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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: story Time podcast host, and we got.

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Speaker 2: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up. But if you want

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Speaker 2: to hear that deliciousness, you know, just stick around for

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Speaker 2: a two minute break with a word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend's father hates how I look, so my boyfriend

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Speaker 3: dropped him. All of this happened very recently, so the

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Speaker 3: fallout is still happening. So I, female nineteen, have been

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Speaker 3: with my boyfriend, male twenty for a year and a

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Speaker 3: half now. For some context, his parents have been divorced

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Speaker 3: for almost eleven years and it was a very nasty

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Speaker 3: split and still hasn't changed to this day. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from No. One nine thousand on the Okay

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Speaker 3: Storytime subpured it. So, my boyfriend's mom is covered in tattoos,

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Speaker 3: has a lot of piercings and dyed hair. My boyfriend's

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Speaker 3: dad hates tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair and makes his

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Speaker 3: kids life hellish if they want to be like their mom.

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Speaker 1: Why are you?

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Speaker 2: Why did they get together that I also have a lot.

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Speaker 3: Of piercings and tattoos, and my hair has also dyed

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Speaker 3: jet black. He doesn't like that very much and always

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Speaker 3: comments that I'm too much like his ex and always

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Speaker 3: says to my boyfriend that he's basically jading his mom. Dude,

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Speaker 3: why are you making it weird? Which is extremely weird

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Speaker 3: and creepy.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, it's so weird.

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Speaker 3: I feel he has always had a problem with me

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Speaker 3: since day one due to me being the things he

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Speaker 3: hates the most. Yeah, maybe he liked tattoos, but then

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Speaker 3: when he divorced his wife, he's like, I never want

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Speaker 3: to see a tattoo. What a damn my life time.

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Speaker 2: I see tattoos or dyed hair or piercings of.

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Speaker 3: My boyfriend also has a younger brother male sixteen, and

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Speaker 3: a younger sister, female eleven, who also get a lot

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Speaker 3: of hate from their dad due to the fact they

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Speaker 3: also dress goth and want piercings and tattoos like their mom.

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Speaker 3: Just sounds like a budget of sick people.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 3: On to the issue that happened. My boyfriend and I

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Speaker 3: went round to his aunt's house, dad's sister for a

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Speaker 3: family birthday. Everything was going well, as I feel as

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Speaker 3: if I was finally able to fit in more with

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Speaker 3: his dad's family, like I said, his dad always makes

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Speaker 3: rude and obnoxious comments about me and the way I

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Speaker 3: dress and look, and my boyfriend has told him multiple

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Speaker 3: times about how it makes me uncomfortable. Go to the

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Speaker 3: boyfriend again. Everyone was having a good time until Sarah

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Speaker 3: boyfriend's sister saw a Pandora ring on my hand and

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Speaker 3: thought it was an engagement ring and started to get

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Speaker 3: excited thinking that me and her brother were going to

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Speaker 3: get married. She's been saying for a long time that

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Speaker 3: she wants that to happen, so when she thought it

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Speaker 3: was happening, she started to ask, and when it was

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Speaker 3: going to happen? They've been married, they've been together for.

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Speaker 2: Like a year, and they're also they're very young.

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Speaker 3: But also she's like she's eleven, so.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's cute. I'd be like, oh, that's so sweet.

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Speaker 3: Just then Adam, the dad burst in with over my body,

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Speaker 3: am I gonna let that happen? Why you gotta be

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Speaker 3: a little stick in the mud?

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Speaker 2: Why you gotta be so rude?

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Speaker 1: So true?

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Speaker 3: I was sick of his comments toward me and said back,

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Speaker 3: that can be arranged, damn, Mike dropping yam true his

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Speaker 3: dad honestly not maybe not the best idea, especially when yeah,

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Speaker 3: in front of everyone, idea.

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Speaker 2: I know you're young and you want to be headstrong,

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Speaker 2: but yes, maybe.

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Speaker 3: Which just made things worse. I can imagine the rest

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Speaker 3: of the day. He was making more and more comments

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Speaker 3: and insults, saying to my boyfriend, what are you seener

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Speaker 3: and calling me an idiot when he pulled a plate

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Speaker 3: of garlic bread away from me, purposely causing it to

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Speaker 3: fall on the floor and make me look like it

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Speaker 3: was my fault. Eventually, I got sick of his crap

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Speaker 3: and called him a wiener to his face and said

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Speaker 3: I don't like him. Sorry, if there's a lot of swearing,

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Speaker 3: I'm Scottish and it's just the way we usually talk.

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Speaker 3: There was a lot of comments fired back and forward.

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Speaker 3: Most of them were jokes on my side, but his

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Speaker 3: were just cruel. Luckily, after this happened, Kevin, boyfriend's brother

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Speaker 3: got stuck in the bathroom, so the attention went to

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Speaker 3: him and took it off me. There's a lot going

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Speaker 3: on at this party, not.

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Speaker 2: The garlic bread falling to the ground.

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Speaker 3: Why'd you do that, you idiot? No, He's like, shut,

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Speaker 3: I don't like you.

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Speaker 2: She's got she's got buttery hands, What are you see

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Speaker 2: in her?

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Speaker 3: Not long after that, boyfriend and I were leaving and

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Speaker 3: saying goodbye to the family. I was I was stood

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Speaker 3: talking to s for a while out in the hall

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Speaker 3: while Ryan boyfriend was getting his things together to go.

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Speaker 3: He said goodbye to his dad and so did I,

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Speaker 3: and I got ignored. As we turned to leave, he

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Speaker 3: made another comment saying that next time I need to

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Speaker 3: fix my attitude, and I jokingly said k and I

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Speaker 3: jokingly said back no. Just as Ryan stepped out the door,

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Speaker 3: his dad called me a rude bee and we left.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, that's.

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Speaker 3: On the walk back home, Ryan said to me that

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Speaker 3: what Ryan said to me, that what happened wasn't good.

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Speaker 3: And then I said that it wasn't right for his

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Speaker 3: dad to speak to me like that. Ryan didn't actually

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Speaker 3: hear his dad say that's me and said he would

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Speaker 3: speak to him once we got home.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I was gonna say, why didn't Ryan do anything?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like maybe maybe the dad was saying.

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Speaker 2: It, maybe it was muttered, but yeah, she heard it

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Speaker 2: in Okay.

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Speaker 3: Ryan has never stood up to his dad like he

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Speaker 3: did before. He only felt confident. He only felt confident

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Speaker 3: to do it now as he isn't living with him

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Speaker 3: anymore and we're now living in our own place. There

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Speaker 3: was a big blow up over text and now Adam

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Speaker 3: isn't speaking to his son. We had a condition for

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Speaker 3: his that he could only come back if he apologized

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Speaker 3: to me, but that's never gonna happen. He already isolated

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Speaker 3: Kevin as there was multiple blow ups to him in

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Speaker 3: the past about getting his septum pierced and stretching his ears.

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Speaker 3: He also always makes awful comments to the fact that

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Speaker 3: Kevin is now leaving high school to go to college

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Speaker 3: and study fashion and has been skipping classes in high

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Speaker 3: school even though he's going to leave in a few months.

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Speaker 3: Adam is getting very close to losing his relationships with

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Speaker 3: all of his kids, and Sarah gets treated poorly by

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Speaker 3: his partner, Joan. She has a son her age and

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Speaker 3: always gets away with everything and Sarah gets punished. Poor Sarah.

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Speaker 3: It's cute, little eleven year old. She's also very interested

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Speaker 3: in goth styles and music, much like her older brothers,

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Speaker 3: Mom and I. Adam always says that I'm influencing his

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Speaker 3: kids to disobey him and do what he hates. They're

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Speaker 3: probably way more influenced by their mother and her brothers.

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Speaker 2: I wonder where it's stepping from you. He's been there

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Speaker 2: for a year, unbelievable.

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Speaker 3: I just want them to be happy. Kevin and Sarah

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Speaker 3: mean a lot to me, and the stuff they go

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Speaker 3: through with their dad is very similar to me and

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Speaker 3: my dad. That is why I'm no longer in contact

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Speaker 3: with him and his family. But that's a different and

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Speaker 3: long story. But we would love for you to keep

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Speaker 3: contact with us by joining us live every weekday on

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Speaker 3: YouTube at three pm PSD. Just tap her profile, easy

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Speaker 3: tap and there is a little bit more. But what

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Speaker 3: do you think about Op's clap bags and reaction?

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Speaker 2: Oh, he was doing it playfully, like she was trying

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Speaker 2: to get under like arranged. Yeah, like I'm trying She's

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Speaker 2: trying to get under the dad's skin. And the dad

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Speaker 2: it obviously got under his skin and he found it

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Speaker 2: very rude and he didn't like be playful with it.

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Speaker 3: I honestly, I don't think it was the best thing

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Speaker 3: to call him out in front of everyone. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: think it just like it adds fuel to the fire. However,

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Speaker 3: I don't think you were the a hole necessarily, sure

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Speaker 3: justified a hole. Because he was attacking you.

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Speaker 2: The dad. It seems like you know when someone's shooting

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Speaker 2: like spitballs. Yeah, you just keep hitting someone and it

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Speaker 2: finally just like.

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Speaker 3: Smack, yeah, smack him.

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Speaker 2: Tired of it, tired of it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But definitely I think ideally you would have gone

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Speaker 3: to your partner and said like, hey, your dad is

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Speaker 3: doing this, and he would have taken care of it.

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Speaker 3: But I mean it seems like after the fact that

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Speaker 3: is what he's doing. So that's yeah.

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Speaker 2: Ryan did call him out and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: what do this? Like we're we're going no contact, and

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Speaker 2: which is fine. It just sucks for the other kids

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Speaker 2: in the household.

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Speaker 3: It does, especially for the eleven year old who's not

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Speaker 3: going to you know.

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Speaker 2: I would say, if the dad hates everything that you

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Speaker 2: know the mom has inspired and like they want to do,

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Speaker 2: why aren't they just with the mom? I know it's

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Speaker 2: like a fifty probably problems probably, But as an outsider,

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, Ryan, why don't you talk to your

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Speaker 2: mom about this and see get pull custody? Yeah, because

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Speaker 2: that's a very toxic household to be.

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Speaker 3: A really Ryan's dad is refusing to speak to him

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Speaker 3: now and claims that I disrespected him. Ryan is not

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Speaker 3: backing down and won't get in contact with him now,

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Speaker 3: As this isn't the first time he's been warned about

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Speaker 3: making comments about me. He thinks there's no salvaging his

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Speaker 3: relationship with his dad as he knows it would just

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Speaker 3: happen again and again no matter what. So am I

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Speaker 3: the a hole for doing this? And that is the

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Speaker 3: end of that story. I think the same thoughts.

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Speaker 2: I think against some of the words could have been

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Speaker 2: handled a little bit, yes, more proper, But at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, it's done what done, don has

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Speaker 2: done what is said, and the dad is just really

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Speaker 2: and he's not gonna apologize.

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Speaker 3: I think also, regardless of whatever you said to him,

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Speaker 3: I think the no contact or even low contact would

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Speaker 3: have been the right movement.

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Speaker 1: Regardless.

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Speaker 2: It just seems like there's always going to be an

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Speaker 2: argument with any of the kids. Yeah, especially it seems

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Speaker 2: like Ryan and the dad, his dad get into very

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Speaker 2: big arguments all the time, and it's just not good

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Speaker 2: for everyone's messles. You know.

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Speaker 3: Health agreed, but that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: My fiance and her kids are moving into my house,

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Speaker 3: but she's accusing me of playing favorites with my daughter.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she's the best.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: My forty seven male daughter, Stacy fifteen female, has one

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Speaker 3: of the two rooms in my house with an on

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Speaker 3: suite bathroom. It's a largish room with a nice bay window.

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Speaker 3: Obviously very nice. By the way, this comes from Educational

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Speaker 3: Meet eighty three fifty nine on the Okay Storytime Separate It.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 3: I've recently become engaged to my girlfriend of three years,

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Speaker 3: Alice thirty three female and land my lord has recently

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Speaker 3: hiked her rent, so we're planning to have her move

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Speaker 3: in with me. She has some kids. She has two

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Speaker 3: daughters thirteen female, ten female, and two sons eleven male

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Speaker 3: and nine male. She's also pregnant with our daughter doing

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Speaker 3: about five months. That is going to be a full house.

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Speaker 2: It's a big family.

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Speaker 3: I've made it absolutely clear to my daughter as a

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Speaker 3: condition of getting her approval on moving my girlfriend in,

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Speaker 3: that she's allowed to keep her room and she's allowed

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Speaker 3: to have a full lock on her door. For what

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Speaker 3: it's worth, I also got my son's twenty four male

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Speaker 3: blessing to give away his old room, although that's more

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Speaker 3: of a moot point as he lives with his girlfriend. Now,

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Speaker 3: my daughter plans to go to school locally, and I've

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Speaker 3: told her in no uncertain terms that she's welcome to

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Speaker 3: live at home for the rest of my life, and

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Speaker 3: after that she can inherit the house. Wow. I bought

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Speaker 3: the house with her mother and paid it off in

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Speaker 3: large part with her mother's life insurance ten years ago,

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Speaker 3: so it only seems fair. She says, she's all right

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Speaker 3: as long as she has a room and her bath

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Speaker 3: room and she's allowed to put a lock on the door.

