Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome back to bet your Happy Hour. I'm
Speaker 1: Joe and I'm Serena, and we are here today with
Speaker 1: our guest, Clayton Eckert said, do I say your last name? Eckert?
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you said it right, Good on you. People
Speaker 2: don't get it right. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I could see well, yeah, I could see that, but
Speaker 1: I've I've heard it before, so I guess that's a
Speaker 1: little uh, it's kind of like a cheap code. Anyways,
Speaker 1: how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm good. It's good too. When was did we do this?
Speaker 2: Like three years ago? It was probably the last time
Speaker 2: that we hopped on a podcast together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been a while. I actually don't know if
Speaker 3: we've had you on since, like after AFR with you
Speaker 3: and Susie together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had my first interview with you, Clayton was
Speaker 1: on Clickbait, like I want to.
Speaker 3: Say, after Michelle season.
Speaker 1: Probably, no, it was. It was before The Bachelor aired,
Speaker 1: but you had already filmed and you were probably not
Speaker 1: in the best headspace.
Speaker 2: Well, I met you guys, and then was in the
Speaker 2: hotel lobby, right we all.
Speaker 3: Had drinks, yes, because we were at Michelle's finale where
Speaker 3: they announced you as the Bachelor. And we all went
Speaker 3: out for drinks after, which was very fun.
Speaker 2: I probably wasn't enjoy to be around, just because I
Speaker 2: was really swimming upstream at that point, like really in
Speaker 2: a bad headspace and trying to hold it together. But
Speaker 2: I feel like people could still feel my pain.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like you were. You'd finish filming. There
Speaker 3: was definitely a level of excitement because obviously you've just
Speaker 3: been announced. It was like the start of everything. But
Speaker 3: I remember you were like I'm reading everything and we
Speaker 3: were like, Clayton, don't do it, and You're like, I
Speaker 3: have to do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah I did. I don't do it as much, but
Speaker 2: I did because I was a people pleaser. I have
Speaker 2: a little bit of a little bit of that in
Speaker 2: me still. But I was searching for answers of how,
Speaker 2: like how I could please everybody. That's what it was
Speaker 2: rooted in. I was like, I'm looking for criticism, but
Speaker 2: constructive criticism, and I want to see what people are
Speaker 2: saying and see if I can fix it. And I
Speaker 2: guess after about two and a half years that I
Speaker 2: realized I can't control that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but also so normal, I mean, the internet's commentary
Speaker 3: on you can feel all consuming when it's attitude.
Speaker 2: I mean, you guys get it. It feels you go from
Speaker 2: hardly anybody knowing you to like it feels as if
Speaker 2: the world knows you and everyone's talking about your business
Speaker 2: and you go out to eat and you get a
Speaker 2: picture taken and it finds its way online. And that
Speaker 2: happened with my dating life post show. I went on
Speaker 2: a date in Kentucky and next thing you know, I'm
Speaker 2: on the JumboTron and then it's posted online. And I mean,
Speaker 2: you guys get it. It's like it's just a lot
Speaker 2: to basically be like, Okay, now everything I'm doing is
Speaker 2: being analyzed, and you know, I want to be portrayed
Speaker 2: in a good light. I don't think anybody's just like, hey,
Speaker 2: I want to destroy my reputation. That's like my whole
Speaker 2: goal wasn't mine, but it felt like I was in
Speaker 2: jeopardy of doing so. I was like hyper sensitive to
Speaker 2: everything that was being said.
Speaker 1: Did you were you aware of any of that before
Speaker 1: going on the show. Did you realize how much of
Speaker 1: your privacy was going to be jeopardized by doing this show?
Speaker 2: No? I mean this is where you know some people
Speaker 2: could say that, I mean it was ignorance. I was
Speaker 2: based in ignorance a thousand percent. I knew about the
Speaker 2: show growing up. I had exces that watched at my
Speaker 2: mom's her favorite show, so I was very aware of
Speaker 2: like how the show, you know. I was aware of
Speaker 2: of its presence, but I wasn't aware of like the
Speaker 2: ins and outs. And I said to myself when I
Speaker 2: got brought on and then they made me the Bachelor,
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to talk to anybody
Speaker 2: that's went on prior because I don't want to be
Speaker 2: influenced in theory that would like that sounded good. I
Speaker 2: was like, I want to just be myself, so I
Speaker 2: don't want to like talk to any prior Bachelor or
Speaker 2: bacheybt that too.
Speaker 1: I get that because you want to, you want to
Speaker 1: you want to be original too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought, yeah. But I will say though, that
Speaker 2: it was rooted in and ignorance, and I thought that
Speaker 2: I had to really incorrect assumption that most of the
Speaker 2: people that went on reality television I couldn't relate to.
Speaker 2: I thought, Oh, You're different than most of these people,
Speaker 2: And what I found is I'm not. I actually have
Speaker 2: a lot in common with most of the people that
Speaker 2: go on reality television, so you know, but that was
Speaker 2: a place where I thought, again my ego. I thought
Speaker 2: that I was a I don't want to say above.
Speaker 2: I just thought I was so different and I'm like
Speaker 2: talking to these people isn't going to do anything good
Speaker 2: for me. And you know that was an ego, you know,
Speaker 2: thought process, and that really came back to bite me.
