1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: This is Latino USA, the radio journal of News and 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: Kurturre Latino USA. 3 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 2: Latin Latino USA. I'm Maria Inojosa. 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: We bring you stories that are underreported but that mattered 5 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: to you, overlooked by the rest of the media, and 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,640 Speaker 1: while the country is struggling to deal with these, we 7 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: listen to the stories of Black and Latino Studios United, 8 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:24,639 Speaker 1: Latino Front, a cultural renaissance organizing at the forefront of 9 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:34,480 Speaker 1: the movement. I'm Maria Inojosa, ge Paso Latino USA. Listener Gostas. 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,400 Speaker 1: Today we continue our look at thirty years of impactful 11 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: journalism made right here on Latino USA. This time it's 12 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: an award winning episode from our archives. Here's Alzheimer's in color. 13 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 2: Hello, So this is my life. Every week I have 14 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 2: a skype call into my mom's nursing home in the Bronx. Hi, Mommy, 15 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:06,839 Speaker 2: it's Yvonne ybond Eha. Each call starts more or less 16 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 2: the same. I reintroduced myself to my mother and remind 17 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 2: her that this is her daughter, Yvonne speaking. How are 18 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:20,759 Speaker 2: you feeling? This is Margo. 19 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 3: Margita Dunieta, my younger daughter Margot is on this call 20 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,840 Speaker 3: and we are trying to get my mom to recognize us. 21 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 2: She's got Alzheimer's disease and it's been hell, and COVID 22 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 2: nineteen has made it worse. The last time I saw 23 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,320 Speaker 2: her in person was in March. She knew who I was. 24 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 2: Then it was a week before the coronavirus shut down 25 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 2: in New York City, where she lives. 26 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 4: We wants to inform you that we have the senior 27 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 4: confirmation that an individual at Best Abraham's Center has been 28 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 4: diagnosed with COVID nineteen. 29 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 2: And now I get endless robo calls telling me that 30 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 2: the virus is in her nursing home. People are dying there. 31 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 2: I know I am losing her every second of every 32 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 2: day if COVID doesn't take her Alzheimer's will. 33 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 5: While we understand the inconvenience this may cause, it is 34 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 5: crucial that we restrict visitations to reduce the spread of 35 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 5: this virus. 36 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:27,920 Speaker 2: And it sucks, and the sky calls her hard. She 37 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 2: is distant, unfocused. She can barely speak a few words 38 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 2: and they rarely make sense. I was told to use 39 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 2: music to reach her, Mama. She loves Latin music, she 40 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:50,639 Speaker 2: loves to dance, and so I try my Mom's name 41 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 2: is Ramona Laddie or Ramanita Mota Laddie or Ramona Novelli 42 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 2: Amota Haemo send Laddie if I want to tease. 43 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 5: Her, noamnt. 44 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 2: Nova Nova Nova Oi Oi, Novelia Oi a very ugly name. 45 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 2: You used to tell me when I was a kid. 46 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 2: You hated your middle name. She's eighty seven and it's 47 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 2: been four years now since she was diagnosed. Four years 48 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 2: of the lonely journey, which in the end, I walk 49 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 2: alone because my mom has no idea what day it is, 50 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,519 Speaker 2: what year it is, how old she is, or where 51 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:33,959 Speaker 2: she is. 52 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 5: You don't know who I am. 53 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 2: You promised me you were never gonna forget me, and 54 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 2: look at you not forgetting me. Thanks a lot. 55 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: From Fudro Media and PRX. It's Latino USA. I'm Maria 56 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: Nojosa Today. An intimate an intergenerational portrait of one woman's 57 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: journey with Alzheimer's and her family's commitment to remembering her life. 58 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: For many aging Latinos, Latinas and African Americans, Alzheimer's disease 59 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: has become one of the leading health crises. Access to healthcare, 60 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,359 Speaker 1: pre existing conditions, the quality of institutions that help aging 61 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 1: people of color. All of these disparities become amplified by 62 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. As more people live longer, the 63 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: challenges around Alzheimer's keep growing. Experts predict that by twenty 64 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: sixty there could be an over eight hundred percent growth 65 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: of Latinos with this incurable degenerative form of dementia. For 66 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: journalist Ivon Latin, this story is personal. Her mother, Ramona Latti, 67 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in twenty sixteen. Yvonne has been 68 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: documenting her mother's illness and brings us this intimate portrait 69 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: of her mom's life before and after Alzheimer's. 70 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:12,960 Speaker 2: Hello, Ola, I love my mom, I really really do. 71 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,919 Speaker 2: I can't say I have understood her or the decisions 72 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 2: she's made. I can't say she understood me either. I 73 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 2: can't say we belong on a latinx American experienced Hallmark card, 74 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:29,480 Speaker 2: or that our mother daughter bond is unique. She pissed 75 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 2: me off and could be a pain in the ass. 76 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 2: I know she would say that about me too. You know, 77 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 2: the teen that likes to wear black and locks herself 78 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 2: in her messy room with her headphones on. All the 79 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 2: time that was me. We had some epic battles, for sure. 80 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 2: In some ways, I think we were the same person, 81 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 2: living different extremes, each wanting so much more than what 82 00:05:52,279 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 2: is expected of women like us. My mom faced dirt, 83 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 2: poor poverty in