. I

903
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 1: don't like it. It makes me itch. My wife loves

904
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: the beard. But I also understand this. I have a

905
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 1: responsibility to be my wife's fantasy. If I'm going to

906
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: ask my wife to dedicate her life and all her

907
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,399
Speaker 1: sexual exploits to me, I can't then tell you give

908
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: me all of you, but give me all of you

909
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: the way I want you to give me. Only that's

910
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: not fair. There's a give and take, and part of

911
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: that giving intake, for both men and women is being

912
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: in shape.

913
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 2: That's essentially what I was getting at. And I know

914
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:35,760
Speaker 2: it might sound harsh and some women may not agree

915
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 2: with me when I say, girl, you got it, Like

916
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 2: just gaining thirty pounds is not okay. It's not okay.

917
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: First off, for your health, health, for your own health

918
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 2: and well being, that's the first thing. And forget vanity,

919
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 2: forget vanity on a frame as that's four eleven gaining

920
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 2: that kind of I don't know how fast the way

921
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 2: it came on too, but that's just not healthy.

922
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: And if she has a thyroid issue, please give us

923
00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: that in the context so we understand.

924
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 2: Oh, she didn't and give us.

925
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: Context so that we understand, like, well, you can't control

926
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:08,320
Speaker 1: the weights waiting circumstances when you say I just gained

927
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:09,359
Speaker 1: thirty pounds.

928
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 2: Right exactly, And it's just like I know, personally, I

929
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,280
Speaker 2: am motivated to stay in shape for myself first and foremost,

930
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 2: and then for my husband, Like literally, I feel like

931
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,440
Speaker 2: he deserves to have the best version of me. Vanity aside,

932
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,600
Speaker 2: Deval and I were like, Yo, we're both turning forty.

933
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,439
Speaker 2: We're making the necessary changes so that we can live

934
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: this life as long as we can control it as

935
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 2: long as possible together, and it starts with health. That's

936
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 2: why even preparing for the tour, us working out, changing

937
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 2: our diets, doing it together, you know. And maybe he

938
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: should be rallying around her if your goal is to

939
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,720
Speaker 2: now lose this weight, be like, babe, can you support

940
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 2: me through this posive process so I can get back

941
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 2: down to size. But I can understand how it's heart

942
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 2: wrenching for her to feel like, damn, like my man

943
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: has to put a pillow over his face and he

944
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 2: can't stand the side of me while having sex like

945
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 2: that has to be heartbreaking, and I feel for her

946
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 2: with that.

947
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: But This is also a bigger issue, right, Why doesn't

948
00:44:57,680 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: he feel comfortable saying, hey, you know, seems like you

949
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: put on a little bit of weight. Is everything okay?

950
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 2: She did say that, though she said he asked right.

951
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: No, she said, at first he stopped coming on to her,

952
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: and that's when she started asking. And my thing is,

953
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: as a man, you should say to your partner, if

954
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: this someone you want to spend the rest of your life,

955
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 1: well say hey, babe, I notice you put on some weight.

956
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,720
Speaker 1: Are you okay physically? Is everything okay? If everything's okay,

957
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 1: it's like, yo, you know, how about we go to

958
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: the gym together? How about we do this together? But

959
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,840
Speaker 1: you have to express it before it becomes a turnoff

960
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: to where you can't look at your partner anymore, because

961
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 1: now what you're doing is projecting whatever issues you have

962
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,880
Speaker 1: with her weight on her. She doesn't know why, but

963
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 1: now she's becoming insecure, and if she becomes more insecure,

964
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:44,280
Speaker 1: she's not gonna want to work out anymore.

965
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 2: Like I've watched that.

966
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 1: Remember when I when I used to train athletes, I

967
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 1: also train their parents. Seventy five percent of the athletes

968
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: I trained were from single moms, and those moms were

969
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 1: over was overweight sometimes and I said, how did you

970
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,680
Speaker 1: get overweight? And they would tell me stories, but I

971
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I didn't realize that. So I

972
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 1: had this child that's trying to gain weight. And then

973
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 1: my husband never said anything, but I noticed that he

974
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 1: was less affectionate. And then once I realized he was

975
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: less affectionate, I got down on myself. And then once

976
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 1: I got depressed, the weight kept coming.

977
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 2: So it was almost like it's a psychological attachment.

978
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it was a cycle that as a man,

979
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: if you realize that your wife is gaining weight in

980
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,719
Speaker 1: a way that you don't like it, or something that's

981
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: not helping you say it before it becomes an issue,

982
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: that becomes a bigger issue.