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Speaker 3: She has a toaster, oven and a mini fridge in there,

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Speaker 3: so I guess she's pretty well set up. Stacy will

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Speaker 3: be giving up a room that she's currently using as

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Speaker 3: a studio slash project space. She does art, videos and voiceovers, etc.

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Speaker 3: So even her larger room will become a bit more

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Speaker 3: cramped and she'll definitely need the extra space. She ass

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Speaker 3: there will be a bedroom for Alice's girls Stacy's old

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Speaker 3: project room, and Alice's boys will be getting my son's

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Speaker 3: old room. I'm going to be putting in a finished

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Speaker 3: nursery slash bedroom in the basement for.

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Speaker 1: Our new daughter.

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Speaker 3: Alice thinks this is unfair. She thinks it was wrong

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Speaker 3: of me to make the decision without her, And she

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Speaker 3: also thinks that she should move her two daughters into

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Speaker 3: Stacy's room, and that Stacy should have to move to

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Speaker 3: the smaller room that they'll be getting. The two of

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Speaker 3: them already share a smaller room than the one I'm

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Speaker 3: moving them into as it is, so they're getting an

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Speaker 3: upgrade regardless. Alice thinks it's not fair for Stacy to

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Speaker 3: have a bathroom all to herself, and that there won't

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Speaker 3: be enough bathrooms for us everyone else. She also disapproves

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Speaker 3: of Stacy's being able to lock everyone out. There were

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Speaker 3: other smaller things she didn't like that I agreed to

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Speaker 3: with Stacy, like the fact that she's being paid for

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Speaker 3: any babysitting. That's totally fair, that is very fair, Or

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Speaker 3: the fact that my older car, her mom's old car

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Speaker 3: is hers when she gets her driver's license, will have

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Speaker 3: her own bathroom in the master bathroom, and the house

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Speaker 3: has three other bathrooms besides one on each floor, one

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Speaker 3: near what will be her girl's room, one not far

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Speaker 3: from what will be the boy's room, and one little

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Speaker 3: basically be directly next to the new finish room. This

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Speaker 3: doesn't there's more, but it seems like Opie's being a

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Speaker 3: good dad and is trying to make this transition you

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Speaker 3: know fair. Yeah, when you know this is Stacy's room,

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Speaker 3: It's not fair for her to just have to move out.

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Speaker 3: She's already sacrificing space that was her studio.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: The fact that Alice's rent is going up because Alice

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Speaker 2: is again the girlfriend. Yeah, girlfriend or like yet, partner,

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Speaker 2: let's just say a partner. Yeah, Alice is the partner,

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Speaker 2: and she wants more.

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Speaker 3: It just seemed Yeah, she just wants more for all

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Speaker 3: her kids and for herself.

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Speaker 2: Do you realize that he's letting you into yeah, his

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Speaker 2: house and allowing you to all move in and also

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Speaker 2: give more space for one your kids, Yeah, and your

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Speaker 2: coming kid.

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Speaker 3: I told Alice that my deal with Stacy's non negotiable,

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Speaker 3: set in stone, and that it's literally a condition of

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Speaker 3: her even moving in. Alice is upset that Stacy and

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Speaker 3: I both have spaces completely dedicated to ourselves. I have

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Speaker 3: my office, which I need because I work from home

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Speaker 3: and have projects besides, and there aren't a whole lot

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Speaker 3: of other spaces to put people. I told her she

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Speaker 3: can pretty much do what she wants in the living room.

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Speaker 3: But that it is what it is, and there's pretty

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Speaker 3: much nothing to be done about it. A bigger house

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Speaker 3: is not an option unless Alice is going to start

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Speaker 3: making a heck of a lot more money and buy

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Speaker 3: her own bigger house. It's already a pretty big house,

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Speaker 3: and housing is expensive. I told her that she's already

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Speaker 3: getting a break by my own only expecting her to

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Speaker 3: contribute fifteen or twenty percent to household bills. If we

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Speaker 3: were doing it proportionately, it would be more like twenty

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Speaker 3: five to thirty percent. We keep separate finances, and we've

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Speaker 3: agreed to a prenup. Alice just seems upset that I

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Speaker 3: won't change the setup, even though there's no real way

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Speaker 3: to change it, and she's accused me of treating Stacy

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Speaker 3: like a spoiled little princess and letting her be queen

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Speaker 3: of the house.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, who are you to like?

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Speaker 3: This is so disrespectful? Yeah, you don't you agree with this?

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Speaker 3: You don't have to move in, You can stay unmoved in.

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Speaker 2: You can go get your own place.

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Speaker 3: Like I do, think that there are compromises that need

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Speaker 3: to be made whenever you're you know, combining families and stuff. Yes,

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Speaker 3: but also, you can't expect this, you know, I don't

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Speaker 3: know she's like a teenager to just have to give

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Speaker 3: up her room.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that's Stacy. This is one Stacy is

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Speaker 2: his daughter. Yeah, and she this was probably a conversation

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Speaker 2: they both had and he did say this was the deal.

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Speaker 3: Also a house that was paid for partially by her

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Speaker 3: mother's life insurance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you she gets right now. Shouldn't honestly keep

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Speaker 2: her mouth shut. I see that. You should be happy

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Speaker 2: enough that you're getting a place and a roof for everyone.

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Speaker 3: I've been very cheap. Yeah, I just think I think

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Speaker 3: I am of the mind of both. There are compromises

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Speaker 3: that need to be made when you're come outing families.

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Speaker 3: But also this is this is a not you know,

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Speaker 3: it's not fair for her to ask Stacy.

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Speaker 2: Again, you haven't Alice has not moved in yet. You

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Speaker 2: don't even know how it's going to be. It could

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Speaker 2: be perfect, it may not, who knows. But this is

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Speaker 2: way too early. Be like, no, that's not gonna work.

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Speaker 3: Frankly, my daughter comes first. She lived here all her life,

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Speaker 3: and I already know it's going to be a big

336
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Speaker 3: adjustment having all of those other kids move in. As

337
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Speaker 3: much as I love Alice and as much as I

338
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Speaker 3: want a relationship to work, if it's a matter of

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Speaker 3: choosing between the two of them, then my relationship with

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Speaker 3: Alice is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I've told

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Speaker 3: her that if she comes into this with wicked stepmother vibes,

342
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Speaker 3: and that will be the end of things. She thinks

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Speaker 3: I'm being unreasonable? Am I the a whole? I don't

344
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Speaker 3: think so.

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Speaker 2: No. The fact that again that you agreed with your

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Speaker 2: daughter and your daughter agreed with you. Great, Yeah, that's

347
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,840
Speaker 2: like sometimes the daughter like, no, that's my Yeah, that's

348
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Speaker 2: my art studio.

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Speaker 3: That's true. What do you want the situation? I was

350
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Speaker 3: thinking that you would keep your own room. And then

351
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Speaker 3: he goes back to Alice and it's like, hey, I've

352
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,720
Speaker 3: talked to my daughter. I think that's the situation. Is

353
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Speaker 3: that does that work for you? Because if it doesn't,

354
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,400
Speaker 3: then maybe we should stay apart, like live apart for now.

355
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 3: And like had that kind of conversation just so it

356
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,560
Speaker 3: wasn't kind of as last minute as it seems.

357
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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but it seems, but I still think it's a

359
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 2: fair you know, it was so extremely fair I think everything.

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00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:43,080
Speaker 2: I like, he said the rent went up and he's like, oh,

361
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,920
Speaker 2: this is very last minute, you can move in. But

362
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 2: these are the guidelines and these are the rules.

363
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,880
Speaker 3: Yes, so she still has the right to say no.

364
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 2: You could say no. But the fact that he said, oh,

365
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 2: you're not paying as much, You're paying a little bit,

366
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,000
Speaker 2: and everyone gets a roof over their heads. Yeah, I

367
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 2: don't know where she's coming from to be like, or

368
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,280
Speaker 2: where she gets there, like her.

369
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Speaker 3: Being like, oh, she's a spoiled little princess.

370
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 2: Like who are you to say that anything?

371
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, but there's an update. Yes, I got a lot

372
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,879
Speaker 3: of eye opening, insight and advice from my post, so

373
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:17,840
Speaker 3: I feel it's worth giving everyone an update, especially considering developments. First,

374
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,119
Speaker 3: to address a few questions that seem to keep coming up.

375
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Speaker 3: Before I lost the ability to read and every reply

376
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,080
Speaker 3: and respond to every reply, although I'm still trying. My son,

377
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 3: twenty four mail is my child from a previous relationship

378
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,120
Speaker 3: before I met sash Mary, my late wife. He has

379
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,440
Speaker 3: his own provisions in my will, but he's quite aware

380
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,320
Speaker 3: that the house goes to his sister. My own sister

381
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 3: is to become guardian of my daughter if anything should

382
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,000
Speaker 3: happen to me. I love my sister as dearly as

383
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 3: I love anyone, and she and her niece love each

384
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,880
Speaker 3: other and get along great. I trust her completely if

385
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,879
Speaker 3: God forbid anything should happen. Okay, yes, the basement is

386
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 3: an unusual place for a nursery, but I was just

387
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,960
Speaker 3: trying to make people fit where they could go. The

388
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,280
Speaker 3: move was supposed to be happening within a month, and

389
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 3: Alice's older kids needed rooms. Now. Meanwhile, the baby isn't

390
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 3: going to be born for about five months, so she

391
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 3: could go into the room that isn't made yet. Yes,

392
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Speaker 3: I honestly figured we could keep a crib in our

393
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,120
Speaker 3: room for a bit and after that it's no big

394
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,760
Speaker 3: deal for a kid to have her room in a

395
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,080
Speaker 3: finish basement. So yeah, so even then, like, this is

396
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 3: not the final deal. A kid's gotta have a bigger room.

397
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 2: This is just temporary. And again, Stacy's his daughter, she's

398
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:27,400
Speaker 2: already a teenager.

399
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Speaker 3: Also, she's like, yeah, she's the oldest one.

400
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,640
Speaker 2: She was sixteen or thirteen.

401
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,160
Speaker 3: Or something like that. I think she was a teenager

402
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:34,160
Speaker 3: and the other kids were younger.

403
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

404
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, So also, honestly, I didn't want to move my office.

405
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 3: It's been where it is forever, and I didn't want

406
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 3: to move it. I can admit that we've had the

407
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,719
Speaker 3: beginning slash groundwork of a finished basement since forever, but

408
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,880
Speaker 3: there was never any reason to really put a move

409
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 3: on it. It was a big change to go from

410
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 3: having more room than we need with just me and

411
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 3: Stacy rattling around in the house, just suddenly scrambling for space,

412
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 3: and to not having enough. It was the obvious spot

413
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,400
Speaker 3: where an additional bedroom could go, but not a spot

414
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,400
Speaker 3: where a bedroom is now. Alice and I had talked

415
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 3: about marriage and children more or less in the abstract

416
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,159
Speaker 3: on many occasions, and we both wanted to get married

417
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,199
Speaker 3: at some point if things continued to work out, and

418
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 3: I wanted to have more children. Although this pregnancy was

419
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,360
Speaker 3: quite unexpected. It was Alice's pregnancy combined with the rent

420
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,880
Speaker 3: hike on her place, that accelerated the timetable on things right,

421
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 3: so they probably would have had more conversations about this.

422
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 2: It was just again, like I said, it was probably

423
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 2: all the spur of the moment and the fact that

424
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 2: he is like even in the spur of the moment,

425
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,680
Speaker 2: it's like I can do this, we can do this. Yeah,

426
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 2: and she still wants more.

427
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, for what it's worth. The rent hike is real.

428
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 3: I've seen the paperwork, and I have literally no reason

429
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 3: to suspect the baby is not mine. But yes, the

430
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 3: only reason why we got engaged so recently is because

431
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 3: Alice got pregnant. The only reason why Alice and her

432
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,480
Speaker 3: kids would be moving in with me so suddenly is

433
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 3: because she was likely to need to move somewhere, and

434
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 3: I'd obviously like to be responsible for Slash Beanier. Slash

435
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,399
Speaker 3: rais my coming daughter. To me, it made sense for

436
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,639
Speaker 3: my daughter to live with me. I never wanted to

437
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,959
Speaker 3: be an absentee parent slash part time parent, or to

438
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 3: not have time or spare or share space with my child.

439
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 3: The circumstances all made sense, at least until now. I

440
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 3: was definitely wary of Alice and paying more attention to her,

441
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,399
Speaker 3: especially after the many many comments that I read. I

442
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,360
Speaker 3: came to Reddit to get a sanity check on whether

443
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,359
Speaker 3: or not I was being an a hole about my

444
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 3: conditions with Stacy, not to try to actually make any

445
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: kind of major life or relationship changes, but I didn't

446
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 3: want to turn a blind eye either. It was Friday

447
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 3: and Stacy texted me asking for her allowance. I was

448
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 3: with Alice at the time, and I went ahead and

449
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: let the subject come up. I give Stacy one hundred

450
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 3: dollars a week. Alice thinks this is crazy and excessive.