Speaker 2: And it also like place I placed myself in a
Speaker 2: place where like I felt like I couldn't relate to anybody.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, that's because you're not willing to like
Speaker 2: talk to the people that can relate to you. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I basically said, I'll do this all on my own
Speaker 2: and I'll and I'll be able to like have you know,
Speaker 2: be successful because I looked at the track record and
Speaker 2: I was like, it's a low success rate. Most people
Speaker 2: don't make this work. So therefore I need to like
Speaker 2: go do my own thing. And you know that was stupid.
Speaker 3: At what point do you feel like that mentality shifted
Speaker 3: and you start to realize you were connecting with these
Speaker 3: people that you felt like you were so different from,
Speaker 3: and do you think it hindered you because you didn't
Speaker 3: think you would be capable of making the mistakes that
Speaker 3: had been made in the past.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had an inflated ego. I just wasn't willing
Speaker 2: to admit it or was aware of it. And so
Speaker 2: I mean I meant well, but I would say that
Speaker 2: I probably didn't open up until about like six or
Speaker 2: eight months ago. I had this mindset shift where I realized,
Speaker 2: I'm like, dude, you got to stop trying to fight
Speaker 2: this and basically separate yourself from this experience. For one,
Speaker 2: it's done a lot of really great things for you.
Speaker 2: It's it made you live this really unique life, which
Speaker 2: is awesome. You know, like I don't. I get to
Speaker 2: live a very fun and exciting life that brings a
Speaker 2: lot of unknowns. So I was like, you know, hey, listen,
Speaker 2: like this has changed your life for the better. I
Speaker 2: found my sense of self through it all. But then
Speaker 2: I started realizing, I'm like, you keep trying. You know,
Speaker 2: you're pushing away p people that one probably realize you're
Speaker 2: doing it and they're just giving you your distance. But
Speaker 2: also too, it's like nobody else can understand what we've
Speaker 2: went through until they've lived it. And so I was like,
Speaker 2: you know, if you want to feel like you have
Speaker 2: a community, then you've got to stop running from that.
Speaker 2: And so I've been like more open now with like
Speaker 2: having conversations with people and realizing that I'm like, these
Speaker 2: people aren't your enemies, you know there they can be
Speaker 2: your friends. And there's a lot of great qualities and
Speaker 2: people that go on TV. I think, you know, you're
Speaker 2: a risk A lot of people that go on TV
Speaker 2: or risk takers. They're willing to step into unknown environments
Speaker 2: and you know, they're creative and they're you know, they
Speaker 2: have they have an very open mind, which those are
Speaker 2: the people that I like to associate with. Nowadays, I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's it's I realize that there's a lot of that
Speaker 2: kind of type of person within the reality TV world.
Speaker 1: I think you're like everything you're saying really, I mean
Speaker 1: I could really relate to it as well. And I
Speaker 1: think it happens to most people that go on the
Speaker 1: show and a either become the lead or or get
Speaker 1: big after the show. And like for me, when I
Speaker 1: when I was like, oh, I want to be successful
Speaker 1: in this, now you look at it like I have
Speaker 1: to separate myself from everyone else to show that I'm different,
Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm not that I'm bigger than the show,
Speaker 1: but I'm so much more than the show. I could
Speaker 1: do so much more outside of the Bachelor world. And
Speaker 1: then you almost it ends up hindering yourself.
Speaker 3: Because alienating your alienating yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it is. It's it's usually like you said it,
Speaker 1: it's all it's all ego driven. You're like, I'm bigger
Speaker 1: than this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's it's hard because also too, I
Speaker 2: mean there's a comparison culture that I mean, I find
Speaker 2: myself always getting wrapped up into from one season to
Speaker 2: the next. You know that it's hard because you know,
Speaker 2: like you try to avoid it, but I get compared
Speaker 2: to every bachelor, you know, every every seasons, like this
Speaker 2: guy's better than him. You know he's been and so,
Speaker 2: you know, my sense itself for a while getting rocked,
Speaker 2: you know, especially like Joey. I mean was you know,
Speaker 2: I mean the most beloved bachelor that I'm aware of
Speaker 2: in recent history, and and so you know, there was
Speaker 2: like this I see online, we love Joey. He's so
Speaker 2: much better than Clayton, and you know, like I started
Speaker 2: to even find myself being envious of him, and I
Speaker 2: had to basically check myself and say it's not his
Speaker 2: fault that like he's you know, got you know, he's
Speaker 2: in the position that he's in and I've briefly interacted
Speaker 2: with him and he seems like a nice guy. So
Speaker 2: but it's it's hard because like, yeah, you're in this
Speaker 2: environment where there's been I guess what, twenty nine other
Speaker 2: bachelors or twenty eight, and it's it's it's like you
Speaker 2: want to like just be able to be yourself and
Speaker 2: not focus on anything else. But like once we're in it,
Speaker 2: you're it's like you're you're never let go from it,
Speaker 2: and people will bring you up and it's like it
Speaker 2: never ends. But again there's a positive to that. It's like,
Speaker 2: you know, the opportunities. I think people were surprised as
Speaker 2: I came back recently for a fr like why would
Speaker 2: he come back on this experience after what you know
Speaker 2: the show did to him? And I think for me,
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, there's there's a sense of accountability,
Speaker 2: like I, you know, also played a part in the
Speaker 2: way that I was you know, portrayed on TV. So
Speaker 2: I'm like they also gave there was a it was
Speaker 2: a big blessing. I mean, the things that have come
Speaker 2: from it, Like, you know, I don't hate this show.
