WEBVTT - Clayton Echard Gets Real — Part 1 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:04.240 Hey, everyone, welcome back to bet your Happy Hour. I'm 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:06.920 Joe and I'm Serena, and we are here today with 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:10.440 our guest, Clayton Eckert said, do I say your last name? Eckert? 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:13.120 Yeah, now you said it right, Good on you. People 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:14.520 don't get it right. Yeah. 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:16.200 I could see well, yeah, I could see that, but 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:18.439 I've I've heard it before, so I guess that's a 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.360 little uh, it's kind of like a cheap code. Anyways, 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:21.960 how are you. 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:25.120 I'm good. It's good too. When was did we do this? 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.640 Like three years ago? It was probably the last time 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:28.320 that we hopped on a podcast together. 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:30.880 Yeah, it's been a while. I actually don't know if 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:34.600 we've had you on since, like after AFR with you 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:35.520 and Susie together. 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:41.559 Yeah, we had my first interview with you, Clayton was 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:44.720 on Clickbait, like I want to. 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:46.200 Say, after Michelle season. 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:50.720 Probably, no, it was. It was before The Bachelor aired, 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:55.680 but you had already filmed and you were probably not 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.200 in the best headspace. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:01.760 Well, I met you guys, and then was in the 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:03.240 hotel lobby, right we all. 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:07.200 Had drinks, yes, because we were at Michelle's finale where 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:09.880 they announced you as the Bachelor. And we all went 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:14.679 out for drinks after, which was very fun. 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:16.920 I probably wasn't enjoy to be around, just because I 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:20.320 was really swimming upstream at that point, like really in 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:23.560 a bad headspace and trying to hold it together. But 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:26.240 I feel like people could still feel my pain. 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:31.160 Yeah, I feel like you were. You'd finish filming. There 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.959 was definitely a level of excitement because obviously you've just 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:35.840 been announced. It was like the start of everything. But 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:39.720 I remember you were like I'm reading everything and we 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.480 were like, Clayton, don't do it, and You're like, I 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:43.480 have to do it. 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.840 Yeah I did. I don't do it as much, but 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:51.320 I did because I was a people pleaser. I have 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:53.360 a little bit of a little bit of that in 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:57.240 me still. But I was searching for answers of how, 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.600 like how I could please everybody. That's what it was 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.880 rooted in. I was like, I'm looking for criticism, but 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.960 constructive criticism, and I want to see what people are 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:07.920 saying and see if I can fix it. And I 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:09.600 guess after about two and a half years that I 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:11.760 realized I can't control that. 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:15.440 Yeah, but also so normal, I mean, the internet's commentary 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:19.280 on you can feel all consuming when it's attitude. 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.840 I mean, you guys get it. It feels you go from 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:25.280 hardly anybody knowing you to like it feels as if 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:29.360 the world knows you and everyone's talking about your business 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:31.840 and you go out to eat and you get a 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.840 picture taken and it finds its way online. And that 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:37.240 happened with my dating life post show. I went on 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:40.359 a date in Kentucky and next thing you know, I'm 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.960 on the JumboTron and then it's posted online. And I mean, 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:45.560 you guys get it. It's like it's just a lot 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.000 to basically be like, Okay, now everything I'm doing is 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:51.280 being analyzed, and you know, I want to be portrayed 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:53.040 in a good light. I don't think anybody's just like, hey, 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:55.840 I want to destroy my reputation. That's like my whole 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.520 goal wasn't mine, but it felt like I was in 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:03.680 jeopardy of doing so. I was like hyper sensitive to 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:05.280 everything that was being said. 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.280 Did you were you aware of any of that before 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:10.400 going on the show. Did you realize how much of 0:03:10.440 --> 0:03:13.600 your privacy was going to be jeopardized by doing this show? 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:17.640 No? I mean this is where you know some people 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.000 could say that, I mean it was ignorance. I was 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.240 based in ignorance a thousand percent. I knew about the 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:25.280 show growing up. I had exces that watched at my 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.400 mom's her favorite show, so I was very aware of 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.560 like how the show, you know. I was aware of 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:33.640 of its presence, but I wasn't aware of like the 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.240 ins and outs. And I said to myself when I 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.240 got brought on and then they made me the Bachelor, 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:41.080 I was like, I don't want to talk to anybody 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:43.240 that's went on prior because I don't want to be 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:47.520 influenced in theory that would like that sounded good. I 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:49.240 was like, I want to just be myself, so I 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.600 don't want to like talk to any prior Bachelor or 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:52.600 bacheybt that too. 