983
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 2: Weight is just so sensitive for people, though, so I

984
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 2: can understand why maybe he might have been apprehensive because

985
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 2: weight is sensitive man or woman. I think it's hard

986
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 2: for some people to figure out how to say it.

987
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 2: I guess maybe in a nice way or in a

988
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 2: caring way, on a way that's going to be received.

989
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:42,879
Speaker 2: And I just thinking from the sensitivity standpoint, let.

990
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: Me ask a question. Name a topic that's too sensitive

991
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 1: for you and me to discuss.

992
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 2: I know what we're different.

993
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: No, no, no, then we're not different.

994
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 2: We're different or we've gotten to this point. But it

995
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 2: wasn't always easy.

996
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,359
Speaker 1: It wasn't. But my point, it wasn't easy because weight

997
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: used to be sensitive for you for.

998
00:46:56,640 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 2: Sure, used to be absolutely, especially after kids.

999
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 1: But my point is this, being sensitive about something doesn't

1000
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 1: give you the right to ignore it the same way

1001
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,919
Speaker 1: we just talked about these kids, right, and maybe having

1002
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 1: a learning delay or a speech delay is sensitive. So

1003
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: does that mean we ignore it.

1004
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,320
Speaker 2: No, we don't have to attack it hard conversation.

1005
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 1: And that's my point with couples. Couples that's all the time,

1006
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 1: how y'all keep the spark, But when we tell people

1007
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 1: sometimes how we keep the spark that.

1008
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:26,439
Speaker 2: We received well?

1009
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 1: Right, part of keeping the spark is trying to keep

1010
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 1: yourself the way you attracted your partner. This is something

1011
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: people don't want to hear. Being attracted to someone is

1012
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 1: part of the process. That's part when you meet someone.

1013
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 1: You don't meet someone with telepathy and say this person

1014
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: is brilliant, I'm going to fall in love with them.

1015
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 1: You meet them first, something about them attracted you to absolutely,

1016
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:49,440
Speaker 1: And I think that the best way to keep the

1017
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: spark is to try to keep yourself to where you

1018
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: felt like you was at your best. And me and

1019
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 1: my homies and I'm speaking to a lot of dudes

1020
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 1: to listen to this too. We have a three month

1021
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: body check.

1022
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 2: A body check.

1023
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: O yo yo, when the last time y'all been in

1024
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:11,240
Speaker 1: the gym? Serious? And then yo yo, put your picture,

1025
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 1: put your X. I don't want to say the names

1026
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 1: because put your picture in the chat? What the fuck

1027
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 1: are you doing?

1028
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 2: No, you're right. I've heard your the phone with your

1029
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 2: brother recently and you got on the phone with his

1030
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,399
Speaker 2: wife and was like, Sis, you got to make sure

1031
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 2: that he's not doing X y Z. He needs to

1032
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 2: be there for you and the kids. Like It's true.

1033
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 2: That's just how we speak. We're very, very transparent and

1034
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 2: blunt about it.

1035
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 1: Yes, I said, yo, bro, you you just got married.

1036
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 1: Your wife met you a certain way. You think that now,

1037
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 1: since you got a woman and she's gonna cook for

1038
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 1: you and stuff, that you can just eat your way

1039
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: into an early grave and not be there for them.

1040
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,239
Speaker 1: Plus that woman met you a certain way and fell

1041
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: in love with you a certain way. This is gonna

1042
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 1: come a point where you're gonna be like, yo, babe,

1043
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: how come you ain't doing this no more? Nigga? You

1044
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 1: don't look the way she went like, that's come on.

1045
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 2: That's just what it is, y'all. Man or woman, it

1046
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 2: don't matter. It's not insensitive. It's just what it is.

1047
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 2: What it is is what it is, like, it's what

1048
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:05,839
Speaker 2: it is.

1049
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: Yes, it is what it is. You can't avoid it.

1050
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: If you love your partner as much as you say,

1051
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: take care of yourself for yourself but also for them.

1052
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's just the fact. Absolutely, good luck to your

1053
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 2: since I know you can do it. I know you

1054
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 2: can do it, and you already said that, you know

1055
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:21,359
Speaker 2: that you want to do this for yourself. Start there

1056
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: and he's going to feel the effects and the benefits

1057
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 2: of it. But if you and your spirit feel like,

1058
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 2: you know what, I don't want to be with somebody

1059
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: in the event that I lose this weight and then

1060
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,919
Speaker 2: say gain it back later you have a child or something,

1061
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 2: and that's going to be an issue again, that's worth

1062
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 2: having the conversation with him about.