Speaker 2: I you know, I hated the producers at one point
Speaker 2: for sure, but then I realized I was like Clayton,
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, they're not monsters, like they have
Speaker 2: to create an entertaining TV show. And also like, you know,
Speaker 2: you didn't have a body double. You were in there
Speaker 2: doing that all those things.
Speaker 1: When did you come to that realization?
Speaker 2: I think like six eight months ago. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: just yeah that recently. Yeah, I mean I yeah, I
Speaker 2: for so long went back and forth. I mean when
Speaker 2: I first came off TV, people asked me, you know
Speaker 2: how I felt about everything, and I said, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: it's there's more than you know, the edits is. There's
Speaker 2: more than just the edit. You know. That was my
Speaker 2: way of pushing blame on the producers. But I had
Speaker 2: a producer one day bring up to me. He said, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, you want to take credit for all the
Speaker 2: good things that were showing on the show, but the
Speaker 2: second that something goes south, you you don't want to
Speaker 2: take credit for it. You know some of these dates
Speaker 2: that you went on, like did you plan those dates?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't know, and they're like, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: so you take credit for those dates, but you don't
Speaker 2: take credit for the negative stuff, Like how does that
Speaker 2: that fair? And I was like, no, that's true, Like
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: So it was a great point app to a lot
Speaker 3: of people that have been on the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like people when they have a you know, they
Speaker 2: look really great. They take this, you know, a woman
Speaker 2: or the girl takes a guy on this extravagant date
Speaker 2: and everyone's like that's so sweet. It's like, yeah, but
Speaker 2: did you really plan all that out or were you
Speaker 2: just the one that showed up for the date? Right?
Speaker 2: Like you're getting all that credit. And so there's a
Speaker 2: lot of people when they come off TV that want
Speaker 2: to take credit for all the good but then they
Speaker 2: want to say no, like the producers made me do that,
Speaker 2: And it's like, okay, but the else the producers may
Speaker 2: maybe also influenced you to do that those good things too.
Speaker 1: So that's why that's why I always I've always been
Speaker 1: a big advocate of not reading comments because I don't
Speaker 1: even want to read the good ones because if I'm
Speaker 1: going to accept all the good things people are saying
Speaker 1: about me, and how do I brush off the bad?
Speaker 1: Like if I'm going to accept the good, then I
Speaker 1: need to accept the bad. And I know how much
Speaker 1: like you could read one hundred great comments like Clayton's
Speaker 1: the best, Clayton's the best, but it's that one comment
Speaker 1: that's going to just drive you totally insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, I think I said at one point in
Speaker 2: my head it was like one negative comment held the
Speaker 2: way to fifty positive comments. I mean, it got true.
Speaker 2: I would see in my DM somebody saying like I
Speaker 2: think you're awesome, and I wouldn't even read the message.
Speaker 2: But then i'd see like you pieces, you know, like
Speaker 2: you know what, and I'd click in on it because
Speaker 2: I was like, what are they saying? You know, so
Speaker 2: I would start skipping past the positive comments because again
Speaker 2: I was just looking for how can I get as
Speaker 2: a people pleaser? How can I get everybody to like me?
Speaker 2: Why does this person hate me? And you know, then
Speaker 2: I got to a place where I realized that people
Speaker 2: don't actually hate me. They hate what I remind them of.
Speaker 2: You know. So a lot of times when i'd respond
Speaker 2: back to these people and say, hey, like, just you're
Speaker 2: entitled to your opinion, but why did you feel the
Speaker 2: need to end me this, like why why just why
Speaker 2: send it in the first place. And I actually I
Speaker 2: had a lot of people that would respond back and say,
Speaker 2: you know what, you reminded me of an ex boyfriend
Speaker 2: or somebody, you know, a guy if in my high
Speaker 2: school and I'm just really projecting my own insecurities onto
Speaker 2: or some variation of that comment. So then I realized
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, people don't know me. There was
Speaker 2: a podcast I listened to and it was a really good,
Speaker 2: cool quote which shifted my narrative. They said, if you
Speaker 2: have a problem with me, call me. And if you
Speaker 2: don't have my phone number, you don't know me well
Speaker 2: enough to have a problem with me. I think, Yeah,
Speaker 2: when I heard that quote, that was like, that's when
Speaker 2: I was I was really able to let go of
Speaker 2: a lot of like the opinions of strangers because I
Speaker 2: was like, that's such a good that's a good point.