451
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 3: She thinks is improper, and she brought it up as

452
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 3: an example of how she thinks I'm raising Stacy like

453
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: a spoiled princess. If it's not your child. And also,

454
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 3: you haven't been living there lot long, I don't think

455
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,360
Speaker 3: you really get a say in how to parent his kid.

456
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 2: Couple, Yeah, a couple things. It's not your daughter, it's

457
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 2: not your parenting style, and it's his money. It's not

458
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 2: your money, it's not our money. It's his money, and

459
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 2: he's giving it to her. Yeah, and can do whatever

460
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 2: he wants. Yeah, that's really You're sick. She's trying to

461
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,400
Speaker 2: input herself in here. Maybe even op is not understanding

462
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:21,679
Speaker 2: the circumstances of everything.

463
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

464
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 3: She said as much again when I told her I

465
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 3: was sending Stacy her allowance, But this time Alice also

466
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,760
Speaker 3: asked if her kids would get the same allowance. After

467
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 3: we got married. I told her that someday our new

468
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 3: daughter would probably get an allowance just like Stacey does,

469
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 3: but there was no way I had any plans of

470
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 3: shelling out an extra four hundred dollars a week for

471
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,719
Speaker 3: her other kids. Alice got upset. She said that Stacy

472
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 3: wastes my money on shoes and makeup. She has previously

473
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 3: criticized Stacy for wearing fancy sneakers, high heels, and makeup.

474
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 3: And she said that I was showing favoritism and that's

475
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 3: a form of abuse. Do you complain about me letting

476
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 3: Stacy buy things with my credit card and store my

477
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 3: credit card on her phone when I don't even let

478
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 3: Alice do that. She said that whatever money was going

479
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 3: to go to the kids should be split evenly amongst them.

480
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 3: I have somewhat mixed feelings about this, I think, because

481
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 3: I think that when you combine families, there should be

482
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 3: an effort to make those kids your kids.

483
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 2: Their favoritism. Obviously it's your Yeah, your kids.

484
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 3: There's going to be a different relationship between your daughter.

485
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,719
Speaker 2: From the very kids. Yes, you guys just moved in,

486
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 2: and you guys, I feel like their dating time table

487
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:29,159
Speaker 2: hasn't been that that.

488
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 3: I don't think so. No shrugged and told her that

489
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 3: wasn't going to happen, and that I wasn't going to

490
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 3: cut Stacy's allowance. She snapped at me and said that

491
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: a man living alone with his daughter and doting on

492
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 3: her like I do is creepy and incestuous.

493
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 2: Done. Okay, freak, you're no longer coming.

494
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: Like, I take back anything that I was trying to

495
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 3: help out Alice with.

496
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 2: Do you insane the fact that she is calling out

497
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: Op like that, and like, do you realize that you

498
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 2: are going into his house so he's offering he's.

499
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 3: Offering you a place in his house to help you know,

500
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 3: how's your kids? And you're calling his relationship with his

501
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 3: daughter creepy.

502
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 2: The one who's being a spoiled rat here is you?

503
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 2: I mean, not Op but Alice? Yeah, look at yeah,

504
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 2: let's go.

505
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: And she said, you've just replaced your wife with your

506
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 3: daughter and you need.

507
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 1: To stop again.

508
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 2: Who are you a single.

509
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 3: Contract ren hike, Go go deal with it. You're not

510
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 3: moving in.

511
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 2: Good luck, have good luck with you and your kids.

512
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 2: I'll be there for our kid, but like not for.

513
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 3: You, Yeah, not for you. That was it. Sure, I've

514
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 3: ignored a lot of red flags up until now, but

515
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 3: that was it.

516
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 2: Yep.

517
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 3: She started trying to tell me about how it's unhealthy

518
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 3: for me to be so close with Stacy, and now

519
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 3: she didn't want her kids to be neglected, and how

520
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 3: she wanted to be treated as an equal if we

521
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 3: were getting married. But I interrupted her, and I told

522
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 3: her that I don't think we should be getting married.

523
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 3: I told her that I don't want her moving in

524
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,640
Speaker 3: and that we were going to need to work something

525
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 3: else out. To be perfectly honest, my sister, my brother,

526
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 3: and some of my friends have expressed some of the

527
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 3: same misgivings about Alice that I've read, although they were

528
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 3: generally a lot more gentle about it. I means read it.

529
00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 3: I was in love with her. In fact, I'm still

530
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: in love with her, and I wasn't seeing things clearly.

531
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 3: I told her that I would always and definitely make

532
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 3: sure that our child had a roof over her head,

533
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 3: but that she was going to have to work something

534
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 3: out for herself and her kids on her own. Obviously,

535
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 3: we had a huge fight. She screamed at me. She

536
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 3: called me a heartless bee. She blamed Stacy for trying

537
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 3: to sabotage our relationship. She guilt tripped me about her

538
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 3: cost of living and how I'm in an empty house

539
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 3: all by myself. She also guilt tripped me about the

540
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,120
Speaker 3: stress on the baby, and I actually do feel bad

541
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 3: and worry about that. She eventually broke down crying and

542
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 3: told me to leave. In the past ten years, this

543
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: was the first relationship with a woman I've had that

544
00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 3: became serious. I love her and this hurts. It hurts

545
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 3: a heck of a lot. I told Stacy that she

546
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 3: didn't have to bother moving her stuff out about the room,

547
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 3: that Alice wasn't coming, and we hugged. She asked if

548
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 3: this was her fault, and I told her no. I

549
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 3: told her, I honestly feel like marrying Alice would have

550
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 3: been a mistake, even if the two of them could

551
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 3: have been best buddies. By the way, you can be

552
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 3: best buddies with us every WEEKDA at three PMPSD. Just

553
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 3: tap our profile. Tap it and there is a little

554
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 3: bit more to the story. But do you have any

555
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 3: final thoughts?

556
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 2: Good on op realizing this is such a heart like

557
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 2: rocking a hard place for him, because again he even

558
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 2: just stated it. I was saying, how long how has

559
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: he been dating? This is the first serious relationship he's

560
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 2: had over ten years since the passing of his wife.

561
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 3: And he's like, Alice is pregnant with his kid. Yes,

562
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 3: this is a complicated situation, but this.

563
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: Is showing Alice's true colors. You can't like, I get it.

564
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,879
Speaker 2: She's like, I don't like, you shouldn't be showing favoritism,

565
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,199
Speaker 2: like this is my daughter. Yeah, I've only known you

566
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 2: for so long, this is my daughter. Yeah.

567
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 3: No, it's just yeah, I think she would just keep

568
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 3: taking more and more. Yeah, and she'd keep complaining and

569
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 3: then trying to push you away from Stacy, which is

570
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 3: not fair.

571
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. The fact that she said all those nasty things.

572
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,479
Speaker 3: Terrible terrible, disgusting.

573
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 2: Things, and again, who is she to call you out?

574
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,879
Speaker 2: And who is she to say your parentings? You know,

575
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,360
Speaker 2: do this, do that. It's like.

576
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 3: You guys are allowed to talk about you know, well,

577
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 3: I do think as like stepparents, I think you should

578
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 3: have a conversation about what your role as a parent

579
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 3: is going to be for your step kids. Yes, because

580
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 3: it is important to have that discussion. But you can't

581
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 3: just assume that you get to, you know, right off

582
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 3: the bat, get to tell their kids how, you know,

583
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 3: how they're going to live and be and stuff in.

584
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 2: Act and to also just say, even if Alice did

585
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 2: move in with the kids, she already had a mindset

586
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 2: towards Stacy.

587
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 3: Yes, she already had that.

588
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 2: She already had that. That's already a very bad sign

589
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 2: that she doesn't want to be she like try to

590
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 2: change the dynamic or get in the way. So she

591
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 2: already has a bad mindset about Stacy. Not good, not good.

592
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 3: But I think I think you did the right thing.

593
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit left. I've always wanted

594
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 3: to have a few more kids, and I've missed having

595
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 3: a wife, but things don't always happen the way we want.

596
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 3: So I'm pretty sure my relationship with Alice is effectively over,

597
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 3: even if we're going to be raising a child together

598
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: for the foreseeable future. My new daughter can have my

599
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 3: son's old room whenever we work out whatever custody agreement

600
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:33,640
Speaker 3: we end up working out.

601
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:34,679
Speaker 2: There you go, I'm.

602
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 3: Not sorry to be having another kid, even if I

603
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 3: really wish the circumstances could have been better. The red

604
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 3: flags were always there. I guess it's better that I

605
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 3: noticed them now instead of later. And that is the

606
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 3: end of that story. I agree you did eventually notice

607
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 3: the red flags it.

608
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 2: Sometimes you're blinded by love, and especially this kind of

609
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 2: thing where he has a kid series relationship. Yeah it sucks,

610
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 2: but good on you. Good on you for standing your ground.

611
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 2: And again the entire time, am I like, who is

612
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 2: this woman who thinks she can just, yeah, walk all

613
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 2: over you and act like everything is hers it's yours. No, no, no,

614
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 2: you don't have to do.

615
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,479
Speaker 3: That, absolutely not. But that is the end of that story.

616
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 3: So we'll see you next time. My sister in law

617
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 3: black listed my wedding dates.

618
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 4: Now she's lying to get her away by any means possible.

619
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: Context to start, I twenty seven female, met my now fiance,

620
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 1: twenty six male when we were nineteen. We started dating

621
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: and I ended up becoming really close with his family.

622
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: My family is slash was abusive, so I spent a

623
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: lot of time at my then boyfriend's house. His parents

624
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 1: more or less adopted me. His dad taught me how

625
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 1: to do a lot of house maintenance stuff like fixing

626
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: the washer, and his mom would come with me to

627
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: doctor's appointments and stuff. Lovely, we love a doctor mom.

628
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from user Repulsive Pepper nine

629
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: five seven on the r slash Okay story time subreddit.

630
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,719
Speaker 1: I'm chronically ill with a rare disorder, amongst other things,

631
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: and his mom would come to my appointments for support,

632
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: come with me to any tests I needed done, the

633
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: whole nine yards truly wonderful people. Anyway. Fiance has a sister, Anne,

634
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: twenty eight female who was twenty at this point in

635
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: the story. She was away at college when we started dating,

636
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 1: so I really didn't get to know her for about

637
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: a year into our relationship. She ended up doing her

638
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: last few semesters from home, so we did end up bonding.

639
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: We had similar interests and we're close in age, and

640
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 1: since we were both home often, we ended up doing

641
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: sisterly things like getting our nails done, going shopping, getting

642
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: ice cream, et cetera. We actually had each other saved

643
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: as sister last name in our phones, just to paint

644
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: the picture of how far off the rails we've gotten.

645
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: After Anne moved home, she started showing signs of jealousy

646
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: towards me.

647
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 4: Interesting.

648
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: Oh. I tried to brush it off, and while my

649
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: fiance wasn't happy about it, he didn't say anything to

650
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: her because he knew it was more drama than it

651
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 1: was worth. She started signing any cards we got their

652
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: parents as quote from your real daughter. I just signed

653
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: my name. I wasn't claiming to be their daughter. And

654
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: she would get nasty when her kitten, who she got

655
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: despite working eighty hours a week, liked me, who was

656
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: always home with her. I mean, it's just a given. Yeah,

657
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: the cat's gonna like if you're at home with the

658
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: cat all the.

659
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 4: Time, whoever's giving the cat more treats is gonna like

660
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 4: it exactly.

661
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: Fast forward a couple of years and moves out, buys

662
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 1: a house, and I move in with my fiance and

663
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: his parents, which wasn't planned, but it was no longer

664
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: safe in my current living situation. I appreciate them greatly

665
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: allowing me to live with them even now. Anyways, my

666
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: fiance and I used this time to look for slash

667
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: save money for a house. He proposed after five this

668
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: years together, but says he doesn't want to get married

669
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: until we have our own house, which is fair. He

670
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be married and still living with his parents.

671
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 4: Gotcha, it does make.

672
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: A little bit of sense. We've been looking for a

673
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: house for almost two years. Wow, that's a long time,

674
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: and at this point we're tired of waiting to get married.

675
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: After we got engaged, we had the whole wedding planned out,

676
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: the venue, caterer, dress, colors, all of it. We just

677
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: never booked because we weren't sure when we'd be in

678
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: a position to get married. That being said, it's now

679
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: been two years and we decided a few months ago

680
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: to stop putting our life on hold while waiting for

681
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: a house. We got back into wedding planning, and in

682
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: that time Anne got engaged.

683
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 4: Oh wow, congratulations. Yeah, I'm sure nothing bad will come

684
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 4: of this. No, no, No one's gonna like make this

685
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 4: a competition.

686
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure everything's gonna be very just copasetic among

687
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: all parties in this conversation in the story for reference

688
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: and is very social, bubbly life of the party, where

689
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: my fiance and I are not. Her proposal required everyone

690
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: to drive over an hour away to the middle of

691
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 1: the forest, including her fiance's elderly grandparents and family who

692
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: had to drive three plus hours, as well as friends

693
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 1: who have two kids under the age of two. Overall,

694
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: her propose was a thirty plus person event. This was

695
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: already an indicator to my fiance and I that things

696
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 1: were gonna get bad, and and her fiance decide on

697
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: a destination wedding that will be in the beginning of

698
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 1: August twenty twenty five, as well as a second local

699
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 1: wedding in the beginning of October twenty five. How are

700
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 1: you gonna give yourself two weddings?

