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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, the og story Time podcast host. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my mother in law called the cops on

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Speaker 3: me after a false accusation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah no, he totally did it.

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Speaker 3: And trigger warning here physical altercation. It's been a long,

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Speaker 3: gosh dang month. My fiance's grandparents future mother in law's

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Speaker 3: parents both had pretty scary falls in the last month,

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Speaker 3: and we've all been taking turns making two hundred and

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Speaker 3: fifty mile trips down to help and visit them. It's

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Speaker 3: been stressful. By the way, this comes from Irish Cream

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Speaker 3: of the Nerd, and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime at subreddits.

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Speaker 2: And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and.

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Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice to goofley. But we

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Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what

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Speaker 3: we would do in this situation, So let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments. So, oh piece,

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Speaker 3: next month, fiance and I have a trip plan to

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Speaker 3: go out of the country for a week to see

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Speaker 3: my grandparents, who are older and I haven't seen them

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Speaker 3: in years. The plan was to have fiance's kid brother,

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Speaker 3: seventeen male, take care of our pets while we were gone.

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Speaker 3: They both knew of and agreed to this well. Last night,

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Speaker 3: future mother in law realized that if we're out of

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Speaker 3: the country, they can't take a three day trip to

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Speaker 3: visit mother in law's parents. According to mother in law,

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Speaker 3: leaving kid brother by himself for three days is a

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Speaker 3: hard noe, so she announced that she was going to

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Speaker 3: board the dogs. Fiance took exception to this because our

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Speaker 3: older dog is terrified of everyone outside of the household,

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Speaker 3: and our younger dog is really bad at reading aggressive

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Speaker 3: body language and will actively try to play with dogs

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Speaker 3: that would tear her apart. This started an argument between

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Speaker 3: fiance and mother in law, where mother in law accused

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Speaker 3: fiance of not caring about her own grandparents. Things got heated,

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Speaker 3: but I convinced my fiance to retreat with me into

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Speaker 3: our room. Things seem to cool down for a bit,

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Speaker 3: but when I ran downstairs to grab fiance switch so

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Speaker 3: we could a go hide out at my apartment, Mother

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Speaker 3: in law was still ranting, saying that she wished she

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Speaker 3: never had my fiance, and she was mad at kid

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Speaker 3: bro for attempting to bail from the argument and accused

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Speaker 3: him of siding with them, and was saying some of

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Speaker 3: the most unhinged crap imaginable.

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Speaker 4: This has gone way to uh extreme, way too fast.

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Speaker 3: Yeaddid I don't think it was ever that serious. I

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Speaker 3: tried to gently defend my fiance because frankly, she's put

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Speaker 3: her whole life on hold for a decade to sport

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Speaker 3: her mom and brother. Mother in law kept telling that

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Speaker 3: fiance is not her daughter. Eventually, the fiance got sick

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Speaker 3: of hearing things and started yelling back at her mom.

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Speaker 5: Mother in law called her a witch.

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Speaker 3: Fiance returned the sentiment, and at that point mother in

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Speaker 3: law yelled that I should control my stupid witch because

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Speaker 3: mother in law is going to hit her in her

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Speaker 3: stupid effing face.

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Speaker 4: Hey now, hey, now, I'm pretty sure that is the

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Speaker 4: threat of.

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Speaker 3: A I believe it is. I believe it is. Mother

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Speaker 3: in law went back to her room, still yelling, with

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Speaker 3: my fiance yelling back. I tried to convince mother in

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Speaker 3: law of my fiance and I had been hiding for

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Speaker 3: almost an hour while she was still ranting and that

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Speaker 3: we weren't the ones pushing the argument. Eventually, she snapped

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Speaker 3: and yelled I'm going to get that witch and our

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Speaker 3: little dog too, and attempted to sprint past me down

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Speaker 3: the hallway. I interceded and stood between her and my fiance.

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Speaker 3: Mother in law pushed and shoved and tried to squeeze

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Speaker 3: past me in the hallway. She nearly made it too,

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Speaker 3: but I picked her up and put her back down

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Speaker 3: on the other side of me. She then announced that

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Speaker 3: she was going to call nine one one, which in

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Speaker 3: which I invited since no violence occurred. Well, I got

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Speaker 3: shoved and then she got mildly restrained, but no one

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Speaker 3: was hurt. She the nine one one operator on speaker

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Speaker 3: so me and fiance could hear and interject, demanded someone

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Speaker 3: get out there because her daughter was verbally abusing her

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Speaker 3: and the nine to one one operator was getting frustrated

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Speaker 3: with it.

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Speaker 4: She's gonna get arrested from making an improper call the

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Speaker 4: nine one one.

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Speaker 2: That's so funny.

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Speaker 3: Eventually she hang up, and minutes later the cops showed up. Thankfully,

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Speaker 3: I knew one of them from work and explained everything

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Speaker 3: I typed out above. Mother in law talked to his

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Speaker 3: partner outside. Apparently my fiance, who was hiding under her bed,

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Speaker 3: was watching on the ring camera and watched her mom

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Speaker 3: straight up lie to the cop. They advised us that

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Speaker 3: since no one was injured, Mother in law claimed that

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Speaker 3: I broke her thumb, but it obviously isn't it broken?

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Speaker 3: That we should just try to avoid each other and

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Speaker 3: let things settle. After they left, Fiance and I hid

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Speaker 3: in our room while mother in law bomb texted her

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Speaker 3: about how I'm an evil danger to the whole family.

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Speaker 3: Yesterday I broke her thumb. Now she's texting fiance that

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Speaker 3: I harmed her in the hallway. I didn't. I'm so

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Speaker 3: effing heartbroken over this whole thing. I've been with fiance

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Speaker 3: since high school. I clean the house, I do all

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Speaker 3: the chores. I'm designated driver. I fix the cars, I

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Speaker 3: fix the computers, I help little bro this homework. I've

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Speaker 3: given so much of myself to this whole family. I

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Speaker 3: help mother in law with her extremely evil ex They

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Speaker 3: frequently comment that I'm too nice because I always stop

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Speaker 3: to help anyone I'm in a position to help. But

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Speaker 3: apparently now to mother in law, I'm an evil beast

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Speaker 3: who's unsafe to be around because I wouldn't let her

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Speaker 3: hit her daughter if my life man, fiance says, I

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Speaker 3: should have just let her mom hit her in the face,

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Speaker 3: because then we could just go back to everything being normal.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's terrible. We do have an update,

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Speaker 3: but no, no, no, that's not like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been training, I'm ready update.

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Speaker 3: We have been hiding out at my apartment and hoping

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Speaker 3: things would cool down, to absolutely no one's surprise, they haven't.

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Speaker 3: We took whatever we could that we didn't want mother

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Speaker 3: in law breaking or leaving out on the street, and

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Speaker 3: left while she was at work. There had been radio

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Speaker 3: silence through part of her work day with the old

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Speaker 3: or with the odd still really mean jab thrown fiance's

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Speaker 3: way via text, mostly stuff about how I'm horrible and

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Speaker 3: how fiance deserves to be with me, wait, deserves to

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Speaker 3: be with me, and she mother in law can't wait

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Speaker 3: till I harm her. Oh my god. Also that I'm

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Speaker 3: apparently an enabler who does everything for the fiance and

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Speaker 3: made her helpless. Geez, Apparently all those chores I've been

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Speaker 3: doing a mother in law's house so it wouldn't all

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Speaker 3: fall in. My fiance was part of some massive evil scheme.

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Speaker 3: Of course everyone knows that. We see right through UPI wow,

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Speaker 3: how dare I do basically every household chore for no

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Speaker 3: pay and no recognition?

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Speaker 6: How dare you? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: It's like in one breath she's like you're the worst,

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Speaker 4: and like you're going to harmer And then also you

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Speaker 4: do everything for her and she never has to do anything,

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Speaker 4: so she's helpless.

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Speaker 2: It's like pick one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Also, mother in law's story has changed again now

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Speaker 3: I've apparently hit her through her against a wall multiple

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Speaker 3: times and harmed her relentlessly. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.

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Speaker 3: Dozens of pestering texts aside. We got a call from

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Speaker 3: Little Bro sobbing because mother in law wanted the password

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Speaker 3: for the house's ring camera, and ironically, in her attempts

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Speaker 3: to get in locked fiance, who was the keeper of

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Speaker 3: the absence she was home most frequently, completely out, so

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Speaker 3: now nobody's in them. She forced kid Bro to call us,

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Speaker 3: demanding whatever two factor code was supposed to be sent

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Speaker 3: to fiance for the security camera. The one that did

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Speaker 3: come didn't work, She shrieked at him demanding to get

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Speaker 3: a code we weren't receiving. Anytime he tried to defend us,

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Speaker 3: she threatened to call CPS on herself to get him

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Speaker 3: taken away to foster care. Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: At this point, I'm just leaving. I'm him, I'm gone.

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Speaker 2: That's fine. I'm gonna go stay with my friend.

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Speaker 3: I feel like that needs to be Like, yeah, I

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Speaker 3: think he needs to go stay with Opie and and

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Speaker 3: the fiance at the apartment. Now, like that's it's so unsafe.

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Speaker 3: It's also unsafe. Anytime he contradicted her version of events,

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Speaker 3: she badgered him, telling him what he saw and heard

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Speaker 3: and thought until he agreed. Trying to stop the torment,

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Speaker 3: I recorded the whole dang call. I am not interacting

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Speaker 3: with mother in law even tangently without recording. From now on,

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Speaker 3: Fiance and I were distraught because little Roe begged us

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Speaker 3: to come back and pick him up multiple times, but

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Speaker 3: every time he asked, things escalated further, and we're worried

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Speaker 3: mother in law would call us kidnappers if we picked

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Speaker 3: him up. Well, I feel like if you have the

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Speaker 3: calls of this, like seventeen year old sobbing asking for

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Speaker 3: you to come pick him up to get away from

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Speaker 3: someone like, I feel like that's enough. You see stories

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Speaker 3: of like kids calling the cops on their parents or

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Speaker 3: something like that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that, combined with his own testimony, I'm sure if

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Speaker 4: the cops showed up being like, did Juice tail this job?

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Speaker 2: He'd be like, no, I asked them, she's the worst.