Speaker 2: You know, if you don't have my phone number, you
Speaker 2: don't know me, so you know, you you can't judge me,
Speaker 2: or you can, but like, really you don't know what
Speaker 2: you're judging. You're judging you know, a version of me,
Speaker 2: but that's not the complete version. So yeah, So it
Speaker 2: was you know a lot of like little things over
Speaker 2: time in these last two and a half years that
Speaker 2: I started to like incorporate or leap year and then
Speaker 2: it shifted my narrative slowly. So when the show reached
Speaker 2: out recently, it was like, yeah, we'd like for you
Speaker 2: to come out. It wasn't I was. I was at
Speaker 2: a place where I was healed, and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: I don't have any anger resentment towards you guys. I
Speaker 2: don't you know, want to burn a bridge. And like
Speaker 2: it's fun to go back and you know, sit there
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, wow, I did this three years ago, right,
Speaker 2: Like it's just it's it's something that is unique that
Speaker 2: like we've done, and you know, it's it's fun to
Speaker 2: like go back in time and sometimes and just like
Speaker 2: relive those moments just because it's like it'll be a
Speaker 2: point in my life where I don't get to Yeah.
Speaker 3: You talked about comparison.
Speaker 1: Well, not to cut you off, but very impressed. Congratulations.
Speaker 1: You really seem to have like you like beat it,
Speaker 1: like mentally you are in a just a way better place.
Speaker 1: And when we first, like when we hung out in
Speaker 1: Paradise when we were there to film like you really,
Speaker 1: I feel like you've really like, yeah, you figured it out.
Speaker 2: I've just got into a good I found self love
Speaker 2: and self confidence, which again stemmed from all of the
Speaker 2: catalyst was the TV show and the negative blowback. So
Speaker 2: I think like it the version of me on The
Speaker 2: Bachelor wasn't the real version of me. I would say,
Speaker 2: it was like the fabricated version or the facade that
Speaker 2: I built that I thought, you know, the large majority
Speaker 2: of people would you know, accept And this goes back
Speaker 2: when I was in medical sales. You know, I was
Speaker 2: told by a coworker to essentially blend that. You know,
Speaker 2: if you stand out in the o R, you're not
Speaker 2: doing your job right. You should just blend in. And
Speaker 2: so that's kind of the approach that I took to life.
Speaker 2: I don't want to stand out. I just want to
Speaker 2: you know, be present, make my money, and go through
Speaker 2: life that way. But you know, I have this creative
Speaker 2: side of me that's like, no, I want to express
Speaker 2: myself and you know, I don't want to like confine
Speaker 2: myself to a box. I want to just be me.
Speaker 2: And so when everybody seemingly hated me when I came
Speaker 2: off the show, I was like, well, I hate myself too.
Speaker 2: I don't even like this version of me. So you know,
Speaker 2: either build back up the same version that everyone doesn't like,
Speaker 2: or build back up the real version of you. And
Speaker 2: so I decided to build up the real version of me.
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, what would I do if
Speaker 2: people if I didn't care about other people's opinions, And
Speaker 2: dancing was one of the things. Getting earrings was one
Speaker 2: of the things, you know, switching you having a hairstyle
Speaker 2: was one of the things. I had a buzz cut
Speaker 2: for so long because it was again it was like
Speaker 2: that's what a typical white dude don't have, or like
Speaker 2: a short little head of hair, and I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I want to like have style, Like I like mullets,
Speaker 2: you know, I like having you know, the earrings. I
Speaker 2: think they look cool. And so I just started doing
Speaker 2: all these things and then like it attracted the people
Speaker 2: that I wanted in my life. Like I connected with
Speaker 2: one of my good friends now because I was out
Speaker 2: of a bar and he had an earring. He had
Speaker 2: earrings in a mullet, and so like we happen to
Speaker 2: have a lot in common. We started talking about mindfulness
Speaker 2: and mental health. And I was like, look like it's
Speaker 2: now effortless, Like I don't have to try to wake
Speaker 2: up and be somebody. I can just be me, which
Speaker 2: is so much easier. So yeah, I mean, thank you
Speaker 2: for acknowledging that you see some growth. I certainly feel it,
Speaker 2: and that's, you know why I want other people to
Speaker 2: like kind of see my progression and realize that like,
Speaker 2: no matter how far down like the valley, you get,
Speaker 2: like there's a way out, you just have to, like,
Speaker 2: you know, put in the effort day in and day out.
Speaker 2: So I'm happy with where I'm at, but it certainly
Speaker 2: there's more room for growth.
Speaker 1: Sorry to cut you out, No, you're good.
Speaker 3: I was gonna just bring it back to the panel
Speaker 3: for a second because you did mention the sense of
Speaker 3: comparison of like we love this person and also we
Speaker 3: still hate Clayton, or like this person is so much
Speaker 3: better than Clayton. I mean, like the messaging is so.