701
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 4: I'm for the just do one.

702
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: My fiance and I started dating and got engaged on

703
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 1: a twentieth, so we wanted to get married on a

704
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: twenty as well. That being said, that only leaves like

705
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: five dates in the year that are both a twenty

706
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: and fall on a weekend. I know this problem would

707
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: be resolved if we didn't do a twenty, but just

708
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: humor me for the time being. One of these dates

709
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: happens to be July twentieth, which is also our eighth

710
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 1: year anniversary. What we reach out to Anne and say, hey,

711
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: we'd like to do this date because it's significant to us,

712
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 1: but we understand if it's too close, we do have

713
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: other options, but we wanted to ask if it was okay.

714
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: We were fully expecting her to say know, which was fair,

715
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 1: as our weddings would be like three weeks apart.

716
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 4: To our surprise, she says yes, it's fine. Yay, Oh wow, nice.

717
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 1: Sure nothing bad can happen from here.

718
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 4: Nope, everything's good.

719
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: Now, everything's great and that's the end of the story.

720
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: And oh they had three weddings and it was all perfect.

721
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: Oh wow, oh wait, there seems to be more. Then

722
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 1: Anne calls her mom crying about how could we do

723
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: this to her, that we were selfish, etcetera, etcetera, which

724
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: is absurd because we also offered other dates. She didn't

725
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 1: have to say yes. My future mother in law basically

726
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: calls my fiance and I out for being a holes

727
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: for planning so close to her. For the record, Anne

728
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 1: was going to let us think that the date was

729
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: fine and be mad about it forever, but her mom

730
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: said something so we caught wind of it. That's crazy,

731
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: that's crazy.

732
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 4: This is insane.

733
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 1: That's fully unhinged behavior to be like, hey, is this

734
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: date okay with you? Will literally change it for you

735
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 1: if it's not, even though it's super important to us.

736
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 1: We will put that aside because you've already planned your wedding. Yeah,

737
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: She's like, no, no, no, it's fine, And she was

738
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 1: secretly gonna be like these monsters, they stole my wedding.

739
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 1: From me, I'll never recover. Come on. We texted Anne

740
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 1: and apologized, basically explaining, hey, we also have these other dates.

741
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: Like we told you, we don't mind doing a different date,

742
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: but in the future, please tell us if there's a

743
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,319
Speaker 1: problem instead of just holding it in. She apologizes for

744
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 1: being kind of mean, but then says we can't get

745
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: married one month before or after either of her weddings.

746
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: There are only four dates that we could choose from,

747
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 1: and she has essentially blacklisted three of them.

748
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 4: Oh well, then just susan fourth.

749
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: We understand not getting married before her, but after anyway,

750
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: we go to mother in law like she gets to

751
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: control an entire half of the year. Hello, and mother

752
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 1: in law backs her up and again says, regardless of

753
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: when we get married, that we're too close to Anne's

754
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 1: wedding and in the wrong.

755
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 4: What man before or.

756
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: After is crazy? The Internet is divided because not only

757
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 1: is Anne having two weddings, with one being a destination wedding,

758
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: we don't need to get married three weeks before her. Again,

759
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,479
Speaker 1: we know that, which is why we offered other dates

760
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 1: as well. We didn't go to Anne like we booked

761
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: this date get aft. We consulted her for the sole

762
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: purpose of keeping this from happening. We reach out to

763
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: Anne again just to touch base on we can't even

764
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: get married a month after, and Anne apologizes, saying that

765
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,720
Speaker 1: she was just being jealous and reacted instead of thinking.

766
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,720
Speaker 1: She then tells us the date in July, three weeks

767
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,439
Speaker 1: before her first wedding, is fine, so long as it's

768
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: fine with their parents. Okay. We figured Anne was using

769
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: this just as a way to have her parents say

770
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: no for her, but boy, were we wrong. Instead, Anne

771
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: told her parents that she stood her ground and told

772
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: us absolutely no getting married a month before or after

773
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: her weddings. What a psycho.

774
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 4: I don't know. I kind of see it in a way.

775
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:18,839
Speaker 1: What do you mean you see it?

776
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 4: I understand.

777
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: And she's lying to them.

778
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 4: Oh that she's lying. Oh no, no, no, no, no no,

779
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 4: I see getting.

780
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: Married upfront about it? Yeah? Sure whatever. Oh, but she

781
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: she was. She literally told them, oh, it's fine, you

782
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: can do the first date. And then she went and

783
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: told her parents. She's like, She's like, you can do

784
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: the first date as long as our parents are okay

785
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: with it. God. And then she went to her parents

786
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,919
Speaker 1: and went, I stood my ground and I told them

787
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,959
Speaker 1: no way are they going to have a wedding in July.

788
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 1: So she's like purposefully trying to like just make their

789
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: lives miserable.

790
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 4: Now she's trying to make trying to make he look

791
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,800
Speaker 4: bad because she's been Joseph her all these years. This

792
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 4: is her way. This is a way to make it

793
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 4: look bad. This is crazy.

794
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 1: Bit she didn't we have text proof of that. Anyhow,

795
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: We go to mother in law like we're going with

796
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: the date we originally picked. We talked to Anne and

797
00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: she said it was fine, and mother in law went

798
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: off again about us being rude, selfish, and purposely ignoring

799
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: Anne's wishes for upstaging Anne. We showed her the text

800
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:26,720
Speaker 1: that is very clearly Anne saying that date is fine,

801
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,360
Speaker 1: and mother in law said, we must have misunderstood. Wow,

802
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:35,319
Speaker 1: a classic don't believe your lying eyes. As far as

803
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: we can figure, Anne lied to her mom to trick

804
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 1: us into picking a date that would get us yelled

805
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: at again. This all could have been solved if she

806
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: just said no to our original date instead of pinning

807
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: us in a position where no matter what we do,

808
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: we're wrong. But you know what, you'll never be wrong

809
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 1: for joining us live on YouTube every weekday at three

810
00:37:55,719 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 1: pm PSD. Just tap our profile bonus and through a

811
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: temper tantrum the other day because I asked her dad

812
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: to walk me down the aisle since I'm essentially an

813
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: orphan and he's been more of a dad to me

814
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 1: than my actual dad. Anne lost her crap about how

815
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: she should get to experience that first, and how it's

816
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 1: not fair that he's gonna walk me down when I'm

817
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: not his real daughter, and that's a sacred thing that

818
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 1: he should get to share with her and only her,

819
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: as he's their only daughter. It was one thing when

820
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: it was just a conflict about the date, but since

821
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: then Anne has become so much more combative and dramatic.

822
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: All of our friends support us, but his family, especially

823
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,640
Speaker 1: his parents, seem to side with his sister more. If

824
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 1: she asked us to do a different date, that would

825
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: have been one thing, but to then tell lies and

826
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: make drama out of every decision we make, Like, seriously, yeah, that's.

827
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 4: A pretty odd that's pretty wild.

828
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 1: That's a pretty gross, lame, stinky little move of you.

829
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: I feel like we're both in the wrong here, but

830
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 1: I don't know how to even move forward at this point. Hey, well,

831
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: what good news is. I don't think you're both in

832
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: the wrong. No, I think there's clearly one side that

833
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 1: is much more wronger than the other. That's right, and

834
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: it would be your sister in law. Maybe just do

835
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,799
Speaker 1: the coolest thing, though, which is elope, just you and

836
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: your husband get married.

837
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 4: I think that's fair to them. I understand they want

838
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 4: to get married, but I don't think it's fair of them.

839
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 4: They're probably already living together, so it doesn't really matter

840
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 4: if they get eloped.

841
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: But on a real level, just don't if your family's

842
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,959
Speaker 1: being super problematic and like making your life miserable, trying

843
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,560
Speaker 1: to get them involved in this, just just to exclude them.

844
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that is the end of that story.

845
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 1: Hey, it's say, I'm your og host here, bring it

846
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: back to the stories.

847
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor. My family

848
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 2: is trying to manipulate my financial help, so I told

849
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,720
Speaker 2: them I'm selling the house.

850
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 1: Tell it my house.

851
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 2: Apologies for any grammatical errors, as English is not my

852
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 2: first language. I twenty five female, am on the brink

853
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Speaker 2: of stopping to cover for my family's home expenses and

854
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:55,120
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855
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,840
Speaker 2: shares financially. By the way, this comes from Miserable p.

856
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Speaker 2: One two three on the r slash Okay storytime severed

857
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 2: it cute name for context. I'm the oldest daughter who

858
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 2: was raised by my grandparents and was taught at a

859
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 2: young age on how to manage money wisely and to

860
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 2: stick to the reality meeting living within our own means.

861
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 2: My sister, twenty three female, was raised by our dad

862
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,279
Speaker 2: while our mom was working out of the country and

863
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 2: eventually her bringing us to the country she worked in

864
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 2: when I sorry, when I was seventeen years old. I

865
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 2: started working part time while in school at eighteen years old,

866
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 2: and also paid for my college tuition with the money

867
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 2: from my job. I never stopped working since I started,

868
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 2: so my parents won't have to think about me financially.

869
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 2: After college, I started to work full time at a

870
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 2: new job. My parents and I decided to buy a

871
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 2: house a few years ago when I finally had good

872
00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 2: income and credit score. While house shopping, my mom wanted

873
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 2: to buy a nine hundred K worth of house, saying

874
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 2: niger K worth of house. Maybe it's like a I

875
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 2: don't know, maybe the different monetary value. Oh yeah, that's

876
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 2: like nine hundred thousand worth of house, Mom saying, oh, yeah,

877
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 2: we can easily afford the monthly mortgage payments even just

878
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 2: with my income. I told her it was best to

879
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 2: get a house less than six hundred K, and thankfully

880
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 2: she liked a house listed for five hundred.

881
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, we're cool, everything's fine.

882
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 2: Okay. We won the bid for a little over six

883
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 2: hundred k. Bidding was crazy and we lost every time.

884
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:20,879
Speaker 2: We bid ninety k over asking price. So we bid

885
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,279
Speaker 2: a little more than our target price. We put a

886
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 2: twenty percent down payment. Payments were low around this time

887
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 2: because we were going for a variable rate, although I

888
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 2: know that if the rate gets a little higher, we

889
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 2: are doomed. So I was feeling hesitant with the purchase price.

890
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 2: She was happy with the house before, and I didn't

891
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 2: want her choosing a bigger, more expensive one if we

892
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 2: don't win, so I agreed to a bid to bid

893
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 2: a little more.

894
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I think sometimes just buying a house, you

895
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 3: got a bid a little bit more than you know,

896
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 3: what they originally ask.

897
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 2: You always gotta do that. Yeah, not too much, but yeah,

898
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: usually after COVID rates skyrocketed and her boastful statement before

899
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: is now like a loop playing on in my head.

900
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,840
Speaker 2: It ticks me off every time I remember it. But

901
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 2: I agreed to purchase too, so I don't have a

902
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 2: choice now but to face our financial challenge. I have

903
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 2: the responsibility of covering most of our household expenses due

904
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 2: to my sister not wanting to get a job or

905
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,160
Speaker 2: pursue her studies. She worked once for almost a year,

906
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,920
Speaker 2: and my parents have a lower income than me with

907
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 2: a high debt. Thank god I got promoted after we

908
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 2: purchased the house. This is not good.

909
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 3: It's not great.

910
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

911
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 3: And when you get a house and now you can't

912
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:31,800
Speaker 3: pay for it.

913
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 2: No, and everyone's cooped in together. I was gonna say,

914
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 2: if op was taking care of herself, she just should

915
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 2: have just stayed taken care of herself.

916
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 4: Yeah.

917
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 2: This resulted in them not able to pay the bills

918
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:44,919
Speaker 2: on time, despite of me giving my share on time

919
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: and our bank almost having a legal action on our house.

920
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: I fixed the issues as soon as I saw the

921
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 2: letter from the bank. She did not tell me that

922
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 2: the bank wasn't able to get enough money for the

923
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 2: mortgage because the pre authorized payment for her credit card

924
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 2: was taking the money. I told my parents that I

925
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 2: will now manage the bills so we won't have these

926
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 2: issues again, and transferred to all of the PAP related

927
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 2: to the house to my own account. There's a lot

928
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 2: of responsibility for a lot eighteen they moved there, but

929
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 2: I think she's let's say twenties.

930
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 3: She's probably in her twenties, but yeah, a lot of

931
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 3: responsibility being put on her by her parents and her sister.

932
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 2: I also took the financial responsibility of paying the utilities, insurance,

933
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: and other home expenses alone, despite of me not living

934
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: with them for almost a year now, so that they

935
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 2: won't have to pay an amount they can't afford. The

936
00:43:32,719 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: only amount that they have to give me as their

937
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 2: share is the mortgage and property taxes. We still split

938
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 2: it in three, hoping it would help them pay their

939
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 2: personal debts. It just seems like your parents aren't financially.

940
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 3: It doesn't seem like, yeah, well, when that was the

941
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 3: beginning of this story, it was like.