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Speaker 2: You don't make me go back there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 2: They'd be like, oh, okay, we'll put your mom in jail, right.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't want me around little Bro because I'm dangerous,

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Speaker 3: despite the fact that I've effectively helped raise him, am

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Speaker 3: an authorized pick up for everywhere and basically the whole

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Speaker 3: family's emergency contact and E'ma's best friend. Shoot, I cramped

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Speaker 3: two plus decades of Pokemon knowledge into his head since

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Speaker 3: he was six. So yeah, life still sucks. But I

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Speaker 3: think fiance is getting more committed to this whole moving

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Speaker 3: out and cutting off contact to the degree that we

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Speaker 3: can without screwing over a kid bro thing.

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Speaker 5: So there's a little progress.

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Speaker 3: Now we just need to figure out how to get

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Speaker 3: our remaining pets out of the house without things somehow

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Speaker 3: getting worse.

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Speaker 5: And we do have a second update.

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Speaker 3: Now, Oh my goodness, But before we get into that,

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Speaker 3: what are your thoughts so far?

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Speaker 2: Kind of evil laboratory? Is this mother cooked up in?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: She seems like a project of some sort of mad

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Speaker 4: scientist to create the worst woman alone.

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Speaker 3: Honestly would imagine that just like the stress of everything

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Speaker 3: is kind of getting in the way.

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Speaker 5: But I feel like you don't need.

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Speaker 3: To be scared about what will happen if he's seventeen

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Speaker 3: and you go get him, Like you might be called

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Speaker 3: a kidnapper, but I think legally you'll be fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he needs to one hundred percent get out of

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Speaker 2: that house.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he called you multiple times to beg so I'm not.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to like blame you for not doing

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Speaker 3: it yet, but I think, like, just you know you

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Speaker 3: can do it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, to give me that reassurance, I.

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Speaker 2: Would do it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Update number two alrighty, So this is probably going

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Speaker 3: to be a less satisfying post than you'd like. The

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Speaker 3: last several days have been a rollercoaster to say the least,

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Speaker 3: but overall things are trending it towards cooling down. First

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Speaker 3: and foremost, Mother in law's thumb is bruised up pretty bad.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's broken considering she hasn't gotten any

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Speaker 3: X rays or anything. Best I can figure is when

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Speaker 3: she tried to show past me, I leaned into the

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Speaker 3: wall to prevent her from getting to fiance, and I

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Speaker 3: effectively squished her against it. Anyways, I feel bad that

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Speaker 3: she does have any injury. Mother in law, little bro,

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Speaker 3: and fiance went down for two days to help mother

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Speaker 3: in law's parents, and I was unbanned from the house

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Speaker 3: so I could take care of the pets. Surprise, surprise.

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Speaker 3: Once I'm useful, the band starts lifting. I wait, the

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Speaker 3: only caveat being that I can't be there when mother

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Speaker 3: in law is there, which is fine by me.

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Speaker 2: Yea.

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Speaker 3: I think this is when you go grab your pets

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Speaker 3: and take them to your apartment. I feel like this

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Speaker 3: is the perfect time. While fiance was gone and I

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Speaker 3: was left on my lonesome, things got pretty low. Being

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Speaker 3: left alone with my thoughts to digest everything had made

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Speaker 3: me pretty insanely depressed, which is extremely uncharacteristic for me.

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Speaker 3: They fought on and off during the trip. Mother in

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Speaker 3: law graciously didn't spin her tails to the rest of

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Speaker 3: the family, likely because again I'm pretty dang useful and

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Speaker 3: always check on them when I'm down there visiting my dad. Anyways,

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Speaker 3: they came back, Fiance stayed the house overnight. Since they

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Speaker 3: got back late yesterday, Fiance bopped back on over to

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Speaker 3: the apartment with me, which she has been graciously helping

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Speaker 3: to furnish, so it's not effectively a two thousand dollars

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Speaker 3: storage unit for my reptiles reptile and it feels a

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Speaker 3: lot more like a home. I'm also, I think unbanned

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Speaker 3: from talking to Little Bro. I don't think mother in

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Speaker 3: law's going through his phone anymore to yell at him

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Speaker 3: over and texts between us. We got to pay some

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Speaker 3: We got to play some of the new Pokemons Taylor

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Speaker 3: for a bit and did some shiny hunting. Fiance has

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Speaker 3: been careful not to downplay things and made it clear

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Speaker 3: that she's she's not just trying to return to a

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Speaker 3: semblance of normal, which was kind of the case immediately

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Speaker 3: after everything happened. At this point, she's aiming for a

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Speaker 3: stable with the least amount of stress. Being at the

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00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,800
Speaker 3: apartment has been great for her. She's keeping her room

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Speaker 3: over at mother in law so she can support Little Bro,

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00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,960
Speaker 3: but still escapes to the apartment if and when things

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Speaker 3: hate heat up. I know the general consensus is never

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Speaker 3: talk to mother in law again forever, but low contact.

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Speaker 3: It's honestly the best case I was able to predict.

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Speaker 3: Mother in law is generally cooled off, but flip flops frequently.

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Speaker 3: She'll occasionally love bomb fiance saying she misses her best friend.

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Speaker 3: She'll occasionally arbitrarily pick a fight or induce stress in

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Speaker 3: fiance because fiance is picking me over her. She'll occasionally

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Speaker 3: just ice fiance out when fiance is sad about the

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Speaker 3: whole situation. Overall, I've resolved myself to only seek out

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Speaker 3: the positive and shoot for the best possible outcomes based

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Speaker 3: on whatever things I'm actually able to control. Fiance is

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Speaker 3: doing the same. Last night, some drama happened with mother

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00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,240
Speaker 3: in law's parents, and mother in law texted fiance basically

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Speaker 3: telling her fiance and I can't go on our trip

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Speaker 3: to my grandparents while drama is happening with her parents, Fiance,

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Speaker 3: rather than reacting purely out of stress, which is real

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Speaker 3: growth for her, basically informed her mom that crap's never

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Speaker 3: not going to be going down with her grandparents and

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Speaker 3: that if we wait for ideal conditions to go on

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Speaker 3: our trip, then we'll never end up going. This was

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Speaker 3: surprising to me because Fiance was the previous week becoming

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Speaker 3: more and more committed to the idea of postponing the trip,

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Speaker 3: which would have been very expensive. So it seems like

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Speaker 3: we're going as planned and my mom will come down

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Speaker 3: here and take care of all the animals.

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Speaker 2: Hey, way to go, Fiance.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a little bit more to the story. But yeah,

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Speaker 5: way to go.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you know, it's not always entirely feasible to

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Speaker 4: be able to just go no contact and cut connection immediately.

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Speaker 2: The ideal situation doesn't always happen.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, clearly, you know, mother in law's got some

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Speaker 4: mental health complications so much and needs that to be addressed,

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Speaker 4: which probably won't happen.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we do have a little bit more to the story.

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Speaker 3: When mother in law didn't get the reactions she wanted,

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Speaker 3: she went radio silent for a bit, only to text

301
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,280
Speaker 3: back a few hours later that a benefit fiance receives

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00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 3: for living at home and helping with the little bro

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00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 3: would need to be informed if she was officially moving out,

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Speaker 3: which is ridiculous. Fiance hasn't spend more than a week

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00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,320
Speaker 3: at the apartment. She gets all her mail to the

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00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,200
Speaker 3: house and still has a room there.

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Speaker 2: And you don't need to inform her do any of that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's not what they It's like you move out

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Speaker 4: and like what the police are going to show up

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Speaker 4: and be like, actually you have to live there because.

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Speaker 3: You didn't tell her, right, It's like no, no, no, no, no.

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00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,920
Speaker 3: Fiance's primary residence will remain the house until little Roe

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Speaker 3: comes of age and that benefit expires. So it was

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Speaker 3: mostly just mother in law attempting to induce stress over nothing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and that is the end.

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Speaker 2: Of that Spanish Strina powerplay. She's just a button presser,

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Speaker 2: a lever puller.

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Speaker 4: My in laws refused to be financially responsible, and I'm

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Speaker 4: losing all my patients.

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Speaker 3: I cannot sit here silently anymore.

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Speaker 2: I would be loud.

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Speaker 4: My wife is from South America and I'm European. We

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Speaker 4: met when I spent ten months in her hometown during

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Speaker 4: a cultural exchange. We were eighteen at the time and

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00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 4: would both go to UNI after words. After my cultural exchange,

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Speaker 4: my then girlfriend followed me to my home country, where

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Speaker 4: she obtained her degree. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 4: user Aimbox two and if you want to submit your

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00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,040
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time

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00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 4: subred it. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're

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Speaker 4: here to give you good advice.

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Speaker 2: Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

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00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,520
Speaker 4: We only know what we would do, so if you

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00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,600
Speaker 4: would do something different, let us know in the comments,

335
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 4: and op says. We are now a happily married couple

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00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,480
Speaker 4: who have been living independently for about five years. My

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00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 4: wife is thirty. She has one brother twenty eight and

338
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,760
Speaker 4: one sister sixteen. Her whole family still lives in her

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00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 4: home country. To add some financial context, the median income

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00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 4: in my home country is around eighteen hundred euros after taxes.

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00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 4: In hers, it's around three hundred and fifty dollars after taxes.

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00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,440
Speaker 4: Cost of living obviously differs a lot as well. Onto

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Speaker 4: the main problem, my sister in law, Anna graduates in

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00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,800
Speaker 4: June and is supposed to start UNI in September.

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Speaker 2: We were worried, however, that there would be.

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00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,159
Speaker 4: Problems in organizing and paying for these studies, which is

347
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,919
Speaker 4: why we planned our holiday accordingly to see if we

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00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,439
Speaker 4: could be of any assistance. We're on holiday staying at

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00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,560
Speaker 4: her aunt's house right now. We arrived two weeks ago

350
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 4: with one goal in mind to make sure everything was

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00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,960
Speaker 4: in motion for Anna to start studying in September. After

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00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 4: the first couple of days of usual greetings and storytelling

353
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,800
Speaker 4: of how our lives have been since the last time

354
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 4: we came about two and a half years ago, my

355
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 4: wife and I sat down with Anna to see what

356
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Speaker 4: she would like to study. It turns out my parents

357
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,440
Speaker 4: in law hadn't really done anything yet to start preparing.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah.

359
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Speaker 5: They're not doing it, forky mistake.