Speaker 1: Which is just which is unfair. It is unfair and
Speaker 1: it is it's just like it's just mean. It's like
Speaker 1: why it's it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: But to segue from kind of that internet mentality that
Speaker 3: we see going onto this panel, do you feel, how
Speaker 3: do you approach this panel without it feeling like I'm
Speaker 3: here to represent Like, well, Grant's about to do something bad,
Speaker 3: but at least he didn't do what I did and
Speaker 3: kind of like almost put yourself in harm's way for
Speaker 3: a continuation of this like negative comparison that you're stuck in. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's your mental approach when you, you know, step into
Speaker 3: this panel. And what do you want your like your
Speaker 3: goal to be with, you know, because I think I
Speaker 3: would be nervous about that if I was in your shoes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great question, And that's certainly a perspective
Speaker 2: that you know, I considered. I thought, hey, okay, they
Speaker 2: want to bring me on to essentially let people know
Speaker 2: that like it's possible to fall in love with multiple people,
Speaker 2: but also in a way like remind everyone that I'm
Speaker 2: the guy that you know, broke the record or whatever
Speaker 2: for most people that I fell in love with. So
Speaker 2: it's like reminding everybody that, oh that this guy sucked,
Speaker 2: you know. And you know, that was certainly like something
Speaker 2: that crossed my mind. But then you know, I thought
Speaker 2: about it and I was like, no, dude, you did this,
Speaker 2: and that was real, you know, and you fell in
Speaker 2: love with each of the women for their their unique characteristics.
Speaker 2: And you know, again, I'm mad. I'm mad at myself
Speaker 2: that I apologized after the show on certain things that
Speaker 2: I that I'm I'm not sorry for. I was basically
Speaker 2: apologizing because I wanted people all. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: everyone seems to be mad at me. Let me just apologize.
Speaker 2: And at one point I was like, oh, no, I
Speaker 2: didn't fall in love with all three of them. I
Speaker 2: just fell in love with one, you know. And you know,
Speaker 2: I was hurtful to the women that you know that
Speaker 2: I expressed feelings of love towards, and I was like,
Speaker 2: that's that's not true. You did fall in love with
Speaker 2: all three of them, so you know, but again, I
Speaker 2: was just saying whatever I could say to get people
Speaker 2: to like me. So you know, when I as I
Speaker 2: was like going into afar this last one, I just
Speaker 2: I reminded myself that I was like Clayton, you know,
Speaker 2: you did at the time what you thought was best,
Speaker 2: and and so you made decisions and stand by them.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't regret any of the things that
Speaker 2: I did. I would do them differently now three years later.
Speaker 2: But in hindsight, like I look back at that whole
Speaker 2: experience and I'm like, you know, you're you weren't a
Speaker 2: monster like half the people said you were. You were
Speaker 2: you didn't mean you know, you know, anything, you did
Speaker 2: what you thought was best. So ultimately, give yourself grace.
Speaker 2: And I'm not embarrassed by anything that I did. I
Speaker 2: think I was received poorly, but like, okay, so what
Speaker 2: I mean. You know, I took the actions and I
Speaker 2: can live by them. So going on Afar, I was like,
Speaker 2: just be you, you know, and they told me like, hey,
Speaker 2: you got like twenty seconds to respond, so don't don't
Speaker 2: start blabbering like you you know, everyone knows that I
Speaker 2: talked Tom long winded, So I was like, hey, I'll
Speaker 2: say my little twenty seconds and smile and that'll be it.
Speaker 2: And that's what I did.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like at any point you were like
Speaker 3: losing sight of who you were as a person due
Speaker 3: to your people pleasing tendencies? After the show thousand.
Speaker 2: Percent, you know, I every day I woke up, I
Speaker 2: was just reading new comments and then taking them to
Speaker 2: heart and saying, okay, this they these people think I'm stupid,
Speaker 2: So how do I prove that I'm not stupid, you know.
Speaker 2: Like I remember a point when before it was revealed
Speaker 2: that Susan and I were together, I was dropping like
Speaker 2: subtle clues on my Instagram, like I would like make
Speaker 2: a post alluding to the fact that I may be
Speaker 2: with somebody. Like there was a post where I was
Speaker 2: like staying at the edge of the bed and like
Speaker 2: Susie's leg was like you could see the outline of
Speaker 2: a leg. Potentially it might be there, may not be.
Speaker 2: I also had another post where I was like looking
Speaker 2: back at the camera and I said, looking back at
Speaker 2: my past, present and future. And I was because people
Speaker 2: said I was stupid. I was like dropping clues and
Speaker 2: nobody was figuring it out, and I'm like, you're all
Speaker 2: so stupid that like IM just toying with you all.
Speaker 2: But again, my ego is just like you're not stupid
Speaker 2: because you're over here playing games with these people. And again,
Speaker 2: like I was just like wasting time playing games when
Speaker 2: it was like this, Like I mean, it was just
Speaker 2: like what are you doing this for?
Speaker 3: You know, And it was trying to prove it to
Speaker 3: them or yourself.
Speaker 2: Both both, but really myself. Yeah, you know, I yeah,
Speaker 2: I was trying to prove to myself that I had
Speaker 2: value and that I was actually inquisitive and smart and
Speaker 2: I had emotional intelligence. But you know, the reality was
Speaker 2: is like I mean I had I don't think I
Speaker 2: had the emotional intelligence that I definitely, I mean, I
Speaker 2: definitely didn't have like what like I do today and
Speaker 2: I still have a long ways to go. But I
Speaker 2: grew up in an environment wheally on household of three boys,
Speaker 2: you know, no sisters. You know, basically everything we did
Speaker 2: was physical and never talked about emotions. You know, my
Speaker 2: dad was old school, and so it was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: a lot of these things I was trying to prove
Speaker 2: to people I had, but then I realized what I
Speaker 2: did and didn't possess, you know. And there was a
Speaker 2: lot of constructive criticism where people are like, hey, you know,
Speaker 2: he meant well, but ultimately, I don't think he's aware
Speaker 2: of the fact that, like we understand where he was
Speaker 2: coming from. He's but you know, ultimately, like he keeps
Speaker 2: trying to explain why he did what he did as
Speaker 2: opposed to just take accountability. And you know that that
Speaker 2: was a comment that was said multiple times that really
Speaker 2: hit me. I'm like oh, so I'm trying to be
Speaker 2: right because the people pleaser oftentimes wants to be right right.
