1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,440 Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID N 2 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:09,160 Speaker 1: one edition. I'm your host, Cool Stratton, so I'm back 3 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:13,319 Speaker 1: in for Kevin Pollock who was doing other things, cost me, 4 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,200 Speaker 1: artivist Shelley and no particular order. Let's say hey to 5 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: James Heeny, Hey, what's your favorite weird food combo? I 6 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: I'd like to put all different kinds of crunchy things 7 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: inside of my ramen noodles. So, uh like checks mix, 8 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: I'll make ramen noodles, I'll put checks mix in it. 9 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: I just feel like it needs a variation because the 10 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 1: noodle itself is like, you know, noodlely. Thanks for find 11 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: a way to spice up ramen. Hey, look over there, 12 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 1: it's Chris Alvarado. Hey Chris, what posters did you have 13 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 1: on your bedroom wall? Um? I had a lot of 14 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: uh raver flyers, So I had my entire bedroom was 15 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 1: full of yeah flyers for for raves. That's pretty randomly 16 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: cool people did people come over just to find that 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: one on where they were and then left? Well, you 18 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 1: have big stories with them, you know what I mean? Like, 19 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: oh this is where I did this, I did that. 20 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: It was great, it was great. Great. I think you 21 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 1: should decorate your new place the same way. You know. 22 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: They are underground raves going on right now if you 23 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 1: ever wanna hit them right now. Oh never mind, never 24 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: mind James yourself. I've never even been to a rave, 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: and I don't I don't believe this man. This club 26 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: is sick. And I'll say hello to Jackie do Ruthie Jackie. Yeah, y'all, 27 00:01:54,800 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: what's your guilty music pleasure? You know, sometimes when I'm down, 28 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: I will revisit full in sync albums and you think 29 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: that I'd go back to the very beginning, But I've 30 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: actually been really into like the Dirty Pop album during quarantine. Yeah, 31 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: you got to revisit the albums like you know, like 32 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: that they put those songs in that order for a reason. 33 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: You have to respect their artistry. You know. Everybody puts 34 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: shuffle or they just picked a single in my car. 35 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 1: I only have a physical CDs, I have Bluetooth, I 36 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: have the technology, but I like to learn an album 37 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: in its order. You can still do that digitally. I 38 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,399 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I don't know that same 39 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,639 Speaker 1: track order exists for those that are young. C D 40 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: stands for Casting directors and last, but not least, it's 41 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 1: Joey Greer. Joey, would you mind reading in a brief 42 00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 1: expert of your new novel? Of course? It was Sunday. No, 43 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: it was Tuesday. It was Sunday. Outside. It was storming, light, rain, 44 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: heavy fog. The only noise I could hear were the 45 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,760 Speaker 1: pitter patter of my feet as I walked across my 46 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: wet linoleum floor. I was scared. I knew what was 47 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: held outside, but I had to hold it in. Could 48 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 1: I embrace it? Was I allowed to? The thought raced 49 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: through my head as I traveled over to my couch. 50 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: I wasn't wearing pants. I remember that I left him 51 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: inside my car six days ago. Was it No? Seven? No? Six? 52 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 1: I remembered that because I wrote it down on the wall. 53 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 1: It wasn't my blood. But whose was it? Amazing? Absolutely amazing. 54 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: It's that, guys. You have to check it out. Actually, 55 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: I think this is a great idea, jo because that 56 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 1: was really that was really entertaining and done. As I 57 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: was closing my eyes to like I was picturing it, 58 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: a oh you were there. You were like a fully 59 00:03:54,760 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: improvised audio book. Dude. Seven hours long time? Alright, all right, 60 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 1: here we go let's do a show. All of our 61 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our 62 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: Patreon v I P. S. To become a Patreon supporter 63 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, 64 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 1: just head on over to patreon dot com slash alchemy this. 65 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please 66 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: write to the podcast at your name here at alchemy 67 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this. 68 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: See Number one comes from Patreon v I P. Michael, 69 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: who wrote, Hey Alchemists. First off, I would like to 70 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: commend cole back when you put the cone on Chris's 71 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: character's head so that he would stop slurping on his fingers. 72 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: Nice to finally get some positive reinforcements. I believe you 73 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 1: may have lost fifty of your listeners for those horrid sounds. 74 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 1: There's seven of us were pretty upset to just kidding. 75 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 1: I love you guys, Thanks for all the last here's 76 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 1: the scene suggestion. We'll Juanca's chocolate factory gets rated and 77 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: exposed as an umpa lumpa labor camp. Michael, did you 78 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 1: hear what happened on the news? I don't watch the news, 79 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: oh I read the newspaper. Okay, well did you read 80 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: what happened? This is breaking news. You're gonna find out tomorrow. 81 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: You gotta you gotta watch TV. If you're only doing 82 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: a redded news, you're not gonna be able to know 83 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 1: what's happening right now. Man, Well what is it? Is 84 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: it important enough that you're going to interrupt me when 85 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: I'm doing my cross square puzzle? Yeah? I am man. 86 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 1: Look look, if I'm seriously though, you gotta watch news 87 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: because when news you can only what the news is. Well, 88 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: you know, a part of me feels like I should 89 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: wait for you to read it tomorrow. If they can, 90 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: damn it, I'll turn the guy on. This is fucking bullshit. 91 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: On the next episode of The Squirrel and the Man, 92 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: are you looking for inspectors? You have free reign of 93 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,599 Speaker 1: my candy shop. I think you'll find everything is in order. 94 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: M we'll decide that, we'll decide, will decide. That's where 95 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: we make the fizzy lifting drinks. Right, Yes? Hey, Hi, Hi, 96 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: what's what's going on? Take this change off of me. 97 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,799 Speaker 1: I haven't seen my family in weeks. I'm not supposed 98 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: to me. I'm not supposed to mess with the product. 99 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 1: I'm here to make sure everything is safe and sound. 100 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 1: Do you have a good day? It wasn't much. It 101 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: was those things you were hearing were our new candy, 102 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: everlasting gob sobbers that constantly cry and complain about things. Look, 103 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: we're not here to criticize your products. We're here to 104 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: make sure everything is safe and sound. I understand that, 105 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: and I am totally complying this way. This is the 106 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:03,719 Speaker 1: chocolate river stream thing. Check boats come here and go 107 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,840 Speaker 1: through that. That gob sobern is following him. Is that's 108 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: supposed to happen? Are they supposed to come into the 109 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: chocolate area. They're supposed to stay where they are a 110 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: gob sobber, Why don't you go back to the gobstopper room? Please? 