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Speaker 2: They phoned it in. They had you're the third kid.

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Speaker 2: You figure it.

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Speaker 4: Out, man, You figured it out the last time they

363
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,600
Speaker 4: had touched the subject in December of twenty seventeen. It

364
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,280
Speaker 4: ended with my mother in law telling Anna, Okay, just

365
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 4: let me know when you have any idea on what

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00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,840
Speaker 4: you want to become. There has been zero guidance on

367
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 4: helping her choose what or where to study. To make

368
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,240
Speaker 4: things worse, a lot of lines concerning registration and scholarships

369
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,960
Speaker 4: were due in February. To be honest, we kind of

370
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,160
Speaker 4: saw this coming, which is why the last time we

371
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,600
Speaker 4: were here on holiday two and a half years ago,

372
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 4: we had a conversation with my in laws expressing our

373
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,959
Speaker 4: concerns both financially as well as when it came to

374
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,119
Speaker 4: parental guidance. So last week we took it upon ourselves

375
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,840
Speaker 4: to once again touch the subject and express our concerns.

376
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Speaker 2: The result is.

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00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 4: They do not have the necessary money to even pay

378
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 4: for the first semester oh before my wife and I

379
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,439
Speaker 4: are brand That is d bags for pressing my in

380
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:39,000
Speaker 4: laws into arranging this for themselves instead of helping them financially.

381
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:43,240
Speaker 4: Hear some context, my wife's grandfather held a very good

382
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 4: position during his lifetime. The entire family belonged to the

383
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:53,399
Speaker 4: local high Society for about forty years. Grandfather gave my

384
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,920
Speaker 4: in laws the house they currently live in for free.

385
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 4: Grandpa basically paid eighty percent of all bills. My in

386
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 4: law ever had gas, water, electricity, school bills until my

387
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 4: wife was eighteen. She went to the quote unquote best

388
00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,679
Speaker 4: and most expensive high school in the region. My parents

389
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 4: basically paid for half of the cost of my wife's

390
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 4: education and all roof and food in my home country.

391
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,359
Speaker 4: The rest was covered by Grandpa, plus her and I

392
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 4: working in our spare time. We never asked my in

393
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,720
Speaker 4: laws for help, as we managed to get by, but

394
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 4: it did seem strange to us that they never offered anything.

395
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 4: My father confided in me that he doesn't need or

396
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,920
Speaker 4: ever expects any money from them, but that it does

397
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 4: make it a strange relationship between him and my in laws.

398
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,160
Speaker 4: My in laws have had their own quote unquote companies

399
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,920
Speaker 4: for about fifteen years. Basically it's a place they go

400
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 4: to pass the time, to pretend to do something. My

401
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,439
Speaker 4: father in law's income barely covers the rent and his

402
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 4: assistants pay. Yes, he has an assistant. My mother in

403
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: law has a therapy office so to speak, think mas

404
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:04,879
Speaker 4: and prescribing weird teas to lose weight. On average, she

405
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 4: has about three appointments per week, mainly her own family.

406
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,719
Speaker 4: Grandfather passed away about seven years ago. He left the

407
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 4: in laws a substantial inheritance thirty five thousand in cash

408
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,760
Speaker 4: and a collection of terrains suitable for real estate valued

409
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 4: at about five hundred thousand dollars wow for comparison to

410
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 4: three bedroom, two bathroom house costs about seventy five thousand dollars. Here,

411
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 4: I personally apply a factor of four to translate local

412
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 4: worth to our European standards, So basically, a two million

413
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 4: euro plus inheritance in European standards. In laws have been

414
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 4: slowly chipping away at this fortune and in my opinion,

415
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,399
Speaker 4: wasting it, maintaining a lifestyle that was once possible with

416
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:57,640
Speaker 4: the huge income grandfather had but is now simply unpayable

417
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 4: with their nearly non existent income. A couple of examples,

418
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:06,159
Speaker 4: wasting sixteen hundred euros five times the local median monthly

419
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 4: income on an airline ticket so my brother in law

420
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 4: could come visit us when he clearly told his parents

421
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 4: it was impossible for him to go as it fell

422
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 4: in the middle of his UNI exams. Oh my gosh,

423
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,959
Speaker 4: celebrating their wedding anniversary in hotels that cost more than

424
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:26,160
Speaker 4: three hundred dollars per night, which is the median monthly income,

425
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:31,959
Speaker 4: buying all luxury brands for clothing, going to expensive supermarkets.

426
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 4: They do this by selling off a certain asset below

427
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 4: market value because they desperately need the money, and then

428
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,560
Speaker 4: spending it slowly but surely until they run out again.

429
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 2: Very sustainable, totally, totally.

430
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 4: Every conversation we have had about this has been started

431
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 4: by me in the following fashion. We are grateful for

432
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 4: you allowing us to stay here with you during our holidays.

433
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 2: I am, however, concerned about Anna's.

434
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,360
Speaker 4: Future, as I think our education will cost a lot

435
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,920
Speaker 4: of money, and I think it's best to start preparing

436
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 4: so we don't end up in trouble. Two and a

437
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 4: half years ago, they agreed that things weren't going as

438
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 4: they should.

439
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 2: There was a lot of crying involved.

440
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 4: And we reached the conclusion that maybe they should start

441
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 4: a project to elevate their income so it at least

442
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 4: covers their daily expenses. The result was we spent weeks

443
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 4: looking up info, creating a business model, and reuniting the

444
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,640
Speaker 4: family through Skype to do follow ups, only to often

445
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 4: get the answer of I haven't had the time when

446
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 4: asking my in laws for an update. The project ended

447
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 4: when I realized I forgot one of our Skype appointments,

448
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 4: and instead of rushing home.

449
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 2: I decided to test their motivation by.

450
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 4: Seeing how long it would take for them to call

451
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 4: me to check why I wasn't online.

452
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 2: Yet.

453
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 4: In laws didn't call me that day, they didn't come

454
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,719
Speaker 4: online that day, and the entire project was never mentioned again.

455
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 2: They don't care.

456
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 7: They're just doing this because you're upset about it.

457
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 2: They're not upset. They don't care.

458
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 4: Ah fast forward to last week, I again touch the

459
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,199
Speaker 4: subject when alone with my in laws. They tell me

460
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 4: it's none of my business and that everything will be okay.

461
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 4: I tell them that I don't need or want a

462
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,520
Speaker 4: single penny from them or their inheritance, and that I'm

463
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 4: willing to put that in writing, but that I'm concerned

464
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 4: about their ability to pay for Anna's education, which they

465
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 4: then confirm they can't afford it for.

466
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 2: The time being.

467
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 4: I tell them I only want to help in the

468
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 4: form of guidance, call it the European view of things,

469
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 4: or even offer a loan if they're.

470
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 2: Tight right now terrible.

471
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 3: Idea, Yeah, to these people, that's.

472
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 2: Money you'll never get back.

473
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 4: By now, they're on the defensive and my wife and

474
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 4: brother in law have joined the conversation.

475
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 2: It was during breakfast.

476
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,400
Speaker 4: I literally tell them multiple times, we are only having

477
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 4: this conversation because I want them to lead a happy

478
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 4: and stress free life, but that with the way things

479
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:58,240
Speaker 4: have gone since our last conversation, it's unlikely to happen

480
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 4: once all the inherited money is gone. The conclusion, my

481
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 4: mother in law literally told my wife and her brother

482
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 4: they were being materialistic, which is funny because my brother

483
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 4: in law is a minimalist vegan who has his own

484
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 4: small martial arts dojo started by my wife and me,

485
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 4: and who gives free lessons to people who can't afford

486
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 4: it while barely scraping by himself.

487
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 2: This guy's got a mojo dojo, Cassahaus, he sure does,

488
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 2: and he gives it to the people.

489
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 4: She almost literally told them that kids cost too much

490
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 4: money and that my brother and my wife had prevented

491
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 4: her from leading the life she had wanted for herself.

492
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 4: She's extremely religious and without children would have probably ended

493
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,959
Speaker 4: up in a convent. She also said that she loves

494
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,639
Speaker 4: her entire family and that she wants to get along

495
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 4: with everyone, but that she can't accept the fact that

496
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 4: we are.

497
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 2: Such ungrateful children. Oh my god, fyi.

498
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 4: She is currently on non speaking terms with half of

499
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 4: her siblings because of a discussion over money. If it

500
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 4: wasn't for Anna, this would have probably been the point

501
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 4: where I would have gotten up, smacked them both in

502
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 4: the face and told them to go f themselves and

503
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 4: to never contact any of us again, as I want

504
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 4: nothing to do with such closed minded and hurtful people.

505
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 4: Mind you, if you ask anyone in my circle of friends,

506
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,400
Speaker 4: they'll tell you I am one of the least impulsive

507
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 4: and least emotional.

508
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 2: People they know.

509
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 4: Of course, we didn't do this, and we tried to

510
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 4: keep our calm alas my wife is very emotional and

511
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 4: could no longer support the completely off topic insults my

512
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 4: in laws kept throwing in our direction. My wife and

513
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 4: brother in law abandoned the table and went to their

514
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 4: aunt's house while I tried to reinforce our message. We

515
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 4: are grateful, but very concerned and only want to help.

516
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 4: The problem is Anna does still need a degree, and

517
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 4: my wife and I cannot afford it, as the university

518
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 4: that offers it is a private one and is way

519
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 4: beyond what our jobs pay.

520
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 2: Our in laws.

521
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 4: Keep telling us that it will be taken care of,

522
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 4: but I have zero confidence in their financial insights. My

523
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 4: wife and I would also like to start a family

524
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 4: of our own, but we love her sister so much

525
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,919
Speaker 4: and want to help her in every way possible. We

526
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 4: do not feel comfortable having children and not being able

527
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 4: to provide them with the best because of this other

528
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 4: burden that we will likely have to carry. Reason why

529
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,360
Speaker 4: I have zero confidence is I later found out that

530
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 4: if my wife hadn't come to Europe with me, my

531
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 4: in laws would have sent her to one of the

532
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 4: worst universities in the country because.

533
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 2: It was all they could afford.