942
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 2: And you kind of knew that, Yeah, I think you

943
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 2: knew op that what you're getting yourself into. Especially when

944
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 2: your mom was like, let's go for the nine hundred

945
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 2: K house.

946
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 3: You're like, ah, really, we can't pay for that.

947
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 2: My parents weren't like this before. They also had savings,

948
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 2: but they started working for one job compared to having

949
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,320
Speaker 2: two jobs before, resulting in them earning less income, consuming

950
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 2: their savings and borrowing more. They are getting old, so

951
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 2: I agreed to them working less. That is why I

952
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 2: decided to take most of the financial responsibilities. But I

953
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 2: did not expect them to borrow so aggressively for them

954
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 2: to reach this point where I'm now beginning to shoulder

955
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 2: everything financially.

956
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 1: Oh, this is.

957
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 3: Really to help your parents out as they keep borrowing

958
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 3: and you're like, please, top, I have to pay for

959
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 3: all of.

960
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 2: This, yes, and what is your sister doing nothing?

961
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 3: Nada.

962
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 2: As a young immigrant, I wanted to have a better

963
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 2: future here like our mom wanted to, so I started

964
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 2: saving up to upgrade my education. I am lucky enough

965
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 2: to be promoted before at my current job, but after

966
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:56,839
Speaker 2: applying for an internal job posting in the company, which

967
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 2: is a higher position where I am now, the management

968
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,920
Speaker 2: said that if I want to step into a higher position,

969
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 2: it is best to have a better academic credential and

970
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,319
Speaker 2: to grow a little more, which is the reason now

971
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:13,240
Speaker 2: for getting a better education as my current goal, aside

972
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 2: from my savings and little investments. I still make sure

973
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 2: to have extra money on my other account to cover

974
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 2: my parents' share, in which in this case they cannot

975
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 2: meet the amount we agreed on, which was often again

976
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 2: they're just not financially responsible, or they just they shoot

977
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 2: over the moon. Yeah, I may not be able to

978
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 2: eat out or buy things that I want for myself,

979
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 2: but at least I am capable to pay for heat

980
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 2: and shelter while having the luxury of being able to

981
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 2: save save up little by little for courses that I

982
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 2: want to take soon. I do not have a huge income,

983
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 2: maybe just doing a good job in managing my finances,

984
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 2: but I always imagine how it would have been so

985
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 2: much easier for me financially if we still split the

986
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 2: expenses equally. The pressure on my career growth, having a

987
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 2: future where I can live comfortably along with my face

988
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,760
Speaker 2: family responsibilities has been affecting me mentally for years.

989
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 3: I can imagine there's a lot. Yeah, as you said,

990
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 3: there's a lot of responsibility on you, and I think

991
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 3: more conversations need to be had with your parents and

992
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 3: your family about how much pressure they're putting on you.

993
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 2: I think, I mean, we kind of already have an

994
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 2: idea what's going on here, but it's time to minimize

995
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 2: and like your parents aren't working as much, your sister's

996
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 2: not working. You're paying for everything. You got to make

997
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 2: the house, you got to take away the house. Yeah,

998
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 2: you got to go smaller.

999
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,439
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think you just say yeah, say like, hey, guys,

1000
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 3: we can't afford this based off of like how much

1001
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 3: you guys are working. We just can't afford it.

1002
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,479
Speaker 2: It's not it's yeah. My partner whom I am living

1003
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:42,800
Speaker 2: with now, has been trying to convince me since last

1004
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: year to have a short vacation in a sunny country

1005
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: to have a break, but I rejected the idea before

1006
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 2: due to my fear of being short on money. I

1007
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,040
Speaker 2: hope you can't even get a break, can't.

1008
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 3: Even get a break.

1009
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 2: This year, having enough money for a trip and really

1010
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,720
Speaker 2: wanted to break from my family and work, I agreed

1011
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,720
Speaker 2: on going for a short vacation to just relax a bit. Good.

1012
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 2: When I called and told my mom I was going

1013
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 2: for a short vacation, she became upset and said that

1014
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 2: I always state how I cannot take them on a trip,

1015
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:13,720
Speaker 2: but I can go when it's with my partner.

1016
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 3: Because oh, Pea's paying for everything. Oh Pi's the one

1017
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 3: paying for it all. So yes, they can use their

1018
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,399
Speaker 3: own money to go on a trip. If you want

1019
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,839
Speaker 3: to go on a trip, then you need to get

1020
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 3: some money.

1021
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,760
Speaker 2: It's your money, so literally your money.

1022
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 3: Don't let them say, oh, why can't you take us,

1023
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:29,760
Speaker 3: because it's.

1024
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: Not their money.

1025
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: Also, I'm like, do you realize you have a roof

1026
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 2: over your head because of me?

1027
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,240
Speaker 3: Do you understand how much I'm paying for you because

1028
00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 3: it seems like you don't.

1029
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:40,439
Speaker 2: I told her that I still can't afford to bring

1030
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: them on a trip, and I can only afford this

1031
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 2: because my partner and I will be splitting the expenses.

1032
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 2: I also tried to console her by telling her that

1033
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 2: I will bring them on a trip next time, just

1034
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 2: not out of the country. She was still, of course, upset,

1035
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,520
Speaker 2: and told me just go and be happy. I guess

1036
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 2: I'll just I'm alive here without you bringing me on

1037
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:00,280
Speaker 2: a trip.

1038
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 3: Oh now she's guilt tripping, girl. Stop stop being nasty,

1039
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 3: like you don't get it. Go on a trip if

1040
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 3: you want to pay.

1041
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 2: For it, fine, but you can't even pay for the house.

1042
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:13,959
Speaker 3: I don't not like this, mutter.

1043
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 2: I became upset and annoyed. I told her that we

1044
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 2: go on trips every year on her birthday whenever we can.

1045
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 2: This is always her birthday wish, just not this year

1046
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 2: because they cannot afford it and I cannot cover all

1047
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 2: the trip expenses for four people alone. She hung up

1048
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 2: the call after that. It was not the first time

1049
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 2: she guilted me into doing something, but I purposely told

1050
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 2: her the day before we leave, so she and I

1051
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 2: won't have the chance to change anything, since I know

1052
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 2: that if I told her a month before, I will

1053
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,480
Speaker 2: be forced to bring her along, even out of guilt

1054
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 2: that I can't afford it. I still enjoyed our trip

1055
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:50,959
Speaker 2: despite of me thinking about the conversation in my mind,

1056
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 2: and I tried to make her happy by getting them

1057
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 2: souvenirs from the trip. She probably threw them away. Days

1058
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 2: after this, she still called me and talked to me

1059
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 2: like nothing happened. Okay, I guess she liked my peace offering.

1060
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 2: Although I'm still upset with her, as I felt unappreciated

1061
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 2: all these years while she always guilted me just so

1062
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 2: I would do what she wants. Hmmm, I feel like

1063
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 2: I will have the last straw soon as I am

1064
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 2: planning to go back to our home country alone to

1065
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 2: grant my grandma's wish to spend time with me after

1066
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:23,319
Speaker 2: not coming back since we migrated. My mom wanted to

1067
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,959
Speaker 2: come too, along with my sister and my dad, saying

1068
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 2: that I can pay for their plane ticket will be

1069
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 2: around eight to nine grand for all four of us.

1070
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 3: No, No, you won't pay for the plane ticket.

1071
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 2: I don't understand why they think you are just infinite

1072
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 2: amounts of money.

1073
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like, oh pie Scott, dope, he pays for

1074
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 3: the house. She might. They must have money, they must

1075
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:42,880
Speaker 3: be rolling in.

1076
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 2: No, and they will make it up to me by

1077
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 2: paying me four hundred dollars a month in installments, to

1078
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 2: which I know they will not meet due to their

1079
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 2: current financial situation and them not paying me back on

1080
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:54,800
Speaker 2: our pass trips before.

1081
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 3: They can't even afford to help with the house. There's

1082
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:57,919
Speaker 3: no way they would help you with this trip.

1083
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. I want to say no, but I am one

1084
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,719
Speaker 2: hundred percent sure. She will tell me again how she

1085
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 2: sacrifices a lot to bring us in a country with

1086
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 2: better opportunities and for us to have a better future,

1087
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 2: while I can't sacrifice anything for her.

1088
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 3: You are sad, like I know, I mean, she probably

1089
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 3: will say.

1090
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,280
Speaker 2: This, this is this is again. I'm this is stressing

1091
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 2: me out because like do you, I don't. Again, you

1092
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 2: don't feel appreciated, and they keep just wanting more and

1093
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:27,279
Speaker 2: more and more and more. Yeah, and it's like you

1094
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 2: just keep feeding and feeding and they just like no,

1095
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 2: keep coming, keep it coming.

1096
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, we know. I think I think she'll probably say that,

1097
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 3: and I think you just have to know that you

1098
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:39,759
Speaker 3: are doing a lot for her and maybe bring and

1099
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 3: be like Mom, I would love to take you on

1100
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 3: a trip, but I can't afford it, and I need

1101
00:50:44,160 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 3: this break because I've been paying for everything right now.

1102
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 2: I'm like mom, And if she's you know, she could.

1103
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 3: Say whatever she wants, but I can pay for it, and.

1104
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 2: I'll pay for it myself. Only Grandma wants me there.

1105
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 2: If you guys can pay for it, come along. But

1106
00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 2: you guys have still you guys still need to pay

1107
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 2: me back for everything else. Yeah, and you guys haven't

1108
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:03,840
Speaker 2: done that. I just know that if she tells me

1109
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 2: that sentence again, which she used so many times that

1110
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 2: I can't count anymore, I will reach my point and

1111
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 2: will go no contact with them. Split all home expenses equally,

1112
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 2: and if they can't afford their share, I will force

1113
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: them to sell our house, split the money, and never

1114
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,359
Speaker 2: contact her again. Would I be the a hole if

1115
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 2: I did that?

1116
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 3: I don't think you would be the a whole. I

1117
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 3: think it is like a hard thing to do, especially

1118
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:29,439
Speaker 3: with your parents, and you talk, you know of her

1119
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,680
Speaker 3: history of guilty, you with you know, saying like, oh, well,

1120
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 3: I sacrificed a lot by leaving my country, but I

1121
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: think that you need to do this for your peace

1122
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 3: of mind. And you've been sacrificing a lot of your

1123
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 3: mental health and well being to support your family and

1124
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 3: not received anything in return.

1125
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, why is she only coming after

1126
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 2: up because this op is money? Why is she not

1127
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 2: saying anything about the sister?

1128
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 3: Why she just doesn't have any money?

1129
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:02,319
Speaker 2: She doesn't have any money.

1130
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 3: You can't ask.

1131
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 2: But if I were mom pushing, if mom's pushing me

1132
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 2: so much, why are you not pushing sister to actually

1133
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,439
Speaker 2: get the job and help out with anything? Anything else?

1134
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:16,239
Speaker 2: Not everything else, just anything. So there is an edit.

1135
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 2: Thank you to everyone for taking their time to help

1136
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 2: me realize what was really happening. I came from a

1137
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 2: culture where parents should be loved no matter what, as

1138
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 2: they are still our parents. But I now realize that

1139
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,440
Speaker 2: some parents take that for granted and take advantage of

1140
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 2: their children. Hence you. Maybe deep inside I was trying

1141
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 2: to win them over and make them proud of me,

1142
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 2: as they have always adored my sister. I will take

1143
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 2: the courage to establish a boundary from now on and

1144
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 2: prioritize my future instead.

1145
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 3: Yes, as you should.

1146
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:48,759
Speaker 2: I am planning to have a discussion with them next

1147
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 2: week when I visit them, and demand to share all

1148
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 2: of the expenses and equally including my sister from now on,

1149
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 2: for them to force her to get a job and

1150
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,959
Speaker 2: pay her shares too. If she refuses, I will force

1151
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 2: her to move out or go back to our home country,

1152
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 2: as she did not contribute anything since coming here. Maybe

1153
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 2: maybe her being homeless or going back will wake her

1154
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,760
Speaker 2: up on how lucky she was and set her head straight.

1155
00:53:13,680 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: And you can always set your head straight with us

1156
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 2: live every weekday three pm PSD. Just tap our profile'll

1157
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 2: stop it. There is a little bit more here, Sophia.

1158
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 3: But I think op, he's doing the right thing. I

1159
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 3: think that your parents have been taking advantage of you

1160
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,720
Speaker 3: for a while, and you know, putting your sister above

1161
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 3: you and making you feel guilty. H And I think

1162
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 3: that it's totally fair of you to want to put

1163
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 3: some boundaries.

1164
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 2: Out and find like some I called it, I was like,

1165
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 2: when is the sister gonna come into this? And she

1166
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: called out the sister.

1167
00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 3: Like she's the favorite.

1168
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 2: She's the favorite, and no wonder, Mom's not, you know,

1169
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 2: calling her out. Hopefully this discussion goes well and they understand,

1170
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 2: but I guarantee you whether or not, and the sister

1171
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 2: is gonna be very upset, and she does. She's like,

1172
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, but let's see.

1173
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:00,879
Speaker 3: Hopefully story off.