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:54.360 I get that because you want to, you want to 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:55.800 you want to be original too. 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.120 Yeah, I thought, yeah. But I will say though, that 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.600 it was rooted in and ignorance, and I thought that 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:04.880 I had to really incorrect assumption that most of the 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.000 people that went on reality television I couldn't relate to. 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.240 I thought, Oh, You're different than most of these people, 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:12.160 And what I found is I'm not. I actually have 0:04:12.200 --> 0:04:14.000 a lot in common with most of the people that 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.880 go on reality television, so you know, but that was 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.240 a place where I thought, again my ego. I thought 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:21.080 that I was a I don't want to say above. 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:22.839 I just thought I was so different and I'm like 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.839 talking to these people isn't going to do anything good 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:29.120 for me. And you know that was an ego, you know, 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.440 thought process, and that really came back to bite me. 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:35.320 And it also like place I placed myself in a 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:37.240 place where like I felt like I couldn't relate to anybody. 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:38.960 It's like, well, that's because you're not willing to like 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:42.360 talk to the people that can relate to you. So yeah, 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:43.920 I basically said, I'll do this all on my own 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.200 and I'll and I'll be able to like have you know, 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:49.040 be successful because I looked at the track record and 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.480 I was like, it's a low success rate. Most people 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.839 don't make this work. So therefore I need to like 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:57.120 go do my own thing. And you know that was stupid. 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:01.279 At what point do you feel like that mentality shifted 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:04.960 and you start to realize you were connecting with these 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.400 people that you felt like you were so different from, 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:11.760 and do you think it hindered you because you didn't 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.360 think you would be capable of making the mistakes that 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:15.880 had been made in the past. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:21.080 Yeah, I had an inflated ego. I just wasn't willing 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.840 to admit it or was aware of it. And so 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.919 I mean I meant well, but I would say that 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.560 I probably didn't open up until about like six or 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:33.240 eight months ago. I had this mindset shift where I realized, 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.360 I'm like, dude, you got to stop trying to fight 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:39.640 this and basically separate yourself from this experience. For one, 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.359 it's done a lot of really great things for you. 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.000 It's it made you live this really unique life, which 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.640 is awesome. You know, like I don't. I get to 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.400 live a very fun and exciting life that brings a 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.279 lot of unknowns. So I was like, you know, hey, listen, 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:53.919 like this has changed your life for the better. I 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.760 found my sense of self through it all. But then 0:05:56.800 --> 0:05:58.920 I started realizing, I'm like, you keep trying. You know, 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:03.120 you're pushing away p people that one probably realize you're 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.039 doing it and they're just giving you your distance. But 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:08.400 also too, it's like nobody else can understand what we've 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:10.640 went through until they've lived it. And so I was like, 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:12.720 you know, if you want to feel like you have 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:15.760 a community, then you've got to stop running from that. 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:18.919 And so I've been like more open now with like 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.400 having conversations with people and realizing that I'm like, these 0:06:21.400 --> 0:06:23.760 people aren't your enemies, you know there they can be 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:27.240 your friends. And there's a lot of great qualities and 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:30.040 people that go on TV. I think, you know, you're 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:31.479 a risk A lot of people that go on TV 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.440 or risk takers. They're willing to step into unknown environments 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.960 and you know, they're creative and they're you know, they 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:41.040 have they have an very open mind, which those are 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:43.320 the people that I like to associate with. Nowadays, I'm like, 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.560 it's it's I realize that there's a lot of that 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.599 kind of type of person within the reality TV world. 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:55.080 I think you're like everything you're saying really, I mean 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:56.760 I could really relate to it as well. And I 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.760 think it happens to most people that go on the 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.880 show and a either become the lead or or get 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:08.560 big after the show. And like for me, when I 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.320 when I was like, oh, I want to be successful 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.400 in this, now you look at it like I have 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:18.360 to separate myself from everyone else to show that I'm different, 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:22.320 Like I'm I'm not that I'm bigger than the show, 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.200 but I'm so much more than the show. I could 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:27.960 do so much more outside of the Bachelor world. And 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.720 then you almost it ends up hindering yourself. 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:35.440 Because alienating your alienating yourself. 