534
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 4: My brother in law had to change universities after three

535
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 4: months to a relatively bad but free one, because again

536
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,920
Speaker 4: it was all they could afford. It is not entirely

537
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: impossible that they gather the necessary funds to pay for

538
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,479
Speaker 4: Anna's education yet again selling something, but it is a

539
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 4: ninety nine percent certainty that without accepting guidance, they will

540
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 4: be without a penny once the medical bills start pouring

541
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,480
Speaker 4: in when they get older. They are barely fifty now

542
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 4: and already using physical ailments as an excuse for many

543
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 4: things that go wrong. It may seem selfish, but I'm

544
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 4: not willing to lessen my own families opportunities once we

545
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 4: start one because of my in laws mismanagement, general laziness

546
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 4: and stubbornness. Had they been part of a poor community,

547
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 4: I would give them everything I could spare so they

548
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 4: could better themselves. But given the context, the current situation

549
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 4: just seems absurd to me. We have a little bit

550
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 4: more story, But when are our thoughts?

551
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 3: People?

552
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:18,440
Speaker 2: Do we have thoughts?

553
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 3: Dude?

554
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 2: These parents are giving up.

555
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 7: They're they're like, ah, shoot, we had kids, and I

556
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 7: think we have to parent now.

557
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just they they I think you guys are

558
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 3: so right, and like you know, you're they're gonna get

559
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 3: older and when you get older, you start breaking. Now

560
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 3: your body starts breaking down. And he started going to

561
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 3: the hospital and that's expensive. You gotta plan for the future,

562
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 3: and they're not planning for the future at all. They're

563
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 3: only thinking for themselves. Yeah, and are probably you know,

564
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 3: convincing themselves that this kid should like pay for her

565
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 3: own college when it's like, well, I mean, do what

566
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 3: you gotta do, but it seems like you can pay.

567
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,919
Speaker 5: For this, but you're choosing not to.

568
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 3: That's not fair.

569
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 4: Now, a couple of days after this conversation, my in

570
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 4: law's act as if nothing has happened. My wife and

571
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 4: brother in law feel extremely disappointed, not only because our

572
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 4: worry hasn't disappeared, but more so because of the extra

573
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 4: things that were said. I've come to you for advice

574
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 4: as I having a clue on how to deal with

575
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,479
Speaker 4: our current family situation. The main problem is that my

576
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 4: wife and I are worried about her sister's possibilities to

577
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 4: obtain a higher education degree.

578
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 2: Question what can or should we do? And that's the

579
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 2: end of that.

580
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:31,400
Speaker 4: On a real note, you know, there's plenty of ways

581
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 4: to have a solid career without having to go to university,

582
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 4: namely the trades, learn how to speak real good, get

583
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 4: yourself a little sales position somewhere.

584
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 2: I don't know.

585
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,959
Speaker 4: But most of all, I think beyond going to school,

586
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 4: whatever it is, Anna needs to have an idea of

587
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 4: what she wants to do.

588
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, true, true.

589
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 5: I mean it's community college because they're in Europe, right.

590
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 4: I have no idea how higher education works in Europe.

591
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 4: I do know it's a lot harder to get.

592
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 2: Into from what I understand. And that's the end of

593
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 2: this story. Let's head to the next one.

594
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

595
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

596
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 3: I'm planning to shave my daughter's hair and it made

597
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 3: my mother in law fiurius.

598
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 2: That's a hairy situation.

599
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 3: I female thirty three, am Hindu, and it is a

600
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 3: custom in my religion for babies to go through a

601
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,719
Speaker 3: rite of passage by shaving their heads when they are

602
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,880
Speaker 3: typically one to three years old. It is extremely common

603
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 3: in India, since both Hindu and Muslim communities follow this

604
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 3: practice with different traditions.

605
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 5: Albeit by the way, this comes.

606
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: From m the a whole Throwaway one eighty one two

607
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 3: three and if you want to submit your own stories,

608
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay story time, Separate it

609
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 3: And I'm.

610
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 2: Angie, I'm Dakota, I'm Raleigh.

611
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we

612
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,760
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what

613
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 3: we would do in this situation.

614
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 5: So let us know what you would do down below.

615
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 3: So Opie says, as my husband is from the US

616
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 3: and we have been married for four years. We're in

617
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 3: India right now visiting family. Two days ago we were

618
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 3: on FaceTime with his parents and mentioned that while we

619
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 3: are here, we have we will have a ceremony Mundawn,

620
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 3: don't know if I'm saying that right for our daughter

621
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 3: three female. They were excited and mother in law even

622
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,560
Speaker 3: asked me to send photos. Everything was fine until my

623
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: husband joked, you'll finally know what Maya looks like as

624
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 3: a baby. Maya was born with a full head of hair.

625
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 3: Mother in law was confused, but when she learned about

626
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 3: the shaving, she was furious. This was not even for

627
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,200
Speaker 3: religious reasons, since she knows my daughter is going to

628
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 3: be raised Hindu, my husband's family are devout Christians, and

629
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,200
Speaker 3: my husband left the religion years ago. She has never

630
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 3: expressed anger about this in particular, so it was not

631
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 3: the reason for her outburst. She went on a tirade

632
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 3: about how I was trying to quote unblack my daughter,

633
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 3: my husband is black, and how I don't like my

634
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 3: daughter's hair. She said, I don't love her natural hair

635
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 3: and I've consistently tried to it like mine, which is

636
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: frankly not true. She also mentioned that I would start

637
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 3: bleaching her skin soon since it's common with my people

638
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 3: who this is completely baseless. Not only are we darker

639
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 3: than her entire family, but this was completely out of

640
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 3: the blue. I've done my best in my search for

641
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 3: my daughter's hair care. I've visited many black owned salons

642
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 3: with my sister in law's and found the perfect one

643
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 3: for my daughter. My husband researched hair care products for babies,

644
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 3: and Maya's hair is very healthy. I've never heard any

645
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 3: complaints from anyone. I even have a hair oiling tradition

646
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 3: with her, something my mother and grandmother followed, and it

647
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 3: has become a great bonding time for us. I wanted

648
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 3: to share this with my daughter too. I can't even

649
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 3: comment on the skin bleaching stuff. It is too ridiculous wild.

650
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 3: The only conversation mother in law and I had before

651
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 3: about Maya's hair was when she mentioned she wanted to

652
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 3: get cornrows done and asked if Maya would get hers

653
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 3: done too. She was two at the time, so I

654
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 3: said no. I completely blew up at her after this.

655
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 3: My husband was his mom but said that we should

656
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: have We should just have the ceremony on the down

657
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 3: low with my immediate family and not post anything about

658
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 3: it since her hair would grow back when we go home.

659
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 3: But I wanted her to have a big ceremony, and

660
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 3: she was quite excited about it too. I'm also pretty

661
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: hurt by a mother in law's outbursts since I had

662
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 3: a good relationship with her. Father in law has been

663
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 3: quiet since this happened, and the sister in laws are nineteen,

664
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 3: so they can't say much. My family was in the

665
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 3: next room when this happened and they heard mother in law.

666
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 3: She was that loud and are mad at my husband.

667
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 3: I don't know. This was supposed to be a fun

668
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 3: trip back home and it just spiraled into this.

669
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 5: And we do have an update.

670
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:43,719
Speaker 3: But yeah, I feel like I feel like this is

671
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: definitely a big Outberson does not need to not need

672
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 3: to happen very much an overreaction.

673
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 4: It's just like a this this feels kind of like

674
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 4: a silly baby scenario. Yeah, your mom's just you're in law.

675
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 2: Your mother in law is just being so ridiculous and

676
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 2: needs to be like, oh, is that what you're worried about?

677
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 4: Well, you're being an actual silly baby. Yeah, so we're

678
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 4: going to disregard you.

679
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. Updates. The ceremony was held yesterday and I'm so

680
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 3: glad I went through with it. Maya had the most

681
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 3: amazing time with her cousins, and we made sure to

682
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 3: get a priest who was also trained in shaving hair

683
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 3: so she would be comfortable and not cry. The only

684
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 3: time she cried was when everyone left. Well, I'm so

685
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: glad I didn't cancel, especially after reading that one comment

686
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 3: saying that I was discriminatory for doing this ceremony for

687
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 3: my daughter, especially since she's black too. I still don't

688
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 3: understand the thought process behind that. We had a great

689
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 3: day with our family, and Maya was thrilled to see

690
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 3: her uncles, my brother, and cousin who also flew out

691
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 3: from the US for the ceremony. But it seems like

692
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 3: our day was too good and mother in law called

693
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 3: us screaming after seeing the pictures my relatives posted on Instagram.

694
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,479
Speaker 3: She wasted no time and fuel her real reason for

695
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,239
Speaker 3: being so against all of this.

696
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 5: What's it gonna be? What's it gonna be? What do

697
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 5: we think it is?

698
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 3: Well?

699
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,280
Speaker 2: No, no, it really could be so many different things.

700
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, well let's find out.

701
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 3: Put your put your guesses in the comments, bambla. As

702
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 3: many of you suspected, she was still resentful that my

703
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 3: husband married a hindude. She somehow expected me to raise

704
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 3: my daughter Christian, which totally blindsided me. Wow. Father in

705
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,800
Speaker 3: law was also pretty much on her side this time around.

706
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 3: My parents also came and spoke to her because they

707
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 3: did not like how she was talking to me and

708
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: my husband was being a complete wuss, leaving that for later.

709
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 3: Right now, we kind of diffuse the situation for now,

710
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,839
Speaker 3: and I'm so glad my parents are still there for me. Oh,

711
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 3: In the most surprising part, sister in law has told

712
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 3: me that mother in law had herself shaved her daughter's

713
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 3: hair when they were toddlers, since no stylist would work

714
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 3: with kids that young in their area.

715
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, so that's oh my god. It is straight

716
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 4: up like I want her to be black, not Hindu.

717
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 2: She's both. You have to deal with that.

718
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. My husband kind of remembered it too after they

719
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 3: mentioned it, So she really had no problem with the

720
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 3: hair shaving itself. I guess the resentant was just building

721
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:16,360
Speaker 3: up with Duali and Holly. Uh. I mean, seriously, who

722
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 3: gets mad at seeing their grandkid covered in colors.

723
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 5: The most horrible thing was the skin bleaching comment.

