1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: All right, time now for today's Strawberry Letter and listen. 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: If you need advice on dating, on relationships, on sex, 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: on work, on parenting, and more, please submit your Strawberry 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: letter to Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter. Okay, 5 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: we could be reading your letter live on the air, 6 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,400 Speaker 1: just like we're gonna read this one right here, right now. 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,919 Speaker 1: It's the time. Buckle up and hold on tight. We 8 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: got one to date, Y'allberry Letter three subject looking for 9 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:34,839 Speaker 1: Love in all the Wrong Places. Hello Shirley and Steve. 10 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 1: I'm a twenty year old black woman who comes from 11 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,879 Speaker 1: a very loving and caring family that carries themselves in 12 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: a very classy and respectful way. I've been taught since 13 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,559 Speaker 1: I was a little girl that men will treat you 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: the way you allow them to treat you. I'm coming 15 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: to you all because I need help. I can't find 16 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: a man that wants to be in a serious relationship 17 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 1: with me, and I know about ninety percent of the 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: can be put on me. I have no limits when 19 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: it comes to sex. I'm very sexually active. I have 20 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,320 Speaker 1: sex with men on first dates, ll even first encounters. 21 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: I'm a very easy woman. Nine times out of ten. 22 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 1: I don't use protection and I've never had an STD, 23 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: but I know it's going to happen one day. Nobody 24 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 1: in my family even sees me this way. They know 25 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: I'm not a virgin because of the pregnancy scares. I 26 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: don't bring these men to my family to meet them. Hell, 27 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 1: they don't even stay that long. Most of them are 28 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 1: one night stands. I've slept with about forty men. I've 29 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: had threesomes. I even let their homeboys have relationship with 30 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: me if they ask. And the bad part about it, 31 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 1: I can't even tell you why I do it. I'm 32 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 1: getting older and my parents are asking me when they 33 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: are going to meet or at least see the men 34 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: I'm dating, and I hate lying to them. I'm not ugly. 35 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: I'm not an ugly young woman. I'm overweight, but not huge. 36 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 1: I think I have good qualities and I'm worth settling 37 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: down with. I need help bad. Can you please give 38 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,119 Speaker 1: me advice? There's so much in this letter. I mean, 39 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: we don't even have time. This is so sad, you know, 40 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: I mean, first of all, you're you're a twenty year 41 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: old young woman. You know you think you have good qualities. 42 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: I'll just start there. You said that at the end, 43 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: and you're worth settling down with. But I just don't 44 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: see how you can possibly believe that about yourself. I 45 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: don't you know who lives a life that you do 46 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: and feel this way about themselves? You know, to me, 47 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: you're a classic case of someone who doesn't value themselves, 48 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: even though you think you do, but you don't. You know, 49 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: anyone who values themselves wouldn't do this. And you know 50 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 1: you're living playing a dangerous game. You're not using any protection. 51 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: It's almost like you're inviting this. You're waiting for this 52 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: to happen. You know that's not cool anyway. I mean, 53 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: you have the lowst of the low when it comes 54 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: to self esteem. You just you don't have any self esteem. 55 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: You know, if you thought you had these good qualities 56 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: that you talk about in your letter and you're worth 57 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: settling down with, why isn't anybody settling down with you? 58 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: Have you thought about that? You know, why on earth 59 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: would you be giving yourself away like this if you 60 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: thought you had some good qualities? What has happened to 61 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: you in your life? You know, were you abused as 62 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,399 Speaker 1: a child? You know you're you're right, You definitely need help. 63 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: And you've been pregnant how many times pregnancy scares This 64 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: is crazy. I mean, you're playing such You're you're playing 65 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: with your life. You're playing life or death games here. 66 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: It's like Russian Roulette that you're playing with your life. 67 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: This is so serious and the one true statement you 68 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 1: made in your letter is that you need help. You 69 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: absolutely lutely need help. You know, you're only twenty years old. 70 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: You can fix this, you can correct this. You haven't 71 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: had any STDs and you haven't had any pregnancies. I 72 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 1: mean you carried through you know. But anyway, you need 73 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: to get some professional help. You need to get some 74 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: professional help. Steve Big Dog, it's sad um. I'm just 75 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,200 Speaker 1: gonna say this before we go to break. Here's the deal. 76 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: I can't find a man. That's what this letters are about. 77 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: I can't find a man. Earth Wind and Fire has 78 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: a song Can't Hide Love, And in the middle of 79 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: the song it says you can't give what you never had. 80 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: Now I'm saying that to say this, you can't find 81 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 1: a man because you ain't found yourself. See, I don't know, 82 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: I don't know how women think that a man is 83 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: gonna complete them you walk into a relationship complete. A 84 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: man comes into your life and a woman comes into 85 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:59,600 Speaker 1: your life to compliment. Yeah, but you have to complete yourself. 86 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,720 Speaker 1: Nobody can come along and complete you. You are your 87 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:08,719 Speaker 1: own work in progress. You are yourself. Can't can't nobody 88 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: make you happy? But you you find happiness with a person, 89 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: But can't abody make you happy? That's all I have 90 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: time to say right now. When we come back, though, 91 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 1: I'm getting right into the nuts and bolts of this 92 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: right here. So if it's any twenty year old woman 93 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 1: out here that's wondering about this thing called sex, I'm 94 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: going to really give it to you today from the 95 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 1: male perspective. You've got to You've got to think of 96 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: yourself better than this. We'll be right back. You're listening this, um, 97 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 1: young young lady year old. I need help. I can't 98 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,600 Speaker 1: find a man that wants to be in a serious 99 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: relationship with me. First of all, I said, you know, 100 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: you don't even know yourself yet. But here, let's go 101 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: a little bit more. I can't i'd a man that 102 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: wants to be in a serious relationship with me. Are 103 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: you serious? You can? You cannot possibly expect a man 104 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 1: to take you serious. True, you're not serious about yourself. 