Speaker 2: I feel like if I had, you know, I had
Speaker 2: so many times to be wrong in front of it
Speaker 2: in someone's you know, somebody's perspective before they basically canceled
Speaker 2: me out of their life. Like that's the way that
Speaker 2: I used to think, if I'm wrong enough times, this
Speaker 2: person like all right, strike three year out. So you know,
Speaker 2: I always felt like I had to be right. Well,
Speaker 2: then like as I started to progress mentally, I realized,
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, it's not about being right, it's about understanding,
Speaker 2: you know, and taking accountability. Like that's the next level
Speaker 2: of mental maturity that like you have to you know,
Speaker 2: work be able to get to. So yeah, I it's
Speaker 2: just been like I think reading the comments was both
Speaker 2: destructive but also what I needed because I needed people
Speaker 2: to hold me accountable and I wasn't holding myself accountable.
Speaker 1: I also think it plays a part, and I think
Speaker 1: grants a little similar to you in this area where
Speaker 1: you guys, both you you lested like midway through the show,
Speaker 1: right like you you you went home like what like
Speaker 1: six or seven.
Speaker 2: Eight, So you know, in that respect.
Speaker 1: You don't you don't have as much experience on the
Speaker 1: show where I do think like the contestants at either
Speaker 1: get heartbroken like at the very end, like a Joey
Speaker 1: who could then go on the bachelorm and be like, okay,
Speaker 1: like let me like actually look at what happened to
Speaker 1: me this experience, and now I could do it differently
Speaker 1: or at least like know how other people feel in
Speaker 1: this process where when you get when you get picked
Speaker 1: off at the middle and then you get thrown as
Speaker 1: the bachelor. You I could see you looking at it
Speaker 1: like can't you even really can you really fall in
Speaker 1: love on the show? Like was I really in love
Speaker 1: with Michelle? Like I just don't know if you even
Speaker 1: take it as seriously go in with.
Speaker 3: Like much less information to work with.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I agree with you, guys. I mean I
Speaker 2: never fell in love with Michelle, so I kind of
Speaker 2: just was like, oh, all right, yeah, this is what
Speaker 2: I thought reality television was, like you go on here,
Speaker 2: you know, I got knocked out in the top eight
Speaker 2: or whatever, and I was like all right. So then
Speaker 2: when I became the Bachelor, I was like, well, you know,
Speaker 2: hopefully within these thirty women there's at least one person
Speaker 2: that I'll have interest in. But I remember thinking like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, like I'm kind of picky, I have
Speaker 2: a certain you know type, or I'm looking for something,
Speaker 2: and I mean a single still at twenty eight years
Speaker 2: of age, so like, obviously I haven't settled down for
Speaker 2: what reasons, while I haven't found exactly what I'm looking for.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I went in being like maybe you know,
Speaker 2: but there's this I was. I was nervous night one.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know if I'll be interested in
Speaker 2: any of these girls, like before I saw them, and
Speaker 2: then the second they started stepping out the limo, I
Speaker 2: was like, all right, I'm like.
Speaker 3: There because you're like I've been on one season and
Speaker 3: I didn't fall in love, so there's no like reassurance
Speaker 3: like I know that I can fall in love in
Speaker 3: this environment. So I feel like you're going in with
Speaker 3: that mentality of like we'll see if I could even
Speaker 3: fall in love. You probably go in like no guards
Speaker 3: up to an extent. You're like, I'll throw my heart
Speaker 3: out there, no problem, Like what's the risk because you're
Speaker 3: coming off of a season where you were not necessarily heartbroken,
Speaker 3: and then it kind of you know, we hit the
Speaker 3: other end of the scale with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Well I fought it until the last second
Speaker 2: because you know, I had I think I had five
Speaker 2: women or something that like start expressing their feelings towards me.
Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, I'm not opening up still.
Speaker 2: I knew in the back of my head. I like,
Speaker 2: I was asked early on by a producer like, you,
Speaker 2: could you see yourself fall in love with multiple people?
Speaker 2: I said no. They said why is that? I said,
Speaker 2: because that'll be an absolute mess if I get to
Speaker 2: that place, I won't know how to navigate that. And
Speaker 2: then I did it, and it's like, you know, I
Speaker 2: and I you know, I'm even mentioned that on I
Speaker 2: far recently, but that was the truth. Like I remember
Speaker 2: I was coming down in an elevator and Raykivic Iceland
Speaker 2: and I started hysterically laughing, and they're like, what are
Speaker 2: you laughing at. I wasn't on camera at this point,
Speaker 2: and I said, I'm soft and they were like why.