111 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: Maybe I should try it just to the gob sobber 112 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: the chocolate. Maybe I should just try trying to product. 113 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:28,640 Speaker 1: Maybe the busy lifting drinks, which the star the chocolate, 114 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: busy living. Still you're naming all of them, and I 115 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: know you're starving. We're always starting the metabolism starting. It's 116 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: up to Mr Walker. I don't have a problem with Well, 117 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: what better way to ensure that the product is safe 118 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: than to have a professional try it. I mean, all right, 119 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: go ahead. Hasn't been tried yet. We're not quite sure 120 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: exactly what will happen, but I'm sure it's safe. It's safe. 121 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 1: What I mean, did you your your channel suck? You 122 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: don't have any good channels? I mean it should. I 123 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: don't know what the fucking channels? All right, I don't. 124 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: I don't usually watch the news. Can't you just please 125 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: tell me what the news is? That's so important? You 126 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: took me from my crossword puzzle. I'm telling you right now, 127 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: the importance of watching something more than you know what 128 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: I'm saying. Watching. It's just like boss hi buss um um. 129 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: Charlie died, Oh my god, on the conveyor belt. He was, 130 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:38,559 Speaker 1: My god, he was he was wrapping the rolls. He died, 131 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, okay, okay, you know how slow 132 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 1: a death that is. That conveyor belt goes so slow. 133 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 1: We watched the whole thing. We were hitting there, but 134 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 1: didn't somebody hit the there's a power cord. You couldn't 135 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: have just pulled the power cord. We can't reach it. 136 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: We're too small. Oh my god, it's so high up. 137 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: You should have saw it. So he was dying slowly, 138 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 1: and we were all standing into the shoulders, but we 139 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 1: kept falling. I think I think I correcked my my 140 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: shoulder also looking pretty good for a correct shoulder. Who 141 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 1: else knows? What the hold? What the hell are you're 142 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,559 Speaker 1: attacking this guy for? Like city looks pretty good like that, 143 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 1: you're calling him, you're calling him man and both you 144 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: guys get into my office and just shut the door 145 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: behind you. Okay, this is sick. Man. We got a 146 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,439 Speaker 1: dead employee out there. Man's dead. We said that. He 147 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: got conveyor belted, said he just said he's dead. Man. 148 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 1: I couldn't have predicted that Stella would turn inside out, 149 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: but it's an experimental new candy. Hey, we're not here, 150 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: I said before. We're not here to judge your product, 151 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 1: your artistry, and your artistry. We're here, I'm dead. We're 152 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: here to make sure everything is safe and sound. What's 153 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: behind what's behind that door? That door there? There's nothing 154 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: to be seen behind that door, nothing at all. And 155 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: to had that, actually I would love to ship because 156 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: said there's nothing behind there, nothing behind that door, there's 157 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: nothing nothing, no, no, good day. I say, good day, sir, 158 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: good day. I mean I got an interior design mind. 159 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:17,959 Speaker 1: So I would love to pop in and see what 160 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,440 Speaker 1: we could do with the space. Oh, if you're coming 161 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: from that, mine said, please please do Okay, let's just 162 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: hope this. The first thing I would do is I 163 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:38,560 Speaker 1: get rid of all these uh right, and then you 164 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: know what you could do? Oh, this is this is great. 165 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 1: So you got low hanging ceiling, all right, you got 166 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: low hanging ceiling here. So I don't want to put 167 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: a chandelier, right, but we'll be anything all on the 168 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 1: roof here, right, you know what I'm saying. On the ceiling, 169 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: and I can just go all the way to the end. 170 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: We can have a mirror at the back end there, right, 171 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,599 Speaker 1: give a kind of an infinity. Look, we can we 172 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: shut these guys up. I'm trying. I'm trying to tell 173 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: some guy in material design notes here. Alright, alright, let's 174 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: take a look at the calendar. What we got going 175 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,839 Speaker 1: on today? There's a guy who's dead. Man trying to 176 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: stop looking at the name. Charlie is dead. Okay, Well 177 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 1: I haven't seen the body, and I don't want to 178 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: see the body. But listen, today's you're a dead denier. 179 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:32,479 Speaker 1: I'm just saying that maybe this is a private company 180 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: and this is fucking nuts. Man, every time this is 181 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: now we got a dead denier here, who's running the show? Man? 182 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: How how are how are we supposed to know what's 183 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: going on? We got dead denier running the show? You 184 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: know what? Because he reads the newspaper, he doesn't watch it. 185 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: That's from the Squirrel and the Man, Janis, have you 186 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 1: heard about this thing? It's crazy? Oh ridded? Have you 187 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: heard about that? Have you looked at that up? I have, 188 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: I've looked it up. I don't understand it. I simply 189 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: don't understand it. Shannon. You know it's so crazy because 190 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: I had gone in the computer because I originally wanted 191 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: to look up you know what's John Travolta up to? 192 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: I miss? I want to make sure he's well. And 193 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,960 Speaker 1: it's just the first answer led me to reddit dot com. 194 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: Reddit dot com and it's just a buttload of answers 195 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: and it's just so much information. But it's all very 196 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: very um reliable. It comes for everybody. So how could 197 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: it not be true? You know? I stumbled upon that 198 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: site when I typed into asked Jeeves, how do you 199 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:48,200 Speaker 1: stop us to flay from caving? In and did you 200 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 1: find out? I'm sure you did. I did. I did 201 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: um because Red it's the best s. I'm sort of waking. 202 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: We just got a question of Asked Jeeves, we're back. 203 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: What did you say? I didn't realize that you'd have 204 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: to add in a bond Marie and and and that's incredible, 205 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: But I had no idea. I had no idea. And 206 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: then that led me down to something called the dark web. 207 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: I didn't understand it when I went there. Well, Jane's 208 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: did you understand? Okay? Great, We got all the board 209 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: members here for Ask Jeeves. We just want to say 210 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 1: thank you, and my god, I can't believe your numbers 211 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 1: still work. I thought we got to update that, but uh, 212 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: I just want to I just want to let everyone 213 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: know what's going on here. We just had somebody use 214 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 1: ask Jeeves, and we think the numbers are going to 215 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 1: start to rise again. As a matter of fact, if 216 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,040 Speaker 1: I may coffees on us today, yes we're coffee. It's 217 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 1: not us, So I help yourselves to celebration. Feels good? 218 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: Do you hear that? Ask Jesus back? Everybody here. We 219 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: can reopen lycos we can do it. We can't do it. 220 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god, this is fantastic. It's 221 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: like a search engine elissance. Uh. Now, Mr Wonka, I 222 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 1: gotta say you have a wonderful I'm bad, uh facility. 