1063
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 1: While we on this topic, I hope we get to

1064
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,239
Speaker 1: a second. But I haven't ask you a question as

1065
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 1: a woman, why do we see so many women right,

1066
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: who will bad get into a relationship right kind of

1067
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: lose themselves a little bit, right, lose their man and

1068
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: then like, oh, the best way to get him back

1069
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 1: is to become the best version of myself. Why didn't

1070
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 1: you stay the best version of yourself when you was

1071
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: with him?

1072
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:57,800
Speaker 2: Valid question?

1073
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: And I'm asking I somebody who actually a couple of friends,

1074
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 1: and I was like, Hey, why do they do that

1075
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: to self sabotage?

1076
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 2: You got comfortable, you know, was in love, you know,

1077
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 2: gained a couples, then things gonna work out and then

1078
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: babies a batty again.

1079
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get I'm gonna get him back by It's like,

1080
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 1: don't get him back by doing that? Do that while

1081
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: he is can be like.

1082
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 2: Because that's a conditional thing. You have to do it

1083
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 2: for yourself. You have to want to do it for yourself.

1084
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 2: If you're doing it for some other outside resource, I

1085
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,959
Speaker 2: mean outside person, it's not sustainable.

1086
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: What you just said is the answer.

1087
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 2: It's not sustainable.

1088
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: Anybody who's only working out to hit the scene. The

1089
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: minute you hit the scene and find somebody, you won't

1090
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: work out no more because you was never doing it

1091
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,280
Speaker 1: for yourself to begin with. That's the why I started

1092
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 1: with doing it. You got to do it for yourself

1093
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 1: so you can sustain it for sure.

1094
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:46,880
Speaker 2: That's the truth, absolutely, all right. Second one, we'll go

1095
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 2: to this one real quick. This one is a short one.

1096
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,279
Speaker 2: I love y'all so much, love your bag. Okay. My

1097
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: first mistake was accessing my husband's already logged in Facebook account. Yall,

1098
00:50:56,320 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 2: I know, she says, I know, and cas well. I

1099
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,560
Speaker 2: went to his search box to see who's been checking

1100
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 2: on and he had been searching his ex at least

1101
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 2: monthly for months. It made me feel the type of

1102
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 2: way initially, does he want to be with her or

1103
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 2: miss her? Then I self reflected and realized maybe we

1104
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 2: all think of our exes every now and again. I

1105
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 2: don't consistently search anyone, much less an ex am I

1106
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:27,359
Speaker 2: under or overreacting. How would you approach it? Asking about

1107
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 2: it isn't going to change the fact that he's curious

1108
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 2: enough to search in the first place. He dated this

1109
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 2: girl in high school two thousand and four and they

1110
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:38,279
Speaker 2: hadn't had any communication since before we got married. We've

1111
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 2: been married thirteen years. Thoughts, Thank y'all, hope this makes

1112
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 2: the podcast. Love you both. Why are you laughing. Got

1113
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 2: two thoughts, right, okay, thoughts all right.

1114
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 1: First thing, I never judged people right because you never

1115
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 1: really never know someone's situation.

1116
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:56,439
Speaker 2: Right.

1117
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: The first thing I thought was, damn man, when you're

1118
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 1: looking at you exes, like, is that the one that

1119
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:01,880
Speaker 1: got away?

1120
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 2: Huh? Right, But it's the first thing.

1121
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,240
Speaker 1: But I will say this, I don't think that anymore

1122
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 1: because she says that she he hasn't looked her up

1123
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,479
Speaker 1: since for like thirteen years, right, So he wasn't thinking

1124
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: about her for thirteen years, right. So it could have

1125
00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:17,919
Speaker 1: been somebody crossed his past, like oh have you talked

1126
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 1: to so and so recently? And now he's like, oh,

1127
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: I haven't, or someone sent him the profile check out

1128
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 1: so and so and then he looks and then updates.

1129
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: Because I know this for a fact. Social media becomes addictive.

1130
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,440
Speaker 2: Right, you see, it's a rabbit hole.

1131
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 1: It's a rabbit You post something and then you post

1132
00:52:31,360 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 1: to see what they post.

1133
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 2: Right.

1134
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that they're in love something.

1135
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: Like oh shit, I haven't like heard about this person

1136
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,320
Speaker 2: a long time. I've searched an x before on to

1137
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 2: talk about that. But it was a similar But it

1138
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 2: was a similar situation where his godsister had reached out

1139
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 2: to me because she was getting tickets for her friends

1140
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 2: for our live show. Actually, and then she was just like,

1141
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 2: oh my goodness, like how have you been? Like we

1142
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 2: love like the family has watched how you have like

1143
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 2: blossomed you and your husband. We love you guys, you know.