Speaker 2: I said, because I just realized I fell in love
Speaker 2: with multiple women. And they were like, get them into
Speaker 2: you know, get them into a room, you know. But
Speaker 2: I was laughing because I was like I'm seriously so screwed.
Speaker 2: And you know, typically humor is a way to like divert,
Speaker 2: you know, away from feeling like you're under in a
Speaker 2: threat or you know, like a versus coming. And it's
Speaker 2: like I would I was just like laughing. But then
Speaker 2: I realized. I was like, I have to tell these women,
Speaker 2: you know, you do feel love towards each of them,
Speaker 2: and it's three people, so it was, yeah, it was
Speaker 2: like this weird feeling. And at that point, I mean,
Speaker 2: there was maybe like I don't know, seven days left,
Speaker 2: so I was like, not only do like I did,
Speaker 2: I just realize this, but now I have to go
Speaker 2: tell them all right away. But I was excited. I
Speaker 2: was like, I get to tell people I love them,
Speaker 2: you know, so like in that moment, I was like
Speaker 2: so excited. So I go tell them and it's met well,
Speaker 2: and they're excited, you know, because a couple of them
Speaker 2: were like, hey, if you don't tell me soon, I'm
Speaker 2: going to close off. So I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: also like need like I get that, like you've told me,
Speaker 2: but I haven't told you, so naturally you're going to
Speaker 2: pull back, and I don't want that to happen. You know,
Speaker 2: I want you to. I want to fully open up
Speaker 2: to you and vice versa. But I knew things were again,
Speaker 2: Like my head like was all over the place. I
Speaker 2: remember I was on a date with one of them,
Speaker 2: and I remember looking at them and being like, I
Speaker 2: don't want this to end, you know, I want to
Speaker 2: like date all three of these women. And I was like,
Speaker 2: you can't do that, you know. It's like that's how
Speaker 2: crazy my mind was, Like I was like, I just
Speaker 2: want to.
Speaker 3: Keep doing it on the next season of Wise.
Speaker 1: Wait, how how do you think so where you're at
Speaker 1: mentally today? Yeah, how do you think you would handle
Speaker 1: the situation? Now? If you were the bachelor and you
Speaker 1: and you would fall for multiple women you're near the end?
Speaker 2: Well, I would communicate times one thousand, I think, you know,
Speaker 2: that's where and I think it's shared responsibility. I do
Speaker 2: wish a couple of women would have been more you know, communicative.
Speaker 2: I felt like they could have done more. But on
Speaker 2: the same front, I should have asked more questions. You know,
Speaker 2: I wasn't asking enough, so this time around, you know,
Speaker 2: if I were to do it a second time, I
Speaker 2: would ask way more questions, you know, so that there
Speaker 2: aren't any surprises. Would I hold myself back from like
Speaker 2: following form multiple people? No, Now I would do if
Speaker 2: I fell in love again with multi people, I would
Speaker 2: do it. I mean it's it's if you give yourself permission,
Speaker 2: you can't do it. And I don't think like the
Speaker 2: the the environment allows for it, you know, like the
Speaker 2: if you do it correctly. In my opinion, if you
Speaker 2: if you are you know, play the batchel for a
Speaker 2: role as it should be whatching got on? Is there
Speaker 2: right a wrong way to do it? But I'm like,
Speaker 2: if you're gonna date multiple people, then you should be
Speaker 2: also willing to like stay open to all thirty of
Speaker 2: those people or however many. So falling in love with
Speaker 2: multiple people if you're doing it correctly is just inevitable
Speaker 2: in my in my opinion. But I mean again, I
Speaker 2: could you could find a bachelor, they'd be like, no,
Speaker 2: you find one person, zero went on them. I just
Speaker 2: that's just not the way I'm hardwired. I mean, but
Speaker 2: I also I'm a monogamous person. I don't never date
Speaker 2: multiple people a multiple you know, in real life, and
Speaker 2: don't plan on it. But I would still find myself
Speaker 2: being like, yeah, this this show allows you where else
Speaker 2: can you go? And I say this, this is the
Speaker 2: one thing where like it tricked my brain where I
Speaker 2: was like, this doesn't make any sense. I was on
Speaker 2: a group date. I kiss this girl. We keep talking,
Speaker 2: you know, her and I are off alone. Another girl
Speaker 2: comes in. It's like, hey, can I steal you? She
Speaker 2: goes away. Her and I start talking. About five or
Speaker 2: six minutes in, I go in for the kiss. She
Speaker 2: stops me. She goes hold on, wipes off my lips
Speaker 2: you have lipstick on your lips, and then goes in
Speaker 2: and kisses me. I'm like, I just from my brain
Speaker 2: being like, Okay, things just don't This isn't real world,
Speaker 2: as in, like things op differently here, like that would
Speaker 2: never fly in the real world, but because like you're
Speaker 2: you're in this environment where you're given permission by the women.
Speaker 4: I don't know why that story has rattled me like
Speaker 4: I was on the show, but I'm like, whoa, it's
Speaker 4: just like such a like specific example of yeah, exactly
Speaker 4: what you're saying something that would never fly in the
Speaker 4: real world, but that it could totally happen multiple times
Speaker 4: when you're the bachelor.