the Dominican Republic where she was born. 84 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 2: She joined a wave of immigration to the US at nineteen, 85 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 2: and she surpassed every challenge thrown her way. I'm not 86 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 2: ashamed to say I am desperate to connect with her, 87 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 2: to understand her story and make it mine. Until the 88 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 2: world Ramona Laddie, my mom matters. My name is, said 89 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:39,679 Speaker 2: Ramona Latti. That was just four years ago, whilst going happens, 90 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 2: going to happen. I'm mad. I watch you though, might 91 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 2: sort of thing any see, don't worry, don't march. This 92 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 2: was right after her diagnosis, when we could still talk 93 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 2: to each other, and we were going on endless doctors 94 00:06:56,279 --> 00:07:00,839 Speaker 2: visits looking for some hope, a treatment, way to slow 95 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 2: the disease down. Some before scared of bit, but you're 96 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 2: not scared now. 97 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 3: I'm how scared of that I've Paiduto's society. 98 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 2: Since my mother said those words, her life went on 99 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 2: a rapid decline. The threat that holds us together gets thinner, 100 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 2: The conversation's more difficult, and my profound sadness over losing 101 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: her harder to manage. 102 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 6: My first impressions were that she she was able to 103 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 6: propel her wheelchair with her feet, not her hands. 104 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 2: These days, my lifeline is the staff at the Beth 105 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 2: Abraham Nursing Home in the Bronx where my mom lives. 106 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: This is her nurse practitioner, Iris Nagan. She has supported 107 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 2: me on countless occasions. Iris started working with my mom 108 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: in January of twenty nineteen. 109 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 6: She seemed to communicate a little better in Spanish than 110 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 6: in English. The impoverishment of speech and often the inability 111 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 6: to walk are connected to having had dementia for a while. 112 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 5: Theever that's a song that I wrote that don't. 113 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 2: Alzheimer's is a brain disease. It slowly destroys your memories, 114 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 2: Your ability to think, speak, walk, talk, Even the simplest 115 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:39,199 Speaker 2: tasks become impossible. It's a wicked form of dementia and 116 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,959 Speaker 2: it will slowly kill you. The type of Alzheimer's my 117 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 2: mom has is not genetic, but my odds of getting 118 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:51,440 Speaker 2: the disease are slightly higher because she has it. Visiting 119 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: my mom is always hard, and when I don't see her, 120 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,719 Speaker 2: I worry and feel guilty, and I don't even know 121 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 2: if my skype calls help her at all. 122 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,439 Speaker 6: At this point, I guess really is one of the 123 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 6: things that happens with dementia is the world gets very, 124 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 6: very small. 125 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 2: And always tells me that these visits and calls are 126 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 2: hard on my mother as well. 127 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:20,079 Speaker 6: Hi, and I think when people come from the outside world, 128 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 6: they bring with them expectations, and I think the expectations 129 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 6: can be hard. 130 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:33,440 Speaker 2: On someone who has advanced dementia. But that has been 131 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 2: the challenge of the disease, understanding it and holding on 132 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 2: to Ramona Laddie. I find myself thinking about where she 133 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 2: came from, who she was, her story pre Alzheimer's, because 134 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 2: Alzheimer's is not who she is. It's not her story, 135 00:09:51,960 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: It's just how her story ends. My mom dropped out 136 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 2: of school in the eighth grade to take care of 137 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 2: her little brother so her mom could work. Her father 138 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 2: died when she was twelve. She barely knew him. In 139 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 2: the late nineteen forties, her mother and aunt came to 140 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,199 Speaker 2: New York City. It was the first wave of Dominican immigration, 141 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 2: and although many were fleeing the brutal dictator Raphael Ruhedro. 142 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 7: Picturesque Trujlio City, capital of the Dominican Republic, turns out 143 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 7: for the inauguration of a president, for whom the city 144 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 7: is named. General Trugulio is the strong man of the Republic. 145 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 2: Many were just looking for work and an escape from poverty. 146 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 2: My then teen mom was left to take care of 147 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 2: everything at home, which now included her aunt's children. 148 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 8: But then immigration has brought in many people from the 149 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,319 Speaker 8: Caribbean area. Most of the immigrants went into the factories 150 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 8: and found their homes in the tenements of America's growing city. 151 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 2: In nineteen fifty, she got a chance to come to 152 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 2: New York City. She was nineteen, and she got a 153 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 2: job in a pocketbook factory and went to beauty school. 154 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 2: It's such a New York City story. She met Albert, 155 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 2: my dad, in a beauty parlor in Spanish Harlem run 156 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 2: by a Cuban woman who was married to a Jamaican 157 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 2: man and as a result, had Jamaican customers, which included 158 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 2: my grandmother. My dad went to pick her up one day, 159 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 2: saw my mom in the beauty parlor and it was 160 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 2: love at first sight, even though she spoke no English 161 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 2: and he spoke no Spanish. 162 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 9: Hello, Hello, Hi on Grace, aw you Okay, hold on 163 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:49,679 Speaker 9: a minute. Social distancing needs creating more crystal place. 164 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 4: Between yourself and others. 