WEBVTT - #27 Group Therapy 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:05.480 Help I Suck At Dating and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:09.079 Hello everyone, thank you so much for tuning in to 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:11.760 this episode of Help I Suck At Dating. This is 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:14.080 Dean Ungler. It's got a very special episode for you today. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.400 As the usual suspect, we see Jared Higbond in studio. Hello, 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:20.560 I'm here, Hello everyone, and a very very special guest 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:25.000 in Amanda Stanton and joining us. And on top of that, 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:26.599 I'm just gonna come right out and say, it's my 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:31.920 birthday to day today. It's a big one. Today is 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:35.120 my birthday. But on top of that, this is also 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.800 the seven episode of this podcast, like Golden Birthday? Can 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:40.560 you believe that it's meant to beating? What are the 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:42.960 odds we created this podcast back in September? Did you 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:47.360 guys plan to purposefully land this episode on? Everybody was 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.000 thinking that far ahead. There were some suspect weeks off 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:54.360 where I'm like, are they trying to do this? But anyways, 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:56.080 here we are. I've always had this weird affinity for 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.120 the number twenty seven. Weirdly, I don't know why it's 0:00:58.120 --> 0:00:59.920 never been my lucky number anything like that. I think 0:00:59.920 --> 0:01:02.240 I really like that that that nine times three equals 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.120 twenty seven. I used to be like a big math nerd, 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:07.360 And why nine times three? Why not like three times three? 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.040 Why nine times three times three is nine? But I'm 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:12.280 just saying I've had this weird pull to the numbers 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:14.560 nine and three multiplying to equal twenty seven. So when 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.280 I was little, I used to be a big, big 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:17.880 math nerd. I'd always go to school and then whenever 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:19.440 I got home, my mom would always tutor me in 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:21.319 one subject, which was always math. And so I was like, 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:23.280 really really good at math for like the large part 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:24.840 of my life, and I wouln't know I was had 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:26.800 a weird thing for the numbers nine and three equal seven. 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:28.520 So you pretty much saying that twenty seven is gonna 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:30.679 be the best year of your life. I'm very hopeful 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:31.960 that it will be. I think it's gonna be the 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:33.800 best year of your life. Teen. Thanks Jared. We'll let 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:36.960 into existence anyways. We're gonna start off today, um by 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:40.560 answering some listener emails. We're going to uh if you 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.200 don't mind. By the way, I was like, the seventeen 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:48.000 times three, that's a good one. Have you before have 0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:50.200 you heard the multiplication song eight times or the hardest 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:56.000 multiplication problem of them all. Eight times seven is or 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:57.360 something that was like a third Greade song that we 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:59.440 used to sing off because it's a hard multiplication problem. 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:02.400 People don't anyways. Um but yeah, anyways, we're joining the 0:02:02.360 --> 0:02:05.440 studio by Amanda um and as always Jared. So we're 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:07.120 gonna get to some listenering emails. We're gonna talk a 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:09.520 little bit with Sharie a little bit later on who've 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:12.680 had on before life coach Life coach Therapist. So good 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.160 episode in store for us. Well, this is for since 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.240 Amanda's here and we do have an email about a 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:19.639 situation a man has been dealing with lately, so it's 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:24.919 good to get some outside perspective. Yeah, okay, Peyton says, 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:26.320 I just wanted to write in and weigh in on 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:28.799 the Robbie and Amanda feud. She calls it a feud. 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.240 She says, I feel like any self respectable adult male 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.560 would have forwarded the email along with a message we 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.400 should probably give the backstory on this before I get 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:39.400 much further on. So so well, I mean, I'm Amanda. 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:40.560 I feel like, do you want to give it? Do 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.720 you want an outside perspective to give it? I want 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:45.760 to hear an outside perspective. Last week, I went on 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:49.240 Twitter and I saw that there was an article written 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:52.040 about the feud between Amanda and Robbing. Apparently Amanda. Last 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:54.160 week he posted something on Twitter saying, and ex boyfriend 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:57.960 had reached out to you about these passes for Disneyland 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:00.720 that he wanted you to renew, and you said that, 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.000 like I know how to pick them. And then Robbie 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.920 screenshot of the emails, outed himself as the ex boyfriend 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:09.200 and said I was just trying to help you, you 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:12.120 poor thing. And then he said, let the people decide 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.959 for themselves. Screenshot of the emails released him on Twitter, 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:18.080 and they showed the emails that he forwarded. Apparently Disneyland 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:19.920 and Land reached out to him saying that these are 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.320 gonna u these passes are gonna expire because the credit 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:23.760 card has been denied for the past couple of months, 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.600 and so he forwarded it to you. Um, but and 0:03:27.639 --> 0:03:29.760 then it like got and and then it got like 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.919 a little blurry for me, where like there was maybe 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:36.400 a little bit of a back and forth and then no, 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:39.640 he just and then he decided to post some text 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:41.760 messages from like eight months ago, which I thought was 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:43.880 the most. Yeah, well we don't have to talk. We 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:46.240 can say our opinion afterwards. But from me, I saw 0:03:46.280 --> 0:03:49.200 the video. All of a sudden, Robbie posted this montage 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:52.280 which he edited together with like this Kevin Hart skid 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:55.600 I didn't even want. So it was like a thirty 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.400 second video of him scroll like fast scrolling, so you 0:03:58.400 --> 0:04:00.880 couldn't read any text messages. But you conclude see that 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:03.280 your picture was at the top saying Amanda and him 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.160 just like scrolling through and it was like paragraph on 0:04:05.160 --> 0:04:07.280 paragraph on paragraph that you apparently sent to him, and 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.760 he edited it with like this Kevin Hart bit of 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:12.200 like are you done? Are we done? Here? Are we done? 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:14.160 And him just like scrolling through, And it was like 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.600 twenty seconds long, and it was the most and he's 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:19.279 deleted it since, but it was the most absurd thing 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:22.159 I think I might have ever seen on Twitter. Um, 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:23.840 but I will give my opinions later if you want 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:26.039 to continue this email. But that was pretty much the 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:28.360 gist of it that I saw that Amanda posted that 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:30.520 didn't say who it was was the next boyfriend, And 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:33.800 then Robbie decided to out himself with screenshot in the 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.800 emails and then on top of that, he posted the 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.880 video of the text message, to which he had deleted since. 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.320 And then on top of that, I think the PostScript 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:44.760 is really what kind of irked me a little bit, 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:46.640 which I don't even know if I want to say, 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.680 he says whatever he says, and he goes, ps nice news. 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.000 Oh yes. In the emails he says, which is just 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:59.640 so okay. I wasn't why would he say that, like 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.440 I don't even know, I'm sorry to put you on 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:02.760 the stop. We don't have to talk about it. But 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.800 I thought, yeah, that was the most um ignorant thing 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.000 he could have possibly said an email, especially forwarding you 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:10.960 an email that he said he was so concerned about 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.480 this going to collections. So if he was that concerned, 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:15.919 why would he put a smug remark like that in 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.240 the email. Was it just to like fuel fire under 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:20.080 you you think, or was it just like I mean, 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:22.000 that's what I I guess. That's what I was so 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:25.600 confused about, was that, like it's been eight months and 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.880 like I I've obviously moved on with my life and 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:31.080 like I've even said, like I don't didn't even really 0:05:31.080 --> 0:05:32.800 consider Robbie an X. That's why it's funny when I 0:05:32.800 --> 0:05:35.360 said that in my tweet, because I actually don't consider 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:37.600 him an X, but I still I thought it was 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.080 kind of funny, you know, and when you when I 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:44.040 first saw your tweet, Robbie was the furthest thing from 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.200 my mind, which is so interesting that he decided out himself, 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:48.520 because when you said an X, I immediately went to 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:51.159 an X not involved in the show, because obviously you are. 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:54.040 You know, you're not gonna say Ben's an X, Josh, 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:56.000 I feel like you wouldn't consider an X, would be 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:59.040 more of like, I think that's a different situation. And 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:02.280 then Robbie, I didn't even I wouldn't even assume you 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.080 would call him an next so like and I don't. 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:06.200 That's why I mean, I put it just because I 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:08.960 did think the situation was funny. Help tell a story 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:12.040 a little bit better that way. Okay, So I haven't 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:15.480 talked to Robbie in forever, um, but that's the first 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.000 time I heard from I've checked my email and I 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:21.160 saw that he forwarded me his Disneyland membership because it 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:22.960 was on your credit card or something and your credit 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.800 card expired or whatever. Yeah, like I got a new one, 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:27.960 and so his payment was being declined. And the funny 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:29.599 thing is, you know, he can say he thought it 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.040 was going to go to collections, but there was like 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.400 an option there for you to like update your card information. 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:37.479 So I just thought it was kind of funny that 0:06:37.480 --> 0:06:39.400 he was forwarding it to me other than like just 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:41.919 going and putting his own card information on there and 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:44.159 just like kind of petty. And here's my question with 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.080 that though, is if if he were to just pay 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.200 for it himself, do you think that he should alert 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:49.360 you that he paid for it himself or he just 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:52.320 paid for it himself and then completely not say anything 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.159 about it, every kind of thing. Yeah, just don't say anything. 0:06:54.160 --> 0:06:56.320 You just put your card information. Was it a lot 0:06:56.320 --> 0:07:02.880 of money? But it was literally like twenty Yeah. Well, 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:05.359 I think in Robbie's mind, he was forwarding you the 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:08.279 message because he didn't want to renew it and he 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:10.920 wanted to make sure that you knew that you knew 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.160 that like this situation is going on. Having said that, 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.640 I think the emailer touches on how he maybe should 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:18.200 have approached it. Was a very high level of petty 0:07:18.200 --> 0:07:21.240 to that. It was pretty Yeah, the emailist has I 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.080 feel like any self respectable adult man would afford the 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.240 email along with the message like, hey, let me know 0:07:26.280 --> 0:07:28.120 what the remaining balance is so I can pay you 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.560 the difference. It seems like a man who didn't even 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:32.760 realize the charge was coming out of her account every month, 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:35.000 which would make sense that you didn't think about switching 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:36.840 the card over when she got a new one. So 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:39.680 when Robbie realized she was still paying it even though, 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:42.400 like you guys mentioned, they haven't been together for seven months, 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:44.600 don't you think he should have just shut it down 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.680 right then and there. It's not like he can't afford 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:48.960 it himself. And then of course he dig himself in 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:50.920 the deepest hole with all the insults. But I don't 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:52.680 think he was ever being the nice guy in the 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:55.240 situation from the start. Just to get that off my 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:57.720 chest and offer a different perspective, keep doing what you 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:00.680 guys are doing. That is Peyton's thoughts on the map. Yeah, 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:02.960 I agree. I mean I think my mistake is, you know, 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.240 saying anything on Twitter. I did think it was funny, 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:08.080 and that's why I said something. I had no idea 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.000 and I was completely shocked that he enacted the way 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:12.920 that he did. That was a mistake to be perfectly honest. 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:14.600 It was. It was just a funny tweet. It wasn't 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:17.040 even like throwing shade at him, because it's like, nowhere 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:18.800 did I hint that it was about him? Was I 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.720 gonna ever tell anyone that it was about him? Um? Yeah, 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:25.520 I think if Robbie was so offended by if, I 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:27.960 think the appropriate thing would have they texted you exactly 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:29.640 then like listen, why would you put that on Twitter? 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:31.320 And then you probably would have deleted. I mean I 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:34.400 don't know that in the workings of what happened, but yeah, 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.439 I agree. I never maybe paid for it and then 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:38.640 like asked you a far venmo or something like that. 0:08:38.800 --> 0:08:41.719 I don't know, Yeah, but I will say that I 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.720 didn't hear about it until we were I'm in like 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:46.600 a group chat with the guys from my season and 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.439 they like sent the screenshot. I deleted my Twitter, so 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:51.400 I've never on Twitter anymore. Um, you deleted your Twitter, 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.000 just like the app. Like I still have my account, 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:54.640 but I just don't use it ever. You just post 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:57.360 like a few days ago, no Twitter, like a week 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:58.760 and a half, maybe was a week and a half, 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:00.839 but then like he knew read an article about it 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.080 and it's just like became this thing. But anyways, it's 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.080 I think it's pretty clear to see who's at fault 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.600 and who's like the one that's I agree. I was 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.440 kind of like living through it for so I was 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:11.480 I wasn't doing anything that day, and I was on Twitter, 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:13.600 and then I saw I didn't even see your tweet 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:15.600 at first, because I must have just like scrolled right 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.520 through it. And then I saw Robbie post something because 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.080 I still fall him on Twitter, and then I was like, 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:22.560 what the hell is going on? And then of course 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.839 it just like became the saga for like a minus 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.240 Scoole Minis School, Soaca, but you tweeted on from Coachella 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:30.920 on Friday night? What did I tweet? I could have 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:35.959 scored sitting positions Instagram, but which I normally don't do. 