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.120 Yeah, and it is. It's it's usually like you said it, 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:41.480 it's all it's all ego driven. You're like, I'm bigger 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:41.760 than this. 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:46.120 Yeah, I mean it's it's hard because also too, I 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:49.760 mean there's a comparison culture that I mean, I find 0:07:49.800 --> 0:07:54.080 myself always getting wrapped up into from one season to 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:58.080 the next. You know that it's hard because you know, 0:07:58.120 --> 0:07:59.880 like you try to avoid it, but I get compared 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:03.320 to every bachelor, you know, every every seasons, like this 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.640 guy's better than him. You know he's been and so, 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.040 you know, my sense itself for a while getting rocked, 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:11.040 you know, especially like Joey. I mean was you know, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.480 I mean the most beloved bachelor that I'm aware of 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:15.680 in recent history, and and so you know, there was 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:18.480 like this I see online, we love Joey. He's so 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.760 much better than Clayton, and you know, like I started 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.400 to even find myself being envious of him, and I 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.600 had to basically check myself and say it's not his 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.360 fault that like he's you know, got you know, he's 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:33.160 in the position that he's in and I've briefly interacted 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.360 with him and he seems like a nice guy. So 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:38.400 but it's it's hard because like, yeah, you're in this 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.679 environment where there's been I guess what, twenty nine other 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:45.360 bachelors or twenty eight, and it's it's it's like you 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:47.679 want to like just be able to be yourself and 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:51.240 not focus on anything else. But like once we're in it, 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.200 you're it's like you're you're never let go from it, 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:56.080 and people will bring you up and it's like it 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.120 never ends. But again there's a positive to that. It's like, 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.120 you know, the opportunities. I think people were surprised as 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.680 I came back recently for a fr like why would 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:04.720 he come back on this experience after what you know 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:07.120 the show did to him? And I think for me, 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:09.720 it's like, you know, there's there's a sense of accountability, 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:12.720 like I, you know, also played a part in the 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.120 way that I was you know, portrayed on TV. So 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:17.360 I'm like they also gave there was a it was 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:19.040 a big blessing. I mean, the things that have come 0:09:19.080 --> 0:09:21.400 from it, Like, you know, I don't hate this show. 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:23.800 I you know, I hated the producers at one point 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:27.120 for sure, but then I realized I was like Clayton, 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.640 I mean, you know, they're not monsters, like they have 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.760 to create an entertaining TV show. And also like, you know, 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.480 you didn't have a body double. You were in there 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:35.680 doing that all those things. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:37.640 When did you come to that realization? 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:40.960 I think like six eight months ago. Yeah, I don't 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.880 just yeah that recently. Yeah, I mean I yeah, I 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.240 for so long went back and forth. I mean when 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:51.080 I first came off TV, people asked me, you know 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.480 how I felt about everything, and I said, oh, you know, 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.280 it's there's more than you know, the edits is. There's 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:58.120 more than just the edit. You know. That was my 0:09:58.160 --> 0:10:01.000 way of pushing blame on the producers. But I had 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.280 a producer one day bring up to me. He said, hey, 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:05.880 you know, you want to take credit for all the 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:07.560 good things that were showing on the show, but the 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:09.719 second that something goes south, you you don't want to 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.079 take credit for it. You know some of these dates 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.319 that you went on, like did you plan those dates? 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:16.720 And I was like, I don't know, and they're like, well, yeah, 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.240 so you take credit for those dates, but you don't 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.600 take credit for the negative stuff, Like how does that 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:23.520 that fair? And I was like, no, that's true, Like 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:23.800 you know. 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.960 So it was a great point app to a lot 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:27.120 of people that have been on the show. 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:29.360 Yeah, like people when they have a you know, they 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:31.560 look really great. They take this, you know, a woman 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:33.800 or the girl takes a guy on this extravagant date 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:36.160 and everyone's like that's so sweet. It's like, yeah, but 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:37.640 did you really plan all that out or were you 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:39.160 just the one that showed up for the date? Right? 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:41.120 Like you're getting all that credit. And so there's a 0:10:41.160 --> 0:10:42.760 lot of people when they come off TV that want 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:44.679 to take credit for all the good but then they 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:46.920 want to say no, like the producers made me do that, 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.000 And it's like, okay, but the else the producers may 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:51.960 maybe also influenced you to do that those good things too. 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:56.360 So that's why that's why I always I've always been 0:10:56.400 --> 0:11:00.480 a big advocate of not reading comments because I don't 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:02.079 even want to read the good ones because if I'm 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:03.960 going to accept all the good things people are saying 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.560 about me, and how do I brush off the bad? 