1144
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 2: And then she mentioned like, you know, I asked how

1145
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:01,840
Speaker 2: he was doing when how the family just out of

1146
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 2: courtesy because we're having the back and forth, and then

1147
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:05,839
Speaker 2: she's just like, oh, he's great, like has two kids,

1148
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. And I went and looked to see,

1149
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 2: oh yeah, and then it was nothing. There was no interaction.

1150
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 2: I didn't feel no kind of way. It was like, okay,

1151
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 2: great to see this somebody who I used to date

1152
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 2: back in the days doing well, and it was nothing attached.

1153
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 1: It's funny you say this because you also told me

1154
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 1: that you recent I felt in no way about it

1155
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:25,040
Speaker 1: when you told me about it. So this this is

1156
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: also says a lot about their relationship. Ask yourself, why

1157
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: does it bother you so much? Of course, ask him why.

1158
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,680
Speaker 1: You then ask yourself why it bothers him so much?

1159
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:36,760
Speaker 1: Because when you told me, you look up the person

1160
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: the first thing wasn't my mind was like are you

1161
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 1: in love with that person?

1162
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:39,799
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1163
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: It was just like, oh that's interesting. You know what

1164
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like my mind just never went.

1165
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,359
Speaker 2: There, never went there. And I'm wondering what was your

1166
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 2: reason for going to the search box and did you

1167
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 2: eventually go to the message box the inbox? Like you know,

1168
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 2: it could be like you said, a rabbit hole, but

1169
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 2: it doesn't seem like there was anything more than just

1170
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:57,319
Speaker 2: the search bars. And you know, being married thirteen years,

1171
00:53:57,360 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 2: it really could have just been something as innocent as like,

1172
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 2: you know, we see how she looked now, because you

1173
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 2: know she looked good then, but then here we are

1174
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 2: thirteen late, thirty years later, she might not like I

1175
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:07,800
Speaker 2: don't know, We'll.

1176
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 1: Say this too. And I know this is I have

1177
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 1: a couple of boys who live this type of lifestyle.

1178
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:15,320
Speaker 1: Is somebody cheating on you or looking to hide something

1179
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,880
Speaker 1: from you, they're not gonna have their Facebook open for

1180
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 1: you to see.

1181
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 2: Anything that the fact.

1182
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 1: Unless he's like a Jedi, like a Jedi mind trick cheater,

1183
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 1: and he's just like, I'm gonna just delete everything and

1184
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 1: leave it open so she you know what I'm saying.

1185
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 1: But most of the time, niggas ain't that smart. Most

1186
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 1: of the time niggas is logging out of everything, keeping

1187
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,880
Speaker 1: their laptop closed. They sleep with their phone underneath their pillowup.

1188
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: True most times, and I'm not I can't speak for them.

1189
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 1: I don't know. But most times, the men that I

1190
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:45,000
Speaker 1: know who keep their stuff open and their wives find something.

1191
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,360
Speaker 2: It's like there was nothing to hide hide.

1192
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:51,279
Speaker 1: And sometimes women, if you look for something, you're gonna

1193
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 1: find it, you know what I'm saying. Like, you look

1194
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 1: for it, you're gonna find it.

1195
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 2: And are you gonna find something to find something? Like?

1196
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 2: Why you search it?

1197
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 1: Right? I just there's no messages, there's no pictures.

1198
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 2: I searched, that's it.

1199
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 1: And it could have been the same thing. What if

1200
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 1: I was looking for you? Why did you search up

1201
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 1: so and so? Because I spoke to the god sister

1202
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:13,400
Speaker 1: who bought tickets to our podcast towards she mentioned that

1203
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 1: he was on Facebook. I wanted to see how he

1204
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: was doing. It could have became a thing if I

1205
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 1: wanted it to become a thing. But you know, when

1206
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 1: you're confident in your space, it's like certain things like that, right.

1207
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 2: And then also too, I mentioned it to you because

1208
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 2: it really was nothing. It was just like yo, like

1209
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 2: they have kids, not blah blah blah, he's married, great, good

1210
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:33,600
Speaker 2: for him. Like it was totally just like in passing conversations.

1211
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 1: Also, people don't take everybody doesn't take social media serious.

1212
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 1: Like I've had people ask me through DMS. You know,

1213
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: I got a question about social media, like what boundaries

1214
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,560
Speaker 1: do you and Kate put on social media? For likes?