165 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 2: So I wanted to start a few years into my 166 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 2: mom's journey in New York City, and to do that, 167 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,640 Speaker 2: I reached out to Grace Lawrence, or Aunt Grace, who 168 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 2: has been very close to my mom for over sixty. 169 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 9: Years, and we became fast friends. 170 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 2: On Grace's ninety four lives in Queen's and her memory, 171 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,679 Speaker 2: unlike my mom's, is sharp as attack. 172 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,319 Speaker 9: Okay, I might as well say, okay, when my age 173 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 9: things happened up and down, but I'm okay, so. 174 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:20,839 Speaker 4: To sleave it at that. 175 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,679 Speaker 2: And Grace told me that she met my mom in 176 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 2: the late nineteen fifties through my dad. 177 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:32,599 Speaker 9: Well, I know that he became very close and he 178 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 9: wanted to meet his girlfriend. His girlfriend at that time 179 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 9: it was grand Mama, So he didn't say that much 180 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 9: about her except that she was Spanish. 181 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,960 Speaker 2: That's what they called latinos back then, Spanish. 182 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 9: And of course that didn't bother me at all. 183 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 5: When you first met my mother, what did you what 184 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 5: did you think of about her? 185 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 9: Like your mother up to dance. 186 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 4: She was so pretty and vivacious, and. 187 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,719 Speaker 2: That's how I remember her dancing with us in the 188 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 2: kitchen to disco, salsa, meringe. Everything was hips, hips, hips, 189 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 2: didn't matter the music. 190 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 9: She really was a beautiful young lady. And of course 191 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 9: you know your mama was very stylish. She was always stylish. 192 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 2: Greece's parents were from Barbados and immigrants, so and Grace 193 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 2: knew about the prejudice that existed between some Caribbean blacks 194 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,559 Speaker 2: towards Latino's, which my mom walked right into by loving 195 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 2: my dad. 196 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 9: Albert's mother was Jamaican and she was a very strict lady, 197 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 9: very flapa, and unfortunately she did not want to come 198 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 9: to the wedding because her mona was Spanish. 199 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 2: So what was happening was this My grandmother was raised 200 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 2: by a well off family in Jamaica, and although she 201 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 2: was a maid in New York, she felt her son 202 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 2: was too good for my mom. 203 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 9: She was very disappointed she didn't come to the wedding, 204 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 9: but that did not stop the wedding. 205 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 2: Unt Grace was the matron of honor. 206 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 4: The wind went on and. 207 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 9: Your father kissed his wife. She was so proud of her. 208 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 2: But my grandmother, Nana did not accept the marriage. Nana 209 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 2: was a dark skinned woman who would not accept the 210 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: light skinned Latina in her family. My mom came from 211 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: the Dominican Republic, a country with extremely negative attitudes towards 212 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 2: black skin, but she didn't care that my father was black. 213 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 2: The story on my father's side of the family was different. 214 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 2: My mom was Spanish and that was enough to be rejected. 215 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 9: Ramona really worked established a relationship with her mother in. 216 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 2: Law, and this is something I really admire about my mother. 217 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 2: She did not give up picture this. My mom lived 218 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 2: on one hundred and h Street near Central Park West, 219 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 2: and my grandmother was just about six blocks away. My 220 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,840 Speaker 2: father would visit Nana every week without my mom. So 221 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 2: she worked on being the best version of herself to 222 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 2: figure this out. She worked on her English, she worked 223 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 2: on being a good wife, and she had hope no 224 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 2: matter how much she was ignored and rejected. But it 225 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 2: took the birth of my older sister, Margie in nineteen 226 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 2: sixty to finally warm my grandmother's heart. On my next 227 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 2: Skype call to my mother, I try to bring up 228 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 2: our old address fifteen was one hundred and h Street. 229 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 2: Remember one hundred and h Street. Maybe that a dress 230 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 2: the names of her family would trigger a memory Margie. 231 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 2: Remember Margie? 232 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 5: Do iha Margie? 233 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 2: But I came up empty. My talk with Aunt Grace 234 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 2: and April left me wanting more. The mom I have 235 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 2: had for years now is a shadow of who she was, 236 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: and I want that mother back so badly. Coming up 237 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,360 Speaker 2: on Latino, USA, she. 238 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 10: Was seeing this boy in her apartment, this like evil boy, 239 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 10: and at one point it got so bad that she 240 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 10: was hiding knives so that she could stab the boy. 241 00:16:45,560 --> 00:17:33,560 Speaker 1: Stay with us, Yes, hey, we're back. And before the break, 242 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: journalist yvon Latti had introduced us to her mother's world 243 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: and what it's like to have advanced Alzheimer's disease in 244 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,280 Speaker 1: the middle of a COVID nineteen crisis. We return now 245 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 1: to Yvonne's intimate portrait of her life with Ramona, and 246 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,159 Speaker 1: just a warning, there's some offensive language in. 247 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 2: This part of the story. In mid April, about a 248 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 2: month after the COVID lockdown started in New York, I 249 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 2: recruited Nola, my oldest daughter, to help me dig through 250 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 2: some old photos I keep in a big plastic bin 251 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,399 Speaker 2: in our home in Philadelphia. I took these photos out 252 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 2: of my mom's photo albums when I cleaned out her 253 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 2: apartment after she was placed in the nursing home. The 254 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 2: day I packed them three years ago, I was crying, confused, 255 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 2: and disappointed in myself for not being able to slow 256 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 2: down the inevitable. I have not looked at the photos since. Nola, 257 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: this is my mom's wedding picture. 