223 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: I think we're just about on our way out now, 224 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: if you, if you wouldn't mind, can we speak to 225 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: one or two of your employees just a couple of 226 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: quick questions and we'll be out of your hair. We 227 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: had a list here. Charlie is Charlie Charlie. Oh, Mr Wonka, 228 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: it seems like you've got some visitors here. Um, can 229 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: I just can I just have a quick moment with you? 230 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: Out of your shot of I don't know who these 231 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: people are. These are the inspectors. If you just give 232 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: me a moment, I'd like to speak with my colleague 233 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 1: for a second. Here. You would pay a white Charlie's debt. 234 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: There's about to be a mutanty with the loops. You 235 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: gotta call this investigation or inspection, whatever the hell it is. 236 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,840 Speaker 1: You gotta get them out of here. Yeah, it would 237 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 1: be used to be able to do that, but I 238 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: don't have the ability to do that. I have to 239 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: get through with them things. So why don't you do 240 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: your fucking job, quisin Berry, and keep them at bay. 241 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: So how about we just don't let him into the 242 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,479 Speaker 1: conveyor belt room, because let's just be honest, there's raspberry 243 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 1: jelly everywhere and there. Keep them away from that. Hey, Bob, 244 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: I just want to say, Oh, this is what I 245 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: was gonna say. A chair there, a ruggy here, you 246 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: know that would have pop this room. I love your 247 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 1: can we can we move over here? Then? Goddamn gum. 248 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,120 Speaker 1: I love your eye. You have a guy I have 249 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: been designed. But I also well, I also love your eyes, 250 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Look, I've given most of 251 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: my organs away, but if you want my eyes, I'll 252 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: put that in my will. Is that too much sense? 253 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 1: Not at all? Not at all. Look, I really do 254 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: believe it in a minority report. God damn it, quisin Berry. 255 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 1: We got through the inspectors, but you and ahead and 256 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: submitted this. You broke the story yourself. Uh. I thought 257 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: that that was probably the best way, because we can 258 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: control the pr You don't have to get ahead of 259 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: something if it's not gonna come out. We got past 260 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 1: the inspectors. You've dumb now here at Man in the Squirrel, 261 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: we are very proud of our work and we are 262 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: very much appreciated of all sponsorships to keep the show going, 263 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: but we will sever ties with Willy Wonka's chocolate factory 264 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: based upon the now here at Reddit, we let the 265 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: world tell us what's up, but we will have to 266 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 1: withhold any information regarding Willy Wonka and this chocolate factory 267 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: after this news has broken about what is going on 268 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: behind doors. I'm spokesman for Reddit. Have a good day. 269 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 1: See krisin Burry. It's it's going everywhere. We run a 270 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: buzz feed list of fifty fu things going on in 271 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 1: the chocolate factory. This is you, man. You didn't have 272 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: to do this, all right? Well, if you want my resignation, 273 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 1: you can have it. What are you gonna do? Have 274 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 1: another contest? Bring another person in here. I think you 275 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 1: should spend some time in the gun drop forest. There's 276 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:17,640 Speaker 1: no easy way, have no what will happen to Quisin Bear. 277 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,440 Speaker 1: I could just resign, I could just walk away. I 278 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: could just walk away from I don't think so. I 279 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: don't think so. Quisin Barry. You've made your bed and 280 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: I lie in it. William, Well, we're like family. I 281 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:44,440 Speaker 1: knew it was you Fredo getting the Fu Chocolate River. Okay, sure, 282 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 1: So why are you willing to go in there? You're 283 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: willing to go in there? I don't know if I 284 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,920 Speaker 1: have a choice, am I gonna have? I would rather 285 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: just walk out at this place in one piece. But 286 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: everybody else, we're here to break these motherfucker's here. Come 287 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:11,439 Speaker 1: on down, because it Mary, I was testing you. You 288 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,560 Speaker 1: had won. The chocolate factory was yours and leading out. 289 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 1: Oh god, oh god, you're break. Don't let them go. 290 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,879 Speaker 1: So I was actually on Bing and I asked it. 291 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,439 Speaker 1: You know, I wanted to know what's going on at 292 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: the Willy Wonka Factor. What's going on there? Because I'm 293 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 1: hearing a lot of dark stuff, but I also can't 294 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: find it. Damn it? Someone chusing Being? I thought we'd 295 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: shut that down. Listen to me. I don't want any 296 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 1: programmers working on Being. Do you hear me? Uh? What's 297 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: gonna happen to my job? It's like my number, It's 298 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: like the only thing I do. It's like so awkward. 299 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 1: Or also because Mary, all of you buloop as I 300 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 1: set up with jobs at Bing. This whole thing was 301 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 1: just a test for you, and it went ship. You 302 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 1: killed we're supposed to be the home with me and 303 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:27,920 Speaker 1: oh and that's our first scene. Nice and family oriented. 304 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: See number two is from Daniel Tanner, who wrote, Hello 305 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:40,119 Speaker 1: all you wonderful folks. I want to keep this short, 306 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 1: but still kiss your asses. You're all doing great during 307 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 1: this plague and only getting better. Suggestion talk show host 308 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 1: gets out of control with love Danny from Saskatchewan, Canada. 309 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 1: Next Tuesday, from new episodes of Man in the Squirrel 310 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:05,360 Speaker 1: and now back to Hagin. Alright, Uh, we're gonna We're 311 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: gonna go a little off script in the show today. 312 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: I've got some pretty unusual guests. What's he doing? Oh 313 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:22,919 Speaker 1: and I'd like to uh inside of this pentagram my 314 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 1: own blood? What open up at door? Don't cut away? 315 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 1: This might be good door way to hell? And I 316 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: need everybody in the studio audience to gather hands and 317 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:47,399 Speaker 1: repeat after me, do it? Do it an actual CONFI 318 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,359 Speaker 1: you're a p a here. Do you want to climb 319 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: up this ladder? Yeah? And say it? Okay? Is that 320 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 1: I don't know if that's right? Well? Did the doorway 321 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,199 Speaker 1: to hell? Open up and taken take a look. I'm 322 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: really carry here. You can't do everything. And now we 323 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,640 Speaker 1: just wait for one demon to come out, and we're 324 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:23,919 Speaker 1: going to interview him about the world of hell. Okay, okay, 325 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: I'm sure that this is there's gonna be a demon 326 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: that comes through. Big fan of your show, I've washed 327 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,120 Speaker 1: it for years from down there. I tell you, those 328 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:46,680 Speaker 1: commercial breaks are worse than hell. All right, So we've 329 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 1: I I owed an in for the big guy downstairs, 330 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,919 Speaker 1: and I said that I bring you guys up to 331 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,479 Speaker 1: do a little bit of Well, you're guesting. So what 332 00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:05,479 Speaker 1: I'm this is good? Okay, this is good. Hank is 333 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:11,679 Speaker 1: out of control. Look, look just rule. Okay, once it 334 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: gets too far, we'll cut the feet. But right now, 335 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,439 Speaker 1: demons drink water? Should I get a good water? You're okay? 336 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 1: All right? Long pause? Hank? Is there a question coming? Oh? 337 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: I was just here's the question that we are all 338 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:32,199 Speaker 1: waiting for. Is is how all it is made up 339 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,439 Speaker 1: to be? Do we want to go down there? Or 340 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 1: do you think we'd probably be better off on the 341 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: high and narrow road. Oh? You don't want to go 342 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,920 Speaker 1: down there? Drust me on that. As someone who's spent 343 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:48,919 Speaker 1: my entire life there, imagine getting Rick rolled for fucking eternity. 