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.000 I was like, I could have swore I just saw 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:47.760 a tweet shop alcohol might have been involved that post. Anyway, Um, 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:49.440 is there anything else that we want to cover about that? Again? 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:51.800 I think that it's all pretty clear who was in 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:53.720 the right and who's in the wrong. There. Um, it 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.920 just sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama that no 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.000 one really brought upon himself. He brought up on himsel 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.120 I guess what exactly. I think Robbie brought it upon himself. 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.840 And I think furthermore, we're becoming to maybe a little 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:07.600 bit too transparent in this culture that like we feel 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.800 the need to screenshot and post everything on social media 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.240 for people to make up their own minds. Like I 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:14.120 feel like some matters are meant to be handled privately, 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.480 and I think this is definitely one of those. And sure, 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.360 should you have tweeted something, I don't know, but the 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.760 fact is you didn't really out anybody, and so I 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:23.000 think that the way to handle it might have been 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:26.960 more private rather than screenshotting emails. And then furthermore, the 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:30.680 insults with like to say, you know what he said 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.959 about you like nice new um is absolutely absurd and 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:36.440 ridiculous to even mentioned that. And then furthermore, I thought 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:41.240 the the text messages the video was JUSTEO, you gotta 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:42.959 be you gotta be kidding me, Like the idea that 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.520 he edited it and some time, spent some time on 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.280 it and then releasing it onto whatever what I thought 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:49.800 was just in really poor taste, and he has since 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.040 deleted it. You know, we should throw that in there, 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:55.400 having said that he still posted it, so, um, you know, 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.040 I think it was just it could have been really 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.240 avoided and then it ended up turning into this thing. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:02.560 And No, I was actually pretty embarrassed by it, because 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:04.680 I mean when I tweeted that, I never obviously expected 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.840 all that to happen, or did I want attention from it. 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.839 So I guess I was confused why he reacted that 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:12.320 way because no one would have ever known knows about 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.080 him like we said, so I don't know if he 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:16.080 just wants attention. And that's why part of me doesn't 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:17.520 even really want to talk about it, because I feel 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:19.679 like I'm giving him what he wants. I feel like 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:21.120 he doesn't even care that it made him look bad. 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:23.080 I feel like he just wants attention, whether it's good 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:25.720 or bad. So were you surprised by how much the 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.559 media latched onto this, Yeah, I was kind of bummed 0:11:28.559 --> 0:11:30.280 about it because I'm like, this is what he wants. 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.080 I feel like he just wants his name in the media, 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:37.640 So I don't think he really cares. Agree, I will 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.320 say as someone that's I guess I've known you for 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.959 what probably ten months now. We met in Paradise, and 0:11:42.000 --> 0:11:44.360 obviously we don't hang out a whole bunch. But um, 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:46.240 I think that anyone that's ever really met you would 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:47.640 have nothing but the most positive things to say, and 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:49.079 you're not going to be seeking the drama and be 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.720 like that kind of person. So, um, the big question, 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.880 will you get a new annual path for Disneyland? Will 0:11:54.920 --> 0:12:04.320 you go without paid? I updated that card in Switching Gears. 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:07.520 We've got some great, really sweet emails for Dean after 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.880 last week. He opened up about a lot of stuff, um, 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:13.000 one of which was going in therapy. Um. But Sarah wrote, 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:14.800 and she said, my name is Sarah. I'm twenty three. 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:16.760 My mom died when I was twenty. My family all 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:19.000 watched with the Bachelord together, and watching Dean's journey on 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:22.680 Rachel's season really opened up conversation within my family and 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.720 helped us on the road to healing. And I cannot 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.040 thank him enough for that. Isn't that sweet? Dean? Yeah, 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.600 that's really sweet. I've been listening to the podcast since 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.200 the beginning and something Dean said this week got me curious. Dean, 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:34.440 you said that when you're you're looking for a relationship 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.520 where someone's strengths are your weaknesses and vice versa. Could 0:12:37.520 --> 0:12:39.719 you expand on that a little more? I haven't really 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:41.839 dated anyone since my mom died, but I often think 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.360 there's no way that people can understand me or fully 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.280 know me if they haven't lost a parent. Even listening 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:49.679 to your podcast, whenever someone tells you Odean, you need 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:51.720 to communicate more, or whatever else you have to be 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.120 a better data, I yell back at them. You don't 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.520 have a dead mom. You don't get to tell him anything. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:59.280 All those simple things are more difficult than they know. 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:01.240 So what your thoughts on this? Seeing as how you've 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.360 dated since your mom died, would you mind talking about 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:05.480 how that has affected your relationships, how you've tried to 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:07.839 talk to them about your mom. I understand this is 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:10.120 too personal to address, but any kind of reply would 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:11.600 be a lot to me. That's Sarah, I think that's 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:14.560 I love that your journey has helped her and her 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:17.040 family communicate on this thing. It's probably not something you 0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:19.200 thought about when you went on these TV shows to 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:21.079 begin with. No, I didn't. I was pretty reluctant even 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.319 to share the story the first time around, because it's 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:24.800 just a lot. It's a lot to share a bunch 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.480 of personal information especially on TV. And I remember, actually too, 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:28.920 I think I've talked about this in the past. That 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.880 first day that I talked to uh Rachel about my 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:33.600 mother passing away on our one on one I was 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:35.920 like kind of remorseful after after kind of everything, because 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:37.240 I was like breaking down and crying and stuff, and 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.040 one of the producers leaned in and said something like, 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.040 as long as you affect one person person positively, you 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.600 should take this away as a good experience. And UM, 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:46.560 in hindsight, like it obviously had a little bit bigger 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.880 of a reach than that, which is great. UM. I 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.120 don't think that she said something along the lines of 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:54.560 you don't have a dead mom, so you don't understand 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:57.320 where I'm coming from saying people who give you advice 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.720 about dating, she's saying they don't understand what has been through, 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:03.280 what I've been through, Sarah, so they don't understand they 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:08.079 shouldn't give you advice I've I've been told, UM, when 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:10.920 I speak with, whether it's a therapist of psychologist, anyone 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:12.880 that's kind of like more in tune with those types 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.240 of things that when I talk about or even like 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.640 the show psychologist, because you go through psychology tests all 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:19.840 that kind of stuff. Um that when I talk about 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.880 like the passing my mother, like those those uh tragic 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:25.840 events in my life, that I kind of brush over them. 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.000 So maybe when I meet someone new, I kind of 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:29.880 talk about it more like I'm reciting like a monologue 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:31.680 of my life instead of actually being emotional and being 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:33.320 in touch with that. And then so when I meet 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.320 that special person, I'm able to maybe dive a little 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.080 bit deeper, which is a little bit more challenging sometimes. Um, 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:40.880 But I would never I would never discount a relationship 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:44.080 because that person has two parents in their lives that 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.840 have had successful success in their relationship. You know, that's 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.000 not really a fair thing. And I mean to the 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:50.760 point that I made last week. I think when I 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:53.520 said my my weaknesses should would be hopefully their strengths 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:55.720 and vice versa, Like it'd be great that you know, 0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:57.640 my parents didn't have a great marriage my mom passed away, 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.200 But then if their parents had a great marriage and 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:00.760 are still together, then of and all that kind of stuff, 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.080 it almost kind of strengthens it because, um, it's kind 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.080 of like a like a yin and yang to the relationship. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:06.880 I will say, I was having this conversation the other 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.920 day actually as well. Um, because as I'm like doing 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.200 this whole you know pours postmode and breakup thing, I'm 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.760 trying to get to the reasons as to, you know, 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:16.800 kind of what's kind of gone wrong with my life. Um, 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.040 And I was thinking about the we had karmelon once 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:20.760 maybe like episode two or three. Who was the girl 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.720 that I did in high school? Um, and back then, 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:24.680 so I was dating her probably when I was sixteen, 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:26.360 but we were like talking and like best friends when 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.200 I was you know, thirteen, fourteen fifteen when my mom 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.360 passed away, and I think that the fact that she 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.320 was able to help me through that time really strengthen 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.760 our relationship and that's kind of why it was as 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:36.320 strong as it was and the feelings were as strong 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:37.640 as they were. But then there were also some bad 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:40.120 parts of that relationship that I see kind of being 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.720 reflected in my you know, relationships that I have nowadays 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.680 as well. And um, that's something that I need to 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.480 really figure out and get to the bottom of. But uh, 0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.120 it's I don't know, it's just a work in progress, 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:52.360 I guess every single time, and you can't really it's 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.120 hard to like plan as to what you're gonna do, 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.400 but trying to figure it out. Tina's like a relationship 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.440 like what I was talking about about her relationship with 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:02.120 her mom and losing her mom and that kind of 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:05.120 affecting her dating life. Have you ever felt that your 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:09.480 loss has ever affected your dating life? I don't think so. 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.880 I think there are a bunch of other things, maybe 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.120 that stemmed from that, that have affected my dating life, 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:16.480 but not necessarily that in particular, Like I would never 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:18.080 meet someone and be like, oh, my mom passed away 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:19.920 when I was fifteen, and then they'd be like, oh, 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:21.800 uh sorry, I gotta go now sort of thing, you know, Yeah, 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:23.880 of course, because I mean, but I think she touches 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:26.600 on another emailer also touches on a kind of a 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:29.080 fear of abandonment that could be kind of instilled in 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:30.840 you from a trauma drama like that. Right, there's a 0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:32.560 bunch of like psychoanalysis that can be done on that, 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.440 And I know how much you loved doing that. Yeah, 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:38.120 I think that at the end of the day that 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.480 those are a lot of things that uh, I have 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.440 really yet to come to terms with or or confront 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.640 and approach and all that kind of stuff. And um, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.320 A Man, I'd love to hear your perspective on this, 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:51.080 because you are a single mom, um and a wonderful 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.960 one at that, and your kids are adorable. Um, and 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.800 so i'd love to hear kind of your perspective on 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:58.960 the idea of, um, you know, raising your kids as 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.680 as a single mom. I'm relating to this email. Yeah, 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.960 I mean I think that it's obviously something I think 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.440 about too, Like, I mean, regardless of what the situation 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.119 is with your parents, if you've lost a parent, if 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.919 you're a single parent, I think it's something I think 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.560 about even with my kids, like how I'm raising them, 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:20.399 is it going to affect them when they get older? Um? 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:24.399 So yeah, I mean I don't know. It's a tough answer. 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:26.720 I don't think there's a right or wrong answer from 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.080 an outside perspective, um, because I don't want to speak 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:30.919 as if like I have an answer within this situation 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:34.000 because I've never been through this situation. UM. But I 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:36.040 would say that it's I think there's a very there's 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.040 a lot of gray area, and I don't think there's 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.159 a right or wrong answer for you Sour, for you 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.640 Den or for you Amanda with raising your kids. Um, 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:45.600 I think it's kind of on an individual basis, and 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.560 all you can do is do the best you can do. 