258 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 5: I've seen this one. It's really pretty. 259 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,920 Speaker 2: Nola is twenty one and studies acting and directing at NYU. 260 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 2: We're sitting on an old yellow sofa in the basement 261 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 2: and the first photo we pull out is an eleven 262 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,440 Speaker 2: x fourteen black and white wedding picture. What do you 263 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 2: think of her dress? 264 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 5: I love her dress. 265 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 2: I love all the lace in the photo. My mom 266 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 2: is where a beautiful white lace dress and in her 267 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 2: arms a bouquet of white flowers. My dad is in 268 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 2: a dark suit behind her, holding her. She has a 269 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 2: slight smile on her face. She's twenty six, and she 270 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 2: looks almost regal and ready for what's next. She looks 271 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 2: like you, Yeah, do you see yourself in her? 272 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:21,159 Speaker 7: M H? 273 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 5: I think you've. 274 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,960 Speaker 2: Always Nola looking like my mom has always given me comfort. 275 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,480 Speaker 2: Nola and my mom were always close. She was her Nolita, 276 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 2: her oldest grandchild, and she loved to cook Dominican food 277 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,399 Speaker 2: for her and buy her clothes. But these photos reveal 278 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 2: an Albuerlita Nola had never seen. 279 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 5: Waita wait, what's this one? 280 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 2: Nola pulls out a black and white photo booth image 281 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 2: of my mom taken in the early nineteen fifties, that's 282 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 2: when she first came to this country. She looks so 283 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 2: good in this picture. She's looking away from the camera 284 00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 2: in a playful way. She's wearing hoop earrings and dark lipstick. 285 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 2: The photo seems timeless. She's like working it. Can I 286 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 2: have this? 287 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 8: Yeah? 288 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 5: I really like this picture. She looks like you and 289 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 5: this really yeah, she looks like you. 290 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 2: When people tell me I look like my mom, I 291 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 2: don't believe it. Oh my god, what a compliment. She 292 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 2: looks so pretty. We are different colors. She's light skinned 293 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 2: and I am dark skinned. I think she's way prettier 294 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 2: than me. She's petite while I'm five eight. And when 295 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 2: I was growing up, there was this idea that the 296 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 2: lighter skins you are, the prettier I tried to explain 297 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 2: this to Nola, and I was in light skin that 298 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 2: I wasn't even my mother's complexion or Margie's complexion. I 299 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 2: was darker than my dad, and my darker skin led 300 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 2: to bullying. I was called ugly and mocked. The first 301 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 2: time I was called a nigger, I was in third 302 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 2: grade and it was by light skinned Latino classmates. We were, 303 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 2: you know, the ugly ones, and there was nothing I 304 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 2: could do to change the color of my skin. My 305 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 2: mom indirectly reinforced in negativity by constantly commenting on my 306 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,159 Speaker 2: hair and forcing me into painful, smaller shoes because she 307 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 2: didn't want me to have big feet. Although she was 308 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 2: rejected by my grandmother for being Spanish, she held some 309 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 2: form of internalized racism which was directed in me and 310 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 2: my hair. Black hair is bad. Straight hair is good, 311 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,920 Speaker 2: you know, like the hair had to be relaxed, it 312 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 2: had to be pressed. I couldn't sweat. Everything had to 313 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 2: be about my appearance, and I was a tomboy. I 314 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 2: wanted to play sports and wanted to run around. My 315 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 2: hair didn't really go natural until you were born. And 316 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,879 Speaker 2: when you were born and she saw you, one of 317 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 2: the first things she said to me, was how old 318 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:55,120 Speaker 2: does she have to be before we can strain her hair? 319 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,879 Speaker 2: That was the game changer. I never relaxed my hair again, 320 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 2: and my mom had to live with both my daughter's curls. 321 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 2: Growing up with my mom could be frustrating. There were 322 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 2: a lot of extremes. I grew up on one hundred 323 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 2: and h Street between Manhattan Avenue and Central Park West. 324 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,639 Speaker 2: It was rough back then, and my mom would not 325 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 2: let us out of the house. My outside space was 326 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 2: the fire escape. I wanted to share what that was 327 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: like with my daughter Nola. There were murders and people 328 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 2: got raped, and it's a lot of robberies. One of 329 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 2: my early memories is one afternoon when my mom went 330 00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 2: shopping and came home with a red welt across her face. 331 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 2: She had been robbed. She had a man's handprint on 332 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 2: her face because he slapped her so hard when he 333 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 2: robbed her, and she was crying and she was really upset, 334 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 2: and she called my dad. This was not a one off. 335 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,280 Speaker 2: My mom was robbed a lot. But the next week 336 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 2: my mother got a shopping cart out again and she 337 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 2: went right back to the grocery store. I admired her 338 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,000 Speaker 2: for it, but it made me angry. The neighborhood was 339 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 2: filled with abandoned buildings and so much neglect. Our building 340 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,200 Speaker 2: was abandoned by the landlord when I was a kid, 341 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 2: and the city took it over. Fires were set aimed 342 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 2: at forcing us to move. Most winters, we went weeks 343 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 2: without heat or hot water. Sometimes it was so cold 344 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 2: we all had to sleep in the living room with 345 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 2: a space heater and close off the rest of the apartment. 