724
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 3: As someone who has been on the other side of it,

725
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 3: it felt horribly awful that someone would outright say that

726
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 3: I would have any role in it. What I'm most

727
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 3: angry about is the audacity of her to call me

728
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 3: up and scream about all of this. I might have

729
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 3: responded better, maybe not kindly, but calmly if she had

730
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,919
Speaker 3: just talked to me like a normal person. I don't

731
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 3: even know if I want this woman around my kid anymore,

732
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 3: but that's a problem for later. Everything felt so Indian

733
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 3: soap opera ish for me. So, yeah, it's been a

734
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 3: long day, and we do have a second update. Now,

735
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 3: let's go any comments before we jump right into that though,

736
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 3: How do we feel.

737
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,720
Speaker 4: It's probably warrants just a discussion of like, hey, doubt

738
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,640
Speaker 4: that's really gross.

739
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: And since our kid is Hindu and our kid.

740
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 4: Is black, you're gonna have to embrace both sides of

741
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 4: that because I won't have you othering your own grandchild.

742
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 3: Right, But update number two to preface, I'm Indian, my

743
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 3: husband is African American, and my daughter is mixed race.

744
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 3: I'm a practicing Hindu, and my husband was a Christian,

745
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 3: but he left the religion about twelve years ago. His

746
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 3: family still practices Christianity.

747
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's definitely something they're upset about.

748
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, our daughter is being raised Hindu since he no

749
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 3: longer practices the religion. I had a really bad conversation,

750
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 3: or rather several with my mother in law, and I

751
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 3: do not want to have any contact with her anymore.

752
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 3: I need advice on how to bring this up with

753
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,399
Speaker 3: my husband and maybe even suggestions on how we can

754
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 3: handle it. I later found out mother in law had

755
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: shaved her daughter's hair when they were toddlers, since stylist

756
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 3: would not work with kids in that young in that area.

757
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 3: If it had ended there, I would have been willing

758
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 3: to talk it out. But the next day she called

759
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 3: us and called me a Satanic worshiper. I assume due

760
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:08,839
Speaker 3: to the polytheistic nature of my religion, I would never

761
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:13,439
Speaker 3: worship Shaitan Shaitan, but she also called me a cow

762
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: worship being freak. She apparently expected my daughter to be

763
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 3: raised solely as a Christian since her father was Christian.

764
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 3: She also expressed distaste I'm putting this mildly about my

765
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 3: daughter being bilingual, saying that it would be a secret

766
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 3: code between her and my parents.

767
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 4: It's just crazy, the level of like blindness there is

768
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 4: here to like, or maybe not, maybe she's not even

769
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 4: blind to how.

770
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 3: She just knows.

771
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 2: She's like, well, yeah, yeah.

772
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 4: It's I mean, yeah, it's just it's it's absurd.

773
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, this is absurd.

774
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 4: It'd be like if this is how you feel, it's like,

775
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 4: we're not gonna let you around our kid. Dude, you

776
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 4: do you hate half of your grandchild?

777
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 3: Right?

778
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 2: Bob's in magny.

779
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 5: I don't even know where she learned that from.

780
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 3: When I first started dating my husband, I knew there

781
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 3: would be cultural clashes, but I've always been accommodating of

782
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 3: their traditions and celebrated with them. In fact, before Mayo

783
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 3: was born, we mostly celebrated their holidays while I went

784
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 3: to the temple with other Hindu people in my area.

785
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:20,240
Speaker 3: My husband joined me sometimes, but his family never initiated anything.

786
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,240
Speaker 3: After we got married. The only time I ever refused

787
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,359
Speaker 3: a tradition of theirs was when I declined to wear

788
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 3: a white dress for a part of our wedding. In

789
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 3: Hindu culture, white is worn at funerals, so it's considered

790
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 3: in inauspicuous for a bride. We usually wear red. There

791
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 3: is a little bit more to this story, but I

792
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 3: don't remember how long they've been together, but obviously it's

793
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 3: at least three years.

794
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 2: I think it's well at least four now.

795
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 4: Looking good for mother in law's prospects of being a

796
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 4: present grandma. No, because yeah, after this, unless I get

797
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 4: like a full throated like I was so in the wrong,

798
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 4: like this is how I've changed, Like this is what

799
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,840
Speaker 4: I think now, this is why what I said before

800
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 4: was wrong. Yeah, I'm not gonna trust you to not

801
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 4: like say something or do something to you know, my

802
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,839
Speaker 4: child that might you know, harm them, right, you know.

803
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 3: I honestly find all this completely unhinged. How does someone's

804
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 3: brain even work like this? I cannot have any further

805
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 3: contact with her, and I don't want my daughter to either.

806
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 3: She's clearly discriminatory and has no respect for my religion.

807
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 3: I don't know how to bring this up with my husband. Obviously,

808
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,399
Speaker 3: I won't stop him from visiting her since she's still

809
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 3: his mom, but I don't want Maya around her. I

810
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,319
Speaker 3: also don't want to cut ties with his sisters since

811
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 3: their wonderful aunts Samaya. I am just really confused and exhausted.

812
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story. Now, yeah, good,

813
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 3: good good? Uh look, Opie, yeah, try your best talk

814
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 3: to your husband about it. I think, you know, it's

815
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 3: not just about the religion. It's about the you know, discrimination,

816
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 3: and we need to look at that. And I think

817
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 3: bring that up to your husband of just like, hey, like,

818
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 3: maybe you know, I'm sure you can understand that, like,

819
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 3: you know, experiencing racism's not cool, and experiencing it from

820
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:15,720
Speaker 3: your family is gonna be even harder. So yeah, hopefully

821
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 3: he can understand. Maybe you can make some sort of compromise,

822
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: or he can talk to your mother in law.

823
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, there needs to be a united front on the

824
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,839
Speaker 4: understanding of why this is unacceptable.

825
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

826
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 3: to the next one. I found out my boyfriend betrayed me,

827
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 3: so I made his mistresses expose each other teamwork. I

828
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 3: twenty eight, have been in what I thought was a

829
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 3: serious relationship for a year now with this man twenty five.

830
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,359
Speaker 5: There has been loads of drama.

831
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 3: Disagreements, and he would leave his four year old son

832
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 3: with me on multiple occasions. Oh, I am childless and

833
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 3: I don't plan to have children, so I thought it

834
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 3: would be ideal to be with a man who already

835
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 3: has kids, so he will not want any with meat.

836
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 3: This comes from United States of Labia and if you

837
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 3: wan to submit your own stories, go to the hoy

838
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 3: slash Okay story times. I read it.

839
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 5: I'm Angie, I'm Sophia.

840
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 3: I'm Riley, and we're here to give good advice goofy,

841
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We're just gonna

842
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 3: guess what.

843
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 5: We would do in this situation. So let us know

844
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,720
Speaker 5: what you would do in the commons down below.

845
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 3: So OPI says, his child and I don't speak the

846
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,279
Speaker 3: same language, and I'm essentially a stranger to this child,

847
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 3: so it was quite frustrating babysitting him. Then additionally, his

848
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 3: child would wet the bed, refuse to eat, and generally

849
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,920
Speaker 3: misbehave when he leaves me with the child.

850
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 6: That is classic child behavior.

851
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 3: I again, I couldn't discipline the child properly due to

852
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 3: a language barrier. This man, Paolo would beerate me for

853
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 3: not immediately bonding with his child. Everything I did wrong

854
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 3: regarding his child and et cetera. Powlo has not been

855
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 3: a physical present father in his child's life from ages

856
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 3: zero to four. So I told him, you're just projecting

857
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 3: yourself out and frustrations onto me, because if anyone should

858
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 3: be bonding with this child and parenting him properly, it's

859
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,959
Speaker 3: you first, and then I follow your lead. He had

860
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 3: the gall to tell me you are not fit to

861
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 3: be with the mother, and like that was supposed to

862
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:19,759
Speaker 3: hurt my feelings. I was thinking, duh, that's why I

863
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 3: don't want to have kids. Then he asked me, where

864
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,360
Speaker 3: is your motherly instinct? In the moment, I couldn't manage

865
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: to ask him, where is yours? Where is yours?

866
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 6: Where is yours?

867
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,600
Speaker 3: Because that comment alone threw me for a loop. Me,

868
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 3: what motherly instincts from where? I don't have kids? I

869
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 3: don't want to birth kids?

870
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:43,280
Speaker 6: Well, what about the motherly instincts from your mother?

871
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 5: What the e f hollo?

872
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 3: You know I did not even grow up with my mother,

873
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 3: so instincts from where he did come back to me

874
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 3: and apologize for having unreasonable expectations. She's sorry. Then he

875
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,919
Speaker 3: confessed that he wanted me to be the child's mother,

876
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,439
Speaker 3: which is literally impossible. That boy already has a mother.

877
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 3: And I also asked him, what is a mother to you? Exactly?

878
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 3: A child has two parents, and you can't expect one

879
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 3: parent to do all the child rearing. Little boys need

880
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 3: their dads. After this specific argument, I noticed his behavior changed.

881
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 3: Or he has always been a peepyhead. He would be

882
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 3: really cold and mean to me. Wait, he would have

883
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 3: withhold spicy sleep and intimacy, ignore my calls and text messages,

884
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 3: start unnecessary fake fights, say fed up.

885
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,959
Speaker 5: Crap about uh?

886
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 3: Like I forgot spicy sleep with you is always amazing,

887
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 3: and I forgot I actually missed you? The frick I

888
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 3: asked him directly, U, what's wrong? Do you want to

889
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 3: be with someone else? What is your problem? He would

890
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 3: ignore or dismiss my concerns and give very empty reassurances.

891
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 3: That's when I knew some effing crap was happening. I

892
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,919
Speaker 3: told myself to be patient and eventually he'll get over

893
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 3: confident and slip up. I needed evidence so there would

894
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,480
Speaker 3: be no way for him to manipulate me into thinking

895
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 3: otherwise like he has been doing. And so it happened.

896
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: His phone broke, and for work, he always needs to

897
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,959
Speaker 3: be reachable, so he started using my old iPhone without

898
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 3: asking me permission. When I tried to just ask him

899
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 3: about the iPhone, he immediately got angry and said, there

900
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:21,879
Speaker 3: you go again about.

901
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 2: Your phone, blah blah.

902
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 3: My iPhone is registered to my iCloud, so I could

903
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 3: see his whole call logue. There were some very suspicious

904
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 3: phone calls to the same woman every day.

905
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,720
Speaker 5: I thought, that's not enough.