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:53.119 Um with coping, uh, with moving on to a certain sense, 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:56.560 with you know, taking the time that you need um 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.639 two for lack of a better term, put your walls 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:02.439 down in being willing to open yourself up to somebody 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:05.159 else again. And my thing is too, it's uh. I 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:06.639 think that one of the most important things is just 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:07.840 the amount of love. So like I mean, you look 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.080 at a Manda raiser children and she's obviously showers them 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:11.280 with love constantly, and I think that's one of the 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.560 most important things. Like I have friends who have parents 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:16.720 who were divorced when they were a little, um, divorce 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:18.080 when they were older, all that kind of stuff, that 0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:20.960 are still having these successful relationships nowadays because you know, 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:23.080 they felt the love from one or both of their 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.280 parents when they were little. Um. That's that's my two 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:27.160 cents on it. And I mean from what we see 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:29.680 via whatever outlet it is, we see a Manda being 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.800 a great mother. So of course, and I was think 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.200 for Sarah too, like Dean, I think it's a really 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:38.679 inspirational email, uh, even just for me reading it, because 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.520 to think that Dean. Just by you going on this 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:43.879 show and kind of living your life and showcasing your 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.080 personality in the in the workings of your family, UM 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:50.479 has really helped Sarah. I think that's an incredible thing 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:52.680 that shouldn't be overlooked. And I think, you know, I 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:54.560 think there's probably a lot of stories out here like 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.040 this with you, amand I'm sure there's a lot of 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:58.639 single moms out there that I have watched you and 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.800 have related to you, and have you have helped them 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:05.159 in certain areas of their life. UM. And so I 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:07.360 think that's pretty incredible, Sarah. So I want to thank 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:09.480 you for writing an email, one more email before we 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:11.280 get to some other topics today. Tracy and I just 0:19:11.320 --> 0:19:13.199 thought this was such a kind and sweet email. My 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:15.399 motherly instinct, she said, came out for Dean is I 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:17.800 listed the latest podcast and I wanted to offer some advice. 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:20.840 It's okay to break up with somebody, even if that 0:19:20.880 --> 0:19:23.879 person is a wonderful person. That doesn't make you a 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.440 bad person. It's all about being right for each other. 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:28.440 This goes back to last week when we all thought 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:30.400 Dean was I thought this the Dean is a little 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.040 hard in themselves. Over the breakup he went on went 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:36.159 through recently. It's okay to expect the relationship doesn't have 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:38.000 to take a lot of work. I hear you struggling 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:40.280 with this by saying you need to accept that relationships 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:43.640 take more work than you thought. Don't settle on this one. 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:46.879 When you click with someone and there is laughter, chemistry 0:19:46.920 --> 0:19:49.560 and you shared the same values in mindset, it shouldn't 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:51.840 be that hard. I agree with that as well. I've 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:54.800 been married for fifteen and sixteen years now. I don't 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:56.399 I don't find it to be that hard. I hear 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:58.679 a lot of people talk about marriages so difficult, and 0:19:58.680 --> 0:20:00.119 I'm sure it is, and I'm sure it can be. 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:02.879 I do feel like it works for us. It just 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:05.360 kind of works. And maybe I'm you still have your 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:09.000 moments of difficulty, right of course, there's bickering and there's whatever, 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:10.960 and people are tired, and that happens. But I don't 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:12.480 feel like it's a great deal of work. And maybe 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.520 I'm just one of the lucky ones. Quite honestly, Tracy says, 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:17.800 my husband reminds me a lot of you. He didn't 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:19.439 know what he wanted. Dating was filled with a lot 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:21.359 of dead ends and breaking many hearts due to his 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:24.440 indecisiveness and fear of commitment. When we got together, he 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:27.160 saught therapy to work through his issues of abandonment. Therapy 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:29.119 was the turning point that made him and eventually our 0:20:29.160 --> 0:20:31.840 relationship even stronger. We've been married now for twenty years. 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.520 Every couple's journey is unique and there isn't a one 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:37.800 size fits all. Just focus on finding someone you missed 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:39.879 the second thing go out the door, someone you have 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:42.159 to tell all the funny and stupid things that happened 0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:44.960 to you that day, and above all, someone you truly respect, 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:47.680 because that drives how you treat and communicate with each other. 0:20:47.960 --> 0:20:49.720 If you bring out the best in each other without 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:52.720 even trying, that's a really great start. Good luck in 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:55.560 your dating quest. It's okay to suck a dating everyone 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:59.560 does because dating sucks. Isn't that a great email? Email? 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.080 Trace Tracy killing it? I love the way she ends it. 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:03.760 See that's what I was talking about last week too, though, 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:05.960 kind of like that utopic idea of just two people 0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:08.040 kind of coming together and fitting together like puzzle pieces 0:21:08.040 --> 0:21:10.680 that can you know, Like when the person leaves the 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:12.120 room and you all you can do is think about 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:13.359 how much you miss them and how much wish they 0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:14.359 were back in the room with you. That's what I 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:16.879 think all of us want and work for. And if 0:21:16.880 --> 0:21:18.720 you don't, we all looking for you, looking for you, 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:20.479 and if you don't have that, then all you can 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:23.280 kind of do is hope for the best moving forward. 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:25.359 That's kind of like, I don't know it. No, I agree, 0:21:25.640 --> 0:21:27.520 I don't know. Um. I also think, just to touch on, 0:21:28.040 --> 0:21:30.280 I think, yes, Dean was being very hard on himself, 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:33.199 but just to reiterate, I think, um, we also just 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:36.240 wanted to respect the fact that the other person wasn't 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:38.399 here to defend herself. And that's why I think for 0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:41.680 me personally, and I think Dean was shaking his head 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.160 as if he agrees, Um, no, no, no, he agrees 0:21:44.560 --> 0:21:46.520 that like we you know, do you want to focus 0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:48.200 on himself because it's hard to really focus on somebody 0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:49.680 else when they're not here to be able to speak 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:51.520 their piece on it and give their opinion, because that's 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:54.720 almost unfair. Um. But yeah, of course, in reality, of course, 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:56.320 I think Dean's being too hard on himself. You know, 0:21:56.480 --> 0:21:58.520 Dean's a wonderful guy, is a great catch. I don't 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:01.720 think I have to really say that. Um, and so, Dean, 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:03.720 you're gonna find the love of your life and you're 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:06.240 going to shower her with affection and she's going to 0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:09.720 be the luckiest lady on this planet earth. Such a sweetheart. 0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:11.960 Things dard it does funny. To Tracy's point, she said 0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:14.159 something on the line along the lines of when she 0:22:14.280 --> 0:22:16.400 met her husband of twenty years, he just started going 0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:18.359 to therapy. And I know I mentioned last week how 0:22:18.440 --> 0:22:19.840 it was something I was gonna start seeking out, and 0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:21.679 I did start going. So I went yesterday for the 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:24.320 first time since I was fifteen, and I found this fascinating. 0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:26.480 You found the therapist on yelled. You found him on 0:22:26.560 --> 0:22:29.280 yellow Yep, you got some got some great reviews. It's 0:22:29.280 --> 0:22:31.560 like a four point nine star rating. Seriously, it's like 0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:33.440 an uber driver here, like four point nine. How could 0:22:33.440 --> 0:22:35.879 I not go to this therapist? But actually, so it's 0:22:35.880 --> 0:22:38.040 funny is I found the four point nine star therapist 0:22:38.160 --> 0:22:41.000 and she was far far too expensive for me, like 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.439 like ridiculous, and so she was like, yeah, you can 0:22:43.440 --> 0:22:45.960 take this person at this office instead. Um No, it 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:48.119 was great. It's it's obviously it's only been one session 0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:50.919 so far, but I'm gonna do it weekly and you know, 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.520 hopefully it's it's it'll prove to be beneficial. So far, 0:22:53.640 --> 0:22:55.000 you know, it's nice to be able to talk freely 0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:57.480 and openly with someone that you know. Um, we'll keep 0:22:57.480 --> 0:22:59.600 it all confident and in privacy and all that kind 0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:04.280 of stuff. So um, it felt good, it felt normal 0:23:04.400 --> 0:23:06.320 from so far. But again, it's all everything that I 0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:08.240 told her in the first session is the things that 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:10.600 I've um either shared with you guys on the podcast 0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:13.240 or shared with my friends and privacy as well. But 0:23:13.280 --> 0:23:15.679 it's nice to have kind of like an unbiased opinion, uh, 0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:18.720 in order to kind of help you work things. And um, 0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:20.600 she's she's kind of along the same lines too, Like 0:23:20.840 --> 0:23:23.119 she's talking about like how dreams influence the things that 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:24.160 are going on in your life and all that kind 0:23:24.160 --> 0:23:25.720 of stuff as well. And I've always been kind of 0:23:25.760 --> 0:23:27.920 a person that has really weird dreams and like vivid 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:30.439 dreams and just kind of a lot going in my head, 0:23:30.520 --> 0:23:32.200 especially when I'm sleeping. So it's I think it'll be 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:35.520 very beneficially. I'm excited to see how it helps and 0:23:35.560 --> 0:23:37.639 if it helps and all that kind of stuff. And um, 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:39.320 obviously I'll share with you guys a lot of kind 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:40.720 of what's going on, and I'll keep some of it 0:23:40.720 --> 0:23:43.240 a little bit more private. But um, I think it's 0:23:43.240 --> 0:23:45.560 really nice too, because I think sometimes when you talk 0:23:45.600 --> 0:23:48.399 amongst your friends as a guy, like I like, sometimes 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:50.639 I don't really open up as much as I should 0:23:50.680 --> 0:23:52.240 for the simple fact that I don't want to be 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:55.760 judged by my by my bros. And so I'm like, yeah, 0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:57.399 you know, and I kind of keep things at a 0:23:57.440 --> 0:23:59.960 surface level. But I remember, yeah, for someone with therapy, 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:01.760 it was just like really nice just to be like, 0:24:02.520 --> 0:24:06.359 you know, not feel guilty to cry, you know, just 0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:08.879 to like let it all out. Almost almost cried yesterday 0:24:08.880 --> 0:24:10.560 and I was like, stop yourself from crying, Just like 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:13.920 I need to get comfortable enough with her first before 0:24:13.960 --> 0:24:15.720 I can. Like, I opened up about a lot of things, 0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:17.440 and there were moments where I was like talking about something, 0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:18.719 I was like, I'm really about to cry right now, 0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:19.879 so like town it back. But it's just like I 0:24:19.880 --> 0:24:21.720 feel I need to build the level of comfortability up 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:24.040 a little bit at least, you mean, like at least 0:24:24.080 --> 0:24:28.520 until session three for that one um session too. I 0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:32.080 have you ever done therapy, Amanda, I have actually Um, 0:24:32.119 --> 0:24:34.520 I've done therapy when I was going through my divorce, 0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:37.280 But I mean, I think it's good for anyone to go, 0:24:37.760 --> 0:24:41.160 you know, talk to somebody. Um. Obviously, you know we've 0:24:41.160 --> 0:24:44.120 all been through a lot of relationships, different kinds of relationships. 0:24:44.200 --> 0:24:46.480 But yeah, I mean, I think it's good just to 0:24:46.480 --> 0:24:49.920 have someone to talk to, someone that's unbiased. So I'm 0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:52.879 all for it. The unbiased is big for me too, because, um, 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:54.959 as much as I love all my friends and all 0:24:55.000 --> 0:24:56.679 you guys and all the support that they give, sometimes 0:24:56.680 --> 0:24:58.520 I think it's important to have someone that is going 0:24:58.560 --> 0:24:59.640 to call you out for a kind of the crap 0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:01.760 that you're doing wrong exactly, because sometimes your friends can 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:03.720 just take your side too much and they're like, no, 0:25:03.880 --> 0:25:06.280 you're great, They're awful, and it makes you feel good. 0:25:06.320 --> 0:25:09.040 But having your right, that unbiased opinion to say, well, 0:25:09.119 --> 0:25:12.800 maybe you could have done this better is really pivotal 0:25:12.800 --> 0:25:16.119 to improving yourself. Yeah. Um, but one way to deal 0:25:16.160 --> 0:25:17.919 with all that stuff is to go and find a 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:19.879 significantly that you can share this intimate and personal and 0:25:19.880 --> 0:25:21.959 private things with the things we're looking for. You were 0:25:21.960 --> 0:25:23.960 just talking about, you want that person you miss when 0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:25.879 they leave the room and for a lot of people, 0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:28.320 the Harmony is the way to go. And I think 0:25:28.320 --> 0:25:30.240 to the point that that you guys made earlier, it's 0:25:30.280 --> 0:25:32.040 it's someone that you want to spend all your time 0:25:32.040 --> 0:25:34.440 with and do everything you want to do with them. 0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:35.920 And so what I think that Harmony does a great 0:25:36.000 --> 0:25:37.600 job of is kind of curating the things that you 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:39.399 find important in your life and then kind of matching 0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:41.200 you with someone that feels the same way about those things, 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:43.439 and they're that are willing to do those things with you. 0:25:43.480 --> 0:25:46.320 So um Like, everyone's tired of hook up sites, right, 0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:48.680 Everyone's tired of hook up dating apps and all this stuff. 0:25:48.800 --> 0:25:51.240 The Harmony is so much more than that. They're not 0:25:51.280 --> 0:25:52.840 a hook up stide, and they take great pride in 0:25:52.880 --> 0:25:54.880 that they are the one you go to when you're 0:25:54.920 --> 0:25:57.439 ready for a relationship exactly. I think people that are 0:25:57.440 --> 0:25:59.680 actually trying to find a relationship, e Harmony is the 0:25:59.680 --> 0:26:01.080 place to go because I think a lot of people 0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:02.800 that are on there are actually looking to go on 0:26:02.920 --> 0:26:05.000 dates rather than just hook up. For sure, they survey 0:26:04.960 --> 0:26:07.520 it's six singles and they need to be a Harmony. 0:26:07.560 --> 0:26:10.800 The number one most trusted dating site or app there is. 0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:13.360 They've helped over a million people find their perfect match. Yeah, 0:26:13.400 --> 0:26:14.879 and on top of all of that, it's affordable to 0:26:15.000 --> 0:26:17.560 and right now, our listeners can get a free month 0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:19.200 with the Harmony when they sign up for a three 0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:22.280 month subscription. So if you are serious about dating and 0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:23.720 you want to take it seriously, and you want to 0:26:23.760 --> 0:26:25.320 find that person that you can spend the rest of 0:26:25.359 --> 0:26:27.159 your life with, and so be sure to go to 0:26:27.240 --> 0:26:29.280 e harmony dot com and if you use our code 0:26:29.320 --> 0:26:31.520 help at check out, you'll get a free month with 0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:34.560 your three month subscription. So stop waiting for your journey 0:26:34.640 --> 0:26:37.040 to to a satisfying, meaningful relationship. It can start right 0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:39.400 now on e harmony. If you go online, UM, fill 0:26:39.400 --> 0:26:41.119 out your profile. I promise you it doesn't take too long, 0:26:41.160 --> 0:26:42.840 and I promise it's actually probably gonna be pretty fun. 0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:44.520 You might even learn a little bit more about yourself 0:26:44.560 --> 0:26:46.240 and kind of what you value and are looking for. 0:26:46.320 --> 0:26:49.919 So um check it out harmony dot com. All right, 0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:51.760 so let's talk about a little bit. Uh, I guess 0:26:51.800 --> 0:26:54.200 current events in the dating world right now. I'm sure 0:26:54.240 --> 0:26:56.080 most of you listeners have heard isn't in us all? 0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:57.639 In studio? I've heard, of course, of John Cena and 0:26:57.680 --> 0:27:01.119 Nicki Bella's situation going on John's I just wanted to 0:27:01.119 --> 0:27:03.200 it out. I'm sorry, we can we can squeeze a 0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:05.440 couple more of those in before the end of the segment. Um. 0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:07.240 It's one of those situations where they were dating for 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:09.320 a long time, about five or six years, and John 0:27:09.320 --> 0:27:12.000 Cena and Nikki decided to get married, but a month 0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:15.840 before their actual wedding ceremony. Uh, John called it off 0:27:15.880 --> 0:27:18.919 because he didn't want children and Nikki did. No, we 0:27:18.960 --> 0:27:20.760 don't really know who called it off. It's more of 0:27:21.760 --> 0:27:23.760 a they came out with like some sort of statement 0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:25.760 saying that we just decided to go our separate ways. 0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:28.600 And it's been then further, like there's been rumors coming 0:27:28.600 --> 0:27:31.640 out that the reason they broke up was because John 0:27:31.640 --> 0:27:34.240 didn't want kids and Nikki did. Right thanks to embarrassing 0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:36.440 because I had the big public proposal in the middle 0:27:36.480 --> 0:27:38.960 of the wrestling ring with all these people watching, and 0:27:38.960 --> 0:27:41.120 it was a big deal and it was beautiful as that. 0:27:41.440 --> 0:27:43.120 I think it was about a year ago when when 0:27:43.119 --> 0:27:44.760 they got and they proposed, it was like, yeah, it 0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:46.119 was in the it was in the ring. It was 0:27:46.119 --> 0:27:48.000 obviously John Cena is a wrestler, for any but that 0:27:48.040 --> 0:27:50.120 doesn't know. And so he did it at the w 0:27:50.119 --> 0:27:53.080 W e insaide the ring, and like there's this big production. 