344 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,920 Speaker 1: That's what it's like, What do you mean I fucking 345 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 1: got bumped for a demon? Just going on the show today, 346 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,840 Speaker 1: right and waste my fucking time today, right this, Lawrence? No, 347 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: you did not. All right, You're gonna be on in 348 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: the Joey Lawrence's wife. Do you know how fucking important 349 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,920 Speaker 1: I am, Mr Lawrence. We do. Yes, That's why we 350 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 1: wanted you to be here. We really enjoy you. We 351 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: really wanted you to come on there and talk about 352 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,959 Speaker 1: your new rugs. Were supposed to talk about new rugs, 353 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: do a quick cooking section. I mean, let's get real, 354 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 1: I don't have all day, so um on the camera 355 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,200 Speaker 1: after the next commercial break, I'm gonna lose my fucking 356 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: shita at right now, and I'm gonna lose it. Mrs Lawrence. 357 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: We're actually talking to several demons and on the sixth 358 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: level of hell, so several demons now, so now I'm 359 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 1: getting bumped for several demons. It's kind of like a hydro. 360 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 1: They all embodied the same you know, physical form, but 361 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 1: they have just different personalities. So it's it's it's a 362 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: really hard and complex understands beyond our understanding. But Hank 363 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,199 Speaker 1: loves you. He really wants you here, he does he 364 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: because it doesn't feel like it when I was supposed 365 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 1: to be on ten minutes ago, and I'm still in 366 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: my shitty green room by the way, Okay, shitty green 367 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 1: room by M and mcs are peanut, it's too hard 368 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: for my teeth. Well, we do have a spoor hank. 369 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: I heard that I bumped Joey Lawrence's wife, and all 370 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 1: I can say is whoa. I mean, yes you did. Honestly, 371 00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 1: We're gonna change the format of this show. I've been 372 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: spending a lot of time sucking on the teet of 373 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: pop culture and instead I want to be a change 374 00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 1: in the world. Are you're saying you don't like it 375 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: down in Hell? I know? But am I gonna have 376 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,199 Speaker 1: time to talk about my book? Or you gonna go 377 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,880 Speaker 1: to break or what the funk? Man? You know you've 378 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 1: got our attention. What is the book? Oh? You guys 379 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 1: are going to be excited to read this book? All right? 380 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:49,920 Speaker 1: It's uh, it's actually a ghost written autobiography on Kenny Rodgers. 381 00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: I love the guy I always have, Uh, but you 382 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,640 Speaker 1: know he's not in Hell because that guy put out 383 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 1: some him. I'm like, am I gonna keep wronging, yes, 384 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: just keep wrong, just keeping I have so many waters, 385 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,399 Speaker 1: just in case, just in case he gets I don't know, 386 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: So I'm ready with waters straws. He s wearing lipstick. Yeah, 387 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. I stopped watching The Hank 388 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 1: a while ago. It's just like, I don't know. You 389 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: have all these funny segments of characters and stuff. But 390 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 1: once he started breaking the portal into hell, I just 391 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: was like, that's too much, you know, just too much 392 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 1: for me. So I just started rick. I mean, it's like, yeah, 393 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,200 Speaker 1: I get it. You were in the Hank Early. We 394 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: all fucking no, you found Hank Early. Okay, we get that, 395 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: but now you turn it on it just because it 396 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 1: got popular. Alright, alright, lets don't jump down his throat. 397 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 1: Let's get the guy a chance. So what's what's the 398 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: what's the next show? What's the next hot thing? No? No, 399 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm reading right now. I'm reading. Okay, yeah, right, I 400 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:58,280 Speaker 1: am pretty all right. That's the alkamaniacs. Read it all right. 401 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: You can't read. Can't read, you can't read. You've always 402 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 1: been such a dick. You're the guy that when you 403 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,159 Speaker 1: had at Bob's anniversary party, we started talking about squirrel 404 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: in the Man because it's the best show on television. 405 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,879 Speaker 1: Like I don't even own a TV. Which is the 406 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: best show. It's like, watch it without the Laft track, 407 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: Watch it without the Laft track. It's that's it's made 408 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: to be fun. Yea, Why are you such as why 409 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: are you so against fun? It's just you know, the 410 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 1: concept is brilliant. We can all agree on that. Okay, 411 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,440 Speaker 1: there's a man who has the ability to hear and 412 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: talk to squirrels and then go on adventure has ever 413 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 1: been made? Watch Blackadder? If you really want to watch 414 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,920 Speaker 1: a good show, all right, watch black Squirrels in it 415 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 1: do it's the favor Read read that for us? Okay 416 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:58,120 Speaker 1: something Oh my gosh, I never do this, but your 417 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: hank from hankerund right, yeah, yes, I am. Can I 418 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 1: get a picture with you? I mean, if you take 419 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 1: a picture of me, everybody can know that I'm thankful. 420 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 1: It'll be so subtle, like all right, okay, thank you 421 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:20,960 Speaker 1: so much. Okay, can you look like happy? Huh? Can 422 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 1: you look happy for the picture? Hey, hey, guys, sacrifice 423 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,200 Speaker 1: my kids. Man, I love you. You made a good call. 424 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: You made a good call. Go to hell, Go to 425 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: hell uh so if you don't want the picture of 426 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 1: this smile, you're gonna get anything better. What do you 427 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,639 Speaker 1: want from me? Um? Then I'll take this on. Yeah, thanks, 428 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 1: thanks so much. I know I just talked to Best 429 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: the Best Man. That guys, it's Squirky Day squirrels. Squaky 430 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 1: Jay squirrels over there, so squirk Jay. We love the 431 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:10,360 Speaker 1: show man. Suky the Best Man the Best Say, can 432 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: I get a picture? Okay? Just go really close down 433 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: on my shoulder. I'm like, oh, scuky really hurts. It's 434 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 1: not It's actually really all right. We got a hard 435 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:36,640 Speaker 1: decision to make. I mean, we have to stop. Just stop, 436 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 1: just stop for a second. Guy, damon, listen. You never 437 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 1: see stop, will you just listen? Okay, we