105 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: We are men. We recognize this instantly. If you don't 106 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 1: take yourself seriously, if you don't seriously protect your body, 107 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: if you don't seriously show value for yourself, if you 108 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,599 Speaker 1: don't seriously make a man have to consider you as 109 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: valuable as you think you are. If you seriously don't 110 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: have none of that working, how can you seriously expect 111 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,839 Speaker 1: a man to get in a serious relationship with you 112 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: when you're not even serious about yourself. This surely has 113 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 1: said it all about self esteem and all this here 114 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,479 Speaker 1: got all that, All of that is very very true. 115 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,840 Speaker 1: You know, maybe I don't know. I'm not a clinical guy. 116 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: I don't know how to say that. I could just 117 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: talk about this right here. You know, Um, I'm I'm 118 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: a very easy woman, and I use unprotected sex. But 119 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: I've never had an STD. But I know it's gonna 120 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: happen one day. Okay, excuse me. You know that you're 121 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: going to get an STD one day, but you're continuing 122 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,239 Speaker 1: to have sex with no protection. There are too many 123 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:32,120 Speaker 1: stupid people in this world. You're being very naive and 124 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: ignorant and playing with your life, and so is the 125 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: man or boy, this is ridiculous for you to know 126 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: these things, see for you to write this letter. It's 127 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: just a cry for help because this is stuff that 128 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: you know. I can't joke with you because, man, if 129 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: you were my daughter, I would be mortified at this. Okay, 130 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 1: now here's here's the here's the next line that I 131 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: want to focus on. I have one night stands. I've 132 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 1: slept with about forty men. I've had threesomes. I even 133 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 1: let their homeboys have relationships with me if they ask. 134 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: And the bad part about it is, I can't even 135 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: tell you why I do it, right, Yeah, yeah, well okay, 136 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: I can tell you why you do it because you 137 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 1: don't have any value of self. You've devalued yourself. Somewhere 138 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: down the line, something that's happened that makes you think 139 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: you need to have sexual these men to get approval 140 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: or acceptance. Something that has happened in your life, maybe, 141 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: like Shirley says off the Air, maybe you've had have 142 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: been molested in your past, or maybe you think this 143 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,720 Speaker 1: is the way to do it and you're not worth 144 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: anything else. Why would you want to be treated rotten? 145 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,959 Speaker 1: Why would you want it? Why would you want a 146 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 1: man to treat you stink? Why would you want that 147 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: for yourself? And at twenty when you've got your whole 148 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: life in front of you, So you know, I think 149 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 1: I have good qualities and I'm worth settling down with. Okay, 150 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,559 Speaker 1: here's the bonus chapter to the book. I think I 151 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: have good qualities and I'm worth settling down with. Here's 152 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: a lightbulb moment for your ladies that you already know, 153 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: but in case you didn't hear it is men only. 154 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: Men only settled down with women who are settled down themselves. 155 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 1: Can I just tell you that about us? Wow? Men 156 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 1: only settled down with women who are settled down themselves. 157 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 1: We not marrying the wild pony. We not hooking up 158 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: with the loose freak. You ain't fitting to get us 159 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 1: to settle down? Speak with you when you ain't settled 160 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: down yourself. Every man that called in that day, seventy 161 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: five percent of them said they would respect a woman 162 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: who was celebrated. If that's who they wanted, they'd hang 163 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: in the wood. And but then you think he lying 164 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: what I bet you know? Well, now ain't saying it 165 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,200 Speaker 1: was gonna be easy, But at least they said they'll 166 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: respect you. Because you respect yourself. But now you don't 167 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: respect yourself, but you want some respect from a man. 168 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: You don't take yourself serious, but you want a man 169 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,960 Speaker 1: to treat you seriously. You loose booty all day long, 170 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: but you want a man to just respect yours, yours only. 171 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: But you passing it out like their skittles on a 172 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: coffee table. But now you want somebody to come along 173 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: and treat you like a candy bar, an individual candy 174 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: bar in its own wrapper. But you passing out tail 175 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: like you skittles in a bowl on a coffee table. 176 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: Please notice about men. Men only settled down with women 177 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,959 Speaker 1: who are settled down to salves. We're not taking you 178 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: to our house to tame you. We're not introducing you 179 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 1: to our mama as we tame. No, you are not 180 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: and so young lady, you need prayer, You need some 181 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: self esteem. You need some counseling. You should go to 182 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,680 Speaker 1: a local church and talk to somebody and get some counseling. 183 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,959 Speaker 1: You need a moral change over in your life. This 184 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: is simply moral right here. You need to go to 185 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 1: church and sit down and learn about God and what 186 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,559 Speaker 1: God really created you for and what He wants of you. 187 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,920 Speaker 1: And what he expects from you. And God did not 188 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,679 Speaker 1: create you to be of servitude to a bunch of 189 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: men and be a dumping ground for sperm. That is 190 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: not why God created you. I'm telling you that at 191 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: one point in time, you gotta talk to people, really listen. 192 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey 193 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 1: FM on Instagram and Facebook. Can check out the Strawberry 194 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: Letter podcast on demand. All right, coming up, more of 195 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Right after this. You're listening 196 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.