0:27:53.160 --> 0:27:55.560 It was a year ago. Was last April during WrestleMania 0:27:55.600 --> 0:27:58.640 thirty three, Yes, WrestleMania thirty three, which obviously all our 0:27:58.640 --> 0:28:01.240 listeners watched one of the Strestlemania as in my opinion, 0:28:01.359 --> 0:28:04.959 get duh. And so I think it's just very interesting 0:28:04.960 --> 0:28:07.560 that it happened a month before the wedding and why 0:28:07.600 --> 0:28:11.040 this may be? Why? Like why now, that's my curious question. 0:28:11.080 --> 0:28:14.200 That's why not earlier. It definitely beckons a question of 0:28:14.680 --> 0:28:17.200 if one person in a relationship wants children the other 0:28:17.280 --> 0:28:19.760 doesn't want children, is it worth saying in that relationship 0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:21.320 because you know it will be a point of contention 0:28:21.400 --> 0:28:23.960 later on. I think for me, sometimes I think about 0:28:24.000 --> 0:28:25.600 I kind of go back and forth whether I want 0:28:25.680 --> 0:28:28.199 kids or not. There's moments where I can't imagine my 0:28:28.240 --> 0:28:30.560 life without being a father at some point, or there 0:28:30.560 --> 0:28:32.960 are times where I question whether I want to have kids, 0:28:32.960 --> 0:28:35.320 and I think I always go back. I want kids, 0:28:35.840 --> 0:28:38.640 but more than anything, I want kids with the right person. 0:28:38.760 --> 0:28:41.280 Because I mean, obviously many you can speak upon this 0:28:41.400 --> 0:28:44.800 like the as wonderful and as it's probably one of 0:28:44.840 --> 0:28:46.320 the best things that You've ever done with your life, 0:28:46.320 --> 0:28:48.200 but it's probably also one of the most stressful things 0:28:48.240 --> 0:28:49.640 that I've ever done with your life. And so for me, 0:28:49.680 --> 0:28:52.120 i'd i'd want to go through that process with somebody 0:28:52.200 --> 0:28:55.479 that I love and really can can depend on um. 0:28:55.600 --> 0:28:58.200 And so I think that's a that's a big contention 0:28:58.280 --> 0:28:59.960 for me, or at least something I'm going to atten 0:29:00.240 --> 0:29:03.000 to work towards is not just having kids, but having 0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:06.120 kids with the right person UM, because you know, I mean, 0:29:06.120 --> 0:29:09.239 we've talked about relationships ending and marriages ending and how 0:29:09.240 --> 0:29:11.000 difficult that could be, and of course that's just life 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:13.000 and that's the way things happen. Sometimes you can't really 0:29:13.000 --> 0:29:14.920 prevent it. But I'm going to do everything in my 0:29:14.960 --> 0:29:17.360 power to try to prevent that. And the first and 0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:19.800 foremost thing is finding that right person before I end 0:29:19.880 --> 0:29:22.800 up having kids, or at least try to. I don't know, 0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:27.880 so obviously, Amanda dealbreaker. Few meetings like kids. Actually, can 0:29:27.920 --> 0:29:30.040 I ask you does that happen often? Because as like 0:29:30.080 --> 0:29:32.600 a single date, as a single mother dating, do you 0:29:32.680 --> 0:29:36.920 make it known well in advance that you have to daughters? Yeah? 0:29:37.040 --> 0:29:39.360 I mean, it's something that I mean, I would never hide. 0:29:39.400 --> 0:29:41.320 It's like the most important thing to me. So I 0:29:41.320 --> 0:29:44.560 wouldn't even really waste my time dating somebody who didn't 0:29:44.560 --> 0:29:46.720 want kids or who didn't like kids. Um. But I 0:29:46.800 --> 0:29:50.040 think that's something that like dating in the past was 0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:51.560 a lot different, Like you used to just like meet 0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:53.920 someone and if you liked each other, then like later 0:29:53.960 --> 0:29:55.840 down the road you would start talking about what you 0:29:55.840 --> 0:29:58.440 want in the future. Or I think that now that 0:29:58.480 --> 0:30:00.680 I have kids is something that I talk about sooner. 0:30:01.640 --> 0:30:03.200 So that's probably I mean, I don't know if that's 0:30:03.200 --> 0:30:04.680 what happened with them, but I'm sure they're like in love. 0:30:04.720 --> 0:30:06.840 They just probably want different things in life, which is 0:30:07.400 --> 0:30:09.920 a deal breaker, you know. Yeah, I think it's something 0:30:09.960 --> 0:30:12.480 in a relationship that would be very difficult to work past. 0:30:12.560 --> 0:30:15.040 If one person was so adamant to having kids and 0:30:15.040 --> 0:30:17.240 the other person was saying I would never having kids, 0:30:17.560 --> 0:30:20.800 I don't really see how a relationship could work, um 0:30:20.840 --> 0:30:23.800 if that was the case, because that's you know, that's 0:30:23.840 --> 0:30:26.360 your family, that's your legacy, that's your life. And I 0:30:26.400 --> 0:30:29.040 think we've talked in the past about like political differences, 0:30:29.600 --> 0:30:32.720 religious differences. That type of stuff is a work through, 0:30:32.880 --> 0:30:34.880 like you can get through those types of things for 0:30:34.880 --> 0:30:37.200 for some. For some it's a deal breakers stright up. 0:30:37.320 --> 0:30:39.160 And I think I feel like the older you get, 0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:42.080 the more strict you get with your deal breakers. Of course, yeah, 0:30:42.320 --> 0:30:44.400 because you just are so much more comfortably with yourself 0:30:44.400 --> 0:30:46.360 and you're like, no, I'm not settling, Like I'm at 0:30:46.440 --> 0:30:50.120 this age, I've gone this long. I'm okay with being single. Um, Like, 0:30:50.240 --> 0:30:52.800 I am going to either wait for the right person 0:30:53.000 --> 0:30:56.120 or just never find them. And I think in Amanda's case, 0:30:56.200 --> 0:30:57.680 like you definitely have to be a lot more selected 0:30:57.720 --> 0:31:00.000 with who you date now. Yeah, I mean my deal breakers, 0:31:00.040 --> 0:31:06.480 this is like a mile long dean. You want kids? 0:31:06.680 --> 0:31:08.360 I would love kids, Yes, And if you were in 0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:11.000 a relationship early on and realized the other person is 0:31:11.040 --> 0:31:12.520 not interested in that, would that be the end of 0:31:12.560 --> 0:31:14.160 it or would you just kind of see where it goes? 0:31:14.160 --> 0:31:15.640 That's what I was I was actually like while Jared 0:31:15.640 --> 0:31:17.320 was talking, I was like staring off into space, trying 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:19.360 to think about that situation. Well, I'm really glad you 0:31:19.400 --> 0:31:21.680 listen to me. I'm just trying to wrap my head 0:31:21.680 --> 0:31:23.840 around it because I've never really experienced that, and I 0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:25.600 do want kids. I think that I need to get 0:31:25.640 --> 0:31:28.959 to a place where I'm comfortable with myself enough obviously 0:31:28.960 --> 0:31:30.480 before I'm ready to have kids. Like I'm excited to 0:31:30.520 --> 0:31:31.840 have kids. I can't wait to have kids, but I 0:31:31.880 --> 0:31:33.040 know that I need to take a lot of time 0:31:33.040 --> 0:31:35.840 before I'm ready for something like that. Um, if I 0:31:35.840 --> 0:31:38.960 was dating someone that was vehemently against having children, I 0:31:39.000 --> 0:31:40.840 don't think that I would really look at it as 0:31:40.840 --> 0:31:44.120 a long term thing. But again, I I don't I 0:31:44.160 --> 0:31:46.200 agree with Dean. For me too, if I was on 0:31:46.200 --> 0:31:47.880 a day with somebody who said I would never have kids, 0:31:47.880 --> 0:31:49.480 I think it would be tough thing for me because 0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:53.400 even though I'm not completely sure if I want kids, 0:31:53.440 --> 0:31:57.360 I'm also very sure that I'm not positive that I 0:31:57.520 --> 0:31:59.760 never want kids, if that makes any sense. I want 0:31:59.800 --> 0:32:01.760 to specific like family too, Like I want to have 0:32:01.800 --> 0:32:04.760 two children on my own. I want to adopt two children. UM. 0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:07.400 And I've whenever I share that with people in like 0:32:07.440 --> 0:32:09.960 the dating world before, UM, all of this, like it's 0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:11.680 always been received pretty well. Like I've never met a 0:32:11.720 --> 0:32:13.840 girl and gone on dates with them, and like you know, 0:32:13.920 --> 0:32:15.880 eventually obviously you get on that topic of things. And 0:32:15.920 --> 0:32:17.120 I've never had a girl be like, oh, like I 0:32:17.160 --> 0:32:18.600 don't want kids. So it's just something that I'm not 0:32:18.640 --> 0:32:19.960 familiar with, so it's hard for me to kind of 0:32:19.960 --> 0:32:21.959 wrap my head around that situation. Well, this guy, hopefully 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:23.880 that we can be common ground with you and that 0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:27.520 future wife of yours. Maybe she won't of course quite 0:32:27.520 --> 0:32:30.160 exactly the same thing. Yeah, you can come together. Of course, 0:32:30.160 --> 0:32:32.200 there's some flexibility there. It's just like an idea that 0:32:32.200 --> 0:32:34.040 I've had for a long time. I'm don't not like 0:32:34.080 --> 0:32:37.000 steadfast and thinking that, but um, yeah, to bounce off 0:32:37.000 --> 0:32:38.720 your point, I completely agree with you. I think sometimes 0:32:38.760 --> 0:32:40.520 I think about myself and whether I want kids or not, 0:32:40.560 --> 0:32:42.640 and I think sometimes I think I don't because I'm 0:32:42.680 --> 0:32:44.800 just not in the place right now that I feel 0:32:44.800 --> 0:32:48.160 comfortable having kids. But in two to three years, hopefully 0:32:48.160 --> 0:32:51.560 I'm more comfortable and uh, you know, financially set and 0:32:51.680 --> 0:32:53.640 kind of know where I'm living and who I'm with, 0:32:53.720 --> 0:32:56.560 and at that point, like, no, I want kids, just 0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:58.360 the reason I was so, I was doubting a little 0:32:58.360 --> 0:32:59.840 bit early on in my office because I just don't 0:32:59.840 --> 0:33:01.520 think I was ready to have kids great at this moment. 0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:03.000 But I think it's also like what you said, like 0:33:03.080 --> 0:33:05.160 you want to have kids with the right person, because 0:33:05.160 --> 0:33:07.360 people ask me, like one of the number one question 0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:08.600 they get asked all the time is if I want 0:33:08.640 --> 0:33:11.880 more kids, And I do, Like, I really want more kids, 0:33:11.920 --> 0:33:14.200 but I want to have more kids with like the 0:33:14.280 --> 0:33:15.880 right person, you know what I mean. So if that 0:33:15.920 --> 0:33:19.040 never happens, and at leastity of two. But I think 0:33:19.040 --> 0:33:21.200 that's a big thing. Like it's hard to imagine yourself 0:33:21.240 --> 0:33:24.200 having kids when you're like so single, you know, Yeah, absolutely, 0:33:24.400 --> 0:33:25.720 I think I think I need to learn how to 0:33:25.760 --> 0:33:27.800 depend on myself before I can let others depend on 0:33:27.880 --> 0:33:30.760 me too in terms of kids. That's deep. That was deep. 0:33:30.760 --> 0:33:33.520 I wasking on that one for a second. It's a 0:33:33.560 --> 0:33:36.040 good one. But that's very true because I think that 0:33:36.160 --> 0:33:37.640 is a fear for a lot of people that I 0:33:37.680 --> 0:33:40.200 have no business being a father. So I can't be 0:33:40.240 --> 0:33:42.520 doing this. Oh it's terrified I'm only going to mess 0:33:42.520 --> 0:33:46.280 them up. Yeah, I feel like I like, I mean, help, 0:33:46.360 --> 0:33:49.160 I suck at dating, Like I already feel insecure about 0:33:49.160 --> 0:33:52.160 my dating life, let alone taking care of such a 0:33:52.240 --> 0:33:55.600 fragile thing like a baby and trying to raise them 0:33:55.720 --> 0:33:58.400 right and teach them right from wrong. Um, it's a 0:33:58.520 --> 0:34:01.920 very intimidating endeavor to take and so totally, I will 0:34:01.920 --> 0:34:04.960 say children in general, though, I enjoy being around children, 0:34:05.080 --> 0:34:08.000 even like my closest friends. Um, before I went on 0:34:08.040 --> 0:34:09.480 the show and I was like working as a recruiter 0:34:09.520 --> 0:34:11.000 for all those years, I was always kind of having 0:34:11.000 --> 0:34:14.840 like this uh professional like uncertain people I wanted to do. 0:34:14.880 --> 0:34:16.239 And a lot of my great friends were always like, 0:34:16.280 --> 0:34:19.160 you should go into teaching like elementary education. Um, whatever 0:34:19.200 --> 0:34:21.439 that is, because I do. I feel like I feel 0:34:21.440 --> 0:34:26.920 like that whatever whatever else. I'm just saying. I feel 0:34:26.960 --> 0:34:29.640 like when I'm a dad, I'll be a good dad. 0:34:29.680 --> 0:34:31.520 I just know that I need to be like I 0:34:31.520 --> 0:34:33.239 don't know, I need to figure out exactly what I 0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:36.160 like being around kids. I guess I think you're going 0:34:36.239 --> 0:34:37.840 to be an awesome dad. And I think everything that 0:34:37.880 --> 0:34:40.160 I've I'm sure Amanda can attest this. Every parent that 0:34:40.160 --> 0:34:43.359 I've ever talked about, like like, how do you know 0:34:43.400 --> 0:34:45.440 what you're doing with raising kids? And like every parents 0:34:45.480 --> 0:34:47.680 always like you just do the best you can stuff. 0:34:48.000 --> 0:34:49.640 That's why I think it's funny like hearing I mean 0:34:49.680 --> 0:34:50.960 my friends are the same way, Like when you hear 0:34:51.000 --> 0:34:53.520 people talk about wanting kids, are like, well, first, I 0:34:53.520 --> 0:34:55.799 need to be financially set. I need to work on myself, 0:34:55.840 --> 0:34:57.520 I need to do all these things. I'm like, you're 0:34:57.560 --> 0:34:59.319 literally never gonna have kids. If you were just trying 0:34:59.360 --> 0:35:01.799 to wait till you're perfect, it just happens and then 0:35:02.000 --> 0:35:04.040 you just like you said, you just do the best 0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:05.960 you can can you enjoy it? And Amanda, you've done 0:35:05.960 --> 0:35:08.080 a wonderful job. You guys are so nice. How old 0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:11.080 are your daughter? Six? And four? Yeah? What are other 0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:13.160 deal breakers? All three of you are single? Are there 0:35:13.200 --> 0:35:15.719 any other things that in your mind that's it? If 0:35:15.760 --> 0:35:20.040 this happened, I'm out no matter what. Uh. Cigarette smoking 0:35:20.200 --> 0:35:24.319 totally number one? I agree, absolutely agree, same. I just 0:35:24.320 --> 0:35:26.960 don't think I could kiss someone routinely that always has 0:35:26.960 --> 0:35:29.120 a cigarette in the mouth and like the cigarette breath 0:35:29.160 --> 0:35:30.960 and it's just you know, it might be a deal breaker. 0:35:32.560 --> 0:35:38.319 I mean I have so many oh gosh, okay, um, 0:35:38.760 --> 0:35:41.560 like most importantly, like obviously, somebody that wants kids and 0:35:41.560 --> 0:35:44.239 like family super important to them is number one for me. 0:35:44.840 --> 0:35:48.960 But um also, like, I mean, somebody that's honest, somebody 0:35:48.960 --> 0:35:50.839 that's consistent. But I think also someone that just has 0:35:50.880 --> 0:35:54.040 like the same like morals and values is me especially 0:35:54.120 --> 0:35:57.120 like raising kids. I've realized, like I have like a 0:35:57.239 --> 0:35:59.040 very it's hard being a single mom because you're not 0:35:59.080 --> 0:36:02.759 like raising your kids with somebody else. And I have 0:36:02.840 --> 0:36:05.400 like this very specific way that I like raise my kids, 0:36:05.400 --> 0:36:07.200 Like I want them to be like super respectful, super 0:36:07.280 --> 0:36:10.280 nice to everybody. So like when you bring someone else around, 0:36:10.960 --> 0:36:13.520 I don't know, like it's hard for them to like, 0:36:13.520 --> 0:36:15.080 like I don't want them to like rub off on 0:36:15.160 --> 0:36:17.680 my kids, and like the way I know actually you 0:36:17.800 --> 0:36:19.680 mentioned makes sense. You mentioned this to me in the 0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:23.200 past before. How as selective as you are with the 0:36:23.200 --> 0:36:25.480 people that you date, you also are very very It 0:36:25.520 --> 0:36:27.200 takes you a long time to be willing to introduce 0:36:27.239 --> 0:36:29.480 them to your children, which I think is very important 0:36:29.560 --> 0:36:31.880 because they don't want to. I don't know, constantly me 0:36:31.880 --> 0:36:33.360 meeting these guys that you're dating, because it could be 0:36:33.400 --> 0:36:35.880 confusing for them. But that's that's an interesting point too, 0:36:35.880 --> 0:36:37.600 because as a single mother, you're kind of allowed to 0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:39.080 raise them the way that you want to raise them. 0:36:39.080 --> 0:36:41.520 And Mark like in your point, you're kind of obviously 0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:43.680 sharing the raising of the children with your wife, so 0:36:43.680 --> 0:36:46.239 it's kind of sort of thing. Yeah, um, I could 0:36:46.239 --> 0:36:47.840 see you having real issue with a guy coming in 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:51.040 and having certain things he wants for the kids, certain rules, 0:36:51.040 --> 0:36:54.160 certain you know, or like idated a guy once that 0:36:54.239 --> 0:36:56.239 was like not that nice to like waiters or like 0:36:56.280 --> 0:36:58.880 our house cleaners and stuff. And I was like, and 0:36:58.920 --> 0:37:00.440 he was really sweet to my kids, but I'm like, 0:37:00.520 --> 0:37:02.960 I don't want my kids seeing that, you know what 0:37:03.000 --> 0:37:05.000 I mean, Like I raised them to be like super 0:37:05.080 --> 0:37:08.359 nice to everybody and like treat everybody with respect. So 0:37:08.640 --> 0:37:10.000 that's like such a big thing for me, is like 0:37:10.040 --> 0:37:12.280 I just want my kids to be like nice, good people. 0:37:12.360 --> 0:37:13.919 That's a big one totally. This is kind of often 0:37:13.960 --> 0:37:15.680 be in path. But when you said nice to service 0:37:15.680 --> 0:37:17.759 and bargers, that is my number one pet peeve not 0:37:18.200 --> 0:37:19.840 it's probably a deal breaker. If I'm gonna date with 0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:22.799 somebody and then they're rude to a waiter, a bartender, 0:37:23.040 --> 0:37:25.200 I don't think I'm more turned off. Like I remember 0:37:25.239 --> 0:37:27.439 this one specific date that I want on. The girl 0:37:27.600 --> 0:37:29.879 never even looked at the server's eyes, Like he came 0:37:29.880 --> 0:37:32.480 over and started introducing himself and she interrupted and was 0:37:32.520 --> 0:37:34.920 like I'll take this and I'll take that. And I 0:37:35.000 --> 0:37:37.359 was like, oh God, is this date over again? This 0:37:37.400 --> 0:37:39.440 is awful? And so I always say that I think 0:37:39.440 --> 0:37:41.800 people should always work in the hospitality industry for six months. 0:37:42.200 --> 0:37:44.160 It should be it should be a given because you 0:37:44.200 --> 0:37:46.280 need to. It really teaches you how to treat people 0:37:46.600 --> 0:37:50.080 you never really like you learned so many manners by 0:37:50.239 --> 0:37:54.960 cleaning up and serving people. Sorry, I'll take the pettini 0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:56.799 alfredo a diet coke, and then you go, I'll take 0:37:56.800 --> 0:38:01.359 the check. But yeah. Then, also what you guys said, 0:38:01.360 --> 0:38:04.360 like cigarette smoking and just a guy that like drinks 0:38:04.360 --> 0:38:05.960 too much, which I feel like it is so common, 0:38:06.000 --> 0:38:08.520 like should get so drunk and it's such a turn off. 0:38:09.239 --> 0:38:10.840 I don't like that. And you said something too that 0:38:10.920 --> 0:38:14.080 was actually pretty interesting to me. You said consistent, which 0:38:14.160 --> 0:38:16.440 I really like that answer because I think that people 0:38:16.560 --> 0:38:20.160 change over time. But as long as you don't change 0:38:20.200 --> 0:38:22.520 who you are, that's the most important thing. And to 0:38:22.560 --> 0:38:24.840 stay consistent with who you are and what your character is. 0:38:24.880 --> 0:38:27.000 Of course you're going to change, like there are things 0:38:27.120 --> 0:38:30.399 three years ago that I that like, I had one 0:38:30.520 --> 0:38:32.239 view on and now I have a different view on 0:38:32.320 --> 0:38:35.799 because I've evolved, I've changed, But you know, I think 0:38:35.880 --> 0:38:38.480 it's very important to try to also stay consistent to 0:38:38.600 --> 0:38:40.880 who you are as a human. Being, and so I 0:38:40.920 --> 0:38:43.279 really like that answer. What about money issues? Somebody is 0:38:43.320 --> 0:38:47.680 super cheap, somebody is super you know, spends money like crazy. 