got a 438 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: hard decision to make, all right, stopping, We got a 439 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 1: hard decision to make. Yeah, we do your a A. 440 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: I thought it, maybe, like, what's the decision? Help with 441 00:28:53,800 --> 00:29:01,800 Speaker 1: the decision, that's that's your question. But eating and a bedding. Hell, 442 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 1: but our ratings are through the roof, I know. Okay. 443 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: In the first I couldn't get enough. All right. I 444 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: saw those ratings come in and all I could think 445 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,440 Speaker 1: of was New Audi, New or less. Dude, you slutter 446 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,560 Speaker 1: your whole fucking family. Dude, I know which is cool? 447 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 1: Which is cool? I love to read an expert. If 448 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: you got a minute or two on the show, we 449 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: have eternity. Great. It was raining outside and uh, I 450 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,360 Speaker 1: didn't know where my pants were, so I went to 451 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: my couch. It was damp out, that's for sure. It 452 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: goes on and on from there. I wasn't rolling. Should 453 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: I have been rolling? No? No, God damnit. He's been 454 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,320 Speaker 1: saying the same thing. Look, I think we're being like 455 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: and we're gonna put in a trance, you know. I mean, 456 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: I think they're saying this, should like put a spell 457 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 1: on us. It's the same expert over and over here. 458 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: I've actually been I've been here the whole time as waters. 459 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I had them all. Can you get some waters? 460 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 1: Oh I got there? Sorry, Yeah, get some waters. Hey, 461 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: thanks for coming into the network office. Oh okay, we 462 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: like it. What we like it, Thank the dad, and yeah, 463 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: we're gonna add to it. You're gonna add to it 464 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 1: a co host? Wait a second, I don't do co hosts. 465 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: I'm hanging. This is no by show. This is my 466 00:30:53,160 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 1: own personal health squirreling mc squirrel, Am I really? Hi? Um? 467 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 1: I just wanted to let you guys know, as a 468 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 1: network executives, I'm done here. I'm cutting all ties with 469 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,800 Speaker 1: your stupid fucking network. Whose blood do I need to 470 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: suck to get on this TV? That squirrel, that joke 471 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,240 Speaker 1: of a squirrel. That squirrel killed three people the other 472 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 1: day at Grassis Madre at a vegan fucking restaurant. Well, 473 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 1: we didn't see it, so we don't know. We didn't 474 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 1: see it. Yeah, we gotta we gotta see it. It's 475 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: not add whatever. When my husband finds out that not 476 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: only did you don't don't don't don't, don't, don't don't know, 477 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 1: you don't need to tell you know, I'm gonna tell Joey. 478 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 1: If you don't think, I'm gonna tell joe you're working 479 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: out of your mind. He's only gotten stronger. He's only 480 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:53,720 Speaker 1: gotten after during his muscles have gotten so big. And 481 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 1: you thought he was good to Melissa and Joey. Just wait, 482 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: the older he gets, the stronger he gets. Wait, how's 483 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 1: that possible? I mean, I get it, he's got a 484 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,720 Speaker 1: co host. I'm just telling you right now, there's better 485 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 1: books out there. Than there's TV. In fact, it can't 486 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: be true. I'm telling you right now. He doesn't even 487 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 1: know what the squirrel is saying at the time. Yeah, 488 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 1: that's the beauty of it. Such a dick when it 489 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 1: comes to squaky squirrel. Right. I know you don't like 490 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: the show, but it is the greatest show that has 491 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: ever been made. Everybody indoctrinated, like you're being put on 492 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,360 Speaker 1: a spell or some ship. It's not good, man, it's 493 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: really not. You know what's good? This book right here? 494 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 1: But what are you reading? I'm reading Why Won't the 495 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,080 Speaker 1: Paint Dry? By R. L. Stein? It's really really good, 496 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 1: all right, fucking you know what? You know what? Hey, 497 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: maybe we're being too hard. We're being too hard on it, 498 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: all right? What what read us a section? Okay, let's 499 00:32:53,280 --> 00:33:01,960 Speaker 1: say this, read us a section? I am says this 500 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: is not Squirrels can't read squirrels and human costumes. No ship, 501 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 1: he can't read. That's why there, that's where the show sucks. 502 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: His face is like slipping off. Dude, Wait a second, 503 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: we knew it. You're a fucking squirrel. You're a squirrel, guys. 504 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,080 Speaker 1: I brought the waters. But also when he has to 505 00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 1: go get the waters. There's a guy. He's really really strong. 506 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 1: I think it's Joe Lawrence, but I haven't seen him 507 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:41,120 Speaker 1: in so long. He's trying to see. Yeah, he doesn't 508 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,560 Speaker 1: care that the red light is going, he doesn't care 509 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,640 Speaker 1: that we are recording right now. He wants to get 510 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:50,200 Speaker 1: in this studio. All right, Hey, do you want to 511 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,640 Speaker 1: move up? Do you want to move up to assistant? Yes? Wait, no, 512 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:58,720 Speaker 1: I'm already an assistant, right, but that's what is personal 513 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:03,280 Speaker 1: assistant US assistant. Get rid of the move up. I 514 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: thought I would move up to be like props master 515 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 1: or someone. I thought, no, no, no, it's just my 516 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: personal Do you think you could be a master of props? 517 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:21,000 Speaker 1: I thought so? Yeah, I mean it takes years to 518 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,720 Speaker 1: become a master. You could be my apprentice of props 519 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:29,279 Speaker 1: and I could teach you. Well, it's not exactly the 520 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 1: word assistant. In fact, it actually infers more learning. Yeah, 521 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 1: I'll be an apprentice. Um, apprentice of props seems like 522 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 1: a safer gig. Anyways, so we can get dicey. Believe 523 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:47,520 Speaker 1: you me? Do I need to wear a cape? Okay? 524 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 1: So Mr Lawrence, yes, okay, we understand you're upset and 525 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,040 Speaker 1: we're gonna let you on right now with with Hank. 526 00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: But you're saying that you yourself you are Satan. That 527 00:34:55,480 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: seems a little far fetched, alright, go on, Oh my god, 528 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: oh my Joey Lawrence. Shut up, squirrel. Let's give a 529 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:21,640 Speaker 1: round of applause to my favorite and honestly help her 530 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: to start this show. My dear Satan, Mr roy Um, 531 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:36,560 Speaker 1: thanks for joining me in my talk show. Your bones 532 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:40,040 Speaker 1: are kind of moving the wrong direction. I think he's 533 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 1: about to shed its human skin, is the only The 534 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,080 Speaker 1: only issue is you didn't bring a single prop during 535 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:56,800 Speaker 1: the whole segment. There was plenty opportunity, right, but I 536 00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,480 Speaker 1: brought water and the last time that's what you asked for, 537 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: So I thought that you still want it personal assistant anymore. 538 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,240 Speaker 1: You think it's production assistant. I think it's a production assistant. 539 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 1: Just give me one second. You're not persistant a personal assistant. 540 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: If you can't assist me, you certainly can't assist the production. 541 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,000 Speaker 1: And if you can't assist the prop master, I don't 542 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:20,120 Speaker 1: know what to tell you. Well, I'm actually not I'm 543 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,719 Speaker 1: actually not assisting the prop master. I'm actually apprenticing the 544 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: prop prop master. I'm actually the prop apprentice. So I 545 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: think you need to give me a little more respect. 