1174
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 2: I will demand a written agreement that if they cannot

1175
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 2: provide the funds for their shares, we will sell the

1176
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 2: house and split the money. I still care about my

1177
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 2: parents and have no issues equally sharing the money from

1178
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 2: the sale since three of us is on the title,

1179
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 2: to help them pay some of their debt and support themselves.

1180
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 2: After this, I might go no contact for a good

1181
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 2: while to focus on myself and achieving my goals. I

1182
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 2: hope everything goes well when I confront them, but I

1183
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:28,280
Speaker 2: have a feeling that my mom would retaliate on my decision,

1184
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 2: and we'll try to try and guilt trip or manipulate

1185
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 2: me again, but I will stand my ground this time.

1186
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 2: I will try my best to give an update on

1187
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 2: how everything settles out in the end.

1188
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.

1189
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:41,400
Speaker 2: That was.

1190
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 3: But yeah, no, I think good on you. Put those

1191
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 3: boundaries up. Don't let them walk all over you.

1192
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 2: Honestly, overall, I would sell the house. It's already so

1193
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 2: much of a strain on everyone. Sell the house, go smaller,

1194
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 2: go buy whatever they want. You don't have to worry

1195
00:54:57,080 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 2: about the sister, So the sister back home. That's one

1196
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 2: less head to worry. I know you want to care

1197
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 2: and be there for your parents, but again, this is

1198
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,439
Speaker 2: so straighting on you and your education that you want

1199
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 2: your life, you don't need them. This is a time

1200
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 2: for you to be on your own and just take

1201
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 2: care of yourself. And you only go.

1202
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 3: On that trip with your partner. Go on, go on

1203
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 3: what I say you have to do. But that's the

1204
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,719
Speaker 3: end of that story. So we'll see you next time.

1205
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 4: See you.

1206
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here, og host of the show. We're

1207
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 1: gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a

1208
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 1: quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1209
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 4: My father in law threatened to kick his own grandkids

1210
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 4: out of his house, so we're cunning him out of theirs.

1211
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, get kicked out of the family. Dork.

1212
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 4: I twenty seven female, and my husband twenty seven male,

1213
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:47,879
Speaker 4: had gotten separated at the beginning of the year. After

1214
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:51,240
Speaker 4: some time apart and better communication skills, we have decided

1215
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,240
Speaker 4: to fix our marriage.

1216
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 1: Oh good job.

1217
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 4: We have two sons together. One of them is four

1218
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 4: and the other is three. By the way, this comes

1219
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 4: from X Graham three regular ninety seven X on the

1220
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 4: Rsishoka storytime separated it. During our separation, my husband and

1221
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 4: children moved in with my father in law late fifties,

1222
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 4: and I couldn't have thanked him more for giving my

1223
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 4: children a stable place to live while I, on the

1224
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,280
Speaker 4: other hand, wasn't having the best of luck and moved

1225
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 4: back home with my parents. A little backstory. My in

1226
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 4: laws are everything to me. They accepted me with open arms,

1227
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 4: accepting my oldest son whom I had gotten pregnant with

1228
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 4: before getting together with my husband in twenty nineteen, and

1229
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,560
Speaker 4: took on the role as Papa and nana very well.

1230
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:37,759
Speaker 4: My father in law was always my favorite because he

1231
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 4: knew the best possible words to help my husband and

1232
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 4: I when we needed it the most. Oh he was

1233
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,760
Speaker 4: like a father figure I needed in my life, aside

1234
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:50,200
Speaker 4: from my stepfather, but that is a different story. When

1235
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 4: my husband and I separated, they did what any normal

1236
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 4: in laws would do. They forbid me from coming to

1237
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 4: their house only to talk to my husband, see or

1238
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,920
Speaker 4: speak to the kids. Typical I'd be lying if I

1239
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 4: said it didn't hurt, but I ever respected it with

1240
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 4: the best of my ability. Fast forward to now. Oh,

1241
00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 4: for about two and a half years, my oldest son

1242
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:14,000
Speaker 4: has been diagnosed with ADHD that we can't properly test

1243
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 4: or treat until he turns five, which won't be until

1244
00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 4: the first of the year, while also being diagnosed with

1245
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:24,120
Speaker 4: a behavioral disability while also getting over stimulated at times.

1246
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 4: This is made of finding childcare for my son very

1247
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 4: difficult at times since many places aren't equipped to handle

1248
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 4: a child like that. Completely sucks, but it is what

1249
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,880
Speaker 4: it is. These days, we are taking the proper steps.

1250
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 4: He has an appointment for occupational therapy later this month

1251
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:44,720
Speaker 4: to get us a better handle on our sons and

1252
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 4: to give him the best ability he needs. Today, however,

1253
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 4: he got expelled from his daycare slash preschool due to

1254
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 4: him throwing chairs and hitting his classmates slash teachers. Oh no, no,

1255
00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 4: it hurts knowing they aren't willing to work with the

1256
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 4: US until his appointment. But I figured out that that's

1257
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 4: more about safety than anything. I'm respecting that everyone needs

1258
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 4: to be safe, including the teachers. My husband has told

1259
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:13,920
Speaker 4: me multiple times since my son has been suspended multiple

1260
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 4: times for the same behavior. While we are trying to

1261
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 4: get him the help he properly needs, my father in

1262
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 4: law has made it a point that if my oldest

1263
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 4: son gets expelled from his daycare that he would throw

1264
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 4: my husband and children in the street. Excuse me, knowing

1265
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 4: they have nowhere else to go. What your own kid

1266
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 4: like in your own grandkids, because he's because like some kid.

1267
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 4: That's like trying to work through something.

1268
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 1: Right, It's like what your your four or five year

1269
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 1: old kid has behavioral problems. And the grandfather's response is

1270
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 1: just like, if that kid gets expelled, he's out of here.

1271
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: We won't have it. Not in our long storied family

1272
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 1: line have we ever had a child be expelled from

1273
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: the school.

1274
00:58:57,400 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 4: For contact husband and I were saving money to be

1275
00:59:00,160 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 4: able to get our own place, but inflation has made

1276
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:05,160
Speaker 4: that extremely hard, while also trying to tend to the

1277
00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 4: needs of our children without financial help from others. Not

1278
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 4: complaining since this is our responsibility of obviously, but some

1279
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,400
Speaker 4: help once in a while would be nice given how

1280
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,920
Speaker 4: the world has turned out. When my husband got to

1281
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,440
Speaker 4: father in law's home after work, he told father in

1282
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 4: law what happened, and all he did was scoff. I

1283
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 4: fear my children will wake up being told they have

1284
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:27,560
Speaker 4: to leave. I have talked with my parents so far

1285
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:30,560
Speaker 4: one is okay with my family coming here until we

1286
00:59:30,600 --> 00:59:33,040
Speaker 4: can find a place, while the other is currently sick,

1287
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 4: so I haven't bombarded them with the idea. I want

1288
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 4: to respect both my parents and get both of their

1289
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 4: permissions instead of one due to this being their house.

1290
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,440
Speaker 4: I've made a point to my husband that if my

1291
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 4: father in law kicks out my family to the street,

1292
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 4: he will no longer be welcome into our lives and

1293
00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 4: will have nothing to do with our children. My husband

1294
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,880
Speaker 4: agreed and said, whether they get kicked out or leave voluntarily,

1295
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,320
Speaker 4: he is done with his father in law because not

1296
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,040
Speaker 4: only has he threatened this, but He has complained to

1297
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 4: my husband about tiny things like his alarm going off

1298
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,480
Speaker 4: for longer than a minute, the children being typical children,

1299
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 4: and many other things that seem like very petty compliments.

1300
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 4: I think he's just done with Yeah. I know he's

1301
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 4: young kids in his house.

1302
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 1: He's fully become the curmudgeony old man and he's like,

1303
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 1: chime y'all, kid to get off the floor. It's like

1304
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: they're sitting on the floor playing with and.

1305
01:00:25,080 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 4: He's not even old. He's like in his fifties.

1306
01:00:27,080 --> 01:00:29,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, but sometimes that's all it takes to become a curmudgeon.

1307
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes you just turn fifty something and you're like,

1308
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 1: I hate the youth.

1309
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 4: Needless to say, for my husband, at father in law

1310
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 4: hasn't been the greatest for him, and he is now

1311
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 4: starting to see the type of person father in law

1312
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,440
Speaker 4: truly is. Mind you, I still respect my in laws

1313
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 4: for taking in my sons during a time of need,

1314
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 4: but he's starting to lose my respect for threatening to

1315
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 4: throw my sons out in the street. Along with my

1316
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 4: husband knowing we are doing everything in our power to

1317
01:00:56,760 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 4: help our oldest son with the help he properly needs.

1318
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 4: I don't want my children to lose their grandfather. But

1319
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 4: I'm at my wits end being absolutely terrified of him,

1320
01:01:06,360 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 4: and he has done many other things which I will

1321
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:10,920
Speaker 4: make an update or an edit if anyone wants to know.

1322
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:13,560
Speaker 4: And I really do not want him around my family

1323
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:16,240
Speaker 4: with the type of toxicity he has shown. I hate

1324
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 4: how he was such a nice guy and this is

1325
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 4: what he turned out to be. Yeah, so I'm asking

1326
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 4: you as a mom, am I the a hole for

1327
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 4: want of my father in law to have nothing to

1328
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 4: do with my family when they move out from his home.

1329
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:28,800
Speaker 4: And we got an update. Oh boy, you're not the

1330
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 4: a hole. I mean, it sucks to see someone that

1331
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 4: has been really nice, and I understand some people can

1332
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 4: be like tired of certain situations, kicking their kid out

1333
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 4: in the street when they need help.

1334
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 1: Well, dude, it's like also, it'd be different if the

1335
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 1: kid was a little older. Maybe, Yeah, this is a toddler. Basically,

1336
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 1: this is a four year old kid. Two toddlers with

1337
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 1: like behavioral problems. It's not it's not like they're no

1338
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:55,760
Speaker 1: like you know, sixteen and like causing a ruckus around

1339
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 1: their neighborhood.

1340
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 4: We got an update. First of all, I want to

1341
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 4: thank everyone for the supportive comments when it comes to

1342
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 4: my oldest son, I've been struggling for years, and it

1343
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 4: means so much to know that people are out there

1344
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 4: willing to listen and give advice instead of constantly judging me.

1345
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 4: So thank you for those who commented, for those who

1346
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:15,000
Speaker 4: think I am the a hole for wanting this. It

1347
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 4: wasn't my first decision. My father in law has been

1348
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 4: a good man in my eyes, but I have started

1349
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 4: to see the truth of how he truly is, and

1350
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 4: if I'm being honest, my sons don't need to be

1351
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,600
Speaker 4: around that. When my husband and children first moved in

1352
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:30,440
Speaker 4: with father in law, my son was doing great. He

1353
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,440
Speaker 4: was thriving at his daycare size preschool. He only had

1354
01:02:33,480 --> 01:02:36,919
Speaker 4: occasional fights with his classmates over toys, but nothing to

1355
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:39,520
Speaker 4: the extent of what we're dealing with now. My husband

1356
01:02:39,560 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 4: and I have come to the conclusion that my oldest

1357
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 4: has been acting more violent in terms of his behavior.

1358
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:47,560
Speaker 4: It seems stemming off the tension in my father in

1359
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 4: law's house that my own father in law has caused

1360
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:52,120
Speaker 4: by yelling at my husband for things out of his

1361
01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 4: control that don't involve our kids. Oh As many parents

1362
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 4: will agree, children will fill that tension and act out

1363
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 4: in ways normal behavior. It hurts that my son has

1364
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 4: gone through with dealing with this and that I'm not

1365
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 4: able to be there in person to properly help my son. However,

1366
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 4: things have been doing better. My brother had said she

1367
01:03:11,640 --> 01:03:14,120
Speaker 4: and I will talk to my father when he starts

1368
01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 4: to feel a little bit better. He is the parent

1369
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 4: that is currently sick and my oldest son coming to

1370
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 4: live with me primarily to relieve the tension that is

1371
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:24,640
Speaker 4: going on at my father in law's house. I do

1372
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:28,160
Speaker 4: believe it will help, but I don't see him criticizing

1373
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,760
Speaker 4: towards my husband ever stopping. But I don't see the

1374
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 4: criticism towards my husband ever stopping. Starting Tuesday, I am

1375
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 4: taking the steps to get my son into a local

1376
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:40,960
Speaker 4: center that helps children with behavioral disabilities and ADHD and

1377
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:43,080
Speaker 4: sorts of therapy to properly help my son.

1378
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 1: It sounds like a profect time to get him in there,

1379
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 1: Let's go.

1380
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 4: I'm also going to get daycare assistance in my county

1381
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 4: to help get my son into a regular daycare, and

1382
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 4: going to be taking steps with my local department to

1383
01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 4: get my son health benefits and anything else they can

1384
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,959
Speaker 4: get to properly give us to ABIL so I don't

1385
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 4: have to rely on my parents for much other than

1386
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 4: a place to live until I can find my own.

1387
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 4: As for my youngest son and husband, they haven't been

1388
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 4: kicked out, thankfully, but I fear my father in law

1389
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 4: will not let up on how he treats my husband

1390
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:16,920
Speaker 4: and my youngest will end up acting because of that. Surely,

1391
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:20,040
Speaker 4: it's just a feeling I have, but we are taking

1392
01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 4: things day by day. When things change, I will update again.