0:38:47.719 --> 0:38:49.760 Has that ever come into play that something you consider? 0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:53.080 I want to ask financial As a girl, if okay, 0:38:53.239 --> 0:38:55.600 guy takes you on a date, do you split the 0:38:55.640 --> 0:38:56.880 bill and do you want him to pay? Like, what 0:38:57.000 --> 0:39:01.120 is your first day? First day? Even if it's just drink, 0:39:01.239 --> 0:39:04.480 it's say it drinks or dinner? Okay, what is your 0:39:04.800 --> 0:39:07.279 now it's you know, obviously it's probably not a deal 0:39:07.320 --> 0:39:09.440 breaker for you, but what do you prefer? Because as 0:39:09.480 --> 0:39:12.320 a guy, I I I want to pay. I mean, 0:39:12.080 --> 0:39:14.840 to be completely honest, I think it'd be kind of 0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:16.080 a turn off if a guy let me split the 0:39:16.080 --> 0:39:18.640 ball with him on the first thing. And if you 0:39:18.760 --> 0:39:20.720 offer to pay and see what he how you responds. 0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:24.719 I always offer, Yeah, if they actually accepted, it's kind 0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:26.840 of a turn off. Or like the check is just 0:39:26.880 --> 0:39:28.200 in the middle of the table and you're kind of 0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:31.680 just both awkward staring at it, and he like reluctantly 0:39:31.760 --> 0:39:34.080 reaches over and his like, uh so you want to 0:39:34.120 --> 0:39:36.840 split it? Or that would be yeah. I always I 0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:38.520 always try to take charge and I always try to 0:39:38.520 --> 0:39:40.319 pay for the bill for the first, you know, first date. 0:39:40.480 --> 0:39:42.239 I understand, like I can't pay, like if we go 0:39:42.239 --> 0:39:43.719 on four dates, and they're probably not going to pay 0:39:43.719 --> 0:39:46.040 for every time obviously, but first day, I think it's 0:39:46.040 --> 0:39:47.640 just a really nice gesture. Even if the date doesn't 0:39:47.680 --> 0:39:49.080 go well like the date that it was awful on, 0:39:49.480 --> 0:39:51.080 I still paid for the whole thing, which was a 0:39:51.160 --> 0:39:53.120 terrible mistake because she got like five drinks in the bills. 0:39:53.120 --> 0:39:55.760 Like I was like, I was like, please, just someone 0:39:55.920 --> 0:39:57.600 just throw me off the top of this building. I 0:39:57.640 --> 0:39:59.200 will say, when I first moved to l A, I've 0:39:59.200 --> 0:40:00.480 been pretty poor in my whole of life. When I 0:40:00.520 --> 0:40:01.960 first moved to l A, I had sold my car 0:40:02.640 --> 0:40:04.640 um like, my job was fine, but I wasn't like 0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:06.640 and like rent out here is so ridiculous. I was 0:40:06.640 --> 0:40:08.080 adjusting to all that kind of stuff, and I was 0:40:08.080 --> 0:40:10.040 like trying to go on dates and meet people like 0:40:10.080 --> 0:40:11.600 you go out, and I'm like, I just have no 0:40:11.719 --> 0:40:13.480 money to even spend on myself, and now here I 0:40:13.560 --> 0:40:15.000 am I have to pay for dinner and drinks and 0:40:15.000 --> 0:40:16.120 all that kind of stuff. Like you want to be 0:40:16.160 --> 0:40:18.560 a gentleman and do those sorts of things. But I 0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:20.279 don't think that we should overlook the guys that are 0:40:20.280 --> 0:40:24.480 maybe unable to split and pay the bill entirely. Is 0:40:24.520 --> 0:40:25.960 that a deal breaker? Though? You meet a guy who 0:40:26.000 --> 0:40:28.040 doesn't have a job right now, for a lot of women, 0:40:28.120 --> 0:40:30.799 that's goodbye kind of. I mean, I don't I don't 0:40:30.800 --> 0:40:33.480 necessarily think like how much. I don't really care how 0:40:33.560 --> 0:40:35.920 much money a guy makes. I think it's just like 0:40:35.960 --> 0:40:38.239 the gesture of like paying on the first date. You 0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:39.960 know what I mean, I think is they're a hard worker. 0:40:40.000 --> 0:40:42.600 I mean, not someone who's just lazy, but exactly maybe 0:40:42.640 --> 0:40:44.360 you're working towards like Dean, you're not lazy. You just 0:40:44.400 --> 0:40:46.400 came out here and you started to struggle early on, 0:40:46.440 --> 0:40:48.560 and then you obviously got your you know, footing after 0:40:48.560 --> 0:40:51.480 a little while. I think, also, um, what the hell 0:40:51.560 --> 0:40:53.360 was I going to say? Oh, if you don't have 0:40:53.400 --> 0:40:54.600 a lot of money, what you can do as a 0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:56.560 guy is you cannot go out for dinner and just 0:40:56.600 --> 0:40:59.040 go out for drinks or even coffee. Like if you 0:40:59.080 --> 0:41:00.600 go out for coffee and then you just pay for 0:41:00.600 --> 0:41:02.960 a coffee, that's you paying for the date, but it's 0:41:03.000 --> 0:41:05.600 only a four dollar date. Those creative, those creative like 0:41:05.600 --> 0:41:07.239 fund dates have always been so challenging for me. You 0:41:07.280 --> 0:41:09.000 could go to the beach, obviously, have a picnic and 0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:11.000 spend you know, ten dollars on a charcuterie board or 0:41:11.000 --> 0:41:17.279 something like that on a what house and get a 0:41:17.320 --> 0:41:20.520 charcuterie board probably sells on sale. God, I'm just saying 0:41:21.680 --> 0:41:24.480 it's a high scale wasting cold cuts, all right, that's 0:41:24.480 --> 0:41:27.000 fair enough. I'm really bad at those though, and those 0:41:27.000 --> 0:41:28.880 are those can be just as beneficial, I feel like too, 0:41:28.920 --> 0:41:30.440 because then there's not even the pressure of having to 0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:31.800 split it, having to pay for it, having to do 0:41:31.840 --> 0:41:33.040 all that kind of stuff. You can just get like 0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:36.840 a three buck chuck out of um um Trader Joe's 0:41:36.840 --> 0:41:38.920 and then get a six dollar charcuterie board at a 0:41:39.000 --> 0:41:44.280 house on sale, and that's what we call it. Actually, 0:41:44.280 --> 0:41:47.640 I think that's pretty cute. Your thoughts on cute first dates? 0:41:47.640 --> 0:41:49.400 Would you rather go on a first date with somebody 0:41:49.440 --> 0:41:51.600 and just kind of have a very casual drinks, coffee, 0:41:51.640 --> 0:41:53.400 so on, or would you rather go on like a 0:41:53.480 --> 0:41:55.880 very extravagant, not extravagant, but like a fun date, like 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:59.200 let's do something adventurous together for a first date? First date? 0:41:59.320 --> 0:42:00.880 First date? Right, because you have to see if you 0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:03.440 actually like the person. Totally agree. Yeah, but second date 0:42:03.480 --> 0:42:04.879 I think would be really sweet if a guy tried 0:42:04.920 --> 0:42:07.319 to like plan something because yeah, what about Because I 0:42:07.360 --> 0:42:09.640 talked to Tanya, who if we've had on the show before, 0:42:09.800 --> 0:42:11.880 and Erica who we've talked to. They don't like dinner 0:42:11.880 --> 0:42:13.799 first dates because it's too much of a commitment. They 0:42:13.840 --> 0:42:15.759 like drinks so they can get the hell out of there. 0:42:15.840 --> 0:42:18.080 If it leads to dinner, great, but they like something short. 0:42:18.200 --> 0:42:19.920 That's exactly what I say, Like, you start off just 0:42:19.920 --> 0:42:21.600 saying drinks, but if it's going well, then you guys 0:42:21.600 --> 0:42:23.359 can order dinner. You want to hear about a very 0:42:23.360 --> 0:42:26.360 committed first day. So one of my great girlfriends, a 0:42:26.440 --> 0:42:29.279 girl I went to college with, actually just uh this 0:42:29.320 --> 0:42:32.160 past weekend or not maybe even like two weekends ago. Um, 0:42:32.320 --> 0:42:33.960 she was like talking. She's like, Yeah, this guy from 0:42:33.960 --> 0:42:36.080 Florida who I've been talking to you for a little bit, 0:42:36.320 --> 0:42:37.839 he's gonna come out to l A and hang out 0:42:37.880 --> 0:42:40.040 with me. And I was like, wait, um, have you 0:42:40.040 --> 0:42:41.600 ever met this guy? Are you gonna go on dates 0:42:41.600 --> 0:42:43.000 with him first? And she's like no, we've just been 0:42:43.000 --> 0:42:44.920 talking a lot, and like we Um, I don't know. 0:42:44.920 --> 0:42:46.560 We're gonna try and he's gonna come out to l 0:42:46.640 --> 0:42:48.800 A and like hang out with me. She literally committed 0:42:49.000 --> 0:42:50.680 nine days to spending time with this guy, and she 0:42:50.719 --> 0:42:52.279 was dreading it too. She's like, I'm gonna hate him. 0:42:52.280 --> 0:42:54.840 It's gonna be horrible, like I don't know what to expect, etcetera, etcetera. 0:42:54.960 --> 0:42:58.160 And then actually I just saw her yesterday with the guy. Um, 0:42:58.480 --> 0:42:59.880 she came over to hang out with a little for 0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:02.840 little bit, and uh, that night she changed your Facebook 0:43:02.840 --> 0:43:04.839 status to in a relationship with this guy that she's 0:43:04.880 --> 0:43:07.480 dating now. So it's like she over committed to the 0:43:07.520 --> 0:43:09.759 relationship very very early, Like it's almost like going to 0:43:09.880 --> 0:43:12.319 like a dinner on steroids. But it worked out for 0:43:12.360 --> 0:43:14.160 her in that favorite In that way, sometimes I feel 0:43:14.200 --> 0:43:16.080 like when you, even if you're just talking to someone 0:43:16.160 --> 0:43:17.759 like you kind of can tell if you're gonna like 0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:20.480 them or not. So I agree sometimes I like going. 0:43:20.719 --> 0:43:22.480 My favorite first day is probably a coffee day. I 0:43:22.520 --> 0:43:24.920 know everybody like gives me a crap for that, but 0:43:25.000 --> 0:43:27.440 I like it for the simple factor. Well one because 0:43:27.520 --> 0:43:29.279 it is kind of like getting drinks because you can 0:43:29.400 --> 0:43:30.960 like kind of get out of there if you need 0:43:31.000 --> 0:43:32.680 to if it's not going well, because you're right dinner 0:43:32.719 --> 0:43:35.440 just it's like by the time Jenner comes and dessert, 0:43:35.520 --> 0:43:37.400 you're with this person like an over an hour, and 0:43:37.400 --> 0:43:39.600 if it's not going well, it's just a really awful 0:43:40.120 --> 0:43:43.640 conversation obligation exactly, And it's like an awkward conversation. But 0:43:43.680 --> 0:43:45.239 at least if you're getting drinks, you can get out 0:43:45.239 --> 0:43:47.320 there and tap hour. But the reason I like coffee 0:43:47.440 --> 0:43:49.440 is because if you're able to hold a conversation with 0:43:49.480 --> 0:43:51.600 somebody without the use of alcohol, I think that's a 0:43:51.640 --> 0:43:53.719 really good first step. Absolutely. But I think the thing 0:43:53.760 --> 0:43:55.640 that sucks about a coffee day is that it's very 0:43:56.120 --> 0:43:57.759 it's almost like too formal in a sense where you're 0:43:57.760 --> 0:43:59.080 gonna sit down and be like, Hi, this is my name, 0:43:59.120 --> 0:44:00.160 this is how old I am, this is what I 0:44:00.239 --> 0:44:01.880 do for work, and it's just very like isn't that 0:44:01.960 --> 0:44:03.719 like a first day in general? Like, yeah, but what's 0:44:03.719 --> 0:44:06.279 the difference between getting coffee and getting drinks in terms 0:44:06.280 --> 0:44:09.560 of like conversational drink seems like a little more fun 0:44:09.640 --> 0:44:14.279 and casual. Yeah, it's like interviewing exactly, like you're gonna 0:44:14.280 --> 0:44:16.560 go over your resume or something like, right, maybe I guess. 0:44:16.600 --> 0:44:21.719 I don't know. I don't know. Help by Seth. Look, 0:44:21.880 --> 0:44:23.879 my first day with my wife was a baseball game. 0:44:24.000 --> 0:44:26.480 We've talked about this before. I'm a big fan of 0:44:26.520 --> 0:44:29.120 sporting events. Tanya and Becca rolled their eyes because they 0:44:29.280 --> 0:44:31.319 do not want to sit for three hours at a 0:44:31.360 --> 0:44:33.920 sporting event with a guy they don't like. But I 0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:36.480 love it because if you want to talk, you can talk. 0:44:36.560 --> 0:44:37.879 If you don't want to talk and watch the game, 0:44:37.920 --> 0:44:39.959 that's fine too. It's not awkward. There's not like weird 0:44:40.040 --> 0:44:43.000 conversational pauses. You watch the game, you can talk. If 0:44:43.040 --> 0:44:44.680 you want to have a beer, have a beer. It's 0:44:44.719 --> 0:44:47.840 more relaxed by but like that totally and well, it 0:44:47.880 --> 0:44:49.800 takes a lot of pressure off. That was almost twenty 0:44:49.800 --> 0:44:54.000 one years ago. So it went well. And the man 0:44:54.200 --> 0:44:57.880 you're you're a great husband. Every every episode, Mark just 0:44:57.960 --> 0:44:59.719 has to just look me dead in the eyes and 0:44:59.840 --> 0:45:05.799 be like twenty one I was, so you know I 0:45:05.880 --> 0:45:08.319 was twenty six when I met her, Yes, right around. Well, 0:45:08.360 --> 0:45:14.160 I guess I'm just like I will say, first date, 0:45:14.239 --> 0:45:17.440 just don't go to a movie. That's my biggest It's 0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:19.480 so bad. I don't understand why people and apparently that 0:45:19.520 --> 0:45:20.920 still happens in front of my one on a day 0:45:20.920 --> 0:45:23.239 and they went to go see a movie. Probably was 0:45:23.560 --> 0:45:25.800 I forget it was like last year at some point, 0:45:25.840 --> 0:45:27.680 but like, still, what if it was, like what if 0:45:27.680 --> 0:45:29.760 it was like a drink thing that turned into evolved 0:45:29.760 --> 0:45:31.319 into it also let's go to a movie. No, that's 0:45:31.360 --> 0:45:33.760 not what happened. But I'm just saying, generally speaking, sure 0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:35.279 of course, if you're like, hey, let's go get drinks 0:45:35.280 --> 0:45:36.520 first and then go see a movie, sure, because you 0:45:36.560 --> 0:45:39.719 have a conversation, but still awkward position because like you said, 0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:41.520 what the drinks don't go well and you're like, you 0:45:41.520 --> 0:45:43.120 don't plan on it. I'm just saying, it's like, hey, 0:45:43.160 --> 0:45:44.640 we just spend an hour talking to each other. Now 0:45:44.680 --> 0:45:46.440 let's go sit in the dark room for two hours. 0:45:46.120 --> 0:45:48.560 And that's the awkward thing is that you're sitting next 0:45:48.600 --> 0:45:50.480 to each other, because there's always like I'm sorry, but 0:45:50.520 --> 0:45:52.719 if a first date, like it's always that awkward, Like 0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:55.359 your arms are literally like a foot away from each other, 0:45:55.360 --> 0:45:56.840 so it's like, you know, it's a first date, so 0:45:56.880 --> 0:45:58.440 obviously I'm not gonna hold their hand, but it's almost 0:45:58.440 --> 0:46:01.160 awkward if I'm not like sitting so closely in the 0:46:01.239 --> 0:46:03.000 dark room and not like touching you in any way. 0:46:03.040 --> 0:46:04.480 I don't know. It's just I think that could be 0:46:04.600 --> 0:46:07.000 very beneficial because then you could see, like if this 0:46:07.040 --> 0:46:08.759 person is a movie whisper, like, is she trying to 0:46:08.840 --> 0:46:11.000 crack jokes throughout the movie that's important to a lot 0:46:11.040 --> 0:46:16.040 of people. Are you a movie whisper? Yeah, Gode Breaker, 0:46:16.200 --> 0:46:18.839 Well not like not if maybe I am, and maybe 0:46:18.840 --> 0:46:20.040 I'm not. I don't know, maybe I haven't seen it. 0:46:20.120 --> 0:46:21.439 I remember one time when to go see a movie 0:46:21.440 --> 0:46:23.120 with a girl and she like leaned over and she 0:46:23.239 --> 0:46:25.200 was like halfway through and she's like, why did he 0:46:25.280 --> 0:46:27.839 do that? So that's not I was like, I don't know. 0:46:28.000 --> 0:46:30.880 Let's experience this journey together like I'm seeing it for 0:46:30.880 --> 0:46:33.880 the first time too, I know, ask questions. I just 0:46:33.920 --> 0:46:36.399 kind of more like make little tiny statements that add 0:46:36.480 --> 0:46:40.440 to the experience for everyone. I will sometimes even speak 0:46:40.480 --> 0:46:41.960 louder so the people around me you can hear what 0:46:41.960 --> 0:46:46.080 I'm saying. Your jokes are so good, Like you value 0:46:46.160 --> 0:46:48.319 your own humor so much, You're like everybody in the 0:46:48.320 --> 0:46:51.120 theater needs to do this. Well, let's turn it over 0:46:51.120 --> 0:46:53.000 to an expert at this point, shall we yes, please. 0:46:53.120 --> 0:46:56.360 She is a life coach. She calls herself a possibilitarian. 0:46:57.040 --> 0:46:59.040 She has board certified. We've had her on here before. 0:46:59.080 --> 0:47:00.920 We've had her on before. She's a life coach. She's 0:47:00.920 --> 0:47:06.040 Shari Haley, Shari everyone, Shari. How are we able to 0:47:06.040 --> 0:47:08.600 convince you to come back on the podcast? Sure, you're wonderful. 0:47:09.320 --> 0:47:11.560 Oh man, I just love hanging out with you. It's 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:14.400 becoming a thing for me. Well, we wish you were 0:47:14.440 --> 0:47:16.000 in studio with us instead of over the phone. But 0:47:16.040 --> 0:47:19.319 thank you so much for calling in. Awesome, Absolutely, how 0:47:19.360 --> 0:47:21.600 are you. We're doing well, so you're joined. I'm sure 0:47:21.719 --> 0:47:23.360 you kind of got the run through, but we have Jared, 0:47:23.400 --> 0:47:27.240 Mark Eastern and Amanda Stanton here in studio and Shari. Hi, 0:47:27.360 --> 0:47:34.279 Hi guys. Hi. But um no, yeah, thank you so 0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:36.960 much for for again for calling in, um and through 0:47:37.000 --> 0:47:38.560 the breakup and all that kind of stuff. It's funny 0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:40.440 because I feel like so many things have happened since 0:47:40.440 --> 0:47:43.080 the last time we had a conversation. Yeah, I know, 0:47:43.320 --> 0:47:48.040 tell me, well, tell me everything, Dean. Well, I had 0:47:48.080 --> 0:47:51.600 a girlfriend for four months. I no longer have that girlfriend. 0:47:52.560 --> 0:47:54.759 And uh, yeah, I'm not sure if you listen to 0:47:54.760 --> 0:47:57.120 the last week's episode. But um, things have been a 0:47:57.120 --> 0:47:59.400 bit challenging, I think for for kind of everyone involved 0:47:59.440 --> 0:48:02.520 in the situation, And um, what's funny actually is I 0:48:02.560 --> 0:48:04.399 think last time we spoke, I had mentioned something about 0:48:04.400 --> 0:48:06.480 going back to therapy or going to therapy and uh, 0:48:06.560 --> 0:48:08.239 something I started recently as well. But it's nice to 0:48:08.239 --> 0:48:11.440 obviously have you and then broadcast your kind of professional 0:48:11.440 --> 0:48:13.839 opinions of the world, because you know, that's kind of 0:48:13.840 --> 0:48:15.640 what this whole the whole point of this is. But 0:48:17.000 --> 0:48:19.759 but yeah, I don't know what what do you tell 0:48:19.800 --> 0:48:22.080 me what you're going through now post breakup? Are you 0:48:22.120 --> 0:48:24.520 trying to figure out why it fell apart? You know, 0:48:24.800 --> 0:48:27.279 old patterns or what would what do you want to 0:48:27.320 --> 0:48:30.400 feel as opposed to what you're feeling. I'd love to 0:48:30.440 --> 0:48:33.279 take you into a better place with it or understanding 0:48:33.320 --> 0:48:35.319 what happens. Well, it's definitely gotten a lot better. It's 0:48:35.400 --> 0:48:37.279 it's not quite as fresh in my mind. I think 0:48:37.360 --> 0:48:39.120 last time I spoke on it, it was like four 0:48:39.200 --> 0:48:41.600 moves I'm sorry, four days removed, and now we're what 0:48:41.680 --> 0:48:44.160 eleven days later, And I mean, obviously it just gets 0:48:44.200 --> 0:48:46.600 a little bit easier as time goes on. But um, 0:48:47.200 --> 0:48:49.520 it's been you know, a little bit of depression, a 0:48:49.760 --> 0:48:52.320 lot of anxiety, a lot of stress, especially kind of 0:48:52.360 --> 0:48:54.440 like the publicness of it of the breakup is always challenging. 0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:56.799 I'm sure a man you can speak to that, right 0:48:56.920 --> 0:48:58.719 for sure. That's actually good point. We should probably talk 0:48:58.719 --> 0:49:02.000 about that maybe maybe maybe in a second, um, But no, 0:49:02.080 --> 0:49:05.279 it's it's I've been focusing a lot on kind of 0:49:05.280 --> 0:49:08.719 like coping coping um activities. So like I've been doing 0:49:08.760 --> 0:49:11.359 a lot of meditating, working out, um, trying to like 0:49:11.880 --> 0:49:15.319 enroll myself in more hobbies. Um. That's kind of that's 0:49:15.360 --> 0:49:18.640 kind of where I'm at right now in that sense. 0:49:18.719 --> 0:49:21.520 If that makes sense, Well, tell me a little bit 0:49:21.560 --> 0:49:25.680 about the anxiety and the depression, because I'll give you 0:49:25.719 --> 0:49:28.040 a little This is an interesting formula. There's a formula 0:49:28.160 --> 0:49:31.360 for happiness, and there's a formula for unhappiness. Is it 0:49:31.400 --> 0:49:34.000 like a multiplication problem? Can you write it down? Kind 0:49:34.040 --> 0:49:39.520 of you can write it's not nine times three? Is it? 0:49:39.520 --> 0:49:42.000 It's really helpful to know because then it gives you 0:49:42.040 --> 0:49:44.000 sort of the sense of power that you can you 0:49:44.040 --> 0:49:47.080 can change these things, you know, when you're feeling like that, 0:49:47.680 --> 0:49:51.040 feelings that you don't want to have. So there's anxiety 0:49:51.040 --> 0:49:54.920 and depressions coming up, probably because your blueprint, which is 0:49:55.040 --> 0:49:58.640 kind of your expectation of your life, is not equal 0:49:58.719 --> 0:50:01.480 to the way your life is. So if your blueprint 0:50:01.520 --> 0:50:04.520 needs to equal your life condition and the formulas like 0:50:04.600 --> 0:50:09.440 VP equals LC and and that's like you know that 0:50:09.480 --> 0:50:11.360 if you had this blueprint that you should be in 0:50:11.400 --> 0:50:14.000 relationship or you should have stayed in relationship with her, 0:50:14.400 --> 0:50:16.920 and you're broken up. That means now you're in the 0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:21.160 formula for unhappiness because those two don't equal each other anymore. 0:50:22.120 --> 0:50:25.680 And the way to get back to them equaling and 0:50:25.760 --> 0:50:30.239 feeling good again is to say, oh, update the blueprint. 