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.200 Like if I'm going to accept the good, then I 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.120 need to accept the bad. And I know how much 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:12.720 like you could read one hundred great comments like Clayton's 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:14.720 the best, Clayton's the best, but it's that one comment 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:18.000 that's going to just drive you totally insane. 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.920 Yeah, right, I think I said at one point in 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:24.480 my head it was like one negative comment held the 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:26.600 way to fifty positive comments. I mean, it got true. 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.320 I would see in my DM somebody saying like I 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:31.320 think you're awesome, and I wouldn't even read the message. 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.000 But then i'd see like you pieces, you know, like 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.200 you know what, and I'd click in on it because 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:36.920 I was like, what are they saying? You know, so 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:41.200 I would start skipping past the positive comments because again 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.320 I was just looking for how can I get as 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:45.480 a people pleaser? How can I get everybody to like me? 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:48.320 Why does this person hate me? And you know, then 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.000 I got to a place where I realized that people 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.880 don't actually hate me. They hate what I remind them of. 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:55.439 You know. So a lot of times when i'd respond 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.959 back to these people and say, hey, like, just you're 0:11:58.080 --> 0:11:59.640 entitled to your opinion, but why did you feel the 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:01.880 need to end me this, like why why just why 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:03.760 send it in the first place. And I actually I 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:05.280 had a lot of people that would respond back and say, 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:06.960 you know what, you reminded me of an ex boyfriend 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:08.640 or somebody, you know, a guy if in my high 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.360 school and I'm just really projecting my own insecurities onto 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.160 or some variation of that comment. So then I realized 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:18.280 I was like, Okay, people don't know me. There was 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:21.880 a podcast I listened to and it was a really good, 0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:24.839 cool quote which shifted my narrative. They said, if you 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.360 have a problem with me, call me. And if you 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:28.120 don't have my phone number, you don't know me well 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:31.320 enough to have a problem with me. I think, Yeah, 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.439 when I heard that quote, that was like, that's when 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.000 I was I was really able to let go of 0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:38.440 a lot of like the opinions of strangers because I 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.000 was like, that's such a good that's a good point. 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:42.360 You know, if you don't have my phone number, you 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:45.320 don't know me, so you know, you you can't judge me, 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:47.480 or you can, but like, really you don't know what 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.880 you're judging. You're judging you know, a version of me, 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.280 but that's not the complete version. So yeah, So it 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.400 was you know a lot of like little things over 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.120 time in these last two and a half years that 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:00.600 I started to like incorporate or leap year and then 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:04.760 it shifted my narrative slowly. So when the show reached 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:06.240 out recently, it was like, yeah, we'd like for you 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:07.880 to come out. It wasn't I was. I was at 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:09.680 a place where I was healed, and I'm like, hey, 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.160 I don't have any anger resentment towards you guys. I 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.760 don't you know, want to burn a bridge. And like 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:18.120 it's fun to go back and you know, sit there 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.200 and be like, oh, wow, I did this three years ago, right, 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.160 Like it's just it's it's something that is unique that 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:27.440 like we've done, and you know, it's it's fun to 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:29.240 like go back in time and sometimes and just like 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:32.559 relive those moments just because it's like it'll be a 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.800 point in my life where I don't get to Yeah. 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:35.960 You talked about comparison. 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:40.240 Well, not to cut you off, but very impressed. Congratulations. 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:43.160 You really seem to have like you like beat it, 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:47.920 like mentally you are in a just a way better place. 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:50.360 And when we first, like when we hung out in 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:54.360 Paradise when we were there to film like you really, 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.760 I feel like you've really like, yeah, you figured it out. 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.520 I've just got into a good I found self love 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:04.440 and self confidence, which again stemmed from all of the 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.160 catalyst was the TV show and the negative blowback. So 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.160 I think like it the version of me on The 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:12.480 Bachelor wasn't the real version of me. I would say, 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.080 it was like the fabricated version or the facade that 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.440 I built that I thought, you know, the large majority 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.560 of people would you know, accept And this goes back 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:21.720 when I was in medical sales. You know, I was 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.040 told by a coworker to essentially blend that. You know, 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.080 if you stand out in the o R, you're not 0:14:26.120 --> 0:14:28.080 doing your job right. You should just blend in. And 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:29.960 so that's kind of the approach that I took to life. 