546 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,120 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, did you want to water? I can get 547 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,040 Speaker 1: a water or something I would love, and if you 548 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: can make it sparkling, that would be wonderful. That's going 549 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: to be nearly impossible. No flavor. If there's even a 550 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:42,359 Speaker 1: hint of lime, I'm going to flip. Okay, I'd argue 551 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,480 Speaker 1: that's going to kiss off the master, you know. I'd 552 00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:49,440 Speaker 1: argue that, like, you know, sparkling, there's a flavor, you know, 553 00:36:54,520 --> 00:37:02,759 Speaker 1: to end on a water. Number three is from Patreon. 554 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:10,000 Speaker 1: Alcmaniac Duckie, an assassin is hired to eliminate bad YELP reviewers. 555 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,879 Speaker 1: That was mc nail and that food showed up room 556 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:19,800 Speaker 1: temperature at best. My wife said it was cold. I 557 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:24,680 Speaker 1: said it was frigid. Frigid. Sorry, my wife said it 558 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:31,160 Speaker 1: was frigid cold. Unsatisfied. One star. I wish we could 559 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: do zero stars. Good job, baby, Oh my god, that 560 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,600 Speaker 1: makes me so fucking hot. Assholds are gonna regret treating 561 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 1: us like, yeah they are, You're the fucking king. You 562 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: told them, I did you know what? That's the house 563 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,960 Speaker 1: there now? Intel says that there's two people using the 564 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,120 Speaker 1: single account, So they're both combining for an equal amount 565 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: of distasteful comments on any kind of food distribution place 566 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,840 Speaker 1: or a restaurant. And some people call it what I do, 567 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,160 Speaker 1: call it a food distribution place, but you know you 568 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,759 Speaker 1: can call it. I mean, restaurants are probably the preferred nomenclature, 569 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:12,000 Speaker 1: but food distribution places what I what I call it, 570 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: And that's that's my thing. Now, copy do you want 571 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,200 Speaker 1: to to uh like clear head shots or do you 572 00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:21,239 Speaker 1: want to make it look like a computer accident. Why 573 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 1: don't you make it look like a computer accident. We're 574 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: we're not trying to bring attention to us, all right. 575 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,920 Speaker 1: That's gonna require me to get in pretty close food 576 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: distribution places. What I say, though, it's not a restaurant, 577 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,360 Speaker 1: I mean, it is a restaurant. I just well, my 578 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 1: point is what I I'm saying. It is a restaurant. 579 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,640 Speaker 1: I'm the reviewing a restaurant. You know that, right? Yes, 580 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,320 Speaker 1: I understand, sir, But I say food distribution place. I didn't. 581 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: I didn't misspeak. Okay, that's what I That's what I say. 582 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,920 Speaker 1: You know that. You know me, right, You know me, sir? 583 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 1: Sorry me for thirty years did you hear what happened 584 00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:00,239 Speaker 1: to April and ten? Can you can you just can 585 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:04,759 Speaker 1: you give me my space ball? Working? Oh? Sorry? But 586 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: did you hear what happened to April and Ken? No? 587 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,880 Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't. I have to talk close because 588 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:16,319 Speaker 1: it is a secret. What happened? What are you talking about? 589 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:20,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god? Please let me work? Did you hear 590 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:27,000 Speaker 1: what happened with April and ten? No? Okay, so they died? 591 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 1: But via like some computer act like you sound so 592 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:36,400 Speaker 1: happy excited. It's well, it's extingu I like I like, 593 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:42,160 Speaker 1: I like thrive on gossip. I throw this. This is 594 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:48,360 Speaker 1: a dead case. You know, I say dead kids, you 595 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:52,880 Speaker 1: mean murder? Right to take a quick break this morning, 596 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:58,440 Speaker 1: I got bad news to share. Well, should we get 597 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:03,879 Speaker 1: on her knees? I guess if you feel I don't 598 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,000 Speaker 1: know if you know what? Okay, go ahead and get 599 00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 1: on your knees, sir. We'd like a clear choice, should 600 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:09,920 Speaker 1: we or not? Like you tell us what's going on? 601 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,520 Speaker 1: I would see just sitting in your desk chair is fine. 602 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 1: But if you feel I don't know what I'm about 603 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: to announce, I'm sorry. Like rich always makes us take 604 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 1: our rich. We understand you play quarterback in high school. 605 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:25,120 Speaker 1: You could have been somebody we do. We get that, 606 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,200 Speaker 1: but you don't need to bring it into the workplace. Okay, 607 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,160 Speaker 1: all right, okay, well you guys might all notice that. 608 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,160 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, are we? Are we sitting in the chair? 609 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:41,719 Speaker 1: Are we? However, you want to take some shocking, jaw dropping, 610 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 1: soul wrenching news. I can't go in the window. Don't 611 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:53,880 Speaker 1: do it. Why are you smiling? Why are you smiling? 612 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,839 Speaker 1: I don't. I mean, that's like the most exciting it's 613 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,320 Speaker 1: happened in this office. It's working here. I hate it, 614 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,719 Speaker 1: but it's exciting. All right, huddle up, huddle up. We 615 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:05,280 Speaker 1: can't huddle up on this. We just lost the employee 616 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,440 Speaker 1: out the window. But the game's still going. What are 617 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:12,080 Speaker 1: you talking about the game? We're still in office. How 618 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,759 Speaker 1: to deal with this? Call the play? Call the play? 619 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,480 Speaker 1: What are we gonna do? Alright? Alright? I said, we 620 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,759 Speaker 1: listen to I said, we listen to boss's announcements. And 621 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:23,080 Speaker 1: then uh and then uh, I'm so sorry. I kind 622 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:24,680 Speaker 1: of hold on, Wait, what was what was your news? 623 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,319 Speaker 1: Ken died? He said, that's why he's not here this morning. 624 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: It's why you know, it's just it's just cool to 625 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,439 Speaker 1: know things ahead of time. It's not cool that he's dead. 626 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,840 Speaker 1: Nine one, How can I help you? What am my 627 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,480 Speaker 1: employees just jumped out of the window. I don't know 628 00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: for sure. It's a long way down. I'm not sure 629 00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,800 Speaker 1: if he's okay or not. And I could take the elevator, 630 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,640 Speaker 1: but I wanted to report it before I went down there, 631 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 1: just in case he's not a lot I don't know. 632 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,279 Speaker 1: Just before I process this car, I would like to 633 00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,520 Speaker 1: do a little survey for you. Um, what do you 634 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,799 Speaker 1: think of him Bloopo candies? I haven't I haven't tried them, 635 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,520 Speaker 1: but I like everything out of the Wonka factory so far. 636 00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,440 Speaker 1: So what's this I have? If it's just gonna be 637 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,040 Speaker 1: just doing a customers survey, We're just doing the customers 638 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,920 Speaker 1: survey on some products. That one one like the emergency 639 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,160 Speaker 1: line right? This is yeah? Okay? Have you seen that 640 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: Squirreling the Man? Nope, I don't watch much TV. You 641 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:25,400 Speaker 1: haven't seen Squirreling the Man. I have not seen Squirrel 642 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,480 Speaker 1: in the Man. You haven't seen this episode. I have 643 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,839 Speaker 1: not seen any episodes of Squirrel the Matter. I'm gonna 644 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:36,200 Speaker 1: transfer you to UH to my manager just about this transfer. 