346 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 2: But my mom was happy. I think she would say 347 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 2: those were the best years of her life. We were 348 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:46,919 Speaker 2: all together. 349 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 10: I feel there's a lot of her that I know, 350 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 10: you know, and that I've experienced, and a lot of 351 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 10: her that I don't like. I can see a lot 352 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 10: of vibrants in her. 353 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,919 Speaker 2: My mother's world was the pocketbook factory, the beauty parlor, 354 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 2: and then finally the insurance company she worked for in 355 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: their mailroom. She felt like a big success coming to 356 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 2: this country, and she always raised me to believe how 357 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 2: lucky I was to be here. But that wasn't how 358 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 2: I felt. So like my mom in the Dominican Republic, 359 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: I dreamed of a way out, and that was something 360 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 2: that really drove me in my life was figuring out 361 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:26,640 Speaker 2: how to get the heck out of there. 362 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 11: I mean, I think they were both driven, you know, 363 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 11: like you talk about wanting to leave one hundred and 364 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 11: h Street, but like they were there because I believe 365 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 11: to leftr like, so there's definitely like just a wanting 366 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 11: to move up and out. I mean, did you guys 367 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 11: not get along? 368 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 2: I really didn't understand her. By the time I was sixteen, 369 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:53,040 Speaker 2: I felt that had grown past her in so many ways. 370 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 2: I struggled to understand the lucky sprays, the candle lighting 371 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 2: for saints, the hoarding, the confusion. The next photo we 372 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 2: pull out of the bin is of my dad, my mom, 373 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,680 Speaker 2: and my sister. And this is a photo of their 374 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 2: first Christmas with my sister Margie. It's an eight x 375 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 2: ten black and white photo. There in front of the tree, 376 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 2: all dressed up. My sister is sitting on my dad's 377 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:33,240 Speaker 2: lap and my mom is crouched behind them smiling. Margie 378 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 2: has a smirk on her face. 379 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,719 Speaker 10: Oh, Margie's such a smash. 380 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:52,719 Speaker 2: Mommy, do you remember it was Margie's birthday last week? Mommy, Mommy, 381 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: My big sister, Marjorie was killed in a car accident 382 00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:01,800 Speaker 2: in nineteen eighty eight, when she was twenty seven. She 383 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,399 Speaker 2: was engaged and on her way back from respeech in 384 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,360 Speaker 2: Brooklyn when a driver high on pill struck the car 385 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,959 Speaker 2: her fiance was driving. Margie and my mom were real close. 386 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 2: She spent endless hours in the kitchen cooking with her, 387 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 2: talking to her. They looked so much alike and seemed 388 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 2: to have so much in common. I fell close to 389 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 2: Margie too. She was my playmate, my friend, and always 390 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,399 Speaker 2: looked out for me. This is a really hard picture 391 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 2: for me, Nola, because when Margie died, this was the 392 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,520 Speaker 2: photo that my mother was holding and running up and 393 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:43,160 Speaker 2: down the house screaming. If there was anything that changed 394 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 2: my relationship with my mom, it was Margie's death. A 395 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 2: few months after Margie died, I booked my mom and 396 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 2: I a flight to Paris with a stop in Rome. 397 00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 2: I did it on a whim. It was a magical trip. 398 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,680 Speaker 2: We scratched Margie's name on every surface we could, saw 399 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 2: every tourist site, walk too much, ate too much, and 400 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 2: drank too much. At one point, we were climbing to 401 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,639 Speaker 2: the top of the Arc de Triomphe, and she just 402 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,440 Speaker 2: zoomed by me with this huge smile. In her face, 403 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 2: and when we got to the top there was a 404 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,119 Speaker 2: gorgeous view of Paris. I looked over at her and 405 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 2: at that moment, there was so much joy in her eyes, 406 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 2: so much hope. Despite her pain. My mom was alive 407 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 2: and living her life to the fullest. And I learned 408 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 2: so much about strength just watching her survive the unthinkable, 409 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 2: And for the first time in my life, I saw 410 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:52,119 Speaker 2: what we had in. 411 00:27:52,200 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 3: Common, Mommy. I was thinking about our trip. Remember the 412 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 3: trip we took the Dominican Republic. Remember that trip we took, 413 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,200 Speaker 3: all the fun we had. 414 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 2: Do you remember? Twenty four years later, I took another 415 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 2: life changing trip with my mom. It was twenty twelve, 416 00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 2: her eightieth birthday, and I decided to take her and 417 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 2: my daughters Nola was fourteen and Margo eleven, to the 418 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:34,200 Speaker 2: Dominican Republic. I wanted them to experience where my mother 419 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 2: had come from. 420 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,160 Speaker 5: Yeah, that was fun. 421 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 11: That was a trip for me. 422 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 2: That trip was the first red flag that something was 423 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 2: seriously wrong. 