0:50:31.120 --> 0:50:34.480 I shouldn't be with her, it wasn't the right pairing, 0:50:34.680 --> 0:50:38.000 and so therefore we are a part and the blueprint 0:50:38.040 --> 0:50:41.840 now equals again the life conditions, or you try to 0:50:41.920 --> 0:50:44.560 update the life conditions and get back together because your 0:50:44.560 --> 0:50:48.400 blueprint says we should have been together. Right, So if 0:50:48.440 --> 0:50:52.600 you have the right definition of where you should be 0:50:52.760 --> 0:50:55.480 right now, I should be single, I should still be 0:50:55.600 --> 0:50:59.360 out there meeting new people, then then it sort of 0:50:59.360 --> 0:51:02.120 sets you back. Got to feel good again, and I 0:51:02.160 --> 0:51:05.279 think all of your activities that you're doing sound phenomenal 0:51:05.360 --> 0:51:07.520 to taking care of your body and meditating and all 0:51:07.560 --> 0:51:11.040 those things. Actually, how do you feel really good? Can 0:51:11.040 --> 0:51:13.000 I ask strong? And healthy? Can I ask you a question? 0:51:13.040 --> 0:51:14.880 Is it too soon after you break up to start 0:51:14.920 --> 0:51:17.880 doing things like fun things with your friends like going 0:51:17.920 --> 0:51:20.000 to like music festival or going to basketball games? And 0:51:20.040 --> 0:51:21.359 she just like trying to get your mind off things. 0:51:22.880 --> 0:51:25.799 I think that that would be incredibly healthy. I think 0:51:25.840 --> 0:51:29.160 that yeah, you you in last you know, there was 0:51:29.239 --> 0:51:33.200 some kind of like avoidance of of what you really 0:51:33.239 --> 0:51:36.400 needed to feel. I think that there's there's two things, right, 0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:39.439 if you have grief or sadness that are coming through 0:51:39.480 --> 0:51:42.800 because you're not with this person, you need to feel 0:51:42.840 --> 0:51:46.239 those things. You can't. You know, if you're just trying 0:51:46.239 --> 0:51:49.919 to distract and avoid, those feelings will fester, right, They'll 0:51:49.920 --> 0:51:52.680 get toxic within you because they get stuck, And that's 0:51:52.719 --> 0:51:54.680 what causes us to get sicked down the road. If 0:51:54.719 --> 0:51:57.040 we're trying to deny those things, how do you confront 0:51:57.120 --> 0:51:59.680 those Like if you if you don't avoid them, what 0:51:59.760 --> 0:52:02.520 do you what can you do to confront them? There's 0:52:02.560 --> 0:52:05.440 a lot of different ways. I think talking about it 0:52:05.520 --> 0:52:09.279 is really helpful being with trusted, you know, friends and 0:52:09.400 --> 0:52:12.040 a therapist or somebody that you really feel safe with 0:52:12.200 --> 0:52:14.919 to talk it through, allows those feelings to come through. 0:52:15.520 --> 0:52:18.480 There's um writing that you can do to allow the 0:52:18.520 --> 0:52:21.480 feelings to kind of come through on a page. I 0:52:21.520 --> 0:52:25.600 think movement is really great. Like nothing feels better than like, 0:52:26.160 --> 0:52:30.200 you know, feeling super angry or you know, dad's on 0:52:30.239 --> 0:52:33.480 a super staff run. You know, like if you're out 0:52:33.480 --> 0:52:36.640 there in nature and hiking and letting those feelings come through, 0:52:37.520 --> 0:52:41.160 It's it's like seeing yourself as a channel, right and 0:52:41.239 --> 0:52:45.160 allowing them to just wash through you. That's super healthy. 0:52:45.160 --> 0:52:47.239 And you can go to a music festival and you know, 0:52:47.440 --> 0:52:50.719 be out there with friends and still feel the feelings. 0:52:50.960 --> 0:52:53.160 You know, I tell them, look, oh my gosh, this 0:52:53.320 --> 0:52:56.760 song is totally choking me up. Or I'm I'm feeling 0:52:56.800 --> 0:52:58.560 like so grateful that you guys have my back right 0:52:58.560 --> 0:53:01.200 now because this is all coming up and I'm missing her. 0:53:01.640 --> 0:53:08.719 Isn't that why everybody goes to for like emotional support. Totally? Yeah, 0:53:08.880 --> 0:53:11.600 I think it's. So that's the fine line, right, You're 0:53:11.600 --> 0:53:14.440 not going to deny that they're there and pretend that 0:53:14.480 --> 0:53:16.920 you don't feel bad. You're just being honest about it, 0:53:16.960 --> 0:53:20.320 but still feeling alive and doing things that fill you 0:53:20.440 --> 0:53:24.080 up and make you feel good. Okay, that's good advice. 0:53:24.200 --> 0:53:27.319 That makes me feel better. It's yeah, yeah, sure, even 0:53:27.400 --> 0:53:29.359 hearing you talk, I think it's so difficult just going 0:53:29.400 --> 0:53:32.799 through a breakup for the simple fact that like, like 0:53:32.880 --> 0:53:34.640 nobody knows, like we talked about before, you just do 0:53:34.680 --> 0:53:36.520 the best you can. Nobody knows when the right time 0:53:36.600 --> 0:53:38.759 is to move on, or like, oh, should I be 0:53:38.760 --> 0:53:40.440 doing things with my friends, or should I be in 0:53:40.480 --> 0:53:43.600 my room sulking, or should I be, you know, trying 0:53:43.600 --> 0:53:46.880 to better myself because of the things that I've done wrong, 0:53:47.000 --> 0:53:49.600 or should I constantly looking for the next person? Like 0:53:49.680 --> 0:53:51.759 it's just kind of you have to just do the 0:53:51.800 --> 0:53:54.640 best you can and go through gutten if you're you know, 0:53:54.880 --> 0:53:56.839 and that's I think that's all you can really do. 0:53:56.960 --> 0:53:59.000 I don't think any of every breakup the same. I 0:53:59.000 --> 0:54:00.759 think each one is into Joel, and I think each 0:54:00.800 --> 0:54:02.839 one you have to really kind of listen to your 0:54:02.840 --> 0:54:06.799 heart and and you listen to your gut and do 0:54:06.920 --> 0:54:10.560 the best you can. Yeah. Yeah, And there's there's the 0:54:10.680 --> 0:54:14.520 thing that I work with clients on a lot that um, 0:54:14.640 --> 0:54:16.399 we could talk about for a really long time. It's 0:54:16.440 --> 0:54:20.719 called human needs psychology, and this is also a really 0:54:20.760 --> 0:54:23.440 helpful tool that when you're trying to think about like 0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:26.080 how to take care of yourself on a day to 0:54:26.160 --> 0:54:29.000 day basis, how to how to feel good. There are 0:54:29.040 --> 0:54:32.719 six needs that we all have that if you're really 0:54:32.719 --> 0:54:36.120 conscious about them, you're aware of them, you can say, oh, 0:54:36.440 --> 0:54:39.360 like I could go out drinking with my buddies and 0:54:39.400 --> 0:54:42.760 that would get my needs met at an okay level. Maybe, 0:54:44.040 --> 0:54:47.920 or I could go, you know, take a class, or 0:54:48.120 --> 0:54:52.279 go really talk to somebody and connect deeply, or you know, 0:54:52.400 --> 0:54:55.160 do something that would help others. Right, And all of 0:54:55.200 --> 0:54:57.920 a sudden, I feel like so much better than I 0:54:57.960 --> 0:54:59.719 would have just doing that one thing and met my 0:54:59.760 --> 0:55:02.200 needs at a much higher level, and in fact, I 0:55:02.239 --> 0:55:05.759 feel good for days. You know, the as human needs 0:55:05.760 --> 0:55:09.120 all run through them. Just for the listeners, and you know, 0:55:09.719 --> 0:55:12.120 it's certainly something anybody can email me and I'll send 0:55:12.120 --> 0:55:15.840 it to you. Much more information about them, but their certainty. 0:55:16.120 --> 0:55:18.399 So we all have a need for safety and love 0:55:18.600 --> 0:55:22.680 and in sort of pleasure and comfort uncertainty. We have 0:55:22.760 --> 0:55:26.480 a need for variety and excitement, significance. We need to 0:55:26.520 --> 0:55:29.359 feel like we matter, like people need us and we 0:55:29.400 --> 0:55:33.279 mean something to the world and love and connection, which 0:55:33.320 --> 0:55:37.960 is an obvious one growth and contribution. Right, So if 0:55:38.000 --> 0:55:40.879 you think, like, man, I'm feeling so low, you can 0:55:40.920 --> 0:55:43.080 think about those six needs and go, what could I 0:55:43.160 --> 0:55:45.480 do that would meet all of those needs at a 0:55:45.480 --> 0:55:49.520 really high level? Would it would Coachella give me all 0:55:49.520 --> 0:55:52.920 those things? And then you know you've got a winner, 0:55:53.160 --> 0:55:56.040 right if it does. No, I agree, Like sometimes I 0:55:56.200 --> 0:55:58.120 I you know, obviously that's the first time I heard 0:55:58.120 --> 0:56:00.719 the six stets or the six needs that are good 0:56:00.719 --> 0:56:02.000 for you. But I think there are a lot of 0:56:02.000 --> 0:56:04.200 times where I'm I'm feeling down by by myself, and 0:56:04.200 --> 0:56:06.520 I'll consciously think to myself, what can I do right 0:56:06.560 --> 0:56:08.520 now they'll make me feel better, And it's you know, 0:56:08.560 --> 0:56:11.520 sometimes I'll go work out, or I'll go play a sport, 0:56:11.640 --> 0:56:13.880 or I'll just take a walk outside and get a coffee, 0:56:13.880 --> 0:56:15.160 and all of a sudden, just I feel a little 0:56:15.160 --> 0:56:16.920 bit better from being in the sunshine and taking a 0:56:17.520 --> 0:56:21.160 you know, uh breath of fresh air. Um. Because sometimes, 0:56:21.200 --> 0:56:22.920 like I'll just be on the couch and I'll be 0:56:22.960 --> 0:56:24.960 like scrolling through my phone and I'll just like be 0:56:25.000 --> 0:56:27.040 feeling down about myself and I'm like, I need to 0:56:27.080 --> 0:56:30.560 just do something, um and it's it's amazing how just 0:56:30.640 --> 0:56:33.719 like a simple walk outside will just kind of bring 0:56:33.760 --> 0:56:37.080 me back to center, you know, yeah, big time. It 0:56:37.120 --> 0:56:39.080 gives you at least three of those needs. It gives 0:56:39.120 --> 0:56:43.560 you certainty, uncertainty, and connection to yourself. Probably how do 0:56:43.560 --> 0:56:45.839 you also feel significant because there you are out there 0:56:45.840 --> 0:56:47.960 taking care of yourself, is feeling good in nature and 0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:51.400 doing something wise, you know, so four out of the 0:56:51.400 --> 0:56:54.799 six kneeds at least you're getting and that means it's 0:56:54.840 --> 0:56:57.000 a it's a good thing to do. So I love 0:56:57.200 --> 0:56:59.920 tools that give you something to hold onto, and I 0:57:00.120 --> 0:57:02.440 think that's a great way to make decisions. Totally. The 0:57:02.480 --> 0:57:07.719 significant part is I'll call I'll call my mom Mom, 0:57:07.840 --> 0:57:10.360 and like she just understands me better than anybody in 0:57:10.360 --> 0:57:13.439 this world, and she has just it's not even what 0:57:13.480 --> 0:57:15.960 she says, it's just how she says it. And immediately 0:57:16.000 --> 0:57:17.840 if I'm bringing if I'm too down or if I'm 0:57:17.880 --> 0:57:20.120 too high, like she'll just bring me kind of like 0:57:20.200 --> 0:57:22.320 right back to center. And I think, you know, and 0:57:22.600 --> 0:57:25.040 you know that's you know, me calling my mom is 0:57:25.040 --> 0:57:27.360 is you know you can find your own way of 0:57:27.360 --> 0:57:29.720 setting yourself. That's kind of the thing that I had 0:57:29.720 --> 0:57:31.360 a conversation with someone the other day about that, because 0:57:31.360 --> 0:57:33.520 I don't really have much of a family out Los Angeles, 0:57:33.560 --> 0:57:35.040 Like I don't have someone that can call and be like, hey, 0:57:35.040 --> 0:57:37.120 this is what's going on. I'm sad, I'm going through this, 0:57:37.160 --> 0:57:38.640 whatever it is. I have my friends, of course, who 0:57:38.680 --> 0:57:39.960 want to be helpful, but you can't, really, like you 0:57:39.960 --> 0:57:41.480 said earlier, open up to them as much as you 0:57:41.640 --> 0:57:44.160 maybe would need to depending on the friendship totally. Yeah, 0:57:44.400 --> 0:57:46.720 So so that's kind of the challenging thing for for 0:57:46.760 --> 0:57:49.880 me personally. UM, I am trying to make more of 0:57:49.880 --> 0:57:51.600 an effort to hang out, Like with my brother, We're 0:57:51.600 --> 0:57:53.960 going to Kentucky for a week in May to go 0:57:54.080 --> 0:57:57.680 rock climbing back towards and he has a good relationship 0:57:57.720 --> 0:58:00.320 with his girlfriend as well, and UM, I don't. I 0:58:00.400 --> 0:58:02.240 just it's a weird dynamic when you don't necessarily have 0:58:02.280 --> 0:58:05.040 that immediate family to necessarily lean on. Um. But I 0:58:05.080 --> 0:58:06.880 do have like great friends that are constant reaching out 0:58:06.880 --> 0:58:09.080 and like saying like hey, if anything, obviously more than 0:58:09.120 --> 0:58:11.160 happy like step in and be that kind of resource 0:58:11.200 --> 0:58:13.280 for you. But um, it's funny that we all kind 0:58:13.280 --> 0:58:15.560 of have a different way of going about handling those 0:58:15.560 --> 0:58:17.800 difficult situations. I suppose, Well, is it fair to say 0:58:17.840 --> 0:58:20.200 that women and men both respond to break up differently, 0:58:20.200 --> 0:58:22.080 because it seems like with guys they want to get 0:58:22.080 --> 0:58:24.600 out there and live their life and and maybe get 0:58:24.600 --> 0:58:26.480 back on the horse, where with women they tend to 0:58:26.520 --> 0:58:28.680 be more, uh, they tend to close themselves in a 0:58:28.760 --> 0:58:30.600 little bit more and shut themselves off from the world. 0:58:30.680 --> 0:58:35.640 Is that fair to say? Yeah, it'd be tricky to generalize, 0:58:36.040 --> 0:58:40.520 you know, the whole gender, but I think I think 0:58:40.520 --> 0:58:43.640 it's true that, you know, we both have feminine and 0:58:43.640 --> 0:58:46.920 masculine energy, right, So if a woman is sort of 0:58:46.920 --> 0:58:50.240 going super masculine with her breakup, she's probably just gonna 0:58:50.280 --> 0:58:55.040 like zero in on work and stuff to do and 0:58:55.120 --> 0:58:57.800 try to win in other ways. That's what the masculine 0:58:57.800 --> 0:59:00.320 would try to do, is like go feel like you're 0:59:00.360 --> 0:59:03.840 winning or you're significant at something else to feel good again. 0:59:04.320 --> 0:59:09.040 And the feminine energy and us would probably more likely, um, 0:59:09.320 --> 0:59:11.920 try to go for safety, right, try to cuddle up 0:59:12.040 --> 0:59:14.640 and like cole up and be safe and go within 0:59:14.880 --> 0:59:19.120 and probably talk to girlfriends. You know, Yeah, there be 0:59:19.120 --> 0:59:22.320 some ice cream involved. I always get ice cream. I 0:59:22.320 --> 0:59:25.080 almost got I almost got salt and straw by myself 0:59:25.160 --> 0:59:26.840 last night because I was like, I just want an 0:59:26.880 --> 0:59:30.680 ice cream com I'm regretting it right now. I didn't. 0:59:30.680 --> 0:59:32.040 But actually I kind of want to hear a man's 0:59:32.040 --> 0:59:34.160 perspective on it, because Amanda, you've you know, you've had 0:59:34.200 --> 0:59:37.240 two public breakups from the Bachelor, and you know you, 0:59:37.320 --> 0:59:39.920 I think you come from a different perspective because you 0:59:39.920 --> 0:59:42.760 wore a mom and so it's like for someone like 0:59:42.840 --> 0:59:44.840 Dean and myself, like we can have an opportunity to 0:59:44.920 --> 0:59:47.400 kind of like, Okay, we need to focus on ourselves, 0:59:47.440 --> 0:59:49.800 you know, how do how do I best handle this breakup? 0:59:49.840 --> 0:59:52.000 For you, it's a different scenario, and I would imagine 0:59:52.040 --> 0:59:54.760 a far more difficult one. Yeah. Well, I was gonna say, Dean, 0:59:54.800 --> 0:59:56.520 I think you're actually doing a good job. I think that. 0:59:57.080 --> 0:59:58.840 I agree. I think a lot of times guys when 0:59:58.840 --> 1:00:00.360 they're going through break up just one to like go 1:00:00.400 --> 1:00:02.200 out or go to coachel and hang out with their friends, 1:00:02.200 --> 1:00:04.040 which is fine, and I think it's good too. But 1:00:04.080 --> 1:00:06.400 I don't think you're like running from how you're feeling. 1:00:06.440 --> 1:00:10.320 I think you're handling it really well, so you're welcome, um. 1:00:10.320 --> 1:00:14.320 But for me, yeah, it's tough because I think being 1:00:14.360 --> 1:00:16.720 a single mom, I already have so much guilt kind 1:00:16.720 --> 1:00:18.800 of of like I've talked about it so many times, 1:00:18.840 --> 1:00:20.800 like how I raise my kids and I want to 1:00:20.840 --> 1:00:24.680 like just like give them stability and like be really 1:00:24.680 --> 1:00:27.040 happy all the time. So when I'm going through something hard, 1:00:27.040 --> 1:00:28.560 it's hard for me to show my emotions and I 1:00:28.560 --> 1:00:30.720 feel like I just need to be like super happy 1:00:30.800 --> 1:00:32.960 for my kids all the time, which is like kind 1:00:32.960 --> 1:00:35.760 of difficult because I feel like I kind of ignore 1:00:35.800 --> 1:00:38.080 how I'm feeling and then it hits me later. I 1:00:38.120 --> 1:00:40.280 don't really deal with my emotions, so I think that 1:00:40.400 --> 1:00:42.680 costs from you know, being a mom and having to 1:00:42.720 --> 1:00:45.480 take care of other people. I don't really allow myself 1:00:45.520 --> 1:00:49.000 to be sad. Well, the tricky thing is, yeah, you've 1:00:49.040 --> 1:00:53.040 got that blueprint equals to life conditions formula that in 1:00:53.200 --> 1:00:56.560 order to be a good mom you have to be happy, yeah, exactly, 1:00:57.160 --> 1:00:59.600 which is tricky because you're a human being and I 1:00:59.640 --> 1:01:03.520 think you you obviously have days when you don't feel happy. 1:01:03.560 --> 1:01:06.640 So what happened there, It's like then your blueprint doesn't 1:01:06.680 --> 1:01:10.959 match and you're probably feeling worse for it because you're 1:01:11.120 --> 1:01:13.760 not only sad, you're not supposed to be sad on 1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:16.080 top of it. Yeah, I've always got to noticed the 1:01:16.080 --> 1:01:18.280 two differences between men and women when they break up. 1:01:18.480 --> 1:01:21.440 Is the guy for the first month after breakup will 1:01:21.440 --> 1:01:24.000 be very happy and then afterwards will be very sad, 1:01:24.040 --> 1:01:25.880 and the woman for after the breakup will be very 1:01:25.880 --> 1:01:28.600 sad for the first month and then very happy afterwards. Totally, 1:01:28.640 --> 1:01:30.840 it's like a weird it's like a weird yining in 1:01:30.880 --> 1:01:34.880 that sense. I feel like, yeah, yeah, girls tend to. 1:01:35.080 --> 1:01:38.080 I think we as women get more emotional support after 1:01:38.120 --> 1:01:42.120 a breakup. Does that resonate with you guys? It feels 1:01:42.160 --> 1:01:44.640 like we get we we can open up more easily 1:01:44.680 --> 1:01:49.800 and ask for support, and so we probably heal more quickly. Yeah. Yeah, 1:01:50.320 --> 1:01:53.320 we have like all our girlfriends to talk about it with. Yeah, 1:01:53.760 --> 1:01:55.280 I mean you do too, but I feel like girls 1:01:55.240 --> 1:01:57.600 to talk about it more. Actually, yeah, but it's interesting 1:01:57.600 --> 1:01:58.880 here you say that, because like I have a lot 1:01:58.920 --> 1:02:01.680 of guy friends at place sports with and hang out with. 1:02:01.800 --> 1:02:03.840 It's definitely like quote unquote like kind of like that 1:02:03.880 --> 1:02:05.840 bro go to sports power playpool. But then I have 1:02:05.960 --> 1:02:08.800 my buddy, Um, Chad, who's like the greatest guy ever, 1:02:08.880 --> 1:02:12.160 and like he's somebody that I I talked to about 1:02:12.200 --> 1:02:15.280 relationships and how I'm feeling and he's, you know, he's 1:02:15.360 --> 1:02:18.439 he's happily engaged right now. And uh, it's it's good 1:02:18.440 --> 1:02:20.040 to have that person in your life to really just 1:02:20.080 --> 1:02:23.680 be like, you know, to talk about how you're truly feeling, 1:02:23.760 --> 1:02:26.480 because you need to get those um, you know, emotions 1:02:26.520 --> 1:02:28.480 off your chest. They're just the way you know to 1:02:29.200 --> 1:02:31.880 have you Guys, part of this show that online right 1:02:31.880 --> 1:02:35.080 now called We Are a Man Enough. No, it's a 1:02:35.200 --> 1:02:38.760 great one to check out. It's um Justin Baldoni and 1:02:38.840 --> 1:02:41.880 some really cool guys sitting around at a table talking 1:02:41.880 --> 1:02:44.880 about this stuff like why can't we be more open 1:02:44.960 --> 1:02:47.960 with each other? What's the deal with us being vulnerable? 1:02:48.080 --> 1:02:51.480 And we need to feel our feelings too? And I 1:02:51.560 --> 1:02:53.480 just I feel like we're on the brink of kind 1:02:53.480 --> 1:02:56.960 of a men's revolution that I'm very excited about. Men 1:02:57.040 --> 1:03:00.920 can actually have more connection to the are feminine side 1:03:01.040 --> 1:03:08.400 or so maybe redefining masculinity. I think it's time. I agree. 1:03:08.000 --> 1:03:10.479 A surey, would you have any advice for not only 1:03:10.600 --> 1:03:12.400 a man to hear about any of all the storts 1:03:12.400 --> 1:03:14.520 that might be going through similar situation where they do 1:03:14.600 --> 1:03:16.760 have difficulty talking about their emotions, but they also have 1:03:16.880 --> 1:03:19.120 kids and so you know, they're just a very busy 1:03:19.200 --> 1:03:21.000 human being and so they don't really have time to 1:03:21.600 --> 1:03:24.120 you know, go to a class or you know, work 1:03:24.160 --> 1:03:26.720 out on their own. Um, do you have any advice 1:03:26.760 --> 1:03:29.120 for them to like, maybe this is what you can 1:03:29.160 --> 1:03:31.480 do with a little time that you might have to 1:03:31.600 --> 1:03:35.200 really try to. Yeah, because I'm a single mom, so 1:03:35.240 --> 1:03:38.439 I totally relate to Amanda and know what you're going 1:03:38.440 --> 1:03:41.640 through and how at times like the big emotion that 1:03:41.680 --> 1:03:44.600 would come up for me was overwhelmed of just like, 1:03:44.680 --> 1:03:46.920 oh my god, I have to do everything by myself. 1:03:46.960 --> 1:03:48.960 It's all on me. I'm trying to be the perfect 1:03:49.000 --> 1:03:51.560 mom and show that like the smiley face and also 1:03:51.600 --> 1:03:54.439 I'm right there with you. And what I've learned through 1:03:54.480 --> 1:03:57.240 parenting training and working with clients and just trying it 1:03:57.280 --> 1:04:01.400 with my own babies is showing them my humanity is 1:04:01.400 --> 1:04:04.720 a giant gift right, showing them that Mama has emotions, 1:04:04.760 --> 1:04:07.920 because what they'll learn is if I only show them happy, 1:04:08.040 --> 1:04:10.840 then they're going to grow up down the road feeling 1:04:10.840 --> 1:04:14.240 like they can only be happy because they never learned 1:04:14.360 --> 1:04:17.440 what to do when they weren't by watching me. So 1:04:17.480 --> 1:04:21.520 when I have feelings come up, I'll speak them. I'll say, 1:04:21.600 --> 1:04:24.880 I am feeling x y Z. I'm super honest about it, 1:04:25.440 --> 1:04:28.800 and here's what I need. It's simple. And the kids 1:04:28.840 --> 1:04:31.440 now know that if they're not getting like their best 1:04:31.520 --> 1:04:34.120 mom and I'm looking like I'm going off the rails, 1:04:34.560 --> 1:04:40.919 they'll say, mommy, what do you need? And heaven, heaven. Yeah, 1:04:40.960 --> 1:04:43.160 I mean, I think you can give them shortcuts that 1:04:43.280 --> 1:04:46.240 then they feel significance back to the human needs because 1:04:46.280 --> 1:04:48.320 they know that they can do something to bring out 1:04:48.360 --> 1:04:50.000 the best in you. They don't just have to let 1:04:50.040 --> 1:04:54.720 go run and hide. Yeah that's sweet. Sweet. Yeah, Well, 1:04:54.760 --> 1:04:56.640 say thank you so much for calling back in and 1:04:56.640 --> 1:04:58.120 taking the time to speak with us. And I know 1:04:58.160 --> 1:05:01.400 you mentioned earlier that if anyone wanted to, um, you know, 1:05:01.440 --> 1:05:03.600 kind of expand on any any of these ideas that 1:05:03.640 --> 1:05:05.600 you've had, they could email you. Do you mind plugging 1:05:05.600 --> 1:05:09.280 your email address real quick? Sure? Yeah, sure at shree 1:05:09.400 --> 1:05:12.480 Healy dot com. And it's spelled h E r I 1:05:12.640 --> 1:05:16.080 E and the h E A L E y perfect 1:05:16.440 --> 1:05:18.160 for any listener out there. That has any more questions 1:05:18.160 --> 1:05:20.800 for SHUREI feel free to shoot an email. UM super helpful, 1:05:20.800 --> 1:05:22.800 I think for for pretty much anyone or any situation. 