1215
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: And it's I said, miss, we don't put boundaries on

1216
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 1: social media. Social media is not a real place. I

1217
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 1: don't feel like I have to put boundaries on my

1218
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,240
Speaker 1: wife with social media because they exist in a world

1219
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 1: that is not digital. You know what I'm saying. Some

1220
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 1: people really don't give a shit about social so it's

1221
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 1: like me searching up somebody on the social to see

1222
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: what their life is like that it's not that important, right,

1223
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 1: But then there are some people who's like, now that's

1224
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 1: a violation. That's cheating. If you type your excess name

1225
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:15,280
Speaker 1: in the search bar and you hit search, your cheating.

1226
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: Like there's this people why they have to speak to

1227
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: each other and create their own boundaries. But for me

1228
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 1: and k no, I could care less. Like k looks

1229
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,719
Speaker 1: up stuff on social media. Her and her friends group.

1230
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,640
Speaker 1: They got dick pics that they be sending each other

1231
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 1: and ship like me and we look at ads and

1232
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: TV off like you know, you got single guys in

1233
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 1: the group they like yo check shorty out like it

1234
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 1: is what it is? I got eyes, got eyes right,

1235
00:56:41,880 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: but we don't. We don't exist in the digital world though,

1236
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 1: so it either I could care less to be honest.

1237
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:49,839
Speaker 2: All right, If you want to be featured as one

1238
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 2: of our listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice

1239
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com.

1240
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D

1241
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:59,280
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1242
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 2: All right, time the moment of truth the topic today.

1243
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 2: We're talking about Dakota's Miuth speech delay and what we've

1244
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 2: been doing to make sure that he is set up

1245
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 2: for success as we move forward, so he can be

1246
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 2: the brilliant two year old that we know he's growing

1247
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 2: in to be.

1248
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: My moment of truth is very very simple. Don't put

1249
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,520
Speaker 1: your child in a deficit because you're too ashamed to

1250
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 1: ask for help. It's that simple. If this life is

1251
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 1: about them, you can't be concerned about what other people

1252
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: may say about you or your parenting style. If you're

1253
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,959
Speaker 1: requesting help, don't put your child in a deficit because

1254
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 1: of that.

1255
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 2: That's a good one. Maybe. I think my moment of

1256
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 2: truth is that us as parents do also need to

1257
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 2: give ourself grace because there's so many things that we're

1258
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 2: juggling on a day to day basis, and as long

1259
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 2: as you catch it early, you reassess where the priorities

1260
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:52,520
Speaker 2: should be lying, and then you make the necessary steps

1261
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 2: to make those changes immediately, then you will allow your

1262
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 2: child to prosper. And that's exactly what Daval and I

1263
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,760
Speaker 2: did feel in the moment with Coden. Once we figured

1264
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 2: out something maybe a little off, it's like, what are

1265
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:06,480
Speaker 2: all of the things that we can do to make

1266
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:09,040
Speaker 2: sure that he's going to be okay? And that's putting

1267
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 2: our feelings aside, putting our pride aside, and just making

1268
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 2: sure that at the root of everything the child is first.

1269
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 1: Yes, and lastly, it is not your parents' responsibility to

1270
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,080
Speaker 1: raise your kids.

1271
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 2: Or the babysitter or the nanny or whoever.

1272
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,400
Speaker 1: As a parent, you have a responsibility to be a parent.

1273
00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:29,680
Speaker 1: Putting it off on someone else is unfair.

1274
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 2: And even in school like baby, are in this with

1275
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 2: our children and their educators. It is a group team effort,

1276
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 2: and we work in conjunction with all of our children's educators,

1277
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 2: so that's another important thing to note, all right. Be

1278
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,040
Speaker 2: sure to find us on Patreon to see exclusive dead

1279
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 2: Ass podcast video content as well as more family content

1280
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,640
Speaker 2: from the ellisis. And you can find us on social

1281
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: media at dead Ass the Podcast, and you can find

1282
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 2: me at Kadeen I Am and.

1283
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,800
Speaker 1: I Am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1284
00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and pick up your

1285
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 1: copy of We Over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting

1286
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 1: Everything you want out of your relationship.

1287
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 2: Oh and follow me on TikTok, y'all, because I'm very

1288
00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 2: unhinged over there. I've been starting to dabble more into

1289
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Speaker 2: the TikTok market. Yeah, so it's gonna be fun over there.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be fun over the Me Me Me, Me,

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Speaker 2: Catch Me outside dead Ass Cut.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

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Speaker 3: it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast

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Speaker 3: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and Never

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Speaker 3: miss a Thing