424 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:46,000 Speaker 5: I think that. 425 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 10: Going to dr it was really clear because we saw 426 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 10: Obbliet in the place that wasn't her house, and so 427 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 10: like seeing her in comparison with like other hotel guests 428 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 10: and like in an airport, Like I think it's a 429 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 10: lot easier to be like, oh. 430 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 5: She doesn't understand how to do things that she should 431 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 5: know how to do. 432 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 2: The trip started out uneventful. When we exited the plane, 433 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 2: I grabbed Margo's hand and Nola held. 434 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 10: My mom's, and she had some kind of like idea 435 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 10: that we had to go down some like secret corner 436 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 10: that was like not where anybody else was going. 437 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 2: I heard you say we're Elita no, Ablita no, and 438 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 2: then I was like, you know, Mommy. 439 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 10: Yeah, I realized that like me, as the older sibling too, 440 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,719 Speaker 10: you know, would have to like kind of keep an 441 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 10: eye on her, you know, and take care of her, 442 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:42,320 Speaker 10: make sure that she didn't run off. 443 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 2: As we finally made it to the hotel, my mom 444 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 2: morphed into a different person. I mean we all turned 445 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 2: to her like, okay, Mommy, go for her. Check us in. 446 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 10: We were just kind of expecting that, I'll believe it 447 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 10: would be like our resident Spanish speaker, like we tell 448 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 10: her what to say in the Englishman, you'd say it 449 00:29:58,640 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 10: in Spanish. 450 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 2: She spoke sis time. 451 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 5: All the time. 452 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 2: It was primarily oh. 453 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 5: Spanish, you know, and if it was English. 454 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,000 Speaker 10: It was like English with like Spanish words kind of 455 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 10: mixed in there. 456 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 2: And this was like this still makes me laugh. 457 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 10: I know it's not funny, besca. She turned to us 458 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 10: like stone faced, and she. 459 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 2: Was like, I do not speak Spanish. My husband's American 460 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 2: husband is American. 461 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 11: I do not speak Spanish. 462 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 2: And we were like what I was in shock. I 463 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 2: had no idea what my mother was doing. My dad 464 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 2: had died in nineteen ninety seven, fifteen years before, and 465 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 2: my mom's first language had always been Spanish, and suddenly 466 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 2: she was refusing to speak it. It didn't make any sense. 467 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 5: She was so distant in. 468 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 10: A place that we really thought she was going to 469 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 10: like come alive and be really excited. 470 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 2: A few months after the trip to the Dominican Republic, 471 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 2: we were joined by on Grace and her husband Paul 472 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 2: for Thanksgiving, and Grace had noticed my mom had seemed 473 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 2: off lately and confronted us both. My mother said everything 474 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 2: was fine, and I chose to believe my mom. 475 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,880 Speaker 9: Your mother did not want to get old. 476 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:19,200 Speaker 4: That's another place she liked to stay the way she loved. 477 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 9: She wanted to be young, she did not want to 478 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 9: get old. 479 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:25,680 Speaker 2: But my mother was not okay. 480 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 5: She stopped liking people. 481 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 10: You know, she have friends, and then she didn't like 482 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:34,960 Speaker 10: them anymore. She got really reclusive, she got angrier. 483 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 2: In December of twenty fifteen, I decided to go with 484 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:44,480 Speaker 2: my mom to see her doctor. He suggested cognitive testing 485 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 2: and gave us a referral. Three months later, after a 486 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 2: series of tests, we ended up in a neurologious, packed 487 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 2: bronx waiting room filled with black and brown people. When 488 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,360 Speaker 2: it was finally our turn, we were told my mom 489 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,920 Speaker 2: had out Gheimer's disease. The doctor wrote down a few 490 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 2: URLs and told me to google it. A life altering, 491 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 2: life ending diagnosis was given to her in the same 492 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 2: manner I was told. I was nearsighted. I grabbed my 493 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:19,200 Speaker 2: mother's hand as she stared blankly at the doctor. It 494 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:22,000 Speaker 2: was clear she was just a number to him, part 495 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 2: of the statistic that shows a growing number of Latinos 496 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: and African Americans stricken by this disease. I soon learned 497 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 2: that African Americans are two times more likely and Latinos 498 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 2: one and a half times more likely to develop Alzheimer's 499 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 2: disease than white Americans. And so here is where my 500 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 2: mom and I clashed again. She struggled to believe the 501 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 2: diagnosis while I was researching the hell out of it 502 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 2: and trying to form a fight plan. 503 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 9: But your mother said to me, you know how Ivana, 504 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 9: she's always torn. I