645 00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:38,800 Speaker 1: But do you like entertainment? I mean, who doesn't like 646 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 1: to be entertained? You know what I mean? I mean, 647 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,920 Speaker 1: of course I like entertainment. On the scale of one 648 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,600 Speaker 1: to five, one being you like entertainment, five you love entertainment? 649 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:52,960 Speaker 1: You fall four? Four? Very nice? Great. So if it's 650 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,400 Speaker 1: a Saturday afternoon, you have your choice of reading newspaper 651 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,040 Speaker 1: or watching something on television. What are you gonna do? 652 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:02,759 Speaker 1: I'm probably sit down to a good book and have 653 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:07,160 Speaker 1: have some So did you hear that? Actually he probably 654 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,000 Speaker 1: would have lived if the E M T s had 655 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:14,320 Speaker 1: gotten here sooner, but it took so long. I'm just 656 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:20,120 Speaker 1: trying to enjoy the funeral. OA. Sorry please, um hi, 657 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: this is the Assassin yelp Assassins Incorporated? Is that correct? Yes? 658 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:28,920 Speaker 1: Yes it is? Uh sorry, I to see the front 659 00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,719 Speaker 1: desk here. I don't know if parking was difficult. I'm 660 00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:36,120 Speaker 1: a little flustered. Look, um, I owned Piz's Burgers. I've 661 00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:41,680 Speaker 1: called in with a lot of bad reviews. I'm I'm 662 00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:45,360 Speaker 1: a member here, I pay my dues, and yet somehow 663 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,919 Speaker 1: these reviews keep popping up and no one, Yeah, here's 664 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:51,120 Speaker 1: the here's the problem. Um, we will. Of course, our 665 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,200 Speaker 1: whole thing is that we will assassinate people who leave 666 00:43:54,239 --> 00:44:03,719 Speaker 1: bad Yelk reviews unless they're warranted. And your burgers are terrible. Wow, 667 00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,280 Speaker 1: we received all of your calls, all of your emails. 668 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,560 Speaker 1: You've seen it all. But you know, I like, we 669 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,440 Speaker 1: had a luncheon last Thursday where I bought Peetsburgher's for 670 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,399 Speaker 1: all of the various killers and assassins here, and every 671 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,680 Speaker 1: single one of them said that the patties were overcooked, 672 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,480 Speaker 1: the cheese was Maybe I should get out of the 673 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,440 Speaker 1: food distribution service and maybe I should start my own company, 674 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 1: assassins to assassinate assassins. Mhmm. Yeah, Well previously I worked 675 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,399 Speaker 1: as ah well, I wouldn't call it a job per se, 676 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:44,600 Speaker 1: but I did have a gun. I have held a gun. Okay, 677 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 1: can you pull the trigger? I mean, I don't know, 678 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna be I want to be I 679 00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,279 Speaker 1: want to be honest in the interview. So okay, I 680 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,680 Speaker 1: don't know if you're right for the Yelp assassins, but 681 00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:02,000 Speaker 1: I do hear the there's like an assassin's of assassins, 682 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,400 Speaker 1: and it's like a little bit of like a shottier 683 00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:08,960 Speaker 1: situation and they might take you. So I'm not good 684 00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:10,800 Speaker 1: enough to kill yelped people, but I'm good enough to 685 00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,799 Speaker 1: kill a sassin. Oh yeah, I'll definitely take that. I'll 686 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:18,760 Speaker 1: take a look to see. They don't trust their business models, 687 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,520 Speaker 1: so I'm gonna look. Hey, buddy, came to the right place. 688 00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,799 Speaker 1: She said, we're shottier, right, shots fire my man hold 689 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 1: his gun? Oh god, oh god? You all right? That 690 00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 1: was a good shot, dude. That was a good shot 691 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:38,440 Speaker 1: that went through and through. Can you start tomorrow? Actually, 692 00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:43,799 Speaker 1: I gotta finish some stuff, but all right, all right, sir, 693 00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:48,200 Speaker 1: you're you're you're looking for assassin's Creed. Uh, this is 694 00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:53,400 Speaker 1: the Creed assassins. We are, what like, slowly slowly hunting 695 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:57,640 Speaker 1: down the bad band Creed and taking your vengeance for 696 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 1: what happened in music us. Since Creed is a video game, 697 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,320 Speaker 1: it's not a thing. Are you sure? Because I was 698 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:09,719 Speaker 1: told that it was well you were told Rocks, sir. 699 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:11,960 Speaker 1: I mean the way they said it. It sounded like 700 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,360 Speaker 1: that's how they said it, So I gotta trust. I 701 00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,839 Speaker 1: mean the guy who told me, I mean that's how 702 00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,080 Speaker 1: he said it, so I know him. And he said, 703 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,799 Speaker 1: assassin screen is what I gotta go after. So, I mean, 704 00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:26,600 Speaker 1: you know popular populist series, not a I mean marthy, 705 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,120 Speaker 1: you're cracking up. What what's what's the what's the hotest? 706 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,960 Speaker 1: Go You're like dying. I know it's like some silly 707 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,279 Speaker 1: you might have to be in your cup. Yeah, I 708 00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,920 Speaker 1: do mind, I do mind. Just go to the water. 709 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,879 Speaker 1: Cool like you are, capables, cozy. It's cozy in here. 710 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:48,040 Speaker 1: You've got the space here. I haven't have good interior design. 711 00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:52,000 Speaker 1: What do you want to do? Family? Gorgeous families? Thank you, 712 00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:56,960 Speaker 1: your children beautiful, Please don't look at my children. Nobody 713 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:01,320 Speaker 1: talks around me, and he moves. I'm sitting here with 714 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:05,000 Speaker 1: beautiful water to consume, both cold and hot. If you 715 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:08,560 Speaker 1: want to make tea. When nobody talks around me, it's 716 00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:12,719 Speaker 1: because everything gets dropped. There's no weekly watching and everything's 717 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,840 Speaker 1: just going on. And I'm wonderful. Office. You're telling me 718 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:20,879 Speaker 1: you think anyone's coming to the coffee machine anymore. Everyone's 719 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:28,160 Speaker 1: going out getting their stop bucks, getting there, Get it down, kids, 720 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:35,000 Speaker 1: facts of machine here. I haven't been fundled in years. 721 00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:40,279 Speaker 1: Oh what I would do for a little fundling. Let's 722 00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,200 Speaker 1: they shouldn't have put you in the break room facts 723 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,239 Speaker 1: machine doesn't seem like the best place for you. You're forgotten. 724 00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,959 Speaker 1: You probably got put here because you're always so inappropriate. 725 00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:56,400 Speaker 1: Stop talking about fondling in the world. Put a button 726 00:47:56,480 --> 00:48:01,040 Speaker 1: in my butt hole, please put every ain't the same thing. 727 00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:08,040 Speaker 1: Someone's coming, Someone's going, hey, I hear you, guys, like Hey, 728 00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 1: I'm working in the other room, and you guys are 729 00:48:10,239 --> 00:48:14,920 Speaker 1: so fucking loud. Of course I can hear you, but 730 00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,239 Speaker 1: nobody else in this damn office seems to be able 731 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:20,319 Speaker 1: to hear you, the crazy one, Luke, and I talked 732 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:23,120 Speaker 1: to you for a second. Well, let me just finish 733 00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:29,840 Speaker 1: so you can shut Peter. I think you should go home. Alright, 734 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:35,160 Speaker 1: you're screaming out appliances. Alright, buddy. So I heard that 735 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:40,640 Speaker 1: Luke lost his fucking mind. What God fired? Well put 736 00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:44,840 Speaker 1: on like mentally, but he couldn't handle it. So he 737 00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:49,080 Speaker 1: threw himself down the stairs like somebody in like a 738 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,400 Speaker 1: fucking soap opera trying to get rid of their baby. 739 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,879 Speaker 1: And he didn't even die, He just broke his neck. 740 00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:02,560 Speaker 1: Crazy Who brought the fucking water cooler next year in 741 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:07,520 Speaker 1: your cubicle? There? Ted? I don't know it just moved 742 00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,560 Speaker 1: over here. I have no idea. I thought it was 743 00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,279 Speaker 1: a fucking prank. I've been trying to move it, but 744 00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,440 Speaker 1: every time I go to okay, so back, so they 745 00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,040 Speaker 1: just moving now? All right, well, let me walk up 746 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,080 Speaker 1: here and grab this coffee maker. Look it just moving now. 747 00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:28,399 Speaker 1: It was just moving now. Machine? Yeah, what are you doing? 