906
00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 3: Then I found a prescription for STD medication in his

907
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 3: coat when I was doing laundry, and one of the

908
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 3: call girl's name was on the prescription. I thought, again,

909
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 3: that's not enough.

910
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 6: You thought again, that's not enough.

911
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

912
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 3: Girl, that's crazy girl.

913
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,720
Speaker 6: We got we got full on proof in the pudding.

914
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:02,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, so obviously it's my iPhone with my biometrics password.

915
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:09,959
Speaker 3: Therefore post some very dissatisfying as some of his worst work. Coitus.

916
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 3: I knew he would pass out, so I began my scheme.

917
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,919
Speaker 6: Girl, why are we scheming? Just saying bye?

918
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 5: I'm just like we're not married? Yeah, exactly, just get

919
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 5: out of there.

920
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 3: I waited for him to start snoring, because that is

921
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 3: when I knew he was in a deep sleep. Reached

922
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 3: over for my old phone. I started going through text

923
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 3: messages in social media. Some messages were deleted, of course,

924
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 3: but I got the gist. It was all there.

925
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 5: He was cheating on me with the ULLs of pul women.

926
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 6: We're all shocked.

927
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: He and the STD call girl both got treated.

928
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 5: So when was he going to tell me to get treated?

929
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 3: What an a hole?

930
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 6: Did you get treated after you found the STD matkahon?

931
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess not.

932
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:56,479
Speaker 3: I don't know. I was furious, and then I thought

933
00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: up a plan. According to their conversation, STD girl seems

934
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 3: to be irate and jealous because she had an inkling

935
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 3: that he is a witch. Then there was a new girl,

936
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 3: and it seemed they were saying I love you to

937
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 3: each other, but they haven't had spicy sleep yet.

938
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 5: Maybe she lives far away. Maybe she doesn't give it

939
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 5: up easy?

940
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:16,720
Speaker 3: Who does?

941
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 2: So?

942
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 3: I thought I'll get a spoof text number. I text

943
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 3: the STD girl with all the contact details of the

944
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 3: new girl, and the text went something like this, Hi,

945
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:33,240
Speaker 3: STD girl, you've been trying to reach Paolo right, text

946
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 3: this new girl. Her number is xxxx. He's been with

947
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 3: her this whole time while ignoring you. The next morning,

948
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:44,840
Speaker 3: Palo's day was absolutely chaos.

949
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 5: He couldn't figure out who this spoof number was.

950
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 3: STD girl called new girl, and now they were both

951
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 3: giving him heck. He was anxious the spam number would

952
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 3: text me next, since they are revealing all the witch

953
00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 3: crap he has been up to. I pretended like I

954
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 3: didn't know a thing. I also texted myself with the

955
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 3: spoof number, saying, hey, are you op?

956
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 5: Ask your man who STD girl is.

957
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,240
Speaker 6: Oh, she's coming all of her bases.

958
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 3: Wow.

959
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 6: I don't know why though? Why? Yeah, this isn't Ocean's

960
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 6: eleven right. We can just go you just leave, just leave,

961
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 6: you just get out of there.

962
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 3: He suspected I was behind it, but I was a

963
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 3: coy and then I confronted him with tears, yelling, and

964
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 3: the works. I told him after that, the anonymous text

965
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 3: message and the STD medication prescription.

966
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:38,399
Speaker 5: Obviously he is cheating. He thinks that the STD girl

967
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 5: did it.

968
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 3: Last we spoke, he was furious with her for blowing

969
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 3: up his schemes, his scheme, just because she was bitter

970
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 3: that she was a side chick, according to him. Meanwhile,

971
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,280
Speaker 3: I'm just chuckling at him spirally. Yeah, I'm heartbroken. Obviously

972
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 3: this is the end of that fake but relationship. But

973
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 3: I'm not the one crying. We're all gonna be heartbroken.

974
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:03,839
Speaker 3: Wamp womps suck ps. No, they're not call girls as

975
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 3: in spicy sleep workers. I'm just making a pun. And

976
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 3: we do have an update for the additional tea, and

977
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 3: I want to tell everyone we are like exactly halfway

978
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 3: through the story.

979
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 6: O day. Yeah, like infuriates me.

980
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 2: Actually spill that tea.

981
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 3: If thoughts before we spill the tea, anyone want to

982
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 3: make a speech before we dump the tea into the river?

983
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 6: Nice, I'm frustrated at op. Yeah, you're telling me that

984
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 6: we got a whole other half of this story. When

985
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 6: she could just leave Paulo.

986
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, so there is more.

987
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 3: Wait, the more is just more context on the plan

988
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,800
Speaker 3: and how it played out after this whole scheme.

989
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 5: It's just more detail about this scheme.

990
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 3: Oh boy, let's do it for my plan to work.

991
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 3: I had a friend of mine that Paolo has never

992
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 3: heard of. Help me. She asks me, Okay, you'll spoof

993
00:48:57,640 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 3: text STD Girl.

994
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 5: But how will he know that she called the new girl.

995
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 3: I confidently told my friend STD Girl seems like a

996
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 3: crash out and like she has feelings for this man.

997
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 3: I also had a feeling she knew he was in

998
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 3: a public relationship with me. She so she will be

999
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 3: the perfect person to set up. My friend had her doubts,

1000
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 3: but I told her, don't worry, have patience with me.

1001
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:24,879
Speaker 3: The spoof text was sent to STD Girl at night,

1002
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,000
Speaker 3: so now we wait, and he did not come over

1003
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,399
Speaker 3: to my place that night. In the morning, he came

1004
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 3: over acting like a guilty kid that was caught doing

1005
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 3: something bad. He asked me, Hey, did you receive any

1006
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 3: upsetting text messages? Lassay me, no upsetting? How you tell me?

1007
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 3: How How would I know if you're asking me about it?

1008
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,240
Speaker 3: Like did someone pass away or something.

1009
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 6: I thought it was a text sent to everybody.

1010
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 8: Who's everybody? What's going on? We'll talk about it later.

1011
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 3: That's how I knew it was working. After that, in

1012
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 3: the call logue, there was a bunch of incoming and

1013
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,240
Speaker 3: out going calls to STD Girl and new Girl.

1014
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 5: Waha, So my friend helped me in this way.

1015
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,760
Speaker 3: New Girl called the spoof number and my friend answered

1016
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 3: she was asking, how did you get my number and

1017
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 3: send it to STD girl? Blah blah blah. My friend said,

1018
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 3: you must be sorely mistaken because I have no idea

1019
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 3: what you're talking about. Then New Girl, while speaking to

1020
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 3: my friend, asked her, can I call you back and

1021
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 3: connect STD girl for a three week call? My friend

1022
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 3: said yes, and then blocked a New Girl, SDD Girl,

1023
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 3: and Paolo's cellphone.

1024
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 6: Why are we tormenting New Girl and STD Girl?

1025
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.

1026
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 6: Doesn't seem like they freaking knew about you. Maybe stdl

1027
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 6: SDD Girl did, but New Girls certainly didn't, So why

1028
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 6: are we tormenting them? You're you're kind of the a holopie.

1029
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 3: That's how I knew my plan went perfectly. Then he

1030
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 3: happened to find me on my lunch break, He asked,

1031
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 3: what exactly are you up to me warming up my lunch?

1032
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 6: Ha ha, very funny.

1033
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 3: What's going on? You said? He would talk about an

1034
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:15,479
Speaker 3: upsetting text or something. He then explained some convoluted story

1035
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 3: about an anonymous number texting him. Then later it became

1036
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 3: an unknown number that texted his close friends, and this

1037
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:26,879
Speaker 3: unknown number texted something about my name. Then he said,

1038
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,439
Speaker 3: the text said something along the lines of stay away

1039
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 3: from my man. The spoof number belongs to an Eva.

1040
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,279
Speaker 3: He said, would you like to say that line?

1041
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:35,919
Speaker 2: Oh? Pee?

1042
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 3: Who is Eva? I don't know? A new girl called

1043
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 3: him while we were talking, so I said his name

1044
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 3: loudly and he had.

1045
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 5: To hang up the call. But before he hung up,

1046
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 5: I heard him say to her, I.

1047
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 6: Don't know this.

1048
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 9: I have never seen it before. I'm also trying to

1049
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 9: figure out whoever is.

1050
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,880
Speaker 3: I told him that wasn't making any sense.

1051
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 8: He told me, listen, listen, you must find out about something,

1052
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 8: and then you're going to hate me.

1053
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:09,839
Speaker 6: I think my little secret is out.

1054
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 2: Don't worry.

1055
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 6: It's nothing that can hurt you.

1056
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 3: I was seeing, but I pol listen.

1057
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 6: For the next seven days. The next seven days, I

1058
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 6: am going to avoid you.

1059
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 9: Today is the first day.

1060
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 5: Why do anything wrong?

1061
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 9: Yes, you didn't do anything wrong, but it's for your

1062
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:39,799
Speaker 9: own good because that text I'm talking about it's eventually

1063
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 9: going to reach you.

1064
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 3: What exactly is the text? Why don't you just show

1065
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:47,880
Speaker 3: its hate for your own protection?

1066
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 6: But we can still call and text.

1067
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 9: I just won't come over to your place and you

1068
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:57,840
Speaker 9: can't come over to me. I'm going to give you space.

1069
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 6: I'm doing this for you.

1070
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 5: What an e fing liar? He kept my spare key

1071
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 5: to my apartment.

1072
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 3: The next morning, he jumped off my bed, or he

1073
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 3: jumped on my bed and woke me up, playfully acting

1074
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 3: on giddy.

1075
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 6: It's Christmash.

1076
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 3: How the f can he do that after he just

1077
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:22,880
Speaker 3: told me that we were gonna have space. Also, because

1078
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 3: I'm the only one that didn't blow up his phone

1079
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,840
Speaker 3: last night, he probably thought the text hadn't reached me

1080
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 3: When he saw I wasn't enthusiastic about him randomly popping up.

1081
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,720
Speaker 3: He was about to run away on some.

1082
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 9: You have bad vibes, so I'm just gonna go see

1083
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 9: you later.

1084
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 3: That pissed me off so much so at first I

1085
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:47,280
Speaker 3: confronted him about the SDD prescription. His attempts to triangulate

1086
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 3: and huff and puff and trying to stall didn't work.