said, your daughter talks a lot 505 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 9: of stuff, but a lot of stuff is true because she. 506 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,400 Speaker 2: I was lost in my research and disgusted by what 507 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:08,240 Speaker 2: I found. All the issues that play communities of color 508 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 2: converge in making Alzheimer's disease the last chapter of too 509 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 2: many of our lives. Low socioeconomic status, high rates of 510 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 2: cardiovascular disease, and a higher incidence of diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, 511 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 2: and depression are aggravating factors, even education factors. In Latinos 512 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 2: also may develop symptoms at a younger age than non 513 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:38,880 Speaker 2: Latino whites, and the community is under resourced. Income, retirement 514 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,240 Speaker 2: and pension benefits are far too thin to get too 515 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:47,320 Speaker 2: many members of my community the help the resources it needs. 516 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 2: I thought about my future. We it's going to be 517 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:56,440 Speaker 2: my end too, and I search for answers, anything to help. 518 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,960 Speaker 2: A few weeks after my mother received her dietnosis, hallucinations 519 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,480 Speaker 2: began to take over her world. 520 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 10: She was seeing this boy like in her apartment. This 521 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 10: like evil boy to me felt like big demon energy. 522 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,880 Speaker 2: By the summer of twenty sixteen, things spiraled out of control. 523 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 2: My mother's behavior became more erratic, even dangerous, and at. 524 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,080 Speaker 10: One point it got so bad that she was hiding 525 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 10: knives so that she could stab the boy. She needed 526 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,799 Speaker 10: an aid all the time because it just wasn't safe 527 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 10: for her to be alone. 528 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:37,279 Speaker 2: Six months after getting her original diagnosis, I scrambled to 529 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 2: get her into a clinical trial. Latinos make up just 530 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 2: seven point five percent of research participants, and I read 531 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,640 Speaker 2: that clinical trials are key to finding ways to help 532 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,400 Speaker 2: not only my mom, but other Latinos caught in the 533 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:54,880 Speaker 2: web of this disease. Since my mother was presenting with 534 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000 Speaker 2: psychotic tendencies, her new doctor suggests that this could help. 535 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 2: Time demands were horrific. The driving her back and forth 536 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,920 Speaker 2: from the Bronx where she lived, to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital 537 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,440 Speaker 2: in Upper Manhattan, the waiting in the office, interviews with 538 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,919 Speaker 2: several doctors, the administration of the drug which she could 539 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 2: not do herself. It was about six weeks of stress, 540 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 2: and in the end she got the placebo. I was 541 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:24,440 Speaker 2: wrecked and like. 542 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 10: Things just got harder, like we couldn't do Christmas the 543 00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:27,160 Speaker 10: same way. 544 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 2: I also discovered my mom had given away all her 545 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,840 Speaker 2: money to mail order psychics who promised her riches. She 546 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 2: was always binge buying from catalogs, and. 547 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,920 Speaker 10: I feel like and it's because you like love her 548 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,000 Speaker 10: and like see the best in her and want her 549 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:48,960 Speaker 10: to be okay. But you always hope that it's going 550 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 10: to get better, and instead it gets worse. 551 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 2: And it did. The hallucinations of the boy and her 552 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 2: apartment were joined by Ice agents, who she believed were 553 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,680 Speaker 2: coming to deport her, despite the fact that she was 554 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,400 Speaker 2: an American citizen. She would call me frantic that they 555 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 2: were coming for her, begging me to help her. Things 556 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,880 Speaker 2: kept spiraling out of control until she ended up in 557 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,160 Speaker 2: the nursing home, the last thing I wanted to happen. 558 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 2: And now my mom, who worked all her life, learned English, 559 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 2: raised two daughters, and gave me the tools to succeed, 560 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,000 Speaker 2: her life has deteriorated. 561 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 3: To this Mommy Ramona Ramonita Abita. 562 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:37,799 Speaker 4: Long deal. 563 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,240 Speaker 2: My mom's nursing home is big. It's residents are mostly 564 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 2: black and Latino. Some strap boomboxes to their wheelchair so 565 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,719 Speaker 2: you often hear music like salsa or hip hop. The 566 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,680 Speaker 2: elevators are very slow and it's a bit run down. 567 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:57,680 Speaker 2: Before COVID they had started renovations, but it's a sad place, 568 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 2: not a lot of smiles. Hello, Hi, Hi. When COVID 569 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 2: first struck her nursing home, I took advantage of the 570 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,880 Speaker 2: skype calls they offered, Hi, Mommy, Hi, how are you. 571 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 2: The first two or three I made, she seemed to 572 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 2: know who I was by the end of the call, 573 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,080 Speaker 2: but the last few I had she had absolutely no 574 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:32,040 Speaker 2: idea patients, they have no recreational activity. They're isolated a lot. Iris, 575 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,440 Speaker 2: the nurse we heard from earlier, told me about the 576 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 2: extreme lockdown measures in my mother's nursing home after the 577 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,240 Speaker 2: first case of COVID nineteen was discovered back in March. 578 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,080 Speaker 6: The little bit of stimulus they were able to absorb 579 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:46,359 Speaker 6: has disappeared. 580 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,279 Speaker 2: My mom did have a group of friends. She did 581 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,960 Speaker 2: art classes, played bingo, went to church and loved the 582 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 2: music group where they would play Celia Cruz, Mark Anthony 583 00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 2: and Beyonce to the residents who would dance in their wheelchair. 