1393
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,080
Speaker 4: Thank you for those who have supported me in giving

1394
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 4: me advice. We have a second update.

1395
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 1: Ooh, we got a second update.

1396
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 4: Update two. Hello everyone, it's been a couple of days

1397
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 4: since my last post and I wanted to share a

1398
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:39,120
Speaker 4: few details that have changed. First, my oldest son is

1399
01:04:39,120 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 4: with me. I am working on getting him into my

1400
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:45,120
Speaker 4: doctor's office for his pediatrician visits and finish up the

1401
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:48,280
Speaker 4: set for ot here in my county. I'm getting him

1402
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:51,000
Speaker 4: the state medical card to help with those things as well,

1403
01:04:51,040 --> 01:04:54,160
Speaker 4: along with getting daycare assistants in my county and getting

1404
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:56,080
Speaker 4: him into preschool or head start.

1405
01:04:56,200 --> 01:04:58,040
Speaker 1: Well, you've been very busy.

1406
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 4: My son is very excited to living with his mom,

1407
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 4: and I couldn't be more happy. My husband has been

1408
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,800
Speaker 4: working long hours to get some good money. He is

1409
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 4: hoping to be out of his father in law's house

1410
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,040
Speaker 4: by this weekend. What he doesn't know is my mother

1411
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 4: and I have been talking and if he were to

1412
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:17,480
Speaker 4: get this job at the company she works for, she

1413
01:05:17,720 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 4: was planning on having him move in with us to

1414
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 4: save more money for all of us to get our

1415
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:25,520
Speaker 4: own place. I'm really hoping he gets this job and

1416
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 4: gets away from that toxicity for the sake of his

1417
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,480
Speaker 4: sanity and our children's safety. Wow.

1418
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,560
Speaker 1: Think of the children, Think of the children, and think

1419
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:34,880
Speaker 1: of us.

1420
01:05:34,920 --> 01:05:37,880
Speaker 4: Every weekday at three PMPSD when we go live on YouTube,

1421
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 4: just tap our profile. I like the momentum we got

1422
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 4: going on here. It's everything is going into good direction.

1423
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,400
Speaker 1: It feels like everything's going in the proper direction for the.

1424
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 4: Child, for the child, the child and my husband.

1425
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 1: And we need to we care for the children.

1426
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:55,479
Speaker 4: Yep, the big question has been running through my mind.

1427
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 4: I want to send my father in law a message

1428
01:05:57,600 --> 01:06:00,160
Speaker 4: when my family gets up here, telling him he will

1429
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 4: no longer be allowed to contact me or my husband

1430
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 4: to talk to my children.

1431
01:06:04,000 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 1: Boom.

1432
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,080
Speaker 4: He might end up cutting off my husband's phone, but

1433
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 4: that'll be fine. I have a phone for my husband

1434
01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:12,000
Speaker 4: to use, and he will be put on my phone

1435
01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 4: plan for next to nothing, so a lot of bases

1436
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 4: covered if that were to be the case. Basically, what

1437
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 4: I'm asking is this, would I be in the wrong

1438
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,480
Speaker 4: sending that message? Or should I let my husband do it?

1439
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:25,120
Speaker 4: I know either way the blowout is it going to

1440
01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 4: be good and all of us will get the backlash

1441
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 4: of it, including my mother, who my father in law

1442
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 4: has already dragged to the mess, even when it doesn't

1443
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 4: fully involve her. I am not sure what to do.

1444
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:37,720
Speaker 4: Any advice would be great. If I were you, I'd

1445
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 4: let the husband do it. That's not my parent, but

1446
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 4: I understand you guys are married now, so you I

1447
01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 4: feel like you may have that right to do it

1448
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:45,200
Speaker 4: whatever you feel is best.

1449
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 1: That's funny you said that, because from my perspective, it's

1450
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 1: like I would be like, you know, you do it

1451
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 1: because or no, no, no, I mean not you do it.

1452
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 1: Hope I'll do it because he already doesn't like me. Yeah,

1453
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 1: it's like let him direct all his anger at me. Whatever.

1454
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't want your relationship with your dad

1455
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 1: to get worse because like he's it's definitely not gonna

1456
01:07:07,160 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 1: get better with me.

1457
01:07:07,880 --> 01:07:12,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just like slightly on the husband saying it side.

1458
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:15,080
Speaker 4: But I mean either way, I'm cool with man. I'm like,

1459
01:07:15,480 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 4: it's like neutral husband doing it.

1460
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 1: It's probably about equal either way. It's just like when

1461
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 1: we might have slightly less collateral damage if you even

1462
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:28,440
Speaker 1: consider that, because I think the husband already said, like,

1463
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:32,680
Speaker 1: regardless of what happens, I'm I'm cutting him off because yeah,

1464
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:35,880
Speaker 1: that was an absurd thing for him to try to say.

1465
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:38,600
Speaker 4: So crazy. Anyway, that's the end of that story.

1466
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:44,240
Speaker 1: That is the end of that story. My in laws

1467
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: are driving me crazy with their manipulations. They want to

1468
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:51,120
Speaker 1: turn my fiance against me h.

1469
01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:54,680
Speaker 2: For what he was my child.

1470
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:58,480
Speaker 1: First, all names in this story are fake. Even at

1471
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,440
Speaker 1: the very beginning of our relationship, I twenty five female

1472
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:04,800
Speaker 1: and my fiance Kevin twenty seven male, knew we were

1473
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 1: going to get married one day. Oh isn't that cute?

1474
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 4: That's a doble.

1475
01:08:08,440 --> 01:08:11,240
Speaker 1: We weren't discussing it much with anyone else at the time.

1476
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:13,760
Speaker 1: We had a long distance relationship and I would stay

1477
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 1: at his house on weekends sometimes. At that time, he

1478
01:08:17,320 --> 01:08:20,439
Speaker 1: lived with his parents because they needed help. By the way,

1479
01:08:20,479 --> 01:08:23,679
Speaker 1: this comes from user son Worshiper on the r slash

1480
01:08:23,680 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 1: Okay story Times subreddit. My fiance's job sometimes requires him

1481
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:31,280
Speaker 1: to attend games of the nearest NFL team because the

1482
01:08:31,320 --> 01:08:34,760
Speaker 1: company rents a suite there and uses it to schmooze clients.

1483
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,160
Speaker 1: He had a game to attend on a weekend I

1484
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,599
Speaker 1: was visiting, but I was planning to go home Sunday

1485
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 1: before the game since I had other plans. When those

1486
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:45,080
Speaker 1: plans fell through, we decided that I would stay at

1487
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:47,479
Speaker 1: the house while Kevin and his father, Barry, went to

1488
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 1: the game. Then we would spend more time together after

1489
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 1: he had been planning to take his dad for a

1490
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:55,839
Speaker 1: while since his dad is a huge fan of the team.

1491
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:59,320
Speaker 1: I personally don't know how football works and don't care to,

1492
01:08:59,640 --> 01:09:01,439
Speaker 1: as I don't like it. Well. To be fair, if

1493
01:09:01,479 --> 01:09:03,400
Speaker 1: you don't know how it works, you're definitely not gonna

1494
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:07,600
Speaker 1: like it exactly. I'm also extremely uncomfortable being outlay in

1495
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:11,000
Speaker 1: a crowd or in loud environments. I've been abused at

1496
01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:14,920
Speaker 1: various points in my life and have severe PTSD and agoraphobia.

1497
01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:17,240
Speaker 1: My fiance knew I wouldn't want to go to the game,

1498
01:09:17,360 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 1: so he made no plans for me to attend. Saturday,

1499
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,600
Speaker 1: while we were out doing things, his parents, Barry and Belinda,

1500
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:26,760
Speaker 1: kept texting him, insisting that I should go to the

1501
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 1: game instead of Barry. He explained that I wouldn't want

1502
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 1: to go, but no matter how many times he said

1503
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:38,439
Speaker 1: it or explained why, they kept insisting, annoying, always annoying.

1504
01:09:38,560 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 1: When we got home later that day, all four of

1505
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:44,439
Speaker 1: us talked. I explained multiple reasons why I didn't want

1506
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 1: to go. They still pushed. If I said I didn't

1507
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 1: like football, they didn't know anything about it, or wouldn't

1508
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:54,639
Speaker 1: enjoy it. They dismissed it, saying I would because we'd

1509
01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:56,720
Speaker 1: be in a suite and it's a once in a

1510
01:09:56,760 --> 01:10:01,240
Speaker 1: lifetime opportunity. Eventually I became exhaust and left the room

1511
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,760
Speaker 1: to cry. This should have been a red flag about

1512
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,280
Speaker 1: his parents. He was finally able to get through to them,

1513
01:10:06,439 --> 01:10:09,000
Speaker 1: and the next day they went to the game without me.

1514
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,120
Speaker 1: While I was at the house, I mostly stayed in

1515
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 1: Kevin's room while Belinda watched TV in the living room.

1516
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:17,680
Speaker 1: We briefly talked when I went in there, but not

1517
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:21,000
Speaker 1: about anything significant. I didn't feel comfortable mentioning the type

1518
01:10:21,000 --> 01:10:24,240
Speaker 1: of engagement ring I wanted to his mother because this

1519
01:10:24,439 --> 01:10:27,160
Speaker 1: was only my second time meeting her. That would have

1520
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:29,720
Speaker 1: felt very weird to me. My fiance and I had

1521
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:31,920
Speaker 1: discussed what kind of ring I wanted, and I told

1522
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,920
Speaker 1: him I preferred a gemstone ring. I like the colors

1523
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:37,559
Speaker 1: rather than just a clear diamond. A week or so later,

1524
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:40,800
Speaker 1: Kevin and I were texting about rings, and he insisted

1525
01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:44,120
Speaker 1: on a diamond because that's what he thought I wanted.

1526
01:10:44,400 --> 01:10:47,160
Speaker 4: Yes, because this is his engagement.

1527
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 1: You want diamond, yep, I decide. Due to past abuse,

1528
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,880
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to voice my opinion, but I

1529
01:10:54,960 --> 01:10:57,479
Speaker 1: trust Kevin, so I told him what I wanted and

1530
01:10:57,600 --> 01:10:59,840
Speaker 1: expected him to honor it if he wanted to be

1531
01:10:59,880 --> 01:11:02,920
Speaker 1: my husband. I didn't ask for a diamond, but I

1532
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 1: wanted somebody who cares about my voice and listens to

1533
01:11:06,120 --> 01:11:09,880
Speaker 1: my wishes. With my past abusive situations, I didn't get

1534
01:11:09,880 --> 01:11:13,519
Speaker 1: a choice or a voice. Still, he insisted on a diamond,

1535
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:17,240
Speaker 1: saying that was what I wanted and that I just

1536
01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:22,920
Speaker 1: wasn't telling him what Who's mmmm. I suspect that the

1537
01:11:22,960 --> 01:11:24,599
Speaker 1: mother in law has something to do with.

1538
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 4: This, oh yeah.

1539
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:28,479
Speaker 1: We went back and forth for hours and it was draining.

1540
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:31,160
Speaker 1: I have no idea where he got the idea that

1541
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:34,559
Speaker 1: I wanted a diamond. He eventually told me that I

1542
01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:36,920
Speaker 1: had told his mother I wanted a diamond when we

1543
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:40,439
Speaker 1: were alone and they were at the game, but we

1544
01:11:40,520 --> 01:11:45,800
Speaker 1: never even discussed rings. What a weird what a weird

1545
01:11:45,880 --> 01:11:46,439
Speaker 1: power play.

1546
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 4: So they're trying to get her to the game so

1547
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:50,200
Speaker 4: they could just pressure her more on this.

1548
01:11:50,439 --> 01:11:53,200
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know, like what, I don't

1549
01:11:53,240 --> 01:11:55,280
Speaker 1: know if the game has anything to do with that.

1550
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,759
Speaker 1: I think it might just be a completely separate event

1551
01:11:57,840 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 1: of like, also, okay, yeah, I'm just going to lie

1552
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:01,120
Speaker 1: to your husband and.

1553
01:12:03,000 --> 01:12:05,720
Speaker 4: They're going to the game speaking proposed to her, and

1554
01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:08,599
Speaker 4: he's already by her a clear domino ring and it's

1555
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:11,240
Speaker 4: a once in a lifetime oh once a long time

1556
01:12:11,280 --> 01:12:12,719
Speaker 4: going come.

1557
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:16,400
Speaker 1: Why would she make up such a lie that is

1558
01:12:16,439 --> 01:12:19,200
Speaker 1: so weird and manipulative? Why would it matter to her?

1559
01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:21,879
Speaker 1: Wouldn't she want him to get the ring I wanted.

1560
01:12:22,360 --> 01:12:25,400
Speaker 1: It's the weirdest lie ever. There have been many times

1561
01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:28,080
Speaker 1: in our relationship that his parents have belittled my choices

1562
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:31,439
Speaker 1: or promised things and then gone back on them. He says,

1563
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:34,280
Speaker 1: they are just busy dealing with family problems, so I

1564
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:36,639
Speaker 1: should get over it every time they let us down.