1:05:22.920 --> 1:05:25.320 So um sureie, thank you again so much for calling 1:05:25.320 --> 1:05:26.920 back in and you know we hope to have you 1:05:26.960 --> 1:05:28.480 on in a later podcast. We can just kind of 1:05:28.560 --> 1:05:33.000 keep this, uh this, I guess partnership and friendship going awesome. 1:05:33.000 --> 1:05:34.720 I would love it. You guys are the greatest. I 1:05:34.760 --> 1:05:36.520 have a great rest of your day. I'll talk to 1:05:36.600 --> 1:05:41.320 you soon. Thank thank you. All right, by, guys, have 1:05:41.400 --> 1:05:43.560 some emails we should get to before we wrap up today, 1:05:43.600 --> 1:05:46.280 because it's good to get everybody's perspective on these. A 1:05:46.280 --> 1:05:49.360 lot of people will have some issues. They'd like some advice. 1:05:49.440 --> 1:05:52.080 We all got issues, you know, we ever we do you. 1:05:52.880 --> 1:05:54.600 I'm not sure how to pronounce this woman's name. M 1:05:54.640 --> 1:06:02.360 A r A M merriam, um merriam. Looking to the notes. Hey, Hey, 1:06:03.200 --> 1:06:05.840 I'm nineteen and perpetually single. I went on a trip 1:06:05.880 --> 1:06:07.680 with a ton of students from my university to a 1:06:07.680 --> 1:06:10.080 competition where I met this guy from a different school. 1:06:10.480 --> 1:06:13.080 He was sweet and funny and totally cool. I don't 1:06:13.080 --> 1:06:15.560 know what the competition was, but she elaborates that he 1:06:15.640 --> 1:06:17.640 ended up doing a performance for one of the competitions 1:06:17.640 --> 1:06:20.200 and was amazing. After everyone performed right into him and 1:06:20.240 --> 1:06:22.560 told him how well he did. I ended up getting 1:06:22.560 --> 1:06:24.800 his handles for Twitter and Instagram, so I slid into 1:06:24.800 --> 1:06:26.600 the d M s. We got to talking for a 1:06:26.600 --> 1:06:28.520 few days, and we've been talking for over a week, 1:06:28.600 --> 1:06:31.200 every single day. I kind of want to tell him 1:06:31.200 --> 1:06:32.560 that I've had a crush on him for a while, 1:06:32.680 --> 1:06:34.480 but I think that would be stupid since we've only 1:06:34.520 --> 1:06:36.840 been talking for less than two weeks. Should I wait 1:06:36.880 --> 1:06:38.680 until the one month mark to tell him? Should I 1:06:38.720 --> 1:06:40.640 not tell him at all? We live about four hours away, 1:06:40.680 --> 1:06:43.040 but we're always in each other's cities for events. I 1:06:43.120 --> 1:06:44.560 just want to know if I should tell him or not. 1:06:44.680 --> 1:06:46.160 And I want to know if he likes me, because 1:06:46.160 --> 1:06:48.480 if he doesn't, I'd rather just stop talking then getting 1:06:48.480 --> 1:06:51.919 invested and get my heartbroken. Any advice would be helpful, Marem, 1:06:51.960 --> 1:06:55.720 you just answered the question. You just answered your own questions. 1:06:55.760 --> 1:06:57.080 You said, I don't I want to know if you. 1:06:57.480 --> 1:06:58.920 I want to know if he likes me or not. 1:06:58.960 --> 1:07:00.800 Then you have to tell him that you like him 1:07:00.800 --> 1:07:03.160 and see what he responds with that you have nothing 1:07:03.240 --> 1:07:06.040 to lose, seriously, nothing to lose at all. But that's 1:07:06.040 --> 1:07:09.840 a yeah. I mean you're you're your own Uh. I 1:07:09.880 --> 1:07:11.440 can't even say, I can't even talk right now, But 1:07:11.520 --> 1:07:13.640 that happens so often with these emails. They answer it, 1:07:13.680 --> 1:07:16.320 they're in they know what they answer exactly. You're so wise, 1:07:16.320 --> 1:07:18.160 your wise, be on your your own ears, you know 1:07:18.240 --> 1:07:20.200 the answer. Yeah. I think you're just scared to tell 1:07:20.240 --> 1:07:22.800 him how you feel, which is understandable. But I think 1:07:23.200 --> 1:07:24.840 you should just be honest with how you're feeling and 1:07:24.880 --> 1:07:26.240 if he's not feeling the same way, then you can 1:07:26.240 --> 1:07:27.960 move on. So what does she doing to say I'm 1:07:27.960 --> 1:07:30.160 really I'm into you? Or does she ask him about 1:07:30.160 --> 1:07:31.880 I would say, if they're always in the same city 1:07:31.920 --> 1:07:33.600 for an event, just ask him to hang out first, 1:07:34.720 --> 1:07:36.240 one on one, I guess, and the next time they're 1:07:36.240 --> 1:07:38.560 in the same city is exactly, yeah, let's get together. 1:07:39.160 --> 1:07:41.000 She's nineteen, so don't get a drink. Maybe hease shared 1:07:41.120 --> 1:07:45.400 method is perfect for this. Yeah, I think that you 1:07:45.400 --> 1:07:47.480 definitely answered your own question there. It's pretty pretty cut 1:07:47.480 --> 1:07:49.360 and dry with that one. Just go ahead and make 1:07:49.360 --> 1:07:51.240 a move, and you know, don't wait for him to 1:07:51.240 --> 1:07:53.360 make it. I understand that sometimes girls do like the 1:07:53.400 --> 1:07:54.880 having the guy reach out first and kind of have 1:07:54.960 --> 1:07:56.680 that set up. But if you like him and you 1:07:56.720 --> 1:07:58.000 want to know if he likes you back, you need 1:07:58.000 --> 1:07:59.440 to just go out there. And it's definitely scary and 1:07:59.480 --> 1:08:01.640 intimidating in the moment, but you're gonna feel so much 1:08:01.720 --> 1:08:04.160 better after you get a response one way or the other. 1:08:04.240 --> 1:08:05.760 It's going to be like a weight off your shoulders. 1:08:05.760 --> 1:08:09.120 Absolutely right. Sean is the next one, and that's a guy. 1:08:09.280 --> 1:08:12.800 By the way, we got an email from a guy third, 1:08:13.160 --> 1:08:17.000 the third email in twenty seven episodes. By three equals nine. 1:08:17.600 --> 1:08:20.400 Let's go bottom and I have a new next door 1:08:20.400 --> 1:08:22.400 neighbor that I met while walking my dog a few 1:08:22.400 --> 1:08:24.280 weeks back. My dog seemed to like her, but we 1:08:24.320 --> 1:08:26.639 didn't talk long, just introduced each other and I told 1:08:26.640 --> 1:08:28.560 her about the puppies my dog had just had. We 1:08:28.720 --> 1:08:30.519 arranged the time for me to bring the puppies over 1:08:30.560 --> 1:08:33.000 to show her, and then they after the dinner. She 1:08:33.000 --> 1:08:34.640 said she wasn't free that day and asked her to 1:08:34.680 --> 1:08:37.640 message me later that weekend. So Easter Sunday came and 1:08:37.680 --> 1:08:40.960 a message her Happy Easter, and she responded later the 1:08:40.960 --> 1:08:43.280 same day messaged her again, saying, let's order some food 1:08:43.320 --> 1:08:45.280 and have a movie night in. I have not heard 1:08:45.320 --> 1:08:47.880 back from her. Where did I go wrong? Here's and 1:08:47.880 --> 1:08:51.840 there's a keyps here. I'm thirty nine, about to be forty, 1:08:52.000 --> 1:08:55.400 she's maybe twenty five, twenty seven. I think I know 1:08:56.520 --> 1:09:00.400 this is a good female perspective on one if a guy, sorry, 1:09:00.439 --> 1:09:02.240 so you you like, if you haven't gone on a 1:09:02.320 --> 1:09:04.320 date with her yet, I think it's a little weird 1:09:04.400 --> 1:09:06.559 to have a movie night in. The guy asked me that, 1:09:07.320 --> 1:09:10.679 I think I think you got to take her to dinner. Yeah, 1:09:10.680 --> 1:09:12.639 you definitely go out to a public place first, because 1:09:12.640 --> 1:09:14.360 I feel like, as a girl, Yeah, the guy's just 1:09:14.360 --> 1:09:16.320 coming over, or if he invites you over to his 1:09:16.360 --> 1:09:19.280 place immediately, she's just gonna think you want to hook 1:09:19.320 --> 1:09:22.040 up with her. Yeah, that's like Netflix and Chill, basically 1:09:22.400 --> 1:09:28.599 right and chills. I think it really depends on the situation, 1:09:28.600 --> 1:09:30.439 but yeah, I think Amanda is absolutely right. Maybe you 1:09:30.520 --> 1:09:32.639 just ask her to go to dinner. I also think 1:09:32.680 --> 1:09:36.439 the age difference is a flag for her, probably, and 1:09:36.479 --> 1:09:38.640 you're almost forty. If she knows that, I don't know 1:09:38.640 --> 1:09:40.439 if she does or not, but I think that's a 1:09:40.479 --> 1:09:42.599 flag for her, or maybe she really just wanted to 1:09:42.640 --> 1:09:45.639 see the puppies. Of course, who's going to pass puppies. 1:09:45.680 --> 1:09:47.320 But also, if you live right next to each other, 1:09:47.320 --> 1:09:49.200 it's gonna be really awkward if you go out and 1:09:49.200 --> 1:09:52.040 it doesn't work out so well, and it's gonna be weird. Yeah, 1:09:52.080 --> 1:09:54.760 it's just gonna be weird garbage. You have to just 1:09:54.800 --> 1:09:56.360 like peek out the window to make sure she's not 1:09:56.400 --> 1:09:58.320 on the front yard and you run out. It's just 1:09:58.360 --> 1:10:00.240 a lot of a lot of moving parts of one. 1:10:00.400 --> 1:10:02.519 Maybe try again and just ask her to dinner coffee. 1:10:02.720 --> 1:10:05.519 Here's what you do, Sean moved to a different apartment. Yes, 1:10:05.960 --> 1:10:09.240 change your entire life for this one potential date. Have 1:10:09.280 --> 1:10:11.720 a second litter of puppies, bring them to her at 1:10:11.760 --> 1:10:16.519 a at a mutually agreed upon location in public, and 1:10:16.560 --> 1:10:18.400 then they see where it goes. I think there no 1:10:18.560 --> 1:10:20.200 response to your text is all you need to know. 1:10:20.880 --> 1:10:23.080 I move on. Yeah, I think so too, And especially 1:10:23.120 --> 1:10:26.479 since she wasn't free that day and he asked her 1:10:26.520 --> 1:10:28.800 to message me later that weekend, so I don't know, 1:10:29.080 --> 1:10:32.320 not a good neighbor. Focus on. I think that's the 1:10:32.360 --> 1:10:35.280 best course. Denny has a question My boyfriend and I 1:10:35.280 --> 1:10:37.320 have been dating for over a year now. Things are great. 1:10:37.360 --> 1:10:39.160 He's a great boyfriend, He's there when I need him, 1:10:39.160 --> 1:10:42.040 and we connect well. We've had conversations about getting married 1:10:42.040 --> 1:10:43.559 and having kids, and he says he wants that and 1:10:43.600 --> 1:10:45.479 he can't wait. The problem is we can't see him 1:10:45.479 --> 1:10:49.400 to move forward in our relationship. He's thirty, I'm twenty seven, 1:10:49.479 --> 1:10:52.360 and we both still live at home. The conversation has 1:10:52.360 --> 1:10:54.080 been brought up a lot between his about moving in 1:10:54.120 --> 1:10:56.559 together and taking the next step. He says he's down 1:10:56.840 --> 1:10:59.360 and wants to, but I can tell it gives him anxiety. 1:10:59.640 --> 1:11:01.640 He has made any effort into looking at places, but 1:11:01.720 --> 1:11:04.240 keeps promising he will. I feel like I'm dating Peter 1:11:04.280 --> 1:11:06.760 Pan who doesn't want to grow up and have responsibilities. 1:11:06.760 --> 1:11:08.840 Am I feeling myself short? And help? I suck at 1:11:08.960 --> 1:11:11.160 dating Denny. I don't think you're selling yourself shut. I 1:11:11.160 --> 1:11:13.240 think you definitely need to test living together before you 1:11:13.240 --> 1:11:15.719 can continue to have conversations getting married and have kids though. 1:11:16.040 --> 1:11:18.439 And the thing is he is answering all the questions correctly. 1:11:18.439 --> 1:11:20.160 He is saying I do want this, I do want that, 1:11:20.200 --> 1:11:21.320 so I don't think it would be the worst thing 1:11:21.360 --> 1:11:23.600 to any if you looked at places as well and 1:11:23.720 --> 1:11:26.320 was like, let's go look at this apartment at this 1:11:26.400 --> 1:11:28.400 day together to see if this is what we want, 1:11:28.640 --> 1:11:31.240 because like he is saying yes to it now. Granted 1:11:31.280 --> 1:11:32.920 you know he's thirty or twenty seven. You both live 1:11:32.920 --> 1:11:36.639 at home, so that's obviously maybe I don't know, Maybe 1:11:36.720 --> 1:11:41.400 I don't. Yeah, certainly, like definitely, of course take the 1:11:41.400 --> 1:11:42.960 next step. You guys have been dating for a year. 1:11:43.360 --> 1:11:46.439 But I think I think, of yes, if it's giving 1:11:46.520 --> 1:11:49.439 him anxiety, but it would give anybody anxiety. It would 1:11:49.439 --> 1:11:51.160 certainly give me anxiety. If I was dating someone for 1:11:51.200 --> 1:11:53.599 you and they're like, let's move in together, I'd be like, sure, 1:11:53.640 --> 1:11:55.600 of course. But I think, of course i'd have a 1:11:55.600 --> 1:11:58.160 little anxiety about it, because you know, living together is 1:11:58.200 --> 1:12:00.479 a big statement in the relationship. That's kind of like 1:12:00.520 --> 1:12:02.800 a line right there to be like, Okay, now we're 1:12:02.800 --> 1:12:04.400 going to move in together. I'm gonna see each other 1:12:04.439 --> 1:12:06.960 all the time, and this is gonna be a very 1:12:07.040 --> 1:12:09.320 big moment in our relationships. So I don't think the 1:12:09.360 --> 1:12:11.760 anxiety part you should be that concerned about. I think 1:12:11.880 --> 1:12:14.280 more so, um, I don't think it would be the 1:12:14.320 --> 1:12:16.559 worst thing if you kind of took initiative and looking 1:12:16.600 --> 1:12:19.040 at places and being like, hey, there's a you know, 1:12:19.120 --> 1:12:21.160 an open house on Saturday, you want to go to it? 1:12:21.439 --> 1:12:23.960 And then if he keeps pushing that off, that would 1:12:23.960 --> 1:12:25.519 be a red flag for me. But he as of 1:12:25.640 --> 1:12:27.760 right now, he's saying, yeah, I want this, I want that. 1:12:27.880 --> 1:12:30.000 He's not putting as much effort as you maybe you'd like, 1:12:30.600 --> 1:12:32.559 but if you put maybe a little bit more effort, 1:12:32.600 --> 1:12:36.080 he might catch up. Push sometimes sometimes yeah, I know, 1:12:36.120 --> 1:12:41.720 I agree with what Jared's in. Okay, guys grow up 1:12:41.800 --> 1:12:44.280 kicking and screaming in a lot of cases they really 1:12:44.320 --> 1:12:47.439 don't want to get responsibilities. And I think he's also 1:12:47.479 --> 1:12:50.120 looking at this is if we move in together, we're 1:12:50.120 --> 1:12:51.840 going to get married or it's going to be very 1:12:51.920 --> 1:12:54.160 very ugly, and both of those can be very equally 1:12:54.200 --> 1:12:57.000 scary outcomes for a young single So he just needs 1:12:57.040 --> 1:12:58.680 a little bit of a push. I think this is 1:12:58.680 --> 1:13:00.760 going to be okay. Though I think it's gonna be okay. Well, 1:13:00.920 --> 1:13:03.280 moving in together is challenging too. I have friends. One 1:13:03.280 --> 1:13:05.439 of my best friends actually lived with his girlfriend for 1:13:05.479 --> 1:13:06.960 about two or three years. They had been dating for 1:13:07.000 --> 1:13:09.280 probably two years before moving in together. Um, and then 1:13:09.320 --> 1:13:11.320 they broke up and moved into separate apartments, and then 1:13:11.360 --> 1:13:14.120 after they moved out from each other, they realized that 1:13:14.160 --> 1:13:16.120 they wanted to be back together. But just living to 1:13:16.560 --> 1:13:18.519 living together put a straight on their relationship. So it's 1:13:18.560 --> 1:13:21.840 just something to be they're dating now and he still 1:13:21.960 --> 1:13:23.760 he spends five nights a week at our apartment. But 1:13:23.800 --> 1:13:25.360 there's just something to be said about having your own 1:13:25.360 --> 1:13:26.880 space that you can always retreat back to if you 1:13:26.920 --> 1:13:29.240 need it, absolutely, because the problem is with living each other, 1:13:29.280 --> 1:13:31.320 you have no personal space, like unless you go to 1:13:31.320 --> 1:13:32.920 the bathroom for like a half hour and just like 1:13:33.000 --> 1:13:34.720 scroll through your phone to be like I need like 1:13:34.760 --> 1:13:37.240 a half hour of silence by myself, and so but 1:13:37.400 --> 1:13:39.080 that is it's a big thing because like, even if 1:13:39.080 --> 1:13:41.280 you spend five nights at somebody's else's apartment, you do 1:13:41.320 --> 1:13:42.880 have those two nights where you can just kind of 1:13:42.920 --> 1:13:45.479 like decompress and be in your own bed and be 1:13:45.600 --> 1:13:48.240 in your own space and you're fine, right, But when 1:13:48.240 --> 1:13:51.280 you live with somebody, you don't have that. So, um, yeah, 1:13:51.320 --> 1:13:53.160 I can totally see living together is a really big 1:13:53.200 --> 1:13:55.120 testament whether this relationship is going to work or not. 1:13:55.160 --> 1:13:57.599 I wonder what I'm going to live with my girlfriend? Well, 1:13:57.640 --> 1:14:00.920 you don't have one yet, but one thing at a time. 1:14:01.479 --> 1:14:03.400 I've just always been curious about that. I'm always like, 1:14:03.520 --> 1:14:05.000 am I ever going to live with a girlfriend? But 1:14:05.080 --> 1:14:06.240 what do you think is a good amount of time 1:14:06.280 --> 1:14:09.080 to be together before you move? In? A year? One year, 1:14:09.560 --> 1:14:11.760 maybe even less? I did so I did live with 1:14:11.840 --> 1:14:14.920 maybe three days, maybe they two and a half months. 1:14:14.960 --> 1:14:16.280 I don't know how long is a bachelor of last. 1:14:18.200 --> 1:14:20.200 I think I told this story before when when we 1:14:20.200 --> 1:14:22.640 were moving from my apartment two apartments to go to 1:14:22.680 --> 1:14:24.320 the house that we lived in before the one I'm 1:14:24.360 --> 1:14:26.960 currently at. There was like a three week period where 1:14:26.960 --> 1:14:28.360 we didn't have anywhere to live and I was still 1:14:28.479 --> 1:14:31.000 dating my former girlfriend at the time, and I basically 1:14:31.040 --> 1:14:32.599 moved in with her for those three weeks, and they 1:14:32.600 --> 1:14:35.120 were they were perfectly fine. Obviously, it was because you know, 1:14:35.520 --> 1:14:37.320 three weeks you're gonna be moving into your own place. 1:14:37.360 --> 1:14:40.320 But um, that's like the one small taste of living 1:14:40.320 --> 1:14:42.080 with a significant other that I've had in my life, 1:14:42.080 --> 1:14:44.360 and you enjoyed it. I definitely didn't hate it. I mean, again, 1:14:44.400 --> 1:14:46.680 we both had our full time jobs. We were you know, 1:14:46.720 --> 1:14:48.519 living our lives independently of each other, which I think 1:14:48.560 --> 1:14:50.160 is important as well. But it is. But when you 1:14:50.160 --> 1:14:51.720 were a twenty year old guy, twenty something the guy, 1:14:51.760 --> 1:14:53.720 A lot of times your priorities are hanging out with 1:14:53.760 --> 1:14:55.920 a guy is getting horrible food and playing video games, 1:14:55.960 --> 1:14:57.599 and a lot of that is goodbye when you move 1:14:57.640 --> 1:14:59.479 in with her, But there are so many benefits that 1:14:59.520 --> 1:15:02.160 he may not be seeing. It's gonna be so much nicer. 1:15:02.200 --> 1:15:04.639 It's gonna smell better, it's gonna be cleaner, there's gonna 1:15:04.640 --> 1:15:06.559 be better food for you. It's really a better thing. 1:15:07.080 --> 1:15:08.920 Oh man. I remember when I was dating my ex 1:15:08.960 --> 1:15:10.920 girlfriend when I was in my early twenties, and every 1:15:10.960 --> 1:15:13.479 time I'd be playing video games and she'd call, I 1:15:13.479 --> 1:15:14.800 would pick up the phone and she'd be like, Hey, 1:15:14.840 --> 1:15:16.400 what are you doing. I'm like, oh, just you know, 1:15:16.439 --> 1:15:18.040 I was reading a little bit and watch the TV 1:15:18.280 --> 1:15:20.640 as I'm like playing Madden and I don't play a 1:15:20.640 --> 1:15:22.120 lot of video games. But I remember I felt so 1:15:22.200 --> 1:15:24.640 insecure about telling her to be like, I'm playing a 1:15:24.760 --> 1:15:27.280 video game. I'm that guy. I don't know why red 1:15:27.320 --> 1:15:30.639 flag video games, Amanda. I've actually never dated a guy 1:15:30.640 --> 1:15:33.360 that like was into video games. What if you play 1:15:33.400 --> 1:15:36.400 is like I don't know, say on average like two 1:15:36.400 --> 1:15:40.599 hours a week, that would't bother me video games. I mean, 1:15:40.640 --> 1:15:42.479 I think I'd be fine with it. I like sometimes 1:15:42.479 --> 1:15:44.439 when I travel, I have like a portable little Nintendo 1:15:44.520 --> 1:15:46.760 that I take with me, and like I'll bust it 1:15:46.800 --> 1:15:49.080 out kind of just like unforgivingly. And you know, I 1:15:49.120 --> 1:15:51.640 mean I've I've had both mixed responses. Sometimes if I 1:15:51.640 --> 1:15:53.840 want an airplane, they have the TV and obviously there's 1:15:53.880 --> 1:15:56.800 movies television, and then they'll have games, and I'm like 1:15:56.840 --> 1:15:59.519 so ashamed sometimes to play the games, but I know, 1:15:59.600 --> 1:16:03.800 but it's someone fun. It's just very interactive. Erica, we 1:16:03.880 --> 1:16:06.160 need you for this one. That's from Lindsay. I'm a 1:16:06.200 --> 1:16:08.479 big fan of the podcast. I find the content very 1:16:08.520 --> 1:16:11.920 relatable and helpful. Dean, I appreciate your openness on the podcast. 1:16:12.000 --> 1:16:13.639 It's been great getting to know you a little bit more. 1:16:13.640 --> 1:16:15.400 And I think we all I think all we can 1:16:15.400 --> 1:16:17.679 do is human beings has learned from our experiences, both 1:16:17.680 --> 1:16:20.200 good and bad, and use them to grow. Isn't that nice? 1:16:20.800 --> 1:16:22.880 Your willingness to share yourself with your listeners in any 1:16:22.920 --> 1:16:26.280 capacity is inspiring. So thank you Dean, I'm ready to 1:16:26.320 --> 1:16:29.840 follow up on Erica's crush and her oral surgeon. Oh yeah, 1:16:30.160 --> 1:16:32.960 two episodes ago, she friend requested him during the podcast 1:16:33.080 --> 1:16:35.439 Way to Go Girl, and I'm curious to know what happened. 1:16:35.439 --> 1:16:40.560 What happened, Erica, Well, he accepted my friend request. That's fantastic. 1:16:43.400 --> 1:16:48.120 But nothing has happened since. But I think that's fine. 1:16:48.439 --> 1:16:51.120 I'm just saying, whose fault is that, Erica, it's equally 1:16:51.240 --> 1:16:53.280 his fault and my fault. Not saying you're wrong, but 1:16:53.280 --> 1:16:55.040 you're the one talking about it on a podcast right now, 1:16:55.680 --> 1:16:57.320 kind of the one that's responsible for making the move. 1:16:57.439 --> 1:17:02.720 What is Erica's next move us? I think, yeah, yeah, message? 