1087
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,920
Speaker 3: He went to the bathroom, probably to delete all his

1088
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 3: texts because after he confesses, he would have had to

1089
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 3: hand over my iPhone then he can fest to cheating

1090
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 3: with the STD girl. I applied pressure on him to confess.

1091
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 3: Who else, Paulo, who else have you been talking to?

1092
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:08,919
Speaker 5: An effing behind my back?

1093
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 3: He only answered I only.

1094
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:14,760
Speaker 6: Had spicy sleep with STD girl.

1095
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 3: What I kept pushing and that's when he accused me

1096
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 3: of being the spoof number. So I conveniently showed him

1097
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 3: the text.

1098
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:26,320
Speaker 5: I also got from the spoof number.

1099
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:27,760
Speaker 6: Is this a soap opera?

1100
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 3: It must be?

1101
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 6: It must It's like Paolo, you've been cheating on me?

1102
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 3: Yeah? He was dumbfounded and angrily whispered.

1103
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 6: So it was SDD girl all along. Damn, she's crazy.

1104
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 6: Why did she do all of this to me? How

1105
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 6: did she get your number?

1106
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 3: Two? I told him to look me in the eyes,

1107
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 3: and I said, you're a coward.

1108
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 6: Do you know that?

1109
00:54:56,440 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 5: Did you know you're a coward? Near to tears, and

1110
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 5: he repeated.

1111
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 3: Yes, I am a cow Else. I told him he

1112
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 3: doesn't have to pretend to love me anymore.

1113
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 5: If you didn't want to be with me, he could

1114
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 5: have just broken up with me. And he said, but

1115
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 5: I did want to be with you.

1116
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 6: Seems I lost sight of that.

1117
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 3: Can this be fixed?

1118
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 2: Fixed?

1119
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 3: Fixed? You are the one who went to go have

1120
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:34,319
Speaker 3: people behind my back. So tell me, mister man of

1121
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 3: the hour, man of the house with the mass of

1122
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 3: you go, Please tell me what was your plan?

1123
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 5: You get caught?

1124
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:43,240
Speaker 6: And then what I'm waiting?

1125
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 3: What's with the silence, mister popular?

1126
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 8: I'm sorry, Selena, You're just sorry you got caught.

1127
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 10: No, no, I'm not sorry I got caught. You know

1128
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:02,279
Speaker 10: what you got one over to me was a real

1129
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:02,919
Speaker 10: good one.

1130
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,879
Speaker 5: Nope, he's just a worldly guy.

1131
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 3: Follow he might have started a little bit of French,

1132
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:12,240
Speaker 3: a little bit Italian.

1133
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 6: Transylvania all over.

1134
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 3: I did not respond the exact same way he would

1135
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:20,400
Speaker 3: ignore me when I brought up my concern. There is

1136
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 3: a little bit more to this story. But how we

1137
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 3: how we liken this? This show?

1138
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:28,840
Speaker 6: So it started off and it was believable. Yeah, and

1139
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 6: it's gone down this rabbit hole, especially when we started

1140
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 6: getting a dialogue. Yeah, I just now I just don't

1141
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:39,040
Speaker 6: quite believe. I don't that any of this happened, but

1142
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 6: it just start off really strong.

1143
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 3: So maybe he has figured out that I was behind

1144
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 3: it all. Maybe he still suspects STD girl, but so us.

1145
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,880
Speaker 3: I don't care. Damn, it just been done.

1146
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 5: Now he has to build up his.

1147
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 3: Rolodex of victims to manipulate all over again. Boo effing who.

1148
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 3: After that, heal to me to work while I was

1149
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 3: on a work call. Then he tried to ask me

1150
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 3: something about the call I was on. All right, I

1151
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 3: just ignored him. I haven't spoken to him since. I

1152
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 3: don't care to hear from him ever. Again. I have

1153
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:14,360
Speaker 3: nothing to say, and some things don't need to be

1154
00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 3: said aloud. He knows it's over, and that's the end

1155
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:18,520
Speaker 3: of that story.

1156
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 8: That is the ad That is the end, Paolo, Paolo Helena.

1157
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 6: I must admit Spanish is not in my Spanish accents

1158
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 6: or not in my rolodexive accents.

1159
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 3: That's totally fine. I someday it will be.

1160
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, more of a I'm more of a European accent person.

1161
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, truthfully.

1162
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story.

1163
00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 3: We're going on to the next one.

1164
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 2: Hey, John Ogi Hills here, We're gonna get back to

1165
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: this episode.

1166
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 1: But a quick three minute break of ads from a

1167
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:47,920
Speaker 1: sponsor's keeping the show alive.

1168
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 6: My boyfriend wanted his female friend to stay at our

1169
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 6: place while I was away.

1170
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 5: No, not allowed, Not aloud e.

1171
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 6: I twenty seven female live with my boyfriend male. We've

1172
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:04,280
Speaker 6: been together for almost two years and started living together

1173
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:08,080
Speaker 6: recently after being long distance for a while. This summer,

1174
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 6: I'll be abroad for a few weeks visiting my family. Recently,

1175
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:15,320
Speaker 6: an issue came up and I'd really appreciate outside perspectives.

1176
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from Oni Shinika Ami damn.

1177
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:22,440
Speaker 6: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1178
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:26,440
Speaker 6: to the r slash Okay storytime subbered it. I'm Sophia and.

1179
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,959
Speaker 5: I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to give good advice.

1180
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 3: Goofy.

1181
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 6: But we don't have all the answers.

1182
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,440
Speaker 5: We only know what we'd do.

1183
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 6: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

1184
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:38,560
Speaker 6: you know, p Since here's the sitch. My boyfriend has

1185
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 6: a female friend twenty six female who's visiting our country

1186
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 6: to see another friend. Knowing she'd be around, he sent

1187
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 6: her a message about an event happening near our place,

1188
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 6: something like it might be interested in this she replied,

1189
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 6: asking if she could stay at our place for a

1190
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 6: week and then go to the event. I don't know

1191
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 6: if she's aware that I won't be home during this time.

1192
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 6: What I I do know is that my boyfriend is

1193
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 6: totally fine with the idea and just answered that he'll

1194
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 6: let her know. I honestly trust him. I don't think

1195
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:12,600
Speaker 6: anything would happen, but I still find it uncomfortable that

1196
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 6: he's okay with having another woman stay over while I'm gone,

1197
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 6: and not just stay, but stay to go to an

1198
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:23,760
Speaker 6: event together just the two of them. That's personally that

1199
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 6: personally feels intimate, even if it's not something romantic. He,

1200
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 6: on the other hand, sees zero problem with it. He

1201
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 6: said he would be one hundred percent fine if I

1202
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 6: did this with a male friend, and even though we

1203
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 6: cannot say that would be the case until it happens,

1204
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 6: I feel like it could be true. The thing is,

1205
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 6: I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that myself, not even if

1206
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 6: he said it was okay.

1207
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 2: To me.

1208
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 6: It feels like a gray area, like it doesn't violate trust,

1209
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 6: but it tests emotional boundaries. My boyfriend is very close

1210
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 6: to his two sisters, and I wonder if that has

1211
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:58,200
Speaker 6: shaped his comfort level being around women platonically. I think

1212
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 6: that's a good thing. I don't personally see any problem

1213
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:05,360
Speaker 6: with that. I think you just have to trust your partner. Obviously,

1214
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 6: they wouldn't be sleeping the same bed, right, Yeah, I

1215
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 6: don't know. He sees it as a friend is just

1216
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 6: a friend.

1217
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:14,480
Speaker 3: I agree exactly.

1218
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 6: But to me, sharing a home and your partner's absence

1219
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 6: adds a level of emotional intimacy that I wouldn't personally

1220
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 6: feel okay creating with someone of the opposite gender. We've

1221
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 6: talked about it, and he's willing to respect my wishes,

1222
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 6: but we're still not quite seeing eye to eye, and

1223
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 6: I'm trying to understand myself better. Why does this bother

1224
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,200
Speaker 6: me so much when I trust him? For this reason,

1225
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 6: I'm asking you guys for an opinion. Thanks for reading

1226
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 6: and edit. Wanted to add that they've been best friends

1227
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 6: for or been friends for three years, and I've met

1228
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 6: her a few times. She's nice, but I don't really

1229
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 6: know her much. I wouldn't say we are friends, more acquaintances. Also,

1230
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 6: she has a boyfriend. If this info can be any

1231
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 6: of any help for the context. Lastly, my boyfriend lied

1232
01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 6: to my face about minor things a few times in

1233
01:00:57,840 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 6: the past, So even if I trust that he wouldn't cheat,

1234
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 6: I don't believe him when he says that he never

1235
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 6: had thoughts or feelings towards her. Okay, well that's different. Yeah,

1236
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 6: that's different. Now it seems like you don't trust your partner, right,

1237
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 6: which is a different issue.

1238
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 3: At A two.

1239
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 6: I didn't expect for this post to get this much attention.

1240
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:21,760
Speaker 6: My boyfriend and I are reading the comments together and

1241
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 6: talking about what we think. I'll try to come back

1242
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 6: with an update. It's been very interesting to read everyone's

1243
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:30,840
Speaker 6: thoughts on this topic, and there are some comments common.

1244
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 6: One guy here, if my girlfriend is not comfortable with it,

1245
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:38,720
Speaker 6: I would be totally understanding. Say to the other girl, sorry,

1246
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 6: my girlfriend won't be here, so I cannot let you stay.

1247
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 6: End of discussion, Hoping if it happens the other way around,

1248
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:48,479
Speaker 6: my girlfriend would do the same. It works both ways. Reply,

1249
01:01:48,920 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 6: this is interesting. Your boyfriend should have no problem handling

1250
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,440
Speaker 6: this and how he chooses to We'll say a lot

1251
01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 6: about his character, but this is such.

1252
01:01:57,560 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 3: A non problem for me.