1565
01:12:36,840 --> 01:12:39,760
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with similar issues with my own family, but

1566
01:12:39,840 --> 01:12:42,840
Speaker 1: I still try to fulfill my promises to people despite this,

1567
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,719
Speaker 1: even though he uses their busy schedules as an excuse

1568
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:49,080
Speaker 1: for their failure to follow through on promises. Butlinda still

1569
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:52,120
Speaker 1: wants to help plan the wedding but has never reached

1570
01:12:52,120 --> 01:12:54,080
Speaker 1: out to me. I was just trying to follow proper

1571
01:12:54,080 --> 01:12:56,840
Speaker 1: wedding etiquette, which I was taught means the mother of

1572
01:12:56,880 --> 01:12:59,160
Speaker 1: the groom should reach out to offer help if she

1573
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:02,360
Speaker 1: wants to. I also thought, if they can't even do

1574
01:13:02,439 --> 01:13:05,080
Speaker 1: the little things they promise, how can they help plan

1575
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:06,519
Speaker 1: my wedding? Fair?

1576
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:07,599
Speaker 3: Fair point.

1577
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:10,559
Speaker 1: Kevin and I have been living together and sometimes after

1578
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:13,880
Speaker 1: work he visits his parents. Every time he comes home,

1579
01:13:14,040 --> 01:13:19,599
Speaker 1: our wedding plans change. Oh, he's getting the little whenever

1580
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:20,639
Speaker 1: he goes back home.

1581
01:13:21,360 --> 01:13:23,559
Speaker 4: Who's doing it though? The father and the mother in law.

1582
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:25,040
Speaker 1: It's gotta be both.

1583
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:27,760
Speaker 4: I like to think the mother in law is like

1584
01:13:27,800 --> 01:13:30,639
Speaker 4: puppeteering the father and the son.

1585
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:33,680
Speaker 1: Maybe could be just the mother in law, but I

1586
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:36,760
Speaker 1: feel like. The father in law was also like, they

1587
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:39,320
Speaker 1: sat down and had that conversation about why she doesn't

1588
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:41,280
Speaker 1: want to go to the game, and both of them

1589
01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:44,760
Speaker 1: were just like, Nah, you're being dumb. You want to

1590
01:13:44,800 --> 01:13:47,880
Speaker 1: go to the game. Stupid, don't you know? His mom

1591
01:13:47,920 --> 01:13:50,599
Speaker 1: gave him a list of things to remove from our

1592
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:54,240
Speaker 1: wedding and registry. She also just doesn't like the soup

1593
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:56,760
Speaker 1: company I picked out, and blah blah blah blah, so

1594
01:13:57,000 --> 01:14:00,679
Speaker 1: many things she doesn't like. She wants to send wedding

1595
01:14:00,680 --> 01:14:03,960
Speaker 1: announcements with the registry information to people who were invited

1596
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:07,920
Speaker 1: to the wedding, which I think is terrible etiquette. When

1597
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:10,000
Speaker 1: she finally reached out to offer help, it was in

1598
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:13,479
Speaker 1: a group text with Belinda, Barry, Kevin, and me. I

1599
01:14:13,520 --> 01:14:15,519
Speaker 1: tried to find something for her to help with that

1600
01:14:15,560 --> 01:14:18,280
Speaker 1: wouldn't be too overwhelming for her, and I asked her

1601
01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:21,400
Speaker 1: to help me pick out flowers for arrangements. I was

1602
01:14:21,560 --> 01:14:24,080
Speaker 1: very specific about what I didn't want and what I

1603
01:14:24,120 --> 01:14:26,680
Speaker 1: was looking for. A few weeks later, she showed me

1604
01:14:26,720 --> 01:14:30,400
Speaker 1: floral arrangements with only the things I had said no to,

1605
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:34,320
Speaker 1: and they were her favorites, something I didn't know until

1606
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:35,479
Speaker 1: Kevin pointed it out.

1607
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:35,920
Speaker 4: Oh.

1608
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:38,640
Speaker 1: After I texted her about the flowers, she brought up

1609
01:14:38,680 --> 01:14:42,600
Speaker 1: another issue with the wedding hymn singing. Oh lovely congregational

1610
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:45,559
Speaker 1: hymn singing is a part of my faith tradition, and

1611
01:14:45,600 --> 01:14:47,040
Speaker 1: it's done it every wedding.

1612
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:49,000
Speaker 4: Okay, so it should be done at.

1613
01:14:48,920 --> 01:14:51,960
Speaker 1: Yours if that's how it is, that's what it is.

1614
01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:54,519
Speaker 1: Though I'm a new convert, it's one of the most

1615
01:14:54,520 --> 01:14:56,960
Speaker 1: important aspects to me. We aren't getting married at my

1616
01:14:57,120 --> 01:14:59,400
Speaker 1: church because my fiance didn't want to go through the

1617
01:14:59,479 --> 01:15:04,280
Speaker 1: required premarital counseling and his father, who is ordained, will officiate.

1618
01:15:04,400 --> 01:15:08,080
Speaker 1: That's important to him. So I compromised. I specifically found

1619
01:15:08,160 --> 01:15:11,280
Speaker 1: a venue with an organ so there could be congregational

1620
01:15:11,560 --> 01:15:12,240
Speaker 1: him singing.

1621
01:15:12,479 --> 01:15:12,799
Speaker 4: Okay.

1622
01:15:13,280 --> 01:15:16,200
Speaker 1: We actually had a fight a few days before because

1623
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:19,519
Speaker 1: Kevin mentioned this to his parents and they didn't like it.

1624
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:25,599
Speaker 4: Surprise, surprise, what toasts, Kevin, what toast? Spine, Kevin wet toast.

1625
01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:27,920
Speaker 1: When he came home, he tried to talk me out

1626
01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:30,599
Speaker 1: of it, but I stood my ground because it's important

1627
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:34,360
Speaker 1: to me. He realized this, so after some back and forth,

1628
01:15:34,439 --> 01:15:36,960
Speaker 1: Kevin told his parents that we would be singing hymns.

1629
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:39,479
Speaker 1: I thought the matter was closed, but here they were

1630
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:43,799
Speaker 1: bringing it up again through text. What why? Why? I mean, stop,

1631
01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:46,160
Speaker 1: just what are you doing? Just let him do it?

1632
01:15:46,200 --> 01:15:49,479
Speaker 4: Come, what's the big deal. It's their wedding, not yours.

1633
01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,439
Speaker 4: What did you guys not have a good wedding? Are

1634
01:15:51,439 --> 01:15:53,519
Speaker 4: you trying to like make make one for yourself?

1635
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:53,920
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1636
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:54,920
Speaker 4: What's happening here?

1637
01:15:55,080 --> 01:15:58,599
Speaker 1: It's there's some it's weird, just too controlling the way

1638
01:15:58,640 --> 01:16:00,800
Speaker 1: they brought it up through Kevin under the bus and

1639
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 1: made him sound stupid. They basically acted like he mistook

1640
01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:07,200
Speaker 1: what I wanted and didn't tell them right, because there's

1641
01:16:07,240 --> 01:16:10,120
Speaker 1: no way I could want hymns. They said people don't

1642
01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:12,640
Speaker 1: sing hymns at weddings and that it would make the

1643
01:16:12,840 --> 01:16:17,040
Speaker 1: environment uncomfortable. After a few more rounds of back and forth,

1644
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:20,040
Speaker 1: and with Kevin standing firm on our decision, saying we

1645
01:16:20,160 --> 01:16:23,000
Speaker 1: have disgusted at length, this is what we're doing. It's

1646
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:25,040
Speaker 1: very important to her that we do it this way,

1647
01:16:25,479 --> 01:16:28,720
Speaker 1: his mother responded with a message that started quote, it's

1648
01:16:28,760 --> 01:16:31,519
Speaker 1: a mistake. Thanks mom, thanks for the thanks.

1649
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,000
Speaker 4: Breaking up with Kevin's come on, no respect, no respect,

1650
01:16:35,160 --> 01:16:36,919
Speaker 4: Give rid of Kevin and got no respect.

1651
01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:39,559
Speaker 1: Get rid of Kevin. Oh yeah, get rid of the man. Yeah,

1652
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:41,479
Speaker 1: I get rid of Kevin. He's but he's supporting her.

1653
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:46,160
Speaker 1: He's wet toasting. Not really, he's literally standing on business

1654
01:16:46,280 --> 01:16:49,559
Speaker 1: as we speak. He's literally he literally just said, this

1655
01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:52,439
Speaker 1: is what we're doing. It's important to her, so we're

1656
01:16:52,479 --> 01:16:55,040
Speaker 1: doing it. She went on to rant about how our

1657
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:57,960
Speaker 1: wedding would be a train wreck. Kevin texted her one

1658
01:16:58,000 --> 01:17:01,080
Speaker 1: on one afterwards because he thought her mess was unnecessary

1659
01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:04,439
Speaker 1: and uncalled for. By the way, it would never be

1660
01:17:04,560 --> 01:17:08,240
Speaker 1: uncalled for you to join us live on YouTube every

1661
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:12,120
Speaker 1: weekday at three pm PST. Just tap our profile. She

1662
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:16,160
Speaker 1: also scoffed at the idea of wedding programs, saying they

1663
01:17:16,160 --> 01:17:19,400
Speaker 1: don't exist and are only for funerals. So apparently no

1664
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:22,439
Speaker 1: one sings hymns at weddings. Wedding programs don't exist, and

1665
01:17:22,479 --> 01:17:26,479
Speaker 1: it's perfectly appropriate to send wedding announcements with registry information

1666
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:30,400
Speaker 1: to people not invited to the wedding. Got it. Sorry,

1667
01:17:30,479 --> 01:17:32,200
Speaker 1: this story is all over the place. I tried to

1668
01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:34,960
Speaker 1: leave out other issues with them that don't involve the wedding.

1669
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:38,240
Speaker 1: It's always one thing after another, and I just feel

1670
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:41,439
Speaker 1: stupid and not good enough. Well sorry, op, but you're

1671
01:17:41,479 --> 01:17:43,040
Speaker 1: not stupid and you are good enough.

1672
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:43,519
Speaker 4: There we go.

1673
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:47,000
Speaker 1: Even my opinions and likes are not good enough for them.

1674
01:17:47,360 --> 01:17:50,280
Speaker 1: I'm worried about the future and how they'll try to micromanage,

1675
01:17:50,360 --> 01:17:54,719
Speaker 1: dictate and judge our future family and our decisions. Thank

1676
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:59,240
Speaker 1: you everyone. Hopefully someone has some advice. Am I making

1677
01:17:59,280 --> 01:18:01,479
Speaker 1: a mountain out of them? Am I the a hole?

1678
01:18:01,880 --> 01:18:04,880
Speaker 1: What should I do next? I probably need to post

1679
01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:08,840
Speaker 1: the drama with one of my bridesmaids. Oh please do go.

1680
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:11,960
Speaker 1: I think that the best thing to do in this

1681
01:18:12,040 --> 01:18:16,080
Speaker 1: situation is like you set the hard boundary, You have

1682
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:19,439
Speaker 1: the hard talk with the in laws with the support

1683
01:18:19,520 --> 01:18:22,600
Speaker 1: of your husband, and you just say, look, this is

1684
01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:26,200
Speaker 1: what we're doing. These are the decisions we've made, and

1685
01:18:26,240 --> 01:18:30,280
Speaker 1: we're following through on them. We would we no longer

1686
01:18:30,479 --> 01:18:36,400
Speaker 1: require any additional input. And if they continue to gap,

1687
01:18:36,840 --> 01:18:38,280
Speaker 1: that's where you go, all right, you're not going to

1688
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:40,400
Speaker 1: the wedding, yep. And then they can try to backpedal

1689
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:42,720
Speaker 1: out of that. But I guarantee you it's like, or

1690
01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:45,120
Speaker 1: maybe maybe say it up front, it's like we are

1691
01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:49,120
Speaker 1: no longer accepting advice and if you guys continue to

1692
01:18:49,240 --> 01:18:52,439
Speaker 1: not respect this boundary, you will not be at the wedding.

1693
01:18:52,720 --> 01:18:55,640
Speaker 4: Only if Kevin's wet toa spine can turn is the

1694
01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:58,200
Speaker 4: sour widow. This is a great test to see if

1695
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,479
Speaker 4: you guys can't get married or not. So honest, glad

1696
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:02,880
Speaker 4: this happened to up. Yeah, you're about to see if

1697
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:04,640
Speaker 4: this is the man of your future or not?

1698
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:06,120
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do you really want to be with a man

1699
01:19:06,120 --> 01:19:07,639
Speaker 1: who can't stand up to his family?

1700
01:19:07,680 --> 01:19:08,759
Speaker 4: But that's the end of that story.

1701
01:19:09,080 --> 01:19:09,960
Speaker 1: Is the end of that story?

1702
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:12,040
Speaker 4: The episode do you Love Us? Make sure to.

1703
01:19:12,040 --> 01:19:14,439
Speaker 1: Subscribe to us. Make sure you subscribe. We love you

1704
01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:16,280
Speaker 1: and see you tomorrow.