748 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:32,200 Speaker 1: What are you? The one man? Sean? Can I talk 749 00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:37,279 Speaker 1: to you for a second? What's up? Dude? Well? I 750 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:39,120 Speaker 1: mean you were just humping the hell out of that 751 00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,360 Speaker 1: fashion machine and then you were grinding on that coffee maker. 752 00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,440 Speaker 1: Maybe you should maybe you should take some time off. 753 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:50,319 Speaker 1: You'd like that, onen't you. You know I went through 754 00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:55,880 Speaker 1: a pass for thirty seven yards, dude, h thirty seven yards. 755 00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:00,920 Speaker 1: That's not that far, that's not that okay? This this 756 00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,640 Speaker 1: guy all right? Yeah, you know it's like a standard 757 00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:13,160 Speaker 1: throat yelp for my job, one star. I feel like 758 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:18,839 Speaker 1: everython is going crazy in my office, and I might 759 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,920 Speaker 1: have been the first one to lose my mind. I 760 00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:27,040 Speaker 1: can't stop smiling when it comes to tragedy and everyone 761 00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:31,200 Speaker 1: else is throwing themselves downstairs outside of windows. People are 762 00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:35,439 Speaker 1: fucking facts machines. I gotta I got a clear shot. 763 00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,480 Speaker 1: If you want to give me to go ahead, I 764 00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:43,480 Speaker 1: feel like jumping on the channel here, food distribution place. 765 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:45,840 Speaker 1: What are you guys thinking about that same thing as restaurant? 766 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:52,120 Speaker 1: Am all right? Correct? M okay, there's someone else on 767 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:56,239 Speaker 1: the channel right. I'm writing this because I wanted to, 768 00:50:57,360 --> 00:51:00,880 Speaker 1: and I thought there were three of us. I'm trying to. 769 00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm trying to. If you have a clear shot, take it, 770 00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,560 Speaker 1: take it bus. Do you want a head shot or 771 00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,080 Speaker 1: do you want to make it look like her phone 772 00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:14,239 Speaker 1: killed her? Believe I'll run that up the ladder phone. 773 00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 1: I call those uh, actually I don't know what I 774 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,120 Speaker 1: call them. I haven't I haven't really decided. The food 775 00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,600 Speaker 1: distribution place, that's what I call a restaurant. You go ahead, 776 00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:31,440 Speaker 1: take that shot, Take the shot. Water spilling out everywhere, 777 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:50,080 Speaker 1: water shooting. Look, I'll find a new job sometime, okay, 778 00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,000 Speaker 1: but I just need some time to decompress. I was 779 00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:55,480 Speaker 1: working in a crazy environment. Just just please give me 780 00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:57,520 Speaker 1: some time. Okay. I don't know what I want to do. 781 00:51:57,760 --> 00:51:59,400 Speaker 1: I don't know what you want to do. Well, all right, 782 00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:02,080 Speaker 1: your mom and I don't want you staying here anymore, Okay, 783 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,920 Speaker 1: Like it's time to grow all the way up. And 784 00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:11,919 Speaker 1: get a real job. You to grow all the whill Okay, yeah, 785 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:22,399 Speaker 1: they grow all the whilling. You're You're no, I'm trying 786 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:26,280 Speaker 1: to communicate with our young son. Wow, Hank sounds terrible. 787 00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,160 Speaker 1: I mean, you can't let your home life affect what 788 00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,080 Speaker 1: you do on the talk show. Okay, things got to 789 00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:34,200 Speaker 1: stay pretty straightforward, all right. Well, if if my home 790 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,720 Speaker 1: life is hell, I want to bring it to the job. Okay, 791 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,120 Speaker 1: I don't think you should do that. I mean, we're 792 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,080 Speaker 1: getting pretty good ratings the way it is right now. 793 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:45,280 Speaker 1: I think what this show needs is a one way portal, 794 00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,640 Speaker 1: well really two way portal to hell. So I want 795 00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:50,400 Speaker 1: you to get me some of that goats blood for 796 00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,040 Speaker 1: today's episode. I'll have to ask the prop master is 797 00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:58,239 Speaker 1: you know he's pretty grandiose and everything he does. You 798 00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:01,600 Speaker 1: can't slip this one around me work with somebody else. 799 00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,200 Speaker 1: I wish I could. Ma'ma, there's a chain here, and 800 00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,920 Speaker 1: I gotta go up. I'm actually the prop master now. 801 00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,480 Speaker 1: Um turns out there were like assassins that I could hire, 802 00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:15,320 Speaker 1: and they're pretty good. The ones that I hired. Not 803 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,080 Speaker 1: all of them are great, But I looked at the 804 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,400 Speaker 1: yelper views and I picked the ones at the highest stars. 805 00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:24,600 Speaker 1: What can I get you? Water or props? Prop prop water, 806 00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:31,000 Speaker 1: not real water, prop water and that funny water. That's 807 00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:37,400 Speaker 1: the rule all the way up. That was beautiful. All right, Well, 808 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,800 Speaker 1: let's thank you to our alchemist. See what they're up to, 809 00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:44,359 Speaker 1: Joey Greer. Just check out Alchemy. This is Instagram. We're 810 00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,440 Speaker 1: doing live stuff there. If you want to see nothing 811 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,200 Speaker 1: that I'm posting, you can check out God Bless Jim Chum. 812 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:55,480 Speaker 1: That's that's my personal account. But check out Alchemy this Instagram. 813 00:53:56,360 --> 00:54:01,560 Speaker 1: James eeny Uh go ahead and um. On Wednesday nights, 814 00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:06,560 Speaker 1: eight pm Pacific Standard time, there's a Bear Supply live 815 00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,360 Speaker 1: stream show. Che check it out Twitch dot Tv, slash 816 00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:14,400 Speaker 1: bs Comedy. Nice Jackie Ruthy, Hey guys, thanks for having me. 817 00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:18,480 Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, Cole um. It's really fun. And um, 818 00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,000 Speaker 1: I'm at Jackie Ruthy on Instagram and other things and 819 00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,000 Speaker 1: I feel like that's real good. That's where you get 820 00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:30,960 Speaker 1: the info. Nice. Oh yeah, at Chris Albroado Instagram. Cole dude, 821 00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,400 Speaker 1: so much fun to have you, so much fun? Are you? 822 00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:38,399 Speaker 1: Are you back then soon? Yeah? I believe next session. Yep, 823 00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,719 Speaker 1: it's always fun. Always fun to be doing this. Kids 824 00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:47,000 Speaker 1: who find they can find me at at Cole Stratton 825 00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,080 Speaker 1: or at Stratton Cole, depending on the service. Go to 826 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,239 Speaker 1: s S sketch Fest dot com doing a giant fundraising 827 00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,800 Speaker 1: show on January thirty, five pm Pacific, eight pm Eastern. 828 00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,440 Speaker 1: Hundred plus performers, giant people in the world of comedy 829 00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:03,879 Speaker 1: that grown all the way up, So definitely come check 830 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,520 Speaker 1: that out. Trust me, the lineup is insanity and you'll 831 00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,440 Speaker 1: be glad you did. It'll be helping our festival so 832 00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,600 Speaker 1: we can do it again in the future. All right, 833 00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,040 Speaker 1: let's have a big thanks to our engineer and producer, 834 00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:19,240 Speaker 1: Doug Name and the fine folks at I heeart Media 835 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:25,400 Speaker 1: dot com. Don't don't don't please write to us at 836 00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:28,399 Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your 837 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:32,959 Speaker 1: name here at alchemy this dot com Until next time. 838 00:55:40,400 --> 00:56:02,800 Speaker 1: I thought it was doing better at