584 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 2: Now she's wheeled into the hallway and placed six feet 585 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 2: away from her friends so they can look at each other. 586 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:11,719 Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of patients experience a tremendous decline. 587 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,399 Speaker 2: That's my mom. I last saw her five months ago 588 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 2: and have no idea if or when I will see 589 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,480 Speaker 2: her again. I know there has been a lot of 590 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,880 Speaker 2: death in the nursing home, but I can't get a 591 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:27,040 Speaker 2: straight answer to how many residents have died. Sometimes I 592 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 2: obsess over what's next, what will happen to her? What 593 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,319 Speaker 2: is the timeline? But there is none. 594 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:39,040 Speaker 6: It's a hard answer. I mean usually loss of functional status, 595 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:44,959 Speaker 6: the loss of the ability to speak, weight loss, loss 596 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:50,360 Speaker 6: of ability to feed yourself, more apathy. All of that 597 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:58,680 Speaker 6: points to worsening dementia, and dementia is a fatal illness. 598 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,640 Speaker 2: I have at this point on memories to get me through, 599 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,000 Speaker 2: like the last time she sang me Happy Birthday last 600 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 2: year before she truly lost the ability to speak. 601 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 5: The virus they told you stay they are evil, A 602 00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:26,160 Speaker 5: pre virals stay, and. 603 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:27,760 Speaker 2: A little bit of Nola's wisdom. 604 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,160 Speaker 10: I don't expect anything from her. I can always just 605 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,879 Speaker 10: see that face value and be happy that they get 606 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:34,719 Speaker 10: to see her at all. 607 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,440 Speaker 2: Nola is so my mom's grandchild. 608 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:38,719 Speaker 11: I don't care. 609 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,399 Speaker 10: I don't care if she remembers me or not. If 610 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 10: she knows my name like okay, And if she doesn't like, 611 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:50,359 Speaker 10: that's okay too. 612 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 2: And so I asked her she could reach her just 613 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,480 Speaker 2: one more time. What she would want to talk to 614 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 2: her about? 615 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:59,960 Speaker 10: Her hair is getting so long, and it's really solid, 616 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,040 Speaker 10: and it's really gorgeous. And I wish you could tell, 617 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,720 Speaker 10: like completely lucid Aqualita that her hair looks. 618 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 2: Really nice and my mom's hair, for the first time 619 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:18,120 Speaker 2: in her life, is natural. I wish I could tell 620 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,280 Speaker 2: her about my daughter Margot's high school parking lot graduation. 621 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,960 Speaker 2: And I wish I could tell her that Nolah's doing 622 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:27,120 Speaker 2: great in college and in love. And I wish I 623 00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,680 Speaker 2: could fill her in on all the gossip, tell her 624 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:33,360 Speaker 2: stories about my hectic job. And I wish that she 625 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:38,760 Speaker 2: would remember me, always remember me, her daughter, her only 626 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:45,880 Speaker 2: living daughter. Hi, Mommy, it's Yvonne Ybonne. Do eat her? 627 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 2: It is, but she doesn't remember me anymore. So in 628 00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:00,600 Speaker 2: the end, COVID nineteen did take my mom, not physically, 629 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,759 Speaker 2: but it took what was left of her essence. I 630 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 2: love her, and I choose to hold her memories until 631 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:11,880 Speaker 2: I too Am just a memory. 632 00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:32,280 Speaker 1: Our thanks to Yvonne Lattie for bringing us that story. 633 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,839 Speaker 1: Yvonne is a journalist who also teaches journalism at New 634 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:41,239 Speaker 1: York University. Alzheimer's In Color is a collaboration with Black 635 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,880 Speaker 1: Public Media with funding provided by. 636 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:45,719 Speaker 2: The Corporation for Public Broadcasting. 637 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,440 Speaker 1: We want to thank Denise Green from BPM, Jason Risendez, 638 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:58,400 Speaker 1: the organization Latinos Against Alzheimer's, and Janelle Pifer. If you 639 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:03,520 Speaker 1: need help or supportavocating Alzheimer's disease, contact the Alzheimer's Association 640 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:30,240 Speaker 1: at alz dot org. This episode was edited by Luis 641 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,239 Speaker 1: Trees and mixed by Stephane Lebou. The Latino USA team 642 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:40,360 Speaker 1: also includes Andrea Lopez Cruzado, Marta Martinez, Mike Sargent, Daisy Condreds, 643 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:46,560 Speaker 1: Victoria Strada, Brinando Leanos Junior, Patrisa Subran, and Elizabeth Loenthal Torres. 644 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:51,120 Speaker 1: Our editorial director is Fernandes Santos. Our senior engineer is 645 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:55,480 Speaker 1: Julia Caruso. Our associate engineers are Gabriel Levayez and jj Carubin. 646 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:59,400 Speaker 1: Our marketing manager is Luis Luna. Our theme music was 647 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,160 Speaker 1: composed by Sea Rubinos, I'm your host and executive producer 648 00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,960 Speaker 1: Mariango Hosa join us again on our next episode. In 649 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 1: the meantime, remember not te Vayas e astor Approxima Cchoo. 650 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,279 Speaker 10: Funding for Latino USA is coverage of a culture of 651 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 10: health is made possible in part by a grant from 652 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:24,640 Speaker 10: the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Latino USA is made possible 653 00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:29,000 Speaker 10: in part by New York Women's Foundation, The New York 654 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,759 Speaker 10: Women's Foundation funding women leaders that build solutions in their 655 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:38,800 Speaker 10: communities and celebrating thirty years of radical generosity, and the 656 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:44,160 Speaker 10: Heising Simons Foundation Unlocking knowledge, opportunity, and possibilities. 657 00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,239 Speaker 2: More at hsfoundation dot org