1253
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,600
Speaker 6: I wouldn't put it on you because the friend may

1254
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:02,680
Speaker 6: take it personally and think you do not like her,

1255
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 6: or that you have an issue with her. I would

1256
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:07,800
Speaker 6: never choose words or actions that could tarnish your image

1257
01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 6: or character. If we have something to discuss, we have

1258
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 6: that discussion in private, and we always present ourselves as

1259
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 6: a unified front. My wife is my ride or pass

1260
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 6: away barner. I without question, we'll stand by her and

1261
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:24,200
Speaker 6: support her. If she said it makes her feel uncomfortable,

1262
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 6: then I would just tell my friend that they can't

1263
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 6: stay over. But also, I mean, yes, I think that's good,

1264
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:32,080
Speaker 6: but also we need to have a discussion about why

1265
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:35,919
Speaker 6: you're uncomfortable. Yeah, because again it's the underlying issue here.

1266
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 6: Why are we not okay with him having, you know,

1267
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 6: close friendships with this woman. If they asked why, I

1268
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 6: would own it and say that my girlfriend will be

1269
01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 6: away and I have a heavy workload and I'm not

1270
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 6: in a position to have a house guest at that time.

1271
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 6: If he handles it in any other manner than the

1272
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:52,800
Speaker 6: two of you have bigger things to discuss than a

1273
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 6: house guest or Another reply says much healthier approach. I

1274
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:59,160
Speaker 6: personally always find this an interesting part of straight relationships.

1275
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 6: I'm coming from a queer lens. I'm very curious about

1276
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 6: Opie's thoughts about being uncomfortable in having friends outside of

1277
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,960
Speaker 6: their gender. I wonder if they think you shouldn't or

1278
01:03:09,040 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 6: can't have platonic relationships with anyone of the gender that

1279
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:16,480
Speaker 6: you are romantically attracted to. I also wonder if they

1280
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 6: believe queer people cannot be in monogamous relationships. That's the thing.

1281
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 6: I think this is like something that Opie needs to

1282
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 6: dip in deeper with. I think this is not just

1283
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,400
Speaker 6: something you can kind of gloss over and be like, oh,

1284
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:30,760
Speaker 6: we're not gonna have her over and that's it. Both

1285
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 6: myself and my partner are by So it's always interesting

1286
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 6: when straight people have a no alone time with a

1287
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 6: different gender rule.

1288
01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 2: Yeah weird.

1289
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's weird, freaking weird, dude, because if queer people

1290
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 6: followed this, I wouldn't be able to have any friends.

1291
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 2: Exact.

1292
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:47,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, as there is an a gender, I'm not attracted to.

1293
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 6: Gomma two says. I am married to my husband for

1294
01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 6: thirteen years. One of my best friends of twenty five

1295
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 6: years is a man. My friend recently mentioned getting away

1296
01:03:57,040 --> 01:03:59,680
Speaker 6: from the families for a weekend. It was not suggested

1297
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 6: in that way.

1298
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 3: It's platonic.

1299
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 6: I go away a couple of times a year with girlfriends.

1300
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:08,440
Speaker 6: Same thing, right, Well, no, even knowing our friendship is

1301
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 6: and has always been platonic, it didn't feel right. I

1302
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,600
Speaker 6: didn't even mention it to my husband. I think men

1303
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:18,920
Speaker 6: and women can be friends. However, even then, I think

1304
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 6: there are lines not too cross out of respect for

1305
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:25,360
Speaker 6: your partner, if you feel uncomfortable, be honest, I don't

1306
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 6: know many women that would be okay with leaving theirs

1307
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 6: so alone with the friend of the opposite gender for

1308
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:34,480
Speaker 6: an entire week. I again still disagree with that. Just

1309
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,640
Speaker 6: adding that my husband knows my friends well, we hang

1310
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:40,720
Speaker 6: out as couples doesn't change the above. And there is

1311
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 6: an update, folks, I mostly agree with that common I think,

1312
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:48,640
Speaker 6: but I I've like ninety nine percent agree with that

1313
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:51,000
Speaker 6: common it's just the last part of like usually when

1314
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:52,720
Speaker 6: people visit their visiting for a week.

1315
01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, OHT know, it's just silly, guys. Let's

1316
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:00,240
Speaker 3: just like stop being silly and just like I just

1317
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 3: respect you.

1318
01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 6: And if there's another issue where you just don't trust

1319
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,760
Speaker 6: that your partner's not gonna do something with this person,

1320
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:07,440
Speaker 6: then that's an issue.

1321
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, my boyfriend and.

1322
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 6: I read the many comments together and were surprised by

1323
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 6: the fact that the opinions are clearly divided. You were

1324
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:19,600
Speaker 6: surprised by readit being divided on opinions. Some emphasize trust

1325
01:05:19,680 --> 01:05:22,600
Speaker 6: and suggest I might be overthinking things, while others agree

1326
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,000
Speaker 6: that my feelings and boundaries are valid. This discussion helped

1327
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:28,560
Speaker 6: me realize I've always been open about my own friendships,

1328
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 6: how long I've known someone, and what our bond is like.

1329
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:35,080
Speaker 6: But we have never really talked in death about his friendships,

1330
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:38,439
Speaker 6: especially with women. It was very nice to talk it out,

1331
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 6: and I now have a clear understanding of his social life. Personally,

1332
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:45,640
Speaker 6: I've personally, I've gained more clarity on why the situation

1333
01:05:45,840 --> 01:05:49,200
Speaker 6: doesn't sit right with me. Two of my boundaries are

1334
01:05:49,240 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 6: being crossed. First, my home is my sanctuary. Having someone

1335
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,840
Speaker 6: I don't know very well stay for an extended period

1336
01:05:57,000 --> 01:05:57,920
Speaker 6: isn't okay with me.

1337
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:01,240
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, then that's not about reallyationships, that's just about

1338
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 3: your own free self.

1339
01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, especially since my boyfriend has to work, meaning the

1340
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:07,960
Speaker 6: guest would often be home alone, So you just don't

1341
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:10,680
Speaker 6: want guests in your house. To be clear, this boundary

1342
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,480
Speaker 6: applies regardless of the guest gender.

1343
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:13,880
Speaker 3: Ope, he just hates hosting.

1344
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 6: Yeah second, A full week in that kind of intimate

1345
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 6: setting feels more like a relationship level arrangement than a

1346
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:23,680
Speaker 6: casual friendship. I disagree that level exclusivity is something I

1347
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 6: expect in a romantic partnership. In this case, the gender

1348
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 6: is relevant because it creates ambiguity. Okay, that said, I

1349
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:34,240
Speaker 6: don't consider visits like this completely off the table forever,

1350
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 6: but it's important for me to know the other person

1351
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 6: more and for the visits to be shorter. We don't

1352
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 6: always see things the same way, especially because we come

1353
01:06:42,960 --> 01:06:46,280
Speaker 6: from different countries and cultures, but he's committed to respecting

1354
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 6: my boundaries. He wants us to act as a united front.

1355
01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:51,800
Speaker 6: Well least you got that, I guess. So we agree

1356
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,280
Speaker 6: that before saying yes or no to any guest, we

1357
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 6: will talk it through and respond together. We also live

1358
01:06:57,280 --> 01:07:00,880
Speaker 6: in a continent where visiting friends across borders is easy

1359
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:05,439
Speaker 6: and common. There will be plenty of occasions for him

1360
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:07,880
Speaker 6: or us to meet this friend of his, not taking

1361
01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:13,640
Speaker 6: away a unique opportunity. Finally, some suggested installing cameras.

1362
01:07:14,040 --> 01:07:16,680
Speaker 2: Why you people, what is happening here?

1363
01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:19,479
Speaker 6: But we already have cameras at the entrance at that point,

1364
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 6: y'all don't under you don't trust your partners. We also

1365
01:07:23,280 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 6: share locations with each other, so I don't think he'd

1366
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 6: ever consider lying to me about this. Thanks for reading

1367
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:31,880
Speaker 6: Comment one. So is she gotta stay at your place

1368
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:32,160
Speaker 6: or not?

1369
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:33,080
Speaker 2: Oh?

1370
01:07:33,160 --> 01:07:34,960
Speaker 6: He says in the main post, I had written that

1371
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,720
Speaker 6: my boyfriend is willing to respect my wishes, meaning that

1372
01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:41,160
Speaker 6: she won't come. Comment two says, relationships have boundaries, and

1373
01:07:41,200 --> 01:07:43,360
Speaker 6: it's a good sign that he's willing to compromise and

1374
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 6: be levelheaded. And the discussion about the discussion. But as

1375
01:07:46,520 --> 01:07:48,680
Speaker 6: a man myself, I would never even think to bring

1376
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 6: up something like that to my lady. I don't care. Okay,

1377
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 6: you can you don't have friendships with women?

1378
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:55,760
Speaker 5: Cool?

1379
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:59,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, anyone with a single brain cell left would know

1380
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:02,280
Speaker 6: immediately out comfortable that would make a person man or woman.

1381
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:05,360
Speaker 6: It has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to

1382
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:07,760
Speaker 6: do with common sense, respect and boundaries.

1383
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:09,959
Speaker 5: Oh shut up, I'm gonna punch in your face.

1384
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 3: Ad that.

1385
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:16,519
Speaker 6: How about that? But kudos to you both for how

1386
01:08:16,520 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 6: it was handled from both parties. I disagree with all

1387
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:22,519
Speaker 6: of comment Oh fine, you guys are happy in a

1388
01:08:22,560 --> 01:08:24,599
Speaker 6: relationship and you have your boundari's.

1389
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:26,360
Speaker 3: Good for you? I disagree. Is it over?

1390
01:08:26,600 --> 01:08:31,479
Speaker 5: It's over, that's it, that's freaking it well off.

1391
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,280
Speaker 6: The gender binary pisses me off.

1392
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:41,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, the gender binary glass ceiling pisses me offing Just

1393
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:42,280
Speaker 7: throw words in there.

1394
01:08:42,520 --> 01:08:44,519
Speaker 6: Am I only allowed to live with? Was? I only

1395
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:46,479
Speaker 6: allowed to live with Riley for a week and then

1396
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:47,200
Speaker 6: I had to move out?

1397
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:50,559
Speaker 3: Hang on, hang on, hang on? You guys live together

1398
01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:52,120
Speaker 3: for more than a week? What?

1399
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:52,599
Speaker 2: Whoaa?

1400
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:53,600
Speaker 3: Who WHOA? Hold on?

1401
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 5: I can't we gotta hang on? Can we turn these

1402
01:08:55,840 --> 01:08:56,439
Speaker 5: cameras off?

1403
01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 6: Turn them off?

1404
01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:00,120
Speaker 3: Y