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:31.480 I don't want to stand out. I just want to 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:33.800 you know, be present, make my money, and go through 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.680 life that way. But you know, I have this creative 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:37.320 side of me that's like, no, I want to express 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.400 myself and you know, I don't want to like confine 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.240 myself to a box. I want to just be me. 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:45.920 And so when everybody seemingly hated me when I came 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:47.960 off the show, I was like, well, I hate myself too. 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:50.280 I don't even like this version of me. So you know, 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:53.160 either build back up the same version that everyone doesn't like, 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.280 or build back up the real version of you. And 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.560 so I decided to build up the real version of me. 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:00.400 And I was like, okay, what would I do if 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.600 people if I didn't care about other people's opinions, And 0:15:03.040 --> 0:15:05.120 dancing was one of the things. Getting earrings was one 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.080 of the things, you know, switching you having a hairstyle 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:08.600 was one of the things. I had a buzz cut 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.600 for so long because it was again it was like 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:12.920 that's what a typical white dude don't have, or like 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:14.680 a short little head of hair, and I was like, no, 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.840 I want to like have style, Like I like mullets, 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:19.920 you know, I like having you know, the earrings. I 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:22.720 think they look cool. And so I just started doing 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:26.520 all these things and then like it attracted the people 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.920 that I wanted in my life. Like I connected with 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:30.640 one of my good friends now because I was out 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:32.440 of a bar and he had an earring. He had 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.920 earrings in a mullet, and so like we happen to 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.040 have a lot in common. We started talking about mindfulness 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.000 and mental health. And I was like, look like it's 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.040 now effortless, Like I don't have to try to wake 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.680 up and be somebody. I can just be me, which 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.440 is so much easier. So yeah, I mean, thank you 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:50.000 for acknowledging that you see some growth. I certainly feel it, 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.680 and that's, you know why I want other people to 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.040 like kind of see my progression and realize that like, 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:59.040 no matter how far down like the valley, you get, 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.040 like there's a way out, you just have to, like, 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:03.360 you know, put in the effort day in and day out. 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.560 So I'm happy with where I'm at, but it certainly 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:06.480 there's more room for growth. 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:16.480 Sorry to cut you out, No, you're good. 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:18.400 I was gonna just bring it back to the panel 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:21.440 for a second because you did mention the sense of 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:25.920 comparison of like we love this person and also we 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:29.040 still hate Clayton, or like this person is so much 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:32.560 better than Clayton. I mean, like the messaging is so. 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:35.160 Which is just which is unfair. It is unfair and 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:37.320 it is it's just like it's just mean. It's like 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:39.680 why it's it's ridiculous. 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:46.840 But to segue from kind of that internet mentality that 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:52.840 we see going onto this panel, do you feel, how 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:57.200 do you approach this panel without it feeling like I'm 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.920 here to represent Like, well, Grant's about to do something bad, 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.000 but at least he didn't do what I did and 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:07.919 kind of like almost put yourself in harm's way for 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:12.840 a continuation of this like negative comparison that you're stuck in. Yeah, 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:15.720 that's your mental approach when you, you know, step into 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:18.440 this panel. And what do you want your like your 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.040 goal to be with, you know, because I think I 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.320 would be nervous about that if I was in your shoes. 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:26.959 Yeah, that's a great question, And that's certainly a perspective 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.720 that you know, I considered. I thought, hey, okay, they 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:33.400 want to bring me on to essentially let people know 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:35.520 that like it's possible to fall in love with multiple people, 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:38.200 but also in a way like remind everyone that I'm 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.440 the guy that you know, broke the record or whatever 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.960 for most people that I fell in love with. So 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:46.000 it's like reminding everybody that, oh that this guy sucked, 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:49.200 you know. And you know, that was certainly like something 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:51.720 that crossed my mind. But then you know, I thought 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:53.880 about it and I was like, no, dude, you did this, 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:56.919 and that was real, you know, and you fell in 0:17:56.960 --> 0:18:00.480 love with each of the women for their their unique characteristics. 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.040 And you know, again, I'm mad. I'm mad at myself 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:07.080 that I apologized after the show on certain things that 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:09.560