1:17:02.760 --> 1:17:04.400 But what is it? Is it a joke? Is it 1:17:04.479 --> 1:17:08.360 a sub sale? Erica text me what did you text 1:17:08.360 --> 1:17:10.640 me the other day? That was actually really really good? No. 1:17:10.840 --> 1:17:12.920 I read that back to Mark and it was literally 1:17:12.960 --> 1:17:15.680 the worst. Remember, I want I want to hear it. 1:17:15.840 --> 1:17:17.479 I don't remember what it was. Are you looking up? 1:17:19.240 --> 1:17:21.439 Amanda will be with me on this. That like messaging 1:17:21.520 --> 1:17:24.719 him is a horrible like Okay, Amanda, so and anyone 1:17:24.760 --> 1:17:26.479 else who didn't hear this. So she went to an 1:17:26.560 --> 1:17:32.759 oral surgeon who was thirty and she's not bad, super handsome, 1:17:32.960 --> 1:17:34.720 really liked him and they had a real connection, like 1:17:34.760 --> 1:17:36.400 they were joking with each other, and every time she 1:17:36.479 --> 1:17:39.479 was there it was great. Her oral surgery process is 1:17:39.520 --> 1:17:43.040 over now, she's not going back there in any professional capacity. 1:17:43.600 --> 1:17:45.760 She wants to make a move a little bit here, 1:17:46.080 --> 1:17:47.880 so she thought a very subtle move. I think it 1:17:47.920 --> 1:17:50.400 was my idea. Yeah, she couldn't find out on any 1:17:50.439 --> 1:17:53.080 social media except Facebook, so she headed him on Facebook. 1:17:53.080 --> 1:17:55.560 Just have thrown it out there. He accepted, which is 1:17:55.880 --> 1:17:58.400 a great sign. Neither one of them has made any 1:17:58.439 --> 1:18:02.000 kind of an initiations were in like a standoff, but 1:18:02.080 --> 1:18:05.240 it's not an active stand off, the old Facebook standoff. 1:18:05.280 --> 1:18:07.320 All I'm saying is like my birthday passed in the 1:18:07.360 --> 1:18:10.200 time and he could have wished me a happy birthday, 1:18:10.200 --> 1:18:13.320 and he didn't. He's probably not on there right often, 1:18:13.400 --> 1:18:15.000 but that would have been nice. I did take him 1:18:15.000 --> 1:18:18.960 almost it's taking multiple days to response. But the message 1:18:19.000 --> 1:18:21.800 that Erica texted me that jokingly, which I think she 1:18:21.800 --> 1:18:24.680 should send, is because he's a the oral surgeon, she 1:18:24.680 --> 1:18:28.479 should just say new teeth. Who it is? It's funny, 1:18:29.760 --> 1:18:32.120 It's sure, it's funny. It's going to get a rise 1:18:32.160 --> 1:18:33.720 out of him, A guarantee he got a response, and 1:18:33.760 --> 1:18:35.519 all you need is the response and then boom flowing 1:18:35.560 --> 1:18:38.040 conversation and then all of a sudden, it's coffee or drinks. 1:18:38.080 --> 1:18:40.400 It's it's such a no brainer to me. That's why 1:18:40.400 --> 1:18:42.639 I can't understand why you won't just message it to him. 1:18:42.640 --> 1:18:44.320 You literally have nothing to lose at all in the 1:18:44.439 --> 1:18:46.720 entire world. You don't even have you don't even gonna 1:18:46.760 --> 1:18:49.200 use them anymore as normal, surgeon, what you thought about 1:18:49.240 --> 1:18:51.000 that new teeth SUITI is so stupid. Okay, I think 1:18:51.000 --> 1:18:53.880 it's really funny, But I think if I were in 1:18:53.880 --> 1:18:55.960 your situation, I'd probably be asking for advice too, because 1:18:55.960 --> 1:18:58.599 I would know what to do. It's so tough. What's 1:18:58.600 --> 1:19:00.519 your advice, A Manda, how's a girl? I don't know. 1:19:00.680 --> 1:19:03.400 I mean, I want to say, message him, but like 1:19:04.040 --> 1:19:06.400 if you if you like he added you as a 1:19:06.439 --> 1:19:08.120 friend and he's seen you, he has the opportunity to 1:19:08.120 --> 1:19:12.800 message you too. Exactly was that listening to email that 1:19:12.840 --> 1:19:15.080 we talked about earlier today when she said something along 1:19:15.080 --> 1:19:16.400 the lines of I like him, I just want to 1:19:16.400 --> 1:19:17.880 know if he likes me too, and we all in 1:19:18.040 --> 1:19:20.680 Unison gasped. Instead, of course, what you have to do 1:19:20.760 --> 1:19:22.280 is tell him you like him, because you won't know 1:19:22.280 --> 1:19:24.160 if he likes you unless you tell him first. And 1:19:24.240 --> 1:19:29.240 we're using that same mindset and logic on this. I 1:19:29.280 --> 1:19:33.280 think the consensus is new teeth. Who did? It's really 1:19:33.640 --> 1:19:36.040 to say that, you guys also, I don't have new teeth. 1:19:36.040 --> 1:19:42.080 They're all my feet. Well, Lindsay has a crush at 1:19:42.080 --> 1:19:44.719 her Cairo practor that's why she's asking. For the past 1:19:44.760 --> 1:19:46.840 three years, he's had a huge crush on him. He 1:19:46.920 --> 1:19:48.880 was single, that he had a girlfriend, but she thinks 1:19:48.880 --> 1:19:51.479 he's single now and she's not sure anyway. Is it 1:19:51.520 --> 1:19:54.519 too late because it's been years? How much time has passed? 1:19:54.640 --> 1:19:56.599 And how would I go about it? I'm twenty nine, 1:19:56.680 --> 1:20:00.400 she's he's thirties. That's that's okay. It's easy find him 1:20:00.439 --> 1:20:05.479 on Facebook, say new spine who this? Yeah, exactly. Let 1:20:05.520 --> 1:20:08.080 me say this. It is never too late. Don't ever 1:20:08.160 --> 1:20:11.240 think that I've had a mindset like I've been very 1:20:11.320 --> 1:20:13.680 bad in that mindset as well. And it is not 1:20:13.800 --> 1:20:15.840 too late because if you think it's too late, you 1:20:15.880 --> 1:20:17.680 are going to always regret it. It could be like 1:20:17.760 --> 1:20:20.640 three or four years later rekindle an older romance exactly. 1:20:20.720 --> 1:20:23.920 So just go for it because it is worth a shot. 1:20:24.000 --> 1:20:26.240 Because don't be scared. Sometimes I've stuffed from the same 1:20:26.280 --> 1:20:28.600 thing where sometimes like I overthink things and it's like, 1:20:28.840 --> 1:20:30.400 is it too late? Should I even do something? Am 1:20:30.439 --> 1:20:32.240 I a jerk right now? And like I kind of 1:20:32.280 --> 1:20:35.320 like just conform and like shell up to a certain 1:20:35.320 --> 1:20:38.280 extent and just like live in this little comfort bubble. 1:20:38.439 --> 1:20:41.240 And it wasn't until like, I think you're gonna feel 1:20:41.240 --> 1:20:43.840 so much more empowered and and and better about yourself 1:20:43.880 --> 1:20:45.840 if you're just like, screw it. I'm going for it. 1:20:45.920 --> 1:20:48.320 And whenever happens happens. She says, she's more confident in 1:20:48.360 --> 1:20:50.080 who she is than she watched three years ago. So 1:20:50.439 --> 1:20:52.160 use it. It is not too late, go for it. 1:20:52.240 --> 1:20:54.439 What a great story for your kids. One day, you 1:20:54.560 --> 1:20:57.080 know everything, Well, here's my old earl surgeon, and I 1:20:57.080 --> 1:20:59.400 had a crush on him, so I added him, and 1:20:59.439 --> 1:21:01.400 then I said you were taking this, And then the 1:21:01.400 --> 1:21:03.680 next thing, you know, we've been married forever. And what's 1:21:03.720 --> 1:21:05.160 the worst that can happen? If he says, oh I'm 1:21:05.200 --> 1:21:07.400 in a relationship, I'm sorry. Oh well that's nice and 1:21:07.160 --> 1:21:08.880 then then you block him and never talk to him again. 1:21:08.880 --> 1:21:12.760 There's definitely no problem, alright. One more from Anonymous. I'll 1:21:12.760 --> 1:21:14.640 get right to it, She says. My boyfriend is not 1:21:14.680 --> 1:21:17.680 good with being affectionate or talking about his feelings. It's 1:21:17.720 --> 1:21:19.240 not that I want to hold my hand in public. 1:21:19.320 --> 1:21:21.000 It's more like when it's just us, I never get 1:21:21.000 --> 1:21:23.800 anything from him, whether it's a complimentary wow, I'm so 1:21:23.880 --> 1:21:26.920 lucky to have you or you're amazing. I'm a person 1:21:26.960 --> 1:21:28.519 who tells you how I feel when I feel it. 1:21:28.680 --> 1:21:31.000 I have a steam issues already, along with everyone else 1:21:31.000 --> 1:21:32.960 in the world. But I always thought my forever person 1:21:32.960 --> 1:21:36.360 would change or adjust, no longer need a certain something 1:21:36.400 --> 1:21:38.519 from him. This is getting back to deal breakers. He 1:21:38.560 --> 1:21:41.400 also gets really quiet when I started talking about my feelings. 1:21:41.479 --> 1:21:42.960 I feel like a lot of the time I speak 1:21:42.960 --> 1:21:46.040 from an emotional standpoint while he's still in that logical state. 1:21:46.280 --> 1:21:48.040 He doesn't try to get in my shoes to view 1:21:48.040 --> 1:21:50.720 the situation through my eyes. Are these things I just 1:21:50.760 --> 1:21:52.960 have to get used to and adjust myself. I love 1:21:53.040 --> 1:21:55.680 him so much, honestly, I can't picture my life without him. 1:21:56.080 --> 1:21:58.920 But some things I need so much he lacks. I'm 1:21:58.920 --> 1:22:02.240 twenty two. He's twenty eight. It'll be two years together 1:22:02.280 --> 1:22:04.120 in May, and we live together and spent a lot 1:22:04.120 --> 1:22:06.719 of time together. Should we maybe hang out with friends 1:22:06.720 --> 1:22:08.680 over the weekends. Do we need him to miss me 1:22:08.880 --> 1:22:12.040 or think about me to change something? Any advice please share? 1:22:12.080 --> 1:22:14.760 I Love you guys amazing podcast every week. I think 1:22:14.920 --> 1:22:17.560 to two years into relationship is a lot. I guess 1:22:17.640 --> 1:22:19.479 you can kind of expect the flame to kind of 1:22:19.680 --> 1:22:22.519 get smaller throughout that amount of time. I've never been 1:22:22.520 --> 1:22:24.799 in a two year relationships, so I can't speak from experience, 1:22:24.800 --> 1:22:26.920 but we've talked about love changes over time doesn't make 1:22:26.960 --> 1:22:29.120 it worse or better. It's just, you know, it just changed. 1:22:29.200 --> 1:22:30.960 Like it's not as lustful as it once was, it's 1:22:31.000 --> 1:22:33.200 not as affectionate it does, but it sounds like he 1:22:33.280 --> 1:22:36.160 never has been terribly affect and two years you know 1:22:36.200 --> 1:22:38.160 who he is. Coming from someone who struggles in the 1:22:38.160 --> 1:22:40.439 same way that sounds like her boyfriend does and showing 1:22:40.439 --> 1:22:42.000 the affection and all that kind of stuff. I can 1:22:42.040 --> 1:22:44.400 say that it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you 1:22:44.479 --> 1:22:46.200 or like you or anything that it just is something 1:22:46.240 --> 1:22:48.280 that maybe you needed more vocal about that he needs 1:22:48.280 --> 1:22:50.200 to change and do better. But I will say, like, 1:22:50.240 --> 1:22:52.440 for me personally, I am kind of like a very 1:22:52.520 --> 1:22:54.960 uh affection is very big for me as well, because 1:22:54.960 --> 1:22:57.080 I'm a very affectionate person, and so I think if 1:22:57.120 --> 1:22:58.800 I wasn't receiving it, I would feel the same way 1:22:58.840 --> 1:23:01.280 you're feeling right now. And so you have to just 1:23:01.360 --> 1:23:03.120 kind of like keep talking to him about it because 1:23:03.120 --> 1:23:05.840 it's gonna be a very big point in your relationship, 1:23:05.880 --> 1:23:07.960 and it's obviously something that's bothering you very much, and 1:23:08.000 --> 1:23:11.200 moving forward, it's going to continue bothering you unless you 1:23:11.240 --> 1:23:13.400 guys talk about it more. And that's what relationships are. 1:23:13.439 --> 1:23:16.360 It's compromised, it's sacrifice. And so if this guy loves 1:23:16.360 --> 1:23:17.840 you as much as you might think he does, then 1:23:17.840 --> 1:23:19.960 hopefully all he has to do, I feel like for 1:23:20.000 --> 1:23:22.040 you is to say I'll work on it. I will 1:23:22.080 --> 1:23:23.960 try to get better at it. I like this question 1:23:24.000 --> 1:23:25.200 you asked at the end where you said, do I 1:23:25.240 --> 1:23:26.920 need him to miss me or think about me to 1:23:27.000 --> 1:23:30.040 change something? I think that she should make him miss her. Really, 1:23:30.120 --> 1:23:33.400 I think that would be really playing games two years reship, 1:23:33.680 --> 1:23:35.960 not even games, but just like maybe make yourself. Obviously 1:23:36.000 --> 1:23:37.599 you live with him and you've dated for two years 1:23:37.600 --> 1:23:38.960 and you're not gonna play games with your boyfriend in 1:23:38.960 --> 1:23:43.439 two years, but just like make him, Um, how do 1:23:43.520 --> 1:23:46.640 you do that without like make yourself less available in 1:23:46.680 --> 1:23:49.280 those ways? And then he'll realize how much he misses 1:23:49.320 --> 1:23:52.000 your affection and your communicative style on a daily basis. 1:23:52.080 --> 1:23:54.200 I think, Yeah, I mean I agree with that, but 1:23:54.240 --> 1:23:55.599 I think there's like a way to do it rather 1:23:55.640 --> 1:23:57.240 than like playing games and just kind of doing it 1:23:57.320 --> 1:23:59.720 making him miss you. Like I wasn't saying play games, Amanda, Well, 1:24:00.160 --> 1:24:01.800 but kind of sounds like that, right, if you're going 1:24:01.840 --> 1:24:04.760 to make him miss you. So this is my thing 1:24:04.760 --> 1:24:06.880 with I think that maybe he's gotten so used to 1:24:06.920 --> 1:24:10.200 her style of communication where he he thinks he's communicating 1:24:10.240 --> 1:24:12.519 to her through the way that she over communicates to him, 1:24:12.720 --> 1:24:14.400 and so when she scales that back a little bit, 1:24:14.400 --> 1:24:16.839 then he'll realize that there's a piece of their relationship 1:24:16.880 --> 1:24:19.320 that's missing because she's not being as vocal as she 1:24:19.360 --> 1:24:22.720 normally is, which means that he would hopefully up his communication. 1:24:22.920 --> 1:24:24.960 Well you would, you would hope that, right if if 1:24:25.000 --> 1:24:27.280 something was lacking, that he would step up to the plate. 1:24:27.320 --> 1:24:28.840 And like, that's what I'm saying to try. I mean, 1:24:28.880 --> 1:24:31.920 you don't need to. It's a matter of being busy 1:24:31.920 --> 1:24:34.519 in terms of your life socially may professionally, and so 1:24:34.560 --> 1:24:36.200 you're not as available to him. I think that's what 1:24:36.240 --> 1:24:39.000 you're saying. Man, could you put yourself in her shoes? Yeah, So, 1:24:39.160 --> 1:24:40.719 I mean I feel like I've been in a situation 1:24:40.760 --> 1:24:42.439 like that before, so I can relate. But I think 1:24:42.479 --> 1:24:44.720 what I would do is probably like communicate with him 1:24:44.800 --> 1:24:47.719 or you're feeling and say, like, you know, I feel 1:24:48.120 --> 1:24:51.000 like you don't show me enough affection and I need 1:24:51.040 --> 1:24:53.080 more of that from you. So I'm gonna give you 1:24:53.080 --> 1:24:55.280 a little bit more space. And I also think to 1:24:55.400 --> 1:24:58.200 bounce off that point, of course, that like there is 1:24:58.240 --> 1:25:00.439 something to be said about the sandwich effect. Start off 1:25:00.439 --> 1:25:03.000 with something positively like I love you. I cannot picture 1:25:03.040 --> 1:25:04.600 my life without you. I want this to work more 1:25:04.640 --> 1:25:07.280 than anything. But I don't say but no, of course, 1:25:07.680 --> 1:25:10.000 but it's the most destructive word in any relationship. Never 1:25:10.000 --> 1:25:13.360 say but well, anyway you want to what I'm saying, 1:25:14.120 --> 1:25:17.160 but but but it's I feel like it's far better 1:25:17.200 --> 1:25:19.120 to start off with something positive and to make them 1:25:19.120 --> 1:25:21.400 know that you want this to work and you want 1:25:21.479 --> 1:25:24.200 them and they're the only person you want. But of 1:25:24.240 --> 1:25:26.479 course there's things that I know I get it. Sure, 1:25:26.520 --> 1:25:30.240 I'll work on it, but for right now, but I 1:25:30.280 --> 1:25:31.880 canna get like a like a buzzer in here and 1:25:31.880 --> 1:25:38.200 every time we say here, however, uh, you know, there's 1:25:38.240 --> 1:25:40.840 just things that you know I need in a relationship 1:25:40.880 --> 1:25:42.479 as well. And one of these things is just more 1:25:42.560 --> 1:25:46.040 functioning like hopefully as a as a partner, as somebody, 1:25:46.120 --> 1:25:49.960 as a very loving, hopefully committed relationship that he will say, yeah, 1:25:50.080 --> 1:25:52.240 let's let's work on this. Like I'm not good at it, 1:25:52.280 --> 1:25:54.160 and I will do my best, And I can't promise 1:25:54.240 --> 1:25:57.240 that like overnight I'm going to become this most affectionate 1:25:57.280 --> 1:25:59.680 and wonderful boyfriend that you're imagining. But it's something that 1:25:59.720 --> 1:26:03.640 I work at you right in the middle of. But 1:26:04.560 --> 1:26:06.120 we're gonna that's gonna be a common thing. I'm gonna 1:26:06.120 --> 1:26:07.960 maybe get like a blowhorn or something every time we're 1:26:08.000 --> 1:26:09.600 going through advice and we say the word but we 1:26:09.640 --> 1:26:10.840 need to ring it an Every time I hear a 1:26:10.840 --> 1:26:12.400 blow horn, all I can think about his jersey shore 1:26:12.520 --> 1:26:20.200 the grenade wasn't um it's I guess, be honest with him. 1:26:20.520 --> 1:26:22.479 Amanda had great advice because it was the same advice 1:26:22.479 --> 1:26:27.080 that I gave. Just just give him space without telling him, 1:26:27.120 --> 1:26:29.559 tell him like, hey, this is how I feel, so 1:26:29.600 --> 1:26:32.559 I'm going to give you a little bit of space. Yeah. 1:26:32.880 --> 1:26:35.040 I think that could scare him in a good way. 1:26:35.080 --> 1:26:36.679 I think in a good way and make him realize 1:26:36.720 --> 1:26:38.280 what he has in So this is the point. Maybe 1:26:38.280 --> 1:26:40.080 if we put it into numbers, so if she's eighty 1:26:40.120 --> 1:26:42.880 percent communication, he's she scales it back to sixty, then 1:26:42.920 --> 1:26:45.120 there's gonna be a twenty void that needs to be 1:26:45.160 --> 1:26:47.240 filled and you will be forced to come to that 1:26:47.280 --> 1:26:51.639 extra if he here's the issue. What if he doesn't, Well, 1:26:51.960 --> 1:26:53.800 he will. There's not even a question of what if 1:26:53.840 --> 1:26:56.439 he's going to. I mean, I like your optimism, and 1:26:56.479 --> 1:26:58.439 if he doesn't, then just continue to be the twenty 1:26:58.479 --> 1:27:00.200 that you are and communicate how much you what you 1:27:00.200 --> 1:27:01.719 need from it. But this is a guy think thinking. 1:27:01.720 --> 1:27:04.720 How many husbands and dads don't talk about feelings, the 1:27:04.880 --> 1:27:06.880 noncommunicative They just want to sit in the house and 1:27:06.920 --> 1:27:08.640 watch TV or whatever they do. You know, they're this 1:27:08.680 --> 1:27:11.800 is very common among guys to not express their feelings. 1:27:12.080 --> 1:27:13.599 And I think part of that, I mean, I don't 1:27:13.600 --> 1:27:15.280 know obviously, but I think part of that just comes 1:27:15.320 --> 1:27:18.479 from maybe once it's it's just one person is doing 1:27:18.520 --> 1:27:20.360 more than the other, and because of that, they think 1:27:20.400 --> 1:27:22.160 they can skate along without having to do as much 1:27:22.200 --> 1:27:23.600 as that other person, you know, of course, And I 1:27:23.600 --> 1:27:27.240 also think guys become very defensive and uh and so 1:27:27.360 --> 1:27:29.320 like it's all about your approach, where if you go 1:27:29.400 --> 1:27:31.040 to this guy and you're like, you don't do this, 1:27:31.200 --> 1:27:33.280 you don't do that, and then he might become defensive like, well, 1:27:33.320 --> 1:27:34.760 you don't do this for me and you know that. 1:27:35.280 --> 1:27:37.479 But I also think guys want to be providers, and 1:27:37.520 --> 1:27:39.880 so I think if you approach him and say this 1:27:39.960 --> 1:27:42.439 is what I need because I want you, but I 1:27:42.479 --> 1:27:44.960 need more of this from you, then I think he 1:27:45.040 --> 1:27:47.200 might be more willing to do it because it's providing 1:27:47.200 --> 1:27:48.840 a service to you. And I think a lot of 1:27:48.840 --> 1:27:51.960 guys want to be that man who's like, I am 1:27:52.000 --> 1:27:55.160 I'm your provider, I'm here for you, rather than you know, 1:27:55.200 --> 1:27:57.280 you approaching him being like you don't do this or 1:27:57.320 --> 1:27:59.080 you don't do that. Instead of approaching him saying you 1:27:59.080 --> 1:28:01.280 don't do this, approach, I'm saying this is what I 1:28:01.320 --> 1:28:03.360 need a question for Amanda would you be okay with 1:28:03.560 --> 1:28:06.360 um dating someone or being with someone that is more 1:28:06.400 --> 1:28:08.040 interested in being like a stay at home father than 1:28:08.600 --> 1:28:12.080 someone that's that's a good question. Um yeah, I mean 1:28:12.120 --> 1:28:13.559 I don't think i'd bother me someone that want to 1:28:13.560 --> 1:28:14.720 be a stay a home down. I think it's kind 1:28:14.720 --> 1:28:18.599 of cute. Actually, Okay, yeah, that's curious. Um okay, well 1:28:18.600 --> 1:28:23.719 that'll do it for I'll do it for episode seven 1:28:23.880 --> 1:28:28.360 of Help I Suck at Dating Birthday. Thank you so 1:28:28.439 --> 1:28:30.559 much for spending my birthday with me. This is great. 1:28:30.600 --> 1:28:32.200 I know we're all kind of obligated to be here. 1:28:33.040 --> 1:28:36.720 I'm not obligated to be here. I chose this, Okay. Um, 1:28:37.080 --> 1:28:39.320 big thank you to Sherry Heally and she left her 1:28:39.360 --> 1:28:42.479 email was at Sherry shari at healy dot com, Shari 1:28:42.560 --> 1:28:44.800 at shari Heally dot com, Shari at shree heally dot com. 1:28:44.840 --> 1:28:46.200 Like we said, if you have any questions for her, 1:28:46.240 --> 1:28:48.639 please feel free to reach out. She's incredible. Um. Big 1:28:48.640 --> 1:28:50.960 thank you to Jared of course Amanda for being here 1:28:50.960 --> 1:28:54.720 as well. Always nice to have a lovely female's perspective. 1:28:54.800 --> 1:28:55.920 I hope that we can make this more of a 1:28:55.920 --> 1:28:59.280 common occurrence. Um. Mark Easton hasn't been chiming in quite 1:28:59.280 --> 1:29:01.320 as much lately, but we appreciate you being here regardless. 1:29:01.840 --> 1:29:04.599 Thank you, I appreciate that, and Erica for using your 1:29:04.640 --> 1:29:07.000 teeth to tell us about the stories of your oral surgeon. 1:29:07.320 --> 1:29:10.679 I fully expect that message to be sent by What's 1:29:10.720 --> 1:29:13.600 Day Tuesday Thursday, UM, But most imporantly, thank you to 1:29:13.600 --> 1:29:16.200 the listeners. Thank you all for spending my birthday with me. 1:29:16.240 --> 1:29:19.640 I really appreciate it, and speak to shut Tune in 1:29:19.680 --> 1:29:21.599 next week for help I Suck at Dating, because apparently 1:29:21.600 --> 1:29:23.840 maybe we all might just be a little bit better. 1:29:23.880 --> 1:29:27.759 People follow help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert 1:29:27.840 --> 1:29:31.440 on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.