Speaker 2: So when you give yourself permission, and I was given
Speaker 2: permission by all the women, the producers, and the audience
Speaker 2: at the time didn't exist. It was, you know, just filming.
Speaker 2: So it's like I was given permission, and I finally
Speaker 2: gave myself permission to be like, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 2: compartmentalize each of these relationships. When I'm with this person,
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent with them. When i'm with this person,
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent with them, and then when I'm alone,
Speaker 2: that's when I have to take the time to like
Speaker 2: break down each of the relationships. But you know, I
Speaker 2: I still do this day. I'm like I stand by that.
Speaker 2: I think like I did it the way that I
Speaker 2: think the show certainly wants it to be done. But
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, like this would not fly in
Speaker 2: the real world, but we're not in the real world,
Speaker 2: so I this is the way that like this makes
Speaker 2: sense to me, and I want to, you know, give
Speaker 2: this a fair shot, and I don't want to leave
Speaker 2: anything on the table. So yeah, but that tripped my
Speaker 2: mind of it was there's it was instances like that
Speaker 2: where I was just like, yeah, like Clayton, you can't
Speaker 2: take real world values and and like situations and apply
Speaker 2: them to this environment. It does not fit.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean that, Yeah, that makes total sense
Speaker 1: because you basically, like, as you're going through it, you
Speaker 1: have to remind yourself that like this is okay, Like
Speaker 1: it's okay to fall in love with multiple women, like
Speaker 1: it's okay.
Speaker 3: To do things that feel abnormal.
Speaker 1: But then the audience watches it back and they're like, no,
Speaker 1: actually it wasn't okay, you fuckingn asshole, Like you shouldn't
Speaker 1: have done that, and you're like wait, but everybody said
Speaker 1: it was okay. And then all the girls that were
Speaker 1: giving you validation are also jumping in on the on
Speaker 1: the audience train and they're like, yeah, Clayton, you're an asshole,
Speaker 1: Like you are an asshole.
Speaker 2: And then you're like, oh yeah, it's like it's a
Speaker 2: pile on you know, and it's it's that's when it's hard,
Speaker 2: because you're like, wait, like you were okay with it,
Speaker 2: you know then, but you're not okay with it now,
Speaker 2: you know. But then there was again, there was so
Speaker 2: many experiences, like there was a women when I was
Speaker 2: had my women tell all. There was a girl that
Speaker 2: I was out on the boat with in San Diego
Speaker 2: a week prior with friends and hey, Clayton, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: so great to see you. Hugs me. We're hanging out,
Speaker 2: we're talking, and then come women tell all she's at
Speaker 2: my throat, I mean, only on full attack. And then
Speaker 2: at the end of it, she comes up to me
Speaker 2: and was like, hey, sab you ben. I was like,
Speaker 2: what was that, And she's like, oh, Clayton, it's just TV,
Speaker 2: Like come on now, like you you like, don't take
Speaker 2: it too seriously.
Speaker 3: And I was like, no, it was easy for you
Speaker 3: to say you're getting attacked.
Speaker 2: Public kill it on a boat, and then you're call
Speaker 2: me an idiot you know, later like I just but
Speaker 2: then again, now I understand that, and I think again,
Speaker 2: I say all these things and someone might be like, see, Walt,
Speaker 2: reality television is not real. I'm like, no, that's not true.
Speaker 2: I also don't stand by that. I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: I there was times when I had to play a role,
Speaker 2: but eighty percent of the time I was I was me,
Speaker 2: you know, or it was uninfluenced or you know, like
Speaker 2: just went in and was you know. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure,
Speaker 2: Like there's certain times where we have to maybe play
Speaker 2: up a narrative, but overall, I was like, at the end,
Speaker 2: it was what you saw was real. So there's absolutely
Speaker 2: real elements to it. But you know again, like some
Speaker 2: people have motives and they I don't think that's just
Speaker 2: shocked anybody, And so I had to realize that. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: people are playing roles here. Not everybody, but some are,
Speaker 2: and so this becomes this whole psychological game of like
Speaker 2: who's here for the right reasons who's not? And I
Speaker 2: think that's what's enticing. I'm like, oh, it was kind
Speaker 2: of fun until it wasn't.
Speaker 1: It's also, yeah, people experience it differently. Like I went
Speaker 1: home night one and I remember going home being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like it because of my ego, because I was so
Speaker 1: embarrassed to go home night one. In my head, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: that show's like fake, like it's all bullshit. And then
Speaker 1: when I go back on and I make it all
Speaker 1: the way to the end, I'm like, oh, this is actually,
Speaker 1: this is real. I have so I could see how
Speaker 1: a girl that goes home whatever week three on your
Speaker 1: show is like friends with you in the real world,
Speaker 1: but like it's just TV. We're just putting on a show.
Speaker 1: Because everyone people have different experiences. Okay, I think that's
Speaker 1: a good place to stop the first half. Thank you
Speaker 1: everyone for listening to Bachelor Happy Hour, and make sure
Speaker 1: you stay tuned because we will have Part two with
Speaker 1: Clayton coming up very soon.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1: Bye.